One of the Boys

by HighKeyMars

Madara subdued, Kakashi dead, Sasuke dying, Sakura down on chakra. A plan to finish off the legendary Uchiha goes south and Naruto falls into a new dimension armed with a new ability and an extra voice in his head, he doesn't see why he can't join the 7, he doesn't see why he can't be a hero like Homelander, I mean he is a hero right? Rated M for obvious reasons

3. Chapter 3

April, 2019: Vought International

Naruto rolled his single visible eye as Homelander stood in front of the 5 other members of the 7 as they announced the newest team member; his former teammate and current friend Annie aka Starlight as the main alternate.

He was massively happy for her, but he also knew this 'hero' shit was a scam at this point and this 'opportunity' was nothing but fanfare. He had been the alternate for a while and learned that things had not what they were made out to be. His Sharingan flared in its covered state and he was tempted to see if Homelander could survive the black flames.

But now was not the time for that, no Anne was about to make her speech and what type of friend would he be if he wasn't there to support her? Naruto smiled brightly as his single eye darted around for A-Train, the man was missing. The speedster had taken to being late recently, but that didn't make much sense to Naruto. He could run at several hundred miles per hour if not faster but was also late almost the time.

Shaking his head free of those thoughts, Naruto couldn't help but smile as Annie came out waving to the crowd.

July 2019: New York City

A plan man helping a woman in the store.

"So, this is pretty much everything in one. Bluetooth speakers. It's in stereo so that you can put it all around your living room, have some fun with it. You said you have a standard cable box, right?" said the salesman

The woman replied with an uninterested "Uh-huh"

The salesmen winced and continued "Okay, then I need to get you an audio transmitter, aptX Low Latency. It makes it so there's less audio lag, and it's got a standard optical in. And let's hook you up with thousand-meg HDMI. Let's go with this one. Uh, it costs a little bit more, but the carbon's way more conductive"

He finished up with her and took a deep breath before walking over to his manager at the front counter

"Hey, Gary. Um, I really need to talk to you about something"

Gary, "Later, kid"

The salesmen frown, "Okay. Cool. Later you want, like want, like, 30… 30 minutes? Like, a solid 45?

Cut to even later, an African American woman enters the store as a salesman has his back to the door.

"Excuse me, sir? Hi. I'd like to make an appointment for you to come over and lay some cable"

The salesmen turned around and said "Okay. Uh, oh, Robin. Oh, dear, dear, Robin. Um, that doesn't mean what you think it means.

Robin blinked "Um, "laying cable" means sex."

" No, "laying pipe" means sex. "Laying cable" means you want me to come over to your house and just take a big, old shit"

Robin wrinkled her nose, "That's disgusting."

"Well, okay. But you… Who, who said it, though?"

Robin chuckled "Okay. Are you ready? Despite your best efforts, I'm actually still hungry."

"I'm actually more hungry now" admitted the salesman

Robin rolled her eyes and replied, "Where are we gonna go after all this hot talk?"

They walk out the door.

"So, Hughie, did you ask him?"

"Ask him what?

"You chickened out"

"No, he was super busy and I couldn't exactly kick his door down like I'm Homelander"

Robin frowned at his words, "Hughie, you have to stick up for yourself. This is just like when we first started talking, I had to ask you out"

Hughie shrugged "I didn't want to offend you plus chivalry and all that"

"Hughie, I am killing myself with school, I wanted you to ask for that raise for a reason. I want us to move in together" said Robin with disappointment in her voice.

"Really?" asked Hughie

"Yeah, we can't keep laying pipe at your dad, trying to keep quiet and staying up at that stupid poster," said Robin

They had stopped and Robin playfully stepped back and down onto the edge of the street and Hughie leaned in to steal a kiss.

"Don't besmirch Billy Idol" said Hughie as he pulled back from the kiss

Hughie blinked as it happened, a strike of brown and blue ripped through his lovely girlfriend, her curly hair floated in the air, her teeth went flying like tiny pale bullets that went flying everywhere and her body melted into a puddle of flesh with Hughier standing there holding her arms in his hands still. The puddle of Robin sprayed out over the street and Hughie gasped in horror.

Right to the side of where his loving girlfriend, where Robin had been was a panting black man in a blue costume panting heavily.

"Sorry man ... I couldn't stop" stammered the man, Hughie's personal favorite hero A-Train before he took off in another blue.

The Next Day: 7 Tower

Naruto rubbed his face as he looked at the BS that A-Train was saying on the news. A bank robbery? There hadn't been one reported in NYC yesterday, Vought would have sent him to take care of that with either Mauve or Homelander.

Homelander glancing back and forth between the screen showing A-Train's interview and the sorry-looking actual A-Train sitting at his normal seat for the 7 meeting that Homelander had called due to the incident.

"Would you mind telling me why the FUCK you managed to do something so FUCKING stupid this close to the beginning of the quarter" hissed Homelander, his eyes locked onto the face of the speedster.

"I didn't mean to" muttered A-Train but that apparently wasn't the right answer. But then again, if you asked Naruto, there was no right answer to give a pissed-off Homelander.

"Fastest man on the planet and the brain of a FUCKING SNAIL" spat Homelander

"Hey, maybe we can spin this to work for us" butted in Naruto as he looked around the room. Black Noir tilted his head as he looked at Naruto as if he had just grown a second head, Mauve buried her face into her hands, Translucent turned visible again, The Deep looked like he was being forced to eat sushi, and A-Train looked happy that Naruto had shifted the attention to him.

"Hmm, you have an idea Naruto?" asked Homelander

"Actually, I do John" replied Naruto

Homelander's face twisted into that puffy crazy smile as his eyes showed nothing but the darkest of thoughts that were passing through Homelander's mind and Naruto saw Mauve bite back a chuckle out of the corner of his eye.

"I think we should actually use A-Train's accident here to shift our view from saving the world to something simpler like caring about our city. We can ask for better railing to be set up around the city to keep people out of the street. We fill them with safety ads and try and make it harder for this to happen again. Sure, A-Train ran through this girl, but people get hit by cars all the time" said Naruto

"Simple, yet effective and fiscally doable" said Translucent

"Actually that is a solid idea, but we need something to really sell that the 7 is sorry about this kind of shit" said Homelander

"Why not 'suspend' A-train and bring up that farm girl from Iowa. We can sell that we believe in female equality and that we want A-Train to get the 'help' he deserves" suggested Mauve.

"Interesting, we send him on a little vacation, we bring up the girl and we sell the shit out of the idea that we want only the best heroes" summarized Homelander as he nodded, "Ok, A-Train, you can fuck off now"

A-Train nodded as he lacked the will power or ability to stand up to Homelander.

"Good, now everyone but Naruto can leave"

The speed at which everyone but Mauve followed Homelander's word was pathetic to Naruto, but he understood that nobody wanted to deal with this asshole if they didn't have to.

The door sealed the two of them alone and Naruto allowed some extra chakra to pump through his body, enhancing his strength and durably to beyond superhero standards.

"You are quite the interesting man, Naruto" said Homelaander

"Takes one to know one" shrugged Naruto

"I love that about you, so calm and modest" said Homelander, "Even in the face of death and destruction"

"I'm not in danger here" replied Naruto

"Oh, you aren't because if I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it" spat Homelander dropping the act

Naruto let out a laugh, "You can't kill me anymore than I could kill you"

Homelander tsk'd, "You shouldn't throw words like that around unless you can prove it"

Sasuke rolled his eyes inside of Naruto's mind and begged Naruto to kill the blond asshole.

"Is this a purpose to all of this or did you just want me to hear your voice a little longer than the rest of the team?" questioned Naruto

"I wanted to make sure that you understand that I am the leader of the team" answered Homelander

"Absolutely, you are the leader of the 7" agreed Naruto

"Then act like it," said Homelander

"If I didn't know any better John, I would say that you're threatening me and you know how I react when I'm threatened" warned Naruto

Homelander frowned, Naruto was seemingly just as strong, skilled, and riddled with powers as himself.

With Hughie: The A/V Store

When the BELL over the door rings. Hughie jerks his head up, illogically hoping against hope that Robin walks through the door. Of course, she doesn't. Instead, he spots a spiky haired man in a long trench coat strolling in. The newcomer inspects a section of NANNY-CAMS as Hughie steps up and asks "You interested in a nanny cam? We're running a special on Vimtag"

The stranger looks up. He's got a strangely foreign british accent "Tell me. How many nannies go around shakin' their babies, d'you reckon?"

The question leaves Hughie confused, "Sorry?"

"A good, hard shake. Like trynna get ketchup out of a bottle. 1 percent? Less?" asked the strange British man

Hughie was completely at a loss for words, "Uh, I - I really don't know"

"But they sell a coupla billion dollars worth of this shit worldwide" said the man as he smirks at Hughie, "Goes to show. The bollocks you can make people swallow, if you get 'em scared enough"

Hughie chewed over that info for a moment and said "Okay. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"I'm not gonna piss you about, Hughie. I know what happened to Robin. Fuckin' diabolical stuff mate" exclaimed the man

"I'm sorry, who are you? How do you know my name?" asked Hughie

"I know she wasn't in the street. She was one step off the fuckin' curb. And you didn't take the payoff. Respect that" continued the stranger

Upset now, Hughie yelled "I said who the hell are you? How do you know that?"

The man smoked, "Butcher's the name. People call me Billy. I was thinkin' we could have a bit of a chat?"

Butcher leads them out of the store and hands Hughie a small card, an FBI card. Hughie inspects it as they pass more and more pedestrians, as they near the neon atomic blast of Times Square.

Hughie looked from the card and then at Butcher "You're a Fed? You don't sound like a Fed"

Butcher snorted "I can't fuckin' immigrate? There's a big green crumpet out in the harbor that says different"

Hughie continued "You don't look like one, either."

Butch scoffed "Oh? What do I look like?"

"Like a Columbine shooter or a weird porn version of the Matrix or like maybe just some weird British guy who walked into my store"

Butcher smirks as he thinks 'This Hughie's got spark'

He nods at the ID, which we know is fake, "Well, it's right there in black an' white. But if you wanna give a looksie up me bum to be sure, you go right ahead"

"Um. So what, exactly, can I do for you?"

"It's what I can do for you, my son. Help you get payback for yer girl. You ain't alone, Hughie, happens a lot more than you think. Supes lose over a hundred people a year to collateral damage as they say"

"That can't be true" Hughie said mostly to himself at first before asking "That's true?"

"It's not that they ain't strong Mare, it's that they don't care for the most part. We're just ants to them."

"C'mon. It'd be all over the news, people'd be screaming bloody murder."

Butcher scoffed, "Might be the odd mention now an' again, like with Robin. But there's a lot more they don't tell you that gets swept under the rug"

"Why? How do they get away with this?"

"It ain't obvious?" said Butcer as He holds his hand out gesturing to the 50 foot high screens: a shirtless hero reclines in his Calvin Klein underwear, A-Train in a NIKE SHOE spot. A MOVIE: "Tek-Knight Begins.", The VOUGHT STORE.

"The movie tickets, an' the lobbyists, an' the fuckin' shoes. But mostly, people like that cozy feeling Supes give 'em. You got someone to swoop in and save the day for you, then you don't gotta do it yourself. But you don't know half the shit they're up to. It'd curl your hair and straighten your curlies. But that's where I come in:

"Come in to do what"

Butcher smirked at the question, "Spank the bastards, they ever step too far outta line"

Hughie gulped, "How do you spank a Supe?"

"Ways an' means. You don't need a fuckin' glowy green rock to find someone's weakness. C'mon. Hughie asked "Where?"

"You'll love it" was his only reply

Hughie stammered "Hold on" causing Butcher to stop, "Thank you for an extremely... weird conversation. But I'm not sure what this is... and I think I should probably get back"

Butcher shook his head, "Mate. Once I go, I'm gone. This is your one an' only. Besides, what've you got to lose, you ain't already lost?"

Hughie frowned but thought about Robin and nodded.

A/N: Sorry about the kind of short chapter, but I just had tendonitis corrective surgery on my left wrist last Sunday and believe it or not but I am left handed an this shit hurts.

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HKM out