Shiho still had trouble to fall asleep at night. The nightmares continued to haunt her, especially after having seen his face again, and she spent hours turning from one side to the other without finding proper rest. Like the nights beforehand she gave up after a not disturb Akemi who was peacefully sleeping in the other bed, she quietly put on a long cardigan over her pyjama. The FBI had thankfully provided them with a change of clothes.
Unfortunately, the living room was already occupied by someone. For a moment she debated whether to leave again, but decided against it. He had already noticed her and it would seem odd, almost like she was scared of him and that was the last thing she wanted him to think.
Shuichi Akai was sitting at the kitchen table, the laptop she had intended to use to continue her research right in front of him.
"Can't sleep as well?" Shiho asked and grabbed herself a glass of water to occupy her hands.
"Not quite. Tying up loose ends." She raised her eyebrow questioningly and he continued. "I came to Japan in a rush and left some unfinished work behind. Due to the time difference I have to take care of it now."
"So you'll probably need the laptop the whole night, right?" She tried not to sound as disappointed as she felt. How was she supposed to distract herself if she couldn't work?
"At least one more hour."
"Do you mind if I stay here?"
"Not at all."
She took her glass and sat down on the couch with her back turned towards him. The small coffee table was still covered in different newspaper, so she grabbed the one on the top and began reading. Most of the articles weren't particularly interesting, but it was enough to keep her mind occupied, at least temporarily.
"Why can't you sleep?"
Shiho got startled when he addressed her out of nowhere. She hadn't expected it as even when he had been in the organisation they had barely talked to each other and she hesitated, unsure what to say. In the end she decided on an innocuous answer. "Just worrying about the future."
It wasn't a lie per se, but it didn't accurately express the depth of her worries. How long would they have to stay hidden? Would they have to be on the run for the rest of their lives? Or would the FBI be able to destroy the organisation and arrest all the members? What would happen to Akemi and herself in that case? Shiho had been an active member, she had created a deadly poison, she had killed someone. What consequences awaited her?
"If you weren't already aware - the FBI is prepared to offer both of you a deal." She heard him close the laptop. "In exchange for the extensive information about the organisation the FBI is willing to offer both of you protection and impunity."
She hadn't missed the emphasis on the last word and her heartbeat quickened. Why would he mention it unprompted? He couldn't know, or could he? With horror she remembered the way he had looked at her after he had taken the file from her hands; far too knowingly. She tried her best to control her breathing. Panicking now would only confirm the suspicion he already had. Well, in hindsight she shouldn't be too surprised since her behaviour hadn't been particularly inconspicuous. For a few seconds she debated whether to drop the subject, but something in her refused to do so.
"Impunity for … everything?" she asked tentatively.
"That's the deal."
"But we are in Japan, not in America. This isn't for you to decide." Despite the rescue operation they had conducted, she doubted that the FBI had that much influence in another country.
"James is already in contact with the appropriate authorities."
Shiho leaned back against the couch to process these new information. She was unsure how to feel about this revelation. Of course she didn't want to go to prison, but walking free without receiving a proper punishment didn't feel right. How was she supposed to continue her life like nothing had happened, like she didn't have blood on her hands? The guilt was already eating her alive and she couldn't imagine that this would change anytime soon.
However, as chance would have it, she was speaking to someone who had experience in this particular area. His reputation as a gifted sniper had been well-known in the organisation. To her knowledge he had killed on more than one occasion and he had never seemed particularly bothered by it, otherwise he would have never secured his position in the organisation. He was either a fantastic actor or there were ways to cope with the guilt.
She wrung her hands and debated if she dared to ask him. They never had been particularly close. Akemi had been the only reason they had ever spent any time together. And admitting it out loud would make it feel realer. Someone else would know about it and once it was out there, she couldn't take it back. Who knew what he would do with this information?
On the other hand, he already suspected it and she was desperate to talk to someone. She needed to get it off her chest as she was reaching the end of her tether. Countless sleepless night, the enormous stress and constant fear were taking their toll on her. Telling Akemi was out of question. Shiho would never want to burden her with the knowledge of what she had done.
"How do you handle it?" she whispered. "Hurting others … killing someone."
He didn't answer immediately. The seconds of silence felt like an eternity. "It always depends on the circumstances." The lack of surprise in his voice confirmed her own suspicion that somehow he already knew. She heard him stand up and instinctively turned to the side to hide her face. From the corner of her eye she could see him walk past her over to the window without looking at her for which she was grateful. It gave her the opportunity to relax a tiny bit. "In some cases one can justify it better than in others. No one would condemn a police officer who shoots a mass murderer to save the life of others. Killing someone in self-defence is usually also seen as acceptable."
His hands were buried in his pockets and he raised his head to look at the night sky. "I still remember every kill I have committed, especially the ones during my time in the organisation. Most people would consider these kills to be unacceptable. I always saw them as a necessity to bring down the organisation, but I tired to spare as many as possible." He paused for a moment. "The guilt never goes away completely. Embrace it, Shiho. It shows that you're not one of them. Just don't blame yourself."
She was glad that he was standing with his back to her as she couldn't hold her tears back anymore. His words weren't the most conventionally comforting, but they still had something reassuring because they painted a realistic picture. Deep down she knew that the blame didn't fall on her alone. Her colleagues had suggested to test the poison on humans. Gin had kidnapped him and had forced her to feed him the poison. Who knew what he would have done if she hadn't followed his orders? It didn't relieve her of her blame completely, but it gave her hope that she could learn to live with it.
He crossed the room again and stopped in front of the entrance door. "I'm done with my work. You can use the laptop now."
After he had left it took her a few minutes to compose herself before she could finally start working.
When the first rays of sunshine started to fill the room Shiho finally closed down the laptop. She was exhausted, but also pleased with herself. She still had to run a few tests for which she didn't have the necessary equipment yet, but she was sure that she had finally found the cause for the shrinking. If she got access to a laboratory, she might actually be able to create the antidote.
This small accomplishment gave her the ease of mind she had been desperately yearning for. She stretched herself and went back to the bedroom. Even though she only got a few hours of sleep , she hadn't felt that well rested in a long time.
Tokyo was his home. It had always been. It was the city he had grown up in and he knew it like the back of his hand. Despite this, he felt out of place strolling around the once familiar streets. Throughout the years he had been on holiday several times, so he couldn't claim that his sense of alienation was only due to the fact that he had spent the last two weeks entirely on the organisation's property. On the other hand, it seemed almost too obvious to blame it only on his changed perspective. With his new height - or rather his lack thereof - most storefronts looked different, distances appeared greater and he struggled to navigate the crowds. Whatever it was, he felt like a stranger, like he didn't belong.
And contrary to his initial belief, he wasn't as inconspicuous as he had hoped. In theory, Shinichi was used to people staring at him. As son of a popular actress and a best-selling author it had always been a part of his life to meet excited fans wherever he went, especially when he was out and about with his parents. Over time he had earned his own fame as teenage detective, and more and more people started to recognise him for his own accomplishments.
He might have been naive in his assumption, but he genuinely hadn't expected to draw this much attention as Conan. No matter where he went, people were staring at him; only this time not with awe, but concern in their eyes. His mother's mask might conceal his face and subsequently his identity; though he still doubted that anyone would have recognised him. However, it didn't change the fact that he still looked like a child. A six year old aimlessly walking around Tokyo on his own was bound to attract the attention of worried people. Everywhere strangers approached him to ask if he was lost and how, not if, they could help him.
It took a lot of self-control not to snap at them. His patience was already wearing thin as it was and every new interaction only emphasised how futile what he currently did was. It also bothered him beyond belief that they weren't wrong in assuming that he was lost. Several days have passed and they still had no clue where to even start looking for them.
After his father had given him permission to go out to conduct his own investigation, he had been excited and full of confidence. Unfortunately, his hope had quickly died down when he had realised that his new freedom wouldn't change anything. He needed a lead, a single trace that he could follow, a starting point. It was a luxury the FBI did not grant him. Without it, what was he supposed to do? Hang 'missing posters' everywhere? Or hope that he would accidentally stumble across them?
The worst aspect of the whole situation was that he couldn't even blame anyone for their lack of progress. As far as he could tell, no one was slacking off. Even after several sleepless nights and days they had survived almost entirely on coffee and sheer determination, it didn't seem like anyone was letting up. Vodka was busy running any security footage he could find through a facial recognition software. He might have been successful if they had any idea how to narrow the search area down. With the amount of footage that was recorded daily, they were looking for a needle in a haystack.
Even Gin had pulled himself together and had collaborated with Bourbon to investigate a possible safehouse from the FBI. It had been a dead end, but Gin's willingness to put their animosity aside, at least for a while, had surprised Shinichi. Admittedly, he was a bit suspicious by the effort Gin, Vodka, Bourbon and even Vermouth were putting in. To some extent it had seemed like they were almost more invested in the search than he himself, even though they did not depend on Sherry's return the same way he did. It had piqued his curiosity and when they had been alone for a moment, he had asked Vermouth about it.
"Me? I want to help you of course."
Shinichi stared at her, not even trying to hide his scepticism.
"You are too observant for your own good." Vermouth took a long drag of her cigarette. "I have my reasons and I won't share them with you. After all, a secret makes a woman a woman."
"Okay, and Bourbon loathes the FBI for some reason, especially this Akai," he said. "Then what about the other two?"
"Gin hates traitors in general and Vodka follows his lead. Though they do have another, more obvious reason. Can't you guess it?" He could hear a hint of amusement in her voice. Despite asking him, she didn't give him any time to think of an answer. "After the disastrous mission at the amusement park, your dear father has given them one chance to redeem themselves."
Shinichi was trying to remember his father's exact words. So much had happened that day and combined with the blow against the head he had received, his memory was a bit fuzzy. He closed his eyes for a moment so that he could concentrate better. Images from that evening flashed before his eyes and bit by bit he recalled snippets of conversations as realisation dawned on him. He had been too focused on his own future to even consider the consequences Sherry's escape would have on the others. "They won't be punished for messing up if they get me back to my former size."
"Exactly. A task that seems almost impossible to accomplish without Sherry. And you already know how the organisation deals with failure."
Death. It was one of the first things he had learned. But would his father really go this far? Gin was one of the most experienced and ruthless member of the organisation; replacing him would be close to impossible. Even if they could afford this loss, how could they continue to trust that Gin and Vodka would remain loyal to the organisation if they had to assume that their death was imminent? They knew the rules better than most as especially Gin had already executed several former organisation members.
Honestly, Shinichi wasn't too keen to deal with the consequences in that scenario. The best for everyone would be if they could Sherry back. With every passing day without new lead his hope diminished further.
In his growing desperation he had started to question different store owners if they had seen either of the sisters or this Akai. The chances of them still being in Tokyo were slim and even then, he doubted that they would just casually walk around the city without a disguise. They had already shown that they have the necessary resources, but he needed to do something. Though he quickly abandoned this method after the fifth person he had questioned had laughed at him for playing detective and had leaned down to ruffle his hair. It was infuriating. In that moment he really regretted not having taken a gun with him. It would have been stupid, he knew that, but it might have helped him to let out at least a bit of his frustration. How was he supposed to endure this humiliation for the next several years?
He quickly left the store Frustrated by being treated this way and wasting his time he leaned against a street lamp and reached for his phone. He was looking up other locations he could investigate that might be more promising when he heard a familiar voice behind himself.
"Do you need a lift?"
He turned his head around and saw Bourbon sitting in a white car with the windows rolled down. His hand was placed on the passenger seat and he was leaning in his direction.
"What are you do-," Shinichi began saying, but paused when he remembered that he was still wearing his disguise. How had Bourbon recognised him with the mask on? Besides, what were the chances that he just happened to drive by him? Shinichi took a step back and eyed the man suspiciously.
As if he could read Shinichi's mind he answered at least one question he had. "I've worked with Vermouth often enough to recognise her work. Come on, jump in."
Shinichi wasn't entirely convinced by his explanation. So far, Bourbon had probably seen him interact with Vermouth often enough to make this assumptions. But his mother had been the one to design and create the mask. He knew that both women had been trained by the same person so there were bound to be similarities between their work, so in theory Bourbon's explanation could be truthful. However, Shinichi had a feeling that it wasn't the entire truth.
Despite his suspicion he decided to get into the car. It's not like he had anything better to do at the moment and the cold was beginning to bother him. Besides, it could give him the perfect opportunity to question Bourbon. So far, he hadn't spent any time alone with the man and he was curious about him.
"Where are we going?" Shinichi asked when Bourbon had started driving again.
"I need to pick up information about recently rented apartments from a source." He accelerated the car and wove his way through the traffic. "How is your own investigation coming along?"
"Splendid," he said through gritted teeth, his tone of voice further exposing his lie. His failure has bruised his ego and he didn't enjoy getting reminded of it. Luckily he didn't probe him further. As buildings, other cars and pedestrians moved passed them Shinichi was pondering how he should go about questioning Bourbon. He was about to ask his first question when he noticed a familiar face out of the corner of his eye. He jerked his head around to get second look and felt his pulse quicken when he realised that it was really her.