Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

128. Soup 02

A/N: We got a trigger warning for some heavy blood, gore, and violence!

...

Once again, Mozenrath, Huntsman, Yzma, Wuya, Aghoul, Mim, Roman, and Snatcher gathered in the bowels of the warship for council.

"You know," Yzma proposed, "when we get settled in Atlantis, we really ought to do this over brunch instead of standing in a circle."

"Or we could do that now," Roman said. "There is literally nothing stopping us from doing that now."

"Ambience," Wuya pointed out.

"Tradition!" Aghoul added.

"Thinking about how sore your feet get during the long meetings when you're not sitting in chairs," Mim piped up.

"Apparently there are at least three things stopping us from doing that now," Roman sighed.

"For now, let's table the motion of the…table…" Mozenrath sighed, "and focus on the matters at hand. I want to take stock of where we are. I'll be frank; we have…several other members on our to-recruit list. But I would rather take care of that in one final fell swoop. There are other things I think we need to tally up first. For one, we still aren't able to afford the sands thanks to Terminus' ridiculous prices."

"That may change soon," Yzma told him. "Tony Dracon has all but taken over operations in Twilight Town, and between the Fearsome Four and the Sinister Six working alongside of him, he has managed to open several pathways for illegal revenue operating out of Liquid Assets as a base."

"Suddenly, the idea of putting so much investment into a snake-oil boutique in a shopping hotspot is that much more appealing," Mozenrath commented. "Give Dracon my commendation. On the other hand…" He glared at Roman and Snatcher. "Certain schemes to halt Maleficent's progress HAVEN'T EXACTLY WORKED OUT, HAVE THEY?" That glare drifted over to Mim and Aghoul.

"Well, don't blame us!" Aghoul huffed, folding his arms. "Our plan was dead in the water from the start!"

"I feel like you just said that for your pun quota," Mozenrath suspected.

"…Perhaps," Aghoul muttered.

"Look, Righty," Roman sighed. "We burned down the books they were looking for, we started a goddamn revolution, and we brought you home the lizard man. I'd say our net gain was worth it."

"We're to need a different approach should we want to attack that particular beast," Snatcher added. "It seems every time we run into the Overtakers, there are more of them. Copying our grand ideas, they are."

"I say we cut off the head!" Mim swung her fist. "We take down Maleficent, and the rest fall! Same for those baked dessert children!"

"All the same," Mozenrath growled, "I hereby declare you four benched from the next mission on our agenda."

"WHAT?" Roman cried. "You KNOW our track record! You know US! Why are we getting punished for – "

"Nonono," Aghoul whispered, tugging on Roman's sleeve to bring his ear down closer, "let him have this. He's only doing it because he's angry, you know, and if he can't let out the anger this way, one of us may lose OUR head."

"And this next mission you have in mind?" the Huntsman asked Mozenrath.

"We'll need other resources besides allies and sand," Mozenrath elaborated. "Yzma. Your son Zevon is pursuing the gemstones of the Corona Aurora, is he not?"

"He is," Yzma affirmed.

"I've potentially underestimated how valuable of a resource that crown is going to be in our conquest," Mozenrath revealed. "Had I known earlier, well, I might've pulled some strings so it wasn't Zevon who ended up with all that power, but you can't win 'em all."

"Please let my son have this," Yzma said dryly.

"I want to put together a small task force to collect the last three gems in one go," Mozenrath stated. "No messing around. No shenanigans. Because I'll be leading the team. Yzma: you, Wuya, and Zevon will be my companions."

"Yes, putting him in charge is definitely going to ensure no shenanigans happen," Wuya said sarcastically.

"I'm better than some of the people in this room," Mozenrath huffed.

"He means me!" Mim chirped proudly.

"I've taken a look at where the gems all ended up," Mozenrath went on. "Believe it or not, I think we'd actually be served well by having Gill Moss on our task force." He smirked at the Huntsman; "You won't be jealous, will you?"

"No," the Huntsman replied gruffly, "but you won't begrudge me if I wish to sit this mission out."

"Fine by me," Mozenrath told him. "We'll need some extra muscle, just to be safe. Any recommendations?"

"I would suggest Shocker," the Huntsman replied. "He seems more than capable and with a sensible head on his shoulders."

"You should send Mysterio, too," Mim piped up. "If you're sending him."

"Whyyyyyy?" Mozenrath raised an eyebrow.

"Can I not make a valid suggestion to my good friend?" Mim challenged.

"No," Snatcher told her. "You literally can't."

"That said," Yzma brought up, "he helped Tony bring Twilight Town to heel, so I wouldn't discount him completely."

"All right, I'll bite," Mozenrath said, rolling his eyes. "But only because whatever hindrance this ends up being, I know you wouldn't suggest without some promise of benefit."

"WHAT?" Mim grimaced. "How DARE you insinuate that I would suggest something that would help you in ANY WAY!"

"Quite the departure from what you said not thirty seconds ago," Snatcher muttered.

"That's as far as I want this to go," Mozenrath told the group. "Any larger and we'd attract attention we don't need. Maleficent has to be on the watch for us by now, and hasn't there been some thorn in our side that shows up whenever Zevon gets close to one of the gems?"

"Kamdor, yes," Yzma stated.

"If we can avoid signaling that we're on the trail," Mozenrath told her, "then we will."

"And that's it?" Aghoul asked. "You all go gallivanting off, and the rest of us just…lounge around here and do nothing?"

"It's what you deserve," Mozenrath growled at him.

"I think that's his way of telling us we deserve a vacation," Wuya pointed out (and Mozenrath strangely felt no need to deny this).

"Well, I won't say no to that," Aghoul decided.

"If anyone else has any business to discuss," Mozenrath offered, "do it now."

"Yeah, I've got somethin'," Roman told him. "Not sure how important it'll be in the long run, but Gar and Rags sent a message earlier saying they're gonna take Harls for a little spin around the multiverse to pick up our rejects who had consciences."

"And this affects me how?" Mozenrath asked.

"You don't get Gar or Rags back until they're done," Roman told him. "Also, if you wanted to change your mind and stake any of those as a claim, this is your final warning."

"No," Mozenrath said flatly. "She can HAVE those morons. As for Ragdoll and Firefly…an athletic physical fighter and a masked pyrotechnician? I think Shocker and Mysterio can fill those roles quite well. Now, if there's no other business to attend to, I call this meeting adjourned."

"SO!" Yzma clapped her hands together. "Who's for brunch?"

...

Harley had chosen to write down her prospective allies on a bright pink notepad, the pages adorned with little hearts. She doodled more hearts as bullet points to separate names.

"Who's next?" she asked Garfield, who was scrolling through the reject list on his phone.

"That's it," Garfield told her. "For the ones rejected on moral grounds, anyway."

"GREAT!" Harley yipped. "Okay, it's road trip time!" She looked up and called out, "HEY, AINSLEY, ONCEY! YA COMIN'?"

"NOT until they finish their shift," Terminus growled.

"Awww, fine." Harley pouted.

"Besides," Ainsley told her, "while the long-term prospect of being part of a syndicate that perpetuates petty crime to lash out against an unjust system, among other reasons, is appealing, this initial mission seems a little too laborious to really hold my interest. …Also dangerous."

"And I'm not losing a paycheck for this!" Once-ler determined. "Just don't forget to cut us in on this, okay?" He beamed, and his voice cracked as he squealed, "NEW FRIENDS WHO WON'T JUDGE ME!"

"I'll put your names on the list, at any rate." Harley drew two more heart-bullet-points, the names going down in loopy cursive. "That way, we won't forget ta pick ya up! Even though we're probably all gonna be workin' outta the shop in the end."

"Those who stay here must pull their weight," Terminus stated.

"I'll put that in the contract," Harley told him, fingers crossed behind her back.

"Well?" Peter asked. "Shall we commence?"

"Just lemme get suited up first!" Harley chirruped. "I want them all ta see me as the clown PRINCESS a' crime!"

"Good call," Firefly said with a nod. "Whaddaya say we make this a Harley, Firefly, and Ragdoll heist extraordinaire?"

Once-ler struck an air guitar, making whining noises and improvising a song on the spot: "Goooood luck out there! You're gonna make friends to spare! 'Cause you were brave enough to daaaaaare!"

"Did you just make that up now?" Ainsley asked. "Because you're, like, really good at improv. I'm gonna be honest; if I don't have a script, I kinda freeze up or say things that give away that I'm not actually a medical professional. …That was in reference to a couple of extremely specific scenarios."

"Yeah, but you know all the smart-people plays," Once-ler retorted. "The only actual acting I ever did was a censored production of Guys & Dolls in the seventh grade. They made me backup gangster #10. I will say I made the biggest impression out of any of the backup gangsters. So much that they, uh, banned me from ad-libbing after opening night."

Ainsley was smiling. "That's actually really adorable. Would you be interested in trying out for any other roles? You wouldn't have to know the plays beforehand. And I could also tell you basic summaries."

"If we end up working somewhere with a theater scene…yeah, maybe!"

"You hear that?" Peter urged Harley as the three walked into the employees-only area to get changed. "They're practically the best of friends now."

"I know!" Harley sighed. "What a relief!"

"But more than that," Peter elaborated, "it only affirms you're absolutely the person to lead this new enterprise."

...

Ienzo and Twilight had been staring at the computer screen for a solid five minutes.

They'd finally cracked Ansem's code. It had spoken of Roxas, Ventus, and Vanitas. Those, they knew about. But it was the final revelation that left them speechless for so long.

Finally, Ienzo ventured, "If…if this is true…"

"Then we have to get her out of there," Twilight decided.

"But how?" Ienzo asked. "If we use the same ring that was used to give Roxas his own form…"

"There's a chance Vanitas could come out instead," Twilight told him, "and nopony's ready for that yet. But…what if we could do it another way? She was built out of nothing once, right? Right?"

"But now we are not building nothing," Ienzo pointed out. "We are attempting to recreate a very specific set of memories. Though I suppose with Naminé's compliance, we could better sort through all of that…perhaps create new data…but we have no vessel in which to store that data. The original, according to this code, was created by Even. And Even's engineering of the replicas was practically a biological miracle. No one has ever been able to replicate, so to speak, his ability to create organic life capable of holding hearts and memories from the basic elements. And I doubt anyone ever will."

"WHAAAAAAAAT?" sounded a scream from one room over. There, in Ansem's old office, Amelia, Doppler, Pleakley, and Jumba had gathered up to pore over multiversal maps with Lapis, giving her a lay of the land and seeing if they could work out any revelations. Apparently, such an offensive statement carried louder than any other sound, and Jumba had to come storming out to refute it. "Jumba is NOT standing for implication that any other evil genius can outdo him at creation of experimental lifeforms! Am most genius of any evil genius! Have created six hundred and twenty-nine lifeforms from basic elements and given life to all! And had to create personalities from scratch, too! You are telling me all Jumba has to do is create body, and mind will be sorted out by memory girl? HA! Will be too easy!"

"Can you do it?" Twilight asked excitedly. "I mean, you obviously just said you could, but WILL you do it?"

"Depends." Jumba eyed the pair suspiciously. "Who is person Jumba is engineering?"

"According to my father's notes," Ienzo related, "someone very important to Roxas and Lea. Someone who…never deserved the hand fate dealt her. Perhaps even an ally to our cause – but first and foremost, a friend whom we owe it to."

"Hmm." Jumba lightly pushed Ienzo aside to get a look at the screen. "Let me take look." His eyes scanned the text. "Interesting! This looks like solid proposition, yes. And forgotten girl should be remembered again – if only to prove Jumba's skill." He pointed to a line of decoded text. "Is perfect! Even comes with name that fits current experiment naming conventions without having to resort to 620! Next project and finest creation shall be…Experiment No. i."

...

"AAAAALLLLLL RIGHTY!" Harley Quinn, decked out in jester's attire, stood on a dirt road leading into a thick forest, the sun rapidly dropping in the sky to drown the world in darkness. "Recruit number one! …Or is it three, 'cause we got Ainsley and Oncey already?"

"Can we go over the things that made this world weird again?" Firefly requested. "Not that I miss Iceman, but the debriefings were useful."

"Lucky for you guys, I took some notes!" Harley flipped a page in her pink notepad. "Let's see. The world we're on right now's called 'The Lexicosm.' People here got special superpowers called 'Epithets' that let 'em do things based on a word that's inscribed in their soul. Pretty neat! The Doc also said that the people here got real high stamina, an' it takes more hits than normal to kill a fella here."

"So we can consider them to have superhuman durability, then," Ragdoll pointed out.

"The Doc also said the local terrorist organization's a buncha cheapskates," Harley went on, "but I don't think that one's relevant ta us."

"Gotta wonder if Righty's intel was right on this one," Firefly muttered. "How's a so-called supervillain supposed to hang out here in the sticks? Doesn't look like there's been ANYONE here for a while."

"I think I see a light up ahead!" Ragdoll pointed.

And so the trio hiked through the forest until they came upon a rickety old gas station built entirely out of wood. Even the pumps, which didn't seem safe at all.

"Righty was right, all right!" Harley declared. "Here we are in Redwood Run!"

"This counts as a town?" Firefly said in disbelief.

"There are surely more buildings up the road," Ragdoll suggested. "…One should hope."

"Wonder where he's hidin,'" Harley muttered. "The guy's on the lam, and there ain't too many places ta hide in such a small town…though, then again, there's plenty a places ta hide in the forest. Guess we better start – "

A shriek of "HEY! YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THAT! GET BACK HERE! THIIIIEEEEF!"

And a blur of yellow and pink crashed through the glass window of the gas station, rolling out in an explosion of glass shards.

"HEY!" Harley reached out for the person. But no sooner had he arrived than he blasted off into the air, propelled by a jet of steam that smelled faintly of tomato and basil.

"STOP HIM!" The gas station owner ran out of the building, shaking his fist. "SHERIFF! SOMEBODY CALL THE SHERIFF!"

"Oh, don't worry about it," Harley told him. "We got this one."

"Are you cops?" the gas station owner asked.

"Uh…yeah," Firefly told him.

"THEN GET THAT THIEF AND MAKE HIM PAY FOR WHAT HE STOLE!" the gas station owner shrieked.

"I'll follow the flyboy," Firefly stated. "I'll put up a signal. Watch the skies." And he was off.

As Harley and Ragdoll headed further into town, Ragdoll commented, "The citizens of this town aren't exactly all there upstairs, are they?"

"Oh, boy." Harley was now able to see the state of the town. Yes, there were more buildings. Barely. The police station was across from the bar. "I was gonna say not ta judge, but…this is WAY out in the sticks, ain't it? Do I gotta be scared this whole place votes red?"

"Let's just be glad we've only really got to deal with the one."

A bright orange light shot up into the darkening sky. "And we've got our location!" Ragdoll declared, curling into a wheel so he could roll faster.

"HEY!" Harley hurried to catch up, huffing and puffing. "YA KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT, RIGHT?"

The chase led them to what appeared to be a town hall. The only town hall. It was under construction and nowhere near finished. Firefly hovered above the door, awaiting his friends. "He's in here," Firefly declared, "but I don't think he knows I followed him. At any rate, he hasn't smashed any more windows since he went in."

"How do we want to approach this?" Ragdoll asked.

"Lemme do the talkin'," Harley suggested. "I'll go in first. You two just back me up."

Firefly landed on the ground behind Harley, and Ragdoll flanked her from the other side. After the trio shared a nod, Harley pushed the double doors open and walked into the vast, empty space beyond.

A single scented candle (pumpkin spice) in a glass jar served as the only light in the room. It was arranged like a campfire might be, with the signs of someone barely living scattered around, visible in the glow of the flame. Open tin cans. Rolled-up toothpaste bottles. A cache of wet wipes.

The thief, a tall and slender man with a mop of pink hair held back by a single clip, his clothes consisting of a yellow bodysuit with light armor and a magnificent cape, was using one of those wipes to wash down his hands now. "Another successful haul on the part of GIOVANNI POTAGE!" he bragged, for that was his name. "And now, we sit down to our victory dinner. Bon appetit!"

He looked at what he'd scored from the gas station. Candy. A lot of it.

He forced a laugh; "Oh, man, chocolate for dinner. Only KINGS eat like this."

He sat cross-legged. Peeled the wrapper off a marshmallow-filled bar. Bit into it resentfully. He could feel a great emotional weight settling into his stomach before the first bite of candy could get there and wondered if he'd actually be able to fill up on dinner that night.

He pulled close a plastic bowl that didn't often see washing. Passed his hand over it. It filled with a hearty red liquid. Healthier than candy bars, but he was starting to get sick of his own soup, which was not a good tiding. Or maybe that was just because the residue aggregated in the bowl put flavors into each broth that weren't supposed to be there.

"Yyyyyyup," Giovanni sighed. "This is…definitely the life, all right." A long, drawn-out sigh.

Then the doors opened, and he scrambled to his feet, yelling, "WHO? WHAT? COPS?"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Harley put up her hands, palms out. "We ain't cops! We come in peace!"

"Wait a minute." Giovanni's eyes narrowed. He sized up the people who'd entered his temporary domain – the jester, the armored pyro, the human doll. "Only one type of person dresses like THAT. You guys are fellow villains!"

"Yeah!" Harley beamed. "And we wanted to ask – "

There was suddenly a baseball bat pointed at her, of all irony. Though she normally wouldn't consider it the "business end," given how baseball bats worked, this one had a rather large and sharp kitchen knife duct-taped to it.

"You're here to take my stash, aren't you?" Giovanni accused. "Come any closer and your brains'll go splat like…like things that go splat, I dunno, just GET OUTTA MY LAIR!"

"I ain't here for your lair," Harley sighed. "You…you ain't doin' okay at all, are ya?"

"HA!" Giovanni crowed. "Underestimating me. That's everyone's first mistake! This humble appearance only camouflages an arsenal of villainous tricks and torture devices! Also, I'm a few robberies away from being the richest man in this town! How d'ya like them apples, huh? HUH?"

Harley looked around at the scraps of food, the discarded packaging from toiletries.

"HEY! I ASKED YOU HOW YOU LIKED THE APPLES!"

"Oh." Harley looked back to Giovanni. "See, ya say you're doin' pretty good…but I can't help but think you're lyin'." She gestured about. "I mean, look at this dump. You even had a decent shower in the last…how long ya been out here?"

"Exactly five nunya."

"You ain't gonna trick me into a 'nunya,'" Harley informed him. "Or 'updog.' Or 'henway.' I was the Joker's gal, remem – no, wait, you don't know that part."

"WILL YOU JUST GET OFF MY TURF?" Giovanni screeched. "I'M FINE! NO, I'M MORE THAN FINE! I'M A BANZAI CAPTAIN! I'M THE GREATEST VILLAIN IN THE WORLD, AND I DON'T NEED ANY PITY!"

"Hear me out," Harley told him. "I'm lookin' ta build a crew. Villains like me'n' you. The ones who…who ain't in it for the killin' or the rough stuff. We just like takin' what we want, an' we're all prob'ly lookin' for some friends. I got a couple fellas on board already. …Is 'fellas' gender-neutral? A couple people. We're gonna have a REAL base, an' REAL heists, an' REAL scores, an' it just looks like you could prob'ly use somethin' like that."

"Thanks but no thanks," Giovanni said with a proud smirk. "See, I'm sooooooo over that whole 'villain squad' thing. Tried it for a while. Wasn't my speed. I fly solo now!"

"Why?" Harley asked. "The intel I got said ya loved your crew."

"I'M BETTER OFF ALONE, OKAY?" Giovanni snapped. "AND I DON'T WANNA JOIN YOUR WEIRD CLOWN CREW OR TAKE YOUR WEIRD CLOWN HANDOUTS, SO GET OUTTA HERE, YOU WEIRD CLOWN!"

Harley sighed, frowning. "Just thought you could use the help. Seemed lonely out here, that's all. But if ya say no…then ya mean no." She turned, nodding to Firefly and Ragdoll. "C'mon, fellas. Let's move it."

"Yeah, go on and run!" Giovanni crowed. "Cower in fear of me! And don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

Outside the half-finished building, Firefly hissed, "What was that? You're seriously just gonna leave him in that dump? I mean, I could live with that, but you're HARLEY."

"Shhh!" Harley hissed right back. "This is the part where we pretend to go away, but then we double on back an' kidnap 'im!"

"Oh!" Ragdoll realized. "Clever."

"I ain't leavin' him like that," Harley said sternly. "Not even if he don't wanna join my crew. I'm at least gonna have the Doc fix him up with somethin' better. I'll buy his stuff myself if I gotta. But we gotta be smart about this. He can't see us comin'. Here's what I'm thinkin': Ragsy, you get up into that window set in the clock tower part, an' – "

"WAAAAIIIIIIT!"

Harley was suddenly seized from behind, pulled into a strong, desperate embrace. It took her a moment to figure out who was doing it.

"Please don't leave," Giovanni sobbed, tears dripping into Harley's shoulder. "I've been trying to make it out here on my own, I really have, and I thought I could do it, but it's about more than my pride. I was a stupid dumbass idiot sandwich and I gave the cops my name and now I can't go home, and they can trace all my minions back to me, and I DO love them, but that's why I CAN'T contact them again, 'cause the cops don't know who they are, and I gotta keep it that way! They can't – I can't – " His breath hitched. "I miss my mom and I miss all my friends and I miss getting to do public crime and coming home to a place to sleep at the end of the day but I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT EVER AGAIN! I just – you're the first person to talk to me in WEEKS! The first person to say something that wasn't 'Stop, thief' or 'Leave the premises; you're making a scene,' anyway! I'm…NOT…OKAY!"

"Aw, sweetie." Harley pivoted around in Giovanni's arms, returning the embrace. "It's gonna be okay. I thought it was somethin' like that. They told me you were on the lam. It ain't easy. I remember when they found out my real name. It was a nightmare. But I got through it 'cause I had fr…well, other villains who protected me for their own gain."

"So why come after me?" Giovanni squeaked.

"'Cause I thought ya might need a friend," Harley told him. "A villain friend, who knows how ta be evil an' not take it too far. I want more friends like that. But I don't need 'em as bad as you do."

Slowly, Giovanni peeled himself off Harley, backing away. "I'm a rude idiot," he squeaked. "I didn't even ask – "

"Harley," she replied. "Harley Quinn."

"Whoa." Giovanni blinked, his mood improving already. "That's a pretty sweet villain name, actually."

"I was workin' with 'Harleen Quinzel' ta begin with." Harley smiled. "It worked out pretty nice."

Giovanni wiped away his tears on the back of his sleeve. "When we tell this story to the rest of your evil friends," he said meekly, "can we leave out the part where I cried like a baby?"

"Sure thing," Harley assured.

"Wait, WHAT AM I SAYING?" Giovanni began to pace back and forth in front of the town hall. "I can't join you! More importantly, you can't join me! THEY KNOW WHO I AM! That puts you in danger!"

"HA!" Harley barked. "You ain't got no idea. I been through worse, sweetie. …Your name's 'Giovanni,' right?"

"Giovanni Potage," Giovanni replied. "Banzai Captain Giovanni Potage. Or am I? I'm not with the Banzais anymore, am I? Shit, shit, shitshitshitshitshit – "

"So, uh, who's gonna tell him?" Firefly asked.

"Harley said she wanted to do the talking," Ragdoll reminded him.

"See, Gio," Harley broke in, putting her hands behind her back to rock on her heels, "funny story. We…ain't from around here. It don't matter ta any of us who knows your name an' who don't. 'Cause we're about to blow this town after we give the city a farewell card."

"Wha…?" Giovanni halted, utterly confused.

"You come with us an' we'll get ya outta here," Harley promised. "Fresh start. Place with runnin' water. An' the ability ta steal things with wild abandon without worryin' about the cops!"

"You promise?" Giovanni asked. It didn't cross his mind that this might be too good to be true, as he had previously been working for an evil organization structured as a pyramid scheme and not realized it for a couple of years. "But…my boys." He bit his lip. "I'm gonna miss 'em real bad."

"Wha – who says we gotta leave 'em behind?" Harley put her hands on her hips. "The more friends, the merrier! I say we go find 'em and have ourselves a Blaster reunion!"

"You mean it?" Giovanni's face lit up. "Oh, my boys, my beautiful boys – I'm coming back for you!"

"THEN can we do the heist?" Firefly asked.

"Heist?" Giovanni repeated. "You mean after all this…THERE'S A HEIST, TOO?"

"Well, Firefly and I are representatives of a different syndicate," Ragdoll explained. "You can call me 'Ragdoll,' by the way. Our other employers would generally conduct a heist with new recruits to test their mettle."

"But I ain't got a high bar," Harley explained, "so really, it's just for fun. One last big crime before ya say 'see ya' ta Sweet Jazz City!"

"THEN LET'S DO IT!" Giovanni crowed, holding an index finger high into the air. "GIOVANNI POTAGE IS BACK ON TOP AND TAKING NO PRISONERS! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"

"KEEP IT DOWN!" somebody yelled. "YOU GOT ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?"

"Eep!" Giovanni squeaked before calling back, "SORRY! CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT! HAVE A NICE NIGHT!"

"I like him," Harley said with a proud smile.

...

Twilight Town wasn't the only place Naminé was bound and determined to explore. Radiant Garden was first and foremost on her list. But she knew quite well that walking around such an immense city alone, especially when she had next to no way to fight, was a horrible idea. She had, however, managed to round up a friend who would play the part of guardian.

"Thank you for walking with me, Aerrow," she told the redheaded sky knight as he strode alongside her into the unfamiliar district with a circular plaza, containing still more bushes of colorful flowers – though nothing so vibrant as the entrance display.

"Hey, no problem!" Aerrow replied. "What's a knight for if not to protect people? Especially new friends. So…what was this part of town called again?"

"Hmm." Naminé withdrew a map from her pocket; she'd drawn it based on a conversation with Aerith. "It looks like we're in a district called 'Nine Wood Hills.' Aerith said this was a popular place for teenagers when she was one. I wonder if it's still the same way now."

"Only one way to find out!" Aerrow urged.

They passed through a glass-doored gate into a tiled outdoor promenade. Past a couple of storefronts, a building emitting a most enticing smell awaited.

"What is that?" Naminé asked, inhaling deeply. It smelled like heaven.

"That must be a coffee shop!" Aerrow realized.

"Coffee?" Naminé repeated. "That's something you drink, right?"

"Yeah," Aerrow told her, "though if you've never had it before, it's really bitter. You might be better off seeing if they have hot chocolate."

"I want to at least try first," Naminé decided.

"The other thing is it'll keep you awake and full of energy for a while afterward," Aerrow went on, "so be ready for that and don't drink too much."

Naminé nodded. "Got it."

They entered Nine Bean Coffee, where the smell became stronger, richer. Several people were seated at round tables inside the shop, sipping from ceramic cups and nibbling on pastries. Naminé realized she recognized two of these people and hurried up to the counter.

Lann and Reynn stood behind it, wearing brown aprons over their clothing. They were talking to another girl about their age, one Naminé hadn't seen before. This girl had vibrant green hair, with a distinct moon-shaped hairpiece studding the bangs, and she wore a dark blouse patterned with stars, a yellow skirt, and a long green cape. She tilted her head when she laughed, and Naminé could see that the girl's veins were rather apparent, definitely blue beneath the skin. Come to think of it, her fingers seemed to end more in claws than human tips, but that was nothing to judge for.

As Naminé approached, Lann took his gaze off the green-haired girl and focused on her. "Have I seen you somewhere before?" he asked.

"Yes," Naminé affirmed. "I was helping watch the punch bowl in the Chamber of Parties."

"Oh, yeah!" Lann realized. "That's it!"

"What brings you to Nine Bean?" Reynn asked.

"I was hoping to try a coffee," Naminé said. "It's my first one. What do you recommend?"

"Start out with a café latte," Reynn replied. "They're cold and sweet, and we can add whipped cream and chocolate chips if you want."

"Then I'll have one." Naminé fished about for some change.

"Comin' right up!" Lann set to work mixing the order.

The green-haired girl scowled at Naminé. "You're from the castle, then?" she asked.

Knowing the tensions, Naminé wasn't quite sure how to respond. "I work there," she replied tentatively.

"You couldn't pay me enough to," the green-haired girl sneered. "Not after what they did."

"Get over it, Rydia," Reynn scolded.

"First you miss out on the best party ever on purpose," Lann sighed, shaking his head, "and now this?"

"Get over it?" Rydia's voice mounted in volume. "You're asking me to get over the deaths that went on within those walls? Isaaru was my mentor. And Shelke was our friend, remember? And the people of the castle stood by surrounded by protected walls and did NOTHING."

"Hey!" Aerrow broke in. "That's not fair! You can't blame the people! It was that…demon guy who did all the killing!" He'd heard of the incident from others. "They were trying to keep everyone safe!"

Rydia's scowl deepened. "You're with them, aren't you?"

"They're trying to fill out their ranks," Aerrow told her. "Become stronger, so that can't happen again."

"I don't associate with castle sympathizers." Rydia stormed from the shop, practically punching the door open on her way out. "I'm leaving before you can try and tell me Kairi did nothing wrong."

"SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!" Aerrow yelled after her.

"RYDIA!" Reynn called out. Then she stomped a foot; "Ooh! I get it, it's a complicated issue, but did you HAVE to be aggressive with her like that? We haven't seen Shelke since she walked out of the castle, and it's practically killing her!"

"Isaaru was kind of like an older brother to her, too," Lann added, setting the latte down gently. "Her actual brother's a jerk and won't help her hone her summoning skills. But she got assigned to apprentice to Isaaru in our school's Summoner Training Program, and he just kinda…filled in."

Aerrow sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't have been so forward. But blaming Kairi isn't going to solve the problem."

"It's all some people can do," Lann sighed. "She's an easy target. What else can I say? I sure don't blame her."

"I wouldn't want to be her," Reynn added. "Imagine having to clean up messes like that. You couldn't win no matter what."

"Kairi has a strong heart," Naminé stated, "and enough compassion for this whole kingdom. I know she would want to trade her life for any of those who died that day. I hope…one day, I can become as resilient as she's been."

"You work close with her?" Lann asked.

"Yes," Naminé replied, unsure how much more she could share in this setting. There'd already been a scene; people were staring.

"Oh!" Lann realized, looking to Aerrow. "You want a coffee?"

"Can you make it a hot chocolate?" Aerrow asked.

"Marshmallows or no?"

"Extra marshmallows!"

"On it!" Lann returned to the brewing apparatus.

Another male voice called out, "Oh, Naminé!", and given the Rydia incident, Naminé felt a shiver at first, hoping no one had come to scold her. But she turned to see a familiar head of dark blue hair.

"Shuichi?" she greeted.

"Hi," Shuichi said tentatively, his eyes flicking about. He was too shy to meet her gaze. "Um…how's it been?"

"I'm exploring the city more," Naminé told him. "It's wonderful. What about you?"

"Kinda the same thing," Shuichi replied.

"How dare you hold back on such life-changing news!" Himiko scolded, catching up to Shuichi as Maki tagged along behind. "Tell her about the license!"

"I don't even know if that's going to turn out to be anything yet," Shuichi replied, blushing slightly.

"License?" Naminé asked, latte in hand.

"I applied for a license to open a detective agency on Main Street," Shuichi admitted. "Since I found out the age for running a business is a little younger here. I thought…maybe I could help some people out."

"That's wonderful," Naminé told him.

"I have no idea if it's gonna get off the ground, though," Shuichi admitted.

"You guys want the usuals?" Lann asked over Naminé's shoulder.

"I want to change my order this time!" Himiko called out. "Turning a chocolate milkshake into coffee was too easy. Challenge me! I want vanilla this time!"

"You got it!" Lann replied.

"She, uh – " Shuichi leaned forward to whisper to Naminé. "She can't really turn shakes into coffee, but she doesn't want to admit she doesn't like the taste."

"Oh." Naminé nodded. "This is actually my first coffee. I'm a little nervous."

"It's a bit of an acquired taste," Shuichi told her. "You might not like it, but that's okay."

Naminé eyed the latte in her hand.

"It's going to melt if you don't," Maki warned.

So Naminé took a gentle sip. Concealed beneath a sugary flavor was a deep bitter core; she shuddered.

"Not great?" Shuichi guessed.

"Not what I expected," Naminé told him, "but I want a few more tries before I make a call."

"You two are friends?" Aerrow broke in.

"We met at a party," Shuichi explained. "I'd like to think we're friends."

"We are," Naminé confirmed.

"Then why don't we all sit together?" Aerrow suggested. "That way, you two can catch up."

The motion carried. The five sat around a polished table, sipping from various drinks.

"I'm Aerrow," Aerrow introduced. "I heard Shuichi's name. What about you two?"

"The great and powerful Himiko!" Himiko bragged.

"Maki," Maki grunted.

"You doing okay?" Aerrow asked.

"Fine," Maki replied with a scowl. "Why?"

"You just look like you're having kind of a bad day," Aerrow told her. "Anything I can do to help cheer you up?"

Maki looked as though someone had just punched her in the face. "…No," she said softly, turning her head away. "I'm just…not a very happy person, I guess. I can't smile when it matters. But thank you."

"Huh." Aerrow mulled this over. "Well, anything I can help do to make you happy, let me know. After all, I am a sky knight, and that's all about protecting others. I guess cheering people up might not seem like 'protecting,' but I still think it's important."

Maki was slowly turning red. "I'll let you know," she murmured.

"So where have you been in town?" Shuichi asked Naminé.

"Mostly the Castle District and Shadow Alley," she responded.

"Shadow Alley?" Shuichi was taken aback. "But that place is – "

"Full of people who are doing the best they can," Naminé told him. "We're directing more funds to its infrastructure and seeing if we can get claymores up and running."

"Maybe I should take a look down there, then," Shuichi resolved. "If the people there are suffering…maybe I could offer some detective work for free. Stop some crimes to help clean up."

"Just ring the panic bell if Heartless attack," Naminé advised. "Also, if you go there, you might see my mural."

"You painted something down there?" Shuichi asked.

"Yes," Naminé replied, feeling heat rise to her face. "Well, it was a collaborative project. I had some friends help me…and some enemies. We've done some other murals around town, too, to brighten things up."

"Were you one of the ones who painted on the side of the theater?" Shuichi asked with a nervous smile.

"I was," Naminé confirmed, "though the design of that mural came from Rapunzel."

"It's beautiful," Shuichi told her. "I wouldn't mind seeing what you can do solo in terms of art."

"Well, I – "

"NAMINE!" Twilight Sparkle burst through the door, wide-eyed and wide-winged. "We've been looking all over! We need you back at the castle RIGHT NOW!"

Naminé gave an unsure look to Shuichi.

"Go," he told her. "If they need you, then they need you."

"I want to talk to you again," Naminé told him. "Can we meet again tomorrow at the same time, right here?"

"I'll be here," Shuichi promised.

She rose, and Aerrow with her. "Hey, Maki," Aerrow said, "if you think of anything, then just drop by the castle and ask for Aerrow. Or, wait – do you have a GummiPhone?"

"Yes," Maki replied.

"Here's my number." Aerrow sketched it down on a notepad in his pocket, giving it to her. "Call if you need anything."

Maki was at a loss for words.

"Come ON!" Twilight urged. "Hurry, hurry, HURRY!"

She bolted out of the coffee shop; Aerrow and Naminé trotted down the promenade at a brisk but more reasonable pace.

"I think you should meet her again, too," Naminé told Aerrow. "I think she wanted to be your friend."

"I won't say no to that!" Aerrow beamed.

...

Some knew him as Rumplestiltskin. Some knew him as Mr. Gold. Some only knew him as the Dark One. All three of these names had once been feared, respected.

But Hook found it hard to give that sort of fear and respect to a man who currently lay unconscious beneath a shimmering, iridescent coffin lid of crystal before him.

"So now what happens?" Hook asked Maleficent, who stood beside him to regard the still, silent Dark One.

"Victor and Arthur require a more advanced laboratory in order to begin to extract his Darkness," Maleficent replied. "It is there we shall begin our work."

"I take it you have a place in mind," Hook replied. "Or is that just my hope that you can get this over with soon enough to turn him over to me talking?"

"There is indeed a place," Maleficent confirmed. "However, it cannot yet be accessed."

"But you're doing something to change that, aren't you?"

"There is a plan in the works," Maleficent revealed. "One of my subordinates has revealed a connection that, while unorthodox, may reap several benefits at once for our forces."

"So when do we get to enact said plan?"

"You do not even ask what it is?" Maleficent countered. "You already put a great deal of trust in me."

"You saved me from a suburban hell," Hook replied. "You could tell me your plan is shooting fish in a barrel and I'd believe it was leading up to something. I don't much care what. I care about when and how."

"It will take time to assemble," Maleficent replied. "In the meantime, however, there are certain other resources we intend to acquire."

"Something I could help retrieve to pass the time? Taking things that don't belong to me was rather a staple of my profession."

"The remaining gems of the Corona Aurora, I already have underlings assigned to," Maleficent stated. "However, there is something else we require that will be more difficult to retrieve."

"I'm listening."

"I have told you of the Four Relics," Maleficent recalled.

"Aye. Four pretty trinkets that can summon the gods at will. Obviously connected to your long-term goal of toppling said divinities."

"We will eventually require all four," Maleficent stated. "However, collecting them too early would put us at a disadvantage, summoning the brothers before we had every last piece of our plan to battle them in place. For now, it would be safest to have half in our possession."

"Why not three out of four?" Hook asked.

"To have two would secure our hold," Maleficent explained. "To have three risks opposition attempting to destroy us by reuniting them with their sibling."

"Ah. So you've planned for everything. You want me to pick up these trinkets, then?"

"Naturally," Maleficent stated, "though by no means shall you be doing it alone. This is a difficult task, one that shall require many operatives. Operatives of great power, at that. Do not think it has escaped me that Jafar has expressed disquiet over his lack of time in the field. You may be the one to deliver the message to him that I want him to lead the team to Remnant."

Hook found himself grinning. "This is a dangerous mission, then? That's why so many?"

"Quite so," Maleficent stated. "Not to mention there is one other aspect we intend to collect along the way. One that will require precision to obtain."

"And that is?"

"Why, the powers of the Maidens."

...

Ruby, Jaune, Nora, Ren, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Donald, and Goofy gathered in the library, around the long golden table.

"We've rescued Ventus and Aqua," Ruby began, placing her hands on the tabletop to lean forward commandingly, "and we've reunited the Storm Hawks and Team Avatar. I think we know what has to happen next."

"We're gonna get Team RWBY back together!" Sora pumped his fist in the air.

"I hope Blake's been doing all right," Riku mused. "I remember what it was like, to be on the run from yourself and the enemies you think you command."

"Well, we're going to find out," Ruby declared.

"Homeward bound!" Nora threw both arms into the air.

"Y'know, we never saw Remnant," Goofy realized. "'M thinkin' we should change that, Donald!"

"It sounds like my kinda place!" Donald asserted. "All that magic!"

"Dust and Aura," Ren corrected. "Most of our 'magic' is Dust and Aura. Real magic belongs to the Maidens."

"Like Pyrrha was supposed to be," Jaune said morosely, and Kairi placed a hand on his forearm.

"So let's make this a trip between the main squads!" Sora suggested. "Team RNJR and Team…uhhhhh…" He pointed to each in turn, rattling off initials; "R, K, D, G, and I'm S. …Team Dark Gas?"

"Keep working on it," Donald huffed.

"Anyone opposed?" Ruby asked. "Speak now, or forever hold your piece."

A new voice clearing his throat; "I'm terribly sorry, but I object."

"WAH!" All nine flinched as they realized Ienzo was also in the room. Ienzo flinched even harder from that reaction.

"Sorry!" He flushed. "I guess even when I'm not using illusions, I'm not easily noticed."

"What's wrong, Ienzo?" Sora asked. "There a reason we shouldn't go back to Remnant?"

"Not in that sense," Ienzo told him. "There's…something I want to discuss down in the lab, by Ansem's computer. Sora, you'll the one who'll be affected the most, but I think Riku, Kairi, Donald, and Goofy may also find it enlightening."

"If you're taking half our team off the board," Ruby insisted, "then we need to know why."

Ienzo nodded. "I won't stop you from listening in…though I'm not sure how much sense it'll make. It barely makes sense to me as it is."

He led the nine down to the terminal, where Twilight, Jumba, Naminé, Lea, and Roxas were already gathered.

"Lea?" Sora greeted. "Roxas? Naminé? What's this got to do with you?"

"No clue." Lea shrugged. "If this turns out to be more Xehanort nonsense…"

"Is Jumba nonsense now," Jumba insisted.

"I think we need to know this story," Riku said sternly. "Now."

Ienzo and Twilight exchanged glances. "You wanna start?" Twilight asked.

"I'm not even sure where," Ienzo admitted.

"Say what we found in the code," Twilight suggested.

Ienzo nodded, turning back to the others. "Sora. Riku. You may recall after your Mark of Mastery, Ansem the Wise passed to you encrypted data. We have been working on decoding that data ever since…and as of today, we have finally made sense of all of it. The problem is that it states something…very unexpected."

"Unexpected how?" Sora asked.

"Ansem logged all of the presences that resided within your heart," Ienzo went on. "He mentioned Roxas, Ventus, and Vanitas. Those, we had accounted for. What we weren't expecting…was the fourth."

"WHAAAAA?" Sora flinched dramatically. "THERE'S ANOTHER HEART INSIDE ME?"

"No way!" Lea broke in. "How many people can be in there, anyway?"

"Sora," Riku reminded them. "Lea. When we made rendez-vous at the Flash Black Galaxy, the two of you had a conversation that wasn't actually between the two of you. Sora was speaking for someone else. And no way you had that much apologizing to do to Vanitas."

"Oh yeahhhhh," Sora remembered.

"Riku," Ienzo went on, "when you entered Sora's sleeping heart, you were approached by Roxas and Ventus so that you could open your own heart and wake Sora. Was there a third?"

"No – " Riku suddenly flinched. "Wait. Wasn't there? I…definitely remember being asked three questions. But only two people."

"This is where it gets…strange," Ienzo said tentatively. "I'm going to need you to trust me, and, in turn, to trust Ansem when it comes to this new information. It seems that the person asleep within Sora was connected to most of you in this room. In fact, most of you have met. You don't remember because her very existence was temporarily expunged."

It was now a chorus of "WHAT"s that echoed after Ienzo.

"It was hard to believe for me as well," Ienzo went on. "It will only get stranger from here. You see, if we have the timeline correct…when Sora entered Castle Oblivion, Ev – Vexen stripped from him several memories. Riku and Naminé, you will recall how he used Sora's memories of Riku to create a replica of him. A near-perfect match."

"I…" Riku cast his gaze downward. "I think about him a lot. I keep thinking…there should've been something else I could do, some other way for it to end."

"I thought he'd changed," Naminé lamented. "I thought he'd accepted himself when he became my friend. Was it really just a lie so he could carry on being jealous without me getting in his way?"

"Wait!" Kairi remembered. "Ienzo, wasn't he the one who…you know…?" Her hand drifted up to her neck, making a clenching motion.

Ienzo nodded. "Those were…not pleasant memories. But I won't act as though I didn't deserve what I got."

"No," Lea insisted. "You didn't. That was all on me. I messed up big-time."

"You and I were under the same conditions," Ienzo reminded him. "Lied to, brainwashed, stripped of our capability to feel. Now we have resurfaced on the other side, free of those chains. We must move on from them, Lea. I hold no ill will toward you. Toward the replica, perhaps, but I also understand the desire to give him peace. To get back to the matter at hand, however, we must discuss the one who didn't move on, who didn't care to resurface with us. That Riku Replica wasn't the only replica Vexen created from the data he stripped from Sora. There was a second. Hidden in plain sight. The Riku Replica was made of Sora's memories of Riku: one of the two people he cared for the most. This other replica was formed of the other: his memories of Kairi."

"Yeeaaahhhh," Sora admitted, "that was kind of a…weird time. With the. Uh. You know." He turned red. "I still liked Kairi a lot, but when Riku and I closed the Door to Darkness together, it made me rethink how I felt about him a little, and…well…"

Kairi laughed; "You got it figured out in the end."

"I'm not jealous." Riku shrugged. "I did win, after all."

"Oh, are WE keeping a scorecard now?" Kairi giggled. "Okay. Riku: one…Kairi: three. Because Jaune's worth three!"

Jaune now became a rather deep shade of pink; "I'm not THAT great…"

"Heyyyy!" Sora moaned. "Why is he three times better than me?"

"Well, sometimes you can be a LITTLE lazy and stupid." Kairi playfully shoved Sora's shoulder. "But that's what I like about you."

Ienzo cleared his throat, and everyone snapped to attention. "Oh! Sorry!" Sora cried. "So…there was a Kairi replica, too?"

"Yes and no," Ienzo went on. "This replica was more complex than any prior replica he had made…and believe me, I've known him longer than most of you. These were by no means his first replicas. More than one of his protoypes was forged here, in this very castle. The new replica, however, used the memories of Kairi as a basis, but from there, actually used them to draw not on the subject of the memories but of their owner. Her heart sapped power from Sora while he slept. In a way, she was Vexen's way of poisoning Sora for a year after he was taken off the board. Furthermore, she was receptive to new power. Certain devices that drew upon the hearts of worlds could fuel her and unlock her combat abilities…though to my understanding, he never completed any, and left it to Xemnas to cobble together imitations based on his notes. All of this combined to leave the replica without even as solid of a foundational identity as the Riku Replica's belief that he was the true Riku. Even her face changed depending on who saw her due to the flowing nature of her heart."

"That's so sad," Sora said softly. "To not know who you are because you're made up of little pieces of other people, meant to be used as a tool that got new powers as your owners said…"

"It…gets more tragic," Ienzo admitted. "Again, I will require your trust and belief. Upon completion, this replica…was assimilated into the Organization. She was given the title of Number XIV as a farce, but Vexen's true name for her was No. i, after the imaginary number, as she was not to be considered one of the Thirteen Darknesses but rather a weapon to cripple the Lights."

"Imaginary number?" Sora asked.

"The square root of negative one!" Donald explained. "It can't exist!"

"But how can it be imaginary if you just said what it is?" Sora asked.

"Because – " Donald sputtered, then stamped his foot. "Because it is, that's why!"

"Vexen had a third term by which to reference this replica," Ienzo continued. "He collaborated with Xemnas, and as what I can only surmise was his form of an inside joke, he gave her a name based on our conventions. He added an 'X' to 'No. i,' making 'Xion.'"

"Wha - ?" Roxas, Lea, and Naminé all flinched.

"Why do I know that name?" Roxas asked.

"She musta crossed paths with the both of us," Lea figured. "I know it, too."

"It's also familiar to me," Naminé admitted. "But when would the three of us have been so close as to run into her together?"

"See, that's where it gets…strange," Ienzo continued. "The three of you had no chance encounter with Xion. She was treated as the fourteenth of the Organization from her inception. She lived and worked among…all of us. Everyone in the Organization had met her. She roamed freely about the castle, was assigned missions by Saïx. And, according to these reports…built up a strong relationship with both Axel and Roxas."

"NO WAY!" Axel yelled. "How can we have a friend we don't even remember?"

"The memories…could've been erased," Naminé realized. "The same way I took away Sora's recollection of Castle Oblivion. I may even have done it, and was forced to forget my own work."

"Lea." Roxas' face was solemn yet wide-eyed. "There are a lot of things I remember that…don't make sense if it was just the two of us. Remember when you stopped me from doing…something bad in Halloween Town? I feel like you were trying to get me not to harm someone we trusted."

"Geez, Roxas, that wasn't that long ago," Lea told him. "I was just tryin' to stop you from – from – " He gaped. "Why can't I remember something from last year?"

"Our fights," Roxas told him. "The things you lied to me about. There was something big you kept from me, and I can't even name it!"

"The old mansion," Lea breathed. "I went there to…get someone back, I think. Did I really leave empty-handed? Without even going inside? I sure didn't just go there to hang out and eat ice cream."

"Wait!" Riku put up a hand. "What if…she met me, too? I know it sounds crazy, but…there are things I remember from then that don't make sense, either. Roxas, why did you fight me in the World That Never Was?"

"Because I needed to dismantle Kingdom Hearts!" Roxas said sternly. "It was the only way to set those hearts free, and I needed to do that for…some…one?" He blinked a few times.

"I know I spent at least a month tracking down an imposter," Riku said. "Someone who was preventing Sora from coming back. But the trail goes cold in my head. Why would I have just dropped the subject? Unless I didn't. What if it was her? What if I found her, and we were in contact for a while?"

"I don't have any missing pieces the way you do," Naminé stated. "But I know I met her. I can feel it…" She clenched a fist before her chest. "Here."

"So what the hey happened?" Sora asked. "How'd she get inside me and out of everyone's head?"

"Xemnas made a final power play," Ienzo explained, "amplifying her magic in order to transform her into the weapon. His own personal Sora. She, Roxas, and Lea had already…fallen out. Understandable. There were few friends among the Organization. I wonder, sometimes, what relationships might have formed if we hadn't been separated from our emotions and from each other so often. But that's beside the point. The other purpose of this plan was that if Xion held those pieces of Sora's memory, he could never awaken. The same way he needed his Nobody returned. But Xion was different from Roxas in her very existence. To return her to Sora would mean to remove all evidence that she once lived. She…she chose to do so, against Lea and Roxas' protests." He looked to them with a sad eye. "And she asked you to help her, Naminé." Back to Riku; "As well as you."

No one even knew what to say to that for a while. Then Ruby broke in: "It sounds like an impossible choice. Lose Xion forever or lose Sora forever."

"But she isn't lost forever," Sora said, determined. "She's still right here!" He tapped his own chest. "And we can get her out! All we have to do is use the ring – "

"Two problems with plan," Jumba broke in. "One, is still angry boy inside of you as well, and is now fifty-fifty chance you will bring him into existence instead of forgotten girl. Was initially primary concern. But after looking at data and hearing story, have run into one other complication, one these two did not even see – and they claim to be geniuses."

"Hey!" Twilight snapped. "I've got magic smarts, and Ienzo was focused on the code!"

"Due to method of forgotten girl integrating with Sora," Jumba went on, "memories are so intertwined with his, cannot be retrieved without causing irreversible damage if quick method is used. That, or she is bound so tightly that is now one hundred percent chance angry boy will arrive instead." He laughed at the thought of this. "Is deliciously frightening concept, no?"

"But she CAN'T stay gone!" Sora was growing angrier. "I'm not okay with her having to give up her entire existence just to make me a whole person! She was a person, too! She needs to be free, just like the rest of them! Have her own experiences! And didn't she make memories that were just hers, anyway? Why can't you just take out the memories she made with the Organization and make those into a person? Huh?"

"We thought the exact same thing," Twilight informed him. "That the answer would be to isolate the memories that Xion made on her own and separate them from any of your memories she had been built on. There's supposedly around a year's worth, which should be more than enough to sustain a person. And we have a plan for how to do this. But it's gonna take some time."

"Then tell me what I have to do!" Sora balled up his hands into fists. "I'll bring her back, and we'll both be here together! I just can't stay like this, knowing she wanted to END HERSELF for me! That she HAD to! I gotta make this right!"

"We will need your cooperation," Ienzo told him. "And yours, Naminé."

Naminé nodded. "You want me to sort through the memories."

"If we put Sora into stasis," Ienzo explained, "the way he was in Castle Oblivion, that would give you room to surgically remove every memory specific to Xion that remains buried in his heart. And this time, without having to sacrifice anything of Sora's except time. That's why it might not be the best idea to plan on Remnant. Because you'll need to be comatose for several days."

"You mean all I gotta do is go to sleep and let Naminé handle the hard work?" Sora grinned. "Better than I thought!"

"I can gather her memories," Naminé went on, "but what about her body?"

"That is where certified evil genius comes in," Jumba said with a chuckle. "You will remember, I built 626 from nothing, gave him personality and mind of his own. 626 was so named because he was six hundred and twenty-sixth of kind. Creating bodies for new life is old hat for Jumba. This time, will not even need to activate heart or mind. Memory girl will provide keys to those. Then Experiment No. i shall rise as most powerful and destructive of all Jumba's experiments! – as a side function. Primarily, shall exist for sake of existing." His expression grew morose. "Is not pleasant concept, to think of such sacrifice. Reminds me of when 626 had glitch of sorts. Was brought back by miracle. Now, I will be miracle."

"Then let's DO this!" Sora gave an enthusiastic thumbs-up. "Just say the word!"

Riku put a hand on his shoulder. "If you're going to stay here in stasis," he said, "and if this involves so much delicate memory work, then I'm staying here, too. I can't leave you."

"Aww, you don't have to hold back from a fun adventure for my sake," Sora told him. "You already did that once, remember?"

"I have to," Riku told him. "To stop myself from worrying. I'll be happy enough knowing you're nearby and being able to check on progress. Besides…I think I want to be here when she wakes up."

"I know I definitely do," Roxas said. "Something in my heart…calls me to her. It knows we were friends. I think when I see her face, everything will click."

"Yeah, me too," Lea agreed. "Not to mention…" He scratched the back of his head. "I think I owe her a whole mess of apologies. But you said her face changed, right?"

"Because of the nature of her memory makeup," Ienzo reiterated. "If she has only her own true memories, then her face will be that which she considers her own, and everyone else will see that."

"Should we put off Remnant?" Goofy asked. "Without Sora or Riku…what if Team RWBY runs into trouble?"

"They can handle themselves!" Donald insisted.

"Or I can go." Kairi stepped forward. "Just me, on my own. I'm a Keybearer too, right? I might not be as powerful as Sora or Riku. But I can help."

"Way to go, Kairi!" Donald swung a fist through the air. "I'll come along and help ya with magic, same way I did with Sora!"

"Sora used to be pretty new at all of this, too!" Goofy reminded her. "But I think he got as far as he did 'cause I helped him smile when he needed it! I'll go with ya, too!"

"Yeah, thanks for almost canceling our trip right in front of us," Nora huffed.

"It's fine," Ren reassured her. "Kairi can help. We'll do this."

"But…I'm still not the best you could have," Kairi expressed. "If you wanted to invite other people to make up for the difference of Sora and Riku not coming…then I'd be fine with it."

"It's not that we don't trust you," Ruby told her. "But those two have a lot of firepower, and we were going to have you along anyway. It couldn't hurt to have backup. …Also, there might be somebody else I wanna invite along."

"If we are all in agreement," Ienzo broached, "we could begin as early as now."

"I'm ready," Sora agreed.

"No, you're not," Riku told him. "We'll need to run this by the Committee and let them know you'll be out of action."

"I need to tell some people I'll be asleep for a while," Sora rectified. "THEN I'll be ready."

"Let's split up," Kairi suggested. "Xion party breaks the news and Remnant party heads out to find Blake, Weiss, and Yang."

Sora put up a fist; Kairi made one to place alongside it. With a synchronized cry of "BREAK!", they raised their arms, fanning out their fingers, and the two teams were off.

Almost.

"Wait," Ienzo said, pacing hurriedly after Kairi. "Kairi."

She turned to look up at him; "What?"

He bit his lip. Then said, quite softly, "Be careful out there. I love you. I need you to come home in one piece."

Kairi raised a little finger; "I will. Pinky promise."

As Ienzo's finger looped through hers, she told him, "I love you, too."

Now the teams were really off.

"Soooooo?" Nora nudged Ruby in the side with her elbow several times. "Which one are you gonna invite? Aerrow or Booster?"

"WHAT?" Ruby shrieked. "I wasn't – neither of them!" Now she was going red as her name. "I was talking about bringing Kazuichi so he could meet Yang! You know, make the Ruby Rose Family Supergroup!"

"You're gonna have to pick one or the other, you know," Nora teased.

"Can we not deal with that right now?" Ruby groaned.

"You have to admit," Jaune brought up, "either one of them would fill the plucky hero quotient Sora left us without."

"But I'm not ready to confront either of them!" Ruby cried, whirling to face Jaune while walking backward. "This whole situation makes me anxious and worried I'll pick the wrong person and flustered and embarrassed and – "

Goofy put up a hand to wave; "Heya, Aerrow! Hullo there, Booster!"

Ruby pointed at him; "That is NOT FUNNY – "

"Hi!"

"Hey, Goofy!"

Ruby froze. Then, ever so slowly, turned around.

It was Aerrow and Booster, all right.

"Eheheheheh…hiiiiiiiii…" Ruby waved timidly. "We were just talking about…stuff and things."

Nora shoved her aside; "Hey, either of you guys wanna come on a big adventure with us? Or how about both?"

"NORA!" Ruby shrieked; Kairi was breaking down into a giggle fit.

"I think I'll pass," Aerrow told her. "When I was out exploring with Naminé, I met a couple people who got me thinking. There are still people really jaded by the attack of that demon, so I wanna stay here personally to protect this city from anything else like that. Also, I think I might've made a new friend, and I think she needs someone to reach out and talk to right now. I wanna make sure I stay in town until I'm sure she's stable."

"I wanna go on an adventure!" Booster chirruped. "What're we doing? Fighting evil? Restoring peace and justice?"

"You know what?" Nora said slyly. "That's PERFECT! After all, Aerrow already went on a big adventure with Ruby!"

Aerrow and Ruby's gazes met. Then immediately averted from each other, both blushing.

"It's totally Booster's turn," Nora said, waving a hand.

"YAY!" Booster cried. "Ruby, I was hoping the two of us could hang out more! …In a friendly way, of course." Now he was looking away awkwardly and laughing unconvincingly.

Good, Nora thought. So they were both definitely interested. Ruby had her pick.

"Um…yeah?" Ruby replied, blush deepening. "I'd love y – to have – you on team now. Can you excuse me a second?"

In a blur of red, she'd grabbed Nora and zoomed her around the corner, shaking her by her shirt front. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY, NORA!" she seethed. "IF HE FIGURES OUT SOME OF THE DAYDREAMS I'VE HAD ABOUT HIM, IT COULD RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP! AND WHAT IF AERROW'S THE RIGHT ONE? EVEN WORSE, WHAT IF BOOSTER IS THE RIGHT ONE AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH THAT?"

Nora laughed on. "Oh, this is SO gonna be the best adventure ever. But don't let me stop you from inviting Kazuichi!"

"I will invite him," Ruby seethed, "because apparently I need more allies! Would you think it was this funny if I made you invite Yuffie on a mission?"

"Yuffie?" Nora repeated. "I'm just waiting for the right time to drop the confession. A field trip might actually be an opportunity."

"Well, you HAVEN'T said anything to her yet," Ruby growled, "so you are probably also really flustered and nervous!"

"Duhhhhhh!" Nora chuckled. "But I don't let it take over me like you do."

"Then do it, if you're not a coward," Ruby dared. "Put your lien where your mouth is! If I have to spend this trip with one of my crushes who makes me all blushy, then SO DO YOU! Or do you admit this wasn't funny to do without my permission?"

Nora held up her GummiPhone. Scrolled through the screen. Deliberately selected a name. Then, maintaining full eye contact with Ruby, she greeted, "Hey, Yufe! A bunch of us are goin' back to my homeworld to round up the old gang, and I thought you might wanna come. I've seen your humble origins, so it's turnaround time. Whaddaya say?"

As Yuffie accepted the invitation, Ruby facepalmed as many times in succession as her speed Semblance would allow.

...

While Harley, Ragdoll, and Firefly sweet-talked Giovanni in Redwood Run, things were taking place on an entirely different part of the Lexicosm. Namely, a long, sleek black limousine pulling up to the Sweet Jazz City Police Station downtown.

The passenger door opened, and out stepped a quite dapper if odd-looking gentleman. Pale skin that looked almost gray under the right light; crimson eyes (white and iris both) and sharp yellow teeth. A short bob of fluffy red-and-black hair, tufted up to resemble two deer ears – with tiny deer antlers tucked beside them to match. A long coat of crimson, a black bow tie, burgundy trousers, shining black shoes with short heels. A single monocle perched on his cheek. Around his shoulders, what appeared to be a mink stole draped, though it had rather too many red patches to be a mink. Finally, he reached into the limo and retrieved what appeared to be a small red radio mounted on a scepter, giving it a dramatic spin before clacking its end on the street.

He extended a hand to the other passenger inside the limousine. Said passenger reached a pale hand out and smacked his wrist away.

It could have been that Cyclonis wasn't happy about the newest of Mirage's associates she'd been partnered with for this mission. After all, his oily smile was the exact inverse of her near-perpetual scowl. But her dismay could have been more easily explained by the fact that he'd forced her to wear a slinky purple cocktail dress straight out of the 1920s, topped off with a cloche hat, purple with a black band. And every time she'd attempted to fling the cloche hat out the window, he'd made it reappear on her head by magic. There were probably about ten matching cloche hats acting as a bread-crumb trail to the limo's destination.

"I was just tryin' to be polite, little lady!" the man said in a mischief-laden tone.

As Cyclonis stood beside him – a little shaky on the heels he'd zapped onto her feet to complete the aesthetic – she grunted, "I don't need you to patronize me, Alastor."

"Funny thing, that," Alastor replied. "I distinctly remember Mirage calling me – what was it again? – your patron. At least until you pick up that shiny new necklace of yours, a-ring-a-ding-ding!"

"Which can't happen soon enough." Cyclonis began to march toward the station, stumbling on her heels. "Let's get this over with so I don't have to listen to your jabbering anymore."

"Now hold on, little lady!" Alastor stepped out in front of her supernaturally quickly. "Whaddaya say I do the talkin' once we're in the clubhouse? After all, I have got the big guns. You could say I'm the ace up your sleeve! Hahahaha, you get it? Because I'm – "

"I. GET IT!" Cyclonis barked. "Fine. You can talk. But the Arsene Amulet is MINE."

"I hear ya, loud'n'clear!" Alastor told her. "Now. Shall we?" He offered a bent arm.

She just glowered at him. "I'll go on ahead, then," Alastor declared, striding forward confidently.

And giving a soft pat to the head of the mink. "You just hang in there. I got the feelin' we'll be puttin' on a show together real, real soon!"

At first, the officers buzzing around the station lobby didn't even take notice of the strawberry-colored gentleman and his angry purple cohort. Until they got all the way up to the front desk, and the officer manning it noted that this pair was dressed rather oddly.

"Here to report a crime?" he asked.

"Actually, no!" Alastor said cheerfully. "I came here first and foremost to ask a small favor of you!"

The officer rubbed his ears. It almost sounded like this man's voice was coming through an old-fashioned radio filter, complete with static. When the buzz of the station remained normal, the officer was forced to the queasy conclusion that Alastor just sounded like that.

"May we please have full legal custody of the Arsene Amulet?" Alastor asked sweetly, leaning over the desk to give the officer a sly, toothy grin.

"No," the officer said sternly, already losing patience. "The hell you tryin' to do? Rob us? Then kick down the door and use a pea-shooter like a Banzai Blaster already."

"Pretty please?" Alastor urged. "With several luscious maraschino cherries on top?"

"Answer's NO," the officer insisted. "What the – you think you can just march on in here and ask us to hand you crucial evidence from a heist string?"

Alastor straightened up. His smile widened, growing far more sinister, and now it wasn't just his voice – the officer cringed, his skin crawling as Alastor's whole body went in and out of focus.

"See, I'd rather thought not," Alastor replied. "I was actually hoping you'd say no and I'd get to have some fun."

The sound of a studio audience saying "Oooooohhh" dramatically echoed from nowhere, and the officer found himself wondering what, exactly, this man's Epithet was.

"You better back off before I call the cops," the officer grunted.

Alastor patted the head of the mink once more. "I think it's time to reveal our hand, sweetheart."

The "stole" uncurled from Alastor's neck. It wasn't a mink. Not even close. It looked perhaps more similar to a weasel, white-coated with red spots, but with a face that just looked wrong. Heterochromia, eyes that were uncomfortable to even look at. Alastor tapped her head, letting a wide-brimmed red hat manifest there, as well as a bandanna around her neck. As she stood tall on both hind legs on Alastor's shoulder, she opened her muzzle, filled with razor-sharp teeth in a more alarming quantity than even Alastor had, and said in a thick British accent, "Coulda told ya that from the start, love. Pigs, they never fucking give you what you want straightforward."

"H-hey COPS!" the officer yelled, making good in his threat, and all of his co-workers present in the lobby turned to regard him.

"Miss Lacemaker!" Alastor said to the creature perched on his shoulder. "Shall we dance?"

"Not without a partner," Lucy Lacemaker replied.

So Alastor handed her a large kitchen knife that he'd pulled from thin air, and she declared, "That'll do."

"Miss Cyclonis?" Alastor extended a hand to the girl.

"I'll pass," she said flatly.

"Oh, well." Alastor shrugged. "More for me."

There was the synchronized cocking of several hundred guns.

"Wonderful!" Alastor cried, flinging out his arms. "Simply wonderful! Ohoho, we're going to have SO much fun!"

And with that, he slammed his staff into the ground, summoning a wall of fire that rushed out from around its epicenter. Cyclonis was protected from the flames, but several of the closest officers were hit before they could even pull the trigger.

So, as their comrades screamed and burned, the rest fired their bullets, but Alastor was already grooving and swinging to a beat that was playing out of his staff's speaker, sounding eerily distorted and simply wrong. The bullets simply ricocheted off of him at first, hitting him with the sound of metal pounding more metal, but then he started to spin his staff, and every bullet caught by the whirring instrument was sent right back out to pierce its owner.

"WE HAVE A CODE RED!" the officer at the desk was screaming. "CODE RED, SUBJECT IS ARMED AND – "

He cut himself off with a spluttering choke as Lucy's kitchen knife jammed into the back of his neck.

"Shut up, fucking pig," Lucy said casually before speeding around the room, knife flashing in the flames. Slash, slash, slash, and three more officers fell in spurts of blood.

"This is too plebeian!" Alastor declared, still dancing around the lobby. "Why don't we make this more ENTERTAINING? I'm going for two thumbs up!"

Segments of the floor disappeared entirely in gray static, plunging several officers to the cellar below with screams and sick cracks. The lights were now strobing in color, turning the flames rainbow as Alastor summoned up sharp spikes from the floor to impale officer after officer as the backup arrived and was immediately disposed of.

A squad with high Epithet proficiency rushed him – either invincible to the hazards or using physical capabilities like super speed or the ability to walk on the ceiling to evade them.

"GRAND FINALE!" Alastor threw out his hands with a gleeful expression – then clenched the hand not holding the staff. His eyes went out of focus, replaced with even more static.

And from a plethora of hellish portals that appeared all over the station's interior, dark tentacles reached out and grasped each remaining officer, squeezing them until their bones cracked. Some of the bodies simply popped. Then the tentacles retracted, dragging the corpses into the netherwhere.

Alastor tapped his staff on the floor twice, and the flames subsided, the lighting returning to normal conditions and the floor repairing itself. The only difference in the lobby from before his entrance was the high volume of dead police officers.

"Now, THAT'S entertainment!" he crowed proudly.

"Ally," Lucy scolded, pointing at an officer barely able to crawl back to the door, leaving a trail of blood. "You fucking MISSED one!"

"Aww," Alastor sighed, slumping.

"I'll get it – " Lucy began to bound closer with the sharp knife.

But the officer exploded in a rain of blood and carnage before she could get there, spraying her mostly red. She turned to see an Alastor pretending to play innocent, holding his hands behind his back and whistling, gaze averted.

"WHAT'D YOU FUCKING DO THAT FOR?" she screamed at him. "I WANTED TO PEEL HIS SKIN OFF!"

"Who, me?" Alastor replied. "I certainly wouldn't make the officer you earmarked explode for my own entertainment! …Or would I? Ahahahahaha!"

"ARE WE DONE?" Cyclonis growled, beyond done with this farce. "We don't even have the AMULET!"

"And the survivors enter in three…" Alastor counted on his fingers. "Two…"

The last two people alive in the whole building entered the lobby, and one of them happened to be carrying exactly what the villains had come for.

"While I acknowledge that using the Arsene Amulet as bait to draw out Bliss Ocean would be effective," blonde officer Percival King was telling her cohort, "I must express doubt that – MY GOD!"

She'd beheld the carnage in her own station. It froze her blood, rooting her to the spot.

"Shit," her companion muttered. He was one Ramsey Murdoch, not a police officer but a criminal in their custody and acting as a consultant in exchange for utilizing the station's cells as a safehouse. Also quite a sight, between his short red ponytail, his bright crimson-and-white Hawaiian shirt, and his right eye being made completely of gold. He was the one clutching the amulet in question. "Perce, they FOUND us – "

"Oh, hello!" Alastor waved jovially; Lucy was busy using the blood to write "LACEMAKER WAS HERE" on the back wall while Cyclonis kept on sulking. "What do you think? Personally, I felt like I undersold it. Might need to do it over with a whole new police station, ahohohoho!"

"How…how COULD you?" Percival gasped. "I knew Bliss Ocean was made up of the morally bereft, but never a slaughter of this magnitude! Is this the way you further your anti-Epithet agenda now? By KILLING a slew of doubtfully-innocent people who had families and lives? DOES THIS FEEL LIKE A BLOW STRUCK FOR MUNDIEKIND?"

Alastor blinked a couple times before saying, "I have no idea what half of those words mean, nor do I care! I have absolutely zero association with whoever it was you just said." He waved a hand; "We'll file that one under lore and worldbuilding. Copy it down, Lacemaker?"

"Go fuck yourself," Lucy replied, drawing a crude smiley-face beside her graffiti.

"Now, then!" Alastor extended his hand. "That would be the one and only Arsene Amulet, am I right? Put it right here in my hand and I WON'T do to you two what I did to all your hopefully loved ones!"

"NEVER!" Percy cried. "I would die before I allowed a degenerate like you to – "

"HERE YA GO!" Ramsey chucked the amulet underhand.

"Good man!" Alastor said as he caught it, fingers closing around it. "Now. Do I want to uphold my end of the bargain or not? After all, we never shook on it, but that also means I didn't get a chance to write in any nasty loopholes – "

"GO!" Ramsey seized Percy, spinning her around to bolt down the halls for the back entrance.

"Clever!" Percy congratulated. "I didn't realize you'd had time to make another replica Amulet – "

"I gave him the real thing," Ramsey admitted.

"Why would you?" Percy gasped. "His Epithet was obviously powerful enough to incapacitate the entire Sweet Jazz police force! What would happen to this city if he were allowed more than one?"

"Don't know, don't care," Ramsey told her. "All I know is, I didn't give him that amulet and I'd be chopped liver, among other body parts. And my number one goal here is to survive this shitshow."

"Then why drag me along with you?" Percy asked in confusion. "Why not save yourself and allow me to challenge the terrorist?"

"'Cause, Perce," Ramsey told her, "I REALLY hate to say it, but I actually see you as a friend now, and I ain't losin' my pal to a sicko like that!"

He kicked open the door, leading Percy out into the night, and she did not fight it.

Meanwhile, Cyclonis screeched, "THAT AMULET IS MINE! GIVE IT TO ME THIS INSTANT!"

"Here ya go, little lady!" Alastor dangled the amulet in front of her face, letting her behold it in full: a golden chain, the pendant setting shaped like a cat's head in similar gold, a gem that glowed an eerie green set within.

Cyclonis snatched it away roughly. "Finally," she murmured, smiling for the first time since landing on this world as she held the gem in her hand. "The Arsene Amulet. Now, I can take the power of anyone on this world I want…and I know exactly which one I need to fit in with Mirage's league of Morbians and all their nightmares."

"We fuckin' knew that," Lucy reminded her, bounding back up to her and Alastor. "Why'd ya go and fuckin' blabber it off like we didn't?"

"Because a gloating monologue is half the fun of the gig!" Alastor proclaimed. "Well, maybe more around twenty percent."

Cyclonis turned on a heel (and stumbled on it, again) before marching out of the police station, treasure in hand. "Let's go," she hissed. "I'm overdue for my new power."

"Hold on!" Lucy called after her. "I haven't gone through these blokes' pockets yet."

"I'll save you the trouble." Alastor handed over a cartoonishly massive pile of guns he'd teleported into his arms off the dead.

"These'll do!" Lucy said gleefully.

As the trio settled back in the rearmost seat of the limousine, Alastor called up, "Oh, chauffeur!"

The man who'd driven them there had stayed hidden behind the tinted windows for a reason. After all, no one else on this world had a white cube for a head, studded with a different amount of dots on each side and a face around front. Otherwise, he looked perfectly normal, clad in a neatly-pressed purple suit. "Where to, Mac?" he asked, turning around to drape a long arm on the back of the seat.

"Alastor," Alastor corrected. "I'm not sure how you keep forgetting it."

The chauffeur scowled. Alastor knew full well that was a generic term. He just wanted to get his goat.

"King Dice!" Cyclonis snapped. "Take us to the next destination."

"The little lady's got a date waiting!" Alastor insisted. "Do be so kind as to steer our carriage in his direction, Your Majesty!"

"All righty!" King Dice turned back to rev up the engine, stepping on the gas and taking the limo down the city streets. "We're payin' a call to Mr. Sylvester Ashling!"

...

It might be interesting to note that in another time, in another worldline, in different circumstances, the meeting that took place in the bandit camp might not have happened for some time. Cutting it quite close to the cataclysmic incident, actually – only two days of respite. But as it were, when Salem and Maleficent put their heads together, they had the presence of mind to think ahead. Far ahead.

The bandit leader, Raven Branwen, sat alone in her tent, firmly pressing a stone against her blood-crimson blade in order to keep it razor-sharp. The monotony of the scraping was broken when the tent flap fluttered; the girl, short-haired and clothed in a gray vest, got right to the point.

"Raven. We have a problem."

At first, Raven didn't even turn around to face Vernal. She simply asked, "What is it?"

She wasn't ready to hear the answer "Salem's found us."

"Salem," Raven repeated solemnly, feeling her heart pound. She began to rise; "Okay."

"Her followers are waiting to speak to you outside," Vernal informed her.

"How many?" Raven asked.

"A lot," Vernal clarified.

"Right," Raven sighed. "We planned for this." She turned to finally look Vernal in the eye. "Bring me my helmet."

Jafar stood in front of the team comprised of himself, Hook, Mercury Black, Arthur Watts, Tyrian Callows, Hazel Rainart, Gothel, Lauriam – and, at the very back of the crowd, Cinder Fall, who couldn't bring herself to look up at the scene in front of her. After all, she hadn't even regained the ability to speak yet.

The bandit queen appeared, masked in white from brow to chin, wearing dark reds and blacks. She stood with the weight of her stance on one hip so as to appear unfazed by the appearance of the emissaries.

Jafar, of course, could see right through that act. Furthermore, he wondered why Raven Branwen needed a helmet in order to have a conversation. Salem or no Salem, she certainly had no obvious need to shield her face. There must have been something else going on.

"Ah, Raven Branwen!" He bowed deeply, mockingly. "How wonderful to finally meet."

"I don't recall inviting this many guests into my home," Raven announced, ignoring him. "Either I'm losing my memory – " She looked around to the other bandits in her camp. "Or you've all LOST YOUR SPINES!"

"Heads, more like," Hook corrected. "And not all of them. Just enough to get the rest to realize they'd better let us in or face mass extinction."

So they'd got past the sentry party she'd assigned with violence. Raven should've guessed.

"I regret that we should resort to such violence in order to have a simple conversation," Jafar stated. "Especially since I cannot take part. Part of the genie gig, you know."

Raven bristled. Did she even want to know what that meant?

"Leave us," she said bluntly. Then to her fellow bandits; "Pack your things and break down camp. We're moving."

As the bandits began to assemble to do just that, Lauriam chuckled. "What blind loyalty. I wonder what would happen if they regained sight of the situation they're in?"

"A little late to run and hide," Watts informed Raven. "You've been on our master's list for some time, so you must understand that we cannot allow you to slip away."

"Besides!" Tyrian cackled. "Do you REALLY think there's anywhere you can go that we won't find you? Or perhaps the better question is…did you really believe you were ever hidden from us at all? We had no need to deal with you until we had a use for you."

"Which we do," Gothel said smugly.

"Hm." Raven began to descend the steps from the tent. "Well put. If there's one thing I know about Salem, it's how dangerous she can be. Then again, I know many things about her. What I don't know is who any of you are."

"We're the guys you should be afraid of," Mercury said with a smirk. And it was all too true – he failed to notice the one of Raven's subordinates who did not, at all, move to help Raven pack, but rather rushed to hide inside the nearest tent, praying he hadn't seen her.

"I doubt anyone should be afraid of you," Raven taunted.

"Oh, yeah?" Mercury squared up. "Tell that to – "

Hazel put a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Don't. We're not here to start an incident. Taurus making a scene was risk enough for our operation."

"No, the incident shall come later," Jafar stated smugly.

"Is that so?" Raven asked.

"Allow us to introduce ourselves," Jafar said. "I am the sorcerer Jafar. You see before you my associates Captain Hook, Gothel, Lauriam, and Mercury Black. I'm certain you're already well-acquainted with the reputations and names of Arthur Watts, Tyrian Callows, and Hazel Rainart, whether or not you care to admit it. Oh, am I forgetting something? Ah, yes…the unfortunate Cinder Fall. The Fall Maiden, though you wouldn't know it to look at the wretch."

Cinder let out a very angry croak.

"I see," Raven replied. "A decrepit old man who has delusions of sorcery, a man I certainly hope wasn't left-handed, a woman whose eyes I see rolling at this very conversation, a man who expresses the same malcontent without making the gesture, a child you've tricked into following you, a disgraced Atlesian scientist, a psychopath with no impulse control, a hypocritical pacifist, and a Fall Maiden with a surname so appropriate, she probably picked it herself. Something tells me you've got more than a slight case of egomania. Is that about right?"

"Why, is there anything wrong with that?" Jafar asked smugly.

Watts cleared his throat before the conversation could escape; "Technically, I was also a doctor, but I must say the rest was spot-on."

"I am not a hypocrite," Hazel grunted.

"Oh, go punch a ticket machine!" Tyrian screeched at him.

"You certainly are a perceptive woman," Jafar told Raven.

"It's what's kept me alive," Raven responded.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Lauriam noted, "but the reason you're alive is because you have something we want."

"That could change any time, you know," Gothel added. "I wouldn't put any of us in a bad mood."

"And do you know what might sour our disposition?" Jafar said. "If you did not, in fact, harbor the Spring Maiden."

"So where's the chick?" Mercury asked.

Raven turned her head and called out, "VERNAL!"

Taking slow, careful strides, Vernal exited the tent, coming to stand beside Raven.

Tyrian began to cackle; "THIS is the long-lost Spring Maiden? And you call MERCURY a child?"

"I may be young," Vernal insisted, "but I have the power."

"Then by all means." Jafar gestured toward her. "Go ahead and prove it."

Raven nodded to Vernal, who gave a sigh. Then Vernal shut her eyes, pouring her concentration toward the outcome she wanted. Her brow furrowed as she extended both hands; a strong wind picked up, ruffling the coats and capes of the Overtakers.

The blue sky overhead was suddenly filled with dark gray clouds, spiraling together to black out the sun entirely. Thunder rumbled ominously.

Gothel's eyes went wide and hungry. Jafar's, however, never left Vernal's face.

The storm softly dissipated as Vernal relaxed. Raven placed a hand on the girl's shoulder; "Vernal has done well under my guidance. I'd take that into consideration before you try anything."

"But of course," Gothel replied with a smirk. "After all, mother does know best."

"Do you truly think you could best all of us?" Jafar asked. "Perhaps certain of us here might have chosen to come accompanied by fewer…"

Cinder croaked in dissent again.

"Yet I wanted to ensure you saw the sheer power only a fraction of our forces contains," Jafar went on. "Shall we give our demonstration?"

"Try me," Raven said derisively.

The golden cobra staff materialized in Jafar's hand. He lifted it high; "ARAM KAZA BUTABUS!"

Red lightning shot from it, setting a tent afire. The bandits within scrambled for water. Lauriam, however, casually strode toward the tent, calling Graceful Dahlia to hand. With one stroke, he had called the fire to ride the crescent of his scythe – while slicing the tent neatly in half horizontally.

"Need we really go on?" Lauriam asked.

"But HOW?" Raven stepped back a pace. "You can't be a Maiden!"

"I am most assuredly not," Jafar stated. "That honor belongs to her."

Cinder lit a flame in each hand.

"It's sort of the only honor she's got right now," Hook added, "so if you could not dispute it, we'll all be the happier for it."

Cinder scowled, dismissing her flames. Jafar gestured with his hand, and the fire swirled off Lauriam's weapon, dissipating in the air. "The simple fact is there is more to the reality you know than you are aware of," he said casually. "Did it not occur to you to ask why so many of us bore names that were not shades of color?"

"You're outgunned, mate," Hook informed Raven. "No running, no hiding, and don't you dare draw that sword of yours. I can assure you whatever you can do with it, I can do better."

"However…" Lauriam extended the hand that wasn't currently holding a scythe. A green stem grew out of his sleeve, sprouting slender leaves and bulbous green fruit.

"An olive branch," Raven said sardonically. "I see you aren't ones to skimp on the dramatic."

"The Maidens are merely a means to an end." Watts strode toward Raven, hands behind his back. "Salem's true desires are the Relics locked within the Huntsman academies." He extended a hand forth; "Come with us. Allow Vernal to unlock the Relic of Knowledge, and all previous acts of defiance against Salem will be forgiven."

"And oh, do you have a long list of those!" Tyrian chuckled.

"It's the best deal either of you are going to get," Watts insisted. He glared at Raven's mask for a few seconds, then turned to stalk back to his teammates.

"You talk as if walking straight into Haven will be easy," Raven said to his retreating back.

"Oh, did you forget to mention to her?" Jafar gasped dramatically. "Headmaster Lionheart is now aligned with our cause. We need merely wave our banner at his door to enter the stronghold…but it will be useless without the key to the vault."

Raven didn't speak for a while, so Tyrian volunteered, "Did you really think you were the ONLY one of Ozpin's cronies to turn your back on that liar? We might be horrible, murderous conquerors, but at least we're honest about it." He gave a sickly-sweet smile.

Raven's voice went cold; "I'm NOT helping Salem. I'm NOT helping Oz. I don't want a part in ANY of this."

"That ship sailed when you chose to harbor a Maiden," Hook told her.

"Oh, do come with us to Haven, Miss Branwen," Jafar cajoled. "One night of effort on your part and we shall simply leave you alone, never to bother you again. How can you possibly refuse when the alternative is so…so gruesome?"

Raven attempted, "I need time to think this over – "

"You don't have time," Watts said sternly.

"Let me guess," Raven huffed. "In two or so days, a strike force is put out?"

"Why, Miss Branwen!" Jafar gasped, pretending to be shocked. "You think us so underprepared?"

"You don't have time because if you don't make your decision now," Lauriam told her, "then we make it for you."

"Or you just end up making your lives that much harder if you manage to mount that wall and run," Hook added.

"Do you really think we would let a liability remain in stasis?" Lauriam concluded.

"If you do," Gothel punctuated, "then you must be stupid." A teasing laugh.

"That isn't to say there won't be a strike force, of course," Jafar elaborated. "Our satellite ally is going to lead the White Fang to Haven Academy. But that detail won't matter to you if you choose defiance."

"You in?" Mercury asked, trying to sound as threatening as possible. "Or are you DEAD?"

Raven slowly removed her mask. No deformities, Jafar noted. His theory was solidifying.

"Agreements like these are built on trust," Raven said.

Gothel burst out snorting and laughing, but a glare from Hazel shut her up.

"And that right there is why I don't trust a single one of you," Raven went on. "You're going to need to give me more."

Jafar's expression soured. "You are playing with fire, you insolent – "

"Hear her out," Lauriam said dryly. "I want to see where this goes."

"You are in a poor position to negotiate," Watts reminded Raven.

Raven scowled. "I want my brother dead."

Lauriam and Jafar exchanged glances. "You see?" the former chuckled. "I told you it was worth hearing her out."

"Qrow knows I have Spring," Raven went on. "And if I help you get your relic, he's going to become a problem."

Now Tyrian was unable to control his laughter. "You think – you think I'M afraid of QROW BRANWEN? Oh, how utterly HYSTERICAL!"

"QUIET, you fool!" Jafar hissed. "Underestimating a man with a drive has never worked out for me in the past. Why, it's one of the reasons I see so much potential in the Captain."

Hook saluted.

"I have enough problems to deal with," Raven insisted. "We all do. Qrow doesn't trust me, but he does trust Ozpin's other lieutenants. If Leo really is loyal to you, then you can order him to invite Qrow right into an ambush. He arrives at Haven, we take him down, you get your Relic – and we all leave happy."

"Well, the bloodshed will be entertaining at least," Tyrian remarked.

Hazel snorted derisively.

"All right, let's pause for a moment." Watts stepped out front again. "We have one objective in Mistral: retrieving the Relic of Knowledge. Now, Qrow Branwen may be on our list of individuals we would very much like dead, but he's not going to go down without a fight, and he's not going to fight quietly."

"All the more reason to make certain he doesn't get in our way, then, Doctor," Hook pointed out. "We go in unprepared for a battle and he catches us off guard, and whatever happens could be embarrassing for all of us."

"But we have an advantage to circumvent that," Watts said through gritted teeth. "We walk straight into Haven. No resistance. No one the wiser. Engaging Qrow on purpose throws that all out the window."

"I would take care not to assume no one is the wiser," Jafar warned. "After all, there could be any number of traitors in this very encampment."

(In the tent, she shuddered.)

"Qrow is good," Raven continued, "but not that good. All of us against him? It'll be over in a heartbeat."

"Such a thing sounds too good to be true," Lauriam remarked. "So tell me. What's the catch?"

"I know what it is," Mercury grumbled. "Wherever Qrow goes, he always has a pack of kids following him around. We brought allies? Well, so will he!"

"Ever a disciple of Ozpin," Hazel grunted. "Throwing children before him as his defense force."

"If you have a problem with children dying," Tyrian brought up, "don't speak now, because I don't care."

"I hate children," Gothel groaned, resting her fingers on her temple. "Just get rid of them, all of them."

"Have you all gone – " Watts forced himself to take a deep breath. "If we leave that school a bloody mess, it will draw the attention of the authorities. TYRIAN, DON'T YOU DARE – "

"GOOD!" Tyrian had already screeched.

"IF THE KINGDOM IS ON HIGH ALERT," Watts insisted, "THE WHITE FANG'S ATTACK WILL BE RUINED!"

"Oh, Doctor!" Jafar said smugly. "You didn't believe I was to leave the two incidents disconnected, did you?"

"…What did you plan behind my back?" Watts asked.

"Somehow I knew it would come to bloodshed." Jafar grinned. "That's why we must time this so that Adam's attack on the school leaves no evidence we were ever present. In other words…we must collect the relic on the night of the full moon, and that is when Qrow Branwen must be invited to attend our…gathering."

"Then Salem leaves my people alone," Raven insisted. "For good."

"I expected this sort of shenanigan from HER!" Watts hissed, pointing back at Cinder. "Were she to speak, and were the child in red still about on this world, she would've sabotaged our entire – "

He sidestepped the fireball Cinder threw and continued; "Our entire scheme! But you? One of Maleficent's most trusted lieutenants, plotting behind our back, throwing us into the heat of the fray rather than letting us rely on stealth and intelligence? I expected better from you!"

A silver hook was thrust up against his face very suddenly, clipping three hairs from his mustache. "On my ship," Hook warned, "we call that the first sign of mutiny. Trust Jafar; trust Maleficent. You aren't the only one around here with a brain."

"There is a time for secrecy and a time for action," Jafar stated. "The key is knowing which is which. And a lesson learned quickly in the desert is to never take for granted an area circled by carrion birds."

Gothel gave Lauriam a knowing look; he returned a nod.

Watts felt a rising heat on the back of his neck; he didn't turn around, because that would be offering Cinder a much juicier target in the form of his face. "Oh, all right," Watts sulked, "but only because if SHE'S agreeing to YOUR plan, it must be universally sound."

Cinder smiled, nodded, and dismissed the flame. She was still very bitter toward Jafar. However, her trust in Maleficent outweighed that, and Maleficent had trusted him. There actually was trust here – just nothing that Raven was a part of.

"Do we have an agreement?" Jafar extended a hand.

After a pause, Raven reached for that hand, clasping it firmly. "You have my warriors at your side."

"Then I see no reason to dally any longer." Jafar let go, turning on a heel. "We reconvene at the full moon. Be ready."

The others followed, Cinder giving Raven a long, poisonous glare before she brought up the rear of the group.

Once the Overtakers were outside the encampment, Jafar began to chuckle. "Well, well. How interesting."

"What've you figured out?" Hook asked.

"Something any fool should've noticed," Jafar stated. "If our agreement is so clearly built on trust, then why would Raven Branwen lie so boldly to our faces?"

"A lie?" Tyrian repeated. "What lie did that little fibber tell?"

"I noted a small detail it seems the rest of you missed," Jafar stated. "Cinder, would you please demonstrate your own power as the Fall Maiden in whatever way you see fit?"

Cinder begrudgingly held out both hands, palms upward. Her eyes were ringed with fire as flames flickered up from those hands.

"Do you not see?" Jafar asked. "What happens when a Maiden uses her powers?"

"Her eyes," Lauriam realized. "They glow. An astute observation. I take it while the rest of us were watching the show, you were watching the magician to see where her sleight of hand was."

"Vernal's eyes held no such aura," Jafar stated. "I can see how the less magically-inclined among us might've missed it."

"You're saying that woman tricked us with a false Maiden?" Hook asked.

"That's absurd," Watts scoffed. "If Vernal is a fake, then how was she able to create such a storm?"

"Your mind is quite capable, Dr. Watts," Jafar stated. "Perhaps not in the matter of magic, but think in terms of deception. The answer is quite clear to those who care to think about it."

Watts gasped; "No. You're telling me SHE'S the Maiden?"

"Precisely." Jafar grinned. "See, I knew you weren't so obtuse, doctor."

"That explains the fashion disaster on her face," Gothel realized. "She was hiding her powers from us!"

"Meaning she suspects," Lauriam growled. "Why else use a decoy?"

"She claims to have left Ozpin's teachings behind," Hazel growled, "yet she, too, hides behind an innocent child."

"Well, then, killing the Spring Maiden just got that much harder," Tyrian sighed.

"I'd've thought you would relish the challenge," Jafar responded.

"True…" Tyrian thought it over.

"Most of all," Hook pointed it out, "this means we're playing against someone who already knows the game. And got us to agree to her terms."

"Terms I had outlined before our conversation began," Jafar reminded him. "My 'scheme behind your back.' We haven't agreed to what she wants. She's only doubly agreed to what we want."

"I still think taking on Qrow is a risk," Watts pointed out.

"Don't you see, doctor?" Jafar pointed out. "Your organization may have been shrouded in secrecy before an alliance with mine, but among the Overtakers, we do not hide in the shadows. Even now, Maleficent is striking an agreement with Salem on this very matter. For you see…I have no desire whatsoever to let the evidence be destroyed, or to let this slip by the authorities. What I want – "

"Is for the Overtakers to be feared," Hook realized.

"And do it before the WHAM ARMY shows up and writes their name on the wall in glitter," Gothel said sourly.

"After all," Jafar posed, "what does fear mean on this world, again…?"

"Grimm," Hazel realized. "Lots of them."

"Absolute chaos!" Tyrian cackled.

"No," Watts realized. "Not chaos. CONTROL. Leverage. If we can both give and take the threat of the Grimm, we have this world in the palm of our hand."

"At last, doctor," Jafar complimented, "your mind is being put to its proper use." He waved his hand; a shimmer fell over the party.

"What was that?" Mercury asked.

"The dissipation of the Silence charm," Jafar hissed. "You don't think she's having us watched?"

Back at camp, she left her small tent, breath heaving as she rushed to Raven's central stronghold. Throwing aside the tent flap to see the leader sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over.

"What do you want, Emerald?" Raven barked.

"You can't strike a deal with them," Emerald Sustrai insisted. For, having nowhere else to go, she'd resolved to find a place among her own kind: thieves. "They'll have a way to backstab you. To destroy you."

"And you think I don't know that." Raven straightened up. "I set Vernal to follow them. To find where their transport is located. Get information."

"It doesn't matter!" Emerald protested. "They won't let us go once we have the relic. We never intended to, not when I was a part of them. Cinder, Mercury – they're ruthless."

"Of course they won't," Raven sighed. "They'll never leave us alone. Once our purpose has come and gone, we'll be discarded. Salem only uses people until they are no longer useful."

"And how can you be so CALM about it?"

"Because we're going to take this relic out from under their noses," Raven insisted. "There will be chaos. Especially with Qrow in the mix. When it reaches its peak, we grab the relic and make our escape."

"You think they won't have planned for that?" Emerald pleaded.

"This won't be an easy path," Raven warned. "But we have to do what's right for the tribe. Or are you not willing to do whatever it takes to protect your own?"

"I am!" Emerald insisted. "That's why I want you to let me come with you to Haven. I can REASON with Cinder. I…" She faltered, looking askance. "I think I can get through to her. She…she looked so broken. If someone can reach out to her, someone who – "

"Are you suggesting one of Salem's own can be swayed by friendship?" Raven snorted. "You of all people should know better. And of course, you conveniently have no other information that could help us bring her down."

"I was kept on a need-to-know basis," Emerald reminded Raven. "It's like you said. I was only valuable as far as I was useful. They wanted to make sure I couldn't bring them down if I did defect."

"How can I trust you with this?" Raven stood, glaring at Emerald. "For one, I don't remember asking you to listen in. I remember ASKING you to pack."

"I – "

"For another," Raven went on, "do you understand how kind I was to bring you in, knowing of your past with Salem? I told myself on that day that if you gave me any reason to doubt you, any at all, I would throw you to the Grimm of the wastes. Asking to reason with Cinder Fall is already a leniency I shouldn't have let you have. If you want to stay among the tribe, you're going to do as I say. Nothing else. Do you understand?"

"I'm trying to PROTECT your tribe!" Emerald insisted.

"DO AS I SAY," Raven growled, "OR YOU CAN LEAVE."

Emerald faltered, shuddering. "…I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Good. Now go outside and prepare our forces."

Emerald backed out of the tent, shaken on the inside and the outside. Raven's tribe was the only place she belonged in this whole world. She'd thought, once, that by Cinder's side was that place. And yet it seemed that Cinder did not want her, and Raven did not want to treat her as truly one of her own.

What options did that even leave?

On her way out, Emerald passed two of Raven's most trusted scouts. Crimson Allan, dressed in armor that matched his name, hair pulled back into a short tail. Rowan Lenore, with spiky brown hair and a headband pulled over the space where his right eye had been. Behind them, a troop of lesser bandits.

"Boss!" Rowan yelled. "Hey, BOSS!"

Raven swept aside the curtain; "What is it?"

"You are not gonna believe what we picked up scouting," Rowan said with a grin.

"Is it something valuable?" Raven asked.

"Oh, it's valuable, all right."

Rowan stepped aside to show her the bounty his team had collected: an unconscious young woman, pale of face, with a long white ponytail coming undone.

...

Most members of the Banzai Blasters organization (i.e. pyramid scheme) spent their leisure time in the Banzai Headquarters: a large, ominous, and yellow building smack-dab in the middle of the city. However, there were six who preferred to spend their leisure time in an abandoned library uptown. Partly because everyone else's idea of leisure time was picking on them. Partly because it was right near most of their homes and nobody had to drive to get there.

Blasters of the lowest rank earn a nickname once they do something unique to warrant it. For instance, Steven Amor, the tall and square-faced brunette who sulked at the information desk at the library's center, was called "Crusher" because he quite obviously had a crush on the squad's boss, Giovanni Potage, and Giovanni was literally the only person to not know this.

He looked around at his teammates. They'd agreed to come down here and use their time wisely to plan out their next heist. That was not what anyone was doing.

Rodrigo "Darkstar" Estrella-Oscura sat at a small rounded table, holding up two cards that faced him. A grin spread across his tan face; he tossed back his purple hair.

Then he lay the card down; "Uno. Draw four. And it's blue."

"WHAAAAAAAAA – " The noise emitted by the team's only woman, Diana "Spike" Sharpe (shoulder-length purple hair and prominent fanged teeth, as her mugshot was described by the police), sounded like a deflating balloon. She then began to rip cards out of the deck one by one; "I hate you. I hate you. I HATE you. I HATE YOU."

And with each "I hate you," Darkstar's schadenfreude grew stronger, and he laughed it right up.

Some distance away, Mark "Flamethrower" Feuer had set up a boom box, playing a dance club number with a strong and distinctive beat. The redhead was practicing his cheerleading moves, high kicks and arm movements, to match the drums. "HOH YEAH!" he cried on each successful pose struck. "NAILIN' IT! WOOP WOOP!"

The remaining two had hooked up a gaming console to a library television in order to play a colorful and cartoonish car-racing game. The young man with curly brown hair and a bandage on his nose, Fred "Car Crash" Donaldson, had just crashed his car, as one does when one's name is Car Crash.

"Awww, maaaaaaaAAAAN!" Car Crash screeched. "WHY ME?"

"Maybe because you can't fucking drive." This, from an orange-haired young man holding the other controller – Ben, also known as "Ben." Ben elbowed Car Crash; "Seriously, what is it about cars that just turns you into a wreck of a human being?"

"I'M NOT A WRECK OF A HUMAN BEING! YOU'RE A WRECK OF A HUMAN BEING! Grrrr…" Car Crash slammed the analog stick. "JUST FOR THAT, I'M GONNA CRASH INTO YOU ON PURPOSE!"

"You'll lose the race, dummy," Ben snapped.

"WORTH IT!" Car Crash cried before making engine sounds with his lips as his virtual car got almost close enough to hit Ben's – and then drove right off the edge of a sharp curve and plummeted into space.

"Technically," Car Crash seethed, "that DOES NOT COUNT AS A CRASH!"

Well, really, it was business as usual. This was what a normal scheme session usually consisted of anyway. Except it wasn't a normal scheme session, Crusher thought as he drummed his fingers on the desk. They were one short. The most important one of all.

At last, he slammed his fists on the desk and rose; "I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

The other five turned to face him. (Which caused Car Crash's car to – well, you get the idea.)

"HOW CAN YOU ALL KEEP ON ACTING LIKE THIS IS NORMAL?" Crusher roared, storming out from behind the desk. "HE'S NOT HERE! WE DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE EVER GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN! AND YOU'RE ALL SITTING AROUND DOING STUPID STUFF!"

"HEY!" Spike rose, storming up to Crusher to stare him down despite being shorter. For if there was one person whose crush on Giovanni might rival Crusher's, it was her. "You ever stop to think that maybe we're doing this stupid stuff because IT'S ALL WE CAN DO RIGHT NOW? HE'S ON THE RUN! WE CAN'T GIVE HIM AWAY! HE'D WANT US TO GO ON WITHOUT HIM!"

"Will you quit talking like he died?" Ben suggested.

"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE BOSS' MEMORY LIKE THAT!" Flamethrower accused, striking no fewer than three dramatic poses as he screamed at Ben.

"This isn't okay, is it?" Darkstar realized. "Oh, man, he's – he's really gone."

"He's not dead," Ben said flatly.

"THE WORST PART IS I WAS THERE!" Car Crash burst into tears. "HE TOLD ME TO GO ON WITHOUT HIM BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T KNOW MY IDENTITY! I COULD'VE DONE MORE!"

Ben gave up trying to stop this from turning into a funeral.

"It's not your fault," Crusher assured. He clenched a shaking fist over his heart; "I just…wish I'd gotten to say goodbye."

"Hey. You guys miss me or somethin'?"

Exactly on the turn of Flamethrower's CD to an even more intense and fast-paced tune, the familiar voice pierced through the tension in the room like an arrow shot from a crossbow. The six wayward minions all gasped, turning to see where the speaker leaned against a bookshelf, one foot propped up on it, arms crossed.

"Did you really believe I was down?" he asked dramatically, the upper half of his face cast in shadows. "Did you really think I was gone for good? Well, I'm here to tell you…" He pushed off the bookshelf with his foot, stepping forward confidently, into the fluorescent light. "That GIOVANNI POTAGE IS – "

The shelf, offset by the shove from his foot, collapsed behind him, taking down the one behind it, and the one behind that, and the one behind that, and so on until they'd hit the wall. The Blasters winced with every new collision.

"…not responsible for that," Giovanni finished after the final cringe.

"BOSS!" Crusher screamed. "I LOVE YOU!"

And then he, Spike, Darkstar, Flamethrower, and Car Crash dogpiled Giovanni into a group hug, which Ben eventually joined, pretending to be reluctant about it.

"My boys…" Giovanni's voice cracked. "I missed you…and no, before you ask, I'M NOT CRYING; YOU'RE CRYING!"

Stepping out from behind one of the shelves that hadn't fallen over, Harley cooed, "That is literally the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"Bush baby eating a strawberry," Ragdoll argued.

"That is literally the second cutest thing I've ever seen," Harley amended.

"So these are the boys," Firefly remarked.

"Who the hell is that?" Ben asked, looking to the trio, who were definitely not dressed in Banzai yellow.

"Oh!" Giovanni perked up, wiping away his tears of joy. "These are my SO SUPER AWESOME NEW VILLAIN FRIENDS! C'mon, c'monnnnnn, we gotta do introductions!"

He sped over to Harley, dragging her toward his squad; Firefly and Ragdoll followed. "This here is Harley Quinn," Giovanni said smugly. "Yeah, I know. You all wish you had villain names THAT cool."

"Hi hi!" Harley waved to the Blasters. "Nice ta meet ya! So you're Gio's boys?"

"Sure are!" Car Crash affirmed.

Harley then gave a confused glance in Spike's direction.

"Oh, I'm a girl," Spike explained. "We agreed early on to adopt 'boys' as a gender-neutral term for our team. But we respect pronouns in this evil squad!"

"So how do you guys all know each other again?" Firefly asked.

"We were a Blaster squad together," Giovanni explained. "Then I got promoted to Captain and they became my minions! And they're the best damn minions a guy could ever ask for! Except Ben. He sucks. And Car Crash can't drive, but you win some, you lose some."

"I thought that organization was a scam," Harley recalled.

"Wait," Flamethrower realized. "THE BANZAI BLASTERS ARE A SCAM?"

Cue the horrified gasps from the others.

"Yeah, I can see how they go together," Firefly muttered.

"Anyway," Giovanni continued, "that guy there in the cool badass armor is Firefly. He can actually fly AND shoot fire! Like, how cool is that?"

"Shoot fire?" Flamethrower asked. "Like an Epithet?"

"Nope." Firefly shot two jets toward the ceiling, where they petered out before they could catch on anything. "Built it all myself."

"And that's Ragdoll!" Giovanni added. "He's even cooler. He can bend his body in all these really gross ways."

Ragdoll turned himself into a pretzel before the others' eyes. "Disgusting, isn't it?" he asked liltingly.

"EEEEWWWWW!" most of the Blasters cried.

"HEY!" Crusher stepped out in front of his teammates. "Making fun of other villains for their physical differences is NOT NICE, remember?"

"Eheheh…yeah," Giovanni said sheepishly. "My bad. Sorry."

This was followed by a chorus of more "sorry"s from the team.

"Oh, I rather welcome being called disgusting," Ragdoll said as he unfolded.

"So who're all a' you?" Harley asked, beaming.

"This is Crusher!" Giovanni began, gesturing to Crusher. "He's called that because he's the strongman of the team and able to CRUSH CONCRETE BRICKS WITH HIS BARE HANDS!"

"THAT IS DEFINITELY TRUE, AND I DON'T HAVE THAT NAME FOR ANY ALTERNATE REASON!" Crusher bellowed.

"That's Darkstar," Giovanni continued. "We call him that because…uh…you know, I can't remember where you got that?"

"I don't either," Darkstar admitted. "Guys, why am I Darkstar? I'M HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS NOW!"

"Anyway," Giovanni went on, "this is Spike. She likes to wear clothes with spikes on them. She's a real Goth, like any villainess worth her salt."

"No preps allowed!" Spike boasted. "Unless they're nice to me."

"Flamethrower!" Giovanni introduced. "So named because of the Incident We Agreed Never to Speak of Again!"

"It was embarrassing," Flamethrower admitted, "but also so. Super. Awesome."

"Car Crash!" Giovanni went on. "So named because GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING DOES EVERY TIME HE GETS IN A CAR?"

"ONLY ABOUT FORTY PERCENT OF THE TIME!" Car Crash argued.

"And that's Ben," Giovanni said, pointing to Ben. And saying nothing else.

"Hi," Ben said, raising a hand briefly.

Giovanni turned back to the group; "Boys! I come to you with a wondrous proposition! Our NEW benefactors, who are most assuredly NOT a scam, have offered to welcome us into their ranks to start up a new villainous enterprise! In exchange for helping them pull off the crimes of the century, we all get a place to stay, and you know what that means?"

"WE CAN MOVE OUT OF OUR PARENTS' HOUSES!" Darkstar cheered.

"NO MORE CARPOOLING!" Ben cried.

"Uhhh…how old are these fellas?" Harley asked.

"Car Crash is our youngest at nineteen," Giovanni explained. "He's babey."

"I am babey!" Car Crash bragged.

"So you're all grown adults who live in your parents' houses an' can't drive," Harley realized.

"I resent that!" Spike folded her arms. "I may not be able to drive, but I moved out of my parents' place!"

"And at least I got my license two months ago!" Car Crash bragged.

"Says the car crash guy," Firefly recalled.

"DAMMIT!" Car Crash screamed. "I WAS HOPING YOU'D FORGET THAT PART!"

"Well, they certainly are a colorful bunch," Ragdoll stated.

"I LOVE 'em!" Harley replied. "Can I keep 'em, guys? Can I?"

"It's your team," Firefly told her. "They say yes, you keep whoever you want."

Harley struck a confident pose; "I'm about ta liberate ya from that pyramid scheme! If ya come along with me, we can get our cash the way any villain should: by stealin' it…an' keepin' what we take!"

This was met with a raucous cheer.

"An' I didn' even hafta worry about Republicans out in the sticks," Harley sighed. Then thought that statement over. "Wait. Any of ya Republicans?"

"Ben is," Giovanni told her, "but feel free to needle him for it. We all do."

"Oh, like being fiscally conservative is a crime," Ben huffed.

"And Spike votes Independent every election year," Giovanni went on, "even though I tell her every damn election year that she is WASTING HER VOTES!"

"I AM STICKING TO MY PRINCIPLES!" Spike argued.

"This couldn't have come at a better time," Car Crash admitted. "The Vice Principals were starting to get scary! The coupon guy stuck a sticker to me saying I was…" He sniffled. "Fifty percent off!"

"Whoa, no, no, no!" Giovanni threw an arm around Car Crash's shoulders. "Car Crash, you may not be able to drive worth a can of beans, but you are NOT a discount-rate villain! You're the real deal, and you gotta know your own self-worth!"

"The big guy kept talking about culling the dead weight," Darkstar went on. "I can't tell if that meant he wanted to fire us or kill us and THEN fire us."

"Face it!" Spike cried. "We're the weak links of the Banzai organization!"

"Well, y'know what?" Harley insisted. "The Banzai organization is a buncha DIPS!"

The Blasters gasped.

"Yeah, I said it!" Harley went on. "An' I stand by it! You're all seriously the most stinkin' adorable crooks I ever saw! An' I bet you're real talented at stealin' stuff, too! Whaddaya say? Up for a little heist to test our team dynamic?"

"YEAH!" Crusher bellowed. "HEIST! HEIST! HEIST!"

"All RIGHT!" Harley pounded one fist into the opposite palm. "So! Where's the nearest museum?"

"Already did the museum," Giovanni told her. "It was kind of a big thing."

"Okaaaaaaay," Harley amended, "then how about we go grocery shopliftin' from the local mom-n-pop?"

"Uh, noooooo!" Giovanni growled. "Stealing from SMALL BUSINESSES? I only did that because I was literally starving and about to die otherwise! Crime is about stickin' it to the man! We gotta do somethin' where the people who get hurt are the rich guys! In other words, the people who won't even be hurt and barely qualify as people."

"Hmm." Harley thought it over. "Would robbin' a jewelry store be stickin' it to the man, or would the fact that the diamonds were mined with unethical labor ruin it for ya?"

"I mean, we don't HAVE to take the diamonds," Giovanni pointed out. "We could just take all the OTHER ridiculously expensive shiny things we normally can't afford! And spruce up our aesthetic while we're at it!"

"I can't believe it!" Now Spike was crying. "We're seriously back together, and goin' to do real crime where we don't have to turn the spoils over to the Baron's cronies!"

Giovanni clambered up onto the info desk. "BOYS!" he cried. "LET'S GO ROB A JEWELRY STORE!"

They, including Harley, Ragdoll, and Firefly, left the library chanting "HEIST! HEIST! HEIST!"

...

"No one told me," Yzma seethed as she swatted branches out of her way, "that the first place we were going was a JUNGLE!"

"Calm down, will ya?" Shocker bade her, aiming his gauntlets forward. With twin blasts, he cleared a small path. "There. Nothin' to be bothered by."

"HA!" Mysterio mocked, striding past. "To think you would be bothered by the great outdoors! Here is where Mysterio truly thrives: among the wild and untamed – "

A great tarantula dropped onto his helmet; he began to screech wildly as he leapt and somehow ended up in a bridal-carry in Montana's arms. "GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME – "

Mozenrath blasted the spider into ash with a single bolt. "Drama queen," he huffed, taking the lead.

"Don't be so angry, kitten." Wuya leaned her head onto Yzma's shoulder. "Think of it as an exotic vacation."

"I hate jungles," Yzma hissed through gritted teeth, "and jungles hate me."

"Well, I like the Corona Aurora," Zevon argued, "so we're forging through this verdurgitation!"

"So this is the kind of thing Ronnie does on his weird adventures," Gill remarked. "Huh. I could maybe get used to this."

Mozenrath was the first out of the tree line, marching up to the edge of the cliff. He gestured toward the horizon; "Take a look!"

Two rough-hewn paths diverged from where they stood. To the left, ancient stone ruins that seemed to form a crude village. To the right, a cavern that almost resembled an upturned nose with its entrances as the nostrils, and beyond that, a great pool that looked suspiciously green. But dead center, over the forest that the drop-off led to, at the very edge of the horizon, there was visible the peaks of a grand stone city, its golden gates glittering in the afternoon sun.

"Dishonorable members of the WHAM ARMY," Mozenrath declared, "welcome to the forest of Numeria!"

...

A/N: Epithet Erased is going canon-divergent as of post-S1. Anime Campaign will only contribute to the lore if needed. As you can see, I'm filling in some of the worldbuilding gaps we don't yet have myself – you might recognize the Blasters' fanon names from my oneshot "Assist Counter: 5" (which is technically canon to this fic but probably won't ever get brought up). Also, all the jokes about the Blasters living with their parents and not knowing how to adult are really much funnier if they are all legal adults, which is what I saw them as when first viewing the series, so as of now, Giovanni is 24, not 19, in this fic. There will be some other fanon differences playing in soon.

Also, if you recognized Numeria as the setting of Cluefinders: 3rd Grade, congratulations! You're old in fandom! But so am I, as you can see, so it's not all bad!