Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

130. Cardinal Gems

A/N: More blood, guts, and gore to watch out for here.

...

A battered taxibus cut through the forests out in the open wasteland country of Remnant, taking a road that looked worn without actually being traveled.

Inside that taxibus, Giovanni Potage shrieked, "OKAY, WHAT?"

"You heard what I said," Harley reiterated. "It's all true. Ya just gotta deal with it."

"Okay, so…" Giovanni took a deep breath, then let it back out. "Lemme see if I got this all about THIS world, WHICH I GUESS IS ONE OF LIKE A MILLION. Most of it's uninhabitable except for four big kingdoms and a bunch of little towns. Each of these kingdoms has a fancy school for teaching kids how to slay monsters, which is totally badass, and they all make really weird weapons. Also, some people have Epithets?"

"They call 'em 'Semblances,'" Harley reminded him. "Get that right, or they'll know y'ain't from around here."

"I mean, my name isn't a color," Giovanni reminded her. "Isn't that gonna be a dead giveaway? …Wait. Is 'Giovanni' secretly a color?"

"No," Sylvie grunted, arms folded as he was now perched on the frontmost seat. He'd perked up a bit since escaping Cyclonis. "It's the Italian iteration of 'John.' And your last name translates to 'thick soup.' So basically, you're John Thicksoup."

"Don't you EVER call me that again," Giovanni snapped.

"What're you gonna do about it, JOHN THICKSOUP?" Sylvie retorted with a smirk.

"BOYS!" Harley snapped. "No fightin' over name translations! Not while I'm at the wheel!"

"Uh, hey, underboss Harley?" Darkstar brought up. "I kinda gotta pee, like real bad."

"And I need to take a shit," Ben added.

"I'm hungry!" Flamethrower chimed in.

"I'm thirsty!" Car Crash added.

"I'm just bored," Ragdoll volunteered, sitting with his back flush to the seat and his ankles double-crossed on the head of the seat before him.

Harley gasped; "You guys're in luck! Gas station at two-fifteen!"

The taxibus pulled in at a parking space before a rather large convenience store: a solid white building with the name "Just-Rite" printed on its logo in vibrant green.

"Looks like a chain store, too!" Harley noted. "Which means it ain't too unethical to steal from it!"

A cheer went up from everyone except Molly, who had fallen asleep a while ago, and Sylvie, who folded his arms and declared, "I am NOT going to SHOPLIFT!"

"No one's makin' ya," Harley reminded him. "Ya got cash, then pay. Ya don't got cash, then ya get nothin'."

"Oh, I can pay for my own things!" Sylvie insisted.

"Pssshhh," Giovanni muttered. "Nerd. All the COOL people are going to be stealing things."

"YOU KNOW WHAT – " Sylvie went red in the face. "Fine. If that's what it's gonna take to prove I'm one of the cool guys, then I'll take something!"

"You made your bed!" Giovanni pointed at him. "Now you fucking lie in it! I'LL steal stuff for you if you're gonna be a baby about it!"

"I think that's how the two of them come to an agreement to do nice things for each other," Firefly muttered.

"FINE!" Sylvie yelled. "BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO SAY THANK YOU!"

Giovanni rustled Molly's shoulder. "Hey. Bear Trap."

"Mmmmhhh…" Molly shifted, groaning and attempting to pry her eyes open. "Flash sale?"
"Convenience store," Giovanni informed her. "C'mon. I'll help you hijack some candy bars."

After giving this some thought, Molly nodded. "And coffee?" she croaked. "I'm tired."

"You're twelve," Harley reminded her. "That's too young to be drinkin' coffee."

Molly yawned, stretching up her arms. "I'm used to the taste by now, and I haven't become desensitized to caffeine yet."

Darkstar cut this conversation off by screaming "BathroombathroombathroomBATHROOM!" and darting right off the bus.

"Everybody out!" Harley declared. "Pit stop time!"

The convenience store was enormous compared to most. Ben followed Darkstar off to look for the restroom in the labyrinthine shop while Giovanni, Molly, Sylvie, Car Crash, Flamethrower, Spike, Crusher, Firefly, Ragdoll, and Harley spread out.

"Ooh, they got a bar!" Harley noted. "I should at least get a water. Don't wanna drink an' drive!"

Car Crash gasped; "CAN I DO SOME UNDERAGE DRINKING?"

"Shhh!" Harley hissed. "Not so loud! But sure. Knock yourself out! Ya got a fake ID?"

"Right here!" Car Crash showed Harley a convincing-enough-looking plastic card.

As they headed off, Spike elbowed Crusher. "Look!" She pointed to a soda fountain. "Haven't you ever wanted to mix all the pops in one cup?"
"I think we gotta load up on some food first," Crusher suggested. "It's gonna be a long trip to…that one lady's place. And what fun is a road trip without snacks?"

"I'm getting a postcard," Flamethrower stated. "We're on a whole other fucking world! I NEED a postcard to remember this by!"

As they separated to pursue mixed drinks, sustenance, and memorabilia, Ragdoll and Firefly convened by the coffee machine, after which they hid around the corner of the aisles to drink their spoils without anyone noticing they hadn't paid.

"Oh, Garfield." Ragdoll flicked his hand over his clothing, then held out a closed fist. "I retrieved you something on our last heist."

"Yeah?" Firefly lifted up his helmet, giving Ragdoll a smirk. "Whatcha got?"

Ragdoll's fingers uncurled, revealing a ring with a glittering gem set into it. The stone flashed all colors as it was moved under the light, primarily lime green and bright violet.

"Whoa." Firefly's eyes widened. "That is…a rock, all right." His brow furrowed. "Is this a proposal?"

"I don't think we need to go through all that pomp and circumstance," Ragdoll told him. "On the other hand, after all this time, I think it's safe to say we're not going anywhere."

"Yeah." Firefly smiled. "Same to you. Now don't make me feel bad I didn't pick you up anything."

"Oh, I've got more than enough for myself," Ragdoll assured. "This one's for you, out of the goodness of my – well, I don't exactly HAVE much goodness, but I expect nothing in return is what I'm saying."

Firefly took the ring into hand. "A little bulky to go under the gloves, but this'll go with every shirt I have on casual days. What kinda rock is this, anyway?"

"Oh, you know." Ragdoll was struggling to hold back snorts of laughter. "Just a fire topaz."

Firefly's expression soured. "R.D., honesty time. Did you get this for me because you love me or because you wanted to see my face when you made that pun?"

Ragdoll's peals of laughter answered that question.

Firefly lightly shoved his shoulder with the heel of his hand. "I love you too, jerk."

In the restroom, Darkstar was busy washing his hands while Ben was about to walk right out. "Hey!" Darkstar scolded. "You think the boss is gonna want you to come back on duty with unwashed hands and give us all E. Coli or whatever? 'Cause I sure don't!"

Ben rolled his eyes before taking the sink next to Darkstar. As he scrubbed, his eyes wandered to the nearest stall. Someone had written a phone number on it with the ever-cliché "For a good time, call."

"Hey." Ben nudged Darkstar's shoulder with his own. "See that?"

"Don't call it," Darkstar warned. "Stranger danger."

"No," Ben corrected. "It's graffiti! We can totally do our OWN graffiti in the bathroom!"

After sharing a snicker with him, Darkstar produced a purple marker from his pocket. "Dibs on first!"

His work was quick, with a flourish. Now the stall proudly proclaimed that "YOUR MOM'S EPITHET IS 'LOSER'!".

"Good one!" Ben laughed. "My turn!"

The stall's interior gained a "BEN WUZ HERE."

Back in the store proper, Giovanni had led Sylvie and Molly to the candy section – after outfitting Molly with a piping hot twelve-ounce coffee, of course. Sylvie had gotten some coffee for himself, but refused to admit that he'd made it about fifty percent sugar and milk when the others weren't looking.

"Guess we really are in another world," Giovanni remarked. "None of these brands are anything like what we had back home. Still…" He reached for a wrapped cookie, one of many small pastries offered by a bakery called "Granny's Goodie Basket." "A chocolate chip cookie is a chocolate chip cookie is a chocolate chip cookie. So. What do you two want?"
"And so I fully embrace my life of crime by participating in a shoplift." Molly took a deep sip of her coffee. "What are those bars up top?"

"Huh." Giovanni plucked one of the candy bars in question. "'Stroke of Midnight.' I guess it's a…dark chocolate bar with pumpkin pie filling? Weird."

"That sounds pretty nice," Molly replied. "I'll take two."

"Sheep brat?" Giovanni prompted. "What's your poison?"

"I'll just take one of those Baby Bear honey oatmeal bars," Sylvie stated.

"Seriously?" Giovanni slipped it into his pocket, but all the same, he complained, "That barely even counts as candy."

"I'm watching my carb count!" Sylvie offered.

"Wait, you serious?" Giovanni asked. "If you have a dietary restriction, you should've said! We can work around it."

Sylvie flushed. "I don't," he muttered. "I just wanna be cool and not be treated like a kid, okay? And everything else here is kid stuff."

"Uh, newsflash?" Giovanni reminded him. "You are a kid."

"I am a MAN!"

"Uh-huh. Yeah." Giovanni nodded. "Are you really gonna be happy if we leave here without anything good? Because I'm about to walk away."

Sylvie trembled before bursting out with "ONE OF THOSE BAGS!" and pointing.

"Venomous Temptation gummy apple rings?" Giovanni plucked the bulging bag of gummies off the shelf. "NOW we're talkin', kid! And y'know what?" He swept up a fistful of tiny chocolates in the shape of roses, each wrapped delicately in shiny red foil. "No one's gonna notice a ton of these chocolate rose things missing. These are to share."

Meanwhile, Harley and Car Crash seated themselves at the bar. "One water, please!" Harley called out to get the bartender's attention.

"And I'll have one ALCOHOL!" Car Crash demanded. "Hold the pinecone!"

"…Pinecone?" Harley shook her head. "Never mind. What my friend means is he wants a hard Strawberry Sunrise."

"Yeah!" Car Crash nodded. "That!"

The bartender glared; "You look a little young to be drinking."

"I have an I.D.!" Car Crash presented his faux card.

As the bartender looked it over, Car Crash's blood ran cold. He suddenly had remembered why he'd never used that ID before. Because unlike his honest-to-goodness driver's license, which told the world that he was "Fred Donaldson," the counterfeit license that pegged his birthday as much earlier than it was presented his name as "Red Donladson."

"Red, huh?" The bartender flipped the I.D. back to him. "Been a while since I heard anyone named after the classics. My own name's Daiquiri, fittingly enough, and I still haven't forgiven my mom for it. Anyway, sorry for the trouble. It checks out."

"He-he-hey, no problem!" Car Crash laughed nervously. "People are definitely named after colors here! That is a thing!"

The Strawberry Sunrise looked like a slushie, in a gradient of bright pink, orange, and gold. Harley had ordered it enough times to know it was sweet, barely tasting alcoholic, and therefore Car Crash's taste buds wouldn't reject it for sourness. He seemed to be enjoying it quite a bit, practically chugging it. Harley's own water was placed on the counter, and she paid up for both of them, knowing there was no way they could shoplift this (but they did make a good distraction while the others loaded up on chips and soda).

The door jingled once again. Another patron entered the gas station, taking the seat to Harley's other side. Harley glanced at the new company: a young woman in a tan bomber jacket, bearing a cascading mane of golden hair, removing a pair of dark sunglasses.

"Okay, now YOU look too young to be drinking for SURE," the bartender grunted.

"I'm just here for a water." The blonde beamed. "It's hot out."

Another bottled water was passed to the blonde, who went for it rather tentatively. Harley didn't miss the way her hand shook as she reached out to grasp the bottle. What did take a few moments to sink in was that said hand was made entirely out of metal, spray-painted neon yellow to offset the blonde hair.

The poor young woman was probably suffering some sort of disorder, to make her hand shake like that. And she couldn't be that young, could she? She certainly looked like an adult, if only by the Car Crash metric. Nineteen, maybe?

Harley realized why she was fixated on figuring that out and immediately flushed.

"What're so many of you doing out here in the sticks, anyway?" the bartender asked. "There's only one person out here of any interest."

"Raven Branwen." The mysterious blonde's voice had gone cold. "I know. I'm looking for her."

Harley gasped; "Whatta coincidence! So are we!"

"Wait, really?" The blonde turned to her with a suspiciously wrought brow. "Why? She's not exactly a people person."

"We got a friend in her camp!" Harley explained. "Well…sorta. She don't know she's gonna be our friend yet. But I'm sure it'll work out!"

The blonde gave a slight smile. "You sure underestimate my m – Raven. She's not gonna like outsiders walking in and trying to sway her bandits' loyalty."

"Were you about ta say your mom?" Harley caught.

The blonde shrugged; "Guilty as charged. But I promise I'm not a bandit. Troublemaker? Perhaps. Depends on who you ask."

"Well," Harley replied, "I just so happen to be a – "

There was a bartender listening who really shouldn't hear Harley call herself a bandit while her friends were robbing the store blind.

" – psychologist," Harley said quickly.

"What's a psychologist doing all the way out here, looking for a bandit and dressed like a harlequin?" the blonde asked, her smile widening.

"It's a long story," Harley replied. "You? Just checkin' in on the family?"

"I wish it was like that." The blonde sighed, turning to open her water with steadier hands. "I guess you could say I am checking in on my family. But not her. She just has what I need to get to the people who need me."

"Oh." Harley's face fell. "Rough childhood?"

"Not as rough as it would've been if she'd actually stuck around," the blonde replied. "You know what? This is getting depressing." She waggled the water bottle in Harley's face; "Water we even talking about this for, huh?"

Harley burst out laughing. "GOOD ONE! Aw, man, you don't even know how much I love a good joke! Though I'm kinda burnt out on pranks. Now, puns? That's new!"

The blonde put out her metal hand. "Name's Yang. Yang Xiao Long. What's yours?"

Harley stared for a little bit too long at that hand, and Yang noticed. "Oh, this?" She laughed nervously. "Just my badass upgrade. I had a little, uh, accident a while back. Don't worry. It won't crush the bones in your hand. Probably."

Harley reached out to shake the cybernetic prosthetic. "Harley. Harley Quinn."

"Oh, I get it!" Yang realized. "Your parents really made use of that last name to get the color, didn't they?"

"What kind of a color is YANG?" Car Crash asked.

"It means 'sunny,'" Yang replied. "According to my whole name, I'm just a sunny little dragon. Ooh, is that a strawberry sunrise? Yum! I haven't had one of those since – "

She could feel the bartender's glare. "Since never!" she finished. "I'm only eighteen, after all!"

So she was a woman as opposed to a girl. Good. And also the type to find a way to get illegal cocktails. The kind you could really only have made in bars. She'd pulled hustles before. That was all good for Harley, or maybe it was bad, because the more Harley talked to this woman, the more she realized –

Two hands clapped down, one on Harley's shoulder and one on Yang's, from behind. They smelled the man before they could hear him. He definitely hadn't come in on the Blaster contingent. "Well, aren't you two pretty young things," he greeted.

"Buzz off, jerk," Harley growled.

"Let me guess: Huntresses?" the man went on. "And you two are lovely. Not too bulky, not too lean – "

"I know," Yang sighed. "Juuuuust right. And we're good."

"Won't you ladies let me treat you to a drink?" the man asked.

"I SAID we're GOOD," Yang growled.

"Keep talkin' like that and you're cruisin' for a bruisin'," Harley added.

"Come on, baby," the man cooed. "I only wanna – "

Harley was completely fed up by that point, and turned around to simply deck the man in the face.

But Yang had beaten her to it.

And when the hit from the metal fist connected, the pervert was thrown across the store so hard, he bounced. Twice.

Harley's jaw dropped. Oh, no. Now Yang had really sealed the deal. Harley's heart had been gunned down. Being tall, pretty, blonde, and quick on the puns was one thing. But being able to punch a man across a convenience store solidified Yang as Harley's type, as far as women went, anyway.

Car Crash ran up to the man on the floor, holding the remnants of his Strawberry Sunrise. "Hey, guess what I'm drinking?" he taunted before upending the rest of the cocktail onto the man's face. "RESPECT WOMEN JUICE!"

"AUGH!" The man scrambled to his feet, barging for the door. "I'm not taking any more of this shit!"

"For you," the bartender said, "water's on the house. I can waive it for your new friends, too."

"Huh?" Yang and Harley turned back to face him; the offer sounded too good to be true.

"That guy's been coming in and causing trouble almost every day," the bartender explained. "About time somebody put him in his place. Actually…if you wanted me to mix you a Sunrise, I wouldn't need to see your card…"

"No can do," Yang replied. "My bike's outside, and I gotta have a clear head for this drive."

"You're goin' my way," Harley told Yang as they settled back to their barstools. "Mind if I tag along? Then again, after that fella, I'd get if ya didn't, I really would."

"No, you're cool," Yang told her. "I saw you moving to do the same thing I did. If that was for my sake, I guess the least I owe you is showing you the way to Raven's hideout. …The only problem being that I'm not entirely sure where it is, either."

"I got a general idea," Harley told her. "Maybe if we put our heads together, we can figure it out!"

"You driving that wreck outside?" Yang inclined her head to the door, outside which the taxibus was parked.

"Yeah," Harley admitted. "Everybody else in the store right now is mine. Needed a ride that can fit 'em all. But I always wanted a motorcycle! I mean, my name's Harley, after all!"

"What does that have to do with motorcycles?" Yang asked, puzzled.

Oh. Right. Different world. "It's an inside joke," Harley covered hastily. "How about ya ride the bike, an' my bus follows?"

"Sure," Yang agreed. "Unless you know something I don't about the route. Then you can just take the bus off the path and I'll change course to match it."

"Girls' trip!" Harley squealed. "Well, except for the nine boys I got with me, but you know what I mean!"

"Shall we head out?" Yang asked.

"Sure!" Harley turned back to the store at large, placing two fingers into her mouth to give a sharp whistle. "FELLAS! WRAP IT UP! SYLVIE, PAY FOR YOUR STUFF AN' LET'S GET GOIN'!"

Sylvie went ahead and forked over some coinage to exchange for a couple of randomly-selected items to make it seem as though the group hadn't just wandered around plucking things off the shelves – a purchase made it seem like they'd been looking for some things. Then, with bulging coats and an already tipsy Car Crash leaning over Giovanni's shoulder, the group departed.

"Hey, who's your friend?" Firefly asked.

"She our target?" Giovanni chimed in. "Emily or whatever it is?"

"Meet my new pal, Yang!" Harley introduced. "She's Raven's daughter, so she's gonna ride her bike along with our car to get us to the camp!"

"Happy to help!" Yang replied with a smile. "Though I gotta ask. Why are you so sure one of Raven's people will become your friend if you haven't met them yet?"

"Well," Harley told her, "a stranger's just a friend y'ain't met yet, am I right?"

Yang looked at first like she'd had a cold water dumped onto her. Then she broke out laughing. "You know what? You're RIGHT! O, me of little faith."

"So?" Giovanni asked excitedly as Car Crash stumbled, almost bringing them both down. "Which way to the crime lord hideout?"

"Um…I have a general idea of where we're going." Yang shrugged dramatically. "I'm a little low on specifics right now, but – "

"Hey," a frustratingly familiar voice rasped. "You're trying to get to Raven Branwen?"

The greasy-haired man who'd attempted to court Yang and Harley back inside was grinning at them all.

"Awwww, not youuuu," Harley groaned.

"Hold on." Yang put up a hand. "I wanna see what he knows, and why he's offering. After all, he is WAY outnumbered."

"What, is that our enemy now?" Giovanni asked excitedly. "Did we make a new archnemesis? Does this mean I get to hit him with the DOOM BAT if he steps outta line?"

"He's a womanizin' troublemaker," Harley said in a surly tone, "an' not the fun kind."

"Yeah, we don't like womanizers around here!" Darkstar snapped.

Sylvie stepped out protectively in front of Molly, just in case. "I'll have you know my proficiency is VERY high for someone my age," he said before remembering that he unfortunately no longer had an Epithet in which to be proficient. But then again, a good bluff could keep the man at bay.

"Just say the word, Harley," Ragdoll stated, "and we can begin the beatdown! Though he almost looks a bit too easy for all of us to have fun."

"Dibs on kicking him in the nuts!" Spike squealed.

The man cringed. But he was already sizing up the group. Maybe he couldn't take them, but…

"I can get you to Raven," he stated.

"Oh, yeah?" Harley retorted. "For what price?"

"None," the man told her. "Except you not beating me into a pulp."

"Done!" Harley chirped.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA." Giovanni glowered. "And how do we know you aren't gonna lead us the wrong way, huh?"

"You're one of Raven's, aren't you?" Ragdoll realized.

"Good catch." The man gave him a nod. "Which means I gotta head back that way eventually. If I tried to lose you, it'd risk you catching up with me in the end."

"Something about this stinks," Firefly whispered to Harley. "Why is he offering something we never asked for?"

"I dunno," Harley whispered back, "but right now, he's our best lead on that bandit camp!"

She cleared her throat and spoke up to the man; "Any funny business an' you know what happens."

"I do, believe me." He nodded. "Now hurry up, or I'll leave you in the dust."

"BLASTERS AND OTHER FRIENDS A' HARLEY!" Harley commanded. "BACK ON THE HARLEYBUS!"

They all piled inside. Giovanni ran a quick head count to ensure everyone was present. Harley settled behind the steering wheel, observing Yang getting onto a motorcycle painted as neon-yellow as her prosthetic. As Yang revved the engine, sliding her sunglasses back into place, she looked hotter than ever.

Not the time, Harley told herself.

"And unfortunately Ben and the sheep brat are here," Giovanni concluded, "which accounts for everyone. Now let us SALLY FORTH INTO NEW HEIGHTS OF VILLAINY!"

"Buckle up!" Harley warned before kicking the taxibus into gear.

Their dubious guide, seated behind Yang on her motorcycle, led the taxibus and the bumblebee-yellow bike further into the woods.

...

"Come on, come on, COME ON!" Ruby danced in front of the group made up of Ren, Nora, Jaune, Kairi, Yuffie, Donald, Goofy, Kazuichi, and Booster as they proceeded down a dirt road. "We're almost there!"

They'd landed their airship on the island of Patch. Ruby had wanted to check in with her family, and she'd assured that was where they would find Yang Xiao Long and therefore be able to talk her into coming along on their adventure as a pick-me-up.

"The island is beautiful," Kairi remarked as she looked around at the forest that bordered the path.

"It's the middle of nowhere!" Donald complained. "It's gotta be a hundred miles to the next person!"

"I like that," Booster said wistfully. "That's how it was back on Jo-Ad, at my home. The big city is nice, but I'm used to falling asleep to the sound of the wind in the trees and the insects chirping."

"Me too!" Ruby agreed, walking backward to face the others. "That is, when Yang wasn't pulling one of her video game all-nighters. Luckily, the cellar is soundproof."

"Isn't that the place?" Jaune pointed over Ruby's shoulder.

Ruby gasped, eyes sparkling. "WE'RE HOME!" she cried before becoming a streak of red and pink, hurtling toward the door.

"No fair!" Donald complained.

"You don't like being left behind?" Kairi teased. "Then do something about it! DEEP FREEZE!"

A slippery line of ice trailed from her cast all the way up to the door of the modest log cabin, and Kairi took a running start before leaping onto it, skidding at high speeds that almost matched Ruby's bolt.

"NINJA RUN!" Yuffie cried, putting her head down, bending at the waist, and planing her arms out to either side before charging. Nora repositioned Magnhild to act as a blaster, Booster had a jetpack of his own, Kazuichi latched onto Booster's hand for a ride, Donald conjured a line of Blizzara for himself and Goofy to share, and Jaune yelled "WAIT FOR ME!" as he simply barreled along behind the group. And, last of all, Ren calmly walked, not caring that he was further behind.

Ruby hammered on the wooden door hard and fast. A masculine voice from within called out, "All right, all right! I'm coming! Just hold your horses!"

Ruby bounced on her toes, knowing her father was absolutely not going to be expecting her.

The door swung open, revealing a tall man with practically platinum hair and a matching goatee. "What's the big – " His jaw dropped. "…Ruby?"

"Hi, Dad!" Ruby waved excitedly.

"RUBY!" Taiyang Xiao Long reached forward to sweep her up into a tight embrace, spinning her around twice. "Where the HELL have you been all this time? Qrow wouldn't say a goddamn word, even though I KNOW he knows something – agh, it doesn't matter! You're HOME!"

"Heheh…sorry," Ruby said sheepishly. "I probably could've handled that better."

"If nothing else, it proves you are my daughter." Taiyang set her back down, then noticed Kairi catching up. "Hey, who's your new friend?" Then he looked up to see the rest. "Oh. Friends, plural. Lots of them."

The redhead stepped up onto the porch, extending a hand. "I'm Kairi," she greeted. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Rose."

"Xiao Long, actually," Taiyang corrected, "but the pleasure's mine." He grasped her hand, shaking it. "Just so long as I know somebody was taking care of my daughter out there."

"We try!" Kairi said with a smile.

"So, um…good news and bad news," Ruby told her father. "The good news is, I'm here! The bad news is, uhhhh…I'm not staying."

"WHAT?" Taiyang grimaced. "Ruby – WHERE have you been going? You wrote me that you were headed to Mistral, but Qrow is there right now and has very blatantly let it slip that you are NOWHERE near him!"

"Uuuuuhhhh…" Ruby blanked on how to explain it.

"There's a long story," Kairi chimed in. "Maybe we should tell it. But it's going to be a little hard to believe."

"At this point," Taiyang sighed, "you could tell me you've been swallowed by a whale for the past months and I'd buy it. Just give me something better than nothing!"

"No prob, Ruby's Dad!" Kazuichi said with a toothy grin. "I mean, we've got about enough people here to actually get all the details right."

"But more than can actually sit around the kitchen table," Ruby noted. She looked to her father; "Living room?"

Taiyang nodded; "Living room."

And so the group ended up inside the house, seated around the living room in order to explain current events. Well, not right away, of course. There was a slight incident in that Booster was a stitch larger than the door to the cabin, so Ruby and Taiyang took an arm each to help him squirm through, distracting Taiyang from a couple of things. One was that Yuffie had decided to sneak his wallet out of his pocket, not for the money, but to show Nora how slick she was. Nora gasped and beamed, but Ren, sure this was not a good impression to make on one's host, hastily attempted to reverse-pickpocket the wallet back into Taiyang's pants. The other was that Kazuichi had found the screenless television projector and was oohing and aahing over it – as well as muttering to himself that he was going to take it apart. Jaune rushed toward him to demand he absolutely not do that, only to trip on a curled-up corner of the rug and land flat on his face. Goofy, who had just been giving the house a once-over, tripped over Jaune's prone body, dodge-rolling all the way into the kitchen (except instead of dodging the counter with the large stack of dishes on it, he crashed right into it, making a chorus of broken glass). As Donald loudly and angrily chewed him out by throwing a tantrum in the middle of the living room – taking a moment to slap a screwdriver out of Kazuichi's hand – Kairi insisted on paying for the damages, at which point Taiyang tried to refuse, but Kairi doubled down, and as Taiyang reached for his wallet to take the munny crystals she handed him, he could have sworn it was in the other pocket when he'd last put it there. Meanwhile, Ruby was hiding in the hall around the corner, metaphorically kicking herself because once Booster had been successfully brought inside, he'd thanked her and she'd replied by doing finger-guns at him, and those finger-guns were going to haunt her for the next three hours. Booster, of course, couldn't fathom why finger-guns were embarrassing for anyone, or that they could've been the result of a secret crush, and so entered a state of inner turmoil thinking she was reticent to talk to him because of the inconvenience that came with being as large as he was in a world as small as hers. And Nora had to end up putting the projector back together because she could touch the live wires without being shocked.

But after all of that blew over, then they seated themselves around the living room, on the couch, the floor, wherever there was space.

"Hang on!" Ruby realized. "Can't do this without Yang!"

She sped up the stairs, and Taiyang attempted to call after her; "RUBY!"

But she had to figure it out the hard way. After searching the whole house at breakneck speed and not finding her sister, Ruby slowed down enough to look quite somber. "Where's Yang?" she asked, dreading the answer.

Taiyang heaved a sigh. "She's…looking for you. She left to find you."

"Oh, no…" Ruby squeaked.

"What a nice sister," Booster remarked.

"What a nice mess I got her in by leaving," Ruby muttered.

"Well, if she's anything like you," Booster assured, "she'll be just fine."

That was simultaneously reassuring, not at all reassuring, and flustering.

"So…where do we even start?" Kairi asked.

"On the road to Haven," Ren decreed. "The place we were originally going."

They went around and told their parts of the story, and it was rather interesting tracking who had been there for what. While Yuffie and Donald competed for the title of the first one to have noted a WHAM ARMY sighting, Booster realized he had missed the vast majority of the adventures so far, and Kazuichi was at a perfect midpoint of being semi-aware of the facts and yet still surprised at some of the things that had come before.

Then the story was told, and Taiyang was gobsmacked, to say the least.

"And that's why we have to keep going," Ruby urged. "With the rest of my team, this time."

"And Qrow knew," Taiyang muttered. "That son of a bitch."

"Are you mad?" Ruby asked.

"Mad?" Taiyang sputtered. "Of COURSE I'm mad! And sad, and – proud. That you've been able to help so many people. You worried me, and you worried your sister, and there were nights I thought you were dead, and I didn't even know how to BEGIN looking for you, and my little girl is already a full-blown Huntress fighting the forces of evil just like she's always wanted, maybe even BETTER than the entirety of Team STRQ ever was because we sure never did cool shit like traveling worlds and fighting evil witches, and I never want you to leave this house again, let alone this planet, but I also want you to keep on fighting and finding your destiny out there and making new friends and I – uuuuggghhhh, my life can just never be normal, can it?"

"Nope," Ruby told him.

"Please, Mr. Xiao Long," Kairi begged. "Ruby has been a great friend and a great help to all of us."

"Um." Taiyang flinched. "Do I have to do what you say because you're royalty?"

"NO!" Kairi cried, shaking her hands in the air. "That doesn't apply here!"

"I haven't known Ruby that long," Booster added, "but I know she's a real hero, and she could even put Buzz Lightyear to shame with her confidence and optimism! If you were okay with letting her leave again, we'd really, really appreciate it!"

Taiyang sighed. "Ruby? What do you think? Is this…really how you wanna be spending your life?"

"What do you mean?" Ruby asked. "This is why I studied to become a Huntress. To help people."

"Forgive me if I bring up the same thing I always bring up," Taiyang began.

"Mom," Ruby muttered.

"If anything, this proves how much you are her daughter," Taiyang asserted. "Running off into the heat of danger, no challenge too big or small. And…well, we all know how that turned out for her. I couldn't lose you the way I lost her, Ruby."

"Then I won't die," Ruby asserted. "You know me and you knew Mom. If she found a greater purpose, a war that needed fighting, do you think she'd stay back?"

"No," Taiyang admitted. "Especially not if she'd made such great friends as you have."

"We'll look out for her," Jaune promised. "Not that she needs it."

"Well, then, I guess that settles it," Taiyang resolved. "I gotta say goodbye to you again. This time, just let me do it properly, okay?"

"I will," Ruby vowed. "I promise. And I also promise I'll find Yang."

"She's doing better than the last time you saw her," Taiyang clarified. "She's still a bit…on edge. But she's also like you and your mom. Once she gets an idea, there's no stopping her."

"I can't WAIT to see the look on her face when Ruby finds her first!" Kazuichi yelped.

"Now, we don't mean ta put ya outta house'n'home," Goofy told Taiyang, "but any chance we could stay the night?"

"SLEEPOVER?" Ruby gasped. "SLEEPOVER!"

Taiyang laughed; "I was just about to offer. There should be enough blankets and pillows hidden around here that you can turn the living room into a barrack."

"Daaaad," Ruby groaned, "it's a sleepover. Call it something more fun. Like – ooh, a fort! We're gonna make a blanket fort! I'm deciding this right now!"

"Oh, and 'fort' is any less military-sounding than 'barrack'?" Taiyang teased. "Though I will admit I didn't plan on this many people for dinner. I'm, uh…not sure I actually have enough food in the house."

"We can chip in for our own food!" Kairi volunteered. "And I'll help with the cooking!"

"Me too!" Kazuichi chimed in.

"Oh, I LOVE putting together meals!" Booster added.

"Just let us know where there's a good place to find some ingredients!" Donald asserted.

"There's a market a little up the road," Taiyang explained.

Nora threw both fists into the air; "FIELD TRIIIIIIIP!"

"We should all prob'ly decide what we wanna eat first," Goofy suggested. "That way, we know what we're lookin' for!"

It broke Taiyang's heart, knowing he'd have to let Ruby go all over again. But what put it on the mend was seeing how these friends of hers all lightened the mood, promising to protect her and each pulling their share of the weight. If nothing else, she'd be in good hands. And, given recent events, it seemed Yang, Weiss, and Blake could use some good hands to be in as well.

...

Two bicycles pulled up to a dock, kickstands going down. Ven and Papyrus hung their helmets on the handles, then made their way down the stairs to the wooden pathway. Docked there was a modest boat called the 'Orca-stra,' two stories abovedecks and a door seemingly leading below. Aboard, a young woman with short crimson hair tinkered with the engine, protecting herself against the cool sea breeze with a green sweater and a black vest.

"HELLO!" Papyrus waved up at her. "ARE YOU KATIE FIRESTONE?"

"Wah!" Katie flinched as she stumbled back. "Sorry. I wasn't expecting to see someone decked out for Halloween this early in the year."

"I DO LOVE THAT HOLIDAY," Papyrus replied. "I WILL PROBABLY BE WEARING THIS, AH, COSTUME (AUDIBLE WINK) FOR A FEW DAYS. OR WEEKS."

"We heard your boat got torn up!" Ven called up to her. "We're sorry!"

Katie sighed. "It's…it's all right. I'll have everything fixed up soon enough."

"DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO DID IT?" Papyrus asked.

"I'm not sure there's a way to find out," Katie admitted, "let alone if it would even be a good idea to."

Ven said softly, "She doesn't seem as mean as Jenna made her out to be."

"I AGREE," Papyrus said. "SHE SEEMS QUITE FRIENDLY, IN FACT."

Ven led the way, ascending the steps onto the Orca-stra to get in closer speaking range to Katie. "We're trying to see if we can figure out who would do something like this," he explained. "When we heard your boat got ransacked, we knew we couldn't just stand by."

"Good luck," Katie groaned.

"I TAKE IT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU," Papyrus guessed. "OR, RATHER, THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE SMASHING YOUR BOAT ENGINE."

"Pretty much everyone in town wants a shot after last night's meeting," Katie explained.

"The orca." Ven nodded. "We heard about that."

"I don't understand why it's so difficult!" Katie groaned. "If the whale is found to be sick, then it needs to be given professional help! Returning it to its pod might only cover up the problem and send it to inevitable doom! And lifting the no-boat zone is definitely a no-go. I'm not having any careless fishermen's boats harming that whale on my watch. You both agree with me, right?"

After a moment of silence, Ven began, "Whatever is best for the whale…"

"IS WHAT WE WANT," Papyrus concluded.

Katie accepted this as an agreement, nodding. "Well, someone sure doesn't want what's best for the whale. That, or Andy Jason finally decided to sabotage me after I turned down his last buyout offer."

"THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE A SUSPECT," Papyrus observed.

Katie blanched. "Oh…no. Please. I was just running my mouth. Andy's been annoying me by attempting to purchase my boat, is all. He wouldn't do anything like this. Please don't say I said that."

"We'll keep your secret safe," Ven assured. "But why is he trying to buy your business anyway?"

"WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Papyrus asked.

"I run a whale-watching tour," Katie explained. "Or at least I do when my boat is working. Andy Jason is the manager of Whale World, the museum and science center across the island. He does tours as well, though his are less personal. I've been his biggest competitor since I first set sail. Never mind that he already has more revenue from Whale World than he knows what to do with. He just won't rest until he has all of my clientele as well as his own. But like I said, he wouldn't go this far. Please, please forget I implicated him in this. If word gets out, that sure won't improve my public image."

"DULY NOTED," Papyrus told her. "ERM…DO YOU MIND IF WE INVESTIGATE THE BOAT TO SEE IF WE CAN TURN UP ANY CLUES?"

Katie bristled; "You'll forgive me if I'm not in the mood to let strangers go poking around my boat after the vandalism."

"Good point," Ven realized. "In that case, can you tell us about anything you found?"

"I doubt this'll be any help," Katie replied, "but all I know is that the vandal shot my engine, broke my GPS, and dismantled my plumbing. Oh, and they also left this note."

She retrieved a crumpled paper from her pocket, unfolding it wide so Ven and Papyrus could see the red text scrawled upon it: "STOP MEDDLING OR ELSE!"

"HMM." Papyrus stared hard at the paper as though something would reveal itself.

"Not much to go on," Ven admitted.

"You'd be better off not wasting your time," Katie sighed. "I'm flattered that you'd try and do something so kind for me, I really am, but…"

"We'll figure this out," Ven promised. "There's gotta be a way."

"I MAY HAVE SOME IDEAS ALREADY," Papyrus mused.

Katie sighed. "All right. Do whatever you have to. But really, if I were you, I'd just let the matter drop and rent a pair of kayaks."

Walking back up on shore, Ven suggested, "We shouldn't tell Andy that Katie mentioned his name. But it does seem like he could be suspicious."

"WE CAN INVESTIGATE HIM AND HIS WORLD OF WHALES AT THE SAME TIME!" Papyrus agreed. "WONDERFUL CALL, VEN!"

"Let's go!"

They buckled on their helmets, and the bikes were off.

From a hidden alcove, a figure stepped barely into view, taking note of the pair of detectives riding away to the next lead.

"My instructions were very clear," he growled, scowling at the duo. "No. MEDDLING."

...

The taxibus rolled happily along behind the motorcycle containing Yang and the mysterious guide. On board, the Blasters, Firefly, Ragdoll, Molly, and Sylvie had broken out the treats from their haul, and though Harley had to keep her hands on the wheel and eyes on the path, Ragdoll made sure to slip her a few candies to nibble on while doing so.

The man from the bar signaled for Yang to stop. "Wait here. I'll have to go alert the others that you're coming."

Bumblebee came to an abrupt halt, and the man jogged off deeper into the forest. Yang leaned up against her bike, giving a smile to the taxibus catching up slowly. Harley waved at her, and Yang waved back.

Then Yang tilted her head ever so slightly to see the sparkle of sunlight on metal, and she screamed, "HARLEY! STOP!"

But it was too late. Four resonant bangs, like consecutive gunshots.

They'd put out a line of metal teeth to stop vehicles from traveling further. The taxibus had just blown all four tires, which grounded it permanently on the other side of the spikes.

"Well," Firefly remarked. "Don't like that."

"What's going on, bro?" Darkstar asked nervously.

Harley put up a hand to get everyone's attention. "This don't smell right. Anyone who don't want trouble…stay on the bus."

Giovanni rose, of course, and he tapped Crusher on the shoulder. "Crusher."

"Yeah, Boss?" Crusher replied.

"You're our team's strongman," Giovanni told him, "and you have unquestionable loyalty and an enormous heart." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Make sure nothing bad happens to Bear Trap or the sheep brat."

"Okay," Crusher whispered back, knowing how important protecting those kids was to his beloved boss.

When Harley stepped out of the bus, she was accompanied by Firefly, Ragdoll, and Giovanni. The four approached Yang, who was looking about furtively but attempting to seem casual.

"Pretty sure this is an ambush," Yang remarked.

"This is one hundred percent an ambush," Firefly agreed.

"The question is," Ragdoll posed, "from which direction will the first shot be fired?"

Bang.

Yang deflected it with her metal wrist, which made Giovanni yelp – partly because he was startled and partly because that was just awesome. From the edges of the surrounding forest, the man returned – and he had brought company. Several other bandits.

"I can't believe you were dumb enough to let me lead you here," the man chuckled.

"Well, I can't believe you were dumb enough to let us FOLLOW you here!" Giovanni retorted, smacking the edge of the Doom Bat against the ground.

"Don't overplay our hand," Harley warned him in a whisper.

Yang surveyed the bandits. "Is this everyone?"

"Yep, this is everyone," the man replied. "Should be no trouble picking off a bunch of chumps like you. And once we're done…then we can move on to the ones who were too weak to even come out of that car."

"DOWN!" Spike hissed; she and the others had been watching intently from the side windows, but now they all ducked below view – as though that would erase the bandits' memory that they had been in there in the first place.

"Seems a little risky," Yang said coldly. "What if we're stronger than you think?"

"Well, here's the thing," the man replied. "I'm making good on my promise. The rest of the camp is that way." He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder.

"That way?" Yang confirmed with a point.

"Yes," the man replied. "That way. But the thing is, you get there, they'll tear you apart faster than we could. We just wanted the first shot because you decked me."

"Good to know." Yang's face was as hard and cold as her tone. "Thanks."

"Oh, no!" Harley cried dramatically. "Y'ain't about ta…KILL us, are ya?" She gasped.

The man, not noticing how fake her acting was, replied, "Nah, not yet. We'll let Raven decide what to do about that. But we are gonna take that bike, and whatever scraps we can tear down off that car. And you're gonna take your lumps." He smacked a fist into the opposite palm.

"Oh, dear," Ragdoll replied with his usual grin. "That doesn't sound very pleasing. How about we take a different course of action?"

Yang flicked her flesh arm; a metal bracelet expanded into something larger. A gauntlet of sorts. At the same time, a gun barrel exposed itself on the metal arm. That was the cue. Harley balled up her fists, Giovanni raised the Doom Bat, Firefly readied his own gauntlets to activate, and Ragdoll extended his body into a graceful arabesque, ready to move.

The rest of the bandits cocked their weapons. Guns, knives, crossbows. The long-haired man withdrew a pistol. "You might've gotten the jump on me last time," he said, "but I'd think twice before – "

A bomb of hot wetness exploded in his face. "AUGH!" He stumbled back, wondering what kind of poison grenade they'd just thrown at him. It was hot enough to burn, forcing him to shut his eyes, and what leaked into his mouth had the distinct taste of –

Chicken noodle?

"HOW D'YA LIKE THAT APPETIZER?" Giovanni whooped.

"That's it!" the man barked once he'd spat out the soup. "GET THEM!"

The bandits advanced, save for their squad leader. And immediately learned a hard lesson.

Yang dealt punches and kicks to the pressure points of the first to approach, quickly incapacitating him and finishing it off by punching his chest into the ground. Ragdoll somersaulted, wrapping his legs up around a knife-wielding bandit and using that position to suplex him into the dirt.

It was at this point that the others put up gunfire, and Giovanni walked right out front to take the brunt of it, feeling only the dents to his overall stamina that the bullets gave him. Sure, it might kill him if he stood in that kind of hail for a couple of hours. As the gunners gawked, Giovanni laughed; "THAT'S RIGHT! FEAR ME, MORTALS! FOR I, GIOVANNI POTAGE, CANNOT BE DEFEATED BY YOUR LOWWWWWWLY FIREARMS!"

And then the Doom Bat knocked over the bandit trying to sneak up on him from behind.

Firefly forced another to back off by blasting a radius of heat that she knew she couldn't withstand. Harley gave a punch to one, then spun to roundhouse-kick him in the stomach.

Only to notice that Yang was roundhouse-kicking not one but three bandits from the opposite direction, and her and Harley's feet landed next to each other. "Nice shot," Yang said with a wink.

"Yours was better," Harley said breathlessly.

A shot blasted right between their heads, barely missing either of their faces. They turned; it was the long-haired bandit who'd started the trouble. He'd positioned himself all the way across the clearing, like a coward.

"I got this," Yang assured.

She put out her guns to her sides and behind, leaning forward, and then used them as rocket propulsion to blast herself clear across the field. The long-haired man slapped his weapon hurriedly, trying to get another shot in before –

Yang planted a fist in the dirt before him, blowing that gun and using it as further propulsion to backflip over his head like a gymnast. Once she'd landed on his other side, she used the advantageous angle to punch him hard – into the last man standing, and now all bandits were felled.

"I think I'm in love," Harley simpered, watching Yang deal that blow.

Yang gave a nod toward where the man had indicated the location of the camp. "Let's move out."

"Who…" The long-haired man was down but not out, it seemed. "Who ARE you? No, not that it matters…once you reach Raven's camp, you're DEAD!"

"I doubt it," Yang told him. "After all…I am her daughter."

"I'M dead," the man realized as he finally passed out.

Harley knocked gently on the taxibus door. "Coast's clear!" she called out. "But we're walkin' the rest of the way!"

Spike, Flamethrower, Darkstar, Ben, Crusher (who was carrying Car Crash on his back due to Car Crash's massive hangover), Car Crash (who was riding on Crusher's back due to his massive hangover), Sylvie, and Molly disembarked. "That's pretty impressive," she said casually, noting the unconscious bandits.

"Because WE'RE pretty impressive!" Giovanni reminded her. "Especially me, of course, but the others, too. Now let's get a move on! We got one of those bandits that needs a REAL crime family!"

And off they all walked, deeper into the woods and the heart of Raven's territory.

...

"oh yeah," Sans said as he descended the lifeguard chair. "i remember that guy. what about him?"

Yen Sid was concerned that the laziest person, man or monster, in all of Knightdock was working as a lifeguard, but he supposed if nothing bad had happened yet, it worked out. "For one, we were surprised to note his journals mentioned this world," Yen Sid explained. "After all, it was your brother who set us on this journey to learn more of Eraqus, and yet he seemed not to recognize the name."

"oh," Sans replied. "yeah, that's 'cause i never told him. also, eraqus didn't ever actually come here in this worldline."

"Whaddaya mean, this worldline?" Mickey asked, scratching his head. "Ya mean like…other timelines? But how would ya know?"

"i mean, you're like the king of the cosmos or something, right?" Sans reminded him. "and you, tall guy, you're the sorcerer who reads the stars. you're maybe the only two people i can talk about this stuff with. not that any of it matters in the end."

"I believe an explanation is required," Yen Sid said, quite puzzled.

"this world's special," Sans explained. "if a human has enough determination, they can rewind a bit and have a do-over. most people aren't even conscious of it. write it off as a dream or something. but there's one who figured it out. not eraqus. different human. anyway, most people also don't get that time stops and starts and gets rewritten 'cause when it does, everyone just goes with the flow of the new history. but eraqus showed me how to get a good look at the big picture.

"though i should back up. it'd make more sense if i told you how i met him. when he first showed up, that kid was a real nerd. you could even say he was a…square."

A pause. Then Sans asked, "get it?"

"Um…no," Mickey told him.

"his name is an anagram for 'square,'" Sans explained. "you're supposed to be his friends. you can't tell me you never figured that one out."

Mickey gasped; "HE'S RIGHT!"

"I…never noticed," Yen Sid admitted.

"wow," Sans replied. "just wow. anyway, the kid turns up one day, and that's cool, lots of kids fall into the mountain, one every few years or so, except he claims he came there on purpose and he can leave whenever he wants. and that shouldn't be possible because of the giant barrier surrounding the whole place that keeps the humans out and the monsters in. get it?"

"The Keyblade would allow him to bypass such a circumstance," Yen Sid realized.

"yeah, and it meant i never got to use my 'barrier of bad news' joke on him," Sans lamented. "you know. 'i hate to be the barrier of bad news.'"

Mickey snorted, then covered his mouth; "Sorry."

"anyway," Sans continued, "i made friends with the kid pretty quick. partly 'cause i wanted to keep my promise to toriel and partly 'cause i'm real weak and anybody could kill me in one shot, especially with a fancy big key like his. man, that one's a key-per. but i kept him outta sight of the other monsters 'cause humans weren't well-liked down below. the whole war thing where they drove us down there.

"eraqus said that was a real big shame, and he was glad we were protected from the darkness of the evil people outside. which, i mean, isn't great that he thought we should stay imprisoned in a mountain, but points for trying. anyway, i finally loosen him up enough to get him to tell me about his keyblade stuff. that kid was a sucker for takeout from grillby's. though back then it was owned by grillby's uncle searson. he tells me all about world travel and stuff, and i don't ask if i can go because i already know the answer, since he won't even let me leave the mountain, but it is what it is. it's not like i had the energy to go around to all these worlds anyway. i just liked talkin' to the kid. anyway, one day he tells me about this cool keyblade trick from old times, and i figure out i can do it probably easier than any human can. what'd he call it? the master's eye."

Yen Sid gasped. "The Master's Eye…a powerful spell, and one requiring a sacrifice indeed."

"What's the Master's Eye?" Mickey asked.

"It is said to have originated in the Age of Fairy Tales," Yen Sid explained. "A legendary enchantment. When one removes one's own eye and places it in an item of power, it can see past, present, and future. The item paves the path to what information is given."

"and my eye pops right out," Sans explained. "perks of being a skeleton. check this out."

His left eye glowed bright blue. His right didn't. And it was now incredibly clear that this should have been a display of power that was symmetrical across his face. The pupil set in the back of his right socket was false. Perhaps glass.

"i'm not gonna tell you where i put it," Sans said quickly. "that part's a secret. but it did show me some stuff. i got to see how people rewound everything. and then i started keeping track of what happened in all the worldlines created by the resets. pretty cool, huh? it's like extreme people-watching. every so often, there's a worldline where somebody who was your friend just goes off the rails and starts committing genocide. weird. but i guess infinite time means infinite possibilities. is this even the real one? who knows? but i saw a lot of stuff. i shared it with eraqus at first. then i saw something that made me not want to share with him anymore, and i basically told him to get out of my mountain or i'd make sure he burned in hell."

"What HAPPENED?" Mickey gasped.

"in the worldline i was in," Sans explained, "he was always telling me how good it was that we monsters were locked away, because the humans on the outside were full of dark. which, i wasn't gonna tell him, but the darkness has some good in it. good thing he never met a darkner. don't know what he would've done then."

"What's a Darkner?" Mickey asked.

"that part's secret," Sans said mischievously. "but it's also one of the reasons why what i saw hit so hard. what i saw was a worldline where it was the other way around. he was telling people on the outside how good it was that the dark monsters were locked away in here. then i realized. that wasn't just the 'kid goes genocidal' timeline. that's just how he was. he saw our war as being caused by both of our sides being full of dark, and he wanted each of us to know that about the other side. the humans he talked to took his words and ran with 'em. we got real hated in that line. if i'd let him talk to any other monsters? other way around. probably would've left carrying pitchforks and torches.

"before you say anything, no, i don't think he was trying to play both sides or drive a wedge. i think he was disappointed by all the bad things in the world, and so he saw things as black and white. well, i think it was a pretty black and white case in the war, but not in the same way he saw it. he couldn't blame humans 'cause he was one. humans couldn't have privilege or be bad, or else he'd be the bad thing he was trying to wipe out. so he just blamed darkness both ways. and on top of that, knowing what i know about those who dwell in the dark…well."

Sans' blue eye soured in color, first lemony, then brilliant gold.

"and i'm not the only one who would've been in danger if he found out. didn't trust him. that's why i never introduced him to papyrus. for the most part, i don't care about things, 'cause i've seen it all. it's all happened. and only once in a blue moon is anything world-ending. lot of times, some human just gets determined enough and it's all fixed. depends on if humans figure it out before their point of reset moves on, though. but anyway. usually, i don't care. but if i can do something as small as not bringing up the darkner-hater to my brother or vice versa, might as well keep my jaw shut. spares me the effort of saying extra sentences anyway. so eraqus left after i gave him the era-kiss off. and here we are."

"Wow," Mickey gasped. "So he coulda fed into the mindset of a whole war…"

"It is a good thing that he was ousted before he could make that error," Yen Sid sighed.

"he was just a kid," Sans agreed. "and it's not like everything he taught me was bad."

"What were the good things?" Mickey asked.

"how important it is not to go around being evil and hurting people," Sans explained. "that people getting in fights only increases their level of violence. he and i played this little game where we'd talk about war heroes from the past and assign them 'execution points.' when i hid my eye to look at things, kinda confirmed what he'd shown me: that most people are just rotten. present company excluded, maybe."

"But most people AREN'T rotten," Mickey asserted. "A lot of people are good! And even then, if ya make a mistake, then ya deserve friends who should help you learn from it!"

"not murder," Sans told him. "that one's pretty unforgivable."

"I mean…this is about to sound bad…" Mickey considered Ienzo. Riku, if you took certain implications into consideration. "But sometimes you can learn from that, too, if you really wanna be better under your own steam."

"eh." Sans shrugged. "say what you want. i already know you don't do anything to seriously screw up this world, so whatever."

"So what you are saying," Yen Sid realized, "is that in addition to fueling the conflict between humans and monsters without addressing the root prejudice…Eraqus also taught you that impurity is unforgivable."

"yeah. pretty much. but mostly when it comes to, like, murder. pretty ironic how he went down, then, huh?"

"I hate to say it," Mickey sighed, "but this explains a few things."

"We must investigate further," Yen Sid insisted. "Eraqus has committed atrocities, but in the name of a greater good. On which side did he truly fall?"

"But that was the mistake he made, right?" Mickey asked. "Thinkin' of it as two sides."

Yen Sid didn't have an answer for that.

"Thanks a bunch, Sans," Mickey told the skeleton. "We'll do our best to make sure nothin' like this ever happens to your world again. And we'll take extra good care of Papyrus!"

"One more thing," Yen Sid asked. "Could a human with enough determination begin this world anew, from the very start? Undo the atrocities committed by other humans?"

"most can't," Sans answered. "never met someone who could. the window's generally smaller than that. but if it could happen, which i'm only saying because anything can happen, well. can't have a perfect world anyway. by which i mean if you stopped one bad thing from happening, something worse would fill the spot. just how it goes. you should've seen 2020 when people kept trying to fix their mistakes. that ended up a mess, all right. too bad nobody had 2020 vision."

Mickey had to cover his mouth again because that was absolutely the most wrong time to laugh at a pun.

"you take care out there," Sans told them. "and always remember. the sins you commit will crawl down your back. so be careful how many of them you let get there."

...

When the next squad of bandit scouts from Raven's camp rotated in for sentry duty, they noticed, of course, the vanguard that Yang, Harley, and company had beaten unconscious.

"Gods dammit, Shay," that group's leader murmured, giving the long-haired man a kick. "Why is every patrol you run like this?"

She backed up to call out, "LET'S CLEAR THESE ASSHOLES OFF THE PATH AND TAKE POSITION!"

"MINT!" one of her squadron yelled. "VISUAL ON MORE INTRUDERS FROM THREE O'CLOCK!"

The leader, Mint Millpond, whirled to glare at the direction her minion had indicated. "Now. What do we have here?"
A rustle in the woods. Then three women walked out. Well, one woman, one girl, and one who was on the cusp of transitioning from the latter to the former.

The girl, in the lead, was glad to have finally ditched the skirt and cloche hat. Cyclonis had returned to her purple suit of choice, dark cape billowing out behind her as she held her staff high. The woman who flanked her on one side was tall, pale, statuesque, with raven hair done up in intricate braids. Her deep-blue gown looked absolutely queenly, with a wide skirt that was surprisingly undamaged for walking through the wood for so long; she kept a shawl clutched over her upper body. The woman who flanked Cyclonis' other side also wore a gown: a silver prom dress, off-the-shoulder, A-line skirt. A tiara was set into her golden hair.

"I think you're lost," Mint growled, bracing her dual hand-axes with cannons built into the handles.

"No," Cyclonis replied smugly. "We're exactly where we want to be."

"We're looking for Raven Branwen," the queenly woman in blue said. "The bandit queen. What a charming title."

"I'm not wasting time on the banter," the blonde in silver muttered.

"What's your business with her?" Mint asked, clutching her axes all the tighter; her squadron removed their own weapons from holsters and belts.

"She's harboring someone we need to apprehend," Cyclonis answered. "Multiple someones, in fact. We can't let her get away with that."

Mint looked back to her right-hand man, then smirked at Cyclonis. "And you think you, a child, are going to kidnap someone under Raven's protection."

"If you're going for Vernal," the right-hand, one Birch Krampusnacht, sneered, "she'll kill you sooner than you can lay a hand on her."

"We aren't looking for the Maiden," the blonde said, matter-of-fact. "Our target doesn't matter. You're an obstacle. And we have protocol for obstacles."

Twin knives were drawn from her belt.

"I'm warning you one last time," Mint said. "If you want a fight, then you're going to lose your life right here. Turn around, walk back out the way you came, and forget you ever were here."

"I think we can take them," the woman in blue said with a saccharine smile.

"You think I was born yesterday?" Mint scoffed.

"I say we whip these jokers into shape," Birch suggested.

"Very well," Cyclonis said with a smirk. "You were warned."

"Optic nerve blocking on," the blonde muttered. "Target: Boa."

Cyclonis, without the advantages of the blonde's cybernetic enhancement, simply had to remember to keep her eyes off her ally.

"Oh, it's so warm out here!" the woman in blue – Boa, or more accurately, Princess Boa of the Abarat – cooed. "I could simply…remove a layer…"

The shawl slipped off her shoulders, revealing that her gown was sleeveless, strapless. And her ice-white shoulders were crawling with Dark magic that formed Eldritch patterns, squirming and swarming like a living organism on her skin.

Mint, Birch, and in fact most of the squad were overcome with intense nausea as they laid eyes upon this spell, doubling over to spill vomit upon vomit on the grass.

"Shall I?" Boa asked Cyclonis.

"No," Cyclonis told her, not turning to look at the sepulcaphs that crawled on Boa's skin: an ancient, evil magic. "I want a piece of this fight. And I'm sure Sara does, too."

Mint and Birch forced themselves to their feet, bile dripping from the corners of their lips. Birch cracked a whip, and Mint screamed, "YOU'RE DEAD!"

Birch's whip sent a shockwave of Aura toward Cyclonis, who deflected it easily with her staff, turning it around to take out a member of the squad in the back. Cyclonis then turned the staff point on Birch, who sidestepped, and the blast threw a subordinate so hard against a nearby tree that his neck snapped on impact.

"THE HELL?" Birch yelled.

The staff spun, and Cyclonis was soon lifting and throwing the bandits like rag dolls. As she hurtled toward them, the staff doubled as a spear, simply impaling those unfortunate enough to have slow reaction times.

Cyclonis may have been Master of Cyclonia, and Boa Princess of the Abarat, but Sara was no true royalty. Only the queen of high-school land, at least in her head. Until the upgrade Mirage had gifted her to test her bloodthirst – and now Sara was no ordinary prom queen.

Mint's axes clashed over and over again with Sara's quick-spinning daggers. "How the HELL are you so fast?" Mint seethed. "You barely look like a first-year Huntress-in-training!"

"See, I used to be so much weaker," Sara stated confidently. "I was hopeless, hopeless – I was helpless, helpess. But then, then, THEN, I got a SQUIP."

"The HELL is a SQUIP?"

"It's from Japan," Sara explained. "Or so the marketing states. But we all know better. The SQUIP lives in my head and tells me what to do as well as controlling my fine motor skills. Now I'm so much greater than I ever thought I could be. I don't know where I end and the SQUIP begins anymore, and I like that."

"One more question," Mint grunted, striking the daggers so hard, her axes sparked. "Why is it called an effing SQUIP?"

By then, Shay's regiment had begun to wake from their stupor, peeling themselves off the ground to see the carnage. Cyclonis was murdering their fellows at top speed, and some who weren't able to take their eyes off Boa had finally vomited up their own stomachs, turning inside-out.

Sara grinned. "Let me explain. It's an acronym, see."

She kicked Mint aside, rushing for the first of Shay's squadron. As she slashed his throat, she declared, "S is for the Slash that makes your blood run red!"

Double daggers sank into the back of the next; "Q is when I Quell your life and kill you dead!"

Stab; "U for being Underhanded!"

Slash; "I for Incapacitation!"

A high heel pinned Shay's chest down to the ground, and he didn't have time to make any shady remarks before Sara declared, "And P is when you Perish and your heartbeat hits cessation."

One dagger separated Shay's head from his neck and the other impaled his skull.

"Though actually." Sara turned to wink at Birch. "It stands for Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. He lives in my brain. But we share a certain flair for drama."

"Mint…" Birch shook, whip dropping from his hands. "We gotta GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"

"WARN RAVEN!" Mint screamed, cutting and running as the final of her and Birch's companions fell in a shower of blood.

Mint and Birch hurtled through the forest, ever faster, putting the deadly trio far behind them. When all of a sudden, they were grabbed from behind by a pair of what seemed like tentacles, contracting like rubber bands, slinging them right back to square one. And once they were in range, Boa waved a hand, casting an ancient incantation, and spiked spheres of energy like mace heads formed in their hearts and expanded, the spikes bursting through their chests and backs from the inside in an explosion of gore.

As Cyclonis stepped delicately through the corpses, she told the unhearing ears, "Don't worry. We'll leave Raven alone as soon as we have what we want. But I think we will let you warn her after all…of what happens if she denies us."

Boa snapped her fingers, and Sara tossed her the severed head of Shay D. Mann. "He looks like a lecherous one," Boa said with a sneer of disgust. "He just has that air about him. We might have unfortunately done a good thing by destroying this one."

"Boa," Sara snapped.

Boa relented, calling off the sepulcaphs, leaving her skin unblemished. "I've dismissed it. And that wasn't a joke this time."

"It better not be," Sara growled. "Optic nerve blocking off."

She took a good look at Boa to see the princess wasn't lying, then shrugged. "Let's go."

And Cyclonis' new friends followed her into the woods.

...

Across the continent, much happier events were taking place.

"Okay, you crazy kids." Taiyang grinned, scooping up the black-and-white corgi Zwei into his arms. "I'm guessing you'll wanna have a little fun tonight before hitting the hay, so I'm going down to the cellar for the night. Soundproof and all."

"Donald," Goofy suggested, "you should prob'ly head on down to the cellar too. That way, ya won't hear us goofin' around and makin' noise!"

"Good," Donald grunted. "I'll be the one around here to get some actual rest while you're all too tired tomorrow!"

"Goodnight, Dad!" Ruby called out; she and the others had already changed into their pajamas, bedding strewn about the living room.

"Night, jewel," Taiyang responded before he, Zwei, and Donald headed downstairs.

"AAAAAALL RIGHT!" Ruby cried once the cellar door had shut. "I hereby decree the Best Sleepover Ever has officially started!"

She plunked a thick sheaf of papers onto the floor at the epicenter of the room. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this!" she squealed. "This guide has a list of every idea I've ever had for how to create the ULTIMATE sleepover! And tonight, we're gonna do every last thing in it! …Permitting nobody gets too tired."

"PARTY ALL NIGHT, BABY!" Nora cried.

But then Ruby gave the stack a wistful look, and Booster asked, "Are you okay? You look kinda sad."

"It's just…" Ruby sighed. "I had wanted my first Best Sleepover Ever to be with Weiss and Blake and Yang. It's not that I don't appreciate all of you guys, but…"

"It's hard," Booster sighed. "You'll just have to come up with an even better sleepover agenda for when we get them all back!"

"For now," Kairi suggested, "let's all just have some fun!"

"What's the first thing on the agenda?" Kazuichi asked.

Ruby perked up; "Blanket fort!"

They set to constructing a fairly epic bastion of blankets, pillows, and sleeping bags, even recruiting some of the couch cushions as load-bearing pillars. Kazuichi couldn't rest until he'd found some holiday lights to string along the outside of it so they would shine through in a muffled effect.

"I KNOW WHAT ELSE THIS NEEDS!" Ruby suddenly realized, zooming upstairs. She came back down holding a black plush blob in her hands. "Okay, so, uh, I definitely don't sleep with stuffed toys anymore, but I've had this one since I was a kid, and he kinda just fits the plush aesthetic of the fort, soooo…"

She held up the plush. It was a Grimm, probably an Ursa at one point, but it had been very loved, to the point where it was missing an eye, had some obvious stitching scars from where Taiyang had patched up rips, and even had some bald patches and stains; Ruby could name every incident that had produced them if someone asked.

"Meet Alizarin!" she said proudly.

And Kazuichi went screaming into the fort, wrapping a blanket around himself tightly once inside for double protection.

"Kazuichi?" Ruby poked her head inside the fort. "Are you…scared of my toy Grimm?"

"Do NOT bring that thing near me!" Kazuichi yelled from inside the blanket burrito. "It looks into my soul! And it's seen some SHIT!"

"He's a friendly Grimm," Ruby offered. "If you would just get to know him – "

She held out Alizarin closer, and Kazuichi crab-walked away, still yelping.

"Okay, you should stop scaring him," Kairi suggested.

"But she shouldn't hafta give up her old favorite toy either," Goofy mused.

"You can hold onto it," Jaune decided, "but then you have to sit across the fort from Kazuichi and not torture him with the Grimm."

"Fiiiiiine," Ruby groaned.

They all settled into the fort. There was some general chatting, and then the next item on the agenda was Truth or Dare, so they cobbled together a spinner with all of their names on it.

A few rounds passed with nothing too noteworthy: just a couple of mildly interesting facts shared for the Truth. Booster was the first to pick Dare when Goofy spun him.

"I dare ya…" Goofy paused for effect. "To sing a song that makes ya happy!"

"That's IT?" Yuffie cried. "Are you serious? Goofy, you suck at this game!"

"The point of the Dare is to make people do things that are risky or embarrassing!" Nora groaned.

"Well, I don't think that's much fun," Goofy asserted.

"You're wholesome," Jaune told him. "You know that?"

"Songs that make me happy, songs that make me happy…" Booster rolled through the list of his favorites in his mind. Settling on one, he began to sing: "Didn't know what time it was, but the lights were low-ow-ow! I leaned back on my radio-o-o!"

He had a nice voice. The others listened to him get all the way through the first verse, and when he hit the chorus, he danced in place a little; "There's a staaaaar-maaaaan waiting in the sky! He'd like to come and meet us, but he thinks – "

And his grooving resulted in him knocking over a load-bearing cushion. The entire fort collapsed, eliciting shrieks from its inhabitants.

"SORRY!" Booster cried. "Sorry, sorry, sorrysorrysorry – "

But everyone else just started laughing. "This is too perfect," Ruby commented. "I couldn't write in 'someone accidentally knocks the blanket fort over' in the agenda because it has to be an accident, but it's THE THING that has to happen at every sleepover!"

"I seriously thought Kazuichi was gonna be the one to topple it," Ren said calmly.

"What about Goofy?" Yuffie asked.

"Why wasn't it me?" Goofy asked. "Usually, it is me."

"Well, you did ask the question!" Kairi told him. "So you're responsible!"

They all wriggled out of the blankets to continue playing.

Yuffie spun Kazuichi; "Truth or dare?"

"DARE ME!" Kazuichi yelled enthusiastically.

"I dare you…" Yuffie paused for effect. "To find a skirt and put it on, and then you have to wear it!"

"WHAAAAAAT?" Kazuichi blanched. "I'm not doing THAT! I thought you'd ask me to do something cool, like prank-call the neighbors! And where am I even gonna find a spare skirt around here anyway?"

"Two girls live here!" Yuffie reminded him.

"For the record," Ruby brought up, "I literally never said anyone could borrow one of my skirts, but as of right now, I endorse it."

Kazuichi folded his arms; "I'm not wearing a fucking skirt and you can't make me!"

"We can't," Kairi agreed. "Let's just move on."

Nora took the spinner next. She began to chuckle when she noticed who she'd landed on; "RUBY."

"Oh no," Ruby squeaked.

"Truth or Dare?" Nora asked.

"Uhhhh…Truth?" Ruby ventured, scared of what dare Nora had in store.

As it turned out, the dare wasn't the scary part. "Ruby Rose," Nora demanded, "tell us the truth! Who do you have a crush on right now?"

And Ruby went red as a rose. She sputtered, knowing if she lied, Nora could call her out. "I – I mean – that's not – "

Kazuichi hadn't really thought Ruby's view of him as an older brother figure was all that correct. After all, he sure didn't feel like one. But in that very moment, the very instinct of big-brotherliness flowed through him like a raging rapid. He knew he had to step in, or else Ruby would have to admit to the forbidden love triangle (and in front of one of the people involved!). "I changed my mind!" he said suddenly. "I'll wear the skirt!"

"YEAAAHHHHH!" Yuffie squealed.

"Got one I can borrow?" Kazuichi asked.

"Just a warning," Ruby told him. "They're all red. Not gonna go well with your hair."

"Wait!" Kairi stood up, hurrying one room over. She returned with a bundle of fabric in her arms. As she was wearing a pair of loose, silky purple pajamas, everyone was immediately able to tell that what she held was her daywear. "Kazuichi, I think you and me miiiiight be the same size, roughly. And my clothes are the same shade as your hair. I don't mind if you try them on. And the top goes with the skirt, so…"

"Here goes nothing." Kazuichi took the garments from Kairi and disappeared into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, he emerged, wearing the pink-and-plaid blouse, and, more importantly, the matching miniskirt. "Okay," he said, spreading out his arms. "Get the laughing over with."

Dead silence.

"What?" Kazuichi asked. "Do I look so stupid, you can't even laugh?"

"No," Ruby said in awe. "You look…"

"Really, REALLY nice!" Booster piped up.

"Purdy!" Goofy agreed.

"Okay, shut up and stop making fun of me!" Kazuichi pleaded.

"We're dead serious," Kairi informed him. "It looks GREAT. I don't know why, but that just…really suits you."

Kazuichi ducked back into the bathroom, taking a quick look. Okay, sure, maybe the colors matched his hair, but that didn't mean –

Well, now that he was looking at it with the others' words in mind, he could sort of understand.

As he returned to the group, Nora suggested, "You should wear stuff like that more often. It's more flattering than that one jumpsuit you never wash."

"Yeah, well, I'm not into the whole drag thing," Kazuichi muttered, sitting down on the couch and quickly realizing he would have to keep his legs crossed to avoid the skirt showing too much off. "No offense to anyone who is, but that's not me. And I've always been a guy. What's that one word?"

"Cisgender?" Nora offered.

"Yeah, that!" Kazuichi affirmed. "I'm also pretty sure I'm not anywhere on the LBT…GBL…TLC…gay."

"But you don't have to be," Booster told him. "If girls can wear pants, then can't guys just wear skirts because they want to?"

"I don't see a problem with that logic," Ruby agreed.

"I mean, I wore a dress to our school formal," Jaune added, "and I kinda liked it, and it didn't change my sexuality or my gender identity. I didn't go full drag, either. Just a guy in a dress because he lost a bet."

"You can just chill in a skirt if you want," Yuffie added.

"But only if ya want to!" Goofy added. "You should wear what makes ya happy!"

Kazuichi thought it would be easy to write off the pink skirt. To say it was only for the dare, and he didn't need anything but his comfortable clothes for kicking around the garage. Yet remembering the others' reaction to him and how he'd looked in the mirror…well, it turned out he didn't want to write it off completely, even if he had no idea yet where he'd even wear a skirt. They certainly weren't practical for the garage.

"Okay," he resolved. "I'll think about it. I dunno, I'm kinda feelin' it the more I wear this."

"Just wash it before you give it back to me," Kairi giggled.

"Hey, isn't it Ruby's turn?" Kazuichi said quickly before Nora could head back to the subject of crushes.

Ruby grabbed the spinner, questioning nothing about this. She gave the paper arrow a flick and gave a positively evil grin when it landed on…"Nora."

"Yello." Nora put up a hand.

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth!"

"Okay, Nora." Ruby leered. Time for revenge. "Tell me your DEEPEST, DARKEST, MOST EMBARRASSING SECRET!"

It wasn't Nora who reacted strongly, but Ren. His eyes shot wide open; "Nora, you DON'T have to answer the question. They can't make you. We can move on – "

"Naw, it's fine!" Nora waved him off. "I kinda needed an excuse to tell this group anyway." She shrugged. "So I'm trans."

There was a silence before Ruby simply said, "I would NOT have guessed that."

"Me either," Jaune added. "But I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say you're still our Nora no matter what."

"I kinda figured," Nora told him. "That's why I outed myself here. I trust you guys. But even if I didn't, it's kinda nice just to have it on the table. I kinda got all the worst of it out of my system back in Kuroyuri. You know…lost my family, nobody could tell me to be a boy anymore, started dressing like a girl, Ren found me when I was a kid, I kept quiet so he wouldn't know, he didn't even care when I had a dude voice…of course, by that point, we were both homeless anyway, so we had bigger problems to worry about."

"No one had told me you couldn't change," Ren added with a soft smile. "When Nora told me, I wondered if I wanted to be a girl instead, but I ultimately decided I'm just fine."

"I would totally date a trans woman, just so you know!" Yuffie blurted. "Not that I – I'm just saying I'm supportive!"

And several people in the room knew now that Ruby wasn't the one they should be asking about secret crushes.

"We're real glad ya felt safe comin' out to us, Nora," Goofy said sincerely.

"Thanks for being cool," Nora replied. "But seriously, I wish there was a better way to just let people know so it's out in the open. If I could just wear a giant trans flag everywhere I go, then that'd be perfect."

"You know…" Kairi's eyes widened. "If you asked, Pleakley would definitely design you a pride dress."

"Huh!" Nora realized. "I might have to take him up on that! But anyway!" She pointed to herself; "Me: girl in skirt, or girl in pants." Then to Kazuichi; "You: guy in skirt, or guy in pants."

"I can work with that!" Kazuichi responded with a big grin.

"Also, it's your turn for spinner." Ruby handed him the papercraft.

"Let's see…" Kazuichi flicked the arrow. "I got Kairi. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!" Kairi smiled broadly.

Kazuichi's expression turned downright smug and evil. "I want you to say the word 'fuck.'"

Kairi immediately blushed, both hands flying up to her mouth. "Oh, I – I don't think I can!"

"It's just a word," Kazuichi encouraged.

"Um." Kairi's voice went low. "F…ffffffffish sticks."

"Okay, I think we need to call off this game," Jaune sighed. "For the sake of my girlfriend."

The next item on the list was makeovers. Jaune was in high demand for manicures; in light of certain revelations, he agreed to paint Nora's nails alternating sky-blue, pastel-pink, and white. Yuffie was next in line to have hers done black. So long as Kazuichi was riding the idea of not being mocked for having some more traditionally feminine aspects in his look, he admitted he did like to use eyeliner to make his face stand out more, and so Kairi touched up his eyes, adding a bit of mascara as well and contouring some blush.

"Kinda feel like I want something done," Jaune muttered once Yuffie and Nora were both in the phase of flicking their hands rapidly through the air to try and get the polish to dry faster in case they needed to quickly use their hands for eating or using the restroom. "Not sure what, though." He huffed, blowing his long bangs out of his eyes.

Kairi noticed. "Maybe your hair? It's getting a little long. Not that that's bad, but it looks like it's getting in your way."

"Kinda is," Jaune admitted.

"We could find some cute clips to hold it back!" Kairi suggested.

"I've got a better idea!" Kazuichi cried triumphantly. "I could just cut it, and then it would stay out of your face for longer!"

"Are you actually good at cutting hair?" Jaune asked.

"I cut my own!" Kazuichi informed him. "It looks fine, right?"

"I mean, I like his style," Ruby pointed out. "Though it's longer. Are you actually good with short hair?"

"Will you all stop fucking doubting me and my haircut abilities?" Kazuichi grumbled.

"You know what?" Jaune shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen? Let's do this."

So they set up Jaune in a kitchen chair, a blanket wrapped around his body, and Kazuichi went to work with a scissors.

When he was done, they all beheld the worst that could happen.

"No…" Kairi slapped a hand on her mouth to try and hold back the laughter that was shaking her entire body.

"Oh my gods." Nora didn't even bother trying to hide the laughter. "Oh my GODS!" She doubled over.

"Um…it looks nice to me?" Booster said, not very convincingly.

"Uhhh…what did he do?" Jaune asked tentatively.

"Well, 'm'not sure ya wanted to go THAT short," Goofy told him.

"WHAT. DID. HE. DO?" Jaune asked through gritted teeth.

Ruby handed Jaune a mirror, chortles escaping her own mouth. When Jaune beheld his much shorter, spikier 'do, he recoiled; "WHAT THE HELL?"

"I'M SORRY!" Kairi screamed, falling over laughing on her sleeping bag. "YOU LOOK LIKE IF ROXAS WAS A HE-E-E-DGEHOG!" Now she was crying.

And that laughter spread to everyone except Jaune and Kazuichi.

"WHYYYYYY?" Jaune yelled at Kazuichi.

"SHIT, MAN, DON'T BLAME ME!" Kazuichi yelled back.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN – YOU ARE LITERALLY THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THIS STUPID HAIRCUT!"

"I TRIED, OKAY? I'M USED TO DOING THIS BACKWARDS AND ON LONG HAIR!"

Kairi wiped the tears from her eyes. "It's pretty silly," she resolved, "but you're still you, and I love you. Even if you're going to lose the VENTUS LOOKALIKE CONTEST – " And back to giggling.

Jaune sighed. "I guess this is my life now."

Next up was making brownies (or other desserts as applicable). Everyone crammed into the tiny kitchen for this one.

"So what recipe do we want?" Ruby asked. "I mean, I have a favorite, but I'm not gonna make everyone else eat it just because I like it."

"What about that one where you make cookie dough on the bottom," Yuffie suggested, "put a sandwich cookie in the middle, and then make it brownies on the top?"

"YOU KNOW ABOUT SLUTTY BROWNIES TOO?" Ruby squealed. "Seriously, Yang used to make them ALL the time and I could NOT get enough, even when I was young enough to still be embarrassed about the word 'slutty' so I called them 'flirty brownies.'"

"That sounds delicious!" Booster commented.

"I'm already hungry!" Kazuichi added.

"All in favor of, uh, slutty brownies?" Jaune posed.

All hands went up, so Ruby went about dividing the brownie dough and cookie dough recipes and setting up separate stations in the kitchen for them.

As Kazuichi melted butter for the brownie batter, Booster's job was to collect eggs and break them open to prepare them to add to that mix. However, trying to maneuver through the cramped kitchen, he ended up smacking the elbow of the egg-holding arm on a countertop, and the entire egg carton went spilling to the floor.

"That's another one for sleepover disaster bingo!" Ruby laughed. "No, seriously, there should be like three more cartons of eggs in there because I make cookies about once a week and my dad knows to keep me well-stocked."

"Um…maybe I should just let the rest of you work on this." Booster headed to the far corner, trying to make himself take up as little space as possible.

Ruby followed him, lightly tapping his upper arm. "Hey. My turn to ask if you're okay."

"Oh, I'm fine," Booster insisted. "This is just something that happens all the time. On Jo-Ad, everything's so big, and I get used to that, but then everywhere else, I'm reminded that things aren't that big. I'm the one who's big and clumsy, and I usually end up getting in people's way. I guess I already caused enough trouble for you tonight with the door and the blanket fort and now the eggs…but I'm okay just sitting out and letting other people do things! I don't mind!"

"Booster," Ruby replied, "you are not in anyone's way. Seriously, the problem is not that you're too big. Everything else is stupid small because we never stopped to think there could be different people out there on other worlds, okay? And do you think you're the only one here who's clumsy? I wanted someone to knock over the blanket fort, remember? That's, like, sixty percent of the fun of a blanket fort, and if you didn't do it, one of the guys would've. Or maybe one of the girls. Maybe I would've sabotaged it myself. As for the eggs, Kazuichi drops the second carton in three, two – "

"DAMMIT!" Kazuichi shrieked on cue.

"And we can clean those up," Ruby insisted. "All of these problems, we can fix. I just don't want you to feel bad because – well, because – "

She couldn't say the whole truth. Not yet. It wouldn't be fair to Aerrow, if she hadn't made her decision. But she could still say a truth.

"Because I'm really glad you're here. I want to get to know you better because I seriously think we could be good friends, and I like getting to hang out like this, so even if you break everything in the kitchen, I still wanna make brownie batter with you."

"Gosh, Ruby…" Booster appeared quite flustered at this confession. "That really puts things in perspective. And I'm glad to get to know you better, too. You're so kind and energetic and fun…"

"So?" Ruby asked. "Brownies?"

"Yeah," Booster told her. "Though, uh, are we making regular batter, or are we adding mini marshmallows, or little chocolate candies?"

"Booster." Ruby's jaw dropped. "You. Are. A VISIONARY. WE'RE DOING BOTH NOW!"

They were the most decadent slutty/flirty brownies anyone could ever have conceived of, in the end. Once they came out of the oven, the group headed back with laden plates only to find Donald awaiting them, quite steamed.

"I TOLD you to KEEP IT DOWN!" Donald shrieked.

"Um…no, you didn't," Nora told him. "You went to the basement and thought it would be fine."

"Well, it's NOT fine!" Donald cried. "I can still hear you, you know! And you've been keeping me up all night!"

Several sheepish gazes went downcast.

"Wait a second!" Kazuichi cried. "I think that's bullshit!"

"Huh?" Ruby tilted her head at him.

"Hang on," he told her. "My Hajime sense is taking over! Okay. So didn't you say you used to sleep in the cellar when Yang would play video games?"

"Yeah…?" Ruby replied.

"And was she a quiet player, or the kind to swear at the screen?"

"The second one," Ruby said.

"So how did Donald hear us when you couldn't hear Yang?" Kazuichi posed. "And for the next truth bullet: why isn't your dad up here yelling at us too?"

"I have more sensitive hearing!" Donald snapped. "I can hear everything you've said since you started this stupid party!"

"Oh, yeah?" Kazuichi retorted. "Then tell us! What was Nora's big secret?"

"Well…uhhhh…" Donald faltered.

"No, I get why you wouldn't wanna say that one," Kazuichi told him. "But you do know why I'm wearing Kairi's outfit, right?"

"Um…"

"Who cut Jaune's hair?"

"Well…"

"What are these brownies called?"

"Aaaaahhhh…"

"I think," Kazuichi accused, "you COULDN'T hear us at all!"

"But then why would ya come up here anyway?" Goofy asked.

"Donald?" Kairi realized. "Are you…sad you're missing out?"

"NOOOOO!" Donald insisted, shaking his fist.

"You can join us if you want," Jaune told him. "We made plenty of brownies."

"Well, ahhh…" Donald shifted a foot awkwardly, hands behind his back.

"You're being a total tsundere about this," Kazuichi declared. "Just come to our fucking slumber party. It's fun."

"Well…I might've wanted to know what you were doing that was so fun," Donald admitted. "I woke up and wondered if you were still awake, or if you'd gone to bed yet, and then I realized how much fun you'd had without me…"

"You're welcome to join in!" Goofy told him. "We were just gonna do the last item on our list: movie night!"

"Can I?" Donald asked sheepishly.

"So long as you don't hog all the pillows," Yuffie told him.

As they arranged themselves around the television projector, Donald perched in the center of a nest made up of all the pillows, Ruby filed through discs. "So do we wanna start off with a scary movie, or something more – "

"DO THE HORROR MOVIE!" Nora yelled.

"I kinda wanna see how desensitized I am," Kazuichi added.

"Gawrsh, that sounds scary!" Goofy said, cowering already.

"Aw, toughen up, ya big baby!" Donald chided.

"But scary can be fun, too," Goofy said after some more thought.

"Jaune?" Kairi asked mischievously. "If I protect you when you get scared, will you do the same for me?"

"I know this is an excuse to cuddle," Jaune told her, "and you know what? I'm here for it."

So the group ended up watching a quite gory slasher flick for the first of the marathon. Ruby had managed to snag the couch, letting Booster sit to her right and Kazuichi to her left. As Kazuichi made constant commentary on how the gore was unrealistic and he'd seen (even caused) worse, Booster flinched, not wanting to seem cowardly but a little on edge from all of the fright.

Then came a particularly gross kill, and upon seeing the scene, Booster instinctively yelped and latched onto Ruby, clutching her tightly to him. Then, realizing what he had done, immediately let go because he absolutely had not asked to invade her space. "Sorry," he muttered.

Ruby felt an elbow in her opposite side and knew what Kazuichi was trying to tell her. It was what she'd wanted to say anyway. "I don't mind," she told Booster. "If it makes you feel more safe, I can do protection hugs. I'm an old pro at movie monsters anyway."

He reached back for her, and she put her arms around him; they leaned into each other, a little more content.

As the two of them ended up more or less cuddling, Kazuichi grinned, knowing at least he could make some matchmaking decisions correctly. Then a startling moment sent him joining that hug by accident.

"Kazuichi?" Ruby said in surprise as a second pair of arms locked around her. "I thought you were desensitized."

"To gore, maybe!" Kazuichi yelped. "Not to fucking JUMPSCARES!"

Ren never made a reaction during the whole film. Goofy, however, was watching from beneath a pile of blankets, and barely so, at that – his vision was mostly blocked with his fingers. At the end, Ruby declared, "Okay, that's the last scary one we do. Votes for next?"

"Ya got any cartoon musicals on hand?" Goofy asked.

"You're going to have to be more specific about subgenre," Ruby told him. "In this house, we love and respect cartoon musicals."

They had some laughs with the next film, then got fired up over an action movie, and then, in the end, put on an anime film with a quiet tone and relaxing visuals that ended up sending all of them to sleep unwittingly.

In the morning, Taiyang ascended to behold the scene: the projector blue-screening because the film was over, Kazuichi wearing Kairi's clothes, Jaune's hair short to a silly degree, Nora and Yuffie leaning on each other, Ruby snuggling against Booster like a body pillow, and all of them with fairly prominent chocolate stains around their mouths if not on their pajamas.

"I shouldn't have expected anything less," Taiyang mused to himself. He reached down to ruffle Zwei's fur, commanding the dog, "Go wake 'em up, boy!"

Where alarms might fail, licks from a dog succeed.

...

The sun was low and dusky in the sky when Yang Xiao Long marched right into Raven Branwen's camp, with Harley and company flanking her as though they were her own bandit tribe.

Vernal immediately ducked into Raven's tent to inform her of the approach. The others at camp glared daggers at these outsiders, not knowing whether they were friend or foe – Raven could declare them either at a whim.

When Raven herself exited the tent, she stood on the step that elevated her slightly, grinning at the company that had walked in. She didn't recognize the majority of them. But the one she did, she was glad to see – and not for the usual reason a mother is glad to see her daughter.

"Yang Xiao Long," Raven greeted. "So you've managed to best my sentries and find my camp."

"Yup," Yang said coldly. "Sure did."

"A fine demonstration of strength, will, and determination," Raven congratulated. "You truly are my daughter. And it seems you've picked up some followers of your own."

"Not followers," Yang corrected. "Friends. We're here for different reasons, but we fought together to beat your men."

"Hi hi!" Harley waved, wiggling her fingers jovially.

Raven sneered. "Somehow not as impressive as I would have imagined – "

She was cut off when Ragdoll had begun to pretzel himself again. As she stared in disgust, Ragdoll simply said, "Oh? Are we impressive now?"

"Don't…don't do that," Raven told him.

"Yeah, nobody decides what R.D. does except himself," Firefly volunteered.

"So you must be the bandit queen!" Giovanni said sonorously. "And honestly? Goals. I assure you, one day, my Blasters and I will have a camp of this magnitude and a robbery streak as magnificent as yours! Whatever evil you've outdone, we'll outdo by thirty!"

"Thirty what?" Harley asked.

"Just so you know," Yang clarified, "their loot comes from raiding villages where they murder the civilians and wait for the Grimm to pick up the aftermath. That, or they're the aftermath of the Grimm."

"Uhhhh…maybe not THAT part," Giovanni said suddenly. "For the outdoing."

"No offense, Yang," Harley stated, "but you an' your mom seem…uh…different."

"Oh, gee, I wonder why," Yang said sardonically. "Maybe because she was absent for the formative years of my life? And kept running from me even when she knew I was looking for her?"

"I was not running from you," Raven said through gritted teeth. "You don't understand what I have to do in order to survive." Her demeanor lightened artificially. "However, if you wanted a closer relationship, that could change. After all, you've proven yourself to be of my blood. You'd blend in well here."

"Like hell," Yang spat. "I'm not here for you. I'm here for Ruby."

"Summer's child?" Raven sneered. "I don't know why you would think she would be here, but she isn't."

"I know," Yang said coldly. "But Dad told me how your semblance works. You're bonded to Qrow, and Ruby is with Qrow. Meaning you can open a portal to lead me to her."

"Wait, what?" Giovanni commented. "Is that – is that her Epithet? Damn, that's cool. I wish I had 'portal' instead of 'soup.'"

"Semblance, Boss," Crusher corrected.

"Excuse you!" Sylvie spat. "I wanted to correct him condescendingly! I am the brains of this outfit!"

"You can't all be here for Summer's child," Raven observed, casting her gaze over the others.

"Actually, we're here ta talk to one a' your bandits," Harley told Raven. "We got an offer for her. Pretty sure she'll like it."

"You supplied this many men to collect one of mine?" Raven scoffed. "If it were anyone else's tribe, I might think you were morons. As it stands, you could double your numbers and you couldn't take a single one of my men away from me."

"Well, what if we asked nicely and she wanted to come with us?" Molly piped up.

Raven ignored her, letting her gaze drift from Molly to Yang. "A little girl. I suppose this is where you and I differ. Have you been trying to be to her what I wasn't to you? Soft, coddling, attentive? Never letting her grow?"

"EXCUSE YOU!" Giovanni spat. "First of all, that is MY job! Second, Bear Trap is a fully-fledged evil minion, despite being the tender age of eight years old – "

"I'm twelve," Molly said softly.

"And she is a TOTAL SUPER BADASS!" Giovanni kept ranting. "Let's just say her Epi – her Semblance could shut you up permanently."

"I mean, literally, yes," Molly muttered.

"Get it?" Spike giggled. "Because it would mute her, but the Boss made it sound like – "

"Don't explain the joke," Giovanni hissed.

"All this way," Raven reiterated, "for Summer's child and a single bandit. I'll admit you all have moxie. Strength, even. But it won't be enough. Maybe most of you are morons after all. As for my own daughter, I would hope you're only blind, waiting for someone to remove the wool from your eyes."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Yang spat.

"You want to follow Qrow," Raven reminded her. "Take his path. The path of Ozpin. Do you still believe his lies, after everything you've been through?"

"What?" Yang asked softly.

Then, from the side of camp, a voice yelled out, "ENOUGH!"

"STAND DOWN, Emerald," Raven barked.

But Emerald Sustrai had heard enough. Marching up to stand on Raven's level, she ranted, "You keep on blaming Ozpin for your problems as though he created HER. And all the while, you keep us unprotected, always running from her, because you want to direct your energy on Ozpin, the one you can actually reach to have a sense of achievement! If you listen to ANYONE about this, listen to me: HE IS NOT THE ENEMY."

"INSUBORDINATION," Raven retorted.

Harley knocked Giovanni in the side with her elbow; "It's our target!"

"Wait a minute!" Yang cried. "I KNOW you!" She pointed accusingly. "You were one of the people who caused the fall of Beacon!"

"That's not who I am anymore," Emerald told her calmly. "The fall of Beacon…it changed me."

"And your idea of turning over a new leaf is aligning with people who prey on the weak?" Yang countered.

"Thievery is what I know," Emerald replied. "Let's leave it at that. Yang, I'm willing to work with you – "

"YOU do not decide what my tribe does to handle the situation," Raven cut her off.

"You won't try to convince them from the inside through Cinder," Emerald pressed. "Then one of the few people who's proven herself STRONGER than Cinder's subordinates walks into our arms, and we can't reason with her, either?"

"I don't buy this," Yang spat. "Do you know how many people died because of you?"

"Too many." Emerald looked Yang dead in the eye. "Starting with Penny Polendina."

Yang gasped; "Is THAT why Pyrrha – "

"Yes," Emerald broke in. "I'll admit it. I may be ashamed, but I'm not afraid to lay bare what I've done. I changed Pyrrha's perception so that she would see Penny as a greater threat than she was and overuse her Semblance to push back. And it went exactly as planned. Exactly as Cinder told me to. But you have to believe me, Yang, the people that Cinder work for are COMING, and it's only going to get worse from here on out unless somebody does something – "

"ONE MORE WORD," Raven threatened, "and I'll have you DESTROYED!"

Emerald gasped, recoiling. Then she reluctantly shut her mouth and trudged away.

"I dunno, Yang," Harley muttered. "That's the one we came here for. Mozey had a bad run-in with her, an' he thought about tryin' ta harness her power, 'cept her guilt was too strong and she wouldn't fit in. She just wants to make trouble an' get her way without innocents bein' hurt! Our intel said so! I really think she's changed! Not reformed, but changed!"

"Then you'll be happy with her," Yang said coldly. "She doesn't matter to me anymore."

"For the last time, Yang," Raven told her daughter. "Is following Ozpin's path truly what you choose? Or would you rather embrace your true destiny?"

"HEY!" Harley yelled. "If you weren't there for the formative years, then you're a bad mom! No ifs, ands, or buts! I don't see how anybody would wanna come crawlin' back to ya after how ya left your daughter all alone! She's your DAUGHTER! And ya left her behind, an' I'm pretty sure it's 'cause ya thought she was too weak for ya! An' that's messed up. Trust me. I'm a psychologist. I know messed up when I see it."

"Harley," Yang said somberly. "You don't need to defend me. This isn't your war." She turned to fix her gaze on Raven. "But she is right."

"Then it seems we're at an impasse," Raven stated. "I helped you, once, as I swore long ago. And now, the only way you could ask a favor of me is if I were in your debt, which won't be happening."

A single gunshot drew everyone's attention. Emerald hadn't said a word, true to Raven's command. But she stood beside one of the tents on the edge, and with a glare that made her crimson eyes seem to burn with fire, she pulled a rope loose, collapsing the tent.

And revealing the cage behind it, with the other young woman inside.

Upon recognizing the prisoner, Yang said incredulously, "WEISS?"

The pale girl looked back, equally stunned; "YANG?" She then shook her head; "I guess subtlety is out."

An enormous suit of armor, forged of pure white aura, grew rapidly and immensely, smashing the cage from the inside out.

"Now that's a real summon," Molly remarked.

As soon as the prison was demolished, Weiss ran through the gaps she'd created in the bars, hurtling straight to Yang. Yang welcomed her with open arms, taking her into a tight embrace.

"What are you doing here with my mom?" Yang asked.

"Your MOM kidnapped me?" Weiss realized, backing off.

Yang whirled on Raven; "You KIDNAPPED her?"

Raven flinched. "…It appears I am in your debt after all. I wasn't aware this was a friend of yours."

"That's Grimmshit," Yang seethed. "Let me guess. Ransom back to Jacques? Or to the highest bidder?"

Harley waved Emerald over; Emerald, knowing she'd just put herself in a very risky place in order to advance things in the direction she wanted, hoped this stranger was a bastion she could hide behind. And so trotted over to literally stand behind her.

"You can't keep me," Weiss asserted. "Yang wants to be sent to Qrow and Ruby, and I want the same thing. If you try to hold me here, I'll just bust out again, as many times as it takes."

"Tch…" Raven turned her head aside. "You want to follow my brother? Fine. But you at least deserve to know the truth, first." She turned an about-face, pushing aside the tent flap. "Meet me inside. We'll talk."

Yang and Weiss exchanged glances before heading toward the tent together. Harley trotted up to keep pace with them.

"Not your war, Harley," Yang reminded her.

"This became my war the minute you punched out that shady fella," Harley told her.

Firefly and Ragdoll nodded to each other. "Let's give her some backup," Firefly said, and the two of them followed.

"Giovanni," Ragdoll said as he moved past, "be a dear and keep an eye on the crowd out here. Have your Blasters run damage control so there are no more surprise ambushes."

"You got it," Giovanni replied. "BLASTERS! AT THE READY!"

When Harley sensed another presence following, she turned and held up a hand to Emerald; "Whoa, whoa, WHOAwhoawhoawhoawhoa! You're goin' in THERE? You just signed a death warrant!"

"I never said a word," Emerald reminded her. "And I don't trust her to keep this conversation on track. I'm going in."

Raven gave Emerald a vicious glare, but didn't order her to leave. Vernal poured tea for Raven, Yang, Weiss, Harley, Harley, Firefly, Ragdoll, and Emerald.

"Thank you, Vernal," Raven said with a nod, and the girl took her leave. Raven then took a sip of her tea, relishing it.

"So what's this big truth we need to know?" Yang asked.

"You two." Raven looked form Yang to Weiss. "You could be the very posterchildren for the Huntsman academies. So different, and yet you both joined to make the world a better place. Not everyone joins for that reason, of course. Some join for fame, some for money, and others to kill Huntsmen. Qrow and I were two of those who desired exactly that."

"What?" Weiss went even paler. "You two enrolled…to murder your classmates?"

"The Huntsmen were the only thing besides the Grimm to stand in the way of our tribe," Raven seethed. "But Qrow and I were too good at our schoolwork, and it wasn't long until we caught the attention of Headmaster Ozpin. He seduced us into abandoning our original objective, fighting for a more altruistic purpose. But as it turned out, it wasn't us – "

Emerald slammed her hands onto the table hard. "Are you just going to waste time turning them on Ozpin, or are you going to tell them the ACTUAL truth?"

"They need to know," Raven seethed, "that the entire façade of the Huntsman academies exists because Ozpin – "

"Was trying to fight the person who has us all in danger!" Emerald barked. "Or are you covering because you don't want them to know you struck a truce with her underlings?"

Suddenly, Firefly thought back to his recon mission with Snatcher, back in Radiant Garden. He'd gotten used to figuring out what might be the start of an important conversation. Maybe this would be irrelevant to him. Maybe it wouldn't. Either way, he slid his scroll out of his pocket and discreetly began recording.

"Emerald," Raven hissed, "you are out of line – "

"No," Yang broke in. "She's not. Because whatever you're trying so hard not to tell us, she is. And when I can call HER more trustworthy than my own mother? Then things don't look great for you."

"Say the name of the one who has us all fooled," Emerald dared. "Who has us running scared."

"Ozpin," Raven seethed.

"WRONG," Emerald growled. "SAY. HER. NAME."

They stared each other down, red eye to red eye. Then, at last, Raven said, "The truth that Ozpin – LET ME FINISH – was hiding from us all along was that the Grimm have a master. Her name is Salem. She can't be killed. She can't be reasoned with. And she won't stop until all of humanity is torn apart."

"It's true," Emerald affirmed. "She was behind the fall of Beacon. And she intends the same for the other academies, starting with Haven for sure. I know because I was one of her subordinates. Cinder worked under her directly, and I worked for Cinder. There's a lot about Salem I don't know. But I do know that she's something to be feared."

Harley paled. "Salem…" Her breathing quickened. "Oh, no. I, uh…I know more."

"What?" Emerald asked. "What do you know?"

"Maleficent," Harley stated. "Salem's pals with Maleficent now. She an' her buddies – the scorpion, the mad doctor, Cinder – "

Emerald pressed both hands to her mouth. "You wouldn't know about them unless you'd seen them. Her."

"Who is this 'Maleficent'?" Raven asked snidely.

"She's kiiiiinda a terror who wants ta rule an' spread evil across all worlds," Harley admitted. "Which prob'ly sounds real crazy even compared ta what ya just said…"

"I'll say!" Weiss broke in. "So you're not only expecting me to believe that the Grimm are controlled by some villain, but that she's hiding on another WORLD with even more villains?"
"And you defected from her and lived," Yang said, looking to Emerald.

"On borrowed time," Emerald sighed. "Everyone knows the Branwen tribe has been successful at running from Salem. Everyone who even knows who Salem is, that is. And like I said. Thievery is what I know. I may not be a slaughterer, but I can't just start walking the straight and narrow. I look out for myself. That's who I am. I'm telling you this because in the long run, it benefits me for you to stop Salem."

"And how do we know you're not still spying for her?" Yang asked.

"You don't," Emerald said bluntly. "You just have to trust me. I've already told you things she wouldn't want you to know. And I'll admit, before you showed up, I was ready to try and reason with her. Because…" She sighed, turning her gaze downward. "Say what you want about Ozpin. That he keeps secrets and lies. But the children he takes under his wing, he empowers and cares for. I can't say the same for Cinder. She only takes what she can use. I only caught her interest because my Semblance was powerful. She didn't want me. She wanted the ability to cause hallucinations." A wet teardrop rolled down Emerald's face, hitting the tent floor. "Took me too damn long to figure that out."

"Aww, Emmy…" Harley said sympathetically.

"But I don't get it," Weiss brought up. "How are we so sure that we can't fight Salem? Isn't that what the Huntsman academies are for?"

"They're lies," Raven spat. "One day, you'll find out the truth. The academies give people false hope, that this war can be won. When in reality…" She smirked. "Well. Why don't you go ask Qrow and find out for yours – "

"NO!" Emerald roared. "You can't avoid Salem's wrath by avoiding the subject of her, and they need to know why she's so frightening!"

"Because if people know someone's controlling the Grimm," Yang realized, "they'll be more afraid…and that attracts the Grimm right to them."

"That's not all," Emerald stated.

"Don't – " Raven attempted.

"Salem is immortal," Emerald said plainly. "At least…that's what they tell me. I've never seen it demonstrated. But she knows things about history that no one should. Things from too long ago. From what I can interpret, Ozpin is the same way somehow. That's why Raven thinks it's futile to fight her. Because she can't be killed."

"Ain't there other ways ta skin a cat?" Harley asked.

"Not this one," Raven said solemnly, folding her arms to look away. "Her death is the only option. And it's impossible. Leaving Salem's apocalypse…inevitable. The only path left is to outlive it. And that's what I've been putting my energy into doing. Qrow…he still doesn't know. I learned Ozpin's secret. He never did. But he would never listen to my suspicions about the old man, anyway. If he wants to run headfirst into his own death, then so be it."

"There has to be a way to win this war," Weiss insisted. "Humanity can't just crumble because one person said so! Ruby would think there was still hope."

"Summer's child is naïve," Raven spat, "just as Summer was, and she will meet the same fate!"

"Don't you DARE talk about Ruby like that!" Now Yang's eyes blazed bright red – quite a contrast from their earlier lavender-blue that Harley had noticed because every detail of Yang was fascinating. "She's stronger than you'll ever be! She doesn't RUN from her problems the way you do! The way you were asking ME to do!"

"Hold on," Firefly broke in. "Can we circle back to that part where you made some kinda deal with Salem?"

His scroll still recorded. He wanted to know the crucial puzzle piece.

"I do what I have to do in order to survive," Raven urged. "First and foremost. That's all you need to know."

"I hate when you say that," Emerald spat. "You know that? Because I'm also doing what I need to so I can survive. Which is why I'm taking risks, making decisions, stepping out of line. I knew you might kill me when I showed them Weiss, and I was ready to fight back with my teeth and nails. Because I won't be free until Salem ends, whatever form that takes. You just lower your head!"

"Salem won't risk throwing away a crucial pawn on the board at such a pivotal time," Raven insisted. "So long as she thinks I'm of use to her, I have more time. Time enough to beat her to what she's looking for."

"You mean the Reli – " Emerald attempted.

"She sent her emissaries," Raven explained. "Many of them. The ones Emerald described, and more. They were headed up by a tall, thin man, dressed in a robe and turban."

"Hoo boy," Firefly sighed. "That sounds familiar in a way we don't like."

"Well, there are probably infinite people who look like Jafar across the worlds," Ragdoll pointed out.

"And these infinite people all work with Maleficent?" Firefly countered.

"Point taken," Ragdoll stated, using a foot to reach over his shoulder and grab the teacup with his toes.

"I told you not to do that in my camp," Raven seethed.

"You would chew out a guy for bein' different, wouldn't ya?" Harley seethed right back. "The way I see it, ya done everythin' else in the book you could do wrong. Abandoned your kid, led all your people on a goose chase to outrun an immortal bad guy without even tellin' 'em…"

"As though you have any right to judge me!" Raven snapped.

"You got no idea what I've been through," Harley snarled. "I've done some dumb stuff. Real dumb. But I also clawed my way out ta make a name for myself. Ta REALLY survive. Not just run. 'Cause I've got a demon I'm runnin' from, too, but if he gets close, I got a fist an' a bat waitin' for his face. Last time, he got the advantage 'cause I was too loyal ta fight back. No more."

"What exactly kind of deal did you make with Salem?" Weiss asked. "Is it something that's going to hurt us?"

"No," Raven told her. "So long as you stay far away from Haven Academy. A simple enough task. You'll know when the danger has passed."

"That's where Qrow was going." Yang felt the blood draining out of her face. "That's where Ruby is."

A soft chuckle, and Raven said, "Why am I not surprised?"

"No, you KNEW," Emerald reminded her. "That's why you stirred the pot so both sides would focus on each other and not you."

"When are they going to strike?" Yang asked.

"The full moon," Emerald stated. "There's something Cinder wants at the heart of the academy, and she'll hold off destroying anything until it's in her hands. But once that happens – "

"Enough." Raven rose sharply. "If you want to conspire with Qrow so badly, to follow Ozpin's path of ruin fighting an impossible war, then I'll make good on my end of our debt." She strode out the back entrance of the tent. "Follow me."

Yang looked from Weiss to Harley.

"I don't trust this," Weiss said.

"She'll send us there," Yang told her. "I know that much. That fits with her hoping one side will wipe out the other and leave her with less to deal with. And I think she still wants my favor. In case I change my mind."

"I'mma make sure ya get out safe before I leave," Harley said softly. "…Sheesh, Yang, I was havin' so much fun. I wish it didn't hafta end so soon."

"Heh." Yang smirked. "You're the kind of bandit I could actually hang around with. Maybe we'll see each other again."

Weiss looked to Emerald; "Are you coming with us?"

"I'm not taking my chances on Qrow Branwen's forgiveness," Emerald told her.

"Well, I got some news for ya!" Harley spread out her arms. "I want ya t'come an' join my new crew!"

"What?" Emerald was taken aback.

"We're a new up-and-comin' crime syndicate!" Harley told her. "Those of us who wanna do bad things for fun an' profit, an' serve ourselves instead a' the greater good, but we also got a pretty firm line in the sand. Sounds up your alley, right?"

"It sounds too good to be true." Emerald did a double take. "But…I'm not sure I can stay here anymore. My clock started ticking when Mercury and Cinder showed up in this camp. I stay aligned with Raven, they'll find me."

"Then let's get ya as far away as possible," Harley ventured.

"But first! Ragdoll put up a finger. "Let us proceed to the final act!"

Firefly stopped the recording. Sent the file to Roman, adding a message: "Think youll wanna hear this. Interesting." Then, in a second message, "Also I know youre talking about arson w/out me again"

In the yard out back of the tent, Raven unsheathed her crimson sword, cutting a tear into space itself: a glowing red portal, as though a Corridor of Darkness were bloodstained. "This will take you to Qrow, as promised," Raven told Yang as the group stepped out back. "There, you can make your decision. Hear his side. Then consider what I told you. And which path will sound better in the end?"

Yang turned to face Harley. "It's…been real," she said sheepishly.

"I'm gonna miss ya," Harley told her.

Yang gave her a smile; "Well, maybe someday we'll run back into each other, and then we can…clown around a bit."

Harley laughed, loud and joyously.

But before that could be the end of it, Giovanni barged through the tent's back entrance, huffing and puffing as he stumbled into the yard.

"So, uh, not to be the bearer of bad news," he brought up, "but you remember that crazy lady who was throwing nightmares and shit at us back in Sweet Jazz City?"

"Cyclonis?" Harley answered. "Why – " Realization hit. "Oh. Ohhhhh, no."

"Yeah, she's kinda…here," Giovanni explained. "With the corpses of the guys we knocked out earlier. Demanding you or else the camp gets obliterated by the giant monster form."

"Dangit," Harley muttered under her breath. "Can't run away from this one, else everyone not named Raven gets it." She threw a glare Raven's way; "Though people named Raven, I couldn't care less about."

Raven just stared back.

"One of your enemies?" Yang asked.

"More or less, yeah," Harley explained. "We used ta work together. She wants us ta be partners in crime, but she went a way more hardcore direction than I'm lookin' for."

"Then turn yourself over," Raven demanded, "and end this."

"Whoa, whoa!" Harley put up both hands. "Were you not payin' attention? I'll find some way your camp stays safe AND I don't hafta go with the stalker! Even if I gotta pull some kinda loophole!"

Yang turned to the white-haired girl; "Weiss. Go."

"You're staying?" Weiss realized.

"She's my mother," Yang replied. "And, maybe more importantly, Harley's my friend."

"I'm not going to LEAVE you here," Weiss told her.

"One of us has to go ahead and tell Ruby and Qrow where the other stayed behind in case the worst happens," Yang told her. "If the other stays, should that other be Raven's daughter or her last hostage?"

Weiss nodded. "I understand. But you BETTER come back from this without a scratch on you."

"Won't even chip the paint on my new arm." Yang grinned. "See you in Haven."

They embraced briefly, then Weiss darted into the crimson portal. It closed behind her, leaving Yang on Raven's grounds still.

"So!" Yang smacked her fists together. "Let's go deal with your friend, huh?"

Cyclonis had the weapons of every single one of Raven's bandits and every single Banzai Blaster trained on her. Yet she smirked, unfazed. Boa and Sara flanked her; Boa had a hand raised at the ready. Sara had Shay's head once more, using his hair to swing it like a pendulum.

As Raven, Yang, Harley, Firefly, Ragdoll, Emerald, and Giovanni returned to the camp proper, Raven remarked, "You know, he may have been a lost cause, but you didn't have to behead him."

"Nice sympathy," Yang snorted.

"I didn't kill your men for sport," Cyclonis told Raven. "Though it was satisfying. I merely wanted to send a message ahead. If I don't get what I want here…then your entire camp goes up in flames."

"Can't ya just let it go?" Harley sighed. "You can MAKE OTHER FRIENDS! In fact, it looks like ya already did!"

"I don't take well to when people scorn me," Cyclonis seethed. "First Piper, then the Dark Ace…I won't have the third time be the charm. So I'm giving you one last offer. Either you can join me…or you can reunite with all the people on your list."

She unfolded the pink paper in the hand not holding the staff. "Charming stationery," she added.

Harley gasped; "YOU had my list!"

"And I know what you're thinking," Cyclonis told her. "You think it can't possibly be that easy. That I wouldn't just let you run back to these proposed friends of yours. Well, it isn't. Because you can't run. I've taken them all away and locked them up where no one will ever be able to reach them. Boa helped me unlock my new power."

"You're welcome!" Boa said sweetly.

One of the bandits got brave and loosed a crossbolt. A blue sphere shimmered briefly around the trio, and the bolt was deflected, clattering to the ground.

"She's also got us completely protected from all forms of nonmagical weaponry," Cyclonis added, "as well as about seventy percent of the magical. In case you wanted to try anything with your little pea-shooters."

The Blasters lowered their own weapons. "BUFFALO MANEUVER!" Flamethrower commanded.

And, like African buffalo around their young, the Blasters, sans Giovanni, circled up around Molly and Sylvie, facing outward.

"How adorable." Cyclonis grinned. "The children protect the children."

"HEY!" Car Crash yelled.

"Harley," Giovanni whispered. "Twelve hits, please."

"Go ahead," she whispered back, and felt a bat lightly tapping against her back: one, two, three…

"As I was saying," Cyclonis went on, "you have nowhere to run. Reject me, and I'll cast you into the very depths of Desolation. The very realm where I gathered the lovely Dream Eaters you met in Sweet Jazz City."

"I only made an inverse of Alastor's enchantment," Boa bragged. "Much more effective than that hyperactive musician could ever hope to achieve."

"I will let him know how you feel about him when we return to base," Sara taunted.

"Please do," Boa encouraged. "I want to see what he does about it."

Cyclonis put out her hand; "What will it be, Harley? Rekindle our friendship, or face the deepest Sleeping Realm known to magic, buried beneath all salvation?"

Harley looked around the camp. All these people, probably about to be harmed if she said no. She marched up toward Cyclonis, determination in her eyes. She looked down at the hand offered her. Up into Cyclonis' face.

And she spat right in that face.

She knew there was some way to walk out of this with all having won. And she was going to find it.

"Nice try," she said. "Also, batter up."

She sidestepped. Cyclonis heard a soft yet firm whisper from behind: "Teleports behind you."

Before Giovanni could strike the critical thirteenth, Sara had rounded on him and kicked him across the camp, drawing a yelp from him.

"I see how it is," Cyclonis declared. "Boa. Would you be so unkind as to open the entrance to Desolation, in which we will cast these heathens to eternal sleep and the futility of ever reaching the material?"

Giovanni staggered to his feet. "Heathens," he repeated. "Hhhhhhuh."

Cyclonis then had to be fast with her staff, casting a wide beam of energy that flung back the projectile headed for her – Yang, blasting off with the propulsion of one fist and extending the other to ram into her. Yang was thrown back, skidding into the dirt. Where she landed, next to Emerald, Emerald saw, and was inspired to draw her own weapons, aiming both at Cyclonis.

Cyclonis simply invoked her highest power: "Dream Big."

In an explosion of Darkness, suddenly, the Dark Queen hovered over the camp, and every last one of Raven's subordinates lost their nerve.

"MASTER CYCLONIS SUSPECTED YOU WOULD TRY TO FIGHT!" the Dark Queen bellowed. "BUT YOU CANNOT STAND AGAINST THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE DARK QUEEN! I SHALL TEACH YOU WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE WHO CHALLENGE THEIR SUPERIORS!"

One of her sword-wielding hands raised up high, the edge of the blade pointed down at Yang and Emerald. Both gasped as the blade was brought down in a sweeping motion; when it landed, it would cause a divide large enough to take down Raven's tent behind them, and surely neither of the two would survive –

The blade stopped in midair, unable to travel further. Emerald had instinctively thrown up her hands, palms out, and that seemed, for some reason, to have stopped the blade's descent.

(If she'd known about the true nature of Cyclonis' power and had some time to think about it, the reason would have been quite clear.)

The Dark Queen, frustrated, withdrew the sword. "NO MATTER," she boomed. "TO DESOLATION WITH YOU ALL!"

A great Dark orb charged up between her two free hands. She set it free, and Boa waved her hands in a complex pattern, drawing a sigil in the air that flew up to the orb and attached to it, gleaming like a spider's web wrapped around a crystal ball. The orb inverted, now a black hole sucking up whatever Cyclonis wanted it to.

Raven's bandits scattered, and Raven herself, ever ready to protect herself above anyone else, cowered in her own tent. But they needn't have worried. They weren't the target.

The first to get sucked up were the Blasters, all clinging to each other and screaming. They simply flew into the air and were swallowed by the vortex.

"MY BOYS!" Giovanni screamed, as though someone had ripped out his heart. "NOOOOOOOO!"

But his torment wasn't over, because Molly and Sylvie, gripping each other in a tight embrace, could no longer resist the pull, and they, too, were sucked up.

Giovanni's eyes misted up as he howled, "BEAAAAAAR TRAAAAAAP!"

Without warning, Emerald was swallowed as well. "NO!" Yang cried, trying to reach for her and failing. Then realizing she wasn't being affected by the portal at all. She had no real experience with magic, but she could read a situation.

"Wait – WAIT – NONONONONO – " Firefly was trying to blast against the pull of the vortex, seeing how long he could play keep-away with his own body. When Ragdoll was blown past him, thrown like the toy that was his namesake, Firefly lost his resolve, faltering, letting himself get swallowed up as Ragdoll had been.

Giovanni ran straight toward the vortex. The thought of the danger didn't affect him. All he knew was that all that was precious to him had been eaten by the inverse sphere, and he needed to get it back out. "BEAR TRAP!" he yelled at the portal, making a leap for it. "I'M COMING!"

"GIO, NO!" Harley leapt, catching ahold of his ankle to pull him back down. "DON'T SACRIFICE YOURSELF, YA MORON! Oh – OH NO – "

Now her feet were lifting off the ground –

And Yang snatched her other wrist in her flesh hand, punching into the ground with her metal fist, anchoring herself there.

Like a banner in the wind, they flapped – Giovanni flailing, Harley tethering him down but suspended in the air, Yang the only thing keeping all three from being swallowed up. The Dark Queen, noting Yang's involvement, shifted her will ever so slightly, and Yang's boot soles left the dirt as well. Now Yang was being whipped about by the force of the vortex, but her prosthetic fingers tightened, holding her in place – and thereby Harley and Giovanni.

"Sara?" Boa gestured toward the trio.

"My pleasure." Sara hurtled toward them.

Yang's eyes flashed red; "DON'T TRY IT – "

Sara dropped her knives. Let Shay's head roll away. Skidded to her knees, dirtying the silver skirt of her impressive gown. And simply pressed a release switch on Yang's arm, disconnecting the prosthetic from the body.

All at once, Yang's stomach lurched as she was jerked upward. Still connected by their grip, she, Harley, and Giovanni were the final victims of the portal. Yang's metal arm flopped uselessly into the dirt.

With the deed done, the Dark Queen dismissed the portal, then dissolved, dropping Cyclonis neatly on the ground. Bandits peered out nervously at her, awaiting her next move.

"Oh, don't worry," she assured them all. "What's going on in this world couldn't be any less of my concern. After all, Maleficent already has her claws in it, and I want to aim higher than she ever could. You'll all be spared. I got what I wanted."

But as she rounded to approach the gate, she grumbled, "Though, then again, it was more like the consolation prize."

"There, there," Boa told her. "They can't all be Christopher Carrion. Some of them simply can't be persuaded. You did what you had to do."

"Eliminate what stands between you and your crown," Sara agreed.

"In that case," Cyclonis told them, "why don't we report back in to Mirage and let her know how many watered-down evil wannabes departed the multiverse today?"

...

"All right," Mozenrath resolved, looking over the spitting magma flowing around the Rings of Fire. "First things first, let's see if we can just magic our way over it."

He attempted to cast a Corridor; it fizzled out immediately. Wuya got about one percent through constructing an elaborate bridge before the entire structure vanished.

"So the Numerians expected the magically gifted to attempt this trial," Mozenrath said, almost admiringly, "and planned accordingly. The beds of the canals are probably lined with their magnetic technology."

"Then how are we to cross this inferno of certain doom?" Mysterio inquired.

"The Numerians obviously left a way," Mozenrath stated. "All we have to do is figure out the game they want us to play."

As Mozenrath led Mysterio, Shocker, Wuya, Yzma, Zevon, and Gill down to the edge of the first ring, it became apparent that a purple platform, wide enough to be a bridge, was sunken down at the bottom of the canal, brushing the upper edge of the boiling lava. It was divided into a ten-by-ten grid of tiles, numbered one to one hundred.

"Now, this is more like I expected," Mozenrath remarked. "But how to find what they want us to do…"

The sound of shifting stone alerted them to a nearby rock face. A literal face made of rock, that is. It opened its eyes and looked directly at the traveling group.

Yzma screamed and hid behind Wuya, as she was definitely not expecting to see that today.

"On my five bridges, five clues are hidden," the stone face stated in a deep, almost comforting voice. "To find clues and a key, do what you are bidden. Look on my head. See the numbers? Decide. Add or subtract, as you seek what I hide. Then, on my bridge, mark the number you've found and watch for a letter as a tile turns around. Ten letters per bridge must be uncovered. Then enter my cave: a key to discover. To cross this bridge, purple sneezeberries you'll need. See if you have them before you proceed."

"Well, that was straightforward," Wuya remarked.

A band above the stone eyes glimmered with golden script. A 4, a 2, and an = sign, but no distinction as to what to do to the two numbers to get a result.

"I see the game," Mozenrath realized. "We have to solve the equation and choose the corresponding tile. Of course, they wouldn't make it that easy on us. So there are two possible answers: two and six, depending on if we add or subtract in this equation. Then, I take it, we have to hit the answer tile with one of the berries. The tiles must be engineered to react to the chemical makeup of the berries and nothing else to ensure the traveler being tested had passed the initial trials, whatever those used to look like before the monkeys moved in."

"They are called sneezeberries, you know," Zevon reminded Mozenrath.

"Not while I'm handling them," Mozenrath replied. "Anyway, we should have more than enough purple berries to solve this puzzle, and the first equation is child's play. And my intuitions are telling me six is the way to go."

So he withdrew from his bag (as enchanted bags are not stifled by Numerian magnetic fields; this is common knowledge) a bunch of purple sneezeberries, plucking one and flicking it over the side.

It splooshed straight down into the lava.

"Ya missed," Shocker said, deadpan.

"I know I missed," Mozenrath grunted. "This time, I won't."

His aim hit the tile marked 8.

"Isn't the answer six, smart guy?" Gill taunted.

"I was AIMING for six!" Mozenrath growled as he loaded another berry into his hand.

As several berries splatted down onto the tiles, literally none of them hitting a correct answer, Wuya sighed and stretched out her hand, palm open. "Give them here."

"No!" Mozenrath spat.

"Give them to me now," Wuya seethed, "before you waste them all."

"I CAN DO THIS!" Mozenrath yelled. "JUST GIVE ME MORE TIME!"

Wuya snorted. "Forgive me if I don't have faith in someone who's obviously dyspraxic."

"WHAT is that supposed to mean?" Mozenrath cried, quite offended.

"It's a disorder that affects motor skills and hand/eye coordination," Wuya told him. "Your case is obviously very mild, but – "

"I KNOW what dyspraxia is, Wuya."

"Then why did you ask me what I meant?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE IT!" Mozenrath raged.

"Really?" Wuya raised a brow. "Because I figured it out after a week of working with you. It's also the reason you still can't dance."

"I ABSOLUTELY CAN DANCE!"

"Does it even matter?" Yzma sighed. "Rarely ever do brains and brawn coincide in the same person. And you're the brains of our outfit more often than not, so why do you need to have physical skill when you can fill the role of the brainiac?"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT A WEAKLING WHO CAN'T THROW!" Mozenrath argued.

Wuya sighed. "This is going to be like getting Snatcher to admit he has an allergy all over again, isn't it?"
"We don't have time for that development arc," Yzma urged. "We're going to run out of berries!"

"I'm NOT turning these over," Mozenrath growled as he flung another berry right into the lava.

"Whoever's the first to restrain him gets coffee on me when we get back home," Wuya announced.

Zevon was at the ready with a turquoise bottle from his belt; "SHAZAM!"

The bottle smashed beside Mozenrath, and suddenly, the sorcerer's hands, gauntleted and ungauntleted, were forced behind his back, a pair of metal cuffs binding them tightly together. (It is also common knowledge that due to their chemical makeup, potions are unaffected by all magical-nullifying fields.)

"WHAT IS THIS?" Mozenrath yelled as he struggled.

Zevon, plucking the sneezeberries from his restrained hands, crowed, "YOU HAVE BEEN RESTRAINTED BY MY HANDCUFFING POTION!"

"WHY WOULD YOU CARRY A HANDCUFFING POTION?" Mozenrath screamed.

"In case I should have to handcuff somebody on the go!" Zevon declared proudly.

"WOULD CARRYING A PAIR OF LITERAL HANDCUFFS NOT BE MORE CONVENIENT THAN MAKING A POTION THAT WILL TAKE UP THE SAME AMOUNT OF SPACE?" Mozenrath yelled.

Zevon had no answer for that; "Uhhhhhhh…"

"Changing topic before my son's ego is bruised," Yzma broke in, "you are hereby banned from throwing any more sneezeberries."

"GET ME OUT OF THESE!" Mozenrath yelled, wriggling frantically.

"No can do!" Zevon laughed. "For you see, there is no key! The only way to break the cuffs is with a blurst of magic! …Or a very heavy rock battered against them multiplicational times. But as we are in a no-magic zone and none of the stones apparear loose, you are cuffed until we departurate the Rings of Fire!"

"I hate everything about this," Mozenrath grumbled.

"Berries," Wuya said, extending her hand once more, and Zevon placed them there. She then flicked a berry expertly to splatter against the 6 tile, which turned itself over, revealing a letter on the other side.

"Now, Brainiac," Wuya bade Mozenrath, "solve the rest of the math problems and let me do the heavy lifting."

"Heavy lifting," Mysterio chuckled. "That berry has to weigh two grams at most."

"Yes," Wuya said dryly. "That's the joke."

The golden numbers flashed out of sight, replaced with a new equation, its catalyst once again missing to leave it up for debate which of the two answers to pursue. Mozenrath rolled his eyes away from it. "And what if I don't want to solve your equations?"

"Fine," Wuya told him. "We've all passed basic math. You'll just get a front-row seat with your hands tied, doing absolutely nothing to save face for yourself. That's what you want, right? For us to get all the way across the Rings without you having been able to do a single thing except be dead weight?"

Mozenrath inwardly cursed. "Seventy-two."

That one was wrong, which meant that 58 was right, and so on. Slowly, words were revealed on the board. And the stone face observed, recording how quickly Mozenrath was able to solve each equation.

Finally, ten tiles were overturned, and the words "PAT THE CHIN" were obviously legible in what was turned up.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Gill complained.

"This isn't doing anything," Zevon said as he tapped his own chin.

"It is to my understanding this will make sense at the END of the trial," Mysterio brought up. "Does no one here understand tropes?"

"Your mind is keen," the stone face declared. "You have done well and uncovered the first clue. Uncover four more and you may enter my cave."

"No rhyming this time?" Mozenrath rolled his eyes. "Shoddy programming on the Numerians' part…"

The tiles blended together, and the bridge rose suddenly, a slab of purple stone marbled with black.

"Four more," Wuya declared, taking the lead. "Let's go, smart guy."

The Numerians had not, in fact, given the stone head system shoddy programming. They were built to test intelligence, but intelligence is subjective by the person. To someone able to work out the basics and proceed with determination, they would give equations just difficult enough. But the speed at which Mozenrath had blown through the nine equations following his initial faux pas had alerted the stone head system: they needed to make this harder. Unprecedentedly so.

So when the next stone head awoke by the foundations of the green bridge, it declared, "Look on my head. See the numbers? Decide. Add or subtract; multiply or divide. To cross this bridge, purple sneezeberries you'll need. See if you have them before you proceed."

"That's new," Shocker remarked as an equation shone. "Only two choices before."

"It doesn't matter," Mozenrath said, quite unamused. "Wuya, hit tile number seventeen."

As Mozenrath and Wuya took charge of the berry operation, the others waited in awkward silence. Mysterio had been working on a calculation of his own, of course, this whole time. How to get Shocker to speak to him? It was surely a matter of scripting the correct cue, and then the proper line would follow.

First, he would run on the assumption that Shocker did feel the same draw toward him that he did toward Shocker. That was the most likely reason for the avoidance, he rationalized, and furthermore, he was still a master of tropes.

"You do all realize we could very well perish here with one misstep," he declared. "After all, our necromancer is barred from using his magic, and if he goes first, then it's the end for the rest of us."

"What is your point here?" Yzma hissed.

"If anyone has anything to confess," Mysterio stated, "one last thing to get off their chest before we all meet a fiery end, now would be the time."

"Okay, FINE!" Gill snapped. "I ate the last blueberry bagel and blamed it on the Huntsman! You happy?"

"You WHAT?" Mozenrath growled. "I THOUGHT HE WAS LYING TO ME! HE'S ADDICTED TO BLUEBERRY BAKED GOODS! IT ADDED UP!"

"Well, that's certainly one way to tie up a loose plot thread," Mysterio went on, "but I was thinking perhaps something more of a…personal nature. Perhaps to do with one's relationships to another. That you see one in a light you haven't been able to admit."

"I relentate," Zevon sighed. "It seems you have already guesstimated it anyhoways. The simple fact that he has been able to beat me to each localetation, combined with his prowinesse in battle, HAS fascinized me. You can say I…apprecimire him, to a degree. But only a very small degree! For he is still my archenenenenemesis!"

"Wha – " Yzma's jaw dropped. "You have a CRUSH on Kamdor?"

"AN APPRECIMIRESPECTATION!" Zevon yelled.

"This is absolutely not at all what I wanted," Mysterio huffed.

The green bridge was raised (telling them "THEN THE EYE," forcing Yzma to stop Zevon from blinding himself), and they crossed.

The stone head of the red bridge upped the ante, throwing in some decimals and three different integers to figure out what to do with. Mozenrath was undeterred. Mysterio went back to the drawing board: how to catch Shocker's eye?

Meanwhile, Gill fanned himself with a webbed hand; "I'm drying out over here! This stinks."

"You know…" Yzma produced a potion from a secret pocket. "I could turn you human. Just for the duration of this little trip."

"NO WAY!" Gill recoiled from it. "I'd rather fry!"

"Been a while since I've been to a good old-fashioned fish fry," Shocker remarked. "Yzma, tell me ya got some tartar sauce somewhere in that outfit. He'll taste better with it."

"Oh, ha ha, very funny!" Gill spat.

"Did…did you just make a joke?" Mysterio asked incredulously.

"I ain't devoid of humor," Shocker grumbled, folding his arms and looking away from Mysterio. "Just don't see the point in pokin' fun at every little thing when there's work to be done."

"Is that a slight toward me?" Mysterio asked.

"Let it lie, Beck," Shocker grunted.

The red bridge told them "NOW ONE FOOT" before allowing them to cross the marble.

Now Mozenrath was solving for x, and Mysterio took another crack at it; "This certainly is an adventure for the books, isn't it? A monkey kingdom, chasms filled with deadly magma…the cinema that could be made from this! Or at the very least, a children's edutainment game. It has that charm."

"Eh." Gill shrugged. "Wake me when we get to the part that doesn't make my scales itch."

"And you, Montana?" Mysterio urged. "What are your thoughts on this wild escapade?"

"I'm learnin' ain't nothin' outta the realm of possibility 'round these parts," Montana replied. "That's about all there is to it."

"And you aren't taken aback by the MAJESTY of the rainforest?" Mysterio urged. "The tension of our PERIL?"

"Nope," Shocker said simply.

"WERE YOU AT LEAST FAZED BY THE MONKEYS IN CONQUISTADOR HELMETS?"

"Got over it."

After the cryptic "NOSE IS NEXT," the blue bridge formed.

Last ring: the golden bridge. Last attempt to break through. So Mysterio swallowed his pride and broke out the absolute last resort; "MONTANA, WHY ARE YOU INTENTIONALLY AVOIDING EVERY ATTEMPT I MAKE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION? DON'T CLAIM YOU'RE NOT!"

Everyone went silent. Including Mozenrath, mostly because he knew this was going to be a debacle that would distract him from doing math.

"Look," Shocker sighed. "Y'ain't gonna like what comes out in the wash. Dunno why you're so keen on me now, but soon as the cat's outta the bag, that all ends. Better we get off on the wrong foot than I end up Mysterio archnemesis number one for what I did. 'Cause we both know even if y'ain't as lethal as I am, you don't know when to say die, and I ain't never gettin' your grudge off my back."

"I take it you're referring to a more serious crime than annoying me," Mysterio told him. "Well? Out with it! Dramatic resolution! If we are to be fated enemies, then let this be our origin story! At the very least, to be foes tied by destiny and hatred is more satisfying than being IGNORED!"

Shocker sighed. "I was the one told Doc Ock to give you the symbiote. Thought if ya had a power boost, ya'd get yer moxie back. Didn' know it'd take ya over, make ya go crazier than a stampedin' herd. But I did know if ya knew, ya'd think I was patronizin' ya. That I didn't think you were good enough without a symbiote stitched to ya."

"Well," Mysterio admitted. "This…is a surprise. I'll admit I would have assumed that, had you not now phrased that so. What WAS your intent, then, in insisting I should be bonded to an alien lifeform?"
"'Cause I knew the Beck shiverin' an' cryin' in that hotel bed wasn't you either," Shocker stated. "I wanted you back on the field, and I wanted you bein' the insufferable drama queen we all know an' love. Wouldn't'a been the same without ya chewin' the scenery. Idiot."

Mysterio was struck silent. Then, in a completely normal tone and volume, he said, "You did that because you wanted me on your team? You LIKE my theatrics?"

"That a crime?" Shocker spat. "Then again…I am a criminal, so maybe it don't matter so much."

"I…you…" Mysterio shuffled a foot. "I don't care. I'm not mad. No rivalry today. You're fine. And now I know."

Sensing the drama was over, Mozenrath told Wuya, "Forty-six."

As he kept on solving equations, Shocker took two steps closer to Mysterio. "Though it has been a wild ride," he admitted. "Thought ya'd like gettin' to work in somethin' more like one of those movies yer always quotin'. New York's a bit small for ya, ain't it?"

"INCREDIBLY," Mysterio sighed.

"Never minded it, myself," Shocker told him, "but I am likin' the change in scenery for once. Couldn't say I'd ever robbed a monkey's royal treasury, before. That's somethin' for the résumé."

They looked to each other, and though their faces were hidden by helmet and mask, each knew the other was smiling.

"FINALLY EAR," said the golden bridge after the most grueling math problems yet, and the contingent crossed to the cavern on the far side.

Inside, the cave seemed to be a dead end. Only a painted fresco of an ancient Numerian in traditional garb.

"WHAT?" Mozenrath yelled. "WHERE'S THE KEY?"

"You're the smart guy," Wuya told him. "You figure it out."

And either he didn't realize that she'd already worked out the answer and was trying to give him back a shred of pride, or he didn't care.

His eyes widened. "The phrases from the bridges…! We have to touch them in order!"

Yzma gestured to the mural; "Would you like to do the honors?"

"Why, yes," Mozenrath told her. "I would. Only MY HANDS ARE CUFFED BEHIND MY BACK, THANKS TO SOMEBODY!"

"Who even remembers what those things said, and in what order?" Gill asked. "I sure wasn't paying attention to those dumb clues!"

"Well," Zevon piped up, "luckunately for you, I never stopped testing the clues out on my own body, and thereforthwith I have MEMORY-IZED all of them! Also, my eye is very sore. Ow."

He strode up to the mural, poking the tiles that made up the designated parts of the warrior. As he did so, he was heard faintly singing, "Chin, eye-foot nose and ear, nose and ear…", for that was how he'd remembered the order.

A stone panel of the wall slid aside, and a stone hand offered out what was certainly half of a golden key – and a large one, at that. The shaft's breadth was just enough that if the average human wrapped their whole hand around it, all four fingers and thumb, that hand would stretch from handle to teeth.

"Perfect," Mozenrath remarked. "Shocker, you handle delicate valuables the most out of all of us. Pick that up."

"And thousands of years of Shen Gong Wu hunting doesn't qualify me?" Wuya asked.

"Not when the majority of it was spent inside of a booo-ooox," Mozenrath replied, singsong.

"Touché," Wuya grumbled.

Shocker stepped forward, fingers lightly brushing the key. "Beck?" he called back. "You've seen this movie before. This thing booby-trapped?"

"Most likely," Mysterio replied, "but the thing to do is set it off and then figure out a way to evade it. Nothing gets accomplished by simply leaving the trap untripped. Nothing interesting, anyhow."

Shocker grasped the key, bringing it delicately into his hands. The seven felt a light rumble.

"Great," Mozenrath groaned.

And then the floor gave way, plunging all of the villains onto a stone slide that carried them deep underground, screaming all the way. Then, by a marvel of Numerian magitechnology, back up, up until they were spat from a hole in the earth to a place beneath blue skies –

The vista overlooking the fork in the road. Where they'd begun.

"Convenient," Mozenrath remarked. "Now we don't have to backtrack. Also, SOMEONE UNCUFF ME!"

Wuya chopped the edge of her hand through the chain holding the cuffs together, and the metal dissolved.

A voice from behind: "So you're the ones who set the Flabberwock rampaging in the Monkey Kingdom."

All gave a start, then whirled to see the newcomer there. A golden-haired man, a bit of stubble on his cheek, clothed in a red-and-black tunic.

"Us?" Yzma began to laugh nervously. "Noooooo, oh, no…that wasn't us. You must be thinking of seven OTHER incredibly distinct villains including a fish mutant and a man wearing a glass globe."

"Ugh…" Gill smacked his face with his webbed palm.

"Oh, don't worry," the man said with a grin. "I'm not here to admonish you. In fact, I rather admired your work. All of it. Don't think I missed the other little crimes you committed along the way. Making off with King Vasco's treasury, the accusation that you caused problems on purpose in order to solve them…I have to say you're troublemakers after my own heart."

"Well, this is unexpected," Mozenrath admitted. "A fellow villain, I take it?"

"You could say that," the man replied. "Though to my colleagues back at the university, I'm supposedly a professor of Numerian lore, here on a purely academic expedition."

"And what's the real story?" Mozenrath asked.

The man smirked, a glimmer in his eye. "To what end did you destroy the Monkey Kingdom? Temporary as it was."

"Ahem," Yzma broke in. "Did you say…temporary?"

"Well, they were well-prepared to capture a Flabberwock," the man informed her, "as they'd done it once before. It's back to business as usual, even if the economy needs some recovery."

"Nuts," Gill muttered.

"Why do you THINK we were ransacking that kingdom?" Mozenrath asked. "If you know so much about Numeria, surely you can guess."

"And were you successful?" the man asked.

"As a matter of fact…" Mozenrath folded his arms and smirked snidely. "We were."

"So you DO have half of the key…" the man said breathily. "Well, in that case, might I propose an alliance? You see…I had doubted my own ability to obtain the key on my own, but it seems you have the means to break through every obstacle we're about to come up against. The only problem being that your heavy-handed methods might not work so well the next time around. The inhabitants of the other half of the forest are better equipped to deal with aggression. As you likely well know."

"It's nothing we can't handle," Mozenrath grunted.

"All the same," Wuya told the blond man, "we seem to have organized this team without a diplomat, which I'm sure is going to come back to bite us in the butt."

"That's where I can come in," the man stated.

"And what do you want out of Numeria?" Mozenrath asked. "Raiding that city is our claim."

"Surely you don't need ALL of its treasures," the man replied. "Even a fraction of what lies in its legendary vault would make me a rich man for the rest of my life. Not to mention the artifacts that can be taken, the architecture that can be dismantled to sell to the highest bidder…the entire city is money. Even you couldn't make off with the whole thing."

Mozenrath and company weren't there for the city's usual treasures anyway. "All right," Mozenrath told the stranger. "I see no reason why we can't travel together. For the time being, at least. Who knows? If we're compatible, you may even qualify for the larger organization we're part of."

"Color me intrigued," the man replied. "But please, let's take this one step at a time."

Mozenrath put out his left hand. As the man regarded it with suspicion, he simply said, "If I used the other one, you'd know you couldn't trust me."

"Very well." The man placed his left hand in Mozenrath's.

"Call me Mozenrath," the sorcerer said. "And you?"

The golden-haired man smiled. "Calindor."

...

"…And anyway," Roman finished, "as you can probably guess, Neo had to drag my ass out of there, since, y'know, I'd set the building on fire and was about to be devoured by my own flame. But I swear to the gods, looking into the flames surrounding me while I was tripping was the best damn high I've ever had."

He, Snatcher, Mim, and the Huntsman had decided to while away their time being benched from Mozenrath's mission by sitting around the basement lab, observing the myriad of projects going on. They'd gotten a tip that the weapons division had wanted some guinea pigs for beta testing anyway, which excited literally all of them. (And there was such a lovely couch installed to sit on!) Aghoul had opted out; he was spending some quality time seeing how close he could get to Hecate and Velma either emotionally or physically.

"You know Garfield is going to be cross with you when his arson sense goes off," Mim brought up.

"Can you just let me have this?" Roman groaned. "Please?"

"You know," Snatcher mused, "every time I think the tales of your past adventures can't be any more bizarre, you truly prove that reality is stranger than fiction."

"I am taking that as a compliment!" Roman declared.

The Huntsman's attention was elsewhere. He glanced over to the corner where Hannibal Roy Bean and Tsumugi Shirogane had gotten introduced, now in a contest of magic versus technology to see who could make the more accurate impression.

"Rhino," Hannibal challenged, and they both morphed into O'Hirn duplicates.

"Reginald Bushroot!" Tsumugi declared (or at least the Huntsman thought it was Tsumugi, if he'd been paying attention correctly – the two were now indistinguishable), and then they both became plant-ducks.

"Hmmm." Hannibal thought it over. "How 'bout Miss Sonia Nevermind?"

A pair of blondes faced each other down.

"Well, I'll be!" Hannibal remarked. "Thought you couldn't match that one. You weren't there for that li'l escapade."

"Oh, but I've been a fan of Super DanganRonpa 2: Farewell Despair Academy – localized most places as DanganRonpa 2: Goodbye Despair – ever since I was a little child!" Tsumugi gushed. "Actually, since I was far too young to be witnessing such violence. I wonder if that factors into how I turned out today…"

"Did ya ever pull the legs off a cockroach 'fore ya played them Dango Rango games?" Hannibal asked.

"Oh, yes!" Tsumugi cried. "But only to gain the approval of my peers. Nothing got the attention of the playground like a cockroach that was trying to walk without legs!"

"Then the games got nothin' to do with it." Hannibal leered a most un-Sonia-like leer.

"Do Kazuichi Soda!" Tsumugi challenged, and they each shifted into a wildly different-looking Kazuichi, pre- and post-Hope's Peak. "Oh," Tsumugi realized. "I suppose he's missing a leg now. That's new information! Oh, the drama!"

"The upgraded Chameleon-Bot seems to be fitting in quite well with the rest," the Huntsman remarked. "It will serve us well, to have a shapeshifter who cannot be quelled by magic-repelling technology."

"I think it'll give it away when somebody tries to give her a high-five and her steel hand of doom slaps their flesh hand right off the wrist," Roman countered.

"Pros and cons," Mim decided.

"Which one of them do you suppose is better at it?" Snatcher asked. "Surely a machine cannot match up to an enchantment. Not even one of Trubshaw's."

"Raise the bar, Archie," Roman recommended. "Herbie-boy was the kiddie pool; we're swimming in the goddamn ocean."

Vexen and Drakken had been notably absent, until Vexen came storming through the lab to hover over Tsumugi and Hannibal's little contest, arms folded.

"Vexen?" Tsumugi asked. "Is something wrong?"

Vexen said nothing, simply fixing her with an ice-cold glare.

"Ain't happy 'cause I'm outdoin' the pet project of your bromance?" Hannibal guessed.

Vexen kept glaring.

"You're really freaking me out!" Tsumugi wailed. "And I lived in a murder school for weeks, so that means something!"

Vexen smirked. Then revealed herself to not actually be Vexen, but Neo wearing a convincing illusion. As it dropped, she bowed dramatically.

Roman burst out laughing; "As it SHOULD be!"

"That is our dear Miss Neopolitan, for certain," Snatcher said with a proud grin.

"I mean, I'd win out of all of them," Mim boasted, "but I'll concede Neo makes a worthy runner-up."

"Ah, gentlemen and lady!" Zorg finally revealed himself from around the engineer's corner, pulling along a cart full of what appeared to be plastic camouflage pods. "Word must've got out I was lookin' for a couple beta testers. Not gonna complain; all are welcome here. Positive feedback is encouraged, of course, but no, I don't take constructive criticism, 'cause you won't find any to give."

"I take it those are the weapons you had wished to test," the Huntsman observed.

"Well, aren't you the observant one today!" Zorg replied. "A gold star for Mr. Liu here! Why don't ya do the honor of tryin' out the first one?"

The Huntsman stepped forward, eyes scanning the pod until he figured out how it was supposed to be gripped. Then, as he lifted it into his hands, it blossomed into an absolute multitude of cannons.

"The ZF1!" Zorg announced. "My crownin' achievement up 'till now, though it's just about outta style. Onward an' upward, but don't forget what got ya to the top!"

"Oh, SWEET!" Roman charged forth to pick up a ZF1 of his own.

"You should fire it at the robot!" Mim cried.

"YOU SHOULD NOT FIRE IT AT THE ROBOT!" Tsumugi yelled from across the room.

"So what's this baby do, anyway?" Roman asked.

"Whatever ya damn well want it to do!" Zorg told him. "Traditional ammo, missiles, cryogenics, the works. Best part is the Replay technology. Fire a bullet into anythin' your little heart desires an' set the target, and no matter what kittywampus direction that gun goes, all shots thereafter hit the same target 'till ya change the settings! Ingenious design, if I do say so myself."

"Is there anything here we CAN fire it at?" Mim asked.

"We been settin' a little testin' range up 'round the corner," Zorg informed her. "Go on, give it a whirl! You're never fully dressed without a firearm, after all."

So Mim grabbed one, and Snatcher was intrigued enough to, and they all went around the corner to the range that had been set up, with dummies shaped to look like Sora, Ruby Rose, Kazuichi Soda, and more. Curiosity got the better of Neo, Hannibal, and Tsumugi, who crept around the corner to get a look.

The Huntsman froze a Sora solid. Mim blew up a Kazuichi dummy with several missiles. Snatcher contented himself with launching a mere net at a Rapunzel. And Roman had gone hog-wild, planting one bullet into Ruby's head and abusing the Replay technology by spinning and swirling and posing, finger depressing the trigger, every last bit of ammunition ramming right into the dummy.

"This is the most badass fuckin' thing I've ever seen!" Roman laughed as he finished the dummy off by setting it on fire with a flamethrower function. "Not that it could replace the Cudgel. That one's special. But from an OBJECTIVE viewpoint."

"An' the best part," Zorg said, not noticing Rémington Smisse one room over discreetly using his scroll to text photos of the unused ZF1s to Terminus, "is these are one hundred percent WHAM ARMY exclusives! Ain't nobody else in the whole multiverse gonna have what you're shootin'!"

The Huntsman took note of a blinking red light. "And what, may I ask," he questioned, "is the function of this?"

"Ahhh." Zorg's smile widened. "See, that's how I know you're a REAL killer. The others here, more fighters, conqueror archetypes. But you." He pointed directly at the Huntsman. "YOU, I respect the most. You know your enemy, you know your weapon, an' you know how to combine the two to make instant death. For that, I'll let ya in on it. It's a self-destruct."

The sound of a ZF1 crashing to the floor made everyone turn and look at Roman.

"You were about to press it, weren't you?" Snatcher sighed.

"NO," Roman blurted.

"Why build such a feature into your weaponry?" the Huntsman asked.

"Couple reasons," Zorg told him. "Doubles it as a bomb, if ya time it right. But more important, weeds out the neophytes from the real deal."

"He called you a neophyte," Mim chuckled at Roman.

"I was SO not about to touch that button!" Roman protested.

Neo buried her face in both palms and shook her head, prompting Snatcher to say, "I believe at least two of us in this room know better."

"Whatever you're talking about," Vexen demanded, storming into the range with Drakken hot on his heels, "cease at ONCE!"

"What seems to be the matter?" the Huntsman asked.

Vexen grinned. "Oh, nothing is the MATTER, my dear Huntsman. What has taken place is a marvel."

"He did it!" Drakken cried. "He cloned somebody who was previously DEAD!"

"The first of the replicas," the Huntsman realized. "Is it complete?"

Vexen raised a brow; "You tell me."

He and Drakken stepped to either side, revealing a short figure dressed in a black leather cloak with the hood up.

"I thought it a fitting homage to the Organization," Vexen stated. "As well as a dramatic irony, a smearing of their symbol – "

"The hood just makes for a great dramatic reveal is really all," Drakken broke in.

Vexen cleared his throat before admitting, "Yes."

"Well?" Mim urged. "Show us the little killing machine!"

"I'm afraid it will be a while before he is fit to commit murder," Vexen stated. "He is still going through the early stages. While he is accustomed to motor functions, he is not yet capable of speech, and his thought process is currently more focused on acclimating to his environment. That shall all change given enough exposure."

"Replica," Drakken commanded, "deploy the DRAMATIC REVEAL."

Tentatively, the figure reached up, peeling back the hood to reveal a pale, somber face with deep violet eyes. His dark hair splayed out in wild locks that cascaded from his head, a slight sheen visible on them that seemed to match his eyes' hue.

"NOT HIM!" Tsumugi screamed angrily. "I'M TIRED OF HIM! I WISH I'D NEVER WRITTEN THAT CHARACTER!"

"Say hello to Kokichi Oma," Vexen introduced. "A devious liar and schemer when at his peak. Should the experiment progress as expected – which it most certainly will – he will be an asset to our faction as a whole. In the impossible chance that something has failed and he perishes early on…he is merely a mortal boy with an active imagination for the wicked. There will be no great loss."

Kokichi stared blankly at the others around him, taking in their appearances.

"And he had to be a fan favorite, too." Tsumugi folded her arms in a huff.

"I'll ask it before this gets out of hand," Snatcher piped up. "Miss Shirogane, is there something we should be worried about regarding Mr. Oma?"

"He's a traitor who's only out to serve himself!" Tsumugi snapped, stamping a foot. "His desire to escape my game nearly RUINED MY BROADCAST! My Monokuma almost sentenced a trial WRONG because of him, and I would've looked like an idiot! My whole team would've looked like idiots!"

"So you're saying he's a villain," Mim concluded. "Unfortunately for you, we're ALL villains, so he stays."

"Do I need to get you guys a get-along shirt?" Roman chuckled.

Kokichi let out a little sigh.

"Hang on." Roman reached for his pocket. "Getting a text." He retrieved the scroll, unlocking the screen. "Gar. Sent an audio file. Said we might want to listen to it and – wha – HE KNEW?"

"I warned you, didn't I?" Mim reminded Roman.

"I wonder what he would have wanted us to know that could not come across in words," the Huntsman muttered.

"Second dramatic reveal of the day!" Roman declared. "Though if this is a fucking Rickroll, I swear I'm gonna hand him one of these badass guns and tell him to press the red button."

He set the file to play.

"Emerald," Raven hissed, "you are out of line – "

"No," Yang broke in. "She's not. Because whatever you're trying so hard not to tell us, she is. And when I can call HER more trustworthy than my own mother? Then things don't look great for you."

"Say the name of the one who has us all fooled," Emerald dared. "Who has us running scared."

"Ozpin," Raven seethed.

"WRONG," Emerald growled. "SAY. HER. NAME."

A long silence Then, at last, Raven said, "The truth that Ozpin – LET ME FINISH – was hiding from us all along was that the Grimm have a master. Her name is Salem. She can't be killed. She can't be reasoned with. And she won't stop until all of humanity is torn apart."

"Okay, WHAT the fuck?" Roman cried.

"Shhhhh!" Mim hissed. "This is important!"

And so it all peeled back, layer by layer. When the recording ended, the significance was clear to most present.

"She's making her fucking play for Haven," Roman realized. "Gotta say it took her long enough."

"WELL?" Snatcher cried. "ASK MR. LYNNS FOR CLARIFICATION!"

Roman tapped out a message. It bounced. "Weird. His scroll isn't taking it. Eh, connection will have to come back sometime."

"We are now aware of the next move our enemy is about to make," the Huntsman reminded them all, "as are Harley and her ilk."

"I can't fucking remember which was the relic in Haven," Roman realized. "Not that it matters. Because once she gets it, we are like ten percent more screwed."

"Unless…" Mim left the question hanging in the air.

"Don't tell me you DON'T desire revenge, Roman," Snatcher urged. "Would this not be the perfect moment to swipe the rug out from beneath her feet?"

"This isn't going anywhere!" Vexen barked. "I'm well aware you were all commanded to sit out!"

"Of Righty's mission," Roman reminded him. "He didn't say any fucking thing about us doing anything ELSE."

"This is a horrible prospect, and doomed to fail," the Huntsman stated, lackluster.

"That's obligatory, isn't it?" Roman realized.

"I realize you cannot be stopped," the Huntsman went on, "so now I've little choice but to follow along with you and take revenge on Maleficent's army for the grievances they've caused us. I suppose if it comes down to it, I may even have to slay Jafar, the man who has made a mockery of Mozenrath."

"Quite a dirty task," Snatcher said with a sly smile, "and yet someone must. You certainly would be the most qualified, given your credentials."

"Neo!" Roman called. "Whaddaya say? Up for a round of Stick It to Cinder?"

Neo bounced up and down excitedly. Then gasped, waving her hands. After all, she'd been in the mood to change her wardrobe up a little.

For the occasion, her pants lightened to white. Her top now had the bodice of a button-down crop, with long, dark side panels that seemed to have been stitched there from a trenchcoat. Buckled straps fastened the lot over her shoulders; her arms were enveloped in gloves of white, black, and pink to match her hair. Around her neck, a gray ascot that was a twin to Roman's own in the physical realm.

"Quite lovely," Snatcher told her, and she bowed.

"This is an outrage!" Vexen snapped. "You cannot simply undertake such a mission without orders! Especially after your last spectacular failure!"

"What if we said you could come along and give the replica a trial run in the field?" Mim suggested.

Vexen and Drakken exchanged looks.

"It's for science," Drakken told him.

"…I suppose that would be passable," Vexen admitted.

"You." Roman pointed to Zorg.

"Me?" Zorg pointed to himself.

"You like batshit insane weapons," Roman told him. "Come to Remnant for a spell, and you'll see things you never could've dreamed."

"Well, that's a mighty underestimation of my dreams," Zorg replied, "but my curiosity is now piqued."

"We'll need some sort of strategy, of course," Snatcher mused. "We cannot simply charge at her with overly complex guns blazing. You all recall how well that's worked in the past."

"Your subterfuge was not exactly the rousing success you'd hoped either," the Huntsman reminded him.

"She's going for Haven," Roman muttered. "Meaning she's leeching info off the Cowardly Lion. Literally the most useless agent in our arsenal and he got more respect than me. Never liked that. Anyway, whatever we do will have to be under his nose. If we had a way to infiltrate the academy without – "

Then it hit him. "Unless…we didn't have to go under his nose." He snapped his fingers, pointing. "Bean. Cosplay-Bot. We'll need one of you."

Neo pointed to herself.

"No, Neo," Roman told her. "If you take this job, that means you don't get to do any of the fun stuff. And you wanna do the fun stuff on this run. Trust me."

Neo nodded.

"Well, I'm not going if he's going." Tsumugi pointed to the still-dazed Kokichi.

"Guess that leaves it up to me, darlin'," Hannibal said with a crooked grin.

Tsumugi turned to stalk away; "I'm going to go see Dmitri about costume design for hypothetical television shows."

"So, this it?" Roman spread out his arms. "This the team?"

"I told you to stop," the Huntsman said, quite unconvincingly. "And yet you could not be stopped. It is only my responsibility to accompany you. And if Jafar should die along the way, so be it."

"Just so long as I get to make Maleficent's little minions go SPLAT!" Mim cried, breaking down into laughter.

"You might say I ain't gonna be doin' the fun stuff," Hannibal reminded Roman, "but if this is goin' where I reckon it's goin', it'll be plenty fun enough."

"Let me grab a sketchbook first," Zorg protested. "Not that I think I'm gonna see anythin' I ain't already thought of, but you never know where inspiration might strike."

"An academy setting would be ideal to test Kokichi's capabilities," Vexen mused.

"He may very well be the ace up our sleeve that will allow us to crush Maleficent," Drakken agreed.

Neo ran up to give Roman a high-five.

And finally, Snatcher gave a playful bow, sweeping his hat beneath his chest; "I am, as ever, more than willing to follow your lead, Roman." He straightened up. "Not to mention if Mr. Liu gets a crack at the genie, I deserve a shot at those who've made YOUR life miserable, do I not?"

"Then let's fuckin' do this," Roman declared. "We're goin' to Remnant."