Chapter 31

Jaime Lannister POV

Brienne is coming to visit me today. It's Friday, and she's staying until Sunday evening.

She knocks on my door and I open it. "Hey," I say, giving her a hug. "How was the drive?"

"Not bad," she says, walking in. "Not too long."

"That's good," I say. "I'm glad to hear that."

Brienne looks around. "Is Cersei home?"

"No," I say. "She's at Bronn's tonight."

"Okay," she says. "That's good to hear."

"I wouldn't have her here at the same time as you," I say. "I have more respect for you than that."

"I'm relieved," she says. "I just don't want it to seem like I'm disrespectful."

"You're not," I say. "It's understandable that she makes you uncomfortable."

"Yeah, you're birthday was a little awkward for me."

"You'll have to interact with her sometimes," I say. "But I can minimize it as much as I can."

"Thank you," she says, kissing me. "I appreciate that."

…

Brienne and I are watching TV on the couch after ordering takeout, we're snuggling closely. It feels nice, and eventually she looks up at me and we start kissing.

"Do you want to move to the bedroom?" I ask her.

"Yeah," she says. "But I'm nervous."

"I still don't get that," I say. "We already slept together."

"I explained it to you, Jaime," she says. "You were my first, and it felt like you just hung me out to dry. It felt like it was nothing to you, like I was nothing to you."

"That's not true," I say. "I was just going through a lot, and I was still hung up on Cersei. I wasn't ready to let her go."

"But you definitely are now?"

"Yes," I say. "She's with Bronn. And even if she wasn't, there's nothing more I can do for her. Us being together would do way more harm than good for both of us."

"Then okay," Brienne says. "Let's go to the bedroom, then."

We go to the bed and end up having sex. It's good, but she wanted me to go slow since it's been a while and she's only done it a couple times.

"Sorry for having some trouble," Brienne says as we're laying in bed after. "I hope that was still okay."

"It was," I say. "Guys aren't very picky when it comes to sex, it's either good for us or really good. Was it okay for you?"

"I suppose…" she says, sounding unsure. I pause, I feel bad if she didn't enjoy it.

"What's wrong?"

"It just hurt a little bit," she says. "I didn't expect it to since we've already done it."

"That can happen if it's been a while," I say. "So I've been told. It'll get better."

She snuggles into me and I kiss her forehead. She trails her fingers against my chest.

"Can I ask you something?" She asks after a pause.

"Sure," I say. "Of course."

"Why did it start with Cersei?" She asks. "I'm curious, and I want to understand it."

I sigh. I was hoping I'd never have to answer these questions, but I understand why she wants to know. We'll have to talk about this eventually.

"It's really hard for me to pinpoint," I say. "We grew up together, and we've always been close. I honestly don't remember our first kiss."

"I guess that makes sense," she says. "Do you remember why it happened?"

"I know we didn't have a ton of support growing up," he says. "Our father was out of town a lot, and we were left to our own devices."

"Did it feel wrong?"

"Honestly, no," I say. "It never did. It felt wrong to say we were siblings, I always felt like we weren't supposed to be."

"Being together just felt right?"

"Yeah," I say. "It really did."

"I guess you can't help who you're attracted to," Brienne says. "I'm starting to understand it more, as much as I can."

"You don't have to worry about me wanting to go back to her anymore," I say. "I can assure you of that."

"I want to believe you," she says. "I really do."

"I guess I'll just have to earn your trust then."

"I believe it'll happen," she says. "It'll just take me some time."

"I understand having questions and I'll answer them as best as I can," I say. "But you and I already have a much healthier relationship than she and I ever did."

She smiles at me. "That's really comforting to hear."

"It also just feels like Cersei and I have outgrown each other at this point," I say. "I'm done trying to save her."

"That's probably good," she says. "She needs to learn how to save herself at this point."

"I'm starting to agree," I say. "It took me a long time to realize I can't save her."

"What do you want to do with your life?" She asks after a pause. "I feel like you rarely talk about what you want for yourself."

"I want to go to law school after I get my Bachelor's," I say. "I didn't at first, but I really do want to take after my father."

"I think that's a good plan," she says. "You know I plan on studying sports medicine after this year."

"You'll be amazing at that," I say. "I know you will."

She smiles at me and we kiss. I'm excited to finally focus on myself for the first time in my life, basically. I spent so long focusing on Cersei and trying to save her, I need to focus on me finally. I feel like Brienne is helping me do that, I'm glad I have her.

Cersei Lannister POV

I'm staying at Bronn's place tonight, Brienne is over at our place with Jaime. We've been drinking most of the evening, and I'm decently drunk. I'm not wasted, but I'm definitely drunk.

"I'm sorry you got fired from your job," Bronn says as we're hanging out. "That was totally unfair of them."

"You think?" I ask. "I was drinking on the job."

"And that's not good, but what did they expect when hiring college students?"

"That was exactly my point," I say. "I know for a fact I'm not the first or the only one."

"Also, was it keeping you from doing your job?" Bronn asks me.

"No," I say. "I always got my work done, and I definitely wasn't the worst employee."

"Then I really don't see the big issue," he says. "Especially if you aren't the only one."

"My manager said that they could get into a lot of trouble since I was 20 when they pulled the surveillance footage," I say. "Apparently they could get shut down."

"Technically that's probably true," Bronn says. "But I still think it's a little bit of an overreaction."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he says. "So many other restaurants have employees doing the same stuff when they're even younger, and they turn a blind eye to it."

"You're probably right," I say. "I didn't tell them who gave me the drinks."

"Why not?"

"I have no proof, and I don't want to be a snitch," I say. "It wouldn't have made them not fire me."

"I guess not," Bronn says. There's a pause. "Do you really think it was Dany that told on you?"

"Probably," I say. "She's had such a moral high ground lately, I could see her doing that to try and teach me some kind of lesson."

"Do you have any proof it was her?"

"No, and she denies it," I say. "But she wouldn't tell me if she did do it."

"She's your best friend," he says. "Why would she want to sabatoge you?"

"To teach me a lesson, like I literally just said," I say. That came out snappier than I meant it to. "I just wouldn't put it past her."

"So are you not going to be her friend anymore?" He asks me. "You guys have known each other forever, I can't imagine you two not being friends."

"It really depends," I say. "I just need some space from her right now."

"I can understand that," he says. There's a pause. "Have you been snorting at all lately?"

"I did the night I got fired, and once the next day," I say. "I don't know, I just feel like taking the pills normally isn't hitting the same."

"Yeah, that happens the more you snort them," Bronn says. "I wouldn't encourage snorting often, you're more likely to get addicted."

"Well I'm not," I say. "I don't do it every day."

"That's good, just keep it that way," he says. "I feel bad giving you drugs now."

"I'm fine," I say, chuckling. "I'm a grown woman."

"Do you want some now?" He asks.

"You want to have sex first?" I ask. "You know I won't be able to once it hits me."

"You really want to wait to get high?"

"No," I say. "You know I don't."

He takes some of the stuff out and we snort a couple of lines. He does it with me this time, which is nice since he usually doesn't. At least this way I don't feel like I'm being analyzed when I just want to have a good time. I don't feel like Bronn is judging me, but I like that we had a good time together tonight.

I go down on him before the stuff kicks in, and then we fall asleep. I was already drunk, so it hit me decently hard. I did have to do an extra line for it to hit me the same way, and I imagine I'll want to do a little more in the morning to help get me through the day. I'll at least want to drink so I'm not so violently hungover. I'll be fine, I just want to feel chill. It's really not a big deal.

Jon Snow Stark POV

Dany is working tonight, and I'm just hanging out and doing homework at the apartment. I've been thinking a lot about what my dad asked me to do, and I think I'm going to do it. I don't want to have to do a DNA test, but I really just want this whole thing to be over so I can move on.

I'm on the couch on my computer when my phone rings. It's Sam. He doesn't call me much lately, I hope everything's okay.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hey Jon, it's me," he says. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure," I say. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's great," he says. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Gilly and I want to get married over Spring Break," he says. "I wanted to make sure you could plan to be a witness."

"Really?" I ask. "You don't want to wait until the summer?"

"We talked about it, and we really just want to be married as soon as possible," Sam says. "It'll be better for us and for our son, we see no reason to keep waiting."

"Okay, that kinda makes sense," I say. "Of course I'll be a witness. Are you just going to the courthouse?"

"Yeah," he says. "We still don't want her family to find out, so we were hoping you and Ygritte could be witnesses. Maybe we could all go eat after."

"Oh, okay," I say. "I'd have to check with Dany, would it be okay if she came?"

"Yeah, sure," Sam says. "Just let me know and get back to me."

"I will definitely, but most likely count me in."

"Awesome," he says. "So how's it going with you? I'm sorry we don't talk as much."

"I understand, you have a lot going on," I say. "It's been okay, just really rocky with my dad lately."

"Why?"

"He told me the truth about my mom," I say. "It's really complicated."

"What did he say?" Sam asks. "Will you tell me?"

"Yeah," I say. "Basically his sister is my mom, and her abusive fiance was my dad. So I had to find out my dad wasn't even my dad."

"Woah, what?" Sam asks. "Why would he lie and say he cheated?"

"Apparently it was to protect me," I say. "He didn't want his sister's abusive fiance to find out where I was and try to hurt me."

"So I guess that means your real mom died?" He asks. He knew the person that I thought was my aunt died, so I guess he put two and two together.

"Yeah," I say. "She got an infection after having me, she was on her way to the hospital when they dropped me off."

"Do you want to meet your actual dad?"

"Honestly, sometimes," I say. "But I don't know where he is, and neither does my dad. I don't think I ever will meet him."

"Is your dad going to tell your mom the truth?"

"He already did," I say. "But because of all the lies he's told, my mom wants a DNA test to be sure."

"Wow," Sam says. "I'm really sorry you're going through all this."

"It is what it is," I say. "I don't know if I'm going to do the DNA test."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't feel like it should be my responsibility," I say. "I feel like most of my life I've had to do things to appease and help my parents, and I'm tired of it. I'm finally starting to become my own person."

"I understand that," he says. "I'd be upset if this was happening to me."

"I might just do it to get it done so this can all be over, but I really don't know."

"Let me know what you decide," he says. "You know I'm always here for you no matter how hectic life gets, right?"

"I know," I say. "Thanks man, you're the best."

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you as much," je says. "You're still my best friend."

"I really do understand," I say. "You're my best friend, too."

"And let me know soon about being a witness for us," Sam says. "It would mean a lot."

"I'll most likely do it," I say. "Have a good night."

"You too."

We hang up and I lean back on the couch. I really am happy for him and Gilly. I'm surprised they're considering moving up the wedding, but I know their relationship will last forever so I'm definitely not worried about them.

I probably will end up doing the DNA test so that my parents can patch things up between them. While I don't see that as my problem, I'm the only one holding them back from doing that. I honestly just want to close the door on this finally.

I spent so much time wondering about my mom, and now that I know the truth I feel like I know myself even less. I just want to move on and find out who I am outside of this whole debacle. I want to live my life with Dany and create an identity for myself that isn't rooted in darkness.

A/N: I've been struggling with my mental health, so sometimes I feel too burnt out to write with everything else I have to do. I'm not leaving because I still really love this fic, but I just wanted to let you guys know. Let me know what you thought of this chapter :)