Author's note: This chapter and the next are quite dialogue heavy, so I hope they aren't boring, but to me they feel like a genuine exploration of the real miscommunications Bella and Edward would have and the tension that conversations can bring. It's crazy how passionate these two are in the original novels but how often they misunderstand each other and don't stop to talk it out. As someone who has been in long, serious relationships, I know how heavy these conversations can be, but you just have to have them - wherever they may lead.

Thanks again for all the positive comments; I clearly am an egoist because I love to check for them. Due to some life stuff that's come up, I want to build in some extra space for myself on busy weeks so I'll probably be updating either every week or every other week for a while, with every other as the "worst case" (i.e. guarantee an upload every two weeks at minimum, will still aim for every other). If anyone knows how to "schedule" posts on FFN please let me know as that would make it much easier to post more regularly.

Cheers and hope you have a better day than E and B are having here...

I tried and failed to coax more speed out of the truck, the engine groaning in protest under every gear change. Between deep breaths, I reassured myself there was no way Edward would be on the other side of the border. He was surely just checking that I hadn't crossed back across the border; he wouldn't be so stupid to be lurking nearby, or considering crossing the border. I swallowed back my fear. No, he'll be at Charlie's house, or at his own when I get to Charlie's and call him, I reassured myself. Still, I took some comfort knowing that Jake was running in the woods alongside me, at least up to the border.

But as I crossed the gnarled tree that I knew marked the border on the road, I saw a blur on the road about ahead. Shit. I didn't let my foot off the pedal as I put distance between myself and the border, now behind me. I thought I remembered a pull out on the road ahead that I could use to pull off the road.

There it was, a widened dirt strip on the side of the road about half a mile past the border. I pulled in, hoping at once that he would and wouldn't be there. I yanked my keys out of the ignition and practically fell out of the truck bed, frantically slamming the door as I searched the trees desperately for a sign of him. In a flash, he was there, standing between two trees about 20 feet back from the road. His features sagged in relief as he ran his gaze up and down, appraising me. I saw his lips move, too far away for any sound to reach me, but I recognized my name in their movement. "Bella," he mouthed.

I stomped towards him, away from the road, anger blocking any rational thought. There was a small gap in the forest just where he was, not quite a clearing, but a space for us to talk.

"First, can they hear us here?" I asked Edward. I didn't want an audience for this.

He cocked his head as he listened. After a moment, he shook his head. "I don't think so. I can just make out their thoughts, back at the border, but it doesn't seem like they can hear us."

I nodded, chewing on my lower lip. Edward looked wary. My normally shy nature warred with this new river of anger that found me, until –

"Were you about to cross the BORDER? Are you kidding me? Tell me they were wrong," I erupted, throwing my hands in the air. It was impossible to imagine. Was Edward stupid?

"Bella, please, listen to me." Edward's tone was even, but I heard the undercurrent of emotion in his voice. "I was going insane with worry. I can't control myself when I know you're at risk with the werewolves. Bella, just, come here to me, please. I need to see you're okay." Edward's long arms reached out for me. I took a step back before they made contact with my shoulders. Surprise and hurt flicked across Edward's features.

"This is about the werewolves? Were you been listening to anything I said to you before I came out here?" Seriously, had I been speaking gibberish?

"Yes, of course this is about the wolves." Edward spoke calmly, as if his position was the most rational in the world. "Did you know Alice can't see you when you're with them?"

That brought me up short. But then that explained, when I had jumped –

"Alice can't see them, and when you're with them, your whole future disappears. You have no clue the terror I've felt. All weekend, I didn't know if you were alive or dead." Edward's eyes roamed over me frantically, as though seeking to reassure himself that I was healthy.

That made me move past my initial surprise at the revelation of Alice's apparent selective blindness. "Oh, please," I said, unable to contain an eye roll. "Like I'm going to die at a campfire on the La Push beach. I told you where I was going, and you know I'm safe here. Don't you remember? I was here for months, when you were away. The werewolves kept me safe." Edward winced, and I felt a stab of guilt. But I hadn't meant to trigger his guilt; the words had merely been the truth, offered in an attempt to protect the wolves who had protected me in kind.

Edward took a steadying breath. "Yes. I know better than anyone it's my fault that you have spent so much time on their territory throughout the last year. I will never forgive myself. And I'm grateful to them for protecting you. But I can't let you put yourself in more danger now, Bella, especially not on my account. I know I was wrong. I won't let myself make the same mistake twice. I won't leave you in danger." His tone was steel. His words seemed to wind through the air and lasso my chest like chains, squeezing me.

"The same mistake - Edward, what exactly do you think your mistake the first time around was?" I asked.

"Bella, you have my word. I will never leave you in danger again." He said it like a vow, ochre eyes holding mine carefully.

"Danger?! Is that seriously what you think this is about? You think I'm mad because you left me to face 'dangers' myself? You think my time here was dangerous?" My voice wasn't loud, but I could hear an edge to it. I wondered if he would be blind to that, too.

"Wasn't it? Laurent could have killed you, Bella. And when I think of what I've heard of Emily…" he grimaced.

"Wow." I took another step back from him. His expression shifted. Was that confusion on his face?

"Bella, listen to me." He was as serious as I had ever heard him. "I will spend every day regretting that I let my feelings get in the way of keeping you safe. I will never, ever let that happen again. I swear to you." He said each word slowly, deliberately, as if offering a prayer. Or speaking to a child

I gave his words thought.

Besides the fact that he was completely missing the months of gut-wrenching pain that his abrupt, unilateral departure had caused - that his breakup had caused - he was insulting the very people who had accepted me when I was at my most broken. I didn't want safety from him. I wanted him to understand.

How could the man I loved so deeply misunderstand me so completely?

But there was one thought that his begging - for that's what it seemed he had turned to - sparked in me. A glimmer of hope bloomed, despite the chains still rapped in my chest. Maybe there was a way…

"You say you've decided to stop at nothing to protect me. Is that right?"

Edward's eyes widened, blooming with a touch of hope. He nodded earnestly. "Anything," he vowed again.

The hope in my chest grew, and my breath felt more even. Surely he would finally understand my position out of a willingness to protect me, if nothing else.

"Has that changed your opinion on changing me?" I asked. My voice sounded so quiet.

Please just say yes, I willed silently. Please just say yes, please let me be like you, please accept me. It won't matter then what you thought of Human Bella. Take me, change me, let us move past this.

Edward inhaled sharply. "Bella," he said, his tone turning my name into an admonishment. His hands were balled, sharp jaw tightened beneath his smooth skin. His lip curled back.

He looked… disgusted.

Ice through my stomach. It was answer enough. The chains constricted again.

Stupid hope. It gets you every time. "I see." I felt for the ice growing within me, turning towards it to harden me and give me courage. Our position was untenable. I could see that now.

As much as I loved Edward, I wouldn't - I couldn't - keep going as we had been, not with all the doubt I now felt. What would stop him from lying again, from leaving again?

And he was showing me just what I needed to know: that he wasn't willing to see a problem, let alone to work with me to change it.

I nodded at him. "I understand," I said softly. He breathed a sigh of relief and stepped towards me.

For the third time that evening, I stepped back. My first step backwards was slow, but I followed it quickly with two more. There were now at least 10 feet between us.

Surprise flashed through him, followed by pain. His eyes widened, and his hand shot out to a nearby tree, as though he was searching for something to hold him upright. I might as well have stabbed him. Guilt coursed through my stomach, but I shoved it down.

"Bella?" Edward whispered. It was getting dark around us now, the shadows thrown by the branches of the forest lengthening into menacing, twisted shapes. I picked the shadow thrown by the largest tree and trained my eyes on it, but it was small distraction from the pain I knew I was about to cause him. And myself.

But he at least deserved a real explanation. I didn't know when we'd talk next, and he deserved at least a chance to understand. I would give him more - I swallowed at the thought - more than he had given me last year. I wouldn't do to him what he had done to me.

I shifted my gaze to his hand gripping the tree as I spoke, unable to tolerate more pain in his eyes.

"Was I in danger when you left? Yes, intense danger. More than you know." I wondered why I had chosen to say this. I was reminded of his gentle words when he'd returned… Did I feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend. I shook my head, willing myself to focus on the present.

"I was in danger when you left, Edward. But not from Victoria or the wolves. From myself. From the aftermath of what you had done to me. We laid together in the meadow day after day and told each other our deepest secrets. And then you left me. And I could forgive that - I can forgive leaving. I have forgiven you.

"But you didn't just leave. You lied. And then you ran. You lied to me for months, all those months, and you never gave me a hint of what you were really thinking. And then, when Jasper attacked -" a low groan came from his direction, and my throat stuck for a moment, but I continued on, gaze still intent on the shadow.

"When Jasper attacked, you didn't talk to me. Did you?" To my human ears, my words were a whisper, stifled by the wind rustling the tall evergreens. But I knew he could hear not only the words, but the heartbreak within them.

I finally raised my eyes to meet his. His expression was unreadable. Guarded.

He was locking down, throwing up walls. Classic, said the scathing, resentful voice in the back of my head.

"Did you?" I asked again. My vision blurred slightly, and I blinked rapidly, hoping my tears would hold.

"I'm here now, Bella, and I will never, ever leave you," Edward swore, his eyes fixed on the ground. I waited, but no more came.

"I know you won't leave. But I deserve more than that! Partners are supposed to TALK to each other, Edward. You could have TALKED to me anytime! You should have told me what you were really thinking! Maybe I could have helped! Maybe you wouldn't have almost died! Maybe then I wouldn't be being watched by the Volturi!" I wasn't screaming, but my voice was loud and steeped in anger.

Edward cringed away from me - was he afraid of me? The ice in my chest began to melt. But no - he lied in our meadow, I thought. I thought about those empty months from October to January. And now he seemed to be making no effort to understand.

It worked; the ice refroze, and as it had the night I sent him out of Charlie's house, I could almost feel the ice spread through my veins, giving me the strength to keep pushing.

I held Edward's gaze and raised my chin defiantly, waiting for him to speak. His face was calm, but his eyes burned. His next words were a tortured plea.

"Bella, tell me what you need. I'll do anything - anything you ask. If this is over, I'll leave right now. If you want, I'll never come back. But if there's anything, anything at all I can do to fix this, tell me. Tell me and I'll do it. Please, Bella." His voice choked on my name, and it came out strangled.

That made me pause. I had expected the offer to leave - running seemed to be his favorite option - and the back of my brain had already begun to marshal arguments against it. I had also expected him to be insistent that we could work through it - setting the course of our relationship being his other default.

I hadn't expected begging. I hadn't expected him to lay the power, the decision, at my feet. I had just wanted him to understand, not for him to beg.

And I knew, of course I knew, that I couldn't send him away. As angry as I was, after the pain of last year, that was unthinkable. I didn't know what forward would look like for us, but if he would be willing to stay near, that was what I wanted. For all my anger, I still wanted him. I laughed at that. What a cruel joke, that even being angry at him hurt me.

New pain flashed through his eyes. I wondered if he thought I was laughing at him. But before I could respond, he begged again.

"Please, Bella," his eyes flicked across my face. I wondered what he saw.

"Do you love me?" he whispered.

"More than anything." I said it so quietly, the words barely reached my own ears.

I expected him to sag in relief, or to use this to make an impassioned second plea, but he said nothing. The leaves around us rustled, and I found myself randomly wondering what sounds of the forest he could hear that I could not.

"More than my own life," I repeated. "But I can't… if we have forever, I can't do forever like this. I can't have you lying to me.

"Not that it even matters, because you won't even consider forever." I continued. I was speaking more to myself now, the words tumbling out as I processed aloud. "You won't even have me. So where does that leave us? You're leaving me no choices. You took away all my choices when you left, and you're still doing it. And you won't even talk to me about it."

He was silent, but a strange, groaning noise reverberated around the trees. I glanced around before I realized the sound was coming from next to Edward. It was the tree, I realized. His hand was still braced on the tree and it was groaning under the strain. I was unable to tear my gaze from his hand, but forced myself to carry on.

"You are not my keeper, Edward. And if you keep getting to decide my life for me… I think I will eventually have none of my own life left."

As if that were not already true. I thought again of my little pile of books. Of my motorcycle, which had begun as chance to see him, but which I had grown to love, and which I had now forever lost access to, thanks both to his overprotectiveness to Charlie's loss of trust, borne of my breaking Charlie's trust to clean up Edward's messes. Of dreams lost because I had not even bothered to imagine a future during the grey months of this last winter.

A strangled noise fell from Edward's lips, and I felt ashamed at the thought. I was intensely grateful he could not read my mind, but it was clear my words had done enough harm. Before I could take it back, though, he was responding. "What do you need? Tell me - anything."

I laughed. "Prove it," the words slipped out, with a sarcastic bite that I hadn't meant to say aloud. But actually…

"What?"

"Actually, yeah. Prove it." If he wanted me back, he could prove that things would be different. My brain started working on that, thinking what he could do differently. I was only half aware of what Edward was saying now.

"Prove… what? Bella, I love you. Bella, I love you more than you could possibly –" Edward stopped and closed his eyes, seeming to think for a moment. I waited, trying to focus on my anger and not on the way the lowering sun shifted his hair into a dark, handsome shade that made me want to –

In a flash of movement, Edward was no longer at the tree. It took my slow human eyes a moment to find him again in the darkness. My eyes slid through the trees, searching for him, before I caught a second flutter of movement directly ahead of my feet.

Edward Cullen was kneeling in front of me, left knee on the forest floor, right knee at a rigid 90 degree angle.

My breath caught.