A/N: Warning this chapter for sexual assault/harassment! A character is subject to some unwanted groping, with the threat that worse might happen, but rest assured, an ally swoops in just in time to prevent the situation from escalating. Stay safe, readers!

...

Discord was subject to seven completely gobsmacked stares for a while, and though he knew full well why Mozenrath, the Huntsman, Wuya, Hannibal, Draco, Hämsterviel, and Snipe were regarding him in the manner which they were, he pretended to be at a loss. "Oh, right," he mock-guessed. "It usually is customary to actually lean on a physical object, isn't it? How rude of me."

In a flash of light and with an obnoxious "pop" sound, an enormous tree, its bark striped red and white like peppermint candy (which it happened to be made of) and its leaves bright blue like mint gum (also what they were made of) appeared next to him in exactly such a position that his claw would touch it the way he was leaning.

"Now, then," Discord went on. "Shall we discuss my application to the WHAM ARMY? I assume that's only a formality at this point, so just let me sign the paperwork and I can get right down to business."

The response to this was one gauntleted hand, one glowing green hand, one huntstaff, one hawthorn wand, and one mace being pointed in his direction.

"Is this how you treat ALL new applicants?" Discord scoffed. "At LEAST offer your job interviewees a refreshment!" He then took a long sip out of a cup of coffee that no one seemed to have noticed him holding or summoning until that moment. "Ahhhh. MUCH better."

"I don't recall any of us gettin' your résumé," Hannibal stated gruffly.

"Oh, yes!" Discord laughed. "My résumé! I almost forgot!" He crunched the coffee cup in his hands, revealing it to be paper with no liquid inside, and when he unfolded it, it was a sheet of parchment. He then peeled away from the peppermint tree that sprouted from the light ship's deck and handed it to Mozenrath.

Mozenrath took one glance at the parchment, which simply read, in enormous text, "I SAVED YOUR LIVES."

"Point taken," Mozenrath stated as he incinerated the "résumé" in a blue flame. "And now that I think about it…I seem to recall you doing us another favor once upon a time."

"So it IS him," Wuya realized. "I thought he looked familiar."

"Yes, because I definitely have such forgettable features," Discord groaned, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"What," Wuya asked, "did you get bored of playing with ponies?"

"More or less," Discord replied.

"What happened to stacking both sides of the game to see which one won?" Mozenrath asked, one brow raised.

"Being dungeonmaster is such a taxing task," Discord sighed. "I'd much rather be a player character this time around! And the WHAM ARMY is my PERFECT idea of a campaign."

"I see," Hämsterviel broke in. "You wish to join our legion of conquerors, thieves, and general miscreants!"

"Was that not ABSOLUTELY clear?" Discord reiterated. "I do think I'd get along with your little band just swimmingly. Hm. Pity Mim isn't here. We could've cooked up some real chaos."

"I AM SUDDENLY VERY GLAD MIM IS NOT HERE," Mozenrath said in a mild panic.

"We can't allow him," the Huntsman seethed.

"Oh, right," Discord realized. "The dragon-hater is on board. I can see how that might create a problem. Though, really, you're one to talk, seeing as you're just a Muggle among sorcerers." He flicked his eyes in Draco's direction. "Isn't that right, Malfoy?"

"It is," Draco stated, his tone betraying an undercurrent of venom.

"NO!" Wuya held up her hands in the Huntsman and Draco's directions. "NOT TODAY! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS NOW!" She then pointed at Discord. "I wrote the BOOK on turning allies against each other, and I'm not letting you do it!"

"Pretty sure I was doin' that long before ya," Hannibal broke in. "Which one of us done managed to get Chase to drink outta that soup?"

"Because that recruitment choice turned out so WONDERFULLY for us," Wuya groaned.

"I maintain we cannot trust him," the Huntsman asserted. "This creature has appeared from nowhere in our hour of need, and based on his powers, I cannot say for certain he didn't create our predicament to begin with."

Discord nearly laughed. Of course the supernova hadn't been his fault, but he was impressed that the Huntsman had thought to credit him with it. "Maybe I did," he stated. "YOU'LL never know."

"Well, I'll grant him that he does have a WHAM ARMY personality," Mozenrath relented. "However, that doesn't answer the question of whether we can trust you."

"The question isn't whether you can TRUST me," Discord challenged. "The question most pertinent to YOU is whether you can afford to carry on WITHOUT me. A potential secondary question to consider is how much fun we could have once I'm on board."

"And what makes you so essential to our team?" Mozenrath asked.

Discord gave him a look of utter disbelief. "Black hole. Supernova. Righting the ship's course."

"Just how powerful are you?" Mozenrath inquired.

"I'm glad you asked!" Discord broke into an enormous grin.

An enormous boom of thunder alerted everyone to the thick storm clouds that had appeared overhead, signaling a rain of not water droplets but paper clips. Discord snapped his claws, and in order to protect its passengers from the storm, the MLS Vicious flipped completely upside-down, everyone still standing perfectly in place without even faltering. Discord then proceeded to flick the peppermint-bark tree so that it fell over, breaking into a host of rubber bouncy balls as it hit the deck. The ship was righted in a process that no one could rightly explain, as it seemed to involve the vessel and everyone on it temporarily inverting, and Discord grabbed onto the next falling paper clip, holding it up high in the air. Every single other paper clip in the vicinity flocked, and they linked on their own until Discord was holding a veritable chain. After performing some standard lasso tricks with the chain, he used it to round up the bouncy balls in one great cluster. Twirling the chain and the rubber balls, Discord launched the whole kit and caboodle into the Etherium, and as the bouncy toys broke loose, they transformed into actual stars, a word-shaped constellation that spelled out "DISCORD!". Multicolored fireworks went off beneath the display, the blasts forming into the shapes of the other seven passengers on board the Vicious.

"I'll admit, that's a pretty convincing display," Mozenrath went on. "It would almost seem like an idiot's move to pass up on that much power. You join us, we all win. Which leads me to ask why this sounds too good to be true."

"Perhaps I've made it sound too easy by overplaying my hand," Discord suggested. "You didn't think I'd come here BLIND, did you? My mistake was probably addressing you like we were all already old friends. But I suppose you wouldn't know me half as well as I know all of you."

Mozenrath's brow arched dramatically. "And how much DO you know?"

Discord's mouth twitched up into a wicked smirk. "I'm glad you asked."

Before Mozenrath knew it, Discord was behind him, in a semblance of being wrapped around his shoulders like a fur stole, telling him, "First of all, you're still afraid that one day, Maleficent will realize EXACTLY what she has as of taking your Mamluks, and find a way to bring him out into the spotlight. But really, you don't have to worry about that one bit. She knows, all right, and she's actively avoiding unpacking THAT suitcase."

Now he was upside-down, staring into Wuya's eyes as his body jutted straight up into the air, telling her, "And you're still afraid of ending up back in that box, aren't you? Sure, you may have a love-hate relationship with having a physical form, but there's a reason that you're carrying the Monarch Wings on your person RIGHT NOW."

He was tiny, trotting across the Huntsman's shoulder to get closer to his helmeted face. "Sad to say, both of your birth parents died before you ever got the idea in your head all those years ago to find out who they REALLY were. Just so you know, if you ever feel so moved again, it's a completely moot point."

Flattened as a floorboard, directly underneath Hämsterviel's feet, his face an absurd cubist's profile as he rolled an eye in Hämsterviel's direction and said, "You were always SO much better at public relations than biology. That was really your only role in the Jookiba partnership, and that's why you wanted him back on your team, even if at blasterpoint. You couldn't create anything on his level if your life DEPENDED on it."

Wrapped around Snipe from the waist up like a belt, staring him directly in the eye; "You got beaten up by a GIRL! Piper, to be exact. Which you hate admitting to anyone, and almost every time you tell this story, there's a new version where you either win or she cheated. As for who knows the truth about how the Storm Hawks' crystal mage managed to deck you with pure physical force? For all you claim to hate your sister, you've talked her EAR off about it."

Five individual, tiny Discords fluttering in circles around Hannibal's head, like the birds one might hallucinate upon hitting one's cranium too hard. In a single voice, they spoke: "You've always fancied yourself a ladies' bean, but the ratio of partners you've had to centuries you've lived is disproportionately EMBARRASSING. That's why you eventually grew to hate Chase Young and that silky mane of hair he had. Everyone was throwing themselves at him, and he didn't even know what to do with the attention! But you? No one cared about your résumé. You didn't have the hair. You're SO glad he's out of the picture now."

Finally, normal proportions, appearing to stand directly behind Draco Malfoy. "And YOU!" Discord crowed. "Where to start?" He leaned to look at Draco from the left; "Your questioning your loyalty?" From the right; "Your questioning your SEXUALITY?" Standing tall to look over the back of his head and fix his gaze on Draco from above; "Or the fact that you just can't seem to remember the last time you've actually been happy?"

Discord knew that by the time he returned to center stage, where he'd been leaning on the tree before, he'd created seven incredibly steamed WHAM ARMY members. On cue, all of them began yelling at once:

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME – "

"HOW DARE YOU – "

"THAT IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN – "

"LIES! BLASPHEMY AND SLANDEROUS CALUMNY! LIIIIIIES – "

"SHUT UUUUUUUUUP – "

"OH, YOU'VE GONE DONE IT NOW – "

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK – "

Discord just dug his little claw into his ear, pulled out a chunk of wax, and pretended to regard it with more interest than the rants around him before flicking it away. "Oh?" he said suddenly, pretending to have only just noticed the fruits of his labor. "Have I touched a nerve?"

"All right, ENOUGH!" Wuya declared, the first to cease yelling and gesture with both hands chopping outward to indicate that everyone should silence. "So he knows about us."

"TOO MUCH," Mozenrath growled, eyes on fire.

Discord folded his arms. "Now, here I thought friends shared secrets. That's how I learned all of this, you know. At some point, while I was observing you out of interest, you admitted this to someone close to you. Mozenrath and the Huntsman to each other, obviously. Wuya's girlfriend was the one who suggested she hold onto the wings. Wuya, in turn, was Hannibal's confidante, seeing as they go way back. Jacques didn't say it outright to Herb Overkill on his trip to the lab, but he made enough of a suspiciously specific denial that it wasn't hard to put two and two together. As mentioned, Snipe told Ravess over and over and over how humiliated he was. And Draco happened to say to Zevon on his way out the door to this mission that this might've been his first chance in years to be legitimately happy. The rest…well, Draco and Zevon's conversations have been fun to go back through, now that I have the context of this being the result."

"So you're watching us," Mozenrath growled.

"Precisely," Discord stated. "I'm practically a WHAM ARMY-ologist. I was really on the edge of my seat during the near-death experience in the World of Four Nations, you know. That was a real claw-biter. Oh, and by the way, you're obviously all VERY bitter that I aired your dirty laundry, so in a gesture of good faith, I'll give you a piece of mine: I actually did love Tirek, and I thought he loved me in return."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Draco snapped. "Are we meant to know that name?"

"That name means nothing to me," Mozenrath growled.

"Well, presuming we get on," Discord stated, "you'll learn the context as to why that one is particularly prickly."

"Now hold on," Hannibal broke in. "How d'we know he actually was watchin', and that he didn't just read our minds like Wuya done did?"

"Well, simply put, because I CAN'T read minds," Discord said with a playful shrug. "That's Wuya's specialty, just like necromancy is Mozenrath's. If I could've brought you back from the dead, I might've just let the black hole crush you all, then set you up with a group-rate resurrection. Now, THAT would've been an entrance. No, there are some things that even chaos magic just can't do. Three big ones, really. Think of it as my own personal genie rules."

"I should've thrown you off this ship the moment you brought up what Maleficent has," Mozenrath growled, not even wanting to say the name for the sake of those who hadn't guessed it.

"But you didn't!" Discord said cheekily. "And I think we all know why! It's because I'm just so CHARMING!" His smile faded. "All jokes aside, you KNOW you couldn't take me in a fight. Though that hasn't seemed to stop you in the past, now, has it?"

"I'm letting you stay," Mozenrath told him, "because your immense magical power DOES intrigue me. I'm not AFRAID to make an enemy out of you. But I would regret losing out on this opportunity if it did turn out to be mutually beneficial for the both of us."

"For ALL of us," Wuya amended.

"That being said, I think we need to hear your limitations," Mozenrath went on.

"Really, the three big ones," Discord told him. "One: I can't read minds. As you know, I have a talent for scrying, but I don't know what any of you is LITERALLY thinking right now, though I have a suspicion that in HIS case – " He jammed the thumb of his paw toward Snipe. " – it's just a lot of crickets."

"How'd you know that?" Snipe replied, flinching. "HOW'D HE KNOW THAT? HE ACTUALLY CAN READ MINDS! HE'S LYING!"

"No," Wuya sighed, "THAT guess doesn't mean he can read minds."

"Two: I can't bring anybody back from the dead," Discord went on. "It's not that I haven't tried. Draconequui just aren't wired that way. Probably because whatever god allowed me to happen knew that if I had THAT power, there would be no stopping me."

"Leaving me the WHAM ARMY's most valuable asset if you do manage to secure a permanent stay," Mozenrath said slyly. "Go on."

"Three: I can't change the past," Discord stated. "I can play with time in other ways. I can move it forward. I can change day-night cycles. I can alter the sun, the moon, and the rotation of the planet to bring a high-noon sun out in the dead of night. But there is NO rewinding, NO alteration, and NO paradox creation allowed. And even if I could, TRUST me, I wouldn't want to. There's a fine line between what causes a divergent timeline and what simply causes the affected world to stop existing altogether. And what fun can I have with a world that doesn't exist? That pretty much covers it. No mind-reading, no necromancy, and no changing the past." He then muttered something inaudible.

"What was that?" Draco snapped.

"What was what?" Discord replied.

"You said something else," Draco accused. "Under your breath. I HEARD it."

"Oh, that?" Discord replied, looking rather sheepish. "I merely said – " He repeated himself, just as quietly, and no one could make it out.

"What are you hiding from us, dragon?" the Huntsman said in a gravelly tone.

"That's DRACONEQUUS," Discord corrected, "and I'm not HIDING the fact that I – " Again the low, inaudible mutter.

"TELL US WHAT YOU'RE HIDING," Mozenrath demanded, "OR I ACTUALLY WILL THROW YOU OFF THE SHIP."

Without even bothering to explain to Mozenrath that such an endeavor would be fruitless, Discord simply conjured up a television remote, clicking its volume button up higher and higher; a bright green volume display appeared in midair between Discord and the rest, its bars filling up. "WHAT I SAID WAS – " Discord stated in a positively booming tone. Now, the mutter was actually audible: "I can't heal, either."

"You WHAT?" Mozenrath replied in disbelief.

"I KNOW, I KNOW," Discord boomed, forgetting how loud he'd turned himself up. "IT'S POSITIVELY EMBARRASSING – "

The others were flinching hard, hands pressed to ears. Discord quickly turned his volume back down to normal. "As I was saying, it's positively embarrassing. I can do all sorts of things with my body and those of others, so long as it doesn't count as harm. For instance, I can do THIS – " He removed his own head, spinning it like a basketball on the tip of his claw. "Though it does tend to make me dizzy after so much." He dropped his own head, then kicked it on his insole like a hacky-sack to send it flying back up to his neck, where it reattached. "Or I can do this." He crossed his claw and paw over each other rapidly, and when he drew them apart, they'd switched places. "All sorts of fun things!" He swapped the arms back. "But if I actually get HURT…" A flick of his wrist, and a long, crooked dagger appeared in his claw. He used the tip to gently pierce a pad of his paw, drawing a stream of blood. "Well, now, I've just made a mess I can't clean up." He tossed the dagger overboard, where it gained wings and flew off to make a nest in an asteroid cluster and end up mating for life with an Etherian astrogull. Discord then snapped his fingers several times, holding up the bleeding paw to demonstrate how absolutely nothing was happening. "Now, there are obvious ways around this if one thinks creatively." On this snap, his paw was properly bandaged. "But it does put me at a distinct disadvantage in battle, should I come across anyone or anything powerful enough to harm me." A chuckle. "It's a good thing THAT never happens! But where it really comes into effect is with all of you. If one of you gets hurt, I won't be able to help you. That is STRICTLY Vexen's field of expertise. Something I'm sure he'll be glad to hear."

Discord surveyed his audience once more. "So now, you've heard the good and the bad," he stated. "Am I in or am I out? I will accept a probationary period."

"I still maintain we cannot trust him," the Huntsman stated. "It would be entirely possible for us to do away with him where he stands."

"Oh, WOULD it?" Discord challenged. "Was warping the cosmos not proof enough for you that none of you can touch me? What more do I need to do to prove that you're fighting a losing battle?"
"Disable my weapon," the Huntsman challenged, extending the huntstaff toward him and lighting it up bright green.

For the first time, Discord actually looked flummoxed. "I don't see what this proves."

"It proves that you can overcome Huntsclan technology," the Huntsman told him, though he knew Discord already knew. "Your magic is powerful, but it is still, at its core, magic. This staff was designed to counteract magic."

Discord fought down a laughably visible lump in his throat as the huntstaff loomed closer to him.

"As I thought," the Huntsman said with sly glee. "I could skin you where you stand."

"You'd have to catch me first," Discord reminded him, though he was now wet with sweat. "And I don't intend to leave until I hear a verdict."

"You do have to admit that as annoying as this experience has been," Mozenrath pointed out, "it does prove he has a disposition for our brand of evil. Now, as to his attitude toward conquest – "

"I would love nothing more than to re-establish my Chaos Capital on a suitable territory," Discord stated. "Just picture it! A land where the laws of physics are just guidelines! Gravity is optional! Time has no meaning! But, of course, I understand how the system works. The founders' vision is the primary goal, and my own territory would exist as an extension of the WHAM ARMY's ultimate empire. Don't believe me? I'll dig up an audio-visual version of my last attempt to dominate Equestria, and you can peruse it at your leisure."

"And despite his limitations," Mozenrath went on, "he is powerful enough that I wouldn't want to let him get away. In fact, he does rather remind me of a genie. Something I've always wanted. Which begs the question: do we want Discord on board as a fellow teammate…or as a resource?"

"One of your Crystals of Ix would drain very delicious powers out of him," Wuya said slyly.

"Let him on as a teammate," Draco said suddenly. "With free will."

"Of course the 90s kid gets it," Discord said with a grin. "Well, I mean, he was born in the 80s, but the 90s were really the important decade to focus on here."

"Care to explain yourself, Malfoy?" Mozenrath asked, an edge to his voice threatening rage if given the wrong answer.

"I'm trying to stop you from breeding enemies within your ranks the way Voldemort did," Draco said with conviction. "If he'd've treated me as an equal rather than a tool, I mightn't be standing on the deck of this ship. I couldn't have fought back, and he knew it. This one can and will. Huntsclan or no Huntsclan."

"And y'think this fella came here ta make nice," Hannibal questioned. "Not ta bring us down from the inside. Could be workin' for Maleficent an' her toadies. Could be workin' for some bigger demon."

"He isn't," Draco insisted.

"An' you know this how?" Hannibal asked with suspicion.

"I KNOW," Draco snarled.

"Boy, you done been alive only a fraction of all the years I've seen," Hannibal reminded him. "Y'don't know how elder villains work. We're all in it for ourselves."

"And yet YOU'RE here, aren't you?" Draco snapped. "Try to brand him with your own Dark Mark and see how long he plays nice, given all that. Turn him away and we LOSE the magic he's offering. If he turns traitor on us, THEN we'll settle the score."

He couldn't put into words how he knew Discord's intentions were true. He could just tell that Discord wanted a place to belong as badly as he did.

"SHUT YOUR BRITISH MOUTH, YOU INSOLENT PLATINUM-HEADED MAGICIAN!" Hämsterviel barked. "You are a novice to the intricacies of evil! You cannot think to give your muleheaded demands to older and smarter evildoers who know much more than anyone below the age of thirty Earth years could ever even think to encompass!"

"Oh, no," Wuya and the Huntsman both muttered.

Mozenrath rounded on Hämsterviel. "WHAT did you just say?"

"I said," Hämsterviel repeated, "that this golden-haired brat cannot think to call out drill-sergeant-esque peremptory instructions to seasoned evildoers – "
"And he had to be HOW OLD to say anything?"
"At least thirty Earth years!" Hämsterviel insisted. "And that is a bare minimum requirement!"

"So you're telling me," Mozenrath reiterated, "that anyone younger than that DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT?"

"I did not think you would rush so easily to the defense of a neophyte," Hämsterviel admitted, not knowing how deep he'd dug himself.

"Here it comes," Wuya whispered to the Huntsman.

"Oh, I'm not," Mozenrath said calmly. "I'm rushing to my own defense, since apparently, I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO COMMAND ANY OF THE REST OF YOU."

His gauntlet lit up, crackling with blue, and now Hämsterviel was starting to get it.

"Did I say bare minimum?" Hämsterviel stammered, backing away with palms held up. "What I meant was…ohhhh, I said EARTH years! I had meant Kweltikwan years, which are much, MUCH shorter! My mistake!"

"IT HAD BETTER BE," Mozenrath growled.

"You are in NO WAY unfit to command!" Hämsterviel insisted. "You are the FITTEST to command, and you do so…fittingly!"

"That's right," Mozenrath said coldly, "and you had better remember it."

He backed off, straightening up. "And in the interest of proving that youth is an advantage in this field," he said, "I'll be taking Malfoy's advice." He stared Discord directly in the eye. "You said you wanted a probationary period. Well, now you have one."

"Mozenrath!" the Huntsman hissed.

"I know, I KNOW!" Mozenrath barked. "You want to kill him because he's part dragon! Well, I'm putting a protection on this dragon, and if you want to kill one so badly, WE'LL FIND YOU ANOTHER ONE!"

As much as the Huntsman resented the words in particular, he did still hold respect for how Mozenrath could stand his ground so without bending to him. After being in command of his own group for so long, he had become all too used to people bowing to him, and those who rebelled turned against him completely. Mozenrath fought to be his equal on the romantic field and more than his equal politically, and that made him, frankly, attractive. Therefore, he could have this monster, if he wanted him so badly. Perhaps it would turn out for the best after all. "Very well," he relented. "Your DRACONEQUUS will remain unscathed from me."

Mozenrath gave the Huntsman a nod before looking to Discord once more. "If you know so much about us already, then you already know where we're going and what we're looking for. You'll be able to ride along with us, and should any situations arise where we need your help, you'll provide it. By the end of this mission, we might just be able to evaluate your compatibility with the rest of us legitimately. Of course, if everything goes off without a hitch, we'll just have to find another way to test you."

"I'd say that sounds reasonable," Discord replied. "I would shake on it to seal the deal, but you know…"

"Very good," Mozenrath replied. "Now. Does anyone else have any other objections?"

"Ooh, ooh!" Snipe raised his hand. "Pick me!"

Mozenrath rolled his eyes. "Against my better judgment, SNIPE, what is your problem?"

"He told everyone I got beaten up by a girl!" Snipe reminded him. "I wanna smash him to pieces!"

"Denied," Mozenrath said flatly. "Does anyone who ISN'T SNIPE have any other objections?"
No one did. Hannibal still didn't trust Discord, but judging that the two of them were likely the same type of ancient force, he felt safe knowing he could challenge Discord if the draconequus turned traitor. Wuya considered scanning Discord's mind for his intent, but if someone as nonmagical as Hans had managed to get ahold of an advanced occlumency, Discord certainly wouldn't allow Wuya to see anything of value. Hämsterviel was just willing to agree to anything at this point to get back in Mozenrath's good graces. The Huntsman, as established, was pacified if only by Mozenrath's conviction. Draco simply hoped he could trust his instincts.

"Then welcome aboard," Mozenrath told Discord after the telling silence.

Discord clenched his fists upward, giving an excited squeal and saying the most enthusiastic and sincere-sounding words he'd uttered since boarding: "Oh, GOODY! I just can't wait until we're all cooking up a big old storm of CHAOS together!"

"Snipe," Mozenrath ordered as he turned away, "unfurl the sails. Huntsman, put us back on course."

"Oh, no need to tire out the team muscle on THAT," Discord said as he unfurled all of the sails with the snap of a finger.

Mozenrath regarded Discord with a sly smile. "Good start. Oh, and one more thing. I think what you meant to say was that the phrase I was looking for was 'Thank you.'"

"It was?" Discord questioned. "When?"
"When you said the phrase I was looking for was 'You're welcome,'" Mozenrath reminded him. "It was us who you wanted to thank you. YOU wanted to say 'You're welcome.'"

"But you WERE looking for that phrase," Discord told him. "You were looking for me to say it."

"That makes no sense."

Discord broke out into a bright grin. "PRECISELY!"

Mozenrath rolled his eyes as he turned away. If that was any indicator of how things were going to go, he already had regrets.

...

Even though the sun shone brightly through the arched windows of Twilight's dining room, and the large, round table that was obviously built for extended company was laden with the apple pancakes that Applejack had cooked up for breakfast, the mood was somber. Riku, Sonia, Twilight, Spike, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Luna, and Cadance ringed the table, discussing what could have gone wrong.

"I just don't get it," Twilight said. "Were we not supposed to use our rainbow powers? Did we end up erasing – "

"TWILIGHT!" Rarity gasped. "Don't even ENTERTAIN such a notion! If anything, we simply sent her somewhere else!"

"From what little I know of the subject," Luna broke in, "I do not see why the rainbow should not have worked. My only suggestion would have been to use the magic on Mal rather than to create a gateway adjacent to her."

"Well, that does us a lot of good now," Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"But it is good to know for next time," Cadance said. "We could find her again, or Lianna."

"There is always hope," Sonia insisted, though it sounded more like something she was saying out of obligation and not something she believed. She knew Hajime and the friends she had made among the Future Foundation representatives would want her to believe in hope, but still, in cases like these, it was hard to believe that she wasn't chasing a shadow.

"Yeah," Riku said, far more sincerely. "There is."

He cut into his pancakes, taking a bite; his teeth hit a chewy resistance, and he flinched. A dissection with his utensils revealed to him that the cakes had been fortified with strands of hay. That made sense for ponies, Riku figured, but not even the delicious baked apple flavor of the pancakes could make that edible for him. He chewed and swallowed with great difficulty.

Cadance noticed his discomfort. She leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I'll help you find something better for breakfast later."

Riku trusted her, toying with the remainder of his plate to make it look more disturbed. He didn't have the heart to just blurt his dissatisfaction to Applejack.

And then there was Sonia, ever the diplomat, demurely but energetically eating her pancakes as though nothing were unusual.

"We need to figure out our next move," Riku stated.

"You're right," Twilight agreed. "We can't let this setback make us lose confidence. We'll just have to do better next time."

She had said it out loud in order to convince herself, and Riku knew it.

That was when Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity all flinched simultaneously. "OUR CUTIE MARKS!" Pinkie gasped. "WE'RE GETTING ANOTHER CUTIE CALL TO ADVENTURE! SOUND THE ALARM! WEE-OO! WEE-OO!"

With that, she sped out of the dining room, heading for the Cutie Map.

"This could be it!" Rainbow Dash said, lifting herself up into the air so that everyone present could see her flashing mark. "We're really gonna find 'em this time! Let's go!"

She sped out of the room next, and the others followed energetically.

Applejack hung back a bit; "Now, wait a second! We should at least give everypony a chance to finish their breakfast! Riku ain't hardly had time to touch his pancakes!"

"This is more important!" Riku insisted as he sped out, hoping to avoid the subject of hay pancakes.

The six took their chairs around the Cutie Map, watching the small emblems of their marks descend upon the topography of Equestria. They moved distinctly north, settling around a familiar spire.

"That's the Crystal Empire!" Fluttershy gasped.

"Cadance gets to go home!" Pinkie Pie cried, bounding up and down in her seat.

"I'm certain she's been separated from Shining Armor for far too long," Rarity commented. "This should be a welcome reunion."

To that, Pinkie made an "OoooOOOOOoooo!" sound, and Cadance blushed.

"I do miss him," she admitted.

"Well, if we're gonna get Riku an' Sonia all introduced to the Crystal Empire an' set it up for a big ol' shared dream," Applejack pointed out, "we gotta leave pronto."

"If we hurry, we can catch the train!" Spike cried.

"The train will not get us there in time," Luna replied. "I propose an alternate route."

She cast a Corridor of Darkness in the midst of the conference room. "Through that portal, it is a short travel through the Darkness to reach a similar portal on the other side, no greater distance between them than the span of a street to cross," she explained. "We will come out of the second portal in the Crystal Empire."

"Wow," Twilight said. "That's really handy. Maybe I should start studying how to create those myself."

"Take care if you do," Luna told her. "The Darkness is a valuable ally, yet it poses a danger to those who do not approach it wisely."

"It looks scary," Fluttershy said as she trembled. "N-no offense – "

"It actually isn't scary at all," Riku told her. "I used to use them all the time, back when I was more tied to the Darkness. And we'll all go together, so you'll have nothing to worry about."

"I'd LOVE to hear about your studies in Dark magic if you have the time," Twilight told Riku.

His instinct was to tell her no, but he soon realized he did not feel so strongly about the matter anymore. Twilight had seen Luna come back from an evil place; she wouldn't distrust Riku based on the same grounds. Moreover, the more he could become comfortable talking about the Darkness, the less it would hurt. "I'd like that too," he said, and to his surprise, he meant it.

"Just one suggestion," Cadance told Luna. "Can you fix the second portal to come out next to the Sugar Crystal Bake Shoppe? It's one of the places I miss the most."

She looked over her shoulder and winked visibly at Riku. Riku nodded in understanding. This was all part of Cadance's agenda to get him a non-hay-related breakfast.

Luna dissipated the Corridor, then recast it. "That is now exactly where it will lead," she stated. "Now follow me. We've no time to waste."

Luna and Cadance entered with confidence. Pinkie Pie bounded in after them with a "WHEEEEE!". Twilight and Spike were next, Twilight looking around her in awe and mentally documenting everything she saw. Applejack and Rarity followed. Fluttershy hesitated, but Rainbow Dash tapped the yellow pegasus' back with her blue wing, giving her a confident smile, and they strode in side-by-side.

Sonia looked to Riku. She wanted to tell him that they would find both Mal and Lianna there, and this time, the rainbow powers would work. She wanted to tell him that hope would prevail. But in the back of her mind, all she could hear was the Junko Enoshima manifesto. Despair would win. Riku's sisters would be lost to dream.

It was Riku who looked at her and said, "A Crystal Empire sounds like the perfect place for an Ultimate Princess."

His expression conveyed the hope that Sonia was failing to muster, and it was infectious. "I am excited to see it," she told him.

They strode into the portal, and the Corridor's entrance closed.

...

"Why, the most valuable treasures in all of Asgard?" the tall, portly warrior laughed. "Those would be locked up in the cellar below the kitchens!"

"And of this, you are certain?" Snatcher asked in a sultry tone.

"Of nothing more in my life, my dear!" the Asgardian replied.

Snatcher was rather awed at how easy that had been. Surely it was only a matter of time before Odin came to hunt this man down and slaughter him for having such a loose tongue. "What enlightening information," he said liltingly. "Of course, that was not my sole intent for approaching you. I had hoped to get to know you rather more INTIMATELY the moment I – "

Roman, from around the corner, had been listening in for his cue. Upon hearing the word "intimately," which had been designated as the signal, he dashed into the hall. "Madame Frou Frou!" he cried in mock exasperation. "Do I have to keep you on a leash or something? We're already half an hour late!"

"Oh, dear me!" Snatcher placed a hand over his heart. "I had not realized the time!" He batted his lashes at the Asgardian. "Another time, then?"

"I can always make time for you, my dear!" the Asgardian replied, firing him a wink.

"Yeah, yeah," Roman sighed in false annoyance. He lightly seized Snatcher's upper arm. "Now move it or lose it."

As he and Snatcher went off one way, Snatcher turning around to blow kisses at his target, the Asgardian marched off in the other direction. Once Snatcher and Roman had gone around the corner and rejoined the rest of the group out of sight, Roman let Snatcher go and applauded softly. "Another WONDERFUL performance, my lady. You had that guy goin', all right."

"And I daresay you've shown significant improvement," Snatcher replied coyly. "One would almost believe you WERE agitated with me."

"Nice!" Roman pumped his fist. Then: "Just to be clear, I wasn't REALLY pissed – "

"I know, Torchwick. I know."

As they kissed, a light squeal from Harley reminded them that they weren't alone.

"It seems we have a new lead," Snatcher stated once he and Roman had parted lips. "Our goal is now beneath the kitchens."

Vexen made a "Hm" noise that indicated he wanted to interrupt.

"Is something amiss, Monsieur Vexen?" Snatcher asked, already expecting to be annoyed.

"That was far too easy," Vexen stated. "There is no way a lower-level member of Odin's court would simply divulge the exact information we needed to a perfect stranger, regardless of how persuasive you are in that persona. It could be that we are walking into a trap. Or it could be that we have encountered a miscommunication and are not following a legitimate lead at all."

"I don't see you coming up with a better plan," Garfield snorted.

"It's kinda all we got," Harley agreed with a shrug.

"Very well," Vexen relented. "But if this turns out to be fruitless or, worse, dangerous, then I will not remain silent about the fact that I suspected from the start."

"When are you EVER silent?" Roman retorted.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar, feminine voice: "Well, well. What have we here?"

All flinched, turning to address the source of the greeting. Another Asgardian, a woman with flowing blonde hair. "It simply seems like a strange place to have a friendly chat," she stated.

"Oh, my apologies," Snatcher said without missing a beat. "We were on our way to a prior engagement, and stopped to catch up along the way."

"Ah, I see," the blonde woman replied with a nod. "The Lithasblot Ball, no doubt."

"…Yes!" Snatcher confirmed. "Exactly! Unfortunately, my companions and I seem to have become a little lost en route."

"Then allow me to assist you," the blonde said calmly. "Two floors below, continue in a northeast direction until you reach the ballroom. The music will be impossible to miss by then. I do hope to see at least some of you there. The dancing lasts well into the night, and the food will all be fresh. They are carrying it from the kitchens now."

"We shall be along in just a moment!" Snatcher promised, the wheels already turning in his mind. "Of course, you will allow us the grace of finishing our conversation first."

"Oh, yes," the blonde Asgardian said, looking only somewhat taken aback at her own rudeness. "I apologize for interrupting."

She turned on a heel and stalked away. Snatcher couldn't help but internally criticize her wardrobe as he watched her go. That shade of green could only be pulled off by so few, and her skirt, if you could call it that, fashioned from leather strips and positioned over long green leggings created an aesthetic that was unique yet tacky as far as Snatcher was concerned. Choose a short skirt or trousers and stick to that, he thought; don't try to mash it all into one ensemble.

However, that was the least of his concerns.

"You all did hear that?" he brought up.

Harley gasped. "A real royal ball! With dancin' and food! An' we're GOIN'?"

"Not all of us, Miss Quinn," Snatcher replied. "The ball was not the most important part of that woman's statements. After all, our target still remains the kitchens. However, if refreshments are being brought to the ballroom directly from there – "

"Then all we've got to do," Peter said with a broad smile, "is make our way to the festivities, then backtrack from the routes the waiters take."

"No doubt some of them will return to the kitchen to bring more courses," Xayide added, "especially if the celebration is to last into the night. It may be as simple as finding the right server to follow."

"Aw, so we ain't goin' to the ball," Harley pouted.

"Our objective was NOT to engage in frivolities," Vexen barked at her.

"Oh, let the girl have a little fun, will you?" Aghoul spat, hands on his hips. "There's no reason this has to be ALL business! Don't be such a stiff about it!"

"It may be better for us to split up nonetheless," Snatcher pointed out. "Attending the ball will draw suspicion away from our little search party. I in particular should show up where I've promised, lest our unfashionable informant should notice my absence. Half of us will join in the dance, and half will commit the heist. And since Miss Quinn has her dear little heart so set on attending a royal ball…"

"I never thought I'd get to go to a real one!" Harley cried. "I thought that kinda stuff was just in fairy tales! But then again, everythin' so far has been like somethin' outta a fantasy story!"

"Now, my lady, I'd love to dance the night away with you and you know it," Roman told Snatcher. "But if we're putting together a heist team, I feel like I gotta be the head honcho on that half."

"I would agree," Snatcher said with a nod. "Rest assured, I shall think of you in place of every man who lays hands on me."

"And I'm gonna save you a hell of a dance when we get back home," Roman promised. "For now, though, I want Gar and Mister Twister as my right-hand men." He looked to where Garfield and Peter stood beside Harley. "I think we can all agree we have some…catching up to do."

"Most certainly," Peter concurred. "Our situation has become somewhat…tangled, after all."

"Kinda have to," Garfield agreed.

Neo pointed to Snatcher, eyes sparkling.

"No, Neo," Roman sighed. "I know you wanna go, and under any other circumstances, I wouldn't argue, but you're the only thing stopping everyone from seeing the fact that Gar is toting a thirty-gallon gas tank on his back."

Neo gave a dramatic pout, but otherwise didn't argue.

"I should like to attend the ball as well," Xayide said. "At least one of our magical forces should go with each party in case danger should break out. Ayam or Vexen should accompany the thieves, or perhaps both."

"Well, if you and Harley are going to the ball," Aghoul said slyly, "it would only be gentlemanly of me to…keep you ladies company."

"NO," Garfield, Peter, and Roman said sternly, all three of them seizing Aghoul and dragging him over to stand with them.

"Oh, all right, all right," Aghoul huffed. "To the kitchens it is."

"As I said before," Vexen reminded the others, "I took on this mission to obtain the Tesseract, not to waste my time on festivities. I still don't believe it would be kept in the kitchens, but it seems that is where my time is best spent. Come to think of it, under the circumstances, I had best accompany you there in case our informant was bait for a trap. Better to have two mages with your group and one at the ball than the other way around."

"Okay, team," Roman said. "Let's – "

"Now hold on," Peter interrupted. "It's occurred to me that THIS particular arrangement of villains doesn't have a team name. Perhaps we should. After all, everyone here does give off a certain swagger that brings songs of luxury and celebration to mind. Might I suggest something along the lines of 'Team Upt' – "

"I REFUSE to waste any more time discussing TEAM NAMES!" Vexen spat. "We are a division of the WHAM ARMY, and that is the only alliance we need pay loyalty to!"

"Okay, okay, touchyyyyyy," Roman groaned. "As I was saying. Team 'division of the WHAM ARMY,' let's go crash a party."

...

Maleficent had moved her position to the crow's nest. This was not a good sign, as it was plainly her way of saying she wanted to be as distant as possible from the nonsense going on down below.

"All right, lover boy," Hades told Hans. "We tried the gift meshugaas. It blew up in my face harder than Mount Vesuvius. Whatever you have for me this time, it better be good."

"What do all women have in common?" Hans asked to open the conversation.

"I actually know a lotta folks who'd say it's the capacity to unleash all the evils known to man upon the known universe," Hades answered, "but I gotta say, that line of thinking has failed me at the worst times. Now, Malef, THERE'S a woman who would open the Box on purpose. That is why I cannot let you SCREW THIS UP FOR ME."

"I am not going to SCREW IT UP FOR YOU," Hans promised. "And the answer is that every woman wants and needs validation. EVERY woman. All of them. If you can make her feel good about herself, then you have your foot in the door to her heart. Think of phrases like 'You're not like other girls' and 'Crazy? I love crazy!'. Even if you actually think she's kind of cuckoo."

"You sayin' Malef's cuckoo?"

"No, no!" Hans said hurriedly, realizing what kind of hole that would dig for him. "What I'm saying is you gotta make her feel good."

"Okay, no problem," Hades replied. "I got this. There is no shortage of things I can say about just how wonderfully rotten she is. 'Course, most of it she already knows – "

"That's where I figured this was going," Hans went on. "Which is why we need to get to the most important part of the formula."

"Eh? The whatnow?"

"Before you talk her up," Hans told Hades, "you have to break her down."

Hades gave Hans a blank stare before saying, "Ya lost me."

"Some girls come to you already broken," Hans stated. "Those are the lucky cases. Anna was a shut-in with abandonment issues. She was REALLY easy to win the trust of. Zelda, though? She was cool as the fjord. Which is why when I came to her, I told her, and this was a complete lie, that admittedly, all I knew about her was how she'd held out during the first descent of the Twilight. That was something she felt guilty about, like she'd let it happen. So I gave her a moment to remember that before going into comforting mode. I told her that it wasn't her fault, and that she was an amazing leader. And that's when she fell for me. If a woman doesn't come to you broken, you have to break her. You have to get her to think about her shortcomings before you can go ahead with telling her why she's better than them. This is a fine art that requires subtlety, and that's the key you need to remember here. If you go in guns blazing, it isn't gonna work."

"Here's the thing about what you just said," Hades told Hans. "It just doesn't sound…oh, what's the word…at all correct."

"It has worked for me every time."

"I'm starting to think you just stick to seducing idiots and that's why you get anywhere."

"Only the one was an idiot!" Hans groaned. "Just do what I said, okay? You know Maleficent better than anyone else, and you know what will make her feel bad enough that you can pick her up. And remember: SUBTLETY."

Hades still wasn't sure this sounded correct, but Hans did have a far better track record than he did. "Okay," he replied. "But if this goes to Tartarus, then so do you."

"It won't."

Hades evaporated in a puff of brimstone smoke, leaving Hans to retake the helm of the ship.

He reappeared beside Maleficent; she did not take her gaze off the stars above or so much as acknowledge his existence. "Hey, Malef," he greeted. "Nice night, huh?"

"I despite nice nights," Maleficent replied curtly.

"Well, hey, whaddaya know? Me too," Hades said with the slightest of nervous laughs. "Say, I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff."

"Proceed," Maleficent said in a tone devoid of both emotion and expectation.

"It's just that, well, I know ya gotta be feelin' bad about…you-know-what," Hades began.

"No," Maleficent said, her tone and posture both stiffening. "I do not know what there is that I could harbor bad feeling regarding."

"Just…you know…" Hades' tone dropped to a quick mutter: "Getting stabbed by Prince Daredevil, losing out on the Door to Darkness twice, the whole Xemnas thing, the Forbidden World blowing up, aaaaand all those other times we failed." His voice raised back to normal: "But it's okay, because I just wanted to let you know that none of that was your fault, and – "

She rounded on him; "And why would you even think to insinuate I would think I was at fault for any of our misfortunes?"

"You're not, babe!" Hades said hastily. "You're not! That's what I'm tryin' to TELL ya! You just gotta bad track record, but this is gonna be your year – "

"For WHAT reason would you remind me of all of these misfortunes?" Maleficent snarled, fists clenched. "You IMBECILE! It is not we who have failed, and it is my leadership that has brought us as close to success as we have come! I will not stand for your implication otherwise!"

"Wait, BABE – "

She had vanished, teleporting to her locked quarters belowdecks.

Hans suddenly became aware of the immense heat that had manifested behind him. He didn't turn around, keeping his grip on the helm and his eyes on the course. If Hades had come back to him, it was either to thank him for –

"YOU'RE TOOOOOAAAAAST!"

That.

Hans was roughly twisted around by the shoulders and pinned before an orange Hades, who screamed down upon him like a feral animal, pointed teeth bared and eyes wild with rage. "YOU! KNOW! NOTHING! I AM THIS CLOSE TO LOSING HER ALLEGIANCE COMPLETELY, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOOOOOUUUUUU!"

Despite his panic, Hans' first reaction was, unfortunately, to say, "See, I WARNED you that the key was subtlety, and you don't really DO subtlety – "

He could feel the burns searing through the fabric of his sleeves and marking his skin with agonizing heat.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Hans said hurriedly. "Maybe I messed up! Either Maleficent is a very weird woman or ow OW OWOWOWOWOWOWOW okay, okay, maybe I don't know women as well as I think I do! But I know one more thing! And it works on EVERYONE! Not just women! You have to trust me!"

That relaxed Hades' grip. He was still orange as he backed off, but he kept his distance from Hans. "I'm going to trust you ONE MORE TIME," he seethed, "if for NO OTHER REASON than that I'm DESPERATE. But this time, I really mean it. If your next little 'trick' doesn't work…"

He snapped his fingers, and the helm burst into flames, the steering wheel charring into ash and flaking down to the boards below.

"THAT'S GONNA BE YOU," Hades threatened.

"I needed that to steer," Hans said calmly.

Hades waved a hand, and a new wheel forged itself out of dark smoke, gray and spiderweb-shaped.

"This one will work," Hans promised. "I'd stake my life on it. Though that's really my only option at this point, isn't it?"
"Talk."

...

Snatcher, Harley, and Xayide were deposited at the doors to the ballroom, where they disappeared into a colorful crowd of elegant robes and skirts whirling in time to pleasant music. That left the rest to stake the entrance out, not needing much time at all to identify the servers going back and forth with trays of steaming meats, often whole animals roasted and placed over beds of garnish. The servers themselves were dressed in much plainer brown tunics than the nobles they fed.

From there, it was a matter of picking a server, following him back to the kitchens at a decent walking pace, and acting like that was where they were going in the first place.

"Let's make this convincing," Roman suggested. "Neo, if you would?"

Neo's mass illusion dressed herself, Roman, Garfield, Peter, Aghoul, and Vexen in the uniforms of the servers.

"Just tell me this isn't going to be AWKWARD," Aghoul said as he glared at Garfield and Peter in particular.

"Not a bit," Peter swore. "We'll be back in the swing of things in no time, to be sure."

Fifteen minutes into their stalking mission and nobody on the team had said a word to each other.

"No," Roman suddenly blurted. "This isn't awkward at all."

What had once seemed so natural was now partitioned by a wall. Garfield and Peter knew they had no further reason to distrust Roman; he had explained himself and apologized for his misdeed. Aghoul and Neo hadn't even been part of it. Roman, Aghoul, and Neo, likewise, knew that Garfield and Peter had betrayed them for a reason, and now were working toward mending that rift. Yet all of them felt apprehensive and still a bit angry toward each other.

The only person who didn't seem affected by the situation at all was Vexen, who remarked, "Having you all be silent for once is a refreshing change from the usual infuriating chatter."

"And what're you gonna do if we find something to talk about?" Roman snapped back at him. "Put us on ice?"

Vexen gave a "hmph" before saying, "That is hardly original."

"C'mon, Iceman," Garfield piped in, suddenly inspired. "Don't give us the cold shoulder."

"You really should learn how to chill," Peter added.

"Cease this," Vexen growled, "at once." He could already see where it was going.

"That's snow way to respond," Garfield said casually.

"I truly WILL cause you physical harm if these puns continue," Vexen snarled.

"Geez-la-freeze," Aghoul huffed. "You're easily provoked to violence."

"I am NO LONGER going to dignify these with replies," Vexen seethed.

"Glaci-sure, you're not," Garfield piped up.

"…'Glaci-sure'?" Peter repeated. "Really, Garfield, I'm certain it sounded ice in your head, but the execution snow-drifted away from you."

They all waited for Vexen to become angered again, but no response came.

"Hm," Peter commented. "It seems our punning has left him frozen."

"Way to stay frosty, Iceman," Garfield added.

Vexen had attempted to keep his frustrations bottled up, but that popped the cork. "AM I NOTHING BUT A JOKE TO YOU? I AM ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL MAGES IN THE ENTIRE WHAM ARMY, AND THE ONLY ONE WITH ENOUGH SCIENTIFIC KNOWHOW TO FILL THE PLACE OF YOUR HEALER! YOUR VERY LIVES DEPEND UPON ME, AND I WILL NOT BE REDUCED TO THE SUBJECT OF PUNS!"

"Careful, boys," Aghoul chuckled. "Keep going, and you might catch your death."

"YOU ARE THROUGH," Vexen roared, "EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!"

Garfield, Peter, and Aghoul all opened their mouths to speak at once, but Roman broke in: "Hey. Guys. Stop. Seriously."

Vexen halted, regarding Roman with a look of surprise. "I had not expected you to be the voice of reason," he stated calmly.

Roman pointed to Garfield, Peter, and Aghoul in turn. "You guys…" He smirked. "Are all on THIN FUCKING ICE, so COOL IT."

Neo had finally reached her own limit, though in a far different respect than Vexen; no longer able to keep her composure, she collapsed to the floor and rolled, silent as ever but body language betraying how hard she was laughing. Garfield, Peter, and Aghoul chimed right in with more vocal guffaws.

"THAT DOES IT!" Vexen turned on a heel and stormed away.

"Awww, c'mon!" Roman called after him, stifling his own chuckles. "Where are you going?"

"TO TRADE POSITIONS WITH XAYIDE!" Vexen yelled back.

Roman gave a shrug. "Have it your way." He then stood over Neo. "Got it outta your system?"
Neo scrambled to her feet, giving Roman a thumbs-up. She still shuddered lightly with laughter.

"Then onward we go," Roman declared.

Immediately after the company had begun to move again, Roman said, "You guys have not lost a STEP."

"And it seems our shameful Gotham affinity for puns has finally rubbed off on you," Peter noted with a broad grin.

"You're bad influences," Roman accused. "Though Corpsey's immune. He was already like that."

"Guilty as charged!" Aghoul admitted.

It was now clear to all present: their friendship was intact.

"Who would've thought," Peter brought up, "that driving Vexen to Arkham levels of utter insanity with puns would have been our perfect…ICEBREAKER?"

Now all were openly laughing.

Neo tugged Roman's sleeve; the hallway they'd been going down had ended in an arched doorway through which their quarry had passed, not even thinking them suspicious – after all, servers were allowed to joke with friends, were they not? The party had reached their destination.

Beyond, the kitchens were a bustle of activity. Stone ovens were loaded with thick meats while stews brewed in cauldrons. Flagons of all sorts of alcoholic beverages were placed on platters that went out to the ballroom. In all the commotion, five false servers could slip through undetected, seeking their goal.

The cellar door was soon located: in the very rear of the kitchen area, a square inset into the wooden floor with a massive iron ring. "Okay, even I'm starting to have a hard time thinking they'd put the Tesseract here," Roman said in a soft voice.

"It's the principle we discussed earlier," Peter reminded him. "Putting it where we'd least expect would be the smart decision, if utterly un-WHAM-ARMY."

"Not sure I like the implication you made about the WHAM ARMY and smart decisions," Roman replied teasingly.

"Though it unfortunately isn't an inaccurate implication," Aghoul stated in an almost bored-sounding tone.

Roman, Neo, Garfield, and Peter looked to him, stunned momentarily. Then Garfield said what they were all thinking: "Did you just channel Mozenrath?"

"Well, he isn't here," Aghoul answered, "so SOMEONE had to say it."

"It's rather sad to say that the actual voice of reason of present company is the one without a voice," Peter commented.

Neo responded to this with a proud wink.

"Okay," Roman said, "so problem number one: we're in plain sight. Everyone and their brother can see us heading down to the treasure room. We need a hella big diversion to get everyone's eyes off us."

Neo gestured to indicate that no one was paying them any particular attention at that moment, and they were all hovering suspiciously over the door.

"Yeah, well, better safe than sorry," Roman retorted. "Anyway, now taking suggestions."

"This would usually be where I'd set off a fire alarm," Garfield brought up. "Double points if there's a sprinkler system. That usually gets everyone's attention. Of course, you see the problem."

"No fire alarms," Peter stated. "No sprinkler systems. This castle is practically begging to fall victim to arson, really."

"Ah, ah," Aghoul corrected. "Magic at work!"

"Why do magical communities always seem to completely eschew technology from the equation?" Peter wondered out loud. "That's bothered me ever since I was – "

"Okay, not the time," Roman broke in. "We can't set off the fire alarm system. But we could still draw attention with a fire."

"Or an explosion," Garfield suggested. "Work with me here. What if – "

Two minutes later, Neo discreetly breezed past one of the ovens, placing what appeared to be a raw lump of bread dough in it. Under the guise of her illusion, one of Aghoul's skull bombs lay in wait for a detonation trigger.

Taking aim from across the kitchens, Garfield raised his gauntlet, also kept concealed by Neo's illusion power, and fired a single blast that rocketed through the chambers without hitting a single person, connecting instead with the disguised bomb.

The destruction of the oven was fantastic. Stone chunks rained from a near-blinding explosion. Several cooks had been caught in the fire, and every member of the kitchen staff rushed to the scene to survey the damage and deliver what medical attention they could. At least one of the victims was howling about how death by exploding oven would never win him Valhalla.

This, of course, left the five thieves completely unsupervised. "Now," Roman said. "Second problem. The door."

"Well, might as well make sure this doesn't work." Garfield turned both gauntlets on the floor-mounted door at full blast. As before with the trophy room doors, not so much as a mark was left.

"Another bomb might be able to crack it open," Aghoul suggested.

Neo shook her head violently, sweeping her arms out to indicate desperation for Aghoul not to carry out that plan. She then mimed an explosion, and the following gestures made it clear that she feared any excess noise would in fact draw unwanted attention.

"All right," Roman said, "so this is the part where Mister Twister usually finds some back way in that none of us could get through and unlocks the door from the other side. Whatcha got for us?"

Peter's smile was all too knowing as he looked at the door below him. "I do believe I've already located our entry point," he stated.

"Then do your thing," Roman told him.

Peter simply reached down and pulled the ring. The unlocked door swung upward, revealing a set of stairs leading down below.

"I seem to be the only one who had noticed there was no lock," Peter said slyly.

After a long silence, Roman said, "We don't tell Iceman about this."

The stairs led down into a cellar lit by torches, their flames contained and fueled by magic. An enormous barrel keg dominated a quarter of the chamber; several smaller kegs were lined up on the perpendicular wall. From there, the chamber was riddled with shelves and alcoves, the torches indicating glittering glass objects.

"Fan out," Roman commanded.

The five separated, rifling through the shelves.

"I'm just finding a lot of bottles of wine," Garfield reported.

Aghoul turned a bottle over in his hands, reading the label. "This one's even older than I am," he said in awe.

"Nothing but empty jugs on this wall," Peter remarked. "If the Tesseract is here, it's very well-hidden."

"Weird that they'd put it in the wine cellar," Roman muttered. "But then again, this stuff is treasure in and of itself, so – "

It hit him then, and he let out a very sonorous and gravelly groan.

Neo turned to him to ask via gesture what he'd just figured out.

"The most valuable treasures in Asgard?" Roman sighed. "The alcohol. One hundred percent the alcohol. THAT'S what he meant. NOT the Tesseract."

Aghoul, Garfield, and Peter let out a simultaneous "Oh," and Neo's expression conveyed the concept.

"So this was just a big goose chase," Garfield sighed.

"…Not necessarily," Roman realized. "No reason we can't reap the spoils. Pick a vintage, any vintage. Seriously, go nuts."

"And how are we to carry our spoils back?" Peter asked.

"We'll have Boat Lights put 'em wherever she's keeping my hat," Roman explained. He turned to size up the large keg. "Now, a reservoir THIS big has to either be the good stuff or the cheap stuff." He shrugged. "Like I'm that picky." He located an empty jug and began filling up.

Xayide descended the stairway in time to see her teammates cradling an exorbitant amount of wine bottles and jugs of beer, mead, and ale. It did not take her long to make the connection. "Asgard's greatest treasure," she said dryly.

"Mind helping us stow this stuff?" Roman asked. "We are going to party SO hard when we get back to base."

Xayide gave him an exhausted look.

"You get a cut," he told her. "Go pick something out now. Get whatever you want."

She hesitated momentarily, then added a few bottles of choice to the collection before spiriting the spirits out of sight.

...

The Crystal Empire was radiant, every structure carved of faceted wall that sparkled in the late morning sunlight. While it was far from Riku's preferred aesthetic, he was still wowed, nearly unable to eat his crystalberry breakfast scone from looking around at the sights. Strangely enough, he soon realized, it was the inverse case of Ponyville. The ponies who lived here – seeming just a bit brighter in every shade than those back at Ponyville – would give him and Sonia awed looks, but then return to business. Meanwhile, Riku was the one gaping at everything.

"It's beautiful," he commented.

"Yes," Sonia agreed. "It is."

Something in her tone tipped him off. He turned to look at her, seeing a serene smile upon her face and wondering if it were forced. "Is everything okay?" Riku asked.

"Oh, yes," Sonia replied. "This is an absolutely gorgeous place. It truly is fitting of a princess. It almost seems that nothing bad could happen here."

Now Riku knew something was off, but it wasn't the time to pry. They'd reached the spire that made up the Crystal Palace.

Inside, Cadance led the party into the throne room. A bright white unicorn with a deep blue mane sat the throne, using his magic to try and undo the pieces of a wire puzzle in midair. When he saw who all had entered the chamber, the puzzle was dropped, and the unicorn bolted toward Cadance at top speed.

"CADANCE!" Shining Armor cried.

"Shining Armor!" Cadance said with immense relief in regards to something she hadn't fully acknowledged had been eating away at her.

Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but was quickly reminded that this wasn't her cue, as Shining Armor and Cadance had locked into an embrace with forelegs and remained in that position for some time.

"I missed you," Cadance said softly.

"So did I," Shining Armor replied, "but I knew that no matter what you were doing out there, you were doing great."

When they parted, it was finally time for Shining Armor to pay his sister some attention. "Twily!" he laughed. "Long time, no see!"

"Same here," Twilight replied. "How's life been as the sole crystal monarch?"

"I'm not as cut out for this royalty thing as the rest of the family," Shining Armor admitted, "but I've been faking it 'till I make it." He peered around to the back of the crowd. "So these are the 'strange creatures from another world' I've been hearing about." His tone made it clear he disagreed with that description.

"You knew?" Rarity said in shock.

"News traveled," Shining Armor explained. "The papers have been flying here since yesterday afternoon."

"Shining Armor," Cadance introduced, "these are our friends, Riku and Sonia. Riku, Sonia, this is my husband, Shining Armor." She beamed.

"He's also my brother!" Twilight chipped in.

Sonia curtsied politely. "A pleasure to meet you."

"Yeah, same," Riku said with a nod.

"We must attend to business," Luna informed Shining Armor. "There is a reason we have brought our friends here. They seek lost companions of theirs, only found in shared dreams. A mystical map in Twilight's new library hinted that this was the place to find the next of them. We must acclimate Riku and Sonia to the Empire before creating the night's shared dream, and we must also announce our intent to all of the ponies who will be affected."

"And here I thought you just brought 'em here for the Crystal Fair," Shining Armor commented.

Cadance flinched. "The Crystal Fair? That's TODAY?"

"Yeah!" Shining Armor confirmed. "And I'm stoked you could make it!"

"I really have been gone a long time," Cadance said somewhat somberly. "I guess that's better than missing the Fair, though. I've just been away from home so long…it feels like I've missed out on everything I'm supposed to be doing."

"WE'RE IN TIME FOR THE FAIR!" Pinkie shrieked, leaping up to the ceiling and hovering there just a bit longer than she should have. "Ohmygosh theFairissofun! There'sgamesanddancingandfoodand – "

"Wha – slow down!" Riku broke in.

"You guys are gonna LOVE this!" Rainbow Dash asserted. "Especially the jousting!"

"An' y'all can help light up the Crystal Heart at the end of the day!" Applejack realized.

"Wha - ?" Riku began.

"The Crystal Fair – " Cadance attempted.

Twilight, however, was already on it. "The Crystal Fair is an annual event held to recharge the Crystal Heart," she explained. "Events are held all day for the Crystal Ponies to have fun together and lift their spirits. Then all of their positive feelings of love, fun, and hope fuel the Crystal Heart, which channels through Cadance and Shining Armor's palace to create an aura of positivity throughout all of Equestria! EVERYPONY feels more hopeful after a Crystal Fair!"

Sonia felt her heart sink. There was the resurfacing of the word "hope," and she didn't know if she could muster it, despite what Hajime would want.

"It'll be the perfect way to introduce you to the Empire!" Twilight went on. "We can show you all of the important landmarks and introduce you to the ponies here while you take part in the festivities!"

"I'll show ya where y'all can get the best treats!" Applejack volunteered.

"My, my, it feels disingenuous to not be part of the crafting booths this year," Rarity sighed. "All the same, I know the region well, and I'll help you find the most fashionable items there, even if I couldn't contribute anything."

"We can all visit the ewes together," Fluttershy suggested.

"And play all kinds of games!" Pinkie chirruped.

"Be sure to cheer me on in the jousting tournament!" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"I was never that great at dancing," Twilight laughed, "but you two will probably be able to do moves none of the rest of us has ever seen!"

"Man," Spike said, "that ALL sounds fun!"

"That's a pretty full itinerary," Cadance commented.

It was funny, Riku thought. When he was younger, he would have scoffed at running around at a fair all day and participating in all of these activities. Now, the prospect sounded delightful. He knew exactly what – who – had opened his eyes, and he couldn't be happier about it. "It actually sounds like fun," he stated. "I just wish Sora could be here. He'd love all of this."

"You could write down everything you do so you can remember to tell him later," Twilight suggested.

"I'm not sure that's…" Riku struggled for the word.

"Practical," Luna filled in.

"Nopony wants to waste the Fair writing!" Rainbow Dash groaned.

"I've got a better idea!" Rarity suggested. "Why don't you find your paramour a lovely souvenir? I'll point you in the right direction, but you know him better than anypony else."

"That sounds great, actually," Riku said with a smile. He turned to Sonia. "Ready to have some fun?"

For all intents and purposes, she looked ready to have fun. "Let us participate in the festivities!" she declared with a smile. "How would you say it…'party hard'?"

Perhaps Riku had misread her earlier. She seemed perfectly happy now.

But as the day progressed and the group took advantage of the Fair, touring the Empire and meeting its citizens while Luna explained the grand plan, Riku saw the truth. Sonia could be a very good actress when she wanted to be, whether that was a function of being a diplomat or a function of being a former Despair. However, he could see her half-heartedness in everything they did. Stopping for lunch of roasted corn on the cob with a side of berry pie, Riku devoured his in seconds while Sonia chewed hers pensively. At the crafting booths, Riku picked out a bracelet forged of rare black crystals for himself and a bracelet studded with sparkling crimson crystals for Sora, informed that these crystals, much like those he was familiar with in Radiant Garden, were enchanted to help the magical, and Riku's bracelet would enhance his supportive spells (such as healing) while Sora's was designed for boosting elemental magic. Sonia, however, was disinterested in all of the wares. Fluttershy guided Riku toward a herd of crystal ewes: tiny sheep, the size of a cat each, with very fluffy wool coats in pastel colors. Riku was tackled by multiple, laughing as he stroked those he could reach. Sonia knelt to tentatively pat one ewe. At the games, Riku's competitive streak took over, and he made serious business out of the ring toss; Sonia launched a single ring without putting any thought into the throw, and Riku knew that no one who'd spent that much time working for a shadowy evil organization that required dexterity for some tasks could miss the mark that far unless they were distracted (or Kazuichi). They watched Rainbow Dash joust several opponents who all looked bigger and tougher than her, but she sent them packing. Riku cheered; Sonia clapped softly. As the day drew to evening, Riku drew the eyes of the ponies who danced in the street as he performed moves that could only be done by someone bipedal. Sonia simply stood at the street's edge and watched.

"It's almost time!" Twilight cried as the sun began to set. "Everypony to the Crystal Heart!" She looked around to Spike, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Cadance, Shining Armor, Luna, Riku, and Sonia. "If we hurry, we can get a good spot at the front of the crowd!"

"You all go ahead," Riku told her. "Sonia and I will catch up."

"We will?" Sonia said, confused.

"Yeah," Riku affirmed. He turned to look her in the eye. "I want to talk to you about something."

His tone came across colder than he'd meant, and Sonia averted her gaze in shame.

"Let's go somewhere more private," Riku suggested.

"All right," Sonia relented.

"But what about the Heart?" Pinkie asked. "You're gonna miss it, and if you miss it, you'll never ever ever ever EVER EVER EVER get a chance to see it light up again! …Well, at least not for another year."

"I don't think we have to worry about that," Riku said slyly. "Don't worry about us."

"Okay," Twilight said doubtfully before turning to lead the other ponies to the front of the crowd.

"Follow me," Riku told Sonia, and she obliged with a nod. He led her back down the street toward the Empire's library, then transformed his Keyblade into its skimmer shape and used that to ferry her and himself up to the roof.

From atop the library, they could both see over the gathering crowd to where in the distance, the shimmering Crystal Heart lay in wait beneath the palace.

"It is beautiful," Sonia stated.

"You sure?" Riku asked.

"Oh, yes," Sonia replied. "Anyone can see it."

"I'm not so sure," Riku told her bluntly. "I don't think you've really been honest about how you're feeling all day. You've been pretending to have fun, but something's bothering you."

Sonia turned her back on him, the rhinestones in her ribbon catching the fading light. "It is not your concern."

"You're my friend now," Riku told her. "If you really don't wanna talk, that's fine. But how you're doing is my concern."

She was silent a while more.

Something occurred to Riku; "Back in the forest, when Discord said we didn't know things about you, and that you'd know evil. Does this have anything to do with that?"

After another quiet moment, Sonia said, "This should be all I ever want. Beautiful colors, friendship and harmony, a safe and comforting place. And I could have accepted it without question when I was younger. But now it only serves to remind me that there was a time when this was not what I preferred."

"You're not talking about your time as Despair, are you?" Riku realized.

Sonia turned back around to face Riku. "When I was young," she told him, meeting his eyes at last and showing him all of the despair in hers, "I liked fiction of all sorts, but I had a particular fascination with villains. The villain would be my favorite part of any story, and the more vile they were, the better it was. I soon found myself attracted to terrifying slasher films filled with blood and gore, and I was always fascinated by the killers in those films. Watching them carry out violent acts gave me a strange sort of happiness. I never felt any guilt about it, however, because I knew it was only fictional. It was just a story. It was never something I could do or condone in reality. I wanted to be a peaceful queen when I ascended to the throne. I wanted to make changes for the better. I never wanted to hurt anyone.

"By the time I was in high school, shortly before transferring to Hope's Peak, I developed an interest in true crime. It seemed like a natural evolution of my love of villains. Serial killers fascinated me, and I studied them all, from Genocide Jack to Sparkling Justice. I knew exactly how Genocide Jack would use scissors to defile the corpse of a boy – it was always a boy – before writing the word 'bloodlust' on the nearest wall. I could recite Sparkling Justice's manifesto word for word, in three languages. It was no longer a fiction I admired, but still, I did not think it was wrong. If a killer like that appeared in my kingdom, I would have them detained. I would not commit such heinous acts. I would not allow anyone I knew to do so, either. There was a difference between what fascinated me and what I would do, or so I believed. I always thought I was a good person, and that having a healthy distinction between fiction and reality, as well as between interesting case studies and what I wanted to emulate, would keep me that way."

It took some time before Sonia could muster up the courage to go on. But she did, locking her gray eyes onto Riku's. "But after Junko…I realized it was all a slippery slope. I became exactly the sort of killer I had studied so easily. I had essentially prepared myself to become an Ultimate Despair. Desensitizing myself to violence only allowed me to commit it more easily. Now that I can look back on what I have done and see how it was wrong…I resolved there would be no more. No more studying criminals of any sort, and no more villains. I will not become a villain again. And that is what I have been thinking about since Discord reminded me of how far I fell."

Riku nodded. "I get it. Actually…it sounds kind of familiar."

"It does?" Sonia tilted her head in curiosity.

"When I was growing up," Riku told her, "I loved fantasy stories and fairy tales. My favorite part would always be the evil witch or the dark queen. My dad would even tease me about it. After Ansem, and Maleficent, I thought for a while that maybe the reason I fell to them so easily was because I'd spent so much time idolizing characters like them. I started revisiting those old stories again and looking at them with new eyes. And you know what happened?"
"You reviled the villains you once adored," Sonia guessed confidently.

"Actually, no," Riku admitted. "I liked them even more, but in a different way. After doing things I wasn't proud of, looking at it on paper sort of helped me come to terms with it. I could see myself in the villains, but I didn't feel guilty for being like them. I felt relieved that there were characters I could relate to in that way, but they would only be fiction to me. I could think about the dark parts of myself without bringing them out into my life. It was almost like an outlet. Sometimes I would imagine those characters and project any last bad impulses I had onto them, and make up stories in my head. That way, they wouldn't be real. It's weird. I thought villains had made me a worse villain, but they ended up making me a better hero."

He gave Sonia a nod. "Don't confuse your own morality with what Junko put in your head. From what Kazuichi told me, she had a way of twisting things around so you would think her ideas were yours. I'm guessing she told you at some point that you were a natural for the things she wanted you to do because of your interests."

"Yes," Sonia said softly. "She did."

"Maybe it won't be like it was with me," Riku told Sonia. "You might not be able to like horror movies again. And that's fine. But if you are like me, then one day, you'll be able to go back to those movies and work through your experiences with them. Because there is a difference between fiction and reality, and there's even a difference between parts of reality, like the killers you studied. When you were so sure you wouldn't turn bad because of what you liked? That was the real you. How good or bad you are depends on you, not on what you like. You can always choose to do the right thing. If I were you, I would stop thinking about what interests you picked that lined up with the things you did and more about what Junko said to push you down that slope. Because whatever logic she used to make you cross the line is the real thing you should be learning to avoid."

"So…you think that even if I do return to watching grisly murders on film…I will still be a good person?" Sonia asked.

Riku almost laughed. "I know you will. But that's also your decision to make. I'm just saying you don't have to only like sparkly crystal empires for the rest of your life."

"Thank you." A tear slid down Sonia's cheek; she caught it with a fingertip. "It seems I am losing my composure. Perhaps it is just as well, since I shall never be queen anyhow."

"That's okay, too," Riku told her. "Losing your composure, I mean."

"I must think about your words," Sonia admitted. "Time will tell if they prove to be true for me. But you have given me more hope than I had before."

A sudden flash of light caught the attention of both. The Crystal Heart was spinning rapidly, gleaming brighter and brighter from the feelings of levity coursing from all of the ponies in attendance – and now, too, the sense of hope from Riku and Sonia. The light traveled up through the palace's spire, exploding into the sky in the form of an amazing aurora of color that filled the night. Riku and Sonia could definitely believe that this aurora was visible from across all of Equestria; here, at the source, it blanketed the Empire.

"It truly is beautiful," Sonia gasped, and now Riku knew she meant it.

...

Amelia strode the length of the cabin, tapping the leather of one of the seats with her index finger. Kazuichi and Jim were still cloistered away out of sight, working on their surfer. Doppler sat up front, as close as he could get to Sora, Donald, and Goofy, and was asking them nonstop questions about the multiverse and where they came from. Amelia had listened long enough to get the important bits, then let her husband collect the minutiae that interested him while she brought her comments to Aladdin and Jasmine, who were seated further back.

"Strange ship, it is," she said. "Can't say I prefer it."

"What kind of ship do you usually captain?" Aladdin asked with a smirk.

"An honest light ship," Amelia responded. "One with a bow, a stern, and sails, built to traverse the Etherium."

"I think we've seen something like that," Jasmine realized. Then, to Aladdin: "You remember Captain Murk's flying ship?"

"How could I forget?" Aladdin replied.

"Ah, so you've sailed a more traditional craft," Amelia commented.

"I'd say so," Aladdin told her. "We were Murk's crew for a few days looking for a shark that swam in the sand."

"Let's just say it wasn't the most pleasant adventure we've been on," Jasmine huffed.

"Murk was only in it for some stupid treasure!" Aladdin explained. "And…to be fair…so was I, at the beginning. But he almost killed Jasmine to get it!"

"He sounds quite ghastly," Amelia said with a nod. "No captain I'd want to ally with. Frankly, I've had more than enough of his sort for one lifetime."

"But to be fair, it wasn't ALL bad," Aladdin went on with a shrug. "I mean, we did end up taking in the shark and making sure it wouldn't threaten Agrabah, didn't we? And we put up a good fight."

"That is true," Jasmine agreed.

"You," Amelia repeated. "A pair of royals. Crewing a ship and putting up a fight against a monster."

"Is that so hard to believe?" Jasmine asked sharply.

"I've appeared in the royal court," Amelia reminded her. "I'm no stranger to politics, and let me tell you firsthand, it is indeed VERY incredulous."

"Yeah, well, I'm not your ordinary royal," Aladdin argued. "I've faced off more villains and monsters than you can count on both hands. And Jasmine? You won't find anyone tougher."

"Frankly, I'll believe it when I see it," Amelia told them with a sly smile.

"Er, Amelia?" Doppler called back. "Dear?"

"Come quick!" Goofy asserted. "There's somethin' out there!"

Amelia, Aladdin, and Jasmine rushed to the front dashboard to see what the fuss was all about.

"Look!" Sora pointed out the dashboard window. There, in the path of the Gummi ship, a light ship was coming into view, completely stationary. There was no sign of life aboard it.

"I think that ship might be in trouble," Sora theorized.

"Hm…" Amelia focused her gaze upon it. "It's certainly a light ship, but not of a make that corresponds to any fleet I know…flying no colors, at that. Highly suspicious."

"It's a trap!" Doppler gasped.

"Not necessarily," Amelia replied. "There isn't enough information to draw a conclusion at this stage. However, I would proceed with caution."

"We should go see if they need help!" Sora insisted.

"Nuh-uh!" Donald folded his arms. "Somethin' about this stinks!"

"Come on," Sora insisted, "we can handle anything that could be waiting for us!"

"Your impressive résumé aside," Amelia stated, "I'm not letting a fifteen-year-old self-appointed captain walk into an ambush."

"You really don't know this fifteen-year-old," Jasmine argued.

"Nor would it be wise to send the whole crew at once," Amelia went on, ignoring Jasmine. "Better we split up and send an advance party to assess the situation. That way, should worse come to worse, only half of us are, shall we say, taken out of play."

"HEY!" Donald squawked. "WE'RE NOT GONNA GET TAKEN OUT!"

"I shall lead the scout," Amelia stated. "Sora, you're to stay aboard: no ifs, ands, or buts about it."

"BUT – " Sora protested.

Amelia held up a finger. "Ah, ah! What did I just forbid?"

Sora slumped in his seat. "It's not fair," he grumbled. "This isn't even the ship you're captain of."

Amelia turned to Aladdin and Jasmine. "What say you prove you're worth your salt?"

"We'll show you we weren't just telling tall tales," Aladdin countered. "Count me in."

"And me," Jasmine asserted.

"If it's all the same to you," Doppler said, "you can count me out."

Amelia nodded to him. "That way, I'll know you're safe anyhow. Watch for my signal. Should the royals and I find ourselves in over our heads, which is, frankly, quite unlikely to happen, then you may rally the troops…for all the good they'll do."

Sora and Donald glared daggers at Amelia while Goofy just looked rather sad.

"Drive us over and drop us off," Amelia commanded.

The Gummi ship pulled up adjacently to the stagnant light ship; Amelia, Aladdin, and Jasmine were able to step right onto its deck. It was now doubly clear that the upper decks were deserted.

"Let's split up," Jasmine suggested.

"Let's NOT," Amelia countered. "Better we get accosted as a team than individually."

They perused the entire deck, finding no signs of life.

"Maybe it really is deserted," Aladdin suggested, baffled.

"Or maybe there's someone onboard who does need help and can't steer the ship," Jasmine contributed.

"Perhaps," Amelia said rather stiffly. "Shall we proceed belowdecks, then?"
Down into the bowels of the ship they moved, keeping a lookout for movement, an ear out for sounds. Nothing stood out.

"Strange," Amelia commented as the trio walked into a spacious chamber filled with barrels. "It truly does seem there's no one on this craft."

A low, raspy voice: "Guess again, missy."

They came from behind the barrels, through side doors, down from the ceiling rafters. Pirates, no two of the same race, in all colors and shapes. All they had in common was the matching cutlasses they brandished toward Amelia, Aladdin, and Jasmine, who had instinctively grouped up back-to-back-to-back.

"It WAS a trap," Jasmine seethed.

"Oh, you figured it out, then?" one of the pirates laughed in a high-pitched tone. "They always do: THE HARD WAY."

"What d'ye think we do with these?" another asked. "Kill 'em where they stand?"

"One of 'em's dressed in a naval uniform," another pointed out, "and another of 'em's wearing fine silks. I'd wager we've got ourselves an escort mission. Perhaps for a royal."

A voice whose familiarity pierced Amelia's sense of unease sounded off from behind the crowd: "Let me see that woman."

The pirates parted, letting the voice's owner come through. Six spindly, insectoid legs clicked against the floorboards. The pirate's narrow yet solid torso branched into arms topped with thick red pincers. His head was long and narrow, skin bright red; two wicked fangs protruded over his lower lip. His right eye was enormous, bulbous, and yellow in sclera. His left eye, or where one should have been, was covered with a thick brown bandage that looked unhygienically soiled.

"Mister Scroop," Amelia addressed, trying not to betray her shock.

"CAPTAIN Scroop," Scroop corrected.

"You KNOW him?" Aladdin asked.

"A former member of my crew, provided by Mr. Silver," Amelia explained. "A rotten pirate through and through. Not even Hawkins could call this one redeemable. The last any of us heard of him, he'd been launched into the Etherium. We all presumed he was dead."

"After what happened to me since that day," Scroop seethed, "I wish I had been. You're about to wish the same." He fixed his one good eye on the rest of his crew. "Throw the rich girl in the brig. We could collect a pretty ransom on her. The man looks worth nothing, so dispose of him. As for Captain Amelia…let me be the one to do the disposing." He clicked threateningly toward her. "I'm going to make you beg for your death. This will be slow and painful. But I'll enjoy every minute of it." He raised one pincer, feeling he needed no weapon to carry out his deed.

"Looks to be about thirty to three," Amelia said hastily. "Ten to one, provided I've counted correctly and there aren't more waiting in the wings. Do you like those odds?"

"Yeah," Aladdin replied, "I like those odds."

Jasmine smirked. "Let's teach this crew to be a little more careful who they try to trick."

Amelia launched an uppercut into Scroop's jaw, causing him to let out a loud moan. Aladdin rushed the pirate nearest him and decked the man in the face. Jasmine chose an opponent and threw a kick into his chest that knocked him against the wall.

The rest threw themselves into the fray then, a mess of flailing limbs and flashing blades.

One of the pirates removed a whip from his belt, cracking it toward Aladdin. Aladdin put up his arm, and the whip cord landed, coiling around it. It stung, but it wasn't the first time Aladdin had done that by a long shot. He gave his arm a jerk, and the whip handle was ripped from its owner. Once the whole weapon was in Aladdin's hands, he was suddenly reminded of adventures past and where this whip belonged. "JASMINE!" he called, launching the whip handle toward her. "CATCH!"

The whip landed neatly in Jasmine's hand, and she cracked it against three opponents in succession, leaving welts on their skin as they backed away from her. Another charged, cutlass pointed outward; Jasmine's whip wrapped around his sword arm, and she took advantage of his surprise to plant a foot in his stomach and use her free hand to disarm him. "ALADDIN!" she called, dropping the cutlass to the ground and kicking it so it spun toward her husband.

"Heh…don't mind if I do." Aladdin picked the sword up off the ground and brought it up just in time to parry the blade of another coming down on him.

Jasmine then whipped one of the barrels and brought it close, kicking it toward the majority of the pirates and bowling them over. Amelia had just thrown Scroop back against the wall and sighted the barrel, the wheels turning in her mind. With any luck, it was a barrel of plasma cores.

She removed her blaster from her belt, turning it on the barrel and firing once.

The barrel exploded, but it was not filled with plasma cores. It was instead filled with purps. The sticky violet juice erupted over the crowd, staining them brightly.

Amelia shrugged. "I suppose that works."

"Kinda starting to get overwhelmed here!" Aladdin said worriedly, fending off three swordsmen at once.

"We need to get abovedecks!" Amelia cried.

"Jasmine!" Aladdin cried. "BARRELS!"

"ON IT!" Jasmine knew exactly what Aladdin was thinking. She ran to a stack of five barrels, shoving it so that the entire thing toppled. The barrels caused just enough of a diversion, making the crew stumble over them, that Aladdin and Amelia could slip away. Jasmine led the both of them back the way they'd come at top speed.

"AFTER THEM!" Scroop roared, already giving chase.

Amelia turned her blaster upward as the trio headed out, figuring this was the best window during which to give the signal. She fired a round of shots directly upward, through the roof and all of the upper levels. That would bring the cavalry – though she had to be honest; Aladdin and Jasmine had held out longer than she'd expected they could.

From within the Gummi ship, Doppler, Sora, Goofy, and Donald saw the blaster fire immediately. "AMELIA!" Doppler cried. "She's in trouble!"

"We gotta save her!" Goofy cried.

"I'm gonna go get Jim and Kazuichi!" Sora declared, ripping out of his seat. "You guys go on ahead!"

By the time Amelia, Aladdin, and Jasmine had reached the deck, Doppler, Goofy, Donald, Sora, Kazuichi, and Jim were all charging out onto the light ship.

"IT WAS A TRAP!" Aladdin cried.

"PIRATES, THE WHOLE LOT OF THEM!" Amelia cried. "AND LED BY – "

He'd reached the deck, scampered up the mast, then used a rigging rope to descend between the escaping trio and their reinforcements, glaring at his would-be captives venomously. "Pluck won't save you," Scroop hissed.

Jim's jaw dropped. "SCROOP!"

Scroop knew the voice. It still haunted his nightmares. He spun quickly, almost appearing afraid at first. "HAWKINS!" His visage then settled into its more relaxed demeanor. "This will be sweeter than I thought."

"What happened?" Jim asked anxiously. "You – I sent you into the Etherium. There's no way you survived – what happened to your eye?"

"Thanks to you, I lived nightmares you couldn't imagine," Scroop explained as he advanced.

"No," Jim said, stepping back as his eyes widened and the blood left his face. "I didn't know. I thought – I'm sorry – but you didn't leave me any CHOICE! You were gonna KILL ME!"

"And now I'm about to finish that job," Scroop threatened. "We're not about to let a single one of your friends leave here alive."

The rest of the pirates had gotten up onto the deck by then, and it seemed the stage was set for a brawl.

"Sora!" Donald suggested. "Now might be a good time to try one of those new tricks Master Yen Sid taught you!"

"Oh, yeah!" Sora realized. "And I think I know just the one!" He called out, louder: "ALADDIN! JASMINE! AMELIA! GET OVER BY US!"

It was easy for the trio to bypass Scroop; Amelia skirted around him as Aladdin and Jasmine shoved him backward from either side.

"Everyone get close!" Sora commanded.

"What exactly ARE you doing?" Doppler asked as the group tightened around Sora.

Sora raised his Keyblade, thinking intently about the effect he wanted to cast. He then seemed to melt down into the deck as a splash of water.

"Um – " Jim began.

In an even bigger burst of water, a small pirate ship, just big enough to hold Sora and all of his companions, burst up into existence, Sora at the helm. From the outside, it was a breathtaking sight, composed of lights that gleamed purple and gold alongside the deck and pink throughout the sails. While Sora held the wheel, Donald, Goofy, Aladdin, Jasmine, Amelia, Doppler, Jim, and Kazuichi found themselves seated onboard this ship.

"GO!" Sora yelled, and the ship lurched forward, bowling into every single member of Scroop's crew. Most were knocked down. Scroop was plowed into by the bow and launched high into the air.

The ship continued to arc upward until the bow pointed nearly vertically upward. Then, as Sora yelled "GO!" again, it began to swing back.

Kazuichi's protesting stomach and his panicked mind realized at the same time what was about to happen; "No – NO – NONONONONONONONO – "

The ship rocked backwards. Some of the pirates who'd tried to scramble toward the Gummi Ship were now knocked senseless by the rudder as it tilted upward. Scroop finally descended, and as he came down, the rudder rose to greet him, knocking him back airborne.

The ship went back and forth for a while until every single one of Scroop's crew, Scroop included, was knocked unconscious. Scroop himself had taken quite a ride, flung up into the air at every opportunity. Donald and Goofy had cheered as the ride had gone on, and Jim had begun whooping with joy to counteract Kazuichi's rapid-fire expletives. Finally, the Attraction Flow dissolved in a shower of multicolored sparks, depositing its passengers aboard the pirate ship's deck.

"Well done, Mr. Sora!" Amelia congratulated. "Though after that display, I am starting to see why you would more accurately be 'Captain Sora.'"
Sora beamed, his chest puffed out. "Now ya get it!"

"That was simply fascinating!" Doppler cried. "You MUST explain to me the magic behind that…that summoning of an entirely new craft!"

"That was AWESOME!" Jim whooped.

"Don't…" Kazuichi pointed a shaking finger at Sora. "Don't you EVER FUCKING MAKE ME DO THAT AG – " He couldn't finish, dropping down to the deck to begin dry heaving.

"Oops," Sora said sheepishly. "Sorry, Kazuichi."

Jim, Doppler, and Goofy worked together to escort Kazuichi back onto the Gummi ship and find somewhere he could lay down. Amelia set about rounding up ropes, cutting them from the rigging, to tie up the unconscious prisoners.

"We're only just out of bounds from charted space," she remarked. "A few moments' flight from Latrasia. We'll tow the ship, deposit these ne'er-do-wells at their port and let the law handle it from there. Do give me a hand, won't you?"

Aladdin and Jasmine helped her lash the pirates to the mast.

"Oh, and well done," Amelia continued. "Perhaps I erred in underestimating you."

"It's all right," Jasmine said smugly. "You wouldn't be the first."

"I'll tell you this much." Amelia knotted the rope tightly. "If the royals I knew were anything like you, then diplomatic conferences wouldn't be half so dull."

Sora cocked his head. "That guy. He said something about Jim putting him through nightmares."

"Don't give him a second thought," Amelia said brusquely as she made her way back to the Gummi ship; Sora, Donald, Aladdin, and Jasmine followed. "Whatever happened to him out there, he right well deserved."

...

The pressure of Highwind bouncing off Riku alerted him to the fact that he'd arrived in the dream.

This time, Cadance and Shining Armor had been able to secure actual mattresses for him and Sonia, though each had taken up two mattresses pushed together. Riku lightly pushed Highwind away while he rose.

Sonia was aware of it now as well, sitting up and smoothing her hair before tying it back with her rhinestone-studded ribbon. "It is the dream," she stated, "isn't it?"
"Yeah," Riku told her. "C'mon. Let's go."

A quick glance out the window showed them a view of the white sphere from which Luna was projecting the shared dream. Then the two humans set off.

In the hallway, they ran into Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Spike coming from one fork while Cadance and Shining Armor arrived from another. "Whoa," Shining Armor commented. "This feels weird. Not bad weird. Just…weird."

"You get used to it," Twilight said boastfully.

"It's just…it really feels like I'm awake," Shining Armor said, "even though I know I'm not. Or am I? Did we even make it into the dream?"
"Does THIS answer your question?" Pinkie Pie asked, pulling a large bouquet of rainbow-colored roses out from behind his ear.

"Um…no?" Shining Armor answered. "You could do that even if we were awake."

"Then I will try one!" Sonia said, her confidence renewed. "After all, in a dream, you can do anything!"

Suddenly, a roaring chainsaw was in her hands, blade shining menacingly.

The others all backed off, but Sonia dismissed it with a smile. "Do not worry," she stated. "I choose not to use it."

Riku gave her an affirmative nod. "Let's see…what could I do now that I'm in a dream?"
He realized now was a chance to take advantage of something he'd missed. His feet lifted off the floor, and he hovered in the middle of the hallway, the air glittering around him. For all he'd ridden on Captain Hook's ship during his time with Maleficent, he hadn't once taken advantage of the power of flight offered to him in Neverland. Now he was making up for lost time.

"It really is a dream!" Shining Armor cried. Then, with a yell of "COOL!", he dressed himself in a gaudy suit of armor that lived up to his name, bejeweled with stones of all colors and carved with swirling designs.

"Let's head out into town," Cadance suggested. "I'm sure whoever we're looking for is – "

Highwind gave a shrill screech to cut her off before tearing off deeper into the palace.

"What?" Twilight said in confusion. "Why is he going THAT way?"
"He led us the right way last time," Fluttershy reminded her. "He's a very smart bat. We should follow him."

"I agree," Riku stated.

The group made their way to the throne room to find a big difference from before. A large square pit of sorts was set into the floor before the crystal throne. Upon closer inspection, it was a passageway for a spiral staircase that led into the castle's underbelly. Highwind hovered over the beginning of the steps.

"Wasn't this the secret stairway that King Sombra used to hide the Crystal Heart?" Spike asked.

"It was," Twilight affirmed. "Something about the dream must be revealing it."

Highwind turned a loop-de-loop in the air before plummeting to the bottom of the pit and out of sight, his squealing almost sounding like a cry of "Wheeeeeee!".

"You're telling me we've got to go down ALL THESE STAIRS?" Rarity moaned.

"Well, it is a dream," Riku reminded her. "Maybe I can make things a little easier."

He envisioned a crystal-powered lift from Radiant Garden, just slim enough to fit down between the coils of the stairway. It came into existence, and the group piled in; the descent began.

In almost no time, they'd reached the nadir. Disembarking the lift, they saw an arched doorway that was flung wide open to reveal the outdoor air. "At least Sombra's trap is deactivated," Twilight muttered as she led her friends through.

On the other side, they found themselves outside the castle's spire, looking up at a second stairway that wrapped around it and led many stories high to the summit.

"NOW you're telling me we've got to go UP this many stairs?" Rarity cried in dismay. "This is even more stairs than we had to go DOWN!"

"Will you relax?" Rainbow Dash groaned. "We didn't even have to walk down the stairs! We could just take another one of those elevator things! Though I could fly up there way faster than that thing could."

"Hey," Shining Armor realized, "we all could!" He dismissed his armor to sprout himself a pair of bright white wings. "Race ya to the top!" He took off without warning.

"HEY, NO FAIR!" Rainbow Dash zoomed after him.

Twilight, Fluttershy, and Cadance took off with a laugh. Rarity conjured up a pair of translucent, multicolored butterfly wings reminiscent of a pair she'd once gained temporarily through magical means; these, of course, would not melt in the sun's heat, especially given that it was nighttime. Applejack gave herself a pair of plain feathered wings, soft orange to match her coat, and wobbled a bit as she lifted off. Pinkie Pie sprouted a pair of metal wings that looked like they'd belong to an airplane, each coming from one side of her; she glided upward without any form of propulsion. Spike's wings were draconian and enormous. Riku styled himself a pair of batlike wings to match those of Highwind while Sonia gave herself black feathered wings, and the two humans lifted off.

Atop the spire, Highwind flitted about the open area, where a familiar humanoid figure had her back turned to the new arrivals, staring out at the Empire. Highwind landed on her shoulder, and she absent-mindedly reached up to stroke him.

"Is that – " Twilight began to ask.

"LIANNA!" Riku cried.

Lianna turned to face him. "Riku?"

He rushed to her. "We tried to save Mal," he said almost breathlessly.

"You found Mal?" Lianna replied. "I haven't seen her in too long. I'm worrying. Nothing makes sense here, Riku. It isn't like the mistress' dream."

"Mal told me," Riku explained. "You go from place to place, and there's no sense of time. I think we might have a way to get you out, but it's risky."

"I'll take the risk," Lianna stated firmly.

"Okay." Riku took two steps back. "If this works, stay right where you are. We'll come and find you."

"I trust you," Lianna said with confidence.

"Ready, girls?" Applejack announced. "It's rainbow time!"

She, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy stood together, the colors of the rainbow transforming them. Highwind quickly squeaked, dashing out of the way. The rainbow burst forth from the six, enveloping Lianna.

The goblin girl glowed with an iridescent aura, then suddenly vanished in a shower of sparks.

That was when everyone woke up.

...

"HURRY!" Riku cried as he took the lead of the group; Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Sonia, Cadance, Shining Armor, Spike, and Luna all barreled after him to the throne room.

"Allow me," Luna said once they reached the chamber. A burst of Dark magic from her horn collided with the uppermost crystal of the throne, casting a shadow down over the floor that revealed the hidden stairway.

"Sorry, Rarity," Riku said quickly. "No elevator this time."

"WHAT?" Rarity cried as Riku began to bolt.

They reached the bottom of the stairs, then came out at the other side. "Okay," Twilight declared. "I'm just going to cast a gravity spell that will – RIKU!"

Riku had already begun to charge up the stairs, several loops around by the time Twilight had yelled his name.

"Please tell me the end of that sentence involved me not having to climb this entire staircase," Rarity said flatly.

In his mind, Riku begged: please, please, please. He'd already lost Mal; he couldn't lose Lianna, too. She needed to be there, and they could go find Mal together. She had to be at the spire's summit. She had to be.

He rounded the last loops, skidding onto the platform and stopping short.

The gravity spell Twilight had cast deposited everyone else after a slide down the underside of the stairs as though it were a slide. When all were assembled, they could see what Riku beheld:

The top of the spire was empty. Lianna was nowhere to be found.

...

The Lithasblot ball was everything Harley Quinn had pictured in her mind upon its mention. She felt like a princess entering the room filled with dancers in their finest regalia. The food on the refreshment table smelled tantalizing. The music was upbeat, yet keeping a 3/4 time signature that beckoned everyone to waltz. Harley did not know how to waltz, but that wasn't going to stop her that day.

"So what's the plan, Madame Frou Frou?" she asked Snatcher, also indicating Xayide with the tilt of her head. "We gotta stick together?"

"The plan is to appear as though we blend in," Snatcher stated. "I, of course, shall try and capture what intelligence I can, though it seems unlikely we will find what we are looking for here. You two are tasked only with putting on a good appearance."

"So all I gotta do is dance?" Harley's eyes lit up with glee.

It was almost endearing, Snatcher thought. Maybe even more than almost. "Yes, Mademoiselle Quinn. Dance to your heart's desire!"

With a squeal, Harley took off into the crowd to find the next available dance partner.

"Best of luck," Xayide bade Snatcher as she, too, vanished into the throng.

"I have never needed luck," Snatcher muttered as he sought out his potential partner. "As it were, I have talent."

His heels clicked three paces toward the center of the floor before he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Madame," a soft, masculine voice with a light British accent greeted. "Might I have the pleasure of a dance?"
Snatcher turned to look up into the face of a very attractive redheaded Asgardian: curly copper-colored locks over piercing eyes. Tall and slender, but still obviously bearing a lot of muscle, he had a quite pleasing physique. Snatcher's heart actually skipped a couple beats, and he scolded himself for a swift thought that seemed adulterous. Yes, this man was objectively very beautiful, but compared to Torchwick, he couldn't hold a torch wick.

"The pleasure would be mine," Snatcher said as he turned to lock into this man as a dance partner, one hand reaching up to rest on his high shoulder and the other clasping his; the Asgardian's free hand rested lightly at Snatcher's side.

Snatcher did know how to waltz, and quite excellently at that; the Asgardian was none too shabby either. They whirled across the floor lightly to the rhythm of the music.

"I've not seen you before," the Asgardian stated as they danced. "I rather wish I had. It seems I've been missing out for most of my life."

"You flatter me," Snatcher replied.

"Why haven't our paths crossed?" the Asgardian asked. "Are you perchance new to the court? I had heard of some changes in the nobility, and Odin appointing new councilors to his inner circle."

"Why, yes," Snatcher stated, relieved that his backstory had just been handed to him. "Absolutely that."

"And you are finding your way around the castle with little trouble?"
Here was an opening. Time to play the part of the damsel in distress who needed the help of a tall, strong, and highly intelligent man. "These hallways are a labyrinth," Snatcher replied, trying to sound as concerned as possible. "It seems at every turn, I am getting lost. It is simply so confusing."

"Might I be able to assist you?"

"My greatest concern is that I might accidentally end up somewhere I am not permitted to be," Snatcher said. "I do not wish to walk in on Asgard's most well-guarded treasures and become arrested on sight for trespassing."

"No need to worry in that regard," the Asgardian stated calmly. "Anything truly valuable, Odin keeps locked away in the deepest basement of the castle."

Now, there was a piece of information Snatcher hadn't managed to juice out of anyone so far. He wondered just how far he could take this. "Oh, he does, does he? I suppose that should only make sense. Is there a particular stairway I am to avoid so as not to arouse suspicion?"
"My dear," the Asgardian cooed, "you've already done your fair share of arousing, though not suspicion. As for the entrance to the vault, it is in the eastern corner of the castle. The architecture gets fittingly aesthetically suspicious as you near it. Narrow hallways, dim lighting. You won't be able to miss it, and there will be well enough time to turn back."

Had it really been so easy, after interrogating Asgardian after Asgardian who didn't know? "I must thank you, kind sir," Snatcher told the Asgardian. "You have saved me much trouble. You are far too kind, truly, you are!"

"And you are far too exquisite," the Asgardian replied. "Odin may keep his treasures locked away, but you are a much more valuable possession than any of them, and here you are in my arms. I suppose that gives me a king's riches."

Snatcher was now acutely aware of the Asgardian's hand traveling around him and in a downward direction. The number of times he'd had to endure a man who felt entitled enough putting a hand there was getting exasperatingly high. "My good sir," Snatcher said with just an edge of sharpness to his tone, "I beg you to watch your hands."

"I should think not," the Asgardian replied, now steel in his own voice. "After all, I have just provided you invaluable information. I should think you owe me this much."

His hand clenched the flesh of Snatcher's hindquarters.

Snatcher reached back on instinct, seizing the Asgardian's wrist and attempting to remove it, but the Asgardian chuckled. "Ah, ah, my dear. You are my dance partner, and you won't be getting away from me that easily."

His other hand had let go of Snatcher's, seizing him by the upper body and pulling him close. His soft voice was now utterly sinister as he whispered in Snatcher's ear, "The doors of that vault could be unlocked for you. I could give you a private tour. But you would have to give me something in return…"

Snatcher knew exactly what this man was implying. He panicked momentarily, trying to think of his escape. The Asgardian's superhuman grip wouldn't allow him to break free without making a scene, and as dangerous as this was getting, Snatcher still refused to compromise the operation or draw unnecessary attention. He'd put up with being groped before, to a point, but he'd never been in this particular position. He supposed he could try to put up with more, but there was no telling how this man would react to finding out the secret of Madame Frou Frou's physiology, and furthermore, the idea was incredibly repulsive. There had to be some strategic move that would allow him to escape discreetly –

"Pardon me, but it is customary to change partners after each song has ended."

Both Snatcher and the Asgardian were startled by the voice of the newcomer. They turned to look at Vexen, Snatcher's expression comparable to that of a deer in headlights. Snatcher could only imagine what Vexen thought, seeing him pressed so close to his predatory dance partner.

"And if I don't want to relinquish her?" the Asgardian countered.

"Then you would be going quite against decorum," Vexen challenged.

"Decorum only matters to the men of Asgard when it is convenient," the Asgardian responded.

"You would have such FLAGRANT disregard for etiquette at a royal function?" Vexen barked. "Asgardian or not, it is ill-fitting behavior that will earn you little respect, especially from me. You've spent far too long with the same partner, and I DEMAND you relinquish her to me so that this ball may proceed AS DECORUM DICTATES!"

The Asgardian slowly smirked. "Very well."

His hands were off Snatcher in an instant, and Snatcher felt far less suffocated.

"If this is the sort of behavior Odin condones," Vexen stated as he moved in to take the Asgardian's place, "then the throne is truly in the hands of the wrong man."

The Asgardian simply turned on a heel and breezed away. Snatcher watched him over Vexen's shoulder, noting him leaving the ballroom.

Vexen's hands took their place upon Snatcher in a professional, methodical way that came as a relief after the pressing touch of the aggressor. Together they danced, Vexen's movements stiff but precise. "I owe you quite a favor for that gallant rescue," Snatcher said softly, still keeping in character despite initiating a conversation he knew to be very private – even if no one heard what he was saying, those surrounding him could still pick up what his voice sounded like.

"Rescue?" Vexen repeated. "I've no idea what you're talking about."

"That man," Snatcher explained. "He was getting far too physical, and had you not stepped in, he may very well have tried to take me somewhere private to have his way with me."

"He threatened you directly?" Vexen reiterated. Snatcher could see his gaze distorting, staring into space as his feet carried out the necessary movements of the waltz. "Interesting. Very interesting." Wheels were obviously turning in Vexen's head, though what he was theorizing, Snatcher couldn't tell. Vexen's gaze snapped back into focus: "At any rate, I had no idea what was going on between the two of you. I simply came here to swap positions with Xayide and align myself with the more sensible of our two sub-factions. I sought you out and insisted upon our dance to see if you had, by chance, obtained any information. After all, I knew you would not cease asking about it, even at such an inappropriate time as this."

Snatcher could almost believe that Vexen hadn't noticed the aggressor's predatory action. He gave no tells that he was adjusting the truth; his tone was perfectly even and sincere-sounding. The only giveaway was that Snatcher knew Vexen too well. Vexen was a master of observation. Someone naïve might have been able to look at Snatcher and his previous dance partner and think nothing of their conversation, perhaps assuming their bond consensual. The truth, however, would not have escaped Vexen's notice. Snatcher knew far better than to call him out on it. "As a matter of fact, I have learned something. My lout of a dance partner managed to let something slip. Directions to a vault beneath the castle, in fact. Wouldn't it figure that he'd be the only one to know anything among this castle of empty-headed simpletons?"

"Yes," Vexen muttered. "Very questionable, indeed."

His gaze had averted again, and he was working once more on whatever theory he'd formulated. Snatcher was about to ask when Harley came bounding up to them.

"Hiya, Vex!" she greeted. "When did you get here?" Without waiting for a response, she gushed, "I am just havin' the greatest time! First I danced with this real nice guy. Sounded Dutch, though I know there's no such thing as Europe here. Didn't catch his name – Matthew or somethin'? But then the song changed, an' I got offered by this real cute GIRL, pretty blonde, an' we just danced so hard that I'm all outta breath! I'm havin' the time of my life!"

Snatcher smiled halfheartedly. "That is all well and good, Mademoiselle Quinn, but I would advise you to beware the snakes in the grass."

"Ain't we the snakes in the grass, though? The secret villains, I mean."

"If a tall, redheaded man asks you to dance," Snatcher clarified, "do not accept his offer."

"Why – " A few reasons why suddenly dawned on Harley. "Oh. Okay. I'll keep a lookout. Are you doin' all ri – "

"PERFECTLY FINE, Mademoiselle Quinn," Snatcher said sharply. "Though perhaps now that we have new information, we should rendez-vous with our better halves."

"Yes," Vexen said absent-mindedly. "I suppose we should."

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Harley asked.

"Something I as of yet do not have enough evidence to prove," Vexen muttered. "All the same, let us leave. We are wasting time on this foolery."

The redheaded Asgardian waited around the corner of the hall, watching Snatcher, Harley, and Vexen exit. He did not try to interrupt their course. Rather, he wanted to see just how far they would get.

Now that he was out of sight, he let his glamour fall. His hair straightened, deepening to jet black. His robes took on a distinct green palette.

Loki had never actually meant to bed Snatcher. The thought of him doing anything of the sort with Archibald Snatcher was repulsive. Laughable. After all, he knew exactly who Madame Frou Frou was. He knew who Vexen and Harley were. He knew that elsewhere in this castle, they had six other companions who were likely barking up the wrong tree entirely. He had known about them from the moment they entered the castle; Loki had eyes everywhere.

That was why he and his associates had been haranguing them. Doom accosting them in the trophy room had been no accident. And the stunt on the ballroom floor had been Loki's attempt to shake the overconfident Snatcher while baiting the trap.

Loki and Doom had made a wager once aware of the WHAM ARMY's presence. Doom had been convinced that the intruders would either be too unobservant to figure out where the Tesseract was kept, or they would figure out that Loki was tailing them and make an escape. These were the only two rational outcomes as far as Doom was concerned, and if it weren't for Vexen's presence, he would have been confident that only the former was possible. Loki, however, had suspected a different outcome. He made the very specific suggestion that the WHAM ARMY division would, in fact, figure out that they were being strung along, but show up in the vault anyway. (His exact words had been "They are both far smarter and far more stupid than you can imagine.") This had been the defining moment of the plan. Loki was certain now that Vexen had put the pieces together about his threat to Snatcher and Doom's timely arrival. They now all knew exactly where to go. It was a matter of if they would see it for the trap it was or get out while they still could.

Loki did so hope he would win. Not only would his outcome secure him the means with which to destroy several members of the WHAM ARMY, however temporarily that death would be, but more pressingly, he had a good sum of money riding on this, and while he could have spent coin from the Asgardian coffers on new armor, it would be all the more satisfying to have a new helmet forged and paid completely from Doom's shortsightedness.