Sawed: Chapter 07
Chikorita-Trainer1
T
Disclaimer: I don't own Saw or anything else I might reference or shamelessly rip off.
Adam got back to his room, rolled his IV pole back into place beside his bed and laid down. He let his eyes drift around the room, looking for anything to distract himself from what he was currently feeling.
Alright, get your head out of your ass already, he thought. Whatever almost happened DIDN'T happen, and it's not going to happen. You probably imagined it anyway.
Lawrence holding him, caressing him, almost kissing his cheek. And physical gestures aside, the man had outright SAID he liked having Adam around. That had to count for something, right?
Of course he wants me around, Adam thought, unable to keep a certain Ramones song from automatically playing in his head as he thought those words. He's just as freaked out as I am, if not more. He sawed off his own foot, his wife is leaving him, he's bound to need some outlet, some object to project all his feelings onto. A near-death experience is sure to strip a man down, make him feel raw and vulnerable, and in need of companionship.
Or you could stop analyzing what he might be feeling and concentrate on your own feelings, his mind suggested.
My feelings? Well, I like being around Lawrence, sure. He's my only friend, really.
Let's look at this logically; we went through hell, we almost died, he mutilated himself, he shot me, so he probably feels guilty about that. It's nothing short of a miracle that we're both still alive. It's only natural that I would feel close to him, emotionally dependent. I've been traumatized and need a friend to lean on. That's all it is.
Images of the doctor's lustrous blue eyes and thick, soft hair floated across Adam's vision.
I'm not attracted to him, I'm just connected to him. We went through something together, and we'll never be able to forget it. And we'll never be able to think about it without thinking about each other. So, yeah, he's a part of me now. Just going to have to live with it.
The feeling of Lawrence's grip on his arm and shoulder, the gentle touch of his hand on Adam's cheek, and the scent of the older man flooded his memory.
This is only temporary. It's only been a few days since we were rescued. We're both just hypersensitive right now. And he's getting divorced from his wife, so it's not like he can cry on her shoulder. Can't lean on Diana, 'cause she's a kid. She can't be expected to shoulder the burden of comforting him. That just leaves me. That's why he's being so sweet to me.
Suddenly, Adam scared himself with his own use of the word 'sweet.' He actually felt a chill go through his body for a second.
Just focus on recovering, he told himself, looking around for the TV remote. Just get better, get back to your life, and these feelings will fade away.
So you admit you have feelings? said his mind.
Yes. Feelings of friendship. And, I'll admit, maybe infatuation. Nothing wrong with that. Infatuation is superficial. It'll go away on its own.
But as the young man turned on the TV and started flipping channels, he knew he was fooling himself. He knew he felt something deeper for Lawrence. This wasn't going to fade away. But he could at least avoid facing it for a while.
After a few minutes of channel surfing, Adam recognized a movie that was airing. Julia Stiles and Sean Patrick Thomas were on screen.
Ha! Save The Last Dance, I remember this, he thought with a chuckle. The movie had come out while Adam was in college—he'd actually seen it with his punk ex-girlfriend.
The scene at the moment was when the character, Sara, was confiding in Derek, that her mother died while rushing to see her audition. He remembered back to the beginning of the movie, where the scene showed Sara auditioning, and losing her balance and falling down at the exact same moment her mom's car was pushed off the road. Almost like the incidents were cosmically connected. Somehow, in her body, she knew her mother was in danger.
That was fiction, but was something like that possible? Could it be possible that two people could care so deeply for one another that their pain could actually be in sync?
Coincidence, thought Adam. Coincidence that 8mm was on the other day, and coincidence that this movie just happens to be on today. No way in hell.
Back in Lawrence's room, the laid-up oncologist was thinking about his situation as well.
Adam, that guy, that kid, he thought with a laugh as he replayed in his mind Adam yanking down his IV pole like a complete klutz. He also couldn't help but remember how bad a catch he was back in the bathroom, as they tossed their tapes and keys back and forth to each other. He's helpless. I can't let him go back to his lonely life. He needs somebody.
What makes you think his life is lonely? Lawrence's mind asked him.
Well, he hasn't mentioned anyone coming to visit him. I think it's just been my family that's been seeing him.
You don't know that. Maybe some of his friends or family have come to see him and he just hasn't mentioned it. It's none of your business.
OK, that's fair, Lawrence admitted to himself.
What do you even know about the guy? He wasn't exactly forthcoming during those hours you were stuck with him.
I know he lives in a "shit-hole apartment," Lawrence answered to his mind. I know he's a stealth photographer who goes around following "rich guys" like me, and probably gets paid under the table. I know he smokes, and his last girlfriend broke up with him because he was "too angry."
So you know, like, four facts about him. Good for you.
I know he cared enough about me to beat a man to a bloody pulp, even though I'd just shot him, after he begged me not to.
How do you know he did that FOR YOU? Couldn't he have also done it out of self-preservation? The world doesn't revolve around you, Lawrence. People do things for their own reasons, too.
Hey, he keeps coming in here to see me.
You've told him to.
He got into bed with me last night.
Because he was cold. And he WAS, you could feel that.
And he slept soundly right beside me the whole night.
How do you know? You were asleep.
What exactly are you trying to decide, here? Lawrence demanded of himself. Why are you so obsessed with what Adam thinks of you? Do you realize you've spent more time thinking about him than about Allison and Diana? What are THEY feeling right now? You're getting divorced, you'll have to move out. But all you can think about is Adam. What does that say about you?
Alright, I care about the kid. I feel some responsibility to him. I shot him. I owe him at least my concern for his well-being.
Lawrence leaned his head back and looked around the room, looking for anything to distract himself from his mental debate. The door, the wall, the TV, a chair, and finally the window, in which he saw his reflection. He looked at his own image, thought of Adam, and a smile broke out on his face.
I saw that, said his mind.
What?
You like him, don't you? his mind teased.
No! I—
But that was as far as the doctor could get before succumbing to the inevitable. He liked Adam. He could admit that.
END OF CHAPTER 07
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