"Austin."
"Sup?" he asked casually.
"I LOVE YOU!" I screamed like a fan-girl would. Shit, that was embarrassing to the core.
He chuckled. "Love you too, Als," he said with his usual grin on his face, shaking his head, probably thinking that I was the retarded-est retard to ever walk the planet. He returned to working on his guitar. FYI, I bought that guitar for him.
I don't know what happened – maybe it was the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and it was 6pm, or the fact that I was failing chemistry, or the fact that I was pissed at Austin for being so dense that he failed to see what I was trying to tell him – but something just snapped in me.
"Do you love me, or do you love me?" I snapped in annoyance, emphasizing the second 'love.'
Austin turned towards me, his eyes wide open.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think I mean?" I asked acerbically. Was he playing stupid or was he just plain stupid?
"I think I know what you mean but I hope you're not thinking what I hope you're thinking…"
"So much thinking, Austin. Good job, this must be a new record for you!"
After my vicious but undoubtedly witty remark to which he had no comeback because it was pure genius, the room just fell silent. I looked at him, trying to search his eyes for some answers but he just stared at and played with his fingers, deliberately avoiding eye contact.
"We kissed. We kissed not once, but twice, Austin. What on earth do you expect me to do, treat it as a friendly gesture just like how you view it as? Because that's not what I felt from those kisses."
"Confession time: I love you, Austin Moon. I fucking love you. I always have, since day one. And if you're just playing with me the way you play every other girl's heart, then I'm willing to have my heart broken now rather than to have it torn later."
After my long confession, I finally mustered the courage to look at Austin. His mouth was hanging wide open and his eyes were as big as Asia. I thought that only happened on TV but apparently people do drop their jaws in real life too. Exhibit A.
I noticed that tears were streaming down his face and his cheeks were slightly wet and pink. His cheeks, not his happy stick. Gosh, don't be perverted!
After a few silent moments, I decided to prompt Austin for a reply.
"Austin?"
He looked at me, his once-sorrowful eyes turned icy as his eyes lit with fury. That I did not expect.
"I don't love you? I don't love you?" he repeated furiously. "I kissed you twice and you think I don't love you?"
"Why do you think I tell you I love you all the time? Why do you think I kissed you twice? Why do you think I gave you my first kiss all those years ago? Why do you think I tried to stop you from starting your own To-Do List? Why do you think I got so pissed when I saw you and Dallas together? Why do you think I dated Beth? Why do you think I lied when you asked me who my crush was? Why do you think I made YOU, and not Adam, help me with the To-Do List? You just don't get it, do you?"
Word vomit alert.
I shook my head because I really didn't get it. Plus, scary Austin was, well, scary.
He laughed bitterly, throwing me a mixed look of sadness, fury, disgust and... happiness?
He nodded briefly and his face turned cold and emotionless. "You're right."
"I'm right?" I asked. He was seriously confusing me.
"Yeah, you're right. I don't love you."
I hung my head down in shame. Ally Dawson, the little virgin. Ally Dawson, the best friend of Miami's biggest player. Ally Dawson, Austin Moon's quasi-sister. Of course he wouldn't love you. Who in their right mind would?
'I was hoping that Austin would be the only exception, my soul-mate. Apparently I was wrong,' I thought to myself.
"Maybe this explains why I don't love you," he continued after walking over to his closet and pulling out a Spongebob Squarepants notebook.
I had so many witty remarks to make about his Spongebob notebook but given the severity and heavy-heartedness of this situation, I decided to just shut my big mouth for once. He tossed the notebook to me and I caught it.
"It's your personal diary," I said, recognizing Austin's kiddy scrawling on the cover page.
Austin nodded. "Yeah, but just read it. I really don't care anymore."
With that, he walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door shut. I jumped at the loud slam of the door. Well I can tell when I'm not wanted… I ran back to my bedroom via the brack as fast as I could and I lay down on my bed, letting all the tears flow.
He didn't love me. I knew it. There's no way I could ever change a player like him. I'm just like every other girl in our school, having a one-sided crush on Austin Moon.
I don't know how long I stayed there, sobbing into my pillow which was covered with a One Direction pillowcase. After my eyes dried up and there were no more tears left to release, I looked back at my pillow to find that all five members of One Direction now had wet crotches.
Oopsie.
I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. That cheered me up a little. Now, where was I?
Oh yes, Austin's diary. I flipped open the first page and read the diary from front to back. I felt guilty for invading his personal diary but hey, he was the one who told me to read it.
December 29, 2003
Happy berthday to me! :) :) Today I am 8 years old! It is also my Ally, my bestest fren's birthday :) Ally gave me this pretty Spongebob notebook for my birthday and it is so cute. It is now my dairy! Adam and daddy are back from Ostralia and it is also Adam's birthday! Our mommys and daddys brought us to the Meledy Dinner and it was so cool, everybody there was singing! :) I want to werk there when I grow up.
Ally wore a cute pink dress today with a bow in her hair. She looked so pretty and bewtiful. Dairy, can you keep a secret? I luv Ally, she is so kind, nice, cute, pretty, and saxy! I do not know what saxy is but daddy always calls mommy that so Ally is definetly saxy :)
After we ate, we went back to my room and I asked her to marry me. I want to be Mr Austin Dawson, I want to be her boyfren!
I said, "Ally I luv you." She said, "Austin I luv you to." Then I asked her to marry me and she said yes! :) I am the happyest boy on erth. And then I hugged her and I touched her mouth with my mouth, copying what I always see mommy and daddy do.
Her mouth was so nice and warm and I was thinking if I should do what mommy and daddy always do after they touch mouths. They always take off their cloze and then they screem a lot but I decided not to becuz our mommies and daddies were downstares and I did not want to disterb them.
I love Ally! :)
October 14, 2008
I hate being 12 years old. My birthday's in 2 months but the bitch at the stupid theater wouldn't let Ally and me buy tickets to see 'Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging' because it was PG-13. Ally has been dying to see that movie for ages and I thought I would finally get my chance to kiss her again during the movie. The last time we kissed was when we were 8 but that was so long ago, I wish I could remember how her lips tasted like but I can't… We were just too young.
Apparently in England, snogging means making out. That's my new favorite word and I can't wait to finally snog Ally! She is so perfect. She cried when that bitch told us we couldn't see the movie. She looks so pretty when she cries. Actually, she looks so pretty when she does anything.
I think I should call this diary the Ally Book because I swear, every entry in this book has me gushing about how beautiful and perfect Ally Dawson is.
Mr F taught us about Russia in Geography class today. Apparently, it's the largest country in the world and it has an area of 6.5 million square miles! Damn bro, I always thought America was the biggest country in the world.
My love for you is larger than Russia, Ally Dawson.
January 2, 2009
Adam told me that he loved Trish today. I congratulated him – my little bro (technically we're the same age but I'm six minutes older) has finally grown up!
I then asked him what being in love felt like. I always knew I loved Ally but she doesn't love me the way I love her. And my friends are always telling me that if you're in love but the other person doesn't love you, it's not love. And by "my friends," I mean Ally. And that always upsets me because my love for her is unrequited.
He told me that he was sure Trish didn't feel the same way about him (aww shucks bro) but he was 1209481% sure that he loved her and that she was the one.
When Ally's family came over for dinner, I asked Ally if she had ever been in love. Yes, in front of both our families. Ally's eyes went wide and she shook her head frantically. Gosh she's so cute.
She doesn't love me.
But I'll still love her anyway. I won't give up on her until she's mine. And even when she's mine, I'm never going to let her go. In short, I'm never ever ever going to give up on her.
Fuck, I'm whipped. Coach Bieber says I've been running too much like a pussy lately, and that his son, whom he claims is an absolute wuss, can run faster than that. Apparently, his son is somewhat famous now. His name is Justin or Joshua or Justina or something like that. Nope, never heard of him.
I love you, Miss Ally Beautiful Dawson.
Author's Note:
ALLY TOLD AUSTIN! AND AUSTIN GOT MAD BUT HE STILL LOVES HER ANYWAY!
More entries from Austin's Spongebob diary to come, this is just the beginning. So there you have it - Austin's POV at last!
I'm kinda stuck because I have no idea how to continue after the diary entries but when there's a will, there's a way!
I just bought an internet plan for when I'm back in the USA so I'll be able to update as usual! So the next update will probably be in a couple of days' time due to the 20-hour flight and jet if you guys leave some awesome reviews, I might just update more quickly... ;)
How'd you like this chapter? It's probably one of my favorite chapters I've ever written! Isn't 8 year old Austin just adorable? Sorry if you can't understand what he's saying, I had to throw in spelling errors since he's just a little kid.