I didn't have anything to do so I went out to the Parkers' garden, sat on a park bench and admired the beautiful view. Mrs Parkers sure knew how to maintain a garden. Well, at least, their gardeners did. Every time I came to a party with Austin, Adam and Trish, I'd get Austin his girl and go out to a secluded and serene place to rest and contemplate about life. When Adam and Trish were done trying to make each other jealous – Adam would dance with other girls while Trish danced with other guys and they'd take many (un)subtle glances at each other to see if they were jealous – they'd text me that they were leaving and I'd meet them at the car. Austin would make his way home around one in the morning after satisfying his desires.
CAN'T ADAM AND TRISH SEE THAT THEY'RE BOTH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
If they were on a TV show and I was watching their show, I'd definitely throw rocks at the TV screen. The sexual tension between them was that infuriating.
I had a good one or two hours before we could finally leave this place so I decided to take a nap on the park bench. The not-too-hot-not-too-cold November Miamian weather was the perfect weather to sleep in – it felt like there was a gigantic air conditioner in the sky.
'Knock on my window when you wake up,' I read Austin's text when I woke up. I realized that I was in my bedroom while wearing the same outfit I wore the night before. Hmm, I could've sworn I fell asleep at the Parkers' garden the night before.
I was too tired to move my lazy butt away from my soft and comfy bed so I dialed Austin instead of wasting 5 precious calories walking over to Austin's room.
"Morning angel," he chirped cheerily.
"How'd it go last night?"
"Y'know, the usual... Good, I guess?" he said, He sounded unsure of himself but I decided to ignore that.
"Come over," I said before hanging up.
Sure enough, a few seconds later, I found Austin knocking at my window. I walked over to the window and opened it.
"You almost died last night," was the first thing Austin said when he entered my humble abode.
"WHAT?!" I screamed.
"You fell asleep on the bench and some asshole was making pervy eyes at you from the bench next to you."
I should've known - Austin was the master of over-exaggeration. "Whatever. You were there?"
"Yeah, Adam and Trish said you didn't reply to their texts so I came over to look for you. We left early last night."
"What about Beth?"
"She saw Taylor Lautner making out with Rachel and slapped Rachel and started a huge bitch-fight. I don't think she's ever getting invited to Parkers' party again," Austin explained, chuckling at the memory. I couldn't help but laugh – Beth was a huge fan of the Twilight series and the captain of Team Jacob.
"Aren't you disappointed?"
"Nah, have you heard her speak? Like, she's totally, like, annoying?" Austin said in his girliest voice. I high-fived him and laughed.
"So, what are your plans for this lovely Saturday morning?"
"Well, my dear Alicia, I was planning to drive downtown with my BFF today. If she's up for it, that is."
"Hell yeah! Lemme just go and get changed," I said as I ran to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and got ready for my big day in downtown Miami.
I was beyond pissed. Austin has been flirting with EVERY single cute girl that's crossed his path. Right now, we were at some diner and he was currently flirting with our waitress, whose name was Saoirse.
"So I was wondering, could I change my strawberry milkshake to a cookies-n-cream milkshake, Sawyers?" Austin asked with a wink, deliberately mispronouncing Saoirse's name in an attempt to seduce her. Honestly, I had no idea how to pronounce her name until she introduced herself... and slipped Austin her cellphone numbe, emaila address and home address. How subtle.
She giggled girlishly, flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulders and smacked Austin playfully on his shoulders. "It's Seer-sha ," she explained in her thick Irish accent. "And sure!" She noted down Austin's order on her notepad and walked back to the kitchen, swaying her hips left and right as if she were doing a Hawaiian hula dance.
I noticed that Austin was hypnotized by Saoirse's fugly ass. Okay fine, she's hot but I'm just going to portray her as an ugly little monster to make me feel better about myself.
I waved a hand in front of my BBFF (Bitch of a Best Friend Forever - though I wouldn't mind if you interpreted that as Best Boy Friend Forever or Bitchiest Boy Friend Forever). "Top o' the mornin' to ya, Austin-o-boy!" I said in my best Irish accent.
That sure got Austin's attention. "You sound like a dying cowboy," he chuckled.
Again, BBFF.
"So... What are our plans for today? I heard Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus are coming to town for a vacay," I hinted. Just like (almost) every teenage girl, I was obsessed with Liam Hemsworth. What can I say? He's absolutely yummilicious! And his Australian accent... "Meet Liam Hemsworth" was #2 on my Bucket List. What was #1? "Have a hot, sensual and tantalizing make-out session with Liam Hemsworth." Duh.
Austin licked his lips and crinkled his nose at the same time. "Dude, he's engaged."
"Says the one who jacks off to Hannah Montana."
"Touché."
At that moment, the Irish bitch (I'm sorry, people of Ireland. I love Irish people - especially Niall Horan - but this girl just takes the bloody mickey out of me) came back. She laid Austin's milkshake and our BLTs on the table and accidentally-on-purpose dropped her pen on the floor. She turned away from us, and while bending down to retrieve her band, she gave us quite a show when her mini-as-hell-skirt lifted up to reveal her red lacy underwear.
Austin flushed bright-red and turned his head to face me, covering his eyes with his hand.
"Dude, you see female genitalia all the time. Why are you even blushing?" I asked.
He just shook his head and took a sip of his milkshake, gulping the entire drink down within three seconds. I stared at him in awe. What in the world...?
"BRAIN FREEZE!" he screamed – it looked pretty serious as his lips were turning pale. What a git. Saoirse, being the Irish heroine that she was, came to his rescue.
"I know just how to cure a brain freeze," she whispered and leaned down to kiss him. Of course, she took the chance to glare at me hatefully before kissing him.
I looked around to see if her manager was around but the entire place was empty. How professional, I thought to myself.
Three minutes had passed and they were still making out with each other. That was gross. I felt jealous. I felt like beating the shit out of Saoirse. I felt like kicking Austin in the balls.
So I did both.