13. Battle for True Ice Cream
Mozenrath had decided the WHAM ARMY (plus Neo) would benefit from regular staff meetings. That was how he, the Huntsman, Wuya, Yzma, Snatcher, Roman, Mim, Aghoul, Neo, and Xerxes ended up around a table in the castle kitchen, pitching suggestions.
"I'd like to make the motion again for a torture chamber," Aghoul stated, and Mim backed him up with an enthusiastic nod.
"I think we can work something out," Mozenrath told him. "Just so long as you don't use it on anyone currently in this room."
"Of course not!" Aghoul replied sweetly, and Mozenrath wondered if he'd had good reason to make that stipulation necessary.
"And I'd like to make the motion for a dance floor," Yzma threw in.
Mozenrath stared her down before delivering a blunt "No."
"Well, too bad," Wuya informed him. "I already installed one in the underground tunnels."
"Do I have any control over this army?" Mozenrath asked her.
Wuya just shrugged playfully.
"As our last item of business," Mozenrath brought up, "now that there are nine of us – "
"Xerxes make ten," Xerxes said with a pout. It hadn't escaped him that he hadn't been involved in the collection of the past two elements.
He was ignored. "We can double our productivity by splitting into subfactions to cover different agendas," Mozenrath stated. "However, since only four of us can produce Corridors of Darkness or teleport in any form, we'll have to arrange something for our nonmagical members to be able to travel the worlds at will."
"A gummi ship would work perfectly!" Mim suggested.
"And there are several worlds in which we could obtain one," Mozenrath pointed out.
"You know, that Cid from Radiant Garden is a gummi mechanic," Mim lobbied.
"And there's quite a sizeable laboratory in Disney Castle where they construct gummi ships of all sorts!" Yzma added.
"If we return to either of those worlds, we'll have to be careful," Mozenrath warned. "Now that they know who we are and what we're capable of, we don't want to bring any more trouble down on our heads until we find a way to take care of the upstarts with the Keyblades. And then there's the matter of Maleficent. She has Cinder Fall on her side now, and that doesn't bode well for us."
"I was having an off day!" Aghoul folded his arms.
"The Datascape might provide more insight about which of those worlds is the better offer for us," Mozenrath decided. "A party of us will launch an expedition to retrieve a ship tomorrow. Any last business before we adjourn?"
"Neo would like to motion for a waterslide in the back yard," Roman offered. No one knew exactly how Neo had communicated that to Roman, but her enthusiastic nod of approval was enough proof that the suggestion had indeed come from her.
"I'm going to have to give that another no," Mozenrath sighed. "And Wuya says – "
"Give me five minutes, and you've got one," Wuya picked up.
"I have no control over anything anymore," Mozenrath sighed.
"Anymore?" Aghoul repeated. "That implies you had control over us in the first place."
"That will be enough insubordination," the Huntsman snapped.
"Adjourned," Mozenrath decided.
...
Mozenrath had gotten in the habit of reading himself to sleep. It just so happened that Asgore, the former king of the subterranean lands, had left his journal behind in what was now Mozenrath's bedroom. It had been an act of putting the past behind him, leaving the deeds he'd done imprisoned under the mountain where once he had been so that he could focus on what came next. However, Mozenrath, not knowing this, just assumed the idiot had forgotten his book. It made for good reading, as it contained a lot of technical knowledge about the underground: names of locations, purposes of buildings, chronicles of events.
As Mozenrath curled up in his bed, flipping through the latest set of pages, he found himself enjoying the saga, as though it were a fictional account written for entertainment. After the tragic loss of his son – well, it was tragic within the confines of the story, anyway; Mozenrath felt no sorrow over it – Asgore turned from grace, deciding to kill the next human who fell into the underground. That human just so happened to be a child, with her hair up in a ribbon and waving about a toy knife, declaring she would beat Asgore in a fight. The child was sadly mistaken; Asgore defeated her quickly, and though it pained him, he took her life…
And what he did next made Mozenrath stop and stare at the page for a solid ten seconds.
After re-reading the passage, Mozenrath scrambled out of bed, still clutching the book, bolting toward another part of the castle. He'd seen it before: between Judgment Hall and the throne room, there was a gray chamber, unremarkable but for the seven coffins laid out in a row. Each of these coffins was engraved with a design of a heart in a different bright color. And all of them were empty. Mozenrath levitated the lid of the one marked with a light blue heart, hoping against hope that this time, there would be something in it. But there was nothing.
He sat down on the floor next to the row of coffins, continuing to read. Perhaps the journal would explain what had happened. Instead, he only found more mysteries. Only one of these coffins, the one marked with a red heart, was supposed to be empty. The body and soul in it had been removed by the king's ex-wife. But she hadn't done the same to any of the others, at least not according to the journal.
Soon, Mozenrath ran out of pages. He flipped through the blank ones at the end of the book fruitlessly. The coffins shouldn't have been empty! They should have contained bodies…and, more importantly, souls!
The sorcerer tore through the upper part of the castle, searching his bedroom again as well as every corner of the throne room. He even tested the walls of Judgment Hall for secret passageways. But all to no avail.
Asgore had stored away six dead human souls. And all of them were missing.
...
A few moments later, a very disgruntled Aghoul, Mim, Huntsman, Wuya, Roman, Snatcher, and Neo stood around the diagram on the Judgment Hall floor, clad in various styles of sleepwear.
"Whatever reason Mozenrath had for breaking into our rooms in the dead of night and dragging us up here," Wuya seethed, "it had better be a good one."
"I was in the middle of my beauty sleep!" Aghoul protested.
"And I was in the middle of the most pleasant nightmare!" Mim asserted.
The Huntsman self-consciously tugged at his helmet to straighten it. Mozenrath had happened upon him trying to fall asleep as well, meaning the sorcerer had seen his bare face yet again. The Huntsman had quickly wrapped up his head when he realized an emergency meeting was being called.
"One of these days, he's going to pop in on one of us doing something we would rather not have him see," Wuya seethed.
"ONE of these days?" Roman countered. "Try TONIGHT."
"And THAT'S enough on that subject," Snatcher quickly followed up.
"You two weren't…?" Mim asked, suspicious.
"Not YET," Roman replied. "But if Righty had turned up a few minutes later, he would've seen – "
He was cut off when Snatcher elbowed him in the stomach hard, prompting him to shut up.
When Mozenrath turned up for the final time, it was with a seething Yzma in tow. "Now that we're all gathered – " Mozenrath attempted.
All but one audibly recoiled from the sight of Yzma, who it turned out had no hair to speak of and slept with the cream of a beautification mask spread out over her face. As most expressed disgust, Wuya merely sighed; "Oh, please. Some people just can't handle the lengths we need to go to for our beauty."
"Do you mind telling me," Yzma hissed through gritted teeth, "exactly WHY WE ALL NEEDED TO COME OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?"
"Allow me to enlighten you," Mozenrath began, striding into the center of the floor pattern. "Long ago, the former king of this subterranean empire – "
"I wouldn't call it an empire," Yzma interrupted. "It's really more of a petty kingdom."
"Of this subterranean empire," Mozenrath continued, "lost his son. Boo hoo. To consolidate a long story of unnecessary drama, he thought he could break the magical barrier that used to separate this mountain off from the outside world by killing humans and harvesting their souls. It would have taken seven souls to break the spell." He held up the journal. "And here, I have documentation that he succeeded in collecting six. Six dead souls, separated from their bodies. In other words, a perfect representation of the element of death."
"Where are these souls now?" the Huntsman asked.
"Not where they're supposed to be," Mozenrath growled. "They should have been HERE somewhere. But they're not."
"YOU WOKE US ALL UP TO TELL US THAT SOMETHING WE NEED ISN'T EVEN HERE?" Yzma screeched.
"It is, and it isn't," Mozenrath clarified. "The only thing I can think of is that Asgore moved them after he left this kingdom so that no one could use them for what we wanted to use them for. Those souls are still out there. They're on this world. We just have to find out exactly where."
After a dramatic pause, Wuya remarked, "Still no reason to wake us all up." Everyone else took this as a signal to turn around and retreat for their chambers.
"Fine," Mozenrath relented, "but we're discussing this in the morning." He vanished, headed back to his own bedroom.
Xerxes zoomed into the hall, crying out, "Mozenrath! Heard you waking everyone up! What happen?" However, no one remained behind to answer him.
...
The next morning, when everyone was in a much better mood, they reconvened to split up assignments. It was obvious that both the missing souls and the gummi ship had to be attended to, so it was decided that those with magic – Mozenrath, Wuya, Mim, Aghoul - would portal out to Radiant Garden to try and snag a gummi ship from Cid Highwind himself while the others remained behind at Mt. Ebott to plan a search for the souls.
"And remember," Mozenrath cautioned Roman, Snatcher, Yzma, the Huntsman, and Neo. "We have to keep a low profile. So far, the only one around here who's ruined his reputation is Roman. As much as I appreciate a good hostile takeover, we have a strong safety net here at the moment. Drawing attention to ourselves with violent crimes – again, barring Torchwick – has the potential to ruin that."
"You've absolutely nothing to worry about," Snatcher reassured him. "If there's one thing I know how to do, it's carry out a scheme right under the noses of the unsuspecting. We shall utilize naught but the most careful of subterfuge and deception."
"We'll be incorporating a fair amount of subterfuge and deception ourselves," Mozenrath stated to remind his three traveling companions. "After all, we all remember what happened last time we charged into that world with gauntlets blazing."
"I hope you have a contingency plan worked out so we aren't recognized in the streets," Wuya brought up.
"Just trust me," Mozenrath reassured her. "You'll see when we get there."
He cast the Corridor, and Mim skipped eagerly through, followed by Aghoul, Wuya, and Mozenrath himself. As soon as it closed, Snatcher turned to his fellows: "Right then! We've now got work to do!"
...
Once more, Maleficent and her fellows ringed the central chamber of Villain's Vale, though this time, Cinder Fall took her place among the group against the wall. A newcomer stood in the center of the room, giving everyone watching her a glance of disapproval before turning her attention to Maleficent herself.
"And why have you summoned me here?" the evil queen Grimhilde asked haughtily, crossing her arms before her.
"For your particular talent in scrying," Maleficent replied. "A mission calls us away from this castle, but we need someone to watch over this world."
"What manner of mission calls you all away from this world?" Grimhilde asked disparagingly. "And furthermore, what am I to watch for?"
"We seek, as ever, the Book of Prophecy," Maleficent explained. "It has come to our attention that this book, or one of similar name, was last held in the possession of a master of Darkness sealed away in the realm of Briarwood."
"And you know how that world is, babe," Hades picked up. "Full of wannabes who like to 'play hero.'"
"The snow sorceress does not scare me," Cinder stated.
"Perhaps not on her own," Jafar replied, "but put her powers in combination with the wolf knight and their Mystic Rangers…it may just be too much for your poor heart to handle."
"I think you'll be surprised at how much this 'poor heart' can take," Cinder told Jafar coldly. "Besides. Like Maleficent said, the vampire who was closest to the Master no longer has her power. This will be easy."
"I understand," Grimhilde stated. "To stand against the Mystic Force requires all of your power. However, I still demand to know what I am to scry for in the Mirror."
"A new enemy," Maleficent explained. "He made his presence known to us not long ago."
She extended her staff toward the center of the room, and just before Grimhilde, a magically projected image hung in the air: Mozenrath, bragging to Maleficent's council just before his condemnation to Tartarus. "He disappeared to a realm unknown," Maleficent clarified, "but soon reappeared on this world…a most unwise choice. He allowed himself to be seen, and his allies identified." The image changed rapidly to Mim, to Aghoul, to Wuya. "And the technology he acquired from this world was later used in Disney Town, which is also under my surveillance. In this manner, he allowed me a glimpse at four more of his companions." The projection became Roman, Snatcher, Yzma, the Huntsman. "I have been watching every one of their homeworlds in case they return. And lo, they set foot on one of their points of origin, allowing me to easily locate them and identify their ninth ally." Now the image was Neo; and now it disappeared entirely.
Maleficent allowed herself the slightest laugh. "As foes…they are pitiful. Hardly a threat. However, they have proven themselves adept at playing the coward and running for cover. They have managed to evade us time and time again. Your task is to ensure that should they return to this world, they are not so fortunate."
"And what makes you think they will return to this world?" Grimhilde asked.
"They've got the brains of jellyfish," Ursula chuckled.
"And the spines to match," Cinder contributed.
"Very well," Grimhilde agreed. "I shall use my Mirror to scour this world for signs of this…"
"Mozenrath," Jafar supplied.
"And should he show his face," Grimhilde continued, "it sounds as though I will be more than equipped to handle him."
"All the same," Maleficent informed the queen, "I have taken the liberty of assigning you a partner. If Mozenrath should give you trouble, she should be able to lend you necessary muscle."
"And who is this partner?" Grimhilde demanded, casting her gaze around the room.
"Don't look at me!" Ursula laughed. "I'm looking forward to putting a collar on the wolf knight."
"She should be arriving…" Maleficent predicted.
A pair of heels tap-tapped their way down the hall.
"…Now," Maleficent announced.
The woman who entered the room seemed to be more fur coat than human being. "Maleficent, DARLING!" the woman of half-black and half-white hair gushed. "How long has it been? We really must get together more often!"
"This is my…ally?" Grimhilde raised an immaculately plucked brow.
"What is she talking about?" the newcomer asked, eyeing Grimhilde up.
"Grimhilde," Maleficent explained, "you shall work together with Cruella de Vil to eliminate any pest problems you may encounter."
"I do not see how she is to be muscle," Grimhilde said suspiciously, her gaze traveling over Cruella's thin frame. "She has hardly any."
"Such impudence!" Cruella huffed. "And we've only just met! Maleficent, dear, couldn't you have given me less of a stiff to work with?"
"You WILL put your talents together to eliminate our enemy," Maleficent threatened. "Otherwise, you risk disappointing me."
"Oh, that wasn't my intention at all, dear!" Cruella gushed with a great toothy smile upon her face.
Grimhilde wondered what Cruella was trying to prove. She didn't feel intimidated by Maleficent one bit, herself, but was merely staying silent on the fact in order to avoid a fight breaking out. Cruella's sucking up to Maleficent was a disgusting display.
"Do not fail me," Maleficent threatened as she put up a Corridor of Darkness, turning to stalk through it. One by one, Ursula, Hades, Jafar, Cinder, and Pete followed, and as the Corridor closed, it left Grimhilde and Cruella alone in Villain's Vale.
"You will give me enough space to place my Mirror," Grimhilde told Cruella sternly.
"But of course, darling!" Cruella replied, the same sickeningly sweet expression upon her face. Grimhilde couldn't stand it. She had no idea if Cruella was sincere or putting up a charade. "In the meantime, if you don't mind, I'm going to set up a few things of my own."
"Weapons, I presume," Grimhilde guessed. "Or magic."
"No, darling, my ensembles!" Cruella told her. "I couldn't come all this way without them!"
"Surely you did not need to bring a change of clothing for a mere sentry post," Grimhilde criticized.
"Didn't Maleficent tell you?" Cruella said on her way out of the room to retrieve a stack of luggage. "I'm moving in."
Grimhilde gritted her teeth. She'd been given the same offer by Maleficent: to stay on the Villain's Vale grounds and conduct her work as part of the squadron. "As am I," Grimhilde seethed.
"Well, then I suppose we're roommates." Cruella's voice echoed through the hall as she disappeared down it. "Or castle-mates, as the situation is!" She let out a laugh that was as full of as much mirth as she was capable of.
Grimhilde steeled herself for an altogether too long sentry mission.
...
"First things first!" Yzma pounded her fist into her hand as she began to pace back and forth in front of a lineup of Snatcher, Roman, Neo, and the Huntsman. "We shall need to figure out where the king has gone, as well as all of his companions, without drawing attention to ourselves through overt hostility. To this, we will need to concoct an ingenious plan, and I do believe one is coming to me. Yes, yes! I can see it now! We shall contaminate the entire town's water with a potion that causes everyone to forget the events of everything past the exact date that the monsters of this mountain rejoined human society! Thinking it to be that day, the press offices will deliver papers tailored to that date, making sure to cover the immigration of the monsters and where many of them have gone! Then all we need to do is purchase a house in downtown Knightdock and the newspaper will be delivered straight to our door! After we have obtained the information, we will then sell the house and fill the city water with the antidote to the first potion, causing everyone to remember everything up to the present day so that we may move about and interrogate the king! It's absolutely BRILLIANT! GENIUS, I SAY!"
"Newspaper offices keep archives of old papers," the Huntsman pointed out. "We could simply walk into the office and ask for articles from the day the monsters moved aboveground."
"Hmm…" Yzma considered it. "I suppose that would save us on mortgage payments."
"It shall be our course of action," the Huntsman asserted.
"You know the downside of that, though?" Roman pointed out. "They'll probably charge us to take copies home. That, or they stick us in a stuffy office while we try and find what we want. And isn't it so much better to have those things all to ourselves for free?"
"So you're saying we rob the newspaper office," Yzma clarified.
"I am exactly saying we rob the newspaper office!" Roman exclaimed happily. "Or, to be specific, I rob the newspaper office. My cred is already ruined around here, remember? I can afford to make a scene. Besides, we're getting a little low in the funds department."
"I'm also almost out of toilet paper," Yzma added.
"Just put it on the list," Roman told her. "When I go out for general errands this afternoon, I'll pick up a bundle of newspapers. Simple as that."
"Would that the rest of us were allowed to cause a disturbance," the Huntsman muttered. "I grow tired of living amongst monsters. If I could have my way with them…"
"Perhaps you will, in time," Snatcher suggested.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" the Huntsman asked.
"See, I've been thinking of some plans myself," Snatcher admitted. "But all shall be revealed in time."
"I don't even know what you're thinking," Roman told Snatcher, "but I KNOW it's brilliant."
"Not as brilliant as the amnesia potion," Yzma huffed under her breath.
"Truly, you flatter me, Torchwick," Snatcher replied. "Have fun on your rounds, won't you?" He stepped forward to plant a quick kiss on Roman's cheek.
"Oh, I will," Roman responded before returning the kiss, a brief peck right on the lips.
Neo sweetly clasped her hands and brought them up past her face in a gesture somewhere between approval and mockery.
Yzma, in the meantime, had produced a bedazzled notepad from a pocket and was using an overly large feather quill pen to jot down a list of supplies on it, which she then ripped out and handed roughly to Roman. With a point of the fingers and a click of the tongue, Roman was on his way.
"You're going to wait until he gets out of sight," Snatcher said to Neo, "then discreetly follow him to make sure he doesn't get into trouble, aren't you?"
Neo turned to Snatcher and nodded fervently. After counting a few more seconds, she took off after Roman, shifting into a new look in order to keep discreet.
"Pity we do have to sneak around," Yzma sighed. "If we could take a more direct route, I would have quite the plan in place."
"Do enlighten us," Snatcher encouraged.
"We begin with an ordinary sized rat," Yzma related. "Then, after creating a device that would allow us to shrink other things in order to grow this rat to an enormous size – "
"I don't even know where this ends," Snatcher sighed, "but it's already the most idiotic plan I've ever heard in my life."
...
Even was fed up.
There was a time he had been given free reign to work his experiments upon the world. A time he had ranked fourth in a group of thirteen, commanding respect (though perhaps he remembered being more powerful than he actually had been). A time when he had created people out of practically nothing and made them into powerful weapons. His intellect and skill had brought strong warriors to their knees and laid their memories – their insecurities and fears – bare for him to see! He had even maddened Keybearers!
And yes, perhaps there had been a time before that when he had worked peacefully under Ansem the Wise, putting his talents toward minor experiments regarding the nature of the heart. Experiments that went nowhere, and ultimately served Ansem the Wise more than anyone else. Those were the times Even didn't care to remember. However, they were the times he'd been seemingly returned to. When he'd awoken with his body and heart intact, which was admittedly jarringly pleasant after the fear (but was it really fear?) that he would simply fade into nonexistence, he'd been greeted by an all too enthusiastic Ienzo, Aeleus, and Lea – Lea! The one who'd sent him to what they'd both thought would be his grave! – welcoming him back to the world of the living and encouraging him to join them in nobler causes. And, believing that to be the destiny he was now meant for, Even had agreed to take up his old mantle as a scientist of Radiant Garden, serving the people at large and teaming up with the Restoration Committee.
And he hated every minute of it.
As he stalked through the halls of the castle to get to the library, he passed Aerith, who chipperly greeted him: "Good morning, Even!"
"Maybe it is for you," he snapped. All he could see before him was another humdrum day where he faded into the background and wasn't much use at all. That, or anything useful he did would immediately be credited to the Committee.
Turning a corner, he came across Yuffie, who was in the middle of a story she related to Leon: "And then I whipped out my shuriken, and I got 'em like THIS!" She launched the small metal projectile across the hall until it was embedded in the far wall; it passed an inch from Even's nose. Even recoiled, his heart thudding rapidly in his chest.
"Oh my gosh!" Yuffie squeaked. "Sorry, Even!"
Even scowled. He had thought that being a Nobody was undesirable when he was one, but now that he wasn't, he realized that having no heart…or at least having less of one, as Xemnas had been trying to fill him up with the emotions of Xehanort…came with a certain set of perks. For one, while having a close call with a weapon was always jarring, it didn't leave him with palpitations that lasted long after the danger had passed. Now, it was a different story. "Sorry?" he snapped. "You could have grievously hurt me! Be more careful!"
"Why do you always have to be such a jerk?" Yuffie retorted.
"I only give people what they deserve," Even huffed before striding down the hallway.
As soon as he entered the library, he was met with a rather flustered Ienzo. "Even! Thank goodness. This is…quite embarrassing. You see, I wanted to retrieve that Nahara volume from the top shelf, but I can't quite seem to reach it. You're much taller than I am. Would you mind – "
Even crossed the room in three quick steps, reaching up to grab the book and practically throwing it at Ienzo. This was by and large the worst part of his existence: having to look after Ienzo. Somehow, he didn't seem to have memories of the man being this annoying ten years ago, when he was but a child. True, he didn't have to watch over him every second, but Ienzo seemed to think they shared some sort of bond from those days, and so was always relying on him for things like the retrieval of books and the occasional help making dinner for the group at large. Even had no interest in babysitting a grown man.
"Thank you, Even!" Ienzo told him gladly.
"Now that you're satisfied," Even snapped, "can you leave me to read in peace?"
"Of course." Ienzo nodded and scurried out of the room, flicking open the book he held in his hands.
Even sat down to one of the tables with a volume of his own, reading up on memory theory. Such a pity that so many of his old experiments were tied to Castle Oblivion and Naminé. He doubted he would ever be able to recreate them again. Perhaps he had created his final replicas in those days. If only, he thought, he could replicate himself. Then he might be able to brainwash the replica into liking the drudgery the Committee put him through while the real thing made a getaway somewhere more pleasant.
"Hey," a voice broke in. "Sorry to bother while you're readin' but – "
"Oh, WHAT is it?" Even slammed his book down on the table to see Lea standing at the opposite end of it. Lea: his absolute least favorite person in the entire world. Did the man really think he could get away with killing Even (or Vexen, as the case was) and crawling back to him expecting him to be friends immediately afterward?
"First of all, I wanted to say thanks for your help with the Mega-Ethers," Lea began. "Those things pack a punch."
"Synthesizing a Mega-Ether is an incredibly simple process that even a Moogle can do," Even snapped. "I'm surprised you needed me to do such a basic thing."
"Yeah, well, nobody does stuff like that the way you do," Lea went on. He then proceeded to look up at where pipes crisscrossed the ceiling: "Also, great work on those pipes. They were leaking raw magic everywhere, and we all know how dangerous that is."
"I should say it was great work," Even replied. "After all, I was in charge of these pipes for years during my apprenticeship with Ansem the Wise. Without my hand, it's no wonder they fell into such disarray. Now, will you cease with the pleasantries and tell me what it is you want?"
"That transparent, huh?" Lea scratched the back of his head; a nervous habit. "There was somethin' I wanted to ask ya."
"Out with it."
"Word on the street is Maleficent might've called in some new guys. Nobody wants to get close enough to the Vale to find out, and I don't blame 'em. I was tryin' to see if I could get any info by snooping around town, but I turned up nothing. I never was a recon guy back in the Organization. But thinking about that, I remembered you were always the best at recon. And then I thought maybe, just maybe, if you went out into town, you could sniff out some clues without having to get too close to the danger zone."
Even didn't want to admit he was flattered. After all, it should have been common knowledge that reconnaissance was his forte. "I'll see what I can do," he resolved, shutting his book.
"Thanks," Lea replied. "Means a lot."
All Even gave him in response was a "Hmph" as he got up from his seat to move toward the door.
"Hey. Even."
Even stopped momentarily, bothering to listen but not to turn and look at Lea.
"I know things have been…kinda awkward," Lea admitted. "I did…a lot of stuff I'm not proud of. And torching you was one of 'em. I wanna blame the fact that I didn't have a heart, but still…I shoulda known better. I hope there's no hard feelings, but if there are, I really don't blame you. I just want you to know I'm sorry."
Even paused a moment, not out of empathy but out of decorum. Perhaps there were still remnants within him that knew how to stop feeling when it counted most. "That may have been the most sensible thing you've ever said in your lifetime," he delivered before vacating the premises.
Lea wasn't sure how to read that at all. But he supposed he didn't deserve much better than that from Even. Though Vexen had been an evildoer and a threat, Lea had still struck him when he was defenseless, and for very unsavory reasons. As he watched the blond scientist go, he steeled himself with the thought that the past couldn't be undone. All that was left was to try and improve the future.
...
"You're bluffing," the grocery store shelf stocker told Roman.
"Am I?" Roman countered playfully.
The stocker looked down at the barrel of the gun pointed to his chest. "Go ahead," he dared. "Shoot me. I can't get you what you want if I'm dead."
"You're right, aren't you?" Roman realized. "So how about this. Hand over the toilet paper, free of charge, or I blow the head off this innocent customer…" He swung the Cudgel around to point at the forehead of a nearby young blonde woman in a green sundress and twirling a parasol. "…Who is waaaaaay too happy about being my hostage," Roman concluded, trying to decipher the blonde's smirk.
He got his answer when her eyes briefly flickered from green to pink and white.
Neo.
Roman bit back a curse, angry that she'd still seen the need to supervise him, but he knew he couldn't give the game away. "Or, better yet," he suggested, swinging the Cudgel around to a man with a toddler who had just entered the aisle unwittingly, "how about the kid?"
Roman left with as much toilet paper as he could carry, and his wallet not a cent lighter.
"You really don't have to follow me EVERYWHERE, you know," he grumbled at Neo.
He could feel the glare she was giving the back of his head without even turning to look.
"They're going to catch on if they see ANYONE following me," he pointed out. "No matter what she looks like."
She was still glaring, and he knew it.
"It was a fluke!" he groaned. "I'm still pretty sure I wasn't even supposed to die that way! Now will you buzz off and go steal some ice cream or something? We're passing a stand right now."
Neo had to admit that she didn't want to draw suspicion, even if the face of this "accomplice" would never be seen again after that day. She also had to admit that she was growing hungry. As she turned to regard the stand, she caught an eyeful of a blue-skinned fish woman with a ponytail purchasing and walking off with an ice cream cone twelve scoops high, and all different flavors. Neo didn't have to think twice. To her, it was to be a mere errand to track the woman down a few feet, overtake her, and nab the ice cream. Then she could get back to watching Roman more discreetly.
Roman, hearing the footsteps that signaled Neo's departure, cast his gaze around for his next target. First, he tucked the toilet paper away in an enchanted bag Mim had made for him to carry around in his pocket, letting him store more than he could carry in his hands and prompting everyone to ask why she hadn't thought to outfit the group with such purses before the Cornerstone of Light heist (to which Mim had reminded them that needing to bring in the Claymores had provided them with far better entertainment, and had they just bagged the Cornerstone and left, they wouldn't have heard about the Datascape in the first place). Then he turned to look at the nearby gas station. He was feeling peckish himself, and in the mood for easily accessible candy. It was like fate.
Undyne hated ice cream. First of all, it was human food, and she still wasn't used to the stuff. Second, it was crammed with sugar, and everyone knew that sugar rotted your fighting spirit. However, she still found herself headed down to the beach with twelve scoops on a cone and no regrets. She knew Dr. Alphys would be waiting there for their meetup, and Alphys had developed such a sweet tooth for human food whereas Undyne had developed a sweet tooth for Alphys. The ice cream cone was to be a surprise gift.
Her warrior's instincts picked up the sound of footsteps crossing the sandy beach at a quick pace. Someone was bearing down on her. Then there came the slight, metallic noise of a long blade being unsheathed. Undyne twisted her body off course; Neo's parasol sword stabbed into empty air.
"So it's a FIGHT you want, is it?" Undyne growled.
Neo turned to look at Undyne, deliberating just pointing to the ice cream. But she knew that it wouldn't be entirely true to imply she didn't want a fight, so she nodded affirmation.
"I can see what kind of human you are!" Undyne snapped. "The kind who draws her sword and looks to pick a fight with innocents!"
Neo shrugged, never losing her smile.
"Well, you picked a fight with the WRONG monster!" Undyne laughed. In her free hand, a massive spear formed completely of electric blue magic formed, and she swiped it out at Neo. Neo dodged it easily, but as the spear passed by, she felt a jolt. Undyne had done something to her aura, but Neo couldn't quite tell what. Neo stepped back…only to find that her muscles wouldn't allow her to. She jerked backward, then turned completely around and tried to run away; whatever Undyne had done with her magic, it was preventing Neo from leaving Undyne's vicinity. Her muscles slowed and halted every time, as though the further away she got from Undyne, the thicker of a sticky liquid she was trying to wade through. Moving back toward Undyne reversed the effect.
"There'll be NO running!" Undyne pointed her spear heroically toward the sky. "Not until you learn to face the consequences of your actions!"
Neo was starting to believe she had in fact chosen exactly the wrong person to try and take ice cream from.
A few blocks away, the sound of "HELP! I'M BEING ROBBED AT GUNPOINT!" rang out from the gas station. Then came a bang, and Roman left the station with his pockets full of candy. (A faint voice from the gas station called out "I'm okay! Owwwwwww.") "All in all," Roman summed up, popping a licorice bite into his mouth, "it has been a GOOD day so far."
"EXCUSE ME, HUMAN!" a voice broke in.
"Huh?" Roman turned to find the source of the voice.
A tall skeleton wearing a breastplate, a garment that was somewhere between a tasset and hot pants, and a ragged red cape had addressed him. "WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO BE THE ONE WHO ROBBED THAT GAS STATION AT GUNPOINT?"
"Yeeeeees…" Roman replied, not sure where this was going.
"AHA!" The skeleton pointed dramatically at Roman. "IN THAT CASE, EVILDOER, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, MUST BRING YOU TO JUSTICE! I DEMAND YOU RETURN THE THINGS YOU STOLE THIS INSTANT!"
"And I demand you get your head blown to bits." Roman raised the Cudgel, ready to pull the trigger.
"WELL, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE," Papyrus replied. "IN FACT, THAT'S DOWNRIGHT RUDE!"
"What do you expect?" Roman laughed as he pulled the trigger.
The first blast ricocheted harmlessly off a wall of bright blue bones that had appeared in midair from nowhere.
"WHAT THE – " Roman gaped at where his attack had failed.
"AND NOW, THE PART WHERE I BRING YOU TO JUSTICE!" Papyrus announced, and a wave of magically created bones rose up out of the street to knock into Roman and send him flying, landing on his back.
"Why, you LITTLE – " Roman scrambled to his feet only to find there were several more bones flying at his face. He parried each one with the Cudgel's shaft.
As Papyrus sent more and more bones flying at Roman, he decided to try and reason with him: "UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD YOU GIVE BACK THAT STOLEN CANDY?"
"UNDER? More like OVER YOUR DEAD BODY. Or maybe you're already dead. I don't know how you skeletons work – " Roman's tirade distracted him from parrying, and a bone the size of a tibia hit him in the face.
"I'M WARNING YOU!" Papyrus announced. "I MAY BE GOING EASY ON YOU NOW, BUT IF YOU CONTINUE YOUR EVIL WAYS, YOU'LL FORCE ME TO USE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!" After a pause: "ARE YOU SURE WE CAN'T JUST TALK THIS OUT OVER SPAGHETTI?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Roman bellowed, finally seeing an opportunity to strike. He charged up a shot, hooked it on the Cudgel, sent it flying –
It struck another wall of blue bones and turned into a shower of sparks that rained down onto the street.
By then, a large crowd had gathered to watch the duel between their hometown hero and public enemy number one. A few had even brought out their phones either to record footage or dial the police.
Roman was really getting frustrated with this Papyrus character, especially since he was apparently getting beaten by the skeleton going easy on him. He felt a sudden shift in his aura, once again distracting him long enough for more bone projectiles to pummel him.
"I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING MY BLUE ATTACK!" Papyrus boasted.
Now that Roman really looked, his skin was glowing a faint blue. Was that literally the only thing Papyrus had done besides the normal attacks? Roman went back to parrying, trying to swat the bones hard enough to send them flying back at Papyrus. Strangely enough, he observed, he was able to catch a couple of the blue ones and launch them back at their source, but when Papyrus stood stock-still, the blue projectiles passed right through him as though they were air.
"WILL YOU JUST DIE?" Roman screamed.
"THAT'S IT!" Papyrus yelled in return. "YOU'VE JUST ASKED TO GET HIT WITH MY SPECIAL ATTACK! BEHOLD, HUMAN! MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"
All attacks abruptly ceased. Roman and Papyrus stared at each other for a moment before Roman asked, "Sooooo…is something supposed to be happening?"
"OH, NOT AGAIN!" Papyrus wailed. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?"
Across town, a fluffy white dog buried the last of several bones, feeling very proud of itself.
"OH, WELL!" Papyrus resolved. "LOOKS LIKE I'LL HAVE TO JUST USE A REGULAR ATTACK. AGAIN."
Roman braced himself for more bones, but wasn't ready for the absolute wave of them that came surging up at him out of the ground, throwing him high up into the air. Upon his descent, he took one projectile to the face and another to the groin. Then he landed back on the street, impacting hard enough that the Cudgel was jolted out of his hand and went skimming across the tar.
By then, several officers of the Knightdock Police Department had responded to the calls phoned in by the witnesses. As soon as Roman hit the ground and his weapon left his hand, he felt a pair of human hands roughly jerk his arms up behind his back and cuff them. "We've been looking forward to dragging YOU in for a long time," the officer announced.
"Is that seriously him?" another officer asked.
"Yeah," the first confirmed. "It's THAT guy."
"Are you at least going to let me keep my hat?" Roman groaned.
"Since you asked," the first officer informed him, "No."
"I BELIEVE HE HAS STOLEN SEVERAL ITEMS AND IS KEEPING THEM IN HIS POCKETS!" Papyrus pointed out.
As the first officer went through Roman's jacket, digging out all the candy, Roman spat, "WATCH the hands, will you?"
The second officer approached Papyrus. "We have you to thank for stopping him when you did," he announced. "Who knows how many more people would have gotten hurt if you hadn't?"
"ALL IN A DAY'S WORK FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" Papyrus boasted. "THOUGH…I DO WONDER IF HE COULD HAVE DONE BETTER IF WE GAVE HIM A CHANCE."
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that," the officer sighed. "Sometimes, a rotten egg is just a rotten egg. Don't beat yourself up over beating him up."
"WE LOVE THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" a woman – the cousin of the local pharmacist, who'd been shot in the leg by Roman – cried out.
The next thing Roman knew, he was being forcibly stuffed in the back seat of a police car while the crowd changed "PA-PY-RUS! PA-PY-RUS!"
A small boy nervously approached Papyrus with a notepad. "Um…Mr. Great Papyrus? Can I have your autograph?"
"MOST CERTAINLY!" Papyrus knelt to take pad and pen with enthusiasm. "WHO SHALL I MAKE IT OUT TO?"
"My name is Eddie!"
"TO EDDIE: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! SIGNED, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"
"I can't believe this," Roman muttered as the car door slammed and the vehicle took off.
Undyne flicked her wrist, and several darts made out of the same energy as her spear appeared in the air around Neo. Neo sheathed her blade, unfurling the parasol. She knew what was coming, and she was ready. If she couldn't dodge, she could at least defend. The darts flew at her like a swarm of bees, and round and round the parasol twirled, shielding against every single one.
"NGAAAH!" Undyne yelled in frustration, swinging her spear back across Neo; Neo ducked under it, letting it pass harmlessly over her head without even splitting a hair. "So you think you're tough, do you? Well, let's see how tough – "
Neo felt a twinge in her aura. Whatever Undyne had done to her earlier, it had worn off. She didn't risk going too much further in this fight when she could just take what she wanted and leave. Neo dealt Undyne a swift kick to the stomach, grabbed the base of the ice cream cone, and turned to run.
"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THAT!" Undyne launched her magical spear as she gave chase; it landed in the sand harmlessly an inch away from Neo. It had been meant to frighten, not to harm. As Neo froze in her tracks, then fell completely over onto the beach while still holding the ice cream cone aloft, Undyne smirked toothily; it seemed to have done its exact job. She caught up to Neo, crouching by her, and seized her shoulders –
Only to have her hands sink into wet sand. The real Neo happily skipped away from the beach, ice cream in hand.
"UNDYNE!" A short reptilian woman clad in beachwear rushed to the side of the frustrated warrior. "Are y-you okay? I saw you w-w-were fighting s-someone when I g-g-got here, and – "
"Am I okay?" Undyne interrupted Alphys. "THAT LITTLE BRAT TOOK YOUR ICE CREAM!" She stood up, looking at Alphys, then glancing back in the direction of the stand where she'd bought the cone. "That does it."
"Wh-what does what?" Alphys asked nervously.
"If I can't bring you ice cream," Undyne decided, hoisting Alphys up into the air, "I'll bring you TO ice cream!" Laughing, she carried Alphys back to the stand to retrieve another cone; Alphys blushed deeply as her heart raced.
Neo decided to enjoy her ice cream by licking a path across all twenty scoops in succession, filling her mouth with flavor. She was then made aware of the police car passing on the road in front of her: the police car where the passenger in the back seat was clearly a redhead wearing a white jacket.
Neo nearly dropped the ice cream cone. That's not good, she thought to herself.