Married… With a Useless Goddess 3
Disclaimers, I don't own KonoSuba, please support any to all official releases, and holy shit guys, I was seriously not expecting this fic to get this much love and support.
You guys are fucking awesome, it's simple as that, now to the story.
After an uneventful evening of Kazuma playing on his gaming PC and Aqua trying to get in on it, but mainly got to sit on the side lines and watch Kazuma had fun, the couple soon went to bed so that Kazuma could go to work the following morning.
That was hours ago, and during that time, Aqua had spent her time actually getting along with Grandpa Satou and learn about the man whom Kazuma respects.
Still, even though this was the right thing to do, Aqua admittingly found herself to still feeling board as she can be seen lying on the ground with a bag of chips open in front of her as she was watching TV.
"No~, why would you make Daryl have to kill his own zombie brother like that" cried Aqua as she was crying her heart out on that one episode of the Walking Dead got fans crying as hard as Naruto fans when Itachi died in front of Sasuke.
"Jesus Christ, is this the kind of stuff Americans love to put on TV now" said Grandpa Satou in disgust, "Yeah, why what's wrong with it" sniffed Aqua as she began to wipe her tears away.
"It's just gotten so… violently grizzly now, I remember back when American television used to be good and entertaining to watch" said Grandpa Satou, "What you mean like the Flintstones and Happy Days" asked Aqua.
"No I meant the days when Married with Children was on the air, oh and for the record I grew watching Tom and Jerry and the Loony Tunes" said Grandpa Satou as that didn't surprise Aqua.
Before they could continue talking, Kazuma finally returned home, looking exhausted and rather upset.
"Oh, how I wish I was a cockroach and the world was a size 12 boot and stomped me out of my misery" proclaimed Kazuma as he began to walk in the living room.
"How was work today boyo" asked Grandpa Satou, "You want to know, I'll be more than happy to tell you, a fat woman came into the store today asking me to get her something she could fit in, so I told her why not Tokyo" said Kazuma.
"Than she had the nerve to get upset at me for my poor performance in spite of it being my first day at work, and I'm the bad guy" said Kazuma as he made a spot for himself on the couch before sticking his hand down his pants.
"Was that all" asked Aqua hesitantly, "No, no it wasn't cause today of all days it seemed that every fat woman in town came in today, thinking we were serving 3x3 burgers half off today" said Kazuma.
"Hahaha, as entertaining as it is to hear you talk about the injustice of having to deal with fat woman at the work place, I'm proud of you that you stuck around to deal with your hardships of blue collared work head first my boyo" said Grandpa Satou as he ruffled his grandsons hair.
"Cause listen, I had gone out of my way to set your father up to do this exactly same kind of work himself when he was your age, and he either quit in the middle of the day or never showed up, you on the other hand of true grit" said Grandpa Satou.
"Didn't they remake that movie a while back" asked Aqua, "Wait, they remade True Grit" asked Grandpa Satou, "Yeah grandpa, they remade a lot of movies, in fact they even remade Godzilla and King Kong a couple of times now" said Kazuma as his grandfather looked at him in disbelief.
"Why" asked Grandpa, "Cause American's haven't been creative in a long time now and are doing it to make a fast buck" explained Kazuma.
"Damn it, first it's the crap they put on TV and now it's their movies, I swear to god, the day I hear they try to remake a good classic like Star Wars or the God the Bad and the Ugly will be the day I give up on TV" said Grandpa Satou.
"My advice, I'd avoid watching the Star Wars sequel trilogy" said Aqua, "What are you talking about dear, I took my grandson to watch episodes II and III and frankly they aren't as bad as many people think" said Grandpa Satou naively.
Before Aqua was about to explain the had released episodes VII VIII and the anticipated episode IX, Kazuma stepped in to cover her mouth.
"Yeah, what are you talking about Aqua, those movies were awesome like my grandpa said, and it's a shame they'll probably never show or release episodes VII-IX in this life time, don't you agree" said Kazuma as he was really telling Aqua to shut up between his teeth as Aqua nodded.
"All right kids, I'm off to buy things for dinner tonight, any of you want anything" asked Grandpa Satou, "Another bag of chips will be nice, oh and some wine" said Aqua.
"The chips I'll get, the booze is another story, how about you boyo" asked Grandpa Satou, "Root beer and some Steam Points would be nice" said Kazuma.
"Now I have know idea what Steam points are my boyo, but I can get you some root beer" said Grandpa Satou as he bid his grand children farewell and went about getting dinner ready.
Finally alone, the couple continued to enjoy watching the Walking Dead in peace together while chatting.
"So how was your day Aqua" asked Kazuma, "Boring for the most part, but I did got to hang out with your grandfather" said Aqua.
"Yeah, sorry to hear that" said Kazuma as Aqua decided to make herself next to Kazuma and rested her head on him.
"Um…" said Kazuma, "What isn't it normal for married couples to get close like this" said Aqua as Kazuma had no real room for argument.
"You know I just realized something we still haven't done since we got married" said Kazuma as Aqua perked up and looked at him.
"We've yet to have sex" said Kazuma as Aqua averted her eyes from Kazuma and blushed a little over that common conception that they've yet to do.
"Well, I've got no real objections to it, in fact I could use some excitement in my day for once" said Aqua, "And after a stressful day like this, I could really use some help in relieving it" said Kazuma.
Both remained silent as their hearts began to beat faster and louder as the couple held hands and looked at each other intimately.
"We should… hurry before grandpa gets back" said Aqua, "Yeah, we should" said Kazuma as he began to lead Aqua back into their bedroom for the 2 to finally screw like rabbits at long last.
KONOSUBA
Now normally a sane man or a man with money would take a cab into town, to do their grocery shopping, especially the elderly.
Not for Grandpa Satou though, since at a young age his father had disciplined and trained his son to walk long miles of land and the importance of exercising the older you get.
So After being gone for a good 45 minutes from the house, the old man came back with bags filled with things for their dinner and snacks for his grandkids, but just as he was ready to make an entrance, that was the moment he heard something that his grandson probably didn't want him to hear.
"Oh, Kazuma!" exclaimed Aqua as she could be heard from outside.
Good for you boyo, just kinda wished you'd have done it sooner before I came back, thought Grandpa Satou as he had that 'Ara-ara' look on his face.
Still not deterred, the old man snuck back into the house to put away the groceries, before leaving the house once more to give the kids their needed privacy.
About 5 minutes later, Kazuma and Aqua came out of their room fully satisfied and glowing as they were wearing their sleepwear, wanting to get something to refresh themselves until grandpa got back.
Though upon inspecting the fridge, Kazuma saw his root beer and Aqua saw her bags of chips as the couple could only blush in embarrassment over how grandpa must have heard something and left them alone to do their thing.
"Damn it" was all Kazuma could say in a weak voice as he soon felt Aqua embracing her, "It'll be… fine Kazuma, just let's not think about it" said Aqua.
"Thanks for the word of confidence" said Kazuma as he turned his head to kiss Aqua on the lips, which she gladly accepted.
"Well might as well start cooking dinner, seems like grandpa bought stuff to make some sort of chicken dinner, any request" asked Kazuma, "Chicken nuggets" cheered Aqua.
"Karage it is" said Kazuma as he began to cook for him and Aqua as the goddess sat there admiring Kazuma from a distance.
Yes he was up to this point a shut-in NEET, yes he's not the most attractive looking man, yes he can be mean and rather forceful on Aqua for over the most little things in life, but you know what, the sex is good and he's got a strong roll model helping him get his life back together.
As for Aqua, he was thinking the same thing, Aqua was boy all means a privileged useless goddess, who seems to be a few fries short of a happy meal, and because they lived with his grandfather now, she's allowed to be like Peg Bundy, but he could admit, the sex was great for a virgin like him, and the fact she has her cute moments and sweet moments, he's willing to tolerate her.
"Hey Aqua, mind passing me the salt" said Kazuma as she got up from her seat and began to help Kazuma in any way that she could.
Once dinner had set up, the couple were ready to sit down and enjoy a peaceful dinner alone, and they did.
Eventually grandpa came back fresh from the bar, as the couple helped him get to bed properly.
"We should prepare him some water incase he gets thirsty" whispered Kazuma as he witness Aqua filling up and empty picture with water in an instant.
"Whoa" said Kazuma as they snuck back out into the living room and began to talk about what happened.
"I didn't know you could produce water like that" said Kazuma, "Well duh, I am the goddess of water of Aqua remember" said Aqua as Kazuma honestly forgot about that all together.
"Anyway, what else could you do" asked Kazuma, "Not a lot really, the gods had restricted my power, so instead of creating as much water as the pacific ocean, I can only produce enough to fill a small kids swimming pool" began Aqua.
"I can still purify water, though I think it'll be a whole day job if you wanted me to purify a dirty lake, but I at least got enough power to still perform proper exorcisms and banishing demons and evil spirits" said Aqua.
As she continued to list of her current abilities, Kazuma's thoughts went back to the pendant Eris had given him as he promised that he'd be able to change his luck.
"Hey Kazuma, where did you get that" asked Aqua, "Eris gave this to me before you and I met, she said it would increase my luck" said Kazuma as Aqua examined the pendant even closer and began to frown.
"That little twerp, she would give my husband a magical item such as this, I swear the next time I see that flat chested brat, I'm gonna make her cry" said Aqua.
"Wait, you saying she pads her chest" asked Kazuma as he was disappointed in hearing this, "Yeah, you think she's got some mommy milkers like me, well news flash she doesn't and in fact all the other gods know of this, but are too kind to her to say anything" said Aqua.
"Maybe you're just too mean" stated Kazuma as Aqua took his hand and placed it on her boob, "Maybe you need a reminder how you loved these tig 'ol bitties of mine" said Aqua as Kazuma began to blush and remain silent.
"Now get rid of this thing, and we can forgot this little incident" said Aqua trying to get rid of this pendant, "Are you an idiot, she said this thing will increase my luck, and you know what I could use some good luck from here on out" said Kazuma as the two began to fight over it.
"You'd seriously walk around wearing the symbol of another goddess in front of your own wife" cried Aqua trying to grab the pendant, "If it means it'll make our lives easier in becoming successful, than yes" stated Kazuma as he began to reach for Aqua's cheeks.
"Just cause she's the goddess of fortune and luck, doesn't mean you have to depend on something with her face on it when you got a cute wife like me- now let go of my cheeks" cried Aqua as Kazuma began to pull them with all his might.
"Seriously, just cause I'm wearing something that might make you think I'm a loyal follower, doesn't mean I am you idiot" as Kazuma continued to pull her cheeks for a bit before feeling satisfied.
Once done, Aqua decided to pout and stay in their room, leaving Kazuma to clean up and do the dishes, as he was miffed about it.
Once he was finally done, Kazuma was ready to call it a night as he had work the next day, and saw Aqua quietly reading a magazine she brought back home.
Turning off the lights, Kazuma got in bed next to Aqua as she refused to talk to him still.
Not wanting to deal with her being upset with him for the rest of the night, Kazuma removed the pendant and tossed it aside in the corner of the room as Aqua could help but snuggle up to him in joy.
"For the record, I plan to put that on as soon as I leave to work" said Kazuma, "That's fine so long as you have that thing off before you come home" said Aqua.
"Deal" said Kazuma as he and Aqua turned to look at each other and smiled before kissing each other tonight.
And there you guys have it, the final chapter, for now, to this 3 shot as I go back to working on my other fic's and projects, but don't worry someday we'll come back for more of this.
Also if the references haven't been obvious enough already, the title of this fic is indeed a reference to the show married with children, which I do intend to make more of once I got time dedicated to this, so I should mention while the show is definitely a product of it's time, in terms of body shaming, mysoginistic, and even a bit inappropriate, does not reflect on me for who I am as a person, cause by all means I should feel offended, but I'm not cause I'm smart enough to know this was a gem of it's time and if you go in their without that mindset, than yes you won't be able to enjoy it.
With that being said, if I get feed back during this time that you guys don't want to argue about Kazuma dealing with fat woman at work, or Aqua becoming a crazed horn dog with a Kazuma that's slowly losing interest in sex, than I'll be more than happy to oblige and change things up a bit, something I got no qualms with.
Until next time, be safe, be good people, and please support your local fandom communities.
This has been your Humble Narrator and official author Tobi Yaza. =3