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Chapter 8:
"Bella?" Alice tried to pry my hands off my face. I had assumed the fetal position, wanting bury myself in the shame of what I had just done, but I settled for covering my face in my hands.
"Bella, what's wrong?" The concern in Alice's voice was turning into frustration.
Great. She was getting angry at me. As she should.
"I'm so so sorry, Alice." I groaned.
It was silent for a moment.
"Why are you acting this way?" She murmured in my ear, her voice hurt and confused.
Even now, I shivered from the heat coming from her lips. But how could I explain? Tell her how much I craved her? How I did this because her skin tasted like vanilla and honey? How I simply could not help myself because her every move, every smile, and every touch made me hopeless with desire? How I would not have dared if I believed, even for a second, that it was not just a dream?
The desire to run from this bed enveloped me. How could I face her now? I was not worthy of being her friend. Not when I wanted far less moral things from her. And worse, it seemed that I could not control that desire, or even pretend. The guilt was overwhelming. It twisted in my stomach, making my limbs feel like lead.
I always knew I would ruin it. Now that Alice knew I was a freak, she would leave and never come back. Like my mother.
I stood up, preparing to bolt from the room—but a wave of dizziness hit me.
Alice's hand clamped around my wrist.
"Where are you going?" She demanded. Yep, she was definitely angry now.
"Far away from here." I told her. The guilt was churning unbearably in my stomach. I had to leave. I wanted to pull my arm away. I could probably break free—I was much stronger than her, but it would probably make the situation worse. If it could get worse.
"Isabella Swan." She said in a fierce tone.
The sound of my full name shocked me. I don't think it has been used on me since before my mother left. My attention sharpened, focusing on Alice. I looked away from my escape route to stare at her shadowed face in shock. I don't how she knew my full name.
She released my wrist to light a candle by the bedside. Now was my chance to bolt, but I was still too shocked to move.
When the candle lit, the room came alive with a dim yellow glow, revealing Alice's perfect form. Her white skin glowed in dim light, and her face was silhouetted against the backlight. She looked so delicate in her black nightgown. Her white legs were smooth and touchable. My fingers itched to caress her skin, to feel it against my lips… I had to shake my head to regain my thoughts. Even now, as I sulk in regret, I still wanted nothing more than to touch every inch of her skin.
But the expression she wore when she turned around, flushed all the heat from my body, replacing it with ice water. She looked furious. Her blue eyes bore into mine with such intensity, my legs buckled underneath me. I sat on the bed so that I wouldn't crumple onto the floor.
This was it. She was going to tell me I was a freak and that she never wanted to see me again.
"Bella." She said firmly. She scooted forward, looking directly into my eyes. "Please tell me why you are freaking out."
That question confused me. It was not what I was expecting.
She raised her eyebrow expectantly.
I grabbed at my thoughts, willing them to make sense. "Aren't you angry…?" I trailed with a squeaky voice.
Her brows furrowed together. Now she was confused.
I studied her confused face carefully, trying to understand what was going through her mind. She looked away, and then met my eyes again.
"Well yeah, you're acting like you've committed murder." She finally said.
I stared at her. She was angry because of my behavior right now? What about the last several hours where I nearly had my tongue down her throat and my lips around her hard nipples? Something wasn't right.
I had to double check my memories, just to be sure. Did the last several hours actually happen? Maybe I was dreaming. I wasn't sure anymore.
"Didn't I—?" I couldn't bring myself to voice it, but my gaze move down to her breasts, and I remembered the sweet taste of them in my mouth. I could've sworn her nipples hardened under my gaze. My mouth went dry.
She shifted uncomfortably. "Touch me?" She tried to complete my sentence. Touch didn't seem like the right word. More like I tried to devour her. But the way she said the word, in a breathless manner, I knew what she was referring too.
But my hopes sank. No, it was not a dream. I screwed up in real life.
"Alice, I'm really sorry, I molested you in your sleep." I said in desperate voice. "I'll understand if you hate me—"
"What?" She hissed.
I was taken aback by her sudden hostility, thinking it was strangely overdue. I blinked at her, waiting for her to finish her rant.
"I don't hate you, Bella."
This was even more shocking. I simply stared, my jaw open.
She scooted even closer to me so that we were almost touching. She looked up at my face and her expression softened. "So let me get this straight." Her voice gained all the sass I knew only Alice to be capable of. "You freaked out because you thought I hated you for touching me?"
"Yes." I stammered.
She stared into my eyes for what seemed like hours, examining my expression. I wanted break away from the intensity of her gaze, but I knew that would just anger her. So I stared back, feeling more uneasy after every second that passed.
She finally broke away, letting herself fall back on the bed, and began to laugh.
I could only stare. I was very confused.
"What's funny?" I was getting annoyed.
"You." she coughed between laughs. After another laughing fit, she sat up to face me.
I opened my mouth to question her, but was immediately silenced by Alice's lips. And that was all it took to wipe every thought from my mind. The feel of her lips, so very warm and enticing. It reawakened the fire inside me until it clawed at my chest, threatening to overcome me. Her lips moved expertly against mine, and her tongue danced teasingly against my lower lip. I moaned into the kiss. And then, far too soon, she pulled away.
I was still far too dazed to say anything.
She leaned into my ear. "Bella." She said alluringly. The way she said my name sent a hot jolt of arousal down below my naval. "Did it ever occur to you, that I wanted it too?"
To some level, I knew she wanted it. It wouldn't be pleasurable at all if she wasn't enjoying it. It showed in the way she wrapped her legs around me, pressing me tighter, the way she bit my lip and dug her nails into my shoulder, pulled my hair, and how she was so wet for me. But still, I didn't trust my judgement. It just seemed too good to be true.
"Well," I pondered, "You were awfully wet." I smiled at the memory.
The embarrassed look that crossed her face was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. She looked away, her cheeks a furious pink. "Hmph," She blew out an exasperated breath, "See? So stop punishing yourself."
I took a deep, relieved breath. She didn't hate me. She might have even liked it. My stomach did a little slip-flop at the prospect. I still felt queasy from the panic, but at least I no longer wanted to jump into a river and drown.
Also, her cute embarrassment had distracted me from my self-loathing. I was suddenly very curious to know what exactly she had liked.
"So that was okay with you?" I looked hungrily at her breasts. Once again, her nipples hardened under my gaze.
She did not answer, but her cheeks turned a shade darker. I couldn't help but smile to myself. Where was all that sass and confidence from just moments earlier? She was both confident and shy, fierce and meek, outspoken and sensitive, in a wonderful combination that was uniquely Alice.
I leaned over nervously, still unsure where our boundaries were, and wrapped my good arm around her small body. I had the urge to apologize again, but knew it wouldn't do any good. She leaned into my embrace, and I nearly moaned. Her nightgown still left too much to imagination. My body was set aflame once more, and I wanted so badly to continue where we left off, but I would not push it.
We laid in bed, her warm body tucked against mine, fitting so perfectly it was almost surreal. I could feel and hear her even breathing, and smell the sweet scent of our arousal hovering faintly in the air. I couldn't help but breathe it in, fill my lungs with it, until it warmed my body, and eventually, my soul.
Then I knew, without a shadow of doubt, that I wasn't interested in being her friend. I wanted more than the friendship she had to offer. I wanted all of it—her heart, body, and soul. It was simply too beautiful to resist.