I was close to writing a third part!
The last scene was what really prevented this chapter from being posted earlier. It was a pain in the a...! XO but hey, it's finally here.
Disclaimer: Once again, you know the drill =]
Timeless
Himura Kenshin
Part II
The sun has not yet risen when Captain Sagara Sozo returns from his last martial court. However, the light has already begun to filter and the shadows flee its presence, curling up in the corners that still allow darkness.
It is the second time that they are allowed to return to the mansion, in which they temporarily reside. When he arrives at the room where Himura was moved the afternoon of the previous day, only Doctor Gensai, the young assistant girl, and Sanosuke greet him awake.
Kenshin remains asleep, luckily, peacefully. Although he is pale, it seems that the fever has finally given him a break.
"Has there been no change?" he asks the doctor.
Gensai shakes his head in a clear gesture of sadness. The previous hours had been exhausting in his constant coming and going to bring down the redhead's fever.
"It's been two days now," he complains.
"News from the sanctuary?" -Sozo asks Sano.
The missive that he had sent a day ago would not have an answer so soon, but the news from the sanctuary spread daily due to the miko princess.
The brunette sighed with regret, however.
"That's the most worrying thing." The young assistant girl answers instead of the boy. "The miko, who is considered the princess of Kyoto, has fallen prey to a vision that still does not free her."
Sozo frowns.
"Still?" He questions.
The brunette nods.
"She has been submerged in such a dream for two days. Just as Himura kun has, and at the same time."
There is a silence that settles on them then. Although no one says it, the question is there as an uncomfortable tenant. It is Sanosuke who ends up saying it.
"What does it mean that both have fallen unconscious at the same time? And that they continue like this?"
Gensai is the first to despair.
"A coincidence, a coincidence." - He assures. - "Don't give it more importance. It is absurd to think that both events are connected," he claims.
Although no one in the room seems to be listening, even he himself is not entirely convinced. Despite what his daimyo Kamiya may think of Himura kun, he is still not entirely sure of the boy's worth.
Sozo would like to think like the doctor and reject such superstitions. Even more so due to Himura's own intention to keep the members of the sanctuary safe, especially Kaoru sama.
But there's a part of him, which would like that to be true, if only to prove that it would somehow ensure the boy's recovery.
"What are you dreaming about, Himura-kun?" The captain wonders as he watches the sleeping samurai. "Is it the blue-eyed priestess you dream of?"
…
In a way, it was like that.
...
It had been almost a month of arduous campaign in the south, that finally, after several bloody encounters, they had managed to turn the confrontation around to win the Mito rebellion, which had been considered lost.
Kenshin hadn't planned to return to Kyoto so soon. After all, the situation was so delicate that that little moment when they seemed to have the upper hand could easily fall apart too.
But... He had been so overwhelmed by nightmares... he felt he would go crazy if he didn't get a moment to breathe. His steps as usual, took him back to the sanctuary.
However, then the young samurai had stood unsure at the limits of it. Despite having sent the letter to Kaoru, he had left for Kyoto before receiving a reply, so he did not know if she had received it.
"I didn't expect a return so soon, Himura Kun."
The young samurai changed to a defensive posture upon hearing the intruder he was startled at not having detected the presence until it was so close to him.
Further recognizing the newcomer, his posture relaxed.
"Guji sama!" He said in recognizition.
The man, Jineh, looked at him with a smile, genuinely amused by the boy's earlier response.
"Oh! Those eyes are the ones of a murderer." The man said.
The young samurai was instantly embarrassed, forcing himself to lower his gaze and try to abandon all traces of his darker side.
The Guji seemed to take pity on him then. Still smiling, he sat down across from the redhead. Then he invited him to sit with him.
Kenshin, still embarrassed and insecure, ended up agreeing.
It had been so long since he had seen the man next to him that it was hard to take his eyes off him. The redhead had so many questions he wanted to ask him. Where had he been? Why had he left the sanctuary? Did he know something about Yumi sama? Did Kaoru knew he was there?
Jineh didn't seem to mind the attention the boy was giving him; his eyes continued to gaze toward the sanctuary, filled with a peace and calm so characteristic of the man he had been.
"I heard you won the rebellion for the idealists." He pointed out.
Kenshin was startled.
"It's presumptuous to say that the merit is mine alone," he ended up replying.
"Is it?" The Guji questioned with a sparkle of genuine amusement in his eyes. "You are just like that little bird."
"Kaoru dono?"
"So insecure of yourselves that you disguise your own lack of affection for humility. " He said. And in his words Kenshin could tell how much the Guji despised that.
For the first time Kenshin didn't know what to say to defend himself.
"You come back for her then," the man inquired.
Kenshin snorted bitterly. How easy such an assignment sounded!
"I can't have such pretentious desires." He declared, laughing internally that his answer only highlighted the older man's previous words. "It's quite a gamble now."
The young samurai knew that the man next to him understood him, of course. Since Kaoru was a political figure, her every step would be watched and judged with a critical eye. One misstep could even assure her the gallows in these days. Although the sanctuary was internally idealistic they were openly in Shogun's favor. If it was discovered that Kenshin was a rebel and that he communed with the sanctuary -let alone with its senior representative, Kaoru, something worse than the fire of a year ago would undoubtedly happen.
That was why he was so surprised to hear the answer from the man sitting next to him.
"But that girl made a connection with you, Himura kun."
The boy looked at the older man with surprise. The Guji was looking at him with a certain seriousness. His previous smile had diminished to almost a straight line. But it was there, and it left a clear message.
Kenshin shifted uncomfortably. And he decided that perhaps this was the ideal moment to clarify some doubts.
"There is something I want to ask you." He told him. "About the connection."
The Guji looked at him attentively, his gaze taking on an almost calculating shine, as if he already knew what the boy was about to ask him.
That time, their first farewell and, at the same time, their first argument between him and Kaoru, his anger had been due to his partner's lack of trust. She had known every move he would make and had denied him understanding what was behind each action.
After months of sharing his doubts about his fate as a swordsman, finding out that Kaoru had gotten the answer at his expense but refused to share it had felt somewhat like a betrayal.
After all, it had been because of him, she had gotten such a vision...
"I confess that, although I felt a little upset then, the reality is that I did not fully understand it." He confessed. "I only felt annoyed knowing I was somehow used and not even knowing why."
"Do you want me to explain it to you?" Offers the Guji instantly. Eager to reveal such a secret.
And the boy can't help but brim with anxiety.
"If it weren't a bother." He pleads.
"I will, Himura kun, but there is something you must understand first." He warns him. "Whether your questions are answered or not will depend largely on your beliefs."
"My beliefs? About religion, you mean?"
The Guji then sighs. His gaze goes far away.
"What do you think of fate, Himura kun? Do you think we all have a mission to fulfill in this earthly world? And if so, do you think that the history of each man and woman has already been designed in advance?"
A knot of emotions is tied on the samurai's chest.
"That last statement would be cruel." The boy considers.
The Guji has not stopped smiling.
"Why?" He instigates.
"I'm not sure how to explain it. But as I understand it, if a person's story has already been designed, it means that both the victims and the villains are condemned, some to suffer and others to generate suffering without the chance of choosing something different."
"It could be like you say." The man agreed. "Religion tells us, however, that although we all have a path to follow, it depends to a large extent on our decisions. Not everyone is here with a particular mission. Some are simply free to live as they want. But there are others who are considered necessary to avoid tragedies or to forge new paths. As is Kaoru dono." He declares, and then he looks directly at him. "And as are you too."
Kenshin is startled at this.
"Me?"
The Guji nods.
"You are the red boy that Kaoru dono was looking for. You are Shinta" He declares.
The heat leaves Kenshin for that instant. The memory of Kaoru at their first meeting in the forest flashes through his mind.
"Red. Shinta." She had said in a trance.
"When Kaoru dono was brought to the sanctuary, she was too young to accept her, so she had to prove that she had a special gift. -The man continues with his explanation. -However, there was no need to test her. She already had your name in her mouth." He laughs.
"Was that the real reason I was allowed to stay with her?"
"Who knows!" The man laughs. "You know her. It's a person easy to love."
The boy's cheeks have colored at that accusation. The blood has risen to his ears.
This time the Guji smiles out of sincere emotion. A part of the man that he had been still resides in him, and this part recalls the feelings that the samurai in front of him harbors for who had been his protégé.
"Her kindness. Her love for life. Her solidarity. Her strength. Her disposition to accept people. Her commitment to her duty. - He points. -They are just some of the qualities that attract people to her. When we found-out who you were and who your master was, it was easy to accept that you had to share the path with our little maiden. But we had no idea how exactly you would fit into her destiny. But seeing you now with those eyes. -Assassin's eyes- Perhaps this was always your path. Or maybe there was another one that she interrupted."
"Such as?" Kenshin asks, overwhelmed.
"Kaoru dono not only has the gift of premonition but of vision itself. -The Guji told him. -She can see not only the future, those destinations that cannot be altered, but also to see the possible trends, those that can be shaped, and decide whether to change them or not. And in your case, she decided to change it."
That would make sense if, in the beginning, it had been him that Kaoru had been reading to, Kenshin tells himself, but it hadn't been like that.
"But, at that time, Kaoru dono was reading someone else's future." He stressed.
"Exactly. - The older agreed. -That's my point, Himura kun. Whatever she saw, it's clear there was a connection between you and the young Yukishiro."
"I don't even know her." He refuted, feeling annoyed.
"But maybe you should. -Insisted the Guji. -Even if you weren't aware of it then, you were both on the same path, weren't you? The two in that room."
…
And then his heart lurches, because he remembers meeting the dark-eyed girl in the market just a few days ago.
"Have I seen you before?" she had asked.
…
"If Kaoru dono hadn't suggested that reading," the Guji continues. "If you had joined that meeting... If neither of you had had to face your feelings and your circumstances... Maybe you would have chosen differently."
Perhaps, the samurai accepts, but the echo of that memory is still fresh in his mind.
"That woman is married now." He refuted again.
Jineh can't help but let out a laugh.
"There is more than one type of relationship between a man and a woman. - He explains. Although the boy doesn't seem to want to listen. -The only one who truly knows what yours would be with said young woman is Kaoru dono. One thing is clear, without a doubt... whatever your fate with such a young lady might have been, it must have affected Kaoru dono so much that she decided to cut it off and put herself in her place." He declared.
"I made a connection." Kaoru had confessed with the clearest guilt and shame in her eyes.
Kenshin's heart squeezes in his chest, because what the Guji has declared is much more delicate than it appears.
"That's the connection, Himura kun."
"She chose you." Shinji's words echo in his mind, and he finally understands them.
"Perhaps that moment was the first our little bird allowed herself to be completely selfish."
"I do not want to let you go." She had cried that morning in the retirement home.
...Clinging to him and so determined not to let him go.
Apart from that first farewell, Kaoru had been so resigned... Perhaps because her feelings for him hadn't been strong enough, he considered.
No. There was something more.
"She let me go then out of remorse." He concludes.
Although it would be fair to say that the young woman had reconsidered her acts after being punished for such a crime.
The Guji nods.
"She did. But also out of duty - He clarifies. - What many people fail to understand is that a life, however insignificant it may seem, has a connection with the rest of the world. We are all connected like threads on a rug. If you pull one, you will cause a chain reaction that could well destroy said garment completely. The extent of her actions—Kaoru's—is impossible to gauge."
Ah, so those words now made sense, the redhead tells himself.
"I don't want you to hate me." she had told him. And it hadn't been a request but a declaration.
"Maybe she thought that by moving away from you then, by reminding you of your path before you met her, what she had broken would somehow mend itself again."
"This was not where you wanted to go." That had reminded him of Kaoru.
And while it had been true, so had been his desire to remain in the sanctuary with her.
"It doesn't matter." He declares after reflecting on it. "What Kaoru dono has done or not... it doesn't change anything. I don't mind. "He ensures. "I'm not going to choose anyone else."
There was no lie in his words. In all the time he was in the sanctuary, he only had one wish.
"Even if my destiny were another…" He acknowledged. "I don't want to choose anyone else."
"I do care for you." Because she had reciprocated his feelings.
The older man then looked at him with pity in his eyes... as if he had always known that this would be his answer. Sad seeing that the young man did not fully understand it.
"Himura-kun. - He urged him. -Whatever the fate of young Yukishiro has been, Kaoru dono has made it her own. -He stressed, leaving a pause for the boy to assimilate. "It is too soon to know if that will end in a happy ending or in a tragedy."
A chill ran through the samurai.
"I won't let the latter happen." He swore.
Because his mind remembered in too much detail the nightmare in which the blue eyes of the young miko had lost their shine.
And the sword that pierced cruelly through her chest.
"I will never allow it to happen." He growled with his hands in fists.
It was the early hours of the morning when Sanosuke rubbed his eyes again in an attempt to stay awake. Just as doctor Gensai was coming back-in for one last check up on Himura.
Seeing the brown-haired boy still there made his heart warm.
"You should rest; everyone is sleeping," he told him.
Startled a little, Sano shook his head.
"Kenshin could wake up at any moment," he said, "I'd rather stay here than leave him alone."
Gensai then observed the situation in the room in detail. Sanosuke had arranged everything in the room to ensure the samurai's comfort. He even had a tray with water and tea ready in case the young man woke up and was thirsty. There was even a medicine chest near the futon where the redhead rested.
Gensai certainly, doubted that the boy knew how to use them.
"You were close to him." The doctor concludes.
Sano doesn't deny it, even though his relationship with the samurai hadn't been that open.
"When Katsu left, it was difficult to coordinate with the rest of the group. -He explained. - Sometimes, it is frustrating that they see me as only a child despite almost turning fifteen. -He confessed. -Then Kenshin arrived, and it was nice to have someone close to my age, who I already knew in a certain way."
Gensai understands.
Despite of more orphans joining the ranks of soldiers, few manage to make a breakthrough, like Sanosuke and Katsuhiro.
Most died in a matter of days.
"Afterwards, seeing how strong he was, inspired me to want to be a better fighter. -Continue the chestnut. -If his attitude had been different, perhaps we would not have gotten along so well."
"Like a rivalry, you mean." Inquires the doctor.
Sano considers it.
"Maybe…" He says something uncertain. "But Kenshin, it's different." He declares, looking at his still-unconscious friend. "He reminds me a bit of Captain Sagara. Both do not flaunt their strength. And they are too honest. Kenshin is even more naive than me." He smiled.
Gensai smiles too. If the ideals of the people who worked to destroy that era were as honest and pure as the ones in the hearts of those boys... Perhaps there was real hope for a different and better world.
"I'm sure Himura-san will be happy to know that he has such a loyal friend," he said, smiling.
Gensai withdrew then, leaving the brunette with his tireless guard.
Sanosuke nodded a few more times. Close to falling asleep, the brunette remembered when he had met the samurai again.
"From now on, Himura will join us." Captain Sagara had declared.
It had barely been a couple of weeks since their first meeting, so Sanosuke had been surprised to see the redhead back with them. Katsu had been gone a couple of days since his relocation as well, so the arrival of the samurai made him feel some relief.
And given his connection to Jouchan, he felt even more comfortable talking to him.
"Oi! Kenshin!" He had called as he approached.
The samurai had looked at him then but surprised to find him there and that he would talk him with such confidence, but internally relieved to find a familiar face.
"Ah, Sanosuke san, right?" He said, after remembering his name.
"Forget about the keigo. I'm just Sanosuke -The brown-haired man answered -Although once we win the war, I will be Sagara Sanosuke."
And although he had said it with confidence he was waiting for the moment when Kenshin would look at him differently.
"Like the captain?" Kenshin inquired.
Sano nodded, preparing himself for the look the samurai would give him, the same condescension they all gave him.
"That's right. But at the moment, I'm just Sanosuke."
However, Kenshin had smiled with no mockery in his gesture.
"OK. Sanosuke."
Sano liked him even more.
At the end of the day, and having been given a tour around the camp, Sano was glad to share a tent with the samurai.
"So you're fighting with us," he inquired as they prepared the beds.
"For now," Kenshin agreed.
"Hmm."
However, Sano had stared at him then; so blatantly that, at some point, it was too much for the redhead.
"Is something the matter?" He finally asked him, still smiling but with the small vein of anger standing out on his right temple.
Sanosuke however, was unfazed.
"It's strange, but... I had thought that you were Jouchan's bodyguard." He stated.
Kenshin then had changed countenance. As if his partner's words somehow hurt him.
"In a way, I was. -He recognized with a certain sadness, a bittersweet one. -Although it is something a bit more complicated than that."
And Sano, terribly young still, had smiled, feeling somehow victorious.
"I knew it!" He said, starting to laugh. "You like her, right?! You're in love with her!"
Kenshin was supposed to blush and tie himself in knots with his own words, completely embarrassed to be discovered in his feelings, which he had, surely, kept secret if he considered who the young samurai was in love with.
But Kenshin had not reacted in such a way.
"Do not say anything!" He had threatened Sano instead.
Because it had been a threat. The safety on the saya was released, and he even lifted the sword out of the scabbard. His ki had also changed, tensing the atmosphere.
Sanosuke had felt real fear then.
"Don't worry, don't worry. I know how to keep a secret. - He hastily assured with his hands raised. -Geez, Kenshin! Relax. I swear I won't tell a single soul."
Only then had the redhead woken up from that paranoia. His face was filled with embarrassment the instant after.
"No…" he said with difficulty, re-securing the katana. -Thanks Sanosuke... You're right. It's not that serious after all." He said, clearly uncomfortable.
Hours later, and after talking with Captain Sagara, Sanosuke would understand the inappropriateness of his comments and why Kenshin had reacted in such a way...
If someone outside with the intent to hurt Kenshin were to hear that... Sano had shuddered then. That night, he vowed never to be so careless again.
…
And then, the battle against the Shogun's army -the one enriched with foreigners- broke out.
"Retreat! Retreat!"
They had been outnumbered, terribly outnumbered not to mention led into an ambush.
Even if Sanosuke had stayed in the rear as always, as soon as they had been surrounded, that position gave him little protection.
And although later it would be something that would embarrass him, in that moment, he had been grateful that his elders protected him, sending him to the center of the group.
But as soon as the attacks began that position was also useless. Especially when the enemy cut through their ranks too easily.
Sanosuke had managed to dodge and defend himself; he watched both allies and enemies fall left and right.
Soon he was facing a rifle muzzle.
"Ahh!"
"Die!"
But the blood that bathed him in front had not been his own.
"Kenshin!"
The samurai had literally decapitated the enemy soldier just as reinforcements had arrived, opening the way for the retreat.
"You saved my life…" the chestnut murmured, with a trembling voice.
The echo of his companions was suddenly heard shouting "retreat" Faced with such an imbalance of armies, it was obvious that they had to escape. There would be no way for them to win.
"Kenshin, we must go; we are outnumbered." He spoke fast to his partner "Kenshin!"
But the samurai looked different from the boy he had interacted with in the camp. His ki was much sharper and colder, a complete opposite of the Kenshin hours ago.
"Kaoru, dono…" he murmured, his eyes still covered by his red locks. "I must continue."
"Kenshin...?"
The samurai had suddenly stood up. Sanosuke recoiled from this new presence.
The samurai's eyes shone like liquid gold.
"So she can live in a better era... Kaoru…!" Kenshin said, tightening his grip on his katana. "I have to fight..."
And the next instant, he had rushed toward the enemy.
Sanosuke didn't even have time to yell at him again.
...
Kenshin was something totally different from the rest of the samurai.
Kenshin was an oni(demon), much faster than the wind itself.
In his first attack, he moved fluidly like a water snake, which easily evades attacks from the front, and then, rose like a dragon in a full two-step attack, which allowed him to finish off five opponents head-on.
In the second, he had run through a hail of bullets and managed to dodge them by strategically taking cover with enemy soldiers who ended up shooting themselves in an attempt to reach the redhead.
"…Impossible," Sanosuke whispered, shocked and scared.
By his third attack, the enemy was already wary, on pause, waiting in vain to guess his next move.
"I have to fight for her…" Kenshin kept muttering in a voice so low that Sano barely heard him.
By then, the spirits of his compatriots had already risen again.
"With Himura! Hurry! Minna(Everyone)!" They shouted.
Kenshin had opened the way for them in that battle, an enemy so fast that he had no opponent to equal him.
It was more his motivation to fight that had stuck in the mind of the young fighter.
…
Even now, as he watched his friend struggle between life and death, the same thought assailed him.
"What happened between you two?" Sano asked to no one in particular.
...
If only he knew the truth of both hearts, maybe it would be easy to understand and finally help his partner.
At the moment, he could only pray for his recovery.
In the mind of the young samurai, a different memory is planted.
"I can't be seen with you in the sanctuary." He had declared that night. When he had been sure that he would never be close to the blue-eyed miko again.
And although he had said it more out of spite then, Kenshin understood the importance of keeping his distance from the young woman if he declared herself a rebel.
Despite this, after his confession, how he should take care of not being seen with her had totally changed in meaning.
After his reunion with the Guji, he had been convinced that he wanted to know if and how Kaoru would welcome him and to what extent and how their interactions would change.
So it had been a relief to find her on his return, just at the point where he had asked to see her, in one of the chapels closest to Tori. The one reserved for the rest of the clergy off the main path of the ascent.
The young woman was inside it at the edge of the shoji, which was open, while she played with the top in her hands, the same she had refused to give up weeks ago.
Kenshin's heart danced in his chest when he saw her.
"Kaoru," he called.
Her response was immediate.
"Kenshin!"
And her smile was even more magnificent.
The young woman had instantly stood up and gone out to meet him; the boy got ahead of her as best he could. As much as his left leg, wounded at thigh level, allowed him to do so, staggering.
That stopped her dead in her tracks.
"You are injured!" She exclaimed with concern.
He, of course, brushed it off, concerned to see the anguish on her face.
"Just a little." He stated.
Inadvertently earning a reprimand from her.
"A little!?" Kaoru snorted.
And, in the next moment, she dragged him by the ponytail into the chapel.
"Iitteee! (It hurts)" Kenshin growled, forcibly following the pace of the young woman, who had actually respected his need to slow down.
Which lengthened the grievance to his poor hair.
"Mou!" Kaoru growled as she released him, hands on her waist.
Letting him fall - with a certain grace - on one of the cushions arranged around a central table, obviously designed as a dining room.
"I'm fine, honestly." Assured the boy, still smiling.
Kaoru didn't seem convinced.
"Can I?" She requested.
He sighed internally before nodding. Knowing she wouldn't be calm until she was certain he was truly fine.
Kaoru then -still somewhat sad, if her red cheeks were evidence of anything- began to check the samurai's body.
Starting with his arms, from his shoulders to the tips of his fingers. First one and then the other. Seeing, flexing, and lightly touching certain areas to ensure the boy was not lying. Following his back and his neck where her touch tickled Kenshin, with small shivers that caused something different than laughter. Moved then to the boy's chest, where she only looked at while stirring the gi a little; to finish on his face. Where he decided to look at her too, while he knew he was loved...
The boy's smiling expression had a different effect than expected...
"Satisfied?" He asked flirtatiously. Causing her cheeks to turn red.
The young woman's hands returned to the samurai's left leg.
"Is this the only one serious?" She asked, not without a certain threat underneath her words.
"I swear." He answered, still smiling.
Kaoru finally sighed, accepting that answer.
"What happened?"
Kenshin extended his smile, the one that did not reach his eyes.
"I slipped after an attack."
The young woman's eyebrows drew together, a gesture of disbelief and irritation.
"You slipped on the enemy's sword?" She questioned cynically.
The boy dared to laugh even more.
"It's not as bad as it sounds." He declared, scratching the back of his neck.
The miko pulled both of his cheeks hard.
"You're turning into a simpleton." And realised them as soon as she accused him.
"Does it bothers you?" He asked, rubbing both cheeks, still smiling despite the pain in them.
The miko's irritated gesture soon turned serious with obvious sadness.
"Only when you lie to me." She said managing to break the boy's mask, whose smile deflated like a balloon. "So?" she pressed.
Kenshin, unable to continue avoiding what troubled him, couldn't help but answer with the truth.
His gaze turned distant.
"One of the samurai I faced was just a child." He said.
Kaoru's heart squeezed with his. "Another one I had met on my trip to Edo a year ago."
The samurai could still paint man's face and the same emotion of bewilderment on his face, which no doubt had painted his own when meeting him in battle.
"He was one of the people who had helped me rescue Sasaki dono. -He continued. -I hesitated for a moment... And this happened." He concluded by pointing to his injured leg.
The miko's hands had joined at the height of her mouth, a reaction meant to contain the emotion she felt. Then, acknowledging that she was the one to give comfort, she forced herself to pull herself together.
"I'm sorry. -She said sincerely, taking Kenshin's hands in her own. -I will pray for both... Do you have more names?"
Kenshin frowned regretfully.
"Too many." He sobbed, squeezing her hands.
The young woman agreed.
"Tell me all of them."
And Kenshin did, while Kaoru engraves each name in her mind, accepting to carry the same load as her partner to prevent it from drowning him.
…
It was close to midnight when the story had finally ended, and Kaoru had said the pertinent prayers.
Although the young samurai's ki was still wounded - and Kaoru understood that, in a way, it would always be that way from now on - at least he was in better spirits than when he had arrived. The self-imposed mask was completely gone; he wasn't trying to cover up his emotions.
But Kaoru was afraid that such progress would be hindered; she had noticed the dark circles on the boy's face and guessed what was undoubtedly weighing him down then.
So she ended up making that offer.
"Spend the night here with me." She told him because it had been an order rather than a request.
Kenshin shooked his head.
"It's too risky." He told her.
"We don't have to go back to my room."
"Kaoru." He warned her.
But she did not give up.
"I have woken up in worse places, you know."
Of course, he knew! It had scared the shit out of him the first time he'd seen her sleepwalk, that second week he'd spent with her in the sanctuary.
But that had been different.
"Even so…"
"I can always blame a vision," she cut him off and then, added when she saw how he was about to refute her. "I wouldn't even have to lie; I'd let them assume what they wanted."
He was tempted then... He had missed her company so much...
Especially after his confession, almost a month ago.
That night when he had hugged her only to be embarrassed instantly after. Where he had ended up muttering something along the lines of "I'll open the way to a new era for you," he wasn't sure now. And then he had left, determined to see Katsura.
Now that he thought about it, that had been a confusing sendoff.
Kaoru hadn't even said anything to him then! Although she hadn't rejected him, she hadn't said anything else either.
That was the real reason he had gone back to Kyoto without waiting for an answer from her, not wanting to give her the opportunity to reject him again...
Even now, he wanted to be cautious.
"I could not do it. I'm tempting your honor enough the way things are."
So he had been genuinely surprised at the answer she had given him then.
"My honor lies in the truth of my feelings for you." She declared forcefully and took his hands in hers again with the intention of stopping him from leaving "And I'm not doing anything wrong. I am helping a friend." She declared that word that bothered him so much.
Seeing the annoyance flash in his eyes, she pressed his hands harder, stopping him with a smile at the corners of her lips.
"For now," she remarked. "Just a friend."
Kenshin bit his tongue. Because although his heart motivated him to refute, his mind opened up the panorama of what her words represented.
It was certainly less improper for two friends to share a bed than for two young lovers.
"A friend." He accepted, although not without some difficulty.
She smiled at him.
"I know you have nightmares. Don't hide from me, Kenshin." She begged her voice barely a whisper.
The boy struggled with himself for only a brief moment before giving in.
"Just tonight."
Her smile spread.
However, when she went to the back of the room, where only a single futon was folded, Kenshin felt that both legs were giving out, and the reason was not his left thigh injury.
"Kaoru dono this, no…" he tried to refute.
But the look of his "friend" stopped him dead; next to the futon was a bokken (wooden sword), one that brought back the memory of Kaoru chasing him through the sanctuary before painfully -for him- reaching its object.
"We do it my way or the bokken way," she threatened.
"Both are your way," he growled under his breath.
"Did you say something?" she questioned, eyebrows raised and bokken on hand.
He was quick to deny everything.
"Lie(no), hime dono(princess)." He crooned.
The young woman smirked before arranging the futon, and then, they both settled under the quilt.
...
Such closeness was exquisite.
...
Exquisitely uncomfortable.
Side by side, shoulder to shoulder, gazes at a distant point on the ceiling and tickles on the body; both young teens could barely breathe.
It hadn't been like that even when they'd slept without the screen. And even the night they'd shared a futon at the retirement home, their feelings hadn't been so exposed…
"Oyasumi" Kaoru suddenly whispered; she had turned her face to see him.
Kenshin looked at her.
"Oyasumi" He answered.
Their eyes locked on the other's for a brief moment.
Then she settled back in with her back to him, tingling at his gaze on her.
Kenshin sighed; there was a clear longing in his gaze; then he settled in the same way, his back to her, in that small space on the futon.
Back to back, the two young teens stayed awake for a long time before they could fall asleep.
…
Near dawn, Kenshin woke up clinging to the body of his partner, with his face leaning against her chest. His nose was buried in the curve of her neck, and his arms clinged to the miko's torso. Kaoru, contrary to what the young man expected, hugged him in the same way, one hand on his red hair and the other on his back. Almost as if she were protecting a small child; her legs were tangled in his.
That night the nightmares had not entered his psyche. And the boy regretted having to part with the young miko.
But they had already risked enough.
However, when he tried to wake her up, the young woman ended up clinging to him more.
"Just one more moment, Kenshin," she had asked in a low voice, still sleepy.
And Kenshin, so lacking in affection, had given in to her and his wishes and closed his eyes again...
...
When had it been then that things had taken a turn in the wrong direction?
…
"If we continue as before, our next point will be Edo."
"Right" he reminded himself. "It had been for Guji sama."
"Himura kun" Sozo had spoken to him then. "There is an urgent matter that we must resolve."
Kenshin could hardly believe what he was reading then...
After his return to the battlefield, months after that clandestine meeting between him and Kaoru, the previous Guji had been declared a public enemy of the shogunate.
"Impossible… - He muttered, feeling torn between anger and fear -Guji sama would be unable to do this. He… is an honorable man, gentle even."
"Have you seen him fight, Himura?" Sozo questioned him.
Inadvertently managing to revive a memory in the boy's mind, and even feeling the chill of that day again, seeing Guji as a murderer.
"You have a little bird to rescue." He had told him, with the battered body of the former miko Momiji hanging from one of his arms.
But even then, the man's ki had been filled with anguish.
"During the attack on the shrine, but that was different. -He assured. -There's no way he became a murderer just because." He said, convinced, so much so that it was easy for him to hide his disbelief in an emotion of annoyance. "What evidence do you have?"
Sozo looked at one of his assistants, who handed him another scroll before answering.
"The shinsengumi has summoned the sanctuary."
"Why the shinsengumi?" Questioned the redhead with a bad feeling.
"It seems that he became part of a cleaning crew within the group."
His heart sank to his feet. The Guji as an enemy of the sanctuary?
"Impossible! Not long ago I spoke with him."
Because it had been true. If the Guji truly were on the regime's side, he would have had no qualms about taking down Kenshin, especially after the events in Mito.
Although perhaps, that had been a last concession of the man towards him... He was no longer sure what to believe...
"Did you notice anything about him?" Sozo asked.
"Those eyes are those of a murderer." Guji had told him.
But that had more to do with himself than a change in the elder...
"No. -Kenshin answered. -And I am sure of my beliefs. It was not him. It wasn't."
Sozo debated that moment in considering all the possibilities, many of which Kenshin imagines, are beyond himself. But it ddin't looked like his superior was going to come to a logical conclusion.
"Although, for now, they have not called Kaoru miko sama in particular to face them - continues the assistant-; it is only a matter of time before they do."
Kenshin finally understands why he was called.
"You're sending me." He concludes, unable to complete the sentence.
Because even if he has gotten used to the idea of having to kill to win, he knows the weight of having to kill someone he knows, let alone close; as closed to be called family.
And he doesn't want to have to do it.
Yet, it would be absurd to say that he doesn't want to be the one to go. Since it is precisely because of who it is that Kenshin does not want someone else to eliminate him.
"Even if the order came from Katsura Kogoro... I know you want to go. -Sozo tells him, perfectly understanding the the young samurai's thoughts and, at the same time, explaining the hearing of his actions. -We are your allies, Himura kun. I hope you can see us as such."
Kenshin sharpened his gaze. He had to hurry, he told himself.
"I will travel alone."
After a moment's hesitation on the part of his superior, he nodded.
"Understood."
The Sekihotai had a bad feeling... but he understood he had to respect Himura's decision. It was part of his deal with Katsura anyway.
"They don't know who you are. We have done what is necessary to keep your identity in the shadows. However, if you are not careful, more than one could discover your identity." He warned. "You should take care mainly of the captains of the Shinsengumi."
"Or perhaps I should hide in their ranks." The redhead completed.
Those present in the room laughed.
It wasn't until Kenshin was on his way to Kyoto that he finally caught a glimpse of what the Guji had possibly done.
"Could it be possible?" He considered. "The Guji like a poison that will attack from within..."
Kenshin quickened his pace.
If his suspicions were correct, he should get there as soon as possible to save him.
...
However, by the time he had reached the sanctuary, it had been too late.
"Himura-kun!" Hikari greeted him, running towards him.
Kenshin barely stopped her by holding her shoulders.
"Hikari chan, what's wrong?"
"You're late. -The latter complained, but the annoyance was buried under her concern-. Kaoru dono already went out with a gang. The Shinsengumi is also chasing our old Guji. -She clung to him desperately. -Himura kun, the order is to kill him!"
…
Following Hikari's instructions, it had been easy to reach the first shinsengumi squad before the Guji finished them off or they managed to finish off the priest.
Kenshin wasn't clear then why exactly was he looking for the Guji? Was it to eliminate him or to help him escape?
However, after their first confrontation, the young samurai noticed the change in the fluctuation of the ki of the man who previously ran the shrine. It was a heavy and dark presence...
And to his regret, there was no sign of the kind man he had thought of as a guide. That had upset him so much...! That in a moment of doubt, Jineh had taken the opportunity to cast a spell on him.
"We'll see who gets to her first, Himura."
"No! Jine!"
With his mind in chaos, Kenshin barely managed to break free of the spell in time to rescue Kaoru. Although it was hard for him to admit it, he had found both thanks to his connection with the young woman and not his ability to follow the Guji's ki.
...
The boy was exhausted.
...
"Are you alright, Kenshin?" -Kaoru had asked him as soon as he had left her on the ground right after getting far enough away from Jine so as not to be hurt by him.
Unfortunately, the redhead didn't have enough strength to get them both away from the place. Not to mention that he couldn't leave without ending the problem the ex-priest represented.
"I'm fine. And you?"
Kaoru shook her head. Although it was obvious that she was injured, it did not appear to be seriously.
"Fight me, Himura," Jineh challenged again from behind them. His gesture was even crazier.
The miko had stopped him when he was about to return to the fight; the poor thing was seething with fear for both of them. Kenshin understood such concern, as well as the uselessness of it... He had then placed his hands on hers.
"Everything will be fine, Kaoru. You shouldn't worry," he assured her.
She, still not entirely convinced, had released him at the end.
The fight had been balanced to some extent.
Except that the man was able to see that other side of the boy, the darkness he had tried to hide. The murderer he had become recognized the murderer in the boy, and he was filled with ecstasy.
"You are doomed, just like me. She will never choose you." Jineh had provoked him.
Kenshin knew it then, the Guji wanted to die, and he wanted him to be the one to kill him.
The blood sang in his veins...
"Aahh!"
Why? He felt upset and disappointed... As they clashed swords, the young samurai became more and more convinced that the Guji's consciousness was lost, only Jineh, the assassin, remained.
Frustrated, he had followed his superior's wishes.
...
"Don't kill him!"
But then Kaoru had yelled for him to stop, and his body reacted instantly, as if she was the one in control of himself.
Jineh then fell to the ground with a heavy blow, having taken the damage from the technique the samurai had used in reverse to avoid killing him.
Kenshin was breathing heavily, drawing in through his mouth. The next thing that happened nearly knocked his heart out of his chest.
"Kaoru dono!" He stopped her by the hand.
The look she gives him disarms him. Because there is neither fear nor reproach in the miko's eyes. She sincerely tries to comfort him and let him know not to be afraid.
"He won't hurt me," she assured him with a shaky voice.
Kenshin hesitates for a moment, but ends up letting her go.
The miko reaches where Jine lies, coughing as he tries to catch his lost breath.
It is then that Kaoru paints a picture that until then, had had no place in the samurais' lives.
"Everyone has the right to a second chance."
Redemption.
Kaoru is talking about redemption.
About the possibility that someone who walks a path as dark as his, has the chance to walk a different path, one full of light.
Once again, the miko has defeated him. While he had come to face the Guji without a clear idea of what to do or even what he wanted to do, Kaoru had searched for him with the firm intention of saving the man who had been her superior.
And she says it with such passion and sincerity that Kenshin almost believes it possible...
But then...
"Ah!"
Kenshin senses the ki of the shinsengumi captain, Saito Hajime. Thanks to his ability, he is able to notice the exact moment in which Saito has slipped through the Guji's rear and the movement he intends to make.
His legs move on their own, before he's finished deciding how to respond.
"Kaoru dono!"
It is a moment of doubt that has cost him a life... He knows...
And even then...
"Don't look." He asks, almost begs.
Because the man they both admired has been pierced from behind.
"Don't look!"
Because his blood drips onto the grass until it turns red when the man finally falls.
'Please! Don't look...!' He says to himself.
Because the image of the man who dies is not that of the murderer... But that of the gentle priest whose heart had secretly loved his companion.
"No! Guji-sama!" Shouted the miko, trying to free herself from the samurai's grip.
But Kenshin stands firm.
Because the priest they loved so much dies with the name of the companion he loved on his lips.
"Mo...miji..."
Kenshin's heart sinks in guilt.
"Don't look, Kaoru! Please!" He prayes.
Kenshin knows, it was the emotion in his voice that finally convinced Kaoru to stay still.
Kenshin knows...
He knows... that he has terribly failed her...
...
The group that came with the captain of the third shinsengumi division, was also joined by the shrine entourage.
During all the time it takes them to get hold of the ex-Guji's body, in addition to the pertinent discussions with the present leaders -Saito, Okita and Heisuke- Kenshin remains clinging to Kaoru, his left hand still covering her eyes.
The miko has been reduced to a silent cry...
...
When the body has been removed, Kenshin frees Kaoru. But he took longer to let go of her than she did to run towards Hajime Saito.
"You had no right!" She yells at him angrily, standing in front of him. Kenshin behind her barely manages to reach her.
...
He was exhausted...
...
"How could you dare commit such an act?" She questions between tears. "You had no right!"
Saito hardly flinched. Forcing himself to remember that more than the "princess of Kioto" the young woman is the "darling" of his wife, Tokio, he manages to remain calm.
"On the contrary," he refutes with cold calm. "From the moment he joined the Shinsengumi ranks, it was our duty to take care of him accordingly." He declares, recognizing the moment in which her mind becomes aware of the circumstances of the previous Guji. "I know you understand, so don't try to discuss it. Jineh Udo had already given up the sanctuary since before he became an assassin."
This only enrages the young woman more; Kenshin barely recognizes her when he sees the ferocity of her ki and how her hands clench into fists until she hurts herself with her nails.
Saito notices it too, but unlike the boy, he enjoys it.
"You wouldn't dare say otherwise, would you?" She challenges her.
Kaoru has ended up hurting her lip and making it bleed. She is trying to contain that storm of emotions to avoid making a mistake... A slip that undoubtedly could turn into a tragedy.
Better that the responsibility for the crime falls on the shinsengumi than on the Sanctuary...
"He was an honorable man," she manages to say, hissing out the words.
Saito smiles now, and Kenshin begins to dislike him as much as his partner.
"Oh? Is it that you would have preferred him to die on the gallows?"
Kenshin steps in.
"Kaoru dono" he calls her, hands on both of the young woman's forearms; it is clear that he is holding her back. "It's better to go."
Reluctantly she steels herself.
But then the captain speaks again.
"You should be grateful that you are allowed to keep the body," he declares; the miko stopped instantly. "A criminal like him should simply lie in a mass grave."
Kenshin ends up getting in the middle of both.
"Come on, Kaoru dono."
And his short image cut through the young woman's emotion, albeit momentarily, it is enough to get the miko to let herself be guided back to where her group resides.
"He's not worth it."
Tears fall silently down the miko's face, tears of sadness and anger.
…
The way back to the city is silent. Upon reaching the base of the sanctuary, both groups prepare to leave.
Out of ownership -and appearance more than anything- Kenshin keeps his distance from Kaoru. The miko, now in Sato's arms, is led behind the group carrying Jineh's body.
Captain Heisuke takes advantage of such a distance to approach Kenshin then; his current sly smile adorning his face.
"You have skill." It's the first thing he says to the boy. "Tell me Ronin, wouldn't you rather put your potential to better use?"
Kenshin remains calm, although his left hand has landed on his katana as soon as the man spoke to him.
"I am not a ronin. I am a free sword." He corrects him.
Because even if he's given up his training, that doesn't mean he doesn't hold himself to the same teachings. No matter how hypocritical he is, considering he is now technically under the command of Katsura Kogoro.
"You should think the words better before putting them in your mouth." Saito warns him.
The message he tries to give him is clear, if he is this ambiguous in the middle of a war, he will undoubtedly end up falling under the edge of a katana from one side or the other.
"Don't worry Saito san" Okita intervenes, coming up behind the latter; his smile makes him look even more childish. "I don't think our friend said that with double intentions, ne?"
Kenshin barely nods, his hand remaining on the hilt of his sword. Heisuke laughs and says something that the boy can't hear; his attention is on Saito, who analyzes him in the same way he does.
"But you should consider what we propose." Insists the captain of the first division. "Perhaps then you will be able to avoid tragedies like this."
Anger flares in the redhead's chest.
Saito sighs irritably, even he has felt the offense.
"Okita."
"Hai, Saito-san?"
"Don't suffocate the boy. - He reprimands him. -That was rude of you."
Okita looks really upset then.
"Gomen, gomen. (sorry) He apologizes. "I didn't mean to be rude."
Kenshin looks at Saito in bewilderment. He does not know what to think of such a person.
Did he just defend him?
But then Saito smiles before completing…
"Something tells me this beast is already on a leash."
'No.' Kenshin thinks to himself. 'Of course not. They're all vultures.' He concludes. "If you'll excuse me." He tells them before retiring with a simple bow.
He knows that if he stays, he will end up drawing his katana.
Behind him, Kenshin barely hears Heisuke's comment.
"Saito...if you continue behaving like that, more and more young people will unite against us."
Kenshin was of the same opinion.
On the third day of the miko's dream, as they told him in the sanctuary, Hiko received the news that his former disciple had also fallen unconscious.
Unlike the rest of the world he understood the connection between the pair of idiots that were Kenshin and the shrine girl, Kaoru. Why Sasaki kept keeping him updated on the situation of both young teens remained a mystery; more surprisingly, he had no complaint.
His first thought upon hearing the news had been "baka deshi"; and his second...
"How can I stay still when I see people suffering in front of my eyes?"
His second took him back to a memory of what felt had been a different life.
One in which he was forced to deal with childish and then adolescent nonsense. Days filled with discussions and laughter alike.
"I have to do something." His student had expressed.
Why hadn't he done anything to understand him?
"Haa..." He sighed regretfully.
Standing in front of Kaede's grave, Hiko uncovered his sake mug and then, poured it onto the moratorium stone.
"You were right, Kaede."He said when he finished.
Wishing that wherever the miko was, she could somehow help him.
"I have thrown my apprentice as food for the wolves." He lamented.
And then, pride aside, he did what any parent would do in an emergency.
He prayed for the well-being of whom he still considered his -son- disciple.
And that whatever catharsis he was going through, he would soon find a way to overcome it.
And just like any parent would, he was right about what weighed down the young samurai.
That night, when they returned to the sanctuary, the first thing had been to attend to the group that had gone in search of the previous Guji. Which had left Kenshin alone with his small group of friends, Sasaki, Hikari, and Sato.
The latter had explained to the two girls what had happened hours ago, to the relief of Kenshin, who was still overwhelmed by the experience.
After hearing the facts, Hikari was the first to explode.
"I told you this would happen!" She shouted.
"Hikari, you are not helping." Sato growled.
"And whose fault is it?" she bellowed. "If you had only listened to me we would have a better result."
"You can't guarantee that."
"At least Kaoru dono wouldn't have had to witness it," Sasaki chimed in sadly.
The other three present could at least agreed on that.
The samurai was still swimming in regrets...
Sato sighed. Hikari didn't seem to want to argue any further.
"Sasaki, please take care of the rest of the functions while I solve the funeral" the dark-haired man asked.
She nodded.
"Yes of course." She answered.
"Himura." Sato called, looking at him between relieved and anxious. The samurai attended to him instantly. "I appreciate that you are here and have supported us. At the moment, I don't think there will be a problem if you stay with us. Could you...?"
The redhead smiled sympathetically.
"Don't worry, I was planning to stay." He told him.
The anxiety seemed to leave Sato.
"Thank you."
...
He had then gone to Kaoru's room - the one that had previously been Yumi's during the short time she ruled as the High Miko of the Sanctuary to Inari.
It was the first time he would enter through the inner door. The previous occasion, they had agreed to see each other in secret; he had stayed away from the main building.
"Kaoru dono?" He knocked on the door taking care to use keigo (formal language) whenever they were not alone. "I'm going in." He said.
And then he drew back the fusuma, walking into the room as he did so.
But the shattered image of the room dislodged him.
"What...? Kaoru...!"
Most of the things were scattered on the floor; books, luck tablets, and even ceremonial hair ribbons and ornaments suffered the same fate... Complete chests of drawers overturned with kimonos scattered on the floor. The pieces of a ceramic vase lay on top of the white plum blossoms they had contained.
And in the middle of all that chaos was the miko.
"Kaoru..." He whispered her name.
She was breathing hard and muttering under her breath. She was still wearing the same clothes as when she had returned, but her condition was even more unkempt.
"Kenshin." She jumped when she saw him and approached after. "How considerate of you to join us!" She said sarcastically.
But the young samurai had been so overwhelmed by the scene that he had barely noticed her attitude. After closing the doors, he concentrated on checking the miko with his eyes.
"Are you well?" He asked, noticing with alarm the wounds on the young woman's hands.
Classic wounds from when one goes to blows against someone. The skin on the knuckles was scraped, small cuts where the blood peeked.
She looked confused for a second, before she realized what he was looking at.
"Oh! This?" She inquired, looking at her injured knuckles. "It's nothing." She assured smiling before changing her countenance to one of uneasiness. "Considering the terrible defeat we have just suffered." She snorted bitterly.
He blinked in confusion.
"Defeat?"
Kaoru walked towards the access to the garden, where the doors were still closed. She stopped right where the vase lay smashed. Their blue orbs gazed entranced at the red flowers.
"I hope you are happy at least" she said quietly.
Kaoru's ki was erratic, and seemed to jump from one emotion to another.
"Why would I be?" He questioned, confused.
Kaoru gave a small laugh, one that made her sound resigned. But mostly hurt.
"You're right. There's no point in what I'm saying," she muttered under her breath, then bent down to pick up the red flowers.
The young man's heart dances with concern.
Something is terribly wrong, he reflects. And he advances towards her trying to confront her.
"Kaoru?"
The girl, however, rejects her partner in his attempt to approach her - to touch her; she has taken a step back that has made it clear that she does not want to be near him.
"Tell me, Kenshin, do you think Guji Sama's death was for the best?"
Kenshin's heart squeezes in his chest, because he knows what she accuses him of.
"You must believe it... -She continues, eyes still lost in the flowers that now rest on her hands. -Seeing how easy it was to kill him."
The redhead didn't know if he should let himself get angry because of what that implied. It couldn't be true, what she was implying... It couldn't be.
"I didn't kill him." He rebuts forcefully, even growling.
But the guilt he feels is clear...
The look that Kaoru gives him hurts him as much or more than her next words.
"You might as well have." She declares.
And now he's upset. Almost even angry.
"Why are you angry?" He complains, then he retracts due to the absurdity of the question. "No. I understand why you are, but why are you attacking me? I didn't plan for all this to happen.
"Were you even planning to save him?" She questioned him forcefully. "Why were you there Kenshin?"
"I was trying to help-"
"Help? how?! -She cuts him off. -You had the opportunity to stop Saito and you decided not to."
"Are you accusing me of letting him die?!"
"Because you did!"
Mutism.
Kaoru's face... The expression on it is a picture of anguish, a mixture of emotions so wounded... that the samurai is unable in that instant to deny that accusation.
"I know what you're capable of, and you didn't even try." She continued, the reproach in her words is clear.
Kenshin is still upset, but his annoyance is diluted in the guilt he feels because there is truth in the young woman's words.
"It wasn't that simple..." he murmurs instead, looking away from her. "You knew his situation Kaoru."
The aforementioned feels the taste of blood in her mouth...
"Which was?" She challenges him. "That he was a condemned man? Without a chance of salvation?"
The boy tightens his face; he has no desire to say the following.
"That he was a criminal."
The miko can't help but laugh. A short laugh that tries to cover up what hurts her.
"Tell me something, Kenshin... all those times when you said you preferred my vision... My brother's vision of a sword that protects life... Did you really believe it?"
His eyes return to her. The expression of bewilderment is pure.
Kaoru approaches him.
"Do you even believe in me?"
"Of course!" He defends himself.
"Then why?! -She cries, her voice broken -Why don't you think it would have been possible to save Guji Sama? He had a right to redeem himself, but you decided it was better for him to die then."
"Kaoru" He begs, with a hint of irritation, because even if he wanted to believe her...
...because even if it had been possible to save him, she cannot be so blind and foolish about the reality in which the ex-priest found himself.
"Guji Sama was doomed to die no matter if I had saved him from Saito."
She shakes her head, tears pooling from her eyes.
Kenshin grabs her from the forearms, in an attempt to stop her from listening to him.
"He was declared a public enemy of the shogun. And if you insisted on defending him, you would end up suffering the same fate. I couldn't let that happen," he declares, his voice increasing in volume.
Kaoru breaks away from him.
"Even so... I could have helped him."
"Kaoru, please understand," he asks, grabbing her again, this time by the shoulders. "I couldn't let you go."
Face to face, with his gaze locked on hers, the young samurai tries to make her understand what his fear was.
Even if he had arrived without knowing what he should do regarding the Guji, he subconsciously knew who he wanted to protect. This had allowed him to glimpse the scope of each possible step to take and how they would end up affecting Kaoru due to the sanctuary's neutral stance.
"I understand how much it hurts you to have lost him, because it hurts me too. But Guji-sama himself understood the predicament he found himself in."
"You're trying to convince me that he wanted to be killed."
"Because it was like that Kaoru!"
Silence.
He didn't want to yell at her, but he felt like she was overstepping his limit.
...
He was exhausted.
...
And without knowing it, those teachings that he had questioned so much -so ingrained in his psyche- began to come out of him like vomit.
"I know how important it is for you to help people walk a better path. But in the world we live in, the sword is a weapon to kill no matter how many words you use to embellish it."
A crack.
"No matter the merit of your position, no one is going to accept that a man considered a criminal is allowed to walk free, especially when he has taken innocent lives."
Another crack, that goes unnoticed too.
"Your non-killing ideology has no place in the society we live in, Kaoru. And just as Guji sama told you, it will lead more than one to the gallows. You have to-"
A break.
The redhead's words have been cut off suddenly. Specifically, from a slap.
Kenshin, with the purest expression of bewilderment, barely understands what has happened.
And it is that he was so lost in reviewing the teachings of his former teacher, that he had overlooked the brief moments in which his words have both hurt and enervated the young priestess.
And the anger he feels boils with the intensity of a volcano.
"How can you not understand?! -He recriminates her - Would you rather have risked the sanctuary?!"
Kaoru, on her pat, responds with all the anger of her broken heart.
"How are my ideals different from yours?" She questions. Her voice is cold but firm.
Suddenly it's as if a bucket of cold water has fallen on Kenshin.
"What?" He asks truly confused.
Kaoru repeats her question louder this time, raising her voice with evident rage.
"How are my ideals different from yours?"
Silence.
This is where the situation is reversed. The red flowers have been smashed in the hands of the miko. The young woman seethes with rage.
"You. Who thinks you will create a new era at the cost of destroying the current one." She accuses.
Kenshin ends up taking a step back.
The same step that she advances towards him.
"You. Who puts out lives for the ideal that this is the only way you will open the path to a better world." She continues, her eyes look like silver ice.
Every word makes a dent in the boy's soul.
"You're just a hypocrite!" She shouts.
Aphonia.
Kenshin is looking at himself in a mirror. And in his reflection, it is his teacher who looks at him, with his black as onyx eyes declaring the verdict he deserves.
"You're just a hypocrite... A boy too naive to realize the stupidity and absurdity of his ideals."
The weight of such judgment is such that the young samurai backs down again.
But Kaoru can't give him truce.
"Why should your ideals be the only ones to be considered achievable?" She challenges. "Why is it easier to believe that the sword only serves to kill and not to protect? How is it more credible that a war will bring peace than the atonement the forgiveness of a repentant man?
Kenshin tries to come up with an answer, but he can't find words; facing his own fears, his doubts, he has no arguments.
"I..."
Kaoru turns her back on him then, aware that he is not going to answer her and even more that she only wants to hurt him and how much she will regret it later if she does.
So she only has one way out.
"Just go... -She asks- Leave me alone..."
That is a thorn in the heart of the samurai. He tries to reach her again.
"Kaoru..."
But this only manages to upset her more.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" She explodes, rejecting him. "Go away!" She insists.
Kenshin runs out of the room the next moment...
Leaving Kaoru behind, lost in her tears.
"Aahh!" Screams the samurai in his sleep.
Sanosuke, who had previously fallen asleep, jumps up upon hearing him.
"Kenshin!" He calls him as soon as he sees him writhing in his sleep.
If he continued like that, it would not take long for him to injure himself again until the wound on his torso reopens.
"Wait, Kenshin!" Sano tries to stop him, while asking for help. "Doctor Gensai!" He calls.
And the next second he remembers that the doctor is not in the mansion, which has been vacated after moving to a new inn.
"Please! Someone! Help!" He screams desperately.
It is then, that one of the assistants arrives and runs into the room.
"Let me help you!" She tells him. "Please, hold him...!" she indicates; there is a bottle in her hands whose liquid is black.
Sanosuke doubts
"But..."
"Just hold him!" She demands.
In the end he does as she commands.
The young medical assistant uncaps the vial and holds it up to the redhead's nose; Sano does his best to keep him still on the futon while the young woman holds his face.
After a brief moment, Kenshin stops struggling.
"Calm down, Himura Kun," the young woman told him.
Sanosuke's pulse is racing, he vibrates in fear and concern for his friend but he calms down as he notices how the redhead's movements become slow and heavy.
"Kenshin" He speaks to him.
Then the readhead begins to sob, and the chestnut's heart squeezes in his chest.
"Kenshin... Calm down, friend. I'm here. I'm here."
The samurai's eyes do not open, however, it seems that he is somehow conscious and has been able to recognize the fighter.
"Sano?" He mutters through tears.
"It's me, that's it Kenshin." He answers, his grip on the young man has become a kind of hug, in which he holds him from behind. "Calm down..." he whispers.
The samurai's head ends up on the chestnut's lap after his body jerks in an attempt to respond to his friend's contact.
"I made a mistake Sano... -He sobs. -I made a mistake..." Sadly wishing to have the comfort of his teacher, and without knowing that he is aware of what is happening with him.
...
Hiko is no different in such a case. Just like his disciple -because he is still his disciple, he decides- the man is standing in front of the grave of who, years ago, would have been the miko regent of Inari.
"Kaede. -He calls her. - If you still listen to me. If somehow you're still here... And if you still consider me someone to waste your time on..." He prays.
Hoping that his prayers can get where they should.
...
These fly into the hands of Sanosuke, who, upon listening to his friend, cannot help but want to comfort him.
"Hey, you're not the only one, Kenshin... -He says, while his hands caress the redhead's head. -We all do. No one can judge you for that."
That is perhaps the most mature thought the young fighter has ever had.
...
Hiko certainly couldn't overlook a ruling, yet he would be unable to convict someone for a misstep at the same time.
Not even to himself.
"Bring back my stupid student..." He asks sincerely.
And it's not a "take it back with me" but a "release him from whatever hell he finds himself in."
"Help me bring him back." He insists.
Because he understands that unless he's willing to set aside his pride and admit full responsibility for the boy as more than just a possible successor, he has no right to meddle in Kenshin's life.
And he can only ask that there is always someone else who can help his pupil... That on his way, he finds someone who knows how to see him for the value he helds.
...
And perhaps in a way, his baka deshi have already achieved this.
"In any case, Kenshin..." Sanosuke continues. "You can always correct it..."
And either the little caresses on the boy's head, like a pampering done to a small child, or the nightmare is over, Kenshin has stopped crying and finds himself asleep again.
"Has it worked?" Sano asks after a brief moment of calm and silence.
The young assistant nods.
"What was that?" Sano asks.
"Probably the fever" Responds the young woman. "You did it well... ah..."
"Sano, Sanosuke" He answers, remembering to introduce himself.
Despite having seen each other in the previous days, this is the first time that both teens have interacted head-on.
"I am Megumi. -She introduces herself. -From now on, I will support you in whatever you need."
Sano smiles with relief.
"Thank you."
Between the two of them, they put Kenshin back on the futon. Megumi even takes it upon herself to check the samurai's wound. Fortunately, no damage has been done.
That was the last time Kenshin suffered from the fever.
The rest of the hours, little by little, he heals.
And it is within his dream, he briefly remembered the torment that had followed the day after leaving the sanctuary.
He remembers agreeing to rejoin the Sekihotai after agreeing to move alone to where the group faced a new attack...
And how Kaoru's words had haunted him throughout the battle.
"How are my ideals different from yours?"
"I made a mistake..." He had understood in the middle of the battle.
Right at the moment when he had received that wound.
"If someone deserves a wish like that..." He remembered that audacity.
"I made a terrible mistake," he repeated. "I brought her into an era of chaos," he lamented.
But later, it is Hiko who confronts him.
"I didn't teach you the art of the sword to be unhappy."
Finally, on the fourth day, Kenshin finally wakes up.
His fever has subsided, and his mind has been released from the prison of memories. Ironically, despite having been in bed for three days and three nights, the samurai feels generally fine - save for the feeling of numb muscles, typical of the healing of his physical injuries.
It is strange, but it is said proper, almost adequate. The catharsis he needed to decide what to do, which way to go. And if he didn't feel a little tired yet, he would have even gotten up by now.
"KENSHIN!"
The samurai blinks and directs his gaze to where the voice had come from. Sanosuke is standing at the entrance to the room, his face a poem of relief.
"Sano," the redhead recognizes him.
And that is the last threat to break off those that still held the chestnut, he ran until he was sitting next to him.
"It's nice to see you well, Kenshin." He tells him, with his eyes full of contained tears.
The samurai, after looking at him for a moment, smiles.
...
It is much later when the sun is about to set again on its descent to give way to night, that Kenshin is finally in a condition to get up and leave the room.
Standing in the engawa and looking out at the garden, Kenshin breathes in and lets himself be embraced by the energy around him. His mind is finally clear.
Sano is with him even then. At the moment, the boy is resting sitting on the engawa and leaning against one of the posts after finishing eating.
It is in this peace that Sozo finds them.
"Himura" he calls him. And the samurai barely notices the lack of keigo in the way the man addresses him. "There is a letter for you."
Kenshin straightens up, leaving his posture relaxed. There are only two places a letter could come from for him.
"It's from the sanctuary," the captain informed him.
The boy approaches and takes the letter that the older one offers him.
"It must be from Jouchan." Sano says at the same time. "I didn't tell you but, she was unconscious at the same time as you."
Kenshin's hands stop just before breaking the seal upon hearing this.
"What do you say?" He asks, incredulous and with concern.
Both Sano and Sozo nod.
"Although the reason was different." Informs the brunette.
The samurai wastes no time, opens the letter, and begins to read.
Sano approaches him curiously.
"What does it say?" He asks.
"I have to go back to Kyoto," Kenshin says seriously, eyes still on the letter.
"Are you sure?" Sozo questions and Kenshin nods.
"You just recovered," Sano refutes.
"It doesn't matter," says the samurai. "I must go back."
He won't hesitate again, he swears to himself. After all, the only mistake would be not to move.
And he has decided to walk the path he has chosen with no regrets.
For him and for Kaoru.
A/N: I need feedback! Urgently! Because the climax and the first scar of our favorite Rurouni are coming D:
I have tried to include the parts from previous chapters that some of you've let me know were not entirely clear. But either way, a different perspective allows me to see how congruent I am being with this story and the arc that each character follows. Anyway...