Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

133. No One's Blessing

132. No One's Blessing

A/N: Oops, we got some more blood, guts, and gore.

...

"So what you're trying to say, more or less," Roman stated as he carefully watched the mirror to make sure he was applying blush to the right areas of his face to make contours, "is that you built one of your clone things, and then forgot she ever existed and so did the rest of the worlds."

"That is EXACTLY what I'm saying!" Vexen screamed.

"Uh-huhhhhhh. Because this really sounds like a new way to bullshit credit for something you didn't do that the multiverse conveniently forgot ever existed."

"Why would I take credit for something I didn't do?" Vexen countered. "Why would I ever want my name attached to a FALSEHOOD? All of my projects demonstrate the hard work only I can put into them!"

"He has a point," Mim said from across the room, where she had already elongated into a tall woman with a dramatic hourglass figure, waves of lavender hair cascading down. She flipped through a beauty magazine as she waited for Roman to finish up, gathering ideas to add onto her current form to increase allure to those with basic tastes.

"So why remember her now?" Roman asked, taking a pause from his questioning to spread lipstick over his lower lip. Blow a kiss at the mirror, spread it to the upper lip.

"There are two prevailing theories in my mind," Vexen stated. "For one, my Nobody perished shortly after her creation, but my Heartless was not found and put out of its wretched existence for another year. In effect, my entire being was in stasis. And therefore, when Xion passed and was forgotten by the multiverse between those two points in time, I was unable to be truly affected, as I was half there and half not. Therefore, vestiges of her existence remained within my mind, and I was able to tease them out.

"As for the other theory, strange as it may seem, one cannot discount the idea that I am able to remember her because there is a fragment of her that does currently exist. Not absorbed into Sora, mind you. That buffoon's idiocy would snuff her out completely. No…she may have returned into a form of her own in some way. Perhaps there is a grain of truth to both theories…that she remained dormant in my mind because of the unusual circumstances of my Nobody's death, and that these latent memories were able to surface because someone has meddled."

"Oh, thank the gods," Roman sighed. "Here I was thinking you were going to claim you remembered her because of some kind of father-daughter true love shit."

"Are you MAD?" Vexen snapped. "I am not so weak for any of my creations as you are for Neopolitan."

"Before Roman attempts to pass it off as a father-daughter relationship," Mim stated, "I want to remind everyone here that SHE'S the one who makes sure HE doesn't die gruesomely. With the one exception."

"Can this not be about me?" Roman sighed, dabbing on glittery eyeshadow. (But no liner or mascara. He'd remembered.)

"The point being," Vexen went on, "we must set forth to retrieve whatever remains of Xion and recreate her! Not only because I cannot let my finest work be unknown to the general public, but because her capacity to receive energy from the Hearts of Worlds makes her a doomsday weapon to the likes of which Zorg's cannons don't compare! With Xion in our ranks, we could destroy Maleficent quite easily!"

"Yeah, doubt that somehow," Roman told him, tucking stray strands of orange hair into his snow-white wig, "but more firepower is never bad."

"If what you're saying is true," Mim agreed, "I can think of all sorts of instances where I could use the girl to wreak unimaginable havoc!"

"However." Roman turned away from the mirror. "That is NOT what we're doing today. Today is all about following the dusty old crow around and figuring out what cards he has in his deck." He gestured up and down his body. "Well? Convincing?"

"If I were a lascivious man," Mim told him, "I'd smother you with catcalls!"

Roman had chosen to undertake this mission as Fiammetta Incandescent, dolled up in white, a flowing skirt swishing around his knees. He nodded to Mim; "And if I weren't gay as fuck, I'd probably wanna tap that. Which just leaves Iceman."

"What about me?" Vexen asked.

"We agreed to do this mission incognito," Roman told him. "I'm in drag, Mimsy's a supermodel, and you…you're wearing a dorky hoodie over a dumb T-shirt and dress pants. How is that a disguise? Don't answer that; it's not. See, you changed your clothes from the iconic, but if Dusty sees you, he's gonna remember that face. That glare of condescension isn't easy to forget, believe me. And if one of his little tag-alongs puts two and two together, the whole mission's sunk. So hear me out: we hit up one of the boutiques downtown real quick, I have Archie run a quick assessment of your season of skin tone – and believe me, it had better be winter for obvious thematic reasons – I spot you for a nice minidress, we do up your hair, pin it with a couple of those sticks with rhinestones, and you finally embrace that you were BUILT for the drag life."

"And you cash in on your wager with Harley Quinn," Vexen said sullenly.

"I mean, that's a bonus," Roman said with a shrug.

"I should think not," Vexen sighed. "For one, you'll become cryogenically preserved if you attempt to alter my aesthetic. For another, it won't be necessary."

He simply flipped up the hood of the sweater that Roman had identified as being for dorks, and once he'd tamed all his hair back into it, the shadows it cast made him unrecognizable.

"I fucking hate you," Roman grunted.

"Then I'm doing something correctly," Vexen replied smugly.

"Enough of this banter!" Mim declared, standing up and discarding the magazine by making it go up in flames. "If we're all dressed to kill, then let's go start planning the MURDER."

A pause. An awkward silence. Then she explained, "Because his name is Qrow, and a group of crows – "

"I hate you more," Roman sighed, pressing two fingers to each temple.

...

A small canoe careened through the waters around Deception Island smoothly, its steerers keeping a mindful eye on the buoys that marked dangerous territory. Ven sat up front and Papyrus behind, and they each paddled an oar. As per safety regulations, they wore bright orange life jackets that made them a pair of beacons in the mist.

"It's so different from the Destiny Islands," Ven remarked. "That's a good thing."

"IT'S INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT FROM SNOWDIN TOWN, WHICH WAS A TOWN WITH NO BEACH AND LOTS OF SNOW," Papyrus added. "THAT IS AN EVEN BETTER THING."

Ven laughed with good cheer.

Then the bump sounded from the front of the boat.

"What's that?" Ven reached forth, grasping onto a small glass bottle. As he brought it onboard, he gasped. "HEY!"

"A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE?" Papyrus gasped as well. "IT MIGHT BE FROM SOMEONE IN TERRIBLE DANGER WHO NEEDS OUR HELP!"

"Or maybe…we're the ones who need help, and it's here to offer us some kind of path," Ven mused.

"HUH?"

"I mean, Kairi's message in a bottle worked that way for Sora and Riku."

"WELL? OPEN IT! LET'S FIND OUT!"

Ven worked out the cork, then spilled the pink parchment into his hands. His heart swelling with excitement, he unrolled it and read the contents of the important message: "W…123?"

"HUH?" Papyrus leaned over his shoulder. "THAT…DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A VERY URGENT MESSAGE."

Ven's finger then traced down to the lower left corner, where he had spied another word: "Rosebud." He hummed on it, then said, "It's a pretty weird message. Maybe it's some kind of code?"

"THEN IT COULD STILL BE A CRY FOR HELP!" Papyrus realized. "WE'D BETTER KEEP IT."

And it wasn't long before they'd bumped into the second bottle.

"This one says '08.615,'" Ven related. "It's also signed 'Rosebud.' Huh."

"YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND LIKE?" Papyrus realized. "SOME SORT OF PUZZLE. AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT PUZZLES!"

"We should keep thinking on it," Ven agreed. "Though, you know…this is kind of reminding me of when we learned how to use the GPS before we came out here. The numbers we put in kinda looked like those."

"DON'T BE SILLY, VEN. IF IT WERE GPS COORDINATES, THERE WOULD BE ONE FOR LONGITUDE AS WELL. OR IS IT LATITUDE? THE POINT BEING, THERE AREN'T ENOUGH TO BE GPS COORDINATES."

Ven had been sure he was onto something, but if Papyrus was going to insist, then he wasn't going to argue.

They kept paddling, around to one of the steeper cliff faces on the island's side, and beheld the entrance to a small cave there, one accessible by water. Of course, they had to check it out, and so steered their boat into a dark and shadowy space where their voices echoed off the walls. Cracks in the stone revealed scant illumination, which was how they were able to see, when they'd paddled to cavern's end, the bottle that floated there.

Ven practically fell off the boat trying to reel it in. "Let's get it out where we can read it!"

Back in the sunlight outside the cavern, Ven unrolled a third paper – the first that was tan rather than pink. "N48," he read off. "Rosebud."

Papyrus gasped; "VEN! SOMETHING BRILLIANT JUST OCCURRED TO ME! THAT NOTE, THE ONE THAT HAD A W…WHAT IF THEY'RE GPS COORDINATES? HA! I'M SO GREAT AT PUZZLES."

"Yeah," Ven said with a roll of his eyes. "Definitely all you on that one."

But he wasn't really mad, and he passed over the GPS happily.

"NOW, WAIT," Papyrus told him. "WE CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT A FOURTH BOTTLE. WE NEED A DECIMAL TO GO WITH THE 'NORTH' ONE, YOU SEE."

"We should keep paddling around," Ven decided.

And they did, but to no avail. They returned to the docks with minds furiously whirring.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I REMEMBERED?" Papyrus pointed out. "THE WAY TO THE LIGHTHOUSE POINT WAS BLOCKED OFF BY DANGER BUOYS."

"Are you thinking maybe there's a bottle over there?" Ven's eyes sparkled. "Let's go check it out!"

A few minutes away by bike and they were looking at a clump of rocks just off the beach by the lighthouse point; a glass bottle was quite clearly lodged among them.

"NOW, GETTING IT LOOSE WILL REQUIRE FINESSE," Papyrus said as Ven summoned Wayward Wind. "WE'LL NEED A SUFFICIENT TOOL FOR THE JOB. A STONE THAT'S PERFECTLY SMOOTHED. THEN WE LAUNCH IT AT A TWENTY-DEGREE ANGLE WITH MODERATE FORCE, AND THAT SHOULD – "

"HEEYAH!"

Wayward Wind spun out over the water's surface, knocking the bottle loose and dragging it in the weapon's trail of turbulent air as it hurtled back to Ven's hand.

"OR WE COULD JUST DO THAT," Papyrus relented as Ven picked up the bottle.

"Heh…probably would've been easier to just Magnet it over," Ven admitted.

"NO," Papyrus told him. "THAT WAS VERY FLASHY, AND ABSOLUTELY THE WAY TO COLLECT EVIDENCE AT ALL TIMES."

Ven felt his heart beating a bit faster at that. Impressing Papyrus was definitely something he didn't get tired of. And strangely, he noticed, it seemed to feel a little different from when Aqua or Terra would tell him he had done a good job. Shrugging it off, he pried open this bottle, unrolling the paper; "42.517!"

"WE HAVE OUR COORDINATES!" Papyrus punched the numbers into the GPS they'd used boating. "NOW WE CAN MAKE OUR WAY TO THE LOCATION OF THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS WHO NEEDS OUR HELP! 'DAMSEL' BEING USED IN THE GENDER-NEUTRAL SENSE, OF COURSE."

"I mean, out of me, Terra, and Aqua, I was the damsel in distress most of the time," Ven laughed. "Let's go!"

They set off again from the docks; the sun was beginning to set, the rays muted in tone but bolstered in reach by the mist. Much longer, and it wouldn't be safe to be on the open water, so they knew they had to work quickly.

The coordinates led them to a secluded beach that neither had any clue was there, the way it was nestled among the rocky cliffs. It didn't seem like the other islanders knew it was there, either, given its desertion.

"HELLO?" Ven called out as he set foot on the sand, the boat mooring. "WE'RE HERE TO RESCUE YOU!"

But as they moved about, it became clear to both Ven and Papyrus that there was no one here in need of rescuing. Just a tidepool filled with various ocean life, a few clumps of seaweed, and –

"SOMEONE LEFT BEHIND SAND CASTLE MOLDS!" Papyrus pointed excitedly to the plastic turrets and towers that had been placed here. "NOT THAT…I'M ACTUALLY A FAN OF SUCH CHILDISH THINGS."

"Can I…confess something?" Ven asked sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I've…never actually made a sand castle before. But I've always wanted to…since Sora makes it look so fun…"

"THEN I'LL CONFESS SOMETHING TOO," Papyrus said hurriedly. "I DON'T…ACTUALLY THINK IT'S CHILDISH. OR MAYBE IT IS, AND I JUST LIKE IT. BUT IF YOU'VE NEVER, EVER MADE A SAND CASTLE BEFORE – THEN WE HAVE TO STOP AND DO IT RIGHT NOW!"

As it turned out, Papyrus was a sand-castle perfectionist, hardly needing the molds in order to sculpt intricate moldings. Ven filled the molds with wet sand in order to build his own less-complex side of the structure. Halfway through building, he realized he couldn't copy the architecture of the Castle of Departure, since that sort of building only worked when you had mountaintops to chain the upper levels to, so he started using Castle Oblivion as a mental template, which meant architecture that certainly didn't behave. He made half, Papyrus made half, and at the end, there was a behemoth of sand that rose up, striking reverence into the heart of any Dungeness crab that might pass by.

"I THINK WE'VE DONE SOME GREAT WORK HERE!" Papyrus told Ven.

"Yeah!" Ven agreed. "We did!"

Then the realization hit him; "OH NO! THE SUN!"

It was now night, completely and utterly. Boating would be a risky task without a light.

"OH," Papyrus realized as well. "I'M…SORRY. I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO STAY HERE ON THE BEACH."

"It's okay," Ven told him. "Really." He retrieved one of the Keybearer-issue portable campsites, similar to what Aqua had set up back in the World of Four Nations. "That's why we carry these around. For when we have to sleep outside."

The tent was pitched high up where the tide couldn't reach, and a pair of sleeping bags rolled out inside. "There!" Ven gestured. "Home away from hotel room."

"IT DOES LOOK PRETTY COZY," Papyrus admitted. "THOUGH I'M NOT EXACTLY SLEEPY JUST YET."

"Did we look around at everything there was to see here? Maybe we missed something! There's gotta be a reason those notes told us to come here!"

So they began another sweep of the beach, and they might very well have missed it. But as Papyrus nudged one of the seaweed clumps with his boot, he took notice of the large clamshell, how uniquely-shaped it was, how thick and almost squared its edges were, and eventually, the fact that it wasn't a true clamshell at all.

"VEN! LOOK AT THIS!"

He held up a wooden box shaped like a large clam. Ven rushed over, illuminating Wayward Wind in order to get a better look.

"I recognize those!" he cried once it became clear that the lock was made of a panel of colored squares. "That's the flag language on the poster at the Hot Kettle! If we bring it back and figure out what word we're supposed to spell, we can probably unlock it!"

"THEN IT'S SETTLED! COME MORNING, WE'LL HEAD ON OVER, APOLOGIZE FOR SMELLING LIKE WE SLEPT ON A BEACH (WHICH WE DID), ORDER A DELICIOUS BREAKFAST, AND CRACK THIS CODE!" Papyrus was then overcome by a massive yawn. "OH, DEAR. SO IT SEEMS I AM SLEEPY AFTER ALL."

"Yeah, let's hit the hay."

They slid into their sleeping bags, which snuggled quite cozily next to one another in the space of the tent. It was comforting, knowing each other was that close. "GOODNIGHT, VEN," Papyrus muttered.

"Night," Ven muttered back.

And as Papyrus drifted, he realized this was the first time in many nights that his insomnia had taken a back seat to lethargy. Maybe a side effect of being that comfortable around Ven. But more pragmatically, probably a consequence of staying out in the elements past dark and longing for a sleeping bag, and a function of listening to the white noise of the waves rolling in and out.

...

The next companion of Eraqus, Yen Sid and Mickey knew they had to be very careful about approaching. There were those who wouldn't approve of her speaking to those outside the family property, given what she might say.

But with some sweet-talking and bribery to the security force, some intense communication with the target to ensure she wanted to tell this story, and a little wait to make sure her husband was out of the house and couldn't interrupt, Yen Sid and Mickey found themselves in the library of Schnee Manor, standing across from one Willow Schnee.

Already, Mickey didn't like this. They'd had to dance around Jacques, who sounded so horrible from the sounds of things, and Willow simply seemed miserable, even looking at two people who wanted to hear her truth without judgment. Was this another casualty of Eraqus' "good will"?

"He changed my life," Willow stated. Already wishing she could take off for the kitchen and pick up the bottle of wine she'd forced herself to leave behind. "I can't say it was for the better. But it was probably for the best."

"Tell us what happened," Yen Sid demanded softly.

"I was the sole heir to the Schnee fortune," Willow explained. "I had a passing interest in Huntress work, yet I had never made it to an academy. My parents deemed it too demanding for a woman of my social standing. Eraqus found me on these grounds as he explored Atlas, and he became my link to the world outside these walls. He taught me how to wield a weapon, how to defend myself without official Huntress training. That was…before."

"Before what?" Mickey asked softly.

"You are a Faunus, yes?" Willow addressed him. "You know of the White Fang."

"Uhhh…I'm not up on politics," Mickey said quickly. "Remind me about that one?"

"The White Fang was a liberation front for Faunus who were mistreated," Willow explained. "Our mines relied largely on Faunus labor. The White Fang dispatched a group here to…talk to me about them. That's when I met…" She hesitated for so long before softly saying, "Him."

"Who was he?" Mickey asked.

"Ghira Belladonna," Willow went on. "The leader of the faction who arrived here. We sat down, discussed arrangements, and he opened my eyes as how how badly I'd mistreated his people. We resolved to meet, again and again, in order to forge a more ethical plan for the mines that would benefit the Faunus working there as well as the Atlesians who used our Dust. And amid all the discussions of fair minimum wage, regulated hours, bans on child labor that I hadn't even known my family was exploiting, we began to talk about…other things. And before I knew it, I was in love. With a Faunus, as far from my social standing as you can imagine, and one who seemingly had it out for the Schnee name. We began to…to see each other. We stole away, places my family wouldn't find us, and I knew he loved me, too. It felt like living out a fairy tale, but for the fact that I knew my parents would never, ever approve of our union. I wanted so badly to marry him, but there were so many reasons we just…we just couldn't. And that was when Jacques came into my life.

"Jacques. He was everything Ghira couldn't hope to be. A traditionally handsome and masculine man. Not from a family of the Schnee caliber, but still well-bred, from what my parents considered a good family. He acted the perfect gentleman to me, and yet I never felt the sparks between us that I did when I was alone with Ghira. At a Schnee family function, Jacques publicly asked for my hand, and I disgraced my family for the last time by telling him I simply needed more time to think. The whole world was expecting me to fall for him, to marry him, to take him into our family! Everyone except for Ghira. Ghira saw through him from the start. He said Jacques didn't care about people; he only cared about winning. But I never saw that side, not until it was too late. I thought he genuinely cared about me, and perhaps…I wanted to see if it could work. On paper, he was the perfect mate, so why could I feel nothing for him?

"This is where I brought Eraqus into the story. I considered him more of a father than I considered my own parents. I asked him to settle it, once and for all. What should I do? Should I publicly denounce Jacques, become as close as I could to Ghira, and love who I loved? Or should I do what they wanted me to do, what it was my obligation as a Schnee to do? When I told Eraqus all of the circumstances…it was the first time I'd ever mentioned Ghira. Eraqus was so uptight, I knew he would never really approve. I think I knew that when I asked, and yet it still…hurt, so badly. I should've known that he would decry a militant warrior, and even more so when that warrior was a – " She shook her head. "Never mind it. And Jacques, he was skilled at fooling us all. Or perhaps he wasn't. Because what Eraqus saw was not Jacques' capacity for emotion, but his plans to better Atlas, to transform its economy and livelihood. He was taken in by the idea of Atlas growing and flourishing beneath Jacques' shrewd business sense, and so he told me once and for all that I must be sure to do what was best for my kingdom and unite the families that would put the correct person into power. I always wonder…if he knew Jacques today, would he still say the same? Sometimes I'm afraid he would, because even though Mantle suffers, Atlas itself is everything Eraqus hoped it would become.

"But I was a fool and argued for Ghira. It seemed that when my decision was made for me, I knew what the truth was. And Eraqus told me in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't mistake good friendship for love. For years afterward, I believed that was what I had done. It was only after new things came to light about our society that I…well, I know it was possible to be love, now. And I'm certain that's what it was.

"So I accepted Jacques' proposal. And I entered my personal hell, the one I can't leave to this day. It was my name, my company, my fortune, and now Jacques owns it all, the same way he owns me. I'm his trophy, his banner of victory. In one fell swoop, he undid everything Ghira and I worked for together. And, in doing so, elevated Atlas. No one who wasn't a Faunus cared about whether or not the Faunus were suffering to build our legacy. As for Ghira…he…he went on to marry someone else."

She reached beneath her collar. Withdrew a brass oval-shaped locket, worn by time. "My greatest secret," she said in a hushed tone. "He must never know of this."

"He never shall," Yen Sid vowed.

Willow popped the locket open, revealing a portrait of two. A tall, bulky man with scruffy dark facial hair. A much shorter woman, hair cropped to her chin, sporting a pair of feline ears.

"He and Kali are happy together, from what I hear," Willow said softly. "It was my error, the mistake I can never undo. I want to blame Eraqus. But in the end, the choice was mine. No matter his anger."

"He was angry with you for wishing to choose Ghira?" Yen Sid pressed.

And Willow turned away. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Ms. Schnee," Mickey insisted, "we can't just leave ya here, knowin' what we know! We gotta get you out!"

"I agree," Yen Sid stated. "Your current situation brings you naught but grief. I fear you succumbing to depression, that old affliction they used to call 'heartsickness.' A prisoner in your own home…if you can find it in your heart to leave it, then we can show you a better place to call home."

"NO!" Willow snapped. "You can't. This is my kingdom, and if I leave it, then it's all in his hands, even more than it already is. I try, every day I try and wrest the tiniest damn speck of power, and sometimes, I even make a difference. I keep fighting for what Ghira and I fought for! There are small changes that have taken place because of my hand! And Whitley…I can't leave Whitley to him. I have to do what I can to save my son, and if either of my daughters should ever come back…"

"We can help ya figure all that out," Mickey insisted. "We'll work it out together! We can save all Atlas! An' we'll take Whitley along, too! But ya gotta – "

"I REFUSE TO LEAVE," Willow seethed, reaching back to grab the nearest thing she could use as a weapon, which ended up being a heavy book. Improbable as it was, she held the tome with a definitive warrior's stance. Yen Sid recognized the foot positioning; she was Eraqus' student, all right.

"Then…we cannot force you." Yen Sid shut his eyes, praying he was making the right decision to every god he knew of. "But we will leave you with a means to contact us. Should you change your mind. And I do hope you change your mind."

"Can't we – " Mickey attempted.

"If we rip her away by force," Yen Sid told him, "we put ourselves at Jacques' level. We vilify our own selves. And given the determination in her heart, it would only be a temporary solution before she fights her way back here, as she planned."

"I will die before you kidnap me," Willow seethed. "You think there haven't been hundreds before you who wanted to ransom me?"

"Then…I guess this is goodbye," Mickey said solemnly.

"You got what you came for," Willow told them both. "You know what this FRIEND of yours did to me. You can see it! Now take your leave!"

And Mickey and Yen Sid had no choice but to obey.

On the way out through the grounds, Yen Sid voiced what they were both thinking: "It was his advice – or perhaps his demand – that led her to this path of nightfall. What irony, that he was attempting to guide her toward the light."

"Yeah, but somethin' don't add up," Mickey realized. "The Eraqus you told me about, well, he'd get angry over Darkness, but Ghira didn't seem like that kind of taboo. Why would Eraqus get so worked up over Willow confusin' 'friendship' for love? Wouldn't he just tell her that love was risky? An' she said Jacques was the kinda masculine man Ghira wasn't, but that didn't add up if that picture said anything."

"There are some things I do not think we can understand without the proper context," Yen Sid told Mickey. "I do not believe we will get our answers here. Let us proceed to check in on Kairi's progress."

There was a very simple explanation for everything in Willow's story that didn't make sense: she'd lied. Not about everything, of course. The story itself was true. There was just a name changed to protect Willow, because after all this time, she knew if anyone understood the real heart of the matter, her reputation would be ruined in a way she could never come back from. She would become a pariah, even more so than the wife and accomplice of Jacques Schnee could ever be.

She pried open the locket once more. Smiling wistfully as she looked upon the face of her one true love. And that lover's husband, Ghira Belladonna.

...

Blue skies faded to gray above the Van Eltia, and Harley, Giovanni, Emerald, Garfield, Flint, and Electro knew they had to finish up their game of Go Fish (but with gambling, except the antes were made up of worthless trinkets so no one walked away with a crippling addiction) before it began to rain. Spinel, however, was entranced by the blurring of sky and sea in the miasma, and leaned over the ship railing to fixate on the horizon.

She became aware of a presence settling in to her left. "It's so…sad," Spinel explained. "I don't want to look away. Because…it reminds me…" She blinked. Water from her eyes. "I am sad. After all this time and all this hatred, I'm sad."

"I get that." The voice revealed it was Yang. "'Cause this Pink Diamond lady just up and left you without explanation, right?"

"She did," Spinel said softly. "She was my best – she was my ONLY friend. I loved her so much. She was everything to me…and then she…she told me just to stand still…and she went away to fight a war and die without me. I hated her so much when I found out…why am I still sad?"

"Because that shit hurts," Yang confirmed. "Especially when you really felt like that person was special."

Another presence to Spinel's right. "We're talking about abandonment again, aren't we?" Eizen asked.

"Yup," Yang confirmed. "I should probably deck you one for being part of the problem."

"It hurts to be the one who runs, you know," Eizen sighed. "There are some cases in which it's unforgivable. And for all I know, maybe that's my case, too. But I didn't see what other way there was. How could she be safe with me around, or even worse, here on the Van Eltia in constant peril?"

"The worst part is knowing that's how Pink Diamond must've felt," Spinel sighed. "She was afraid I'd get shattered because I was naïve and silly and…and something she wanted to protect. I think I would have, before I learned how to truly hate. Losing her is what made me able to win a war. If I were in her shoes, I would've left me behind, too. So why am I still so sad?"

She sighed, looking up to the gray sky. "Happily waiting," she sang, "all on my own, under the endless sky."

"Counting the seconds," Yang picked up, "in your bed alone, as your best years go by."

"Sailing on, wondering," Eizen added, "night after night: was this the best choice? Am I doing this right?"

"Happy to listen," Spinel sighed.

"Just wished she'd stay," Yang added.

"I was too happy to drift…away," Eizen concluded.

"You guys should start a band!" This from Harley, who leaned in beside Yang. "Though my therapist sense was goin' off. That was the distress cry of the psychologically indisposed."

"I guess you could say I've had a breakthrough." Spinel's finger traced loopy designs on the ship's hull. "What Pink Diamond did to me…she did because she had to. But I'm still sad."

"That's natural," Harley told her. "Just 'cause it was right…an' I ain't so sure it was…don't make it somethin' ya gotta be happy about."

"I sure learned that firsthand," Yang grumbled.

"Huh?" Harley tilted her head. "You got left behind by somebody?"

"You could say that," Yang grumbled. "I dunno, let's just change the subject back to Eizen. Who I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna deck after all, even though hearing his side just makes me angrier."

"You think I should've stayed," Eizen hypothesized.

"I never said that," Yang replied. "It's thinking about how you and Pink Diamond both felt like it was best to leave and had really good reasons for that. That's what makes me angry."

"Therapist sense is REALLY tinglin'," Harley told Yang. "C'mon, you can tell me! I promise client confidentiality. An' I really just wanna make ya smile again, but I can't do that if ya don't address the issue!"

Yang cracked a small grin at that one. "The confidentiality won't be necessary. It's not like it's gonna mean anything to anyone here. Maybe Emerald, but she was never that deep into recording Team RWBY's every interaction." The slight smile faded into a heavy frown. "In the fight where I lost my arm, I also lost one of my best friends. Maybe my best friend of them all. Her name was Blake. We were on the same team together, with Ruby and Weiss, and we had a lot of things in common. Not exactly shared trauma, but she had her trauma, I had mine, and, well, I felt understood. So I wanted to help her out. Maybe bring her out of the darkness and into the light. Maybe…save her."

"Ya can't save people," Harley said quickly. "Once or twice, I thought I could. Didn't end well."

"I get that now," Yang sighed. "But after all I did, and she repaid me by - !" Her fist slammed the railing.

"Careful," Eizen admonished.

Yang let out a grunt. "The guy who took my arm was her ex. And that fight REALLY fucked me up in ways you don't even know. I would see him everywhere, even just looking out my window at the woods. But he wasn't there, just in my imagination. I could be doing something like washing the dishes in the kitchen and all of a sudden I'd REMEMBER and I'd go through it all over again, except now I'd be scared of what he was gonna take off my body next, and it took me so long to figure out I was in the damn kitchen of my damn house with my damn dad who was trying to make me get better already!"

"Whoa," Harley said softly. "…I think you should kill him."

"Believe me, I'm GOING to," Yang vowed. "You can bet on that. Though first, I gotta get the guts to actually look at him without turning into jelly, and that's gonna be a decades-long process at least. Anyway, the important part is that after I woke up, I learned that Blake had just…fucking run away. No one had seen or heard from her since that fight. All I wanted was to talk to her about what happened, to make sure she was okay, to tell her it wasn't her fault, and okay, I'll admit it, I was selfish and I wanted her to sit with me while I healed my own self! Was that TOO much to ask? When I learned she'd just left me all alone without so much as a goodbye, I felt like she'd just gone and ripped my heart out to match her boyfriend taking my arm. Weiss being reined in by her family was one thing, and Ruby not being able to GET IT was fine, but it took until Ruby left and it was NOTHING like Blake for me to realize why it fucked me up so much. I LIKED her, gods damn it! I felt alive with her, and when we danced at school, when I finally got her to dress up and show up, I thought maybe we could be something bigger than what we already were! She was BEAUTIFUL! She was smarter than I'll ever be! I had a huge damn crush on her, and she took that and RAN AWAY WITH IT!"

"Well, FORGET HER!" Harley declared loudly. "She obviously didn't care about ya! Not if she cut an' ran like that when ya needed her most!"

"That's what I thought," Yang sighed. "She made her choice, and her choice wasn't me. Except…those two." She nodded her head toward Spinel and Eizen. "THOSE two keep making me have to face the actual facts, which is that Blake ran away so Adam would follow her and move away from me so I'd never have to worry about him again. She did it to protect me! And you'd think that would fix everything, but I think the reason I've been avoiding that for so long is because IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY MAKE ME FEEL BETTER! So what kind of person does that make me, huh? I just wanted her." Now Yang was fully aware of her own misting eyes. "She did something to prove she loved me. And I fucking hate it."

"I don't think that's love," Harley spat. "I think that's bein' a coward."

"Harley, no offense," Yang said, "but you aren't exactly unbiased here. You really think she was unfair to me? Or do you just wanna push me closer to you?"

"WHA – "

"I don't mind," Yang clarified quickly. "Blake…I think eventually, I might be able to forgive her. Once the feelings die out. That's what's making this a huge mess. Because Ruby also left to try and make things better, and I just thought…good for her. If I didn't like Blake, I'd just be able to see what she did for what it was. And not to make you my rebound girl, but the fact that you're actually here and around and paying attention to me when she's not is really helping me rethink my priorities."

"But ya do like me for me, right?" Harley asked.

"Yeah," Yang told her. "The one thing Blake didn't do was smile very often. You reminded me that I need somebody who smiles. Because I'm not able to smile for two anymore."

"Y'know I prob'ly ain't never gonna like this Blake gal," Harley muttered.

"I'm not asking you to," Yang told her. "I think I do want to be her friend again, if we can ever meet in a way that it's not dangerous anymore. And I want you to respect that at least. But YOU don't have to be her friend. Just don't sabotage us."

"I would NEVER!" Harley gasped.

"I think you've figured out something very mature," Eizen congratulated.

"Heyyyy!" Harley whined. "How did YOU TWO manage to do somethin' I couldn't without the degree I got?"

"Well," Spinel reminded her, "I will remind you Eizen is a thousand years old, and I'm at least ten thousand. I've lost count of how old I even am. Which means my birthday parties had better be spectacular, whenever it is I remember my birthday."

"If ya end up likin' her, then fine," Harley relented. "Blake, I mean. I'll zip the lip. But can't ya at least give me a chance before ya make a call?"

"I've been thinking about that," Yang admitted. "Our road trip through Northgand reminded me I'm not as much of a hero as my friends on Team RWBY ever were. Or maybe that's just you corrupting me. But I'm starting to think maybe we could work. I'm ready to give us a chance, being an 'us.' What about you?"

And Yang put up her hand, edging it toward Harley.

Harley, seeing the cue, took that hand in her own. "I'd love ta go steady with ya," she said, butterflies rising up through her upper body.

Yang felt quite good, herself. "And if anybody ever abandons you," she said, "I'll sock 'em so hard, their skull cracks."

"Eh, well, he's already dead," Harley muttered. "An' I WISH the second one a' him would leave me alone."

"Wait. What?"

"Story I don't feel like tellin' right now," Harley mumbled.

"Hey, no fair!" Yang gasped. "I told you about Blake and the trauma Adam gave me. And you're not gonna pay it back?"

She winked, letting Harley know she was playing.

"Nuh-uh!" Harley shook her head. "You ain't gonna make me sing!"

"Then I'll just have to take your hat!" Yang quickly slipped her hand out of Harley's, reaching back to pull away her jester's cap.

"HEYYYY!" Harley reached up to cover her exposed hair.

"So you're a blonde, too!" Yang chuckled. "Guess that makes us two crazy blondes. Not gonna save you from the noogie machine, though." And she ground her knuckles into Harley's scalp, making Harley yelp with glee.

"REVENGE!" Harley screeched, her own hands darting out to Yang's sides. "TICKLE TORTURE!"

"HARLEY, NO!" Yang gasped through her laughter. "HOW'D YOU FIND MY TICKLE SPOTS SO FAST?"

"Sixth sense for ticklin'!"

"Come on." Eizen tapped Spinel on the shoulder. "We should leave them alone for a bit. They're obviously having a moment."

"You know," Spinel said as she turned away to follow him, "for what it's worth, I think what you did to your sister was terrible. But at least you didn't go and die. You can still turn it around if you want."

"Give me a way to do it without sealing her doom and I'll think about it," Eizen stated.

"Hmm, now that's a thinker!" Spinel tapped her forehead.

"But it wasn't fair of Pink to die on you," Eizen admitted. "At least I make the effort to write to Edna when I can. You were told to stay still and wait for someone who never returned. If she saw you as a sister, she was a horrible sibling. You're better off moving on. That said, I always feel like when someone passes on, it's better to remember the good of them than to lament the loss. Pink is fair game for that now."

"We did have some good times," Spinel admitted.

Yang had gotten Harley into a one-armed headlock, which Harley broke by poking Yang in the underarm, and they laughed all the way until suddenly, they found themselves locked in a deep kiss that neither had seen coming. And it felt good. Exciting, bubbly, comfortable. Dramatic, as though they'd sealed their lips together beneath a torrent of rain.

Oh, wait. There actually was rain, now. They knew that because Giovanni was screaming about the sudden deluge and Flint was trying to save the cards while Electro zoomed belowdecks.

Lips parted from one another. Yang gave Harley a soft, smitten smile. "Your face is washing off," she pointed out.

"Yeah." Harley removed her mask, reaching up to wipe away the white foundation that coated her skin. Patchy as it had become, with everything that had happened.

"You look good without all that," Yang told her. "I mean, you look damn good with it, too. But you're really, REALLY pretty."

"Uggghhh," Harley whined, "why'd'ya gotta be all smooth when I'm here goin' 'hair eyes nose face gaga gorgeous'?"

"I mean, I heard the word 'gorgeous' in there," Yang giggled, "so I'll take it."

From high above, Benwick yelled out, "LAND HO!"

"LAND!" Atakk echoed, bounding up and down on the deck. "LAND, LAND, LAND!"

"RENEED OFF PORT!" Aifread yelled out.

The ship docked at what seemed to be far too small of a port to actually be a thriving civilization. "Whaaat," Harley sighed, "this is it? Ain't much of a town…"

"The town itself is across the channel," Eizen explained. "You can take the bridge to it if you want to explore. Get comfortable if you want. We're making another extended stay."

"And this time you're not gonna leave without us, right?" Yang teased.

"We'll see," Eizen said in the tone that confirmed he absolutely was going to stall the Van Eltia until all were onboard.

"Well, then, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?" Giovanni crowed.

"Did you just teleport here?" Yang asked him.

"I can, in fact, teleport," Giovanni replied with all the confidence of a person who has deluded even himself. "But what drew me here was the mention of a new town to WREAK VILLAINOUS HAVOC UPON!"

"Though you were takin' cover from the rain," Harley observed.

"NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR DARK OF NIGHT SHALL STOP EVIL FROM FLOURISHING!" Giovanni cackled. "And also, sitting on that ship while knowing you two were gonna be out here actually having fun and looking for more new guys was gonna be boooo-ring."

"Then let's go to town!" Harley suggested. "After all, it just ain't a date without an awkward third wheel tryin'a tag along!"

"Too bad I'm not awkward," Giovanni replied. "Therefore, your date shall remain superficial."

"I can't tell if he's making fun of himself or not," Yang admitted.

"I don't think anybody can at this point," Harley sighed.

They crossed the port, finding the long bridge that connected it to a walled town across a churning channel. "Is it gonna be this gray all the fuckin' time?" Giovanni groaned. "It's still better than just waiting on the boat, but I'm gonna get so sick of thiiiiiis."

"I mean, first stop should be the inn," Harley pointed out. "I got a theory, see? Back up in Northgand, I took a nap an' I got visions of where everyone was that needed to be saved! So if we check in for another nap, I might get more about who's here in – in – "

"Westgand," Yang supplied.

"Yeah, that!" Harley chirped.

"Yeah, you do that," Giovanni told her. "I'm gonna drop you off and then see what in town I can loot."

"Loot away!" Harley encouraged him.

They hustled through the gate in the wooden wall, entering the town proper of Reneed. It was a wet, marshy place, the homes and businesses huddled close together within the enclosure. And yet it had a certain charm to it.

"Let's ask around and find the way to the inn," Yang suggested.

In that very inn were already a couple of persons of interest. The innkeeper's son, a twelve-year-old named Videl, sat cross-legged on the floor, playing a round of Character Cards with his new friends. It was a doubles match; his partner was Hidetoshi, the town's undisputed Character Cards champion. But the team they played opposite was made up of a pair of strange children they'd never seen before. The girl, who looked to be Videl and Hidetoshi's age, had enormous dark, curly hair studded with colorful stars, and her tunic seemed to be cut to resemble a bear's fluffy hide. The boy, who was older even if he didn't look it, wore mostly soft greens, his face framed by a mop of pink curls and a pair of thick glasses.

"Can I play this card?" Molly Blyndeff asked, matching a pair of cards with brown backgrounds.

"Ah, a well-thought-out move!" Hidetoshi declared. "Videl! Counter her! By my count, she's a card away from a Renegade hand!"

"I'm taking this away from you!" Videl cried, laying down a card to stymie Sylvie from completing the coveted Renegade.

It was here that Sylvie knew he had to think this one through carefully. If he'd understood the rules of the game correctly, he had in his hand a possibility to either take a quick low-scoring set that would put himself and Molly in the lead or bait out a card from the draw pile to make a higher-scoring hand, assuming that card was in fact in the draw pile. But if it was in Hidetoshi's hand, then he would definitely end up the loser. Now, Hidetoshi had given several tells as to having favorable cards, but the fact that he hadn't played any of them yet hinted he was waiting for Sylvie's card to be revealed before he snapped it up by making a pair. But that also might have been what Hidetoshi wanted him to think, because from what he heard, the child was a brilliant strategist at cards, so the tells could have been intentional. Sylvie thought over the symbols he'd seen go through the game. There was about a thirty percent chance the draw pile had the gold star he was looking for. But a one hundred percent chance he could put together the lower-scoring hand and call the round. With one hand to go, however, the shuffle would completely reset the odds, and if he had anything in his favor of driving his score up right now, he should take it, star takes star, or maybe (a sixty percent chance) the other two dark green cards would finally show, green takes green and then green takes green again, and that actually depended on if Molly had the cards Sylvie was wondering about right now, in which case she could take the gold stars, or he could pass, she could play one, he could pick it up with his own, star takes star again, knight takes pawn, pawn takes queen, sheep takes beef, beef takes sheep, sheep sheep beef sheep beef beef sheep beef sheep sheep beef –

Videl, Hidetoshi, and Molly watched him zone out for a good five minutes. "Is he okay?" Videl ventured.

"He gets like this sometimes when he's thinking really hard," Molly explained. "You usually don't have to splash him with ice water unless it goes up to twenty minutes."

The door to the inn kicked open. "And AS I WAS SAYING EARLIER," a familiar brash voice broke in, "Giovanni Potage does not NEED to ask for directions! As you can see, his, which is my because I'm Giovanni, innate sense of direction brought us right here to this very inn of destiny!"

"Um, no," Yang reminded him. "The shopkeeper on the corner pointed us here."

"Let's just hope the rain lets up by the time I'm done nappin'," Harley sighed.

"Ugh, you're right," Giovanni growled. "Y'know, I wasn't even tired, and I was so looking forward to honing my pickpocketing skills, but all this rain is just making me feel blah, so maybe I will just check in and – "

The gasp alerted him. He looked at Molly. Molly gaped back at him. Then, all at once:

"BOSS!"

"BEAR TRAP!"

They ran to each other, Molly once again leaping up into Giovanni's arms. He spun her about, his boots tracking right through the cards on the floor and mixing them all up.

"HEYYYY!" Sylvie whined. "YOU GOT SHEEP IN THE BEEF!"

Giovanni gave him an awkward stare before Molly advised him, "Don't ask."

He set her down. "You made it out of that dream vortex okay!" Giovanni said, voice breaking. "You're the first of my boys I've found!"

"Things got really weird after that…stuff happened," Molly explained. "Luckily, there were some nice kids here who showed us around town, and we've just been exploring when the sun's out and playing cards when it rains."

"Not liking the implication that it rains here a LOT," Giovanni admitted.

"But you're saying you didn't find any of the others yet?" Molly urged. "Not Car Crash? Not Spike?"

"No," Giovanni said solemnly, a hand over his heart. "But I swear, on the very flaming core of this planet, I WILL find them, and we as a criminal family WILL all be reunited!"

"I believe in you," Molly told him.

Sylvie cleared his throat, and Giovanni tossed him a "Yeah, yeah, glad you're here too. Now go back to concentrating on your sheep and beefs."

"Beeves," Sylvie corrected.

"Say what?" Giovanni flinched.

"The plural of 'beef' is 'beeves,'" Sylvie told him.

"Wha – you just made that up!" Giovanni shook a fist in the air. "You take that back RIGHT NOW!"

"I SO DID NOT MAKE THAT UP, AND YOU JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE REALITY OF BEEVES!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF – STOPSAYINGBEEVES!"

"WHY? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT? BEEVES. BEEVES! BEEVES BEEVES BEEVES – "

As Giovanni covered his ears and staggered, Yang chuckled, "Yup. Back to normal with those three."

"I'm just glad he found the kids," Harley sighed. "They mean the world to him. Even if with Sylvie, it's just for yellin' at about stuff."

"Hey, I recognize that kind of fight from when Ruby and I were littler," Yang pointed out. "Wait. He's older than me, right?"

"Physically, yeah."

"Do you wanna play cards with us?" Molly asked Giovanni. "It's kind of a hard game to figure out, but once you get a roll going, it starts to make more sense. Also, you can get a long way by just putting down cards with the same background and hoping for the best."

"As a seasoned criminal, I am well-versed in all card games!" Giovanni boasted. "Though always willing to add something more exotic to my repertoire."

"I'm gonna sit out," Sylvie sighed. "I'm just not gonna be over SOMEBODY stomping all over my cards while I was calculating the perfect strategy. Also, I've been wanting to read some of these books – " He nodded around the lobby. "But since you all made me be an extrovert for the sake of having a fourth card player, I didn't bring it up."

"I'm tagging in," Giovanni decided, and he and Sylvie switched places, with Giovanni sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"You'll be my partner!" Molly said happily.

"You think you can challenge Hidetoshi?" Hidetoshi boasted. "I think Videl and I shall teach you the lesson of hubris!"

"Yeah!" Videl chirped. "Wait. What's hubris?"

"Excessive pride, like what made Icarus fly too close to the sun," Molly explained.

"Who's Icarus?" Videl asked.

"Hooooooo boy," Molly groaned.

Yang nudged Harley's shoulder; "C'mon. Let's go get that nap in."

"You're comin'?" Harley asked.

"Let's still keep it chaste," Yang suggested. "But I wouldn't mind some cuddles under a nice soft blanket."

Harley grasped Yang's wrist, pulling her along toward the reception desk.

...

The final trek through the rainforest to the Lost City of Numeria involved Calindor leading the group with a map written in bird language, showing them the route past civilization outposts with such charming names as "Gunkle," "Yuck City," and "Badtown." None of which Mozenrath had any desire to stop at and check out, no matter how much his cohorts bothered him about the walk being boring.

"I don't care what Zevon learned about the little things back in Beach City," Mozenrath mocked. "I'm the one in charge now, and I say we DON'T STOP. It's a straight line or nothing."

Except Wuya wasn't so sure they were going in a straight line, because she'd been keeping tabs on the horizon. She saw no reason they needed to angle around Mount Zog as many times as they had, and its peak was a handy marker against which to compare the sun. At least once, she was pretty sure, they'd just gone around in a big circle. Calindor also seemed to be keeping an eye on the sun, as though making sure he wasted only just enough time.

He was in a good mood when they reached the gates of the Lost City just after the last vestiges of sunlight had vanished from the skies. The stone walls were given a single door: an enormous golden set of gates, carved with symbols the meaning of which was long lost. Only one keyhole adorned the doorway, and it didn't look quite like a traditional keyhole – there seemed to be a space for teeth both above and below the slot for the shaft.

"I see how this works," Mozenrath said smugly. "Allow me."

"Oh, how I long to finally cross this threshold," Calindor sighed.

Wuya kept a hand behind her back, a live green flame flickering in the curled palm.

Mozenrath levitated both keys into the air, turning them back-to-back. The door's own magical field took over from there, overriding his spell and hoisting the keys up high to where it could fuse them into a single golden key with a perfectly rounded handle and teeth pointing both directions.

"Really, could've had a lot more flash to it," Mysterio remarked idly. "You'd think they'd've realized that after so many centuries."

"I will remind you they spent most of those centuries dead and unable to refine key-forging techniques," Yzma said dryly.

"Whatever!" Gill rolled his eyes. "Let's just get in there and get the stuff we came for!"

Mozenrath took back over the key's control, surrounding it in blue and inserting it into the massive keyhole. With a turn, the key smoothly clicked open the lock, and the gates parted, revealing the city.

It was a marvel of stone, succumbing to the creeping vines that had grown over the buildings over the millennia. The primary architectural style was the steppe pyramid; prominent entry halls carved with decorative eyes extended from each. Just beyond the gate was a fair amount of open space, perhaps to use as an agora of sorts.

"FINALLY!" Calindor proclaimed as he sauntered inside, spreading out both arms. "You did just as I hoped and led me right to both keys! Now the treasures of the Lost City are mine, all mine!"

"You said that strangely like someone who is betraitoring us," Zevon mused.

"Oh, a funny thing about that," Calindor said with a smirk.

"Whoa, now." Shocker put up both hands. "We ain't lookin' for a fight. Tell ya the truth, we ain't even interested in most a' these treasures."

"I figured that," Calindor continued. "After all, how could even the marvels of the ancient city of Numeria compare to the power of the Corona Aurora, which will soon be in my grasp?"

"WHA – " Yzma sputtered.

"YOU," Mozenrath seethed. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?"

"Since the beginning," Calindor said with a pearly grin. "In fact, I've come representing Maleficent and her Overtakers."

"You don't seem like an Overtaker," Wuya remarked. "Generally, they're a lot more flamboyant than this."

"Oh, that's right!" Calindor laughed. "Allow me to slip into something more GLAMOROUS!"

He crossed his arms, then spread them out in a radiant shimmer of golden light. His body was enveloped, and suddenly, the golden-haired human guise that had led the others all the way to the lost city was replaced with something far more intimidating: a mummy with shriveled gray skin, wrapped in layer upon layer of silver bindings and sporting regal robes studded with enormous glowing gems in red, green, and yellow. Within his hand, he spun a silver folding fan, brandishing it as a weapon.

"Ahhhhh, it's so good to be able to be my true self!" Calindor – or the one they'd thought was Calindor – sighed. "Fitting with the occasion, you may now refer to me as 'Imperious!'"

"That's definitely more the Overtaker package," Mozenrath stated. "Ego and all."

Wuya took that opportunity to pitch her strongest magic toward Imperious like a fastball. The folding fan twirled, then batted the magic off to the side on its flat, making an entire steppe pyramid explode and crumble into rubble. "Ah-ah-ah!" Imperious scolded. "We mustn't be naughty! Besides, your magic pales in comparison to mine! A Heylin Witch can't compete with the majesty that is me!"

"You are getting DANGEROUSLY close to copyright infringement," Mysterio threatened.

Wuya wasn't done with the assault, loading up two more spheres of crackling flame.

"You can't say I didn't warn you!" Imperious chortled. "Well, this was about to happen anyway, but – "

And Wuya exploded.

Not quite literally. But in less than the blink of an eye, her entire back had been torn away, a spray of blood raining down on all of her compatriots in a morbid shower. What was left of her toppled forward, sprawling out dead on the stones, blood seeping into the cracks.

"WUYAAAAAAAA!" Yzma cried, loud as her voice could get, her heart catching in her throat as she backpedaled to avoid stepping in the pooling red.

"WHA – HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?" Mozenrath yelled. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN CAST ANYTHING!"

"I'm sure Mysterio can explain it to you," Imperious taunted. "After all, what's the premise behind any good stage magic trick?"

"I'm an ACTOR, not a MAGICIAN!" Mysterio spat. "All the same, everyone knows it's that a skilled magician diverts the attention of the audience so you aren't paying attention to how the trick is being done on the sidelines!" Then he gasped; "WAIT – "

And he was the next victim, his body ripped in half, his flesh shredding over the stones.

"BECK!" Shocker cried in horror. "Why you – YOU – "

"YOU'RE FINIIIIIIISHED!" Yzma screamed, hammer swinging. Shocker ran alongside her, gauntlets blasting.

"Oh, spare me," Imperious mocked, fanning his face.

And one by one, first Yzma, then Shocker also erupted into bloody, pulpy messes. Then, before he could manage to get out an entire mispronounced expression of horror, Zevon was gone as well, liberated of all his limbs. Finally, Gill's head rolled across the stones, detached from the body, which fell over lifelessly into an unnatural spread-eagle.

In this span of time, Mozenrath realized he could see, ever so faintly, how the trick was being done. Imperious wasn't doing anything at all – unless you counted being so flashy that everyone's focus was on him. No, there was an accomplice – two accomplices – darting across the agora at superhuman speed, ripping Mozenrath's friends apart before his very eyes. He fought past the repeating images of their demises to think it through. There was definitely a creature who had that sort of speed and strength, but only one he could recall –

"YOU STALLED US UNTIL NIGHTFALL," Mozenrath seethed, gauntlet ablaze. "YOU NEEDED THEM TO BE ABLE TO WALK FREELY!"

And the accomplices skidded to a halt to either side of Imperious. Mozenrath had guessed correctly: vampires, judging by the fangs the shorter of the two was baring threateningly. That one was licking blood off his fingertips in a twistedly seductive manner, making bedroom eyes at Mozenrath. The other, who was taller and looked much physically younger, was practically panting like a puppy, eyes wide with joy.

"Just like I thought," the older vampire said in a pronounced drawl. "WHAM ARMY blood tastes like pure shit. Fish fella's more what I expect canned tuna to be like than anythin' high-end."

"Makes you really wonder what those ugly people were doin' hangin' around this pretty boy!" the taller said energetically.

"Mozenrath!" Imperious flicked his fan to either side. "I would like you to meet my associates: Russell Edgington and Steve Newlin!"

"I THINK WE'RE FAMILIAR ENOUGH," Mozenrath said before launching a burst of blue at the trinity of monsters.

Imperious intercepted it, flicking it aside and punching a hole in another nearby stone wall.

"You suuuuuure we can't kill that one?" Steve wheedled. "He is the necromancer. We take him out, they ain't got no more second comings."

"You dolt!" Imperious snapped. "Maleficent specifically ordered us to deliver him to her along with the gem so SHE may take her revenge personally! Though I must thank you for reminding me to contain him before he can revive any of the other half-wits!"

The fan spun. Mozenrath put up both hands to shield against an immense breeze that almost knocked him backward. A great sphere of energy, the same color and translucency as a sunglass lens, forged around him.

"I wouldn't fire any wild bolts of magic in there if I were you," Imperious cackled. "Or maybe I would! It would be SO entertaining to watch!"

"You…YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" Mozenrath rushed to the sphere's edge, pounding on it with a blue-lit fist. Imperious' claim was no set of empty words. Nothing Mozenrath could do was able to even mark the sphere. He was utterly trapped.

"Ugh, don't you ever shut up?" Steve whined.

"Just as well we didn't get to kill 'im," Russell consoled. "Prob'ly tasted like ass."

"Like your ass or in a bad way?" Steve asked.

"UGH!" Imperious turned on a heel. "My ONE stipulation of coming along with you two numbskulls was that you spared me the gutter talk!"

"Sun's not out," Russell reminded him, turning to keep pace. "Means you ain't in charge no more. That honor belongs to me. After all, I was Maleficent's golden champion of the Underdrome. You weren't anywhere near."

"Aww, we'll still let you strut around and do all the cool poses!" Steve mocked. "Maybe we'll even let you hold the gem for a couple seconds!"

"And YOU!" Russell spun, pointing at Mozenrath. "We'll be back to haul off your ass. You take this time to sit there and think about what you did to all your ugly li'l friends. Every last one of 'em you brought here, vampire chow. Makes ya wish we hadn't spared ya, don't it?"

"SCOUR THE CITY!" Imperious demanded. "EVERY HALL, EVERY PYRAMID, EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY!"

The mummy and the two vampires split up to seek out the gem of the Corona Aurora, leaving Mozenrath in an unbreakable magical prison with no company except the views of his friends' mangled corpses. He battered the sphere's walls for a while, vainly hoping, but eventually realized his final fate was to become a ward of Maleficent until his dying day, which was impending much sooner than previously believed. And he hadn't been quick enough on the draw to stop any of this. Or smart enough to realize what Wuya had already figured out.

He dropped to his knees, hiding his face, and collapsed into despondency.

...

It was raining when Qrow Branwen stepped into the ramen shop in the heart of Mistral. He pulled the sliding door shut behind him, trudging toward the counter, where the head chef was sharpening a knife on a wood block.

"I'm looking for Shiro Wan," he stated.

"Who's askin'?" the chef grunted.

The door slid open once more, and Qrow turned to see who was filing in. Three strangers: a woman in white, a woman with purple hair, and an androgynous figure with their head shrouded completely by a hood. Qrow gave the trio a wink and a click of his tongue, then turned back to continue grilling the chef (so to speak) about Shiro Wan.

"Hooooo-lyyyyyy shit," Roman hissed, practically giggling as he, Mim, and Vexen seated themselves around a table behind Qrow. "Never thought I'd pass the Qrow Branwen test. Then again, he has been known to hit on anything in a skirt, but this is irony at its finest. More importantly, however, he thinks Iceman's a girl."

"Or he's just bisexual," Vexen huffed.

"We'd know if legendary womanizer Qrow Branwen was into dudes!" Roman hissed.

(They did not, in fact, know that he was.)

They were interrupted by the chef yelling at Qrow, "IF YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM NOT TO COME BACK WITHOUT THE LIEN HE OWES ME!" The man reared back with a knife, and Qrow was quick to dodge.

The blade hurtled right past where Qrow had been, nicking Roman's sleeve and shredding off a couple locks from Mim before embedding itself into the wall. Vexen flinched and gave a startled cry.

"Well, that was bad luck and a half," Roman muttered, tugging at the sleeve that was now refusing to stay in place. "Guess we're going for more of a guns-out look today."

Mim smacked his forearm; "HE'S GETTING AWAY!"

Qrow had run from the chef's anger, which signaled to the trio that it was time to get moving.

They tailed him around town, always a few steps behind, blending into the background as best as any WHAM ARMY member ever could. They watched him ask about Huntsman after Huntsman, only to be denied on each request and grow more frustrated with each negative answer.

For instance, when he asked at the weapons stall and was told the subject of his questioning hadn't been seen in weeks, he leaned back and gave an audible groan to the heavens. Roman, Vexen, and Mim, who were pretending to browse a couple of stalls over, turned at the noise, watching the spectacle.

That was when Vexen's sleeve caught the end of one of the katanas on the display, and they only had precious few moments to observe Qrow's meltdown before they had to deal with the fact that there were swords falling on them.

A few bandages later, they watched Qrow ask a battered homeless man about a name, then collapse in a growl of rage when he was again denied. Around the corner, they stacked in height order – Vexen, Roman, and the enchanted Mim, who was still the shortest even with augmented height.

"I think we can all deduce what is happening," Vexen stated. "These bounty hunters that Qrow Branwen has attempted to recruit. Leo Lionheart had them all removed from play much earlier in the game."

"So the Overtakers did ONE thing that benefits us by complete accident," Mim deduced.

"Yeah, up until the point where he figures that out, blames Leo, and blows OUR cover," Roman grumbled.

"Oh, that wouldn't be good," Mim realized.

"You think?" Vexen hissed.

A young man in a foul mood passed by, and Mim instinctively put out a long and slender leg to trip him. Once he hit the pavement and Mim started giggling, he leapt up, squaring his fists; "YOU WANNA GO, LADY? YOU WANNA GO? ALL THREE OF YOU?"

"We're not looking for a fight, punk," Roman said dryly – remembering to adjust his voice according to his current disguise, of course. He'd been trained well in that regard.

"YOU WANNA GO? THEN LET'S GO!" the youth cried, throwing a punch that decked Roman right in the face.

"You know, I'm getting real sick of this rotten luck," Roman muttered as he led Vexen and Mim down a back alley while pressing a chunk of Vexen-conjured ice to his eye.

"Luck?" Vexen spat. "That was MIM deciding to make a scene!"

"No, it was bad luck," Mim explained. "Everyone knows when someone walks past and gives me an opening, I HAVE to trip him. The fact that someone belligerent happened to pass at that very moment…"

"No shit, that's how it works," Roman told Vexen.

Vexen had no more to say to that.

They caught up with Qrow in a run-down neighborhood in the lower reaches of the basin. The houses here had their windows boarded over and were set fairly far apart.

"Staying out of sight here will be no mean feat," Vexen muttered as he, Roman, and Mim darted from shadow to shadow. "Remaining concealed will mean keeping such a distance that we cannot make heads or tails of what is happening."

"Rats!" Mim huffed. "More bad luck!"

"Noooooot necessarily." Roman nodded to a pile of crates stacked up beside the house nearest to the one Qrow was approaching.

They built a makeshift stairway and ascended, staking their vantage point atop that roof, crouching behind a spare crate they'd brought for cover. They watched Qrow ask about a Huntress named Heather Shields. They watched Heather's husband and small child reveal that she'd been missing from the household for quite some time.

"Ooooh, awkwaaard!" Roman jeered as Qrow walked away dejectedly.

"I should've videotaped that," Mim muttered. "I do so love to see when people accidentally rub salt in the wound on a loss."

"Think that was all of them?" Roman asked.

"We have no way of knowing if his list and Lionheart's overlapped completely," Vexen related. "Not unless we see this mission through. I suggest we – "

The planks that held the roof together beneath them gave way entirely, dumping them into the house in a shower of splinters. The home happened to belong to a couple that not only startled very easily but prided themselves on their cannon collection.

Mim, Roman, and Vexen left at top speed, gunfire on their heels.

The sun had come out; Qrow sat on a bench in the message-board square, cross-checking his scroll against the digital rosters of Huntsmen and Huntresses that Mistral employed.

"A quite simple guide to figure out if our suspicions are true," Vexen murmured. "I only wish I'd known about it earlier."

"Roman, you used to deal in this city's criminal underbelly, right?" Mim realized. "Why didn't you tell us there was a board we could check – "

"Shutupshutupshutup," hissed Roman, who had forgotten about said board until this very moment.

"One of us needs to get closer," Vexen suggested. "Enough to see the board and figure out how many are missing in action."

"I'll go," Mim suggested. "He'll be glad to see me again. And I do so love to tease the men."

She made no great show of walking up to the square, passing behind Qrow, eyes scanning over the boards. As suspected, every single Huntsperson in Mistral hadn't checked in for quite some time. She began to wonder if the teachers they'd been replacing were actually on leave after all, or if Leo had destroyed them as well.

This train of thought was interrupted when she tripped and fell face-first into the shallow pond behind Qrow.

"Whoa!" Qrow spun around on the bench, then stood, hurrying around to offer Mim a hand. "What's a gal like you doing – "

"DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU CRETIN!" Mim slapped his hand away and took off for the others' hiding spot.

"Do I…know her from somewhere?" Qrow scratched the back of his head.

"Okay, what is going on here?" Roman asked as Mim arrived soaking wet. "Why can't we go two minutes without eating shit?"

"You say that as though this isn't an ordinary occurrence for the WHAM ARMY," Vexen snorted.

Roman attempted to tell him off, but then sighed; "You have a point."

They made a rendez-vous back at the ramen shop, where they knew Qrow would return; Vexen had deduced that upon realizing Shiro was deceased, Qrow would want to pay off his debt. They beat him there, sitting down at a table further out of knife-reach and ordering dinner for the evening.

A waitress placed three steaming bowls in front of them as Qrow began to do exactly what they'd predicted. "Bon appetit," she said before leaving.

Vexen plucked a pair of chopsticks, using them to delicately lift a few noodles from his bowl. "Now we not only know what the situation is of the bounty hunters in Mistral," he remarked, "but also that Qrow Branwen suspects what became of them, too. Whether he realizes Lionheart's involvement remains to be seen." He placed the noodles into his mouth.

"Okay, so, important follow-up question," Roman asked. "Where does that get us? 'Cause as far as I see it – "

"MMH!" Vexen pressed a hand to his mouth, waving the other one in an attempt to divert his pain. "They BURN! Do NOT eat them yet!"

"More bad luck?" Roman sighed. "Seriously?"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Mim shrieked, and it was a good thing Qrow had already left and couldn't turn to see her or recognize her from the mission board square. "BAD LUCK! I'VE GOT IT!" Her face curled into a most malicious smirk; "Ohhh, I see where this gets us, all right! And you boys are going to be glad we went through all this pain after all!"

"Do enlighten us as to how," Vexen bade her, "and it had BETTER be good."

"Well, you see," Mim explained, "I've got this cousin, Lucky. Everywhere he goes, bad luck follows. It's just what makes him so special. Everyone around him is subjected to a horrible fate, or at least a mild annoyance."

"And this is related how?" Roman sighed.

"Don't you see it?" Mim urged. "Qrow has the same curse! Probably his Semblance somehow! HE'S been causing all this bad luck! It only ever happens when we're watching him directly, and it stops when he leaves!"

"Ohhhh, interesting!" Roman remarked. "Too bad we have no way to prove that's what's happening here."

"I can feel it in my bones!" Mim insisted. "That man's just a bad luck charm!"

"There must be a way to cancel a Semblance out," Vexen mused. "I wonder…"

"Oh, we don't need to do that," Mim replied. "I'll just use the simple little spell I employed whenever we all needed a break from Cousin Lucky's putrid aura. I'd whip him up a nice batch of rabbit's-foot stew, and his bad luck would be all but stifled! All we've got to do is make sure he's got a steady supply of it coming into his home, and before you know it, no more nasty old bad luck happening to any of his enemies!"

"So it seems our excursion was more productive than we initially thought," Vexen said smugly. "Only a matter of course, when I am directing the outcome."

"Literally NONE of that was you," Roman reminded him. "Mimsy figured that out on her own. You just sat there and ate ramen wrong."

Vexen slammed his fist on the table; "IF I HADN'T BEEN BURNED, SHE WOULD'VE NEVER FIGURED IT OUT!"

"You were also the one who knocked the swords off the counter, if you wanna take credit that way," Roman reminded him. "So I guess you contributed to the effort through the time-honored art of fucking up spectacularly."

"YOU KNOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE INCIDENTS WAS THE FAULT OF QROW!"

Mim leaned back, slurping her ramen gracelessly as Vexen and Roman kept bickering. She did so love dinner with a show.

...

A tower that stretched to the sky.

"Um…maybe find us please?"

An even larger structure, dominating the seas.

"Come and find us IF YOU DARE! A-HOO-HOO, A-HOOOOOO!"

Harley awoke with a start to find herself wrapped up in Yang's arm as the other blonde was curled up on the half of the bed beside her. She smiled at the sight and sensation of it. Maybe she was the luckiest woman in the world, right then and there. Yang really liked her, she really liked Yang, the two of them were getting along so well, the sparks were flying, Yang had even moved on from a powerful previous crush to be with Harley –

And something in her gut twisted. Something just wasn't right about all of this.

Was it jealousy? Harley thought it over. No, it wasn't jealousy, because if it were, then being able to slap that label on it would allow her to process what was going on, and still the mass of uncertainty boiled in her stomach. She wasn't mentally reviewing the thought of Yang abandoning her for this Blake person. It sounded like Blake had burned Yang too badly, and Harley was glad to have helped Yang out of that mire. But there was another piece, one she wasn't letting herself admit, that felt off-kilter. Like somehow, the way she'd reacted to the whole Blake situation was wrong for some reason. Was she not supposed to dislike those who'd hurt her girlfriend?

Girlfriend. Yang was her girlfriend. That at least was a wonderful thought.

But Harley's stomach was now churning up quite a storm as anxiety over the mysterious whatever-it-was built up, and she realized she had to get up and out of the bed, move around a little, to calm it. So she did, and Yang stirred on the mattress behind her, rousing from sleep.

"Hm…" Yang pried her eyes open. "Hey," she greeted groggily. "Any new dreams?"

"Yeah, two," Harley replied. "We're lookin' for two real big towers."

"Recognize the voices?"

"Nope. Not this time. Prob'ly somebody new."

"All right." Yang slid her legs off the bed to stand up. "Also, I'm starving. We've already done the wakey-wakey part; now I could use some eggs and bakey. Shall we?"

The thought of food made Harley's nervous stomach lurch. "Y-yeah, I could eat," she lied.

The two blondes marched out to the dining quarters, where Giovanni, Sylvie, Molly, and the welcome surprise of Eizen were already sitting around a table. Giovanni put up a hand and waved; "OVER HERE, MY MINIONS!"

"He does NOT get that you're in charge here, does he?" Yang laughed.

"Let the man have a delusion or two," Harley joked. "We're all mad here!"

They approached, taking a seat. "What's up?" Yang asked.

"Interesting news from the port I think you'll want to hear," Eizen replied. "As it turns out, Vortigern's been closed off."

"Hey, sweet!" Harley replied. "Just one question: what the hey is Vortigern?"

"A fortress that guards the sea channel between Westgand and Midgand," Eizen explained. "Normally, it would be smooth sailing from one to the other, so long as the guards let you pass through. Not always something the Van Eltia could get away with, given its reputation, but every now and then, they'll post someone naïve and we can get away with a shortcut. But right now, not even the legitimized trade ships can get through. Someone apparently hijacked the entire fortress, threw all the guards into the sea, and is charging ships exorbitant admission to pass through, only to loot any vessel that can pay up. No one can put an identification on the usurper, though we do know they're extremely powerful. I was thinking maybe they were one of yours."

"Sure sounds like a lead," Harley agreed. "We were lookin' out for a big ol' building on the sea anyway. Any chance there's a real tall tower nearby it?"

"As a matter of fact," Eizen explained, "you're probably talking about Lothringen. It's an Abbey facility, but not one they use all that often, as it's fairly new. It's not too far from Vortigern; if you take the road that leads along the Burnack Plateau, you should be able to reach a fork in the path that will take you to each one."

"Any chance we could get directions?" Yang asked.

Eizen related the way they should take in order to find that high road. "And I'd hurry," he concluded as he stood up, making his way to pay his bill. "Wait too long and the rains will start up again."

"Oh, God dammit," Giovanni muttered. "Okay, everyone finish eating and make sure you're good on bathroom trips, 'cause we're moving out."

"Hey!" Yang protested. "I didn't even get to order any breakfast!"

"Then get a curry bun and eat on the run!" Giovanni told her.

"Curry buns for breakfast?" Yang scoffed.

"Curry is actually a common breakfast in several cultures," Sylvie related. "Especially to those with refined palates."

"Put your money where your mouth is and eat one," Yang told him.

"I think I will!" Sylvie retorted.

They stocked up on curry buns, and Harley sighed with relief; now she could just discreetly throw hers aside on the move and pretend she'd eaten, then come back to one of the reserves when her stomach settled. She and Yang let Giovanni take the lead, and he strode forth with Molly, Sylvie, Harley, and Yang in tow, leading them out the back gate of Reneed and into the fens that bordered it.

"Hey, I got a question," Harley realized. "I saw pretty much what happened with everybody else when we were fightin' Eizen and his evil brainwashed pals back in Sweet Jazz City. But I didn't get a real good look at what Gio an' Molly were doin' against Edgy. How'd that fight go?"

"Oh, you want to know how that fight went?" Giovanni replied. "YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT FIGHT WENT? WELL, SIT BACK AS I REGALE YOU WITH A TALE OF EPIC VICTORY!"

...

Edgy squared off against Giovanni, baring her fangs, which had to be an inch – no, two inches long at least! She snarled wordlessly as bright-red tentacles burst from every pore in her body, both of her hands extending into devilish claws!

Thinking quickly, Giovanni knew he would have to implement a measured combination of brains, brawn, and teamwork in order to defeat this most difficult foe. He looked to Bear Trap, his ever-faithful minion, and gave her a wink that was worth a thousand words. She understood, taking off silently and stealthily in order to avoid detection by Edgy.

The tentacles came down to Giovanni's right, and they also came down his left! Both times, he dodged with extreme dexterity! His Soul-Slugger Doom Bat very nearly was shattered into a million fragments by the battering claws of the monstrous opponent! But Giovanni's resolve and his weapon held firm, and he put his focus into defense, like any good strategist would.

"DISTRACTION!" Bear Trap yelled from behind Edgy, and that got the Eldritch horror to turn around and stare at the adorable little girl doing her best puppy eyes, unable to tear her gaze away. The perfect opportunity for Giovanni to strike!

He leapt up high into the air, performed a triple salchow somersault, and landed expertly behind Edgy, striking at her obvious weak point, which was, uhhhhhh, a glowing red pimple-like thing on her head! Edgy exploded into three layers of multicolored fireworks that just so happened to match the colors of the bi pride flag, symbolic of the majestic warrior who struck a smug victory pose with this as his backdrop!

...

"That ain't what happened," Harley said flatly.

"IT IS TOTALLY WHAT HAPPENED!" Giovanni argued.

They'd managed to cross the fens in the time it had taken for Giovanni to spin his ridiculous tall tale, and were now proceeding through a well-lit cavern that sloped upward.

"Boss," Molly sighed, "why don't I just tell them the truth?"

"Fiiiiiine," Giovanni growled.

"It kinda went…more like this," Molly began.

...

The terrible monster from another dimension had Giovanni and Molly cornered! They held onto each other out of fear, wondering what they could do! She didn't have tentacles, though. She actually had huge red wings that practically blocked out the entire night sky!

All hope seemed lost. But then, all of a sudden, a miracle happened! Two growls in perfect harmony! A pair of really fluffy grizzly bears charged onto the field and tackled the monster, then roared at her until she was scared and had to run away!

"Sergeant Bear!" Molly yelled. "Corporal Other Bear! You two were alive this whole time!"

They were the bears that Molly and Giovanni had thought were taxidermized dead bears all the way back when they posted them as the guards for their super-secret Banzai Blaster base, Fort Coolguy!

"We were, indeed, alive," Other Bear affirmed.

"We wanted to thank you for your kindness when you assimilated us into the Banzai Blasters," Bear stated. "And also to reassure you both that we never had any intent to betray either of you."

"From now on," Other Bear added, "the two of you are like our family, and we are like yours."

Then they all went out for ice cream!

...

"That's DEFINITELY not what happened," Yang said flatly.

"WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW?" Giovanni retorted. "You weren't there! Were you? Huh? HUH? How DARE you doubt the veracity of my minion's account!"

"I may have exaggerated a few details," Molly admitted.

By this time, they were on the other side of the caves and walking down a cliffside road; a steep drop was to their right while an insurmountable wall was on their left.

"Let's just settle this," Harley sighed. "Sylvie? Ya saw everything, right?"

"Oh, gee," Sylvie snarked, "I must've missed it when I was AFRAID FOR MY DAMN LIFE!"

"Looks like we're not getting this question answered," Yang sighed.

Harley suddenly gasped; "GUYS, LOOK! LOOKLOOKLOOK!" She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, pointing off the cliff drop.

Across the ocean, majestic mountains rose into the sky, and one of them was spewing water in a graceful geyser, like a watery volcano. As the spray burst into the sky, it cast a rainbow over the whole vista.

The five were struck speechless for a while, watching the spectacle. Then Giovanni, in a breaking falsetto, eked out, "It's gorgeous!"

"Woooooow," Molly breathed.

"I guess being stuck in a dream isn't all bad," Yang remarked. "We've got good friends, and some of us have more-than-friends. View's sure pretty. And so far, we're the most evil people around, so not much to be afraid of."

"Look," Sylvie said flatly, "a light refraction effect isn't gonna get me to say I'm actually happy to be here with all you morons, i.e. everyone who isn't Molly."

"Is that a challenge?" Harley teased. "Ta get us ta find out what'd make you say ya love us?"

"NO!" Sylvie roared.

"I think it is," Yang teased. "Face it. You like us. We might seem annoying, but first of all, that's just because you're the annoying one, and second, we've got our good points. You could say you're looking for a…Sylvie lining!"

Harley screeched. Molly chuckled. Giovanni and Sylvie groaned in unison.

"All right," Harley declared, "let's move out, troops."

Eventually, they hit the fork in the road. One path curled back into the cleft in the mountains, leading behind what had previously been impenetrable rock. One kept going on the cliffside.

"An' Eizen never said which was which," Harley sighed. "Ah, well. Sounded like they both led to somethin' anyway."

"Allow me to use my powers of astute deduction combined with my instincts," Giovanni said as he stepped forward three paces – then closed his eyes, pointed a finger outward, and spun a pirouette. He stumbled blindly, tripping and falling onto the grass before scrambling to his feet, pointing straight ahead, and cracking his eyes open to see that he was indicating the left-hand path. "THAT WAY!"

Harley and Yang shrugged. Sylvie facepalmed. Molly was back to giggling.

The quintet turned down the path that wound through the cliffs, eventually opening up at a clearing. Nestled in the grass was an immense tower, turret-round, like something out of a fairy tale.

"This is the place!" Harley declared.

"It's so pretty!" Molly gasped.

"I don't trust it," Sylvie said flatly. "Something about this place gives me the creeps."

"Then stand in the middle of all the badasses and you won't get hurt," Yang told him.

"Right," Giovanni said, thinking that over. "Not that I don't trust your capabilities as minion and minion-adjacent, but we'd better make a strategic formation. I'll take the lead. Bear Trap, Sheep Brat, you two follow me. Harley, Yang, guard our back and remind me to come up with a super-cool minion name for Yang later."

"Y'know, I'd make some kind of argument about hierarchy here," Yang admitted, "but I really just wanna see what kind of minion name you give me."

The interior of the tower was shadowy and dark. The entryway was open, with stairs set far off to the right side and leading to upper floors. What chilled everyone, though, was the sounds that indicated they absolutely weren't alone.

Buzzing. Whirring. Clashing, like blades. Yelps and cries.

"Uhhhhhhhhh change in plans," Giovanni said. "How about I guard the rear and Harley and Yang (minion name pending) walk up front? It's, uh, more strategic that way."

"Coward," Sylvie huffed.

"So I get a minion name AND to walk up front where the upper crust goes?" Yang teased. "I'll take it."

"Don't worry, Gio," Harley promised. "We'll protect all of ya."

"I'M NOT SCARED OR ANYTHING!" Giovanni protested.

"It's honestly okay to be scared," Molly reminded him.

"I know that!" Giovanni argued. "But I'm NOT, okay?"

"I'm scared, too," Molly said, ignoring his protests. "Actually, I…I'm sorry and I don't wanna be awkward or make you uncomfortable or anything, but – "

"But what, Bear Trap?"

"My mom always used to hold my hand if I was nervous," Molly muttered. "And I know that's kinda stupid to ask your villain boss if he could do, but – "

A gloved hand extended down to her. "It's part of the job, Bear Trap," Giovanni said with a smile.

And though he was warming up more to the idea that he was some sort of guardian figure to her, maybe parental if there was a way to make that sound less stuffy, Molly taking his hand made him a good deal less nervous as well.

Harley took the lead, investigating up the stairway to where the noises were coming from. She traced it to a set of double doors on the first floor. Urging the others around her, she whispered, "Whoever's in here, they're behind this door. Maybe friend, maybe foe. We dunno yet. I say we go in hot an' make sure they know what they're dealin' with!"

The sound of a buzzsaw behind the doors made Giovanni, Molly, and Sylvie all flinch. "I dunno about you," Giovanni said, "but that noise just made me three hundred percent less okay with all of this."

Yang cocked the one Ember Celica she had. "I've fought that kind of saw before. No big."

Molly squeezed Giovanni's hand tighter, and Sylvie tried to act like he didn't want to be holding anyone's hand right then.

"On three!" Harley hissed. "One…two…"

The doors burst open from the outside, Harley kicking one and Yang punching another. They hurtled into the room with a dual yell.

The metallic noises instantly stopped. From here, it was clear to see what was happening. Two robots were perched in the center of the large rounded chamber, which was perfect for an arena, such as the one needed to make robots fight. On either side of the chamber was a person holding a remote controller, and the robots had quite obviously been fighting each other rather than anyone fleshy.

"Uhhhh…hi?" This came from the woman of the pair. She was tall, slender, brunette, her hair pulled into a ponytail. Her clothing consisted of a white tee and matching jeans.

"Hi hi!" Harley waved. "Sorry. Heard all the ruckus an' thought you two were runnin' a death match or somethin'."

"Oh, no, no, no," said the man, a reedy fellow with long dark hair and a pair of thick spectacles; he wore an olive-colored shirt with a loose red tie over blue jeans. "I mean, yes. But only the robots. They're the only things…dying. Even though they can't. Die."

Harley brightened; that was definitely the voice she knew from her dream. "You two ain't from around here, are ya?" she asked gleefully.

"I kinda think the robots were a big giveaway," Yang pointed out.

The pair exchanged glances. "That's a little spot-on for a lucid dream," the woman said.

"Nothing's impossible," the man stated.

"So here's the thing," Yang told them. "Yes, it's a dream. No, it's not yours. Is the last thing you remember a Goth girl throwing you into some kind of vortex?"

"That was part of the dream, right?" the man asked.

"Nnnnnnope," Yang told him. "Long story short, you're actually here in a dream world, and we're not sure how to get out."

The woman snapped her fingers; "It all makes so much sense now! How we're both able to converse with each other in full consciousness!"

"And now I don't have to worry I'll pop out of existence the moment you wake up!" The man wiped his brow on his sleeve.

"Now, lemme guess," Harley said. "You two're on the wrong side of the law!"

"WHO'S ASKING?" the man yelled, flinching.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," the woman said. "I'll admit it: we were engaging in illegal bot-fighting. Though I don't think it's technically illegal in a territory where bots don't exist, so that rules that out. But more importantly, any and all charges against Mel were dropped."

"Mel!" Harley gasped. "I remember that name! You got cheated by that Krei guy, right?"

"Did I ever!" Mel Meyer grunted. "My technology was meant to be used for fun, not as a weapon of war! Well, if he wanted my work to be so evil, I'm all too happy to be the villain!" He suddenly flinched. "Unless you're cops. In which case, it's just a joke, nothing meant – "

"It's cool," Yang told him. "We've done worse at this point."

"That's an understatement," Giovanni said. "We are a band of ne'er-do-wells with a need to break the rules and no regard for authority!"

"Memberships open!" Harley added. "Though I don't remember…I know you were on my list." She looked to the woman. "But what about you?"

The woman shrugged; "If you think that girl came for Mel, I probably just got brought along for the ride because we were together. I wasn't letting him go that easily into a portal of doom. Believe me, he already had to lose me to one for a few years, and I wasn't gonna find out what it was like to be on the other side of that one."

"So you're TOGETHER together," Harley realized.

Mel blushed pink; "I'm lucky. I still don't know what she sees in me."

"You're a nerd, and so am I," the woman stated. "And you're nice. I like nice."

"Abby is the one who's amazing," Mel muttered. "She's strong and smarter than I'll ever be and confident – "

"Shut up!" Abigail Callaghan laughed.

"But you want to invite us to do crime?" Mel reiterated. "I don't know. I mean, I was kind of getting into it, but I'd rather not go down that road again – "

"How many times do I have to keep telling you?" Abigail rolled her eyes. "One: learning my dad went on a villainous rampage for me was the most touching thing I'd ever heard in my life. Two: Krei has it coming. Three: you ever decide to go renegade, I'm with you, Bonnie-and-Clyde style. Four: it's just been SO long since I've had a good bot-fight. I seriously feel more in my element than I have in a WHILE. And the only way I can keep building and betting on these is against the law."

"You never told me point four before," Mel realized.

"That's because I didn't realize how bad I missed bot fighting!" Abigail argued.

"Where'd you get robots anyway?" Yang asked. "You outright said they shouldn't exist here."

"It's a dream!" Abigail laughed. "We figured that out right away. You can make anything you want in a dream. Don't you know?"

"Y'know, I'd like to see those robots in action," Giovanni brought up. "Just so you put your money where your mouth is. And also yes because I wanna see robots fight."

"You heard him!" Abigail smiled across the chamber to Mel. "He wants to see our bot-fight!"

"You're going down this time!" Mel told her. "This design is upgraded in ways you can't hope to keep up with!"

"Oh yeah?"

They returned their gazes to the field. Mel's robot was oblong in shape, rather clunky-looking, with no apparent way of moving. Abigail's was fluted like a torpedo, mounted on pivoting wheels.

"THREE!" Abigail called out. "TWO! ONE! BOT-FIGHT!"

Mel's robot took off into the air, and Abigail's retracted its wheels to follow. Mel's bot immediately vanished, blending in completely to its surroundings, as Abigail's bot zoomed every which way at high speeds, hoping to spear it by sheer chance. Harley, Yang, Giovanni, Molly, and Sylvie watched the spectacle in awe until Mel's robot used a buzzsaw blade to halve Abigail's bot, its pieces falling to the floor.

"That's seven to five!" Mel cried.

"Don't say it in that order," Abigail laughed. "They'll think YOU have the seven."

"That's the idea!" Mel retorted. He was snickering, too.

"So we can have whatever we want in a dream, huh." Yang looked to her amputated arm. She shut her eyes, envisioning the prosthetic she'd received from Ironwood.

Fragments of yellow metal sparked in and out of existence around the space below her arm, then ultimately simply fizzled away. "Why can't I DO it?" Yang yelled, stomping in annoyance.

"Are you a robotics engineer?" Abigail asked.

"Do I LOOK like a robotics engineer?" Yang snapped.

"Hey, no need to get mad," Abigail replied sternly. "All I'm saying is that you can't just imagine up any old thing. You have to know it inside and out. Mel and I have spent our lives working with bots, and we know how to wire circuitry, so we can picture a thorough robot and make it a real thing. If you don't know how something works on the inside, you can't make it real here."

Yang let out a dejected sigh. Then, in a low grumble: "Could you make a robot thing for me?"

"A fighter?" Mel asked. "Or something to help you plan your next surprise party?"

"No, I think she's looking for a prosthetic, judging by the location of those fragments she dreamed up," Abigail mused. "Am I right?"

"Yeah." Yang looked away. "I used to have a robot arm. It was yellow, like my hair. And it had a match to the gun on my good arm. I just want it back. I'm sick of only having one."

"Tell me more about it," Abigail bade her, "and I'll see if I can get you set up."

They spent a good twenty minutes there, with Yang and Abigail talking blueprints. Harley, Giovanni, Molly, and Sylvie were entertained by Mel's thirty tips to plan the perfect birthday soiree. Finally, Yang cried out, and all turned to see almost an exact duplicate of the arm she'd left in Raven's camp protruding from her amputated spot.

Yang experimentally flexed the fingers, raising and lowering the hand. "Thanks," she muttered.

"Anytime," Abigail told her. "Though if you really wanna thank me, you can start by throwing out that ego."

Yang sighed. Then, louder: "Thank you. I really mean it."

"Better." Abigail smiled.

"Now let's say I wanted a weapon, too," Giovanni said. "The design is pretty simple. It's a baseball bat with a knife taped to it. You take a baseball bat and you tape a knife to it. That's it."

"That should be something you can imagine up on your own," Mel encouraged him. "Assuming you know how bats and knives work."

"That's giving him too much credit," Sylvie droned.

"Sylviiiieeee," Molly groaned.

"Okay," Giovanni resolved. "Here we go."

He shut his eyes. Thought about it. Then, all of a sudden, he felt the old familiar weight of it in his hand.

"OH, YEAH, BABY!" he cried, raising the Soul-Slugger Doom Bat high. "WE ARE BACK IN BUSINESS!" Then he gasped, eyes sparkling. "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS? WE CAN DREAM UP ANYTHING WE WANT! UNLIMITED WEALTH AND RICHES! WE CAN GET THE SPOILS WITHOUT THE HEISTS! Okayokayokay uhhhhhhhh GOT ONE!"

He went for a classic, summoning to being a large pile of golden coins mingled with jewels all colors of the rainbow. "SWEEEEET!" he squealed. "Now, we can have UNLIMITED WEALTH, and we don't even have to put in the work for it!"

"I don't – " Yang began.

"Wait for it," Harley told her. "He'll figure it out."

"No more sneaking around!" Giovanni cheered. "No more life-threatening missions!" He gradually became more and more crestfallen: "Which means no more thrill of the heist. And no more Friday night robberies with the boys. Just…whatever I want, whenever I want it, and no fun. AAAAAGH, DAMMIT!"

He kicked the coins, sending them flying across the room. "It's never been about the money!" he proclaimed. "Well, I mean, it has been, kinda, 'cause everything's about money, but MOSTLY, IT WAS ABOUT THE ART OF CRIME!"

"And theeeeere it is!" Harley said proudly.

"Look," Mel said. "My credibility is built on the idea that I'm not a criminal. And if I LIKED impersonating and kidnapping Krei, that has to get stuffed back down in the emotion box where I don't have to look at it! Sure, getting into the art of crime sounds tempting, and maybe even fun, but it's just not how a normal life should work!"

"We don't have normal lives," Abigail reminded him. "We have a series of getting pushed around by Krei. He got me lost in an interdimensional portal, Mel. AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL. You know how we could really stick it to him? By going full rogue."

"I think there's a little bit of Yokai in you," Mel realized.

"And I think you like it," Abigail teased.

Mel's blush confirmed she was right. "Well, if you really want this kind of lifestyle…"

"So do you, idiot!" Abigail laughed.

"Great!" Harley clasped her hands together. "We could use a couple a' techies! So! Wanna go help us take back Vortigern?"

"I have no idea what that is," Mel replied, "but yes."

"Sounds like fun," Abigail said. "Lemme know if you need a bot. I am SO ready to make more bots so long as I have a dream for a canvas."

"Welcome aboard to the Heathens!" Giovanni proclaimed. "You two are now officially part of my squad, meaning you get the full benefits package of being looked after by extraordinary boss Giovanni Potage!"

"Which reminds me I still have a ton of questions about who you even are," Abigail realized.

"We'll do intros on the way," Harley promised. "An' maybe sing a few road trip songs. Who knows?"

...

Dark and cold. That's all there was behind Mozenrath's eyelids. A strange little world to be in, but he didn't very much want to look at the one outside them, so he kept his eyes shut, thank you very much.

Though cold as it was, he still felt rage within, crystallizing on him like so many icicles. They couldn't take him down without a fight. He'd claw, he'd lash, he'd do anything and everything and pretend that he knew he'd win.

Just like always.

When a bright flash of white light from outside his prison sphere intruded upon his vision. Hesitantly, he pried his eyes open to take a look, hoping against hope.

What he beheld was the sight of Zevon's corpse putting itself back together. The limbs reattaching to the body, the wounds sealing up, and the whole thing just standing up like one of the living. No…it was one of the living again. He was.

It seemed a hallucination at first, but then Mozenrath took note of the staff lying on the ground beside where its owner had been. The white light that enveloped Zevon's entire body was emanating from that staff as well, inside one of the gem chambers.

"The Corona Aurora," Mozenrath muttered to himself. "We always knew one of the gems had the power to override death…and it was one he already had!"

Zevon, at full height now, flinched and shuddered; "I TOLD YOU, I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU'RE ACCUSATORYING ME OF, AND I DEFINITIVIVIVIVIELY DESERVE TO GO TO THE GOOD LIFEAFTER BECAUSE OF ALL MY CHARITABLY WORK!"

"ZEVON!" Mozenrath yelled, his voice muffled by the sphere.

Zevon whirled; "MOZENRATH? THEY GOT YOU TOO? PLAY INNOCENT!"

"I'm not DEAD," Mozenrath growled. "They, however, are." He gestured to the carnage around.

"AUGH!" Zevon recoiled. "THEY'RE ALL DEADCEASED! WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME LOOK AT THIS?"

"BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING I'VE HAD TO LOOK AT FOR THE PAST HOWEVER LONG I'VE BEEN STUCK IN HERE!"

"What even happened?" Zevon pressed his fingertips to his head.

"We got played," Mozenrath told him. "Calindor is actually an undead who demands we call him 'Imperious,' but I'm not playing along with that one. And he has with him two vampires who were responsible for the meat of the slaughter. Russet Potato and Deceive or something. They killed everyone but me because I'm supposed to be Maleficent's prize, and the undead's barrier is unbreakable. I've tried."

"Don't worry!" Zevon said quickly, reaching down to pick up his staff. "I'll releasequish you!"

"ZEVON, DON'T – "

"KABOOM!"

The staff shot twin beams toward Mozenrath's prison. Those beams just ricocheted off, rocketing into the sky.

"YOU JUST PUT UP A SIGNAL FLARE INDICATING I'M NOT ALONE!" Mozenrath yelled. "For your sake, those three had BETTER be indoors where they couldn't see that."

"Let me try again!"

"NO! NO NO NO NO NO!" Mozenrath waved his hands. "Zevon…" he growled. "Unfortunately, you're my only hope."

"You want me to resurrectate everyone else! Like the gems obviously did for me!"

"DO NOT. DO. THAT. Listen to me, Zevon. I want you very specifically to follow one plan. The least risky plan there is. Are you willing to listen to my plan or are you going to keep adding your own non sequiturs and derailing this until the sun comes up and the vampires decide it's time to tear you apart before they burn?"

"…I'm listening." Zevon pouted.

"This is what you have to do," Mozenrath told him. "On the other side of the city is the ancient monster trap the Numerians reportedly constructed to defeat Mathra. Given everything we've seen so far, there's no reason to believe it isn't real. You have to get to that trap, reactivate it, and get the three monsters after US to fall for it. And most importantly, YOU DO NOT LET THEM GET THE CORONA AURORA BEFORE YOU DO. Am I clear?"

"I have no idea how to do any of that," Zevon replied, "and yet I am ready and willing to try!" He swung a fist.

"You are your mother's son." Mozenrath found himself smiling. "Which strangely gives me hope that you'll be able to pull something off, if only by accident. And you do have two of the gems already on your side. Now go. Don't screw this up."

"I SHAN'T NOT FAIL!" Zevon saluted before turning around to bolt toward the pyramids.

"Thiiiiiis is what I'm putting all my money on," Mozenrath groaned to himself.

As Zevon approached the stone hallways that formed the entryway to the city, the decoratively carved eyes turned out not to be so decorative after all. Given that Numeria had already programmed so many speaking stones, it really shouldn't have been a surprise when the eyes glowed, followed by a booming voice reverberating out: "You seek to rebuild the Mathra Trap and destroy the monsters that have invaded our city."

"VOICEALIZING WALLS!" Zevon cried, skidding to a halt.

"Indeed," the stones said. "We are speaking. We are the guardians of Numeria. You are the last hope that remains to save it from the creatures that ravage it in search of the gemstone that fell from the sky."

"Tell me how to build a monster trap!" Zevon demanded.

"The Mathra Trap indeed rests at the other end of the city," the Guardians said. "In order to construct it, you will require serpents in the form of magnets, or 'snagnets.'"

The sound of Mozenrath letting out a loud groan cut through.

"I see!" Zevon said. "And how am I to acquire these snakenets?"

"The knowledge-recording devices of Numeria continue to function and preserve the intelligence collected by our forefathers," the Guardians told him. "However, as time passes, they begin to deteriorate. Help to fix those that have broken down; they will reward you. And be aware: now that we know you bear the Corona Aurora, we know your capacity for knowledge spans multiple worlds, and thus permissions have been granted for you to access the secret inter-world knowledge our people locked away."

"I'm not interestingated in doing any more good deeds!" Zevon huffed. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't just use the gems I already have to blow up everything until I find those snakenets for myself?"

"NO ONE'S BLOWING UP MY CITY FULL OF ANCIENT MAGITECH AND LOST KNOWLEDGE!" Mozenrath yelled from behind him.

"That is a convinswaying reason," Zevon admitted. "All right. I shall be your rescusavior. RELUCTANCELY."

"Go," the Guardians encouraged, "and may the blessing of the gods be at your feet."

Zevon charged into the rightmost entryway, disappearing down the long hall from Mozenrath's view.

In the first room he encountered, he flat-out tripped on something on the floor, faceplanting. "NO ONE SAW THAT!" Zevon yelled, standing back up and straightening his coat. "Hopingfully, there were no watchfuling eyes."

He flinched when a great stone face carved into the wall opened its mouth to speak in a deep, feminine voice. "Welcome to the Numerian Chamber of Vision," she said, "where my eyes see all."

Zevon wasn't amused.

The face had a distinct mouth and a nose, and two ears to border, but the eye area seemed to be blank – until eight sets of lids opened. They revealed what appeared to be projector slides, showing a scene in process of taking place. Three, however, were just empty sockets.

"Here, I record all knowledge of processes of the world's workings," the Vision statue explained, "and those of worlds around. My eight eyes work together to recall these memories. However, some of my eyes have fallen to the floor below. If you can place them in the proper order, then I will show you my vision and reward you with snagnets."

"This'll be easy!" Zevon scoffed, taking a good look at the five slides already in place. Once he'd gotten a good idea of what was going on, he looked to the floor to find the missing slides, which were what had caused his embarrassing faceplant. Rather quickly, he was able to replace them in an order that made sense.

"The vision is complete," the statue announced. "Observe."

The eight eyes melded into one great screen, and just like a projector, the images animated, showing Zevon a cartoonish depiction of the process he'd completed the picture of. It began with a person picking up a U-shaped magnet, then using it to raise a two-tiled stone and place it into a glowing grid of light. Once the stone was linked to its brethren on the grid, the entire thing transformed into a glittering barrier not unlike what held Mozenrath captive at that moment.

"I see!" Zevon realized. "That is the Mathra Trap that I must assemblate! Now completed with its own instructioning manual!"

"Correct," the Vision statue informed him. "You now understand how to use the snagnets to close each bridge. Of course, you cannot do so without the proper snagnets. Observe the floor once more."

There was a circular hole in the floor, a bright lemon-yellow light emanating from it. In the blink of an eye, a golden-scaled serpent slithered up out of the hole, taking a very strange position on the floor before it, and then it was completely still, inanimate. Zevon gingerly approached, tapping it with his toe. It wasn't a real snake. Perhaps it never had been. Now, it was a series of U-shaped magnets like Zevon had seen in the projection, lined up end-to-end to look like a snake curving this way and that, with a "head" piece and a "tail" piece to complete the aesthetic.

"HAHA!" Zevon grasped the golden snagnets and raised them high above his head. "MY SOJOURNEY BEGINS! SOON, I SHALL BE THE MASTER OF ALL SNAKENETS!"

He barreled ahead to see the next room, certain he could conquer its trial easily. It was a reddish-tinted chamber, lit by torches set into the walls like sconces. One wall held upon it a great canvas-like screen; several small panels leaned against its base, not dissimilar to the Vision guardian's eyes.

"Welcome to the Numerian Chamber of Structure!" a voice said ebulliently, and Zevon turned to see a skull floating inside one of the torches.

"AAAAGH!" Zevon blasted at it with the Corona staff.

The skull simply veered a bit to the side, letting the magic blast on by.

"Apologizies," Zevon muttered. "You startlared me."

"A common reaction to the guardian of Structure," the skull replied. "Here is kept a bestiary of all known species, from this world beyond. If you would be so kind as to reconstruct the depiction of the animal skeleton shown in the images below, I would gladly reward you with snagnets."

"So a jiggingsaw puzzle!" Zevon realized. Hands on his hips, he stood tall; "Not a challenge for ZEVON!"

He began to sort through the panels. Unlike a jigsaw puzzle, they were all rectangular and uniform in shape, so he had to rely on the image itself to tell him what made sense and what didn't. He supposed it was a snake of some sort, as it seemed to only have one spine that curled around without any sort of limbs protruding, and snakes seemed to be the theme here. Only when he had it put together on the screen did he realize it was far from a snake. Once the skeleton was fully assembled, the image changed, giving it skin. Smooth skin rather than scaly. The head was not so much a snake's, nor even a head – it seemed to be more like a set of jaws in a circular ring, similar to a lamprey, but with more teeth.

"What is this?" Zevon asked, tilting his head.

"A Morphlacc," the Structure skull explained. "Descended from the great Sarlaccs recorded between the stars, it is a much shorter-lived creature, and aquatic. Much like a Sarlacc, however, the Morphlacc digests its meals slowly, and is omnivorous. I would not want to be in the radius of one's whirlpool, were I you. Writings suggest Charybdis herself was a Morphlacc. Further evolutions include the slightly less harmless Morpha and Morpheel."

"That's literarally never going to be relateavant!" Zevon scoffed.

"Perhaps not," the skull replied, "but these snagnets certainly will be."

The hole in the ground spewed crimson light; a red snake slithered out and curled itself into a set of snagnets. Zevon raised it triumphantly once more, because he liked the feeling of doing the pose, and then proceeded onward.

The next chamber was more of a cavern than a room, complete with a subterranean river and a waterwheel that worked it; a hole in the rock revealed the piston that powered it. However, as Zevon's eyes adjusted to the light, he realized the river wasn't filled with water.

It was goo.

"REVENGING! FOR MY MOTHER YZMA!" he cried, aiming his staff. "KAPOW!"

And he blasted the goo river, which didn't do anything because it was full of fluid, and now he wondered what he had actually thought would happen.

"Please refrain from disrupting Goo Spring," a monotone voice said from nearby.

It was another statue face. She almost resembled a theatrical mask, though rather than tragedy or comedy, her expression was one of true neutrality. Above her were two screens, rather like the ones from the Chamber of Structure but colored like parchment.

"What kind of chamber of knowingledge is this?" Zevon asked.

"It is precisely a Chamber of Knowledge," the statue said. "Here is where all passages and treatises on the scientific knowledge of the Numerians is kept. However, in recent years, my memory has been scrambled, and many of the passages no longer make coherent sense."

"That's too bad for you," Zevon said.

"I was hoping you could reassemble my memory," the statue told him.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I will give you snagnets."

Right. The reason he was here. "I shall restorate your memory," Zevon vowed. "What do I have to do this time?"

The left-hand screen rotated up a full-on essay. "This is one of the more mangled passages," the statue told him. "Take each paragraph and place it on the adjacent screen in an order that makes sense. Begin with the thesis statement and arrange the rest accordingly."

This was a more annoying task than before, and Zevon set about it with much grumbling. For as much as he fumbled with words, he did have a fairly good grasp on essay structure, and he knew at the very least that "The Fade is a dimension of wonder and mystery, much of which remains unknown beyond hearsay and records passed from storyteller to storyteller" had to go first.

Though he had to admit the whole essay was sort of interesting. It talked about some sort of dimension that had maybe once housed gods, and you could only enter or exit it at certain points that required you to be either very powerful or very lucky, if not both. The whole thing ended with "That entrances to the Fade can be stored in bags, boxes or other containers has indeed been proven, with several first-hand encounters of those who have entered in this manner; however, there is no easy exit from these portals, and one must be resourceful in order to find one's way back home in a timely manner. The last scientist to confirm the existence of a boxed rift was missing for months, presumed dead until he returned with stories to tell. We could not discern between what he had truly seen and what he had hallucinated."

Once it was all in place, the Knowledge guardian scanned it, a strip of colored tiles above her head rotating like a piece of computerized technology. "This is correct," she proclaimed. "As a reward, your snagnets."

These were green, and once more, Zevon had to do the cool pose before running on.

The chambers ended, and Zevon rushed out into open sky. Before him, he gasped, seeing the ravine from the Chamber of Vision's projection laid out before him in full glory. It was arranged in five squares, adjoined slightly diagonally, giving the appearance of a steppe pyramid once more. This had to be the Mathra trap, as the Numerians always, always, always constructed their final trials in fives.

Another door nearby, tall and arched, signaled to Zevon a place where he might find the remaining two colors of snagnets. He barreled inside, wondering where Imperious and the two vampires had gotten off to.

The next room featured something that looked for all the world like an immense lava lamp, with a red liquid floating around inside, bubbling and breaking off and rejoining and generally defying gravity. "Hello, traveler," the glass fixture said. "Welcome to the Chamber of Illusion, where not all is as it seems."

"What must I do to obattain snakenets here?" Zevon asked.

"I will show you three images," the Illusion guardian stated. "You must correctly identify them in order to receive the sacred snagnets."

"TRY ME!" Zevon demanded.

"The first picture," the Illusion guardian said, before its glass projected an image: bright white, glittering light, extending on through eternity.

"…Can I perhappenstance get a hint?" Zevon asked.

"The walls between all worlds are formed by it," the Illusion guardian stated. "It is not fire, nor water, nor air, nor earth. There are those who say it is made of the same components as the stars themselves. To harness it requires great risk but yields great reward…at great cost."

Zevon snapped his fingers; "I know! It's quintinessentialence!"

"The answer is 'quintessence,'" the Illusion guardian said, "but I will give points for intent. Behold, the second picture."

Purple veins on black, Zevon thought. Obviously the skin of somebody who had purple blood. But that seemed too easy. "Give me another hint," Zevon ordered.

"The possibilities of existence extend beyond the worlds," the Illusion guardian said. "All that could ever be is encompassed here. To break from one to the next requires great power and skill. What you find on the other side may not be worth the cost."

"AHA!" Zevon realized. "Those are all of the alternative realities that branch away from one another!"

"Correct," the Illusion guardian stated. "The final picture."

Zevon scowled when he saw it. "That's just a lemon."

"Also correct. Behold: your snagnets."

The blue serpent slithered from its hole in the ground, and Zevon, of course, had to pose with it before moving on.

In this room, several stone arms on the wall were juggling stones that looked like cinderblocks back and forth. When Zevon entered, the arms lost their coordination, and all but one of the stones clattered to the ground.

"OHHH, NOT AGAIN!" This from a blue hand inscribed as a mural on the wall, but quite clearly animate. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Zevon could now see the wall was evenly divided: painted red on one side, blue on the other. The blue hand presided over four stone arms that protruded from the blue stone, while a red hand opposite him had dominon over four other stone arms. One of the blue hand's subjects held the last remaining stone, and chucked it at the red hand in order to get revenge.

Despite being a painting, the red hand still yelled "OOF!" when the stone hit him before falling to the floor below. "Now look what you went and did!" he grumbled. "We had one stone in the rotation still, and you had to be immature about it!"

"You there!" the blue hand called out. "Traveler!"

Zevon pouted. He was hoping he would get to watch these two argue some more; it was very entertaining.

"You're in the Numerian Chamber of Order!" the blue hand explained. "Give us a hand and set these stones back where they belong!"

"Each stone should begin on the half where it categorically belongs," the red hand said. "Today, my half of the wall is reserved for types of time travel, while the inferior half is reserved for attributes of the Corona Aurora."

"INFERIOR?" the blue hand squawked. "Oh, forget it! Just put the stones where they belong!"

Now Zevon could see the words inscribed on the stones. They at first appeared to be written in a foreign alphabet, but when he blinked, he could read them plain as day. It must have been another innovation of the Numerians, and probably in play when he'd put together the passage on the Fade. "Let's see…"

He knew the attributes of the Corona Aurora. That one was easy. He placed three blocks that bore the words "Destructive,""Restorative," and "Generative." Attempting to place "Transformative" inspired the stone hand he'd chosen for holding it to launch it across the room, indicating that was wrong, so Zevon sought out a replacement and found it in "Protective."

"That means the other four must be types of time travel," he mused. This was a subject he didn't know much about, but process of elimination showed him the way. He wondered what each of the labels could mean: "Transformative," "Paradoxical," "Fulfilling," "Divergent." He committed them to memory, vowing to ask Mozenrath about this later.

"Good job!" the blue hand congratulated.

"Not bad," the red hand agreed. "Have some snagnets."

Now, Zevon was given the purple serpent, and he raised it to the ceiling, crowing, "ONWARDICAL, TO DEFEATABLATE THE ENEMY!"

Though as he bolted from the room, his mind was buzzing with those words about time travel, and he couldn't shake the sneaking suspicion he'd actually learned something.

...

The fortress of Vortigern was impressive indeed, like a castle in and of itself where it straddled the ocean channel. It reached up to the heavens, imposing, speaking to a harsh law.

"Okay, that's where we gotta break in," Harley resolved. "Let's get a plan goin'."

"I'm thinking the Nerd Squad can make us a super cool robot that can scale walls," Giovanni mused, "and we ride it to victory!"

"That," Yang commented, "or we could just use that door over there."

She pointed. The plain they were on connected to a door in the side of the fortress.

"BRILLIANT DEDUCTION, MINION!" Giovanni crowed.

"Hold on," Sylvie groaned. "It can't be that easy."

"I think this calls for a test," Abigail mused. "Let's make a cannon-fodder bot…"

A tiny wheeled apparatus, like a matchbox car, appeared at her will. "Sorry, little buddy," she whispered as she shoved it toward the side door.

The car-bot trundled forward until it hit an invisible wall, after which it was thrown back and attempted to ram through it again and again in a programming loop.

"A magic barrier!" Giovanni realized. "Just what I should've expected from such a shrewd foe!"

"Yo, Bear Trap!" Yang called out to Molly. "Think you can dumb that down so we can get through?"
"I'll try," Molly replied. She scurried toward the barrier, muttering "Sneak sneak, sneak sneak" to herself as she did so, and placed her hands gently on the invisible wall, willing it away. There was a mild flash of light; the car-bot wheeled right through to crash into the actual wall of the building.

"Excellent work, Bear Trap!" Giovanni called to her. "MINIONS! MOVE OUT!"

They grouped up around the door. "So here's what I'm thinking," Mel said. "We have to play this like a surprise party. By which I mean we hide until it's time to spring the surprise. We open the door, but we stay out of sight. Then we pounce and yell 'SURPRISE!'. And also get further into the building."

"Solid plan!" Harley flashed him a thumbs-up.

"No, it's not," Sylvie groaned. "But it's what we're gonna end up doing, so I'm just accepting this."

They parted to either side of the door. "On three!" Mel hissed. "One…two…"

Yang pushed open one half of the double door and Abigail slid open the other. Then they waited, around the corner to either side of the frame, to see what, if anything, came out.

"Hello?" a voice called from within. "Is someone out there?"

The Heathens stayed hidden, waiting it out.

"I could've sworn I saw the doors open on their own," the voice mused. "Maybe they're playing hide-and-seek?"

"What?" Yang whispered.

"I think our cover's about to get blown!" Molly hissed.

"Phase two!" Mel whispered as the person inside the fortress began to tread outside.

He, Abigail, Yang, Harley, Giovanni, Molly, and Sylvie leapt out at the sentry, all but Sylvie yelling, "SURPRISE!"

"UWAAAAAH!" The sentry recoiled. They could see now she was a young woman with long, dark hair; she was clothed in a dress of blacks and whites, but with a pair of pink stockings and a mint-green garter visible. "You should all be more careful! You scared me just then!"

"Oh, we're about to do more than that." Giovanni raised his Soul-Slugger Doom Bat. "LET US IN, OR ELSE!"

The woman smiled; "Okay!"

"Wait, what?" Giovanni looked to his left and right. "Am I the only one who heard that?"

"You're the first actual guests we've had!" the young woman said with a great and innocent smile. "Master will be so happy to see you've come to visit!"

Yang and Harley exchanged a look before the latter said, "Yeah, why don't'cha take us to meet 'em?"

"Follow me!" The woman turned on a heel and strode inside. "Be careful. There's a lot of hallways in this fortress, and it's easy to get turned around!"

She led the very confused Heathens through the labyrinthine halls of Vortigern, taking stairways higher and higher. "I'm Ifurita," she introduced. "This is the brand-new territory of Lord God Jinnai. We're using it to exert dominion over the seas of this strange new world!"

"You're sure this…Lord God Jinnai is okay with you just showing us around?" Yang asked.

"Well, why wouldn't he be?" Ifurita asked. "After all, being evil is all about hospitality."

"That reminds me of you," Molly said to Giovanni.

"NO IT DOESN'T!" Giovanni sputtered. "EVIL IS ABOUT NASTINESS AND CRUELTY! And also safety. Safety's important."

They reached an office, where the other occupant of Vortigern sat hunched over a desk. "Master!" Ifurita greeted. "I've brought our guests up to visit you so you can talk about your spectacular dominion of this fortress!"

"WHAAAAAAT?" The person at the desk whirled about and stood up, abandoning the papers where he'd been drawing up evil scheme after evil scheme, and now the Heathens could see that he was a teenage boy – maybe around Sylvie's age but much, much taller – with jet-black hair and a crisp school-uniform suit of gray. "IFURITA!" A vein throbbed in the boy's head as he formed a fist. "I TOLD YOU TO GUARD THE DOOR!"

"I did guard the door," Ifurita stated. "And they came to visit, so I was nice and showed them the way!"

"THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!" the boy yelled. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP PEOPLE AWAAAAAY FROM OUR FORTRESS OF DOMINION! THAT WAS THE POINT OF PUTTING UP THE MAGICAL BARRIER!"

"Oh," Ifurita realized. "Sorry."

"So," Yang inferred. "You must be Lord God Jinnai."

"Huh?" The boy flinched at this, then took on a cockier air. "I see you know my proper honorifics! Does that mean you accept me, Katsuhiko Jinnai, as ruler of the oceans?"

"Um…maybe?" Giovanni asked. "The thing is, we were kinda gonna invite you to do evil with us, except…not cooped up here?"

"Invite ME to do evil alongside YOU?" Jinnai broke into a laugh; "A-HOOHOOHOOOOOO! You look like nothing but a bunch of ragtag thieves!"

"Actually, I specialize more in hostage situations," Mel clarified.

"Illegal gambling here," Abigail added.

"And you think I would waste my time with you?" Jinnai scoffed. "A man of my stature, lower myself to petty crime?"

"You sure this one wasn't a mistake?" Yang asked Harley.

"This can't be right," Harley murmured. "The WHAM ARMY rejected him flat-out for havin' a conscience. He ain't all bad…or so the file said."

"Oh, I think you will find that I AM all bad!" Jinnai boasted. "First, it's this sea fortress! And next, THE ENTIRE WORLD!"

"We're kind of the brand of bad guy with moral standards," Molly explained. "Like not wanting to kill somebody unless you really, really have to."

Jinnai raised a brow; "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Shouldn't you?" Yang countered at him.

"Well, it doesn't matter, because my schemes have plotted for the deaths of millions!" Jinnai crowed.

"But Master," Ifurita reminded him, "you haven't come up with anything really deadly since the Eye of God incident, when you actually did kill all those people and became very, very sad."

"NO I DIDN'T!" Jinnai sputtered.

"That's actually why Diva said you had to either shape up or she'd take the Bugrom," Ifurita went on, "because you were going soft – "

"IAMNOTGOINGSOFT!" Jinnai yelled, getting right up close to Ifurita.

"HEY NOW." Harley stepped in between the two, glaring down Jinnai. "I don't stand for ya treatin' a gal bad, get it? Shape up or we take her an' leave your sorry butt here!"

"Wah!" Jinnai backpedaled immediately. "Okay, okay, I'll behave! Not that I want anything to do with your offer."

"I think it's a good opportunity to make new friends!" Ifurita beamed.

"WE DON'T NEED FRIENDS, IFURITA!" Jinnai sputtered. "I'M THE BRAINS AND YOU'RE THE BRAWN AND THAT'S ALL WE NEED!"

"Question," Giovanni posed. "What kind of evil schemes are we actually talking here? Like, what's your plan?"

"Hmmm?" Jinnai was caught off-guard by this. "Well, I suppose whatever is the most horrible and nets me the most power, like ruining the crops of nearby nations in order to demonstrate my might!"

"That's pretty badass!" Giovanni replied. "Kinda harsh, but also real good villain material! So you're the dominate-the-world type? Or the political type that plays the game of fancy chairs?"

"Dominating the world is my ultimate ambition!" Jinnai crowed. "I shall have the fanciest chair of them all!"

"Important question," Giovanni posed. "Would you steal things if it was part of a world-domination thing? I mean, you're already looting ships here – "

"Of course I would!" Jinnai spat. "Why do you think I took this fortress in the first place? I may be above petty thievery, but I'm an expert at larceny!"

"You're exactly what I aspire to be one day!" Giovanni clasped his hands together in admiration. "I'm still trying to work my way up from a no-reputation loser – in title only – but one day, I intend to become a SUPERVILLAIN!"

"What kind of supervillain?" Jinnai asked. "The kind who abducts princesses?"

"If I can get money out of it, yeah," Giovanni answered. "And as a bonus, she might become my new friend and I can corrupt her into being a princess of THIEVES!"

"How about extortion?" Jinnai asked.

"I've always wanted to pull a good extortion!" Giovanni replied.

"And tyranny? What's your take on tyranny?"

"Not without benefits," Giovanni insisted. "I mean, for one thing, I could finally order all the fast-food chains to start stocking root beer as a staple."

"Ewww, root beer!" Jinnai flinched. "I'd order ramune."

"IS THAT THE STUFF WITH THE NEAT MARBLE?" Giovanni gasped.

"I have heard many stories of the impossible marble of legend and those who tried in vain to retrieve it from its glass prison!" Ifurita volunteered.

"Is it just me," Abigail whispered to Harley, "or are they speaking the same language?"

"I think Gio's negotiatin'," Harley whispered back.

"But I get it," Giovanni said. "You're hardcore. We're hardcore, but in a non-mass-murder way. We're just from two different worlds, you and I. It wouldn't work. Guess we can't have those long and involved conversations about which medieval torture devices give a lair the most aesthetic without ever needing to see use, am I right?"

"But I want to talk about thaaaaaat!" Jinnai whined.

"Oh?" Giovanni challenged. "Do I detect a hint of…" He pointed directly at Jinnai; "LONELY VILLAIN WHO WANTS A SYNDICATE OF HIS OWN?"

"Wha – NO!" Jinnai shook a fist. "Stop saying I'm nice, you moron!"

"Finally," Sylvie droned. "Somebody else who sees how STUPID Giovanni's…EVERYTHING is!"

"I thought Ifurita was ditzy," Jinnai scoffed. "This one's just incorrigible!"

"He's the kind who'll keep trying to walk through a full-length glass window because he thinks it's a door," Sylvie confirmed, "and then when he figures it out, will keep trying the same thing because he doesn't wanna admit he made a mistake, so he looks even dumber."

"THAT WAS ONE TIME!" Giovanni yelled. "HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT? WHO TOLD YOU? WAS IT BEN? I BET IT WAS FUCKING BEN!"

Ifurita laughed; "I like him! I think he's very nice!"

"Now, SHE knows what it's about!" Giovanni said, pointing to Ifurita. "She has manners. She politely invited us inside so we could invade your fortress and sway you onto our syndicate of evil."

"All right, I'll hear you out," Jinnai sighed. "What are each of your talents? Your super-special abilities? Your raisons d'etre?"

"Name's Harley Quinn," Harley said. "I'm the leader of the pack. Pretty versatile; just here for a good time!"

"Yang Xiao Long," Yang introduced. "Not so much villain as…troublemaker, I guess? I break the law. It's fun."

"Giovanni Potage," Giovanni said with a hand on his chest. "The overboss of the organization. Harley's a figurehead. And I specialize in all things nasty and unspeakable! So long as nobody gets REALLY hurt."

"I'm Molly!" Molly said with a smile. "I'm kind of a bad guy by association. I have a power that lets me dumb things down, and I used it to break your barrier!"

"Dr. Sylvester Ashling," Sylvie said. "I don't normally consider myself true evil, but I'm not opposed to calling myself a mad genius."

"I'm also a mad genius, sort of," Mel said. "Mel Meyer. I make destructive robots as an act of vengeance for someone sullying my ideal of surprise parties."

"Abigail Callaghan," Abigail said. "Or 'Abby' if you want. Same guy that messed him up also trapped me in limbo for a year, so I've got an axe to grind, and I'm willing to go underhanded for it. And for the rush."

"So what you're all saying," Jinnai reiterated, "just so we're crystal-clear, is that I wouldn't actually have to kill any more people to remain in good standing with your organization? Is that it?"

"Yep yep!" Harley confirmed. "We're villains, but we ain't monsters!"

"Phew," Jinnai sighed. Then: "I MEAN THAT'S BAD! YOU'RE GOING TO FORCE ME TO STOP MY VICIOUS AND MURDEROUS WAYS IN ORDER TO SPEAK TO KINDRED SPIRITS! But let's say I was considering your offer. Your goals just all seem so…small and contained!"

"Well, maybe you're the one who changes that!" Harley decided. "Dunno if we'll go for a whole world, but we could prob'ly upset a town or two, especially if the police force is abusin' power or the mayor's divertin' tax dollars or somethin' where we're the lesser of two evils!"

"Hmmmm," Jinnai mused. "A whole town would be larger than the Bugrom fortress…though I will reiterate my previous domain was an entire world. That was for certain."

"But Master," Ifurita broke in, "we kept trying to rule El-Hazard, but we never succeeded until we took over the Eye of God, and that machine just ended up almost destroying everything we were trying to take over. I'm not sure we're cut out for – "

"IFURITA WILL YOU STOP AIRING MY DIRTY LAUNDRY?" Jinnai shrieked.

"I kind of want to go with them," Ifurita said, giving Jinnai her best puppy eyes. "Would you want to become friends with them so I could?"

"Wha – I – " Jinnai shook his head. "Don't play games with me, Ifurita!"

"That wasn't a flat and immediate no," Yang pointed out. "You're pretty tsundere about this kind of thing, aren't you?"

"I AM NOT LOCKED IN TSUNTSUN MODE!" Jinnai argued. He folded his arms, looking away haughtily. "I must say, you've made quite a convincing argument, but I must decline. After all, since Ifurita and I were transported to this new world that is neither Earth NOR El-Hazard, we immediately came by possession of this fortress using my brilliant plan and Ifurita's magic!"

"His plan was that I should blast people with my magic until they ran away," Ifurita pointed out.

"IFURITA!" Jinnai shrieked.

"Sorry!" Ifurita laughed nervously.

"And since then, we've ruled the ocean!" Jinnai boasted. "Already, we've looted four whole ships and extorted several more! We're going to make millions and become so infamous! So infamous, that MAKOTO would bend the knee to me in a second at long last! Why would we EVER want to leave that behind?"

"Who's Makoto?" Molly asked.

"Either his rival or the guy he has a crush on," Sylvie mused. "Probably both."

"Hey, yeah, I got a reason you might wanna leave," Yang told him. "Because in a week or two, this is gonna flat-out stop being profitable."

"What do you MEEEAAAAN?" Jinnai moaned. "How could this ever not be profitable?"

"Word of you doing this has already got as far as Reneed," Yang told him. "People are figuring out you have the outpost, and they're gonna start taking the long way to sail around you. This isn't the only way to get to Midgand."

"It has been a while since we've had a ship to loot," Ifurita pointed out. "Didn't the last one steer away from us once it got in our sights?"

Jinnai looked utterly flabbergasted, unable to form coherent words. He sputtered and spat until finally, he slumped over at the waist. "I can't believe it!" he whimpered. "Defeated by the logic of common sailors!"

"But if ya come with us," Harley urged, "we can help ya take over MORE cool stuff an' find new plans once the old ones get stale!"

Lip quivering, Jinnai looked up at her. "And you'd really have me and Ifurita?" he warbled. "Flaws and all?"

"A'course!" Harley assured. "We're plenty flawed here!"

"THEN IT'S SETTLED!" Jinnai declared. "Ifurita, we are going to ride this harlequin's coattails to victory!"

"I can't wait to get to know you all better!" Ifurita chirped.

"We can talk more on our pirate ship," Yang suggested. "Which is probably pretty close to taking off. I say we make tracks."

The Heathens, with Jinnai and Ifurita now added to their ranks, turned to exit the office. Harley, however, held Ifurita back by a shoulder. "Hey, Iffy."

"Yes?" Ifurita responded.

"Jinnai treats ya right, don't he?" Harley asked. "'Cause if he don't…then I gotta clock him an' kick him off the team. He don't hurt ha, does he?"

"Oh, not ever in a big way," Ifurita told Harley. "We fight sometimes, but it's a mutually beneficial sort of fighting. There's a word for it that he taught me once. What was it…? Oh, yes! 'Sibling rivalry.' But he told me not to tell anyone else he thought of us like that, because he doesn't want anyone to think he actually likes having a sibling to tease. His last sibling wasn't very evil, you know, and they didn't get along at all!"

"Right." Harley nodded. "I guess sibs rag on each other a lot an' roughhouse a little. Yeah, that'll pass. But if I see it gettin' worse, I'm steppin' in."

"Thank you!" Ifurita beamed. "It's good to have someone like you looking out for me!"

Harley let Ifurita go, lingering a moment. It wasn't that she wanted to get a reputation for being altruistic, but her experiences with two Jokers in a row had taught her that she needed to stick up for women who were being used by their male partners in crime. That she felt it right to defend them, no matter who they were or what their crime.

With a horrible sinking feeling, she realized why, now, she felt so awful about blaming Blake.

...

Qrow muttered curses to himself as he ascended to the apartment. All day, and no luck. Though, to be fair, "no luck" was his M.O., but this was something else entirely.

He'd contemplated getting wasted at the nearest bar. Decided against it, if only for the sake of his housemates. He needed to at least tell them the news. Though maybe after it was delivered, he could go back down into town and lose his mind.

Through the door, before he even unlocked it, he heard happy chatter. At least they'd had a good day training. He jostled the key in the lock, prying the door open.

There was a man who Qrow had never seen before: tall, imposing, gray-bearded, dressed in a blue robe and a pointed hat. And an anthropomorphic mouse.

"Hi there!" Mickey waved at Qrow. "You must be Qrow! Nice ta meet ya!"

"Uhhhhh…" Qrow stared blankly.

"Uncle Qrow!" Ruby squealed. "These are our friends King Mickey and Master Yen Sid! Yen Sid's teaching Kairi how to fight, just like at a Huntsman Academy!"

"Greetings." Yen Sid inclined his head slightly.

"Hi," Qrow said, still baffled.

"Ozpin likes him so far," Oscar informed the group. "He says Yen Sid's training style is similar to his own, and he wouldn't mind trading off ideas for teaching one day."

"We were in the area askin' around on another quest we were on," Mickey explained, "an' we thought we'd drop by an' check in!"

"Sure," Qrow mumbled, trudging into the apartment and closing the door behind him. "This might as well be happening. But they pay their own way for food."

"Uhhhh, Qrow?" Yuffie asked, tilting her head. "Did your mission go bad!"

"Not a single one's been seen in weeks," Qrow related. "One or two of them, I could get. But all of them? Somethin's not right with the picture."

"He means the Huntspeople he was gonna bring back, right?" Mickey said.

"Damn straight," Qrow confirmed.

"I'm starting to get that shiver I'd always get before we'd end up needing to hold a Class Trial," Kazuichi admitted. "You don't think somebody bumped 'em all off?"

"No one knows at this point," Qrow groaned, slumping into the nearest empty chair.

"Hmm." Yen Sid mulled this over. "Perhaps I'd best not move on from this world just yet. It seems the situation has become quite grave."

"No!" Kairi argued. "Your mission is just as important. For Ven, but also because if Eraqus is the master we're all following in the footsteps of, we need to know what he was really about!"

Yen Sid hadn't mentioned Ven's depression, but he had, at this visit, told the broader strokes of what it was he was doing. He also chose not to mention Papyrus' hand in it.

"And besides," Kairi continued, "I thought this mission was supposed to be about me getting to handle things without you watching over my shoulder! How's that supposed to happen if you're here?"

"She's got a point," Mickey admitted. "It's the best way for her to learn, and there're things you gotta do in a lot of places. Just 'cause ya can be anywhere you want doesn't mean ya can be everywhere at once!"

"Then I shall proceed as planned," Yen Sid stated. "However, should the situation become too dire, do not hesitate to place a call."

"Enough depressing talk!" Nora groaned. "What're we doing about dinner?"

"I don't think we planned that far yet," Jaune admitted.

"You're welcome to stay, Mr. Yen Sid and your majesty!" Booster said earnestly.

"Perhaps I can at the very least assist in putting food upon the table," Yen Sid said with a smile.

A bold knock came at the door. "I'll get it," Qrow mumbled, shuffling over to pry it open.

He stared directly into the face of Hannibal Roy Bean. Which would have been a frightening thing indeed if that face did not look like a perfect copy of Leo Lionheart's.

"Ah, Qrow!" Hannibal said in his best Leo inflection. "Since you're staying on what is more or less my property, I'd thought I'd be hospitable and bring over some grub! …Er, food. To save your wallet from hurtin'."

"Eh?" Qrow tilted his head.

"Behold!" Hannibal stepped back to gesture to a cart full of silver bowls with lids. "Rabbit stew; enough for the whole crew!"

"So that's why you wanted to go over who was all with me so bad," Qrow sighed. "I was startin' to wonder how many times I'd have to remind you."

"Well, don't let me keep you!" Hannibal began to trot away. "Bon appetit!"

Qrow pulled at the wheeled cart, bringing it inside.

"That smells sooooooo goooooood," Ruby gushed, salivating at the scent.

"Rabbit stew, huh?" Qrow lifted the lid of a tureen to behold a delightfully brown concoction of meat, mushrooms, and fall vegetables. "Hope Leo went heavy on the sherry."

"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa!" Kazuichi put up his hands. "He's the one who's been actin' all shady, right? And now all these guys are dead? What if he's the one who did it? What if we're next, and that stew's poisoned?"

"I hate to accuse one of your friends, Qrow," Weiss added, "but…this is kind of weird."

"Allow me." Yen Sid stepped forward, passing a hand over the tureen. He took a reading from the steam, processing the magic in his mind. "There is no poison in this stew. I am detecting a slight trace of magic, but it is definitely a benevolent sort. Perhaps a blessing."

"Didn't know Leo knew any magic," Qrow said with suspicion. "But if you're sure there's nothin' bad in there…"

"Some magic can be produced in the kitchen by accident," Yen Sid related. "Depending on the herbs and other ingredients used in the dish."

"Whatever the case," Mickey said happily, "looks like we're eatin' good tonight!"

"I'LL GET BOWLS!" Ruby yelled, dashing for the kitchen cupboards.

And all discussion was put on hold so they could enjoy the delicious stew set before them, unaware that only the foot of the rabbit was utilized in the meat. And a lot of rabbits had been gone through to get enough feet for it.

...

Zevon hurtled back to the Mathra Trap chasm at top speed, five sets of snagnets in hand.

"I AM ON THE ROAD TO VICTORIORY!" he yelled with a grin. "IMPERIALOUS, PREPARE TO EAT RAVEN!"

The staff in his other hand began to glow softly, emanating a mild heat. "Hm?" Zevon looked to it, then back across the ravine.

On the other side of the Mathra Trap. A faint glitter, like a tiny star. The gem. Imperious hadn't found it after all, not yet. Because the Mathra Trap needed to be assembled in order for a person to reach it.

"Ohoho, CLEVER!" Zevon cried. "But not clever enough!"

He pulled up to the first pit, beside a golden statue shaped like a giant head. He knew the drill at this point. Before asking it, however, he observed. Brilliant in the night, he could now see a grid of light similar to that in the Chamber of Vision's projection: purple laser-lines etching it out.

"What must I do to complementete the trap?" Zevon asked the golden head.

Its eyes clicked open. "You can rebuild the Mathra Trap," it explained, "and claim your gemstone, too, by building five bridges out of stones, which I will give to you. But to move the bridge stones I give you, purple snagnets you'll need. Only if you have them will I allow you to proceed."

"You can see the full quintuple-let of snagnets right here!" Zevon shook the snakes at the head.

The golden head smiled. Then spat out a cinderblock-esque stone, right at Zevon's feet, almost crushing his toes.

"HEY! WATCH IT!" Zevon snapped as he backpedaled.

"I will give you bridge stones, like this one," the head explained. "One stone at a time. Now, take heed: notice that each bridge stone has two words."

Zevon did see. The language melted into one he could understand; one half of the long rectangle had "soft" emblazoned upon it and the other had "bubbly."

"Each bridge has a different rule for how to use those words," the head continued. "The rule for this bridge is: place the bridge stones so that whenever two words touch, the two words are opposites."

"I see!" Zevon crowed. "Antonymouses! Though how exactly does the trap work? I have seen how to assemblate it. Not what makes it tock."

"Assemble the bridge to create a barrier with a snagnetic field," the head explained. "The trap will activate once the bridge has been revealed. The snagnets pull all monsters to the Bottomless Pits of Doom. And then the bridge gives way, and those monsters fall to doom."

"Eurgh." Zevon flinched. "Grueful. But this'll work on vampires and mummies, right?"

"Yes," the head affirmed. "It will."

"Perfect!" Zevon cried, pumping a fist. "All right. Let's move those stones!"

It was part guesswork and part logic, figuring out which stones had to be placed where so that the next one the head spat out could fit in nicely and the words that touched were antonyms – "hard" to the "soft" and "flat" to the "bubbly." Each time Zevon needed to move a bridge stone, he used a snagnet to lower it onto the light grid, which held it in place. However, each snagnet would only form a new connection with one stone, and become dull and useless immediately after. So that was why each snake contained so many.

When Zevon had completed the first bridge ("BA-BAM!"), the stones transformed from a bridge of rock into a glittering purple barrier, stretching from one side of the chasm to the other. Satisfied, Zevon hurried to the next pit to assemble the next part of the bridge.

Assembling synonyms to create the green segment of the barrier was easy enough. But when Zevon reached the red bridge at center, he ran into a snag, for that involved homophones. And homophones involved pronunciation. And to Zevon, who was pretty sure a "homophone" was someone who treated gay people unfairly, this was a nightmare.

It wasn't long before he'd used up all his snagnets and only a few stones were in place – not even in places he felt confident they belonged on the bridge.

"Drats," Zevon muttered. "Now, which room had the red snakenets again – "

"Well, well."

"GAH!" Zevon whirled, coattails billowing, to see Russell directly behind him, flanked by Imperious and Steve.

"He cheated!" Imperious accused, pointing at Zevon. "Specifically, he cheated DEATH!"

"Looks like we'll have to fix that," Russell said threateningly, grinning as he took a step in Zevon's direction. "First one did feel a li'l anticlimactic, if ya ask me. Steve, dinner's on the house."

Zevon summoned the powers of his Corona staff a split second before Russell hurtled at him; a protective sphere, not unlike the one that held Mozenrath prisoner, surrounded Zevon, and Russell bounced off. But the vampire wasn't one to be deterred so easily. He tried again and again to bash the sphere with Zevon inside, yelling, "I'M GONNA CRACK YOU LIKE A FUCKIN' EGG!"

"I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?" Zevon yelled back.

"That fella could really, REALLY work on his banter." Steve clicked his tongue and shook his head.

The glinting from across the ravine caught Imperious' eye. "Wait…no! Is that? It can't be!" He pointed dramatically; "THE GEM OF THE CORONA AURORA!"

"We kill this fucker and it's three for the price of one!" Russell yelled in between runs at Zevon. "How d'ya think he's pullin' this bullshit?"

"I SAW IT FIRST, SO IT'S MINE!" Zevon yelled, and with that surge of determination, the sphere he was inside began to rise, glowing bright as a star as he levitated. And then he charged it right back at Russell, leaving a blue comet-tail as he bashed the vampire aside.

Steve hurried to avenge Russell, and Zevon found himself flying around the area near the chasm, bashing into each vampire as he came at the alchemist. "This isn't so horriblendous!" he cackled. "And to think you managed to slaughterfy the rest of the WHAM ARMY so easily! This is child's play!"

"He's right, you know," Imperious said. "You of all people should know: size matters!" He flinched; "WELL, NOW YOU'VE GOT ME DOING THE GUTTER TALK! AUGH!"

He flicked the fan angrily, and began to grow exponentially, becoming kaiju-sized in less than thirty seconds.

"This…might be more difficultous," Zevon said in awe as he noticed the mummy that was now tall enough to kick him around like a soccer ball.

"Fuckin' show-off," Russell grumbled.

Imperious cackled loudly as he raised a foot high to stomp on Zevon; Zevon steered his attack sphere up, up, forcing it to grow spines like a sea urchin as he aimed right for Imperious' face with a feral yell.

Imperious' fan backswatted him right into the ground. The sphere dissipated upon contact.

"Who said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch?" Russell said as he and Steve geared up.

"WAGH!" Zevon twisted about, aiming his staff at them and letting out a blast of iridescent light. It forked, hitting each vampire in the chest, but really only served as a beam to hold them back with pressure rather than a weapon.

"Kinda tickles!" Steve chuckled.

"You think your Corona Aurora can save you now?" Russell seethed around extended fangs. "Leaning on magic to pull the weight for you when two creatures who are your superior in every way stand before you, ready to devour you where you stand?"

"YOU MISCOUNTED!" Imperious boomed from above.

"No, he didn't," Steve sighed.

"Nonononono," Zevon muttered. "All right, all right…there have to be more tricks this staff can pull…maybe I – "

A piercing screech rent the night. All eyes went to the starry sky, where a new entity was coming into play.

Mathra himself. An enormous green winged lizard – probably a wyvern, Zevon realized – with someone on its back, someone who glimmered a distinct blue.

And Zevon had never been so glad to see that tacky armor.

"THE CORONA AURORA!" Kamdor yelled as he steered the mythic monster toward Imperious. "IS! MIIIIIIIIIIINE!"

At his beck, Mathra opened his jaws wide and spat out a flamethrower-beam of fire, striking Imperious in the chest and catching him off guard. He stumbled backward, tripping. As this happened, Mathra continued to dive, the flames washing toward Steve and Russell; the vampires instinctively dashed away, underfoot of the flailing Imperious.

Then Imperious lost his balance completely, and his clumsy Achilles tendons caught Russell and Steve on the way down. All three monsters plunged directly into the Bottomless Pits of Doom, without any need to even recreate the Mathra Trap.

"Heheheh!" Zevon crowed. "That'll hold 'em, all right!"

He put up a hand and waved; "I OWE YOU ONE!"

"I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR YOU!" Kamdor yelled back. "MIRATRIX, CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF – I MEAN BE QUIET!"

Mathra parked on the other side of the pits meant to trap him. Kamdor disembarked, and Zevon knew what he was going for.

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!" Zevon began to barrel toward him. "PUT THAT DOWN!"

It was too late. "HA-HAAAAA!" Kamdor crowed as he held up the blue sapphire. In an insult to injury, it was the exact same pose Zevon had used to hold up all of the snagnets (two sets of which he still hadn't even used). "SO LONG, ZEVON!"

In one fluid motion, Kamdor mounted the enormous wyvern, pointing to the sky, and Mathra disappeared into the midnight.

"Noooooo," Zevon moaned, falling to his knees.

At the agora, Mozenrath bided his time by counting the stars and seeing if any of the constellations looked at all familiar. He was utterly unprepared for a giant ball of Corona Aurora aura with Zevon in the midst of it like a hamster to collide with his prison, shattering both.

"WHAT – " Mozenrath was knocked head over heels, rolling backward.

"VICTORIUMPHY!" Zevon yelled, holding his remaining snagnets high.

"…You know, I'm not even going to complain." Mozenrath righted himself, waving his right hand and letting out an immense sigh of relief.

In a flash, Yzma, Wuya, Gill, Shocker, and Mysterio all returned to the land of the living, standing beside their previous corpses.

"Vampires?" Wuya seethed. "VAMPIRES? REALLY? IF I'D'VE KNOWN TO BE PREPARED FOR VAMPIRES, I WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO HANDLE THE VAMPIRES!"

She was cut off when Yzma rushed in front of her, pressing a hand to either side of her face; "Do you have ANY idea what it was like watching you DIE?"

"Um – "

Yzma pressed a long, desperate kiss to Wuya's lips, and Wuya didn't mind this one little bit, melting into it.

Shocker's eyes were on Mysterio, of course. How could he even begin to admit he'd gone through his own trauma seeing Quentin Beck explode into carnage, and wanted to reunite with him as passionately as Yzma was doing with Wuya right then?

Mysterio had noticed. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What about?" Shocker replied.

"You watched me die before your very eyes!" Mysterio urged, stamping a foot. "Doesn't that mean ANYTHING? Heartbreak? A horror you'll never be able to cleanse from behind your eyelids?"

"Tell you what, Beck." Shocker strode toward him. Placed a hand on his shoulder. Looked deep into that glass sphere, where the eyes would be.

Now or never.

"All that served to do was prove what I already know: that you're so incompetent I can't take my eyes off ya for a second."

Never, apparently.

Shocker mentally kicked himself. He'd tried. He really had. There was supposed to be an utterly different meaning behind "I can't take my eyes off you" in the first draft. But Mysterio's constant habit of making himself the star of the show had aggravated Shocker to the point where he knew it wasn't worth pursuing.

Yes. That was definitely it. Because Shocker wasn't shy, and couldn't be shy, and definitely wasn't tongue-tied, so this had to be a Mysterio problem and he was better off without.

Which Mysterio was all too glad to affirm, pulling away from him and turning sharply on a heel so that his cape fluttered and smacked Shocker. "I NEVER!" Mysterio cried. "And here I thought you were starting to respect me! And I thought I could – " He turned back to jab a finger at Shocker's face; "THE MINUTE THIS MISSION ENDS, I'M NEVER LOOKING AT YOUR DISDAINFUL FACE AGAIN!"

"Fine by me!" Shocker spat. "Means I won't have to look at yours! If you died for real, I'd just say 'good riddance' an' put dibs on your personal property!"

"AND IF YOU DIED, I'D – I'D – I'D JUST BE REALLY HAPPY!"

"Uuuggghhhh," Gill groaned. "Tell me the next world we go is somewhere we can split those two up so I don't have to deal with EITHER of them."

"Zevon." Mozenrath put out his right palm. "The gem."

"About that," Zevon replied.

Mozenrath flinched. "You don't have it."

"No. Not exactingly."

"The Overtakers have it," Mozenrath surmised, brow furrowing.

"They don't have it either!" Zevon argued.

"Then who has it?" Mozenrath asked, eyes already rolling up.

"Well…you see…there was a skirmage, and a lot of things happened, and to make a long story short…it's with Kamdor."

"I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE SURPRISED," Mozenrath growled, turning away from Zevon. "We'll just have to challenge him for the gem he has once we've picked up the rest. Unfortunately, I'm guessing he's on our trail, and we'll have to beat him to the other two. Which shouldn't be difficult so long as the only competent member of our team doesn't end up imprisoned again."

Shocker, Mysterio, Wuya, Yzma, Zevon, and Gill all cleared their throats.

"I stand by what I said," Mozenrath added. "Not that I think that'll change your points of view any."

And they all nodded, each secure in the knowledge that they all knew each considered themselves the competent one. And so long as they knew that was the page they were all on, there was hardly need to fight about it.

"Now let's go." Mozenrath cast a Corridor ahead. "I hope you all like swimming! And possibly musicals."

...

A/N: Admittedly, I don't actually watch True Blood, but I have seen many, many, many clips of Russell and Steve, all thanks to GAvillain and his fantabulous fic series "Quite a Glittering Assemblage." Me sticking Russell with Maleficent is absolutely a direct homage to QAGA because he made me love that alliance so much. If you want to read a crossover villain fic that has that alliance baked into the works from the very start, go check out GAvillain's work!

I have, however, seen the entirety of El-Hazard: The Wanderers. The El-Hazard continuity we are using is Wanderers (as you can maybe tell by the version of Ifurita used) and specifically the dub.