"Lily Lee," Austin said, pointing to her name on the To-Do List. We were sitting in my practice room, discussing our next target. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even though Austin just admitted about having a crush on this girl from summer camp the day before, he's back on the prowl for more sluts. Talk about unfaithful.
Adam snickered at the mention of her name. He had once tried to get with Lily, and they got to third base until Lily's girlfriend walked in on them and Lily's girlfriend broke up with her right on the spot. According to Adam, it was pretty "sexy yet creepy" and he felt really awkward standing there half naked watching two females break up. Lily wasn't lesbian but she was bisexual. Since then, things have been pretty gauche between Adam and Lily.
"GPA: 4.0, plays the oboe in the school orchestra, president of the Mandarin club and she's fluent in six languages," I read off her mini-profile in the book. Honestly, if I were a guy, I would definitely lust after her as well. I don't know, I just think that Asian-Americans are pretty hot. They look really different from their counterparts in China or Korea, I don't really get why they get discriminated. I mean, this is the 21st century, not the 18th!
"Bisexual. Don't forget bisexual," Adam added with a smirk.
"I heard she's back together with Shaniqua though," Austin said dejectedly.
"Wouldn't the world be a better place if Asian and Black people found love and got married?" I asked rhetorically. I'm a huge advocate for equal rights and world peace – I have loads of friends of different ethnicities and I don't see them as Black or Hispanic or Asian… I just see them as normal people.
I whipped out my iPhone and texted Lily. 'Hey, are you going to Dez's party Friday?'
Dez was holding a party on Friday to celebrate a short film competition he won. The short film was titled 'Claws: Dun Dun Dun' of which Trish was the star (not that he had a choice, Trish held his pet banana captive until he finally relented) and Austin sang the theme song (written by yours truly). Adam was Trish's love interest who got eaten up by the gigantic crab, Claws.
I can quite honestly say that nobody would really care about Dez winning the competition (sorry Dez but it's true), everyone would just turn up for the free alcohol and food and the hooking up while Dez would probably parade around with his humongous trophy, showing it off to anyone who cared enough.
"I don't think Dez would be too pleased if Austin banged Lily in his bedroom," Adam said with a frown.
"Remember the time when you did a deed in his bedroom and forgot to clean up?" I reminded Austin. Oh, that was grotesque! Austin forgot to clean up and Dez found some… white stuff on his bed and thought it was whipped cream. Being the food-loving redhead that he was, he picked it up and ate it.
The next day, he found out that he was pregnant with Austin's baby.
Nah, I'm totally kidding. Not about the Dez-eating-"whipped-cream" thing because that was (unfortunately for Dez) true, but about the part where Dez got pregnant. Obviously.
'Yepp why?' came Lily's reply. Austin grabbed my phone before I could pick it up.
"AUSTIN!" I shrieked. I tried to grab the phone out of his hands but he had a really strong grip. I gave up after five seconds (pfft I'm not weak, I just missed breakfast that morning) and leaned back on the couch with my arms crossed, scowling. Adam leaned over to see what Austin was typing and sniggered.
"What's so funny?" I snapped.
"Here," Austin said, throwing my phone back to me. I caught it (surprisingly) and looked at the new text Austin sent to Lily.
'I was just feeling a little lonely and I thought maybe we could hook up on Friday xx' was "my" reply to Lily's text.
"AUSTIN MONICA MOON!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Oh, that BFF (bastard freak forever) was soooo going to die! I don't care if what I'm about to do to him will alter his ability to produce children because as I mentioned earlier, adoption is always an option.
"Uh oh…" he muttered to Adam before dashing out of the room. I followed him out and started screaming some words that my father would probably have charged me a dollar for. Yes we have a swear jar.
"A-L-L-Y WHO'S GONNA WIN THE WAR? IT'S ALLY, ALLY, ALLY!" I heard Adam cheer in his most cheerleader-like voice. If I wasn't trying to kill Austin, I'd probably have rolled on the floor laughing (or in jargon, ROFL-ed).
Austin was now standing behind the counter, tending to a customer. The elderly customer looked at me with a disapproving expression.
"Teenage girls these days…" she muttered to Austin while shaking her head at me.
Austin nodded understandingly. "I'm sorry if she's bothering you, ma'am. She was discharged from the…" he looped circles at the sides of his head with his index finger, "yeah… just yesterday but we're thinking of sending her back…" he trailed off.
The elderly woman sighed. "Well, we can't help who we are, right? I must say, you are a fine young man, I hope some of your influence will rub off on that young lady," she said, nodding at Austin before walking out with her purchases.
As soon as the customer was out of earshot, I pounced on Austin.
We both landed on the floor with me on top of him. I started punching him lightly on the shoulder. "DID YOU" punch "JUST" punch "TELL" punch "HER" punch "THAT I" punch "JUST GOT OUT OF THE PSYCH WARD?" punch punch punch.
"Well, perchance," he said with a grin.
"WHY'D YOU TELL LILY I WAS A LESBIAN? OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO DEAD!" I screamed and got up such that I was sitting on his tummy while he was lying down and I started punching him.
Wait, what?
I paused and realized what a compromising position we were in. I was, essentially, straddling Austin Moon.
He seemed to have realized that too as he smirked his Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya sexual predator look and licked his lips.
Wait… What? No, no, no…
"Ally," he whispered in his sexy husky voice. He sounded desperate and needy… poor kid hasn't got laid in a week since Beth ditched him to slap Rachel Parkers who was making out with Taylor Lautner.
"Yeah?" I whispered back, trailing my fingers along his arm. I felt the fine strands of blonde hair along his arm. God help me, this man is way too perfect!
I was expecting him to confess his undying love for me and engulf me in a tight hug and taking me right there and then. Or maybe I was just expecting him to ruin the moment and say something perverted. But what he really did totally took me by surprise.
Austin's hands suddenly flew to my sides and he started tickling me. His movement was so swift and sudden that it knocked me over and I bumped my head on to the counter.
"Oww…" I moaned as I felt my head hit the counter. Austin's grin faltered as he noticed that I was in pain. He stroked my head and started applying pressure on different parts of my head to see which part hurt. After he determined that I wasn't concussed, he carried me back to the practice room.
"So, who won?" Adam-the-cheerleader-wannabe asked with a grin.
"Me, definitely. I told some old lady that Ally was mentally unstable," Austin explained with a smirk as he recalled the fond memory of my public humiliation. Jerkface.
Adam giggled as he high-fived his twin. I rolled my eyes at their immaturity and started writing my YAYs for the day. My YAYs were basically a list of three to five awesome things that happened during the day or that I was just obsessed over on that day.
Ally's YAYs of the Day:
1. Cheese (especially mozzarella cheese on Hawaiian pizza… mmmm!)
2. Blonde arm hair
3. Austin whispering my name in that husky voice of his
4. Spongebob Squarepants… just 'cuz