The air was hot in the desert and Booth could feel the sweat dripping down his back as he lined up the shot. He just needed to make the kill and report back to his commander. If he could just make this clinical, make it a job, stop thinking about this guy's family and friends and life, maybe he wouldn't feel so guilty. Yet another tally on the list, another life taken at his hand.
Lining up the shot, he felt the adrenaline begin to kick in when the sound of a baby crying took him out of his focus. Oh God, no. Please don't tell me. His target came into focus, but instead of being alone, he was holding a baby, but not just any baby, Ruth.
Shooting up in bed, Booth could feel the sweat dripping down his face. He heard Ruth's crying and shot out of bed. Propeling down the hall, he made it to her room and walked up to her crib.
"Hey, hey, what's going on, baby girl?" He cooed as she reached for him. Her skin was slick with sweat, which he took as a good sign. She's breaking her fever. He grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and doused it in cool water before sitting in the rocking chair and lightly dabbing her skin. She shivered at the contact before blinking her eyes open. "There are those pretty blue eyes." He mumbled as his heart beat finally regulated from his nightmare.
Her little hand reached up and touched his jaw, scrunching her nose at the scratchy skin under her hand. Booth couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. "You're pretty funny, you know that, Ruth?"
"She might want a little milk." Brennan's voice caused him to jump a little. He looked up to see his partner, clad in a pair of sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Her hair ties in a low bun. "Let me go grab you a bottle." She walked away from the room and Booth let out a sigh.
"Your mom is really something." He whispered and Ruth rewarded him with a smile, one that he recognized as his own. "That's my girl." He mumbled and heard Brennan's footsteps.
"Here you go, I'll get up with her in the morning so you can sleep in." She murmured, resting her hand lightly on Ruth's forehead. "It seems like her fever broke, so hopefully she will get some good sleep once she has some milk." She then turned and left the room. Booth stayed and fed Ruth the bottle, looking around the nursery, he saw a photo album sitting on the nightstand.
While holding Ruth against his chest and lightly patting her back, he heard a small burp. He settled her in the crook of his arm and grabbed the album before relaxing back onto the rocking chair. Flipping through the pages, he realized that Brennan had documented her pregnancy and Ruth's first year. Sonograms followed by Brennan's neat handwriting recorded the length, weight, and development of the fetus. There were photographs that Angela took of Brennan, her tiny baby bump barely protruding from her lab coat. A picture of Dr. Goodman with a onesie saying "Mommy's Future Lab Partner." A couple photos of Hodgins and Zack trying to put a stroller together. Pictures of Angela and Brennan painting the nursery.
There was a photoshoot toward the end of Brennan's pregnancy, some candid photographs, some in black and white. Brennan was in a white dress, her hair curled around her face, her face devoid of makeup. She looked like an angel.
As Booth continued to flip through the pages, he saw pictures of Ruth as a newborn, her wearing the "Mommy's Future Lab Partner" onesie. Her being held by each of the Jeffersonian members. Her gummy grin as she looked into the camera. Booth laughed while scanning pictures from what looked like lectures where Brennan had Ruth in a baby carrier on her chest. The grad students looked shocked or horrified at the sleeping babe on their teacher's chest. Finally, he came across pictures from Ruth's first birthday. It seemed like a small gathering, just Dr. Goodman, his wife and kids, Angela, Hodgins, Zack, and a couple other techs from the lab. The final page had a gorgeous photo of Brennan holding Ruth, but they were staring at one another, smiling widely. Ruth's hand slapped the photo lightly.
"Is that you and your mom?" Booth asked quietly, watching as Ruth's eyes drooped with sleep as she blinked at the photo. He slowly walked her to her crib and laid her on her back. Standing there for a moment, he wondered if he could ever make up for the time he lost. As he walked back to the guest room, he kept the photo album nestled under his arm.
-BB-
Brennan woke up the next morning and gave Ruth her bath. She felt anxious as she waited for Booth to wake up. She had checked her email that morning and it had been decided by the FBI that they needed to have weekly meetings with Sweets, as well as a monthly meeting with Sweets with Ruth present. She wanted to speak with him about how he felt about it. Why did Ruth have to come? Maybe severing the partnership was better than this hassle. She wondered as she sipped her coffee and watched Ruth play with her blocks on the floor.
"Hey, how long have you been up?" Booth's deep voice broke Brennan out of her spiral and Ruth squealed.
"Babababa." She babbled as she stood up and waddled with two blocks in her hands, holding them up to Booth.
"Are those for me?" He asked her, eliciting an even more excited response.
"Blocks! Ruth, blocks!" Brennan enunciated, and Booth could only laugh. He had researched and at Ruth's age, she could say 1 or 2 words besides mama and dada but blocks seemed pretty advanced.
"BABABABA!" Ruth continued to squeal as she waddled through Brennan's living room and Booth watched. Brennan held out a cup of coffee.
"She's pretty loud in the morning, I would drink as much coffee as possible." Bones mumbled and Booth smiled.
"Parker used to just scream at all hours, so I'm glad it's just the morning for Ruth." He replied and Brennan laughed.
"I forgot to ask, how did Parker take the news? Rebecca reached out to me and was incredibly kind." At this news, Booth raised his eyebrows, he wasn't expecting his ex to take such initiative, but realized that maybe the whole single parent conversation had helped Rebecca see that maybe Brennan needed a support system.
"Uh, he loved it. Ruth is like a play doll though, so I had to tell him that he can be too rough with her."
"Well he's four, Booth, and she's pretty durable." Booth's head whipped up. "She's going to fall, Booth, it'll be okay." And as if on cue, Ruth tripped over a pile of blocks lying on the floor, landing on her hands and knees with a thud. Brennan stood up and smiled. "You okay, baby girl?" She asked and Ruth smiled in return.
"Mamamama." She began to crawl toward Brennan, who picked her up.
"Booth, she'll bump her head, she'll get cuts and bruises, and she might even break a bone or two. But she'll be okay."
"Yea, but I don't have to like it." Booth replied, and Brennan chuckled.
"No, I hate when she cries, it was horrible the first time she hit her head. I was exhausted and rocking her to sleep and she was fussing and I finally was getting her to calm down. Then all of sudden I turned a corner and smacked her head slightly against the wall, I felt like a complete failure, she was crying and I was crying. I was apologizing and I even called Angela at 2 in the morning telling her I was the worst mother. But Angela said I just needed to get Ruth to bed and get myself to bed. In the morning, Ruth woke up and reached for me and I realized, she and I needed each other. I made a mistake and I felt like shit, but in the end, she was okay and we survived. So when you watch her at the park and she falls, pick her up and hug and kiss her, tell her she's okay and realize that it's going to be alright." Brennan said and Booth nodded. He loved hearing these little moments, even if they were sad into their lives. He wanted to know everything he missed.
"Since it's Saturday, want to just spend the day? I saw that photo album, I was wondering if you could talk me through it." He asked, the hope in his eyes was palpable and Brennan smiled.
"Sure, let me just make sure that Ruth gets her medicine down so her fever doesn't spike back up."
-BB-
"So when was this?" Booth asked, pointing at a picture of a clearly uncomfortable Zack holding Ruth at the Smithsonian National Zoo.
"Ah, well Dr. Goodman always called Ruth panda while I was pregnant and since the National Zoo had just reopened their panda exhibit at the time, we decided to take a field trip."
"Panda?"
"Yes, well Dr. Goodman didn't like the idea of another boy being brought onto the team, so he was hoping for a girl and since all pandas are born girls unless scared during the first 48 hours of life, he called her 'panda.'"
"That's not true, is it? The panda thing?"
"It is, some zoos even employ panda spookers to scare the baby pandas to create male pandas." Brennan said with a chuckle while Booth just stared in amazement.
"So for 9 months, Goodman called my kid panda?"
"He still does, but tries not to because he's worried it will confuse her. After everything that happened with his daughters."
"What do you mean?"
"Well he called his daughters by their nicknames for so long that they wouldn't respond to their actual names during daycare, and it caused for issues with his wife because the nicknames were rather embarrassing outside the family home." Brennan spoke in her usual matter-of-fact tone and Booth chuckled.
"Oh to be a fly on the wall. So you and the Jeffersonian group really have gone everywhere together?"
"Not everywhere, but I think I understand what you mean and yes, I wanted Ruth to feel like she experienced a family and when I got pregnant, well Angela was the only one I really told at first."
The third pregnancy test was laying on her desk with the brightest plus sign Brennan had ever seen. She had read they were supposed to be faint at the beginning of pregnancy so the fact that hers was so bright just felt like it was taunting her.
"Hey, sweetie, whatcha got there?" Angela walked in unannounced and before Brennan could throw the test into a drawer Angela saw it. "Wait, what? You're pregnant?!"
"I … Angela, I don't know."
"You don't know? Because that plus sign looks pretty positive to me."
"If that's some sort of mathematics joke, I don't believe now is the time."
"Honey, when did this happen?"
"I don't really want to talk about it." Brennan picked up the pregnancy test and stared at it with worry. What was she going to do, how was she going to tell Booth? The last they spoke wasn't really a productive conversation. Sure, he said he felt they were going somewhere, but he didn't mean it, it was the tequila.
"Well, honey, do you want a baby?"
"I want to make a doctor's appointment before making any decisions."
"Okay, how about this, you and I will go to the doctor together, whatever decision you make, I will be right there with you." Angela helped out her hand, but Brennan stood up and hugged her friend. Angela reciprocated the hug.
A few days later they were both staring at the sonogram, the pea-sized accumulation of cells on the screen and the whooshing sound of a heartbeat was all Brennan needed, she was going to keep the baby.
Ruth had been put down for a nap, her illness had made it nearly impossible for the trio to venture out too much on their Saturday, which Booth didn't mind, he continued to ask Brennan about her pregnancy.
"So Angela came upon the pregnancy test. What about Hodgins and Zack?"
"Dr. Brennan, I have completed the analysis for boxes 3248 and 5489, the staining on the temporal process of the zygomatic bone in box 5489- uhm." Zack stopped speaking as he stood in the doorway of Brennan's office observing his mentor as she massaged her breasts to no avail.
"Zack? What about the temporal process?" She continued the circular motions, the past couple weeks had caused discomfort, and she hadn't thought how her actions were currently looking to Zack.
"Dr. Brennan, uhm, well, the staining is not chemical as there is no physical evidence, uhm is there something wrong?"
"What do you mean?" She paused her motion as she looked at him.
"You, your-" He motioned to his own chest and finally she looked down to her hands.
"Oh, it seems that the beginning stages of my pregnancy have caused for there to be discomfort in the breast tissue, it's a common side effect." She spoke openly with Zack and Hodgins, who was walking by, stopped in his tracks.
"Pregnancy? You're pregnant?" Hodgins tried to sound calm, but instead sounded more unnerved.
"Is that a problem, Dr. Hodgins?"
"No, I - Dr. B, congratulations! I didn't realize you were seeing anyone!" Hodgins exclaimed.
"I'm not." Brennan responded and Hodgins mouth hung open.
"Uhm, well that's okay! I mean many great women are single parents!" At this moment, Angela walked up.
"Oh, God, Hodgins, shut up. Sweetie, I thought we talked about this? We were just going to announce it at the second trimester when you were showing."
"Well Zack noticed I was massaging my breasts."
"I, she was, I just wanted to inform her about the temporal process staining in box-"
"BRENNAN!" Angela shouted.
As she continued recounting her story, Booth hounded in laughter. He could picture the squints all hemorrhaging as they tried to come back from their embarrassment.
"I actually went on a dig while pregnant, that was difficult." She muttered and Booth's breathing caught.
"I'm sorry, you were pregnant and you went on a dig? Where?" He knew he shouldn't be upset or have a say, he wasn't around, but he also knew that her digs weren't always safe. She quickly stood up and walked into Ruth's room. She came back with another album that he hadn't seen. This one was green and covered with cartoon safari animals, like lions and giraffes.
"Here, take a look. I went through Central and South America for about a month." Booth opened the album. Brennan's smiling face filled the pages. She was with different people. She pointed out different members of her staff and crew. She explained the dig and how it worked. Booth listened carefully. "It was a bit selfish on my part." She murmured as she flipped the pages.
"What makes you say that?" He asked, looking at the different images that filled the pages, but paying more attention to the woman sitting beside him.
"Well, I didn't know the next time I would be able to go on a dig after Ruth was born, so I guess, it was my last trip until she was a bit older. I didn't realize that I would be able to go so soon after she was born. Dr. Goodman sent me for a Jeffersonian grant project when she was about six months old for about a week and again just before we started our partnership, but I didn't know that at the time." Booth nodded. He didn't think about how often Brennan would travel or how that might have changed since Ruth.
"Well, I guess now, if you want to go, I can always take her." Booth said, his voice quiet, but Brennan shook her head.
"It's okay, I like being near in case something happens. She's my priority now. I don't mind going on short trips, like when we went to Washington, but I prefer being near her." Booth could only nod. He understood the feeling all too well, he wanted to be near Ruth all the time, even a room away, he wanted to get up to check on her.
"Well the offer stands." He smiled and Brennan smiled in return.
"Thanks."
-BB-
Two weeks later, Brennan and Booth were walking into their first meeting with Sweets with Ruth.
"Do you have the diaper bag?" Booth asked, which earned him a vexed look from Brennan. "Right, you're the mom, you've been doing this for 15 months."
"15 and a half months, technically." Brennan mumbled, as she adjusted the diaper bag on her shoulder. Ruth played with the pacifier in her mouth, which had a little panda attached to the end, courtesy of Dr. Goodman.
Before either of them could knock, Dr. Sweets opened the door. "Hello!" he exclaimed, and Ruth dug her face into Booth's shoulder. Booth glared at the young psychologist.
"C'mon, Sweets, don't scare the kid. If you're gonna make us do this family thing, at least ease into this." His deep, calm voice relaxed the little girl, who looked at Sweets through her lashes with skepticism.
"Sorry, I guess I got a little excited to meet the little bugger." He murmured and watched as Brennan laid a blanket out on the floor and Booth sat Ruth on the ground. Once Ruth had a couple toys to choose from, she took a couple blocks and handed them to Sweets.
"Baba." She then pointed at the floor as if instructing him.
"You heard the girl." Booth chuckled and sat on the floor, while Brennan sat behind her daughter on the couch and watched as the psychologist adjusted from his seat in a chair to sitting on the floor with the toddler.
"Uhm, well I was hoping we could talk about how you split up time with Ruth." Sweets spoke, while Ruth continued to hand him blocks and point at different areas on the blanket for him to stack them.
"Well for the most part because her nursery is set up at my place, Booth comes over, we go through her bedtime routine together, and then he might stay in the guest room or he goes home. He also has alone time with her and goes to the park. We want to figure a schedule where he can spend time with her and Parker, but I guess that might be good for you and Booth to talk about since Parker might want to still have alone time with his father." Brennan responded.
"Oh wow, you guys have a good schedule already." Sweets said. Ruth then stood up and adjusted so she was sitting in his lap. This caused Sweets to smile. Booth chuckled, he knew his daughter was playing the psychologist like a fiddle, or maybe he was just hoping she was playing him like a fiddle so they wouldn't have to go to many more of these sessions. "And how do you feel Ruth is adjusting?"
"Great, like look at her." Booth replied. "Like she doesn't say dada but that's it."
"And how does that make you feel?" Sweets stopped stacking blocks and both he and Ruth looked at Booth. Even Brennan stopped her diaper bag reorganizing to look at him.
"Uhm, well, I get that I am new in her life, it's just, I'm around now, and she reaches for me and I want to believe she finds comfort in me. So I wishes she would call out to me." He all but whispered. Brennan continued to look at him. She hadn't thought about that and in a way, she felt like it was her fault because she never practiced those words with Ruth, even now, she never thought to try. She looked at the sadness in Booth's eyes and felt her stomach twisting, she caused that pain.
"Well, Agent Booth, she's still a toddler, it's a new word to her. From what a saw just from opening the door, you bring her something that a word never could, you bring her a sense of safety. When she saw me, a new person who was impeding on her space, as a threat, she turned to you, and when you showed her that I was trustworthy, she trusted me." Sweets explained and pointed to Ruth, who was back to stacking blocks in his lap. "She seeks you out for comfort. So learning to call for you is something that can be so much easier than what she's already learned, which is you are someone she can trust."
This seemed to give Booth the reassurance he needed, but he realized that Brennan had remained quiet for a majority of the session, only piping up when Sweets asked about Ruth's development. He wondered if she didn't want Ruth calling him dada, if maybe the conversation made their relationship as a family too real. They had acted like a family for the past few weeks at this point. Sure, they slept in separate beds, but they put their daughter to sleep together, they ate dinner together, they talked about their days, they traded stories about their pasts. Was Brennan getting too scared to be a family? Was Booth asking too much? That night, Booth decided to let Brennan go home with Ruth alone.
He walked into his empty apartment. He fought the urge to call Brennan and ask how the nighttime routine went, whether Ruth went down to bed easily or if she was being fussy, to make sure that Brennan told Ruth that he loved her. He laid in bed awake until well past midnight while he thought about all the questions that he had, the sessions with Sweets were supposed to answer questions not cause them.
On the other side of town, Brennan had put Ruth to bed. Ruth was used to Booth, so only Brennan had caused a break in Ruth's new routine. She was fussier than normal. Brennan made sure to tell Ruth that both her mom and dad loved her very much and that she would have sweet dreams. She even tried to practice saying dada a few times with Ruth before giving up and walking back to her bedroom. She couldn't fall asleep, finally at midnight, she found herself walking into the guest bedroom and rolling into the bed that smelled like Booth. It was only then when his scent of mahogany teakwood engulfed her senses that she slipped into a dreamless sleep.