Chapter 11
Hey guess who's a fucking idiot and doesn't even know her own story? ME! So Roman DOES know about the suicide attempt but I forgot all about that.. Ugh idek where this story is going anymore.
Dean sat alone in catering a little after RAW started, and stirred his now cold coffee. He noticed Roman once, but he wasn't aware of Dean's presence. He really needed to talk to him. This was all getting so out of hand, but there was no way he could have enough courage to go up to Rome and talk with him, let alone make even eye contact. His match was next and he didn't want to waste time, so with a huff and an eye roll, he got up, threw his coffee away, and headed for the gorilla to wait for his music to hit.
Roman had just sat down with his plate of food and began picking at the grilled chicken breast and green beans in catering. He didn't have a match scheduled, only promos, so time was on his side tonight. He had a lot to think about since Thursday night... About Dean, his family, and just his overall choices in life. He refused to have sex with his wife in the past week. It just wasn't fair to her. He wanted to give her his all and he couldn't do that while he was thinking about someone else, his best friend. He couldn't run from it anymore. Roman had a small crush forming on Dean, but there was no chance in hell he would ever act on it. Even though Dean confessed that he liked him, there's nothing they could do about it. Roman would never leave his wife and put his daughter through that just because of some one night stand type of shit that would happen between him Dean. He wasn't like that. He groaned, not wanting to think about his crush at the moment. He just wanted to eat his food silently, without any thoughts running through his mind.
As Roman plopped the last bite of chicken into his mouth, his mind pondered onto Ambrose again, wondering when he'll get a chance to see him. Dean always found a way to slither back into the forefront of his mind. He just wanted to be near him, wanted to touch all over him really, but he couldn't go against his wife like that. Just the mere thought of touching Dean was just almost too much. He shook his head, ridding himself of those dark thoughts before he found himself in an awkward and tight position. He needed to tell Dean it wasn't like that between them, it shouldn't be and it won't ever be. He got up, threw his plate away, and went to cut a few promos before going to find Dean.
"Hey yo Uce-" Jimmy Uso hollered from down the hallway backstage. Dean had just got back from his victorious match, shirtless and drenched in sweat with a bottle of water in hand. Dean waited as Jey jogged to catch up with him.
"What's up man?" Dean asked. Wondering what he wanted.
"Yo Roman's been lookin' for you. He said he couldn't find you and if I was to stumble across Dean, that I tell him Roman's been lookin' for him. So here I am." He responded in an almost worried tone, as if something bad was going to happen if he were to find Roman.
"Um well uh, where is he?" Dean asked nervously. He was kind of scared since they haven't really been talking, especially since all this shit went down... So why would he want to talk? To clear the air or to tell him they can no longer be friends?
"He said he'd be in his locker room, since he's not really scheduled to do anything tonight. Just stop by whenever you get the chance Uce. See ya around." Jimmy finished off as he patted Dean on the back and ran off, probably to catch up with his brother.
Ambrose was more than scared, he was petrified. He didn't want to call their whole friendship off. He didn't want Roman to hate him, he just fucked up and he would never do anything like that again... Hopefully Roman will accept that. As Dean let out a nervous sigh, he threw a loose tank top over his shoulder and headed for Roman's locker room.
Dean found himself standing in front of Roman's door, hand on the door knob shaking violently. He was not ready, but things will work themselves out he thought. He carefully and slowly opened the door, hearing the creak that followed. He lifted his gaze to see Roman, sitting on a steel chair in the center of his locker room, awaiting his arrival. He stepped into the room, eyes now locked with Rome's.
With his arms crossed over his chest and his brow furrowed, Roman spoke in a deep, ominous tone that echoed and vibrated through Ambrose. He was in no mood for games and what happened between his wife the other night was on the forefront of his mind; of why he felt so angry towards Dean. He needed to end this, whatever this was between them before he did something with Dean he was going to regret later on.
"Close and lock the door." He commanded.
Dean was shaking as he did what he was told. He didn't want what was going to come next to be too brutal, he couldn't handle that right now. He turned to Roman and slowly inched forward. Roman eyed him the whole way there as Dean cautiously took a seat on a nearby stool. He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees and tossed his tank top and water bottle next to him, locking his gaze to the floor. He took a deep breathe, preparing himself for the worst.
"You can't pull those kind of stunts on me Dean- last week... That was a mistake. One thing led to another and it got too heated." Roman started. He pressed his palm to his forehead, looking like he was trying to rid himself of the steamy memory.
"That never was supposed to happen, I know. I'm really fuckin' sorry Rome. I'm sorry, if you want I'll stop talking to you and I can just go-" Dean ranted before being cut off.
"Nonsense. It'll be alright. Let's just act like that never happened and we can put this whole thing behind us. Just don't pull that bullshit again. I got a family Dean. And I'm trying not to ruin that." Roman said, still being extremely formal. Roman felt a small prick of pain from his own words, almost like he didn't want to say these things, especially to Dean. Something was definitely different between them, and Dean didn't like it one bit. It was somewhat awkward, and less connected. But Dean needed to let Roman know more of the truth, he was done hiding.
"God damnit, that's the thing Rome. I can't put it behind me. You're there inside my head all the fucking time... You know how stressful that is?" Dean confessed, tilting his head up to look at Roman for a second before dropping it back down to set his gaze on the floor again. It killed Dean to here Roman say that, that he wanted to act like it 'never happened'.
"It hurts. It has always fuckin' hurt and there's nothing I can do about it." Dean finished, his eyes quickly becoming glassy. The last thing he wanted to do right now was cry in front of Roman, so he quickly got up wiping his eyes in the process and headed for the door.
"Dean-" Roman spoke, arm stretched out for him, now he felt awful. He just wanted to end this thing between them and not sound too mean about it, but he already struck a nerve. Dean didn't turn around to look at him again. He unlocked the door and staggered out. He just couldn't believe Roman wanted to 'forget about it'. He had a little bit of hope that maybe Roman felt the same thing during that kiss, but that hope was just squashed and stomped on. As he walked down the empty hallway, the tears started to become too much for his eyes to hold in. They rolled down his cheeks, thick and heavy as he paced faster and faster down the hallway. He started to become angry, using the palms of his hands to dig deep into his eye sockets, to stop the tears and to release some built up tension. He was becoming unaware of his surroundings, bumping into things, tripping, not being able to hear anything but a strange buzzing. He was a total hot mess. It was all hitting him like a freight train. Denial. Being rejected by the one person he cared for the most. He just couldn't do it anymore.
"Dean! DEAN!" Roman screamed from his locker room door, only stepping halfway out the doorframe to watch Dean scurry away. He watched him burst through the emergency exit doors at the end of the hallway and disappear into the darkness. Roman contemplated on whether to check on Dean, or let him go. It wasn't until he started to hear Dean shouting in anger and something being smashed for his mind to be made up. Roman briskly walked down the hallway, slowly turning into a jog, then a full on run. He heard the sound of brutal punches being thrown, and it sounded extremely painful, Roman was becoming more and more worried with each step he took. He bursted through those same doors to the cold, dark parking lot. He looked around for Dean, spotting him, his eyes grew wide at the sight that was being played out in front of him like a movie. Dean was brutally punching the side of the concrete wall, letting out some pent up argression. Usually Roman would let him blow off some steam in a similar manner when he would be pissed, make him punch a pillow or something, but these punches were on a cold hard concrete and they were doing more damage to him than they were doing to the wall. There was blood and shards of cement sticking out of Dean's knuckles on both hands, but Dean didn't care. He still kept going at the same pace, same amount of force behind each throw, same boiling emotion. Roman hauled over to Dean and interfered in his raging session. He came up behind Dean and locked his own hands around Ambrose's wrists to make him stop these sickening actions. Dean just wanted to punch something, anything, and something was stopping him from doing so now. He saw red from the time he opened Roman's door to leave, to this point. But what pulled him away from that sea of red and pure anger was a familiar scent that instantly brought him back to reality; grounded him. It was soothing and very calming. Roman never let his grip loosen on Dean's wrists, only flushed his body right up against the back of Ambrose. He felt the blood from Dean's busted open knuckles trickle down his own, oddly making him feel closer to Dean then ever before.
Slowly Dean surrendered and his arms went limp. He dropped his head and let the emotions sweep him over. He couldn't hold back the tears, especially since the man that was causing them earlier was the man that was holding onto him so firmly behind him right now. Roman slowly brought Dean and himself down to the ground to sit and let themselves breathe. Rome lowered his arms, still holding onto Dean's bloody ones, and wrapped both sets of limbs around Ambrose. Almost as if Dean was hugging himself. Roman felt warm inside, almost a feeling of being whole or even complete, yet he felt awful for this. All of this. It was all his fault he couldn't accept his feelings for Dean, and what made him even more sad is that he couldn't act on them. He just held Dean in his arms for a while on the ground, letting Dean cry out all of his pain. They stayed like this for some time, but Dean needed more. He needed to be closer to Rome, because this wasn't going to cut it right now. Ambrose swiped his hands from Roman's grasp, flipped around and threw his body into Roman once again, this time facing him. He didn't want to just be held, he wanted to hold Roman to himself to. He wrapped his bloody arms around him as tight as he could, feeling his whole body put forth passion into this hug. Dean has never done this to anyone, he didn't want to lose Roman again and he wasn't going to. Reigns hesitated with either hugging him back full force now, or kissing him with as much energy and passion that was pent up inside of him that only Ambrose could let out. Seeing Dean act this way made his heart flutter and want to fly out of his chest. For some reason, all he wanted to do was kiss him, make him feel better, hold him until he felt safe. His heart grew larger inside his chest and he felt fuzzy and warm. He grabbed onto Dean, enveloping him inside of his grasp. Both men held on for dear life it seemed like, almost taking each other in, inhaling each other, passion-filled moments that oozed with love. Roman loved every single second of it to. Dean made him feel safe, made him feel important. He felt like this was supposed to be, instead of his wife. And for the first time, his wife popped in his head tonight. But Roman wasn't going to hesitate or push this away anymore, he let his mind stop worrying about the consequences with his wife and changed his view completely only to see the man he was holding. Screw it, he couldn't handle this anymore. He let go of Dean and placed each hand on the side of his head to hold him in place. Dean looked lost, eyes still puffy from the tears, hands completely torn to shreds and bloody, and he looked hurt. Pain was the word for it. Roman's heart ached to even see him in this position and it dug at him even more to know it's because of him and his own actions. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to do this. To help Dean calm down and to let some of this pent up sexual energy out. Roman stared at his lips, then back up to his eyes and decided it was time. He crashed his lips onto Dean's and immediately felt the passion and sexual desires overflow from his brain and his body. He never felt such a high before until right now, kissing his best friend and life long brother.
Blood-smeared hands went up to hold onto Roman's wrists, just to keep himself grounded since this moment right now made him feel like he was bound to float away. Dean couldn't get enough of it, enough of him. He was intoxicating, but poisonous at the same time. It was something he couldn't have but it was something he needed. They kissed until their lips felt numb, Roman being the one to break from it. He placed his forehead onto Dean's as they both caught their breath. Roman let his arms drop to their laps, Dean's hands still firmly wrapped around his wrists. They breathed heavily, Dean's eyes closed, taking in the pheromones that engulfed both of them.
"Hey." Roman started off. He watched Dean slowly lift his eyelids to gaze back at him, ready to say something.
"Thank you Roman. I just really needed that." He said, still trying to calm down from their breathe taking make out session. He didn't feel complete just yet, he needed all of Roman, but he knew that would never happen so this would have to suffice, for now
"I think we need to get you to the medical staff right now." Roman commanded as he carefully pried out of Dean's grasp to gently hold onto his hands. He caressed them, not wanting to hurt them more than they already were.
"Yeah, I can go by myself if you wan-"
"Shh, why would I leave you like this? You mean too much to me to just treat you like trash..." Roman confessed. His face turned red and he felt embarrassed, he didn't mean to say that. He huffed. "Look, just get up and I'll help you in." He abruptly said.
He helped Dean up and hobbled over to the doors with him. Dean felt like shit, but emotionally, he was on cloud 9. He felt Roman only did that to calm him down, which worked so it was okay, but it still felt so real, like he wanted to feel Dean even more but held it back. Dean smiled. If that was all he'll ever get from Roman, then he would for sure cherish every damn second.
YAY kind of a fluffy chapter towards the end there, what will happen next? Is Roman okay with going ahead in this direction with Dean, even if it's kept a secret between them?