Thank you for your reviews!

Volontaire: I am glad you like it.

Guest: No worries, my updates might come ob delay but I wont stop writing this. There is still too much plot coming.

Disclaimer: As always I don't own BSG

November 1803

An opinionated woman

Laura Roslin

"Indeed Bill, I don't exactly like Gaius Baltar," Laura confirmed, a bit more pleasantly.

After all, it wasn't the Commander's fault that this politician was a spineless arrogant and vain know-it-all. A genius, sure, but insufferable nevertheless. He loved the women and for some reason she couldn't understand, they loved him back. Maybe because of his power? Or maybe because of his looks? Maybe because of his intelligence and knowledge? Or maybe because of his talent for empty flattery? Whatever it was, it didn't work for her, on the contrary.

"I will be honest with you, I think Kara should be careful. Caprice Six changes her opinion very quickly, talks a lot and should not exactly be relied on, at least if one is not profoundly acquainted."

"Thank you, that is good advice," he answered, "but I doubt the girl will listen when I tell her."

A bit helplessly, Laura could only shrug.

"Well, at least you have done everything you could then. Of course you could prohibit her to go, but I think that would not be really helpful when it comes to peace at home, would it?"

He laughed dryly at that.

"No Laura I guess not. But honestly, I think I don't even know how that feels. Or is supposed to feel."

The flicker of confusion must have been obvious on the woman's face, as he sighed.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to," she tried to put the Commander at ease, but he shook his head.

"The thing is, I want to tell you. If you don't mind. It is just that I haven't talked about all this in a long time, sober at least." He gave her a rueful smile. "So it feels a bit.. strange."

Keeping silent, she waited until he was ready to go on.

"I told you that my marriage was far from perfect. You see, when I met Carolanne, we were very young. We thought it was love and probably it even was, but it was also foolish. I was in the military and my salary afforded us a comfortable life, though not the life she wanted."

He motioned at the room they were currently sitting in, at all the understatement of wealth and power.

"Then we had the children and we were happy, even though I suppose I was even happier than her. But I had to leave again, for camp and then later for war, and she stayed here. Of course she had friends, but apparently nobody she could really rely on, so she started to rely on the wine. Then Kara came and finally Zak went away. And then she died. Lee is smart but has Always been Trouble, especially together with Kara. Well, Kara has never seemed to fit in until now. Oh, also my best friend and my daughter nearly hate each other, I think they are too similar. There has always been so much going on in my house and home and somehow the house is far too silent. I can't explain it any other way. Laura, I miss Zak every day, but I don't even know whether I miss Carolanne anymore. Does that make me a bad person?"

In this moment, she understood thet she was not alone with her fear, her fear to fail in life. To not be enough. To be a bad person. She was not alone in her search for things she couldn't or wouldn't have because of the choices she had made earlier on. They were both living a loud life with far too much silence in it. Sitting down next to him, closer than appropriate, she took his hand again, just like he had all the days ago in Kensington.

"It does make you human," she responded, "but I don't believe that it makes you a bad person. You can't make yourself miss someone or you can't make yourself stop caring about someone either. That's just the way it is. It is like.. trying to make the sun stop shining."

Even though they did not look at each other, she could feel the tension leave his shoulders a little bit. When suddenly his thumb started carressing her knuckes gently, her heart jumped. Yes, it was indeed useless to try and stop caring. Still, she probably should. Later. When he wasn't close anymore and she might be able to think again properly.

Thank you for reading! I know this chapter is a bit short, but I will try to make it up with the next one!