"I'll post this Saturday," she said. "I should wait a bit," she said. "I've uploaded too much this week," she said.
I'm she and here we are, posting the next one already. I just couldn't live with these two leaving things that way! So, here's the next installment.
Stefan learns his mistakes from the last time he ran away.
He doesn't leave in the middle of the school day. Instead, after securing Crow in his rarely-used cage, he sneaks out at night. There's no car to bring this time. After the last attempt, Stefan and Damon came to an agreement. The Porsche would be sold, with the money going into the younger brother's account. He had purchased the car after all. This time, Stefan leaves on foot.
Last time, Stefan left without a plan and depended on his cards. He hadn't gotten far enough to use it, but he knows now there's a chance Damon will put a freeze on it. The account is in both of their names. Instead, while Damon sleeps, he withdraws $1,000. Not nearly enough to live off of, but it's a start. He can find a job, or at worst, compel someone to help him get money.
Stefan doesn't want to leave Mystic Falls. He wants to be with his brother, his friends. But the truth from his last escape attempt remains: Damon is never going to leave. Even if he probably wants to, this time he'll stick around. Not so secretly resenting his brother. Stefan thought losing Damon for that year was hard, but he can't take knowing that he hurt Damon so badly and having to see him every single day.
He'll make it easier on his brother.
This time, he tells himself it isn't forever. Damon's forgiven him before and they've found a way to move on. Stefan's learned how to survive on his own.
He needs Damon. There's no denying that. But he won't let his biggest fear come true. He will not be a burden.
His debit card still works when he buys a Greyhound ticket to Raleigh, North Carolina. He's able to pull out another grand at one of the stops. By the time he arrives the next morning and attempts to make a purchase at a pharmacy, it declines. His American Express black card doesn't work either. So, he dips into the first of his cash to get some essentials he forgot back in Mystic Falls.
Finding a place to stay proves harder.
"I need a card," the tall, bony clerk of a Hyatt tells him. He has a bracelet on his wrist, one that tells the teenager compulsion is out.
Stefan sighs. "I'm good on money, if that's what you're worried about." He flexes some of the cash stowed away in his bag.
He rolls his eyes, tapping his foot. "While I understand that, I need a card. Just in case there's any damages."
"I'm responsible." The clerk gives him a look. "I am, I promise. I just need a place to crash while I look for some work."
The clerk shakes his head, waving a hand. "I can't help you." He cranes his head to look at the impatient line behind Stefan. "Next!"
The clerk with sandy blonde hair and a kind smile at a local inn wears a similar bracelet to the previous. Yet, he doesn't question when Stefan mentions he can only pay cash.
"We normally don't allow it, but we're low on capacity right now so we can make an exception." Stefan exhales. "We can treat this on a night-by-night basis. So long as you come pay the fee, you have a room."
"Thank you so much…" Stefan looks at his name tag. "Gene." He pulls out his wallet, ready to remove the first night's fee.
"I just need some ID."
Stefan freezes. "ID?"
"Yes, you need to be 21 years old to book a room here."
Stefan internally curses himself. He's always been younger than the drinking age in America, no matter how many times it's changed. Fake IDs have been his best friend for years. It's another thing that changed after Damon came into his life. Stefan stupidly handed it over when he did his license. He got a new one, with his classification printed on it and real, biological age to boot.
"We don't care about classification status, if that's what you're worried about," Gene says, noting the panic in his eyes.
"That's um…that's not the problem. I…lost my license," Stefan fibs.
Gene studies his face for a moment. "How old are you, son?"
"I'm…I'm 22."
Gene hums. "You look a bit young for 22."
"It's all genetics. My mom looked 20 until she hit her 40s." Stefan shrugs. "I've always been told I have a baby face."
"And that wouldn't be because you're a kid?"
"I'm not a kid."
He's not, not really. 17 isn't a child. It's just also not an adult. He was turned just months before his 18th birthday. Why couldn't Katherine have waited to need his help until then?
Gene's smile doesn't waver. "Where are you coming from?"
"Ch…Chicago." Stefan's voice is so shaky, even he wouldn't believe himself.
"You're a long way from home," Gene notes. "I'm sure you have people there who miss you."
"Nope." Gene tilts his head. Stefan shrugs again, swallowing. "I don't have any family. I was born in the 1800s, they're all dead by now."
"You're running from something."
"I don't really understand," Stefan says, changing the subject. "You know I'm a vampire, meaning I've lived a long life. Just because I was turned at 17, doesn't mean I'm not mature enough to rent a room. Didn't you say you were desperate?"
"I am, but I'm also not in the habit of helping runaways."
"I didn't run away!"
Pity fills Gene's brown eyes. Stefan squirms a little.
"I've worked in this business a long time," the clerk says. "I've helped many abuse victims. If I thought you were one, I wouldn't fight you so hard. But I've come across just as many runaways who have a good family to go back to. I believe you fall under that."
"I told you, I don't have…"
"Did you get into a fight with your caretaker?"
Stefan folds his arms over his chest. "Who says I'm a little?"
"As I said, I've been in this business a long time," Gene says. "What happened?"
Stefan shakes his head. "I just can't go home."
"What if I called them for you?"
"No!"
Gene's smile finally fades. Stefan hikes his duffel bag up over his shoulder. The outline of his bunny presses into his thigh.
"Never mind," Stefan says. "I'll find somewhere else."
"Most places are going to ask for a card, ID or both."
"I'll take my chances."
Stefan vamps out before he can receive any more kind, pitiful advice.
It takes a few hours and a bit of walking to the sketchy area of town to find a motel that doesn't ask for anything outside a deposit. The clerk is a balding, heavy-set man with a beer belly and a cigar sticking out of his mouth. Despite asking for a non-smoking room, Stefan is lead to one that reeks of cigarettes.
"Perhaps a human would be unaware," he mutters to himself as he sets his bag on the rickety chair in the corner.
A quick assessment of the bed proves there's no bed bugs. A few mystery stains, but Stefan can live with that for the time being.
His stomach aches as he settles atop the ugly green bedding. He wants to go home. He wants Crow. He wants his friends. A sippy cup with bunny blood.
He wants Damon.
No, he wants Damon to want him.
Stefan grabs Bunny from his bag and holds him close. A game plan can wait. Hopefully his stomach will settle soon enough.
Damon cancels all the cards the minute he wakes up and notices Stefan is missing. He checks around town, calling his friends. His text to Lexi is as inconspicuous as possible.
D: Have you heard from Stefan? He's been in a bit of a funk lately.
It doesn't take long for her to respond.
L: We texted this morning. He seemed fine. Do you want me to call him?
D: No, he's probably still mad about summer school.
Damon turns on "Find my iPhone" and follows the beeping all the way to Stefan's room. He only needs to rifle through his underwear drawer for a moment to find it. The home screen tugs on Damon's heart.
A picture of the two of them from the previous Christmas, one Damon took via tripod. The two in matching red and white striped pajamas, by Stefan's insistence. The little one nestled on his big brother's lap, grinning from ear to ear. The older brother cuddling him close and kissing his cheek. Bunny is in Stefan's hands, Crow on Damon's shoulder. In the background, a myriad of unwrapped presents and the beautifully decorated Christmas tree.
In many ways, Damon considered it Stefan's first Christmas. His first proper one, anyway, as a Little. He was able to enjoy receiving toys and adorable clothes. Damon knows it's cliché but it was his favorite present of the whole day.
Could he really go so long without seeing his brother again?
"No, I'm going to find him."
Damon sinks onto the bed, phone still in hand. The picture taunts him. A happier time, a simpler time…
A time where Damon ignored the pain that built up inside of him.
"You're not wrong for being upset," he mutters. "What he did, it's…"
Well, it's not unforgivable. Damon certainly has. He knows that, even in the depths of all his denial, he forgave Stefan a long time ago. It came from a place of knowing his brother was desperate. All he wanted was for Damon to make everything better. Just like he always does. And back then, Damon did the right thing. He took off. Gave him and Stefan some space.
He couldn't do that this time. Stefan is his responsibility. It's his job to be there and take care of him. Which…there's no doubting he did. He made sure he ate, took him to school, was overall taking care of himself.
It wasn't the same. Not as usual.
He could only bring himself to let go of it all when Stefan dropped. While sometimes he holds Little Stefan accountable for Big Stefan, this couldn't be one of those times. There's no way he'd understand. And neglecting Little Stefan would only make him feel terrible about dropping. So, he stuck to the grounding and still found stuff to do.
Big Stefan needs him just as much. Damon couldn't give that to him. And he still doesn't feel sorry for that. Stefan hurt him…badly. It's okay for him to be upset and feel betrayed.
There's no way he could've gotten Lexi involved. She would've taken Stefan's side, naturally. If Damon asked her to take him, even just for a few days, he would've had to fight like hell to get him back. Not that he'd mind. It was just easier to avoid all of that.
There were other options. Klaus and Caroline would've understood. They're parents, they get it.
That felt like giving up. Damon Salvatore doesn't just abandon his responsibilities.
"No, he just holds onto his resentment and anger until it hurts them the most."
For days, he felt love for his brother and still, not much else. He couldn't feel empathy or worry about his feelings. All that rattled inside his bones was betrayal, sadness and anger. The visons of that bloodied woman in front of him and Stefan's big, green eyes paired with desperate, pleading words.
Damon only turned off his humanity once, back when he was kidnapped by the Augustines. It was the only way to overcome the torture and pain. To find a way to escape that retched place. The only thing that snapped him back to reality was when Lexi forced him to look at Stefan. Really look at him. To see what a monster his ripper state had morphed him into.
Stefan needed him more than Damon needed to not feel the pain. The protective brother won out against the soulless demon that rattled inside.
He cannot turn off his empathy, his care for his brother. Stefan is his light. His world. He cannot, he will not shove him out.
"I need to find him." Damon gets up from the bed. "I am going to find him!"
A vibration in his left pocket breaks him from his internal monologue. Damon digs out his own phone. An unknown number, from North Carolina of all places. He slides the green arrow across the screen and holds the phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"I'm looking for the caretaker of Stefan Salvatore."
Silence. For a moment, all Damon can hear is the sound of his beating heart. Crow is flapping around in front of him, but even he's turned to static.
"Is he…is he alive?"
"Yes." Three simple letters crash Damon back to Earth, though don't dull his anxiety completely. "My name is Gene Lewis. I work for the Gingerbread Bed and Breakfast here in Raleigh."
"Raleigh," Damon repeats. "Stef's in Raleigh?"
"Yes. I'm afraid I couldn't book a room to him as he wouldn't show me ID. However, he did drop it on his way out. It had your number on the back."
Damon gnaws on his lip. "So, he's not there?"
"I tried to keep him but I think I spooked him a little. I did warn him that not many places would rent to someone without ID or a credit card."
"Do you know of any that would?"
Stefan smells Damon in the motel room before he enters. He hesitates outside the door, the taste of squirrel still on his tongue. His mind is torn between the possibility of the shady clerk just handing out another key to whoever asked and that Damon just burst right in. The latter is probably more accurate.
He could run, but Damon will follow. Whatever awaits Stefan, he can't run away from anymore.
Damon stands, his arms folded over his chest. Stefan drops the key onto the table. He rocks back and forth on his feet. There's no bear hug.
He doesn't deserve one.
"I…I don't regret my feelings," Damon says. His voice is soft, but not broken.
"You shouldn't. You're entitled to whatever."
"I need to feel these things. I cannot lose my humanity." Stefan nods. He never witnessed his brother without it, or at least not that he can remember. His ripper state was a wild time, almost as if he had his own off. "Which means, I cannot turn off my hurt. And I also cannot turn off feeling empathy for you."
Stefan bites his lip. "It's okay."
"No, it's not. It's really not."
Damon runs his fingers through his hair.
"You've been through so much, Stef. And I know a part of that is because of me." Stefan opens his mouth to speak, but Damon holds up a hand. "And I struggle opening up to you about stuff, because I don't want to burden you down with it. I don't want you to feel bad when I do. I thought it would go away, you know? After I forgave you for everything…and you need to know, I have."
"You shouldn't," Stefan whispers. "It's too much. What I did…"
"You were a kid." Damon shakes his head. "You are a kid. Becoming a vampire heightens who you are. It's worse when you've just turned and had your first taste of blood. What you did isn't okay, but I do forgive you ."
"Then what happened?"
"When you manipulated me, it just brought me back. I can't explain why. I felt that betrayal, that anger, all over again. Over something so damn small. I guess I just spent so long convincing myself you wouldn't do it again. But you did, again, over something as trivial as a French final. You were so willing to put me back in that place…over a test."
"I didn't look at it that way," Stefan whispers.
"I know you didn't." Damon gives him a small smile. "Because again, you're just a kid."
Stefan sighs. Damon rubs the back of his neck.
"Where I screwed up, is not sorting out my feelings. The last thing I ever wanted to do was send you away but when I became that hurt, that upset to the point where I lost the ability to feel sorry for you, the ability to even hold you outside your space, that's the moment I should've realized there was something wrong. Something…scarily wrong." Damon takes a step forward. Stefan shrinks back a little. "Stef, while you deserved me being upset with you, you did not deserve how I handled it. I need you to understand that."
"We're supposed to talk about how we feel," Stefan mumbles.
"Not like that," Damon says, shaking his head. "Not like that. I should've told you up front what was going on in my head. Or if I couldn't communicate it, send you somewhere so you could be safe while I handled myself."
"If you called Lexi, she never would've let you live this down."
"You're right, but there were other options. Klaus and Caroline being one. You could've spent some time with Elena, in a safe environment. I know you might have felt abandoned…but that would've been better than this."
Damon gestures around the disgusting motel room. Stefan slowly nods in concession.
"It probably would've hurt," he admits. "But…I think I could've understood it more. I spent so long thinking you were mad at me simply because I lied and didn't study. If I had known what was really going on, I wouldn't have been such a jerk to you."
"It's not your job to read my mind. It's my job to be the adult and handle this shit better. I'm not just your brother, Stef. I'm your guardian, your dad. Parents aren't supposed to flip out on their kids like that. Not good parents, anyway."
"Parents make mistakes," Stefan whispers. "Even the good ones."
"Not mistakes like this. And I am going to work on it. I know it's not just a problem here, but…everywhere. I lecture you about holding it all in, but I'm probably the world's biggest hypocrite."
"Maybe," Stefan mumbles.
"I'm going to try harder. Be the big brother…the dad, you deserve."
Stefan nods, wringing his wrists. He doesn't move when Damon comes closer.
"But you cannot do that again," the older brother says. "I love you, baby boy, more than anything in the world. And I will always take care of you, regardless of where your head is at. But I need to know you're not going to use that against me."
"I won't," Stefan stands up straighter. "I promise. I know it'll take time to earn back your trust, but I want to. I'll never lie about dropping again, I swear."
"I believe you're going to try to do better." Stefan knows it's more than he deserves. "And I know I come down hard about school, but it's not even that I care about grades. I just need to know that you are a good person. That you have your humanity. Because I want the best for you, Stef. I need to know you're okay. And selfishly, that I'm not screwing you up."
"You're not," Stefan promises. Damon tilts his head. "You're really not. You make mistakes and maybe you're a little strict…but I do know it's because you love me." Stefan pauses. "You do still love me, right?"
Damon reaches down and pulls him up into his arms. Stefan wraps his arms around his neck, looking into his big brother's eyes.
"I love you," Damon whispers. "As high as I can reach."
Stefan sniffles at the quote from his favorite book. "I love you as high as I can hop."
Damon chuckles, stroking his cheek with his thumb. "I love you as high as I can hop."
"I love you right up to the moon."
The amusement on the elder brother's face face fades. Serious Damon is making an appearance. "Oh, that is very far…" He gently touches Stefan's chin. "I love you right up to the moon and back."
The tears fall one by one down Stefan's cheeks.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm really, really sorry."
"I know you are," Damon's own eyes grow wet. "I'm sorry too."
Stefan rests his head on his big brother's shoulder, sticking his thumb in his mouth. Damon gently rocks him. Both softly cry, neither saying anything else to comfort. Both messed up, but words are not going to fix it.
"I don't wanna sleep here tonight," Stefan mumbles behind his thumb.
Damon shakes his head, trying to wipe his tears with one hand.
"We're not going to. I'm going to take you home right this minute and you'll sleep in my bed for…well, forever."
Stefan raises an eyebrow, sniffling. "Forever?"
"Forever."
Damon grabs Stefan's duffel and hikes it over his shoulder. Neither of them has stopped crying.
"I am attempted to tattoo "If found return to Damon Salvatore" on your forehead," he only half-heartedly jokes.
"No more running away, DayDay," Stefan vows.
"Good."
"Where's your car? I didn't see it in the lot."
"I didn't take my car. If I did, I would have to put you down," Damon adjusts him so he's closer. "But I can cuddle you all I want on the bus."
Damon is true to his word. Once they are back on that Greyhound, Stefan is curled up on his big brother's lap and cuddling his bunny. Damon wraps a warm, fuzzy blanket around him. Stefan sucks his thumb and clings to his big brother's shirt while Damon strokes his soft curls.
I hope this is a resolution you all will be happy with. The general consensus last night seemed to be "Damon wasn't wrong to be hurt and triggered BUT he communicated horribly and that wasn't fair to Stefan either". Basically…they both suck. But they're trying now.
Anyway, please let me know what you think!
Next time, someone makes Stefan feel bad about his love of princesses. Damon takes it perfectly and doesn't overreact at all. But wait, that wouldn't be fun, now would it?
Feel free to leave prompts!