Hello again!
You have no idea how happy i am to have finished this chapter. Not just because my winter holidays finish tonight and I've stayed up eay to late in order to complete and post it, but because this is the biggest chapter I have written so far! I know I say that practically every time, but this time it felt like a true achievement to get this finished.
Now, if you were really keen to hear more about Aunt Jenny and what Bella is thinking about that, this chapter is not that. But I dont think anyone will be too upset to forgo those answers till next time.
It may be the middle of the year for us, but still - Happy New Year, everyone!
BPOV
"Wow," Rose gasped, craning her head left and right to look around the neighborhood where the Cullens lived. "Look at these houses!"
"They're bigger than some of the ones in your parent's gated community, babe," Emmett practically whistled. "And they're definitely a lot older, so you know these folk's money is older too."
"I don't think the Cullens are that wealthy," I protested from the back seat. I really hoped my brother wouldn't embarrass me by asking Esme or Carlisle about their net worth, or anything. "Edward has always just said they were well off, and Esme inherited the house from her grandparents when they died in the 80s."
"Don't delude yourself, Bells," my brother scoffed in amusement. "She might have inherited the house, but they've been able to keep it all this time. They must be loaded to afford the property taxes alone. And then there's Edward," Emmett's eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, a twinkle in them. "Who's able to work independently as a musician and not worry about money. I bet he received a hefty trust fund from a grandparent or something."
I rolled my eyes back at him. "Please tell me you won't talk about this stuff when we're there."
Emmett pretended to contemplate my request before a sly grin overtook his face. "Can I at least ask if they know any famous people who live around here?"
That made me laugh and I nodded back. "Go ahead."
"It's just up here," Rose pointed to the left as she looked down at the map on her phone.
Though I had been here a handful of times, Emmett didn't trust me to navigate us and insisted Rose get the direction from the map. I didn't really blame him, as I had gotten us lost more than once, in a range of different scenarios.
"Holy shit!" Emmet exclaimed when the car came around the large hedge that provided the house privacy from the road.
"Wow," Rose said, her eyes bugging out a little at the sight of the Cullen's home.
I couldn't blame them for their reactions. I'd been impressed the first time I'd seen the large house, but it was definitely more spectacular in the fading light, the stained glass windows glowing like jewels in the twilight.
The sight of Jasper's car, as we pulled up alongside it, drew Rose and Emmett's attention away from the fairytale-like manor.
"I wonder how long Jasper's been here?" Emmett wondered, turning off the car.
"Did he text you to tell you he beat us here, Bella?" Rose asked, checking her messages to see if she'd missed one from her brother.
"No. But maybe he just arrived," I shrugged, reaching across the seat to get the box with the desserts I'd made for the party Alice had organized. I'd spent the better part of the last two days making bourbon balls and rum truffles, a batch of cookies and cream millionaire's shortbread (at Emmett's request), and a decadent chocolate pie I'd been dying to try the recipe for.
Emmett got all of our bags from the trunk of the car. Esme had offered for us to stay the night, so no one would have to drive late at night, insisting that they had enough room for everyone. I don't know whether she did it for me, somehow knowing my anxiety around driving, or just to be caring but we'd all gratefully accepted.
Emmett decided to take full advantage of the opportunity and had also bought a case of Blue Moon to bring, just in case they only had 'fancy beers or cocktails'. When I told him Esme and Carlisle were more likely wine people, he'd said that was worse.
As we made out way up the path to the front door, it swung open and Alice came counting out. "Yay! You're here!" she said as she hugged Rose and then moved to awkwardly embrace me around the box in my arms.
"We've set everything up at the boathouse and were just waiting for you guys to arrive before we head down," Alice went on, leading us into the house.
It was then that I noticed Jasper waiting in the foyer, his hands tucked in his pockets and a hesitant smile on his face.
"Hey Jazz," I greeted him with a smile back. "When did you get here?"
"Ah… Not too long ago," he answered after a pause. "I helped set up for a bit and have been keeping Alice company since Edward went upstairs to jump in the shower."
The thought of Edward nakd up in his bathroom at this very moment stunned me motionless. My heart skipped as I felt goosebumps erupt all over my skin. It took a second for my brain to reboot itself, but thankfully Emmett and Rose had been saying their own hellos to Jasper and no one had noticed.
I didn't snap out of my daze until Alice began to move in the direction of the kitchen. Collecting myself, I followed behind everyone, sparing a final glance up the stairs.
Esme was coming through the back door by the kitchen when we came through the living room. She looked as elegant as ever in a soft-looking cream sweater, tan slacks, and knee-high boots. I was setting the box of desserts on the counter when she saw us.
"Bella! You made it!" she said excitedly, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around me, squeezing me gently in a motherly way. "Happy New Year, sweetheart."
"Happy New Year, Esme," I said warmly as we pulled apart. "Though we've still got a few hours to go until the ball drops."
She waved off my comment with a grin. "I know, I know. I'm just so happy you all wanted to come and spend the evening here. Alice has been so excited and we've made sure that everything that's needed to make New Year's Even special is down at the boathouse."
Esme's eyes then drifted to Emmett and Rose behind me. "Oh my! You must be Rosalie! It's so nice to meet you in person." She stepped over and pulled an unsuspecting Rose into a hug. Alice had recruited Esme to help in decorating the nursery for the twins, seeing as it was literally Esme's job. The three of them had had a conference call to discuss design ideas and color options for the walls.
Esme pulled back and held Rose at arm's length, looking up over with a beaming smile. "My word, you're gorgeous! And you practically glow from the pregnancy."
Rose was wearing a long black bodycon dress that hugged every curve of her round belly, which looked large for being only six months along. Even heavily pregnant, she looked like a bombshell.
I'd never seen Rose so taken aback and bashful. She wasn't so easily won over, but just like with me, Esme had instantaneously worked her way into Rose's heart. "Thank you, Esme. It's nice to finally meet you, too."
"And this must be your lucky husband, and Bella's brother, Emmett," Esme said, turning her gaze up at my behemoth of a brother.
Emmett, of course, flashed his dimpled smile and it was obvious Esme was taken with him right away. "At your service, ma'am," he said smoothly, taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it like an old-fashioned gentleman.
Emse laughed lightly, swatting at my brother with her other hand. "Well, aren't you a charmer?"
Jasper chuckled lowly. "Yeah, and laying it on a bit thick," he mumbled under his breath, only loud enough for Alice and me standing on either side of him to hear clearly.
"Hey!" Edward's surprised voice from the arched doorway immediately drew my attention away from my brother.
He looked like he'd just stepped off the pages of a GQ photo spread. He was wearing a dark green pullover that complemented his verdant green eyes, the collar of a white t-shirt layered underneath peaking out, and dark blue jeans. His hair was wet and tousled, and he looked freshly shaved. All in all, Edward looked casual, yet put together, and exceptionally handsome.
"Hi," I breathed, suddenly feeling tongue-tied when I realized I hadn't responded.
Edward made his way towards us and tugged me into a brief hug before turning to shake Em's hand and give a small wave hello to Rose.
His presence must have reminded Esme that we had been standing in the kitchen for nearly ten minutes. "Why don't I show you to the rooms I made up for you and then give you a quick tour?" she suggested. "Then we can take the last of the supplies down to the party."
We all followed after Esme, back through the living room and up the stairs. She was explaining the house's history and answering Rose's questions when Edward tugged on my hand and we fell to the back of the group.
"How are you?" he asked, his eyes capturing mine in their snare.
"I'm good," I answered lamely. "How are you?"
Edward chuckled. "I'm good, too. Looking forward to tonight. You look great, by the way." His hand ran through his hair, something that he did when he was uncomfortable.
"Thanks," I practically sighed, my face flushing.
I was wearing a dark blue, corduroy pinafore dress over a grey long-sleeve turtleneck, a pair of black leggings, and my knee-high boots. Half my hair was pulled back into a ponytail, which I'd tied a blue ribbon I had left over from a Christmas present around, while the rest flowed freely down my back. The locket Edward had given me was around my neck, the silver gleaming against the muted grey of my shirt.
I almost cried when I opened the gift he had given me to open on Christmas day. I became so choked up, Rose and Sue leaned over to see if I was okay. Everyone was impressed with the incredibly thoughtful gift, but I still hadn't found the right words to describe what it meant to me. I had worn it every day since.
We finally caught up to the others, who were in the room Emmett and Rose were going to stay in. Esme showed them the bathroom, which was conjoined to the room I'd be sleeping in next door. Apparently, Jasper had snagged the room with the single ensuite when he got here early.
Before I knew it, we were back downstairs, everyone rugging up to head outside and down to the lake for the evening. It turned out that Esme had a couple of golf carts for events like tonight, so we loaded up the desserts and Emmett's beers, as well as a few more blankets.
Edward got behind the wheel of the cart with all the supplies in it, patting the seat beside him and telling me to jump in. Esme slid into the back seat, holding the box with all the baked goods steady as Edward put his foot down to make us go.
Behind us, the others all jumped in the other cart. With Alice diving, it didn't take long before they overtook us, zipping past us. I could hear my brother hollering like a child, Rose yelling at him to be quiet, the whole short journey down to the lake.
Edward pulled sedately up beside them as they all stumbled out, Emmett still in hysterics as Rose batted his arm and told him to stop acting like a teenager. Jasper and Alice were both laughing at them like they were the best comedy act.
Their antics had drawn Carlisle around from the outdoor kitchen, his eyes alight with amusement. He was casually dressed in a dark blue cardigan sweater and chinos, a black apron tied around his waist. "Well, good evening everyone," he greeted us heartily, which at least got Emmett to settle down. Carlisle then turned to me with a warm smile. "Welcome back, Bella. Happy New Year."
"Thank you, Carlisle. And happy New Year to you, too." I hadn't spent as much time with Carlisle as I had Esme, but it was enough to know he was a kind and genuine person.
His attention slid behind me to my brother and Rose. Jasper had said he'd been helping set things up, so they had probably met already. I was just about to make the introductions when Carlisle's eyes lit with recognition.
"Nurse Hale?" he asked in surprise.
Rose gave a small wave, a slightly uncomfortable look on her face. "Hi, Dr Cullen."
"You two already know each other?" Esme asked, looking between her husband and my sister-in-law.
"Yes," Carlisle nodded. "Nurse Hale was the midwife on a case last year of a baby with Ectopia Cordis." Esme gave him a look and he quickly explained the scientific lingo. "The baby's heart was growing outside of its body."
Esme gasped, her hand instinctively going to the small gold cross around her neck. "Oh my."
Carlisle turned back to Rose, his expression amused. "I don't know why I didn't make the connection between you and Bella earlier, but now I feel a tab foolish."
"Don't worry about it, Dr Cullen. We've only really worked together that one time, so I didn't think even you'd remember me."
"It's hard to forget the way you stood up for your patient in front of Dr Matthews," Carlisle said with a chuckle. "That man was a pompous ass and I was more than pleased when he transferred to California. And we're not at the hospital; how about you call me Carlisle and I'll call you Rosalie?"
Rose laughed, probably agreeing about whoever Dr Matthews was. She dealt with a lot of pompous asses and would often have to stand up for the women and babies in her car. "Just Rose is fine."
"And you," said Carlisle as his eyes widened, taking in the sheer mass that was my brother. "Must be Emmett. I hear you are the Sherlock Holmes of Seattle."
That made Emmett crack up again. "Minus the deerstalker and pipe, maybe. Nice to meet you." He stepped forward and shook Carlisle's hand, Emmett's large fist engulfing the older mans.
Edward and Jasper grabbed the drinks and desserts from the golf cart while the rest of us followed Calilse, Alice, and Esme around to the large deck that looked out over Lake Washington.
"Holy sh-" Emmett started to swear but was cut off by a quick thump to his chest from Rose.
"This is gorgeous, Esme," she covered for him. Her eyes wandered from the spectacular view to the fully extravagant outdoor kitchen, with any amenity you could think of. "Thank you so much for having us."
"It's our pleasure, my dear," Esme said, moving towards the kitchen. "Now can I get anyone a drink? We've got sodas and punch, and the bar is fully stocked, so we can make cocktails. I know you brought some beer, but we have others, as well as wine."
It was then that I noticed the many different small bowls and plates covering one of the counters, filled with a vast variety of ingredients for making pizzas.
"Oh my God, Alice!" I exclaimed, eyeing the abundance in slight horror. "How much food do you think we'll be making?"
Luckily she didn't take offense and just giggled at my dumbstruck expression. "We needed a variety for the pizza competition," Alice said as if it was completely obvious.
"We're having a pizza competition!" Emmett shouted in excitement.
"Yes!" she said, mirroring my brother's enthusiasm. "I thought we could have a Pizza Tournament." Alice dropped her voice as if she was announcing a WWE match. "Each of us go head to head against another to make the best pizza. The winner goes on to the next round until a champion is crowned. Or until we're so full, we barf."
"Alice," Esme scolded her daughter's choice of words.
Emmett laughed heartily, though. "I knew I liked you, Pixie. Tonight is going to be epic!"
~oOo~
It didn't take long for everyone to relax into the party spirit. Esme made a batch of champagne spritzers to start everyone off, while the boys made sure the fire pit was blazing, with plenty of wood to add if it died down.
Alice drew names on small strips of paper out of a cup to decide who would go first in the competition she had planned. Jasper and Carlisle were selected, though Carlisle fully admitted he would be the loser of their round as he was a terrible cook. It was an easy and unanimous decision to award Jasper's pizza with hot sopressa salami, grilled peppers, chilli, and capers the better of the two.
Emmett lost spectacularly to Esme, which no one was surprised at either. Emmett had gone in overconfident, thinking that his deep love of eating pizza would naturally translate into an innate understanding of how to make a delicious one. He was wrong. He put way too many things on top that the crust could barely hold up. It didn't help that Esme was a wonderful cook, with over thirty years experience of cooking for her family.
The battle between Rose and I was a tight one, with me only winning by one vote. In the end, my combination of sausage, thinly sliced potatoes, and caramelized onions was deemed the winner over Rose's salami, mozzarella, and roasted eggplant. Rose may have pouted a little at losing to me, but it paled in comparison to Alice's sulking when Edward's simple mushroom pizza won out over her adventurous pairing of steak strips, hot peppers, and pineapple.
By the time Alice had dubbed the first round of the tournament complete, we were all so full, the idea of making any more pizzas made us all feel a bit ill. Well, except for Emmett, who said we were all weak for tapping out before we had crowned the champion. Jasper said he could be the Champion of Eating, which Emmett immediately accepted before heading back to the kitchen to make himself another pie as a 'snack'.
It was well and truly dark, far-off lights glinting on the water were the only signs of other people. We all sat around the fire pit, its warm glow and the strings of lights that were strung overhead were the only sources of light.
Even though it was cold, we were all toasty and warm. Not just from the fire crackling, but from the alcohol we had been drinking while we were arguing over the food. The whole group, besides Rose, was well on their way to drunk.
My entire body had a warm tingly feeling and it felt like my toes kept disappearing. I was happier than I'd been in a very long time. It was partly the alcohol, but it was also being surrounded by people who knew and accepted me. People who I had loved for a long time and people I was just beginning to let into my heart.
The conversation hadn't stopped. It started with Carlisle asking harmless getting-to-know-you questions about Rose and Jasper's life growing up in Texas, and soon morphed into the siblings trying to one-up embarrassing stories.
It started with Rose telling a story about how Jasper had asked a senior to prom when he was a sophomore and was turned down in front of nearly the whole school. Jasper retaliated with the fact that Rose had braces for nearly years in middle school. Different anecdotes were vaulted back and forth, and before long, Alice got dragged into it.
"At least it didn't take me four tries to get my driver's permit," Rose taunted her brother. For being the only person not drinking, she was acting like an immature teen.
Alice snorted, cutting her off. "That's nothing. Edward didn't get his license until the sixth time."
"Hey!" Edward cried in defence. "They only failed me because I was going too fast. Everything else was perfect."
"And that makes it better because?..." she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"At least it's not a lame reason to fail," he pouted.
Hearing that, Carlisle tutted. "We must have done something wrong, Es, if our son thinks speeding makes him cool," he lamented to his wife.
"At least I wasn't the child that nearly got ran out of elementary school because people thought they were a witch," Edward opposed, his voice taking on a petulant tone in his inebriation.
Emmett's booming laugh cut through whatever response Alice was going to make, distracting everyone with his delight. "People thought you were a witch? Why?!"
Alice giggled. "It was a complete misunderstanding," she answered cryptically.
"Pfffft," Edward dismissed. "Lie! You told kids in your class you were psychic and could predict the future. Then you told that kid, Bradley something, that his pet fish was going to die. And when it did, he told everyone you had put a curse on him."
"Bradley Pointer," Alice remembered, shaking her head. "God, he was such an idiot! He was so stupid, I knew as soon as he told everyone his dad got him a fish, he was going to kill it. It was kind of funny seeing his face the next day," she laughed. "He was terrified of me."
"It wasn't quite so funny when I was called in to see the principal because Patricia Henderson wanted you expelled for practising witchcraft in front of her daughter," Esme rebuked, one of her eyebrows raised.
"How was it my fault that Katy's family were a bunch of religious wackjobs?!" Alice asked, throwing her hands up and rolling her eyes.
Esme ignored her daughter's question, still shaking her head at the memory. "The gall of that woman, accusing an eight-year-old of corrupting her 'precious baby' and demanding you be removed, not just from her daughter's class, but from the entire school. And then, when the principal refused, going to the PTA and demanding they do something about the plague of evil that had befallen the school."
Carlisle laughed at his wife's outburst. "I have to say, watching you call her a zealot and dress her down in front of everyone was both incredibly funny and wildly arousing."
"Ew!" yelled Edward at the same time that Alice screamed "Dad!" His children's obvious disgust only amused Carlisle more as he continued to chuckle.
"That's hilarious!" Emmett laughed along with him. "I knew you were a wicked little pixie!"
Alice huffed indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Like you didn't do anything embarrassing as a kid."
"Oh, he definitely did," I assured her, unable to control the sly smirk that had taken over my face.
"He told me that he once tried to do an eating challenge at the diner while on a first date and it ended with him throwing up all over the poor girl's shoes," Rose snickered.
"Or what about when he ran out of a party Charlie was breaking up, right into the woods? He got turned around and spent the entire night under a tree," Jasper joined in. "Then when he finally found his way home in the morning, Em tried to convince Charlie that he'd just been on an impromptu camping trip. In the middle of the night, without any equipment."
Emmett scowled at the twins, though we could tell from his eyes that he was still being playful. He'd always been a joker, so he knew how to not take anything too seriously. Which was good, because I couldn't help but want to join in on their fun and I was sure I knew way more of his embarrassing secrets than either Rose or Jasper.
"What about when Dad took him fishing and he got the hook caught on his own butt?" I giggled. "He had to lie down on his stomach in the back seat to drive to the hospital because the lure would come out."
That one made all of the Cullens crack up. Alice was clutching her side and laughing so hard, her eyes had begun to glisten.
"Yeah, yeah. Yak it up," Emmett grumbled good-naturedly. "It's not like I don't have stories about you too, Bells."
"Yes, but they're probably all about me tripping over something stupid or being clumsy, though. So, do they really all count?" I shrugged, taking a sip from my half-finished cocktail to hide my cheeky smile.
Thankfully, the conversation drifted back to safer topics and more pleasant memories. Esme and Carlisle seemed to be just as interested in getting to know my family as they did in me, asking genuine questions and making sure we all felt comfortable.
I hadn't had as much fun or been as relaxed as I was in a very long time. For nearly three years I'd had something weighing me down in one way or another. As soon as one burden had eased, another came along to replace it. First with losing William, then Jacob. Then, when I finally thought I'd begun to put my life back together, Edward came into my life and turned it all upside down again. The last few months had been one stress after the other, with either truths or secrets taking up most of my thoughts.
I still hadn't told Edward about the newest connection between my sister and me. I wasn't ready to talk about my son or his death. But I knew I was going to have to tell him before the thirtieth. There would be no hiding my emotions then and I doubted Edward would ignore my disappearing to deal with my depression. The longer I left it, the harder it was going to be, and I knew that.
But then I looked at him and I couldn't imagine what I would do if he turned his back on me. I watched him, laughing with his family and with mine as we all joked and reminisced. The sight of him usually made left me a little speechless but seeing Edward so happy was breathtaking.
His eyes sparkled as he threw his head back at something Jasper said, like emeralds refracting light, the corners of his eyes crinkling ever so lightly with mirth. His smile was so charming, whenever it was aimed at me, my heart practically vaulted out of my chest. Every time he ran his hand through his hair, I got distracted by the flex of his arm, and the trail of his fingers, and the way his bronze locks stood up before settling down into a tousled mess.
It could have been the alcohol, but I felt something I hadn't felt for years. Hot and bothered.
Emmett's voice eventually cut through the fog of my inappropriate lust, bringing me back to reality a little. He was telling Carlisle about the gift Dad had given me for my birthday and the way I used to cry when we used to go dolphin watching on the cliffs.
"Her eyes used to get so big and watery, I swear Dad would have dived in and swam with the damn things himself if it would have made her feel better," my brother chuckled.
Edward smiled at me then and I was plunged straight back into the depths of my crush. At least until Esme's light gasped threw ice on me and pulled me back to reality.
"Maria used to do that, too," Esme said surprised. "Whenever an animal was alone in their enclosure, she used to get so upset. Carmen thought it was because she loved the story of Noah's Arc and thought all animals had to be two by two."
Edward winked at me. "Tally," he chuckled.
I laughed breathily at him as I felt my cheeks begin to heat, draining my drink to try and cover my embarrassment. My heart skipped both because of his beauty and the guilt of keeping something about Maria a secret from him.
"You knew Maria her entire life," Rose turned to Esme curiously. "Would you tell us what she was like as a little kid?"
Esme smiled sentimentally, a glazed look in her eyes. "She was such a spunky little girl. She always had to do everything first. If she and Edward were playing, she was always the one in charge."
"You mean she was bossy?" Edward smirked, raising his eyebrow at his mother's description.
"She was definitely bossy," Carlisle agreed, a fond look settling on his relaxed face.
"She was very funny, even as a child," Esme went on. "Maria loved to put on dances and entertain us all, and generally be the centre of attention. This also meant she was very… innovative. She was caught more than once trying to creatively lie her way of trouble," she chuckled.
"It's probably one of the things that made her a great lawyer," Alice interjected. She, too, looked wistful as she remembered someone who was like a sister, in more ways than one.
Edward laughed at her observation. "Probably."
"I would have said it was her attention to detail and incredible determination," Esme challenged.
"See, I would have called that stubbornness," Carlisle chuckled to himself, though it was lough enough that everyone was clearly able to hear.
It was obvious that they all missed Maria greatly.
Esme ignored her husband and kept her focus on Rose. "Maria knew exactly what she wanted and never let anyone get in her way. Even as a baby. If she knew Edward was around, she would cry and scream until we put them together. It didn't matter what he was doing, she had to be there with him."
Again, Carlisle, who had probably had more to drink than I'd ever seen him have before, chuckled and mumbled to himself. Though this time, his words had me ducking my head to hide my frown.
"That's soulmates for ya," he sighed. "She knew it from the very beginning."
It was hard to hear so many things I craved to know about my sister while at the same time, having to hear the deep love Edward had for her. As much as I wished to know Maria, I would never know her like the Cullens. She was a huge part of their family, even before she and Edward got married.
A dark part of me worried that, no matter what kind of relationship I end up having with the Cullens, on some level, they might always see me as a knockoff. An imitation of the girl they all loved.
No one else seemed to notice my sudden gloom, thankfully. I quickly got up and made my way to the bar to pour myself another drink from the jug of Prosecco punch Esme had made earlier. I already felt a little light-headed, but that didn't stop me from finishing half my glass before I returned to my seat around the firepit.
Instantly, I regretted not bringing the rest of the jug over when my brother's playful eyes shifted over to me. "You know," Emmett chuckled. "She sounds a lot like Jake in that regard."
"Bella's fiance?" Alice asked, a little confused at the connection.
"Yup," my brother grinned. "He had a crush on Bella probably his entire life. When he was thirteen and she was fourteen, Bells got asked out on her first date when we were down at La Push one day. Jake hears this kid asking her to hang out at the diner and pipes up, confident as anything, and says "You might as well go on the date. But just so you know, I'm going the one you're gonna marry", then just walked off down the beach!" Emmett was barely able to contain his amused snorts as he continued talking. "You should have seen both of their faces! The kid just gapping like a fish while Bella blushed so red it look like she'd gotten sunburned!"
While everyone laughed, charmed by the sweet childhood story, I couldn't help but think there was more truth to my brother's statement than he knew.
Maria and Jake did have a lot of similarities. From what it sounded like, they had similar senses of humor and both had outgoing personalities. They were both stubborn and hard to shift when they knew what they wanted. Hell, she rode motorbikes and loved to cook, probably just as much as Jake liked eating.
She likely would have gotten along well with him, and Jake would have probably really liked her. In a way, Maria could have been his ultimate dream girl.
It surprised me a little how much that idea didn't hurt, at least not in the ways I thought it would. It was almost poetic. Here I was, guilt-ridden over falling for the man she loved, when the man I lost may have chosen her over me if they had ever met.
I tried to shake off as much of my inebriated thoughts as I could and rejoin the conversation. I had made a promise to myself that I would forget all the confusing and complex things going on in my life tonight and have fun. I needed a break from all the emotional turmoil, even if I had to force myself.
~oOo~
It was nearing eleven and Esme and I had decided to use the leftover ingredients to make as many pizzas as we could. Esme had said the food would all go to waste otherwise, we could each take as much as we wanted home to eat or freeze them for later.
We were both more than a little tipsy and couldn't stop laughing as we came up with random different pizza combinations. Esme was at least clearheaded enough to work the oven without hurting herself, which left me to let my imagination run wild.
I was sprinkling fetta cheese over my latest concoction of spicy sausage, roasted eggplant, and jalapenos when I overheard Rosalie's suggestion in a conversation I hadn't been following.
"You should let me set you up with one of the nurses in my team," she said.
I looked up, wondering who she was talking to, only to see she was smiling at Edward. The cheese I'd been holding crumbled in my hands and I bit down on my lip to stop myself from yelling at my sister-in-law to shut up.
My eyes darted to Edward, thankful when he look genuinely uncomfortable with Rose's offer. "No, thank you," he said politely, though I could hear the strain in his voice he got when he was trying to hold in his true feelings.
The breath I'd been holding released, hearing him refuse the proposition. My relief was short-lived when I thought about the fact that he may not always turn the proposed dates down in the future. He was still young, and incredibly attractive. Some day there might be someone who finally makes him happy again.
"You sure?" Rose tried dangling the bate again. "I know a few people who you may really like."
"Who?" Carlisle asked abruptly, his voice incredibly loud. It was clear he had passed through buzzed to full-on drunk. "I know so many people at that hospital and I just wonder who you might pick to go on a date with this handsome son-of-a-gun." he finished by jabbing his pointer into Edward's chest, who took his father's hand gently and pushed him back into his chair.
"There's another midwife named Larissa who I think you might like." This time Rose seemed more sincere, like she had actually put thought into someone for him. The idea of her actually wanting to set him up with a woman made the green-eyed monster inside of me rear its ugly head.
I knew I had no right to feel possessive. Edward wasn't mine and he never would be. He had belonged to my sister from the day they met and he still grieved her loss fiercely.
But still, it was harder and harder to ignore my ever-growing feelings. After Jake died, I never thought I'd feel that way again. Yet, what I felt for Edward ran deep so quickly, it was hard to keep track of it, let alone stop it from happening. I found myself thinking of him whenever my mind was unoccupied, wishing I was with him any time I wasn't. I wanted to talk to him about my day and ask him what he thought on any old random topic.
Pining. That's what I was doing.
"Don't bother, Rose," Alice sighed at her. "He's too stubborn to agree to go out with anyone unless he actually wants to. Trust me. He's an old fuddy-duddy that way."
I had been staring over at Edward so intently, chewing on my lip, that I didn't notice Esme come up slowly beside me until her soft voice interrupted my thoughts.
"He wouldn't agree to that, you know," she said softly.
"W-what?"
Esme looked at me kindly, her gaze more knowing than I really understood. She studied me for a moment, concern evident on her face. I didn't know what she was looking for, but I felt the need to look away. My eye's wandered back to her son, talking to his sister with a laid-back smile on his face.
"Even if Edward was the kind of person to feel comfortable on a blind date, he wouldn't agree to it," Esme explained.
"It's not really any of my business," I shrugged one shoulder, trying to sound unaffected.
Esme placed her hand on my arm, both comforting and consoling. Her expression was surprisingly serious and it was clear she was contemplating her words carefully. "I know the situation is… complicated. I know you two haven't known each other for that long but you mean a great deal to him, Bella."
She paused and looked over at her son. I wondered what she was thinking when she watched him. Did she see someone still lost in grief for his first love or a man with a healing heart? Edward was close with his mother, so maybe she could offer me an insight into how soon I might have my own barely-mended heart broken?
"He wouldn't want-" Esme began saying, but before she could finish her thought, our bubble was broken by my brother's booming voice.
"Hell yeah! Look at all these pizzas!" he whooped as he stumbled around the sofas and over to the kitchen. His eyes lit up and he took in the number Esme and I had been making, looking like a kid in a candy store. Or maybe a pizza store.
I quickly looked away from Esme, whose eye lingered on me. Brushing my hands on the towel beside me, I discreetly cleared the nervous energy from my throat and took a step closer to Emmett.
"You already had two pizzas already," I pointed out, my voice as cheerful as I could manage. "Do you really think you could fit another?" Teasing my brother like that was like waving a red flag at a bull.
"Yes, Emmett. We wouldn't want you to ruin anyone's shoes tonight," Esme grinned cheekily.
Emmett shot her an overconfident smirk in return as he puffed up his chest. "Don't you worry, Mrs C. I've grown up quite a bit since then and handle way more than that now," he said, smacking his firm stomach as if to imply it took peak physical endurance to eat as much as he did.
I did, however, know the extent of my brother's capabilities, as well as his stubborn need to rise to any challenge.
"You promised you wouldn't embarrass me tonight," I rolled my eyes.
"Um, no," he said like a valley girl, a smug smile on his face. "You only made me promise to steer clear of topics like property taxes. Which I didn't! Now, Alice invited me to an all-you-can-eat pizza party and I have yet to eat all I can." He smacked his lips comically and rubbed his belly.
"And you won't if you want to sleep in the same bed as me tonight!" Rose called over. "There's no way I'm going to be kept up all night listening to your stomach gurgle trying to digest all that."
"Ah, Rosie!" Emmett whined, sounding like a petulant child. "Can't I have one more? I just want a snack 'cause I'm hungry. "
Rose rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Fine. But just one!" she conceded.
"Thanks babe!" Emmett cheered, quickly turning around to take the tray with one of the freshest pizzas on it and threw me a devious wink.
It wouldn't surprise me if he had known exactly what he was doing to get what he wanted. Emmett and Rose's marriage was a confusing game of 'who's in charge'. It often confused me how much my brother liked letting Rose boss him around, but he always seemed to be in on it. If he'd just come up and grabbed more food, Rose probably would have scolded him and told him to put it back. But Emmett made it her idea, so now he was the good boy following his wife's orders.
I could feel Esme's eyes on me as I watched my brother go and sit back beside his wife. I was nervous to know what she was going to say before Emmett interrupted her. I was afraid she was going to say something about how much my friendship meant to Edward and that he wouldn't want to date anyone I didn't get along with.
I certainly wouldn't be able to keep my face composed if she called me his 'friend' right then.
Before she could say anything, I handed her the tray with the long completed pizza on it and smiled tightly. "I'll get started on another," I said, making it clear I didn't want to talk about Edward anymore. "I think about three more and we'll be done."
I turned back to the counter and started to work on another pizza, all the while praying Esme wouldn't guess how heartsick I was.
~oOo~
When midnight struck, all eight of us were gathered along the railing of the deck, watching fireworks light the night sky from different points around the lake. The vibrant sparkles twinkled in the reflection on the dark water as they exploded in the air.
I could see the puffs of my breath in front of me, but I was toasty warm. The guys had pulled over a few standing heaters, so even though we were huddled together on the edge of the dark lake, we were comfortable. The music playing from the speakers behind us added a soundtrack to the magical moment.
"It's beautiful," I whispered, in awe of the extraordinary sight.
"It really is," Edward agreed, his rich voice low and reverent.
I looked up at him, smiling, as he looked down at me. A bright red burst illuminated Edward's face, but I knew the sparkle in his eyes wasn't a reflection of the colored sparks.
For a second, my heart skipped and it felt like it had been shot into my throat. I chewed on my lip to contain the grin that wanted to grow and quickly turned my head away so I could gather myself. I took deep breaths as inconspicuously as I could to calm my galloping heart.
On the other side of me, Rose was wrapped in Emmett's arms, pulled tight against his chest. Every few seconds, one of them would lean in and steal a tender kiss before they both looked back to the lights.
Looking at them, I felt a confusing mixture of pure love and jealousy. No matter how much I denied it, I wanted what they had. And more than anything else, I wanted it with Edward.
After about fifteen minutes, the fireworks petered out, and the only lights left were the strung bulbs crisscrossing the deck and the crescent moon in the sky.
Esme broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over us after the crackling rockets finally faded. "Alright, kids. Thank you for a lovely night, but I'm going to put this old man to bed." Carlisle nodded sleepily, the influence of the alcohol he'd steadily consumed all night still in effect.
We chorused out goodnights, but Rose pulled out of Emmett's arms. "I'll come up with you, Esme. I'm exhausted by nine on a regular night these days," she said. "Would you like me to drive?"
Esme smiled gratefully. "Thank you, dear."
"I'm coming, baby," Emmett yawned, moving to follow Esme, Carlisle, and Rose back out to the golf carts.
"What? No!" Alice complained. "Not you too, Em! We're supposed to party all night!"
Emmett simply chuckled, shaking his head but still walking away. "Sorry, Pixie. Where my girl goes, I go." He waved back at her and winked before whirling around and leaving.
"Are you guys sticking around?" she asked, looking over to me and Edward.
We glanced at each other, trying to gauge the other's thoughts. Even though the idea of being tucked up in bed sounded mightily appealing, I wasn't eager for the night, or my carefree time with Edward, to end.
"I've got a little bit more in me," I answered her, which instantly made Alice squeal and clap her hands.
"Yay!" she cheered. "I'm going to make us some more drinks!" Then she spun around and danced over to the bar, pulling out random bottles and sniffing them.
"I'm going to go make sure she doesn't poison any of us," Jasper chuckled and strolled over to Alice.
That left Edward and I alone, standing under the warming aura of the heater. The night suddenly felt still and quiet, snippets of the other parties being held barely reaching us.
I moved to sit on one of the nearby Adirondack chairs, facing out over the serene water, boarded by shadowy trees and lit by the light of the moon. Edward stepped away for a second, only to return and drap a soft blanket on my lap before taking a seat in the chair beside me.
The other two had changed the music to some alternative rock band that had been around when we were in high school, and Alice had come over and dropped off two glasses of a questionable-looking concoction. Thankfully it tasted much better than the swampy blue color suggested.
"So, have you got any New Year's resolutions?" Edward asked after Alice had skipped away again.
To be honest, it was something I hadn't even thought about. I had been so occupied, thinking about the letter I had written to my aunt and how I wanted the whole situation to be resolved, that a New Year's resolution was the last thing on my mind.
"No, not really," I admitted with a shrug. "What about you?"
"Oh yeah," he nodded. "I was trying to decide between figuring out my ultimate purpose in life or flossing more regularly."
"Both seem a little unachievable, if you ask me," I laughed. Edward joined in, his rich chuckle rolling over me and making my skin prickle. "You know, if you were a dentist, you fulfil both of your resolutions. Maybe what you really need is a career change."
Edward wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Ew. No, thank you. Poking around in people's mouths all day does not sound like my purpose in life." he studied me for a moment, his head tilted at a curious angle. "You really haven't made any resolutions this year?"
"I haven't had that much time to think about it," I said honestly.
He replied to that with an indulgent smile. "Well, make one up now. What's something you want out of this year?"
My lip found its way between my teeth as I sifted through all the things I wanted in the coming year. The one thought that kept drifting to the top was that what I truly wanted was him. But of course, I couldn't say that without making an absolute fool of myself.
"Okay. Well, how about that I want to read a book every month? And maybe more in the Summer holidays, but yeah. Is that a good one?" I rambled, feeling awkward.
Smiling at me in the way that stops my heart for a beat again, Edward leaned over to bump my shoulder. "It's a great one. And much more achievable than my whole flossing thing." After a pause, he turned more serious. "You don't have any resolutions about your aunt or anything?"
I shrugged. "I think there are too many ways that situation can change, so I'd rather not get my hopes up about it."
"You sound like you're waiting for something bad to happen."
"Can you blame me?" I entreated. "It's felt like there have been so many balls up in the air for so long, it's hard to believe they've all come back down."
"So, you're waiting for the last ball to drop?" he said sympathetically.
"Kind of, yeah."
Edward remained quiet for a moment until I looked up at him to see him watching me. "Isn't that what life is, though? A never-ending series of balls dropping from the sky," he asked philosophically. "I mean, we literally do it every year while we hope for a better tomorrow."
"True," I laughed softly.
"I just don't want you to be fatalistic," he said earnestly before he became amused again. "It's sort of my thing, anyway."
That made me giggle because Edward was right. He certainly could be defeatist, but I had seen him change so much since we met. He seemed like he had so much more hope than he had back in September. Instead of instantly focusing on the negative and his mind picking everything apart until he was more confused than when he started, he took the time to breathe and to think. He's stopped fighting through existence and had actually started living again.
I don't know how long we sat and talked, but my body started to shiver as the warming effects of the alcohol began to wane. I'd pulled my knees up to my chest and my hands were tucked securely inside the blanket. When another large yawn escaped me, Edward looked at me with pity and said it was probably time to head up to bed.
"Where are Jasper and Alice?" I asked when I noticed they were no longer sitting by the fire pit like they had been earlier.
"They better not have taken the golf cart and left us here without saying anything," Edward huffed. The music was still playing and everything looked as it had before, giving no indication of where the others had gotten to.
The cart was still parked at the front of the boathouse where it had been all evening. We made our way back around to the deck, without any other clue as to what could have happened.
"I'm going to switch everything off out here," Edward pointed to the lights and stereo. "Can you get the lights inside?"
"Sure." I walked over to the French doors of the guesthouse.
It wasn't until I had stepped inside and Edward had turned to music off that I heard it. The deep moans and breathy sighs were unmistakable, and I quickly scrambled to get outside before they heard me or I heard more.
"We got to go," I whispered frantically as I pulled the door closed behind me.
Edward looked at me confused. "What? Why? What's going on?"
I didn't stop to see if he was following, quickly making my way back around to the golf cart. "We need to leave unless you want to hear your sister in the height of passion," I alluded.
Sudden relization dawned on him and his face transformed with disgust. "Oh, God. Gross," he gagged and rushed ahead of me to jump behind the wheel. "Get in!" he directed, now the one in a rush.
I was barely inside the buggy when Edward put his foot down and we shot off. With as fast as he was driving, the trip only took about a minute. The wind rushed past me, whipping my hair back and stinging my eyes, and I found myself squealing in a very Emmett-like way.
We stumbled into the house, giggling and feeling more drunk thanks to the exhilarating ride. Somehow, we found our way to the library and flopped down facing each other on the comfortable sofa. The scene outside the glass wall was serene, a complete contrast to the elated, dizzy feelings inside me.
"That was a close call," Edward laughed relieved, running his hand through his windswept hair.
"I can't believe you were right," I giggled. "You said you thought Alice had a new boyfriend, but I didn't believe you."
"If I remember correctly, you accused me of being a stalker again."
"I did not!" I smacked him on the chest with the back of my hand.
"And then you said I needed to find a more productive use of my time, instead of sticking my nose in my sister's life," he pointed out with a lopsided smile.
"Oh my God, Okay!" I relented with a laugh. "You were right and I'll never question you again. Happy?"
Edward chuckled with me. "Yes. Very."
My head fell back onto the cushion behind me and I peered over at him. "Did you have any idea it was Jasper?"
"Not at all," he shook his head, meeting my inquisitive look. "You?"
"No. I didn't even suspect he was seeing anyone. I can usually tell when there's someone, not that he's ever hidden it before when there was."
Even though we were technically exes, Jasper and I were close friends first and foremost. He'd always been honest about the people he was seeing, not feeling the need to hide them in case I'd be jealous. It wasn't like that between us. Did it make me a bad friend that I hadn't noticed something so big happening in Jasper's life?
"How did we miss it?" I asked.
"I don't know about you, but I've had more important things on my mind," Edward said satirically.
"What? Like your wife's crazy secret origin story?"
"Yes," he chuckled. "And you."
Something about his words changed the atmosphere suddenly, my heart reacting to the shift as if began to thump unevenly.
"Me?" I whispered. "I'm on your mind?"
I wondered if Edward actually felt the strange sensation that pulled me to him as well because the look in his eyes help something that I couldn't explain in any other way. He was looking into my eyes, making everything else in the periphery fade into the background.
"Of course," he murmured. "I think about you all the time."
I didn't know how it happened, but one moment I was examining him, trying to puzzle out the true meaning behind his words, and the next, my hands were in his hair and my lips were on his. Edward's arms were wrapped around me, one hand between my shoulder blades and the other on my lower back, holding me to him in a firm grip.
It was as if our bodies were drawn magnetically. As if fate had conspired to bring us together. Time seemed to stand still. A surge of longing coursed through my veins, making my body hummed with desperation to be closer to Edward. A culmination of the hidden desires that had yearned to be expressed.
I didn't remember how to kiss began exactly, but it was as if my heart's deepest wish had been granted. The liquid courage must have overridden my sense of propriety, encouraging me to take what I wanted.
For one brief, exquisite moment, with our bodies pressed together, I felt the closeness I'd craved for longer than I cared to admit.
Even though it went against every fibre of my being, I knew I had to pull away. It was late and we'd both been drinking. Neither of us was thinking clearly, caught up in whatever strange moment we had been having.
If Edward hadn't been drunk, he would most likely have put a stop to it already. I wasn't the one he wanted. I wasn't Maria, but he was probably so caught up in the moment, his brain hadn't registered that yet.
Breaking apart, both our eyes wide with surprise. The silence was pregnant with unspoken emotions, as they sought to comprehend the significance of what we'd just done. A profound sense of loss weighed heavily on my heart.
My fingers traced my lips, as if trying to hold the last traces of him there. I couldn't decipher the cryptic look on his face, so looked away quickly.
The ramifications of what I had done were quickly dawning on me. Shame flooded in where desire had been only moments earlier. How had I not been able to control myself? I had spent months infatuated with Edward, but all it took was a single moment of weakness to bring all that down.
Edward would probably be shocked, maybe even appalled. I wasn't brave enough to look at him again to find out. What if he thought it would be too complicated to be friends now?
His warm hand on my arm was a warning before he spoke. "Bella," he said softly.
In an instant, the delicate grip I had on myself was lost. The enormity of the emotions coursing through me was overwhelming.
"Oh my God," I gasped, jumping from my seat and retreating backwards to the door.
"Bella," Edward said louder, rising and taking a step towards me, his hand reaching out in entreaty.
I shook my head, urging him to stay where he was as I fought the panic that was beginning to rise. I looked at him with tears brimming in my eyes, hoping he saw the depth of my apology.
"I'm sorry," I choked, then fled the room as quickly as I could.
I didn't take a full breath until I was locked in the guest bedroom. Sliding down the back of the door, my legs hugged tightly to my chest, I buried my head against my knees. My shuddering pants slowly gave way as the tears finally rolled down my cheeks.
As much as I wished I hadn't done it, there was no way I would take back the kiss. I no longer had to fantasize about what his hair would feel like as it ran between my fingers, or the pressure his lips would have against mine. I knew what he tasted like now, and there was no way I'd ever be able to forget it.
I finally had to admit to myself that nothing would be the same again.
Well, there you are folks. How do you feel? Was that what you expected?
As always, I love hearing what you think, so please leave a review.
I'm going to pass out in bed now and hope I can muster up enough energy tomorrow when I see my students again!
Until next time, lovelies