Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

129. Dream Big

A/N: So we've got some discussions of body horror here, but nothing gruesome actually happens to the characters involved.

...

Papyrus found Ven in front of the gaming television, stamping out a rhythmic pattern on the dance pad that drove his score ever higher. He seemed to be in better spirits, nowadays, but "better" wasn't good enough. Not for Papyrus; not where the one he loved was concerned. That was why he held behind his back a surprise.

"YEAH!" Ven cried after scoring a ninety-eight percent on the song, throwing up his hands briefly only to loop them around and settle them on his hips, his feet in a confident stance.

"WELL DONE!" Papyrus congratulated. "YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THAT, YOU KNOW. …WELL, OF COURSE YOU KNOW THAT. YOU JUST HIT A HIGH SCORE, SO IT'S OBVIOUS. BUT YOU LOOK GOOD DOING IT – I MEAN IN THE GENERAL SENSE."

He was bad at this.

"Thanks!" Ven replied, beaming. "You wanna take me on in a match?"

"PERHAPS," Papyrus told him. "BUT FIRST, I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT."

Ven shrugged; "Okay! Let me see!"

Papyrus brought his hands around front, revealing a black rock in one and a travel brochure in the other.

"You got me a cool rock!" Ven beamed. And Papyrus' heart melted.

"ACTUALLY, NO," Papyrus told him. "THIS ISN'T FOR YOU. IT'S ONE OF THE INGREDIENTS FROM THAT WORLD-DESTROYER SPELL THE WHAM ARMY WAS USING, ACTUALLY. IT'S A METEORITE SHARD THAT FELL ON A DISTANT WORLD. IT'S BEEN THE SACRED RELIC FOR A CERTAIN FAMILY FOR MANY GENERATIONS, SO I THINK IT ONLY RIGHT THAT WE RETURN IT TO THEM."

Ven tilted his head; "Huh?"

"THE SURPRISE IS THE TRIP," Papyrus told him. "BUT REALLY, WE ONLY HAVE TO STOP FOR A FEW MINUTES TO DROP OFF THE METEOR. I DID SOME LOOKING INTO THE WORLD IT COMES FROM, AND I FOUND…THIS!" He offered Ven the brochure. "TA-DAAAAA!"

Ven took the brochure up into his hands, unfolding it. "Deception Island," he read, his smile growing as he looked at the Washington state beaches beneath cloudy skies, the cozy little town with a lighthouse at its edge.

"IT'S NOT LIKE THE BEACHES HERE OR AT THE DESTINY ISLANDS," Papyrus explained. "IT'S FAR LESS TROPICAL. I THOUGHT YOU COULD USE SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT. SOMETHING UNIQUE! BESIDES…I ALWAYS DID PREFER SNOWDIN TO THE HOTLANDS ANYWAY. BUT IF YOU DON'T AGREE, WE CAN PICK SOMEWHERE ELSE - "

"This place looks GREAT!" Ven cried. "I really haven't seen anywhere quite like this. So…what's our mission here?"

"NO MISSION," Papyrus told him. "AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH RECENTLY…I WANTED TO TAKE YOU SOMEPLACE WHERE YOU COULD HAVE FUN AND RELAX. SOMEPLACE THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO EXPLORE! I GUESS THAT'S THE MISSION: EXPLORE. SO…UH…WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

Ven's smile was now almost sad. "Thank you." His hands trembled on the brochure, fluttering the laminated paper. "I don't…I don't know what else to say…"

"VEN?" Papyrus asked. "IS IT…NOT WHAT YOU WANT?"

"It's exactly what I never knew I wanted so badly," Ven replied. "I just…the fact that you'd do all of this just to cheer me up…plan a trip, find a special place…" He looked up to meet Papyrus' gaze. "You're a good friend, Papyrus."

"AND YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT WONDERFUL TO ME SINCE WE FIRST MET," Papyrus replied.

"I'm gonna go pack my things!" Ven said excitedly. "Meet you in the entrance hall?"

"THE LAST ONE THERE'S A LAZYBONES!"

...

After a long, hard day of work and errands, Dr. Sylvester Ashling finally arrived at his apartment, sighing as he shut the door behind him and flicked on the light.

Another day, another sizeable sum of dollars. Such was life when you were a therapist. Maybe not so much the norm for a fifteen-year-old like Sylvie, but he always had been bright, outpacing his peers in school until he'd ended up with a degree decades ahead of schedule.

The teen doctor brushed back his semi-spiky pink hair, adjusting his glasses over his nose and straightening his beige jacket so its green faux fluff around the hood tickled his neck. "Ooooookay," he sighed. "Let's get some dinner rolling."

Since Sylvie was old enough to have a career, he'd also gone in on buying an apartment for himself. It was rather nice, being independent. A little lonely sometimes, but then again, when wasn't he, when you got down to it? His peers didn't seem to like him, which he chalked up to his extreme superiority to them in most regards. But a lion needn't concern itself with sheep (unless those sheep were the summons created by his particular Epithet, in which case, he had to be very concerned about them).

Sylvie rummaged around in the refrigerator, pulling out several vegetables and spices, mulling over what he could make with them. He settled on microwaving a frozen macaroni and cheese instead.

Halfway through the culinary process, the microwave suddenly shut off. As did every other source of electricity in Sylvie's whole apartment, plunging the area into pitch darkness.

"GAH!" Sylvie flinched, his hand flying up to his heart, which was racing. He took a few calming breaths; "It's okay, Sylvester. It's okay. You are a fifteen-year-old man with a rational mind and no fear of the dark whatsoever. Now let's just find the fuse box and turn the lights back on."

He had to feel around the furniture to make his way to the small metal door set in the wall. He pried it open, trying to remember which switch controlled his apartment.

Not that it mattered. He was met with sparks that signaled the ends of wires, barely illuminating that the entirety of the fuse box had been decimated.

A flash of lightning and the sound of thunder almost reassured Sylvie. He was seeing things. No one had ripped out his entire fuse box; who even could? Obviously, the power outage was caused by the storm, and he was seeing the lightning through the window.

His stomach metaphorically lost its bottom when he remembered his apartment had no windows.

As he turned, the lightning flashed again – inside his apartment. Thankfully setting nothing on fire. But the bright illumination did show him a curious set of silhouettes framed against his shut and locked front door. A tall man, with animalistic ears. Some sort of small woodland creature standing bipedally on his shoulder. And a shorter, more feminine figure.

Cyclonis' voice rasped into the darkness; "Hello, Dr. Ashling."

Sylvie's flight response kicked in; he scurried into the adjacent bedroom, screaming, "No, no, NO!"

"Ally," Lucy asked politely, "could you be a dear and get me another knife? Bigger, this time."

Why was Sylvie running? All he had to do was use his Epithet. Surely that would scare the intruders away. He could even use deadly force if he had to. So he called out the words: "DREAM BIG!"

Vaguely aware of what was going on when the manifestation of his dreams took over. It was like being embedded in a gelatin that dulled the senses but still allowed Sylvie to breathe. Meanwhile, he knew his intruders were in for a bumpy ride dealing with the anthropomorphic bull he rested inside of. Surely Dr. Beefton would throw them out –

A hand ripped right through Beefton's chest, into that sensory gelatin, and yanked Sylvie loose, spilling him to the floor.

"No!" Sylvie kicked and struggled as the clawed hand held him down. "You overcame Beefton THAT FAST? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?"

"Ahahahaha!" Alastor laughed. "We got a struggler!"

Sylvie suddenly felt the very edge of a cold metal blade poke his cheek; "You going to need this bloke's face?"

"Leave it on," Cyclonis commanded. "I'll need him to talk me through a few things, and see what horrors I'm able to wreak. Lips and eyelids would be preferred for that."

"Oh yeah?" Sylvie screeched. "Try cutting off my face WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP!"

He reached for the golden dust that dripped off of him, flinging it into the face of his current assailant.

Alastor just sneezed. "Nice try, kid," he said in his radio-filtered voice. "I built up an immunity to this stuff a long time ago. Now no doctor in Hell can cure my insomnia! Woe is Alastor! Though to be fair, back when I didn't have a tolerance, I actually DID cut off faces in my sleep. A wonderful surprise to wake up to!"

Sylvie was now struggling with his body alone. "WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT WITH ME?"

Cyclonis advanced, holding a single green light in her cupped hands. "You remember this," she said as she let that light dangle in front of Sylvie's face.

Sylvie gasped in horror. The first thing he saw, when the light dropped, was Alastor's wan, fanged face in front of him. The second thing he noticed, however, was far more horrifying. He did remember the object that was giving off that light. The green gem, set in a golden frame shaped like a cat's head.

"NO!" Sylvie struggled harder. "NO, NO, NO!"

"The Arsene Amulet," Cyclonis went on. "Capable of stripping any Epithet user of their power and transferring it to another."

"COUNTING SHEEP!" Sylvie screamed.

The room was suddenly filled with miniature golden sheep, glimmering just enough for their outlines to be visible in the dark. But before the sheep could begin to nibble at their master's foes, Lucy yelled, "I'll get it!" and raced into the fray. The sound of the summons popping out of existence with pained bleats chorused.

"But you're intimate with this amulet," Cyclonis taunted. "After all, you were its victim once. I'm glad they gave your power back to you. It would've been much harder to take it off the woman who had you cornered."

"THAT'S ALL YOU WANT?" Sylvie yelled, struggling like mad. "MY EPITHET?"

"You've lost it before!" Cyclonis reminded him. "It's not like this will be a new experience for you."

"LEAVE ME ALONE – "

The gem was deepening from green to orange. An aura of light spilled out of Sylvie, exiting his body, entering the amulet. That old familiar emptiness flooded in to fill the space left when the word "Drowsy" was taken out of Sylvie's very subconscious, where it always rested in wait.

No more sheep. No more Dr. Beefton. No more dust. Just a scared fifteen-year-old therapist.

"And now for the reason I came." Cyclonis settled the Arsene Amulet around her neck, and she was lit up brilliantly by the orange of Sylvie's lost power, her sullen face with its heavy eyeliner another sudden shock to Sylvie.

To receive an Epithet was a strange thing. There was a word on the tip of Cyclonis' tongue, and she couldn't quite figure out what it was, but as she probed, she realized that word was simply inscribed into her mind now, always lingering above her other free-flowing thoughts. She relished the word as she said it aloud: "Drowsy."

"Okay, you GOT what you came for!" Sylvie sweated bullets over frigid skin. "Now get out of my house!"

"Somebody wasn't paying attention!" Alastor scolded, wagging a finger that was barely visible in the dark. "Remember that whole part where the little lady said we were going to need you to bear witness to the carnage?"

"But more importantly," Cyclonis went on, "I'm not so foolish as to buy into a new power without reading the instruction manual. You're going to tell me how your Epithet works, and I'm going to give a public demonstration."

"Or else what?" Sylvie spat.

"Or else I give Lacemaker free reign to carve you up," Cyclonis hissed excitedly.

"I'll make a lovely little jack-o'-lantern out of your stomach!" Lucy bragged. "Perhaps we could even put a candle in there to set the mood!"

"Okay, OKAY!" Sylvie relented. "I'll tell you what you wanna know! Just PLEASE DON'T TURN MY STOMACH INTO A HALLOWEEN DECORATION!"

"Good boy," Cyclonis congratulated. Her voice became more gravelly and stern; "Alastor, throw him in storage. We need to find a venue for our performance."

"What dreams may come!" Alastor laughed.

Sylvie got a better look at Alastor once they were outside and the demon had the teen therapist hog-tied in the trunk of the limousine. "Don't worry," Alastor reassured. "You'll be able to breathe in there. After all, I wouldn't let someone suffocate to death before I had a chance to have my fun with his execution. A-HOHOHOHOHO!"

The trunk lid slammed. The limousine engine started, and Sylvie's tiny prison was now moving.

For a person who'd just lost his power over dreams, Sylvie sure was living a nightmare. His mind raced; there had to be a way out of this. But how?

The limo hit a speed bump. Sylvie jolted. Something fell out of his jacket pocket. A bright light before his eyes. And it was as if providence itself had smiled upon Sylvie.

They hadn't taken his phone away.

"Okay," he whispered to himself. "You can do this."

He inched toward the phone. Without the use of any digits, he stuck out his tongue, tapping it to the screen to enter his unlock code. The old familiar background of himself holding his diploma with a smug smile greeted him.

He slobbered onto the screen as he selected his contacts, then slowly, painstakingly, maneuvered his tongue to type out the word "M-O-L-L-Y."

...

King Triton said the word "Eraqus" like the name itself brought him physical pain.

Yen Sid and Mickey stood on a flat rock out at sea, from which the muscular, white-haired merman could surface and speak to them. This had been the first place in Eraqus' journals, and there had been many more entries about it over the many years he'd chronicled.

"So ya met him?" Mickey prompted.

"I knew him quite well," Triton answered, his eyes in another plane of reality. "Or…I believed I knew him." He blinked to look back at Mickey. "He was the one who taught me to distrust the Keyblade and the destruction it wrought. Its wielders have too much power, too much sway, and an ideology that destroys all in their path!"

"Such was never the intent of the Keyblade," Yen Sid stated calmly. "Please relate to us what sin Eraqus committed to leave you so horrified at his actions."

"He first appeared in these waters when he and I were both young boys," Triton explained. "I had suffered…a loss in the family, and I sought consolation. Eraqus showed up at just the right time, or so it seemed. The boy with the strange blade. I could tell something was strange about him; he didn't seem to be able to swim in a straight line when he first arrived. I couldn't have known he was human, then."

"If I remember right," Mickey broke in, "you didn't have the greatest opinion of humans."

"They capture our folk," Triton explained, "hauling them out of the sea for consumption and slaughter."

"Gosh," Mickey gasped, "I'd hate 'em, too, if that were the case."

"Eventually, Eraqus did confess his true nature as a human to me," Triton went on. "And…like a fool, I simply let it slide. I thought it unimportant. He was my friend, and that should've been all that mattered."

"And how did he break that trust?" Yen Sid inquired.

"It began innocently enough," Triton explained. "Shortly after we met, he and I faced off against a powerful Dark sorceress who had terrorized the seas. Together, we imprisoned her in the depths of a cavern where she could spend the rest of her days peacefully, harming no other merfolk ever again. Well, save the incidents when she could sneak her magic out of the cavern through one of her emissaries, but those were few and far between. We became arrogant, then, thinking we could save the Seven Seas. He continued to return to this world, and we set our sights on the fabled Evil Manta, putting our heads and our powers together to seal that awful creature inside of a mountain. They hailed me for bringing peace to Atlantica by sealing away these menaces. Eraqus never concerned himself with the blame; as far as he was concerned, he was to maintain the world order, and I was king, so they were my victories, no matter how I protested that he should take credit."

"That sounds like a good thing, though," Mickey observed.

"Which often means the worst is up around the bend," Yen Sid said softly. "Your Majesty…please do continue."

"He selected our next target," Triton stated. "A fortune-teller and enchantress who was skilled in Dark magic. Though despite her specialties, she never used it to harm anyone – not unless provoked. Eraqus was too concerned with what she could become, who she could harm with her powers if she so desired. I talked him out of making any move against her…but much like the Evil Manta, he spread words of venom among the other Atlanticans, warning them that she would hurt them all. I do think he honestly believed she would. And they all believed the same thing. Then a Howling Hairfish appeared, and to this day, I don't know if the connection my people made was founded or simply an incorrect conclusion drawn because of their fear of the fortune-teller.

"I was able to redirect Eraqus' energies to another cause of misfortune among my people – which I now see was my own error. We chased the Bad Luck Creatures from the city limits, not knowing that their reputation was only superstition. In retrospect…I only fueled Eraqus' zealousness. Once he had stopped so many 'threats,' he became convinced he could save the Seven Seas by removing all of the Dark magic within them. By that time, we were grown men, and I had taken the throne. While Eraqus' claims were all rooted in some sort of truth, they were either frivolous, such as the cavern that supposedly granted Dark powers to those who entered, or dangerous to pursue, such as an all-out war with the Octopins. His drive to eliminate all Dark threats from this ocean became a danger to diplomacy, and so I told him outright, at last, that I would no longer assist him in these endeavors, and furthermore, I would command my people to refrain from giving him any aid. He was truly on the verge of harming innocents due to the spells they practiced – admittedly very dangerous magic, but nothing on the level of the Sorceress or the Evil Manta."

He fell silent. Mickey prompted, "What happened then?"

"He felt as though I had betrayed our friendship," Triton explained solemnly, unable to look Mickey in the eye. "Many years had passed by this point. I was wed to Athena and had fathered seven. I thought it would be a time to move on from the past and look to a new chapter. But Eraqus…never lost his desire to 'save' our oceans." He heaved a long sigh. "So…he took the battle to the humans. Telling them the legends of our seas and the evils that dwelled within, and using my name to inspire their behavior, insisting they had to curry my favor to sail smooth waters. And as you know, humans are even quicker to mobilize against what they fear or revile than merfolk."

"No!" Yen Sid gasped. "You're not saying he – "

"Even he had no idea how out of hand it would become," Triton defended. "He admitted as much when he finally returned to me. He had thought the other humans would follow his lead and only target the Dark and evil. Yet he had accidentally convinced them all that everything in this ocean was Dark and evil, and they took to the seas with harpoons." A long silence. "When he returned to me, it was to offer his condolences for Athena."

Then his voice dropped to a growl: "As though that would bring her back. He may not have fired the weapon that slayed her, but had he not taken his obsession so far, my daughters would have a mother."

Neither Yen Sid nor Mickey could speak.

"In his defense," Triton sighed, "he had attempted to warn the humans that merfolk were not to be harmed. But…humans are humans. He should've understood this. But in the end, he proved himself to be human throughout." A deeper exhale. "Though as of recent years, I will admit I have seen many, many humans who have surprised me. Sora and Prince Eric changed my mind, and since then, I have seen things as they truly are, which is far more complex than Eraqus or I ever envisioned. That is why I agreed to speak with you: because Sora has given his word that you are to be trusted."

"This…changes many things," Yen Sid said softly. "He caused so much destruction with a well-placed word…"

"I got no doubt Eraqus was tryin' to do the right thing," Mickey said quickly. "He wasn't like Maleficent or Xehanort or even Mozenrath, trying to destroy for the sake of getting something out of it for himself. He thought he was savin' the oceans. But…that doesn't make it right, that it had to happen like this."

"Perhaps what hurts the most is that the moment Eraqus left was the moment I most needed him," Triton admitted. "In the wake of Athena's death was when Ursula saw her chance to take advantage of me. She had been the true source of Darkness among the Octopins and much of the reason for his crusade. Her hand had pulled the strings. Had I only given Eraqus one more chance by the time she came along, he would have seen her for what she was and stopped her then and there. We could have banished her to the depths along with the Sorceress, and from there, perhaps even tracked down Morgana."

"It's like you said," Mickey told him. "It's all complicated. Seein' the world as just Light'n'Dark doesn't do anybody any good. If you'd've given Eraqus another chance, he might've seen it as an affirmation that he went about it all the right way. But you're also right in that sending him away meant you missed a danger at your door…but ya can't blame yourself for that one. Ursula's tricky, and she deals in foolin' people. She mighta even gotten past Eraqus' eyes."

"Had I only known…" Yen Sid muttered. "Had I not been so preoccupied with chasing my own desires, had I accompanied him on his travels, I might have realized…"

"And what words could you have said to him that I did not?" Triton asked bitterly. "He simply refused to see reason!"

"I am now all the more worried as to how he viewed Terra in light of the Dark that slept within him," Yen Sid realized. "And…for that matter…I now wonder if he had a hand in Xehanort's defection from the Light."

"Wait!" Mickey threw up his hands. "Don't jump to conclusions just yet! We've only heard one story! Maybe he learned his lesson here, and he got better as he toured around other worlds!"

"Whatever the case," Triton stated, "what he took from me can never be returned."

"He didn't mean to hurt Athena," Mickey insisted. "I know that much about him. If he saw ya as a friend, then he wouldn't'a scratched her, not on purpose. But knowin' how zealous he could get against the Dark, well, that's somethin' to be worried about for sure! He prob'ly thought he was protectin' ya when he stirred up the humans!"

"I wish to apologize for the havoc wreaked here," Yen Sid said somberly, "though I am well aware no apology can ever make up for what happened."

"I will say one thing," Triton confessed. "I had thought they were all like him, determined to wipe out the shadows from every last tidepool. The Keybearers, I mean. I believed it to be a facet of the teachings of his blade and his worldly travels. The very fact that the two of you have listened, sympathized, expressed a disagreement with his philosophies…" Triton shook his head. "I should have reached out earlier, attempted to connect with others who traveled the worlds."

"Ya did the best ya could," Mickey assured him. "What matters now is what ya do goin' forward."

"And though I hate to express this as a source of relief," Yen Sid said slowly, "Eraqus is, most assuredly, dead and gone. He cannot harm your world further."

Mickey turned to the sorcerer; "Hey, now! I better not catch YOU beatin' yourself up, either! I'm the one you're supposed to be too hard on, remember?"

That got a single chuckle out of Yen Sid. "Indeed, Mickey."

"Thank you," Triton said earnestly. "For listening, and…for assuring me there is more true good out there than I had believed. It seems good and Light are not the same thing."

"We shall work with you on the state of this world, should you desire our help," Yen Sid told Triton. "Quelling any riots, reaching out to any victims. Though in light of these revelations, I would not begrudge you to refuse our help."

"I will run Atlantica my own way," Triton insisted, "and Ariel shall blossom into a good and just queen who will handle the human kingdom alongside Eric, who has my trust. You will forgive me if I…cannot allow anyone to win me over so easily again. After Eraqus, after Ursula."

"We understand," Mickey said with a nod. "We'll stay out of it, unless you're in a real jam. And you'll forgive us if we can't just let you fall prey to a big emergency."

"In that regard, I cannot control you," Triton stated. "If there is no more to discuss, I believe we are done here."

"Yes," Yen Sid agreed softly. "I agree that we are."

...

Inside the jewelry boutique that had closed up for the night, a ventilation grate dislodged itself. This time, Peter decided to land hands-first on the nearest case, flipping his feet down onto the carpet from there.

"Ah, this does bring back memories." He cast his gaze around the dark room, then hit the lights so he could get a better view of the shimmering glass cases, the sparkling inventory. He'd first met Harley in a boutique not unlike this, if a little smaller.

He slunk to the front door, turning the latch, and held the door wide. Harley, Firefly, Giovanni, and the other Blasters came running into it like thieves in a jewelry store (which they were).

"Well done, Ragdoll!" Giovanni complimented. "Now, to break into the cases and get that sweet, sweet loot!"

"I'll break them open with MY BARE HANDS!" Crusher yelled, surging forward to slam his fists down on the nearest case. It shattered in a glorious rain of shards and gems.

"CRUSHER, NO!" Giovanni rushed to his side. "What have I always TOLD you about safety first?" He grabbed onto Crusher's hands without thinking to inspect them. "Let me see how bad it is…"

Crusher was going pink beneath his yellow Blaster helmet. "It's fine, Boss," he muttered. "Just lost a bit of stamina. Not even a quarter."

"Whoa." Firefly had come around to hover on Crusher's other side. His hands looked slightly bruised, but otherwise undamaged. "Okay, see, that's not something any of us could do. They weren't kidding around about your durability."

"Huh?" Crusher turned to him with a quizzical expression. "What does that mean?"

"I think he's saying if he punches a display case, he'll die?" Giovanni guessed.

"Uh…no," Firefly corrected. "It'd slice up my hands pretty bad, though. Might even lose a finger that way."

"SERIOUSLY?" Giovanni flinched. "Without actively being dismembered? Are YOU the one made of glass here?"

"That's how we all are, where we come from," Harley explained. "Ragsy, Gar, an' me're a little bit more delicate than you guys. We can get cut up from swords, an' it only takes one gunshot to kill one of us."

Giovanni leaned up to whisper in Crusher's ear, "Protect them."

"Yeah," Crusher agreed.

"Anyway." Giovanni dropped Crusher's hands, which Crusher was considering never washing again. "Looks like it's up to me to provide some stamina restoration!" He threw his arms out to either side dramatically; "BEHOLD!"

The area around him and Crusher filled with a thick fog that smelled like everything savory and delicious. "THE FOG OF LOST SOULS!" Giovanni introduced. "Gradually restores your stamina the longer you stand in it. Though I'm not sure if it'd work on you guys, since you're different."

"Hey, let's find out!" Harley peeled off a glove, nipping down at the back of her hand hard enough to leave a red mark but not to draw blood. "Ow. Don't know my own strength sometimes. Now, let's see about that fog!"

She extended her hand inside, and the red mark instantly vanished. More than that, Harley felt rejuvenated through and through. Also, hungry. "It works!" she declared, withdrawing her hand.

"Now," Giovanni went on, "let's figure out a SAFE way to get inside these cases."

"Don't worry, everybody!" Flamethrower crowed. "I can pick locks!"

He settled himself before a case, a small wire in hand, and proceeded to spend the next ten minutes proving that he didn't actually know how to pick locks.

"Y'knoooowwww," Harley said, rocking back and forth while this was going on, "when I used ta rob jewelry stores, I figured out pretty quick they usually kept some sorta keys in the back."

"KEYS!" Darkstar repeated, rushing to the nearest employee door. "I'm on it! Keys, coming up!" Behind the door, as he searched, the others could hear all manner of crashing and other sound effects – so many that it almost seemed there were two Darkstars blundering about instead of just one. "Keyskeyskeyskeyskeys…" Then he barged back into the boutique, holding a jingling ring high; "I GOT KEYS!"

A raucous cheer went up.

Now everyone was able to unlock a different case – except for Flamethrower, who claimed he'd "Almost got it!" when he hadn't been able to dislodge a single pin.

"Dibs on the Goth stuff!" Spike yelled. "Wait. This is one of those fancy stores. There's not gonna be any Goth stuff here, is there?"

"I found a case of onyx jewelry over here!" Car Crash called out. "It's black, so that's kinda Goth!"

"I'll take it!" Spike skipped on over.

"Meanwhile, I'm after whatever's gonna fetch the most cash." Ben rummaged around. "What's this?" He pulled out a necklace of shimmering off-blue, reading the card that labeled it. "Taaffeite? Never heard of it. That can't be worth anything!" And he chucked it into the nearest wastebasket. "TWO-POINTER!" he whooped when it landed neatly in the garbage.

"Now, remember!" Giovanni pointed out. "It's not just about the money. We also get to keep whatever we want that looks cool." He pried up the lid of a case, hemming and hawing over several pendants. He picked up a sun-shaped setting with a shimmering pink stone, letting it swing in his hand like a pendulum.

"You seem pensive over that pendant," Ragdoll commented.

"You think this'd look too girly on me?" Giovanni asked.

"Why, not at all," Ragdoll told him.

"You sure?" Giovanni pressed. "Like…it's super cool, and it kinda edges my aesthetic into the more theatrical tier, but at the same time, I don't want people to think I'm not man enough, y'know? It's always a balance between finding what looks masculine enough and what looks COOL enough. A problem I wouldn't HAVE if the men's fashion industry wasn't FUCKING BORING!"

"Ahhh," Ragdoll realized – or thought he did. "Would you happen to be looking for something more androgynous? I, myself, am toying with the concept. Unfortunately, there seems to be very little here that fits that bill."

"NOT ANDROGYNOUS," Giovanni insisted. "I'm a guy who happens to like pretty things, and I gotta make that REAL clear 'cause – reasons. That's why. Don't need anyone telling me I need to be a girl to wear this."

"Well, if I may," Ragdoll volunteered, "most people would also tell you not to take it without paying in the first place, would they not? Are you truly so bound by others' expectations of you?"

"…Fuck it." Giovanni fastened the pendant's chain around his neck. "You're right. Why do I care? Screw the rules!"

"And now that you're wearing it," Ragdoll pointed out, "it does look quite manly."

"Why, thank you!"

"Now." Ragdoll's fingers waggled over the case. "To decide if there's anything here that fits the presentation I want to put across…"

"I mean, you're following your own advice, right?" Giovanni prompted. "To do what you want and screw the rules?"

"That is how I live most of my life, yes," Ragdoll affirmed. "Then again, there are some decisions I need to think about in case they end up being inaccurate."

"Inaccurate? Huh?" Giovanni regarded Ragdoll with confusion. "Dangerous, I get, though then again, danger is the spice of life. So long as you practice safety while you chase it."

Ragdoll didn't point out the contradiction.

"But why would a decision be INACCURATE?" Giovanni asked. "Like, is it about having an opinion or something?"

"Moreso putting a new label on my sense of self," Ragdoll clarified. "Slightly weightier than an opinion, but not dangerous in the sense we're used to."

Giovanni paused before venturing, "You know you can…try things out and then change it back if it doesn't work, right? Who knows. Maybe it'll end up being right after all. Not that I'm referring to anything personal or anything like – oh, look, that case has those artsy rings where the gemstones interlock if you wear more than one. I'm gonna go check that out. BYE!"

Ragdoll didn't spend too much time wondering what Giovanni wasn't revealing. Instead, he focused on what he'd been told. Was being afraid to wear the wrong label not just another offshoot of being bound by the rules? And if he played by the rules, well, then, who even was he?

A jazzy chiptune rang out through the boutique. "WHAT?" Giovanni shrieked. "I told my mom not to call this number or they'd trace it back to her! Hang on, guys…" He sighed, retrieving the device. "Some things just never change, do they? You get in the thick of the heist and then my MOM – "

He froze. Because the name on the screen wasn't "Mom." It was "Bear Trap."

The minion name he'd given Molly Blyndeff, the small girl he'd met by chance on a heist in the museum. They'd become friends almost immediately, and he'd recruited her into his squad, even if only in spirit. She was twelve, but Giovanni was pretty sure she was eight, and either way, if someone that young who you've resolved to take care of calls you, it is generally best to pick up the phone immediately, whether or not you are on the lam.

"Hello?" He lifted the phone to his ear. "Bear Trap?"

Molly's voice came across to him, high-strung and cracking; "BOSS! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know you said not to call this number because you're on the run from the police, but I'm scared and I don't know who to talk to and – "

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down!" Giovanni replied. "It's okay. I'm not as on the run as I used to be. Now. Tell me what happened."

"It's Sylvie," Molly babbled. "He just texted me something really weird about needing help and being captured. I think he's trying to say they took his Epithet again. I don't know, it was full of typos, and Sylvie NEVER makes typos, which means SOMETHING'S WRONG!"

"Hey," Giovanni said quickly. "Just – just calm down. Where are you right now?"

"At the toy store. Night shift just started, so I'm alone, and I know if I wake up Dad or Lorelai, they'll care more about the lost revenue than Sylvie and – "

"I'll be right there," Giovanni promised. "Don't worry. We'll get that brat back. I don't care what villain took him; they are NO MATCH for Giovanni Potage and his band of Blasters!"

He then hung up the phone and leapt atop a display case, standing tall; "ATTENTION EVERYONE! OUR HEIST IS ON HOLD! POCKET WHATEVER'S IN YOUR HANDS; WE NEED TO MOVE OUT! BEAR TRAP'S IN TROUBLE, AND WE GOTTA HELP HER!"

The other Blasters gasped, chorusing, "BEAR TRAP?"

"Who's Bear Trap?" Harley asked.

"She's the eighth member of our squad," Giovanni explained. "Well, like, not totally, because she hasn't fully committed to the villain life and I feel bad forcing that decision on an eight-year-old, but we ran into each other in what could only be a twist of fate, beginning a partnership that would last until the end of – I think that was a couple weeks ago? Anyway, she's one of my minions, and when one of my minions needs help, I DON'T REFUSE THE CALL!"

"Aww, so she's like your daughter!" Harley cooed.

"Nah." Giovanni waved that off. "She's more just kinda this young kid who I really care about and wanna protect and help grow into a successful adult no matter what comes her way in life. Now! We're wasting time! BLASTERS! LET'S MOVE!"

"WAIT!" Spike cried. "The Blyndeff Toy Emporium is halfway across the city! We'll never make it there without…A CAR!"

A nervous chill fell over the crowd. They'd walked all the way there from the library.

"Hang on." Harley's brow furrowed. "I got this."

She ran out to the sidewalk, striking a sultry stance and waving at traffic. A sizeable share taxi pulled over, its passenger window rolling down. "We-he-hell!" the driver greeted, eyes traveling up and down the length of Harley. "What can I do for a pretty gal like you?"

"Let me in and I'll tell ya," Harley told him.

So he allowed her to climb inside the taxibus, which happened to be empty. "Whaddaya know?" He winked. "You're the only one on my route, so how about I give you the special treatment? Lady's choice where you wanna go; no stops on the way. So? Where to?"

"How about dreamland?" Harley asked.

"Whaddaya mean – "

And she socked him so hard that he fell unconscious.

Harley dragged his snoring body out to leave on the sidewalk. "Found a ride!" she declared. "I'll drive! Gio, you gimme directions!"

"That's our Harley!" Ragdoll said with a grin.

The Blasters mostly stared at Harley with looks of incredulous admiration.

"THE KIDDO'S IN TROUBLE!" Harley stamped her foot. "YOU ALL GET ON THAT BUS RIGHT NOW! NOW, NOW, NOW, OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!"

So they did. Harley settled herself in the driver's seat, and soon, the taxi was speeding through Sweet Jazz City as quickly as it could without crashing into anything else.

...

First, Papyrus and Ven had quickly stopped by Blackmoor Manor to return the meteorite, apologizing for "the authorities" having taken so long to give back the Penvellyn relic. Then it was on a plane to head across the ocean and another continent entirely to get to Washington State, renting a taxi to the channel and ferrying out to Deception Island.

The town of Snake Horse Harbor was incredibly charming, with old-fashioned architecture offset by the gray skies. The local hotel, an establishment called the "Tide Rolling Inn," featured small rooms with plush beds and many pillows. Ven and Papyrus hadn't minded sharing a bed again, and the abundance of pillows allowed them to have a good battle with the fluffy weapons before heading on out to explore the town.

The closest eatery was a small café called the Hot Kettle: an inviting building, with a nautilus shell in rainbow stained glass on its door. The interior was surprisingly spacious, with many windows and a good scattering of circular tables with two or three chairs apiece.

"Hey there!" a voice greeted. "Can't remember seeing your faces before. New in town, or passing through?"

What appeared to be the only staff member was a woman in a green shirt patterned with artistically-styled whales, her dark hair pulled back behind her head neatly. She wiped down the front counter as she flashed Ven and Papyrus a smile.

"Just visiting for now," Ven told her.

"In Snake Horse Harbor?" the woman replied. "Not exactly a tourist hotspot."

"THE IDEA WAS TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL," Papyrus explained. "AS FAR AWAY FROM IT ALL AS POSSIBLE."

"I can tell you're not exactly the type to go with the bandwagon," the woman commented. "After all, most people don't go around wearing their Halloween costumes when it's not even close."

"AH, YES," Papyrus told her. "THIS IS MOST CERTAINLY A HALLOWEEN COSTUME." He hadn't gotten any better at that excuse over the last hundred times he'd told it, but people bought it because it was what they needed to here on this world.

"The detail work's real nice," the woman stated. "I'd almost think you were a real walking skeleton."

"GOOD THING THOSE DON'T EXIST!" Papyrus laughed nervously.

"If you guys aren't from around here," the woman suggested, "not to brag, but I make a kinda legendary clam chowder. Nobody in town can get enough. I betcha it outdoes anything where you're from."

"Sounds delicious!" Ven told her. "I'll have a bowl!"

"AS WILL I," Papyrus stated. "IF YOU PLEASE."

"My pleasure." She smiled. "Pick a seat. It's a slow day, so you've got the whole house. I'll be back in a jiff."

Ven and Papyrus took their seat at a table near an alcove with several floor-to-ceiling windows that let in the soft half-light. "I'VE TAKEN A LOOK AT INTERESTING SIGHTS TO SEE IN TOWN," Papyrus announced, "AND THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO I THINK WE'LL NEED TO CHECK OUT."

"Hit me!" Ven beamed.

"FIRST OF ALL," Papyrus said, "SOME SORT OF BUILDING CALLING ITSELF 'WHALE WORLD.' I THINK IT'S A…MUSEUM? MAYBE? I AM JUST CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT LIES INSIDE THIS WORLD OF WHALES."

"Sounds like it'll be fun to check out," Ven said with a nod. "What's the other?"

"THERE IS A BEACH NEAR THE OLD LIGHTHOUSE," Papyrus told him. "THE LIGHTHOUSE ITSELF ISN'T EXACTLY PUBLIC PROPERTY, BUT I FIGURE IT WILL STILL BE A NICE PLACE TO WALK AROUND AND LOOK AT THE OCEAN."

"All right!" Ven pumped a fist. "Though…do you mind if I suggest something?"

"I NEVER MIND!"

"Could we find a way to explore out on the water, too?" Ven asked. "Like, with a boat?"

"OF COURSE WE CAN!" Papyrus told him. "I'M SURE I READ ABOUT A PLACE FOR BOAT RENTAL. WE MAY ALSO WANT TO RENT BICYCLES TO TRAVEL THROUGH TOWN. HELMETS, TOO. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE!"

"Especially when your head's all skull," Ven teased.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT."

The woman returned, placing two steaming hot bowls of thick white soup on the table. "Enjoy," she said.

"Thanks, uhhh…" Ven scratched the back of his head.

"Jenna," the woman replied. "Jenna Deblin."

"Thanks, Jenna," Ven told her.

"No sweat!" Jenna returned to the counter. "Just holler if you need me; otherwise I'll bring the bill in fifteen, but no hurry to pay and run!"

"HMMMM." Papyrus was poking the surface of the soup with his spoon.

"Something wrong?" Ven asked.

"NO," Papyrus replied. "TRYING NEW HUMAN FOOD IS ALWAYS AN EXPERIENCE."

"Huh? You don't normally eat human food?"

"I WAS RAISED ON MONSTER FOOD," Papyrus explained. "IT'S ALL MAGICAL, SO IT NEVER SPOILS, EVEN IF YOU KEEP IT IN A HOT FRIDGE – THAT'S A FRIDGE CONFIGURED TO KEEP FOOD HOT ALL THE TIME – AND IT DISSOLVES INSIDE YOU, BUT ALSO LEAVES YOU FEELING FULL. I ONLY WAS EVEN ABLE TO FIND HUMAN FOOD TO EAT SHORTLY BEFORE I WENT ON THIS JOURNEY. I THOUGHT AT FIRST I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO STOMACH IT. HOWEVER, IT HAS ENDED UP BEING A WONDERFUL CULINARY JOURNEY…EVEN IF IT HAS PRESENTED NEW CHALLENGES. HUMAN FOOD TASTES MORE…STRANGELY SOLID. AND I HAVE TO DIGEST IT, WHICH IS AN EXPERIENCE."

"Um." Ven looked to Papyrus' breastplate, beneath which he knew there only to be an empty rib cage.

"I'M NOT SURE HOW IT WORKS EITHER," Papyrus told him. "SEEING AS I DON'T HAVE A STOMACH. BUT I SUPPOSE THAT'S HAVING A MAGICAL BODY FOR YOU. THE OTHER THING IS OUR INGREDIENTS ARE VASTLY DIFFERENT. I WASN'T EVEN AWARE YOU COULD MAKE SOUP OUT OF CLAMS UNTIL RECENTLY. BACK IN THE MOUNTAIN, THE CLOSEST EQUIVALENT WE HAD WAS SPIDER CHOWDER."

"You ate SPIDERS?" Ven gasped.

"WELL, THE SPIDERS ARE MASTER CHEFS AS A CULTURE!" Papyrus explained.

"Oh," Ven realized. "So it's just made BY spiders. There weren't spiders IN it."

"OH, NO, THERE WERE SPIDERS IN IT, TOO."

"WHAT THE – "

An interruption, from up front. Another patron pushed his way past the door, slamming down several dollars on the counter. "Muffin," he demanded.

"Sheesh." Jenna took his money and exchanged it for a blueberry muffin from the glass display case. "Not even a 'Hi, Jenna, how are you and your too-politically-correct ideals' this morning?"

"Don't you 'hi' me," the man growled loudly. He was obviously older than Jenna, with gray hair peppered slightly with black, a cap on his head and a turtleneck sweater around his upper body. "Only reason I'm here is 'cause it's the only decent food in town. But I know what you did."

"What I did?" Jenna laughed sardonically. "You're going to have to be more specific, Holt."

"Don't play dumb," Holt told her. "You and I mighta both wanted Firestone to button her lip at last night's meeting, but vandalizing her boat crosses a line."

"Huh?" Jenna replied. "Her boat got torn up in the night?"

"That's what I just said!"

"Well." Jenna shrugged. "That's what she gets for poking bears."

"Sounds like an admission of guilt to me."

"I'm amused," Jenna admitted. "But not the perpetrator. You know me better than that, Holt. I play fair. Now, I wonder who at last night's meeting almost started a shouting match because Katie's idea would've made his capitalist exploitation slightly more inconvenient?"

"You'd be singin' the same song if she'd made runnin' this place twice as expensive," Holt grumbled. "But I ain't the kind to ransack a person's boat over a dispute. I was always gonna work these things out from the harbormaster's office."

"Like you'd get elected."

Hearing this, Ven and Papyrus looked up from their (heavenly-tasting) bowls of clam chowder and watched the debate.

"I know it's not polite to meddle," Ven admitted, "but if they're fighting, and somebody's boat got damaged, and now they're throwing accusations around…I just can't help but feel like I should step in and see if I can fix things."

"NO, YOU'RE RIGHT." Papyrus stood. "SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE A STAND AROUND HERE. COME! LET US MEDDLE!"

"Hey!" Ven interrupted as he and Papyrus approached the squabbling pair. "What's all this about a boat?"

"Katie Firestone," Jenna explained. "Stubborn as a mule and cold as a witch."

"Wasn't what you were sayin' three months ago," Holt grunted.

"I'm OVER her," Jenna insisted. "But, like a bad penny, Katie refuses to just shut up and go away. We got in a bit of a verbal shootout at last night's town meeting."

"I SEE," Papyrus remarked. "AND WHAT WAS THE SUBJECT OF THE DISAGREEMENT?"

"'Disagreement' is putting it way too lightly," Jenna corrected. "It's to do with the orca that showed up offshore. You know about that, right?"

Ven shook his head; "No…"

"Darn thing's just a pup," Holt explained. "Whole town's up in arms 'cause it's gettin' too close to fishermen's craft. They put down a law sayin' no fishing boats within a certain radius of its swimming grounds. Easy enough to say, if y'a'in't a fisherman."

"AND I TAKE IT YOU ARE A FISHERMAN," Papyrus mused.

"The new route I gotta take costs time and fuel," Holt went on. "And I sure ain't goin' on furlough if the whale expands its territory around the whole darn island. Were it up to me, I'd say forget the whale; just let the fishermen do their job, and it'll all work out. That's how nature is. But the ladies insist that whale's gotta be coddled."

"Don't lump me in with Katie," Jenna snapped. "We might both agree that the whale should take precedence and that it needs to be kept away from craft that might harm it, but that's as far as it goes. She's convinced that whale is sick, and that if it tests positive for anything, it needs to be shipped off to some kind of fancy research facility where it'll be imprisoned and cut off from its pod. She has NO right to decide that. That whale is young, it's scared, and it needs to be reunited with its pod as soon as possible. And the authorities need to stop spinning their wheels and make sure that happens!"

"So Katie said her opinion last night," Ven realized, "and you two didn't agree. So now you wake up this morning and her boat's trashed."

"She did more than 'say' her opinion," Jenna clarified. "She screamed it. Loudly and rudely. And she was not taking 'you might be wrong' for an answer. Otherwise, that's the gist. Look, I wouldn't hurt her, no matter the circumstances. I don't like her, but I'm actually a decent human being, unlike some people who put profit above compassion."

"It ain't about the profit," Holt insisted. "It's about my way of livin'. Don't I get any compassion for that? I'm a human being; that thing's an animal, and plenty of 'em just like it die of natural causes out there every day. And don't get me wrong; I wouldn't vandalize someone's property over this kinda thing. There's no love lost between me and Katie Firestone right now, but I still respect her as a human being – the way none of you are doing for me."

"It sounds like you all need to find some kind of solution about the whale," Ven realized, "or your whole town will just keep on arguing!"

"NOT ONLY THAT!" Papyrus added. "BUT SOMEONE HAS VANDALIZED KATIE'S BOAT, AND THE PERPETRATOR IS AS OF YET UNKNOWN! THEY NEED TO BE FOUND AND GIVEN A STERN TALKING-TO!"

"What," Jenna scoffed, "you two are just gonna solve the mystery and bring peace back to the town? Nice try, but this isn't a fairy tale."

"YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME!" Papyrus boasted.

"I have to at least try to help," Ven insisted. "It's just…it's what's RIGHT."

"So, what?" Holt asked. "What're you planning to do to make all your little fantasies of peace and justice come true?"

"Well, we could start by talking to Katie and seeing if there are any clues at the crime scene," Ven realized. "Where can we find her?"

"You want me to actively give you directions to Katie Firestone's place?" Jenna said incredulously. "That's usually the last thing people want. But if your heart's set on this…" She sighed. "Well, I can't say your idealism isn't charming. Just don't tell her I sent you."

She began to jot notes down on a legal pad.

"Of course," Holt remarked, "you're the only one who would know the exact directions to her place."

"Shut up." Jenna tore the paper off the pad, handing it over. "There. The address and a little map. It's a bit of a hike, though."

"We're heading out to rent bikes anyway," Ven stated.

"Wear a helmet," Jenna and Holt warned at the same time before cringing that they'd managed to be in accord on something.

"BUT FIRST!" Papyrus declared. "WE MUST FINISH OUR WONDERFUL HUMAN SOUP! …WHICH IS A NORMAL THING FOR ME, A HUMAN, TO SAY."

"It actually is some of the best soup I've ever had," Ven agreed. "You weren't lying."

"I'll give Jenna this," Holt grunted. "Best soup on the isle."

"Nothing I didn't know." Jenna grinned. "Anything else before you start your epic quest of idealism? Blueberry muffin?"

"Yeah!" Ven cried enthusiastically. "That sounds like a great way to finish it off!"

"I'LL TAKE ONE, TOO!" Papyrus said.

They returned to their table, muffins in hand, and Papyrus cleared his throat (or, rather, made that noise without having a throat, which made the question of digestion all the more mysterious); "ER…VEN…I'M SORRY WE GOT WRAPPED UP IN A QUEST ON WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR RELAXING TRIP."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Ven said earnestly. "Actually, if you wanna know the truth…it kinda makes me happy that we can help people out while we're here. And it gives us an excuse to check out at least one more part of town. It's the kind of thing I'm happy to do."

"AH! IN THAT CASE, I RESCIND ALL APOLOGIES!"

"Good."

The muffins weren't as spectacular as the soup, but all the same, they were very quality muffins.

...

The compass needle pointed directly at the distant wall on the horizon.

"As I thought," Mozenrath said as he lowered it. "We're going to have to go the long route." He smiled at the thought. Then he turned to the others; "What do you know of Numerian history and legends?"

"This is literally the first time any of us have been to this world," Wuya said flatly.

"Why do I feel a lecture coming?" Gill rolled his eyes.

"Because there is one!" Mozenrath laughed. "Numeria is an ancient civilization long dead – "

"And here we go," Yzma sighed.

"Better listen up," Shocker warned. "It'll save us some time not blunderin' around the wrong direction later."

" – known for its advanced technology, which intermingled with a little bit of magic," Mozenrath went on. "One of their crowning achievements was the manipulation of magnetic fields that would attract or repel various forms of supernatural energy. The Numerians were also an intellectual civilization, basing much of their culture around the pursuits of science, language, and especially mathematics. Certain of the mythology describes how they utilized their magnetic magitech to stop the assault of the monster Mathra, which terrorized the – "

"Oh, are you KIDDING ME?" cried Mysterio, who had a fairly good knowledge of kaiju film.

"…the entire rainforest," continued Mozenrath, who did not. "Mostly picking off the native species. Now, as you can see even from this great distance, Numeria is surrounded by an impenetrable wall. Even my magic couldn't permeate the magnetic field. But very obviously, there is a set of enormous golden doors set into that wall. The gates of Numeria can only be opened with a very specific key. And to protect the civilization's secrets, that key was split in two and hidden at altars on opposite sides of the forest. Now, recently, there had been a big to-do about some sort of animal-poaching ring and the usual band of plucky teenage heroes seeking out ancient secrets that hadn't been touched in millennia to stop it, but after that incident ended, the two halves of the key were returned to their original altars out of respect for all parties involved. Of course…we won't be so polite."

"I'm sorry," Mysterio broke in. "It sounds like you're saying we have to hike to opposite sides of the rainforest in order to find the pieces of a key that will let us into the city where the gem is."

"I am saying that." Mozenrath smirked.

"If I pretend to faint," Mysterio asked, "will anyone catch me?"

"No," Shocker said flatly.

"I will!" Zevon volunteered.

"Wasn't aiming for you," Mysterio said, and he decided against fainting.

"And how do we even know the gem is inside those city walls and not lying two feet in front of the gate?" Wuya asked.

"Because that sorcereress specificationally wanted to protectoratect the gems," Zevon clarified. "Her magic would have taken them to securitable locations."

"The other two were hiding in plain sight among innumerable other crystals," Yzma recalled. "One of which was embedded in a deadly, scorpion-ridden lava wasteland and one of which had feet so she could stay two steps ahead of us at all times."

"It tracks that the third would be behind an anti-magic magnetic field," Wuya agreed. "All right. I'll bite. Where can we find these key halves?"

"The one that will be more…agreeable to attain is situated within the Rings of Fire," Mozenrath stated. "That's on the outskirts of the Monkey Kingdom. And don't let the name fool you. I haven't actually seen these 'Rings of Fire,' but nothing in the middle of an abandoned village taken over by a bunch of monkeys with delusions of grandeur could possibly be that intimidating."

"Sounds pretentious to me," Shocker agreed.

"Are we all just ignoring MONKEY KINGDOM?" Gill cried. "You don't think I get enough of that working with Monkey Fist?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong." Mozenrath's expression soured. "Dealing with the monkeys is going to be a pain and a half. But what has to be done…has to be done."

"Then let's get this over with," Wuya declared.

"Fiiiiine," Yzma sulked.

They hiked down the left-hand trail largely without incident. Eventually, a dilapidated stone wall with an arched doorway came into view.

"No turning back now," Mozenrath declared.

"Is that a threat?" Yzma sighed.

Through the door and at a forked dirt pathway leading into a denser part of the forest, everything seemed normal. That is, until Zevon made the mistake of saying "Everything seems normal."

That was apparently the cue for lightning to flash despite there not being a single storm cloud afoot, and for a wicked-sounding, raspy laugh to echo out.

"Great," Mozenrath growled. "You just HAD to say something, didn't you?"

Down from the tree directly ahead swung a sizeable monkey. One might've thought him an orangutan, but he had a distinctly long, monkeyish tail that set him apart from the ape class. He was also wearing a steel breastplate and a Morion helmet.

"I am Vasco de Bongo!" the monkey said. "King of the Monquistadors!"

"No one asked," Wuya told him.

"Wait." Mozenrath put up both hands. "Wait, wait…wait. Did you just say the word 'Monquistadors'?"

"Of course I did!" Bongo replied. "That is the name of my people, after all."

"Don't…EVER say that word again," Mozenrath seethed.

"So what brings you to my Monkey Kingdom?" Bongo asked with a sincere smile that might have been cute if not viewed by several villains at the moment.

"WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE – " Zevon began.

Wuya elbowed him hard in the side, causing him to double over. "Sightseeing," she corrected. "We're sightseeing."

"I will gladly allow you to look through my glorious kingdom however you see fit!" Bongo stated. "I can even give you a tour!"

"That won't be necessary," Mozenrath said quickly.

"Though if I may be so bold," Mysterio added, "we were so hoping to see the legendary Rings of Fire. How might we get there?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Bongo replied. "It's just across the Serpent Chasm at the other edge of the kingdom. Though if you wanna go any further across it than just looking at it, you'll need sneezeberries."

"You know what?" Mozenrath decided. "I'll allow 'Monquistadors' so long as you never say the word 'sneezeberries' again in my presence."

"Name might sound stupid," Shocker broke in, "but this sounds important."

"Sneezeberries are very important!" Bongo argued. "They're the world's only known fire-resistant fruit that's still really delicious, in five colorful flavors!"

"Would a fella need all five ta get across them Rings?" Shocker asked.

"Why are you asking?" Bongo grew suspicious. "Are you trying to get to the Altar or something?"

"Heard there was somethin' on the other side," Shocker told him. "Didn't know what. See now that it ain't my business."

"But let's say we wanted to taste the sneezeberries," Gill broke in. "Where do they even grow? In someone's nose?"

"Why, all over the kingdom!" Bongo replied. "Most are privately owned by other Monquistadors, but I'm sure they'll gladly give them to you! …In exchange for some favors and acts of kindness, of course. That's how it works around here!"

"Because of course it is," Wuya sighed.

"We'll keep that in mind," Mozenrath snorted. "Anyway, sights won't see themselves."

"If a tree is in the rainforest and nobody's around to see it," Yzma mused, "is it even still a sight?"

"We don't have time for this, Yzma," Mozenrath growled. To Bongo: "Thank you for that…enlightening piece of exposition. My cohorts and I will continue exploring. Have a nice day!"

"You too!" Bongo said, waving enthusiastically as the group of villains advanced into the forest. "Enjoy the sightseeing!"

"There really is one born every minute, isn't there?" Mozenrath shook his head.

"That one's so dense, the next two minutes went without," Wuya offered. "He was enough for three."

"Okay, what is THAT?" Gill pointed to an odd plant that stood before them, near an archway that seemed to lead to a dilapidated building. On its branches were something between pods and leaves: great purple growths that shimmered in the sun, round on top and flat on the bottom.

"Oh!" This, from a monkey who peered out from the archway. "That's a sneezeberry plant!"

"Well, well." Mozenrath grinned. "This just got easier."

He knelt before the plant. Tapped the pod-leaf. "Now…how do you get them out?" After much poking and prodding, he resorted to grabbing the plant by the stem as if to choke it, screaming, "GIVE ME THE SNEEZEBERRIES NOW!"

"That's no way to treat a sneezeberry plant!" the monkey told him. "They only respond to monkeys who ask nicely! Not to anything any further evolved!"

"I'd like to know how hilariously that rules out Gill, in numbers," Mysterio stated.

"All right." Mozenrath stood, glowering at the monkey. "Then ASK IT TO GIVE US SNEEZEBERRIES."

"Oh, here in the Monkey Kingdom, we don't do anything for nothing," the monkey stated. "You'll have to exchange some sort of service."

"Or – " Mozenrath began to threaten.

Wuya, sensing the tone of his voice, hissed, "If you want him to ask the plant willingly, you're going to swallow the rest of that sentence."

So Mozenrath did. Begrudgingly.

"Whatcha need help with around here?" Shocker asked.

"Oh, nothing right now!" the monkey said cheerfully. "But if I think of something, you'll be the first to know!"

"THIS IS POINTLESS!" Zevon cried. "IT'S LESS THAN POINTLESS! IT'S POINTLESSLESS!"

"Let's not get mad," Shocker advised. "Let's just move on. Plenty more berries in the forest."

Mozenrath was practically literally fuming as the group marched away. Gill slopped a wet hand onto his shoulder sympathetically; "I know. Monkeys, right?"

The Monquistadors seemed to have overtaken a very large settlement. Not by forcing out the previous inhabitants by any means; the stone buildings all showed signs of age and wear that the monkeys were only just beginning to clear away. Mozenrath and his fellows marched through an open agora, then turned to a square that held an obelisk-style monument.

There was a thump and the sound of someone saying "Aw, geez!"

"A damsel in distress?" Mysterio remarked. "Perhaps to reward her knights in shining armor with sneezeberries?"
They rounded the obelisk to see a monkey standing before the obelisk with a cleaning cloth. On this side was a golden plaque with text embedded in it concerning some legendary monkey founding father or another. It was mostly made up of smaller interlocking plaques, one of which was very starkly missing.

"Why's this always happen every time I try to polish the monument?" the monkey groaned. "Hey…you guys wouldn't happen to have a way to stick it back on, would ya? I'd give ya some sneezeberries if ya did!"

"Too easy." Gill marched forward, bent down, picked up the fallen plague, and hacked a good amount of slime onto the back side of it. He then slapped it onto the monument, where its edges oozed green.

"Uh…thanks," the monkey said, unsure.

"Just give us the sneezeberries, squeeb," Gill urged.

"All right," the monkey replied. "Here ya go!"

She gave a distinct chirp. The rustling of movement alerted the others to the presence of the blue sneezeberry plant, which seemed to be convulsing. Then with a loud "ACHOO!", one of the pods spit out a bunch of brilliant blue berries.

"I hate everything about this," Mozenrath sighed. "Also, I'm not touching those."

"I'm beginning to see why you invited me," Gill remarked, scooping up the berry bunch.

"I wish I could say this was the part of the forest I needed you for," Mozenrath grumbled.

"I don't like the way you said that," Yzma told him.

"MOVING ON," Mozenrath urged before leading the others to the next area of town.

"You know," Yzma remarked, scurrying out front, "this hasn't been all that bad. Sure, it's a jungle, and there's no such thing as a nice day outdoors, but admittedly, the climate is favorable, the view is nice, and best of all, nothing horrible has – "

She completely missed the fact that there was a pit of green-tinted liquid dug in the dirt before her, and her heeled shoe went plunging right down into it, taking the rest of her with it.

"Oh, dear!" cried the monkey who was assigned to watch the pit.

Yzma floundered before finding the footing to clamber out of the impression in the ground. "What even IS that in there?" she seethed, pointing back at the green.

"You don't want to know," the monkey replied.

Gill and Mysterio both broke out laughing at that.

"Oh, you think this is FUNNY?" Yzma snapped. "You think this is AMUSING? I don't have to put up with this. You watch!"

She marched right up to the nearest tree, grabbing a vine and tugging. "I – won't – stand – for this!" With the fourth yank, the vine broke free: a long length of green in her hands. "Now, see here?" She gestured to the wooden posts that marked off the corners of the pit. "We shouldn't have to settle for this!" Yzma then set about wrapping the vine around the posts, winding it around each. "I have fallen into this muck for THE LAST TIME, do you hear me?" She tied it off with a bow: a perfect fit.

"Wow!" the monkey replied. "Thank you for sealing that off! Now no one else can fall in by accident, least of all me! As a reward for your kind deed, please take some sneezeberries!"

A red plant nearby sneezed them out: vermilion as blood.

"KIND DEED?" Yzma replied, gobsmacked. "But I – you – I would NEVER – this was about ME!"

"Yzma." Wuya gripped Yzma's shoulders from behind, shaking her lightly. "Just take the victory. Take it and go."

"HOW DO SNEEZEBERRIES REMOTELY HELP ME GET THE SMELL OUT OF THIS – "

Wuya had to shove her away from earshot, the others tagging along.

"You know," Mysterio realized, "I do believe I see how this game is played. Might we retrace our steps ever so slightly?"

That was how they ended up hiding in the foliage outside the archway they'd passed on the way in, near the purple plant Mozenrath had attempted to throttle.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Wuya asked Mozenrath.

"I'm just mildly frustrated I can't blow up the whole house," Mozenrath replied.

He sent a shockwave of blue into the ground, radiating out to shake the arch. Several stones fell loose, prompting the monkey who owned the home to cry out, "Oh, DEAR!"

"Do I hear a cry of UTTER DISMAY?" Mysterio presented himself, striding forth confidently. "Never fear, for MYSTERIO is here to soothe your heart-rending pain!"

"Phew!" the monkey sighed, wiping his brow. "You got here just in time! An earthquake knocked down my address stones! Now the mailmonkey won't be able to deliver my mail properly!"

"Fret not, simian civilian!" Mysterio went on. "For I, MYSTERIO, will remedy this utter disaster! In what order must the numbers rest?"

"To make the biggest number possible," the monkey stated.

"Ah," Mysterio sighed. "I see. You're going to make me do math. I was rather hoping for an English literature question or a drama assignment, but no task is too daunting!"

He whipped up his cape, and several robotic bats fluttered out to retrieve the stones and set them in place.

As Mysterio returned, purple sneezeberries in hand, he insisted, "I earned these, so I get to keep them."

"I'm still not touching those things," Mozenrath told him.

More exploration of the city revealed a gigantic treasure chest with a coin slot in front. A monkey guard wearing armor similar to Bongo's was whimpering, tugging at her tail caught between lid and base. The chest was clearly locked.

"Ouch," Wuya remarked.

"Focus on what matters here…" Mozenrath motioned toward the chest.

"Well, howdy." Shocker knelt by the trapped monkey. "Seems ya got yerself in a little situation."

"Could you please help me?" the monkey sobbed. "I'm just the worst royal guard ever! It seems like every time I open the chest to add more to it, I get my tail caught!"

"I think we could spare ya a hand, little lady," Shocker said, glad she couldn't see his smirk beneath his mask. "Now, how's this thing open? Got a key?"

"Actually," she explained with a sniffle, "all you gotta do is put the right amount of coins into the slot. Right now, it's set to open at fifty centos…"

Shocker looked over to a pile of coins on the ground nearby. "Well, all right."

He located a 25-cento coin, a 10-cento, and three 5-centos, placing them inside the slot. The chest creaked open, and the monkey swiped her tail out, hugging it gratefully. "Oh, thank you, THANK you! How can I ever repay you? Oh, I know! With some sneezeberries!"

With an "ACHOO!", a green plant spat out bright viridian berries.

"Mighty kind of ya," Shocker said as he picked up this bunch. "Though there's one other thing I gotta ask of ya."

"Oh? What?"

"Ya let a thief do his job."

With twin blasts, Shocker upended the chest, pouring out a mountain of ancient gold. The villains were upon it in seconds, tearing through it to fill their pockets.

"HEY!" the monkey guard shrieked. "That's the royal treasury, so…so you better stop that, right now!"

"Or else WHAT?" Zevon crowed before giving a raucous evil laugh. "That's right; you don't know! KAPOW!"

"CLEAN GETAWAY!" Yzma yelled, and they all scooped up the last of the coins and ran.

"Guards!" the monkey squeaked. "GUARDS! HELP!"

The villains kept running until they skidded into what appeared to be the courtyard of the monkey castle. Wuya halted first, drawing everyone's attention to their surroundings. At first they thought she was interested in the giant calendar carved on the nearest stone wall, or the monkey leaning out the upper-floor window, dressed in a golden crown and a purple cape.

When the enormous green monster, all shrouded in shadow except for its massive clawed hands, shook the bars of its cage, they realized what had really stopped the Heylin witch.

"Ah, dear me," the monkey queen lamented. "I'm Queen Itchabella, and my pet Flabberwock – that sweet animal over there – is angry!"

"My, my," Yzma said dryly. "I never could've figured that out on my own."

The Flabberwock roared menacingly.

"You see," Itchabella went on, "I mark his feeding days on this calendar, and he wants to know when his next feeding day is!"

"I'm not certain I want to know what that thing eats," Mysterio whispered to Zevon.

"Probabilitily not people," Zevon whispered back. "I'm guesstimating it's just a harmless fish-eater."

"Oh, that is such a relief," Gill grunted sardonically.

"But the marker has fallen off," Itchabella continued. "King Vasco has sent me this scroll with instructions for finding the date – "

"THAT DOES IT!" Yzma screeched. "Now you listen here, Itchabelle."

"Itchabel-LA," the queen corrected.

"I have put up with this farce so far," Yzma ranted. "But only because we got to ruin things for fun and profit along the way! Let me guess: if I put that calendar marker back according to the instructions your husband sent you, which I suppose are just complex enough to prove he's an idiot who can't write but not enough to save you from being an idiot who has no reading comprehension, you'll reward me with sneezeberries?"

"Er…yes?" Itchabella replied tentatively.

"I'VE HAD IT!" Yzma yelled. "I can play repairwoman. I can play nurse if it means picking up a whole chest full of gold coins. But I DRAW THE LINE AT ORGANIZING THE CALENDAR OF A WOMAN WHO CAN'T KEEP TRACK OF WHAT DAY IT IS! THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS I AM ABOVE!"

"Oh, dear." Itchabella drooped. "I suppose I could just figure this out by myself – "

"No," Yzma told her. "You know what we're going to do? End this charade once and for all. No more grubbing for sneezeberries by doing favors. No more enabling the lot of you Monquistadors to be the laziest band of moronic scum I've ever met in my life! As I said, I am FAR above it! But you know what I'm not above?"

She walked over to tap the bars of the Flabberwock's cage. "Ransom," she said with a wide grin. "Give us the sneezeberries, and I'll turn the Flabberwock loose on the populace."

"Pretty sure ya mean 'or,'" Shocker told her.

Yzma's grin grew wider. "No. I didn't."

Wuya caught on. She charged up a fireball of green in her hands, and Itchabella barely had time to screech "NO! DON'T!" before it was pitched at the cage, hitting the iron bars and dissolving them away like acid.

The beast burst out of the cage all at once. There was very clearly a reason it had been kept in such a dark and shadowy cage.

"I'm…not sure what I was expecting," Mozenrath admitted as Mysterio, Shocker, Zevon, and Gill trembled behind him, "but that…wasn't it."

Itchabella shrieked.

"THIS WAY!" The treasury guard had brought backup: a troop of Monquistadors wielding spears. "The thieves went – "

Wuya looped a large collar and a chain leash made of magic around the Flabberwock's neck. "Down, boy," she commanded.

The guards skidded into the courtyard – and immediately backpedaled upon sight of the monster only Wuya had under control.

"Tell your king he better hand over every sneezeberry in the kingdom," Wuya said snidely, "or else this adorable little creature will maul everything in its path. After all, I hear it was waiting on a feeding day."

In the agora, Monquistadors presented piles and piles of sneezeberries – purple, red, blue, green, yellow – up to the WHAM ARMY, who held the Flabberwock tethered at their side. Mozenrath telekinetically placed them all in an enchanted bag, grinning at the hapless monkeys. "I think that about wraps up our business here," he stated. "And what better favor could we do you than NOT letting the Flabberwock run wild on your kingdom?"

"Now, now," Mysterio reminded him. "Didn't you say there was one born every minute?"

"You know what?" Mozenrath chuckled. "I did! And I think I know just how to 'reward' all of you for being so GULLIBLE."

Wuya snapped her fingers, and the chain and collar disappeared in a shower of sparks.

As the Flabberwock terrorized the city, the seven ne'er-do-wells proceeded toward a large fissure in the earth. Barely visible in the shadows cast by the crags, a stone head embedded in the crevasse writhed with a hundred multicolored snakes, slithering in and out of every available orifice.

"No one crosses this mighty chasm and – " the statue began.

Wuya simply enchanted an ornate and solidly-built bridge over Serpent Chasm, and the septet simply strolled across.

"I suppose you could do that," the statue mused.

Wuya let the bridge dissipate behind her. "Now that that's over," she remarked, "let's see about these Rings of Fire."

"If all it takes to cross them are simple berries," Mysterio mused, "then certainly, it must be an exaggerated name for – "

They turned the corner into a volcanic caldera a mile in diameter. Inside of it, five concentric channels filled with bubbling, red-hot magma provided a luminous redness to the very atmosphere. At the center of the area marked by the innermost ring was a modest cavern, just deep enough that the innards weren't visible from that distance.

"Well," Mozenrath said, gobsmacked as everyone else. "That's…definitely more Rings of Fire than I bargained for."

...

As the taxibus careened down the Sweet Jazz City streets, Giovanni rattled off directions: "Then take the next right and the toy store's gonna be on your right RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE STOOOOOOP!"

Harley slammed the brakes, nearly throwing the bus. When it settled to a peaceful halt, she pumped her fist; "MADE IT!"

"That does it," Ben decided. "You can drive, so we're firing Car Crash."

"HEYYYYY!" Car Crash moaned.

"Car Crash stays," Giovanni insisted. "Even if you don't all contribute actual skills to our operation…you all contribute to my heart."

"AWW!" said just about everyone in the taxibus.

"Also," Giovanni added, "you ever get this weird feeling that somebody somewhere had a conversation about soup you feel like you should've been part of somehow?"

"Uhhh…that's really specific," Firefly replied. "Can't say I've felt that. Though I get the feeling Roman Torchwick talks about arson when I'm not ar – "

"Uhhhh, guys?" Harley called out. "The kiddo?"

With a scream of remembrance, Giovanni rushed to the door, slamming into it before Harley could lever it open. Eventually, everyone disembarked in a disorderly fashion to stand before a charming toy store tucked in between some of the larger buildings of the city.

"Hmm." Harley pouted. "Y'know…I gotta reclaim the whole toy aesthetic. Just because Mr. J gave it a bad name don't mean I gotta give up likin' dolls."

"Now, everyone, let me go first!" Giovanni insisted. "I'm the one who knows the secret knock that'll let Bear Trap know who we are!"

Everyone nodded, and he walked up to the glass door, rapping a complex pattern on it that took about thirty seconds.

"Come in?" a meek voice said from inside the establishment. "It's open. To everyone. This is a twenty-four-hour toy store."

"The secret knock worked," Giovanni said with a wink before throwing the door aside, jingling a little bell.

"BEAR TRAP!" he cried as he hurried into the shop, with Harley, Firefly, Ragdoll, Car Crash, Spike, Darkstar, Crusher, Flamethrower, and Ben hot on his heels. "We're here!"

"GIOVANNI!" Molly cried, scurrying out from behind the counter to leap up into his arms for a quite tight hug.

She was one of the cutest children Harley had ever seen, with big green eyes that shone like buttons and an array of multicolored stars in her cloud of dark, curly hair. Her brown hoodie was long enough to nearly cover her skirt, reaching to the edge of her purple stockings.

Then Harley realized something about the hoodie – namely, how it was trimmed in faux fur and had little ears on the hood. "IS THAT WHY YOU'RE CALLED BEAR TRAP?" she squealed, pointing to the garment. "'CAUSE OF YOUR LITTLE BEAR HOODIE?"

"Uhhh…is that a new Blaster?" Molly asked, perched in Giovanni's grip.

"Yes and no," Giovanni answered. "See, we're kinda over the whole 'Banzai Blaster' thing, though we're probably gonna keep the name to reduce confusion. But working for a multicorporation is soooooo yesterday's news."

"They scammed you out of all your money, didn't they?" Molly said flatly.

"AND bullied us!" Flamethrower added. "They made fun of my cheerleading!"

"I mean, you are kinda bad at it," Molly admitted, "but I can tell how much heart you put into it, and that's all that really matters at the end of the day."

"Plus there's that whole 'blabbed my name to a cop' thing," Giovanni went on.

"I mean, as cops go, she seemed pretty nice when she came to interrogate me," Molly told him.

"HEY!" Giovanni complained, setting her down to sit on the counter. "Whose side are you on here?"

"Yours." Molly grinned. "Which is why I made up a bunch of fake facts to distract her."

"That's my Bear Trap!" Giovanni said proudly. "And to answer your question, Harley, the name is a combination of the fact that this young lady is a bear aficionado and also that her Epithet allows her to be super quiet, like a deadly trap waiting to spring and sink its teeth into you as soon as you step on what seems like an innocuous pile of leaves! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

"I…don't see how that kid has an evil bone in her body," Firefly commented, looking at Molly kicking her rain-booted legs idly.

"And to answer YOUR question," Giovanni said to Molly, "Harley, Firefly, and Ragdoll here have offered me a new lease on criminal life! We're merging operations to transform into a new villainous supergroup henceforth known as – KNOWN AS – " He cringed. "We don't have a name yet, do we?"

"Oh, this is my FAVORITE part," Ragdoll piped up.

"So she's a clown," Giovanni muttered, "which makes me think of the circus, so…Cirque du whatever the French word for 'evil' is?"

"Cirque du Mal," Firefly corrected. "Which we're not doing because it's stupid."

"Hey, hey, HEY!" Harley stamped her foot. "You two are doin' part-time with the WHAM ARMY anyway! You don't get full share in pickin' the name!"

"WHAM ARMY?" Giovanni asked. "Is that, like, a rival villain faction?"

"WAY more ruthless," Harley told him. "But they make good neighbors on a good day. If ya don't get in their way or accuse 'em of killin' a guy your ex killed to take his place."

"That's such a good name," Giovanni muttered, eyes wide. "Damn it, I wish I'd thought of 'WHAM ARMY.'"

"That is…not the usual reaction to that name," Firefly stated.

Meanwhile, Ragdoll had cartwheeled on over to a toy display, perusing the dolls; "You didn't tell me this establishment sold VINTAGE!" He picked one up. "Hmm. I suppose since Bear Trap is a friend, it wouldn't be fair game to steal from her – "

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Giovanni yelled.

"Hey, FOCUS!" Harley snapped. "We got a real problem here, remember? We can go toy shoppin' AFTER we solve it!" She walked up to Molly, who still sat on the counter. "So. Got a civilian name, or is that hush-hush?"
"Um…most people just call me 'Molly,' 'cause that's my name," Molly volunteered.

"Molly!" Harley put out a hand. "Name's Harley. Short for Harleen. Nice to meet ya!"

Molly grasped her hand, shaking it. "You seem nice for a villain. Kinda like Giovanni."

"Aw, he's way more of a sweetheart than I've been," Harley said modestly. "…Wait a tick. Where's your family? You runnin' this place all by yourself?"

"I'm generally in charge of the graveyard shift," Molly said morosely. "Dad and Lorelai can only do day hours. Well, that's what they say, but tonight they're out getting ice cream and having a father-daughter bonding night even though it's later than they can supposedly stay up. It figures."

"They make ya IN CHARGE OF A TOY STORE BY YOURSELF IN THE DEAD A' NIGHT?" Harley screeched. "WHAT THE – YOU'RE A LITTLE GIRL! DOESN'T YOUR DAD KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO LITTLE GIRLS IN THE BIG CITY WHEN THEY AIN'T PROTECTED?"

"My dad is very flippant about hypothetical threats," Molly explained.

"Y'know," Harley mused, "I'm thinkin' maybe we SHOULD steal a doll from this store. Obviously her dad ain't up to proper child maintenance."

"Ooh, kidnapping!" Giovanni gasped. "I never even thought of that!" He turned to Molly; "Hey, Bear Trap. You wanna be kidnapped?"

"If you want it to be actual kidnapping," Molly informed him, "you can't ask me. You have to just put me in a vehicle without my consent."

"THAT doesn't sound like any fun," Giovanni told her. "It just sounds like it would upset my minion – that's you – and that's against villain code."

"But if I think about it," Molly mused, "on one hand, I'd be lying if I said I didn't engage in age-typical fantasies about finding a 'real family' who would take me away to a place where I didn't have to deal with a bully sister and a dad who forgets me in public places. On the other, they are my family, and I do love them, and thinking about just running away seems dishonest somehow."

"We'll circle back around to that," Harley decided. "So, Bear Trap, what's the problem here?"

"SYLVIE!" Molly cried, nearly falling off the counter. "Somebody took Sylvie!"

"Who's that?" Harley asked.

"An insufferable know-it-all who I CAN'T STAND," Giovanni growled.

"He's Giovanni's and my best friend," Molly contradicted. "We had an adventure that forged us into a found family, and Sylvie and I have been in contact ever since. But he texted me tonight that somebody took him, and he's in the trunk of a car, and he doesn't know where he's going but he said he'd send updog when he could…" She began to shake.

"Updog?" Giovanni repeated. "What's upd – WAIIIIT A MINUTE. Harley warned me about that one!"

"But I wanna know!" Spike groaned. "What's updog?"

"NOT MUCH!" Flamethrower crowed. "WHAT'S UP WITH YOU, DOG?"

"I'm in a toy store!" Spike replied with a grin.

"I think he meant to type 'updates,'" Molly realized. "Like I said, it was full of mistakes, and Sylvie NEVER uses incorrect grammar or misspells words when he's texting. That means he's really panicked or can't use his hands or something!"

"Then we got another kid to find," Harley resolved. "Anythin' else we can go on to find him?"

"Nuh-uh!" Molly shook her head fervently. "That's all I know! I don't know what to do, and I'm scared because they might hurt him or – or – OR – "

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down!" Giovanni interrupted. "The sheep brat is NOT getting hurt on our watch."

"I thought you couldn't stand him," Firefly reminded.

"Yeah, well, I need him around in order to have somebody to not stand!" Giovanni argued. "Somebody wants to hurt him? I'll pound 'em into dust with my Soul-Slugger Doom Bat."

"Is that the one with the knife taped to it?" Ragdoll asked.

"You know it!" Giovanni confirmed.

"Okay," Harley resolved, "we gotta find a way to all split up and canvass the city. Let's go outside so I can see what I'm workin' with. I'll think better when I'm not surrounded by toys my intrusive thoughts say I gotta slip into my pocket when the kiddo ain't lookin'."

All of them, now joined by Molly, rushed back out onto the sidewalk.

"We need a game plan," Harley declared decisively.

Except they didn't. Because the moment everyone had gotten clear of the Blyndeff Toy Emporium was the moment it simply exploded.

"WHAT THE WHAT THE - ?" Harley screeched.

"Noooooo nononononono…" Firefly doubled over, helmet clutched in his hands. "I didn't do it, I WOULDN'T do it, not to a KID – "

"You didn't," Ragdoll confirmed. "This was foul play."

From the dust, a familiar figure to Harley sauntered forward. "How dumb do you think I am?" a raspy voice asked as a slender frame held up a glowing cell phone. Sylvie's phone.

"No." Harley gasped. "It can't be. They found me…"

Two more outlines behind the girl: one big, one small. "You know," the larger said, his voice bolstered by static that caused the misophonic Molly to cover her ears and wince, "these newfangled cellular telephones give off signals far less easy to trace than radio waves, but oh, the satisfaction when I figured out how to crack that code!"

"Now," the girl asked, stepping out of the dust. "Who was our little doctor texting for – " Cyclonis flinched. "HARLEY!"

"Cyclonis," Harley spat. "Still doin' Maleficent's dirty work?"

"Maleficent and I cut ties," Cyclonis stated as Alastor and Lucy flanked her. "I found some better friends."

"What a coinc-i-dinc," Harley seethed. "So did I."

"You KNOW this crazy chick?" Darkstar gasped.

"You could say we go back a little way." Cyclonis smirked. "What a fortuitous reunion, in fact. It seems you and I have both been spurned."

"Whaddaya say, miss?" Alastor spread his arms out wide. "Care to join up with some REAL mischief-makers and evildoers?"

"More mass murder, spreading of nightmares, and general terrorism than you can ever ask for!" Lucy advertised.

"NO!" Harley spat. "That's the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I stinkin' wanted! I'm lookin' for crooks who share my moral line in the sand!"

"Oh, Harley," Cyclonis jeered. "Why limit yourself like that? We both know what you're REALLY capable of. Or else Maleficent wouldn't have looked at you twice."

"I'm capable of gettin' you to shut up is what," Harley seethed.

"I'd think twice." Cyclonis spun her crystal staff. "After all, I did just destroy this charming little boutique with just a wave of my magic wand. Can any of your friends do that?"

"Not YET," Spike said in a tone that attempted to be intimidating and failed.

"But what's more," Cyclonis went on, "I've just gained new power. Look up. Do you see what I see?"

All eyes craned to where Cyclonis indicated, in the sky over the ruins of the toy shop. Molly gasped; "SYLVIE!"

Paralyzed by a blue aura of magic, Sylvie Ashling was suspended two and a half stories in the air, eyes wide in utter terror.

"Dr. Ashling was so kind as to let me borrow his Epithet," Cyclonis explained, toying with the Arsene Amulet around her neck with a finger. "Now, I have access to the powers of the Realm of Sleep. A weak little boy like him who lacked true ambition could only do so much. Summon puny Dream Eater pets, conjure a nightmare or two."

"Lacked ambition?" Giovanni was taken aback. "The kid had a fuckin' Ph.D."

"But I can do so much more," Cyclonis said in a harsh whisper. "The power of Drowsy can allow me to bring to life your worst fears. I know how to mold the nightmares to their full potential."

"I think this calls for a demonstration!" Alastor advised. "Take it away, little lady! Give 'em the old razzle-dazzle!"

"Show your friend here what it'd mean if she picked us over them," Lucy added. "Carrot and stick in one, innit?"

Cyclonis began to glow with a fiery orange aura. "Ashling called this one 'Counting Sheep' to summon his pets," Cyclonis stated. "But I'd rather call this…"

She pointed her staff out before her; "NIGHTMARES COME TRUE!"

From the crystal tip erupted a burst of color that filled the air, beginning to solidify into something much, much larger than one of Sylvie's Counting Sheep.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Giovanni shrieked. "SHE'S HAD THAT EPITHET FOR A DAY, AND SHE ALREADY HAS MORE PROFICIENCY WITH IT THAN THE GUY WHO HAD IT FOR TWELVE YEARS?"

"Sylvie's fifteen," Molly said quickly, "but YEAH, THAT'S REALLY SCARY!"

"It's her whole thing," Harley gasped. "Cykes had to grow up way too quick…so she learned all the dark stuff faster than anyone should an' took power with it."

"Oh, this is not good at all," Ragdoll muttered.

The creature that appeared was mostly deep purple with streaks of lime and blue. Pointed ears atop a face like a bat's. Hands shaped like solid gauntlets tipped with spikes. A lashing tail. Without wings, it ascended into the sky.

"Alastor," Cyclonis asked, "what's this one called?"

"Why, that's the finest example of a Wargoyle I've ever seen with my own two eyes!" Alastor declared.

"Wargoyle," Cyclonis repeated. "I like it. Here are my terms, Harley. Come with me, and I spare you from the Wargoyle. Don't come with me, and you perish with the rest of them."

"WHY DO THEY GOTTA PERISH AT ALL?" Harley shrieked. "Why not recruit 'em with me, huh?"
"Because I DON'T WANT THEM!" Cyclonis stamped her foot. "I WANT THE ONLY OTHER PERSON HERE WHO KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE MALEFICENT TURN HER BACK ON YOU! I WANT SOMEONE WITH STRENGTH, WITH SPIRIT! SOMEONE WHO CAN BECOME JUST LIKE ME! AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO FITS THE BILL!"

"I dunno who you're thinkin' of," Harley said coldly, "but it sure ain't me."

"Can we just skip to the part where we bump off the little buggers already?" Lucy asked.

"You know what?" Cyclonis realized. "Maybe you're not what I'm looking for. Prove me wrong by surviving the Wargoyle."

She pointed her staff at the group of anxious antivillains; "DESTROY THEM!"

In a blur, Firefly zipped out in front of the crowd, panting heavily. "I'm fine," he rasped. "And I'll take care of this. The rest of you just sit back."

He propelled high into the sky, meeting the Wargoyle halfway and blasting raw heat straight into its gut. This stopped it from descending on the others; it shook its head, following Firefly with its eyes. Firefly continued to blast it; it lashed out at him with its gauntlets, attempting to strike him from the sky.

"Bear Trap!" Giovanni said hurriedly. "Don't you know how to un-summon these things? Can you do it with that whateveritis?"

"I've never dispelled something that big before!" Molly cried. "We'd have to weaken its stamina, like, a LOT!"

"YOU HEARD HER, BOYS!" Giovanni drew a white pistol that looked almost more like a toy than an actual weapon from his belt. "GIVE FIREFLY SOME COVER FIRE ALREADY AND GET THAT THING OUTTA THE AIR!"

All Blasters present drew similar guns, then aimed up at the Wargoyle, firing rapidly.

Firefly was sure he was wearing the creature down. He seared what would've been a scar across its shoulders, dodged its gauntlets to hit it again with full force, blasted it right in the face –

Alastor was trying so hard not to let his laughter escape.

"Do it," Cyclonis muttered.

And her Wargoyle turned both gauntlets on Firefly. From this angle, they looked more like cannons than anything –

"Oh, CRUD – "

Firefly barely missed the massive stream of flame that shot out toward him. The whole Wargoyle caught fire, immolating itself yet looking stronger than ever. It punched toward the ground, and the Blasters leaped aside as columns of flame rocketed up from the asphalt.

"YOU ABSOLUTE DUMBARSE!" Lucy yelled as Alastor finally lost it, doubling over and stamping a foot in his hilarity. "FIRE MAKES IT STRONGER! YOU FIGURE THAT ONE OUT YET, DIPSHIT?"

"ITS STAMINA LOOKS WAY WAY WAY HIGHER NOW!" Molly agreed.

"SHIT!" Giovanni yelled. "Fall back! FALL BACK!"

Everyone retreated to the centerline of the street. Firefly landed to join them, announcing, "Fire's all I got. I'm dead weight here. We gotta do something else."

"We could just…run away?" Ben suggested.

"NO!" Giovanni shrieked. "NOT WITHOUT – "
He glanced up to where Sylvie was still suspended. Then down at Cyclonis and the sparkle of green at her throat.

"The Arsene Amulet," Giovanni finished. "Sweetest loot I ever scored. And I lost it to a cop, an appraiser, and a cowgirl! By all rights, that thing is MINE!"

"Then we're gettin' that…amulet." Harley winked, and Giovanni pretended he didn't see it.

"HEADS UP!" Firefly yelled, and the group scattered to avoid more flame pillars.

Cowering behind the taxibus, Darkstar yelled, "NO WAY WE'RE GETTING ANY CLOSER WITH THAT THING THROWING FLAMES AT US!"

"NO FAIR!" Flamethrower yelled. "I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO THROW FLAMES! MY NAME IS GODDAMN FLAMETHROWER!"

"NO FIRE, REMEMBER?" Firefly screamed. "DO NOT. MAKE IT. STRONGER!"

"DOES ANYBODY HERE HAVE A WATER EPITHET OR SOMETHING?" Molly yelled.

"GIO!" Harley cried in realization. "COLD SOUP! YOU GOT IT?"

"I – " Giovanni froze. "COLD soup…I…I can DO THAT!" He threw out both hands; "Prepare to taste my VICHYSSOISE! Literally, taste it; it's delish!"

The cold broth washed toward the Wargoyle like a very thin tidal wave, crashing over all the fires and dousing them. The Wargoyle shook its head in disgust to remove the stray droplets."

"Geez, everyone's a food critic all of a sudden!" Giovanni yelled as he hurtled across the street to where Ben and Car Crash were attempting to hide behind a fire hydrant. Both of them.

Giovanni pulled up one each by the forearm; "I already know what this calls for. We're gonna need…the Gazpacho Maneuver."

"I fucking HATE the Gazpacho Maneuver," Ben growled.

"SHUT UP, BEN!" Giovanni yelled. "MY LOOT IS AT STAKE HERE!"

"But how are we gonna launch it without a ramp?" Car Crash asked.

"FELLAS?" Harley ran at them. "FIRE HYDRANT BAD PLACE FOR HIDING!"

She tackled them all out of the way before the Wargoyle got close enough to punch it – causing a water geyser that further dampened its ability to create fire.

The four rolled near Firefly, and Giovanni's eyes widened as he looked up at the arsonist; "HEY! Can you weld together a ramp outta the remains of the toy store real quick?"

"Uhhhh, sure?" Firefly said. "Why?"

"JUST DO IT, AND MAKE SURE IT'S WIDE ENOUGH FOR A CAR AND POINTS AT THE THING!"

Firefly hurtled into the debris to seek parts for the construction. Meanwhile, Giovanni withdrew the Soul-Slugger Doom Bat and turned to Ben. "Hold still."

He then began to lightly bop Ben over the head with the bat several times, drawing from him an "Ow. Ow. Ow."

"What the hey?" Harley tilted her head."

"It's my special power," Giovanni told her. "Thirteen is my lucky number, so every thirteenth hit I make is super strong."

"How's that related to soup?" Harley asked.

"It's not," Giovanni told her. "I'm just cool like that."

"StopstopSTOP THAT'S TWELVE!" Ben ducked, covering his head, after the twelfth bop.

Firefly had a crude ramp positioned in the road, trying to pivot it to aim at the Wargoyle; Darkstar was currently giving it the runaround, given that he was able to seem to almost be in two places at once.

(Wait. Was he actually in two places at once? Harley shook her head; not important.)

"WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING," Firefly commanded, "DO IT NOW!"

"It's badass time," Giovanni declared.

The Wargoyle was alerted from behind by the sound of a revving engine and a cry of "HEY, WANNABE! GET OFF MY VILLAIN TURF ALREADY!"

It turned. And there, driving up the ramp, was the taxibus, Car Crash behind the wheel and Giovanni on the roof. Car Crash threw open the door and bailed, rolling on the pavement as the taxibus careened up into the air; Giovanni leapt off the roof with a blast of steam, soaring ever higher into the sky but keeping his trajectory. Drawing back the bat dramatically.

First, the taxibus crashed into the Wargoyle, pinning it down under the weight of a whole vehicle.

Then, as soon as the Wargoyle had managed to laboriously throw the vehicle aside, Giovanni landed on it, swinging the full force of his thirteenth hit.

And everyone present could feel the shockwave of the impact.

"BEAR TRAP!" Giovanni yelled as the Wargoyle twitched, otherwise slack and unmoving. "NOW!"

"COMING!" Molly raced toward the Wargoyle, building up a golden glow between her hands. She slammed that light onto the nightmare's arm, and suddenly, the Nightmare was no more.

"WHAT?" Cyclonis spat. "HOW…HOW COULD A LITTLE GIRL DO THAT?"

"And what, exactly, is your Epithet again?" Ragdoll asked.

"Dumb," Molly answered. "Not like it's a dumb Epithet. It's the word 'dumb,' so I can make things quiet or stupid, and that extends to being able to dampen summoned things." She panted. "But even after wearing that thing's stamina down…it was still really hard to send back!"

"ALASTOR!" Cyclonis snapped. "I need STRONGER NIGHTMARES! HELP ME!"

"You want stronger nightmares?" Alastor replied. "I can get you stronger nightmares! Why, I can pull the Lord of Calamity herself out of one of the deepest Sleeping Worlds in demi-existence! But this isn't going to end in you blaming me for your wounded pride because you needed my help, is it?"

"Alastor."

"See, I think we should shake on it. Maybe draw up a contract – "

"ALASTOR!"

Alastor shrugged it off. "You got it, little lady. One bonus pack of Ultra Nightmares, comin' up! You start the summon and I'll start the show!"

Cyclonis' staff revved again, firing a brilliant beam. A disc-shaped portal bloomed out at beam's end, and Alastor extended his hand toward it; tendrils of Darkness shot past him and dug into the portal from behind.

"NIGHTMARES COME TRUE!" Cyclonis cried.

"Let's give 'em a night they'll never forget!" Alastor crowed. "AHAHAHAHAHA!"

The tendrils forced six Dream Eaters out of the portal. These were smaller than before. In fact, save for a few key differences – a body part here or there that was the wrong color - they looked…human.

"No." One of them, a woman with flowing dark hair that cascaded in waves almost to her ankles, pressed the heel of her hand to her head. "Why…why? I can't be here. If I'm HERE, that means the world is…"

"It's fine." This from the one who floated next to her – a boy around Molly's age, wearing robes of brilliant white, his feet off the ground to put him at head-height with the woman. "If it collapsed, or the balance disrupted, then I would know."

"But how?" the woman cried. "How are we – "

"NO QUESTIONS!" Cyclonis barked, and all six snapped to attention, a flicker in their eyes revealing who was in control – even if they didn't much care for that. "My nightmares! DESTROY THEM ALL!" She pointed dramatically. "Except the harlequin. Leave her to me."

"I…I have to bend to her will…" the woman croaked.

"I will see if I can break it," the boy assured.

"Okay, before they charge – " Giovanni skidded up to Harley, the other Blasters, Firefly, Ragdoll, and Molly gathering 'round. "Let's simplify this for clarity."

He pointed to the woman with dark hair, who was clad in threadbare red clothing. "That's Edgy," he declared.

Then to the boy. "That's Floaty."

The next one in line was a muscular blond man in a dark jacket; his fists were balled menacingly. "That's Punchy."

Beside him, a man who'd drawn two shortswords and seemed to have a longer one strapped to his back; his raven hair obscured half his face, and he dressed like a Japanese warrior of old. "That's Sword Guy."

A slight woman with red pigtails, clad in a crisp blue dress and bearing a wickedly jagged spear. "That's Stabby."

And finally, a blonde woman wearing a pointed pink hat, dressed in what seemed to be a pink-and-purple version of Harley's jester outfit but with several large tomes fastened around her waist like a belt. She fanned out several cards in her hand. "And that one's Witchy-Poo."

Giovanni turned back to the others; "Is that clear?"

"I think we can remember those," Molly affirmed.

"Bear Trap," Giovanni said, "you and I take Edgy. Firefly, Flamethrower, go throw flames at Witchy-Poo. Ragdoll, Spike, you're on Punchy duty. Ben, Car Crash, do what you do with Sword Guy. Crusher, Darkstar, you're on Stabby. Harley, Floaty looks the weakest, so he's aaaaaall yours."

"And one of you!" Cyclonis aimed her staff upward, remembering the key piece in play. "STOP THEM FROM TOUCHING HIM!"

Floaty nodded before rocketing into the air to hover beside Sylvie.

"Forget Floaty." Harley scowled. "I got a bigger fish to fry." She glared right at Cyclonis.

"BATTLE FORMATION, BOYS!" Giovanni yelled as Edgy, Witchy-Poo, Punchy, Sword Guy, and Stabby charged at them. Harley sidestepped to make a roundabout path to Cyclonis as the two sides clashed.

Stabby jabbed at Darkstar again and again; he barely managed to evade each time, yelling, "I DON'T WANNA BE SHISH KEBAB!"

Crusher latched onto Stabby's spear's handle, trying to rip it from her hands. "I GOT HER WEAPON!"

Stabby shoved him aside with a grunt, causing him to lose grip, and pointed the spear point in his face. "NO!" Crusher cried. "I NEVER TOLD GIOVANNI I LOVE HIM! WELL, ACTUALLY, I DID, BUT I NEVER GOT HIM TO REALIZE I MEANT IT IN THE LOVE-LOVE WAY!"

With a shriek, Stabby doubled over. Darkstar had punched her. But recalling the event later, Crusher would realize he wasn't sure if Darkstar had come from the right or from the left, and if he didn't know better, he'd almost think Darkstar might have managed to aim from both directions at once.

Sword Guy's hair billowed back in the wind, revealing the obscured half of his visage to be jet-black, the eye set there glowing bright crimson.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIS FACE?" Car Crash yelled.

"GET BACK IN THE CAR AND CRASH INTO HIM!" Ben screamed.

"THE CAR'S FLIPPED OVER!" Car Crash pointed to the taxibus, which was currently lying on its roof like a flipped beetle.

Sword Guy's swords sliced through the air as he rushed and gave a wild whoop, that crimson eye still betraying his inhuman levels of speed, of strength –

Recalling the incident later, Car Crash couldn't even begin to describe what had happened. One minute, Ben was right in the way, about to be cut to ribbons. Then, the next…everything had gone darker than dark for a blink, and Car Crash felt sick to his stomach, even just remembering it later. Something happened that he couldn't bring himself to even picture. And then, when everything cleared, the car was upright on its wheels and Sword Guy was knocked back onto his rear in the road.

Well, Car Crash knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he just jumped into the taxibus and revved it up to give Sword Guy a good chase.

"So you PUNCH, huh?" Spike squared up against Punchy. "Well, I'll show you!" She slipped a set of (plastic) spikes onto her knuckles. "I PUNCH TOO!"

"Not yet." Ragdoll lightly shoved her aside ("HEY!"), spreading his arms. "I'm right here," he declared, "and such an appealing target, too."

Punchy drew back his fist, threw the first blow at Ragdoll, hard enough to shatter his thin bones –

And Ragdoll bent right around it in ways that Spike didn't think a person should be able to bend, especially when his feet remained planted right in place.

Thwarted, Punchy tried again and again, and Ragdoll wrapped himself around the blows each time, letting them fall on empty air. He made a beckoning gesture to Spike, and, realizing what she had to do, she ran up behind Punchy while he was diverted and slammed her plastic knuckles into the back of his neck.

It didn't even draw blood, but the yell he made confirmed Spike had done some damage.

"Hey," Firefly asked Flamethrower as Witchy-Poo rushed them. "Honesty hour. You ever actually thrown flames before?"

"NO!" Flamethrower wailed. "I'M A FRAUD!"

"Well." Firefly dislodged one of his gauntlets, stretching out the fuel line to offer it to Flamethrower. "Time to live up to your name."

When Witchy-Poo threw several of her cards at them, the papers expanding with mystical energy, Firefly and Flamethrower engaged the gauntlets, shooting dual streams of heat – one straight, one haphazard, and Firefly's precision plus Flamethrower's scattershot destroyed the arsenal.

Cyclonis felt Harley's approach from behind; as Harley leapt to bring down her fists on Cyclonis' head, the girl whirled, shooting a bolt that sent Harley flying into the debris pile from the toy store.

"One last chance, Harley," Cyclonis seethed, stomping to loom over her. "You and I both know you're above this. You can still join the winning team. I've already become stronger than Maleficent would ever let me. You could do the same. We could rule together. We could be…friends."

It was the most sinister that Harley had ever heard that word said.

But she shifted, letting the scrap roll off her. "…You're right," she admitted, gaze downcast submissively. "I ain't been thinkin' straight. These fellas…they're just holdin' me back, ain't they? An' you…you actually give a dang about me, even after all this time. You didn't even talk ta me back then." A slight giggle. "Flatterin' ta think you wanna make a connection now."

"Is this your way of surrendering?" Cyclonis asked, surprised she'd even made it this far.

"Yeah." Harley lowered herself to one knee before Cyclonis. "You win, Cykes. I'd ask ya ta let my friends go…but we both know what good that'd do, right? At least this way, I live. Survival of the fittest, right? Lookin' out for number one."

"I'm glad you've come to see it that way," Cyclonis said smugly.

"I dunno," Harley muttered. "You should prob'ly knight me with that staff or somethin'. Make it official."

"I should," Cyclonis agreed with a sly smirk. She raised her staff, lowering it onto Harley's right shoulder. "Harley Quinn." She then lifted it, bringing it down softly on Harley's left shoulder. "I hereby decree – "

And Harley seized the staff once it was close, using the advantage she had of surprise to wrench it right out of Cyclonis' grip. She rose, kicking Cyclonis in the gut to put some distance between them. "PSYCHE, CYKES!" Harley crowed. "Can't believe ya fell for that one! Now, how does this thing work?"

The staff quivered in Harley's hands, beginning to spray wild shot of crystal energy; Harley could barely keep her hands on it as it bucked.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THAT!" Cyclonis roared. "YOU AREN'T EVEN A WITCH!"

"But I taught myself the sand magic," Harley reminded her. "An' if I could do that – then I – can do – THIS!"

A burst rocketed upward, colliding with Sylvie's protective aura. On impact, said aura was dispelled, and Sylvie went tumbling, screaming, to the ground below.

"NO!" Harley caught him in a tractor beam not two seconds later, guiding him down to the ground more gently.

Though when Cyclonis grabbed her staff back, Sylvie made the final fall a little harder than Harley had wanted – but only enough to knock a little stamina off and leave some bruises.

Floaty followed him to the ground, though more gently. He made eye contact with Harley, who pointed the staff at him, giving it the same will she had imbued the sands with to break hypnosis. When it struck, Floaty's eyes flickered.

"Thank you," he told her. "Now her hold on us is no more."

He turned an about-face; "Stop fighting! I will bring us back to where we belong."

The portal reopened, though more white than blue this time. A very dazed and confused Stabby and Witchy-Poo stumbled toward it; Punchy had to drag Sword Guy to get him to drop the idea of combat. Edgy hurried through after the other four, but on her way, grabbed Floaty's hand, dragging him through with utmost urgency.

And then the portal closed, taking away all of Cyclonis' leverage.

A strong blast threw Harley across the street, where she felt her cheek scrape the asphalt. Her clown makeup surely wasn't in the best of shape.

"I'M DONE WITH YOU MAKING A MOCKERY OF ME!" Cyclonis screeched. "YOU THINK YOU'VE SEEN WHAT DROWSY CAN DO? WELL, WATCH ME PUT YOUR LITTLE COW TO SHAME!"

"Cow?" Harley sat up, dazed, unsure she'd heard correctly.

"She's going to use Dream Big," Sylvie realized, wide-eyed. "It gives you a new form based on what you dream about."

"Hooooo boy," Harley groaned. "That kid's got some messed-up dreams for sure."

In a smug whisper, Cyclonis declared, "Dream Big."

Darkness itself erupted from the ground like a volcano, obliterating what was left of the Blyndeff Toy Emporium's sales floor. When it settled, a monster even bigger than the Wargoyle was revealed. It was vaguely humanoid, blue and purple, with skin that resembled dark armor. Four arms: two held short crystal-tipped wands reminiscent of Cyclonis' staff while the other two held swords with blades the length of the taxibus. Magic circles drawn in Darkness chained together, those chains undulating from the monster's back like tentacles.

Barely visible at its heart, Cyclonis' true body, asleep, dwarfed by comparison to her dark dreams.

"THIS WORLD NOW BELONGS TO MORBIA, AND TO MASTER CYCLONIS!" the Dark Queen bellowed, unleashing several Dark orbs to fall upon Sweet Jazz City. "MORTALS MAY TEST THEIR MIGHT, BUT THE DARK QUEEN RULES ALL!"

"Now THAT'S a finale!" Alastor cried joyously.

"THE TAXI!" Harley shrieked, scooping up Sylvie into her arms – he was short and light as far as fifteen-year-olds went. "EVERYONE ON THE TAXI! I'M TAKIN' US OFF-WORLD!"

Giovanni, Firefly, Ragdoll, Molly, Car Crash, Crusher, Spike, Darkstar, Ben, and Flamethrower all bolted for the taxibus. As they boarded, Ben halted; "WAIT A MINUTE! I thought we weren't leaving without the amulet!"

"IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE AMULET!" Harley came barreling to the bus with Sylvie in her grasp.

She was the last to board, dumping Sylvie in a seat unceremoniously before grabbing the wheel and flooring it. The taxibus sped off at max speed, skirting the Dark orbs raining down.

"Well, that could've ended better," Firefly remarked.

"I'm sorry, Boss," Crusher told Giovanni, unable to look him in the eye. "I know how much you wanted the amulet."

"Screw the amulet," Giovanni replied confidently. Molly sat next to him; he drew her closer with his arm. Then he exchanged a knowing nod with Sylvie. "We got what matters."

"Wait," Car Crash realized. "Did you say we're going OFF-WORLD?"

"It'll make more sense when we get there," Harley promised him, hand searching her clothing. "All we gotta do is book it outta here and head for the next place on – MY LIST! I DROPPED MY LIST SOMEWHERE!"

"We don't exactly need it," Ragdoll reminded her. "We can simply download the database all over again."

"Just pick somebody you remember off it," Firefly urged. "Anyone. ASAP."

Well, one came to mind immediately, because she was camping out on a world Harley had used as a refuge for quite a while. "On it," Harley declared, spurring the taxibus on further.

"Giovanni…" Molly sniffled. "What's gonna happen to Dad and Lorelai? And Trixie and Feenie?"

Giovanni could feel his own heart breaking. "We'll come back," he vowed. "They'll be fine. Any friends or family of yours have gotta be tough, just like you. I promise. Right now…we're gonna get you and the sheep brat somewhere safe."

"Can't promise safe," Harley corrected. "Can promise safer than all this."

As the taxibus was steered toward a connection point established by Terminus, Cyclonis woke herself, dismissing the Dark Queen. After all, she'd dealt an amazing first blow to the city; she could hear the sirens wailing as Dark fires raged.

"I could get used to this," Cyclonis said as she clutched the amulet.

"I'd hide that away somewhere safe," Alastor advised. "You don't need it anymore, after all, and any old joe could use it to take away all that beautiful power you have."

"Good call." Cyclonis pocketed the gem.

"Well, the fuckwits got away," Lucy lamented, "but at least you put some fear in 'em, yeah?"

A pink flutter caught Cyclonis' eye.

"Though if I didn't know better," Lucy teased, "I'd think you had it bad for the court jester. She remind you of an ex or summat?"

Cyclonis was too busy stepping out into the street to pick up the pink stationery upon which Harley had written all of the names and locations of her prospective allies. "Interesting," she muttered as her eyes scanned the list. "These must be more targets of hers. It would be such a shame if someone were to get to them before she did."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Alastor crowed. "Let's get this show on the – "

"NOT. YOU." Cyclonis held up a hand, palm out, in his direction. "Or Lacemaker. Because YOU TWO only managed to fail me."

"Think you failed yourself, love," Lucy pointed out.

"I'm going with the Morbians who can actually give me the power to defeat all potential nuisances." Cyclonis smirked. "I'm thinking it's time for a queens' day out."

And from the front seat of the limousine parked out back of what used to be the Blyndeff Toy Emporium, the King was taking notes on a paper with rounded edges.

...

A/N: If you're asking yourself, "Why would JCMorrigan cameo the cast of Tales of Berseria (albeit with switched Laphicets) only to not even draw attention to anything that makes them who they are or say their names?", I encourage you not to think of it as a cameo, but instead as…foreshadowing.

Also, the idea of Eldritch Epithet Ben originated in the fic "Strangle Me, Strangle You" by Beanus and I just love how we all took off with it and made it the strangest headcanon to ever gain traction.

If you recognized Cyclonis' "Dream Big" form, please do not demand retribution for the cringe. (It's totally not from a Sonic the Hedgehog game. Nope.)