Thank you for the reviews last chapter, I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it ~~
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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's affiliates.

M

NSFW

TobiSaku

Lust for Life

Ultraviolence

The yelling never stopped.

It drained him.

Each night, it would be a minor comment, or a hinge of frustration that would end in a colossal argument. One that would end with both of them dissolving into their own rooms, and most nights their son would crawl into bed with either one of them.

But never both.

On others, like now — their son held his light blue stuffed rabbit closely in his arms, watching his parents fight with one another, "st….st…STOP!"

He was crying now, loud — harsh wheezes that forced Tobirama to pause — face twisted in exasperation. With a guilty sigh, he walked over to pick him up, "I'm sorry Toneri…Did we wake you up?"

His wife stood there, cheeks red from fuming - leaving Tobirama to wonder why couldn't they understand one another.

"Come here Toneri," his mother cooed, leaving the boy to choose between his parents.

A definitive wall stood between them.

The child flinched from them both.

He could remember their first years of dating, their first years of marriage and how much fun they had.

What happened in that time?

His son continued to sob into his bunny, his wife shook her head — ready to grab her coat and leave once agin, "I know you do this on purpose, asshole - don't make him choose!" she seethed, eliciting another hard sob from their son.

"Could you stop!" he shot at her, "do you see what you're doing to him?"

Mei scoffed, "me? Look at you! As if your temper helps with anything! Don't act like you're innocent in all of this!"

Temper?

"I haven't done anything but try and fix things!" he roared, normally stern faces ablaze with contempt for his wife.

Toneri hid his face in his father's shirt, decidedly hiding from their inane shouting, "Papa…" he whimpered, gripping the cloth material until he shook.

The guilt ate him alive.

He couldn't fucking do this anymore.

Not like this.

"Shhh, let's get you to bed," he coddled, ignoring her accusations before he disappeared into the hallway with his son in his arms.

Once in Toneri's room, her shrill yell echoed in the hall, "I want a divorce you coward!"

The loud bang! of the front door slamming against the house shook the walls with the ferocity of her anger.

It took everything in him to stop from following after her.

Grabbing his son's favorite bedtime story, he read the words until the remnants of their fight were forgotten by their son.

Gently, he ruffled Toneri's mop of white hair — entirely similar to himself. It was his aunt's pride and joy that Toneri took after him, and a selfish part of him shared that joy.

When he finally got him to sleep, Tobirama set the book down and pressed his palms to his eyes, struggling to keep his composure.

This wasn't healthy, for anybody.

Why couldn't they talk?

He loved her, he did everything a good husband was supposed to.

So why?

Somewhere between their respective careers and their child, it became increasingly more tense.

Tobirama was no fool, as much as his wife may believe so.

He knew the spark faded from her eyes. He couldn't understand what he did to earn her stark resentment, but nothing he did lit up her beautiful cobalt colored eyes. In the last year, it went from generalized disinterest to a fine-tuned loathing.

In an attempt to salvage his marriage — he tried surprising her with a trip to Kyoto, which she claimed she couldn't because her job wouldn't allow her to do so on such short notice. Each day he would surprise her with flowers or show up at her work with food — and in the face of others she would smile brightly and accept his offering, only to return home and scold him for showing up at her job unannounced.

Eventually, he gave up.

In an attempt to keep them civil — the best thing would be to talk, or attempt to talk.

Except, it ended up in a fight each time.

First, there were smart remarks. Then the cold shoulder whenever he tried to ask her what was dissolving their marriage. Soon enough, they were here — railroaded by their anger and responsibilities with the inability to help one another.

It didn't help that she took the initiative in leaving the house, refusing to return home some nights, further confusing Toneri as to why his mother kept forgetting to pick him up or take him to school.

So that night, he decided to call Itama and have him babysit.

Which led him to drinking at the local bar near the university.

Too drunk to try and navigate his way home — his spotty memory barely remembered his aunt's study.

In a grand scheme to sleep off the alcohol — he didn't expect to run into his pink-haired student.

In truth, their conversation in the midst of his drunk stupor, he realized that Mei no longer loved him.

On the surface he had already known this, but it took their conversation to truly realize that the way his wife closed herself off to him wasn't a matter of speculation anymore.

It was the truth.

Perhaps he chose the wrong person to confide in, but the way Sakura's eyes glistened with unshed tears for him and listened with an attentive ear washed away his reservations with the heavy amounts of sake in his blood.

That morning, he lifted her from her uncomfortable position sleeping upright on the desk to set her on the couch and draped the blanket over her small form. She looked so delicate, like a doll with blooming possibilities as the morning sun graced her creamy skin.

He made a mistake.

He knew he had spoken too familiarly with her.

Kami, he couldn't even remember parts of their conversation.

What did I say?

Vaguely, he wondered why she was up late into the night studying so vigorously here and not at her dorm, but didn't want to dwell.

He needed to pick up Toneri and grade a host of exams.

With a drifting look at his student lying on the couch, he left his aunt's study.

xox

When he finally made it home, Mei looked at him as if he had cheated on her when he walked into the kitchen.

"Where were you last night?" she looked at her cellphone with a scowl that seemed to tug on her lips whenever he was around her, "I called you three times last night and you never answered."

Tobirama sighed, "I fell asleep at the University."

The look she shot him spoke volumes of her distrust.

"Right, and you expect me to believe that? Were you out with someone?" the sharp question affronted him, how could she possibly think he would do something like that?

"What kind of man do you think I am?" he rasped, red eyes narrowing in their haste, "I would never do that to you, Mei—" he reached out to grasp her hand, but she snapped it back to her waist, refusing to be touched by him.

She looked away from him, "I need some time away from you. We all do."

He stayed resolute, clenching his jaw in an attempt to calm himself, "what the fuck does that mean?"

Once upon a time, she would look at him with adoration.

Where did his beautiful, outgoing and loving wife disappear to?

The person before him still looked as beautiful as the day he met her, long brown hair swept near her hips, and large blue eyes staring back at him, but they were entirely void of any warmth for him.

A part of him also knew that she probably wouldn't care if he had been out with someone.

"I'll be taking Toneri to my parents for tonight and tomorrow. At least then you won't have to worry about coming home to us," she struck a chord within him — knowing what to say that would piss him off.

"Are you insinuating that I don't care?" he gripped the chair to sturdy himself. Her apathetic eyes glossed over him. "Considering you're the one that keeps forgetting to come home and rather stay out with your friends, that's hypocritical of you, Mei."

"Take it how you want, we'll be gone by noon."

Tobirama sighed, he couldn't reach her. Why couldn't he reach her?

"At least let me drive you to the station," his peace offering hung in the air, but Mei dismissed him.

"I'd rather just take a taxi."

Instead of fighting, he decided to relent and agree.

What caused him an incredible amount of pain was Toneri mutely packing his toys into his backpack, "Papa…" he murmured when Tobirama sat beside him to help him pack, "do you hate mommy?"

With closed eyes, the teacher tried to wade his way through the waters of their relationship to explain to their child why they fought every night, "…of course not, Pal. I love your mom, and she loves me — you know that."

To the credit of their son, he was much smarter than his given years.

Understandably, he believed their idle lies about their marriage.

But how much was too much?

Toneri hugged him before they left, and with a chaste kiss to his forehead and a forced goodbye to his wife — Tobirama put on a small smile as his son waved at him from the back of the taxi, blue bunny in his arms.

When they left, he clenched his fists.

Anger swirled around him, taking him captive until several holes decorated the walls of their home.

"Fuck," he hissed - the throbbing of his knuckles served to ease the anger, except now he had to fix it before they returned.

xox

The sound of his aunt and brother laughing heartily in her home never seemed to end.

Seeing as they were both close to being gambling addicts, it made sense.

Not to mention their shared love for a good laugh and sake.

It was easy to figure out who the favorite was in Tsunade's eyes, considering he had always been the more stoic and calculated brother.

He set his shoes by the door and entered into the living room — where three pairs of eyes stared back at him, "ah— brother!" Hashirama had to hold his side to subdue his laughter, "we were wondering when you were going to get here."

The face he didn't expect to see was that of his student, staring wide-eyed at him.

Tsunade took another sip of her beer, "I probably should have warned you that Sakura would be here, but if I don't wrench her from my study and the books, I fear I might lose her to over-exertion."

Sakura was still staring at him, except now a bright red hue of color lifted to her face, and shyly she looked away, biting her lip.

Fuck, what did he tell her that night?

"Oh, Sakura — pleasure to see you," he feigned a dismissive attitude and sat himself across from her, and with a split second of recognition, they both knew better than to mention the other night.

"Hi, Tobirama-sensei," she greeted him.

He had to admire her ability to warm his aunt up to her, more often than not most of the med students dropped and left in tears when they enrolled in her program. Tsunade pursed her lips, "and where's my grandson?"

Hashirama kept quiet, knowing how bad it was between himself and Mei — there was little that didn't pass between the two brothers, but seeing as their aunt already didn't care for his wife, they knew better than to bring up the subject.

"Mei took him to her parents for the weekend, they should be coming back tomorrow evening."

Technically, it wasn't a lie.

Hashirama handed him a beer and Tobirama popped it open with the bottle opener sitting idly on the table.

Tsunade scowled, "again? That's the third time this month! I don't even remember the last time I saw Toneri, and why aren't you going with them?"

He sighed, by intuitive nature he could see the path of this conversation, "because I have work, Obaa-chan! You know I'm busy with my courses, and it's
because her dad is sick."

Alright, that was a lie.

The look of recognition swept over Hashirama, and they both took a quick chug of their beer.

The vein on her forehead started to pulse, "don't call me that, you brat!" she snapped, the flush of her cheeks made it strikingly clear she was going to say whatever she felt, "I never liked that dreaded woman, always too self-absorbed. Always felt like you owed her for marrying you," begrudgingly, she started setting up four sake shots.

Hashirama put up his hands in an attempt to calm the conversation, "Tsuna! This isn't appropriate conversation for Sakura-chan to listen to," the older brother glanced at the medical student, "please forgive our aunt, she tends to say whatever she fee—"

Tsunade waved him off, "she can handle it. If she couldn't I wouldn't want her as an apprentice, isn't that right Sakura?" with an affectionate ruffle of her hair, Sakura felt the embarrassment creep on her shoulders, but she smiled and tried to stop her shishou from pouring her any alcohol.

"It's fine! If you'd like I can go? I don't want to impose on anybo-"

"Nonsense!" Tsunade interrupted, "you're staying here for dinner, if these two dimwits have a problem with it they can leave, I like you better than them anyways."

The very transparent fact that their aunt always wanted a daughter bled through the obvious favoritism with her apprentice.

The night continued on.

Tobirama remained relatively quiet, but he had to sit back in wonderment how the shy girl in his class fit into the conversation between his aunt and brother so easily, animated and lively in their presence. She had the wit to come back at his aunt, and was a well-rounded conversationalist, not to mention she had Hashirama in stitches — although that wasn't particularly hard to do.

Many times, he found himself forgetting about the issues at home, and laughed.

Between the lively banter, food, and beer — he found himself at ease for the first time in months that weren't self-indulgent nights of him getting drunk alone at the bar near the university.

By the time midnight rolled around, Sakura checked her phone and coughed — "oh no, I have to go. I think I missed the last train back."

Tsunade glanced at her watch and whistled, "wow! Already midnight, I'm sorry Sakura I should have taken you home sooner — let me find my keys—"

When she stood, the world seemed to spin and Tsunade sat herself back down, "I can't drive — Hashirama, take her—"

The eldest brother shook his head, "I'm sorry, obaa-chan, I'm as drunk as you are!"

Sakura put on a hesitant smile, "it's ok! I can walk from here, it's only a couple of miles. " To not be a bother, she started to collect her belongings, but their adamant aunt refused.

"No, I will not let my apprentice walk the city streets this late! Who knows what punks are out there at this hour, Tobirama you're usually a bore — can you drive?"

Said nephew frowned - causing Hashirama and Sakura to laugh.

Ignoring the dastardly duo, he shifted to his feet, "sure, Obaa-chan — come, Sakura."

Together, they said their goodbyes to the two drunk individuals left in the house.

With a harsh threat from Tsunade about Sakura's safe return home and Tobirama's promise to get her home, they left.

They entered the car, and Sakura sat herself in the passenger seat — Tobirama debated whether to bring up the other night, thoroughly sullen that he omitted so much to an unsuspecting student.

For the first portion of the ride, they both shared in the uneasiness spread in the car.

"Sakura…About the other night," he started, gripping the steering wheel tightly, "looks like I'm apologizing a second time for over stepping my boundaries."

To her credit, she smiled to herself, and then him, "what about the other night? You didn't do anything wrong, Sensei — I…I'm glad you confided in me, it isn't healthy to keep everything internalized."

Maybe he didn't do anything out of line?

"That may be true, but you are my student, and there are boundaries. I'm sorry for having said or done anything that made you uncomfortable. It's unacceptable behavior—"

The light sound of her laughter rang around the car, "are you always this hard on yourself, Sensei?"

With the city lights passing them, her sea foam eyes sparkled up at him, and he swept his eyes over her full lips.

Kami, she was an extremely pretty girl.

He cleared his throat to straighten himself, "discipline is good, it stops people from doing things they may…Regret."

She puffed her cheek out, tossing the statement around in her head, "is it? I think there needs to be a fair amount of discipline, but other times I wonder if too much discipline causes more problems."

What is she saying?

"Seeing as your studying into the late hours of the night, are you sure you're one to talk about casting aside discipline?" he meant for it to sound friendly, but his hard voice always sounded accusatory.

For a moment she wilted, affronted by his words — but she recovered quickly, "so you remember our conversation, then?"

He wish he did, but the fuzzy black spots wouldn't tie together for him, "I remember that you were studying, and I remember mentioning my…Marriage — but that's it."

Something within her dimmed, but he had never been inclined to the thoughts of females — and he didn't want to dwell on the inclinations of his student.

She put on a faux smile, "well, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you Sensei."

Why did he feel guilty?

"Sakura…Did I…Do anything to you the other night?" he asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

She bit her lip, catching his eye.

"No," she murmured silkily, "you just spoke of your wife, Sensei."

He could sniff the lie from here.

"Tell me the truth," his authoritative voice shook the young student.

He could see the secret she didn't want to give to him, and he couldn't imagine why she would want to keep this information to herself, "….you played with my hair and called me pretty." A flustered look crossed her pretty features and she tried to downplay the situation, "but don't worry! It wasn't weird or anything, you were just a little drunk."

Absently, she toyed with the light locks of her hair nervously.

Shit — he did that to her?

And again, she chewed on her lower lip, tugging on the plump skin.

Did she know what she was doing when she did that?

It infuriated and confused him that he felt something surge when she did that.

"Stop that."

She looked up at him, lips parting in a gasp, "stop what?"

He felt frustrated. On a slight buzz from their previous engagement, angry with his situation at home, and with this confusing student of his that looked at him so tenderly and her genuine concern for his wellbeing, it confused him.

Student.

Your student.

"Nothing," he muttered, forcing himself to focus on the road.

If he looked at her like this now with a thread of sobriety in him, he couldn't imagine what he had done when he was drunk the other night. Dressed in her uniform, he noted the way her skirt rid up as she sat, stirring something hungry within him in the middle of his confusion. Guilt conflicted him, and part of him worried for the outcome of his decisions — he kept an extremely strict teacher and student relationship.

"Sakura, how old are you?"

The question caught her off guard, but she peered at the road that stretched in front of them, "I turn twenty next month."

Nineteen, he groaned internally.

At the ripe age of thirty-one, he felt like a pervert.

He remained silent, and she seemed content to sit in their silence, hands folded properly over her lap — after a while she finally spoke up, "Sensei?"

Tobirama looked over her again, watching the changing expressions on her face — he couldn't imagine why someone with limitless possibilities in the world and a brain such as hers could possibly worry about anything, but the look of fear tugged at her face.

The silence dragged on before she spoke.

"I'm in love with you — I have been for a long time."

Time slowed.

He rolled up to the designated dormitory parking lot, unsure if he heard her correctly.

A sad, wry smile graced her face, "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I want you to know. I think it's only fair, and don't worry — I would never impose on your relationship…And I can't imagine you ever returning my feelings, but just know that I would never say anything to anyone, I would never risk your job. So the other night stays between us."

She collected her things slowly, and he could see the heartbreak on her lips due to his silence.

Instinctively, her hand drew up to her chest.

Tears brimmed her vision, and strangely enough she smiled through it, "but you were right, it hurts to love someone you know doesn't love you back."

With a small bow, she left his car, the small whisper of a thank you hung in the air as she left.

xox

He hated himself.

He hated himself for envisioning his student sprawled on the bed in front of him, bent over clutching for his sheets.

"Sak-!"

The normally self-restrained, stoic man he grew up to be lost it when he came that night, his cum soiling his hand as he struggled to regain his composure after his orgasm.

xox

She wasn't in class for the next week.

Admittedly, he didn't want to concern himself with his student, but protocol required him to find out her whereabouts.

With a hesitant call, Tsunade answered with a gruff, "what, Tobirama?— I'm in the middle of something."

He sighed, in the background he could hear the ringing of the slot machines, "you're obviously at the casino. Do you know where Sakura is? She hasn't been in my class at all this week."

You know why.

Tsunade paused on the phone, he could hear her concern, "that's not like her. I was with her yesterday for our class — let me get ahold of her."

And just like that, his aunt hung up the phone.

After their parents passed away, their traveling aunt tied herself down to Tokyo to raise the three boys of her brother, some days they felt guilty of robbing her of her time to have children of her own, but she would claim that children were never for her after her ex husband died — so she loved them as her own.

Tobirama stared at the empty seat Sakura usually occupied, envisioning the sullen eyes that resembled his own.

He would need to speak with her.

xox

The house was eerily calm.

Toneri fell asleep in front of the TV, with a gentle smile — the only highlight of his day was spending time with his starlight haired child. Picking him up, he took him to his room and set him down — pulling the covers up until the four year old nestled in the blankets.

A comforting smile placated his day.

The innocence displayed in his child's face made things easier.

With a kiss to his forehead, Tobirama retired to his room.

Mei must have decided to take a nap and fallen asleep by accident because she still wore her work clothes. The light sound of her breathing put him at ease compared to the cold shoulder she offered him each day, and with a small nudge, Mei blinked back her sleep after waking.

At the sight of him, for a small, brief moment the doting woman in love with him returned — but after registering who woke her up, the tight lipped frown adorned her face again.

It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back, did he say that in his drunken stupor?

"I fell asleep by accident," she defended herself with a tired yawn and sat upright.

Does she really think I would be mad about that?

Tobirama kept still, "…I wasn't accusing you of anything," he paused, trying to grasp the right words to carefully navigate their conversation away from another fight, "I already put Toneri to bed."

His wife pursed her lips, "thanks," she said simply.

What is this between us?

She stood to get ready for bed, walking past him — only to stop when he pulled her close to him.

She stiffened in his arms, and gently his hands worked her shoulders, knowing how she loved this. Slowly, to make sure she didn't run — he moved to brush her hair off of the nape of her neck, his lips gently settled on the familiar curve of her skin, settling himself behind her.

Instinctively, she pulled away with a sour face, "not tonight," she murmured, refusing to look at him.

He sighed, "then when? You never let me touch you, let alone you don't look at me," he wanted to snap. He wanted to reach her, he wanted her back — but with cold, dark eyes, she turned from him and left to their bathroom.

In bed that night, with a wall of emotion between them, Tobirama stared into the darkness in front of him, "do you still love me?"

He waited

Her silence spoke louder than words ever could — and for a moment he thought Mei had fallen asleep, until he felt her shake beside him, silently crying. Finally, she murmured a small, "…I don't know."

It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back.

Author's Note:
As I mentioned before, this story will consist of small chapters filled with a lot of angst about two people trying to find something within one another.
Thank you for reading
Let me know what you think~~