Dear Inkdrops,

I am so glad you are still with me and still like the story. It is now about four and a half years old and one year has already passed during the story-time.
Your support over that time means so much to me!

After the beginning, this chapter ran away from me, ending so differently from what I had planned and changing the course of the whole plot for what I feel must be the hundrest time.
Also beware, this chapter is a bit steamy in the second half but not really explicit - still probably one of the steamiest and most intimate scenes I have ever written. I marked it and it can be left out if this is not to you liking. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own BSG.

May 1804

Riptide - Part I

Bill Adama

He had not been with Laura in far too long, his gut feeling told him. He had only seen her a couple of days before, when she was at his house for dinner, his brain argued. But he had not been with her then, right? Aside from the little flirting, nothing had happened. On the other hand - was he ever seriously with her? Or wasn't he more an addition to her life which she gratefully took when it presented herself, but apparently had no problem to avoid when it did not suit her? After knowing each other for about one year, he often still felt he barely knew her at all. She had certainly been holding back a lot of her story for quite some time - but, to be fair, so had he.

These were his insecurities speaking, always these insecurities, a mocking voice in his mind that sounded surprisingly like Carolanne said. But what if it was a fact? What it their relationship was really that unequal? Bill knew he was turning in circles about this topic, it was stupid starting over and over again with it, he was beginning to even annoy himself with it. But if he was honest with himself, a big part of himself prefered this vagueness, the insecurity, to the finality of the fact that she did not feel as he did. It was weak, certainly. Would he tell anyone about it? Certainly not. Besides, who should he tell about it? Certainly not his children, they relied on him for guidance, not the other way round. Saul would only tell him to either keep fucking her (it pained him to think about such a crude word in relation to Laura, but what if it was? It was certainly not "making love") and take what he got, like a trophy, or man up and dump her. He certainly would call him a weak but lucky bastard. Same applied to the other men in the club. Ironically, the only person he could count on regarding these questions was also the source of his problems. A beautiful, vicious problem.

Fact was, this whole thing was not about sex anymore. At least not exclusively. Not for him.

Then, fortune intervened, and before he could actually decide whether to call on her or not, he met her by chance, again, in that bookshop. Their bookshop. She did not see him at first, too engrossed with browsing the shelves in the poem section. The colour of her dress was more muted than usual, blue, but not bright blue, with a light overcoat and blue gloves. He could only see her back, but recognized her by the shade of her hair, the style it was pinned up in and the smell of her perfume, a special mixture from Paris, as she had told him once. After making sure that nobody else could see them, he slowly walked closer. The woman turned around, her body language showing annoyance at whoever dared to disturb the silence, but softened when she recognized the intruder. She only gave him a fleeting smile, then turned back towards the shelves. Bill probably should have felt insulted. As a very accomplished observer however, he also saw that her body was still angled slightly towards him, offering him an opening. She was playing with him - or rather, inviting him to join her in her game. Maybe it was time to beat her at her own game, he wondered, to disrupt the dynamic a little bit. After checking again that they were alone, he stepped behind her, halfway caging her in with one arm against the bookshelf and his front almost against her back. The up-pinned hair offered tantalizing access to her neck, but instead he leaned foreward and brushed a kiss on her cheek. She seemed surprised by the almost chaste gesture and he wondered what she had expected him to do. When he pulled back, he stopped close to her ear.

"You look gorgeous," he complimented her lowly.

He could feel a smile spread over her cheeks, but she did not turn her head.

"Thank you," she answered quietly as to not to alert other customers about their activities.
"Have you found something you like?" he asked, while drawing patterns on her left hip with his left hand.
She shook her head. "I am afraid not so. But I actually only came here to browse, not because I really need something. I am sure you understand."
He laughed. "Oh, I do. And I am happy to have met you here."

To reinforce his point, he quickly kissed the top of her head. Laura slowly turned around, nearly bumping into him. Bill's eyes narrowed slightly as he took her in. While he had not lied - she was as beautiful as always - she also seemed slightly subdued, with dark circles under her eyes. However, that could have been the poor light in the bookshop, he told himself. He decided then and there he would call on her soon, just to make sure that she was okay.

"Would you mind me calling on you some time during the next days? Maybe Thursday?" he asked her.

She looked at the soldier in confusion, trying to figure out whether he was refering to more physical relations or whether he actually had troubles he wanted to discuss. He could not say how he felt about that - elated or rather concerned? Usually, she was so much more forward, so much spunkier. But he would find out what troubled her.

"I think this would be possible, yes," she answered, smiling gently.
"Well then."

The bowed slightly, before excusing himself with a single kiss on her hand. As he left the bookshop, he realized he had totally forgotten to actually buy something. It didn't matter. As he went about his day, his mind kept returning to the unusual conversation. Something had been off, and he couldn't put a finger on it. Yet. So, instead he called punctually after breakfast on Thursday, finding Laura sitting in the drawing room in the midst of reading the newspaper. As he walked in, she put the papers away, smiling as she got up to greet him. It struck him how well he knew the room by now, her favourite, with its big windows and light wallpaper. It was facing out the back, so there was no danger of people peeking in and it always seemed sunny and friendly. Today however, there was something slightly muted about this room, despite Laura's green dress. Right away, he saw the worry and dark shadows under her eyes. Alright, so he had not imagined it. He got more concerned as, instead of going in for a kiss as usual, she simply leaned against him, as if the world was too heavy on her shoulders this morning, making her struggle to stand upright. He simply held her, watching the morning light play on her hair. She had done him the favour of not tying it up, he noticed, instead it was flowing over her shoulders in an amber curtain, a touchingly intimate picture.

"Are you alright Laura?" he asked her with concern evident in his voice. It sounded uncomfortably loud in the quiet room.

Bill could feel that under the obvious exhaustion, her body was almost vibrating with tension. Nevertheless, he simply kept on holding her, trusting her to speak when she was ready. What could unravel a composed woman like Laura so profusely? She pulled back, making him let go of her, starting to pace the room like a caged tiger. He had never seen her so agitated - a mixture between what seemed to be a hundred of emotions, but mostly insecurity and sorrow, as if she was mourning something, but he couldn't quite fathom what.

"Laura, stop, you are driving me crazy. Please, just tell me what is going on, we can sort this out."
"I am sorry," she answered, not elaborating further.

Whatever it was that was troubling her must be bad if it scared her like that. His mind ran a thousand miles a minute. Had something happened to a friend? Was she ill? Bill took her by the hand, leading her over to one of the sofas, as they sat down next to each other, he took both of her hands.

"Laura, are you ill?" he finally answered straight away.
Her eyes shot up to meet his and he saw utter confusion reflected in them.
"Not that I know of, no," she commented, "but this doesn't sound like a compliment."
She smiled a bit sardonically, but didn't seem annoyed.

The knot in Bill's stomach got a bit lighter - if she was healthy, the rest didn't matter so much. The rest could be sorted out.
"Well what is the matter then?"
She took a deep breath. Then she sighed. Suddenly, her lips were on his, familiar and oh so enticing. Part of his brain realized this was not an answer to his question and likely a distraction, the other part of his brain was far too busy matching all of her movements. There was passion, but none of the playfulness that usually marked their kisses. Instead, he could feel her desperation, almost fury, though he would not have known about what. He had both of his hands in her long hair, taking care not to rip her hair and delighting in the way she pressed closer to him. For a moment, she felt like putty in his hands, as if he could - for once - hold on to her tightly and not let go. As they finally came up for air and he could see her face, he noticed the tears clinging to her lashes threatening to fall.

"Come to bed with me?," she suddenly whispered against his lips, making his brain freeze for a moment.

"Are you certain?" he asked, doublechecking whether he had not just imagined things.

Her bedroom - the main bedroom - had always been off limits during all of their amorous adventures. It was one of the boundaries enforced by her and he had never dared to question it. So her offering now was at the same time strange and enticing, especially since she had been rather distant recently. Bill was confused.

"Laura, why are you playing with me? There is no reason to do this - not between us."

She moved back, giving him space.

"I am so sorry, I don't want to play with your feelings or hurt you. I just don't want to think right now. Please Bill, my brain is so loud, just make it stop," she whispered, he voice quivering.

It was primal seduction, but Bill didn't think that this had been the aim of her words. She had - for once - been totally honest with him, it was just that this honesty came with arousal for him and the urge to drag her into said room and never let her leave. How unfortunate. So he nodded and her eyes lit up. As she pulled him up the stairs and towards and into the bedroom, he was following her, a willing participant in whatever she was proposing. The door shut quietly behind them, a deep silence in the spacious room. They came to a stop in front of the bed and he saw she was chewing her lip, not looking at him. He quickly caught on to this, capturing her chin and making her glance up at him.

"Where is the shyness coming from darling? What's that supposed to mean?" he teased her lightly.

She blushed adorably while her hands stayed at her sides, as if she did not quite know what to do with them.

"Sometimes you are so sweet, but what are you blushing about? What is it that you want and you are embarassed about?"

His tone was husky, even to his own ears, and if he didn't read things totally wrong, it absolutely had an effect on her. Bill was actually curious about what would make Laura so flustered all of the sudden, there wasn't much he could think about. Not thta he had much brain capacity in this moment.

"Would you... would you kiss me on the bed. But just kiss me?" Laura asked, making his belly flutter.

"Of course. How would you like me to do this?" he wanted to know.

She smiled bashfully, but still seemed insecure. "Maybe if you would help me get rid of the overdress and stays, the whole experience would be more comfortable, what do you think?"

He pulled her further in the direction of the bed, grinning roguishly, trying to ease the tension.

"With your permission, my lady, it will be my utmost pleasure."

- Rating change -

As he started to peel her out of the offending garment, he made sure to keep up as much of a connection as possible, touching and teasing her through the muslin at every chance he got. He let her lean against him as he ran his hands through her hair over and over again, massaging her temples and neck down to her shoulders. Laura's muscles seemed to be tight from stress and maybe even worry and she sighed slightly as he started to rubb out the knots in the muscles between her shoulder blades. Then, he pulled her tighter against him, so that her ear came to rest against his mouth.

"Now, if it pleases you my lady, get on the bed," he asked her, almost formally. He didn't think Laura would react happily to being ordered around, at least not without explicitly consenting to that earlier.

She nodded, laying down on the huge canopy bed. It had a light green and yellow bedding and a white and yellow canopy that seemed wonderfully light, the contrary to the heavy dark materials that were so fashionable for beds. Unusual, certainly designed just for her. Bill decided to take off his boots and sat down on the side of the bed so that he could reach towards her. From this vantage point, he could spent a long time just tracing her face, even though the signs of worry wouldn't really go away. She closed her eyes at first, as if she couldn't deal with the eye contact, but he didn't stop. As he gently touched her lips, she cheekily caught his finger between them, sucking lightly. This time she held eye contact with him, and he was 100% sure she knew exactly what she was doing and his body was loving every second of it. As she finally let go of his finger with a couple of kitten licks, his brain felt hazy, probably because there wasn't much blood left there. Bill finally managed to move over to lay down beside her, his head on the pillow next to hers. The mattress dipped slightly as she scooted closer, Bill could feel her breath fan over his face. Then he felt her starting to work on his craveat, a little bit clumsy due to their current position. With a slight smile she pulled the cloth away, then Laura kept kissing his neck up to his cheek. When their lips met again after her teasing, it was hurried and needy and decidedly less tender than he had planned. Right now, while he was combing through her long her, Laura was getting busy with the buttons of his waistcoat, opening one by one and pushing the fabric down his arms. He needed to let go of her for a moment to shrug it off which led to him kneeling on the bed next to her. The woman was looking up at him, her chest heaving. Red spots had formed on her neck and chest, though he had been careful not to leave any marks. During their usual thrysts he seldomly had the time to just look at her, but when he did, there was always something playful, or seductive in her eyes. Now there was only naked, aimless desire, pure and raw and it hit him like a train wreck. It seemed honest and so vulnerable, but in a strange effect it made him feel exposed too. Maybe he was looking at her just the same way, he wondered in the back of her mind. She reached towards him, pulling him closer so he had to support his weight with his arms at both sides of her head, interrupting his musing. THeir bodies were now touching almost from head to toe, for the first time Bill was cursing the layers of clothes between them. Suddenly he had to drop his forehead towards hers as she finally wrapped her legs around his waist, anchoring his body to hers and effectively knocking the air out of his lungs. He heard her sigh quietly under him, and he wished she would make that sound again, over and over. By definition they were still sort of just kissing but it certainly felt like way more than that. Holding each other close like this, touching and kissing was way more intimate than sex against the library wall would ever be and it was wrecking his heart.

Aaaand there is the cliffhanger.
Also, while writing it, I realize how well "Burn for You" from the Bridgerton Musical matches this scene. Absolutely unintentionally though.