Dear Inkdrops,

I am so glad you liked the last chapter. I hope you will like this one too - buckle up, it's getting dramatic!

Disclaimer: I don't own BSG or P&P.

May 1804

Riptide - Part II

Laura Roslin

He made her feel safe and treasured and beautiful and distracted - but she had already known he would. A lady's dream - her dream as a debutante, if she was honest - but that was exactly the problem. She had manouvered herself into quite a complicated situation - amant-amis that had become something else along the way, feelings that had grown from desire and polite concern that had morphed into true friendship and something that she couldn't bring herself to name. Laura was by no means stupid, she factually knew that this was probably what people called romantic feelings, but she had always been of the opinion that she would never develop these stirrings. Not because she couldn't, but because she wouldn't. Because she did not want the emotional dependency that went with them, or the feeling of longing that was definitely not "sweet sorrow" as Shakespeare had claimed but more like a very uncomfortable stab to the heart. And now they were there and despite all her experience with men and seduction, she had no clue what to do with them. She only knew that her current emotional state was unacceptable, it kept her from functioning properly, and she seriously had to solve this issue. The easiest way was certainly to stop this nonsense as quickly as possible, but at the same time, there seemed to be a pit in her stomach when she was thinking about it. And then there was Kat and all the entanglement in problems and secrets that made everything even more difficult.

There must have been soemthing in her body language, because Bill was breaking away from their kiss, rolling off her and to her side.

"You are saying goodbye."

The sudden words were too loud in the room that had until a few moments before been filled by the sound of rustling sheets and soft kisses. His voice was clear and unwavering, he was simply pointing out a fact, not answering a question. As if he already knew. Why did he know? How could he know? Laura huffed, but it came out more desperate than she had hoped. Well, after all she had all reason for desperation - didn't she? Finally, she found her voice, but still couldn't quite look at him.

"I don't know how to do this anymore Bill. This has developed into more than I ever wanted and ..." she got quiet, not sure how to explain. After all, it wasn't his fault, and despite all this mess, the last thing she wanted was to hurt him.

She felt him more than heard him sigh next to her.

"Look at me," he told her lowly. When she didn't expect, he lightly pushed her shoulder until she finally gave in, turning to face him. He had his head popper up on one arm, but took the other hand to turn up her chin so she had to look at him.

"The way I see it, this is quite easy," he told her, "you have always used relationships as tools and means to an end, so your mind is subconciously programmed to expect this in return. Or maybe you are just a very suspicious person to begin with." He smiled a bit sardonically. "It doesn't matter. In any way, you are scared of depency and of being used, of having real, meaningful connections that could hurt you. The sad truth is, you are not wrong. As soon as there are relationships, these have the potential to hurt you, because you give people a part of you. This is just the way life works. But they can also give you so very much - the question is whether the risk for that specific person is worth it."

The grip around the chin became a little tighter as a frown developed on his face.

"You have been playing me and playing with me the whole time, whether you like to admit it or not. I am very well aware of this, and I accepted your unfair and partly manipulative terms because I consired it worth it. Because I consider YOU worth it. Do you understand?"

He let go of her face as she nodded slowly, her brain trying to catch up with his words.

"But Laura, this has been going on for long enough. You told be one you want me to know you, with both the pretty and less pretty parts. But I can't believe that, becuase you keep only giving me crumbs of you! We are both exhausted, the difference is I know what I want. I want you for myself, unconditionally, if you will have me in return. Equally. And I am fairly certain you don't really want to leave me either. So - I suppose you are going to Caprica anyway this summer, and I want you to think about what you want. When you come back, you tell me, and then we either can work on a solid foundation for this mess or we go our separate ways."

Laura just managed to nod even though she was feeling shaky all over. To make his point even further - or maybe just because he wanted to - Bill leaned further towards her, slanting his lips over hers in a toe-curling kiss that made her blank out again for a moment. He was simultaneously caressing her face as if committing it to memory and she weaved her hands in his hair to keep him from pulling away. Laura would have loved to lock her legs around his hips to make him stay, but there was no chance to do this in their current position. Still, there was a certain underlying desperation in the movements that both couldn't deny when he kissed her neck and she pulled his hair and then suddenly, without much preamble, he was gone.

And she stood in her salon, watching him leave, for the first time wondering how many men she had made feel like this. Truly, it felt horrible. Nobody had dared to give her a set-down like he had since her family had died, to even speak truths to her face - people were rather inclined to talk behind her back and butter her up to her front. Maybe it had made her more vain and less rational than she had always thought. One thing was for certain, she could not stay in Town, not right now. She needed to escape quickly, to a place where she would feel safe with all these uncomfortable thoughts in her head. Caprica would be unprepared for her arrival, but they would manage, Billy was a capable man. Nevertheless, there were some minor organisational matters to consider to avoid gossip. Laura all but ran into her study, sitting down at her desk to write some court letters to her closer acquaintances - nothing explicit but simply a note explaining her absence with an emergency in Caprica and stating her intention to stay for the summer even if the issues were resolved. People would talk and the news would spread and nobody would feel insulted if she did not turn up to their soirees. The most important note was some information for Billy to be sent ahead, after all, she wanted a bedroom ready for herself when she arrived. With a nod to herself, Laura rand for her butler.

"I want to leave for Caprica the day after tomorrow," she told him as she handed him the first envelope, "something urgent has come up."

You just urgently want to to flee! a mean voice told her in her head. She ignored it.

"Please sent ahead this note to my steward. This one -" she passed him another letter "is for the Agathons, an invitation to join me later this summer. Then there are a couple of further letters for other families to inform them of my absence. The names are on them. And tell the girls to get my wardrobe ready, please!"

"Of course Ma'am," he bowed, but she could see his confusion. Of course, usually she wasn't this spontaneous, "but it is already evening. I would proprose to sent the missive to Caprica ahead, but sent the other notes tomorrow at more...usual times. To avoid speculations."

Laura raised an eyebrow at this comment, but acknowledged the thought with a nod. He was a smart man, she knew why she paid him so well. Thankfully, she also had a second full wardrobe at Caprica (one of the pleasures of being rich), so there wasn't that much work to be done for her maids. They were only packing a couple of her favourite dresses and hats, together with some new music. Everyone seemed to try and get out of her way and keep their heads down, so she must look really grumpy, making her wonder once again whether she really could be a horrible person. Well, she would worry later, she decided.

Less than 48 hours later, Laura was finally sitting in her coach, Roslin House behind her, as she passed through London's streets, trying to ignore the curious glances. She only breathed out as they started to be surrounded by trees and meadows with only the occasional farmer around - less people, exactly what she needed. Especially after her butler had given her a curious look and dared to ask whether she didn't want to notify the Adama family of her absence as well, since he had not seen any note adressed to them. When she had courtly informed him that they already knew, his knowing nod had made her consider firing him on the spot, despite his merits. How could one person, who was not part of her family, made her life derail so quickly and havily, she mused, dreading the answer.