Married… With a Useless Goddess 7
Disclaimers I don't own KonoSuba, please support any to all official releases and remain awesome guys.
Also just a heads up, this chapter may get a little silly, but then again the later seasons of Married with Children were the same way, so I hope you guys do enjoy the chapter in the end
As Kazuma had said before, he was no love expert, nor did he discovered the secrets of how to not only claim, but kept a woman by his side.
With that being said, Kazuma felt really bad when he heard that Ozu's confession towards Penny was not a success, and it was largely in part of her already having a boyfriend, who was coincidentally in fact happened to be Brodie.
So for like a whole week Ozu has been kinda moping around the school campus as many of the students were left concerned for many reasons.
Wanting to help his friend out, he promised to hang the night with Ozu as soon as he clocks out today from work, which speaking of.
"Alright Kazuma ready" asked Brodie as he put his old football helmet over Kazuma's head, as he held a pair of pink business shoes in his hands, before Brodie went back to lift up the customers foot as she literally was stunned to the point of being able to move or voice any objection for these 2 sales men.
"Blue-42, Blue-42, Hut!" shouted Brodie before Kazuma let out a fierce battle cry and charged towards the woman's foot with the shoe ready at hand, resulting the 3 of them crashing and falling backwards sprawling on the ground.
KONOSUBA
After another day at work, Brodie and Kazuma both left the shoe store half an hour early since they both know by now they're usually not that busy on Friday nights where everyone wants to go home or go spend their money on booze.
"So what you got planned tonight buddy" asked Brodie, "I'm actually spend the night with a friend of mine, he's feeling kinda down" said Kazuma.
"Why, what happened to him" asked Brodie, "He… got rejected by the girl he liked, all because she's with another man" said Kazuma as he can personally relate to Ozu.
"Sorry to hear that, must really suck for him especially if she chooses to hook up with a douchebag" said Brodie as Kazuma was mentally snickering over how Brodie was indirectly to blame here.
"Yeah, so I don't know, I figured me and my friend do something fun to ease him of his worries" said Kazuma, "Good for you man, hope you both have a fun wild night" said Brodie just as Ozu's limo rolled in.
"Dude, you never told me you were rolling with a high roller" said Brodie as Kazuma was ready to hop in, but Ozu stepped out.
"Everything good Ozu" asked Kazuma nervously, "No, um I need you and Brodie to hop in, we got an issue back at my place" said Ozu.
"Is everything alright" asked Kazuma with concern, "Everything is fine for the most part, just… you're gonna have to see for yourself" said Ozu.
"Let me give Aqua a call then" said Kazuma, "She's actually back at my grandfathers estate with her friends" said Ozu as he went back in his limo, before Kazuma and Brodie both hopped back in.
Later
This issue Ozu was dealing with was his grandfather having chosen to remove the satellite on his roof, in favor of going back to cable since he saw no point in paying for it's absurd prices, especially since everyone at home uses their phones to stream and watch movies.
Granted they argued saying it be a better alternative for Yusuke to do the same thing, but the old man was very stubborn and old fashioned, and so he chose today, more so to gather up his grandson, and his friends and anyone else willing to volunteer to do a reals man's job for a humble old man.
Let's just say this had mixed results as the group of 6 teenagers have yet to even set foot on the roof, with Kazuma already breaking his thumb and needing to get a tetanus shot.
"Dude, why" cried Kazuma as Aqua was privately healing his thumb back to working condition.
"Oh quit crying you big baby, you'll be right and good as rain, now hold still" said Aqua as she continued to cast heal on Kazuma before they heard a knock on the door.
"Excuse me, but I have brought the much needed tetanus shot for our dear humbled guest" said one of the helping staff as she brought not only the syringe, but also rubbing alcohol and bandage.
"Thank you" said Kazuma as the woman left the supplies by the foot of the room, before leaving the 2 in private.
"All right Kazuma, brace yourself" said Aqua as she grabbed the syringe, as Kazuma flinched a little.
"You know what you're doing right" asked Kazuma nervously, "Kazuma, trust me, I think I know what I'm doing, now roll up your sleeve" said Aqua reassuringly before giving Kazuma the needed medication without something wrong happening.
"See, I told you, you can count on me" said Aqua triumphantly before she felt the gentle hands of her husband holding hers.
"Thank you Aqua" said Kazuma as he brought her hands up to kiss it, "Oh Kazuma" cooed Aqua as she threw herself on her husband and began to kiss him back.
"We should head back home, grandpa must be waiting for us" said Kazuma, "Only after we get some dinner today" said Aqua as she knew today Kazuma got paid today.
Just as Kazuma and Aqua were about to head back home, they learned real quickly that Yusuke went and informed their legal guardians that they'd be all spending the night here as they were committed to get the cable working again.
While this did suck, what didn't was the dinner Yusuke had planned out for them.
"This is some good gyouza" said Ami as she had her mouth stuffed with said meal, "Don't talk with your mouth full" chided Vanessa as she was eating herself some tempura with good ol Asahi beer.
"And don't be drinking more than your big bro, mom would definitely kill me" said Brodie as he finished his 5th can of beer like Aqua before going back to eating his California roll.
"Don't you guys live with your dad though" asked Kazuma, "My old man can go suck it" said Brodie, "Amen to that" cheered Vanessa, "Damn straight" added Ami, "I can… relate" mumbled Ozu over his 2nd glass of whiskey.
"Yeah, all of our dads friggin suck" said Aqua as she was already drunk off her ass as she stabbed her chopsticks into her sashimi salmon roll.
"Yeah, you're right" said Aqua as he brought her in close to kiss her on the cheek, before reeling his head back.
"God you smell like a brewery again" jeered Kazuma before Aqua pinned him down, "And you're gonna learn to love it" stated Aqua as she began to drunkenly French kiss Kazuma to taste her beer breath.
"Get a room you 2" joked Brodie, as Ami high fived him as Vanessa elbowed him, while Ozu just sat their and watched this whole thing unravel as a nice bonding experience without pain, cause tomorrow it was on high demand on tomorrows menu.
Next Day
Since the group of friends woke up, they were expecting this job to go easier now that they could see, instead they found out even in broad day light, and with owners manuals and instructions sheet, they were less well equipped to do this job compared to some people.
This is shown evident how everyone, but Aqua, had retained some sort of injury, as they sat on the roof.
"Ok, I think it's pretty obvious to state that we've all fell off the roof at least twice now and are nowhere near closer to getting this job done" said Kazuma as he was looking at the instructions manual while holding a hammer in hand.
"I haven't" said Brodie, "It's not a competition!" yelled Kazuma as he angrily slammed his hammer down on Brodies foot, causing him to not only scream in pain as he held his toe, but also as he fell down the roof.
"What the hell Kazuma!" said Vanessa angrily, "Let it go Vanessa, he asked for it" said Ozu trying to hide his smug smile over seeing Brodie in pain.
"And what does that mean" asked Vanessa as Ami held her back, "Can we please get back to work here! I really want to spend my one day off jut playing video games or watching TV at this point back at the comfort of my own house" said Kazuma.
"Ozu, here, start reading the instructions so I can get going on this project" said Kazuma, "Alright Kazuma, "It says here you need to connect rod 'S' and 'T' with screw 'U'" said Ozu out loud.
"Ami, mind handing me screw 'U'" said Ozu as she was the one in charge holding the smaller screws and such, but looked at Ozu with offended eyes.
"Excuse me" asked Ami, "You heard me, screw 'U', now hand it over" said Ozu not realizing his poor choice of words.
"Oh that is it little man, you wanna go" said Ami as she pulled out taser from her body as Ozu got to his feet and took the snake stance.
"Yeah, you try that, I'm a black belt in karate" said Ozu, "And I'm a black belt in whop ass you entitled prick" said Ami.
"Daddy issues bimbo" said Ozu as both were ready to fight if not for Vanessa getting in the way.
"Enough guys, we've already hurt ourselves accidentally, no need to go around and deliberately hurt ourselves now" said Vanessa as everyone were able to calm down for a moment, but Aqua new even as she stood on the ground level something was bound to happen.
"I swear you can almost hear the Tom and Jerry track music being played in the background" said Aqua as this whole time she's been taking photos and videos as to what happened to them, and if you had to ask her favorite, it would be how both Ami and Kazuma got stuck fighting an eagle of all things.
KONOSUBA
After an unsuccessful morning, the group decided to give up and sit together, in pain, on the living room couch as everyone had been covered in bruises, and cuts, and gauze wrappings for what was inflicted on them.
"All that work for nothing" groaned Kazuma as he head gauze wrapped around his head, "Not how I wanted to spend my Saturday" whined Vanessa as she laid resting her head on her brothers lap, who had 1 foot up on an ottoman, and held an ice pack over his head.
"It could've been worse" said Ozu as everyone looked at him with eyes that said 'really' before he decided to remain silent again as he had to put his left arm in a sling.
"Sigh, let's shut up for a minute, I can't think straight here" said Brodie, "Ditto" said Ami as she had gauze wrapped around her abdomen and a bruised jaw.
Seeing them all in pain, especially Kazuma, broke Aqua's heart, so doing what she's known for doing best, Aqua decided to act on impulse for the greater good, even if it means exposing her biggest secret.
"Aqua what are you doing" asked Kazuma as he caught her hands before she could heal him, getting everyone's attention.
"I'm going to heal you and everyone here you big dummy" said Aqua as Kazuma went and instantly covered her mouth, as all eyes were on them now.
"Idiot, what about our promise" said Kazuma, before Aqua removed his hands, "It's fine, they're our friends, I trust them" said Aqua with a reassuring smile as Kazuma silently looked at her for a minute.
"What are you 2 chatting on about" asked Vanessa as Kazuma bit down his lower lip as he pondered on it for a minute, before ultimately choosing to side with his wife on the matter.
"Everyone, we need you all to keep a big secret" said Kazuma as Aqua began to show her divine abilities as she began to heal her husbands head injuries as everyone sat up and saw this marvel before them.
"My wife Aqua here isn't like us, she's a goddess" said Kazuma simply, "Water Goddess" Aqua said proudly.
"And it's important to keep this secret only amongst us, less of course someone chooses to expose and exploit her for their own means and benefits" said Kazuma as the 4 group of friends looked at each other and nodded in agreement to keep this pact secret.
KONOSUBA
After healing everyone and sharing the truth as to how they finally met, everyone went back home at long last and could finally relax.
Back in their room, Kazuma and Aqua were spooning and necking over what they had to endure.
"Aqua, I want you to know that I love you" said Kazuma, "Oh, and what exactly do you love about me" asked Aqua.
"I love your hair, and your eyes, and especially how you literally have the best ass than any girl on this planet" said Kazuma Aqua looked at him a little unamused.
"Is that really it" asked Aqua disappointingly, "No, I also love how daring and caring you can be, and while you can be reckless, I know now there's always a good intention behind it" said Kazuma as he kissed Aqua.
"I'm glad to know that you appreciate me, not like the other gods back who never understood me, and chose to abandon me" said Aqua as Kazuma tossed her over before mounting on top of her.
"Aqua, I can promise you this, no matter how angry I get with you, or how much your stupidity may get us in trouble, I can promise you one thing, I would never abandon you" said Kazuma as Aqua smiled at him with loving eyes.
"Oh Kazuma" said Aqua as she pulled her husband in for them to enjoy themselves an afternoon delight of passionate sex, while not worrying about their grandfather.
Speaking of, Grandpa Satou was currently back in the hospital, waiting for his physician to return back with his test result after taking his first physical in years.
"Mr. Satou, sir I have your test results and some important news to informed you" said the physician as Grandpa Satou looked at his physician knowingly as to what they were about to say.
Yes, I got another chapter down, hope you guys are enjoying the story so far, even though this was a bit goofy than what I normally right, but not to worry, chapters like these are not a planned commodity as you would expect, at least not yet.
As always thank you guys for your continued love and support, if you like please be sure to fave and follow, and leave a review cause I enjoy reading your guys' thoughts on these chapters I make.
Until next time, be safe, be good people, and please support your local fandom communities.
This has been your Humble Narrator and official author Tobi Yaza.