How bad could it have been?
Snow gave me a room in a distant place. I couldn't leave it, but I had a TV in it. Tigris gave me a costume so that I would not be distinguished from the people of the Capitol.
As Coriolanus promised me, I was able to meet Rosaline. However, he did not mention that the witnesses of this meeting would be himself and Tigris.
The woman was nice enough to leave the room after a few awkward minutes, saying that Rosie should say goodbye to her family.
"Auntie, what are you doing here?" she asked quietly, grabbing my hands.
"I didn't want you to be lonely. Your mom knows I'm here and I'm watching over you," I explained.
"You shouldn't be here, they'll think you're a rebel," my daughter whispered, and I laughed despite the situation.
She reminded me so much of my first encounter with Coriolanus.
"I once knew a rebel. I played the hunger games just like you, and he was my mentor. He came to greet me at the station despite he wasn't allowed," I told her my story.
I wanted her to believe that she also could get through this.
"But you're alive!" she exclaimed in surprise.
"I'm alive even though no one believed in me..." I confirmed.
"And your mentor? Did he believe you could win?" she asked, completely forgetting that there was someone else in the room besides us.
She sat on my lap as if we were at home. As if she wasn't about to die. I hugged her tightly and tried to avoid her father's gaze.
"He probably didn't believe in me at first. I was just a weak girl from district 12. I was hungry and tired. But when I sang, he managed to believe in me and my story."
"I sang too! The song you wrote for me."
"Do you remember, darling, why your name is Rosaline Snow?" I asked, feeling tears under my eyelids and Snow's burning gaze on my back.
"Mom said you gave me that name... She let you because you didn't want to have a husband or children..."
Tears were streaming down my cheeks, but Rosie couldn't see them. However, Coriolanus saw them. I hoped that something would stir in his heart, that he would not be indifferent to his daughter's life. Above all, however, I wanted to say a proper goodbye to my child in case the worst happened. I wanted her to know at least part of her story.
"I once loved someone very much. It was a boy who smelled like roses. He really liked the white varieties of this flower. He brought them to me every day. When he left, I really wanted something or someone to remind me of that. If I had a daughter myself, this is what her name would be. "
I paused my voice for a moment. I had to collect my thoughts and tell her the rest of the story as gently as possible.
"But you are also Snow. You are the purest person this world has ever seen. There is goodness in you that I have never seen in any human before... Pure as the driven snow. That's what you are, my little Snowflake. My snow-white rose."
"Why are you telling me this, aunt?" she asked, looking at me out of the corner of her eye.
She was calm. It was as if she had accepted her fate and was happy to say goodbye to me.
"Because once you are in the arena, you must remember this. What happens in the arena stays there. You are not a monster if you decide to kill someone. You are fighting for your own life, to return home. Don't be afraid, because I will always there with you. Me, your mom and your dad. We will always be with you in your thoughts and heart. And when you feel bad, remember who you really are. You will always be Snow. And Snow always lands on top."
When I left the room, I burst into tears. I leaned against the wall because I couldn't stand.
"Lucy Gray, what you said to our daughter..." he started, but I didn't let him finish.
"It was supposed to be for her ears only. I wanted to motivate her to fight. I doubt her mentor would do it well," I interjected.
"You said once, many years ago, that you trusted me..." he tried again.
"That was before you started shooting at me," I pointed out.
"You said you had three and twenty reasons to trust me. The truth is, I cheated so you could win. So you could live. At first, I wanted to be remembered as the Great Snow who led you to victory. But then I realized that it would be enough for you to sing. My name was on the lips of everyone in the Capitol. I achieved my goal, and yet I cheated so that you could leave the arena safe and sound."
"I don't know why you did it and I don't want to know..." I lied.
I knew perfectly well why he did it. But I also knew why he wanted to kill me later. He may have loved me, but undoubtedly less than power. He wanted control more than anything. And I can't be controlled.
"I wondered for a long time what made me want to oppose the game's creators. I only learned this secret when I bribed the right people to get into your district. When I saw you singing in the bar, I realized that you were mine. My girl. My Lucy Gray."
"I couldn't and will never be anyone's property, Corio... Just like you could never be fully mine. That's not how love works..."
"And yet I loved you... And to this day I was sure that you never loved me. I thought you were using me. You betrayed me in the worst possible way."
"Did I make you change your mind?" I asked, looking defiantly into his eyes.
"No, Lucy. You're a good actress and I'd be a fool to immediately believe your talk about a boy smelling like roses. But I'm sure we have something in common, my dear."
"What do we have in common, Mr. President?" I asked mockingly.
I stopped being afraid of him. There wasn't much he could still take from me. Except for his son, whom he had no idea about.
"A child. We have a daughter in common. Mine and yours... I would be greatly disconsolate if she died before I could get to know her better" with his answer he ignited a flame of hope in me.
"Does that mean you'll do anything to get her out of this safe and sound?" I asked hopefully.
"No, but I can hope that she will survive the battle in the arena. Although I see that you raised her to be an extremely weak creature."
"You... you bastard!" I screamed. "There is not an ounce of goodness in you that I once saw. You are no longer my cake with the cream. You are not the one I fell in love with. You destroyed me, do you even understand?"
"It was you who destroyed me, Lucy Gray. You made me suffer because of the woman who left me in the forest. You wanted to kill me with that wretched snake..."
"You keep talking about the same things, but you don't listen to what I'm saying, Coriolanus. The truth is that I went to collect food for us, and you came looking for me to kill me. You wanted to get rid of me. No normal person takes weapons to look for beloved one. I ran away because I was scared, and you..."
"What about me?"
I fell silent. We were standing too close to each other. This was becoming dangerous. Every moment with him was dangerous.
"It's the things we love the most that destroy us. And the only person who could destroy me was you."