Married… with a Useless Goddess 15
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In spite of how distant Kazuma was towards his immediate family, that rule didn't apply to his large and extended family.
Actually scratch that it did, but at least they were kind enough to invite them over towards a family funeral where said relative had left a trust to whomever of his living relatives were to leave them an heir in their name.
This meant Kazuma had to suck it up and have sex with his wife every night for the foreseeable future, maybe twice a day if he's eaten, and even though the act of having sex with his wife disgust him, he'll do it because he and his family shall earn 56.7 million yen if they manage to spawn a baby and named him after the deceased bastard.
However, unknown to Kazuma, Aqua had the foresight to realize that all that money wasn't going anywhere but to feed another mouth, on top of theirs, for only the next 6 months.
And while a part of her was going to kick herself in the ass about this once a winners been announced, she's been taking birth control pills without Kazuma's knowledge, since being able to have daily sex for her husband more than makes up for these last 15 or so years of him not touching her.
Speaking of Aqua, she was currently sitting on a stool chair watching ASMR videos of chiropractors at work.
"Damn girl, I haven't had my pelvis bones crack like that since the night Kazuma pinned me into a mating press, while trying to conceive Naofumi" said Aqua with a perverted giggle.
Eventually her stupor was broke when her son came in through the back door of the house.
"Hey mom, we finally came back from the clinic with dad" said Naofumi, "Where is your father" asked Aqua.
"Naruto is pushing him in, see" said Naofumi as both turned to see the young Satou daughter pushing her wheel chair bound father, who's skin was as pale as his hair for having to suffer through having 12 second of sex with his wife every night for the past 10 months now.
"We're home daddy, want some Powerade" asked Naruto as Kazuma weakly nodded.
Giving him his drink in a sports bottle, Kazuma sucked the fluids out like a gerbil suffering anxiety.
"Well Kazuma, now that you came back from your blood transfusion, plasma transfusion, and iron transfusion from the doctor, you finally ready to pick up where we left off" asked Aqua in a sultry tone.
Gesturing that his daughter lean in closer, Kazuma began to whisper in her ear to relay his message.
"Daddy said that the doctor said that he should lay off of sex for the next week" said Naruto.
"Aw but honey, you know that for every second we're not having sex and trying to make a baby, that's 56.7 million yen we risk losing, meaning that's a 100,000 yen you'll miss out on keeping to yourself" said Aqua.
Hearing his wife's logic, and mentally curing himself for whoring himself out for a mere 100,000 yen he could be keeping to himself, Kazuma gestured his daughter to get close to his mouth once more.
"Daddy said that he needs a minute to himself and psyche up before he has to face the blue curtains" said Naruto.
"While you're at honey, why not pop a blue pill, you have been gone for a day, so that means I expect roughly 30 seconds of sex from you doing it with me 3 separate times" said Aqua.
Being only able to silently cry to himself as his daughter pushed him towards the downstairs bathroom, his family waited in the living room as Aqua began to pop another birth control pill into her mouth.
"Mom, what are you doing" asked Naofumi, "Oh this, oh, well you know how daddy takes those pills to make him pretend he's a minute man for only another 2 seconds, well mommy is taking these pills right here to help her increase her pregnancy rate" lied Aqua.
Not buying into their mothers BS, since one she's a terrible liar and her kids have at least a 7 in their intelligence when testing how S.P.E.C.I.A.L they are, both Naruto and Naofumi knew that their mom had been playing with their dad like a fiddle, an image they wish they can get out of their head, and how they themselves have been indirectly played with.
Before either one could further interrogate their mother, their doorbell rang as Aqua went to answer it.
"Eee, yes finally the new sexy nightgown I ordered came in! excuse me kids, mommy has to get changed" said Aqua as she ran up the stairs.
Once Aqua was out of sight, Kazuma finally came out the bathroom as he went to greet his kids.
"Kids, if I don't make it by the end of the year, please do your old man a favor and bury me in the dodge" said Kazuma, "Uh dad, I think there's something you ought to know" said Naofumi only for the doorbell to ring once more.
"Hold that thought" said Kazuma as he went to answer the front door only to see a distant cousin along with his wife holding a baby and a police officer holding the chain to the cuffs of Kazuma's cousin.
"Hey Natsuru" greeted Kazuma, "Hey Kazuma, don't mind the officer, he's just gonna escort me to jail for a parking ticket I couldn't pay just yet, but it'll be fine since me and Eri have some news for you" said Natsuru.
"Suck it Satou, Natsuru and I managed to conceive and name a child after that crazy uncle of yours" said Eri, "Yeah, and thank god since I was running the risk of doing a nickel in the big house, but now with us winning all that money I should be out in a month" said Natsuru with a sigh of relief.
"Oh honey, you'll be out sooner, I say by Friday next week in a coffin" said Eri as this startled Natsuru as he heard the clicking sound of the policeman pulling the hammer back of his revolver.
"Till next time Kazuma, it's been horrible, and your father says you're a bum too" said Eri as she walked away carrying her child before handing some money to the cop she was with as her husband just silently followed them to his foreseeable death.
"Thanks god this is over" cried Kazuma as he felt a huge weight off his shoulders as he no longer had to suffer through having sex with his wife, hopefully till the day he dies.
"I tell you kids, you have no idea what hell is until you had to take someone like your mother" said Kazuma as he walked past them.
"By the way son was there something you wanted to tell me" asked Kazuma, "It's… nothing dad" said Naofumi as he felt there was no need to fan the flames since he knew his father will be clicking his heels in glee once he's told mom that they won't be having sex for a while.
"Ooh, candy" said Kazuma as he saw some of Aqua's birth control pills lying on the counter, "No daddy, that's not candy, those are birth control pills" said Naruto.
"Birth control pills? Young lady, I swear these better not be yours!" warned Kazuma, "No they're mommy's- I mean…" said Naruto as she already let the cat out of the bag.
Realizing he had been played these last few months, spending every night, where he had last in total 5 minutes of his life trying to have baby making sex with his wife was truly all for nought because she had taken birth control pills, and that's before he himself was forced to take various types of male performance enhancers because he was gaslighted into thinking it was his fault for being impotent and lacking the sexual drive when they had first met.
"Uh… dad" asked Naofumi as he and his sister saw a shadow cast above his father's eyes as he glared at his children.
"Leave" was all Kazuma said in a calm quiet voice as his kids scrambled for the door.
Alone to devise the perfect way to get back at his wife, Kazuma began to grab one of her pregnancy tests and a pen before he proceeded to pour some ink on the device to have a false positive result.
"Aqua! Get down here, you're officially pregnant" said Kazuma in a fey cheerful voice.
"What!?" yelled Aqua in horror as she came rushing down the stairs as Kazuma was composing himself to truly relish in Aqua's horror and upcoming breakdown.
"Yeah honey, I checked one of your pregnancy tests that was lying around, it seems we're finally positive" said Kazuma, "But how can that be? I mean yay and all, but seriously that's kind of impossible" said Aqua.
"I've been on everything from vitamin b pills to 500 year old Chinese medicine pills that improves sperm quality, odds are something was bound to finally put a bun in the oven" said Kazuma.
"No you're right but…" said Aqua as she began to comfort herself as she sat on the couch.
"Oh well, I mean I guess that means we're the winners right" said Aqua, "Oh, well actually, I don't know if you heard, but my cousin Natsuru and his wife came in to tell us they one, and probably not welcome to my cousins funeral, but hey on the bright side, you get to go through the joys of child birth and raising a child again, after all that's the real prize at the end of the day" said Kazuma as he was sporting a shit eating grin.
"Oh yeah, having to deal with 9 months of uncontrollable hunger needs, dealing with morning sickness, and having to cope with the fact that I'm just gonna get fatter and fatter" said Aqua pathetically as the pressure of motherhood was getting to her already.
"And that's just the calming before the storm of dealing with diapers and doody, and having to hear the cries of 'hold me', 'feed me', 'you forgot to leave a crack in the window down for me'. Oh god no~! My life with my beautiful middle age figure and my ass that won't quit is probably gonna kick it by the time I'm through this pregnancy!" cried Aqua.
"I'll admit I'll miss seeing your perfectly peach shaped ass, so if I were you, I'd go upstairs and kiss it goodbye babe" said Kazuma with the most fiendish devilish smile he had on as he finally saw his wife burst into tears.
"Oh Kazuma!" cried Aqua as she ran upstairs into their bedroom to eat her heart and probably a box of pizza out.
"Heh, maybe this'll teach her for gaslighting such a handsome stud like me into having to take her to bed for trying to conceive another little leech" said Kazuma as he finally sat down on the couch with his hands down his pants as he turned his smart TV and played one of the newest 'The Walking Dead' spinoff's, 'The Walking Dead: The Grimes Legacy', with the show being centered around Judith Grimes, being played by the daughter of Milla Jovovich; Ever Anderson since playing lead heroines and kicking zombie ass just made sense to the producers, with current talks that there be a standalone crossover movie with her mother reprising her roll as Alice for the last time.
And there you have it folks another story that's been properly updated and ready to be shipped off for continuation, though brace yourself cause after this transgression, Kazuma has hard times ahead of him.
But until next time be safe, be good people, and please support your local fandom communities.