We live in hope of deliverance
From the darkness that surrounds us
Hope of deliverance
Paul McCartney
Edward
Bella.
My dearest heart.
She was alive, she was here.
That uncontrollable shattering of mind was gone, the agony in my chest I'd carried for the past six months vanished.
I felt healed—whole. I was barely even conscious of my starving thirst. My throat wasn't burning and there was no venom in my mouth. Their lack had contributed to my thought that I was inconceivably in Heaven when Bella first fell into my arms; the guards having worked quickly. She even smelt the same—that intoxicating bold perfume of sweetest honey and jasmine.
It was only when I saw her bruises that I realised that I wasn't in Heaven with her, that neither of us were dead. Discolouration swept the right side of Bella's face; broken capillaries, puffy skin, and a faint redness in her sclera. Heaven wouldn't allow Bella to be in pain, to feel fear.
Bella was alive.
Profound guilt seeped in as memories came back to me. I'd exposed her to the Volturi—the one thing I should have never done, that I never would have done had I even the slightest hint that she was alive.
Alice's vision, that funeral, that phone call to Charlie's house …
Everything had pointed to a world without Bella, a world so beyond my comprehension that I barely understood what I was doing, Bella my only goal.
I'd been panicking when the guards came to us, calculating endlessly how to escape and coming up with nothing but death; exactly as I had needed and now no longer wanted.
But Bella had saved us both from the viper's nest, her quickness twisting even Aro's mind. He believed her. He believed she would allow herself to be transformed. I would never let that happen and Bella had skilfully bought me years of time to plan.
His talent was such that it started with my most recent thought and then lurched backwards. The speed had been incomprehensible to me but not to him. His mind was nothing I'd ever read before. His capacity for his own thoughts and those of everyone he'd ever touched—I'd watched as my memories disappeared into a consciousness that was so fathomless and foreign I couldn't follow. I could only skim his mind for the fleeting gist of his thoughts as he dispassionately considered my mine; my anguish at her death, at my absence, my submersion into my memories of Bella these past months, my arguments with my family over what I had done, their thoughts on it all. But no further back; I'd torn my hand from his at that moment.
Aro had so many of my thoughts and memories of Bella, but knowledge wasn't understanding. He had them and he still didn't understand her like I did. He hadn't realised how clever Bella really was. It never occurred to him that she was playing him like a fiddle; he was far too arrogant for that.
Bella's breathing hitched oddly, trying not to cry, tears sparkling on her eyelashes.
I needed to get her to Carlisle quickly. Bella was stiff with cold and probably sore though it didn't seem to register; she hadn't reacted to my gentle kisses against her broken finger. She also wasn't dressed for the cold, she'd start developing hypothermia if we stayed here much longer.
Pressing my lips to her hands one final time, I gathered her in my arms and raced with her through the alleys.
I wasn't going anywhere in particular, just listening for the thoughts of my family. I knew from Carlisle that the old underground city had multiple exit points for the Volturi so they could use them at different times of day. I didn't know which ones were which; no one was thinking of this in the chamber, so I was only looking for one that would be near my family. Carlisle's memories of the ones he had used were always for the night.
"We came in from the west," Bella said hoarsely, tears streaming down her face.
"Shh, it's all right," I told her softly, carefully brushing them away with my fingers. "We'll be there soon. Carlisle will give you something for the pain."
Bella didn't answer. Her tears didn't stop either.
I sprinted more frantically now, exploring the west side of the city as she said.
Edward. Edward. In the church. Edward.
Alice's calls came into my head against the discord of all the others. She was picturing the church they were in, tracking my progress in the tunnels. The church was flush against the city walls, perched perilously atop a mass of boulders looking as if it would teeter at any moment.
I found the closest exit. It was a rectangle of stone above us; there was a small ledge in the wall next to it and no dust clung to the stone, it had been moved too recently for any to settle. I jumped, keeping my body as rigid as possible so Bella wasn't jostled. The stone was thick; no human could move it.
Pausing, I listened to the sounds on the other side. I waited until the human voices disappeared and I could no longer see our hiding place in their minds then I pushed against the stone, shifting it open enough so I could ease us through the gap. Once above ground, I shoved it back in place and it settled invisibility into the rest.
We were in the shade of the city wall. The sun had dipped a little; Bella and I had only been underground for an hour or so.
I walked at a human pace, following shadows to the church, Alice's visions guiding me along the best route. My family were in the small attic, surrounded by battered boxes and old furniture, keeping quiet against the mill of humans in the nave. Only their minds were loud—calling my name, Bella's name. Relief was soaking their every thought.
They were all remembering what they had just lived through—the horror of it—Crowded around Alice as she huddled in the shadow of the exterior city wall, their hands touching her, desperate for some link to Bella and myself.
Alice on the phone, gasping Bella through the choices she needed to make to find me in time. Bella's panicked breaths, the crunch of her shoes on tile and stone—strange gaps as if she was airborne somehow, leaping? That didn't make sense.
'Left or right?' she shouted down the line.
'No! Other way!' Alice cried. 'Straight ahead! He's under the clock tower, just inside the door!'
A few seconds later there was another strange noise—Bella gave a peculiar scream. There was the sound of her body hitting the ground then silence as the line crackled and went dead—the call had been disconnected.
The agonising pause and then—
'She made it.'
The relief of everyone was crushing; instantaneous and indescribable. Edward would survive—Bella had saved him.
Bella, negotiating her way of Aro's avaricious claws, saving Edward and herself. Alice's face blank as she repeated back the words that she heard in her visions of them in the chamber.
These memories made everyone skitter through these last twenty-four hours in which they thought Bella was dead—the anguish. These last twenty-four hours with echoes of my unutterable remorse and agony; the terror when they realised it had driven me to come to Volterra, to do anything to escape the world Bella was no longer a part of, desperate to find her again.
There was other emotions for them as well. Alice's guilt that she'd been wrong. Emmett and Jasper's distress at almost losing a sister; they should have protected her better. Rosalie was surprised at how saddened she felt at Bella's death; and for Bella, not just for me. Carlisle's and Esme's remorse was overwhelming—they'd done everything wrong and almost lost us both.
I winced internally at my family's turmoil but the joy of being with Bella had frozen the main wave of it for now.
Mercifully, we were on the same side of the laneway as the church door. I raced inside, too quick for the human eye. The stairs to the attic were circular, behind a desk in an empty office. They heard my footsteps—ecstatic to see us. Jasper's love was already washing over me; he pushed everyone else's towards me too, drenching me.
Bella
I'd detangled myself from Edward and hung back as he was encircled by his family. They all touched his face, his hands, wrapped their arms around him when they could. The hole in my chest burned.
Esme was the first to step away from him. She moved to hug me too and I put my hand up to halt her movement.
The energy in the room changed. They all suddenly took note of my empty expression. After a moment where I collected myself, sure I wasn't going to start shouting, I turned to Alice.
"I'll pay you back for the airline tickets."
"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," she laughed, trying to force a change in my demeanour.
Was this how things were going to play out? Them acting as if they hadn't all left a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be?
Everyone was silent.
Edward's agonised voice cut through my protective stupor. "Bella, I'm so sorry," he whispered.
He raised his hand toward me but didn't come closer. "I owe you an apology—of course, I owe so much more than that. I left to save you. I lied to you; told you I didn't love you, that we weren't mated. I needed you to have a normal, happy life. A safer one."
"I'm glad you were being so noble."
Pain rippled across Edward's expression, but I didn't feel it in myself. What I did feel was my composure snapping.
The rage was back—that all-consuming drowning goddamn rage.
Edward had lied to me. Used my unwavering trust in him to lie straight to my face like it was nothing and then left me to pick up the pieces of my broken life while he went off with his family. And I could only think of one reason he'd lie to me. The only thing he'd ever tried to keep me from.
Flexing my fingers into fists, ignoring the pull of my injury, I tried to hold myself together. I didn't want to lose control of my shield. The last thing I needed was to frighten the humans downstairs and have the Volturi after us again.
I drew in a breath, glaring at them. "I was just some amusement to you all, is that it? Some pet you could leave behind when you got bored?"
Carlisle, Edward, and Esme all spoke at once.
"Of course not—"
"Bella, you are everything to me—"
"Darling, you are very dear to us—"
"Don't."
I levelled my gaze at each of them. They all looked shocked and saddened. I left Edward for last—the sorrow in his eyes was like he was burning. It was tearing another hole into my chest but I ignored it.
Carlisle reached out a hand as well, his expression pained. "Bella, understand, it was never our intention—"
"Intention? You all made your intentions very clear. You didn't even say goodbye. You never even gave me a real reason!" The last of this I directed at Edward. "You lied to me! You forced me to be who you wanted just because you didn't like my choice! How could you?"
Edward lurched forward, his eyes filled with anguish. "That wasn't why—I left to keep you safe from the others."
"You saved me from the others!"
"It was too close," he whispered.
"It was an accident. You really left because you didn't want me to be a vampire. Why else would you lie to me? You only want me the way you want."
"No!" he said, rattled. "I only wanted to keep you safe. Please, Bella, I wasn't trying to stop you—"
"You were! I told you what I wanted, how I felt. You didn't want to hear it."
Edward shook his head. "Hearing that you wanted to join me was one of the greatest moments of my life, Bella. I want it more than anything—for myself. But nothing good has ever come from me giving in to my impulses."
"I told you I wanted it. That should be enough for you," I snapped.
I wouldn't let my mind settle on his words; his beautiful words that said he wanted me to be with him forever. The rage was too much … his betrayal too much.
"You left me when things got too hard for you. Why should I ever trust you again?" I bit out, gasping from the pain of it.
Edward was right there, it would be so easy to step into his embrace and feel whole again. But I couldn't.
"I left for you, Bella. I made them leave, made us all leave, to save you."
Esme's voice was soft with regret. "We made a terrible mistake in leaving you; we're truly sorry. We never wanted to make you feel like some amusement. You're part of our family."
Carlisle and Edward's expressions suddenly changed simultaneously—Carlisle's in concern and Edward's in panic.
"Bella, please, may I examine you?" Carlisle asked quickly. "You're injured; you're holding your side."
"My ribs are broken. I went to the hospital and had them taped," I snapped at him, belatedly realising my left arm was wrapped around my torso. I dropped my hands to my side.
I didn't want him to touch me, not any of them. Now that Edward had released me, it would be a hundred times worse for one of them to touch me again. It would only remind me of what I lost.
Edward gave a hiss of pain at my words, his eyes burning.
"Something may have happened when you fell from the roof. Please, I'm quite concerned—your breathing is very strange …." Carlisle's expression was an echo of Edward's.
I didn't move. Edward's pain flashed in my chest like a flame; what would happen when he saw for himself what was under my shirt? I didn't want him to stay with me out of guilt.
"Could you step out of the room?" Carlisle asked the others, misinterpreting my hesitation.
"It's fine," I said shortly.
They already knew what happened, what difference would it make to show them in person? I took a deep breath and I thought I could feel what Carlisle was worried about. The pain was almost worse than when it had happened, harsher; and my breath cut off abnormally before I could finish inhaling fully.
I took a step back, indicating I didn't want anyone's help, then pulled my arms through the sleeves with difficulty. I flung my shirt over my head and to the floor.
Everyone froze but Edward. He staggered, falling to his knees in front of me.
I knew what they saw—my entire right side splattered with bruises, the tape looking like it was the only thing holding my body together; the jagged red claw marks stretching across the other side of my abdomen, only the topmost one hidden; the razor slash across my forearm from vampire teeth; the superficial slices over my inner arm.
Most were unsurvivable injuries for a human and yet, here I was.
After a tense hush, Carlisle remembered why I'd done this. He was abruptly next to me, his cool palm probing my broken ribs, pressing my skin and the tape. I shied away, an odd cough of pain escaping me.
Edward gave a visceral, agonising groan, his eyes locked on my skin.
"There's no puncture," Carlisle said quietly. "But I need to re-tape them, the bindings are too loose. I have morphine."
I nodded once. Anything—anything to fix these holes in my chest. The pain in my ribs was nothing to that.
He didn't appear to have moved but a syringe and a tiny bottle were in his hands, taken from his bag. A deadness began spreading through my body after a few moments. Carlisle had removed the tape with such speed it only felt as if a scorching flannel had been unexpectedly pressed to my skin. The newly positioned binding brought a bit of relief. A feeling in my hand made me look down and I saw he'd taped my broken finger too.
"Bella … what … how …" Edward's distress was almost wordless.
The rest of them were anxiously immobile. Jasper then moved to rub his own forearm, seemingly unconsciously.
"What do you mean, how?" I ground out. "Didn't Alice show you?"
Everything that happened—Edward promised he would always protect me … it had just been another part of the lie, another mess he'd left me in.
Alice's expression was horrified. "I never … I never saw anything."
Everyone turned to look at Alice as we took in the gravity of her words. Jasper seized her hand but she didn't react.
"What do you mean you didn't see?"
Edwards's tone was quickly livid. He was on his feet, glaring at her. Jasper stepped closer to Alice, whipping his head around to bare his teeth at Edward. Alice still hadn't moved. Her eyes remained glassy, far away.
Of course Alice had seen me … she'd seen me before I'd even known her; the first two times I'd almost died. I'd been in mortal peril countless times since then, made so many huge decisions that altered the course of my life. Even if she hadn't been watching for my future since they'd left, she would've seen those outcomes.
Alice unfroze and Edward started, reacting to whatever she'd just thought.
"I've never seen you," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I just realised … I went through all my visions of you. It was never you, it was Edward's future, Edward's decisions that caused them all—the van, you becoming one of us, even today when you were running to save him; I had been watching Edward's future shift, not yours. It's why I never saw you in Port Angeles that day. I thought I wasn't paying attention but it was really because I couldn't see. I never noticed—it never occur to me I couldn't see you …"
Everyone was dumbfounded, including me.
"But you did have a vision. That's why you came back to Forks," I said, trying to make sense of her words.
"No … I didn't see you—or not just you. I saw Victoria. I became familiar with her and James when he was hunting you. I've been getting flashes of her, in the mountains. But she was never aggressive, she almost never went near people. I saw her sire someone, a man, but I didn't see her again until a few days ago."
There was silence.
The Cullens knew nothing. They didn't know about Laurent coming back to find me or about Riley's newborn army. They didn't know I had spent every single day pushing myself to the very edge of my being, wrestling to expand and control a supernatural armour I had desperately needed to save myself.
"You never saw it? You never saw what happened to me after you left?" All my anger and pain shifted—my body wilted with the abrupt change.
Edward was beside me, touching my face gingerly. His own face contorted as if he was crying though there were no tears.
"I would've come back," he whispered, horrified. "If there was even a hint that you were in danger—I swear to you. I left to save you, not to leave you defenceless."
Edward had always told me the truth. Almost always. Did I believe him now?
"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was sad and gentle. "Will you tell us what happened? We clearly have more to atone for than we thought."
Tears started sliding down my cheeks against my will and I shook my head.
"I don't want to force you all to come back. I don't need your protection anymore."
Edward's other hand came up to rest against my jaw. I let him hold me, surrendering to the rightness of it. I'd pay for it later, I knew. But all I wanted at this moment was to feel better.
"I was coming back anyway," he told me, his eyes wild. "I could barely make it through a single hour, let alone a day. I was going to come back, throw myself at your feet and beg for forgiveness. I knew I shouldn't—you needed a normal life but I wanted to be with you, nothing made sense without you. And then … you …"
"I don't want you to feel guilty. None of this was your fault," I whispered.
"All of it was my fault."
I shook my head again, more frantic this time. "No. This would have happened anyway."
Edward didn't respond but I knew I wouldn't convince him. Not until I explained.
I sagged against him as I took everything in. Edward caught me, wrapping his arms around me to keep me upright.
"It's a long story. Please don't … ask anything yet, not until I'm finished," I murmured, closing my eyes fleetingly.
"We won't," Carlisle promised.
I took a deep breath.
"Laurent came back to Forks to see you. He didn't know James was dead and he wanted your protection. He was hunting and I was nearby. The shock of seeing me alive confused him for a moment and he stopped to talk to me. But I could see he was … thirsty. It didn't matter to him who I was, he was frenzied. He lunged at me and he was stopped. We could barely believe it, neither of us … my shield had been thrown from my body with enough force for him to feel it. Then the werewolves were there, they'd caught his trail by coincidence and tracked him. They killed him. I knew who they were and when they realised I knew their secret, they phased and told me everything. They'd seen me use my shield too, the pack have been helping me learn to control it.
"I wanted to look for Victoria. James used her, he didn't care about her … in fact, I'm sure he despised her. She had lost her partner, but she also knew how he felt about her and she was careening. She was likely thinking of me, the catalyst that ended him … I saw her in the woods near where he died but she never came close enough to talk to me. I spoke to her anyway, the few times I saw her. And I left her notes pinned to the trees."
"Why?" Jasper's shocked voice interrupted my speech. A grimace twisted his features. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Only women can help each other heal from the arrogance of men."
There was silence after my harsh tone.
Alice, Esme, and Carlisle looked troubled; Rosalie, impressed. Emmett and Jasper exchanged a glance. Edward squeezed my hand and made another miserable sound but he was looking at Rosalie. Whatever she thought about it wounded him.
"Victoria was sad … she seemed very lost. She took my notes with her but still never spoke to me. She made a companion … to try and make herself feel better, I think. I don't know why she chose Riley but he was … he had an intense disposition for terror and havoc. Victoria was distraught. This one didn't seem to care about her either. I think he did follow her for a time, she must've explained some things to him. But they separated, Riley went to Aberdeen. I don't what kind of person he was when he was human or why he went there but he was ruthless—built himself a newborn army solely on instinct."
"What?"
Several voices this time. Edward tightened his grip on me. Jasper's nostrils flared and he instinctively shifted to crouch in front of Alice. Esme and Rosalie were frozen. The others stared at me in shock.
"They're dead."
"Who killed them?" Jasper demanded.
I gave him a level look. "I did."
"H—How?"
In answer, I lifted my palm towards him, causing him and Alice to come flying forward, then pushed them back. I hadn't wanted to separate him from Alice, even momentarily; I didn't know what reflex that would cause and I didn't want to have to contain him. When I released them both, they reeled, shocked.
"The werewolves and I took the newborns by surprise. They didn't have time to run."
Edward gaped at me. He wasn't the only one.
Carlisle's eyes were wide. "How did you do that?"
"I've been practising, pulling my shield from my core to my skin. I can also throw it away from my body like a weapon, but only from my hands. I realised it used to happen instinctually, like when I had no injury after the incident with the van. I figured I could harness it consciously. But sometimes I'm not quick enough."
Edward's eyes flicked to my side where the gashes were. "Is that how that happened?"
"Yes," I said faintly, tears pricking my eyes. I couldn't recount that one, not yet.
"And the bite?" he choked.
"From a newborn. I drained the venom out. A butterfly needle."
No one spoke for a long time.
I could hear rumblings of agony from the Cullens, Edward's next to me were the loudest. He was hissing between his teeth, breathing harshly. He pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair, the sorrowful sound increasing. I let him comfort himself with me, needing to hold him as well. I was glad I'd faced it all alone. The thought of anything happening to Edward … I closed my eyes at the pain of it.
"I'm so, so sorry," Edward said when he could speak. "I should have been there—I never should have left—"
"It would have happened anyway. Laurent and Victoria … Victoria didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"She attacked you—"
"I don't think she did it on purpose. She's had no practice controlling her strength around humans, she's never tried."
Edward shook his head, anguish in his every feature.
It would take us time to get past this—my anger, my feelings of betrayal, his remorse and guilt. It would be difficult and painful. But I was starting to feel like there might be something on the other side. I still wanted to be with him … but in the right way.
The morphine had spread, and in Edward's arms, all the hurt was finally gone. I could breathe deep and even again. My hold on Edward slackened, no longer able to make my body push through on just adrenaline. My words had been slurring as I spoke, my mind softening. It had been so long since I'd last slept …
When I woke, I was in Edward's lap, burrowed into him. I was now dressed, wrapped in Emmett's winter coat, and comfortably warm. We were also still in the attic but it was mostly dark outside, the sun just setting over the horizon.
The rest of the Cullens were sitting around us as well. I sensed that they'd all been talking while I was asleep. Their soft voices had tinged my stupor although it had been too low for me to register anything other than a pleasant buzzing.
"There's a flight to Rome in a few hours," Carlisle told me when he saw my eyes were open. "Will you come with us?"
"Where are you going?"
A beat. Edward answered. "Back to Forks. If … you approve."
"You're coming back? Like it's nothing?" I couldn't put any weight into my tone with the morphine but I hoped they heard it.
Edward seized me tighter. "I want to come back with you. I want to fix all the mistakes I made."
I stared at the rest of them. "And you'll just follow him blindly, no matter what anyone else wants …" I trailed off, my eyes closing without my permission. I was too tired for this kind of conversation.
Edward moved and I was upright, leaning against him. I forced my eyes open.
Carlisle was standing in front of me, remorseful. He reached out, caressing my cheek when I didn't pull away.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. We thought we were doing what was best for you. I disagreed with the manner of Edward's plan but I didn't press him at the time. Your safety was the most vital—obviously we didn't do it right. We always make decisions as a family and we excluded you from that. We won't make that mistake again. We want to put things right."
I only noticed I was crying silently when Carlisle swept my tears away.
"You can come back if that's what you want."
It was what I wanted, irrespective of the hurt they'd caused me. But I also knew I needed to talk to Edward more; I'd be angry again when the medication wore off.
Esme's fingers replaced Carlisle's, her beautiful face despondent.
"Bella, I'm so sorry for all that happened. We never imagined … that's no excuse, I know. But we will do everything we can to earn your trust back."
"Thank you," I said softly.
Each of the Cullens murmured words of apology to me then. Emmett and Rosalie kissed my forehead, Alice clasped my hand; Jasper touched my arm, pushing everyone's love and remorse against my skin.
The moment the sun dipped below the skyline we slipped into the swelling night. There was a dense forest immediately to the west of Volterra. I was on Edward's back for the first time in months and it was both freeing and aching to realise that my muscle memory still existed for this.
Because Edward ran so smoothly, I could feel his tremors even through the thick coat I had. I hoped he would find something quickly.
I was dozing against Edward's shoulder. He had all my weight in his left arm, making sure my right side didn't have to cling to him.
He knelt now and then, scooping up animals carefully so he didn't dislodge me. Several foxes, two badgers. Also an ibex, whose large horns made me tighten my legs around Edward anxiously.
"Sorry," he whispered. "Did it touch you?"
"No, I've just never seen one before."
Edward caught four or five more animals then we met his family at the edge of the forest. We raced across the countryside, keeping to the trees, and sprinting through farmland when we couldn't. I fell asleep before we got to the airport.
Edward's voice roused me a little. "I'm sorry, my heart. You'll have to stand, just for a bit."
We were in a car park, away from the floodlights. I could see the bright airport in the distance. How different it felt from when I was here earlier …
Edward had my weight as we walked but I lifted myself out of his hold when we got inside and joined the ticket line. I didn't want people to think Edward was dragging my drugged body around for some nefarious purpose. I had to at least look like I was semi-conscious and coherent.
At the gate, I watched the workers load suitcases into the plane. The dark glass reflected my face back to me and I was surprised they let the Cullens walk through security with a literal zombie.
At least Edward finally looked well. His eyes were a rich deep topaz, the rings under them had disappeared, and his lips were faintly pink.
Edward was holding me securely in his lap, his tremor gone, and I buried my face in his neck, inhaling his scent that I'd been desperately missing too. Alice was sitting next to us. She'd looked stressed our whole time in the airport. Jasper had yet to let go of her hand.
"Whose funeral was it?" she asked me suddenly.
All of them looked at me, their expressions forlorn once more.
"Sue Clearwater. She was my friend Leah's mother," I murmured.
Edward's teeth clicked together as he heard Alice's next thought before she spoke it.
"Where has Charlie been staying?" she asked. "I went through your house, his room is empty. His scent upstairs is months old."
"Montesano."
"He left you by yourself?" Carlisle asked, shocked.
"Why?" Edward demanded.
"He couldn't … help me anymore."
Edward was enraged, remorseful.
"Don't," I pleaded. "It's not his fault. It isn't anyone's fault."
"It's mine." Edward's voice was pained.
"Stop, please. Not yet—I can't think properly—" My breathing hitched and I closed my eyes.
Edward drew me closer, winding his fingers in my hair to soothe me. I wanted to stay like this forever. But we had to talk; I had to explain everything to Edward, exactly how much he had hurt me without blaming him for what happened. I was now only mad that he lied and left without an explanation, not that I had some insane pull for all things deadly …
Edward and I ended up with a row to ourselves; it meant I could sleep the whole way with my head in his lap. I knew I'd walked with him through the airport in Rome to the next flight but it barely registered and I was asleep the moment I lay down in his arms again.
At O'Hare, Carlisle led me from the crowds to an empty corner of the gate lounge so he could check my lungs, making sure the changing air pressure hadn't damaged things further.
"Try to eat something soon. You might feel a bit nauseated with the medication, that will help."
I nodded even though I wouldn't. I wasn't hungry.
He skimmed his palm over my sleeve to feel the bite. "It's colder than the rest of your skin," he observed. "I've never known a human to survive a vampire bite. It was very quick thinking on your part."
"I knew it might happen. I was prepared to transform as well. It's something I still want."
Carlisle looked up abruptly. "You weren't lying to Aro."
I shook my head. "I never promised I'd stay with him, just that he could change me. And I knew I had to tell him that, he would punish you and your family if I had wanted to stay human."
Carlisle's eyes were sad. "You've been very gracious towards us, Bella, when we have not deserved it."
"I never stopped loving you all, even though you left."
"The pain you both were in … every day I was weakening, wanting to talk him into changing his mind. But I agreed with him that it had become unsafe for you; we all did. Edward was positive you wouldn't care about your own safety."
"He's right," I allowed.
It was true that I had always been ready to sacrifice myself for Edward. My life, my mortality. Becoming a vampire was something I wanted for myself, but it was also true that I wouldn't have had the opportunity without Edward.
Edward's look when we returned to the others told me he'd heard everything. He'd thought I was lying to pacify Aro but now he knew that wasn't what happened. But he didn't say anything, knowing this wasn't the time. I was grateful. I needed my full faculties for that confrontation. Already I could feel resonances of anger that he thought I was the one who'd lied. He kept his thoughts to himself for now, but his voice faltered every so often as he hummed melodies in my ear, betraying how he felt.
In Seattle, Carlisle and Esme hired a car to take them and Edward and I to Forks, while the rest left to go to their new house to organise everything for the move.
As we drove into Forks and towards Charlie's house, I lifted my head off Edward's shoulder and asked, "Will you stay with me? Please?"
"Yes."