Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

111. Fireworks

A/N: Content warning, but it's a chapter spoiler. Skip to the end if you think something might affect you.

...

The Terra where Vexen, Ravess, Yzma, Wuya, Zevon, and Lady Caine reconvened was small, unassuming, almost too inconsequential to be marked on the map. Green meadows, dirt paths, a single tree. Perhaps an expansive home to three children and their animal sidekick, but just a waystation for the more mature.

"Well?" Wuya urged, flitting about in ghostly form. "Are you going to explain, or do I have to do it for you?"

"We CAN explain!" Ravess protested. "It was a misunderstanding! The crystal – "

"Ravess, don't." Vexen sighed, shutting his eyes and turning his face away. "We cannot hide it any longer. We deliberately lied."

"WHAT?" Zevon cried. "YOU FIBULATED FOR YOUR OWN GAINAGE? ON MY SPECIAL MISSIONITIATIVE?"

"So you're telling me we went through EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED HERE for NOTHING?" Lady Caine snapped.

Yzma simply said "Called it."

"WHAT?" Zevon and Lady Caine turned to Yzma in disbelief.

Yzma shrugged. "You didn't notice how suspicious the two of them have been acting this whole time?"

"My own maternalother," Zevon moaned, "keeping such a criticrucial secret from me!"

"Zevon," Yzma said dryly, "we're all villains. It's not like YOU'VE never lied to your loved ones to get what you wanted."

"YES, BUT THOSE WERE CASES WHERE I GOT WHAT I WANTED!" Zevon protested.

"So," Lady Caine snorted, "are you gonna tell us what the rock we spent eternity chasing around this world ACTUALLY does?"

"It is unrelated to the Corona Aurora," Vexen sighed. "In fact, it is known by two names on this world: the Key and the Oracle Stone. Its initial purpose was to contain an omniscient spirit connected to the heart of this world. However, with the Oracle freed, it serves another purpose: allowing a bridge between the two sides of this world."

"And we want that whyyyyyy?" Lady Caine asked.

Vexen gave a scoff of a sigh. "I suppose we can't leave it at that, can we? I will let you have full control of the compass, even depart for home base if you wish."

"TALK," Yzma barked.

"I mean, I already know," Wuya pointed out. "I just want to hear him say it."

"The Key may provide the necessary teleportation energy to replace the Tesseract, if bolstered with the correct arrangement of crystals," Vexen admitted through gritted teeth. "My goal – OUR goal – was to acquire a substitute that would fulfill Mozenrath's needs."

"And gain some more respect – no, ADULATION in the process," Ravess chimed in.

"Oh, boy," Wuya remarked, "are they gonna be humiliated when they learn about the pandimensional vortex inducer."

"…The what?" Vexen asked.

"Oh, nothing." Yzma smirked. "Just a little device Mozenrath went after that was meant to do exactly the same thing as the rock you just DERAILED OUR ENTIRE MISSION FOR!"

"I refuse to believe the Key cannot be of some use to us," Vexen stated. "A mere pandimensional vortex alone cannot sustain the portals Mozenrath envisioned. And that is to say nothing of the instability!"

"Are we done?" Ravess snapped. "We've done as you wished and explained ourselves. I know that fools as you are, none of you is so foolish as to discard such a valuable find as the Key. Now we may return to your preferred objective, and you will lead the way to ensure it is where you wish to go."

"Here are my caveaditions!" Zevon stated sourly, arms folded. "You give me the compass, and I shall lead the expedursion!"

"That is the solution we have been PROPOSING!" Vexen cried, turning to glare at Zevon. "REPEATEDLY!"

Ravess simply held her hand out to Vexen, and with a sigh, he transferred the compass to it. Ravess crossed to Zevon in two graceful strides, holding the compass high and dropping it without warning so that Zevon was forced to quickly fumble to catch it.

"Now," Ravess went on, "shall we return to home base, or do we still have a place in your traveling party?"

"I advise you to consider the likelihood of your survival in this pandemonium of a world without our guidance," Vexen stated.

"You might live longer," Zevon argued, "but at least we'll experish in style!"

"That was the exact opposite of the argument you were supposed to make," Lady Caine sighed, rolling her eyes.

"And consider still," Ravess pointed out. "Your mother was right. None of us here is truly honest. None of us here straightforward."

"Though one would think friendship would require a modicum of honesty," Yzma said dryly.

"Where it matters," Vexen replied. "Did our lie cause you any harm? Or did it, in fact, win you an unexpected gain in the form of the Key?"

Yzma turned to Zevon. "It's your missionitiative. You decide."

"He's contagious," Vexen snarled under his breath.

"I need to think it over!" Zevon cried as he turned his back and stalked toward the far edge of the Terra.

After ten paces, he whirled about, announcing, "I HAVE THOUGHT IT OVER!"

"And?" Wuya asked.

"And they can stay," Zevon ruled. "Their combatition abilitiness may come in handy for us. Besides, loathingsome as I am to admit it, they have a point. We are all liars here! For all you know, I have told the most egrievous lie of them all!"

"And that lie would be?" Vexen prompted.

Zevon really just wanted Vexen to think that he had him outsmarted. "…You would not beliefive it if I revelated it to you! Just know that my true agendabitions are hidden within layers of misdirection and fauxhoods!"

Vexen and Ravess, knowing this to be bluster, shot each other a very amused smirk. "Very well," Vexen declared. "Lead the way to the TRUE gem."

Zevon regarded the compass, then pointed dramatically; "THAT WAY!"

As Ravess consulted the map, Vexen fired a glare toward Wuya. "You knew," he told her. "Furthermore, I would ask when you found out, but you could have known exactly what we were doing from the very start. Why not reveal us then?"

"Why do you think?" Wuya replied with a chuckle. "It was entertaining. We all had a few laughs along the way, didn't we?"

"…I suppose," Vexen grunted.

"Odd," Ravess muttered. "Seems that direction leads to a rather large patch of Wasteland. Hopefully, the Terra on the other side is where the gem is located, otherwise…this particular stretch of Wasteland is somewhere we truly do not want to be."

Yzma sighed. "Then smack-dab in the middle of the Wasteland is EXACTLY where it is, isn't it?"

...

Cloudy Court Galaxy seemed like the ideal next stop for Sora and Riku's date. It certainly checked a lot of boxes of a place that would make them happy. Surrounded by blue skies and fluffy white clouds, it consisted of mostly cylindrical planetoids, either green with grass, shaped like a bouncy drum, or shaped like a noisy cymbal. True, there was one bowl-shaped planetoid that was a pit of deadly violet acid, but for the most part, it looked like a joyous playground, and overlooking it all, the grandiose white fortress.

Sora and Riku, however, were still on the Starshine Beach. The scene playing out here was no lighthearted excursion of boyfriends, but rather a somber sacrifice.

Kazuichi Soda regarded a wristwatch anxiously, heart pounding at the speed of light. Noon was almost upon him (by Radiant Garden time), and then…then what? Death? Getting "Norted"? Ultimate Despair?

He couldn't turn back. Not when it was Kaito's friends on the line. His real friends.

With a click, the second hand arrived at the watch's zenith, and Kazuichi pushed open the wooden doors to walk inside.

The main hall was well-lit, carpeted in red and decorated with statues of cloud formations that sat on columns. At its far end, four figures: the black-coated Dilan standing menacingly, and the three unconscious hostages – Shuichi, Maki, Himiko – unconscious behind him, slumped on the wall.

"A wise choice," Dilan greeted.

"Stuff it up your ass," Kazuichi snorted. "I'm here for Kaito's friends. I held up my end of the deal. Now do what you said."

"You know," Dilan remarked, "in the spirit of victory, I believe I actually do feel in an honorable mood today. Or perhaps it's simply that there's no value in either keeping or killing the hostages. They'll have their freedom once I have you secured."

"You let 'em go, or I don't come any closer."

Dilan snapped his fingers. Three wicked-sharp lances hovered in the air, one over each teen.

"Okay, FINE!" Kazuichi's eyes watered as he hurried toward Dilan. "You fucking WIN, okay? Just get it over with!"

Dilan put out his hand, ready to cast the Corridor that would lead him and Kazuichi back to the World That Never Was.

"Just…if I could have one thing first," Kazuichi pleaded. "I…wanna say goodbye to 'em. Even if they aren't awake. I just…" He wiped away his tears. "They're the last part of him I have. And I seriously fucked it up the first time I said goodbye to him. Like, I LITERALLY couldn't have done that worse."

"Are you talking about when you set your chainsaw device on him to tear him in half," Dilan taunted, "when you emptied the magazine of your assault rifle into his already deceased head, or when you threw his remains into your portable trash compactor?"

"Y'know what?" Kazuichi said meekly. "Maybe I am just the bad guy. Maybe this is what I was s'posed to do all along. It's not like anything I do can ever, EVER make up for that. Just lemme say goodbye and I'll be good to go."

Dilan stepped aside, gesturing dramatically to the trio. "As you wish. After all, they cannot hear you." The lances disappeared.

Kazuichi gingerly approached, then knelt before Himiko. "Hey," he said softly, lifting her pointed hat to ruffle her crimson hair. "I know you weren't as close to him as the others, but I still know he loved you, get it? That's the kinda guy he is. But also because you're awesome! I saw all those magic tricks – sorry, the SPELLS you did. Maybe one day, you can learn some real – some more powerful magic, like what Merlin can do." He replaced the hat. "Goodbye, Himiko."

Then on to Maki. "He liked you," Kazuichi stated to her blank, sleeping face. "He liked you a LOT. Listen, I would know! I wish you two coulda been together, y'know? I think you woulda been good for him. You're probably thinking that it was just him who was good for you, but nah, you taught him how to build a crossbow and…and gave him somethin' to live for. You go find a guy that's just as good as Kaito, okay? Promise!"

Finally, to Shuichi. "So you're his new sidekick," Kazuichi said softly, mournfully. "You were his best friend, y'know. I mean, Maki was the one he was into, but you were his soul bro! He just…wouldn't be complete without a sidekick. Except you were actually worth sticking around for, and I don't blame him. You're a good kid, Shuichi. But you're not the sidekick anymore. You gotta go out there and…and be the hero." His voice cracked. "I was always too ashamed to tell him I didn't know what the word 'Luminary' even means. But I'm pretty sure it's the thing you gotta be now that he's gone. And I know you can do it. He showed you how, remember?"

It seemed no words could possibly be enough to part from Shuichi, though the two had never really met. But Shuichi was Kaito's last echo, his last gift to the worlds. To Kazuichi, that was enough. Still unable to find words, he acted on a whim, pressing his index and middle finger to his lips in a kiss, then transferring those fingers to Shuichi's temple.

Where the skin made contact, a sudden white light sparked. That light radiated outward, through the entire hall and beyond, reverberating through the galaxy in a shockwave.

Simultaneously, three things happened as a result.

First of all, Shuichi opened his eyes, as did Maki and Himiko. "What…happened?" the blue-haired boy asked groggily.

Second, Kazuichi snapped completely upright, a revelation washing over him like cold water. "WHAT THE FUCK, MIM?" he screamed. "I DON'T LOVE HER! WHAT THE HELL DID SHE DO TO ME?"

Third, as the shockwave radiated throughout the hall, it had a notable physical impact on those it collided with. It had gone over the hostages' slumped heads, but had rocked Dilan's stance just a little bit. What had interested Dilan more, however, was the way that near one of the adorning statues, as the white light passed through, there sounded an "Unh!" and an "Ow!".

Dilan first gaped…then smirked. "I believe I told Kazuichi to come alone," he declared.

"Wh…what the hell?" Kazuichi asked as he turned toward the seemingly empty air where Dilan stared. Behind him, Shuichi, Maki, and Himiko unsteadily rose to their feet.

There was a substantial silence. Then, in one fluid movement, two shapes shimmered into visibility. Together, they smiled, and it was clear they had spent far too much time rehearsing this moment.

Cockily, Ienzo and Kairi told Dilan, "Surely you knew this would happen."

"WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS?" Kazuichi cried. "I WAS SUPPOSED TO COME ALONE! THAT WAS THE DEAL!"

"You KNOW we couldn't let you do that," Kairi argued, one hand on her hip.

"Though, technically, we did," Ienzo stated. "You arrived here alone. We simply arrived ahead of time, before Dilan even put in an appearance." He raised his one visible eyebrow at Dilan. "Still the same, I see. We had to watch you hold that same pose for a quarter hour so you would make an impression."

"As you are still the same," Dilan retorted. "Hiding behind your illusions like a coward."

"No," Kairi corrected. "Using his power like a SMART person."

"AND YOU GUYS COULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME I HAD BACKUP BEFORE I CAME HERE?" Kazuichi cried.

"I admit this is where we had to get manipulative," Ienzo said sheepishly. "It was rather clear to me that the truest love you felt was for Kaito, as a friend. Therefore, I was fairly certain that your volunteering to sacrifice yourself for his new friends in his memory would break the hold Mim had over you. It seems I was correct. However, in order for the curse to break, you had to truly believe you were making that sacrifice."

"I'm confused," Kazuichi responded. "Am I supposed to be mad that you tricked me or not?"

"Not," Kairi and Ienzo said quickly.

"I should have known," Dilan sniffed. "Your sort never can simply let go. All you've done is doom yourselves to die as Kazuichi becomes the next vessel."

He bent down, then raised his arms to the ceiling as he straightened, six cyclones forming around him. His lances appeared at their eyes, the winds calming enough that they were visible for a split second before vanishing. Dilan put out one hand, and his first lance was caught in it, suddenly rematerialized. His second lance similarly caught in his other hand. The first hand grabbed a third lance, and as he braced them, the remaining three weapons fell in behind him, framing him at sharp angles as an icy wind blasted around him and his arsenal.

"Sh-Shuichi?" Himiko said in a quivering voice. "Even though my magic is stronger than his by infinity times…I'm still scared!"

"It'll be okay," Shuichi attempted to reassure. "Somehow."

"Get them over here!" Ienzo beckoned, waving as he summoned his own weapon: his spellbook.

Kazuichi didn't need to be told twice – but Maki was already a step ahead of him, seizing Shuichi around the waist and Himiko by the hand and darting around Dilan to get to Ienzo. Kazuichi followed, dropping and sliding to evade the lances.

"Get inside!" Ienzo cried, pointing to the book. Shuichi thought this an odd request, but all the same, he'd seen much stranger things lately than a book that acted as a pocket dimension. He broke free of Maki's grip, leaping into the book and vanishing into its pages. Maki practically threw Himiko in after him.

Then she shook her head, twin pigtails whipping. "Not me," she said coldly. "I'm going to help."

"We kind of thought you might say that," Kairi told her with a smile, summoning up an item she'd brought in her magical inventory: another of Braig's spare crossbows. "Trust me, this one's better than the one you were taught how to use."

Maki accepted the weapon gingerly, looking it over with curiosity.

"Heads up, Kazuichi!" Kairi called suddenly, tossing a small pink object. Kazuichi nearly missed it, but managed to catch his armor plate, slipping it on and activating his protective shell.

Ienzo held up his book, free hand at the ready to spellcast. Kairi summoned her Keyblade in a shower of sparkles, bracing it for battle as her feet widened into a combative stance. Maki and Kazuichi took their places alongside them, staring Dilan down.

"What a pity," Dilan remarked. "Two of my lances won't even be necessary."

Then, without warning, he spun, lances piercing outward in a six-pronged assault.

Kairi, Ienzo, Maki, and Kazuichi scattered immediately to either side of the attack. Kairi gave Kazuichi a nod; they were the two who had to go on the offensive. Kazuichi, of course, didn't pick up on that right away; when Kairi went striking out toward Dilan, Keyblade swinging, he only realized afterward that her nod had meant "You need to come with me" and not "I have just saved your life."

"Oh, SHIT!" Kazuichi yelled as he swooped in.

Kairi flicked her wrist, sending her Keyblade in a Strike Raid toward Dilan; as his lances struck, she dodge-rolled in a completely different direction. Dilan leaned back, letting Destiny's Embrace whirl over his head before it sparkled out of view and back into Kairi's hand. As he rose back up, he was met with Kazuichi's blasters.

Dilan's arms crossed in an X shape; his lances formed a shield held together by crosswinds, preventing the beams from pushing him back. When Dilan threw his arms out, the lances followed suit, turning on Kazuichi from all angles.

If the Gummi construction of his armor hadn't been so solid, he would have been skewered six times over. As it were, he suffered six simple dents.

Then Dilan flicked his wrist, and an enormous wind blasted Kazuichi head over heels down the hall.

Maki, in the meantime, had taken advantage of Dilan's distraction to take a vantage point off to the side of him, pulling the trigger on her crossbow. Then she flinched. She had expected recoil. What she hadn't expected was for the bow to fire not one single bolt, but a salvo of magical energy. She stared at the weapon in awe, wondering if it was so much a crossbow as it was an assault rifle.

A harsh wind cycloned around Dilan, catching up the projectiles Maki had loosed and spinning them around and around his body. He waved at them, collecting them up into one single energy ball.

"Did you really think I would be stymied by one of Braig's old tricks?" he chuckled before using a strong wind spiral to loose it at Maki.

Ienzo slid between them, catching the energy ball on a deflection shield and pushing back hard until it erupted into a shower of glitter. With the spellbook open in one hand, Ienzo waved the other to rain projectiles of green down onto Dilan.

The lances sliced and diced, cutting aside each of the bombs Ienzo had dropped. "It seems the four of you aren't aware of what it truly is you face," Dilan taunted. "I will show you true despair!"

His lances formed into a gleaming chain, thickening into a metal serpent. Dilan leapt atop of it, his feet balancing neatly, and it flew him right through one of the windows in a shatter of glass.

Then there was silence. Maki tensed; Kairi took her battle stance. Ienzo stared expectantly at the window as Kazuichi flew over.

"So, uh…did we win?" Kazuichi asked.

Maki rolled her eyes. "Do you WANT to die?"

"Ienzo?" Kairi asked. "What would Xaldin do now?"

Ienzo's visible eye widened. "GET DOWN!" he cried.

The four flattened out onto the floor as a massive beam of destructive magic cut through the stone of the walls like butter, severing and tossing aside the upper half of the fortress entirely and exposing the quartet to the elements. Dilan rode an enormous dragon-like construct forged of his lances arranged, and the energy poured from the "mouth" of the beast.

"SURRENDER, AND I SHAN'T MAKE THIS ANY MORE PAINFUL THAN IT NEEDS TO BE!" Dilan taunted.

Kairi was the first on her feet; "NEVER!"

"Then suffer," Dilan told her.

The dragon swept back the other way; Ienzo, Maki, and Kazuichi all leapt at Kairi to pull her down before she could be evaporated.

"Y'know what would be really great right now?" Kazuichi moaned. "If this turned out to be the part where some Big Damn Hero ship swoops in and saves all our asses!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, the barrage from Dilan ceased. The quartet tilted their heads up to see his attention caught by a silver streak careening through the sky.

"Holy fuckin' shit," Kazuichi whispered.

"It can't be that easy," Maki muttered.

"It can!" Kairi cried. "Sometimes, all you need is hope!"

The ship pulled right up to the desecrated landing, opening up and deploying its ramp. Its pilot and co-pilot marched dramatically out onto the battered stone, the former standing tall and looking ready to deal out a beatdown.

Unfortunately, this was the exact opposite of what Kazuichi had wanted.

"Where…" Lord Hater growled, advancing from the base of the tongue of the Skullship. "Is…THE WHAM ARMYYYYYYY?"

Dilan, Kairi, Ienzo, Maki, and Kazuichi stared blankly.

"SIR!" Commander Peepers barked shrilly. "Obviously, these people do NOT know anything about the WHAM ARMY! Can we PLEASE stop this senseless chasing and get back to actual productivity? We're DONE with that chapter! …of our lives. Wouldn't you rather conquer a nice defenseless planet of innocents instead? Doesn't that sound like more fun than this?"

"SHUT UP, PEEPERS!" Hater yelled. "The WHAM ARMY made me look stupid, and that means everyone's gonna think they're the number one superstars instead of me, and the only way I can get my reputation back is if I find them all and FRY THEM INTO POTATO CHIPS!"

"Reputation?" Peepers scoffed. "HA! Sir, YOUR reputation is already so far down the drain – "

A bolt of electric-green lightning blasted him out of place, sending him flying.

"HEY!" Kairi rushed forward, blade in hand. "Don't treat your friend like that!"

Hater shrugged. "Eh. He's used to it."

"I unfortunately am," Peepers coughed from behind.

"Now I'm only going to ask you one more time," Hater repeated, "unless you don't tell me, in which case, I'm going to ask you over and over and over again until I get my answer: WHERE IS THE WHAM ARMY?"

"Are you with those guys too?" Kazuichi moaned.

"SO YOU HAVE HEARD OF THEM!" Hater cried triumphantly. "HA! FIFTY-SEVENTH TIME'S THE CHARM, PEEPERS! DID I TELL YOU OR DID I TELL YOU?"

"I believe you told me, Sir," Peepers huffed, now righted with arms folded.

"Okay, so gimme the deets," Hater urged. "Where are they, how many of them are there, how do you know them, and what are their fatal weaknesses?"

"How should we fuckin' know?" Kazuichi cried in exasperation. "We hate those guys, and they hate us! We've been trying to get them off our ass for MONTHS!"

"Oh, so they made you guys look like chumps, too," Hater said with an understanding nod. "Like, what, did they beat you at your own villain game – "

"We aren't evil," Kairi said firmly.

"Not anymore, anyway," Ienzo stated sheepishly.

"I think I'm up for debate," Maki said stonily.

"Beg pardon," Dilan growled, "but we were rather in the MIDDLE of something."

"UGH!" Hater cried. He pointed accusatorily at Dilan; "Please, for the love of grop, tell me YOU are evil. But not, y'know, cooler or more evil than me."

"If ruining others' lives for amusement is evil," Dilan said with a smirk, "then I suppose I am."

Hater's face lit up. "AWESOOOOME! Okay. For today only, YOU'RE my new best friend – "

"SIIIIIIR!" Peepers cried in dismay. "I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND!"

" – and we team up to take down these losers," Hater concluded. "'Kay?"

"Wh – WHAT DID WE DO TO YOU?" Kazuichi cried.

"You were good guys," Hater told him. "That's kind of reason enough. Uh, helloooooo, my name is 'Lord Hater, Number One Superstar.' Emphasis on the 'Ha-ter.' AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T FILLED WITH HATE!"

"I do believe I agree to this alliance," Dilan said slyly. "Lord Hater, do take the lead and help rid me of these nuisances…save the armored boy. I want to save a fate worse than death for him."

"OHHHH, FATES WORSE THAN DEATH ARE SO CLASSIC!" Hater yelled. "PEEPERS! ROUND UP THE WATCHDOGS! WE ARE SO DOING THIS!"

Peepers shrugged. "You know…this is NOT chasing the WHAM ARMY, so I am NOT gonna complain." He gave a sharp whistle, which no one was really sure how he accomplished, lacking a visible mouth. "WATCHDOGS! MOVE OUT! WE HAVE PLUCKY HEROES WHO RELY ON THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP TO ELIMINATE!"

The Watchdog troops came marching out of the Skullship in time, their tiny feet thundering.

"Congratulations," Maki told Kazuichi dryly. "You just made it worse."

"I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!" Kazuichi cried. "I ASKED FOR THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THIS!"

"No time for blame!" Ienzo cried, spellbook at the ready. "Be on guard!"

"Oh, and Lord Hater?" Dilan pointed to Ienzo. "You may be interested to know that he used to be a formidable villain…and gave it all up for friendship."

Hater's hackles went up. Green lightning crackled throughout his bones, seeping through his robe. With a dramatic point toward Ienzo, he declared, "You…are…THE WOOOOOORST!"

Ienzo was ready for the immense blast of lightning that shot forth from that finger, leaping back off the fortress landing to one of the smaller cylindrical planetoids. Hater followed him in a triple front-flip that was meant to look graceful but really just showed off his underwear (unicorn-patterned this time) to all present. As the skeleton landed, he threw both hands into his assault, a deadly crackle of lightning surging toward Ienzo. Ienzo deflected it with the pages of the spellbook before sending a green surge up beneath Hater, throwing the skeleton up into the sky. Hater, undeterred, fired from on high as he descended; Ienzo deflected hastily.

With a shrieking "EEEE-YAAAAAH!", Peepers planted a flying kick directly into Kazuichi's chest. Kazuichi didn't expect the tiny man to be able to do much, but the momentum surprisingly sent him flying yet again, to hover over the cymbal-shaped planetoid. Peepers whipped out his blaster, leaping, somersaulting, and using the propulsion of his gun to rocket directly into Kazuichi a second time. Kazuichi was knocked down onto the cymbal with a metallic crash, followed by Peepers opening fire. Kazuichi, only mildly fazed, activated his blasters only to hear a perfectly-timed crack; Peepers had shot directly into one of the blasters to disable it. Kazuichi then realized he had to get out of Peepers' range before he could fire, which meant flying in every pattern he could think of and getting himself incredibly sick in the process. Plasma blasts chased him through the air.

A great gust of wind carried Maki to one of the drums. Dilan landed beside her with an echoing thud, telling her, "You know, I think you're of more use to me dead than alive. If Kazuichi won't listen in response to his own life being threatened…perhaps he'll learn once Kaito's dearly beloved has been slain."

Maki's brow furrowed. "Do you WANT to die?"

She surged as Dilan's lances missed their mark. She managed to land a roundhouse kick on Dilan, who attempted to put her in a hold. She secured her escape with the crossbow, but couldn't run far given the size of the drum.

That left Kairi to hold her own against the entire Watchdog battalion, which was not something she was prepared for in the slightest. The troop raised a cluster of blasters, opening fire. Kairi quickly put up a deflection shield, her heart pounding. The shield was riddled with her own anxiety; it wasn't about to hold, cracking like a spiderweb. With every salvo, Kairi was pushed back further. She attempted to reinforce the shield.

Ienzo was beginning to lose hope. He'd tried every spell he could think of on Hater, but the man's skeletal nature made him impervious to most. Ienzo, however, was not impervious to the thousands of volts that nearly cooked him time and time again; he barely dodged another blast that left a three-foot-wide scorch mark where he'd been standing.

Kazuichi was beginning to lose hope. Peepers was so quick on the draw, he couldn't fly fast enough to both protect and fire his remaining blaster. Moreover, the constant motion was making him lightheaded, and he feared simply losing his course and dropping out of the sky.

Maki was beginning to lose hope. Dilan's lances pierced through the drum skin, dropping her to the bottom. A burst of energy attempted to obliterate her when she was cornered; she rolled, and the magic blasted through the bottom, dropping her onto another, grassier planetoid.

Kairi, however, was the one who had lost hope completely. The Watchdog barrage had taken too high of a toll on her shield. She had been pushed so far back, her heels were starting to shift off the edge of the precipice. Then, all at once, her shield shattered. Between the recoil and her survival instinct to avoid being pumped full of plasma, she toppled right off the edge of the fortress.

Plunging directly down toward the pit of deadly purple acid.

Ienzo saw, and cried out "NO!" in horror.

Kazuichi saw, and screamed "KAIRIIIIIII!" in terror.

Maki saw, and simply gasped.

Kairi tried in vain to summon her skimmer, but it was no use. She was too frenzied, too out of practice, unable to save herself from the death that was coming up fast –

However, everyone had been so caught up in the battle frenzy that they hadn't noticed when the actual heroic ship had arrived to bail them out from their predicament.

The cruiser breezed into the galaxy, and its pilot took an assessment of the situation. There was the target they'd been chasing and all of his associates, but also what appeared to be four innocents being harassed, and another aggressor. Knowing they had no time to lose, the crew readied.

Four launch tubes raised from the ship's roof. Four were blasted out into the sky, using jetpacks to adjust their trajectories.

Their leader noted the falling Kairi, quickly changing course with a gasp. His arms stretched out, and instead of sizzling to death in the acid below, Kairi landed neatly in his armored grip, quite surprised at the stranger's arrival. She didn't really know what to make of him; he was tall and muscular, armored in a suit of green and white, with a purple cowl over his head. He fired her a smile brimming with confidence.

"Not to worry, miss," he told Kairi. "You're in good hands now."

He flew her back up to the castle, where he landed beside the other three members of his team, all armored similarly to him but in incredibly varied shapes and sizes. Kairi supposed they must all four be from other worlds.

After her rescuer set her back down, he cried out, "LORD HATER!"

Hater froze mid-blast. "Ohhhh, not this again," he muttered.

"YOU'RE UNDER ARREST BY THE JURISDICTION OF EVERY BRANCH OF STAR COMMAND THERE IS!" the man called over to him.

Hater slowly, dramatically turned around to glare daggers at him; Ienzo gingerly backed away. "Will you STOP FOLLOWING ME ALL AROUND THE PLACE EVERYWHERE?" the skeleton bellowed. "I ALREADY DECIDED WHO MY NEMESES ARE, AND YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST, TY PARSEC!"

"That's BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!" the man corrected.

"UH, I THINK I KNOW THE NAME OF MY OWN STALKER!" Hater called back.

"AND I THINK I KNOW MY OWN NAME!" Buzz yelled.

"Geez," the shortest of the team remarked. "It's a real meeting of the minds here."

"You're one to talk," the only female member quipped with a smirk.

"I know!" her teammate responded. "…Wait. Hey!"

"SIR!" Peepers shrieked, giving Kazuichi a break. "THAT ACTUALLY IS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!"

"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME, PEEPERS!" Hater screamed over. "I KNOW EXACTLY WHO'S BEEN TAILING US WHILE WE'VE BEEN TAILING THE WHAM ARMY! THAT'S TY PARSEC, AND THOSE ARE HIS TEAMMATES, NOVA MIRA, BUSTER MONDAY-NIGHT-FOOTBALL, AND IPHONE!"

"NO!" Peepers screeched. "THAT'S MIRA NOVA, BOOSTER MUNCHAPPER, AND XR! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO PAYS ATTENTION TO THE LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS TRYING TO END OUR REIGN OF TERROR? ALSO, SAYING WE WERE TAILING THE WHAM ARMY IMPLIES WE ACTUALLY KNOW! WHERE! THEY! ARE!"

Dilan by now had also stopped to scoff at the scene. "Must we?" he sighed.

"Got 'em right where we want 'em, Buzz," Mira Nova, a tall and slender woman with brilliant blue skin and fiery red hair, stated. "Whaddaya say we end this police chase?"

"For the good of all the worlds!" cried Booster Munchapper, the largest member of the team – probably a good nine or ten feet tall, and quite round in shape, with deep red skin featuring darker spots on his back.

"And for all the fame and glory and ticker-tape we'll get once we throw that guy in PC-17!" XR, a short and cylindrical robot whose head floated suspended in a glass helmet, cried gleefully.

Kairi turned to Buzz with determination in her eyes; "I'll help!"

"We can always use a brave volunteer or two," Buzz told her. "Booster! Stay here with her and neutralize the Watchdogs! Mira! You take down the other aggressor! XR! Peepers is yours! As for Lord Hater…he's all mine."

Buzz, Mira, and XR all blasted into the air, heading to their assigned destinations.

"Uh…can we start fighting again now?" one of the Watchdogs asked.

"Ugh…" Dilan rubbed his temples, eyes shut. "SLAY THEM NOW! I DEMAND IT!"

"YOU DON'T GET TO GIVE THE ORDERS AROUND HERE!" Lord Hater yelled over. "AND I SAY THE WATCHDOGS SHOULD SLAY THEM NOW – "

He was cut off when Buzz decked him in the jaw.

As the Watchdogs turned their attention to Booster and Kairi, the latter summoned her Keyblade – eliciting a gasp from the former

"Wow!" Booster cried. "A real Keyblade! I never thought I'd actually meet someone who wielded one!"

"I'm sorry you didn't meet someone who was better at it," Kairi said sheepishly, bracing herself for the onslaught.

"I have an idea!" Booster told her. "Gimme your hand! Then, hold the Keyblade in the other and – "

The Watchdogs charged, crying in a chorus of battle yells. Then, once they saw what they were facing now, about half of them turned and hurried exactly the other way.

Booster was spinning Kairi round and round, acting as a centrifuge; she had the Keyblade in her outstretched hand, cutting through the Watchdogs like the blades of a ceiling fan at hyper speed. The way she had it angled, none of them were seriously hurt – just knocked aside and out of the way. But that didn't stop them from giving dramatic defeat moans as they were popped like popcorn into the air:

"SMACKED BY A GIANT KEY! WHAT A WAY TO GO!"

"WHY DO THEIR RED COLOR PALETTES COORDINATE?"

"AAAH! I'M BLIND AGAIN!"

Mira touched down on the planetoid where Maki and Dilan dueled, landing in a squat with one hand on the ground. She rose dramatically, giving Dilan her proudest smirk. "See, I already know you're not the kind of guy who wants to pick on someone his own size," she said. "But picking on me is honestly gonna end up worse for you anyway, so I'm gonna make you do it."

"Do not test me," Dilan retorted. "You are but one, Mira."

"I am, aren't I?" Mira told him as she began her onslaught. Fists flew and feet rounded toward him, and she dodged his lances expertly each time he attempted to pierce her.

Then he stumbled; he'd taken a hit from the crossbow he'd forgotten about. "Of course," he coughed. "The assassin." He glared toward Maki. "I stand corrected. You are but two. And two who are about to perish."

His lances spun outward, cycling around him. Mira and Maki were forced back to the edges of the planetoid.

"HI!" Mira called, waving to Maki across the plain. "I'M MIRA!"

"…Maki," Maki grunted.

"IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU!"

"…I guess."

"WANNA TEAM UP TO TEACH THIS GUY A LESSON?"

"Absolutely."

When the lances slowed, Maki and Mira rushed from either side.

"Ah, yes!" XR cried as he crashed down onto the cymbal. "We meet again, Peepers!"

"It's COMMANDER Peepers!" Peepers snapped.

"Oh, I must've forgotten," XR replied. "Oh, wait, no, I totally didn't." He made the motion of cracking his knuckles, metal-jointed as they were. "You and me have been playing this game of cat-and-mouse for too long now. And now it's time for the mouse to spring a hilariously slapstick sequence of suffering onto the cat."

"That is NOT how it WORKS!" Peepers yelled. "It's the CAT who destroys the MOUSE!"

"Boy, somebody doesn't watch enough cartoons. Not that I watch cartoons, mind you, since I'm an adult and I – "

"SHUT UP!" Peepers opened fire, switching targets.

XR dodged him neatly, swerving around to attempt to overtake him from behind.

Kazuichi let out a shriek of delight. "YOU'RE A ROBOT!" he cried, eyes glimmering.

"Yeah, and you're a guy in pink armor!" XR called back, rerouting to avoid Peepers' ammunition. "Is that supposed to be a big deal or somethin'?"

"YOU HAVE TO LET ME SEE HOW YOU WORK ONCE WE BEAT THESE GUYS!" Kazuichi gasped. "I NEED TO SEE INSIDE OF YOU!"

"At LEAST buy me dinner first!" XR snapped. "Also, I could maybe use some BACKUP from those high-tech blasters of yours!"

His frontmost panel slid open, revealing a hammer attached to a mechanical arm. As XR made a close-range swing at Peepers, Peepers catapulted up over him, quintuple-flipping before landing behind. They spun to face each other, drawing at the same time – Peepers his blaster, XR eleven different guns attached to further mechanical limbs while his hands closed around a twelfth.

"THAT IS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!" Kazuichi cried.

"Oh, yeah?" XR turned to give him a boastful smirk. "Well, wait until you see – "

Peepers took advantage of the distraction to shoot right through XR's helmet glass before kicking him onto his back, stomping the glass to final shards, reaching to grasp his thin golden head, and punting his cerebral circuits clear out of the galaxy.

"THAT WAS CHEATIIIIIIIIING!" XR yelled as he soared into the distance.

"I KNOW!" Peepers yelled, stomping up and down on XR's left-behind body to dent it further. "THAT'S WHY I DID IT! Amateur."

Witnessing the scene, Booster gasped in horror; "XR!"

Kairi, now bolstered by hope and thinking only of the safety of her newest impromptu teammate, reacted quickly. "KAZUICHI!" she cried. "GO GET HIM!"

Before Kazuichi could ask for clarification, she'd twirled the Keyblade toward him. He and XR's body were instantly enveloped in an enormous teacup on a saucer, adorned with prismatic neon lights.

That cup instantly began to spin frantically.

As Kairi pointed her Keyblade toward the direction where XR had been kicked, the cup took off at lightning speed after him. Kazuichi, sicker than ever, screamed, "FUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEE!"

"NOT EVEN IF YOU BUY ME DINNER!" Kairi yelled after him. Then, to Booster: "I…kiiiiinda forgot he gets motion sickness."

"Well, I'm sure he'll forgive you," Booster said casually as he elbowed three Watchdogs out of attacking him from behind. "That's what friends do, after all!" He kicked two more Watchdogs aside.

Kairi smacked a group of five of them with the shaft of Destiny's Embrace. "I hope so. I mean, my brother and I did save him from a curse. But we also kinda had to trick him to do it."

"A curse? Real magic?" Booster gasped, picking up and pitching a Watchdog like a baseball. "I wanna know all about it!"

"Well, it wasn't a very nice curse." Kairi dealt a combo that left several Watchdogs sitting in a cluster, heads lolling as stars spun over them. "An evil witch made her fall for him so she could try to steal him from us."

"That's NOT nice," Booster agreed as he headbutted a Watchdog who'd attempted an aerial assault. "So what'd you have to do to break the spell?"

"Actually, my brother thought of it," Kairi said with a smile as she lifted her foot and simply kicked a Watchdog away with her thick boot. "He's really smart – "

Buzz stared Hater down. "Time's up, Hater," he proclaimed.

"I think my time is down, Parsec," Hater replied.

"…That doesn't even make any sense," Buzz said in confusion.

"I know you are," Hater retorted, "but what am I?"

Ienzo gestured frantically at Hater, mouthing the words "Divert him!".

"Hey, Hater," Buzz replied, inspired. "What's green and purple and spins?"

"Uhhhhh…an asparagus-plum smoothie in a blender?" Hater guessed.

Buzz flinched. "No – what – why would you – that is DISGUSTING!"

"NO, IT'S NOT!" Hater argued. "IT'S ONE OF THE BEST DRINKS EVER, RIGHT AFTER THUNDER BLAZZ MIXED WITH ROCKET SODA AND WHIPPED CREAM WITH CHOCOLATE SYRUP ON TOP!"

"You really are evil," Buzz growled. "And the answer to that question was…ME."

He launched into the air, beginning to fly literal circles around Hater, faster and faster. "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!"

"Wha – " Hater tried to track him visually, spinning round and round until he got dizzy, his head continuing to spin after he'd halted his feet and body. "NO FAIR! HOLD STILL!"

"Make me," Buzz taunted.

Hater began to try and blast him, sending bolt after bolt of lightning in his direction, always missing. As he forgot Ienzo was even present, Ienzo muttered an ancient arcane chant, one he had employed many times during his Organization days. It wasn't a spell to take lightly, and would deplete most of one's magical energy, but if he was right, it could even stymie a skeleton.

His feet levitated off the ground. The book was open, fueling the spell.

"You brought it upon yourself," Ienzo muttered.

Darkness rained in thick spheres, pelting Hater like a meteor shower. Hater was bowled over, yelling in anger as his energy was sapped by the onslaught.

Ienzo poured himself even further into the attack, and the rain became harder, brighter. Hater was enveloped in the dark spheres until the final blast.

The skeleton lay on the grass, giving a low "Uuuuurrrrrggghhhh…" as his limbs were bent at four impossible-looking angles.

"Nice work, civilian," Buzz said with a smile as he landed beside Hater's prone body. "Name's Buzz Lightyear, ranger of Star Command." He put out his right hand. "To who do I owe the pleasure?"

"Ienzo," Ienzo replied, firmly grasping Buzz's hand and shaking it once. "Mage and researcher of Radiant Garden."

"You're no slouch in the magic department."

"But I daresay you are more poised piloting a jetpack than I am," Ienzo said with a smile.

Kairi and Booster looked around to where the Watchdogs lay strewn about them in a daze on the decimated remains of the fortress hall. "Nice job!" Booster congratulated. "I, uh…I just realized I don't even know your name."

"Kairi," Kairi replied. "It's really nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too!"

"So." Kairi put her hands on her hips, leaning forward over the Watchdogs. "What do we do with all of you now?"

"You give us a break?" one of them suggested.

"Hmm…no, I don't think so," Kairi laughed.

"You guys are going right to PC-17," Booster declared, arms folded. "You'll have plenty of time there to think about all the nasty stuff you did!"

That, however, was exactly what wasn't about to happen. The Skullship roared to life, its tongue sweeping over the hall and scooping up all the Watchdogs to swallow.

At the controls, Peepers, who'd been forgotten by his long-gone opponents, muttered, "Let's see your new friend with the fancy lances and the pretty hair pull a rescue op like this! Who has your back? That's right, me! Commander Peepers! No one else!"

The great silvery tongue flicked toward Lord Hater, scooping him up as well and pulling him onboard. Then the Skullship made an about-face and blasted away into the blue void.

"OH NO!" Kairi cried.

Dilan gritted his teeth, angry to see his backup disappearing and leaving him with eight opponents. However, he didn't consider himself down and out yet. He still had one more dirty trick up his sleeve.

Suddenly, he seized Mira, locking her arms behind her so that no matter how she struggled, she could not break free from his hold. He rose high into the air, lances rotating around him decoratively as he demanded the attention of everyone present.

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!" he yelled, holding Mira out before him; Buzz, Ienzo, Kairi, Booster, and Maki stared in terror. "I will offer you one last deal, and no more! Turn Kazuichi over to me, and he must come WILLINGLY, or the girl will meet a most untimely end!"

The lances turned to point at Mira's neck, pressing against her throat.

"MIRA!" Kairi cried.

Ienzo then saw Buzz's posture relaxed. "You…don't seem perturbed," he said softly.

"He doesn't know what he's getting into," Buzz muttered in reply.

"DO WE HAVE A DEAL?" Dilan called out. "YOU HAVE UNTIL THE COUNT OF TEN. ONE…TWO…THREE…"

"Ten," Mira muttered.

To Dilan's absolute astonishment, her entire body became as a mist or a hologram, his fist closing on itself over her incorporeal arm. She phased directly through the ring of lances, steering herself around to an angle. Then, as she solidified, she dealt Dilan a solid punch to the face that sent him bending, giving her a window of escape.

"YOU SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF GUY WHO UNDERESTIMATES PRINCESSES!" she called back.

"Princess," Dilan spat.

The winds howled around him. His lances twirled and reconfigured. "I will not be stopped," he snarled, "by A BLOW FROM A MERE PRINCESS – "

That was when the teacup slammed into him like an oncoming car.

He toppled inside; XR, clutching a disoriented Kazuichi, zoomed out of its seat, letting the cup careen out of sight and out of mind.

"Why do I feel like I'm missing the context for some perfectly-timed irony?" XR mused.

Kairi spelled it out; "I guess this time, it took TWO hits from princesses."

XR landed, depositing Kazuichi, and the others regrouped, the rangers assisting their new acquaintances back to the fortress' ruin.

"Just…so y'know…" Kazuichi stumbled about, his speech slurred. "Only reason…I didn't pass out…was 'cause I was so fired up about fixing the robot." He collapsed onto his stomach, facedown.

"He held out just long enough to fix me up for the important part," XR stated; indeed, his head was back in place, fixed by a temporary metal connector covered in far too much duct tape. "That gave me my opening to pilot the teacup back to give the finishing blow to the villain. You're all WELCOME. Though, credit where it's due, my nauseous companion did do his part by tossing his cookies on the ride back, which should make that guy's ride across the galaxies a little more interesting."

"Ewww," Booster and Kairi said in unison.

"Thanks?" Kazuichi muttered. "Maybe?"

"…We should get him sitting up in case he vomits again," Ienzo realized, bending down to assist Kazuichi in doing exactly that.

"And you said you weren't good with the Keyblade!" Booster told Kairi. "That teacup move was awesome! It really saved us!"

"I…don't even know what happened," Kairi admitted. "I can't normally call it up like that when I want to."

"Well, your quick thinking saved all of us," Buzz told her. "In fact, that goes for all of you here."

"And it was pretty fun!" XR chimed in. "Really fun, actually. Could you call up another one so we can do that again?"

"XR!" Mira chided. She then turned to her leader; "Buzz, if we hurry now, we can still catch up to Hater."

"Hater's on hold," Buzz told her. "Right now, our priority is getting these civilians to safety…and learning what they know about his new best friend." He looked to Ienzo. "Is there a safe haven we can bring you back to?"

Ienzo nodded. "Radiant Garden."

"Should've known," Buzz replied. "Always meant to scope it out. All right, everyone onboard 42."

"Oh, hold on," Ienzo broke in. "First, I have someone to add to our party."

"Me too," Kairi piped up. She gave a sharp whistle, and a bright pink Luma descended from above.

"I was starting to get worried about how I was gonna carry back all those people!" the Luma huffed.

In the meantime, Ienzo flipped through his spellbook, then turned it outward. Shuichi and Himiko appeared in a brilliant green flash, the latter swinging a plastic wand wildly.

"Talk about your pop-up book," XR muttered.

"I told you!" Himiko cried. "The bad guys are gone because of that spell I cast! And my summoning brought more heroes to help us!"

"Good job, Himiko," Shuichi laughed. Then, looking around rather nervously, "I…don't suppose anyone is going to explain what's going on?"

"On the ride back," Buzz stated firmly. "That guy could come back here any minute looking for you."

"And I am NOT letting him get at you again," Kazuichi panted. "Nuh-uh. Not in a million years!"

"You were the one who woke us from his…spell," Shuichi noted, still uncertain how to process the amount of things he'd thought physically impossible proven in front of his very eyes over the last twenty-four hours. "How?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right." Kazuichi turned to glower at Ienzo. "I got PLAYED."

"I apologize," Ienzo said sheepishly. "I really wasn't sure how else to break Mim's curse."

He assisted Kazuichi in standing and deactivating his armor. Then the group proceeded toward Cruiser 42, a sleek white ship striped in green.

Onboard, the rangers took their positions: Buzz and Mira up front, Booster at a navigational desk, and XR next to an analytical screen.

"Coordinates set for Radiant Garden, Buzz!" Booster announced.

"And the weather en route is going to be a lovely temperate day, partly cloudy with minimal life-threatening meteor showers!" XR declared after connecting to the terminal he manned.

As the ship got moving, Kairi asked, "What brought all of you out here to Cloudy Court?"

"Chasing Lord Hater," Buzz explained. "That man has broken the ordinances of seventy-six worlds. Commander Nebula wants him stopped, and so he dispatched the finest squad of rangers we have."

"I mean, I got that," Kairi clarified. "But who are you? Why are you traveling between the worlds?"

"Yeah, that one would take some explaining," Mira admitted. "See, Star Command used to be a law enforcement branch for just our world, but after becoming aware of the existence of others, well, we couldn't really just sit back."

"Someone's gotta protect the space between the worlds from injustices!" Booster remarked. "Why not us?"

"Hey, that's like the Storm Hawks!" Kazuichi realized. "They just went around their whole world instead of sticking to one place. I feel like we're in the wrong plotline to be discussing this."

"Plotline?" XR teased.

"I mean – like – " Kazuichi sputtered. "You know! How in comics and manga and stuff, you get different groups of characters doing different things! We're in one, and Stork is doing the Storm Hawks stuff in another!"

"That's a pretty creative analogy," Booster complimented.

"Star Command underwent an overhaul to make the fleets interspace-worthy and sync our policies to comply with those of the other worlds in our new jurisdiction," Buzz went on. "Radiant Garden was outside our sector until now, but we've heard quite the gossip about your neck of the woods."

"Excuse me," Shuichi broke in, "but I'm still very, very lost. You're talking about…other worlds…like this is common knowledge."

"All we know," Maki said sternly, "is we went to sleep, and we woke up in that castle."

"And why do you look so familiar?" Shuichi asked Kazuichi. "Are you…from our world?"

"Kaito must've told you about me!" Kazuichi cried.

Shuichi, Maki, and Himiko flinched. "Kaito?" Shuichi said for the three of them. "How do you know Kaito?"

"He was my best friend!" Kazuichi replied. "Well, before…it's not important. You were a better friend for him anyway. You guys made a great sleuth team, sleuthing around to solve all those murders."

"I…just don't remember him discussing anyone he knew before the Academy," Shuichi admitted. "Let alone showing us any images."

"Oh," Kazuichi realized. "Actually, the real reason you might know me is because…so you know DanganRonpa, right?"

"We've had enough of DanganRonpa," Maki grunted.

"Well, uh…you know those first games?" Kazuichi went on. "The ones that started it? I'm, uh…I'm kinda a character from one of those. In your world…I'm…not real?"

The ship went silent before XR declared, "Aaaaaand we've just hit the part where the lore gets ridiculous."

"I really don't understand," Shuichi sighed.

"Just say it's because of magic," Himiko suggested. "That usually explains everything."

"I'll try to explain some things," Kairi volunteered. "We'll also have more time to talk back at the castle. It looks like we have a lot of stories to compare. I'm sure we can dig up some spare rooms for you to stay in, now that more people have moved out due to the recovery effort." She turned to Maki. "I really like your hair, by the way. I don't know why, but I've always loved the twin tail style. I'd wear it like that myself if it wouldn't totally get in the way."

A chill ran down Ienzo's spine. A sin he still hadn't admitted to, and now, it was getting far too late for him to bring it up. Still, he owed it to Kairi to explain, one day. But not there, not then, not in front of the others.

"…Thank you," Maki muttered, turning away to twist one of her tails in her hands.

"So what's the story?" Booster asked. "It sounds like it's gonna be exciting!"

"Hmm…how do I make this short?" Kairi mused. "Okay. So…you guys know how Hater was talking about some people called the 'WHAM ARMY'?"

...

When next Amora's heels clacked onto the entrance hall of the Vaposian palace, she bore a large and intricate helmet, carved with an upper ornamentation of a long-tailed bird. She'd had it tinted green to match the rest of her ensemble.

"Nice helm, baldie," Warp teased, fixing a new set of crystals into his arm cannon.

Amora glared daggers.

"What?" Warp shrugged. "It's not like anyone can tell anymore. This secret stays between the five of us."

"Zhao and the Dark Ace don't know," Amora growled. "And I intend to keep it that way."

"Oh," Warp said mischievously, a brow raising. "Is that so?" He slammed his cannon panel shut, having completed the work. Then he bolted out of the hall, calling out, "YO, ADMIRAL! TRAITOR MAN! GOT A LITTLE SECRET FOR YA!"

"NO!" Amora shrieked, hot on Warp's heels.

She tackled him from behind, putting him in a headlock once they were out in the main square. "I WILL DESTROY YOU IN A LENGTHY AND PAINFUL MANNER!" she threatened.

"Hey, hey, hey, WATCH THE HAIR!" Warp yelled as he attempted to throw her off.

"Watch YOUR hair? How hypocritical!"

"Fine, fine, fine!" Warp choked; Amora's hands had found his neck. "I won't say anything! Just don't kill me on my first mission! That's gonna be a blot on my job security!"

He was released, gasping for breath. "Do you try to strangle ALL your friends?"

"Perhaps," Amora said dryly.

"…Y'know, I really have no room to talk," Warp said with a smirk. "So. The girl still hasn't talked, and the WHAM ARMY's out of our hair…completely metaphorically speaking."

Amora rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Whaddaya wanna do to kill time?" Warp asked. "We have the whole kingdom to ourselves, basically. Absolute tyrannical sovereignty."

"That does open up several possibilities," Amora mused. "It's almost a difficulty to decide which sin should be committed first."

"I mean, we could burn down an outer borough, start arresting civilians on fake charges…"

"Institute taxes, then increase the collection rate from weekly to daily with no warning…"

"I'm thinking daily to HOURLY."

"Loki would erect an enormous statue of himself, were he here," Amora went on. "Of course, I am not Loki…which means it is about time I got the statue I deserved without having to withstand it as he graces the landscape with himself."

"You wanna go co-op?" Warp asked. "Statue of you, statue of me?"

"I think that sounds quite – "

"Waaaiiiit," Warp interrupted. "So you're saying Lokester actually has multiple statues of himself still standing out there?"

"Few functional," Amora sighed. "Most offshoots of territories taken by Odin. Too long has he labored under the one-eyed king's rule. Loki's likenesses have been destroyed by the commoners, or have rotted as the colonies have become extinct. They've almost become laughingstocks among those in the lower court."

"Geez, I thought his dad was one of the good guys," Warp realized. "That's why they didn't get along, right?"

"Worse," Amora informed him. "Odin is a posturer who believes himself good and refuses to see his own flaws. They say the mural that adorns the throne chamber is a new addition, and gossip predicts that beneath it lies a bloodier tribute to his victories in war. He has caused as much death and bloodshed as Loki or I; perhaps more. And yet they rally to him as the All-Father and sing his praises. Why not, then, embrace the glorious purpose of taking what is desired without the pretense?"

"That's a lot to unpack," Warp admitted, "but right now, I'm gonna focus on the fact that you brought up murals. You know what we don't have in the palace? A mural depicting our conquest. You know what we NEED in the palace?"

"A mural depicting our conquest?"

"Bingo. And who better to paint it than…"

King Aggar – or rather former King Aggar - stood in the main forum of the town, eyes turned up to the sky. His pupils flitted back and forth, seeking something vital. A sign of hope; a sign of salvation.

After all, he had put out the word requesting one.

"HEY, KING OF NOTHING!" Warp bellowed as he and Amora came upon Aggar. "Got a job for ya!"

"You're going to commemorate your own deposition by composing and creating a mural dedicated to Warp Darkmatter's and my rule," Amora explained.

Aggar turned slowly to face them. "I have bent the knee and relinquished my throne to save my people," he said slowly. "Is that not enough?"

He went back to searching the sky.

"Uh, gramps?" Warp snapped his fingers a couple of times. "We're back here. …Great, of all the guys we could've gotten to subjugate, this one's SENILE."

"You think to find salvation ready to fall from the sky?" Amora strode up beside Aggar, gesturing to the clouds overhead, where dawn was only just beginning to break.

"The dawn always brings with it a new hope," Aggar said cryptically.

"It is not your dawn," Amora corrected smugly. "This day, the sun rises upon – "

The words caught in her throat. "NO," she growled.

"Do I even wanna ask?" Warp groaned.

Amora pointed up into the semi-dark sky, picking out a tiny speck on the horizon, growing larger by the moment: an airship. "SKY KNIGHTS," she seethed.

"What the – " Warp flinched. "But how did they – how did he – WAIT A MINUTE!" He jogged around front of Aggar, staring the elderly king down. "You got a MESSAGE out, didn't you?"

"The Domo returns," Aggar said calmly. "It is at his hand you will face justice."

"Yeah?" Warp seethed. "Well, it's at MY hand that you'll get what's coming to you for THAT little stunt. Amora, let's put this on the big screen. I want our guests to see exactly what they're gonna reap from what they sowed."

The ship that wasn't the Condor and yet served as the vehicle of the Storm Hawks and friends careened toward Vapos. At the helm, Aerrow and Radarr traded pilot duties as Finn, Junko, Lea, Roxas, Rainbow Dash, and Ruby gathered beside them. Further back in the cockpit area, Stork had been laid down on a couch with a blanket, and Rapunzel stayed vigilantly at his side.

"Get ready, everyone!" Aerrow warned. "We're goin' in swinging! Roxas! You have the camera?"

"Ready!" Roxas set up his GummiPhone on the dashboard, ensuring it was recording the view out the window. "Rapunzel! You gotta make sure this phone doesn't turn off!"

"Got it!" Rapunzel gave a thumbs-up. She had elected to stay behind in order to keep watch over the ship – and, more importantly, Stork.

"So far, I think we still have the element of surprise!" Aerrow proclaimed. "All we gotta do is – "

A great green window of magic opened up before the dashboard window. It displayed, cinematically, the enlarged image of Warp and Amora from the chests up.

"So you're the Storm Hawks!" Warp snapped. "Thought you could just waltz on in here and play hero, did ya? Well, you and every other chump I've ever gunned down! The name's Darkmatter, Warp Darkmatter, and I'm here to tell you you're messing with forces you don't wanna be!"

"In the name of the Overtakers," Amora stated calmly, "and as emissaries of Maleficent and Loki, we are offering you one chance to retreat."

"To the count of five," Warp declared. "Turn that ship around, or there'll be consequences. One…two…"

"Overtakers?" Ruby repeated. "MALEFICENT? AGAIN?"

"I thought we knew that part," Lea told her. "Seriously, who else would?"

"Darkmatter," Aerrow muttered. "Well, that's new."

"He's definitely not one of our mainstays," Ruby informed him.

"So are we turning around?" Junko asked.

"Not a chance!" Aerrow said with a smirk. "What's he gonna do, anyway? Blow our ship out of the sky? We already survived that once!"

"…Five." Warp smirked. "Y'know, I was almost hoping you would. See, you showing up is bad, but you wouldn't be here at all if it wasn't for this guy."

The image readjusted; now all could see that Warp and Amora were forcing Aggar to kneel.

"Snitches get stitches," Warp said gleefully before aiming his cannon directly on Aggar.

"NO!" Finn shrieked.

The headless remains of Aggar toppled to the ground as Amora huffed, "You've gone and gotten blood on my cape."

"Okay, not gonna lie," Warp went on. "I was gonna do that whether or not you turned around. But that's your appetizer! I dare you to land if you wanna try the main course! CYKES! ACE! ADMIRAL! RALLY TO THE FORUM!"

The image winked out.

"No…" Aerrow muttered. "I can't believe they…they actually…"

"Are gonna pay for that," Roxas muttered.

"Everyone!" Aerrow cried. "Get to the skimmers!"

"Forget the skimmers," Lea told the group. "I've got a better idea."

Cyclonis, Zhao, and the Dark Ace all skidded into the forum. "WHAT is going on here?" Cyclonis barked as she spotted Aggar's remains.

"We have Sky Knights," Amora hissed.

"Not just any Sky Knights," Cyclonis realized. "There's only one squadron the Vaposians would call upon. They want their Domo. And that means the Storm Hawks."

"I am REALLY beginning to hate that name," Warp growled. "Cykes. On my command, juice me up. We're gonna need – "

"WHAT do they think they're doing?" the Dark Ace suddenly cried.

Tracks of pure light forged themselves in the sky, originating at the ship. A small train, bejeweled with neon lights of all colors, barreled down those tracks, bearing two people per car: Roxas and Lea up front, Ruby and Aerrow behind, Junko and Finn behind them, and Rainbow Dash and Radarr behind them.

"THIS! IS SO! AWESOOOOOOME!" Rainbow Dash cried.

Roxas and Lea conducted from the engine, swiping their Keyblades. The train's smokestack emitted firework bursts that sought out the Darkness, raining down upon the five villains in the forum.

Amora put a virulent green deflection dome over the group, but it was not as sturdy as she would have hoped; the Attraction Flow was cracking it slowly but surely. "WE NEED A PLAN OF ATTACK!" she cried.

"Cykes, you're gonna juice me up the SECOND this shield goes down," Warp seethed. "I'm headed for the engine. We take that out, the whole thing goes bust. Or at least they can't shoot fireworks at us anymore."

"For once, this benefits both of us," Cyclonis agreed.

"Amora, you cover me on the way up," Warp commanded. "And JUST me."

"That should allow me to concentrate the spell to hold longer," Amora said with a nod.

"As for everyone else," Warp stated, "soon as I cause the trainwreck, it's gonna be rainin' Storm Hawks, hallelujah. Their plan is to hit us hard, hit us fast, and bring us down. So we need to hit HARDER, hit FASTER, and get THEM off the board first!"

The dome was now networked with cracks, ready to burst.

"Any complaints," Warp barked, "save 'em. It's my way or you-die way."

The dome shattered, and Warp took off like a bullet, radiating with Cyclonis' Binding power and surrounded by a smaller, more concentrated shield from Amora. He sped toward the locomotive engine, cannon positioning into place.

Given that his crystallic fusion engine had been completely sapped, he'd had to make use of more local methods of powering himself back up. Luckily, he'd happened upon a good supply of Hanzo crystals, which were apparently once the favored offensive strikers of the Interceptors.

And he'd also happened to find a stash of Enhancer crystals, which multiplied the Hanzo's power to an extreme degree when arranged inside his canon. Combined with the bolstering provided by Cyclonis –

Amora let down the shield once Warp got close enough. He only needed to fire once. The blast was sonic, piercing through the locomotive and reducing the Attraction Flow to a crackle of disembodied lights.

The eight passengers were ready. Roxas, Lea, Ruby, Aerrow, Junko, Finn, and Radarr hit the ground kneeling to absorb the shock; Rainbow Dash remained in the air.

"Oh, that guy is MINE!" she cried, hurrying after Warp, a prismatic spectrum in her wake.

"TAKE DOWN CYCLONIS!" Aerrow yelled. "IF SHE CAN'T USE THE BINDING ON HIM – "

His Lightning Claw blades flashed up just in time to stop the Dark Ace's sword from tearing him in half. "What will happen then, Aerrow?" the warrior taunted.

"Dark Ace," Aerrow seethed. "It always comes back to you and me, doesn't it?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," the Dark Ace growled. "After all, you're just the last remnant of the job I've been trying to finish for ten years!"

Their blades repositioned and clashed again and again.

"Cyclonis," Ruby muttered. "That one's…"

She made note of the girl conducting Warp through the air.

"I'VE GOT HER!" she cried. "YOU TAKE THE OTHERS!"

As a streak of red, she burst through the air, knocking into Cyclonis. Cyclonis was caught off guard, but kept her concentration; she'd trained for this over and over again. And if Warp lost her power, there would be no telling what she would be in for.

She was knocked to sitting on the ground temporarily before rising, keeping one hand following Warp while the other stretched out behind her. The crystal staff flew into it immediately, and she spun it to fire on Ruby. Ruby dodged, a blur in motion, scythe swinging.

Cyclonis caught the scythe on the shaft of her own weapon, grinning at Ruby. "Are you trying to do to me what you did to Cinder?" she taunted.

"I…had…no…CHOICE!" Ruby screamed, scythe twirling around her body.

Cyclonis' staff met it at every angle. "Is that what you're going to tell yourself the next time one of you commits cold-blooded murder? We're all killers, liars, and thieves, de facto Storm Hawk. The difference is whether or not we ADMIT that to ourselves."

"I may have made some mistakes," Ruby growled. "We all have. But it's the reason we make those mistakes that counts! And I did it in the name of protecting my friends! I'M NOTHING LIKE YOU!"

Up in the air, Warp heard the telltale whistling of a speedy projectile through the air that betrayed that he was being followed. Without even looking, he pointed his arm back behind himself, letting loose another enormous blast.

Rainbow Dash drifted out of its way, letting it collide with a building down below and topple it completely. "THAT THE BEST YOU GOT?" she called up to Warp.

Warp glanced back, firing off two more shots; she dodged both times, avoiding death in exchange for some collateral damage down below. Then, to Warp's surprise, the pegasus sped up further, surpassing him.

As Warp looked back to his front, Rainbow Dash was making a face at him, lolling her tongue with a "Nyehhhh!" She then spun, roundhouse-kicking her rear hoof into Warp's chest plate, denting it slightly.

Having the advantage, Rainbow Dash dealt a few more blows, knocking Warp back and forth through the sky over the forum. Between hits, he grunted, "I can't – believe – I'm losing – to – a horse!"

"UGH!" Rainbow Dash growled. "I am NOT A HORSE!"

She turned tail and fled, and Warp wondered if he'd managed to damage her fragile ego so badly, she'd decided he wasn't worth it.

Until he saw her turn around and come at him full speed; "I'M…A…PONY!"

She timed the acceleration just right. When she passed Warp Darkmatter, she transcended the limits of space into a Sonic Rainboom, a shockwave of bright multicolored energy that sent Warp rolling head over heels through the air.

He stopped when he collided with a tower of reasonable height, cannon-first. That arm became dented, twisted, useless.

Rainbow Dash descended before him, laughing. "Are you serious? You were THAT easy to beat? I didn't even have to break a sweat! Wha – why are you smiling? You LOST? You don't have a weapon anymore!"

"See, I planned for something like this," Warp said with a proud smirk. "You know what a Nil Crystal does?"

"No. Should I?"

"It fixes things," Warp explained. "Also, I have about three of them in that arm."

Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped in horror as Warp's cannon fixed itself, ironing out its own dents. If not for her superequine reflexes, she wouldn't have been able to dodge the next blast that came at her out of the cannon. As it were, she avoided it by a hair – literally one hair from her mane becoming singed – and the chase was on again.

"How quaint," Amora said as she strutted toward Finn, Junko, Roxas, and Lea. "Four weaklings remain, and only one man among the boys."

"Whoa…" Finn's jaw dropped as his eyes traveled up and down Amora. "Y'know, it's really kind of a shame you're on the dark side. Now, if you give up your evil ways for good, well, maybe then you'd have a chance at all this."

"What, you thought I meant you?" Amora chuckled. "How pathetic. There is a reason they say passion comes from the arrows of Eros, after all. Both are equally painful."

Amora's hands waved in a circular motion around her body, and a host of bolts of green forged themselves in the air, hurtling toward Finn.

"Uh-oh," Finn said with a gulp.

Roxas intervened, leaping before Finn to knock every bolt out of the way.

"You think this is funny?" Roxas seethed.

"Oh, dear." Amora chuckled. "The young Keybearer is incensed."

"I'll show you incensed!" Roxas cried, swinging his blade. "You leave my friends ALONE!"

He rushed at her full tilt, blade held high. Amora summoned several green spheres, crackling with electrical energy, to create a minefield; Roxas ducked and dodged each one. Screaming, he arrived at Amora, leaping into the air with blade swinging.

Amora put up a single hand, regarding the nails on the other as Roxas' Keyblade came down on the deflection shield she'd just summoned.

However, when Roxas yelled "AXEL, NOW!", Amora realized perhaps she had fallen to the age-old magician's deception of misdirection.

Lea shot toward her at lightning speed, leaving an elemental trail in his wake. Roxas had bought him enough time for a Shotlock to charge, and he barged into Amora, turned on a time, hit her again, pummeled her from every angle, crossing the icy paths he had left behind –

Icy?

"The hell – "

Lea had charged up to leave a trail of fire, not ice. In fact, he was pretty sure that was all he could successfully do. His Shotlock completely not behaving gave him an unfortunate pause, causing him to slow in his tracks.

Amora slammed both of her hands into his chest (taking note of how muscular it was), pumping Lea full of electrical green energy.

"AXELLLLLLL!" Roxas screamed.

Amora threw Lea aside; he curled in a fetal position on the ground.

She then put up her hands to catch the twin crossbow arrows that Finn had shot at her, snapping their shafts before neatly ducking below Junko's swinging fists. Roxas, enraged, ran at Amora again, not stopping to think at all about his strategy, just swinging as hard as he could.

Amora's hands were surrounded by peridot-green plates, becoming her weapons to deflect the blows from all three. She met Junko's punches, the energy reverberating back into his arms. She cut Finn's arrows out of the air. The only wild card was Roxas. So long as he kept simply using his Keyblade as a melee weapon, Amora had the opportunity to deflect the blade. Furthermore, she knew he could even pull out some magic tricks and she could weather it. However, if Lea managed to regain his bearings, she would have to deal with two experienced Keybearers, and one was already annoying enough.

Lea shuddered as he felt the shadow fall over him. He looked up pitifully, seeing Zhao block out the dawn's light to him.

"It's OVER!" the firebender cried as he raised both hands, bringing them both down hard and pouring twin columns of flame into Lea.

When he heard the chuckle, Zhao knew he had erred. Lea stood, tossing his hair playfully. "See, that's the thing about me and fire," he said cockily. "Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set Lea on fire and he's good to go for another twelve rounds."

"Regenerative – " Zhao said in awe before Lea swung at him, forcing him to dodge, backtrack, spin.

"WELL?" the Dark Ace yelled as his blade sparked against Aerrow's. "Aren't you going to ask what job I'm talking about?"

"I don't have to," Aerrow seethed. "Lightning Strike."

"You are the spitting image of him, you know."

As they continued their dance, Aerrow mused, "I've always wanted to know. Why'd you do it?"

"Murder your beloved father?" the Dark Ace clarified.

"Turn on your whole team," Aerrow corrected. "My dad. Piper's. Finn's parents. It's hard enough that we all had to lose them. But ever since we found each other, I just have a harder and harder time believing it. Your squadron IS your family. Why would you do that to your own family?"

"You're wrong," the Dark Ace replied smugly. "The Storm Hawks were shackles that held me down. It was only after I defeated them that I became Atmos' most feared warrior. Had I not done what I did, I would be no more than your father's shadow. As I'm sure your team is overdue to realize what they are to you."

"I'm not gonna let that happen!" Aerrow insisted. "I'm nothing without my squadron! And if they don't feel like they're important, I'm gonna make sure they get what they need! I take care of my teammates! When we have problems, we talk things out!"

The Dark Ace began to chuckle, chest heaving. "Oh, really? Did you and your helmsman ever REALLY talk about what happened on Terra Bogaton?"

"Terra Bogaton?" Aerrow repeated. "Stork? I know what happened. After the Raptors destroyed the Condor, we all got split up, and he accidentally ended up on Terra Bogaton. Then, while he was there, he fought the Raptors into submission – "

"You mean he murdered them." The Dark Ace's face was inches from Aerrow's, lit by his red blade. "Every last one. Down to his little friend Lugey."

"He didn't have a choice!" Aerrow argued, pushing back. "He was fighting for his life! He knew he had to save the hostage scientists!"

"You do recall I was dead, don't you?" the Dark Ace taunted. "My soul was sorted to the same place as Repton. Aggravating as Raptors are, he was the only familiar face. We struck up a conversation regarding our final moments. Stork didn't fight for his life. He fought for revenge, though I suppose you gathered that. But what I now know he never told you is that his life was the last thing he was fighting for. After all, with the Condor gone, HE HAD NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR. His objective was to destroy the Raptors, then perish, presumably launching himself into the Wasteland, while you waited desperately for his return."

"Th…that's a LIE!" Aerrow cried, heart now pounding. "Stop trying to get in my head! Stork wouldn't do that!"

"But you know him," the Dark Ace taunted. "You know of his fears, his phobias, his depression, his mental instability. If his precious ship was destroyed, what would he choose? His so-called family? His own well-being? Or the end?"

"I…" Aerrow tried, truly, to argue. "I…"

But he faltered, both mentally and physically. He couldn't bring himself to argue in Stork's favor. And with that new revelation, he was caught off guard, the Lightning Claw knocked out of his hands. He was defenseless.

"Who knew that was all it would take to finally end you?" the Dark Ace taunted as he raised his sword high.

That was when Radarr jumped onto the Dark Ace's head from behind and slid his hands over the warrior's eyes.

"WHAT – " the Dark Ace cried, his sword missing Aerrow completely and biting into the stone of the forum. "LET GO OF ME, YOU MANGY, FERAL – "

Radarr chattered excitedly as he pulled on the Dark Ace's hair to steer him about.

Amora now had to contend with the fact that Roxas had summoned a complete second Keyblade into his non-dominant hand and was whirling like a top with both weapons, adding rips and tears to her carefully selected ensemble and dislodging her ornamental jewelry in addition to the bloodstains Warp had put there by shooting Aggar. All in all, she was getting very exhausted of the other side having two Keybearers while the Overtakers had none.

However, there was absolutely a way to remedy that.

She grabbed Zhao by the arm, swinging him around so they traded places; "I'm cutting in. Deal with these whelps."

"Yes, my Enchantress," Zhao said obediently.

"Back for more?" Lea taunted.

"You could say that," Amora told him with a smirk. She rose into the air, hands glimmering. "Are you truly ready to face me?"

"I've taken worse," Lea quipped. "Bring it on."

He threw the Keyblade at Amora in a Strike Raid. She evaded, and his subsequent tosses followed her around the field. All the while, she built up a massive orb of green energy between her hands, and Lea knew exactly where that was going. It was all a matter of time.

Steady…steady…now!

He braced his Keyblade as she turned; he was ready to block her spell.

However, the orb simply evaporated. It had been a ruse to get Lea off guard. While he was still braced for a magical attack, Amora flitted directly toward him and pecked him on the lips.

"Was that supposed to – " Lea began.

Then he froze. Why was he attacking Amora? That was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Whoa," he told her. "Sorry. I dunno what came over me. We're s'posed to be friends, right?"

"We are," Amora confirmed. "But that horrible boy with the two Keyblades has poisoned your mind. He is the last thing standing between you and me. Do remedy that for me."

Lea's brow furrowed. He wasn't about to be kept from his true best friend Amora for a second longer. No one, not Roxas, not Isa, not Subject X, not – well, was there anyone else? – could stop him. He would finally put an end to their separation, and make sure they were never apart again.

With a cry of "ROXAAAAAAS!", he turned and rushed the other Keybearer, blade swinging.

Roxas put up both of his blades in an X shape to shield himself; Lea's blade crashed down atop it. "AXEL!" Roxas screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"WHAT I SHOULD'VE DONE BACK IN THE ORGANIZATION!" Lea yelled. "STOPPED YOU FROM GETTING BETWEEN ME AND AMORA!"

They danced, blades whirling and clanging. "You didn't even KNOW Amora!" Roxas argued. "I didn't even know that was her name until you said!"

"You don't need to know someone for long to know who your REAL best friends are!" Lea roared. "You just wanna hurt her! You wanna STOP her! Well, guess what? I LOVE HER!"

"NO!" Roxas yelled. "You love ISA! Think about him for a second!"

"Oh, if he tries to get in my way, I'm not gonna go easy on him, either!" Lea screamed.

"DUDE!" Finn cried. "That witch has him under, like, some kind of love spell!"

"AXEL, PLEASE!" Roxas cried. "WAKE UP! SHE'S NOT YOUR FRIEND! I AM! WE ALL ARE! I…I CAN'T HURT YOU!"

"Uhhhh…speaking of the witch?" Junko called out. "Little help?"

Amora was blasting toward him like a missile. His request had come too late, and Junko was thrown back against the nearest wall, seeing stars.

Up above, Rapunzel's eyes flitted over the battlefield in a panic. "Okay," she said, loudly enough to be heard across the cockpit, "so things aren't looking the greatest. Or very good at all. Okay, it looks pretty bad. But these are our friends! They're smart! They're tough! They could still turn it around! Even though…I'm pretty sure Lea just got brainwashed to the evil side. But I'm still getting it all on the GummiPhone, and if they can turn it around, which I KNOW THEY CAN, AND WILL, then we'll have the most EPIC video to turn over to the Wallops and show them that Cyclonis isn't the most powerful anymore! All we need is for Ruby to get the upper hand, that spell Cyclonis has on Warp Darkmatter to break, Lea to snap out of it, the woman with the magic powers to chill out, and Aerrow to get back on his game in the fight! Which I know sounds like a lot, but…we need to have hope. There IS hope. …There is. I promise."

When had she stopped trying to convince Stork and started trying to convince herself?

Not that it mattered. Stork couldn't even hear her.

He'd fallen into a comatose world of his own subconscious design: obviously using the Black Gorge as a template but expanding upon it. He stalked tentatively through his hellscape of shadow and jagged rock, with no sunlight to be seen. Shadows flitted in the corners, things with sharp claws reached out of crevices to tear him apart, forcing his pace to quicken.

Other things he'd seen on the other worlds he'd visited rushed to take their part in this nightmare. Heartless prowled like crocodiles beneath the surface of a lake of fire, which Stork had to cross by hopping from slippery stone to slippery stone. A decrepit copy of the Gale Shrine turned rapidly, fanning an evil wind scented with rotten flesh toward Stork. At one point, Nox's great clock, animate of its own will and creaking rustily, had burst from a hidden nest to chase Stork down a narrow pathway. The four Light Spirits of Hyrule, in their corrupt Dark forms, lined up at the path's end to accost him, and he resorted to climbing the meager, jagged handholds of the rock face beside him. No sooner did he think he was safe atop a wide ledge than his feet began to sink in a mire that looked suspiciously like the mucus Todd Tolansky would hack up.

Then the fears became more abstract. Crawling pale beasts of the dark, with no eyes and mouths filled with fangs. A sharp drop that sent Stork falling for what seemed an eternity until he landed in a sticky spiderweb – but one spun by a more reptilian creature he could feel brushing against him. The web broke, plunging him into a murky waterscape that played host to all sorts of shadowy silhouettes in the distance – the small ones dead and unmoving; the larger ones the size of the Cyclonian warship and lumbering through the depths in search of prey. Stork hurriedly kicked his way to the surface, where he had to break through a coating of dark, tarry liquid that threatened to slide into his throat and choke him.

Then, all of a sudden, a calm voice: "Take my hand."

Stork did so without a second thought – then realizing that this was likely the bait that would lead to the next nightmare, and he was overdue to face his greatest fear yet. The would-be rescuer hauled him out of the pool by one arm, landing him on the bank of hard black stone. The Gorge's walls rose high, but finally, there was a glimmer of light that shone down. Moonlight? No, something else. A bioluminescence that emanated from Stork himself and his companion.

He took stock of the man before him: tall, human…or was he? Skin that seemed pale at first, but no, it was gray. Long, dark robes; jet-black hair that spiked upward. Eyes that pierced right into Stork; a smile that seemed only half-friendly.

"Now, this is a thing of beauty," the stranger remarked. "The ordinary people, their fears are persistent, but so small-scale. This…this is a phantasmagoria of nightmares!" He threw his arms out to gesture to the Gorge.

Stork became aware of the clopping of hooves all around him; as he flinched to look, he could see dark shapes moving in a circle around him and the stranger, but none of them really looked like a horse should.

"You've interested me for a while, you know," the stranger went on. "You've always believed, from the moment you were young. They barely needed to tell you about me. Then, they forget me as they grow…but never you. You say you could believe just about anything, but you believe in me most of all. I am your inspiration, am I not? I am what you blame for your constant barrage of paranoia and horror, am I not?"

"Uh, yeah, hold that thought." Stork finally chanced looking up to meet the stranger's eyes. "See, I'm starting to get the feeling you're actually not something my mind made up for this dream, and that's actually the scariest thing yet."

"Very perceptive," the stranger told him. "Do you have a guess as to what I might be?"

"A spy from Maleficent's forces?" Stork guessed dryly.

"Maleficent." The stranger cringed. "Hardly. Guess again."

Stork folded his arms, now looking far too cavalier on the outside to match his inner turmoil – which was an oxymoron of some sort, given that this entire horrorscape was his inner turmoil made manifest. "Well, the only 'thing' I've ever believed in that long would be the Boogeyman," he sighed, "but you can't be – "

The smirk on the stranger's face told him all.

"You're…the Boogeyman." Stork's lower eyelid twitched frenetically. "This…just got a whole lot worse, didn't it?"

"Oh, don't worry," the Boogeyman told him, "though for you, that's easier said than done, and coming from me, it's rather amusing. No, I'm not here to frighten you further. I'm here to discuss your potential. First of all, introductions. I already know you well, Stork. As for me, I would prefer you refer to me as 'Pitch Black.'"

"That name's a little on the nose, isn't it?" Stork remarked.

"Ah, but you don't tamper with what's classic and tested by time," Pitch informed him. "After all, so many of your fears are…so raw. So primal. So little of it is existential or indefinite. It's the monsters under the bed, the wolf at the edge of the meadow, the virus in the system, waiting to eat your mind from the inside out."

"Well, thanks for reminding me this didn't have enough MINDWORMS in it!" Stork yelled.

"But you thrive on the fears, don't you?" Pitch posed. "Do you really want it to end? Do you truly want to be at the center of Rapunzel's dandelion cloud, beneath a blue Coronan sky? No, I think you WANT to be here. The sheer dread is what gives you life. The adrenaline moves you. Surrounding yourself with Darkness is how you see the Light. And you made your peace with death a long time ago so as to focus on more worldly fears. Is a life without fear at all worth living for you?"

Stork opened his mouth to argue. And couldn't. He closed it, swallowing quite a lot of saliva. "That would be…counterintuitive."

"But is it wrong?"

"So I have a RELATIONSHIP with being afraid!" Stork argued. "Is that a BAD thing?"

"To me?" Pitch asked, advancing by one step. "No. Not at all."

His hand gently rose up, slid alongside Stork's face, cupping it. Stork shuddered, finding that strangely, he didn't want to stop this.

Now Pitch's smile looked rather dismayed. "Such belief, even into adulthood," he said wistfully. "An appreciation for my work I could hardly find anywhere else. It almost makes me long for more. But you've none to give. It's all with her. She has your heart in entirety."

Stork flinched out of Pitch's grip; "You're…talking about Rapunzel."

"Who else?" Pitch countered. "You love her."

"Okay, I'm starting to think you got me mixed up with Kazuichi Soda," Stork sighed. "Which is understandable, as he is ALSO chronically depressed and afraid of most things."

"Oh, no, I haven't gotten anything mixed up," Pitch said cockily. "In fact, I'd had it worked out about Kaito before anyone else. Don't ask; it will make sense later. No, Stork, your relationship with fear is like nothing I've ever seen." His hand slowly lowered to his side. "What you fear, you love, and what you love, you fear. The perfect rationale for a ne'er-do-well, in fact. You've already destroyed so many. You could destroy more. You could do it well. If you came away with me – "

"No," Stork said flatly.

"But you must admit you would make a stunning addition to our little 'fear squad.' A dark heart, a tormented mind, dark fantasies waiting to be set free – "

"I…said…NO!" Stork cried, now advancing on Pitch and raising an index finger in his face. "I don't DO that anymore! I've found reasons to live and reasons not to hurt people! I've found people I LOVE! You think I could turn my BACK on them?" He gave a scoff of a snort as he folded his arms. "Listen. I've spent too much time fearing being betrayed to be the one to betray them. My little golden rule of fear."

Pitch nodded. "As I thought. However…I wished to offer you a boon, of sorts. Perhaps an advance payment, a taste of what is to come should you ever change your mind. With no pressure to actually do so."

"We're done here." Stork turned his back on Pitch –

Only to find Pitch yet again standing before him, walking effortlessly on the surface of the slimy pool. "You're about to enter the third stage of Post-Traumatic Sky Shock," he explained. "Delusions of grandeur! Due to recent GOOD INFLUENCES, your persona is slated to become something…gaudy and embarrassing. Give me access to your mind, however, and I can give you power you never dreamed. I will allow you to win the war singlehandedly, and yes, a victory your current friends can take part in. Let me in, and I can grant you Dark magic as well as my own little…delusion."

"You reeeeeally think I'm stupid," Stork sighed.

"Is that a no?" Pitch posed. "Tell me: what frightens you more? My taking control of you? My deception? Or the thought of your friends being slaughtered by enemy forces while you lay unmoving, unable to help?"

Stork bit his lower lip.

"As I thought," Pitch chuckled. "The answer is all of the above. So how about a compromise?"

"…If I really, REALLY need you," Stork grumbled. Pointing aggressively at Pitch once more, he insisted, "I want to do this myself. I WANT to do this without relying on a potential traitor. But if there is literally NO HOPE LEFT, then AND ONLY THEN can you have control. Do we have a DEAL?"

Pitch grinned. "I do believe so. Oh, and one more thing. You know what stage four is, don't you?"

"Memory loss," Stork told him. "So?"

"So you won't remember I was ever here, or that I was the source of your newfound power, should it become necessary."

"In which case, the point is…?" Stork shrugged. "Didn't you come here as an advertisement for the Dark side?"

"We on the Dark side have a need to be far subtler than that," Pitch told him. "It will all come together in time. For now, play your part. And if you can secure the victory without my assistance, then all the better for you and your friends. Think of it as a game, or a wager. What is stronger: fear or courage?"

He was growing blurry. So was everything around Stork. "Enjoy life as the idiot hero," Pitch taunted, voice echoing into obscurity.

"WHAT?" Stork called back.

Blurring, lightening, softening –

He woke up.

Immediately, he flung himself off the couch, standing taller than he usually did. "RAPUNZEL!" he cried confidently.

The delusions of grandeur were starting to set in, and they had decided to take after one person in particular.

"STORK!" Rapunzel cried. "You're okay!"

"Okay?" Stork gave her a smile that was so uncharacteristic, it was almost frightening. "It's gonna take more than a little Sky Shock to stop me! My heart is a light that will never go out!"

"O…kay?" Rapunzel tilted her head. "Ohhhh, wait. This is the delusions of grandeur stage."

Stork gave a dramatic gasp, hurrying to the dashboard and looking out the window. "OH, NO!" he cried. "MY FRIENDS! I GOTTA HELP THEM, RAPUNZEL!"

"Stork," Rapunzel said gingerly, "I think maybe you should sit down…rest for a bit and think about – "

"I can't do that!" Stork said vehemently. "Not when my friends need me! After all, they are my power!"

"…I'm sensing some familiarity in this," Rapunzel admitted.

"But first, I'm gonna need my weapon," Stork muttered. "Hold on a little longer, guys! I'll be there as soon as I can! YOU CAN COUNT ON ME!"

He dashed into the back recesses of the ship.

"Okay," Rapunzel muttered, "not exactly sure what to do here. On one hand, I don't exactly know how to stop him, and maybe he actually can hold his own? On the other, if I let him go out there like this, he's gonna…no. I promised I would have hope. And this won't work if I don't make sure the GummiPhone stays recording! So maybe I should let him…no. Not while there's still time to stop him!"

She began to chase him, but he'd already returned, holding a conglomeration of pipes and spare tools that he'd bound together with duct tape to make a crude imitation of a Keyblade. "Let's see the Darkness try and beat me now!" he cried triumphantly.

"Stork!" Rapunzel furrowed her brow, pointing at him. "If you take ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE – "

"GOTTA GO!" He was off like a bullet, headed for the skimmer hangar. "JUST TRUST ME, OKAY?"

Rapunzel bit her lip, nervously looking from the hallway to the GummiPhone on the dash. "Stay…go? Stay…go after him? Ugh, I don't know!" She gave a sigh. "Though he did say to just trust him. And that sounds like the WORST idea, but…maybe that's just what I have to do."

So she watched as the skimmer blasted off and descended toward the forum, muttering, "I really hope I didn't make the wrong choice."

Stork dismounted the skimmer in the center of the battlefield, swinging his new weapon dramatically. "THAT'S THE POWER OF THE KEYBLADE!" he cried.

For one single second, everyone froze to look at him with incredible confusion.

Then Stork ran toward Amora, whacking her with the faux Keyblade and yelling a "HAH! EEEEEYAH!" to accompany it.

"ANOTHER one?" Amora growled as she was knocked over. "No…an imposter. A false Key."

"The only fake around here is YOU!" Stork cried before he ran at Amora full tilt.

He was immediately blasted back by an immense wall of green energy, and the battle began again, this time with so much more of a hyperactive Merb convinced he was the Keybearer who soaked up hurt like a sponge.

As Zhao struck at Finn with a river of flame, Stork waved his Keyblade at the admiral and yelled "ICE!". This did absolutely nothing except get Zhao's attention, and Stork ended up stopping, dropping, and rolling to put out a small fire on his uniform sleeve.

Stork then stepped in between Aerrow and the Dark Ace, lifting his makeshift weapon to the sky and yelling, "GIVE ME STRENGTH!". Then, after a pause, "Huh. That was supposed to summon a – "

The Dark Ace smacked him aside with one arm before going after Aerrow again.

Stork's next move was to rush Cyclonis, dealing her a quick combo of blows as he yelled, "TAKE THAT! TAKE THIS! YAH!". This time, Cyclonis was caught so much off guard that her concentration was broken completely.

Up in the air, Warp gasped at his cannon suddenly becoming half as powerful. "WHAT GIVES, CYKES?" he yelled down below.

In response, he got Stork yelling "STRIKE RAID!" at him and tossing the cobbled-together key directly up at him, resulting in Warp being knocked in the head by a mass of metal and duct tape.

Stork then waited, hand raised, for his Keyblade to reappear in his grasp, but it never came. "Hey," he moaned, "it's supposed to come back!"

"Okay, THAT'S IT!" Warp yelled. "NO MORE MR. NICE SPACE RANGER! THIS STOPPED BEING FUN A WHILE AGO, AND I JUST WANT YOU GONE! GET IT? SO HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO ABOUT IT!"

He quickly reached for his new most valuable treasure. As his metal fist was held high, the Serpigris sparkled green in the morning light.

Then he gave it a good squeeze.

As more hairline cracks appeared on the crystal's surface, every building, every passerby, every chicken in the Terra flickered in and out of view, going holographically transparent.

"HE'S GOT THE SERPIGRIS!" Aerrow yelled.

"IS THAT BAD?" Ruby yelled back.

"HE CAN DESTROY THE ENTIRE TERRA IF HE BREAKS IT!" Aerrow called over.

"THAT'S PRETTY BAD!" Ruby cried.

"LAST WARNING!" Warp bellowed. "WEAPONS DOWN, OR THIS ENTIRE TERRA GOES OUT WITH A BANG!"

Everyone down below froze. Those who'd come to fight evil stared up at Warp in wide-eyed horror. Amora, Cyclonis, the Dark Ace, Zhao, and the brainwashed Lea smirked proudly at him.

Then Crescent Rose, the Lightning Claw, the crossbow, the knucklebusters, Oathkeeper, and Oblivion were all lowered. Rainbow Dash's hooves touched the ground forlornly.

"Now stay exactly where you are," Warp demanded, "and let us take care of some PEST CONTROL. Either you go, or the whole Terra goes. Basically, there is no hope." His smirk widened. "Which is my favorite way to end the game."

The words echoed in Stork's mind. He still hadn't lowered his hand, waiting for his fake Keyblade (which was now just a pile of scrap metal lying a block away) to return. But he knew, the same as everyone else present, that this was the ultimatum, really and truly. Warp meant to commit genocide if he wasn't able to execute the heroes present. No hope.

If there was no hope, that meant the deal was fulfilled.

Stork's eyes went fully black: no distinction between white, pupil, iris. Darkness leaked from their corners. His hand lowered, and his teeth gritted.

Then, before Warp even knew what had hit him, the Merb had leapt unnaturally high, decking Warp in the face and swiping the Serpigris from him with superhuman strength. The pendant was thrown around Stork's neck, and the helmsman descended, landing on all fours.

"WAY TO GO, STORK!" Aerrow cried.

"WHAT – WHAT DID YOU DO?" Warp yelled, unsure how he'd been taken so off guard. It was as if Stork had moved faster than light itself.

Or faster than –

"Oh, I didn't even give you what was coming to you," Stork growled. "You deserve so, SO much worse."

He ripped the crossbow from Finn without so much as a warning, opening fire on Warp. The arrows pierced into Warp's jetpack and cannon, felling the cyborg.

Amora, in the meantime, had raised a hand toward Stork's back, palm outward. A great surge of green magic hurtled toward him.

It was repelled by a shower of Darkness, fragmented and grainy like sand, pouring from Stork's hand that he had extended behind himself.

"LEA!" Amora screamed. "BREAK HIS CONCENTRATION! BETTER YET, KILL HIM!"

"You betcha, Amora," Lea said gleefully. He drew back Flame Liberator, transforming it into his Eternal Flame chakrams in the process. Then he let them both fly.

Stork spun, using his free arm to deflect both chakrams off to either side. "All you got, traitor?" he hissed.

"No way," Lea replied. "I'm just gettin' warmed – "

The ice that Vexen had dealt him earlier pierced further into his heart. Suddenly, the tips of all of his spikes of hair became frosted white. And the spell interfered with Amora's tampering, breaking her hold entirely.

As Lea shivered, he said, awestruck, "Why…was I…trying to hurt…all of you?"

Ignoring this, Stork pushed the Darkness toward Amora enough to send the green energy recoiling on her. Then he performed a handspring, knocking his elbows and wrists into all of Zhao's pressure points and bringing the man down to his knees. He vaulted off Zhao's shoulders to deal the Dark Ace a flying kick to the face, knocking him down before ripping away his blazing red sword.

"Oh, no." Warp raised his cannon, turning it on Stork. It crackled feebly. It could still manage one shot. "You don't."

Stork's ears perked up. He spun, taking in the sight of Warp with his blackened eyes.

Then he was upon Warp in a blink, slashing with the Dark Ace's sword.

The crash of metal to the ground.

"WHAT?" Warp cried, realizing his cyborg arm had been dismembered.

"Count yourself lucky I took off the replaceable one," Stork seethed. "But I'm not here for you."

He turned and hurled the sword at Amora, forcing her to leap aside and hit the dirt. Then Stork, dark-eyed and leaving a trail of Darkness that swirled eerily, barreled toward Cyclonis full tilt.

Cyclonis turned her staff on Stork, firing its full power. Stork zigged out of its way, zagged to a more convenient angle, and then ambushed her from behind, pinning her down and slamming her head into the stone of the forum.

As the concussion overtook her, she went limp.

Stork then stood, Cyclonis' staff in hand. He pointed it in a swath across the battlefield; "Does ANYONE ELSE have anything to say? Does anyone else wanna try and destroy Vapos? Destroy my FRIENDS? DESTROY ME?"

Amora, Warp, Zhao, and the Dark Ace all decided they did, gearing up to run at him as a quartet.

They were blasted back by the bursts from Cyclonis' staff in Stork's hands, bowled over like pins.

"Okay, I'm not gettin' paid enough for this job!" Warp cried as he scrambled to his feet, turned, and bolted.

Amora was next up, barking, "ZHAO! DARK ACE! TO ME!"

She took off after Warp, heels clicking on the stone, and Zhao and the Dark Ace followed her obediently.

"And the girl?" Amora asked once she'd caught up to Warp.

"What ABOUT her?" Warp replied.

"You said we had to learn when to rely on others' loyalty!" Amora reminded him.

"Yeah!" Warp affirmed. "I said WHEN! And this ain't it, Enchantress!"

"Ah, well," Amora scoffed. "She was a bore anyhow."

She cast a Corridor that transported herself, Warp, and their two hypnotized lackeys to a further-off Terra.

Stork then raised Cyclonis' staff high above the fallen girl. "And now," he growled, "to make sure you NEVER HURT ANYONE ELSE AGAIN."

"STORK, NO!" Ruby screamed, realizing he meant to impale her on her own weapon. "WE DON'T DO THAT!"

"Killing her won't make us monsters," Stork seethed. "IT'LL MAKE US HEROES."

"Maleficent will just bring her back!" Lea argued.

"Then I'll kill her again," Stork argued. "And again, and again, and AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES UNTIL WE'RE FINALLY DONE! IT'S ONLY OVER WHEN SHE CAN'T HURT ANYONE ANYMORE, NOT THE WAY SHE DID TO PIPER! AND I'M GONNA FINISH IT!"

The cries came from around the field:

"Stork!"

"STORK!"

"STORK, NO!"

The staff plunged down.

Then, one final voice chiming in: "STORK! STOP!"

The pointed crystal halted a centimeter from piercing into Cyclonis' still-living body. Stork at first thought his own heart had stopped, hearing the cry. The cry that meant everything was okay.

Slowly he turned to see Piper hurrying toward him, having broken free of her bonds and her cell.

"DON'T DO IT!" she cried. "YOU'RE NOT LIKE HER!"

The staff clattered uselessly to the ground. Cyclonis was catatonic, but still drew breath. The Darkness cleared from Stork's eyes, leaking out as black sand.

"Piper…" he said hoarsely.

"I'm okay!" Piper cried. "And so is the Condor!"

"You're…okay…" Stork dropped to his knees. "And the Condor…and we're all…"

Piper stopped before him, looking down to him comfortingly. "It's okay," she told him. "It's over. We won."

His head throbbed. He pressed a green palm to it. "What…what even happened?" he muttered. "The last thing I remember is them telling me that they took you and the Condor…and I thought…I thought…"

"It's okay," Piper said softly. "What you thought was wrong. I'm okay now. And so are you."

As this went on, Roxas barreled into Lea to hug him tightly around the waist. "I thought I was gonna have to hurt you!" he cried.

"Hey." Lea ruffled his hair. "We always find a way outta these kinds of scrapes, don't we?"

"Dude," Finn asked, "what's with your hair?"

"My hair?" Lea replied.

"Yeah." Finn poked at his own spikes. "It's all white on the ends."

"White?" Lea stepped away from Roxas. "Huh. Weird. Starting to think that whatever Vexen did to me down below wasn't harmless after all."

"You ran into VEXEN?" Ruby cried.

"Look, a lot of stuff happened!" Lea groaned. "We all have a lot to catch up on!"

"Uh, hello?" Rainbow Dash mimicked tapping her head with her hoof. "THAT WAS KIND OF AN IMPORTANT THING TO CATCH US UP ON EARLIER!"

"Well, now we can ALL go over it and get it MEMORIZED!" Lea insisted.

"Starting with CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN ME PASSING OUT AND NOW?" Stork cried.

The way everyone regarded him, as though he were a ferocious animal that had just roared, sent a new kind of dread running through him. He now noticed the civilians beginning to peer out of their homes: all eyes on him, and all terrified. Then he thought to wonder exactly how Cyclonis had fallen unconscious.

"Did I…do something bad while I was in Sky Shock?" he asked, his voice cracking. His hand felt for the Serpigris pendant; how had he come by that?

"It's just…kinda…" Aerrow fumbled for words. "Ugh, how do I explain this?"

"I'll try."

They all turned to see Rapunzel approaching, holding the GummiPhone aloft.

"I have it all on tape," she said somberly.

...

The St. Canard supervillain prison had been reinforced since the last incident. Walls were stronger. Guard patrol was increased. Cameras were doubled. If law enforcement had its way, no one would be getting out of the mountaintop island facility that practically looked like an evil lair in its own right (and, depending on your perspective, perhaps it was).

In a basement workshop, Megavolt, Quackerjack, Bushroot, and Liquidator were tasked with the manufacture of license plates to be used on St. Canard vehicles. Guards armed to the teeth shared the room, backs to the quartet. The villains' ankles were chained down with heavy iron balls, save Liquidator, who'd gotten cement dumped into one foot and only that much.

As Quackerjack stamped the sequence "1D10T" onto his plate, wondering how long it would take its car's owner to notice it wasn't just random numbers and letters, he began to sing a little tune: "Ninety-nine cans of Coo Coo Cola on the wall, ninety-nine cans of Coo Coo Cola…"

"Advertisement for THE COMPETITOR is discouraged!" the Liquidator snapped, dropping just enough of himself to mix with the reflective coating that would cover the plates, manipulating the offshoot water to wash over the finished products and then shaking out all the tiny glass beads he could find, knowing quite well he would be picking them out of his form later that night.

In response, Quackerjack sang louder: "YOU TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND! NINETY-EIGHT CANS OF COO COO COLA ON THE WALL!"

"Cut it out, you guys!" Bushroot chided as he worked the fine minutiae of detail painting. "Things are bad enough without you two trying to start things!"

"Ohhhh, I wasn't trying to start a fight," Quackerjack said innocently. "If Licky wanted to throw the first punch, that was HIS problem."

"Now with extra reflective glass beads for all your minute cuts and abrasions!" the Liquidator threatened.

"Guyyyys!" Bushroot whined. "Look, I know we're all tense because we landed back here again. But we gotta look on the b-bright side! At least we're still together, right?"

"Four out of five supervillains agree," the Liquidator affirmed. "Incarceration flies when you're having fun!"

"So let's just try to make the best outta this, okay?" Bushroot suggested. He then glanced at the plate he'd been painting; "Heyyyyy…th-this spells M0R0N!"

Quackerjack erupted into a cavalcade of giggles.

"That's not funny, you know," Bushroot said as he cast it aside and began to paint another offering. "If they find out we've b-b-been m-messing around, we might get solitary!"

"Oh, reeeaaaaally?" Quackerjack teased, noting that Bushroot was now working on his masterpiece – F4RTF4C3. "I thought you just said we should have fun with this!"

"Quackerjack-brand fun is not approved in all fifty states!" the Liquidator proclaimed. "Including the state of incarceration!"

"Whaddaya ganging up on me for?" Quackerjack asked with a pout. "You guys are the ones being boring. Megs and I are the guys around here who have a sense of – "

It was then he realized why he felt ganged up on: his partner in crime had been strangely silent.

"…Megs?" Quackerjack looked over to where Megavolt was using his concentrated charges to cut the raw sheet metal into plates. "What's gotten into you? Every other time I want you to shut up, I can't get you to, and now you don't say a word?"

"Ehhhh, it's nothin'," Megavolt sighed. "It's really not worth bringing up."

"Okay," Bushroot replied. "Anyway, so I was thinking – "

"You guys ever wonder if maybe…this whole Fearsome Five thing isn't working out so great?" Megavolt interrupted, having decided to bring it up.

Quackerjack's jaw dropped. "Megs…are you…thinking about QUITTING SUPERVILLAINY?"

Megavolt gasped; "WHAT? NO! BLASPHEMY! I'm not talking about our careers or our dubious morality! I'm talking about Negaduck! We're only in the slammer in the first place because of him, you know! He used us to get what he wanted, and then he made off with all the loot!"

"B-b-but that's what he always does," Bushroot argued. "He b-betrays us, w-w-we break out, we m-meet up later, we laugh it off, we come up with the next p-plan."

"He is the brains of the operation!" the Liquidator proclaimed.

"Yeah, but aren't you guys sick of that?" Megavolt asked.

"What," Quackerjack posed, "having a brain in the operation?"
"Yeah!" Megavolt quickly realized his mistake. "I mean no! Not that part! Getting thrown into jail all the time because Negaduck decided we were expendable! And that's not all he does to us, either! Think about all of the times he beats us up and calls us names and belittles our dreams and takes our cuts and calls us names and steals our powers and takes our cuts and beats us up and even tries to get us killed – oh, wait, I said that one already – and then there was that one time he tried to use me as a docking station for his cell phone, which was really rude!"

"That was…eheh…that was m-me," Bushroot corrected. "Sorry."

"WHY, YOU – " Megavolt shook a fist at him. "I OUGHTA MAKE YOU INTO A STIR FRY!" He immediately calmed down. "But I won't, 'cause we're friends. And that's the part NEGADUCK doesn't get. You ever think that one day, he's gonna leave one of us to die? Or get one of us killed?"

"We tried to kill HIM that one time, remember?" Quackerjack reminded him.

"And turnabout is fair play!" the Liquidator agreed.

"We're v-villains," Bushroot emphasized. "Th-that's what we d-do!"

"But that time, we – " Megavolt blinked at Bushroot. "Wasn't I mad at you about something?"
"Ahhhhh…no?"
"I thought I was."

"If you can't remember, then it wasn't important."

Megavolt shrugged. "Oh well. My point is, that time, we were trying to kill Negaduck TOGETHER, as a TEAM! How many times has he tried to help us kill somebody? None, that's how many!"

"So…wh-what are you suggesting?" Bushroot asked nervously. "That we…d-don't work with him anymore?"

"Maybe." Megavolt shrugged again, more dejectedly. "I dunno."

"Surgeon general's warning!" the Liquidator chimed in. "Refusing to answer to Negaduck may be dangerous to your health!"

"And you guys don't see the PROBLEM with that?" Megavolt asked.

"Megs, come on," Quackerjack pleaded. "Negs is…well, he really is the brains. And he's the evilest one of us all. Without him, we're not the Fearsome Five. We're just the Failure Four."

"I mean, at least you can make cool toys," Bushroot argued, "and you have a sadistic side. I'm a weed in the garden! I'm washed-up! Dried-out! Both at the same time!"

"Studies show the Liquidator has a low success rate of individual crimes compared to that of any of his competitors!" the Liquidator pointed out.

"But you guys don't really BELIEVE that, do ya?" Megavolt asked. "Is that you guys talking, or is it…"

He trailed off.

"Y'know, I think he's right," Quackerjack realized. "That is just us saying what Negaduck tries to make us believe!"

"Actually, I was trying to figure out if what I heard was you guys talking or the overhead lights chattering," Megavolt muttered. "But that's a good conclusion."

"B-b-but how are we supposed to make it in the c-crime circuit without Negaduck?" Bushroot asked. "We need leadership! We need d-direction!"

"Well, I mean, there's Mim," Megavolt suggested. "She had her friends. Maybe we could team up with her instead!"

"Hello!" Quackerjack rushed to lightly knock his fist against Megavolt's head. "Earth to Sparky!"

"Quackerjack, I told you not to call me – "

"Mim's 'friends' didn't like us either!" Quackerjack brought up. "Or did you just completely forget that?"

Megavolt flinched. "Actually, I did. But you really think they're gonna be WORSE than Negaduck?"

"Advertising campaigns demonstrate Mad Madam Mim has a one hundred percent capacity for pure evil!" the Liquidator brought up. "In short, yes!"

"We j-just m-met them," Bushroot pointed out. "W-we have no idea if they're gonna be n-nice to us or n-not!"

Quackerjack sighed, putting an arm around Megavolt's shoulders casually. "It's a lose-lose game. Trust me; I know all about lose-lose games! I lost all my business to one! Unless one or the other of them comes busting through that door to break us out of here because they actually think we're worth something, we have no reason to trust anybody!"

That was exactly when the door broke down.

The guards all raised their assault weapons, firing upon the aggressor. Their bullets were stopped in midair by a burst of magic that shattered them into gunpowder. A flash of green through the dust cloud, and the guns' wielders crumpled lifelessly to the ground.

"Ohhh, THOSE were the voices I heard talking!" Megavolt realized. "I was startin' to think they were actually the voices in my head! I KNEW they were too coherent for that!"

"QUARTET OF FEAR!" Hämsterviel cried as he marched out of the dust cloud, the silhouettes of Mozenrath and the Huntsman taking shape behind him. "WE HAVE COME TO BE YOUR LIBERATORS, ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR INTRINSIC VALUE TO OUR TEAM!"

Quackerjack's jaw dropped, his false chattering teeth falling out in the process.

"You…came back for us?" Bushroot asked. "B-b-because you WANT us?"

"Look, I'm not proud to admit it," Mozenrath sighed, "but I'm not signing on a freeloader who takes advantage of the actually powerful and then uses that momentum to make an escape without actually proving he has any skill."

There was a pause before Megavolt asked, "Which one of us do you think he means – "

"He means Negaduck," the Huntsman said coldly.

"As lacking as you may be upstairs," Mozenrath went on, "you do at the very least have elemental mastery that will work as a raw source of power. And also, you come as a package deal with the clown, who I guess keeps up your morale. Then, as I said, we could still use a boost in the engineering department."

"I'm also a g-geneticist!" Bushroot volunteered.

"Even better," Mozenrath said with his trademark smirk. "Maybe we can finally get someone working med bay who won't insult his patients into walking out before their wounds are cauterized."

"I really don't see why I'm any stupider upstairs than when I'm downstairs," Megavolt muttered.

Mozenrath's forehead met his palm.

"In fact," Megavolt went on, "I'm not actually that skilled downstairs – "

"STOP TALKING BEFORE YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE AND MAKE ME REGRET EVERYTHING I'M DOING RIGHT NOW," Mozenrath groaned.

"Y'know, I always suspected you were an ace," Quackerjack told Megavolt.

Megavolt gasped; "You really think I'm the team's ace up our sleeve?"

"Understanding of innuendo sold separately," the Liquidator told Mozenrath.

"I'M BEGINNING TO SEE THAT," Mozenrath growled. He removed his hand, looking up once more at the quartet. "Now, if I had my way, I'd want to extend you an invitation into the WHAM ARMY this minute and then be done with it before I have time to think too hard about the horrible mistake I'm making."

"Do not take his words too harshly," the Huntsman reassured. "I'm more than certain Yzma and Wuya will take a shine to you, to say nothing of Snipe and Spicer."

"But Mim decided she wanted to have…" Mozenrath raised his index and middle fingers, making air quotes for the next term; "'Fun.' So she's currently engaging Negaduck in a duel. Winner takes the Fearsome Four as allies."

Quackerjack let out a long chortle. "That's just so…wacky! I love this team already!"

"The WHAM ARMY is the most serious of business, not to be taken lightly!" Hämsterviel interjected. "Now gather all the pranks, children's toys, strobing lights, decorative floral arrangements, and unhealthy flavored drinks you have! We are moving out!"

As the Huntsman began to slash away the chains on Megavolt, Quackerjack, and Bushroot and Mozenrath worked on dissolving the cement out of the Liquidator, Bushroot admitted, "I c-couldn't tell if that l-last comment was you being sarcastic or actually serious and accidentally ironic."

"Of COURSE I was serious!" Hämsterviel argued. "Did I not just say the WHAM ARMY is to be taken seriously, not given over to buffoonery?" His eyes then alit on the license plates; "Ooh, a perfectly hamster-sized defense shield!" He hoisted up the F4RTF4C3 plate. "This will do nicely, and cut such an intimidating image!"

"Really, you're not the most embarrassing people we're going to employ," Mozenrath sighed. "As you can see."

"One question." Megavolt looked Mozenrath dead in the eye. "One: are you gonna betray us and/or leave any of us to die? Two: do you offer dental?"

"That was two questions," Mozenrath told him. "However, I've been trying to work on my anger management issues, and I no longer physically assault people for disappearing while I rant."

"Only for telling him magic is science, apparently," the Huntsman pointed out.

"I'm not going to leave any of you to die or cause you any ACTUAL harm," Mozenrath asserted. "…If only to spite the duck."

"As for dental, I do believe our onboard biologist will be able to perform any and all medical assistance upon you for free," the Huntsman added. "He will only ask that you help him boast of his achievement…and perhaps take DNA samples from those of you who have been mutated for use in his personal experiments."

"I mean, that sounds like a fair exchange," Megavolt said with a shrug.

"But first we gotta break outta the slammer, don't we?" Quackerjack brought up.

"That's right!" Bushroot realized, trembling. "We need to break past all the other guards! Disable the security system! Overthrow the warden!"

"The classic, time-tested routine!" the Liquidator added.

"Oh, you're so right!" Mozenrath cried. "There's so much work to be done to pull this off. Circuitboards to overload, walls to break down, a warden to kill – "

"It's done," the Huntsman said flatly. "All the staff is incapacitated."

Mozenrath flinched. "I was doing a THING. That was a THING. I was BUILDING. Let me finish next time."

The Huntsman shuffled one foot: the only sign that he felt any remorse.

"Why don't we take advantage of the view?" Mozenrath then suggested. "After all, this property has a lovely seaside vista."

His hand waved; the seven were surrounded by bright blue light before reappearing atop the highest roof of the prison facility, well aware of the hundred-foot drop down below and St. Canard proper on the horizon.

"Location, location, location," Mozenrath mused.

"And yet too similar to Drakken's lair for my tastes," the Huntsman spat. "I would prefer something more original."

"Classics are classics for a reason," Mozenrath told him, singsong.

"I'm going to remain silent out of the desire not to have a domestic argument over villainous lair design," the Huntsman sighed.

"The last thing we need is the two of you boyfriending all sappily," Hämsterviel grunted. "Or UN-sappily, as the case may be."

Mozenrath gestured toward the city skyline. "St. Canard. City of rot and ruin with a nice shiny layer of vigilante heroism painted on top to make it look nice. I almost regret having to leave this early without meeting more of the locals. As we speak, however, Mad Madam Mim is contesting your employer – or, should I say, your FORMER employer – over your status at the heart of that city. Let's take a look, shall we?"

He opened up a viewing window that displayed Mim and Negaduck staring each other down on the sidewalk of a busy street. "Looks like we're just in time for the show," Mozenrath remarked.

"Too bad we don't have popcorn," Megavolt mourned. "…Hey, you guys mind if I pop down to the cafeteria real quick and get some – "

"Literally the least relevant thing you could do right now," Mozenrath sighed.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure the least relevant thing I could do right now is cliff-dive into the ocean down there and shock myself into a coma of terrible pain while wearing a stolen guard's uniform," Megavolt mused. "Which is an interesting hypothetical."

"Don't make me regret this any more than I already do," Mozenrath grunted.

Mim and Negaduck were doing their best to see if looks could kill. Meanwhile, if anyone driving down the busy highway or strolling down the street had noticed two of the most notorious and dangerous villains ever to cross that world appearing there, they didn't seem to care much about it – which, given what happened on a typical day in St. Canard, wasn't an unfair assumption.

"All right, Mim," Negaduck growled. "Let's go over the rules."

"Do we really need rules?" Mim posed. "Merlin's type always wants them for the formality. But you're not Merlin's type."

"Good point," Negaduck said smugly. "All right. Count of three, we start. Anything goes."

"I'm feeling generous today," Mim said, "so I'm even going to let you count."

To two, she thought, but he'd be expecting that anyway.

Negaduck fixed his eyes on Mim piercingly. "One…"

Then he seized Mim's arm, wrenching it toward him, and slapped a thick metal bracelet on it, one that fit tight to her skin. Its clasp locked with a threatening click.

"YOU THINK I RAN AROUND THIS TOWN WITH DE SPELL AND MACAWBER ON THE LOOSE AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH WITCHES?" Negaduck roared, slapping a similar bracelet onto his own arm.

"What are you talking ab – " Mim shook her head. "Oh, never mind! Time to make some ROAST DUCK!"

She threw out a hand.

And nothing happened.

"What – you – " Mim sputtered. "WHY, YOUUUU…YOU BLOCKED MY MAGIC!"

Negaduck tapped the bracelet. "A little something I've been refining since my first heist here in St. Canard," he explained. "Like I said, I knew Morgana Macawber was gonna be a problem, so I came prepared. This baby can stop a Category 5 hurricane of magic. I'm wearing the control, meaning I can extend the range. For instance, right now, all I'm doing is stopping you from casting any spells. But if I turn this little dial right here…"

He placed his finger on a tiny knob on his cuff.

"I amplify it so that your little friends can't watch."

The knob spun.

Back at the prison facility, the magical window allowing Mozenrath and company to watch Mim snapped out of view.

"WHAT?" Mozenrath cried. "HE HAS HUNTSCLAN TECHNOLOGY?"

"Or an inferior facsimile of it," the Huntsman growled. "You realize we've got to find her."

Mozenrath pointed to the Fearsome Four. "You stay here," he demanded. "Go crazy. …er. The place is yours. This job is for the professionals."

Hämsterviel lifted the F4RTF4C3 plate high. "I AM READY TO DEFEND FROM ALL OFFENSES!"

Mozenrath snapped his fingers, and he, the Huntsman, and Hämsterviel were gone.

"We can't just sit up here and d-d-do N-NOTHING!" Bushroot cried.

"Why not?" Quackerjack asked. "They'll handle it just fine!"

"B-but we're supposed to be friends now!" Bushroot argued. "Friends help friends!"

"Yeah, but what can we even do?" Megavolt asked. "We're stranded all the way out here!"

"Law enforcement seaworthy vehicles are now on sale for the low, low price of zero dollars!" the Liquidator reminded everyone.

"We could sail in and save her!" Megavolt realized.

"We don't even know where she is!" Quackerjack reminded him. "And may I remind you we still DON'T know if she's even any better than Negs?"

"Her friends showed up right on time for the dramatic irony cue!" Megavolt reminded in turn. "…Wait. Am I using 'irony' right? Does anyone EVER use 'irony' right? That reminds me I still have to finish fleshing out that blueprint for the giant doomsday iron. I'm gonna take 'steam-powered' to a whole new level!" A pause. "Anyway, I say we try and find her."

"Th-they c-came for us," Bushroot agreed. "It only makes s-sense that we should c-come for them."

"TO THE GROUND FLOOR!" the Liquidator cried.

The moment Negaduck cut off Mozenrath's ability to view the battlefield, Mim knew she needed to act quickly. So she bolted across the road, giving no regard for oncoming traffic.

Thankfully, the morality of the citizens was in her favor. Brakes screeched as vehicles halted before they could run her over; front bumpers crashed into trunks and caused pileups, which would have been quite amusing to Mim if she'd had any time to stop and appreciate it. Once she was safe on the other side, she whirled to get a look at Negaduck.

"Oh, by all means, keep running," the duck taunted, removing a sawed-off shotgun from his coat. "Moving targets are more fun anyway!"

He cocked the weapon, clicking the trigger into place.

At that moment, a semi truck utilized the one lane Mim hadn't blocked with traffic accidents to pass between the two of them. Negaduck shot anyway, leaving a hole in the cargo container of the truck.

By the time the truck had passed, Mim was gone.

"Oh, so we got a wise guy, eh?" Negaduck muttered. "I'll play your little game."

He adjusted the frequency on the bracelet; he could now feel a pull in the direction of the aura of the other active one. "You're dead meat," he muttered before hurrying after the truck.

Mozenrath, the Huntsman, and Hämsterviel arrived just then, looking around to find neither of the relevant people to their mission.

"You knew this would happen," the Huntsman sighed.

"All right," Mozenrath resolved, "time to sweep the city. They can't have gone – never mind. It's Mim. Of COURSE she got as far away as she could get SOMEHOW."

That "somehow" had been by tackling the side of the truck as it had passed her, clinging onto the side of the cab. Mim may have been reliant on magic for much of her life, but that didn't mean she wasn't resourceful or strong in other ways. She ripped open the door, giving the driver quite a scare.

"HEY!" the lanky dog cried. "WHAT ARE YOU – "

His thought ended with him being tossed out of his own moving truck onto the sidewalk.

Mim settled herself into the driver's seat, intentionally not buckling the seatbelt due to being evil, and slammed her foot onto the gas pedal. The truck rocketed forward with no concern for obstacles.

First, Mim bashed the cuff against the dashboard several times, to no avail. "Drat!" she spat. "Indestructible! Looks like I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way! I'm gonna need to get myself some REAL weaponry to end this!"

The sound of gunfire alerted her to looking at the side window. A sleek silver car with plates reading "STUDENT DRIVER" on them was gaining on her fast. And there was only one person in this city who owned a gun, was bent on destroying Mim, and had probably specifically waited to rip a student driver out of their first car.

"Oh, so THAT'S how it is!" Mim seethed. "Well, catch me if you can, duck à l'orange!"

The truck began to sweve erratically through the city streets, with Negaduck's stolen vehicle gaining ground fast.

By the time the Fearsome Four had gotten down to the beach, Quackerjack had admitted, "Okay, MAYBE this is better than just letting Negaduck run our lives again. But we still have no idea where in the city to even go! You know Negaduck! He'll be chasing her down every street! All of St. Canard will be his arena!"

"He's right!" Megavolt wailed. "If only we had some way of knowing where they even are! But we couldn't even use magic to find them! And it's all my fault!"

"Oh, it's not your fault!" Bushroot tried to reassure.

"But it is!" Megavolt insisted, nearly sobbing as he withdrew a small metal cuff from his pocket. "This is the exact same cuff Negaduck used to take away Mim's magic! I helped him DESIGN it! Right down to the part where each cuff can be used to track the location of the others that are active, so he'll be able to find her no matter where she goes!"

"That is pretty bad," Bushroot sighed. "I just – "

His attention was diverted when a dog-sized carnivorous plant emerged from the waters. "Spike?" he said in surprise. "What are y-y-you d-doing here?"

Spike began to chatter in a language only Bushroot could understand.

"Oh, no!" Bushroot cried. "That's terrible!"

"What seems to be the matter?" the Liquidator asked.

"Some maniac was chasing a woman into the park and set the trees on fire with a flamethrower!" Bushroot explained. "Now all the plants in town are watching where he goes to make sure he doesn't do anything worse!"

"Hmm?" The Liquidator's attention was diverted. "What's this?"

He approached the water's edge, touching where a slick green liquid had appeared on the surface. "One hundred percent bona fide toxin!" the Liquidator identified. "Apparently dumped into the sewer below 135th, if I know my currents!"

"OH, IT'S USELESS!" Megavolt cried. "WE'RE NEVER GONNA FIND MIM AND NEGADUCK NOW!"

Quackerjack took a look from Bushroot (listening to the instant update on where a maniac wielding a flamethrower and chasing a woman was at any given time) to the Liquidator (pinpointing the site of a disturbance with one of Negaduck's favorite biohazards) to Megavolt (holding the tracker).

"And they say I'M the idiot of the bunch," he muttered to no one.

Negaduck had taken Mim on quite a chase. First, the romp through the park; the forest fire had been a little hot for her taste, but she had to appreciate the man's penchant for overkill. Then she'd attempted to use the sewers to cross the city unnoticed only to have to climb out of a chamber of recently dumped poison. Then there had been the guillotine incident at the mall (and really, points for creativity in Negaduck's corner). But at last, Mim had acquired via theft the game-changer while Negaduck had retreated to set up his next assault.

It was simply a matter of walking into his trap, then avoiding falling for it. Which was easy enough when she realized which of the buildings in the vicinity was the perfect height for anvil-dropping. She just had to stop two steps short of where he would launch it, and, as she'd thought, the anvil landed right in front of her, cracking the sidewalk but leaving her unscathed.

"Got you now!" she cackled as she headed inside the building.

By that time, the Fearsome Four had finally arrived at the same place, observing the anvil. "An anvil?" Quackerjack cried in slowly building fury. "He dropped AN ANVIL on her? THAT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A PIANO!"

"We gotta get up there!" Megavolt cried. "Everyone, hang on! I'm going to summon the local vending machines to form themselves into a stairway!"

He put out his arms, sending out vending-machine thoughts.

Of course, nothing happened.

"Wow, guys," Megavolt groaned. "Way to let me down."

"Hey!" Bushroot cried. "Over here!"

The adjacent building, one story higher, was covered in ivy – ivy that, at Bushroot's command, was now forming itself into a rope ladder.

"Ingenuity in action!" the Liquidator cried.

Negaduck lay in wait for Mim, knowing she couldn't resist chasing him down now that he'd thrown the anvil. He had calculated it out perfectly, giving her just enough time to slip away and acquire some kind of doomsday weapon that she thought would give her the upper hand. Now all he had to do was demonstrate how well he could evade doomsday weapons.

"YOU!" Mim yelled as she stormed across the rooftop.

"Me," Negaduck replied as he turned to smile wickedly at her.

"You'll never guess what I got!" Mim said cheekily.

"Ohhh, what is it?" Negaduck teased. "A big gun you're gonna use to shoot me?"

"Nope!"

Mim grabbed her skirt and shook. A veritable rain of fireworks, legal and illegal, fell from it. More than should have been able to fit there, actually.

From her neckline, she produced a box of long matches. A fistful of matches was struck on the rooftop, then tossed into the pile of explosives.

"Enjoy the show!" Mim cried as her colorful pyrotechnics began to explode in Negaduck's direction.

Negaduck was ready. He sidestepped, ducked, dodged, rolled, leapt over. Every single firework missed its mark, whistling out to explode over the empty air. With every move, Negaduck got closer to Mim. Then, at last, she'd run out of fireworks, and the duck simply tackled her.

What followed then was a flurry of fists and feet, hitting above the belt, below the belt, and exactly on the belt area. It was the most raw of violence: two combatants simply trying to batter each other into submission.

In the meantime, Megavolt, Quackerjack, Bushroot, and the Liquidator had completed their ascent to the building across the way, watching the fireworks subside and the brawl begin.

"We gotta help her!" Megavolt cried.

"Yeah, assuming she's not just gonna be WORSE," Quackerjack huffed.

"It is a conundrum!" the Liquidator stated. "Which will turn out to be the lesser of two evils? Even the leading scientists in the field can't tell the difference between the brand-name and the substitute!"

"N-now that I'm here," Bushroot realized, "it s-seems…kinda disloyal not to help out N-Negaduck. We've always had his b-back before!"

"…We have, haven't we?" Megavolt realized softly. "Ooh…now I don't know what to do!"

On the battlefield, Negaduck was gaining the upper hand. "You know, you're reeeeeally getting on my nerves," he explained as his fists slammed into Mim. "That fireworks stunt? Please. For a centuries-old witch, you're naïve if you thought that would work. And I don't do naïve."

"Hey, w-wait a minute!" Bushroot cried. "I'm naïve!"

"Not to mention it was WACKY," Negaduck went on. "And I don't do wacky!"

"WHAT?" Quackerjack yelled, offended.

"And it was FLASHY!" Negaduck continued. "I DEFINITELY DON'T DO FLASHY!"

"SLANDER!" the Liquidator cried.

"AND YOU'RE JUST INSANE!" Negaduck screamed. "I DON'T! DO! INSANE!"

"HEEEEEEYYYY, WAIT A MINUTE!" Megavolt gasped. "That really hurts my feelings!"

"But you wanna know the worst part?" Negaduck proclaimed. "I don't even LIKE those idiots! I'm just trying to get you good and DEAD so YOU can't use their powers!"

The Fearsome Four gasped in unison.

"The ONLY person who should use those powers is ME!" Negaduck proclaimed. "If I had my way, I'd just bump Quackerjack off and take the USEFUL ones! Better yet, find a way to control them without listening to all their GABBING!"

"Well, I think their gabbing is fun!" Mim argued, flipping around to pin Negaduck down. "Of course they're idiots! It's hilarious! They have quirky charm, just like yours truly! And it annoys Mozenrath, which is even better! You just don't like them because you don't like fun!"

All four spectators placed their hands over their hearts, touched.

"Oh, I like having fun, all right," Negaduck chuckled. "You know what I think is fun? THIS!"

He'd counted on Mim forgetting how dirty he liked to fight. A switchblade sparkled briefly before embedding itself in her thigh.

She fell back with a "YEOWCH!", clutching the wound. Then: "YOU'RE DESPICABLE! THE LOWEST OF THE LOW! IF YOU DIDN'T WANT WHAT I WANTED, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO COMMIT A MURDER TODAY, I'D REGRET TAKING SUCH EVIL OUT OF THE WORLD! BUT YOU GOT ON MY NERVES!"

The shotgun was drawn again, aimed at Mim's head. "I don't think you're in a position to insult me," Negaduck told her smugly.

"Drat," Mim muttered, not entirely certain how to brute-force her way out of this one.

However, her onlookers had made up their minds. "Megs!" Quackerjack cried, producing a set of chattering teeth from within his baggy clothing. "Electrify these good and shocking!"

"I see where you're going with that!" Bushroot realized, calling upon the ivy to do his bidding while Megavolt loaded the teeth with a crackling charge.

"The Liquidator ensures satisfaction guaranteed," the Liquidator chimed in, "or your money back!"

"Any last words?" Negaduck asked as the trigger clicked.

The teeth were fitted into a vine of the ivy that was drawn back by all four like an enormous slingshot. Then that vine was let go, and a surge of water guided the sailing teeth toward their target.

They clamped down onto Mim's anti-magic cuff, Megavolt's charge allowing them to bite right through it. The cuff fell in useless pieces to the ground.

As soon as Mim realized her magic was back, she wasted no time.

Neither did Negaduck. He pulled the trigger, firing.

And Mim, now powered up to the point of invincibility once more, effortlessly blocked the bullet with her finger.

The gun exploded, its recoil sending Negaduck flying. Mim didn't have a chance to see whether he was alive or dead, but it soon didn't matter, because his body plummeted right off the building's edge, down to the highway, where heavy traffic zoomed. If the explosion hadn't killed him, Mim thought, and the fall had somehow spared him, the vehicles would get him.

She'd won.

The Fearsome Four came riding over on the ivy, cheering raucously; they all surrounded her in a group hug, which was appreciated until the Liquidator crossed arms with Megavolt and all five were shocked intensely.

In the meantime, Mozenrath had been attempting to open magic windows on Mim's location at intervals. The moment the magic was back on, he was able to find her, bringing Hämsterviel and the Huntsman with him.

"I told you this was where we'd find her!" he said loudly enough for everyone else to hear (despite the two who'd been with him knowing that this statement had no backing). "Mim, it's not that I don't have complete faith that you would win through sheer willpower, but please confirm – "

"I DID IT!" Mim cried triumphantly from where she sat, her leg still bleeding out and her hair singed and crackling from Megavolt's power surge. "I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT!"

"No," Bushroot corrected. "WE did it. Together. I th-think this is the st-start of a new Fearsome Five!"

"Hmm…no," Mim mused. "I got the last shot in. I want all the credit."

"Awww," the four criminals groaned.

"But if it makes you feel better," Mim suggested, "we can do one last crime spree together before heading out, and we'll steal whatever you want! Just name it!"

This got them cheering again.

"You appear to need this." The Huntsman passed Mim a healing potion.

She downed it eagerly, then pouted. "You know it's been too long since your last bloodshed when you get excited just seeing your own."

"Well, gentlemen, welcome to the WHAM ARMY," Mozenrath stated. "And on that note, a farewell heist is a great idea. After all, we not only need funding, but if we're going to bring you on as scientists, we'll need to outfit our lab with the right tools for you to continue your work."

"YOU MEAN WE CAN LOOT THE ELECTRONICS STORE FOR PARTS?" Megavolt cried excitedly.

For once, Mozenrath found himself honestly smiling at the rat. "Yes. Yes, we can."

A thought occurred to him; "Before we go, is there anything else we should take care of? Under new management, you should have no problem finally killing Darkwing Duck."

"NO!" all four yelled in instant unison.

"…No?" Mozenrath raised a brow. "Don't tell me you're actually attached to your nemesis."

"Well…it's…uhhhh…it's just…" Bushroot fumbled for the words.

"Nobody gets to kill Darkwing Duck!" Megavolt said plainly.

"EXCEPT US!" Quackerjack interjected hurriedly.

"EXCLUSIVELY!" the Liquidator added. "No third-party product permitted!"

They worried the ruse would be seen through immediately. However, Mozenrath just nodded. "Actually," he admitted, "I know the sentiment. All right, the duck's off-limits. You can take care of him on your own time. For now…"

"TOYS!" Quackerjack chirped.

"BULBS AND BATTERIES!" Megavolt cried.

"PLANT FOOD FOR ALL MY BABIES!" Bushroot said cheerily.

"INSIDER TRADING INTELLIGENCE!" the Liquidator cried.

As the team set out, Hämsterviel asked, "Are we of utmost certainty that the felonious fowl is of a deceased state?"

Her leg healed enough to walk on, Mim replied, "Oh, pish-posh. Of course he's dead. He exploded, then fell off the building into heavy traffic. We don't need to worry about HIM anymore."

Everyone accepted this, despite it being horribly untrue.

The blast had stunned Negaduck, but not killed him. When he'd fallen, he had, by a stroke of extreme luck, missed the oncoming traffic entirely and plummeted into an open manhole. From there, he'd had a relatively soft landing in the sewage water, which happened to be free of his earlier contaminant for the time being.

As he dragged himself up onto a dry patch, he muttered, "I bet that witch thinks she won. She probably made off with my lackeys! Well, according to the rules, you don't win until the other person's dead! And I don't intend to lose, no matter how long we need to play the game!"

He failed to take into account the shadows that flitted about the sewers. Shadows that had minds of their own. Shadows that had red eyes.

Shadows that agreed that Mad Madam Mim should suffer.

...

Trial and error had shown the Atmosian WHAM ARMY contingent that the Corona gem had, in fact, landed in the Wasteland between two Terras. Furthermore, the compass had directed them, via a game of hot-and-cold, to a particular landmark that Ravess had hoped they wouldn't have to deal with: Lava Lake.

It was exactly what it sounded like.

One could almost compare the vista to a beach bordering the lapping orange waves giving off steam. That is, if the beach were solid stone instead of sand, the sky was permanently dark with ash, and the entire area wasn't filled with shadows that looked like they were about to destroy hapless travelers.

"Take heartitude!" Zevon assured his companions, following the compass' guidance across the desolation. "The compass statutes that the gem is not in the lake itself!"

"How reassuring," Vexen seethed. He was beginning to think coming here was a bad idea. It didn't inspire the same sort of reaction Lea had, but still, it was disconcerting. The lava didn't end at the lake, instead branching out into several small tributaries the group had to work around. All around was the heat, the orange, the threat.

Vexen, of course, refused to admit that it could get the better of him, and so was bearing it.

"I mean, it's got our aesthetic," Lady Caine pointed out. "It's really not bad. I could see us setting up a base here. Not too much sun, the lava's a nice touch…"

She walked to a cliffside with a large cavern hollowed out into it, leading the way to dark depths. "Hellooooooo!" she called into it to hear the echo.

"DON'T!" Ravess rushed to her, slapping a hand over her mouth. "That is a nest of deadly fire scorpions!"

Lady Caine pried Ravess' hand away. "You're worried about some little BUGS?"

Ravess grimaced before transforming it into a sarcastic smirk. "You're right. If you wish to challenge an arachnid three times your size whose sting will burn through your flesh from the impact point outward, by all means, be my guest."

As she stalked away, she gave one pause to turn back and call out, "And they travel in PACKS."

Lady Caine gave the cavern a side-eyed glance before cringing and hustling away.

"Perfect," Vexen huffed. "Fire scorpions. Exactly what we needed on top of all of this."

Ravess kept pace beside him, saying nothing. It was a comfort.

They wandered the wastes over stony plains, around still more bodies of bubbling lava, between high-ridged cliff faces. As they entered a wide valley, Zevon shivered. "We're getting closer!" he declared. "I can feel it in my metascapula!"

"I have no idea WHAT part of the body you're even referring to," Vexen sighed.

"Will you just let the boy have some fun?" Wuya droned.

"If he is going to be a fount of scientific inaccuracy," Vexen seethed, "NO."

"You realize you don't NEED to be an expert at science to be proficient in the field of chemistry," Yzma sighed.

"YOU LITERALLY DO!" Vexen cried.

"In just a few short momentarilies," Zevon said with mounting excitement, "we will reach our destinytation, and then, finally, at long last, the Corona Aurora's first gem will be in the hands of – "

The blue-armored figure sprang from the cliff peak, plummeting down further than a mortal should be able to survive only to land neatly on two bent-knee legs and one hand that touched the ground. As he rose, Kamdor pointed at his foe and yelled, "ZEVON!"

"YES! EXACTLY!" Zevon cheered. Then he realized. "Wait, NO!"

"YOU left me to perish at the claws of that Deadly Dragon!" Kamdor growled. "Not that I wanted your help anyway! But I survived, NO THANKS TO YOU! Since then, I've devoted my every waking hour to tracking down the Toru Diamond, AND I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP! All of my evidence led me here, to this very wasteland in this very world! That diamond is as good as mine, and I don't need YOU getting in the way at the last minute!"

"Wait a minute!" Yzma realized. "Is THIS that guy you were talking about who fought you for the gems in the first place? What was it, Candor? Cameron?"

"KAMDOR!" Kamdor yelled.

"No, that wasn't it," Yzma muttered.

Wuya floated up next to Zevon's head. "Somehow, he's even more of a head case than you."

Zevon shrugged; "I know, right?"

"You do realize I just insulted you."

"Actualizingly, this time, I did. I'm just agreeing that I have a tendencation to be uninstabilitable."

"ENOUGH OF YOUR MANGLED WORDS!" Kamdor cried. "You and all of your friends are going to die, and then I will claim the prize meant to be MINE!"

"Is that so?" Zevon placed his hands on his hips, drawing himself up tall. "You've made a great errorer challenging all of us, Kamdor! For on this day, I am accompanimented by one of the most powerful Dark beings in all of the worlds: WUYA, HEYLIN WITCH! She can destroy you with one hand binded behind her back! Show him, Wuya!"

Wuya cleared her nonexistent throat.

Zevon then realized his own mistake, looking to the ghost who had neither a hand to tie behind her back nor a back to tie it behind, and definitely no magical capabilities beyond telepathy and Shen Gong Wu sense. "I…may have just errorered myself."

"BRACE FOR COMBAT!" Vexen yelled, and weapons came out – his shield, Tsumugari, Yzma's hammer, Ravess' bow. Zevon loaded a potion into each hand.

Likewise, Kamdor drew both of his own swords. Then he threw them up into the air, where they twirled round and round. He leapt back several feet, throwing out his hands to create a sigil with his fingers.

A simple rock that stood before him enlarged, growing limbs and a rudimentary face. Veins of red-orange lava pulsed on the surface of its stony skin. The monster bellowed.

Kamdor leapt up onto its back, raising both hands to catch the swords that descended into his grip once more. Then he sprang down to the ground again and charged.

Lady Caine and Yzma hurtled toward him, being the ones wielding melee weapons designed for the offense. One sword clashed against Tsumugari while the other clashed against the hammer's shaft.

The monster turned its glowing red-rock eyes toward Zevon, Ravess, and Vexen. It opened its mouth, and they could feel the heated fumes pouring forth.

"GET DOWN!" Vexen seized both Ravess and Zevon by the backs of their collars, dragging them around the nearest rock wall before the monster could vomit its wave of magma at them. The burning liquid rushed up against the other side of the wall, reminding Vexen how close he was to termination by it.

Sweat was beading on his forehead for multiple reasons.

"I'm only going to say this once," Ravess hissed into his ear. "Get out of here."

"And I'm only going to say this once," Vexen hissed right back. "I refuse to."

Ravess nodded. If he needed to do this in order to prove something, then she couldn't stop him. She only worried he wouldn't be able to prove it.

"I have an idea!" Zevon cried, holding up a small bottle of blue liquid. "Ravess! Do you have any crystals that cause glacieral effectations in your quiver?"

"Yes," Ravess replied, "for all the good they'll do against THAT thing."

"This potion was designgineered to freeze the hottest temperaturates to absolutating zero!" Zevon informed her. "If I dischargepatch it all at once, it may work temporarilationly, but only in one singletary concentrationed area! However, if we dip your arrows into it – "

"We can freeze it systematically!" Ravess finished in order to stop Zevon from mispronouncing any more words. "Brilliant!"

"I know I am."

As they made to move, Vexen managed to get out a raspy "Wait."

Ravess held back, regarding him with concern.

"Your map of Atmos," Vexen told her. "Give it to me."

Ravess quickly unfolded it, passing it over.

"Where…where are we?"

"Here." Ravess tapped the Wasteland area around Lava Lake. "What, exactly, are you planning?"

"Something I almost hope doesn't work," Vexen told her. "Now go!"

As Ravess followed Zevon out onto the battlefield, Vexen began to scrawl on the map with a pen he'd produced from an inner pocket.

Zevon dove behind a larger rock for cover, and Ravess followed. The lava monster hurled chunks of red-hot rock at them; they smashed against the cover stone. Ravess dipped the first arrow in Zevon's vial, then peered out just long enough to shoot. Where the arrow impacted, a layer of ice crusted over the monster.

All the while, Kamdor cried out the most dramatic battle cries he could muster while parrying the continued shots from Yzma and Lady Caine.

Vexen drew an X to mark the spot, then found himself unsure whether to hope his plan would work or fail.

After some time, the monster was almost completely covered in ice, but unfortunately still able to spit lava and move its joints. "The next shot has to be in the mouth!" Ravess told Zevon. "That should stop it at the source! And if that doesn't work…"

"It will!" Zevon assured her.

Ravess dipped three arrows for good measure. Nocked them. Loosed them. They arced through the sky, leaving trails of frost in the air. Then the monster swallowed them.

It gave a start, then a hiccup. An icy crust plated over its entire surface, freezing it solid.

"Just as planned," Ravess said smugly, emerging from behind the rock with Zevon in tow. "Now. Let's find that diamond."

"DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED?" Kamdor asked Lady Caine and Yzma as their weapons continued to clash.

"Yeah," Lady Caine replied. "Tired of you!"

"Oh, good one!" Yzma told her.

"Thanks!" Lady Caine responded. "I try."

The enormous monster shuddered within its icy prison, magma and steam seeping out of its crevices. The ice began to loosen and crack.

"No," Ravess gasped in horror, shaking her head. "Nononononono – "

However, when a barrage of fiery projectiles hurtled over her and Zevon's heads, striking the heated monster, she found herself simply confused.

An about-face showed her that a veritable stampede of fire scorpions had arrived, lining up behind her and spurting pyrotechnics from their tails. While normally, this would spell bad news for all involved, the scorpions seemed focused only on the monster, which was held too firmly in place by the remaining ice to escape.

After being pummeled so much, the monster gave an enormous shudder, then simply exploded into a rush of light, heat, and smoke that nearly blinded everyone present.

"NO!" Kamdor cried. "DON'T THINK THIS GIVES YOU THE UPPER HAND! I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!"

Wuya emerged directly through his mask, spinning to look him in the face after the trip she'd just taken through his mind. "Actually," she informed him smugly, "you are. Incredibly."

Now Vexen had rejoined Ravess and Zevon, and all three were advancing.

Kamdor gave a low growl before declaring that "THIS ISN'T OVER" and leaping high into the sky to disappear from view.

The fire scorpions, their work done, simply turned tail and headed back to their den.

"Okay, does anyone wanna explain WHAT that just was?" Lady Caine asked.

Vexen shook his head, dismissing his shield as he held out the parchment map. "This is what secured our victory," he sighed, "but at what cost, I cannot truly gauge at the moment."

The others huddled around it to see where Vexen had drawn a trail of lines and arrows from the scorpion den to the "X" marking their battlefield, then back to the scorpion cavern.

"I have given up attempting to understand this logic," he stated. "I only pursued its efficacy."

"So that's why I thought I heard music when they showed up," Yzma muttered.

Wuya flew high temporarily – just long enough to see the bright blue lines marking the comings and goings of the fire scorpions. "Yup," she remarked. "Just another day in the WHAM ARMY."

As she turned to descend, a glitter caught her field of vision. "OH, ZEVON!" she called down. "There's something on that ledge that might interest you!"

Zevon gasped. "THE FIRST GEM!"

Getting up to the Toru Diamond's precarious perch on the small ledge was a bit of a challenge at first. Eventually, Zevon just hit the side of the cliff with a potion that transformed rock into soft clay, using that to carve out handholds and scramble up, getting far too much clay on his shirt front in the process. He slid back down with a hefty diamond in hand – not knowing that before magical interference, it had originally been even bigger.

"SUCCESSIONFULNESS!" Zevon crowed, holding the Toru Diamond high into the air.

"Now, that's what I expect to see on my engagement ring," Wuya remarked. Then, with a look toward Yzma, "Take notes."

"Looks more like a crown centerpiece to me," Yzma mused.

"That's because it is one," Lady Caine reminded her.

"Therefore, I'm not wrong," Yzma said, and Lady Caine couldn't dispute that.

"Only four remain!" Zevon yelled triumphantly. "And once all five are within my grasp, I, Zevon, will be OMNIPOTENT-POTABLE!"

...

"Righty! RIGHTY! RIGHTYRIGHTYRIGHTY!"

Mozenrath tried to hustle along down the warship hall without paying attention to the screams mounting in volume behind him. To either side, the Huntsman and Hämsterviel were attempting to do the same without actually getting ahead of Mozenrath.

"Ohhhh, no, you don't!" Roman Torchwick caught up, snagging Mozenrath's sleeve and using it to pull the sorcerer back. "Seriously! What the FUCK?"

Mozenrath slowly turned, looking Roman right in the eye before asking, "Is there a problem?"

"Is there a problem?" Roman repeated. "IS THERE A PROBLEM? WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"I don't see any reason you should be this incensed," Mozenrath said with a smirk that said completely otherwise.

"Look," Roman sighed. "First, you signed on the talking hamster. And that was weird, but ultimately, he was the exception that proved the rule. No offense."

"Nothing has been offended," Hämsterviel replied casually.

"So then you bring home the walking sushi bar," Roman went on, "and I figure, okay, everybody has a bad day. You gotta have SOME reason you saw something in him. So I put up with it. I mop up the slime. I pretend I don't notice the smell of toxic waste dripping everywhere. But then you bring home FOUR FUCKING FAUNUS, and that's crossing a damn line!"

"Do I really need to explain this to you?" Mozenrath sighed. "Faunus have only ONE animalistic feature. The Fearsome Four, as we've been calling them, are completely anthropomorphic animals."

"That…is SO much worse!" Roman groaned. "Regular Faunus are already dumbasses! And you decide you wanna bring home versions that are about three hundred percent less human! Archie and I have been saddled with them for THIRTY SECONDS and I can already see that their dumbassery is COMPLETELY proportionate to that!"

"Oh, they're not that bad," Mozenrath teased.

"The rat has the wall socket plate cover stuck around his wrist," Roman said, deadpan.

"I thought you of all people would appreciate a good fashion statement," Mozenrath replied mischievously.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"It's easier if you do," Mozenrath told Roman. "Just put on a smile, think positive, and show our new recruits the lay of the land so I don't have to."

"Go to Hell," Roman spat.

"You know what?" Mozenrath replied. "That's not a bad idea!"

He created a Corridor and bolted through it, the Huntsman and Hämsterviel in tow. It closed before Roman could attempt to make an escape through it.

From behind, Roman could hear, in order, 1. Quackerjack asking "Ooh, what does this do?", 2. Snatcher yelling "DON'T TOUCH THAT!", 3. a loud explosion, and 4. Mim cackling hysterically.

"I'm not drunk enough for this," Roman sighed.

...

A/N: Warning is for (minor) character death.