Married…with a Useless Goddess 4
Disclaimers I don't own KonoSuba please support any to all official releases, and let me just say that I was honestly not expecting this fic to blow up in the way it has since its first initial release, since my follower and fave count is high and growing by the week still, along with the views.
So to show my gratitude for your guys support, I've decided to write another chapter for you guys cause you all deserve it, so let's get to it.
It's been about a good 2 weeks since Kazuma started working as a shoe salesman, and during that time he has gotten his documentation in order, so now he could either look for higher aspirations for work or go back to school.
But more importantly, Aqua was waiting for her husband to come back home today, cause today is his first payday, meaning that she can expect him to spoil her with either a nice steak dinner with some sweet bubbly, or maybe even a night club that served top shelf hooch, or hell just bring her back a damn 6 pack and call it a day.
Point of the matter is the Grandpa Satou has kept a close eye on Aqua in not letting her drink, in spite of the Goddess claiming she was old enough and at the same time she was also the same age as Kazuma in terms of appearance.
So yeah, Aqua has been craving the one thing that all American men crave to be served in a big picture and poured down on the tits of a beach blonde haired super model.
Right now, Aqua and Grandpa Satou were watching the Walking Dead again from the beginning, and while against it at first, Grandpa Satou has since adopted to watching this with his grand kids religiously.
"That's right Rick, kill that son of a bitch" said Grandpa Satou as they were watching the scene where Rick finally killed Shane at long last in what was considerably the worst season of the Walking Dead, and to those who don't know it was season 2.
Eventually their time of bonding came to an end when Kazuma finally entered through the front door, fully tired and unhappy at another day at work.
"Dear god I wish I was a beetle and the earth was a size 12 penny loafer to stomp me out of my misery" proclaimed Kazuma as he joined everyone in the living room.
"How was your day honey" asked Aqua, "Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact the pay was good, I would have already quit" said Kazuma, as Grandpa Satou paused the show in order to hear his grandson vent.
"A fat woman came into the store today, claiming to be a size 6, in spite of how large her hammed feet were, and insisted on only trying on shoes of those sizes in spite of my reasoning" began Kazuma.
"Eventually it got to the point where I had to use my thumb to pull back on the heel of the shoes so she can shove her hooves in them, where at one point she shoved her foot too fast with my thumb stuck in the damn heel, which startles her more than it startled me" continued Kazuma as he sat himself on the couch next to his grandfather.
"So then she over reacts by stampeding around the shoe store with me literally on her heel for like a good 5 minutes, until a stick of butter flew out her purse, giving me the chance to lube myself free. Seriously give me a reason to live people" said Kazuma before putting his hand down his pants in a way that would make Al Bundy proud.
"I'm sorry to hear that honey, though not to undermine your rough 2 weeks at work, you did mention something about being handsomely paid" said Aqua as she sat next to and cuddled up to her husband.
"Yes, today I finally got paid today" said Kazuma as he began to pull out a small rolled up wad of bills from his pocket, "Oh Kazuma" cheered Aqua as she went to kiss Kazuma on the cheek and made a grab for his money, but he put his hand up to distance himself between her and his money.
"Easy there my little couch doily, just cause I finally gone and made us some bank, doesn't mean I'm ready to blow it all in one day" said Kazuma before he felt the ruffling of his hair from his grandfather.
"Smart of you my boyo, though if you like you're more than welcome to hand over half your savings to me and I can store it away in my secret safe" said Grandpa Satou.
"You have a safe" asked the young married couple, "I do and it shall remain a secret till the day I die, now come along my boyo, so that you can forth and buy yourself some of those Steam Points and take your wife out to dinner" said Grandpa Satou as Kazuma had no reason not to trust his grandfather with half his money, but still left him enough bank in his pocket.
"Well I've been meaning to play some MVM on TF2 again" said Kazuma as he still had well over 44,200 yen in his pocket.
"Hey Kazuma, let's go to this cute little pub they have in town" said Aqua as she was eager to go out and be spoiled right, "Maybe another time Aqua, I honestly want nothing more to do right now than chill here at home and play on my computer" said Kazuma as this was not the response Aqua was hoping to hear.
"Huh, but Kazuma" whined Aqua, "Oh god, please don't be nagging me, I just got back home from work" said Kazuma.
"I do not nag" whined Aqua again as Kazuma cringed a little and was starting to feel the first regret of being married to this useless goddess.
"All right Aqua, if you can give me an hour to myself, I promise you we can walk back into town and do whatever" reasoned Kazuma as this got Aqua to change back to her happy demeanor.
"Oh Kazuma" giggled Aqua as she hugged her husband dearly, Oh Kazuma indeed, thought Kazuma as he let out a sigh.
Later
By the time the couple had made it into town, the night life had kicked in, granted it wasn't anything fancy like in the city life, but clearly you can feel the weekend vibe.
"Hey Kazuma, we should go over there and hit up that British Pub they got down the street" said Aqua, "You and I neither are of the age, much less have ID's to do so, so please Aqua just learn to live without booze for a while" said Kazuma.
"Then what else do you expect us to do if not drink some beer with a side of fish and chips" asked Aqua as Kazuma continued to walk her down the street and found a spot for them to hang out at that caught his interest.
"Why not grab ourselves a burger" said Kazuma as he pointed towards a random burger joint that was visible from about a block away.
"We had hamburger steaks for lunch between me and grandpa, so not really in the mood for it again" said Aqua, "Well our options are limited to either that or Tennessee Fried Chicken which is literally blocks away" said Kazuma as he was starting to doubt date night was a bust as he spotted something that caught his eye.
Walking away from Aqua, Kazuma approached one of the most rarest treasures anyone could hope to find, be it as a local or a foreigner when visiting Japan and that was the ultimate mystery prize vending machine.
For only 1,000 yen, you can win anything as awesome as a brand new PS4 or a Tesla, to something as simple as baseball cap with cat ears or a bathing kit for the local public baths.
Hey Kazuma, what are you doing looking at this vending machine" asked Aqua as Kazuma wasted no time trying his new found luck on the machine.
"Hey Kazuma, that's 1,000 yen you're throwing away" said Aqua as she could see that money being better spent on her, "I know that, just wish me luck for once" said Kazuma as he waited for the machine to pop out his prize.
"I swear if we wind up with nothing more than a box of tissues, I'm gonna be upset" said Aqua as their prize had dropped out and well it was definitely something nice.
"Guess you and I are proud owners to an Xbox One" said Kazuma as this Xbox One came with a copy of Day One Edition of Dead Rising 3, "Hey, Kazuma let me hold that for you while you try to win mama an all expense paid vacation to visit New York" said Aqua.
"Let's not get too greedy now, I'm gonna give this at least 2 more go, before we move on" said Kazuma as his pay out wasn't all that bad since his next prizes were keys to a brand new ATV, and a new iPhone.
"All right tomorrow I'm gonna give the company a call and see when they can deliver our new ATV, and maybe tonight I can activate this" said Kazuma as pocketed away his keys and smartphone.
"Hey Kazuma, let me give this thing a go" said Aqua, "You sure Aqua, I'm fairly certain I've cleaned this machine of it's best prizes" said Kazuma skeptically.
"Come on, if you're able to get some cool toys in 3 tries, I'm very certain that a goddess like me has a better chance of winning something just as cool" said Aqua confidently.
"All right, good luck" said Kazuma as he handed Aqua the 1,000 yen note as she inserted the bill into the machine and waited for her to get herself either a brand new Lamborghini, or a Hummer, or maybe even something as astronomical as a private jet.
What she got was in fact nothing but a Vinyl Figure of Dick Butkus of all people, which while popular in certain circles of the Funko community, here in Japan this was literally worth jack shit, but jack had the sense to leave town.
"What the hell is this" exclaimed Aqua, "Heh, sorry honey, better luck next time" said Kazuma trying to pull Aqua away since this was the last place he wanted to blow his money as Aqua gave him her signature pouty look.
"No fair, I deserve at least another chance, come on Kazuma, let me try again" said Aqua clinging onto her husband, "Let's not and say we did, besides we risk getting something bigger and leaving us more crap to carry back at home, and by we, I mean me" said Kazuma bluntly.
"You're so mean, at least let me go 2 more times, it's only fair since you went 3 times" cried Aqua as she began to shake Kazuma back and forth and causing a scene in public.
"All right already, just don't embarrass me in public anymore than you already have" said Kazuma as he handed Aqua the money, just to shut her up and debate whether to leave her here alone and not be associated once she starts crying again.
As expected, Aqua wasn't so lucky on the last 2 draw as she got herself a packet of 3 different types of cat sunglasses, and a t-shirt that read 'Come Get Some' in Japanese that also featured a bloody chainsaw and a boom stick.
"Why does this keep happening to me" cried Aqua as she can't believe that she'd be unlucky to win nothing but crap as Kazuma sighed in defeat as he knew he was left carrying everything as he let out an ironic sigh and adverted his eyes to the sky.
"It's a mystery we'll never know, now can we go somewhere that serves actual food, or do we just go towards the convenient store and pick up some nuggets and head back home" said Kazuma.
"It's not fair, please Kazuma at least give me one more chance to go at this machine, please Kazuma" cried Aqua, "Dude, we nearly spent an entire day worth of pay on this, and the last thing I want is to face my grandfather I wasted my money on a damn vending machine, cause my wife has terrible luck" stated Kazuma.
"You're so mean" cried Aqua as she broke down in tears as this got people to look at them and already gossip about Kazuma, as this was seriously the last thing he needed on his back right now.
"Look, just shut up already and follow me, I'll treat you out to dinner already" said Kazuma as the mentioning of food got Aqua to calm down.
"Can it be anywhere I like" sniffed Aqua, "So long as it doesn't break my bank, sure" said Kazuma as Aqua began to wipe her tears away before they continued on to find themselves a place to eat.
Ultimately they decided to settle on eating at a small little ramen stand that Aqua spotted as she and Kazuma enjoyed themselves a nice hot bowl of noodles before sitting down on some benches.
"Thanks for the meal" said the couple in unison before they began to dig into their meal and enjoy some nice hot food on their bellies.
"So Aqua, any word as to getting your documentation in order" asked Kazuma, "Nothing really, and I don't feel like bothering grandpa about the matter since I know it's probably not an easy process for his friend" said Aqua.
"Yeah" said Kazuma as she began to look back and think as to how during his brief time in the afterlife, Kazuma was cursed to marry Aqua, who he had learned that this was her punishment as failing to do her duties as a goddess, but did so in a rush.
Granted he got this awesome lucky charm from Eris, that he still has on, and Aqua was allowed to pack her clothes and a handful of her belongings, and of course their marriage certificate, but otherwise that's it.
Like they could have at least set her up with some form of ID, be it a state/prefecture ID, a passport, or hell even a birth certificate, but no they sent Aqua onto this earth, without any form of identity, and to make matters worse, the gods themselves couldn't be bothered to communicate with them to fix this mess.
"What a bunch of assholes" said Kazuma under his breath, "Hmm, you said something Kazuma" asked Aqua as she slurped up some noodles.
"It's nothing, just that these gods really didn't help our situation, you know your ID situation" said Kazuma, "Honestly it would be hard to put on paper, not to mention if word got out that I was goddess, I don't think our lives would get any easy" said Aqua.
"Sigh, you're right, but still" said Kazuma as he began to slurp up his noodles, "Yeah, believe it or not a lot of these gods are grade A jerks, and honestly I'm kinda glad to be away from them" said Aqua as she finished her noodles.
"Really, even if you're married to a shut in NEET like me" asked Kazuma mockingly, "Trust me if I had the choice it be with some really hot guy from New York who was already a millionaire at the very least, but honestly you're not so bad" said Aqua trying to sound smug, but didn't realize the food stains she had from the noodle broth.
"Yeah, I'd feel more butt hurt if you didn't had food stains" said Kazuma as he continued to eat his noodles with a smile, leaving Aqua to clean her face in a hurry.
"What about you NEET, surely you've got some objections to this arrangement, probably would have preferred to have yourself a little harem with a bunch of floozies cause you were blessed by a badass skill from yours truly" said Aqua.
"Trust me, the idea of being surrounded by at least 4 hot babes with the most luscious sets of hooters sounds like paradise, however if I've learned anything during my time being married with you, it's that handling at least one woman in a serious committed relationship is a pain in the ass, granted if I had the choice I'd have chosen the best girl based on my opinion, but I'm pretty sure the fans out there are happy to see this ship as canon" said Kazuma.
"Snort, you seriously had me thinking you were gonna say something sweet or cool for a minute, instead you said something quite nerdy" laughed Aqua as Kazuma was now the one pouting.
"Well excuse me that you're married to an Otaku all right" said Kazuma as he turned his head away from Aqua, but she turned his head back to face her.
"Hey, girls like nerdy guys, especially graceful goddess like me" said Aqua before planting a quick peck on Kazuma's cheek.
"Still you didn't have to laugh" said Kazuma as he was the one left feeling butt hurt in the end, "I'm sorry, so how about we hurry up back home and play with our new Xbox" said Aqua.
"You kidding, I know people who would play top dollar just to get their hands on a copy of a Day One Edition of Dead Rising 3, besides we got one more thing to do before going back home" said Kazuma.
"What is it" asked Aqua, "We're gonna get you some pants, like regular everyday pants, cause I can't stand having people looking at your can, and wondering if you free lipping on purpose or not" said Kazuma as he began to drag Aqua towards the nearest clothing department.
"Hold on, don't I get a say in any of this" asked Aqua, "So long as it does the job in ensuring that it covers that ass of yours, than yes" said Kazuma as he continued to drag her.
"But Kazuma I won't have anything to wear that'll go with my pants" said Aqua, "Fine we'll get you one shirt as well since we can get a better deal of shoes at my job, sound fair" asked Kazuma.
Considering what Kazuma was offering, Aqua reluctantly accepted the terms as they went cloth shopping for her.
About half an hour later, Aqua had got herself some ¾ black pants, and a light blue loose long sleeved button up, and felt content with her purchase.
Feeling like they had an eventful evening, they made the long walk back home as both shared in carrying their goods back home, where they made sure to make on last stop at the convenience store, to fill up on snacks and condoms.
Once home, the couple continued to chill in Kazuma's room and waited for Grandpa Satou to go to sleep, before spending the night being more intimate, where both could agree that this was the moment they felt intimate with one another.
All right people, I got one more chapter written down for you guys, so I hope you liked it.
Originally I wanted to write a joke about Kazuma helping his grandfather repair the satellite dish up on his roof, where both would fail miserably and fallen off the roof at least more than half a dozen times, though that feels a little to much goofy than the tone I had set for this story.
Don't worry, I will ensure you guys that slap stick should be expected, just not on the same Looney Tunes of hell even on the original Married with Children kind of level.
Next time though I will speed things up to Aqua finally getting her documentations in order, so that we can see these 2 back in school where you know Kazuma's bound to have good memories.
Until Next time, be safe, be good people, and please support your local fandom communities.
This has been your Humble Narrator and official author Tobi Yaza. =3