"YOU MAKE ME GLOOOOOOOOW, BUT I COVER UP WON'T LET IT SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

What the !#$% was that noise? I groaned and located the sound of the source of the terrible screechy noise with my right hand and threw that oddly familiar rectangular box across the room.

I didn't want to wake up. It was another Operation Get-Austin-Laid Day. These days usually have me in a funk.

"SO I'M PUTTING MY DEFE -"

I smirked. That horrendous sound's finally - WAIT.

WHAT DID I JUST DO?!

I immediately sat up on my bed and frantically scanned my bedroom. Sure enough, my brand new iPhone 5 was lying on the floor.

I'm sorry Demi, I love you and all but you gotta understand, I was under the influence of mari-my-best-friend-is-going-to-fuck-a-girl-and-th at-girl-isn't-me-juana. Will you forgive me?

I ran to my beloved phone, Auslly (see, that's a portmanteau of Austin and Ally. No? Okay), and picked it up. It had a few scratches on the front but all I needed was to replace the screen protector. Otherwise, it worked fine. I released a huge sigh of relief. Had Auslly died, it would all be Austin's fault!

I decided to put some awesome rap music on so I scrolled through my playlist and played "Your Love" by P. Diddy. Don't tell anyone this, but I'm an awesome dancer. At least that's what I tell myself. Austin thinks I'm worse than Laura from that Disney show 'Ross & Laura'. But then again, he can't dance for nuts either (you've got to sacrifice something for being so effin' perfect) so I'm pretty sure he's just jealous. My mom always tells me I'm going to be a star while my dad just tries to avoid being in the same room as me whenever I'm about to dance. Yeah I guess ol' pops has a little self-esteem issue, he just can't handle the fact that his own daughter is awesomer than he is. Right?

"TEASE ME RIGHT NOW, YOU PLEASE ME RIGHT NOW," I screamed at the top of my lungs while I (flawlessly) moved to the rhythm of the song.

My spoiled-but-still-functioning phone beeped right after the music ended. I unlocked it to find that someone sent me an extremely unflattering video of me dancing via kik. I'll give you three guesses to guess who sent that picture. I'll give you a hint, that person's name is synonymous with "dickhead." Did someone say Austin? Ding ding ding, we have a winner! Your grand prize is... a lifetime's supply of air! Congratulations!

Okay, so maybe I lied. I'm a terrible dancer. But the world doesn't need to know that. The fact that my crush knows is humiliating enough. I also lied about Austin's dancing – he's a professional dancer.

Note to self: DRAW THE CURTAINS WHENEVER YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE P DIDDY. I sound like Ke$ha. I should be All¥. Bam! That's my rock-star name.

Before you jump to conclusions and think that Austin's some creepy stalker who likes to take videos of me, he's... well, he is. But just to clear things up, he lives next door to me and our windows are directly facing each other. Something like what you see in Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" music video, but our rooms are on the second floor, our houses are much closer and there's a balcony-bridge thing in-between the windows. We call it a bralcony. Or the Brack, in short. Before you judge me, I'll have you know that it was Austin's idea. Yep.

We used to jump into each other's rooms through the windows but after Adam fell and dislocated his right shoulder the first time he tried, our parents decided to install the Brack to ensure our safety. Pfft, amateur. We can't blame him though, he doesn't share a room with Austin and he wasn't that close to me back then so he would just come in from the front door whenever he needed to come over.

I turned to my window and glared at Austin, who was standing on the balcony, grinning like a fool. Because he was a fool. No matter how much I love him, he's always going to be Austin the Loser to me.

I opened my window and gave him my world-famous fake smile. "Can I help you?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Nothing, just admiring the view," he said, licking his lips. Right now, all I wanted to do was to yank his tongue out of his mouth. And into my own mouth. Mmm. Team Auslly, anyone?

"Ready for the party tonight?" I asked, nudging him lightly in the tummy in a teasing way. He had a rock-hard six-pack while I had a... soft and flabby one-pack. I'm not that fat, I'm just normal-sized, I guess. I used to be overweight but right now my BMI is in the acceptable range though I still have chubby cheeks.

He gazed at me for a moment before licking his lips and nodding excitedly. "You betcha," he winked as he nudged me back. It's really weird, sometimes he would just gaze at me for no reason. Maybe he was wondering how he got such an amazing girl like me to be his best friend. Insert bimbotic hair flip here.

I smiled sadly. "I guess I'll go back to my room and prepare for the party," I told him and turned back to my room.

"Wait," I heard him say and then I felt a warm hand grab my wrist. He pulled me to him and spun me around, just like what you see in those movies. My heartbeat quickened tenfold as I looked up at him curiously. We were close but not too close - our toes were touching but our bodies weren't. I was close to him enough to smell the Kit Kats he had for breakfast.

"Thanks," he started. "For, y'know, being a great best friend and helping me out with all of this. It really means a lot to me. You're really amazing." He ruffled my long brown hair. Did I really just get complimented and friend-zoned at the same time? Can you say loser?

I smiled forcefully. "No problemo."

He smiled (not smirked - smiled! Someone call the 'medics, my heart can't take this awesomeness) and pulled me into a hug. I literally melted into his arms as I hugged him back. We occasionally had these moments and whenever we do, well, it makes me feel like the luckiest, happiest and beautiful-est girl in the world.

What can I say? It's the Austin Moon effect.