Hello again!
Here we are with another chapter! I spent the last few weeks writing this one and I'm so happy I got it done on the first day of school holidays!
I'm off on an adventure to New Zealand for a week, and hopefully I'll return home with a well rested brain and a planned out next chapter! I might even get some time to write while I'm there!
This chapter has some twist and turns, so hopefully it makes sense! I usually try and do a final read through before I post, but I'm uploading this as I sit in my airport terminal waiting for my plane to board! Hopefully there aren't too many mistakes to take away from you enjoying it ;)
BPOV
I'd barely finished my first coffee on Saturday morning when my phone began to chime with a string of messages.
A: I'm so so so so so so sorry Bella!!!!
A: Something's come up for me and I won't be able to go shopping today! :'(
A: Raincheck?!!!!
A: Please forgive me!!!!
A: Love you!!!!!!!!!!
I frowned. I'd never seen someone break bad news with so many exclamation marks. I was also extremely disappointed and a little frustrated. Alice insisted on taking me Christmas shopping when we had been texting earlier in the week. She'd asked what I was doing on the weekend, and I'd told her I was going to catch the bus to the mall and get my last few gifts. I already had presents for Sue, Seth, and Angela, as well as a voucher I bought for Rose to pamper herself at a spa before the babies were born, but I still needed to pick up a couple of things before I was finished. She practically blew up my phone wanting to come along.
It was why I had gotten up much earlier than I usually would for a weekend. Alice had wanted to go to an amazing outlet mall she knew about, even though it was further out of the city. I didn't care, particularly. As long as it had an Outdoor World or somewhere I could pick up Dad's present. But Alice had vowed they had everything and at the best prices, so I agreed.
But now I was awake, and she was bailing on me!
B: Are you serious?
B: What came up that's so important?
I stared at my phone for a few moments, waiting for something to happen. Eventually, the three dots that let me know Alice was responding began to bounce. Then they disappeared for a moment before reappearing again. They jumped up and down for nearly a minute before the message came arrived.
A: Sorry B. Got 2 go. Talk soon!
That was it. Nothing else arrived and the bouncing balls had vanished. I stared at my phone in disbelief before I tried texting her back.
B: Alice?
B: Seriously? No explanation?
B: Today was YOUR idea!
She didn't respond to any of my messages. I would have called her if I thought she would answer. I huffed before taking a deep drink of my coffee.
Never in the short time I'd known Alice did I think she would flake on a shopping trip! After a few moments, I'd calmed down enough to think a little more clearly. I could easily go back to my original plan, so it didn't matter if Alice was coming or not.
B: Your sister is a pain in the ass
Edward responded quickly, making me wonder what had him awake so early on the weekend.
E: Ha! Tell me something I don't know
E: Like what she did to make you think that…
B: She bailed on Christmas shopping we planned to do today with NO explanation!
E: Alice?
E: As in MY sister Alice?
E: I can't believe she'd ever do that!
B: And yet she did!
B: All she said was that something important came up then she stopped answering my msgs
E: Something must have gone down at work. I can't imagine Alice backing out of shopping unless there was a big issue she had to handle ASAP
B: At least that would be an explanation
E: What are you going to do now?
B: The original plan was to catch the bus, so I'll just do that
Within moments, instead of chiming with a new message from Edward, my phone started to ring. So surprised, I answered it before I had any other thoughts.
"Hey."
"Don't be ridiculous," Edward said without greeting. "I can take you to the mall to do your Christmas shopping."
"You don't have to do that, Edward," I professed. "I know you hate shopping as much as I usually do, so I'm not going to ask you to spend your Saturday with me, going shop to shop."
"You didn't ask. I offered," he insisted. "And I've got to get some gifts of my own anyway, so it's not a big deal."
"You seriously don't…" I tried again, but Edward cut me off.
"Be ready by ten, Bella. I'll see you soon," he said, brokering no argument, before hanging up on me.
~oOo~
The crowds had started to form by the time we arrived at the mall. It took Edward a while to find a parking spot, finally finding one on the third floor. Luckily it was close to the elevators, so it would be easy to find when we went home.
There were decorations everywhere. Large, cone-shaped trees covered in lights ran down the hallway every fifty feet or so, and oversized red ornaments hung from the roof. The large glass ceiling of the main entryway had been adorned with hundreds of shining, iridescent icicles that made it look like we were walking into an ice palace.
It was two weeks until Christmas, so there were understandably a lot of people out and about. Families, young couples, roving gangs of teenagers. Edward and I took it all in before we quickly moved out of the way of the doors and headed into both our ideas of a nightmare.
We first went to the large Outdoor World near the entrance so I could pick up a new set of waders for Dad. My father was hard to buy gifts for, but he would be happy with anything that he could take fishing. The last time he'd talked to me after going out on the river was that his waterproof waders had suffered a tear and were now leaking water.
Next, we made our way to a bookstore, where I picked up a cookbook about smoking meats for Emmett. Rose was getting him a small, vertical wood smoker to put on their terrace with the barbeque, so I thought it was the perfect accompaniment. Edward also found a cookbook for Esme from a New York chef that had incredible pictures.
I found a new journal with good-quality pages for sketching for Jasper at a stationary store. For as long as I'd known him, Jasper had been scrawling in some book or another, both little notes or entries about his day, and small drawings of the things he'd seen. He preferred ones without lines and with pages, he could scribble into a little. There was a larger sketchbook, covered in a very 1970s flower fabric but with a dark navy background and electric pink flowers, that made me think of Alice. Even though I was still a little mad at her, I bought it, knowing it would make the perfect gift and I probably would have forgiven her by Christmas.
Edward tagged along, happy to follow me and keep up the conversation. He was able to find things for his father and Alice, as well as some other gifts for other people he didn't mention. Eventually, he suggested we make our way to the music store, and I could tell by the glint in his eye that the idea excited him more than anything else we'd done today.
As soon as we stepped inside, Edward seemed to disappear. It was one of the busier places we'd been into today, so it was a struggle to try and see him through the milling crowd. It was one of those situations where I cursed my short stature.
Wanting to get out of the main thoroughfare, I made my way down one of the aisles lined with CDs, looking at the different genres and artists. I imagined that this is probably what the inside of Edward's head looks like.
The more I looked, the more I felt inclined to try and pick something for him for Christmas, though I had no idea where to even begin. Edward had so many different kinds of music, from all over the world, I could never guarantee he wouldn't already have whatever I gave him.
The thought of actually doing it made the butterflies in my stomach give a nervous flutter. Edward was my friend, but were we at the point in our friendship where we could exchange heartfelt gifts? Would it be awkward if I got him something? And what if he didn't get me anything in return? Would I just make a fool of myself?
"Can I help you at all?" a young man in a black t-shirt with a bright red lanyard that identified him as an employee asked.
I quickly looked behind me to check he was actually talking to me, but when I turned back he was definitely still looking at me. "Oh… um, sure." Then my resolve set, taking the young man's appearance as a sign from the universe. "I'm looking for something unusual."
This made the man smile in an easy manner that must help him tremendously when working with customers. "What is it?" he asked, intrigued. "It can't be any weirder than the Scandinavian death metal one of the guys here listens to."
I laughed lightly and shook my head. "I don't actually know. It's for a friend who practically has everything. I don't think there's anything he wouldn't listen to. That's where I need your help."
The sales assistant shot me a large grin and clapped his hands. "Well, I definitely think we can find something for your friend."
He asked me a few questions about the things I knew Edward had or what he might like, before turning and leading me deeper into the store. Sporadically, he'd stop, flick through the CDs and pull something out. "This is a great punk band from Japan," he said, handing me the CD and then moving on. "This is a fantastic rapper from Brazil." He passed me another and was on the move again. "This jazz musician from Atalanta is amazing, and this band does covers of Bollywood soundtracks from the Sixties." This happened a few more times before we stopped, a stack of about ten different albums in my hands.
I couldn't fault him for finding some truly unusual options. I looked at each of the cases he gave me, studying the album cover and reading the names of each of the songs on the back. None of the artists he'd chosen were familiar to me, so I could only hope they'd be new to Edward too.
"So, how'd I do?" the sales assistant asked.
"Really well," I told him, looking up from the CD I'd been examining. "It probably sounds like a weird compliment, but I have no idea who any of these bands are."
The young man grinned. "They're all great. You can't go wrong with any of those choices. And if your friend has a record player, we also have this one on vinyl." He pulled the jazz record with a beautiful black woman dramatically lit in blue light on the front out of my hand. "And honestly, if you're leaning in that direction, go the vinyl because it's a completely different experience."
I could picture Edward sitting in his room on a grey winter's day, looking out at the amazing view over the Sound he has from his window, soulful jazz playing in the background. "That sounds great actually," I beamed, happy that I'd found something I thought Edward was going to love.
"Fantastic!" the guy said, taking the CDs I now wasn't going to get from me. "I can put that up at the counter for you if you like to join the line at the registers."
Looking behind, I suddenly became aware that Edward might be around here anywhere. Even though I hadn't come across him yet, didn't mean he couldn't find me with his gift in my hands at any moment. "Yes, please. That would be great," I nodded. "Thank you."
Thankfully, I didn't run into Edward until I was making my way back to the front of the store after having the girl at the register wrap the record in some tissue paper to cover it up.
"Hey!" he called out to me with a wave. "Where did you disappear to?"
"I thought of something I could get for a friend, so quickly grabbed it," I explained vaguely. "Do you want to get something to eat?" I asked to distract him.
"Sure," he replied easily, turning to leave the store.
As we made our way toward the closest food court, the crowd began to buzz at a higher volume.
"What do you feel like?" Edward asked in a louder voice.
I hummed as I looked at the different options until I spotted the familiar golden arches and my stomach grumbled. "McDonald's," I said, walking in that direction.
"Oh," I heard him say as he followed me. "Yeah, okay."
The line was long, but at least it moved quickly. I ordered my usual meal, a quarter pounder, fries and a Coke, then turned to Edward.
"I'll get…" he said unsurely. "Um, the chicken salad."
I stared up at him in disbelief while the server looked at him blandly. "Are you serious?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"What?"
"You're seriously ordering a salad a McDonald's? Why?"
"Because I don't want a burger," he shrugged as if that made any more sense.
"Then why get McDonald's at all?"
"You wanted McDonald's."
My heart thumped at the idea of him eating something he didn't want, just because it was what I wanted. For some reason, it felt like he had laid his cape down on a puddle for me to walk over. I swallowed the feeling, blinking to shake my starry-eyed gaze.
"We're at a food court, Edward," I said, grateful I sounded more frustrated that flustered. "Go get whatever you feel like and we'll meet at a table."
"You sure?" he asked, his brows creased.
"Yes!" I insisted, pushing at him to make him move. "Go."
With one more look over his shoulder, Edward turned and left. "Okay. I'll meet you in a few minutes."
"You still want that salad?" the girl at the register asked me, her face still impassive.
"No, thank you," I said, paying for my food and moving to wait at the side.
Edward texted me that he'd found a table just as I was picking up my food from the counter. I made my way in the direction he said he was, weaving through groups of people. When I found him, he was pulling the foil from around a burrito, a large cup from Chipotle on the table.
"You do know a burrito has basically the same ingredients as a hamburger, right?" I asked teasingly as I sat down.
He made a face as he looked over at me. "No, they don't. They also taste a whole lot different."
"So, what do you have against a classic hamburger?" I volleyed, opening my bag and popping a few fries in my mouth.
"Absolutely nothing. It was more to do with the fact that McDonald's is barely food."
"Oh! I get it now," I said, acting like I'd just realised something. "You're being a snob again."
Indignation flashed across Edward's face. "No, I'm not! I just wanted something with more flavor."
"A quarter pounder is plenty flavorful! And at least McDonald's isn't always making the news for giving their customers E.choli." To add emphasis to my argument, I took a large bite out of my burger.
Edward chuckled at me. "I'm sure they give plenty of their customers E.coli. It just never makes the news because McDonald's probably pays off all the press outlets."
"Okay. Truce!" I rolled my eyes at him. "Hopefully neither of us to get food poisoning, so let's drop it."
He laughed but agreed and took a large bite of his lunch.
"So, what should we do with the rest of our day?" Edward asked after a few comfortable moments.
I washed down my mouthful with a sip of coke and shrugged. "I don't know. I've got everything I need, I think. Do you have anything else to get?"
"No. I was able to get everything this morning, actually." He took a sip of his own drink and looked at me as if he was gauging something. "Do you want to do something? See a movie maybe?"
For a second, it felt like he was asking me out on a date and my heart fluttered again. But I knew better and I, of course, knew that was not what he meant by it. "Did you have a movie in mind?" I asked, hoping my cheeks weren't as flushed with embarrassment as I feared they could be.
"There are a few things out at the moment that sound really good. We could head over to the movie theatres after we finish eating and see what's on that we both like the look of," he suggested.
I agreed, stuffing a few more fries in my mouth to keep myself busy and my mind off the charming smile he flashed me before taking a large bite from his burrito.
The whole day had felt different somehow. Edward and I spent plenty of time together these days, between our therapy group, his workshop at my school, and our growing friendship. But today, there had been an ease to our interactions that only came with a true connection. A true friendship.
On the way to the theatres, our banter had been playful, and friendly. After winning an argument about who would pay for the tickets, Edward went to the concession stand and bought a box of MM's for me and a box of Raisinets for himself. I teased him about choosing 'old man' candy. He actually poked his tongue out at me and sweetly said it was simply because he preferred healthier choices in his diet to others. We didn't stop until the dimming lights forced us to be quiet.
We ended up seeing a comedy murder mystery that kept us in suspense, yet occasionally in uncontrolled hysterics. Though, during the quieter or more serious moments, when Edward and I were both still, there was an energy that made the entire left side of my body tingle. By the time the movie ended, and the lights came back up, I felt like a fully charged battery.
As we made our way back through the lobby of the theatres, laughing about the funny scene that finally revealed the killer, a voice called out, stopping us in our tracks.
"Edward?"
It was Tanya and she looked ecstatic to see Edward somewhere outside of the university library's meeting room. But then she saw me beside him and her face took on a tighter expression.
"Oh, hey Bella," she said in an off-hand way. Then she looked between us suspiciously. "Are you guys, like, on a date or something?"
"No," I responded, trying to sound nonchalant but I knew I answered too quickly for that to be likely. "We're friends and we hang out. We were doing some Christmas shopping and decided to see a movie afterwards." It was hard not to feel like I was trying to justify our actions and be convincing.
"What are you up to?" Edward asked her, coming to my rescue and saving me from complete humiliation.
Tanya's entire demeanor shifted when she turned back to Edward. She became soft and flirty, and it made my blood boil.
I wanted to smack her pouty lips.
"I'm just out with some friends from my sorority," she practically giggled. "We're seeing a movie and then going to get mani-pedis."
Edward nodded politely. "Cool. Well, we hope you have fun," he said, trying to make a diplomatic getaway.
It seemed Tanya was having none of it, though. "What did you see? Was it good?" There was a note of desperation in her voice.
Just then, two other young women, around the same age as Tanya came walking straight up to her. They were both blonde and very pretty. One had icy blonde hair and a sour look on her face, while the other was a sandy-blonde and had a very sweet smile and much kinder eyes than either of her friends.
"You're going to have to sit on the other side of me because Kate bought popcorn, even though she knows you hate the smell," the one with icy-blonde hair said, not even acknowledging Edward and I, or the fact that Tanya had just been talking to us.
"I'm sorry," the other woman, who was obviously Kate, said. "But I can't go to the movies without popcorn! That would be wrong."
When Tanya didn't say something fast enough, her friends seemed to register her sudden discomfort and their eyes slipped to us. Just like with Tanya, when the bitchy blonde saw Edward, her face went from annoyed to coquettish almost instantly.
"Hi. I'm Irina. I'm one of Tanya's sorority sisters," she said, brazen as anything, sticking out her hand for what I can only assume she thought would be an adoring kiss on the back of it. "And you are?"
Edward blinked at Irina before he answered her in an even tone. "I'm Edward and this is Bella." He gestured to me and I gave her a tight, but pleasant smile.
Irina looked between us and her friend, who still remained quiet, giving her a questioning look, as if to ask her what her deal was. But Tanya remained tight-lipped and even looked a little pale.
Probably sensing there was something wrong with her friend, while also being curious, Irina raised an eyebrow, first at me and then at Edward. "How do you know Tanya?"
I didn't quite know how to answer that question as there was an unspoken rule at the group meetings to not share details with people outside the group. Edward, however, didn't seem to feel such loyalty towards Tanya.
"We all go to a group meeting together," he said, matter-of-factly. His eyes flashed to Tanya, who definitely went a little paler.
"Aw," Kate sighed, her face falling. "Do you know someone with cancer, too? It's been so rough on Tan."
That truly stumped me and I couldn't stop a puzzled "What?" from escaping. What had she told her friends our group meetings were for?
Tanya suddenly seemed to snap out of whatever she was thinking about, her eyes bouncing around between the people on either side of her. "We actually have to get going because our movie will start soon," she said quickly, her voice a little too high. She put a hand on each of her friend's arms and it looked like she gave them a little jerk. "Come on, guys. They were just leaving."
Then Tanya turned around and left without another word. The other two stared at her retreating form for a moment, before Irina followed after her.
"Nice to meet you," Kate smiled then went to catch up with her sorority sisters.
I was trying to process what I thought I'd just heard when Edward started to walk towards the exit.
"Come on, Bella," he said, a slightly cross look on his face. I must have reacted obviously to him because his face softened. "Hey. Let's go home. We still have to lug all these bags up into your apartment."
Edward reached out and took the shopping bags from my hands. The tugging action pulled me forward and he stepped backwards, almost leading me to walk again. I released the bags from my grasp and he smiled at me again. Edward turned to walk beside me as we made our way out of the movies, then through the mall and out into the parking tower.
The whole time, my mind was replaying the small slip of information Kate had let slip and, consequently, Tanya's reaction. Do you know someone with cancer, too? Surely, she had just forgotten what kind of group her friend went to. She was sweet, but maybe she was living up to the 'ditzy sorority girl' stereotype you see in tv and film?
It's been so rough on Tan. Didn't that imply Kate was on close terms with Tanya? Enough to share deep personal tragedies. If one of my friends had shared something as traumatic as Tanya had been through with me, I would surely remember the details.
By the time we made it back to the car and had stowed everything in the trunk, I had come to only one conclusion. Tanya was a big phony.
"Was it just me or did it sound like Tanya is going to a cancer support group as well as ours?" I queried after Edward had pulled out of the parking spot. Maybe he hadn't put as much significance in Kate's response as I had?
That thought flew out the window when I saw Edward's furrowed expression though. "That's exactly what it sounded like," he said, his tone dripping with contempt. "I wonder if she lies as blatantly there as she does to us?"
"What do you mean?"
Edward's eyes quickly flash to mine before going back to the road. "Irina and Kate. Weren't those the names of her two friends who died in a school shooting in high school?"
Oh shit! I hadn't even picked up on that when I learned their names.
"Oh my God," I shook my head in disbelief. "That's… I hadn't even considered that she was lying that much."
"It sounds like she's going to different support groups and making up stories for - what? Sympathy? Like some sort of Munchausen syndrome? Or does she somehow get off on people's sadness? You said it was like she was there hunting for guys and that already she'd scared off the male group leader." By the of his rant, Edward seemed thoroughly disgusted.
"Or maybe she's starved of genuine human connection and seeks out people in their most vulnerable times to feel better about herself?" I offered as an alternative. "Like the guy from Fight Club."
My reference made him pause, the scowl sliding from his face before a laugh burst out of him. "You really think Tanya is that starved for human connection?"
"Probably not, no," I shrugged. "But I do think it's likely she'll try and beat the crap out of her friends when they get back to their sorority."
The image of a catfight between the three blondes made us both laugh.
"I wonder if she'll show her face on Monday," Edward mused more seriously after our chuckles died down. "Probably depends on how well she thinks she can lie to cover up her previous lies."
"Either way, I know I won't feel comfortable with her being there anymore." The idea of sitting across the circle from her again made me feel uneasy.
When I first started attending the support group, the old group leader had said that truth builds trust. It was clear to me now that Tanya had never been truthful, so I would never be able to trust her again.
"Don't worry. I won't let her get away with trying to come back."
From Edward's profile, I could see how tense his jaw was. I wondered if this was affecting him so strongly because of how he had started coming to the meetings. While his joining may not have had the most honest beginnings, he had only been hiding something from me. Edward may not have known it at the time, but he'd always belonged in our group.
He was nothing like Tanya, who didn't have an honest bone in her perfectly manicured body.
"What are you going to do?" I asked him. "Do you want us to talk to Angela about it?"
"Maybe. She should probably know," Edward agreed. "But if Tanya turns up on Monday, I'm going to talk to her myself. Tell her that she's not welcome and that if she insists, I'll tell everyone, then report her to the university and get her banned from all the groups offered by the program."
His firm tone and decisive nature left me slightly stunned. It didn't help that it came across as protectiveness and that made a warm tingle spread across my body.
"Wow." I tried to clear my throat discreetly. "That's sure to get the point across."
Edward chuckled again, though this time more humorlessly. "Now we just have to see if she shows up."
~oOo~
By the time six o'clock rolled around and Ange started the meeting, Tanya's seat was still blessedly empty. When it was clear she was a no-show, I looked at Edward with a conspiratorial smile, which he returned with a waggle of his eyebrows.
"I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving," Angela began, smiling at each of us. We all mumbled our replies that our holidays had been nice. "Before we adjourned a few weeks ago, we discussed our thoughts and feelings going into this emotional season, where we often miss our loved ones the most. But tonight, I would like us to discuss another issue we may face when getting together with our friends and family.
"This is a time of year when we may feel the need to lose ourselves in reminiscing, going over long treasured items, or when people feel the need to divulge long-held truths. Something you had previously been unaware of about your deceased loved one may be disclosed, so we must build strategies to help us when we are faced with these scenarios. Especially because the only person who could actually know the truth can't answer you."
Usually, I could understand Angela's thinking in her choice of direction to lead our group discussions. I had known her for so long, I could practically predict what she would say next. But tonight, I was having trouble following along with her train of thought. It certainly wasn't what I expected her to bring up tonight.
Then I noticed her body language. She was usually relaxed, yet tonight she sat angled in her chair, her shoulder curved away from me. It struck me then that she hadn't looked at me since she greeted everyone, which was extremely unusual. Angela made a point to make eye contact with everyone in the circle as she introduced our topic for the evening. She said people felt more connected to each other when you looked them in the eye, making them more comfortable to share. In such a small group, it was noticeable that I hadn't been included. At least it was to me.
Even if I hadn't noticed all that, Angela's next words would have clued me into the fact that she had ulterior motives. "Has anyone had to face secrets or truths from the past coming to light and how did you approach that situation?" she asked.
This was about me. It had to be. Truths coming to light? Secrets from our lost loved ones? It might seem conceited, but it honestly felt like my oldest friend was turning tonight's meeting into a giving-Bella-unsolicited-advice hour.
I could tell my jaw was tense as I sat, arms folded, through Judy's account of finding out details about her son's drug habit when an old friend of his had contacted her as part of his twelve-step program. Angela probed her on how she coped with those revelations. Had it affected her relationship with her son's memory? To Judy, it brought relief because she finally had closure on some pretty horrible memories.
Mitch, who had been sharing more often since he'd broken down the wall he had built up, lamented that he wished he could get similar closure. He had so many questions about his brother's death that the Army hadn't, or couldn't answer for him. He held out hope that a friend of Daniel's would contact him with answers one day.
Angela challenged him, asking what truth would give him the closure he wanted. Mitch said all he wanted to know was if his brother was alone when he died. Was the last thing he knew solitude, or did Daniel have one of his brothers by his side? Mitch knew he would probably never know the specifics of the situation, and of course, he hoped his brother hadn't been in too much pain, but he said wondering about those things was pointless. The answers to those questions would only hurt.
That sparked a debate about whether it was better to have the answers to everything, good or bad, like Judy had, or to keep yourself in the dark about things you knew would be painful to save yourself the torment.
My emotions simmered, as that was essentially the topic of our last conversation when I talked to her the previous week. Frankly, my feelings were a little hurt. It kind of seemed like she was dissecting my private pains in front of a live audience, like one of those old public surgeries.
Judy, of course, said that she would prefer to know, and deal with whatever may come up. In the end, it brought her more understanding of her son. Understanding then turned into forgiveness. Mitch was firm on his choices, though conceded that it definitely depend on the circumstances of the death. For him, he knew the reasons behind the lack of disclosure and was fine with it in the end.
Frank's response surprised Judy, as he agreed with Mitch. Apparently, after thirty years of marriage, he had learnt that sometimes ignorance truly was blissful. Everyone had things they hid from their families, even the ones they shared a bed with.
"What's your thoughts on this, Edward?" Angela asked, looking at him perceptively. She was also studiously ignoring the whole I was drilling into the side of her face with my eyes.
I could feel Edward look at me before he turned back to Angela. "I guess, I think it's entirely up to the circumstances. Each situation is so different." He released a slow, deep exhale as if he was gathering his thoughts or putting complex emotions into words. My eyes were drawn to him, concern for him overtaking my irritation with my friend. "Personally though, I believe there is something incredibly healing about the truth. Having everything out there lets you understand and eventually make choices. The truth means no wounds are left festering and you can finally heal."
Edward's eyes flashed to me once again and I knew he was talking about more than just the truth about Maria and me. He was talking about how much the way we met ate him up inside for so long. How finally telling me had relieved something inside him and he was finally letting himself rebuild his life after drowning in anxiety more so long.
"It sounds like you have experience with this as well," Angela stated as if it were in question, as though she didn't know everything.
Edward also knew I told her, so it didn't surprise me to see him give Ange a measured look. There was a long beat of silence before he replied. "Yes, I do," he said in a moderate tone, his arms crossed over his chest. "There's actually been a lot I discovered about my wife since she died. Life-changing things. I guess the difference between my situation and the others would be that everything I've found out would have been news to her too." He paused for a moment, his eyes closing briefly and the corners of his mouth twitching down.
"Maria was in my life since her parents brought her home from the hospital. We were childhood best friends turned high school sweethearts. We went to college together, got married, and had only ever dated each other. We didn't have secrets. There were things she didn't tell me, sure. She had a job and friends, and she didn't tell me every detail, but we knew everything important about each other.
"Maria wanted the answers I now have so badly. The fact that she never will hurts more than some of the discoveries did. While what's come to light has been… a bit messy sometimes, I can't be anything but grateful." There was an edge in his tone, perhaps admonition, directed at Angela. She had goaded him tonight and he was making it clear to her that he wasn't happy about it.
Edward didn't explain what he meant any further, though I'm sure Judy, Frank, and Mitch were curious. We hadn't ever talked about keeping our situation private, but it had always seemed too new and difficult to share, especially when things were moving so fast. Edward had followed my lead, so while he talked about Maria during the group sessions, what he said never ventured into a territory where my connection to her would be brought up.
Angela obviously understood she had overstepped. Her eyes flashed to me for the first time and she must have seen how upset I was because her eyes widened in apprehension. Thankfully, she decided not to persist with her line of questioning and turned her attention to Frank, asking him more about his philosophy of blissful ignorance.
With the focus off him, the tension seemed to leave Edward a little. As if he could feel my eyes on him, he looked back at me. I tried to show him how sorry I was for Angela going after him like that, but his small smile reassured me that he was okay.
While it had obviously not been good to be put on the spot by another of my friends, I knew nothing had changed between Edward and me.
~oOo~
We sat quietly for the first few minutes of the drive to my apartment. Both of us seemed to be lost in our own thoughts after such an uncomfortable meeting.
Angela had tried to come up to me when we were packing up. She wanted to appologize, but I cut her off before she could explain. In all honesty, I didn't want to hear her reasoning for bringing my personal situation into our group therapy right then. I told her that I knew she meant well and that I loved her, but she crossed a boundary tonight and I was going to need some time before my irritation passed.
She nodded, a sad look in her eye. "I'm really sorry, Bella," she'd said softly. I'd nodded back and quietly left to join Edward in the hall.
Neither of us had said anything as we walked to the car, but the silence had started to get to me.
It was Edward, though, that broke the tension first. "Well, that was awkward," he said, understating it.
With a sigh, I hung my head. "I'm sorry she cornered you like that. It's really not like Angela to do something like that."
I felt his light touch on my arm, making me look up and meet his gaze again. "Hey, it's okay," he assured me genuinely. "I'm not that surprised, to be honest."
"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.
"Well, you've told her about everything because she's one of your oldest friends. But she also knows a lot about me and Maria through the sessions. I'm sure she was curious, but we never bring our connection up. I suspected it was only a matter of time before she tried to talk to me about it all." Edward shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "Though, I did think she would have cornered me in the hallway or just asked to talk to me after group one night."
What he said gave me a whole new perspective on what happened tonight. Perhaps Angela wasn't trying to hammer home the advice she'd already given me, upsetting me in the process, but trying to get Edward to open up more. It was possible that she wanted to make sure he was dealing with all the new developments, just like she had with me.
"You know what would have been hilarious?" Edward asked in a lighter voice. "Watching how Tanya would have squirmed all night while Angela went on and on about facing the truth. She would have thought we'd orchestrated it to put her on the spot," he finished with a dark chuckle.
I couldn't help but laugh at the image, too. It was probably cruel of us, but that didn't stop us from finding it amusing.
"I'm kind of glad she didn't come, though," Edward said after the humor had passed, his tone more contemplative.
"Oh, me too. If I never see that bitch's face again it will be too soon." I wasn't usually one for name-calling, but the name seemed fitting in this circumstance.
"More that I don't think I could have handled Tanya feeling forced to make a dramatic confession of whatever the truth is," he explained. "I'm all 'dramatic-revelation-of-the-truth'ed out."
His turn of phrase made me smile, but I didn't say anything. Something twisted in my stomach, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
I could understand his feelings. Both Edward and I had had our worlds turned upside down since September with one dramatic revelation after another. It felt like we'd barely come to grips with one thing before some new and shocking information was uncovered. It had been overwhelming from the very beginning, but with each new truth, each new answer, it had begun to feel exhausting.
When Edward headfirst told me about Maria, I'd had a full breakdown. Hysterical crying and everything. After Em told us about Bree's past and about finding my aunt, I simply shut down. I cried for a little while, but after I'd just lain beside Rose in the dark in an almost catatonic state. Both revelations had been gut-wrenching, but after months of dealing with it all, I didn't have the energy to express those emotions in the same way.
It wasn't until I was lying in my bed, trying to fall asleep, that I fully allowed myself to think about why Edward's words had twisted my gut and my mind finally allowed the thought to come to fruition. There was a part of me that was finally able to face a dramatic truth of my own. Something I'd been fighting against for months, telling myself that it was impossible and wrong.
I had developed feelings for Edward, and I didn't how we could survive if that truth were ever revealed.