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M
Lust for Life
Cruel World
"It is better to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all." - William Thackeray
Tokyo Medical University
If there were ever a moment where Tobirama felt like a heart attack might seize him, it would be now.
Sakura leapt off of him so quickly she almost tripped over her own feet.
When they gathered themselves and his wife entered, as sweet and condescending as she could ever be, he could tell she wanted to shove something in his face or ask for something — but they had company. For whatever reason, his wife didn't suspect anything and introduced herself to Sakura. A flood of relief swept through him, but he could feel the nervous heat reach his hands as he readied himself.
His student bowed low, the flush on her cheeks was noticeable from his chair behind his desk.
Kami, she's going to notice.
"Is my husband hammering you with homework, dear?" Mei asked Sakura, digging at his reputation as a difficult teacher. The insult didn't go unnoticed, but he ignored it - careful to stay disinterested in his student when moments ago she had her legs wrapped around him.
"N-no," Sakura stammered, "…I just had a few questions about my grades."
Lies.
But he's grateful for her quick thinking.
"What's your name?" Mei questioned her, cataloging this entire conversation. For reasons beyond him, Mei found herself interested in the lives of others — and while on the surface when they first got married he didn't notice this trait, now it terrified him.
"Sa-Sakura Haruno," the young student introduced herself shakily.
He needed to cut this off.
Before Mei could ask anymore questions and sensed their suspicious behavior like a thick incense in the room, Tobirama interrupted, "Sakura, if you'll excuse us," the charade to act as if they didn't just almost fuck on his desk could win them an award, and she greedily obliged the request.
"Pleasure to meet you, Terumi-san! Have a good day Tobirama-sensei!" her voice squeaked immeasurably, and Tobirama internally winced to himself.
It had to be obvious.
Sakura scurried out of his office like a frightened mouse, hiding behind her hair with her head bowed into her books — and one could chalk it off to her being intimated by Mei, but after what they just did, the guilt coiled his stomach.
Once the door closed behind his piece of salvation, Mei turned to him — lips pursed in a frown, "she's….cute," she measured oddly, waiting for him to dignify her with a response. As usual, she wants him to comment on another woman, which had always been a weird habit of hers when they were first dating — as if him constantly reminding Mei that she was prettier validated their relationship.
So instead he ignored her.
"She's also Tsunade's apprentice," he dodged.
Mei raised a sculpted brow, "that old bitch finally decided to take an apprentice?"
Heat rose to his face, "don't call her that."
She waved him off, "whatever. Anyway, you'll be happy to know I need to leave again this weekend. My mom needs help with my dad, so can you keep Toneri?"
Ah, so that's what she wanted.
Tobirama sighed, "why can't we both go with you? I could help you - I don't mind," he pointed out, but already knew her response.
"It's just easier for me to go alone. Besides, Toneri cried the whole time last weekend because he wanted to be with you, for whatever reason," she murmured, sitting herself down impatiently in the chair in front of his desk.
Why did she make him so mad?
Every word that slipped from her mouth made his skin crawl, and the room seemed to chill when she entered. It amazed him that she managed to have a cool, indignant facade when ten minutes ago they were screaming at each other over the phone.
"Fine, of course I don't mind watching our son — but I don't see why you had to come all the way here to ask me that," Tobirama stood to excuse himself, trying to ignore the raging beat in his chest, "I have to get back to my class—"
Mei's face frosted, "so you have time to talk to your student but not your wife?"
"Yes," he shot back, trepidation ate at his stomach, "of course I do, she's my student."
His wife didn't say anything, but she decided to drop it, "Toneri is at daycare, I'll be working late again."
'Just leave,' he groaned internally.
The beautiful woman he married stood up and looked around his office once, twice, assessing it before leaving without as much as a goodbye. When the door closed behind her, Tobirama sank onto his palms to lean on his desk — releasing the tension from his lungs that he wasn't aware was there.
All he could manage was a small, "fuck."
It never crossed him why she made such an effort to come unannounced.
xox
Senju Residence
Really, he's trying to focus.
The dissertation for his colleague is sitting in front of him, Toneri is playing with his blocks —absorbed in counting, which at the very least he took after him in that respect. His wife was the creative one, and although they say opposites attract, it never gave them much to talk about.
Tobirama set down the text, blinking back the tiring events of the day.
Yet, it's a problem when he can't stop imagining the way his student's lips were bruised when she opened herself to him, wet and inviting.
Even more, the way her eyes glimmered for his welfare. It pained him to be the one to cause her to cry, but she managed to easily calm him down — which normally ended with him punching something. None of this made any sense, and a deep part of him wished this didn't confuse him as much as it did. In reality, he made a mistake. Still...Something inherently warm latched itself to Sakura that spread it's way to him. Call it relief, or call if a small infatuation - either way he cut it, it was wrong.
The way she bit her lip nervously - tugging on the skin sinously, tempting him.
No, stop you idiot!
He was a fool to be so careless.
She was his student, and eleven years his junior. Not only did he risk his career, but the welfare of his child and wife. He can't think clearly, and the small grunts of a toddler taking it upon himself to learn can be heard from his spot in the kitchen, further distracting him.
He needed a cigarette.
Grabbing his pack and his lighter, the tall male made his way outside.
Lighting the cigarette, he pushed it to his lips — the scent alone eased the tension in his shoulders, and once he inhaled — clarity beseeched him.
And in that clarity, his pretty pink student stared back at him.
'I love you, Sensei.'
The words played readily in his head, and he couldn't imagine why or what she could possibly like about an old man like him. Not that thirty-one was technically old, but there were so many other males her age that would be lucky to have her.
He was obsessed with his work, had a kid and a failing marriage — and he wasn't the most outgoing of people, plus his temper got the best of him. Throughout the entirety of his childhood, Hashirama would turn down the hordes of women that would confess to him, his brother's bubbling personality drew in girls — while they strayed away from him, claiming he was too stoic or cold.
Not that he minded, women were trouble.
The smoke filled his lungs, smoothing his frayed nerves.
What am I getting myself into?
He snuffed the cigarette and sighed, uncaring that his wife still hadn't returned home late into the night.
xox
Monday
Senju Residence
They say that you can instinctually see your world falling apart long before it happens. As a method of self-preservation, our brains are wired to notice the red flags so we can prepare ourselves accordingly. Of course, the heart wants what it wants and does what it does, leaving us incapable of seeing the truth for what it is.
The divorce papers stared at him.
Mei returned from her trip late on Sunday, put Toneri to bed, and went to sleep without so much as a hello.
For moment, he thought she found out about his stint with Sakura — which he made the decision to end, he just needed to speak with her first. Monday mornings Mei and himself left open for themselves as time to hang out, and when Mei left to drop off Toneri at pre-school before Tobirama reached the kitchen, she cleverly left the papers on their dining room table.
Tobirama took a seat and lit a cigarette, waiting for her to come home.
When she entered through the front door an hour later, prim as the day he met her — she walked in with tears in her eyes. As she rounded the corner, Tobirama flicked the ashes into the unused cigarette trey, forcing her to scrunch her nose in disgust.
"You're smoking again?" she sniffled, standing in the archway.
Hundreds of questions litigated his thoughts, but only one could surface when he shoved the papers away from him, "what the fuck is this?"
Mei dropped her purse on the table and sat herself across from him, steeling her sharp features, "you know what this is."
"No, I don't — explain it to me."
She bristled unhappily, like a snake that got prodded one too many times, "they're divorce papers, Tobi—"
"Don't call me that, you're just going to leave all weekend then leave this as a surprise for me?" he jostled, clenching his fist beneath the table, "explain to me why you're throwing divorce without so much as talking to me about it first!" he seethed, struggling to reign in his anger.
Mei had a clever way of manipulating his empathy for her tears but still managed to be angry with him, usually neutralizing him in their arguments - but not this time. "Because I can't talk to you! We can't talk to each other without fighting!" she sprung at him, manicured nails dug into the wood table.
"So instead of trying you're going to what? Give up?"
"Yes!" she lamented, trying to stop her tears, "after the other night when you asked me if I still loved you….I couldn't give you an honest answer. I realized I don't love you anymore…And what do we have if we lost that?" by now, the tears were falling — streaking through her thick makeup.
He hated it when she cried, because she hardly did.
It hurts to love someone that doesn't love you back.
"But I still love you! I have this entire time! I've everything I could to get things to work, but you closed yourself off!" he snapped.
"Have I?" she stiffed, begrudgingly wiping her thick tears, "that's funny coming from you. I tried for the first three years of our marriage and you never even gave me the time of day."
Tobirama stalled, scowling at the incredulous statement, "what the fuck are you talking about?"
"I tried! I tried so hard to get your attention for years, but you focused on your job and your family, I was never first to you. Not even when Toneri was fucking born! You couldn't be there because you had a workshop!"
He scoffed, "you're still mad about that? I was out of town! I never stopped apologizing, do you know how guilty I felt missing the birth of my first son?"
"And I told you not to leave! But have you ever listened to anything I had to say? No. You were always so self-absorbed that I gave up!"
"Me?" he could feel the heat rising to his face, "me self-absorbed? You're fucking ridiculous — this coming from the woman that stays out with her friends almost every night, comes homes drunk off her ass since the beginning of our marriage and you expect me to what?"
"Be there, you asshole!" she stood up fuming.
Tobirama chuckled, low and sarcastic, "I've always been an asshole to you. The same asshole that surprises you with flowers, the same one that bought you a trip to Kyoto last year, the same asshole that bought you everything you've ever wanted."
To keep himself in check, his fingers dug into his biceps with his arms crossed, his jaw clenched as he tried to stop himself from exploding.
He couldn't believe this.
She had nothing to say, and the silence stretched in long, tense seconds.
Mei sighed, brushing her hair out of her face, "this isn't healthy for Toneri."
The same sentiment he shared daily when their fights imploded, and it had to have a negative impact on his impressionable mind, "…you're right," he admitted.
This was probably the only thing they could agree on.
Husband and wife glared at each other from across the table, Mei was the first to speak and break the stewed silence, "I never wanted it to get this bad…"
"Stop," Tobirama interjected with a scowl, "stop lying to me. This has been happening for well over a year. I tried suggesting counseling, I tried talking to you. You snap at me and shut me down every time. Don't act like this is something you regret. This is probably something you wanted."
Mei's jaw clenched and her lips pursed to control her temper, "if you didn't have such a bad temper then maybe this could have worked. You're lucky I don't take Toneri away from you!"
Always.
She always said something that dragged forth a grounding anger that grated his skin.
"Why are you like this? What the fuck did I ever do to you!" he yelled, standing up and slamming his hands on the table, "my temper has nothing to do with this! If you weren't out doing who knows what with your friends all the time then acting like it's my fault then we wouldn't be in this mess!"
Mei retaliated, shoving her purse at him to stand her ground, "you're fucking pathetic! I don't know why I ever agreed to marry you, you psychotic prick!"
"If you didn't open your legs so easily we wouldn't have gotten married!" he sneered, voice low and grave.
His words must have cut through her, because tears surfaced in the same eyes he fell in love with.
Maybe the miscarriage did this to them.
They met five years ago at a local bar Hashirama dragged him to.
Rather quickly, they gravitated towards each other.
Four bottles of sake later, a drunken rut in the bathroom that should have been the end of them turned into their relationship.
He received the phone call weeks later, and although surprised at first — he took it upon himself to take her hand in marriage. Coming from an esteemed family such as hers, she cried to him — not wanting to give up the baby but not wanting to tarnish her family's reputation.
Their wedding was rather large for being last minute, but they did it before she started showing.
It was easy falling in love with her.
Smart, well-mannered, outgoing, and ridiculously beautiful was easy to fall in love with.
The miscarriage happened late at night, and the amount of blood startled him.
Later at the hospital when the doctor told them the baby was gone, he never heard a woman cry like Mei did that night.
It cracked their relationship, but somewhere along the line he knew he wouldn't mind spending his life with this woman.
So they moved on.
Mei retreated into herself no matter how much he tried coaxing her to come back to him.
One day she woke up and announced that they wouldn't talk about it.
Maybe it was at that time that he absorbed himself into the University.
Mei relied on her friends rather than him.
He relied on work instead of her.
When the news of Toneri came, they were both leery throughout the whole pregnancy, waiting for the moment to come.
Fortunately, Toneri came crying into existence as a happy, healthy baby boy with ten fingers and ten toes.
He was much too good for either of them.
"Sign the papers, asshole — Or I swear I'll make this hell for you!" Mei whispered under a broken voice, grabbing her purse off the floor. The last look she gave him with tear-filled eyes was one that engraved itself in his soul.
They were done.
For reasons beyond him, he signed the papers.
xox
That Evening
Hashirama's House
Toneri bounced jovially next to him as they walked to his brother's residence, unable to contain his excitement to see his eccentric uncle. "Is Hashi having the baby yet?"
Tobirama laughed, "no, Toneri. Aunt Mito is having the baby, not your uncle."
His son seemed vexed, but shrugged his shoulders — blue bunny coddled at his side, "but you said Uncle Hashi is having a baby!"
"Mito has him in her belly right now, so Mito is having the baby," he tried to explain.
The toddler frowned, unable to grasp the concept and dropped the subject, "does Obaa-chan still have TonTon?"
Why his aunt tricked his son into thinking that a small mechanical pig was a real one when he learned the concept of animals would never seem to fade. The mechanical pig 'TonTon' was a mere toy, but Toneri had been obsessed since their first introduction.
"You'll see," he responded, noting to himself that he would need to have discussion with his enigmatic family members about his son's impressionable imagination. He was too tired to keep up with Toneri's incessant questioning, and too much was on his mind. Truth be told, he didn't want to come to Miao's birthday get together, but it would be suspicious if he suddenly cancelled. And honestly? He needed a distraction from that morning, and large part of him didn't want to deal with Mei right now.
He expected his brother to answer the door, or even his aunt two bottles of sake in to answer with a large grin on her flushed face.
What he didn't expect was to see his student answer the door.
Bright eyed and dressed in a yellow sundress — she looked rather stunning.
Her smile stretched prettily across her face, "Hi, Sensei," she greeted, smoothing out her dress nervously. That same smile that was slowly captivating him stretched even further when she spotted Toneri holding his hand.
Sakura took to kids like gum on the sole of a shoe, "who is this?"
Crouching down to get a better look at him, careful to keep her dress modest, she stuck her hand out to introduce herself. Toneri tucked himself behind his father's leg — shyly looking away.
"Toneri…" Tobirama scolded, urging his timid son forward, "what do you say?"
Sakura smiled, inching away to give him space, "your name is Toneri? That's such a cool name! My name is Sakura," the young med student beamed at the child, careful to keep her distance.
Her warm energy coaxed the young boy to glance at her, timidly smiling, before glancing up at his dad for permission. Tobirama nodded, a small smile on his face.
"…Hi," he said softly, still gripping his father's leg, but extended his free hand to shake Sakura's.
Small hand fit into a bigger one.
Toneri removed hismelf from behind his dad, opening up to the flower, "your hair is pink," he pointed out.
His student gave a small laugh, forgetting that her hair was a very uncommon color, "it is, like a sakura blossom! Do you like it?"
The toddler nodded his head vigorously, reaching out to touch a silky strand framing her face, "it's soft!" he giggled. Before Sakura could respond, the raging laughter from inside caught everyone's attention - which was definitely his brother's iconic laugh.
Sakura stood, greeting her sensei with her hands behind her back, "sorry..." she acknowledged, " Tsunade-Shishou invited me…I hope this isn't awk—"
"Oh, who cares what he thinks!" Tsunade cut in, coming into view in the hallway to beckon her family and apprentice inside, "get in here already and eat!"
Hashirama threw a small party for Mito's birthday, just a simple celebration with their immediate family and her cousin. He met Kushina and Minato once or twice. Their parents moved from Konoha — the same small town that Sakura was from, and every so often they brought Kushina and her son…Naruto?
"Oh, I'm so happy you guys are here! I just with Naruto came," Sakura straightened herself in her seat, excited to see the familiar faces of her best friend's parents, "I haven't talked to him since I left…But I know he's really busy," Sakura murmured to Kushina and Minato.
Kushina frowned, her anger sparking, "that silly son of mine! You would think I taught him better manners to keep in touch with a good friend of his!"
Apparently, Sakura and their son were extremely close.
Part of him wondered how close they were.
"And he didn't want to move to the city after school?" Tobirama cut in, wondering why they were here visiting without their son.
Sakura seemingly wanted to ask the same question, but restrained herself — waiting for them to answer.
"He has a new girlfriend," Minato's soft voice threaded on a laugh, "he's a bit obsessive. She's been over nearly everyday for the past month!"
This news wasn't meant to affect Sakura, but he could see the slight tilt in her shoulders and how she wilted at the news.
A sting of jealousy flared on his skin.
"That's amazing," Sakura chimed happily, but her smile didn't reach her eyes, "I'm really happy for him — Hinata is a sweet girl."
The rest of the table moved on from the subject, and as per usual Tobirama stayed relatively quiet. He wasn't a big speaker at dinner parties, and he didn't enjoy senseless banter. When something sparked his interest, or when the conversation involved something other than gossip — he would say something. However, he found himself dwelling on this Naruto character more than he cared to. How long were they friends for? Did they date? Was he tall? He sounded like a brat if he decided to stay in town and not take his opportunity to go to Tokyo. What kind of friend didn't visit their supposed 'best friend?'
Toneri struggled with his food, and Tobirama reached over to help him cut a piece of his meat when deaf ears finally caught wind of Mei speaking to him.
"Tobi..?" his sister-in law and the rest of the table gazed at him quizzically.
"Sorry," he blinked back his daze, "what did you say?"
Mito didn't miss a beat, "I asked where Mei is? Hashirama told me her father is very ill, I hope it isn't serious."
Tobirama remembered the signed divorce papers at home.
Briefly, he looked at Sakura's concerned look.
Her lips tasted sweet that day, like honeydew.
For some reason, this girl was fine-tuned with his thoughts, and she offered him a knowing smile, one filled with the same comfort she offered him each time they came across one another.
Where was his mind at? It bounced everywhere, and focusing on this dinner discussion was the last thing he wanted.
"She just went this weekend to help her father—"
Tsunade snorted comically, sniffing out the lie, "sure she was," she muttered, taking another swig of her beer.
Hashirama sighed, "Tsuna…." he chastised, trying to silencetheir aunt before she opened her mouth.
"Don't do that, you brat!" she snapped at his brother, "why would any woman visit her ailing father each weekend and refuse her husband's company? It doesn't make any sense! And you're the fool for believing her!"
The professor stayed quiet, never thinking twice about his wife's decision to frequently leave each weekend out of town.
A pressed silence fell over the table like a thick blanket, soft yet suffocating.
Sakura kept her head low, understanding the insinuation.
His temper flared, "stay out of this, Obaa-chan!"
Tsunade glared at him, "and it's ok for all of us to agree that it's obvious she's up to something, but I'm the rude one for saying something? Open your eyes, kid."
"What do you expect me to do? I trust her, she's my wife!"
"A wife that suckered you into marrying her!" Tsunade pointed an accusing finger, never one to bow down from a fight — especially when it came to one of her loved ones. The woman would fight tooth and nail for those she attached herself to, even if it meant fighting those some people against their own inclinations.
Toneri whimpered beside him, and this silenced his aunt long enough for him to grab his son's hand and storm out of the dining room, "how about next time we don't do this at the dinner table in front of my son, Obaa-chan," he snarled sarcastically over his shoulder, leaving the woman red-faced and cold.
"That stubborn idiot," she griped.
The table resumed a different conversation — Hashirama sighed low to himself, about to excuse himself, "Sakura-chan, could you grab Toneri from my brother so I can talk to him please?"
Confused as to why she would be chosen, Sakura nodded her head, "of course, Hashirama-san."
Removing herself from the dinner table, Sakura trailed through the hallway until she noticed the large back door windows. Her sensei was standing with Toneri who looking through the flower bed, animatedly looking for lady bugs.
She stepped outside quietly, "uhm…?"
"Not now, Sakura," Tobirama pinched the bridge of his nose, annoyed with himself and the past week of his life that was crumbling with each step he took.
"Your brother asked me to grab Toneri," she explained calmly. At the mention of his name the young boy brightened up and quickly grabbed her hand, excited to have a partner in his bug hunting since his dad refused him minutes ago.
"Sakura-chan! Help me find ladybugs!" his son led her to the thick flower bed, and she knelt down beside him, casting Tobirama a small glance before obliging the small child.
Toneri took to his student like fish in water, excitedly buzzing about the different insects they found from the book he was reading earlier, and he (tried) explaining to her their names and purpose in the ecosystem. Truthfully, he never witnessed his son take to someone so easily, especially a stranger.
He lost himself watching the two until a strong hand gripped his shoulder that could only belong to his brother, "want to talk about it?" Hashirama gave him a concerned gaze, the same look that only his brother could genuinely produce to make him open up.
An hour later when they were sitting on the back patio smoking a cigarette, Sakura and Toneri played tag in the distance — his son squealing in excitement each time the pinkette would rush him and pick him up to twirl him in her arms.
He looked so happy.
Hashirama flicked the ash of his cigar into the ash tray, "so did you sign them?"
Tobirama finished the rest of his whiskey, "yep."
His brother whistled, scratching the back of his head in an attempt to put his words together, "can't say I didn't see it coming."
Differing eyes of two brothers met in an equal look.
"What do you mean?"
Hashirama shrugged, "although I don't agree with Obaa-chan's approach to the subject, I agree that the circumstance of your relationship would set you both up to fail."
Sometimes it was oddly terrifying when his normally jovial and goofy brother got serious.
"So you knew it wouldn't last?"
"I hoped it would, for your sake. You love her, anybody can see that. I never saw the mutual effort on her end, I mean c'mon, brother — when was the last time she came for a get together on our side?" Hashirama pointed out.
The signs were obvious.
Was he too blind to see them?
"Am I really a fool?" Tobirama laughed sardonically to himself, the edges of him splinting — maybe there was a grain of truth to what his aunt said.
Hashirama shared in his laughter, "no — any man in love is a fool, so you're not alone."
"You're in love," the younger brother shot back.
"Ah! I am, but Mito may be the bigger fool for loving me, and any woman that willingly falls in love with your sour face is worse off than her," he joked, hitting his brother endearingly on the shoulder.
On that beat, Tobirama flicked his gaze to Sakura, swept away by her laughter and the way she effortlessly played with his son. In just a few short weeks she became a fixture in his life, only a couple of chance meetings and he found himself thinking about her in between the storm of his marriage.
He was not innocent.
The other day he was willing to cheat on his wife.
Or, ex-wife now that the signed papers sat at home waiting for her to read them.
Sakura turned to face them, smiling brightly to point Toneri in their direction. The floppy haired kid ran over and into Hashirama's lap, "uncle!" he squealed in glee, "can we play helicopter now?"
Their conversation over - within seconds, Hashirama started his engine, growling low in his throat — mimicking the sounds of a helicopter before standing and lifting his son high into the air, careful to twirl them — the sound of Toneri hysterically giggling made his night.
His student appeared beside him, watching the scene as happily as him, hands threaded behind her back.
Tobirama took his eyes off his son momentarily to steal a glance at her and how well she fit in to their family. It almost felt natural, but he shook aside those polluted thoughts. No matter what, she was his student.
The glow of the porch lighting highlighted her cheek bones, and knowingly she looked up at him, and for a split second — he could physically see the warmth and love she had for him.
A pretty fool.
xox
On the drive home, he couldn't wiggle a way to take Sakura home without Tsunade's sharp eye noticing — and part of him feared what would happen if they found themselves alone again. Besides, he needed time to process what happened that morning.
"I like Sakura-san," Toneri piped up from his carseat in the back, breaking through his thoughts, "she's really pretty."
Tobirama glanced in the rearview mirror, agreeing with his son, "I'm glad you liked her, she's a good girl."
His silver-haired son clung to his bunny, picking at it's frayed ears, "can we invite her over to play?" he asked innocently.
He paused, "she's my student," he finally answered, "we can't — it's against the rules."
Toneri pouted, "but why?"
"Because."
"Why? Is she a bad student?"
Sometimes the logic of a toddler made more sense than an adults.
"Well….No, but teachers can't be friends with students, that's all there is Toneri," Tobirama scolded, his voice hardened enough to silence his son, who in turn crossed his arms to pout.
His attempt at making himself angry was endearingly cute, "that's not fair, I want to be friends with Sakura-san."
The professor couldn't dissuade his son into thinking there was ever a possibility that might happen, so he didn't respond — after such a tiring day, the exhaustion hit him like atruck, and he hated himself because instead of worrying about his impending divorce — all he could think about for the rest of the ride home was Sakura in her little yellow sundress.
xox
Senju Residence
Murphy's law is stated as such, "anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
Tobirama believed in this since he was a child — so he could prepare himself for the inevitable tragedies that followed his life beginning with the death of their parents. Hashirama was a glass half full kind of guy, while he stood on the bi-polar spectrum of wondering why a cup of water was used as a euphemism for life in the first place.
Which is why when they returned that night from Mito's party — instead of seeing Mei's car in the driveway, there was an empty spot.
No lights were on in the house — and usually it was habitual for them to leave the porch light on, which meant she either left earlier in the day or never came back at all.
Upon entering, Toneri called out for his mom, but no response.
A pound of dread coiled his stomach, ready to burst into anger — he didn't notice it at first, but small, minuscule things were missing that she used everyday. His son ran from room to room looking for his mom, but it wasn't until Tobirama entered their bedroom and the entirety of her closet was missing that he realized she left them.
For good.
Toneri stood beside him, shocked by the change — and seeing the look on his father's face terrified him. Tears surfaced to the young boy's intuitive eyes, "….Papa, where's mama?"
This one time — he wished that Toneri wasn't so intelligent and hid behind a veil of ignorance. His hard wailing could only be coaxed away by being in Tobirama's arms, and somehow he finagled a well orchestrated lie to explain why Mei's stuff was missing.
It took three hours to get his son to bed.
Mei was prone to impulse decisions.
Maybe she didn't think he would sign the papers so readily.
He never played chicken — if something happened in his life that required a hard decision, he hardly hesitated.
Except now his wife disappeared, leaving him with their son.
He watched with tired eyes as his son's breathing evened out, his cheeks were puffy and eyes were swollen from crying — Toneri didn't believe that she would come back. Every part of him wished that he could give him the right answers, but what the fuck do you tell a five year old in a situation like this?
Tobirama pressed his palms to his eyes, trying to ebb away his exhaustion.
Another look at his son after dragging his palms down his face only provided him a source of anger.
How could she do this to him? To their child?
Heartless bitch.
For the thirtieth time that night, he called Mei.
Disappearing out of Toneri's room — for the thirtieth time, her phone pushed him to voicemail.
His fists curled familiarly at his side, but he couldn't find it within him to truly get angry. For once, there was a relative silence in their home that didn't consist of them fighting and scaring their son. He sat on the porch chair, cigarette in hand and called her friends listed in his phone.
Nothing.
They either didn't know anything or they were lying, he could hear their smirk over the phone when he would mention all of her belongings being packed, and in his heart he knew that Mei told them her side of things. All of them were as crass as her, so he didn't expect answers. Of course, they covered for their friend and feigned innocence.
Her mother answered and rushed him off the phone just as fast — telling him to be the bigger person in the relationship and make up with her daughter because she had to take care of Mei's father. Mei's mother wasn't concerned in the slightest, and before hanging up the phone she said Mei ran away before and that she would come back eventually.
After he hung up, he kicked the chair opposite from him, frustrated.
Should he call missing persons?
No, she purposely left — what could the police tell him that he didn't already know?
She wasn't kidnapped, she left them.
He wanted to break something, he wanted to yell, hurt someone, something.
For a brief moment, he contemplated calling Hashirama to invite him over to keep him distracted — but didn't feel like explaining himself.
Tobirama sighed, inhaling deeply on his cigarette — inviting the relief of the nicotine.
Call it delirium, but an impulse took over. Killing his cigarette in the ashtray, one bright face came to mind. The only one that could sweep him away with an earnest glance. She wouldn't judge, nor would she try and give him advice.
She would listen.
Intent on finding one number in the school's system, he rushed inside to his laptop and logged onto the website, throat constricted. It took but a few minutes to find her — and he mulled over the decision, the name and number with her picture stared back at him, tempting him to call.
If he did this, there wouldn't be an end.
He would be crossing the line.
The professor suddenly remembered in his drunken haze how she pulled a blanket over him when he passed out.
More than that, her words gripped him, 'I'm in love with you, I have been for a long time.'
Tobirama dialed Sakura's number.
It was touching midnight, and her sleepy voice answered the unknown number, "h-hello?" she murmured tiredly into the phone.
The professor paused, knowing the repercussions for this — but he didn't stop himself, "Sakura," he managed — voice strict.
She gasped, and for a second he wondered if she hung up when he didn't hear anything until she squeaked a small, "Sensei?"
Author's Note:
I know, not even a worthwhile cliffhanger, but I promise next chapter will be worth it — I needed to get through some of Tobirama's inner monologue and what's happening with his marriage to flesh out the rest of the story.
Thank you for reading and sorry for the slow updates!
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