"I'll talk to him about basketball before school on Monday. Once we reach the janitor's closet, I'll tell him that I have to go. You'll push him in, lock him in the closet and secure your man. Any questions?"

Austin looked up from the black notebook and glared at me after informing me about his plan. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I, Ally Dawson, am going to do the whole clichéd push-your-crush-into-a-janitor's-closet-and-make-o ut-with-him thing. Except Dallas Strong isn't my crush. Austin is.

My life is so screwed up. I can't even keep track of my life anymore.

Basically, I'm in love with Austin Moon, who happens to be a huge philanderer. I've spent years helping him get laid and I tried making him jealous by dating his twin brother for a day or two. The day I 'broke up' with his twin brother, his twin brother gets his heart broken by the girl he really loves and the girl he loves is torn between him and another one of her best friends. The next day, after Ally the heroine (heh that's me!) finally persuades the girl to choose Austin's twin brother, and Austin and I kiss after that. And just three hours after our mind-blowing wow-alicious kiss, Austin gets a girlfriend.

It's not all doom and gloom though – we're going to New York City in December! Whoopee!

Oh, did I mention that all this only happened in less than a week? Adam asked me to fake-date him on Friday, our first (and last) 'date' was on Monday, our kiss was on Tuesday, Trish told us about the Times Square gig on Wednesday and it was Thursday.

Thanksgiving.

I mimicked him by licking my lips and I nodded.

"Thanks Austin. Now, if you'll excuse me, would you please get the hell out of my room? It's SIX in the freakin' MORNING! On a no-school day!" I screamed as I threw some cushions at him. I get really grumpy when I'm deprived of my beauty sleep. Which is pretty much all the time. It's okay though, I don't really have to worry about my outer appearance because Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan tell me that I light up their world like nobody else and the way that I flip my hair gets them overwhelmed all the time.

Why in the name of insane insanity was Austin Monica Moon in my freakin' bedroom at six in the freakin' morning, talking about setting me up with some freakin' player?!

Oh wait, the To-Do List.

Austin held up his hands in surrender. "Jeez, Little Miss McGrumpyskirt, I just had a little too much coffee last night and I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd help my beloved BFF with her crazy new plan."

I rolled over to face him and chucked my precious Spongebob plushie at him. I'm sorry Spongebob, I love you but it was for a good cause. I rolled back to my other side and fell asleep, hoping my bitchy best friend got the hint to GTFO my room and to leave me alone because I want nobody, nobody but him.

"I'M A MOTHER FATHER GENTLEMAN!" I screamed the only line of PSY's "Gentleman" I knew & understood at the top of my lungs while dancing along to that incredibly annoying yet painfully catchy & infectious song.

Yup, I'm dancing. Ladies, mothers, fathers and gentlemen (no pun intended), please give it up for the one and only Ally Three-legs Dawson!

Austin was out with Beth, getting groceries for her Thanksgiving party which only the sad kids who couldn't celebrate Thanksgiving (AKA me) attended. Can I hear a hurrah?

And that leaves me alllll alone, with no one to hold…

I was having a mini-concert in my bedroom. I faced the closet as I broke out all my coolest dance moves and sang my favorite songs at the top of my lungs. I pretended to be Austin – I really admired his self-confidence and his talent – and performed my very best. I eventually got a standing ovation from my life-sized cardboard cut-outs of Ross Lynch, R5 and Niall Horan. As you can see, I kinda have a thing for blondes.

"THANK YOU MIAMI!" I screamed after my last song as I fell back onto my bed and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon.

Pfft, who needs Austin when I have all my posters and life-sized cut-outs of Ross Lynch and his band R5 cheering me on in my bedroom?

"Why are you dating Austin?" I asked Beth curiously. We were at her party – only fifteen people showed up (everyone else was probably with their families) and Austin, being the genius that he was, forgot to get the alcohol so we were just hanging around, eating stale food and making small talk.

"Like, why not? He's, like, hot and like, soooo experienced," she said with a wink, nudging me at the last part.

I wouldn't know, I thought to myself. I took another sip from my glass of alcohol-less punch while observing Austin from afar. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the TV, watching that Spongebob episode where Mr Krabs gets caught by the Flying Dutchman for being a miser.

"Hey Ally, do you want in on a little secret?" she asked me in what could be the first sentence she has ever spoken without the word "like" in it. Someone call the Guiness World Records!

I nodded my head. She leaned into my ear.

"Austin, like, likes this girl and he's only, like, dating me to, like, make her jealous," she whispered mischievously. "Any idea on, like, who this girl is?"

Wait, so Beth wasn't the girl he liked? I knew he had some sense in him! Not that Beth was a bitch or anything, because she wasn't. She was a really nice girl apart from the fact that she had a raging libido and enjoyed abusing innocent English words.

I couldn't just sell Austin out like that though, so I shook my head. "Nope, no clue," I said.

"But you like him, don't you?" she asked with a knowing tone and a smirk to match.

I winced. Was my crush that obvious?

"W-why do you say that?" I asked, trying to act natural.

She flipped her hair and grinned. "It's like, so obvious. When I first, like, met you guys, I thought, like, you guys were, like, going out! But then you, like, set me up with Austin and I was like, shocked because I thought you two were, like, practically married!"

"Well, he doesn't feel the same way so we obviously aren't married."

"Y'know, I think you might actually, like, have a chance with him."

Well this was turning into an interesting conversation.

"Hm? How so?"

"He likes this girl, right? What if that girl was, like, you?"

I shook my head furiously. "It can't be. He said that he met her at summer camp. We've known each other since I was born."

Oops, I just gave Austin's position away to the enemy! Code Red, Code Red!

"Summer camp? I know for a fact that Austin has, like, never been to a summer camp," she said. And for once, she was right.

Austin has never been to summer camp. In fact, he has never been to camp. We've spent every summer together, either hanging out or going on vacation with our families. Yeah, we're THIS tight.

But Beth was dead wrong. If Austin actually liked me, he would've showed it. He's not the type to hide his feelings. He's not that pathetic, unlike some loser with the intials AD.

And that was what my To-Do List was there for.