I've been in the River all morning. I went to clean myself up after contributing my part of moving walker bodies and our dead's bodies. The soothing tranquility that I got from being alone in the water just made me stay in there, letting my fingers turn to raisins. I want everyone to leave me alone, that's how I grieve. Jacqui seriously loved on Glenn, T-Dog and I. The three of us were the first minorities in the quarry which was a little reeling considering we were in lawless southern Georgia. She was smart, caring, and best of all feisty with some of the best one liners.

Truth be told I had seen people get bit- but gutted and torn apart? No. It was mind boggling how easy they can get a hold of you and rip you into pieces. A fate like that was enough for me to want to drown myself in the lake, just to save myself from seeing or feeling that type of pain again.

I shut my eyes and flipped over in the water so I was forced to hold my breath under the surface. I was already so relaxed that I didn't even need to steady my breathing and heart rate. Ignoring the stinging, I opened my eyes and looked around the murky greenish blue water for a hot second before the pain made me realize what the hell I was doing, and I shot up and stood straight out of the lake.

Using my hands, I wiped at my face and eyes, raking my long black hair backwards and out of the way. I rubbed at my eyes again until the sting subsided just a little and was surprised to see Glenn standing at the shore with his arms crossed over his chest. My face started to burn at the idea of him seeing me try and fail to drown myself. I couldn't read his poker face at all but I still felt super ashamed.

He spoke first, "you have to come out of the water now baby."

My voice was meek. "Ok."

As I walked towards Glenn, he came towards me and used some water to wipe down his face, arms, and hands. I know it probably fucked with him having to move the bodies of people we knew and cared for all morning. "You okay, baby?"

Glenn watched my naked body fully emerge from the lake and didn't take his eyes off of me. Giving me a once over, he stepped closer to me and grabbed onto my arms. "I'm just thankful I'm not burying you right now. You were covered in blood, a walker almost got you while you were standing next to Jacqui. I shot him right next to you and you didn't even flinch. I thought you might've been gone."

His words caused me to sniffle, my eyes stinging for a different reason this time as tears threatened to spill. "I told you I didn't want to be apart."

Glenn squatted now, one hand gripping my bare leg and he rested his forehead on my thigh. "I was so scared."

It hurt me to see him stressed like this. Usually it was me that was tweaked out over something. I reached down and pulled Glenn up, his eyes were glossed ever with held back tears. I gently wiped his eyes and caressed his face, he closed his eyes and melted into my embrace. His hands found their way around my waist, traveling up and down my curves until he was gripping my bare ass, pulling me closer into his body.

Our lips meet as Glenn gives me slow pecks all over my lips, cheeks, and neck. I tilted my head up and gave him more access to my body and he used his lips to explore my chest with his mouth, latching onto my nipple where he sucked and licked it gently. A moan escaped my lips and I gripped his head to guide where he was placing his affection.

"I love you so much," he rushed out in between his ragged breaths. Glenn held his arms around me so tight now that I couldn't breathe but I felt comfort in his showing of intimacy.

I dropped my hands and began unbuckling his pants, keeping my eyes trained on him and our foreheads pressed against each other. I reached into his pants, stroking his erection and earning a low guttural moan in thanks. I massaged his length while placing small kisses all over his chin, his moans in my ear fueling my pace.

Glenn grabbed my sides suddenly, using one arm to support my weight and one arm to lift up my leg so it was around his waist. In a flush of movements he had dropped his pants just enough for him to have room to grab himself and rub his head along my wetness.

We hadn't done anything the whole time at the quarry, I could only assume almost losing me was fueling this hunger he had for my sex. Slowly, Glenn pushed inside, the intense pressure making me yelp in pleasure. The only noise was our bodies rubbing on each other and a chorus of moans between the both of us as he rolled his hips into mine, creating a soft languid motion.

My head dropped back, the arousal becoming too much as my leg buckled. Glenn was panting hard and smirked at my quaking. "You ok?"

I whimpered out a response, tightening my muscles around him as my breath hitched. Glenn leaned down and placed a sloppy wet kiss onto my lips to hide the loud strangled moans that were coming out of my mouth. The grip he had around my body tightened to the point of pain. I embraced the feeling as my body convulsed against my boyfriends.

Both of us went rigid against each other and with a loud moan against my mouth, I felt the warmth of Glenn's seed inside of me. The sensation of him filling me up made my walls spasm and contract around him until my orgasm gushed all over him. We sat there, me slumped over in his arms with nothing but our ragged breaths filling the space.

Glenn finally whispered, "I'm sorry. I just-"

"Why would you be sorry?"

"It's not exactly the right time. I just never been so scared of losing you like that," Glenn explained. He dropped my leg and buckled himself back in. I took it upon myself to grab the clothes I had previously brought down and slipped them on.

"It's okay. It was good. It was amazing. I love you too." I caressed his cheek and planted another kiss on his soft lips. "C'mon let's go back."

At the main camp it felt like so much had transpired. Jim was bitten and Shane and Rick were steady arguing about where to take our people. As if this man hadn't learned his lesson, Rick just couldn't stay out of Atlanta and wanted to go to the CDC. Shane was at odds and believes fully in some sort of military base that was real real far. I didn't even think we had the gas or resources to do either but Shane and Rick were the "leaders" of the group.

Glenn kept filling me in as we walked to our tent. Jim had gotten bitten. Ed Peltier was dead. Jacqui had been buried. The air was solemn and stiff throughout the whole camp but also anxious. A lot of us didn't know what we were going to do. Including Glenn and I. It was crazy to think after knowing these people for a quarter of a year now that we still didn't have a way to cohesively come up with ideas.

"So we're following them, right?" I asked Glenn as he began putting our things into seperate bags.

"I don't know but I'd like to be prepared if we are," he replied. "What are we going to do if not? Just be alone?"

I drop to my knees and start helping him pack at his words. He had a point. I was pretty good at following up with Glenn's ideas or actions. I was louder and more outgoing than him before- so I definitely liked making sure he felt heard and in charge between us too. I think that was one of the reasons we were so easy going and healthy together.

I hadn't been in a healthy relationship before Glenn like ever. He really saved me. I was so thankful for him and all it took was going for the quiet, nerdy boy. It changes lives, I'm telling you.

Later when the majority of the group is gathered around the usual seats we took at the campfire, Shane, Daryl, Rick, and Dale all show up from out of the woods holding guns. Shane is the first man to speak up, "I've been thinking about Rick's plan. Now look, there are no guarantees, either way I'll be the first one to admit that. I've known this man a long time, I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is we need to stay together."

"Those of you who agree, we leave first thing in the morning." I keep my eyes trained on Shane as he continues speaking. No one really says much before they disperse. I look over to find T-Dog. His face is stone cold and void of emotion. I just know he's hurting and maybe more than me.

"Hey, T," I call out, lifting up and taking small steps towards him. "I know it's not ok."

"If only I had been here."

"I tried. I did. It was right in front of my face. I was a second too late." The words spilled out of my mouth without much thought. "It's not your fault."

T looked at me with sad, low eyes. He rubs his bald head and then walks away with nothing else said. My chest tightens and expands as I try to process the emotions I was feeling. I sniffled and walked away as well to go my own way.

I see Daryl storming around looking pissed like usual. I call into place with his pace and he gives me a small once over. "Watchu want?"

"You coming?"

"Hell if you care."

I scoffed, "you think I'm the type of girl who'd be asking if I didn't? I'm sorry about Merle. I would've never left him there."

"But you did." He damn near spit the words out at me. "Y'all all got y'all's people. All I got left here of my brother is a fucking hand."

"I didn't know he was still on that roof. But he's alive. Glenn told me he took the truck. You're gonna find him again. He ain't shit but he knew how to get himself out of that situation, right? I mean he probably could've cut off his thumb rather than his hand but-"

Daryl turned to me with what I like to call his signature squint that always made me laugh. He had the most judgemental looks that had you never really knowing what he was thinking. I giggled at that look and walked ahead of him to stand at the RV where Amy and Andrea stood silently with Dale.

"I'm so sorry about Jacqui," Amy said immediately. "And you know you almost died. You know that, right? I can't believe I almost saw you get torn apart."

I throw my arms around her and squeeze. It was shocking how much this felt like family now. These were my people, and they were before some of them died but it was just different. We lost people we cared about but hadn't known for all that long. There was no telling who else we'd lose and gain but I didn't expect this to be so hard.

And it could only get worse.

It was so hard to fall asleep that night. As soon as Glenn was up he forced me up and we began packing the last bits of things we owned into the little bags we had. I found a little more weed in our tent, a small thing to celebrate the hard travels we were going to have. Rick was just officially our leader now. I trusted his judgment and ideas at least.

Just as we were readying to leave, Morales stepped forward and announced, "We're not going."

"Por que?" I was the first to speak. That was the last thing I wanted. Being separated from the only other things that reminded me of my family outside Glenn.

"We have family in Birmingham. We want to be with our people." His wife, Alex, grabs my hand as she explains. She pulls me in for a hug and their son and daughter move to hold me as well.

"Y'all can't be by yourselves. Look what just happened." I turn to Morales to try to get some sense into him.

"I gotta do what's best for my family. This is that. I'm sorry." Rick hands him a gun and ammo at his words. The men share an understanding nod and handshake. I dig into my bag and give that final bag of candy to their kids.

"Bendicion," I say to all of them. We exchange our blessings in Spanish and I step back to fall in line with everyone else. Glenn and I load into the RV with Amy, Sophia, and Carol. Carol was taking care of the fever ridden Jim who was sweating and writhing in pain in the back. Glenn and Dale chatted the majority of the ride as I sat on his lap and laid my head against the window and sat in thought. This can't be how things were going to be from now on.

Eventually I have to help Carol calm Jim down. We were doing our best - but he was in way too much pain. The screaming and night tremors were getting to be way too much. Thankfully Dale had to stop the Rv because of a failure in something in the front. I don't know that shit was leaking and smoking and I didn't care all I could think about was how bad Jim was hurting.

"Guys, Jim is feeling really bad, I don't think he can take it anymore," I stood out of the RV door, a grimace on my face as I announced the bad news.

"Hey Rick, you wanna hold down the fort? I'll drive ahead, see what I can bring back?" Shane suggests and Rick nods at him before coming inside of the RV with me to speak to Jim.

"We'll be back on the road soon," Rick explains to Jim. I got some more water to put on his forehead so that the dying man could have a functioning conversation with Rick

After a sip and the water cooling his head down Jim cried out, "Oh no, Christ, my bones are like glass and every little bump-God. This rides killing me. Leave me here." It was true, Jim looked sickly and could barely breathe. It felt insane but I just had to agree with him, the fever is setting in and who knows when he'll die and if we'll be able to kill him before he hurts us in the Rv.

"Just leave me, I want to be with my family,". He says and I give him a soft smile.

Rick was still protesting, "They're all dead, I don't think you know what you're asking. The fever- it's making you delirious."

"I know, don't you think I know?" Jim reached out and I gently propped him up. He looked Rick dead in the eye, "I'm clear now. In five minutes I may not be. I know what I'm asking, Rick."

"He's right, Rick, he's putting the other four people In here in danger and he's willing to do it, we can't force him to stay in here, he wants this," I nudged Rick.

"It's my decision, not your failure," Jim concludes and I nod my head, walking away and out of the Rv. Rick comes out a minute later and goes to speak with Lori. I stand by Glenn and inform him on the decision Jim was deciding to make. It was just another gut wrenching thing that we had to deal with in such another short time.

When Shane and T-Dog get back, Rick explains to the group as a whole what is going on with Jim. We all decide it's best to do what Jim wants and that of course is to leave him. So Rick and Shane carry him to a tree and we all look at him. I'm crying by the time Amy and Andrea are standing above him and are laying their respects. When it's my turn I give him a small hug and touch his hand. "You'll be with them now."

My boyfriend pulls me up and into a hug. I had been crying more these last days than in the whole month. Glenn took his baseball cap off and placed it onto my head before guiding me back into the RV. I immediately felt weird with Jim's presence gone. It was so insane getting used to losing people like this. I hated it. Carol and Sophia went with Rick and Lori this time and it left Dale, Amy, Glenn, and I to sit in silence the rest of the ride.

"C'mon, girly, we're here," Amy was waking me up in the dead of night now. I looked around, stretching. There was a big modern building that had piles of walkers out front.

I wrap a bandana around my nose and strap my book bag around my shoulders. When it was tight and secure, Glenn handed me a pistol he got from Rick and then gripped his own tightly. I gave Amy a bat just so she had something to defend herself and then I gave them both hugs. I guess they were all I really had left in terms of the ones I was closest too.

Cautiously, everyone left the respective vehicles they were in and we compacted ourselves in a tight circle as we approached the large locked doors of the CDC. I was shoved between Daryl and Glenn- probably the safest I was going to ever get. Even still the graveyard outside the CDC was givin me literal heebie jeebies. Shane and Rick begin banging on the metal doors and arguing- this was ceiling an everyday thing.

"Walkers!" Daryl shouted, making everyone turn around to see a lone Walker that Daryl quickly puts down. His presence causes an eruption of panic from the woman and children while more abutments break out between Shane, Rick, and Daryl.

"Everyone needs to calm down!" Dale speaks loudly but calmly. "It's okay, we need to go but we can't be here after dark.

"It's 125 miles to Fort Benning," I interject quickly, "we need to find somewhere tonight."

Shane starts pushing the majority of people away from the doors, ordering us to get back to the cars. Glenn pulls me by the arm and I follow suit. Waste of time or not we had to just find somewhere to go and talk about it later.

"The camera, it moved," Rick screams, stopping in his tracks and getting closer to the camera. He shouts, "I know you're in there! Please, we're desperate. Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left."

His wife tried to grab him and drag him away to no avail. Rick sure does see a lot of things. First helicopters and now moving cameras. He was crazy. Shane and Lori kept yelling at him as he begged and begged for the help of the camera people. They literally had to drag him away from the door as he shouted in protest.

"You're killing us! You're killing us!"

It was truthfully hard to watch this man lose his damn mind. Maybe he was just afraid to be wrong. I knew it was time to go. Finally Rick turned and started storming away with the rest of us until the sound of gears stopped us all dead in our tracks. My heart stops for a second as I turn to face a bright light.

The doors opened.