Here's a chapter full of angst for you lucky lot. Some other bits and bobs too.
Emma sat with her legs crossed on the chair, reading. Unfortunately, it was raining, hard, and so she couldn't sit by herself outside, therefore, the library would have to do for today. It was lunch and she still had two hours left to get through her classes. She could ditch of course, but she didn't feel like going to see Jax; she needed a couple of days to mentally recover before seeing him again, and she still wasn't on speaking turns with her sister. Em didn't feel particularly tethered to anywhere, so she'd wait until this evening and then go find a party or something.
Feeling a vibration in her pocket, she absentmindedly picked it out of her coat, finishing her paragraph before glancing at the screen.
Wanna come round after skl? miss u. X – Fe
She texted back immediately, happy to hear from her brother as she knew he'd spend all his time with Sarah and as the two weren't speaking, he hadn't spoken to his younger sibling for a while.
around half 3? might actually spend some time in this shit hole…
Going back to her book, she didn't expect her brother's reply to arrive so quickly, especially with the terrible signal in the high school's library.
Whenever luv. here all day. gd luck ;) X – Fe
She smiled and wished for her day to go even faster now, excited about hanging out with her big brother.
As soon as classes were over, she practically ran out of the school, as usual, until she rounded a corner and could no longer see it.
Plucking her music from her bag, she plugged in her earphones and bounced along to the music all the way to Fe's apartment, blissfully unaware of the world going on around her.
She climbed the last step of the building and strode towards the door, pulling out the earpieces as she tugged open the heavy, metal door.
"You have no idea how unpleasant my day has been, Fe." She groaned into the room, not looking at anything in it until she'd heaved the door shut behind her and swung her bag onto the floor.
She looked up and spotted a guilty looking Felix as he stood in the centre of the room opposite a very tired faced Sarah.
"What the hell, Fe? I should have known there was a catch. Like you'd actually wanna spend time with me." She sighed, "I don't need this bullshit", shaking her head as she reached for her bag and turned to walk out again.
"Em, wait!" Fe called as he rushed over to her, his hand against the door, preventing her from leaving and slowly pushed the bag off her shoulder. "Just listen, okay? You need to sort this out, both of you." He said, looking at Sarah. "We're family, for Christ's sake. Which is why we're here in the first place; you're both too bloody stubborn."
"Felix-," Em said rolling her eyes.
"Sort it out." He said directly to her, giving her a warning look before looking up, turning to Sarah with the same glare and opening the door, "I'm gonna go get drunk by myself at Bobbi's bar."
The door shutting behind him with a loud thud was the only sound for a few moments as both sisters just stared at each other, one angry, and the other apologetic.
"Well? What did you want to speak to me for?" Em broke the silence, coldly and crossed the room to pour herself a drink.
"Listen, Em. I know I should have called you or something whilst I was away. It was wrong of me to just-,"
Em interrupted and scoffed, "Yeah, 'course. That would have made it so much better." She said sarcastically glaring at her sister.
Sarah lifted her hands up in a shrug, "What do you want me to say then, Em? I've already apologised!"
"You left us, Sarah! Dropped your six year old off for the night and you've only just bloody returned! And you act like nothing's happened." Em gestured to the door, "Fe welcomes you back with open arms, too terrified that you'll run away again if he says anything bad about you! So you think it's fine to just disappear and that we'll treat you like nothing's happened when you get back?"
"I'm trying to fix this, Emma!" Sarah yelled back at her sister who knew she was getting serious now as neither of her siblings called her by her full name unless they meant it. "But it isn't like this is anything new!"
"Oh and that's s'posed to make it any better?"
"I didn't say that…I'm just saying, you knew it would happen sooner or later," Sarah ran her hand through her hair, frustrated, knowing what she'd just said wouldn't help a bit.
"Which makes it even worse; you've been abandoning me my whole life! But then Kira comes along and I think "Thank God, now Sarah will stay" because you're a mother and your kid needs you." Em frowns, trying to keep control of her voice as she shouts at Sarah.
"And okay, so you leave less and less and for shorter times, sometimes even taking her with you. But then you just leave for pretty much a year, with some low-life scumbag who bloody beats you, Sarah! You still preferred getting hit than being with us."
Sarah stares at her little sister, and angry, guilt-ridden tears start to pool in her eyes. She grits her teeth, refusing to let them fall. "I'm sorry! After a while, I'd been gone for too long and we had been doing stupid shit to survive. I couldn't let you see me like that and I could not be a mother to Kira in that state."
"I knew Mrs S wouldn't let me have her back by then and you were all better off without me because I have always been like this, you're right, and I was fed up of being a burden."
Em grew angrier now, "Oh shut up. Don't you dare make this into a pity party, Sarah. We are in the same position! Only you get to run away whenever you want and I have to deal with everyone else breaking down in the aftermath of hurricane Sarah. How is that fair? Are you trying to get back at me for something? Was I a burden to you? Because you didn't ask to get stuck with a baby when we were found."
Sarah's heart broke at the thought of Em not feeling wanted and she stepped closer to the teenager, "No, no, no. It's you, Kira and Felix, okay? You're the most important people in my life, yeah?" She hoped her widened eyes were clear enough for Em to read the truth in them.
"Look, Em. You have every right to be mad at me for the last ten months, for you and for Kira. But I promise you, I'm done with that, yeah? I'm done with that life now. I've grown up and I'm going to be here, yeah, right here." Her voice broke.
Em stared intently at Sarah, trying to see the proof behind her words, "I've heard that before…" Her stern tone was back.
"It's different now." Sarah stepped back, sinking backwards into the couch. "It's different," She repeated. "Kira's getting older. She notices when I'm not around now and she needs me. She deserves a stable life, something nurturing, for once." She whispered the last bit. "I know, I know I fucked up. But you're my best friend, you're my sister." Sarah looked across at her Em, blushing at how open she was being.
Em stared at her sister for a moment and then fell back into the couch next to Sarah.
"You need to talk to me more. I'm not a little kid anymore."
Sarah looked down at her hands, thinking about everything that was going on in her life at the moment. Everything she could tell her sister. Everything she knew she shouldn't.
"Promise me you'll tell me what's going on." It wasn't a question, it was a demand from the teen's lips. If Sarah wanted her sister back, she'd have to lie.
"Okay. But you have to stop skipping school." Sarah finally voiced.
Em turned to her sister with a smile and proffered her pinkie finger, "Okay."
Sarah's smiled back and linked her finger through Em's. She leant in to her sister, kissed her cheek, and wrapped her up in her arms.
"Dinner?" The older girl whispered, pulling away from the embrace to look at the teen.
"Not if you're making it." Em joked.
Felix arrived home a few hours later, hoping that he'd given his sisters enough time and that his apartment was still in one piece.
He opened the door quietly and fairly optimistically as he hadn't heard any screaming from the other side. He hadn't heard any noise at all, come to think of it. Fe realised why when he spotted both sisters curled up on the couch together, fast asleep, and surrounded by empty cans of soda and a pizza box.
Smiling to himself, he looked up to the ceiling and whispered, "thank God!" before grabbing a blanket from his bed and tipping it over the girls, watching Em snuggle further into Sarah's side.
Sarah woke up to a stinging in her arm and slowly opened her eyes when she struggled to move it to shake away the throbbing. She panned her eyes down to find Em sleeping soundly against her chest and Sarah smiled.
Carefully, she lifted her arm and slid out from the couch, gently laying Emma's body down in her absence.
"Mornin'." Felix smiled over at Sarah from his bed where he was reading a magazine, mug in the other hand.
"Mornin', Fe. What time is it?" Sarah wandered over to pour herself a coffee and tried to tame her hair by brushing her fingertips through the wavy curls.
"Around seven." He replied, jumping out of bed and pulling on a jumper. "I didn't want to wake you Sleeping Beauties last night. So I assume it went well?" His head tilted to Emma's sleeping form.
Sarah smiled, nodding as she watched her little sister sleep, "Yeah. Everything's fine. Thank God; I can barely cope with not seeing one of them. Which reminds me," She hurried over to the door and grabbed her bag before continuing, "I need to get the money from Beth's partner and then we'll go get Kira tonight, yeah?"
"Heard that before…" Felix sighed, rolling his eyes at the idea he knew wasn't good.
Sarah ignored him and quietly stepped over to Em, lightly shaking her shoulder.
"Em. Em, wake up." She whispered gently to the teenager.
Emma rolled onto her back with a groan and opened her eyes slightly, quickly lifting her hand to her face to hide from the harsh light of the morning. She looked up at Sarah as if to ask why the hell she'd been woken up so early.
"You should probably head back to S', yeah? Don't want you to be late for school," Sarah mocked and laughed when Em tossed a cushion her way.
Emma stretched and sat up right as Sarah bent to give her a hug. "You're going today, yeah?"
Em nodded, still half asleep before slowly pulling on her shoes.
Sarah rushed to Felix, kissing his cheek before running out the door, "See you later." She called.
Em cringed at the volume so early in the morning and turned to Felix with a confused expression, "Where has she got to be so bloody early?"
"God knows." Fe lied as he poured some cereal into a bowl, thinking about his older sister's double life.
Creeping into the house, Em quietly shut the door behind her and cursed under her breath when she stepped on a creaky floorboard.
With her eyes closed, she silently waited for Mrs S to round the corner and begin shouting at her but instead heard tiny feet padding quickly across the wooden floor.
She opened her eyes, relieved to see her niece instead of foster mother. Kira ran up to her and jumped into her arms, "Auntie Em!"
Em returned the embrace, willingly, pressing a kiss into the girls sandy curls. "Hey."
Thankful she now had a defence in her arms; Mrs S wouldn't berate her with the little girl in earshot, she headed into the kitchen.
"Jesus Christ, you look a mess." S scoffed from the table.
Kira placed her little finger on Emma's cheek, tracing the rings of smudged mascara, gently.
"Yeah, thanks." She replied sarcastically as she settled Kira on the ground and turned to walk up the stairs.
"And where do you think you're going?" S shouted sternly after her.
"For a shower."
"Emma! Where have you been all night? I barely saw you yesterday morning and now you come home a day later, looking like…" S stopped herself from cursing in front of Kira, "Like a bloomin' tramp. Where have you been?"
Em dropped her bag by the stairs, "Fe's. He texted me and I went after school, yeah, nothing dangerous…" She said mockingly and looked at Kira, choosing her next words carefully, "I kinda fell asleep there, alright?"
"You better still go to school, even if you're late. I want you at school or they'll be no going to Felix's," She opened her mouth to further chastise her daughter but was interrupted instead.
"Can you shout at me later, 'cause I really need a shower?"
Mrs S waved her hand, motioning for Em to go and so the teen spun around running upstairs as fast as she could, and the older woman turned to Kira who was watching her aunt climb the stairs and giggling.
"Right then. Come on, love, put the paint away and pop your coat on. We best be off."
Sarah hurries through the door of the police station and heads towards Beth's computer.
"Hey Beth, I thought you were still off?" Angela DeAngelis' voice makes her turn.
"Uh, yeah, I just can't get enough. Is Art around?"
Angie barely nods her head when Sarah hears a low voice, "Beth, what the hell's going on?"
Sarah smiles at Angie quickly before spinning round and hurriedly follows Art, "Uh, yeah, I've gotta talk to you for a couple seconds."
She watches him pull on his coat and starts, "Things are bad with Paul,"
"Okay?"
"Any second he's gonna find that joint account empty…"
"Look, you get the cash when you're back on active duty. That's the deal." Art sides past Sarah.
"Childs," The Chief's voice rings out.
Sarah points to the door, "Sorry, just saying hello.
"No you're not. Both of you," He gestures towards Sarah and Art to follow him into his office, which they do.
"Bad news," He smiles up at them, "You're reinstated."
Sarah smiles and shakes his hand, picking up the gun, badge and ammunition he'd set on the table for her.
"Well, thank God." Art scoffs. "Buckle up, kid; you got a ten forty five."
Sarah frowns as they walk out of the office, confused as to what Art's going on about but quickly ducks away to try to adorn herself with the gun, "Uh, hey. Two seconds."
The day past slowly for Sarah. After the ten forty-five, which turned out to be patrolling a 'suspicious area', she'd spent the rest of the day at her desk, "filing". The only thing that kept her going was the money Art would give her at the end of the day.
She watched Beth's partner until he stood up, put his coat on and walked out of the building. Sarah jumped out of her chair, grabbing her coat and followed him.
"Hey, Art. Wait up."
The dark man turned around at his name being called as Sarah ran up, pulling on her coat, "Look, Art. This shit with Paul is about to go sideways, okay? I need to get to the bank." She gave him a firm tone.
He hesitated before looking her up and down, "Let me see your weapon."
Sarah looked at him confused, "Huh?"
"Come on. Show it to me." Art pulled her aside as she dove into her jacket, struggling to pull out the gun.
Art grabbed her arm, turning the gun to show the bottom, "It's empty."
"Yeah? What? We left in a hurry."
"You road with me empty!"
"Art, it's a ten forty five for Regs. Right, Art, like, I mean who am I gonna shoot?"
"That's bullshit, Beth for Regs and you're partner. Look if this shooting has you trigger shocked, Beth, you got-,"
"No, I'm not, I'm not. Just give me an hour or two to get up to speed for Christ sake." Sarah stuffed the gun back into its holster.
"You can get up to speed on the desk, Beth. I'll work this with D'Angelis. Get outta here." Art stormed past Sarah.
She spun round grabbing for him, "Hey-,"
"Look you ask me about that money one more time, Beth, I swear to God, it's going in the shredder." With that, he left.
Sarah stood, frowning, "Shit."
Just then she heard a ringing, and she fished the pink phone out of her pocket. "Hello?" She answered in her own voice.
"Sarah. Hey, it's Cosima."
"Oh, hey. What do you want?" Sarah walked further away from the station, suspiciously looking over her shoulder.
"Erm, okay. Well, I just wanted to know if you'd changed your mind on the briefcase. You know, because I'm kinda on a tight schedule here and I need to get the information from it. Is there somewhere we could meet up later?"
Sarah sighed but she knew Felix was right; she couldn't run away from this. At least, not yet, "Yeah, okay fine. I'll meet you later this evening. I'm sending you the address." Sarah typed the address to Felix's loft as the American babbled on.
"Awesome, thanks, Sarah. I'll let Alison know."
"Alright, gotta go." Sarah hung up as Cosima was mid goodbye and headed back into the station to get the keys to Beth's car.
Although Emma had been late to school, she hadn't missed much however most of her day was spent being shouted at by the principal for skipping out and the rest of the day was spent in isolation. So all in all it was an uneventful day, until she walked out of school.
"Emma! Emma Manning!" She heard a gruff voice call after her so she spun round defensively and found Vic the Dick waiting outside her school gates.
She stormed up to him, noting the bloody bandage wrapped around is left hand and shouted began shouting at him, "You followed me to my school? You bloody psycho! I thought I told you to leave me alone." She stopped when he began to cry.
Horrified she stared at the pathetic grown man who was crying because a teenage girl was shouting at him. He reached for Em who batted his hand away, "The bloody hell's wrong with you?" She asked in a quieter tone.
"I'm so sorry…I should have treated her better. She deserved better, and it's all my fault…" He blubbered like a baby.
"Look, mate. I don't know what you're going on about but you need to talk to Sarah about this."
He stared at her, a flicker of confusion crossing his face before he went to lean into her again. This time she didn't protest as much but didn't welcome the contact either.
"You just look so much like her. Felix told me I had to stay away from you and her kid but I just…I can't, I need to stay connected to her."
At this, Emma was confused as ever and threw the, clearly very drunk, man off of her, "Okay, really what are you on about?"
Wiping at his tears, Vic's eyes widened, "You don't know do you? It was because of me." He wept, pointing at his chest, "I was the reason Sarah killed herself. I'm so sorry."
A moment passed. "What?" Em whispered. "Are, are you sure? When?"
Vic looked up from his hands, guiltily, "Oh God. You didn't know. I thought Felix would have told you."
"Vic! Spit it out. You're scaring me now. What's happened to Sarah?" Emma could feel her heart beat in her ears. What could have possibly happened to Sarah since this morning?!
Guiltily, Vic managed to speak between whimpers. "Last week, Sarah threw herself in front of a train. Because of me!" He wailed.
Em breathed a sigh of release and pushed Vic away from her once more, almost laughing at the pathetic story her brother must have told him, "And you know this for sure?" She tried to hide her smile.
"Felix took me to see her body at the morgue. It was her." Vic mumbled.
Emma's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Vic clearly thought that Sarah was dead, that much was plausible but how could he have seen her dead body from last week?
She turned on her heels, leaving the man weeping on the sidewalk as she tried to make sense of it all. Before she could think about calling either of her siblings, her phone rang.
"Oi, oi." She answered when she saw Mrs S' caller id.
"Home, now." S replied and hung up the phone.
Emma swallowed hard at Siobhan's harsh tone and her walking sped up a little.
"S?" Em called out as soon as she'd shut the door behind her. She rounded into the front room and spotted Mrs S sitting at the kitchen table. Slinging her bag and coat onto the couch, she walked over to her mum's pissed off countenance.
"Where's Kira?" Emma sat down, pulling her hair to one side.
"At a play date." S answered, sliding a scrap of paper across the table.
"What's wrong?" Em glanced down at the report card she had tried to rid of. "Oh."
"You're bloody right, 'oh'." She waited for Em to argue back, slightly surprised when she didn't. "The next time you want to hide a report from me, maybe dispose of it anywhere but your bedroom."
"Well, how was I supposed to know you'd go all psycho detective and rummage around in my bloody rubbish?" Em scoffed, rolling her eyes away from S.
"This is bloody ridiculous, Emma. Not only are you failing- look at me - not only are you failing but your attendance is 41%! What on earth are you thinking?" S stood up now, pacing around the table, waving the scrap in her hands. "I send you to a great school, with impeccable teaching and you're wasting it all for what, hanging out with your ex-juvie mates and god knows who else?"
"I didn't even want to go to that school!"
"The principal called me, and he wants to have a talk with me about your future at the school." S carried on, ignoring Em' complaints.
Em ran a hand through her hair, "Whatever, I don't care. They can expel me. Not like I need school anyway."
Siobhan sat down, a disbelieving smile across her face as she shook her head, "Is that right, Emma? What are you going to do with your life then, dear?"
Em shook her head at S' condescending tone and leant forward, "I'll figure it out. Sarah and Fe are doing just fine."
Mrs S looked intently at Em, a flicker of grief and pity crossed her face, making Em shift in her chair, uneasy, until S spoke. "Really? Well, I'm not going to be waiting here to pick up the pieces. You're smarter than that."
"I don't bloody care. I'm going to be out of her either way in a few months."
Siobhan held Em's gaze solemnly until she stood up with a sigh and emptied her teacup into the sink.
S spun round and strode to the door, without looking at Em, "I'm going to pick up Kira." She pulled on her coat, "And when I get back I need you to watch her for the evening."
The teen groaned, "She's not my child! I'm going out tonight." Em stood and walked over to her stuff pulling on her coat.
S was too quick and grabbed Em's bag before she could run out the door, and stopped her with a harsh tone, "Don't even think about leaving this house. You are grounded, Emma. And Kira is your responsibility."
It was such a cold and icy tone that it stopped Em in her tracks, giving S enough time to throw the bag back on the couch and walk out the door before the girl even realised her jaw was hanging open.
The teenager sighed guiltily at her foster mum's low tone and dropped her head, certain S had left until she heard, "You're grounded." And the door shut.
Em ripped her jacket off, flinging it onto the chair which she threw across the room accompanied by a shout of expletives, as she stormed upstairs.
"Felix! Fe open up!" Sarah hammered on the door.
Where are you? –Jax
Em threw her phone onto the bed as she laid back, running her hand through her hair. She stared at the yellowing ceiling wondering how she would end up. Like her sister, running away from her problems, abandoning those close to her, escaping the claws of the law. Like her brother, sleeping around with anybody who had a pocket full, dealing when he needed the next load of groceries. Like Mrs S, stuck raising children who weren't hers, moving away from her life to a different country, making her bitter and resenting everyone around her.
Em exhaled deeply before the doorbell rang, tearing her way from her thoughts. She trudged downstairs wondering who it would be; no one calls round here.
She peeked through the curtain on the door and spotted a head full of golden ringlets before she pulled open the door just to catch S pull away from the kerb.
"Hey Monkey." She stepped aside to let the little girl in.
Kira untangled herself from the straps of her rucksack.
"Did you have fun at your mate's house?"
Kira shrugged, turned to take her shoes off and walked over to grab Em's hand, pulling her over to the couch.
"You okay, Monkey?" Kira was too quiet as she curled into the side of Em, nodding her head.
"Shall we watch a movie?"
"Yeah".
Em switched on the TV after slipping in the 'Mrs. Doubtfire' DVD and wrapped her arm around the little girl.
Em's phone began to ring upstairs. She ignored the persistent caller and focused on the television screen.
"Just one night alone, Jax." She muttered into her sigh.