skenshingumi you have officially become my beta! ...in the distance but, oh well... xD
Disclaimer: I still dream that someday Kenshin will be mine.
I have to emphasize that since I delayed the events of 1864 one year, the rest of the historical events will also undergo changes (I had already told you that it was going to be historically incorrect, come on, it's fiction!)
I thank those who still read and follow this story, and if they dare to write a review go ahead.
"We aren't children anymore pt.1"
March, 1865
It had always been difficult for him to fall asleep in strange places, especially after the band of slaves he had belonged to had been so cruelly massacred in front of his eyes. The nightmares followed him where the light couldn't reach him, making it easier to doze during the day than to rest at night.
But then he had met Kaoru.
And although the nightmares continued to visit him from time to time they no longer robbed him of sleep. Knowing that his sisters' souls were finally at rest had brought him peace. Still, allowing his mind to drift off with ease was a skill that eluded him. Even more so when he had decided to join the revolutionary movement.
Except for those nights when he had shared a room with his friend, his sleep had always been light. So it was normal that even now, Kenshin kept moving under the futon cover; although the reasons were far from the ones mentioned. The boy knew perfectly well -as he changed position again- that the reason for his anxiety had a name; one he always pronounced like a caress.
"Govern yourself, Himura!" He scolded himself. "You must sleep, you can't, you mustn't, not for anything in the world!"
Despite his recriminations, Kenshin risked a glance over his shoulder -in the direction of the next room, where Kaoru was sleeping- that pull of his heart had awakened with immeasurable force.
"Is she really asleep?" he thought, internally mad he was the only one with such uneasiness. "How can she sleep so peacefully?" he asked himself again.
For three months and five nights, they had shared a room, slept next to each other barely separated by a screen, and -the last night- they had even shared a bed. Now of course, that would be wrong if it happened again. In a way, perhaps, she was still very young but he was already considered a man in society, not to mention that Kaoru was now a priestess promised to the sanctuary. Although, considering that she was hiding and no one would know…
"No" he told himself. "No," he reproached himself. They had given up so much already…so much more than he had originally conceived. It had been their decision, too.
But she was there now…!
So close!
Kenshin sighed, his gaze momentarily lost to the night sky that could be seen through the window, which was still open due to the heat. He closed his eyes for a brief moment remembering the closeness of the previous moment -hours ago- when he had allowed himself to rest his face in the curve of his partner's neck. He savored for that fleeting moment the caress of his hand over hers, the cadence of his ki mingling with hers.
When he opened his eyes again, his body moved by itself.
He had missed her terribly... So much, that now he needed to verify that she was really there, so close and so unreachable at the same time.
Straightening up, he advanced into the next room. That was a room with two rooms; the first was for common use, the second -where the miko was- was the private room reserved for rest. The boy had had to fight with her for a while until he convinced her that she should take the bedroom, since it didn't have a shoji to separate it, that was the reason why they used a screen to cover access to it. Kenshin reached the edge and looked down.
He sighed.
Letting out the air that he had unknowingly been holding. His eyes drank in the image of his friend. His heart swelled with the vibration of the young girl's ki.
Kaoru was sleeping peacefully, her body leaning slightly to her left, her hair tied up in a loose braid. She was real, and she was there…!
The young samurai felt like he could spend hours looking at her.
"Aren't you ashamed, kozo?"
Kenshin was instantly startled, pulling away from his partner to face his master.
"Shishō!" He exclaimed, his face red as tomato. "I wasn't… I wasn't… I mean…"
He had been caught red-handed, so to speak. And it didn't help the expression that the man in front of him had on his face, hard and penetrating but without really passing judgment. And although Kenshin used to be used to his master's strong ki, there were times -like this one- when it was impossible for him not to get uncomfortable.
Hiko finally exhaled in something akin to exhaustion as he made himself comfortable in the room.
"I know you're still too young to even understand what I'm talking about," he said.
"Hey!" The minor claimed, if possible even more embarrassed.
Hiko sat on the tatami, katana in hand, slightly annoyed at his pupil's immaturity. There was a reason he had decided not to have a family, he told himself. Still, Kenshin was his responsibility, and the boy's friend was under his protection.
"Now ask yourself: if the girl woke up and saw you, what would she said about you?"
Kenshin blinked, previous emotion momentarily forgotten. His mind instantly pictured what would have happened if it had been Kaoru who had discovered him. She would have opened her blue eyes and looked directly at him and then.
"Kenshin no hentai...!" (pervert)
The boy wrinkled his face, almost feeling the imaginary blow to his head.
"She'd probably hit me," he concluded.
"There you have it." Hiko answered, finally freeing himself from the white cape. It fell to the ground in a hiss, revealing the wounds the man had.
"Shisho!" Kenshin was shocked.
The man's arms were adorned with bruises, his chest bore several cuts, though the wounds appeared superficial. Among all these, however, there was one that stood out. At the shoulder joint there was a semi-round wound, which was was still bleeding. Though it was not a proper open wound and, the blood that flowed from it had barely managed to make a stain around it, slipping in a line that disappeared down the road under the hakama.
"It's not as serious as it seems," his teacher assured him proceeding to use the tanto to remove the bullet that, fortunately, had remained relatively embedded without going through the tissue.
"A gun?" Questioned Kenshin, who had already started to heat hot water to help clean his master's wound.
"Several, actually." The latter answered to the minor's anguish. "Although it was a clandestine matchup, it cannot be taken lightly."
Kenshin frowned. He had a whirlwind of emotions, and he didn't know which stood out above the others.
During the last year the discontent and foreign interventions had been much more pronounced than in previous years, when the conflict first began. He had not taken part in it, understanding after his first assignment that he was not mentally ready to carry such a load.
And yet, he could not help but feel frustrated knowing that he was oblivious to the events that called for revolution. He understood better now what it meant to be a samurai and to move by the code, as well as the differences in what was considered a free sword. But the latter was still difficult for him to understand. Unable to continue questioning the precepts of the Hiten Mitsurugi when he had not yet overcome his own intervention, he decided to follow his teacher as before: participating only when he indicated it and staying out of the way when the mission would require a greater effort. But this had also allowed him to be aware of the relationships and contacts that Hiko had.
"Is this because of the letter you received?" He questioned at last.
Hiko sighed, looking annoyed, although it would be more correct to say he was tired. Fed up with his pupil's concerns.
"It may seem to you that there is no great change in moving like this, but believe me, there is." He declared, looking at him fixedly. "It is useless to kill without reason."
The redhead swallowed contritely.
"I know." He answered.
It was clear which event his teacher was referring to. The water began to boil just then; Kenshin removed the pot and poured a certain amount into a bowl, he placed what was left into another one that contained medicinal plants. While the boy worked, his teacher watched him closely.
"Have you told her yet?" He questioned with a serious tone.
Kenshin clenched his hands, inhaling and exhaling forcefully; he put the tray with the previous things in front of his teacher and began to clean the wound. Hiko didn't take his eyes off him, and in the end, the younger man gave in.
"No," he confessed with difficulty.
Hiko snorted.
"What are you waiting for?" he growled. "It will only get harder as you allow more time to pass, making this encounter a source of pain and not joy."
"I'm aware of it." The boy refuted slightly annoyed. "We had a chance to talk… but not long enough."
Hiko snorted again.
"Making excuses as usual, I see."
"Its not that easy." Kenshin growled.
The wound was clean. Silence fell for an instant.
In the end the minor continued with his work and dedicated himself to bandaging his teacher's wound. Hiko was still watching him however, he hadn't taken his eyes off him. It was only when they had both finished clearing up the room and setting up the futons that Hiko spoke again.
"Maybe she already knows, Kenshin. And that all she's waiting for is for you to be honest with her."
In a way the young man knew this, of course, but at that age it is much easier to be pessimistic when challenged by an adult; there is a natural desire to go against the current.
"And what if, rather, she clings to a hope?" He inquired, the annoyance marked in his words and his posture.
"That you tell her that it is not true? Tell me something, do you really consider her to be so weak? Hiko inquired, although it was more of a statement with a mocking tone. The redhead only could to look away, contrite, almost embarrassed. The man's smile spread sideways. "I thought so."
Dejected, and frustrated, Kenshin climbed back into the futon, resisting the urge to glare back at his master, feeling even more anxious than before.
"Sleep for now. Tomorrow you will come with me." Hiko told him. "If she plans to stay with us, she must remain here in our absence," he pointed out, referring to Kaoru.
The boy sighed again sadly.
Kaoru had said that she would accompany them back to Kyoto, which had made him happy. But he had to remind himself that it had been a year since each of them had different responsibilities, and the more time they spent together, the more these differences would show.
And he was afraid of that.
…
Kioto.
Shinji sighed with some irritation. He hadn't slept much the night before, still wrapped up in meetings with clan leaders and representatives. Lately it seemed that there would be no end to them and that he would only be allowed rest for essential needs. He remotely thought if going out to throw some hits would count as an essential activity, he supposed not.
He drummed his index finger on the table, a clear note of the irritation he felt at having to get up so early, but he was attentive to the next topic, if only because it was about her.
"The replacements have already been chosen," declared Toriyama, an elderly man who was the leader of the third branch and who was then dedicated to conducting political affairs within the religion. "The appointment will be made in three days by the shogun."
Shinji nodded. After the mass murder of supporters of the shogun almost a year ago, the positions had been filled by mere substitutes who had not managed to fill the entire profile while new candidates were sought and/or prepared. The process had taken longer because it was difficult -almost impossible- to find someone capable and loyal to the regime.
"However, several of them are not favoritists of the regime" said Misato, a young woman that belonged to the first branch, and who was in charge of conducting social affairs within the Japanese aristocracy and nobility.
"A daring move for someone who has been cornered," Shinji said, calculating in his mind the possible repercussions of such a move and how to take advantage of it.
It would be a delicate mission if a single misstep was made, his entire clan could perish.
"There have been no disturbances in Kyoto so far," declared Satomo, who was one of the leaders of the samurai lines at his disposal. "Most have appeared in towns near the port, and there are many fearing a second foreign intervention."
Shinji snorted at this last.
"Right now, it will be impossible given the lack of supplies from the shogunate." He said confident. "Sooner than later he will realize that he will have no way to pay the debt."
That was true, unlike the shogunate, the daimyos of the south had learned to trade with foreigners to modernize their areas hastily; having learned that they would not be able to meet foreign modernization with their traditional weapons. But first they had to eliminate the shogun.
"On the other side is the Shinsengumi division." Satomo resumed. "It was a clear blow to their morale, and now there are different factions trying to mount uprisings."
That was the key piece. There had been too many defections and "suicides" within the ranks of the shinsengumi, not to mention the uprising of the Satsuma clan. Contrary to what the shogun had wanted - that the shinsengumi represented order and peace - the people were afraid of them.
"We must unify them in one move or else, Japan will be reduced to a clan fight again." Shinji concluded. "What about Chosu's group?"
"Nothing yet," Toriyama replied. "Contrary to what was expected, he has remained in check regarding his duties within the government."
Which meant that Katsura hadn't abandoned his duties as a samurai yet, denying the shogun reason to doubt his political aspirations if only in the absence of evidence.
"A wise position in the face of so much ambiguity."
"It is the Satsuma group that is still up in arms," Satomo added.
"And it won't be the only one, I see," said Misato.
Toriyama took a long look at the future clan leader. "Are you sure about this?" He sked.
Shinji stared at him for the span of two seconds, then sat up straighter.
"Being in Kyoto I can't afford to declare ourselves against the shogun, much less neutral, that would only mark us as unworthy. But there are other ways to pretend alliances, Kiyosato Akira is aware of this; he and his family are headed here as we speak."
Even if they were on the shogun's side in principle, it was clear that it was a losing fight.
"What about the sanctuary?" Misato asked.
"The support will continue," declared the brown-haired man. As long as Kaoru miko sama is in charge, the shogun's factions will not be able to intervene." -Not while I have the support of the people,- he thought to himself.
The meeting ended about half an hour later, and shinji was grateful that at that moment the servants came in with his breakfast; he was starving. As soon as the trays were arranged and the doors closed, General Kiyosato decided to come over.
"An excellent display of leadership, my son," he told him smiling. "And a daring but successful play."
Shinji paused for a moment from eating to give him the proper greeting.
"It was you who prepared me for this, honorable father."
The older one laughed.
"It is always a pride for a father to see the maturity of his children." He said; months ago he had not been completely convinced to advance the responsibilities of his heir, but given the progress in Edo, he could not allow himself to continue at the front without first being forced to take an oath. By putting Shinji at the front he could give a guideline that would allow them to avoid possible conflict. "Are you ready for the wedding?"
Shinji grunted and then sighed in disgust.
"Do I have another option?" He mocked. "Although I won't be the first whose bride is older than the groom, I can't help but feel uneasy."
It hadn't even been a month since he'd turned fifteen, but that couldn't be helped. After all with the threat of war so close, he couldn't afford to die without an heir. So the wedding had been set for four more months, and his role had shifted from heir in name to taking the position of leader, one he had to learn as he went.
"Everything will be fine, it's part of the plan you've designated," his father assured him, serving the tea.
Plans, plans, plans. It all came down to gambling, Shinji mentally complained. If he wanted to survive, he had to stay three steps ahead of his enemies if possible, otherwise they had already passed him, and in that case he would be dead.
"What about Enishi?" He asked, deciding to resume his breakfast.
"According to Kiyosato's shinobis reports, he has been preparing himself in martial arts he is not that good in the art of the sword but, he has certainly shown qualities in other areas, such as judo.
Shinji nodded.
"If the worst comes to worse, that child will be the only inheritance left to the second branch of the clan."
-If Akira dies in service-. It was what he had actually said. It had been arranged that he would join the shinsengumi as a simple bodyguard. Actually, he should have joined a year ago, but his nuptials had allowed him to get away from such responsibility, not to mention that the omen of the sanctuary had warned him that if he joined sooner, he would end up dying before transcending. And the clan could not afford such misfortune. Akira would be that double agent they needed to be ready when their their idealistic intentions got discovered.
"Let's hope not. What about Kaoru-chan?"
Shinji almost choked.
"You would do well to take care not to address her that way," he warned as soon as he recovered, "not even with me."
For all answer, his father smiled with a hint of admiration in his eyes.
"I thought that precisely with you I could take such liberty, considering how close they have become during the last year."
Shinji did well not to blush, but his irritated expression revealed him in front of someone who could read him like a book. It was true that he had been in charge of protecting her during the six months she spent in seclusion in the sacred courtyard of Inari on the outskirts of Kyoto, but it was too much to accuse him of any possible intimation. Especially when it came to Kaoru.
In the end the boy sighed resignedly.
"Although it's not as you describe it, I'm not going to deny it," he answered.
His father considered the words.
"No doubt Himura's absence helped, but not enough I'm afraid."
"Oh?" Exclaimed the eldest raising an eyebrow. "I have to assume that he is with her now."
Shinji nodded.
"If her plans turned out as she expected, yes. They will return to Kyoto within these three days, just in time for the appointment if there are no delays."
The boy's father looked at him again, then looked at his desk where the multiple scrolls of political affairs remained -as well as a series of letters-, which he knew were related to the young priestess.
"You refuse to accept closeness," he told him as soon as breakfast was over and the servants came in to clean up. "And you will also be the one to escort her."
Shinji frowned.
"Himura cannot enter the sanctuary, at least not for now, his sword is a free sword. -He pointed-. There is also the problem of what happened during the Kuchiyose coronation; more than one of those involved could recognize him in daylight and that would be a problem. It would have been better if he had killed them."
"Then it would have been sacrilege; it was sacred ground."
"I'm not saying that he did it there," he refuted candidly. "It's frustrating because he doesn't even realize what his actions are causing. Although at this point I suppose it doesn't matter."
The general was surprised by the severity of the annoyance and perhaps anger that his son felt. Why was he so upset?
"Even if he is not fully aware of political interpretations, he has Kaoru chan with him to guide him." His father reminded him. "I understand that it was she who arranged it that way."
The brunette finally seemed to calm down, but not his expression.
"Don't push, father," he warned. "As you have arranged, I am to marry, but the bride will not be the young priestess."
The general snorted in amusement.
"Life is unpredictable. -Told him-. Certain impossibilities can come true. He pointed, standing up to leave. -You shouldn't take anything for granted; for that, my son, is a terrible weakness."
As soon as his father left, Shinji plopped down on the tatami. Annoyed as he was, he couldn't think straight. As much as he wanted to, he had felt suffocated the last year by everything that was and was still happening around him.
At first he had hated the possible suggestion of a union between himself and Kaoru, regardless of the political advantages; he had been further irritated when Akira had shown a genuine interest in the miko's then-apprentice, one that rivaled even the interest Akira felt towards his own fiancée, Tomoe. Going so far as to hear him say once, that now he understood why some men "waited" for some flowers to bloom.
He had been so upset by that development that forcing himself he had decided to follow his father's instructions and get in the way of the apprentice and her brother. But nothing beyond a friendship based on rivalries had arisen between him and Kaoru. Then, Himura had arrived and the bet seemed to be lost, even more so after Akira's nuptials.
However, after the fire and Kaoru's ascension in her hierarchy, other types of interests had been reaped among the nobles and the aristocracy. Only then, when it had been his turn to protect her, had he been able to begin to understand what made her so special, to the degree that he found his own way.
One he would have had to give up anyway. And even if there was still a chance, he would never go down such a path.
"Even so…" he thought. "Even then she won't choose anyone else. And as long as Himura is around, no one else can get even close."
…
-I'll be waiting.- Kaoru had said when they left the inn.
There was a clash of swords that brought Kenshin out of his thoughts.
"Don't get distracted!" His teacher recriminated him, after having managed to save him from receiving a cut.
They were a considerable distance from the inn, but still on the outskirts of Owari. An armed conflict had been carried out, two prefectures to the west, but unrest caused by opportunistic stragglers from these groups had increased to the point of reaching nearby provinces.
So far only two farms had been affected.
As soon as the last men fell under Hiko's sword, they both approached the building that served as a warehouse, where the villagers were hiding.
After opening the door, however, horror overcame them both.
"By kami, this is…!" Kenshin exclaimed.
Only mangled bodies decorated the space: farmers and samurai, men, women, and children alike.
"This is the consequence of the Rebellion of Mito, or at least that's how they call it now." Indicated Hiko
He went in to check the bodies and investigate while looking for any possible survivors.
"Most of them are renegades fleeing the conflict in Kanto. Until now the balance had remained on the side of the rebels, but the shogunate obtained foreign support and has not stopped sending his men to the region. It is a matter of time before the rebellion is put down."
Kenshin tightened his grip on his sword, his heart pounding in his chest.
"Although I understand why we're here, I'm not sure it's the right thing to do," he said, the boiling of his emotions clear in his voice.
"Being a free sword Kenshin means that you won't look after other people's or political interests; it means that you will be able to judge a good action from a bad one but without cataloging the men under this division -He declared-. It's basic needs, after all, that brings out the worst in people. A free sword cannot afford to be choked by such despair. You understand it, I know you do. If you dedicate yourself to one side, you are no different from the rest of the criminals you want so badly to eradicate."
Kenshin understood it, but he didn't fully agree with this precept. He felt that sometimes one had to choose a side.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because if she -Kaoru- has to continue on the way back to Kyoto with us, she won't take long to discover that part of you with which you still can't make peace."
Kenshin's heart sank to the ground.
"I'll give you just one day. Think carefully about what you will do with the given time. After all, there are two more clans who have joined the fight along with the Chosu clan. And if you are to continue as my student, you must learn to keep out of the wars of men."
In the background there was a moan and a few whispers, Hiko was the first to discover them.
"It seems that in spite of everything, there were survivors." He pointed to the children trembling in the background, managing to suddenly distract the redhead from his grieving by doing so.
But seeing them, only made Kenshin more aware of the destruction that was left by that encounter.
…
Not far from there was a retinue of the Kiyosato clan. Akira and Tomoe were at the front of the caravan.
"Tomoe" her husband spoke to her, helping her to get out of the car. "We're not that far now, we'll rest in the next prefecture, and we'll get back on the road tomorrow at dawn," he said.
The brunette smiled.
"Hai." She answered. "I'm glad to be back."
It had been a trip without eventualities, for his luck. Soon both would be installed back in Kyoto, and Akira would enter the ranks of the shinsengumi after a month of training.
"As soon as we reach the city, I will pay my respects to Kaoru dono." thought the man.
…
Owari.
Kaoru had been mending Kenshin's blue gi, sitting to the side of the window to take advantage of the morning light, when the fusuma door slid open revealing her partner.
"Kenshin!" She exclaimed, smiling when she saw him, standing up instantly and hiding the cloth behind her as fast as she could.
"Kaoru dono" he greeted her with a smile.
The girl noticed the state the redhead was in, with dirty clothes and even more disheveled hair, the ponytail not as high as when he had just left.
"Hiko-san?" She inquired when she also noticed the absence of the major.
Kenshin shook his head.
"He had to finish a deal." He said, moving towards her. "Meanwhile, we must prepare things and leave the inn."
"So soon?"
He smiled understandingly at her. Despite having left early in the morning he hadn't taken more than two hours to return.
"It is better to travel at sunset so we will reach the next point at night. -He explained and then he searched through the sleeves of his gi, until he took out a bag of sweets. - I brought you this."
Kaoru's eyes widened in wonder and happiness. She inadvertently dropped the cloth and took the gift in her hands.
"Arigatou." She said smiling, and then he took out one of the pastries and took a bite. "Amai! (Sweet!)"
Kenshin smiled somewhat contritely.
"I'm sorry you had to stay locked up."
"Hmm." She denied. "It wasn't long. Besides, Hiko san was right. I couldn't risk being found out after what happened yesterday."
After remembering her situation, Kaoru walked away a bit uneasy, finally noticing again the garment she had dropped. She surreptitiously sat with her back to her partner while she folded the garment and put away the needle.
Luckily for her, Kenshin was still more concerned with discovering the reasons behind Kaoru's arrival than he didn't realize what she was doing.
"Why did you have to hide?" He questioned.
Kaoru tensed, then sighed somewhat in resignation.
"Well…"
It took only one look for him to understand her. He sat down in front of her then, finally putting aside his sword as well as the bag he carried with him.
Kaoru told him then what had happened after her coronation as a miko. How she had been named by the emperor. How after this Yumi had decided to leave the sanctuary, leaving her totally alone and in charge of its administration. She told her about her trip to Edo and how a gang of samurai belonging to the Kiyosato and Aizu clans had been arranged at her service, and how all of this made her feel like a caged bird.
"It is not that I am not satisfied with my responsibilities or that I want to reveal myself." She clarified. "But it was important for me that I made the trip in this way. With you." She smiled.
Except that Kenshin wasn't smiling, she noted. He seemed distracted, lost in thoughts that were beyond his comprehension.
"You don't look happy," she pointed out sadly.
"It's not that I'm not…" He answered after a moment's hesitation.
He had felt that old grudge stir in his center, stretch out with irritation and annoyance, wanting to question and attack; Kenshin didn't know what to say that wouldn't end in a confrontation with her. He just choked on the words.
"Forgive me, Kaoru dono, there are certain things I still have to deal with on my own. It's not… -your fault-", he wanted to say but stopped before the words came out.
She tried to get closer to him.
"Kenshin…"
But he straightened up instantly, avoiding her.
"Forgive me," he said nervously and ignoring her, "it will be better..."
"I was mad at you," she interrupted.
Kenshin stopped instantly, turning back around to face her.
"What?"
Kaoru looked at him sadly.
"I was mad at you," she repeated.
The whirlwind in his center began to pound against the walls of his chest.
"Why?"
"You never gave me an answer." She said, and in her voice it was clear that she had not completely overcome her anger.
At his stunned expression she hastened to complete.
"And I know that given the circumstances, you were not obliged to. But I'm not talking about what happened after the fire, but before. You never sent a reply."
"I... "He began, ready to refute her with some indignation when he realized that no... Indeed he had no way to refute "I didn't..." He said to himself, finally being aware of his fault in the matter.
"Not knowing what you had decided almost destroyed me," she confessed quietly. "I wanted to know even if it was an empty wish, an impossible one. I needed to know if you had accepted me or if you would have even rejected me."
Rejected her? he was alarmed. Never!
"Kaoru dono" He tried to reach her.
But this time it was she who evaded him.
"I know, I know, that I had no right to want you to ask me to run away with you that night. Trust me I was more than conscious but, still… I wished you had said it. It was arrogance on my part, of course, since I couldn't tell you yes but…" She finally looked up at him, and in her tearful eyes Kenshin was able to see his own torment in her. "I'm sorry… I'm really sorry…"
He had been so upset.
With the world, with her, with everything!
And she had suffered just the same...
At last he understood.
"I wanted to ask you… I wanted to do it... " he finally said, still unsure.
He approached her again, this time she didn't shy away from him, but she still didn't look at him.
"I was upset too; wounded would be more exact. I thought you'd dumped me and completely ignored my own lack of response. Kaoru dono, I was planning to take you with me…" He confessed, getting her to look at him. He took advantage of this to touch her chin with trembling fingers and raise her face until their gazes were fixed on each other "I was drawing the path, assuring that you would have a place by my side, and in my vanity I was never clear with you. I'm sorry too, you can't imagine how much..."
They ended up getting closer without really being aware. Kenshin ended up resting his forehead on Kaoru's, his hand still on her face, who in turn caressed him with her own.
"Kenshin…" she whispered, closing her eyes, enjoying that contact.
"I wish I could hug you..." he whispered back, breathing heavily, and now both hands held his partner's face by the cheeks, their gazes met again. "Kaoru dono, there is something else I must tell you... please... give me a little more time."
"I thought I'd find you ready to go."
And just like that, the bubble of that moment burst.
"Ah!" They both started.
"Hiko san!" Kaoru exclaimed when she discovered the man standing under the fusuma, inadvertently hitting his companion's face in the process, making him fell to the ground. "Kenshin!" She yelled when she realized what she had done.
Hiko raised an eyebrow, raising the corners of his lips.
"Oh? That was an interesting development," he noted.
Kaoru was even more embarrassed and got up in a hurry after having helped Kenshin back up.
"Um… I'll go pack," she said, running into the next room.
Meanwhile, Kenshin -sitting back on the tatami- was rubbing his left cheek with an annoyed look towards his teacher.
"How long had he been there?" He demanded to know.
Hiko widened his smile.
"Long enough."
Kenshin growled irritably.
…
They prepared to advance towards Kyoto, following the path of the Sakai River. Although in some sections they met people, most of the way was desolate.
"It seems that it is not very busy lately." Kaoru pointed out a little puzzled.
"That's to be expected when you consider the uprisings that have occurred," Hiko said.
Kaoru felt small then, berating herself for not remembering the current situation in the country.
"Hey," Kenshin called her, brushing her hand with the back of his own, he smiled at her as soon as she looked at him, getting with that simple gesture to take away that bad feeling.
That contact remained for the rest of the way.
Hiko didn't miss a thing about it.
After noon, they decided to rest for lunch near a fork in the river. There was a willow tree with great shade at the top of the slope, where they settled. It was agreed that Kenshin would go down to try to fish, and Kaoru would accompany him. Hiko decided to rest.
The riverbed was low since the rainy season had not started yet, so Kenshin had to improvise a nodachi using a dagger and a long stick to fish inside the river but still close to the shore.
Kaoru had been sitting on the shore soaking her feet, when after two captures by her partner she had grown bored of having to wait. She stood up then, and using the ribbon from her ponytail, she had pulled up and tied the skirt of the white oromuji above her knees. She smiled when she finished and walked over to where Kenshin was.
When he felt her, he spoke to her without turning to look at her until she almost reached him.
"You shouldn't go that far. Even though the river is low, the rocks are dangerous, and there are areas that are a bit deepeeer…" he choked on the words. His ears turned red. "Kaoru dono" he exclaimed blushing.
"Nani? (what)"
The girl looked at him smiling as she advanced, without suspecting that with the movement the fabric had been rising. Her unbound hair fell to her shoulders like a curtain and swayed gently in the caress of the wind.
"Don't worry, I'll be careful," she said, noticing that he wasn't going to say more, although she didn't quite understand why.
"Un...(sí)" he finally said.
Kenshin looked away feeling foolish. It was not uncommon for women to lift their kimono -especially in certain cleaning tasks- but his shame had more to do with the feelings he harbored for his partner, which -although they had remained asleep- grew the more time he spent with her.
'Don't be ridiculous, Himura.' He mentally scolded himself, forcing himself to concentrate on the task of adding more fish to his makeshift rod. But the bam bam of his heart grew more intense as she played behind him.
Kenshin knew that he did not have impure thoughts towards his friend, regardless of what he felt for her, those impulses had not yet awakened, and he sincerely doubted they were awakening. It was not something in particular of her that he wanted to see, it was more of a whole, an intimacy that although they had shared before, this had gone from being a quiet vibration to an intense electric current.
'Kuso (damn)', he cursed inwardly again. 'Get a hold of yourself!'
"Ah!" Kaoru yelled suddenly.
"Kaoru dono!" He turned instantly.
"False alarm," she exclaimed, balancing on one foot and her hands in the air in different directions. "Heh, heh, heh, I'm fine, really, I almost slipped, but I managed to balance," she laughed.
Kenshin sighed, somewhat grateful that that shock had magically evaporated his earlier embarrassment and nervousness. His heart was still restless, but it was a bit more tolerable.
"Don't you want to go in?" she inquired afterwards; she had sat down on one of the largest rocks and was knee-deep in water.
He denied with his head.
"Maybe after some more fishing."
"Your lose." She said smiling, and then her gaze caught sight of a natural pool, bordered by smaller rocks, near a young tree, her face lit up, instantly getting up. "Oh, look Kenshin, a pond!"
Kenshin turned in her direction, and his heart went to his feet, unlike his partner he could detect that it was not an ordinary pond.
"Kaoru dono, don't!" he warned her running towards her, throwing away and forgetting the rod with the previously caught fish, "it's deeper than it appears!"
"Ah!" she yelled.
Luckily for her, just as she slipped, Kenshin had managed to catch up with her holding her by the torso; he held her up and lifted her up to lure her two steps away from the well.
A second of silence, and then he sighed. Kaoru finally noticed that this was a hole that apparently continued below the path they had taken up the hillside.
"You're right. I almost fell," she said, somewhat embarrassed. He helped her up. "You didn't have to follow me."
"It was a reaction," he replied, aware that the hakama was more than splattered.
"Still, I wish we could take a bath," she said suddenly.
His face was painted red and his heart skipped a beat.
"Wh-how do you say?" He babbled.
"You know, swim for a while," she answered, pointing to the rest of the river with her hands.
The tension in him evaporated. But not so his shame.
"Oh, swim. Right." He agreed without being conscious.
"Is that a yes?"
"Oro?" he jumped back.
But it was already late, Kaoru had concluded that he would accompany her, so she approached holding his hands ready to guide him on his way to find an area to swim.
"In that case, you'd better-"
"Oro!?"
She had been so excited, and he was so confused that none of them had foreseen the wrong foot on the muddy ground -due to the grass that was stuck in the area- that they ended up slipping and falling.
"Ah!/Oro!" They both yelled.
And it would have been funny and somewhat impressive - if someone else had been around to see it - Kenshin could thank those wonderful reflexes Hiko had forced him to train. Kaoru had slipped when pulling Kenshin, her foot slipping on the stone full of slime; the girl could have fallen backwards with the redhead on top of her, but the latter had reacted at the last second, braking as best he could on the clothes with his feet and pivoting to lift Kaoru up as he spun along with her, flipping their positions.
That would have been enough if by chance his partner had had the same reflexes than him, and the area where she had landed was solid ground, which was not... So close to the slope of the newly found well, the young woman slipped again, forcing her partner to fall. He follow her in her stumble by not wanting to let go of her hands.
From afar, it might as well have been a dance, with Kenshin doing his best to get closer to the shore and thankful for taking off his hakama or else the weight and encumbrance of the clothes would have already sunk him.
They had come so close to reaching the base of the tree trunk near the well, but not even the Hiten Mitsurugi - celestial though it was - could beat the rules of physics, especially after losing so much momentum.
So after several incredible twists with his partner, the current finally caught them and they fell embraced -act that Kenshin had done as soon as he understood his destiny- straight into the well, with a last scream that rose into the air.
"Aaaaahhh!"
The same that Hiko heard from his resting position under the willow tree.
"Idiots", he said and then sipped his second cup of sake.
…
"Ah!"
The two of them surfaced taking a breath of air.
"Kaoru dono!" Kenshin was the first to recover.
He swam to her and guided her to the shore, where the rocks stood steadier, and the cleft of the earth ended. He helped her up first by holding on to the rocks that lined the well, near the base of the tree where its roots plunged into the river. Kenshin followed her as soon as she got out. They climbed the tree holding on to the roots, and sitting on them once they got all the way out of the water.
Kaoru hugged the trunk, while Kenshin sat next to her facing the tree, supporting himself on it with one arm, above her.
"I'm sorry Kenshin," she apologized when her breath had finally returned to her, "are you…okay?"
That question had come out in a whisper. After having turned to face her companion, she had finally realized their closeness. Kaoru had a feeling of déjà vu, the memory of a morning in which she had woken up in the vicinity of that chest; although perhaps then there had been more cloth covering it. The binding on the obi had loosened, revealing the boy's chest where the kimono should have been closed.
Kenshin, who until then had kept his eyes closed as he caught his breath, finally raised his face.
"I am, are you..."
And he was out of breath again.
She wasn't looking at him, however, but from his position he could see the flushed expression on her face; one of her hands had found refuge on her chest, as if the girl was trying to appease her own heart since the palm was extended at the height of it.
He had the need to raise her face. He wanted to see her, feel her.
For her part, she felt in a kind of trance, she felt cold throughout her body, and although she knew it was due to the little dip they had had, she was aware that that icy sensation came from her center and was planted in her chest from where it descended into her belly.
Uncertainly and slowly, Kaoru raised the hand that was still over her heart and guided it to her partner's chest.
Kenshin shuddered, breathing hard. Kaoru extended the palm of her hand and felt under her skin the beating of her companion's heart, which marked the same rhythm as hers.
"Kenshin…" she whispered.
And that was like an order to him.
The boy lifted her face by the chin with his free hand and forced her to look at him. It was her turn to shudder.
It was a primitive instinct, if it could call it that. Neither of them had an exact idea of what they were doing, what was happening... They just felt a tug, a strong tug in the other's direction. A call as old as the sun itself.
The girl did not lose detail of the scrutiny his eyes did on her own face, how he admired her part by part until he reached her lips. There was a desire in his pupils that had gradually darkened, and Kaoru trembled for the second time.
To him she was a poem; her wet hair stuck to her face, the red of her cheeks stood out against the whiteness of her face, and the bluish shine of her eyes. And her lips… moist from the fall, were an open invitation to his soul.
Kenshin felt himself descend on her, beginning to close his eyes. Kaoru already had both hands on her partner's chest, and her blue orbs had started to close as well. Less than an inch away, they shared a breath for a brief moment, prolonging the encounter, savoring the closeness and each one of the electric currents that awoke and vibrated in their bodies. Kenshin leaned his face up to caress her cheek with his, breathing her in; at this point, both had their eyes closed. His hands, greedy, had gone to stop at her waist, wanting to draw her to him and fit her body with his own.
He slowly slid his lips down the length of Kaoru's neck... When Kenshin prepared to raise his face again, with the firm intention of this time sealing his lips over hers, Kaoru opened her eyes for a brief moment but, as she did so, a vision invaded her.
The look of eyes of molten gold. The memory of a sword piercing her chest.
"Ah!" She shouted.
She ended up pushing Kenshin away from her with a strong push.
And although he managed to hold on so as not to fall again, confused by the rejection, his partner's frightened expression was enough to bring him down from heaven and plant him suddenly on earth.
His whole being filled with shame.
"Kaoru dono…!" He started, not even knowing where to start apologizing. "I'm sorry."
Kaoru got up and walked to the shore; she needed to shake off the image she had seen. Kenshin, horrified with himself, followed her with his face down.
"I'm sorry Kaoru dono, I didn't mean to" he said hastily regretting the offense he had done, horrifying himself even more than he could have been "I'm so sorry" he said and the next moment he was on his knees on the ground.
"Kenshin!" Kaoru finally snapped out of her stupor whe she heard him fall to the ground. She ran up to him and hastened to kneel in front of him. "Kenshin, look at me please" she begged when the redhead refused to raise his face.
The boy trembled, completely ashamed of himself.
Kaoru's heart sank.
"Kenshin, I'm not upset. Really," she declared, taking him by the shoulders and forcing him to look at her.
After a moment's hesitation he finally relented. There was true sorrow on his face, but no matter how hard Kenshin searched his partner's eyes, he found no claim or annoyance in them, nor any indication that she had felt outraged.
"I shouldn't have-"
"Don't say it," she interrupted again, "please don't say it."
"But-"
"Kenshin!"
Kaoru took both of his hands and brought them up to her chest. He was going to refute again, but she silenced him, tightening her hold on him.
"You didn't do anything wrong," she told him, he looked at her confused and shocked. "Honestly, I think it's even been less than what we've shared before."
Kenshin's heart clenched, aware that the cold he felt had more to do with the implication in her words. They weren't on the same page after all, and he laughed to himself for expecting more.
He nodded because he couldn't do or say anything else, and after a few minutes of awkward silence, they returned to the task they had been given at the beginning. Fortunately, that day the sun was shining brightly and their clothes didn't take long to dry after the intense heat.
Hiko didn't mention anything when they both returned to the willow tree and began to prepare the fire to roast the fish, but his eyes did not lose detail of the interaction between the two young teens.
…
After finishing lunch, they had begun to clean up the area where they had prepared the food. They had decided to rest for another half hour before heading to the next inn.
"It's still a disappointment that they didn't teach you how to cook, anyway," Hiko stated.
"They tried," Kenshin muttered under his breath. "Ow..."
Kaoru nudged his stomach and that served to shut him up for the moment.
"I may not know how to cook, but I know how to do something a thousand times better," she said.
Hiko raised an eyebrow.
"And what is?"
Kaoru rummaged in her backpack, and when she found the jug, she showed it victoriously.
"Sake!"
The corners of Hiko's lips turned up in a smile.
"Certainly much more useful than my stupid student," he declared, accepting the glass she offered him.
"Oi!" Kenshin claimed, still rubbing his belly.
Hiko ignored him.
"Tell me something girl, were you planning to travel alone to Kyoto?"
Kaoru shook her head.
"I planned to find Kenshin and eventually return to the sanctuary in his company."
The aforementioned blushed.
"What if you hadn't found him?"
"It wasn't an option." She stated firmly. "I had to find him and I did. It's like the philosophy of Hiko san's sword; dying is not an option or else the people being protected will be left to fend for themselves. Likewise, for me, not finding Kenshin was not an option."
Hiko chuckled.
"Now I understand why my baka deshii is so obsessed with you."
Kenshin was embarrased.
"Shishō!"
The girl laughed for a moment, until Hiko then offered her a drink.
"Drink," he instructed, though it had sounded more like an order.
Kenshin was the first to object.
"I don't think it's correct."
"Nonsense!" His teacher interrupted him. "As someone from the shrine she must have much more stamina than you and a greater right to enjoy the sake."
Kaoru accepted the cup.
"Thank you."
"Kaoru dono, maybe you shouldn't" asked his companion with concern.
She smiled at him.
"I'm fine Kenshin, seriously. Just as Hiko sama says I'm used to sake, after all we prepare it in the temple." She laughed.
Kenshin trembled, with a bad feeling.
...
The same one that was fulfilled as soon as Kaoru drank the first glass.
…
"This is totally your fault," Kenshin growled, as he tightened his grip on his partner.
Kaoru was a bad drinker, she would burn up like a spark and would jump from one emotion to another without warning.
"There's nothing wrong with having fun once in a while," refuted Hiko, who had secretly enjoyed the show that the young woman had given only because the one who had suffered it had been his baka deshii.
They had just arrived at the inn where they would rest for the night. Kenshin was carrying Kaoru on his back; the poor thing had fallen asleep after the fourth drink.
"Your fun is at the expense of others!" Accused the young samurai feeling annoyed.
Hiko barely listened to him.
"Kenn…sin," Kaoru whispered in her sleep.
"Take her to rest," said his teacher, moving away instantly after ignoring the two.
Kenshin looked at him irritably.
"One of these days, I swear I'll… grrr…" he growled. Then he force himself to follow the young shopkeeper who led them to his room, instead of going to hit his master.
...
This time Hiko had requested a room for Kaoru, which was next to theirs. The futon was already set up, and Kenshin had no problem accommodating his partner on it, forcing her to drink water in the brief moment when she seemed to regain consciousness.
"Turn, turn, non-stop…" she murmured as Kenshin laid her down again.
"Hai, hai." He nodded, smiling.
Then he turned off the lamp and prepared to leave after making sure that the young miko was tucked in the blanket. Even if it had been a hot day, the nights were quite cold in that region.
"Kenshin," Kaoru whispered, holding onto his gi, as soon as he was about to leave.
He turned and stared at her.
Her shone like jewels.
"Stay…onegai…"
They weren't on the same page, he reminded herself.
"Only until you fall asleep," he told her.
She nodded, closing her eyes again. He remained seated next to her, looking out the window. There was a full moon that night.
"Ne, Kenshin" She spoke to him suddenly, without breaking the calm that had hung over them.
"Hmm?"
"Were you serious?" she asked quietly after a brief silence. "Were you really planning to take me with you?"
Kenshin's heart skipped a beat.
"Hai." He nodded, still able to savor that memory, and then deciding that he should say that face to face, he looked back at her.
"The reason I couldn't answer before was because I wanted to be sure that I could offer you the life you wanted. I had the intention that once my plan was arranged I would tell you about it and let you decide if you agreed or if you wanted something else."
Under the moonlight, Kaoru's eyes shone like two stars, at the moment there was confusion in her blue orbs.
"Why would I want anything else? I wanted to be with you."
Kenshin smiled.
"I know. But defining the how was the real challenge."
Kaoru thought about it.
"I suppose you're right," she agreed. "But I wouldn't have minded being with you and your teacher. I've quite liked it so far."
Kenshin's smile was filled with sadness.
"It's not always like that," he confessed.
"You said you wanted to tell me something important," she began, noticing the anguish that had seized her companion.
Kenshin looked away.
"I presume you already know," he said quietly.
"Is it true then?" She inquired, lamenting the drowsiness of the alcohol that did not allow her to get up.
Kenshin remained silent, and that was all the affirmation she needed to understand. "I didn't want to believe it at first. But when I woke up without your company a part of me understood. I suffered for you that night."
The boy clenched his hands, the images flashing through his mind for brief moments, the screams, the blood, the silence that followed...
"The truth is that I don't know how to explain it." He said. "I was furious. Angry… disappointed. I felt that a serious offense had been done to me, and I wanted retribution. I'm not going to try to cover up what happened, Kaoru dono. I still haven't decided, not completely at least, if I regret it or not."
Even if he had cried in front of his teacher, at his feet, when he thought back on what had happened in the days that followed, he found himself accepting that he would do it again if necessary, despite the grief that seized him afterwards.
"I made sure they were bad people. I told myself that I would be dispensing justice. But…"
Kenshin stops for a moment, struck by the memory of that night, his heart trembling. Kaoru looks at him silently, sharing his grief.
"…When I entered that room I was heartbroken -he finally confesses-. And maybe that's what won't let me let go."
Kaoru feels her own heart clench, and she can't keep looking at him then. The sounds of the dining room outside reverberate off the walls of the inn; a colorful contrast to the heaviness of their surroundings.
"I constantly wondered if the facts had been different, if our plans had not been affected, would I still have taken their lives?"
Kaoru looks at him again, alarm evident on her face, and does her best to sit up.
"If it had happened after you and I had…would you blame me?"
"Kenshin…!" She exalts, managing to support herself on her side but not quite sitting up.
"I know you wouldn't, I know you would blame yourself… -He rushes to answer his own question with a sad smile. "And even if it had been different, how could I have known? I can't change the past. The truth is that that act brought events forward and stopped others. I don't know if I caused more good than harm, even if there were those who didn't stop thanking me, but all I could think about was that days before you had begged me to stop... Would you look at me the same way?"
Mutism.
Kaoru feels like she won't be able to hold back her tears anymore, her lip trembles like the rest of her body.
"I never doubted that you would be incapable of rejecting me, but I understood that this did not mean that my actions would not hurt you."
"Kenshin" she sobs, she wants to reach him but, he continues with the walls up, he still has more to confess.
"I wouldn't want you to show me more compassion than I deserve, if I deserve any, I had enough time to decide to accept or refuse. I also confess that the pain I felt completely dominated my decision." He concluded, looking at the palms of his hands afterwards. "These hands are now stained with blood."
Kaoru can no longer resist him and rushes towards him.
"Kenshin, I could never judge you."
"I know," he nods anxiously.
"No Kenshin, you don't understand." She claims, taking his face with her hands. "That day of the siege, I understood much more about life and death, about the honor and destiny of a warrior. Kenshin, I may have been saved from having to take a life, but I was a part of every act that served to skew them."
"You had no choice."
"Neither did you." She reminded him. "You saved me. I wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for you."
His eyes widen in astonishment, as if he really hadn't considered that truth in his judgment of himself.
"Not only me, Hikari and Sato are alive thanks to you. Kenshin, I wish to protect life. I wish to defend instead of attacking; and I believe that an era is possible in which the sword protects instead of killing... But I am also aware that now that dream is impossible in certain circumstances. Above all we seek to live, and I want you to live."
This time the tears slip down Kenshin's face, the young man takes his partner's hands which still hold his face.
"I told you before…" she continued, smiling through her tears. "There are no bad people Kenshin; we are all bound to make mistakes, what matters is what we do later and how we live in the now. I understand what you did and why you did it, and I could never blame you. You are not an evil man. Even now you live tormented by what you did instead of basking in the power you had over their lives. Kenshin… you are good."
He finally smiles, though the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and he trembles with the emotion of his anguish.
"Is that a consideration that you give to everyone, or is it perhaps a privilege for me?"
Kaoru smiles.
"Both." She confessed. "Kenshin. I don't have the right words to explain myself, but I know you understand me."
Excitement overflows in the heart of the young samurai.
"Kaoru dono…!" He exclaimed as he wrapped her in his arms.
Because he did understands her.
And even if it's not proper, for that moment, they hug each other.
Because that bond they share is still alive, and it beats even when they are not close. Because despite time and distance, the love they feel has only gotten bigger.
Kaoru welcomes him willingly, clinging to him with her hands around his neck.
"I'll be here forever, Kenshin… I'll always be here."
Kenshin holds her tighter against him, willing to never let go.
…
An hour later, Kenshin arrives at his teacher. The movement in the dining room has been reduced to a few people sitting at the tables.
Hiko drinks as is his custom. He is not interrupted by the arrival of his pupil, but instead asks for a second drink from the young woman who serves them. The older one looks at the boy in front of him, there is a peace that had not been there before as well as an emotion and an extra sparkle in the boy's eyes that he cannot fully define what it is but he can get an idea of the reason.
"I know I said I'd give you a day, but I didn't expect you to cause so much trouble," he refuted.
"It was something inevitable," answered the boy, smiling.
"You talked to her." He stated.
"I did." The redhead nodded; the smile seems to be permanent, Hiko deduces.
If he only knew what had transpired between the two young teens, perhaps he would have a different opinion. But for now it doesn't matter, Kenshin tells himself, aware that the only reason he had ended up leaving his roommate's room was because Kaoru had fallen asleep in his embrace.
After that, he hadn't had the heart to bother her further. He had laid her back on the futon and kissed her forehead before leaving.
"Good." Mutters his teacher.
Then the young woman who serves them returns and hands him the second glass along with another small bottle. Hiko serves Kenshin. "Drink." He orders him.
Kenshin willingly accepts and drinks the liquid in one gulp, after which he savors the drink again by running his tongue over his lips.
His teacher raises an eyebrow.
"So?"
"It has a different taste," he replies, "a good one."
His master smiles fully at last.
"That's good."
That night, Kenshin remains sleepless for a long time lying on the futon, hands behind his neck, while he dreams of the answer to a question:
"What would it be like to kiss Kaoru dono?"
A/N: Yes, new chapter, new fanart *.*
naru_astalina/?hl=en