Severus didn't consider himself to be paranoid as much as someone with an appropriate level of caution. He credited this, primarily, to his father's abysmal failure at being a good father. Really, had the man not married his mum when she'd become pregnant with Severus, and simply abandoned them, he reckoned they would all have been a great deal happier during the first eleven years of his life.
His mum called his caution "cunning," and used to say it was one of his many attributes. It was a talent admired by the Slytherin house.
It had been, ultimately, what made Severus to keep his then enemies at a close range, and tell the Sorting Hat to place him in Gryffindor.
Nearly a decade later, after he would accept the positions of Potions teacher and head of Slytherin house (an irony the remaining Marauders never lost an opportunity to rib him about), Severus would come to understand that the "cunning" talent he and a multitude of his snakes shared was often do to intentional neglect (as opposed to lack of means to provide) and child abuse not unlike what he had experienced. Unlike Professor Slughorn, who he greatly admired, Severus took on a more direct role of care of his snakes. He instituted mandatory annual checkups up to their coming of age, and if there was anything amiss, Madam Pomfrey would tell him immediately.
In some cases, little could be done. Either the child was undernourished because there simply was not enough food around. In these instances, Severus simply made sure they had enough while in school, and had parcels sent during the summer holidays. And if he had to send extras for the parents and siblings, so be it. His snakes would not go without.
It was more difficult in instances of physical abuse. Was there a family member capable of caring for the child? Could the parents be made to surrender their child to such a person? Would the child give consent? All such answers had to be yes, and at least half the time, they weren't. So Severus would simply have Madam Pomfrey remove whatever damage she could (dark magic was far more difficult to remove, but its effects could be eased), and keep an eye on the situation.
It brought him many sleepless nights.
As a twelve year old, Severus only had his cunning and his instincts for when something was amiss.
And something was amiss, indeed. He spotted it in his first letter from his mother, which he received after being away for two full days. It was shorter than usual, and he thought she might have been in a hurry.
But the other letters that followed were similarly short. They included what he'd expected, and yet...not. It appeared that she was going through a list of items to say before she could finish the letter. When he wrote back with general questions, like how his grandparents were faring, she answered in only the vaguest of ways.
Ten days into his stay, and Severus was becoming alarmed.
He tried not to let it bother him. After all, he was a guest of James Potter and his family, and it would be bad form to tell them of something that had no immediate relevance to him.
He hoped.
It was rather to James's credit that he could be a little spoiled (more than a little) and used to thinking about himself. Not that his friend was deliberately obtuse, but sometimes, he wouldn't see something was bothering anyone (except maybe Sirius--they sometimes seemed to share a mental link) unless someone outright told him.
Sirius, too, seemed to think that all of his problems were now over. Yes, his parents would collect him at the same time as the others, but he was on reasonably good terms with them. His being the first Gryffindor in the Black family since Merlin knew when made him an oddity, but would not automatically blast him off the family tapestry. Severus could hardly blame his friend for his newfound happiness.
Peter was rather an outlier. Really, if he hadn't been in their house, they probably wouldn't be friends. His talent for the borderline non magical lessons was nothing compared to the others' automatic knack for the practical lessons. He was the worst student of the five, and he knew it, and he didn't have a great deal of personality to make up for his average skills. And yet, he took his inclusion in their group to be more than he could have expected.
Maybe, it was Remus who linked them all. Their desire to help the werewolf, to use their skills to make his life more bearable, bridged other gaps.
Severus was pondering this as he watched Peter, James, and Sirius flying together. Neither he nor Remus particularly liked flying, but James was a natural, and determined to land at least a reserve spot on the team.
"Dad promised me a Nimbus if I make it," he said, for only the tenth time, "so I need to be up to snuff."
"If you want Chaser or Keeper, you're in," Sirius said, shooting a Quaffle in his direction. "But you're pants at Seeker."
"Shut up!" James laughed. "I caught the Snitch yesterday, didn't I?"
"After it nearly fell into your hand," Severus shot back.
James gave him a glare, then cast it in Sirius's direction as his best friend shot a Bludger in his direction.
"Hey!"
"Your fault for not looking." Sirius was unrepentant. "Can't be holding conversations on the pitch, you know."
"And you nearly break my arm as a way to make your point?" James nearly whined. "Some friend you are."
"Perhaps he's doing you a favor," Peter pointed out. "If your arm is broken so you can't try out, you can't be ripped apart by Bludgers."
"Mum can heal broken bones in a second. Dad and I got loads while training," James said, with a grin. "I can score or catch the snitch with a broken arm."
"Is that a challenge?" Sirius grinned wickedly, and gave the Bludger a firm beating.
This time, James easily dodged it--and scored.
Beside him, Remus chuckled.
"Sirius isn't half bad, even if he's only playing to give James extra practice," he mused. "He'd make a decent Beater."
"Are there spots available?" Severus asked, not really caring.
Watching a Quidditch practice was only slightly more entertaining than playing. If there was one additional advantage becoming a second year, it was no flying lessons.
Playing Quidditch in the spring term against Slytherin had been a challenge, to say the least.
"I expect they always are in need of a reserve," Remus said, shrugging. After a pause, he added, "You all right, Severus?"
Severus turned to his friend, whose expression had turned sympathetic. Not unlike how he looked when tutoring Peter.
"Why do you ask?" Severus asked, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.
The werewolf gave a slight shrug. "Over the last couple of days, you've seemed a bit off."
Severus looked again at his other friends. James was trying to outrun another Bludger.
"Is it so obvious?"
"No." Remus's voice was gentle. "But you can talk to me, if you like."
Severus hesitated. Sharing his fears with Remus wouldn't be bad form, not like James or Sirius. It might do him good to talk about it, too.
"Not here," he murmured.
Remus understood. "Hey, you guys? We'll be right back!"
Severus nodded, and received a few waves in return. Hopefully, they would be so distracted they wouldn't notice if they were gone for more than enough time to use the loo.
Once in their shared bedroom, Severus showed Remus the letters from his mother. There were four in all, the latest from the day before yesterday.
"See if you notice anything off, all right?" he asked. "Anything at all."
"All right."
They sat down on squashy armchairs that were even softer than the ones at the front of the Gryffindor common room. There was even a fireplace in front, which must be lovely during the colder months. Severus's new bedroom had a fireplace, but it didn't feel nearly as...Gryffindor.
His thoughts were interrupted by Remus's voice.
"I only met your mum once, Severus, but the letters seem perfectly ordinary to me." He handed them back. "Is there something that is worrying you in particular?"
Severus wanted to retort that he wasn't worried, but that would be a lie. "It's nothing I can point my finger at. Rather, it feels like she's filling out a checklist of things she expects me to ask about." He shrugged. "Perhaps I'm paranoid."
"After what you've told me about your childhood, I don't blame you. No, I know your mum never hurt you," Remus added, quickly, "but your father did."
"He's gone," Severus reminded Remus, sharply. "They're divorced."
And a divorce between a muggle and someone of magical blood couldn't be undone. It was as good as if Tobias Snape had died.
Well, to Severus, not quite as good.
Still, he felt rather more at ease when they returned to the pitch. The others were still playing, and all in one piece.
His mood improved further when his mum wrote again the following day, asking if Severus would like to have Lily over for a week or two after the first week in August had passed. "I do believe she'd love to see you again, dear, as well as the village of Hogsmeade."
Severus wrote back immediately. He could have invited Lily in a separate letter, of course, but evidently, his mother wanted to go the traditional route of being the one to send the invitation to her and her parents. That was fine by him--and besides, it rather showed that she respected Lily.
It was what pure blood families did when having a child of said family over for the first time.
Tired of Quidditch practice, or perhaps aware that Severus and Remus could only watch and feign interest for so long, the five Gryffindors spent the last two days exploring the house. James and Sirius held out hope for secret passages by placing their hands on likely statues and walls within rooms. Severus, Remus, and Peter simply marveled at the sheer amount of unused space. There were entire hallways that hadn't been cleaned by the house elves in the duration of James's life because, as he said with a shrug, "It's not as though they'll ever be used."
Of course, this meant their robes and faces and hair were positively covered in dust. Cleaning charms weren't something anyone had bothered to learn, so when they ended their search of the second floor "extra wing installed by my great grandfather," they looked like street urchins.
They spent a great deal of time in the showers getting cleaned up before joining the older Potters for lunch.
"I caught sight of you boys before you got cleaned up," Mr. Potter said, with a grin. "Searching for secret passages, were you?"
James grinned up at his father, admiration clear in his expression. "Yeah, but we didn't find any."
"Pity, that." Mr. Potter put an arm around his son's shoulders. "Keep looking."
James's face shown with excitement. "Have you found any? Do you have any tips?"
But the older man just shook his head. "You might consider...less obvious places."
Mrs. Potter smiled. "I'll have the elves do a thorough cleaning. It won't take but a few hours, and that way, you won't look like muggle chimney sweeps by the end."
"Thanks!" the boys said at once.
"You're welcome." She looked pleased. "I must say, I was a bit uncertain about entertaining five boys for two weeks, but you've all been lovely to have. I do hope you'll return for next summer, as I expect you'll wish to celebrate Christmas and Easter with your families."
"Easter will be mostly homework and studying for exams," James reminded her.
"And picking your lessons for your third year," Mr. Potter reminded them. "I recommend Arithmancy, personally. Very difficult, but fascinating."
"Ancient Runes was my favorite," Mrs. Potter recalled. "There was a time I wished to go into the field professionally, but my parents would have never permitted it. I suppose it's better that I didn't press it. Wouldn't fancy being in Egypt or other arid countries, piecing together possibly cursed artifacts."
"I wouldn't have been able to manage it, myself," Mr. Potter laughed. "Our weather isn't perfect, of course, but it's better than living in a desert."
"What other lessons were available to choose from?" Remus asked, after swallowing a bite of his sandwich.
"Alchemy, Muggle Studies, Care of Magical Creatures, and...what was the last one, dear?" Mr. Potter frowned.
"Ghost Lore," she answered, promptly. "Rather a necessity if you plan a career within the Department of Mysteries or become an Unspeakable."
"Alchemy and Ghost Lore aren't offered anymore," Peter said, sounding disappointed.
"Oh, some electives come and go, but others remain in place nearly as long as the school. The founders offered Muggle Studies, as there were so many children from solely magical families," Mrs. Potter recalled. "It's all in Hogwarts, a History, if you care to read it."
"Anyway, enough about upcoming lessons," Mr. Potter said, with mock sternness. "You're still on your holidays!"
"Yes, sir!" the boys answered, cheerfully.
Sirius and James saluted the man, which caused him to chuckle.
After lunch, James suggested they meet in his room for a chat. As he was their host, and it wasn't an unreasonable suggestion, they agreed.
Severus was just making himself comfortable on one of the armchairs, thinking how it was rather like being back at the Gryffindor common room, when Sirius dropped the bombshell.
"Everything all right, Severus?"
Severus resisted the urge to look at Remus, but looked at his friend instead. Possibly, his closest friend. Sirius seemed to understand him in the way that others didn't. From the moment Sirius glimpsed his scars, things had changed from potentially still hostile roommates to, if not friends, an understanding.
It was for this reason that he didn't respond with a lie, but rather a question.
"Why would you think everything wasn't?"
Sirius's expression took on a look of almost hurt. He glanced at James, who cleared his throat before speaking.
"You haven't quite been yourself the last few days, Sev," he said, almost too gently, "and you always go rather quiet right after owl post comes."
Severus's face flushed.
"And you and Remus disappeared for awhile this morning," Peter added, haltingly.
"Was it really that long?" Remus asked.
"Longer than a usual trip to the loo," James said, diplomatically. "Look, I'm not saying that you have to talk, just that you can."
Severus considered. Remus hadn't spotted anything amiss, but the extra pairs of eyes might help. Besides, in spite of the fact he thought he'd done a good job pretending to be fine, he evidently hadn't.
"All right." He took a deep breath, then let it out. "My mother's letters seem off. I can show them to you, if you like. I'm--I'm rather scared. Wizarding divorce doesn't allow for remarriage, but..."
"She's been talking to your father?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I don't know!" Severus snapped, then took another breath. "I'm sorry. I just think that something is off, and I'm worried."
Of course, hugs followed this. Fierce ones that nearly left him breathless, but he didn't mind in the least. Then, he distributed the letters, and waited with Remus as his other friends tried to decipher any hidden meaning.
James and Peter thought everything looked all right, but Sirius could see what Severus meant.
"It's the way my parents didn't write at all last year, but sent everything through my uncle. My new shoes, the Easter sweets. At the time, I thought it was as good as disowning. But it was more about saving face, and perhaps, harboring anger. I don't think your mum is in any danger, but I do see what you mean. There's an elephant of performance. There's nothing spontaneous--it's like she's writing exactly what she should." Sirius looked sympathetic. "I would have noticed even if you hadn't said anything."
"Great," Severus muttered, bitterly.
Sirius squeezed his shoulder. "Let us know what happens, all right? We're here for you. I reckon that you could spend holidays at school or with us, if it came down to it."
Severus appreciated the gesture. Before the news of the divorce, it would have been more than he could have hoped for. But now...
"Maybe my grandparents could adopt me, if it came down to that." He sighed. "Almost wish I hadn't removed the scars and burns. But Madam Pomfrey knows, at least."
"Your father is a muggle, and a brute at that," Peter encouraged. "The adoption would go through easily if your mum started something with your father again."
That was true. Severus had options--if the worst came to pass.
He was both looking forward to and dreading returning home. He had to know what was going on, even if it turned out to be dreadful. But Severus knew he wouldn't see his friends for another month at best, and he wanted to enjoy the final hours.
His mother came around the same time as the others. There were no scars on her face, nor did anything seem amiss. She hugged Severus tightly when she saw him, and as soon as they said their goodbyes, she told him she'd invited Lily Evans to stay for two weeks.
"Her mother gave her money to spend in Hogsmeade, and extra for her books next year. I don't expect there to be a large number. The next volume from 'The Standard Book of Spells' and perhaps a title for your Defense lesson. You won't advance to intermediate books until your third year," she observed, as they entered the sitting room.
Severus nodded. "Thank you, Mum. I was hoping to be able to see Lily this summer."
"You're most welcome, Sevvie." She smiled at him. "Did you enjoy your time with your friends?"
"I did, only...is everything all right? With you?" he asked, quickly.
To his surprise, she laughed. "I knew I should have told you, but I didn't want to open it, and I didn't receive one..." His mum put a hand into one of her robes' pockets. "It came the day after you left."
Severus took the letter, willing his hands not to shake.
It was addressed the way muggle letters were, including a stamp. The return address included a town he'd never heard of.
The sender was Tobias Snape.
Author's note:
Did you expect that? Let me know if you did!
I am still struggling a bit with this work, but I think I have an idea for the next chapter. As always, I would love to read constructive feedback and ideas for future chapters that aren't ship related--as those are set in stone!