5. The Happiest Place in the Multiverse
"Whoso rules the Heart of All Worlds rules all worlds and all hearts. One may be as a god and bend the many worlds to one's will by dominating the twelve great elements of existence. Gather together these things: fire and water, earth and air, life and death, time and space, light and darkness, aether and entropy. Bring them all together in their greatest concentration and use them to take hold of the elements themselves. Only by asserting dominance over these twelve can you hold the heart of all worlds in the palm of your hand. Then you will become king of all, and all who live and all who will live shall answer to you and you alone."
Mozenrath paused after reading the passage aloud, looking around the throne room at his seven cohorts for reactions.
The first to speak was Yzma: "I was expecting it to rhyme."
"In its original language, it probably did," Mozenrath explained. "I had to translate it several times over, after all."
"So all we have to do," Roman recapitulated, "is bring together that stuff, and we become overlords of the multiverse?"
"It won't be as easy as mixing a cup of water with a pile of dirt," Mozenrath pointed out. "The spell calls for the twelve elements in their greatest concentration. The only way to make this work is to obtain magical artifacts of great power that represent these twelve elements. Then, we will rule the Heart of All Worlds itself."
"You expect us to believe that the spell for taking over all of existence was just lying around in some vault, and easily translated within a matter of hours?" Wuya asked skeptically.
"First of all, it wasn't that easy to translate," Mozenrath reminded her. "Were the task attempted by someone less intelligent, I doubt they would have figured it out. Second, even if this spell were translated, gathering twelve artifacts that represent those elements and were powerful enough to actually affect the Heart of All Worlds would be incredibly difficult. As of right now, I can only think of one, and it's no picnic to just walk in and get. And third…it may be a dud spell, but we won't know that until we try it, now, will we?"
"He's got a point," Roman agreed. "Might as well. I mean, it beats what most of us were doing before."
Thinking back, they all realized Mim was the only one who was all that well off before Mozenrath had assembled the eight into a group, but she was having too much fun to leave for anything better.
"So you can think of one artifact," the Huntsman reiterated.
"That I can," Mozenrath affirmed. "It will be well guarded, but I happen to know of something that isn't just a powerful beacon of light. It's a pure concentrated source of Light magic that protects an entire kingdom." He paused then.
"Well?" Yzma urged.
"I believe Lord Mozenrath was pausing for dramatical effect," Snatcher observed.
"To obtain the element of light," Mozenrath revealed, "we're going to need the Cornerstone of Light."
...
Disney Town was a candy-coated metropolis of lopsided buildings and whimsical architectural choices; many a clock around town was seen with white gloved hands pointing out the time, and rows of multicolored flags ran from roof to roof. At the heart of it rose Disney Castle: a sprawling fortress of blue and white, towering up to scrape the sky.
Mozenrath, Yzma, Mim, Aghoul, Roman, Snatcher, the Huntsman, and Wuya stood at the very edge of town, gazing up at the castle's summit. "Inside that castle is the Cornerstone of Light," Mozenrath announced. "Whatever happens, be prepared to fight. The inhabitants of that castle are going to be ready to protect that stone to the death, and the stone itself has a weakening effect on Dark magic like ours."
"I believe we are more than ready," Snatcher informed him.
"Then let's go," Mozenrath commanded.
The eight walked in line toward the border of Disney Town. The moment they hit the city limits, it was as if Mozenrath, Mim, Wuya, and Aghoul had slammed right into an invisible wall; they lost balance and fell over backward while Roman, Snatcher, the Huntsman and Yzma watched.
"Don't – " Mozenrath started to say from the ground.
He was too late. Roman was already shaking with suppressed laughter, which quickly became out-loud laughter. As the four who'd fallen picked themselves up off the ground, Yzma began fighting her own convulsions of humor.
"All right, you had a good laugh," Mozenrath muttered. "It's not THAT funny."
He locked eyes with Snatcher. Snatcher, who'd been attempting to keep his composure, let out a snort. He had to turn away and hide his chuckle in his sleeve.
"It isn't humorous at all," the Huntsman grunted. "This could present us with a serious obstacle."
Mozenrath put out his right hand. He could definitely feel some sort of impasse, even though from where he was standing, it looked like thin air he should have been able to pass right through. Mim, Wuya, and Aghoul were feeling the barrier as well, and from the placement of their hands, one could almost see a wall taking shape.
"It's only those who carry magic inherent in their auras who can't pass through," the Huntsman observed.
"Didn't you say something about the Cornerstone of Light and Dark magic?" Yzma brought up.
"It mustn't just weaken Dark magic," Mozenrath realized. "It also keeps it out of the city." He very nearly cursed.
"Couldn't you just take that gauntlet off and walk through?" Aghoul asked.
"That is NOT an option," Mozenrath growled. "And even if it was, it would still leave us unable to use magic to transport the Cornerstone. We have to find another way in. Some way to circumvent the barrier. In the meantime…those of us without magic can still reach the castle."
"We may still be able to fight our way to the stone," the Huntsman volunteered.
Mozenrath shook his head. "We're going to operate with a new plan. While the four of us who have magic figure out a way around this barrier, the four of us who don't are going to scout ahead. They don't know us on this world, so just like in the Kingdom of the Sun or Arthur's kingdom, you can talk your way into the gates. Find out where the Cornerstone is hidden. That will make it easier for us to get to when we come back. Until then, we can keep in touch by scroll."
"I still think Spicer called them 'phones,'" Wuya corrected.
"And I think you've never even USED a scroll," Roman taunted, removing his phone – that is to say, scroll – from his pocket and waving it in Wuya's face.
"Wait a moment," Yzma realized. "I may have a solution that could circumvent all of our problems."
"Go on," Mozenrath encouraged.
"The Huntsman has containers that resist magic, do they not?" Yzma recalled.
"Yes," the Huntsman confirmed, "but they are only large enough to carry around on my person. The Cornerstone of Light is enormous."
"I have a recipe for a potion that could shrink it," Yzma stated. "It will take time to brew, but it will only involve alchemy. No Dark magic whatsoever. Go and make it. When you come back, hand it off to one of us at the border, and we will shrink the Cornerstone and have the Huntsman carry it out in his pocket!"
"It's almost too simple," Mozenrath remarked.
"And not very much fun," Mim pouted.
"But it will get us what we want fairly easily," Mozenrath insisted. "We can have more fun when we gather the other components of the spell. For now, let's focus on what we know will work."
"Grave tidings again?" Roman asked Snatcher.
"I was thinking a trade agreement," Snatcher corrected. "We are from a nation that specializes in something this kingdom lacks."
"Subtletly," Yzma suggested, taking a look around at the architecture.
"Or Dust," Snatcher countered. "They've none of that here."
"I like the way you think," Roman commented.
"Then it's settled," Mozenrath decided. "Mim, Wuya, Aghoul, and I will see about this shrinking potion. The rest of you…find out what you can."
The two groups parted ways.
...
To Yzma, the Huntsman, Roman, and Snatcher, Disney Town only got worse on the eyes the further they went in. Furthermore, all of its citizens were ridiculously cheery.
"This place is too happy," Yzma whispered.
"We are in complete agreement on that point," the Huntsman whispered back.
After what seemed like far too long meandering around garish gables and flapping banners, the quartet at last reached the towering doors of Disney Castle, which stretched far, far overhead.
Snatcher assumed the lead, raising a fist to knock firmly upon the door thrice. He was taken aback when a smaller door, just about his height, opened up within the massive doorway. It turned out the larger doors were just for show.
"Pardon the intrusion," Snatcher told the opener of the door, "but…" He trailed off when he saw that he was speaking to an animated broomstick with arms, walking on split halves of its tuft like stubby legs. The broom didn't care that Snatcher didn't finish his sentence, waving him inside with one spindly arm. Gingerly, Snatcher followed. Yzma and Roman gave each other a dramatic shrug before entering themselves, and the Huntsman brought up the rear, on guard. While it was highly unlikely they'd be attacked from behind in this scenario, it always paid to be careful in his line of work.
The broom wandered through many halls, past other brooms that were busy cleaning out the hallways. Snatcher supposed that if any inanimate object were going to be in charge of maintenance, there was no better choice than a broom. The path ended at a cavernous white throne room. The pristine white was broken up by an enormous red banner on the far wall, bearing the Disney Town crest: three black circles arranged in the vague silhouette of a mouse's head. A pink carpet led up to a blue raised platform on the floor, and upon this platform rested a golden throne. Snatcher might have called the three beings arranged on and around the throne the strangest he'd seen all day if not for the broomsticks. To the left, an anthropomorphic duck donned wizard's robes and a pointed hat. To the right, a tall anthropomorphic dog wore the garb of a knight. And on the throne itself was the king: an anthropomorphic mouse clad in a red suit that looked more like activewear than regal robes.
"Well, hey there, fellas!" King Mickey Mouse greeted with a wave, hopping up off the throne to approach the quartet. "What brings ya here?"
It took Yzma, Roman, the Huntsman, and Snatcher more than a moment to fully process what was happening. The Huntsman was already sizing up these creatures, trying to guess how easy they would be to slay…but he knew Mozenrath would want him to keep a low profile for the time being, not to mention that as the rulers of this strange nation, they would likely be far more powerful than they looked, especially if the duck had as much magic as his clothing suggested.
Snatcher found his voice at last. "Your Majesty," he began, "we have come here from across great distances, from a kingdom to the East – "
"Hang on," Mickey realized. "You're from another world, aren't ya?"
That stopped Snatcher in his verbal tracks.
"It's all right!" Mickey reassured him. "We know all about the worlds out there! Ya don't have to hide it from us if you're not from around here! I just don't remember any people like you bein' on my world."
"…As a matter of fact, we are from another world," Snatcher replied. "'To the East' is somewhat of an understatement. Not many of the common folk would understand, after all."
"I'm hoping one day, we all will," Mickey said with a nod. "So what world are you guys from?"
Snatcher faltered here. He hadn't expected this question. He had to come up with the perfect lie…
And Roman beat him to it. "You heard of Remnant?" the gunner asked.
Mickey shook his head. "Can't say that I have." He turned back to his mage and knight. "Fellas?"
"Nope!" Royal Knight Goofy shook his head.
"Not me!" Court Mage Donald Duck added.
Mickey turned back to his guests, shaking his head. "Guess none of us have ever been there."
"Well, that's where we're from," Roman insisted, and his three cohorts backed him up with nods of varying intensity.
"So, fellas," Mickey asked warmly, "what brings you here all the way from Remnant?"
"The hopes of forging a trade agreement with your kingdom!" Snatcher announced.
"A cross-world trade agreement?" Mickey reiterated. "I don't think that's ever been done before!"
"Well, our world has something to offer that can be found on no other," Snatcher asserted.
Roman removed a red Dust crystal from his pocket, holding it up in front of the royal trio. As Donald fixed his eyes upon it, Roman could actually see the reflection of the crystal replacing the duck's pupils, and a faint "cha-ching" sound emanated from his direction. "A ruby!" Donald identified.
"But don't all worlds have rubies?" Goofy wondered out loud.
"Some more annoying than others," Roman sighed. "But THIS is not a ruby. THIS is Dust. While your average gem just sparkles, this kind is magic."
"Can ya show us what it does?" Goofy asked.
"Not if you want to keep all the walls in this building intact," Roman told him. "Red ones explode. The green stuff makes tornadoes. You've got water, lightning, ice, steam, earth…the possibilities are endless."
"Hmmm…" Mickey eyed the Dust suspiciously. The refusal to demonstrate it didn't sit well with him, and he wanted to make sure he wasn't being conned. A plan to figure out if these four were telling the truth about the nature of Dust at least was formulating in his mind. "That sounds real interesting! Why don't we talk about it more over tea?"
"That would be lovely!" Yzma replied.
"Donald, Goofy," Mickey asked, "why don't you take our guests out to the garden and set up a tea table? I'll be there to join ya in a minute!"
"We're on it!" Donald promised.
As soon as he could, Mickey slipped off. He had a database to check about this world called "Remnant."
...
Yzma, Snatcher, Roman, and the Huntsman were led to the garden, where shrubbery trimmed in the shape of miniature castles and other landmarks formed a miniature labyrinth. The duck and dog set up a small white table for them all to have tea around, bringing out many chairs and a tea set brimming with the burning beverage. In the process, they set the chairs on each other's feet at least three times, and Goofy accidentally spilled a large amount of the tea down the front of Donald's robes, inciting a temper tantrum from the duck. The quartet of guests watched this scene unfold with minimal amusement. Soon, they were arranged around the table, and Donald had assumed control of the teapot, using magic to levitate it and pour out just the right amount of tea into everyone's cups.
"Why, thank you, Donald," Yzma said as she took hold of her cup. Then she faked a dramatic gasp: "I've JUST remembered! I…needed to use the little girls' room."
"But we don't have any little girls around here," Goofy replied. "Minnie and Daisy are all grown up!"
"She means the bathroom, ya palooka!" Donald thwacked Goofy on the back of the head with an ornate wizard's staff. Turning to Yzma, he offered, "I'll help ya find it!"
"Ohhhh, really, that's all right," Yzma told him. "Just…tell me where it is, and I'll manage."
Donald pointed to a door leading out of the garden and back into the castle. "Take a right, then the third door on the left! It's got a sign on it! Ya can't miss it!"
"I will be RIGHT back!" Yzma dashed toward the door Donald had indicated. Snatcher, Roman, and the Huntsman watched her leave with a sense of satisfaction, knowing full well she wasn't headed for the restroom.
"So," Goofy asked, "what're things like in this Remnant?"
"It's a long and sad story," Roman informed him. He'd decided it would be best to tell a modified version of the truth. "We left for a reason, you know."
"We've got time for a long story," Goofy replied. "Though I'm real sorry it's a sad one."
"You have no idea," Roman told Goofy with fake glumness. "Everyone thought the four kingdoms of Remnant were supposed to live in peace and harmony. Boy, were we ever wrong. See, it all started about a year ago. The biggest thing anyone had to worry about were a few isolated Dust thefts by some…ruthless vagabond."
Surgically omitting any mention of him being a master criminal or instigator of fear, Roman began to relate the history of the past year of Remnant.
...
Yzma slunk stealthily down the hall, pressing herself up against the wall and peeking around every corner before darting to hide behind the nearest convenient vase or suit of armor. She didn't know exactly where to find it, but she knew what she was seeking: a repository of books. Somewhere in a castle this large, there would be a history book or two that talked about the Cornerstone of Light and dropped hints as to its whereabouts.
She flickered past a door just as she heard a high-pitched voice behind it: "Mickey! What are you doing?"
As Yzma prepared to make the dash to the next hiding place – behind a column that looked of Greek make – she heard King Mickey's voice respond: "I was just about to look up a world called 'Remnant' in the Datascape. It should tell me everything I need to know!"
Yzma stopped short. This sounded important. How could this king, who'd never heard of Remnant until a few precious minutes ago, have a way to research it?
"I thought the Datascape could only tell you about worlds Sora, Donald, and Goofy had been to," the other voice, belonging to Queen Minnie Mouse, went on.
"Actually," Mickey told his wife as he settled down to his colorful computer, "it turns out the journals were just a gateway into something a lot bigger. The Datascape has information on all the worlds out there! I think that's why Maleficent must've wanted it so bad!"
Yzma's jaw dropped.
"Now, let's see here…ah, here we go! Remnant!" Mickey scanned the screen. "It looks like this world only has four kingdoms on it. The people there have their own special powers to protect them. "Semblances"! And whaddaya know! The entire world is powered by Dust! It comes in crystals that give it powers like magic! So they WEREN'T lying! About the fact that Remnant has Dust, anyway."
"Remember to hide the Datascape so that no one can take it from you," Minnie warned. "Especially if strangers are around here."
"You're right." Mickey nodded as he ejected the Datascape disc from the computer, locking the screen so that one needed a passcode to activate it. "Our guests seem nice, but you never know!"
Yzma heard the shuffling of Mickey's feet over the floor; he was headed toward the door. By the time he opened it, Yzma was thoroughly hidden behind the column.
Taking a look up and down the hall, Mickey decided it was safe to proceed. He set a course for the Datascape's hiding place, unaware Yzma was following him.
...
"And then," Roman continued relating, "just when Goldilocks earned the right to rest on her laurels…with NO warning, she turned and punched Black right in the ankle. Shattered the leg completely."
Goofy gasped.
"NO!" Donald cried.
"It gets better," Roman assured them. "See, we all THOUGHT we saw Black's leg get crunched. But more on that later. At the time, we just wanted to see Goldilocks pay for her crimes…"
...
From within a suit of armor, Yzma watched Mickey enter a pair of brown doors with a red-orange gemstone set over top. She waited a moment, and soon enough, he exited, whistling a happy tune. Once he was gone, Yzma clanked her way into the room, still wearing the awkward armor.
It was a library. On one hand, it was fortuitous that the infinitely valuable Datascape was hidden somewhere in the exact location that Yzma had been looking for from the start. On the other, she supposed the Datascape was hidden within a secret room that could only be activated by pulling the right book off the shelf, and the curved golden shelves held a vast multitude of books, some of which were only accessible by ladder. To search for the one that triggered the Datascape's hiding place by pulling books one by one would be a fool's errand.
A much easier task would be to find a history book detailing the Cornerstone of Light. Discarding the armor, Yzma began poring over the shelves. Soon enough, she came across a thick tome called "From Timeless River to Disney Town: A History." Flipping through it, she gathered the highlights. The Cornerstone of Light had been part of the kingdom since its oldest days. It was kept hidden away somewhere in the castle, but "It is never far from the king himself, and is the foundation beneath all his rulings."
"Well, that obviously puts it hidden somewhere underneath the throne," Yzma muttered. "You don't have to be a genius to figure that one out."
She removed her scroll from her pocket, dialing Mozenrath's number.
...
Mozenrath set the most recent iteration of the shrinking solution to boil over a Bunsen burner while Wuya ground the remaining ingredients together with a mortar and pestle. Mozenrath's scroll beeped a jaunty little tune, letting him know he had a call. The eight associates had been sure to put pictures of each other in for caller ID, but some had done better in front of the camera than others, and Yzma's picture showed her caught in the middle of asking why the camera was taking so long to snap.
Mozenrath answered the phone with "What happened?"
"I found the…who's all listening?" Yzma replied.
"I'll put you on speakerscroll." Mozenrath activated the speaker mode of the phone, laying it down on the counter. "You're now live with me and Wuya."
"Just you and Wuya?" Yzma repeated. "Where are Mim and Aghoul?"
"We couldn't trust them not to burn or break anything that shouldn't have been broken or burned," Wuya explained. "So we chased them out. We're not sure exactly WHERE they ended up. I guess we'll just have to track down wherever the giant crater in the ground is later."
"How is the potion coming?" Yzma inquired.
"Almost done," Mozenrath answered, "though not without a price. I've already burned the palm of my left hand trying to make this solution."
"Do you want to explain exactly HOW you burned your hand?" Wuya was smirking broadly.
Mozenrath sighed. "I asked Wuya if she was more afraid of breaking a nail or singing her delicate little hands. So she set my hand on fire."
"You get one of those for every sexist comment," Wuya informed him.
Mozenrath thought about saying something about women being quick to anger, but he knew this would only end in some other body part being set on fire.
"Well, I've got good news on two fronts," Yzma explained. "First of all, I know the location of the Cornerstone of Light."
Wuya suddenly cursed, shaking her hand furiously.
"Something wrong?" Mozenrath asked.
"No," Wuya replied innocently, hiding her hand behind her back. She'd just gotten another reminder of why having a physical body was sometimes more trouble than it was worth. But there was no way she was about to admit to Mozenrath that she'd just broken a nail on the pestle.
"What's the other front?" Mozenrath asked Yzma.
"You aren't going to believe this," Yzma told him. "In this castle, there happens to be the key to something much, MUCH bigger. If I understand it correctly, it will make gathering magical artifacts AND taking over thrones a good deal easier!"
Mozenrath broke out into a smirk of malicious glee. "I'm listening."