Calm: A Bucky and Sarah Love Story

by Lyrics2soul

Bucky finds love in an unusual place. His mind was set free in Wakanda and heart will be set free to love in New York. Tragic past events haunts his mind as he tries his best to conquer his battles. Sarah's love and understanding will show him what he's been longing for. (Sarah is extremally beautiful and younger in this story who looks closer to the singer Tyla.)

1. Chapter 1

Calm: A Bucky and Sara Love Story by Lisa McDuffie

Summary:

This is a love story of Sarah and Bucky Barnes finding love in an unusual place. Bucky's mind was set free in Wakanda. His heart will be set free to love in New York. Tragic past events haunt his mind as he tries his best to conquer his next battle. Sarah's love and understanding will show him what he's been longing for. Obstacles try to interfere, yet their love is too strong.

Author's Note:

(In this FF Bucky never killed Tony's parents, Sarah is much younger without children and looks similar the singer Tyla, never married, and Wanda and Shuri never blipped.)

Chapter 1

I've gotten used to the aching of worrying about loved ones with having my brother Sam in the military since I was 10 years old. It got even greater when he became an Avenger dealing with Hydra and un-worldly situations. No one is the same now actually since New York was invaded by aliens in 2012. Everyone was on edge that it could happen again, and it did five years ago. I lost my brother during the second invasion that is now called The Blip. I was 20 and had just graduated college when my brother told me that they were going to Wakanda to fight Thanos and his army. I was a wreck and couldn't sleep at all. Havoc happened and so many people just disappeared. The news had a lot of it caught on camera. It was like living in a nightmare. I didn't find out that Sam was one of the people affected in The Blip until Steve Rogers contacted me. Steve also told me that his best friend Bucky Barnes faded away too along with a few other people. Tony Stark was assumed to be affected by the Blip, yet he was far away in the galaxy in a broken spaceship until he was rescued by a woman with abilities named Carol Rogers almost a month after The Blip. I was so happy that he was alive. Come to find out that he was fighting Thanos before he arrived in Wakanda. Now Thor and Rocket are not the only aliens that I know because Nebula was rescued with Tony. I've gotten used to her and Rocket in the past few years. A talking raccoon and blue cyborg. The entire world knows of them and has known about Thor for years. I guess I'm just lucky to have a wide range of friends… human and non-human.

It only took the team a week to find and kill Thanos once Tony was back. Nebula and Carol were a big help. They had an idea to get the stones back to wish that everyone who died in The Blip come back. I was hopeful and extremely nervous at the same time. Steve told me that they were going in the spaceship that Tony was saved in and that it was fast enough to go 183 light years in a second. Thor finally got his revenge by chopping off Thanos head. Since he didn't kill him a month before he's been angry and frustrated at himself for going for Thanos's chest and not his head. I hope that he lets some of his anger go. It's so weird seeing him grumpy most of the time. He was gone for a while before The Blip ever happened. He and Banner were stuck on this planet and forced to fight each other in a tournament. Banner doesn't remember how he got there, and Thor and his brother were sent there when they fell out of a Bitfrost while fighting their sister who was trying to kill them. And I thought that I had problems because my brother was too overprotective of me when I was a teen. Thor and his siblings were on a whole different level.

Since my brother Sam became great friends with Steve, he also felt like family to me since the day that I met him when I was 16. He even calls me his little sister now. I was so nervous to meet all of the Avengers all at once. They were so down to earth and made me feel comfortable. Steve and I became even closer after my brother died. Sometimes we talk for hours on the phone or watch shows at the same time while on the phone. A lot of times I will have to explain the jokes to him because he wouldn't get the reference. Steve tells me stories of his childhood with Bucky. He sounds happy when he tells them to me. A few times I can catch a glimpse of sadness in his voice. I was surprised to find out that Steve could sing. I don't even think that the world knows that Captain America can sing. He shocked the shit out of me when he and Nat came to one of my karaoke parties a few years ago. I also enjoy visiting the team at the Avengers compound. I have fun cooking for them too. The only people there that like to cook are Wanda and Rhodes. Most of their food is catered for. At times I felt like quitting my job so that I could cook full time somewhere. I love cooking and am very good at it. It's one of my favorite passions besides dancing. I have a license to cater yet only really cook for my friend's parties. I used to rent a dance studio with my friends. Unfortunately, I lost that after The Blip because less people wanted to continue dancing and we couldn't afford the rent anymore. I know that I have a hard time accepting help. I believe it's from losing my parents at a young age and growing up very independent. I know that it's something that I will have to get over some day. Steve was upset with me because I didn't tell him about it. He said that he would have done all that he could for me to stay there. He knew how much I loved dancing and teaching kids how to dance. Maybe one day in the future I'll try to rent a studio or even buy one with my friends again. I also could have asked Tony because he once told me that if I needed anything not to hesitate to ask. I've grown closer to him over the past years because I've babysat his daughter Megan a lot and gave her dance lessons. She is so adorable and smart. She's also hilarious just like her father.

When The Blip first happened, I was so devastated with all of the lost all at once. It was a lot to handle. I lost my appetite and when I did eat it was just a little bit of food. My aunt and cousins were so worried about me. I even went to a therapist to try to deal with it. I figured that it was a good way to try to cope with my emotions. Especially since I lost so much weight the months after my brother died. Steve really helped me a lot and his pep talks are one of the reasons that I got better. Especially when he told me that Sam wouldn't' want me to be like that. I also felt Steve's pain from losing his childhood best friend. It's crazy how you can deeply mourn a person that you never met before. Steve was like family to me and he loved Bucky as if he was his brother. I never had a chance to meet Bucky. The one time that I could have met him I was too sick to travel because I had the flu. Even though he was himself he was still brainwashed by Hydra if he heard the ten trigger words. Steve decided to take him to Wakanda because they granted him amnesty and had a better chance to figure out how to deprogram him. Bucky was placed into a cryostasis state which is basically being frozen without killing you. They wanted time to figure out a cure for his brainwashing. That didn't sound as crazy as it was if I didn't know of that technology due Bucky being frozen by technology off and on for around 80 years. His poor tortured soul had been through so much.

I've known the rest of the Avengers since I was a sophomore in high school. I met them at a party that Tony Stark had when my brother was fairly new to the team. I remember that day like it was yesterday. When Sam introduced me to Tony, he told me that I couldn't be Sam's sister because I was too pretty. Tony is the best. Then Sam introduced me to Nat when he was getting a drink at the bar. She was very nice and we talked for a long time. I was kind of star struck or just in awe when I met Thor. I mean he's an alien technically. The Greek mythology was actually true about him being a God of Thunder. I had so many questions yet didn't want to bombard him with them. We got along pretty well. He and Tony were cracking jokes nonstop. My abs actually were hurting from laughing so much. I noticed that there were a lot of older war vets though out the party. They all had to be in their 80's. I really liked how Tony included them. One of the veterans dropped something on the floor and I picked it up and handed it to him.

"Oh, thanks young lady," he said in a feeble voice.

"You're welcome," I said with a smile.

Sam mentioned that Tony had pool tables in a game room and asked if I wanted to play. Of course I wanted to play. We had a pool table in our basement growing up as kids. Clint, Nat, and Thor followed us to the game room to watch us play. I beat Sam three games out of one. I blame my lost on my distraction because one of the war vets were drunk and kept on shouting, "Excelsior!"

After we finished playing pool, I got a virgin cocktail and sat on one of the sofas with most of the team. My brother stayed at the bar because there were a group of pretty women there that were flirting with him. There weren't any guys there around my age. Even if they were Sam probably wouldn't let any of them talk to me alone. Clint mentioned that he should have brought his son and daughter. I later got a chance to meet them and his wife Laura at the compound a few months after that.

Thor had explained Asgard to me and the differences with the lore and what actually happened. I was surprised when he told me that Zeus was a jerk and that his father never liked him. After a while Sam joined us and we all talked and laughed for hours. I felt so welcomed there and the team instantly felt like family. We couldn't stay that long because Sam had to make an early flight the next morning. I didn't know then that it was because he was helping Steve locate Bucky. Steve was set on finding him back then because he swore that he could make him remember him again. It's crazy to think that Bucky tried to kill Steve and my brother years ago. Now both my brother and Bucky are dead. They died as heroes trying to protect us from Thanos. We lost so many people during The Blip. Half of the entire universe disappeared. I'm so glad that Thor chopped his head off years ago because he's taken so much from this world.

Things were very stressful for me months after the Blip. I hated my job even more due to a lot of bullshit that was going on. I had planned on going back to school after a while but since everything was so unsure, I decided to save the money that was left to me from my parent's life insurance. I'm 25 now and even miss how Sam was extremely overprotective of me. What I would give for him to magically come back and nag me for the rest of my life and call me Big Head on a daily basis. Sam got a kick out of scaring most of the guys that I dated. Some deserved it. I haven't dated anyone seriously in three years since I broke up with my crazy ass ex. Michael. He seemed sweet at first. I was still grieving my brother so I may have been vulnerable and not able to see things as they were. When I introduced him to Thor, Clint, and Nat, Thor seemed like he didn't like him that much. I wasn't sure why then… maybe it was just his intuition. He turned out to be nothing that I thought that he was. Besides finding out that he was sleeping with someone else he also was on cocaine. One day after we broke up, he flipped out in a rage because I didn't want to be with him anymore. How could he even expect me to still want him after he slept with someone else, and I found out that he was on drugs. Besides my trust being broken I couldn't see myself dealing with an addict when it wasn't love. I may have tried to help until I saw that there was no hope if it was just the drugs.

That day he shook me then pushed me to the ground making me hit my head on my coffee table. I was bleeding so much and too dizzy to even try to defend myself. I didn't know if I should have just acted like I passed out or tried to run away. I wasn't that far from the front door. Michael gripped my shirt and pulled me off the floor. He swung to punch me, and I moved myself out of his way. He punched a hole in the wall where my head would have been. Then he pushed me back to the floor and kicked me in my stomach a few times. The pain was unbearable. I actually wanted to pass out so I wouldn't feel anything. He stormed out of my house cursing and screaming. I was in shock for a while and didn't even try to move because I was in so much pain. 'You can't just lay here. You have to get up to get help,' I thought to myself. The entire room felt like it was spinning and my vision was blurry. I felt like I was going to throw up. "Please, God help me." I started to slowly crawl towards the door. I was too dizzy to even try to stand up. It felt like it was taking me forever, yet I never gave up hope. Once I got to my door, I climbed up it so that I could turn the knob. I stepped outside onto my porch and fell to the ground.

My neighbor Pat saw me and took me to the hospital. She called my grandmother, and she called Steve. My face and shirt were covered in blood. I was so afraid because I didn't know how badly I was injured. Once I got to the hospital, I felt more relieved. I had so many bruises all over my body, a bruised rib, and I had to get stitches on my forehead. I still have a tiny scar now if someone looks closely. My hair usually covers it. Steve told my best friend Erica from childhood, so she also went to see me at the hospital.
Steve and Rhodes were the first Avengers to get to the hospital. Steve flipped out when he saw me. He wanted to seriously find and hurt Micheal. I begged him not to do anything because if he couldn't control his strength, he could have easily killed him. I definitely didn't want anything negative attached to the countries beloved Captain America… even though he was purely acting like most brothers would.

I had told my cousin Aaron what happened, and the word spread to all of my male cousins. Within hours all my male cousins in the city went to his house and beat him up. I didn't want Nat or Clint to find out because it was a greater possibility that they would kill him instead of just hurting him. It wasn't something that I could prevent anyway because they would have found out what happened regardless.

When they did find out I was so scared that they would kill him. Nat's been an assassin for years before she decided to take another path in her life. I still believe that she would 100% kill someone that didn't have anything to do with a mission with the Avengers. I was kind of afraid for Michael's life for a while. Even though he was a jerk I still liked his mom. Plus, Nat could have done something, and it would have never shown on her face because she's a trained spy since childhood. Thor was so upset when he got to the hospital. I saw lightening pulse in his eyes and got nervous thinking that he might affect the medical equipment on the floor. Then it ran through his arms and the lights flickered. One of my machines sparked which made me jump.

"Thor!" Steve called out.

"Calm down, man," Rhoes said as Steve pulled him into the hallway.

I heard the doctors talking saying that Thor had to leave because he was affecting the machines. All of this is crazy. I wanted to break down and cry.

"All right all right I'm fine," Thor said.

"You good?" Rhodes asked.

"He'll be fine doctor," Steve said. "Sorry for the disturbance. He's… well… she's like family to us."

I couldn't hold it any longer. Hearing the word family also made me think of my brother and I started to cry. "Hey…. You're gonna be ok," Erica said. Steve Rhodes and Thor rushed back into the room with concerned looks on their faces.

"Sarah… you're gonna be ok kid," Steve said.

"Yeah… and that puny excuse for a man is toast," Thor nearly growled.

"Don't," I muttered.

"I am truly sorry that this happened to you Sarah," Thor said with his voice breaking.

"He definitely deserves an ass whopping," Rhodes said clinching his fist.

"I agree," Thor said."

I saw Steve shake his head no as if he was giving a clue for them not to talk about it anymore. My thoughts weren't that clear because I was given pain medication. Honestly, I just wanted to go to sleep and pretend that none of this happened. My eyelids were getting heavier. I didn't want any of them going after Micheal because of the mind state that they were in. Thor has killed hundreds of people in battle in his 1,500-year life span. Killing Micheal wouldn't even phase him. Erica told me to get some rest and she pulled Steve out to the hallway. Thor sat down on one of the chairs and I finally closed my eyes. I was too tired to keep them open plus the drugs were kicking in even more. I can't believe that my day turned out this way. I'm glad that he didn't hurt me more than he did. My grandparents would be devastated if they lost another grandchild. They already lost my parents.

Tony Stark had asked me to move into the Avenger's compound so that I would be safer. I figured that it was a good idea. I moved the day I was discharged from the hospital. Erica, Steve, and Thor helped me pack my things. She was dropped off at her apartment then we drove to the Avengers compound. Tony came out to greet me while Steve and Thor carried a few boxes inside.

"Welcome welcome welcome. Whatever you need kid just ask me," Tony said.

"Thank you so much."

"No worries. Just get better. I'm unofficially adopting you. How does that name Sarah Stark sound?" he said then chuckled.

"I would be honored in being your unofficial daughter… though I don't think that… you're old enough to be my father."

"Ha! So kind of you… but you knooow technically," he said with an eyebrow raised.

"Oh no. TMI don't need to know," I said laughing.

"Morgan is going to love you being here."

"She's a great kid. She takes after her father."

"Aww… cut it out with the complements," he said while making a keep going motion with his hands.

I chuckled.

It took some time for me to adjust to everything there. It was like a fort with the highest security and felt like a college dorm at times. Everyone had their own bedroom yet shared a huge den and kitchen with two refrigerators. Pepper asked me how I wanted my room decorated. Her question confused me at first. Then she explained that she would order whatever type of furniture I wanted and have it painted in my favorite color. I thought that it was a bit much, yet she really wanted me to have everything that I wanted in my room. I was very appreciative of everything that Tony and Pepper did for me. She is so sweet and motherly, and I just love the Stark's little daughter Morgan. I had fun teaching her how to dance once I felt better. She caught on to all the steps really quickly. That little girl has talent, and she is so smart. She's too adorable and makes me want to have kids of my own one day. I have to find a husband first… or a sperm donner the way my luck is.

Nat wanted to train me in combat and guns. She wanted me to be able to protect myself better if I were attacked by anyone again. She's only 5ft. 4 and can easily take down a tall ass man with an arm behind her back. I'm 5 ft. 6 and still had a shocked look on my face anytime I was able to get out of a hold or flip Clint while I was being trained. I'm pretty sure that he was taking it easy on me. I was still surprised that I could do it. He's heavier than he looks. Nebula joined in my training after a few days. I got to learn more about her. She was more approachable now since the last time that I saw her. I know she's been through hell and back being raised by Thanos. So, I can understand how that can shut someone down. Plus, she was getting used to living on another planet. Everything that Nat, Clint, and Nebula taught me gave me a bit more confidence in my security if I ever had to bump into Michael again or just anyone in general that tried to hurt me. I later got a permit to carry. Nat wanted me to be able to protect myself as well as possible. She taught me about guns and took me to the gun range at the compound to practice. She is nothing to be played with. I actually got really good at hitting my targets after a few months of her training. I hit around 80% off all my targets and that included moving targets and me rolling and flipping. At first, I looked at her like she was crazy when she asked me to flip then shoot a gun. She knew that I could flip easily since I was a dancer. It wasn't as hard as it seemed. Plus, she trained me or hours at a time with shooting and self-defense. I felt like I was in boot camp or FBI training. Happy Hogan even got involved with my training and boxed with me. Nat even had me in the gym everyday lifting weights. My body was so sore, yet she kept on pushing me to go on. My muscles got even more defined than they were when I was a dance instructor when I still had my studio.

Rocket and Tony walked in on us training one day. Tony had his arms folded while watching us. I got a bit nervous thinking that he was analyzing everything… which he does with everything. I flipped Nat on the mat when she charged at me. The first time that she asked me to flip her weeks ago I was so scared that she was going to accidentally get hurt. Nat reassured me that she wasn't.

"Ok tiny dancer," Tony called out.

"Ha! Tiny Dancer," Rocket chuckled.

Nat flipped herself upright from the ground like she was Bruce Lee. Well… The Black Widow.

"She's getting really good," Nat said as she moved her bright red hair from her face.

"She sure is," Tony agreed.

"You're turning into a warrior. Keep it up kid," Rocket said.

I grinned and said thanks. "You know kiddo… with more training I could easily see you as an Avenger," Tony said. I huffed and laughed. It took all of my concentration to not automatically roll my eyes at his comment.

"Thanks Tony. But I'm not there or anywhere close to that. I am not Avengers material… Sam was."

"Aww give yourself a little bit more credit. I've seen you flip and shoot a bullseye. It's in your genes."

"I'll leave that up to the trained professionals."

"Well, every professional got there from being trained. What do you think Romanoff has been doing these past weeks… training," Tony said lifting one eyebrow.

"You are really good," Nat said. "I'm really impressed on how quickly you picked up on things."

I had an image of me in a suit helping fighting crime and terrorist alongside everybody. That's just a fantasy. I have dreamed about it before when Sam was alive. His excitement about being on the team just made me curious about everything.

"Well honestly… it would be cool… but... I… I don't have any special abilities like Wanda, Thor, or Banner… or years of training like you and Clint. Of course if I had super powers or indestructible I would want to be one in a heartbeat."
"Oh I can make you indestructible," Tony said. "Do you want to try out a prototype Iron Man suit? I made Pepper a blue one a few months ago."

"Wha…? Wow Pepper has a suit."

"Yeah… she doesn't practice in it that much. Morgan has worn the helmet more times than her when she's playing around the house."

"Aww," I mused.

"It's the most adorable thing to watch," Nat said as her eyes got misty.

I knew that Nat wanted a child one day and was robbed of having a natural one when she was forced to train as an assassin at a young age. She loves Clint's kids so much. She lights up every time they are around. Nat cleared her throat and walked over to the side of the gym and picked up her bottle of blue Gatorade.

"One day Morgan will be a pro in whatever suit I make for her," Tony said.

"Do you… Do you want her to be an Avenger when she grows up?" I asked.

"I'll leave that up to her if that's what she would like to do. It's in her genes as well to make the world a better and safer place."

"Wow… she would be a bad ass in it." I would just worry like crazy about her.

"Oh, I can imagine. My wife just needs to get used to the suit. She's already saved my life without one when she was exposed to Extremis. Thank God that's out of her system now."

"Yeah, I'm glad that Banner knew how to get rid of it," I said.

"Yeah… Jolly Green is just… amazing," Tony said then sighed.

"I just love all of the knowledge here," Rocket said. "I'm learning so much."

"Yeah, Rocket is a great addition to the team," Tony said. "I still boggles my mind at times that you're a brilliant racoon my little buddy."

Nebula walked in the gym looking like she was looking for someone. Her eyes widened a bit when she looked at Rocket. "So does it boggle your mind that blue man group over there is a cyborg?" Rocket asked then snickered. I heard Nebula silently grunt.

"How many times do I have to tell you to clean up your mess in the Benatar?!" Nebula growled looking directly at Rocket.

"Cool your heels terminator. Tony wanted me for something… I'll get to it."

I swear they argue like a married couple.

"I stomped my toe on the pipe you left on the floor."

"I'm sorry… I'll get to it."

Tony sighed.

"Rocket we can do the experiment later in a few hours."

"Ok thanks," he said then walked away with Nebula.

"And you," Tony said as he turned to me. "I was wondering if you wanted to wear a test suit to try it out for fun. It's not even painted yet. Ya know… If you want to know what it feels like flying? It's less crazy when Thor had his hammer."

"Well, that was scary as hell. My eyes were closed most of the time and I had goggles on so the wind wouldn't hurt them. And… I refuse to go in the Bitfrost with him. I… I don't think that I ever will. That's just too crazy… being transported to other worlds or the other side of earth in seconds."

"It's not that Bad," Nat said while she was putting her hair in a ponytail. "You should try it one day. Explore woman."

I gently chuckled.

"My idea of exploring is going to Egypt via plane or hiking… with a lot of first aid and weapons and survival gear for survival purposes. Seen too many movies where campers are all of a sudden fighting for their lives due to bears or some killer that crossed their path."

Nat chuckled.

"Well, I can agree with you about having things to be prepared for anything. See… you're thinking like an Avenger in training already," Nat said.

I playfully rolled my eyes at her.

"Hey, didn't you like it when Wanda first made you float?" Tony asked.

"Ahhh… Yeah. It just felt weird. You can feel her magic around you. It's hard to explain how it really feels. It's like butterflies in your stomach… plus a weird light tingling feeling all over your skin. Hey has she…"

"No, she's never made me float before," Tony answered before I could get the full question out.

"I'm sure that you are at least curious about it," I asked.

"I trust technology more than magic. Plus, I already know what it feels like to fly."

"True."

I grabbed my bottle of water and Nat hugged my side. I tried my best not to flinch due to the pain. I couldn't wait to take a long hot bath. My muscles were so sore. I swear I have never worked out this much in my entire life. I just know that all of this pain is worth it. When I got to my room, I looked at my framed picture of Sam and Steve. I see it every day yet this time my eyes started to tear. I just imagined hearing his voice telling me that he was proud of me. I'm so glad that I'm at a place where I can feel peace when thinking of him and not loss and anger. He was my everything when I was growing up. I am never going to stop missing him… that will just be a part of my life until I'm taking my last breath.

The months that I stayed at the Avenger's compound were very interesting. I learned a lot more about everyone and I didn't miss my stressful job at all. Tony paid for my utilities at my house, and all my bills such as my car insurance and cell phone while I was there. I was so appreciative of everything that he was doing for me. My nonofficial job… which I would have done for free anyway was Morgan's babysitter when Tony and Pepper were both busy. I was also her dance instructor and we had scheduled days to practice dancing for hours. We always had fun and it never felt like she was bored. Nat even learned some steps that I taught Morgan and we all performed for the team and Pepper's immediate family.

I got to know more about Rocket too. My heart ached hearing about how he was tortured when he was a baby racoon. He told me how this mad man did experiments on him and other creatures to try to advance them. All of his friends were killed the day he escaped from him. I started to cry while he was telling me his story. He hopped up on my lap and gave me a hug.

"I'm so sorry that that happened to you. He was fucking crazy."

"Well, he was hell bent on making his own world. He never saw the wrong in hurting creatures. He actually looked human. His skin was way darker than yours. He looked like an African American. Don't worry little lady. I got him good. Tore off his entire face with my claws."

"Did… Did he die?"

"I don't know. I was outta there. Stole a ship and found a new planet to stay on. I didn't meet Groot til years later. Then I met the rest of the Guardians around 10 years after that."

Rocket sighed. I knew thinking about his past was upsetting. Especially since his best friend went away in the Blip. I started to rub the fur on top of his head to comfort him.

"I know you miss them. I miss my brother too. We have to be strong for all of them."

I asked him if he wanted to go to the lab because he loved to invent things. His face brightened up. Yeah, I wanna show you what I've been working on. Once we got there, he was quickly scurrying around to show me all of the things that he was working on. If the past me had known that I would have a talking raccoon show me his inventions I wouldn't believe it one bit. Wow this is my life now.

Besides getting to know Rocket and Nebula better by living in the same building, I grew closer to Thor too. His room was right next to mine. I told him about all of my emotions after my brother died and why it was hard for me to eat. My depression made me skinny while his made him fat. People handle stress and depression in different ways. He mentioned how he had a bad feeling about Michael and didn't really know why. He just knew that he didn't like or trust him. I started to see his mental state manifest. Even though he finally got a chance to kill Thanos he was definitely still depressed. Sometimes he can be upbeat and funny at times. Other times he's just sitting in a chair with a furious stare at the floor or the wall. He had gained a lot of weight and let his beard grow really long. I'm glad that he felt close enough to me to talk to me about it. He told me that felt guilty about not killing Thanos in Wakanda and blamed himself for The Blip. The pain in his voice broke my heart. This man had been through so much. Not because he's 1,500 years old… because so much crazy shit happened to him in the past eight years. He's lost his father, had to kill his sister, his planet blew up, and Thanos killed his brother Loki and his best friend Heimdall right in front of him. Because Thor is close to being immortal, it has to be even more painful losing people who you thought would live for centuries more. It's understandable that he's going through depression right now. A lot of people would have gone there if they went through all of the things that he had in a short period of time. Plus his girlfriend Jane broke up with him a few years before all of that happened. I just hope that he gets better and realizes that The Blip wasn't his fault. It breaks my heart to see people that I love in pain. Thor's life has been so tragic. So has Nat's. She doesn't even know who her parents are and was forced to be an assassin as a child and sterilized. It's really heartbreaking to think of all the pain that my friends have been through. I just hope that in time things will get better for everybody. Since life is short, I'm going to try my best to make each day positive.

It really felt like a second home the months that I was at the Avengers compound. Many nights I would hang out with Steve, Nat, Thor, and Wanda in the living room. Banner was always doing scientific experiments… sometimes with Tony. Rhodes usually went to bed around 10. It' crazy how I got so used to being friends with an alien, witch, a Hulk, Super Solider, and billionaire. I guess I can add former assassins too. Seriously not the combination of friends that would calmly agree to your request to not hurt your ex because he put you in the hospital. My cousins beat him up pretty bad and even broke a few of his ribs. Honestly, I don't feel bad about that at all. I'm going to be mentally scared longer than his physical wounds. I do have this big scare on my forehead that I cover with bangs. Tony told me that he had some technology that would make my scar go away completely. I know that he's a genius. I just wasn't ready to have something like that put regenerated skin from my cells. Maybe one day. It doesn't even bother me that much now. Well it is a reminder… so… maybe one day. All I know is that my ex better be glad that the Avengers listened to me to not hurt him. Well I think that they all did. I'm still not so sure with Clint and Nat. They are the king and queen of secret operations and can easily hide if they did something.

When mostly everyone wasn't busy the team made a point to spend time together and have fun. It was their way to decompress. We played video games, Pictionary, even bowled in Tony's alley that he had built in the compound. Unfortunately, Banner couldn't participate anymore because he kept on smashing pin after pin with his bowling ball. He claimed that he would get the hang of it. After the sixth pin burst Tony raised his hands over his head out of frustration.

"That's it… That's it! At this rate we will never finish a game. Banner you're out," he huffed.

"Sorry big guy," Steve said. "This is not the time for Hulk to smash."

All of us laughed at Steve's comment. The all woman team lost. Tony's team killed our score. I'm pretty sure that they had more practice than I did. Plus Tony, Happy, and Rhodes are old enough to be my dad. And Clint's hand eye coordination doesn't even seem human since he's so good with shooting targets with his arrows. Even though Nat was very good it wasn't enough to win. Tony and Clint were doing happy dances taunting us because they won. I kinda wish that Wanda would have used her powers to make sure that she got strikes more often. Technically that would be using her skills just as Clint used his to knock down the pins. I know that I'm stretching the concept of a fair game. I should ask them to practice with me later this week so we can one day do a happy dance circling them like they did us.

Later on that week Steve and Nat suggested that we have a karaoke party because they were used to going to mine at my house. I loved my parties and enjoyed cooking a lot of food for them. It blew me away when Thor rapped all of the lyrics to a Jay Z song. After that I started calling him T-Money for fun. He got a kick out of it. Then Tony started calling him T-Money as well. I still have that party on video and I crack up every time I watch it as if it's the first time that I ever seen it. One day Steve trusted me to cut his hair. I was used to doing my girlfriends hair and Sam trusted me to cut his when he came home from the Air force. It came out really good. Then Thor asked me to cut his hair and trim his beard. After that I was the one cutting their hair the entire time that I lived there. The Stark's wouldn't have mind if I stayed there longer or even just permanently moved in. I was just used to having my own privacy being as though I had lived in my own house for a while. It was a memorable experience that I will cherish forever… even though the reason I was there in the first place was sad. In an odd way this was my small taste of living in a dorm since I never lived in one when I was in college. My roommates just weren't my age and had super abilities and magical powers.

I'm glad that I haven't seen Michael since the day that I was attacked. I was told that he later moved out of the city after he was released from jail. He was only in there for a few months. I was lucky that people saw him leave my house and some home surveillance caught him on video. I was glad that he moved yet I was still a bit nervous about running into him; he still had family in Maryland. Restraining orders don't mean shit if they can just hurt you anyway. The Avengers didn't care that it was rumored that he moved after he spent a short time in jail. Imagine begging a Hulk, Super Solder, two trained assassins, and a God of Thunder not to fuck up your ex. Michael should consider himself lucky that my cousins just broke a few bones. I'm also glad that they never got caught.

I moved back into my house after a few months. Now that I think about it I should have stayed at the compound. Tony had suggested that I lived with the team a bit longer. I guess I was a bit too confident that I knew how to protect myself and had a license to carry. I also missed having my own space. I can walk around my house in just panties if I wanted to and have total silence when I wanted to relax. There was still a position for me at the job that was draining the life out of me. I'm going to quit as soon as I find something better. Jobs are just so hard to come by since The Blip. If it gets too crazy I may just ask if I could work at Happy's company or Starks industries. I struggle so much to ask for favors from them. Tony would have definitely helped me keep my dance studio if I asked. He would even give me a job at his company. I'm not sure if its stubbornness or my independence that keeps me from asking for help. I hated that some people felt sorry for me because I was an orphan and I wanted to show people that I knew how to take care of myself. I may just break down one day and ask Pepper or Tony for a job. I really hate where I am. I feel like it's slowly draining my soul. Fuck slowly… that shits on hyper speed.

I haven't dated anyone since I broke up with Michael three years ago. It's not that I don't want to… my trust is just broken. I'm definitely not heartbroken over him. I'm mad that I wasted two years of my life with him. I can admit that it's a bit frustrating that I haven't had sex this long… it basically feels like decades. Of course I want to. I would be less stressed out if I did. My job stresses me the hell out on a daily basis. It's not the work it's the upper management and all of their bullshit. Sexually harassing people, threatening people to sleep with them to keep their job, doing blatant racist things and favoritism with promoting people who are less qualified than people that have been there for ages. The crazy thing is that my director never gets in trouble because she's sleeping with the CEO of the company. I've seen them flirting when they didn't notice me. I really want to quit. At times I feel like I'm torturing myself because I actually do have options if I just considered asking for help from the Stark's or Happy. Trust me…. I would be gone in a split second if I were being sexually harassed. Only the men get that from my bitch of a director. She's evil and batshit crazy. I have to figure something out soon because I really don't need any extra stress in my life.

My girlfriends have been trying to hook me up with guys that they know yet I know for a fact that I have an issue with fully trusting someone since my ex. He pretended so much and wound up a dog and very violent. So it's hard for me to feel comfortable with dating someone new that I know nothing about. So I basically haven't dated anyone in the last three years due to fear. When my friends try to hook me up with someone, I just make excuses or show zero interest. At one point I thought of being celibate until I got married. Then realized how unrealistic that would be for me. Some of my girlfriends look at me like I'm some type of anomaly because it's been so long. It's definitely not easy. Watching romance scenes are halfway irritating to me now. The other half I can appreciate and imagine that it's myself with one of my favorite actors. I am a sucker for romance and want all of my friends to be in happy relationships. I've just been a bit hesitant to try to date because of what I've been through. I'm constantly hit on by guys that I see in public. I'm always thinking that they could turn out to be a dog or ever worse… secretly on drugs and violent. I try my best to relax by meditating. I use my sex toys more often than I meditate though. My bedroom nightstand is full of them. I even given some of my sex toys names. Jason and Idris are my favorite. I still get to enjoy dancing… though it's not as good as sex. I turned a part of my basement into a dance studio with a mirrored wall. Dancing helps me clear my head. I started going to dance school at the age of three and sang in my school quire from middle school to high school. Dancing and singing were my life. My parents loved watching me perform. I didn't choose singing as a career. I at least chose dance as a part time career through my dance school. After I graduated from college it was just about paying my bills so I wouldn't blow through the money left to me.

Clint hasn't been at the compound for a few weeks. Nat is worried about him because he went on a revenge mission. I do know that the death of his entire immediate family from The Blip has taken a toll on him which is understandable. Nat told me that he's in a different headspace now. She didn't go into much detail but seeing the news and a man with a sword dressed in a black and green leather jacket built just like him made me think that Clint was the mysterious Ronin. I asked Nat later about that and she just gave me a confirming look like I was correct.

I took some time off of work and visited the compound for a few days. My bedroom was decorated just as I left it when I briefly lived there. Sometimes I wished that I never moved out. But then I think of the lack of total silence that I can have at home. Wanda and I cooked dinner for everyone the first night I was there. I was used to seeing her move stuff around in the kitchen with her magic by now. I missed that Clint wasn't there. Nat told me that he would move back into the compound soon. He just had to get a few things out of his system. Which basically means he has to kill a few bad people that he wished that he killed in the past. As nice and sweet as Clint and Nat are… they are not the type of superheroes that would rather lock a criminal up than kill them.

Nat and I stayed up all night talking. For a moment I forgot about all of my stress and just had a good time talking to one of my best friends. We heard a knock on the door then Banner saying that he had snacks for us to eat. "Well come on in then," I said then laughed. He opened the door and had a large box of cupcakes in one hand. I noticed the name on the box right away. I loved their cupcakes.

"I figured you gals would want these," Banner said with a grin. "I know how much you loved these from when you lived here."

"Oh thank you. I love that bakery."

"How many did you eat so far?" Nat asked.

"Oh I have an entire two boxes for myself."

"Wow… I wish I had your metabolism," I mused.

"I'm pretty sure you don't want me to zap you with gamma rays," he said chuckling.

"No I'll pass on that. I'll just eat less cupcakes."

"Well I'm eating at least three," Nat said.

"Well ok… that's the spirit," Banner said as he handed her the box. "See you two later. Ya know its 4 in the morning. The sun will be up soon."

"Oh we don't plan to be at breakfast. We are definitely sleeping in late."

"Ok… have fun with your mini little slumber party."

"We will," we both said in unison.

Banner walked out of the room and closed the door. I was waiting until he took a few more steps down the hallway to make my comment that popped in my head.

"I'm sure you're gonna work that off later tonight with Banner."

"Maybe," she said with a sly grin.

"You guys are sooo confusing. Why don't you two just make it official? You know that man loves you."

"I told you… it's complicated."

"You're one of the bravest women I know. Stop being scared of love. Shit I wish that I had someone that adored me like he does you."

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I just need time to think about a few things. I don't want to hurt him if I'm not… ready." I huffed a bit. "Oh stop huffing and stick a cupcake in your mouth."

Nat quickly put the cupcake near my mouth, almost smashing the icing on my face. I took it out of her hand and playfully rolled my eyes at her.

"Ya know…" she mused then paused.

"What… What were you about to say?"

"Oh nothing."

"Really. Ugg I hate when people do that."

"Well, it's not for me to tell… so."

I squinted my eyes at her. What was not for her to tell? She gave me a look like she wasn't going to tell me no matter how much I asked. Dammit… why would she bring something up then not tell me. And what's for her not to tell me. Is it something that someone else must tell me? I huffed and took a bite out of the cupcake.

I did enjoy myself being here. One night after we all watched a movie in the den, we all drank wine then played charades. A few were tipsy with the exception of Thor and Steve. Steve can't get drunk if he tried and Thor can only get drunk from beer from Asgard. I felt like it was the last day of camp the day that I left to go home. When I was a teenager, I always regretted the last day of sleep away camp in the Poconos. We had fun every day that I was at the compound. It took some of the edge off with the stress of my job and I guess the stress of being celibate. Everyone hugged me when I left and Steve drove me home. The three-hour drive seemed longer than usual. So many things were on my mind. I took a nap and dreamed about Sam and Bucky which just made me sad. When I opened my eyes, Steve looked at me and asked if I was ok.

"Yeah… I'm ok," I answered.

"You look upset."

"Oh… Well. Ahh..." I didn't really want to say it because I didn't want him to get emotional.

"There's a lot of things to be upset about now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around things and I'm counseling people going through depression from The Blip."

"Well you're an excellent consular. You're so insightful and compassionate."

"I try to help as many people as I can."

"And I appreciate you for that. You've helped me so much over the past few years."

"Well, you are one of my favorite people," he said with a smile.

"Aww… you are too."

Steve asked if I wanted to sing. He knew that it would make me feel better. So I put on my favorite songs and we took turns singing lead. I almost spit out my water when he tried to sing like Rhianna. I would always sing with my brother Sam. I miss him so much. I'm sure that he's happy that I have Steve to look out for me and that we have become close as family. When I got home I watched videos of the team and I having fun. I really wish that these past years were just a bad dream. I'm trying my best to stay positive and just pray that we don't have to go through anything else as crazy as Thanos.

I didn't have much to do this weekend. I ate lunch with some of my best girlfriends downtown then went home to catch up on TV. I was watching Shameless on Netflix and got a text to turn on the news. I turned on the news and the headline was, 'Blip people return.' My mind could not register everything at first. I felt like I was frozen and the words that the news reporter were saying sounded muffled as I felt myself getting overwhelmed. Then all of a sudden I could clearly make out what they were saying as they showed videos of people reappearing out of thin air. I still was too scared to move. Did this mean that Sam was back? I snapped out of my frozen state and looked at my phone. I called Steve and it went to voice mail. "What the fuck is going on!" I yelled angrily. I called a few Avengers hoping that someone would answer their phones. I called Rhodes and his phone went to voice mail. The same thing with Banner and Clint. I called Nat. "Please pick up… please pick up," I cried.

I spent the entire day worrying and talking to my friends that now had their loved ones back that just reappeared out of nowhere. I was praying that my brother, Bucky, Parker, and The King of Wakanda were back. The news had multiple stories explaining that the people suddenly appeared where they last were. Sam was in Wakanda when he disappeared so I figured if everyone was brought back that he would be there. I wasn't even sure if 'everyone' had come back. I spent most of the day crying holding a sofa pillow while watching the news in my living room. My heart would jump every time I got a call from someone asking if I knew anything about Sam. Then I got a call that made me jump up from the sofa and cover my mouth. It was Steve's ring tone. I was so nervous I felt dizzy like I was going to throw up and pass out. My chest started to hurt. I was frozen again. Answer the phone idiot before he hangs up.

"Steve!"

"Sarah, oh my God. Thank God I got you."

"The news is saying that people came back from The Blip," I cried.

"Yes… Yes. I have someone that needs to speak to you. Hopefully you're sitting down."

"Sam?!" I cried.

"Yes, he's back."

Once I heard my brother's voice everything went black and I fainted. When I woke up I called Steve back. I saw that I had a few missed calls from him. While the phone was ringing, I looked at the TV. My vision was still blurry, yet I could see a little and I could definitely hear the news reporter stating that the Avengers compound was destroyed and that multiple people reported seeing spaceships. My head was throbbing as I started to cry. I was terrified that the aliens were going to come back and that more people that I know got hurt or killed.

"Sarah what happened!" Steve said alarmed.

"Um… I… I fainted. Is Sam really back?"

Even though I heard his voice and heard Steve tell me that he was back, my brain couldn't trust much at this point. I was sick to my stomach.

"Oh my God are you ok. Did you hit your head?!" Steve asked.

"Umm. Umm I'm ok. It hurts a little. Sam?"

"Can someone get Sam!" he yelled out.

I got even more confused wondering how Sam was with Steve if everyone reappeared where they faded away.

"Oh My God. Um are you ok?! The news is showing the compound."

"Um… Yeah things are rough here. Thanos brought his army and-."

"Thanos? You mean just his army."

"No… Thanos. We think he used our time machine. It's too crazy to try to explain right now but they are all gone and dead. Tell Sam I have his sister on the phone!"

Time machine? I must have hit my head really hard. I heard some muffling noise in the background of Steve's call.

"Sarah, don't worry Everything's going to be ok."

"Um… I… I," I said confused. Did he really say time machine? I couldn't comprehend what was going on. "Did everyone come back?"

"Everyone on our team yes… but we lost... hey here's Sam," Steve cried.

"Hey Sarah," Sam said with his voice breaking.

"Sam! Oh my God I can't believe it."

I started to hysterically cry.

"Yes… Yes it's me," he cried. "It's ok… everything is going to be ok. I love you."

"I… love you too," I said with my voice breaking.

"I was told that I was gone for five years… but... but it literally felt like a few seconds."

"What?"

"Oh my God all of this shit is crazy. I'll explain it all later. I'm just so glad to hear your voice. I should be there later tonight."

"What in the world happen? I don't understand," I cried.

"It's just so much. After I saw my hand fade away… it was like a few seconds passed and I was back where I was standing in the jungle. Next thing I know this sorcerer is in front of me with a spinning sparkling circle telling me that I'm needed in New York to fight Thanos army. This dude made a portal and took me to New York. Hundreds of sorcerers got people from everywhere to fight. It was mad crazy."

I laid back down on the floor curled into a ball with the phone next to my face. I was trying to process all of this. I felt even dizzier and couldn't believe that my brother was talking to me. Sam also told me that Nat and Tony Stark died. So much crazy information was given to me at the same time. I was extremely happy that Sam was back and totally devastated that Nat and Tony died. I thought that I would break down into nothing. I was in total disbelief. I didn't even know how to think straight anymore. My words started to stutter or come out backwards. Sam told me to just relax and that he would be at my place in a few hours.

While my brother was coming to Maryland Steve explained that he didn't want to tell me about the time machine that Tony made. He claimed it was so that I wouldn't get my hopes up high since they weren't able to get the stones when they killed Thanos five years ago. My mind was still boggled and couldn't really understand half of the things that he was explaining to me. I was just so glad that people came back from The Blip. Hearing about Thanos and time machines… nothing felt like it was real. Even hearing' that Nat and Tony were dead didn't seem real. Oh my God Pepper and Morgan. I started to feel nauseous and ran to the kitchen and thew up in the sink. I was so distraught that I thought that I was going to go crazy. I made some peppermint tea and took a few sips and laid down on the sofa anxiously awaiting to hear Sam at the door.

I took two weeks off of work to spend time with Sam and be able to stay in New York for a while. My boss didn't hesitate to give me the time off since she knew that Sam came back and I was attending Iron Man's and Black Widow's funeral. I don't even know if two weeks will still be enough time for me to grasp the fact that my brother is alive again. If a person woke up from a coma or found after being missing for a long time… the emotions would be different because you would at least have hope. The world just accepted all of the blipped people to be gone. Vanished… due to a crazy alien with powers from a magical stones. It's all so confusing.

While Sam stayed with me I didn't want to let him out of my sight. Now I was being the overprotective one instead of him. I had to wrap my mind around the fact that he's now alive and that the Avengers went back in time with a frickn' time machine. All of this was too much… and I've seen portals in the sky on the news with alien ships attacking us. Sam told me that he was left in Tony Starks will along with all of the other Avengers. It was happy for him. Things were too hectic for him to process that he was just given a million dollars. I later found out that it was actually one cent shy of a million. That was so Tony. He always had to get the last laugh or show just how sarcastic he could be.

I knew that this week was going to be emotionally draining even before I got to the funeral. I wanted to talk to so many people who were directly involved with everything. I had so many questions that the news didn't cover for me. Rhodes and Happy made a formal comment about the attack and Tony and Nat's death. I spoke with Clint first. I knew that call was going to rip my heart apart... and it did. We were both crying on the phone. He explained that they had to go to another planet to get an infinity stone. Nat sacrificed her life so that he would live. He tried to sacrifice his life first yet she didn't let him. Hearing the pain in his voice was killing me yet I was so glad that his wife and kids were back.

"I… I don't think that I will ever be the same after this. I watched her die right in front of my eyes. In order for us to leave with the stone one of us had to sacrifice our lives. I wanted to jump off the cliff and she wouldn't let me. She actually took me down and electrocuted me so that I wouldn't get up. I tried to stop her with one of my trick arrows to knock her off balance before she got near the edge of the cliff. I ran past her and she jumped after me using her graveling hook to keep us from falling. Then she asked me to let her go. I wasn't because I wanted to sacrifice my life for the stone. She wouldn't let me and pushed herself using the cliff to loosen my grip. I… I watched her fall to her death."

"Oh my God Clint."

"The next thing that I know I'm in shallow water with the infinity stone in my hand. She risked her life to save me and for us to have the stone to bring everyone back from The Blip."

"I'm so sorry Clint." I heard him sigh. "Nat was special… I loved her like family."

"I know. She loved you like family too." I started to cry more. "It's ok Sarah. We just have to honor her memory with the love that we had for her."

"I will."

"I know it's going to be hard. But she died to bring back billions. I know now that she didn't want me to die because if we were successful with getting everyone back... she would want me there for Laura and my kids."

Talking to Clint was so heart breaking. I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the day after I spoke with him. I kept envisioning Nat falling and hitting the ground. I questioned if I should have even known exactly how she died. If no one told me I would have still been curious and wanted to know for my own sanity. I wanted to talk to Banner to see how he was doing. I knew how much Nat cared about him and that he even loved her. She was just never at a place where she would feel comfortable with them trying to have a real relationship. I thought that it would work out for them. Nat was her worst critic. She was making up excuses of why they couldn't be together… which weren't even really valid. She was just scared. Banner's phone went to voice mail so I left him a brief message. Hours later I texted him and he texted me back. I can understand how just typing would feel more comfortable than talking. I knew that his heart was broken. Shit just about everyone's heart is broken. But he was in love with her… so his heartbreak is a bit different than ours. All of this pain is enough to knock the wind out of you.

It was very hard talking to Thor. He blamed himself for Nat and Tony's death because he didn't kill Thanos in Wakanda. I tried my best to console him. He has dealt with so much heartbreak in the past few years with so many of his family and friends dying. I really hope that he can cope with all of this trauma at the same time. It seems like I've been trying my best not to cry all week while talking to people. I'm not even sure if it's healthy to hold in all of my emotions. I was so exhausted that night because I hardly got any sleep, yet I still stayed on the phone with him for some time.

I talked to Steve a few times this week. He tried to explain in detail on the things that happened. He even told me about the aliens that he got to know that helped them defeat Thanos. I was so happy for Steve that Bucky was back. When he told me that he was able to summon Thor's hammer I was in a bit of shock.

"Well… actually I could always lift it. All of us were trying to lift it after you left the first Avenger's party."

"I remember Nat telling me that Clint thought that it was a trick."

"No… it's really enchanted by Thor's father. Once I felt it lift up, I stopped. I didn't want to give Thor a heart attack."

"Wow… well you are one of the most honorable people that I know."

"Thanks Kiddo."

Steve told me that all of the team stayed at Pepper's cabins right after the battle. He explained to me that the Stark's already had a new compound that was under construction. There were houses built on the property so that the entre team would have their own home. All the houses were complete and ready for people to move into. They just were waiting for furniture. It seemed like the Starks were planning to expand after The Blip. It's great that the team will have their own home and more privacy which is different from all of them living in the same building. Sam and I were still trying our best to process everything that happened. We visited a few family members and friends over the past few days. Our cousins were so happy to see Sam. My aunt was so overjoyed and hugged him for the longest time. Sam joked that his circulation was going to get cut off if she held on to him any longer.

I was so nervous and anxious to go to Upstate New York for Tony and Nat's funeral. I just knew that I would break at some point. It was so hard to believe that they were gone. At least I was curious and exited to meet the rest of the Guardians and all of the other people involved in saving the universe. I was especially agar to meet Bucky for the first time. For so many years I regretted not being able to go to his going away party before he flew to Wakanda. Now I finally get a chance to meet him, and I feel even more nervous because I've dreamed about him so much. I really hate going to funerals and haven't been to many. I don't think that anyone actually likes funerals. They just stir up old memories of my parent's 15 years ago. At times it feels like it's only been a few years.

Steve knows how I hate funerals and the reasons. He told me that this one would feel more like a party than a regular depressing funeral. Pepper was planning dancing and drinking. So it wouldn't be a proper environment for the Stark's little daughter. Morgan wasn't going to be at the cabin because she's staying with Pepper's parents. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see her while I'm in New York. I had so much fun with her the months that I lived at the compound. I wonder if the new one will look similar to it? Sam was living at the original compound since he joined the Avengers. Now Pepper is giving him and all of the team new houses. They all will have the comfort and privacy of their own place whether they are an active Avenger or not. That was really nice of her to do that. Steve already texted me some pictures of his home. The décor was really modern for someone that was 107 years old. I mean… Steve has come a long way since he was unfrozen. He's adapted to modern life pretty well. My brother trusted the designers Pepper hired and only told them what color sofa and chairs he wanted. He's going to be wide eyed surprised when he sees everything for the first time. It's going to be like watching one of those HGTV makeover shows. I'll help him get settled and organized while I'm in New York. I might get so inspired that I may do something to my house when I get back. I love to decorate. I even have a program to build houses and decorate. I got my first one when I was a teen because I loved to build houses on my Sims game. When my cousin Aaron got his first house a few years ago I recreated his first floor just from memory from his housewarming party. He was freaking out because it looked so much like his home. I'm pretty sure I will want to recreate Sam's house on my laptop. Maybe it will help him with his vision on how he wants things? It may even help him choose colors for his rooms. I will even help him paint if he chooses a color while I'm staying with him. I know that I'm looking forward to cooking for everyone at Sam's house in a few days. Sam really likes to throw parties. Hopefully this week will be therapeutic for all of us.

I followed Sam in my SUV to the car rental so that he could return the car that he used to drive down here. He planned on replacing his car once he got settled into his new home. All of his belongings were destroyed at the old compound. Every Avenger had to get another car since they were all parked there. So far he narrowed it down to a Chevy Tahoe or Chevy Blazer. I like the Tahoe better for him because the Blazer looks too girly soccer mom'ish. My SUV is kinda old yet it gives me no issues and looks new. I wouldn't mind trading it in if I had the money to do so.

Once we were inside the car rental a few employs recognized him. It's always a heartwarming experience to have when I see people reacting to Sam in a positive way since he joined the team. Everyone in the building all came up to him periodically and thanked him for helping defeat Thanos. I was used to the attention that my brother got from being The Falcon. Of course, this was a bit different because of the circumstances. Sam literally helped save the frickn' universe. I had tears in my eyes watching everyone hug and thank him. Someone asked Sam if I was his girlfriend. Another person answered her quickly that I was his sister. She said Hi and gave me a hug. It was a bit weird yet I understood her compassion towards me. The whole world knew about Sam and that he was gone in The Blip. I was getting overwhelmed watching everyone thank Sam and taking photos with him. While walking back to my SUV I quickly wiped my first tear off of my face. I didn't want this three-hour drive to me more emotional than it had to be. He was in front of me and couldn't see my eyes anyway because of my sunglasses. I couldn't hold it in any longer and started to cry. "Heeey what's wrong Sis?" he said with his face crumbled up. I couldn't tell him right away because I knew that my voice would be too choked up. I literally thought that he was dead a week ago. Sam walked over to me and gave me a hug.

Once he hugged me I felt like it was ok to break down. "Come on now Sis… it's ok." I continued to cry.

"Sarah."

"Just (Sniff) seeing everyone… hug you. (Sniff) It's just… I… I missed you so much."

"I know. I'm back now. We good. Things are going to be ok. Calm down. Take a deep breath."

"Sam… I thought that you were dead."

"I know I know. It still freaks me out at times that I was gone for five years instead of a few seconds."

My breathing was still a bit sporadic from being upset. Sam started taking deep breaths and pointed at his face so that I would imitate him. I did a few and it helped a little. "I know that things are crazy for you now. It will get better." I took off my sunglasses and put them in my pocketbook. Then wiped the tears from my face. My eyes must be so red right now. I'm glad that I brought Visine with me. Today is going to be crazy. I don't even think that I'm mentally prepared for this.

"Take a deep breath," he said.

"Ok."

I took a few deep breaths and gently smiled at him. "No… I want a bigger smile. Where's those big dimples Big head?" I playfully rolled my eyes at him. His eyes widened as he started twirling his fingers. Oh no he's about to tickle me. Sam always gave that villain look and twirled his fingers. "Don't you dare!" I playfully warned him. He shook his head no really fast as he took a step towards me. Oh no… I will run from this mother fucker in this parking lot with everyone watching. I turned and saw that a few people were at the windows with their phones out.

"Samuel."

"Muhahahahahahaaaaa."

"Shit."

He went in for his attack and got my neck and the side of my stomach at the same time.

"Stop it... not fair," I said laughing dodging his next attempt.

"Whoa… counter moves. Impressive Grasshopper."

I giggled. My brother is so silly. He always had a way of cheering me up. I was his little sister… that was part of the job being an older brother. I really had fun with him this week. I can't wait until we can all have fun together. Steve and Sam would crack jokes on each other nonstop. I wonder if it will be like that after the funeral. I definitely know they will go at it at Sam's cookout in a few days.

I took out my keys and handed them to him. He knows that I don't like driving on highways for a long time. The ride to the Stark's was going to be a few hours. We both got in the SUV. I looked ahead and noticed that one of the customers were wiping tears away from her face. She must have seen our conversation. "Hey look." Sam looked at the building and waved. It just dawned on me that pictures and video of me crying might be on social media. I made a deep sigh. It wasn't so much of a big deal though I would like to have private moments stay that way. Sure, it feels ok when they just take pics and videos when I'm having fun with my brother or the team. Thor and Banner are the only ones that truly love the spotlight. I guess Tony did too.

The Stark's lived around 30 minutes away from the new compound at a secluded cabin near a lake. They have two cabins on the property. I plan on staying in whatever cabin my brother stays in. I definitely know that my brother would want to stay where Steve and Rhodes are staying in.

"You know mostly everyone has been at the Stark's since the battle," Sam said.

"I know… Steve told me. Clint went home to his family and will be there today. You know I talk to Steve and text on a regular basis."

"Yeah, he told me that you two even got closer when I was gone. He thinks of you as his little sister now."

"Yeah, Steve's really has been there for me."

"I'm glad that he was. I knew it had to be hard on you."

"It was. Nat and Steve made it better. I'm really going to miss her."

"I know Sis."

I sighed.

"Hey, let's do a singing battle. That will cheer you up," Sam said with enthusiasm.

"What! I can sing waaay better than you dude."

"Bring it."

Sam played all of our favorite songs along the way. We had fun singing to them. I even took video of some of it and sent it to my best friends. We sang for at least an hour. I was having a ball especially when he would try to make his riffs sound funny on purpose. I just love him. I posted some of the videos on my Facebook and tagged Sam and the rest of the team. Mostly all of my friends commented that I won. A few said that Sam won. Those are the ones that have crushes on him. Sam's friend's commented split decisions.

"Hey look! Steve said that I won. Ha!" I boosted.

"Roger's is elderly… probably has Alzheimer's."

"Oww… I'ma tell him that you said that," I laughed.

"I'm not scared of him," he said cracking up.

After our hour plus long battel we took a break from singing and just listened to the radio. I was aimlessly scrolling through Facebook and IG. I figured that some of the pictures taken today would show up. I googled my brother and saw that some of the pictures were posted. I wondered if they would make this into a story? The falcon returns rental car and shows love to his fans. Has private not so private moment with his sister in the parking lot.

I was trying to not pay attention to the grief that was trying to creep in. Singing reminded me of Nat singing with me at karaoke at my house. I kept on seeing Nat's face and remembering all the fun we had when she and Steve would come over my place or the few months that I lived with them. I put my phone up and stared out the window. I was trying my best not to cry. The thought of never seeing Nat again was heartbreaking. What was ever more heart breaking was how young the Stark's daughter was. All the pain that she has to be going through from losing her father. I was a few years older than her when our parents died and still had a hard time dealing with it. I would be a total wreck at her age. The last few days felt like a crazy ass dream. Steve even told me some of the stories of when the team went back in time. I still can't believe that Nat and Tony are dead. I know that it's dangerous for all of them when they go on missions. Sometimes you optimistically believe that people are invincible.

"You know it's ok to tell me that you're not ok," Sam said while turning down the music.

"I don't know what I am right now. Sad I guess. I was just thinking about Morgan. She's so young to deal with all of this." I sighed. "Everything's a bit much."

"Yeah, I know."

I fidgeted with the hem of my dress out of nervousness. I just wished that we could fast forward to a time where all of this didn't hurt so badly.

"I know you're a consoler, but you should get therapy too. Or at least talk things out with someone who's experienced the same shit you went through. I even went to therapy to deal with you disappearing in The Blip. You know Steve has been counseling people that lost people in The Blip for some time now. I'm sure he will be good at having you process things. Steve has helped me with my state of mind a lot these past five years."

"Oh, I plan to talk things out with Steve. But don't worry about me sis. I've seen it all and heard it all."

"But that doesn't mean you can emotionally handle it all. You're human too."

"Look at you… trying to be the older sister."

"I'm serious Sam. I want to make sure that you're ok."

"I'll be ok. Yeah, it hurts like a mother fucker that Tony and Nat are gone. Grief is a bitch."

I started thinking of our parents and my eyes started tearing up again. Am I going to be a wreck when I get there thinking of everyone's pain trying my best not to cry to make it worse.

"How can I not break down when we get there… I have to see everyone's face and know what they just went through."

"Everyone there is a bad ass. Or as Fury would say… A bad Mother Fucka. Trust me sis. Ready to die at any moment to protect the people they love. Even though it's Nat and Tony's funeral… we are celebrating life and our victory. I mean… it was basically a miracle that we won. The odds were definitely against us."

My brother made a face like he didn't even believe that they beat Thanos. He exhaled and turned to look at me for a moment then his eyes were back on the road.

"Hey… I don't want you moping around all day. I simply won't let you. If you're not laughing dancing having fun later… I'll will bop you in the head."

"Ok Ok Sam."

"Everything's gonna be ok. We just have to take it one day at a time. Ok."

"Ok. I still think that it's going to be very easy for me to cry."

"Well, it's ok to cry. Just as it's ok to let go and enjoy yourself. It's what Nat and Tony would want."

"I know."
I was deep in my thoughts. I'm scared to even look at Banner, Clint, and Pepper because I feel like I will just break down and cry. They lost the most. I don't want to cry if that would make them more emotional. And this has to be hard on Wanda even though Vision was killed five years ago. I feel like I'm going to be crying all day.

"Pepper even told me that after the funeral it was going to be like a party with music, food, and drinks. If you're not having fun... you know who's big head is getting bopped."

"Mine," I said sarcastically.

"Yup."

I rolled my eyes at him. He's been playfully hitting me in my head since I can remember.

"No one has to worry about driving home or back to a hotel. We all can relax and party until we drop basically. Plus, Pepper will have an IV service to help so people won't have hang overs in the morning."

"Wow an IV service. She really planned this well."

"She had a lot of help from Happy and Fury."

"It sounds like everyone will have fun… like a grownup camp."

"It does remind me of camp being in the woods. There's even a lake to go canoeing in."

"Oh cool."

"Hey, I've been around Tony for years," Sam said. "Not as long as most of them… but the man was amazing in so many ways. Tony would want people enjoying themselves. He was always joking around even at serous times. He couldn't help it that's just how he was… sarcastically carefree and hilarious. Plus, he was the king of giving people nicknames. He called Thor Point Break and Banner Jolly Green… Oh and Clint was Legolas from Lord of the Rings."

"Yes, Tony was hilarious. I remember the first time that I met him at that party. He joked that I couldn't be related to you because I was pretty."

"Yeah, Tony was fun. He gave me a break most of the time. He really liked to stick it to Steve. He called him Capsicle."

"I know," I said laughing.

I was about to mention a time when Tony said something funny to me about my bedroom while I was living at the compound after I was attacked. I decided not to because I didn't want to explain why I was there.

"Hey, did you get a chance to talk to Banner?" Sam asked.

"Only text. I left a voice message. He did text me back. I know he's just going through so much now."

"Yeah… he is."

"It's so crazy. Nat and Banner were so cute together… though she claimed nothing was official. I told her to just go for it when she brought it up to me a few years ago."

"It was so obvious with them anyway."

"Yeah, Laura told me that she noticed it right away when she saw them. No one else noticed it when she did."

"Wow... Laura."

"Right. I'm so glad that she's back with the kids."

It's going to be crazy mourning and being happy as shit that my friends and family are back. Sam sighed.

"It's crazy thinking about everything isn't it?" I asked.

"Yeah… it is. Hey… Um so you know that you're about to meet someone else that has magic."

"Oh Dr. Strange. Steve told me about that wizard."

"Strange is technically a sorcerer."

"Potato patotto."

"Seriously. I asked," he laughed. "He's literally called The Sorcerer Supreme."

"Ok ok."

I thought of my conversation that I had with Nebula and Rocket a few days ago. I was so happy that they got their friends back, well family. It's still hard to grasp that so many went back in time so that they could get the stones to bring everyone back.

"Ya know… it was interesting getting to know a cyborg and talking tech savvy raccoon the past five years."

"I bet it was. I didn't get much time to talk to them. Once everything settled down I drove back to you."

"I never seen a picture of Quill, Mantis, or Drax."

"Well… Mantis looks like a bug woman."

"Is she scary looking?"

"Umm… not really. Nothing crazy like alien movies."

"Oh ok. And I was just told that Groot looked like a tree and could grow his limbs."

"Yes, a tree mixed with Bart Simpson."

I chucked.

"What… Bart Simpson?"

"Yeah… Kind of. The shape of the top of his head."

"Oh... ok."

"That alien is not GQ fine like Thor," he said laughing.

I shook my head smirking and started to scroll through my phone. I remembered how moody Nebula was when she first got here. She was like a stereotypical teen emo. She was sweet as pie to Tony because they had been through so much together.

"Ya know, Nebula and Rocket came a long way since she got here. Both had tortured lives. And to think that her father was Thanos. She's lightened up a bit after being here for a few months. She later learned how to enjoy herself and not be so serious all of the time. I know that was a challenge for her since she grew up in such drastic circumstances."
"Yeah, that had to be tough. So did Rocket or Nebula explain Mantis powers?"

"Yeah. She can read people's feelings by touching them she also can make people do what she thinks or says."

"I feel like I've been in a science fiction movie for so long."

"I do too. there's frickn' aliens, cyborgs, witches, and sorcerers.:

"Talking racoons," Sam said with his eyebrow raised.

"Oh yeah that too," I said chuckling. "Ya know, I just realized that Tony and Nat may have the first funeral that consist of so many aliens."

"Maybe. You forget some look human like Thor and Quill."

"Yeah, Rocket told me that Quill was half human and was abducted as a kid."

"It's crazy to think that an alien can have a baby with a human."

"Well Thor told me that Asgardians can procreate with humans."

"It's a lot of that in Greek mythology. Crazy that some of all that is true."

I started to think about all of the crazy things that everyone on the team has been through. If everyone took time to write about all the crazy shit they just went through it would be the greatest stories of all time. In the past week my brother and Steve have been giving me a detailed history lesson of the biggest event that we have ever had in the universe.

"Sam… you know that you're going to be in history books, right? Not just as Avenger but as someone who helped to save the galaxy."

Sam sighed.

"I can't even think about that right now."

"Well, you know that you have always been my hero."

"Oh my God stop it. What are you trying to make me cry?" he said as he wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Oh, I didn't want you to cry."

"Well... It's too late Big Head."

"Aww Sam."

Sam turned the music back up and started bobbing his head. I guess he was using the music not to get emotional. For some odd reason it reminded me of how Bucky had a totally different taste in music and how Steve and Sam were trying their best to get him to like today's music.

"So, are you gonna start forcing your music on Bucky again?" Sam huffed. "Oh, that old man still has a long way to go. But I heard that he started to like some R&B and rap in Wakanda. T'Challa and his sister had him hear some of their favorite music. Hopefully he got some soul in Wakanda… I mean fuck its Africa. Damn that's right you were sick for his going away party."

"Yeah. I wanted to go so badly. He seems like such an interesting person to know. Plus, Steve talks about him allll the time."

"No, he's boring as hell."

"Aww come on," I said laughing.

"No, I'm just joking with you. He's cool. I mean it's a big ass transition from when he was The Winter Soldier trying to kill Steve and my ass. He kicked me off a damn Helicarrier."

"Wait you never told me that!"

"Well, I told you that Steve and I went through a lot of shit with him when he wasn't right. Thank God that shit was wiped out of his head."

Now I'm thinking of all the stuff Sam could have kept from me for me not to worry about him. I worried about him like crazy regardless.

"You and Bucky have to be the weirdest relationship that you ever had… To see where it started from."

"Yeah. It technically is. I mean I can't blame him for all the things that he did because he was brain washed and it was out of his control. Steve said that he remembers all the bad things that he did. So that has to be hard."

"Yeah… that has to be hard," I said somberly.

I remember when Steve told me that Bucky had nightmares because he easily remembered all the people that he killed. He tried to kill Steve, choke Nat, and even shot a gun at Tony's face. Thank God he was able to block it with his Iron Man hand.

"I'm so glad that Steve took him to Wakanda to get his mind back," I said as I reached for my bottle of water. I was starting to get nervous about meeting Bucky for some reason.

"Yeah, they performed a miracle... deprogramming him. It's all sad. Bucky's memories and being mentally tortured. Steve not wanting to date anyone. The man hasn't dated anyone since he woke up. Nat tried many times to hook him up with somebody. His heart belongs to Peggy Carter. Even now that she passed… he doesn't even look forward to loving someone else."

"Trust me I know. Though he did have a small thing for her niece Sharon'."

"Yeah, that shit was just weird."

I laughed.

"Steve and I talked and visited each other a lot for the past five years. He's really awesome."

"Yeah, I love that dude. I'm glad that he was there for you. He really loves you like family."

"Yeah, I love him like family too. I was just thinking. Umm… do you know if Bucky dated anyone since he became himself again?"

"Like a woman in Wakanda?"

"Well, he was there for a few years."

"Umm… I don't know. I mean we did have time to catch up on things while we were getting ready for Thanos. He never mentioned it. Why… why are you so curious about his dating life?" he asked squinting his eyes at me.

"No reason," I said in a high-pitched voice just giving myself away.

"Sarah... first of all he's happily in love with his bromance with Steve. No, but seriously… I think he's dealing with too much to be in a relationship now… psychologically. And that would be too much for you to deal with… so get that smirk off your face and notion out of your head."

"Samuel."

"I have spoken."

"Ha! Just because I made you watch The Mandalorian doesn't mean you can hit me with I have spoken."

"Well, I'm your big brother and I know what's best for you."

"James… Buchanan… Barnes," I mused.

"Cut it out Sarah… I'm serious."

"Ok ok ok. Well, I hope that he finds happiness one day. I mean he's physically in his early 30s? Now that he's brought back he deserves a chance at a happy fulfilled life."

"You secretly have been crushing on this dude for years haven't you."

"Huh? Whaaat?" I said in a higher pitch that may have given away a crush I wasn't fully aware of. Of, course I thought that Bucky was hot as fuck.

Sam rolled his eyes at me then shook his head.

"I mean… he's just... I'm not-." My thoughts were getting jumbled thinking of how gorgeous he is.

"Bucky's one of my best friends. So that would be just weird. Plus, he's like 106 years old."

"All that wisdom," I said grinning.

"Uggg."

If I were to cram five lost years of annoying my brother, this trip was going to be the start of it. Plus, we have a few more hours to go before we reach New York.

"I miss this," Sam said.

"What."

"You being a pain in my ass," he said laughing.

"Ha! You love me though."

"You know I do Big Head."

24