Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

154. WATYR Fest

A/N: While there are no official musical numbers, there are some songs that do appear in some capacity, so if you want them:

"Never" – Heart

"Born Bad" – Pattycake Productions

"The Bird and the Worm" – The Used

Also, if you don't know the Jabberwocky poem by now, give that a look-see!

...

Rachel Inlustris stepped up onto the stage that had been erected in the sandlot, approaching the microphone. She took a look out at the crowd standing before her.

She had no way of even quantifying how many people were in attendance. The sandlot was packed. Certain faces stood out to her among the crowd – Snatcher, Roman, Mozenrath, and Tony were watching her from beside the buffet table while the Huntsman leaned against a nearby wall. Aghoul, Mim, Yzma, and Wuya stopped chattering in order to pay Rachel attention. Velvet Crowe, Eleanor Hume, and Emerald Sustrai were grouped close together, their stares practically burning into Rachel. Hayner, Pence, Olette, and Tallulah had just filtered in. Megavolt at first looked entirely the wrong way before Quackerjack and Liquidator turned him around. Quentin Beck and Montana were doing their best to look like impressing them would take nothing short of a miracle. And that wasn't even everyone.

Rachel's heart pounded; she took a sharp inhale. Then leaned in toward the microphone, threw out an arm, and yelled, "HEL-LOOOOOOOOO TWILIGHT TOWN!"

The cheer that went up was sonorous, like the audio fallout from a bomb.

"Welcome to WATYR Fest!" Rachel went on, beaming bright. "An unrestrained, uncensored, unplanned and unpredictable night full of talent from our very own city! Who even knows what's gonna happen tonight? I sure don't! But it sure won't be boring!"

"She's like a little Frou Frou," Roman remarked. "Really, Archie, even if you don't consider her your Neo officially – "

"Yes, well." Snatcher waved it off. "Still remains to be seen. Admirable young lady, at any rate. Am I not right, Mr. Dracon?"

"You're definitely not wrong," Tony replied.

"Is that you slavering with desire I see?" Snatcher teased.

"Believe it or not, I have some self-control," Tony said smugly. "Have to, for her especially."

"Well, any man can suppress all such desires through sheer force of will," Snatcher argued. "Lord knows I did for several decades."

"That's not something any man can do," Roman sighed. "Trust me. I'm speaking from experience."

"Well, then," Snatcher stated with a grin, "it simply means I'm a superior sort of man."

"And here we go." Mozenrath rolled his eyes.

"For our first act!" Rachel introduced. "We have the magnificent, mellifluous Magilou and her sidekick Ainsley Orlando performing stand-up comedy! GIVE IT UP!" She backed off the stage to the sound of applause.

Magilou and Ainsley stepped up. So did Once-ler, who took his position at a drum set at the back of the stage. "Thank you, thank you!" Magilou bowed playfully. "I'd say you're too kind, but we all know I deserve it. MAGIKAZAM!"

The audience tittered.

"So, Twilight Town!" Magilou began. "What is it with the perpetual sunset? The other night, I arranged with my girlfriend to meet up for a romantic picnic by sunset. The only problem was I showed up three hours early by accident!"

There was a little more laughter at that joke.

"That sounds like a problem that could've been solved with proper communication," Ainsley pointed out. "The sky does work on a timetable here, so you and your girlfriend could've coordinated better. There really wasn't a reason for you to miss each other."

Silence.

"Maybe to you," Magilou retorted. "But they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I think that's reason enough! She didn't agree, though!"

Once-ler then did the job he was hired for, which was to play a loud rimshot, and the audience was full of joyful laughter.

"Are we still talking about a hypothetical?" Ainsley asked. "Or was this something that actually happened?"

"It was a joke," Magilou replied. "Geez, I've heard that people can't take a joke nowadays, but I never thought it would happen to the comedians telling them!"

Another rimshot and more laughter.

"Oh," Ainsley realized. "Okay, now I get it. Though admittedly, it kinda feels like I'm being mocked for taking everything literally."

"You don't take everything literally!" Magilou assured. "That's the definition of a kleptomaniac. And you don't steal THAT much!"

More laughter still.

"But if you're feeling embarrassed," Magilou went on, "imagine how I must feel. I'm the one everyone keeps laughing at!"

"Can I tell at least one joke?" Ainsley asked.

"Sure thing!" Magilou assured. "After all, if there's one thing neither of us is, it's a 'straight man'!"

Once-ler played another rimshot.

"So a horse walks into a bar," Ainsley said in perfect monotone, "and the bartender asks if he'd like anything to drink. He says 'I think not.' And then he disappears. Because the philosopher Descartes always said 'I think, therefore I am,' but I couldn't explain that part first or it would've been putting Descartes before the horse."

Once-ler played a whole drum riff to accompany the rimshot. There weren't many in the audience who laughed at that one, but those who did absolutely howled.

"See?" Magilou whispered to a much more satisfied Ainsley. "I told you we didn't need a script!" She raised her voice: "Speaking of carts and horses, I have to wonder why you don't just get horses to pull those carts on Market Street instead of hiring teenagers. I mean, obviously the horses would ask for much less in salary!"

The routine went on for a while. As it did so, Mozenrath tried to hammer in the point of the argument he'd been backing since the beginning: "You. Are. Demisexual. You're demisexual, you're DEMISEXUAL, and do you really think I don't know what I'm talking about?"

"I know you are attempting to determine MY identity for me!" Snatcher snapped back. "And what of you? How would you like it if I started to insist you were – er – nonbinary?"

"I mean, I'd be a little annoyed," Mozenrath replied. "Because here's the thing: I know I'm not nonbinary. You, on the other hand, don't seem to know that you're demisexual."

"FOR THE LAST TIME – "

"WHO'S DEMISEXUAL?" Rachel had appeared beside the group, beaming brightly.

"NO ONE!" Snatcher insisted.

"HIM!" Mozenrath pointed accusingly.

"I think we could use a change of subject before this gets ugly," Tony suggested.

"Get ugly?" Mozenrath sighed. "Really? But I'm here. How can it be ugly?"

"Same here," Roman said.

"I'll drink to that," Tony added.

"Oh, rub it in, why DON'T you," Snatcher huffed, folding his arms.

"Aww, c'monnn!" Roman put a hand on his shoulder. "That's not the spirit. You're supposed to claim 'me, too'!"

"Glasses on or off?" Rachel asked dryly. "Because that affects the answer on my end."

"Not you toooooo," Roman groaned. "We're all hot, end of story."

"But I'm the MOST attractive," Mozenrath argued.

"I mean, maybe objectively," Rachel said. "But – "

When she felt the four pairs of eyes on her, she decided that "I'm not gonna finish that sentence."

It turned into three pairs of eyes on Tony, who smirked because he figured he knew how that sentence might end.

"So!" Rachel brought up. "Catering! Who took care of it? …Tell me someone took care of it."

"As a matter of fact," Mozenrath answered, "it was Dr. Drakken of all people who stepped up to the plate on that one. He and Vexen were eyeing a world whose technology they wanted to salvage in the first place, and it just so happened there was a cute little café on the corner that happened to have four reformed delinquents skilled in the art of cheap food. Now, of course, we couldn't have that pesky 'reformed' part, but that's the nice thing about them being pieces of tech. We can just overwrite that!"

A high, tinny voice from behind Rachel said "Hello, Miss! Can I take your order?"

She whirled to behold a strange little robot. It was only as tall as a child, mostly humanoid but with a great metal burger shape in place of a head. Its body was dressed in overalls.

"Uh…" Rachel looked from the robot back to Mozenrath. "What…are we serving?"

"Why, Noodle Burgers, of course!" The robot unhinged a compartment in its jaw and pulled out a fully-formed burger. "They don't call me 'Noodle Burger Boy' for nothin'!"

"Crude as the purpose is," Mozenrath explained, "Drakken was actually impressed by the tech. He's around here somewhere…as it turns out, little innocent Noodle Burger Boy can pack a heavy artillery."

"I've been reprogrammed to follow WHAM ARMY conditioning," Noodle Burger Boy explained as he hoisted up the burger, "and that means a glorious return to supervillainy!" Then, in the most unnerving possible tone: "Hee hee. Hee hee."

Rachel inspected the burger. Its bun seemed to be made of congealed ramen fried with egg. "Gross," she muttered.

"You can't say it's gross until you've tried it!" Noodle Burger Boy insisted. "This is an original, with soy sauce flavoring, fried egg, sriracha, and arugula! Try it!"

"No thanks," Rachel replied.

"Try it!" Noodle Burger Boy repeated. "Try it! Try it! Tryittryittryittryit!" His eyes glowed fiercely red as his voice deepened to unholy levels: "TRY IT!"

Rachel took the burger so as not to end up a casualty. A tentative bite, a little chewing, and…

"Holy shit." Her eyes widened. "This is the best fucking burger I've ever had in my life." Now she was stuffing it into her face. "Does it come in other kinds? Can I put pickles on it? How many pickles can I put on it?"

"If you want," Noodle Burger Boy replied, "you can put up to WAY TOO MANY pickles on it!"

"I like this guy," Rachel said around a mouthful of Noodle Burger. "Didn't you say there were more?"

"Yeah, hi, I'm doing drinks."

"WHOA!" Rachel spun to see an equally short robot in the shape of a rounded anthrophomorphic panda in a green uniform. The expression on the panda's face was decidedly sour.

"Hey, you met Hangry Panda!" Roman said. "She's making smoothies."

"Cute nickname," Rachel told him. "What's her real name?"

"HAN-GRY PAN-DA," Hangry Panda insisted.

"Well, now, don't be rude to the lady." Tony scowled at Hangry Panda.

"You got a problem, pal?" Hangry Panda replied.

"I don't think I like your attitude." Tony pulled back his jacket just enough for Hangry Panda to see the gun he had holstered.

"DRAKKEN!" Hangry Panda yelled. "DRAKKEN, I'M BEING THREATENED!"

That brought a streak of blue over in a heartbeat. "I'M COMING, SHEGO!" Drakken pulled to a halt. "Oh, no, wait, it's you, Hangry Panda." He scratched his head. "She sounds just like Shego. Does anyone else hear it?"

Rachel, Snatcher, Roman, Mozenrath, and Tony all shook their heads.

"Yes, but I could SWEAR – " Drakken cut himself off. "Anyway, who's doing the threatening?"

"Mr. Skunk Hair over here." Hangry Panda extended a metal paw to Tony.

"It's okay!" Rachel protested. "She was mean to me, and he was…well, actually, you know what? No. It's not fucking okay because your robot was mean to me."

"Well, that's no reason to destroy this perfectly reprogrammed evil minion!" Drakken argued. "I spent a lot of time on these! It wasn't easy! The technology that upgraded Noodle Burger Boy from his original state was advanced. I mean REALLY advanced. I'd like to meet whoever did that job. The other three, well, I just did my best to replicate the Noodle Burger Boy schematics without ruining the charming aesthetic."

"I'm charming," Hangry Panda said in monotone. "You can't destroy me."

"Then don't be fucking rude," Rachel snapped back.

"You, er, you might want to halt it there," Snatcher warned softly. "Lord Mozenrath had the exact same argument with Miss Panda not ten minutes before you arrived – "

"AND ABOUT THAT!" Rachel yelled. "You guys wanna know why I was LATE?"

"You…you were on time just now," Snatcher told her.

"I had ORIGINALLY planned on being here half an hour early to help with setup!" Rachel barked. "But guess who was supposed to come pick me up so we could walk to the site together? When I find Dr. Bushroot, I'm going to KICK HIS ASS."

"Can I watch?" Roman asked.

"Yeah, me too?" Hangry Panda chimed in.

"Sure!" Rachel replied. "Might even do it on stage for the public. Anyway, you said something about drinks."

"Eeeeeyep," Hangry Panda replied. "I do smoothies. Name two fruits and I can blend 'em."

"…Pineapple mango?" Rachel asked.

"Five minutes tops." Hangry Panda waddled off to the buffet table, where she retrieved the named fruits and stuffed them in her round mouth. Her teeth spun, grinding up the fruit. One could also see the other two robots playing waitress – a purple hippopotamus with an adorable smile, levitating off the ground by several feet, and also a buff anthropomorphic mushroom who carried several trays at once. Zerons Beta and Omega had also been roped into food distribution, and they didn't look happy about it, but whenever they slacked, Hyper-Potamus would try to give them a pep talk while Crushroom would chase them around with metal fists at the ready, so between the two flavors of nuisance, they'd just given in to their fate.

"Anyway, I should head back up front so I can announce the next act," Rachel said.

"Mind if I join you?" Tony stepped up beside her, sliding an arm around her shoulders.

Rachel seemed to cease functioning. "Gah. Uh. I."

"Miss Inlustris would be HONORED," Snatcher filled in.

Roman flashed them both two thumbs up as they walked up front.

"Good!" Mozenrath remarked. "Now I only have to deal with ONE annoying couple throwing public displays of affection in my face."

"Technically, Mr. Dracon and Miss Inlustris are not yet official," Snatcher replied.

"Oh, you don't want PDA?" Roman challenged. "Archie, sweetheart, he says he doesn't want PDA."

"What a shame we're about to do this, then," Snatcher replied.

Within a second they were making out and Mozenrath was muttering his regrets.

"Oh, Mozenrath." Vexen strode up to the group. "…First and foremost, I pity you having to witness this disgusting display."

"Appreciated," Mozenrath replied. "Didn't think you'd be in town."

"Yes, well, I stopped by to return something to you that I borrowed," Vexen explained. "Something necessary for the success of this event."

Behind him, Deymos jumped up and down, raising a hand; "It's me! I'm the thing!"

"Keep him," Mozenrath said flatly.

Snatcher and Roman broke apart so that Snatcher could argue. "Lord Mozenrath, what have we said about antagonizing Mr. Deymos?"

"That it's the best way to get him off the team even faster?" Mozenrath grunted.

"You know you love me," Deymos teased. "EVERYONE loves me. I'm adorable."

"Hey. Iceman." Roman awkwardly shifted aside, making a beckoning motion.

Vexen followed him some paces away. "What is it, Roman?"

"Just…figured out what you and Dishwater have been doing in this town the whole time," Roman said, unable to meet Vexen's gaze head-on. "Your little therapy sessions. Just had a question."

"Yes?"

"Is this…why you would bend over backward to not use the front yard when WE lived in that house?"

Vexen flinched. "So you remember."

"Yeah. Not our best lair by a long shot, though."

"I suppose there's no value in trying to deny what you already know," Vexen replied. "I had thought our occupying the building might be the exposure needed for me to – well, you can surmise. As it were, I was grateful Mozenrath had larger eyes for the battleship." An eyebrow quirked up. "I suppose you're considering how to best use this against me."

"Nahhhh," Roman replied. "Because let's be real! The minute I do, you figure out how you can use bird vore against me. I'm not opening that door. Let's both agree to never speak of this again."

Vexen nodded. "A fair decision."

While all this had gone on, there were several other murmurs in the crowd.

"All right, everybody!" Entrapta urged Hordak, Catra, and Scorpia to press close to her while she used a pigtail to hold a phone far out in front of the group. "Say 'Horde'!"

"That's not gonna make a good picture face!" Catra argued.

Click. The resulting image had perfectly captured Catra yelling, Scorpia awkwardly flinching, Hordak standing stone-still with a sour expression, and Entrapta beaming like the sun.

"I'm so glad we can hang out like this!" Entrapta gushed. "It's just too bad about Wrong Hordak stepping on that urchin. Well, at least he has Kronk to nurse his foot back to health."

"Well, hey," Scorpia pointed out. "This way, we don't get him and Hordak mixed up."

Hordak's expression softened. "That is somewhat reassuring."

Catra felt a shifting at her waist. "HEY!" Her claws went out to cover her purse.

"Oops!" Ezor shifted back into visibility. "Sorry! Thought you were a random civilian."

Entrapta gasped, eyes sparkling; "Are you using Magilou's comedy act as a distraction to pick pockets?" As a gasp: "That's so cleverrrrrr!"

"Shhhh!" Ezor hissed. "Not so loud, okay? You're gonna blow our cover! …Then again, HE'S already doing a great job making that cover in the first place."

She gestured to where a woman was fretting over a stolen necklace that had disappeared from right around her neck.

"Absolute injustice!" Jack Sparrow told her. "I've had several of my effects taken from me in this very crowd! What say you we hunt the perpetrators down and turn them in to the proper authorities? You'll take the left, and I'll take the right."

And her necklace was being stuffed into his back pocket.

"We'll find them in no time!" the woman snarled.

"And do be careful to keep a better hold on the rest of your items," Jack warned as the woman stomped past him. But she obviously didn't take that advice, because he was able to grab a munny pouch from her back pocket as she passed by.

"Pirates make do when there's no sea or sky nearby," Ezor giggled. "Anyway, I'm gonna show Zethrid the haul. You guys have fun!" She vanished entirely once more.

"So," Catra asked, "what're you guys all gonna buy with the new pirate fund? I'm thinking…cool sword."

"I wanna go to that shop Hordak found," Scorpia admitted. "That dress is SO classy. I need one. Well, not that exact one, because that'd just be tacky for us to just have the same dress." An awkward laugh.

Hordak nodded. "I have had quite enough of uniformity. There is a sizeable selection there, though. You should find something unique to suit you. As for me…" He shook his head. "I suppose I have what I had wanted more than anything else in the world. Appreciation, a place to call my own. To know what frivolities I want from here will take thinking."

He was pulled right into a tight embrace from Scorpia; "Awww, you big softie!"

"I'm gonna buy robot parts," Entrapta said. "But you guys probably guessed that."

"Hey, Entrapta." Catra smirked, striking a pose. "Still wanna play with that camera? 'Cause this is my good side."

Olette had just laughed at the latest rimshot when she spotted a particular head of pink hair bobbing in the crowd. "SYLVIE!" she yelled. "HEY, SYLVIE!"

Sylvie Ashling flinched, turning to see Olette waving at him. His face grew red; "OLETTE! I, uh…didn't expect to see you here! At the…at the thing pretty much everyone in town was going to."

He wanted to take off and hide in the concourse for that one.

Olette led Hayner, Pence, and Tallulah over to him. "Off babysitting duty tonight?" Hayner asked.

"I made Rokurou and Eizen take the kids," Sylvie replied. "Only Molly and Laphicet wanted to come anyway. So it's just me. Which means I'm free to hang out with people. Not that, y'know, I need to hang out with any people. But if any people are interested, then I can hang out with…any people I want who also want."

"Wow," Pence whispered. "He's got it bad."

"Poor guy," Tallulah whispered back.

"Are…you saying you wanna hang out with us?" Olette smiled.

"May…be?" Sylvie replied. "Every time I say something, I end up wanting to kick myself in the behind, so how about you interpret that however you want?"

Pence fiddled with a camera around his neck; "We gotta get a group shot! Hey, they're taking pictures!" He waved over to Catra and Entrapta. "Can one of you help us out?"

Catra was there immediately. "You guys want a photo, huh?" she asked.

"I don't like the way you said that," Sylvie said with suspicion.

"Why not?" Catra asked innocently. "I just wanna help out a friend. C'mon, let's do this. Get in the picture."

So Sylvie, Olette, Hayner, Pence, and Tallulah crowded together.

"On three!" Catra told them. "One…two…"

Smiles and peace signs were displayed.

At the last minute, Catra whipped the camera about-face and photographed herself instead.

"DAMMIT, CATRA!" Sylvie yelled.

Catra was already looking at the printout photo with admiration. "Hey, that one came out pretty neat!"

"GIVE IT BACK SO WE CAN ACTUALLY TAKE A PICTURE!" Sylvie yelled.

"I was gonna," Catra snarked. "But now that you wanna be all mean about it, I think I'd rather make you work for it." She turned and bolted into the crowd.

"HEY!" Hayner chased after her first. "GET BACK HERE WITH THAT!"

"ON IT!" Tallulah overtook him, quickly gaining on Catra thanks to her roller skates.

It was Tallulah who ended up catching Catra and retrieving the camera; Catra had a good laugh at this while Hayner stared dreamily at the girl on skates who'd just saved the day.

At last, Magilou ran out of quips, and she, Ainsley, and Once-ler departed. Rachel took the stage once more; "THANK YOU, MA-GI-LOU! And let's hear it for Ainsley and their friend on the drums!"

When the applause died down, Rachel went on: "Up next, we have the musical stylings of everyone's favorite theatrical couple! Borrowing the backup music talent of our very own Scaramouche, it's ORPHEUS AND SETZER GABBIANI!"

The two men who arrived onstage couldn't have looked gaudier. Orpheus Gabbiani was dressed in a long teal coat hemmed with peacock feathers, an extravagant hat perched upon his long brown locks. His husband Setzer, on the other hand, wore layers of flowing purple topped with a billowing overcoat; his silver mane cascaded freely and voluminously.

Scaramouche took his place at the back of the stage, putting his lips to the flute. An effervescent melody filled the air, magically amplified by the speakers. Orpheus and Setzer began to twirl and gallivant around each other gracefully, giving a harmonious "WAH-OH-OH-OHHHHH-OOH-OH!" before settling in side-by-side.

"Hey, baby, I'm talkin' to you!" Orpheus sang – to Setzer and the audience both. "Stop yourself and listen!"

"Some things you can never choose," Setzer sang in response, "even if you try!"

"Oh, it's them already?" Aghoul popped up by Mozenrath, Roman, and Snatcher. He had Mim, Wuya, and Yzma in tow.

"Hang on," Mim observed. "Where's – "

The Huntsman arrived, holding out a plate to Mozenrath. "One no-frills Noodle Burger with only cucumbers as garnish. As requested."

Mozenrath levitated the burger toward himself as the Huntsman doffed his headgear to bite into his own.

"Ah," Yzma said. "Well, that answers that."

"You know," Aghoul commented, "these two have the most wonderful love story."

"And you know that…how?" Mozenrath flinched.

"I went around 'accidentally' bumping into people to get a snapshot of their thoughts and see what we were dealing with here," Wuya explained flatly. "You get good gossip that way, too."

"You see," Aghoul was already explaining, "Orpheus is a regular actor in the theater circuit here. There was a particular performance where he was understudy to the male lead, but it was the FEMALE lead who was incapacitated instead. Nothing fatal, unfortunately. Well, Orpheus here stood up to the challenge and dolled himself up to look like a woman for the part."

"As any great man can and should," Snatcher said with a nod.

"As it turned out," Aghoul went on, "Setzer was smitten with the actress Orpheus had replaced, and so he lay in wait just offstage so he could abduct her and convince her why they should be wed."

"Because of COURSE this isn't an Aghoul love story if there's no kidnapping," Mozenrath groaned.

"Yeah, but I think I like the gay twist in this," Roman urged. "Go on."

"Well, as you can imagine," Aghoul went on, "Orpheus was so convincing that Setzer thought he was the girl he coveted. Imagine his surprise when he'd gotten his delicate flower of a hostage so many blocks from the theater only to discover it was in fact a completely different person than he'd intended! But as it turned out, he'd thought 'her' performance was better that night than ever before, and he had to respect that level of trickery."

"I should hope," Mim huffed. "You can't just let a deception like that slip through your fingers!"

"And the next thing you know," Aghoul finished, "they're married!"

"Yes!" Roman replied. "EXACTLY the gay twist we need in these modern times!"

"Aghoul," Mozenrath sighed, "I've really had enough of you telling me about your OWN marriages without bringing up anybody else's."

"What's that?" Aghoul cupped a hand to his ear playfully. "Did I hear Mozenrath asking me to tell him more stories of my past marriages?"

"Wait, NO – " Mozenrath sputtered.

"Did I ever tell you about Maryam?" Aghoul asked.

"YES!" Mozenrath insisted. "AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES!"

"She had legs that just wouldn't quit," Aghoul sighed. "Well, until I strangled her. Then her whole body quit. But then the undeath kicked in – "

Mozenrath let out a feral growl.

"See this?" Wuya nudged Yzma with an elbow. "This is why I pick up gossip."

"WE CAN'T GO O-O-O-ON!" Setzer and Orpheus chorused. "JUST RUNNIN' A-WAY! IF WE WAIT ANY LONGER, WE'LL SURELY NEVER GET AWAY! WHOA-OH-OH-AH! ANYTHING YOU WANT, WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN! STAND UP AND TURN AROUND; NEVER LET 'EM SHOOT US DOWN! NEEEEE-VER! NEEEEEE-VER!"

"Okay, pal," Hangry Panda groaned. "I'm gonna say this JUST THE ONCE. This is a dry event! No liquor!"

"Surely you can see how expanding your repertoire might improve your reputation among the current clientele," Jack Sparrow urged.

"NO RUM!" Hangry Panda roared. "NO BEER, NO WINE, NO ANYTHING ELSE UNLESS IT'S A SMOOTHIE!"

"Or water!" Hyper-Potamus chirped. "Drinking water keeps you healthy!"

"I'd rather sail my ship upon water and drink rum that there'd be more for the sea," Jack retorted.

"Cute," Hangry Panda droned. "Now get outta my face!"

The scene, however, had attracted the attention of Neo, who came with the Malachite Sisters in tow. Neo pointed to Hangry Panda, making motions.

"What now?" Hangry Panda asked. "I already made you three Neapolitan shakes! Where are you putting them all?"

Neo motioned to Hangry Panda, then to a bowl of fruit on the table, then to Jack.

"You should so order a smoothie," Melanie told the captain.

"I'd rather not debase myself," Jack replied.

"Just do it, dumbass!" Melanie hissed, and Jack began to realize there was a scheme going on here.

"On second thought," he said, "perhaps I could learn to live with your…sober fare. Something that tastes of tropical isles."

"One pineapple coconut smoothie," Hangry Panda told him flatly.

She mixed it up. Handed it over. Turned back to the table to take more orders.

Miltia motioned Jack over, then retrieved a tiny, rhinestone-studded hip flask. She unscrewed the cap, emptying it into the smoothie, while Neo cast an illusion to hide what they were doing.

"Listen," Miltia told Jack. "You and me agree on one thing and that's that this whole song and dance needs booze. And also I heard you're part of that crime syndicate that's a bunch of weenies but also a useful alliance."

"Much as I should be obligated to argue the terminology you've applied," Jack told her, "I shall refrain as a fair trade for the drink."

The hard smoothie tasted delicious.

"…And next thing you know, they ended up married!" Tsumugi Shirogane gasped happily to the other RENT cast members (and guests) thronged around her. She clasped her hands together joyously; "That is exactly the kind of love story I want to happen to me!"

"You…want to be kidnapped," Peepers said dryly. "And taken hostage. And then marry the person."

"Mostly I was referring to our love of theatrical productions," Tsumugi corrected. "Why, if anything, I'd be the abductor, since I tend to stay backstage!"

"Please," Quentin Beck scoffed. "Any man who swept me off my feet after a performance isn't trying hard enough. I would demand more. Montana here knows how it works."

"More or less," Montana confirmed. "All the same, I ain't one to shoot down a lady's dreams."

Demongo blew a kiss up to Scaramouche, then whispered, "I can see how hard he is holding back from using the song to wreak havoc."

"I can relate," Discord said dryly.

"WH – DISCORD!" Peepers flinched away. "WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?"

"Approximately thirteen minutes and forty-five-and-a-half seconds ago," Discord replied. "Are you saying you didn't WANT me here?"

"No!" Peepers hissed. "But we all know you won't be able to BEHAVE! What else have you redecorated around town?"

"Nothing," Discord replied.

"DISCOOOOORD," Peepers urged.

"Well, it was the local professional sports arena, so BASICALLY nothing," Discord amended.

"Discord!" Peepers snapped. "That's the single most conspicuous building to alter! They're gonna notice IMMEDIATELY!"

"And THANK me for removing the gravity!" Discord insisted. "It's going to make football that much more entertaining to play! That's if they play football here. Well, some sport will be made more interesting."

"I…I hate that you're right," Peepers sighed. "Anyway, can you just behave until the event's over?"

"I'm hearing that I can go wild the minute the event is over," Discord replied.

"DISCORD, I SWEAR TO GROP – "

"All right, all right." Discord put up a paw. "I'll be good. Draconequus' honor. Besides, I'm just here to watch the show anyway. It's local talent, which means inherent chaos."

"I mean, these guys aren't bad," Garfield Lynns commented.

"And the offbeat comedy duo before them was very skilled," Ragdoll added. "The comedy may have been average, but they did an EXCELLENT job of distracting the crowd while their associates picked through the audience's jewelry."

Magilou skipped over to where Velvet, Emerald, and Eleanor awaited her. "Well?" she gave a twirl. "What did you think of my magnificent performance?"

"It was great!" Eleanor said with a smile. "I really laughed a lot!"

"You really are a cynic through and through," Velvet added. "And that's where all the best humor comes from."

"You and Ainsley play surprisingly well off each other," Emerald noted.

"I can play well off anyone," Magilou boasted.

Velvet thought back to when she (or the human she was based on, anyhow) had insisted upon a comedy tour of their world, testing out everyone in their traveling party as a member of the duo. She certainly hadn't thought she could play well off just anyone then – not when Rokurou insisted on halting the act to infodump about sword maintenance.

"Um…hey," Emerald muttered. "This isn't…like…awkward, is it? Me being here? I know you three were a thing, and – "

"OF COURSE NOT!" Eleanor blurted. "We love you! Having you here, I mean!"

"The more, the merrier!" Magilou agreed. "And you and Velvet certainly make a pair!"

"Let's just say you're not interrupting anything," Velvet grumbled. "The three of us can make room for a friend."

"Though sometimes," Magilou pointed out, "we send our partner in comedy and their drum-playing rock star halfway across the lot on purpose so we can just have some…girl talk." A wink.

Emerald regarded her with suspicion; "What…does that mean?"

"We'll see." Magilou put her hands behind her head, rocking back and forth.

Emerald shrugged it off. She turned back to watch the performance, not fully aware of the fact that Velvet, Eleanor, and Magilou were all watching her instead, with soft smiles to go around.

Tony was in the midst of telling Rachel a story from a heist back in New York: "By this time, the car was doing at least ninety. Cops were starting to catch up, so I laid down cover fire. Managed to hit one right through the window. Car spiraled. The pileup was probably one of the more impressive things I've done."

Rachel's eyes sparkled like twin beacons. "This is absolutely the kind of story I should NOT be finding this cool."

"Well, I won't complain if you're impressed," Tony chuckled.

The sound of DNAmy's voice cut through as she ran up to them: "Tooooo-nyyyyy! Have you seen Reggie anywhere? We were supposed to meet up here, but I can't find him, and he hasn't answered any of the hundred calls I've placed to his phone over the past fifteen minutes!"

"Can't say I have," Tony replied.

"Wait." Rachel cringed. "So…Dr. Bushroot didn't show up to pick me up. He didn't show up for your date, and now he's not answering his phone. I'm…actually starting to get scared something happened to him. Something HAPPENED to him, didn't it?"

"I'll see what I can find out." Tony withdrew his own scroll, tapping a message.

Amy's phone beeped. She withrew it expectantly, only to find a message from Tony on the screen:

"Pretend this is from him. Or she'll have a meltdown."

Amy caught on immediately. "Oh, that was him just now! He's running late. Business in the local botanical garden; I should've known!"

"Okay, that's good," Rachel replied. "But also, I REALLY NEED TO KICK HIS ASS NOW."

Tony sent Amy another: "Get kamdor and Deymos to put out a search."

"I'm gonna go meet up with him at the rendez-vous point!" Amy chirped. "Toodle-oo!" And off she skipped.

As soon as she left, another arrived, for the first time wearing a fluffy gray sweater and jeans as opposed to a supervillain's getup. "Whoa-ho-ho, COMPOSER! Didn't put it together you'd be here!"

Rachel felt an electric jolt down her spine. Fear and joy mingled as she whirled to greet the newcomer; "GIOVANNI?"

"I mean, in retrospect, it should've been obvious," Giovanni went on, "since you mentioned you worked at the store that's hosting this and…" His eyes traveled from her to Tony and back. "Um. Am I interrupting…?"

"No!" Rachel sputtered. "I mean yes! I mean – Tony, is he interrupting?"

"Friend of yours?" Tony teased.

"Uh…yeah," Rachel replied. "Remember the freelance gig I mentioned?"

"Right," Tony realized. "So you're the famous Banzai Blaster crime lord."

"Depends on who's asking," Giovanni replied. "You, uh…you a cop?"

"Let's just say you and I are in a similar line of work," Tony informed him.

"What, freelancers?" Giovanni answered.

Rachel cleared her throat loudly.

"OH," Giovanni realized. "You're a cr – I mean, uh, a FREELANCER freelancer." And a wink.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Tony asked.

"Uh…yeah," Rachel muttered, feeling flushed. "Tony, this is Giovanni Potage. Giovanni, this is Tony."

Tony put out his right hand; "A pleasure."

Giovanni seized it and started shaking it wildly; "SO glad to meet a fellow crime enthusiast. Wait a minute, you're with the one group, aren't you? What was it, the KABLAM NAVY?"

"…Close enough," Tony replied. "And you're one of the heads of the new group squatting in the old mansion."

"Guilty as charged!" Giovanni affirmed.

"I was actually just telling Cupcake here a few of my more interesting stories while we wait for the songbirds to wind down," Tony said. "Care to listen in?"

"First of all, you call her 'Cupcake'?" Giovanni snickered. "Man, that is one embarrassing nickname. I'm saying this as a guy whose Blaster name was DEFINITELY not 'Creampuff' on the entry level."

"How'd you get THAT name?" Rachel asked.

"I make killer cream puffs," Giovanni replied. "…IS WHAT I WOULD SAY IF THAT WAS WHAT HAPPENED. The point is, I would LOVE to hear your heist stories!"

"Well, then I might as well tell one of the darker ones," Tony decided. "How we Dracons got a foothold in Staten Island. That was territory even my old man couldn't crack."

Near the back of the audience, Zevon and Kamdor watched the duet onstage. "This is boring!" Kamdor decided.

"You're telling me!" Zevon folded his arms. "They picked a Heart song! What a drull selectation!"

Amy came along, literally dragging Deymos behind her. "Kammie!" she greeted. "I need a favor."

"NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN," Kamdor seethed.

"Remind me why I'm here?" Deymos asked.

"Because I need the same favor from you, sweetie," Amy replied. "Reggie's gone missing, and I just want to be sure he hasn't fallen into the wrong clutches. Whether that's of another woman or enemy lines. Could you pretty pretty please conjure up an army of inanimate objects and water forms to go search town for him?"

"Fine," Kamdor huffed. "But only because I need a distraction from this song!"

"If I make the army and set them loose," Deymos asked, "will you let me go so I can get back to chilling?"

"Yes," Amy told him.

Deymos and Kamdor ducked around back of one of the nearby buildings, looking for scraps to turn into monsters to the beat of a sitar's song. Amy looked at Zevon in the meantime; "You have the whole Corona at this point, don't you, sweetie? Could you use that to look too?"

"I didn't wear the Corona Aurora HERE!" Zevon spat. "I wouldn't bring it to such casualitous affairings! Someone could very easily pilferloin it!"

"That's a shame," Amy told him. "It would really bring out your eyes."

"WHOA-OH-AH-AH!" Orpheus and Setzer chorused, doing a final spin. "NEEEEE-VERRRR!" And then they came to a halt, one arm from each stretched toward the audience.

"Oop! That's my cue!" Rachel hissed, departing just as Tony wrapped up the tale of the Staten Island Slaughter.

"So, like, just to be upfront," Giovanni told him, "I'm not as big on the murder thing, but I don't police how much other villains do it. And it sounds like that other crime family was a bunch of jerks, so yeah, I think you were in the right here. Well, in the wrong, since it's evil, but the right kind of wrong. You sound like a pretty talented guy."

"That's because I am." Tony smirked.

"So in exchange," Giovanni replied, "how about I tell you one of my own heist stories? Say…THE TALE OF THE HIJACKED COLLEGE MASCOT!"

Orpheus, Setzer, and Scaramouche hustled offstage; Rachel took their place, calling out, "GIVE IT UP for the Gabbianis! You know, funny story. They're actually my downstairs neighbors; I live on the top floor of a threeplex. And let me tell you those floors are just thin enough that I can tell you those two have been choreographing that for WEEKS."

Suddenly, Orpheus back at her side: "Likewise, we could mention Rachel's penchant for LOUD EMO MUSIC."

"Gotta do chores to something," Rachel replied, lightly shoving him away. "And to complete the coincidence triad, our basement neighbor Dimitri Denatos is here to regale us with a poem that's near and dear to his heart! Take it away, Dimitri!"

She left the stage, and in her place arrived not one but two people. Dimitri Denatos was a tall, stately brunette man who wore a three-piece suit. He had not, however, written the name of his accomplice: a disheveled, purple-skinned person dressed in paisley rags, fingernails eerily long.

"Oh," Rachel said as she returned to Tony and Giovanni. "He brought the creepy guy."

Dimitri leaned forward to the microphone to say quite elegantly, "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe."

To which his partner followed up whimsically: "All mimsy were the borogoves! And the mome raths outgrabe."

"Who's the creepy guy?" Giovanni asked.

"So okay," Rachel explained. "Like I said. Gabbianis are the main floor, I'm on the second, and Dimitri in the basement. First of all, I'm pretty sure he's a vampire. You NEVER see him out when there's a certain percentage of sunlight. Only when it's like this." She gestured up to where the late evening twilight was darkening in blue. "Also there have been disappearances. I don't ask because I don't want to end up one. But here's the thing. His wife Zoe is the nicest lady you'll ever meet, and she has a killer wardrobe. She comes out during the day all the time. And whenever Dimitri comes out at night, it's never with her. He always meets back up with the creepy guy. Don't know his name, don't know where he's from, don't know anything except that he's the side dick."

"Wow," Giovanni replied. "That's…that's pretty low."

"Guess the man doesn't know how lucky he is," Tony commented.

Of course, back at the WHAM ARMY founders' group, the whole story was getting passed around. "I just can't believe how lucky the man is," Mim huffed.

"What's his deal?" Roman asked.

"Get this," Wuya told him. "So by daytime, he has his spouse Zoe. Blonde, feminine, likes to wear androgynous suits with a lot of lace. Picture of politeness. Of course, they're hardly ever seen around town together because he's a vampire, so he has to wait for less light. But by that time…"

"He cheats on his wife," Mozenrath filled in.

"No," Wuya corrected. "That IS his wife. Well, spouse, anyway."

"Like I said!" Mim urged. "Look how DISGUSTING she becomes! It's enough to make anyone jealous!"

"She's a Boogeyperson," Wuya explained. "Mutated out of a kid's imaginary friend. She gets to look like the kid's friend by day, but by night, it's time to boogey down."

"I take it from your terminology that she prefers not to be thought of as a woman," the Huntsman guessed.

"She/her nonbinary," Wuya affirmed. "And you wouldn't believe some of the tricks she can pull in that form. The Denatoses might be worth watching."

"And no murdering!" Mim slapped the Huntsman on the arm.

"I did not SAY anything," the Huntsman growled.

"A Boogeyperson and a vampire?" Mim retorted. "You were THINKING it. And SO WERE YOU!"

Aghoul slapped Snatcher across the face for her.

"OWWW!" Snatcher rubbed at his nose. "Think you've started it bleeding. Over a supposition!"

Wuya tapped him on the shoulder. "He's clear." Then the Huntsman; "But he was DEFINITELY thinking about making that double kill."

"I was trained to respond that way to monsters for decades," the Huntsman seethed. "I don't know what you expect."

"Well, they expected it," Yzma reminded him. "That's why you got slapped. Also, Mim likes to slap people, so what did YOU expect?"
"…Fair," the Huntsman grumbled.

A sudden sharp gasp and a cry of "ROOOOO-MYYYYYY!" heralded the arrival of Harley Quinn, who tackle-hugged Roman from behind.

"WHAT THE HELL?" He twisted this way and that while Harley hung on like a koala to a eucalyptus tree. "Harls, was this REALLY the best way to do this?"

"Yep-er-doo!" Harley finally let go. "I see the gang's all here! So's most of mine, y'know."

"Yeah, how'd that go?" Roman asked. "I see you teamed up with one of my old annoyances without my knowing. Please tell me that's the last one."

"What're the odds it'd happen twice?" Harley replied.

"So who're your founders?" Roman asked.

"Well," Harley explained, "Mr. Pink-Hair chattin' it up with your gangster and the retail cashier is Giovanni Potage. And over there, that's Velvet Crowe. Giovanni is the lightheartedness and Velvet's got all the edge. Then there's my girlfriend, but she had other engagements, so I'm gonna wait to pull up the curtain on the big reveal 'till you can actually meet her!"

"That's the kind of thing that would be said by someone whose girlfriend doesn't actually exist," Roman retorted.

"She does too exist!" Harley argued. "I'll show ya! Anyway, how about this show? Any of ya gonna get on up there and do a little song and dance? Maybe another poem?"

"Some of us have actually put together a little…group performance," Mozenrath told her slyly.

"You said that REAL suspicious," Harley accused. "Is it gonna be violence?"
"Of course not!" Snatcher bristled. "This is an event to generate company ethos. We must present ourselves as the epitome of wholesome. At worst, the sort who would cause a good-natured inconvenience."

"Okay, how inconvenient is the inconvenience?" Harley asked.

"That would just be giving the game away!" Mim laughed.

Dimitri said one last time, with feeling: "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe."

"All mimsy were the borogoves," said Zoe, who was not so much a guy but definitely creepy. "And the mome raths…OUTGRABE."

A reverent round of applause went up as the Denatoses exited stage left.

"All we're saying is that we can get a little THEATRICAL," Mim told Harley with a smirk as Rachel introduced the next act.

"I thought that was immediately appaRENT to anyone who knew us!" Aghoul chuckled.

"Okay, it's got somethin' to do with the musical RENT," Harley realized.

"This is why I frown upon puns in the workplace," Mozenrath sighed.

"DIMITRI DENATOS, EVERYBODY!" Rachel gestured after the pair. "And…and guest. I guess. ANYWAY, for our next act, some of you might've thought yodeling was a dead art, but you're about to be proven wrong!"

After giving an intro to the yodelers of the hour, Rachel stepped offstage to return to Tony and Giovanni, only to have her heart all but stopped by a new voice:

"Well, well, well. What are the odds we'd run into each other here?"

Panic surged through her as she whirled; "XR! WHAT THE HELL?"

The robot hovered behind her, arms folded, a cocky smirk plastered across his narrow face. "Thought I'd drop by to this little event. See how well your ego lent itself to emcee work."

Rachel was about to make a retort, but then changed gears: "You…you knew I'd be here, but your lead-in was 'what are the odds we'd run into each other here.'"

His smirk cracked, just a little. "Well, I, uh…okay, fine, say the line."

"Dumbass."

"There it is. Anyway, I have to say your performance has not been bad, not bad in the slightest. In fact, I would almost venture to call it very incredibly good."

She smiled, flushing slightly; "Thanks."

He zipped over right beside her, one arm flinging around her shoulders; "So, whaddaya say? Wanna spend your down time 'hanging out,' as the kids say these days? You and me, me and you, two in a million in this crowd?"

"Um – "

"He-hey, Composer!" Giovanni came running over, Tony striding behind. "Another friend, huh? Well, the more, the merrier!"

"I…um…" Rachel was once again overtaken by panic.

"Oh," XR realized. "You were already here with…at least one escort."

"No, no, it's not like that!" Rachel protested. "I mean – these are my friends. Just like you're my friend! And – um – I – "

Tony had put out his right hand; "Anthony Dracon. Call me 'Tony.'"

"XR!" XR replied, removing the arm from Rachel in order to firmly and enthusiastically shake Tony's hand. "You can call me…'XR.'"

"Is that short for something?" Giovanni asked.

"eXperimental Ranger," XR answered. "No matter what anyone else tries to tell you."

"But…shouldn't that be 'ER'?" Giovanni asked.

"Yeesh." XR grimaced. "Makes me sound like a hospital."

"Actually, XR is a high-profile space ranger!" Rachel explained. "You know, the kind that has taken down a lot of CRIMINALS and other BAD GUYS."

Tony and Giovanni got the message, nodding. "Right," Giovanni said. "Good thing we're…so not that." A nervous laugh.

"Giovanni can be a bit of a comedian," Tony said smoothly. "I'd love to hear more about your work. I've always wondered what it's like to be in the police car during a chase."

"Oh my God…" Rachel seemed to shrink in on herself.

"Oh, do I ever have chase stories!" XR replied enthusiastically. "Though I think my favorite has to be the flight of the Torque Armada outside Raenok. Was that ever a beautiful mess, and I do mean a B-E-A-utiful mess."

"Hey," Rachel said, "while you guys talk about that, I need…another smoothie. Be right back." And off she bolted.

Giovanni stared after her; "Is she okay?"

"I wouldn't get too worried just yet," Tony replied. "She can take care of herself."

"It was a horrible day on Raenok," XR began. "Actually, the weather was nice, but it's horrible by virtue of it being Raenok. Least favorite planet by miles. Anyway – "

Somehow, Mozenrath had let Harley talk him into getting a therapy session. He wasn't sure exactly what had transpired, but here he was, telling her "I would describe myself as having a lot of inner rage. It comes, it erupts, it goes."

"Hmmm." Harley thought it over. "Emotional dysregulation, and ya mentioned the coordination stuff, but you're real smart, you like a routine, and you got some problems with empathy."

"I don't have problems with empathy," Mozenrath told her flatly.

There was a shriek from Yzma; "MIM! THIS DRESS WAS NEW! MOZENRATH, SHE JUST POURED HANGRY PANDA SMOOTHIE DOWN THE BACK OF MY DRESS AND IT'S RUINED AND I'M COLD!"

"And that's my problem how?" Mozenrath retorted.

"…Right," Harley sighed. "Anyhow, I was wonderin'…you ever think maybe you're a little bit…oh, I dunno…autistic?"

Mozenrath bristled. "No. Because that would be beneath me."

"So you're sayin' you're…too good…to be autistic."

"I'm saying I'm too competent."

"But that don't have any effect," Harley told him. "It's just about how ya do and perceive things. Doesn't make you any better or worse than anybody else overall! Just some things might be harder for ya than most folks, but other things are easier!"

Mozenrath rolled his eyes. "I'll definitely accept an armchair diagnosis from the owner of a virtual doctorate."

"No, I think she's got a point," Snatcher chimed in, smirking drastically. "Now that it's mentioned, you do strike me as the autistic sort. Quite strongly, in fact."

"Do you even know what autism is?" Mozenrath snapped back.

"Learned it recently," Snatcher replied. "And I must say the signs are all there."

Mozenrath pointed to him accusingly; "You're just doing this because I said you were demisexual!"

"Perhaps I am. And perhaps you're autistic."

"I'm NOT autistic, but YOU'RE demisexual!"

"I assure you, that label means nothing to me. However, YOU are most certainly autistic."

"DEMISEXUAL!"

"AUTISTIC."

"DEMISEXUAL!"

"AU…TIS…TIC."

"Um." Rachel had arrived. "What the fuck is going on here? Are those supposed to be insults? You do know that's not how insults work, right?"

"What's up, Sunshine?" Roman asked.

"I need your help," Rachel said, panic mounting in her voice. "So, uh, I may have fucked up and flirted with three different guys and I don't know if they're into-me into me or just my friends, but I have a crush on all three of them and they all showed up and now they're hanging out HELP."

"I don't see how this is my problem either!" Mozenrath argued.

"Well, I wasn't talking to YOU!" Rachel spat, giving Snatcher a meaningful look.

Snatcher sighed. "Why me, Miss Inlustris?"

"Because you gave me a sandwich and I was hoping that meant you liked me?" Rachel pleaded. "No? Was I wrong? Okay. Never mind. Forget I asked – "

"Now wait just one moment." Snatcher looked to Roman. "You know what she needs, do you not?"

"I know what she needs." Roman grinned mischievously.

"If you'll step aside," Snatcher told her, "we can help solve your little problem."

"Just come with us!" Roman added. And then he and Snatcher had escorted Rachel away from the group.

Aghoul brought Yzma several hand towels. "Unlike some people," he said, "I'm more than happy to help out." He reached out with a towel to dab at the soaked dress.

Yzma smacked his wrist away; "HANDS OFF."

He shrugged; "It was worth the old morgue try."

"THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED YOU GUYS TO HELP ME WITH," Rachel growled from where Snatcher had her backed up against the wall so she couldn't escape while he outlined her features with Roman's eyeliner pencil.

"Have you any idea how long I had to go without any inkling of romance?" Snatcher growled right back. "And here you've got THREE and you're COMPLAINING about it."

"They're gonna start a fight over me!" Rachel protested.

"ALL THE BETTER." Snatcher put out his hand, pencil resting on it. "Lipstick."

Roman swapped the pencil for a shining tube. "Are we gonna do anything about her hair, or just the face?"

"What's wrong with my hair?" Rachel asked.

"The simple fact that there remains room for improvement," Snatcher replied.

"So anyway," XR was saying, "I, of course, as an upstanding law enforcement officer, would never, EVER commit that hypothetical scam you just outlined. That said, IF I DID, here's how I'd do it better than what you said."

Giovanni leaned over to whisper to Tony; "I'm starting to think he's the corrupt kind of cop."

"Gentlemen!" Snatcher's greeting caught their attention. "I believe this…is one of yours."

He pushed Rachel toward them. She was now practically radiant due to the liberal amounts of makeup on her face, and her hair had been twisted into a simple updo. Her facial expression, however, was twisted into sour grumpiness.

"…Something's different about you," Giovanni realized.

"You're certainly a sight for sore eyes," Tony added.

"I mean, you don't look BAD," XR scoffed. "Maybe just the slightest bit ethereally gorgeous, but what I'm saying is it's a step up from the usual."

Rachel's demeanor instantly softened; "I. Um. Thanks?"

"Ohhhh, you're wearing a lot of makeup!" Giovanni realized. "And your hair's different! Why'd you do all that?"

"His idea." She pointed to Snatcher.

Snatcher put a hand over his heart; "Why, I merely wanted to ensure our master of ceremonies looked the part. Anyhow, I do hope the four of you enjoy our little event. I'll keep an eye out to make sure you're all quite satisfied."

And then he was gone, but Rachel understood his threat perfectly: if she tried to pull another runner, he would drag her right back.

The festivities continued. Rachel introduced act after act, then returned to laugh and joke around with Tony, Giovanni, and XR. Meanwhile, Zerons Beta and Omega crawled through the crowd, offering burgers and smoothies.

"This is demeaning," Omega seethed. "The moment I collect pay, I am never taking another catering job again."

Beta gave a snarl of agreement.

"In fact," Omega said slyly, "I might take advantage of the crowd to leave a little earlier than planned. You might think about doing the same."

Beta let out a wordless, breathy chuckle, his shoulders shaking.

"Oh, no!" Hyper-Potamus cried; the two Zerons flinched, unaware she'd been anywhere near. "You two aren't talking about DITCHING, are you? Ditching is for bad kids!"

"And you know what Crushroom does to bad kids?" They hadn't realized the muscular mushroom-bot was around either. "Crushroom CRUSH." She raised both metal fists for emphasis.

"And remember!" Noodle Burger Boy was apparently here too. "Even if you think we're not watching! WE'RE ALWAYS WATCHING." His eyes glowed red. "Hee hee. Hee hee."

The two Zerons hastily returned to waiter duty, trying not to let on how unnerved they were. Beta hustled a smoothie over to Scorpia, who took it into a delicate claw.

"Hey, uh…Catra," she said, clearing her throat to try and keep her voice from cracking. "I thought, um, since we were outside, maybe you would want something to drink, so…I ordered your favorite." She offered the smoothie up.

Catra looked up at Scorpia with plaintive eyes. Then she sighed. "Hordak…Entrapta…can you guys make tracks for a few minutes?"

"Oh, they're about to call us up onstage any minute now anyway," Entrapta explained.

"…I am sorry, but what did you just say?" Hordak flinched.

"Ohhhhh, did I forget to tell you?" Entrapta realized. "I signed us up for the show. We're explaining our advancements in portal technology."

"AND NOW!" Rachel announced. "Here to talk to us about the science of portals, we have Entrapta and Hordak!"

"I – " Hordak's eyes widened.

Entrapta looked askance. "It's okay. I can do it myself if you – "

"Let us wow them," Hordak declared. "We may very well revolutionize the technology of this town together."

"YAY!" Entrapta clapped. And the two friends hurried to the stage.

Once she and Scorpia were alone, it took Catra a while to find her voice. And when she did, she couldn't look Scorpia in the eye. "Scorpia…I know, okay? I know."

"Know what?" Scorpia asked.

"That you…" Catra sighed. "Have feelings for me."

"Who? What? ME?" Scorpia sputtered. "No, I don't, not sure where you got THAT – "

"Your answer was gonna be different if I took the smoothie, wasn't it?"

"Only if YOU wanted anything out of it," Scorpia told her. "Gosh, I'm never sure…you just got fresh off a bad breakup, and I'm never sure if making a move is right or wrong at this stage. If you're ready to move on or not yet."

"So then why not just ask me?" Catra's voice had taken on a hard edge.

"Well, because…" Scorpia shrugged. "You know me. I'm not the best at…people."

Catra sighed. "I'm sorry, but it's…it's still just too soon."

"Oh."

"Scorpia – " Catra now was able to look up at her, directly in the eye. "You're amazing, okay? You're WAY cooler than I ever gave you credit for, and honestly, I am so, SO glad you decided to be my friend again. And I'm gonna be a better friend to you this time, I promise."

"I mean, all I'm asking is not to be treated like dirt," Scorpia told her. "And I know you already learned that lesson. Other than that, if you wanna be, y'know, a party animal or a daredevil or anything like that…that's who you are. You don't have to be a good person for me."

"UGH!" Catra cried. "Stop making this so hard by being so awesome! I wanna just be able to say 'Yes, Scorpia, I think you're pretty and wonderful and let's go out!' But I can't because I don't know yet! I…I don't know if it would turn out to be real or not. I still miss HER. You're the best friend I could have, but…"

"But I'm not her."

"Will you let me finish? I know she and I are done. I KNOW I can't have her. My problem is, because I still miss her, that's all I can think about! I don't KNOW if I like you that way yet! I'm still trying to figure that out, okay? And maybe I do, but also, maybe I don't, and I don't wanna screw it up by making you think it's gonna be something and then breaking your heart! Get it?"

Scorpia's eyes watered. "Catra…"

"I know." Catra lowered her gaze. "Not the answer you wan – HEY!"

She was pulled up into a big bear hug by Scorpia. As she struggled, Scorpia told her, "The Catra I knew when we first met was amazing and wonderful, but she would NEVER have cared so much about making sure I didn't get hurt. Just hearing you say that, I know that whatever your answer is in the end, I wanna be your friend, and I wanna play some part in your life!"

When she heard that, Catra relaxed. "I do too," she admitted softly. "That's why I'm scared of ruining it."

Scorpia set her back down. "I think we'll work it out."

"Yeah." Catra smiled softly. "We will."

They were silent a while. Then Catra nudged Scorpia with an elbow; "Hey. Are you just as lost as I am listening to the nerdspeak?"

"I mean, at least Entrapta's…passionate about the subject?" Scorpia shrugged as Entrapta continued to spew jargon, backed up every now and again by Hordak offering supplemental jargon.

New acts came and went. Drakken sang a medley of O Boyz songs. Globby and Felony Carl signed up for a duet, ending in Carl twirling Globby round and round and showering the audience in flecks of purple goo (because they just hadn't learned from the last time). Olette read a poem she'd written for class and was graded well on.

"Anything yet?" Amy asked Kamdor and Deymos.

"Nadda," Deymos replied. "Still got plenty of town left to search, though."

"He's not on Sunset Terrace," Kamdor growled, "he's not in Midnight Alley, he's not in Tram Common! WHERE IS HE?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Amy squealed. "AND I'M SCARED!"

"DUDE!" Deymos thwacked Kamdor's armor plates. "You're freaking her out! Tone it down, will you?"

Kamdor didn't know the meaning of "tone it down." However, he did realize that maybe riling Amy up was the wrong way to go here. "My search party will find him," he declared. "I never fail! I'll drag him back here into your arms if I have to bring him kicking and screaming!"

Amy gave a shuddering smile. "I guess I should have a little more faith, huh?"

Meanwhile, Rachel, Tony, Giovanni, and XR had fallen into a more comfortable conversation, and all four of them in the same place suddenly wasn't a disaster. At least not the kind Rachel had worried about.

"And then of course, what do they do?" XR scoffed. "Forget to put the battery back, so the next thing you know, I'M the backwards-speaking ghost. Did I ever let loose with the insults on that day! But my team, of course, didn't understand backwards talk, which is probably a good thing for me in the long run. Ever since then, I've been able to perfectly translate anything backward or forward."

"Just don't say Tony's name backward," Giovanni stated.

And Tony, of course, asked "Why not?"

Rachel was the first to get it, and she doubled over howling with laughter.

"Am I missing something?" Tony asked.

"Y-not," Giovanni giggled. "Y-N-O-T!"

"That's NOT how the audio would be backward, though," XR muttered. "I'm just saying."

Then in came the last voice Rachel wanted to hear at that moment: "RACHEL INLUSTRIS."

She flinched hard. Then, not wanting to turn around, forced herself to. "…Hi, Brahne."

Brahne had her hands on her hips, raising a brow at Rachel. "So this is where you ran off to," she scoffed. "I see you didn't waste any time making other plans. How long do you think it'll be before they figure out how useless you are?"

"I – "

"Or until you leave a hole in THEIR wall!" Brahne went on. "I can hardly believe things are going as well as they are, if YOU'RE involved. Why, I'm guessing you're making everyone else do your work for you, AS USUAL!"

In that moment, everything Rachel had learned from the WHAM ARMY, from the Heathens, passed through like a sieve. She had no spine, no moxie. All she had was an overpowering desire to turn and run.

So she did.

"How pathetic!" Brahne scoffed as Rachel darted into the crowd. "Is this all because I upset her?"

Tony was immediately in Brahne's face; "You harassed her. Don't tell me THIS isn't what you wanted."

XR shoved himself in between the two so he could glare Brahne down; "Is this how you get your kicks? Huh? Insulting innocent young women? What did she ever do to you, huh?"

"Left a hole in my wall and undermined my business!" Brahne spat. Literally leaving droplets of saliva on XR's helmet.

"HEY NOW!" Giovanni yelled. "First of all, that was MY hole in the wall and I want credit for it! Second of all, FUCK YOU!"

XR wiped away the spittle. "Yeah, well, pretty sure you started it. I bet you're about to say I can't prove it. But here's the thing: it's all over your ugly face."

"Now, now," Tony shoved XR down. "If there's one thing I've learned on the WHAM ARMY, it's not to shame by looks. Plenty of people who think they're ugly have turned out to have beautiful ideas." He fixed his eyes to Brahne's. "Too bad this one's ugly inside and out."

"WHY, I NEVER!" Brahne turned to storm off in a huff.

"What a piece of work," XR scoffed. "But we sure showed her. Didn't we, Tony? Gio?"

"I'd like to show her more than that." Tony's hand reached into his jacket; he removed it when he realized showing a space ranger that he was armed might not end well.

"…Gio?" XR called again.

Giovanni was running into the crowd, the same way Rachel had gone.

"Gimme a sec," XR muttered. "I'll fix my radar to them and – "

"No." Tony put up a hand. "Let's see how he does on his own, first. Something tells me too many cooks might spoil the soup."

Giovanni found Rachel tucked around the corner of a building, leaning against a wall and suspended between a state of fuming and nearly crying. "There you are, Composer!" Giovanni sighed. "Man, what a jerk she was."

"She's right, isn't she?" Rachel said softly. "I really am gonna mess up whatever I do. It's only a matter of time before – "

"Stop RIGHT THERE!" Giovanni pointed as though accusing. "Do you even hear yourself? You've already done all this great stuff, and it's obvious you know it! Geez, it's almost like you're – " He froze, eyes widening. "Wait. Are you…trying to get me to tell you what you're worth so you'll believe it?"

"NO!"

"You ARE!" Giovanni realized. "You just take what people say about you at face value instead of deciding what you are! I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU NOW!"

"What can I do to get her to apologize?" Rachel asked softly. "What can I do to get her to like me?"

"She's a horse's ass!" Giovanni spat. "She's never gonna like you! She won't even recognize my handiwork on the badass hole in her wall! Composer, you gotta start seeing what you're worth instead of letting other people decide it for you!"

"But – "

"Nope." Giovanni hustled up to her, putting a hand over her mouth. "Uh-uh. No arguments."

She glared at him.

"Maybe you don't buy it," Giovanni told her, "but I don't pick bad minions. If you self-deprecate, you're saying I have bad taste in wom – minions. In minions. Do I have bad taste in minions?"

Rachel's eyes were wide as she shook her head.

"That's the one thing you can never steal." Giovanni let up, backing away, his hand falling from her face. "Approval. I've tried. But in the end, you gotta know what you're worth, or you're gonna look to everyone else to tell you, and they're just gonna lie."

"Approval gets earned, though," Rachel argued. "Of course you can't steal it. You EARN it by following rules and being nice to people. That's how it WORKS."

There was suddenly another hand pressing heavy on her shoulder. "If that is truly how it works, Miss Inlustris, then do KINDLY explain how I got here."

"WHEN DID YOU – " Rachel flinched away from Snatcher.

He stared her down; "I knew a man, once. A great man, though no one would see his worth. And those in charge of his fate deprived him of that he so rightly deserved. Or perhaps simply of the only thing worth any value in that godforsaken town. He followed rules, was polite, changed the game as he saw it needed to be played. And in the end, that town devoured him whole." His hand went back to Rachel's shoulder, clenching. "If he could do it all over again, he wouldn't let that town devour him. He'd start flagrantly disobeying the moment it became prudent to do so. He can't do it all again, of course. He can, however, choose a younger figurehead to live out the life he never had, and warn her that if she lets herself be devoured, he shall be VERY displeased."

"Oh," Rachel replied. "So basically…if I'm your 2.0, and I'm YOUR minion – " She looked to Giovanni. "Then I can FINALLY stop needing anyone else to validate me."

"You're the villain now!" Giovanni urged. "You don't need people to give you permission to do anything anymore! If you want something, then you just fucking TAKE it!"

"I couldn't agree more," Snatcher said. "After all, 'twas only then that I got anywhere at all."

So Rachel surged forward and pulled Giovanni into a deep kiss.

"…Not what I was expecting, but all right," Snatcher muttered.

"OH my God." Rachel let Giovanni go. "I'n sorry, I should've asked, I – "

Giovanni had to shake himself out of a dreamy trance. "No, I'm not gonna fault you for that one." He held up a finger. "Also."

He then proceeded to dance around that segment of street; "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! YES, YES, YYYYEEEEEES!" He then pumped his fist emphatically.

"Um." Rachel put up a hand. "One thing. So I like you, but I…also…um…"

"Is infatuated with Mr. Dracon and the small machine," Snatcher filled in.

"Did I ask for your help?" Rachel snapped.

"No," Snatcher told her. "You haven't once, and yet you seem to continually need it."

"That's all?" Giovanni asked. "Is THAT why you were so nervous about moving anything forward?"

"That doesn't BOTHER you?" Rachel replied incredulously.

"I mean, maybe it'd bother them." Giovanni shrugged. "But I dunno…I've never really minded that kind of thing. Like, having more than one partner, or if one of my partners had more than one partner. The more people are in on the romantic connection, the stronger of a crime family we can build! Also, between you, me, your dad, and the fencepost, Tony's kinda hot."

"I'm not her father," Snatcher said quickly.

"I don't know if I can make anything official until I find out how they feel," Rachel told him. "And…if they WILL be upset with this, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do."

"I'll win 'em over," Giovanni said slyly.

"One of them is literally a cop," Rachel reminded him, "and the other is literally a gangster with a kill count."

"It sounds like you're giving me a challenge," Giovanni replied. "C'monnnn, just trust me on this one! It'll work out!"

"What about you?" Rachel asked. "Any…other partners?"

"Oh, right," Giovanni realized. "That might bother YOU."

"I mean, I'm willing to try it out," Rachel blurted. "I dunno, maybe they'll be my friends and then it'll be a big family like that, so…yeah. Anyone else who's my…girlfriend-in-law? Boyfriend-in-law?"

"Not yet," Giovanni told her. "But I'll keep you updated."

"I mean…" Rachel shuffled a foot. "The other Blasters seemed to idolize you a lot. I bet you at LEAST one of them has a crush on you."

"Please," Giovanni scoffed. "That would be…heh, maybe I wouldn't mind that, but it's not happening. Anyway, are we good now? Are you done needing the approval of the horse's ass?"

"I think so," Rachel replied.

"You wanna go back and chill by the stage?" Giovanni asked. "Or…you wanna go get ON the stage? You can't tell me you don't have some kind of talent for it. Singing, reading poetry, something. I know you want to."

"I'm just here to emcee," Rachel replied. "Maybe if we do another one of these, I'll sing. For now, I'd rather just ham up the announcer bit. I don't do high notes anyway."

"C'monnn, Composer!" Giovanni urged. "Break the rules! Live a little! Kick out the next act and sing instead of letting them do anything!"

"Trust me," Rachel replied. "There's already ONE group on the sign-up sheet who's gonna fuck up the entire schedule, and it's not gonna have anything to do with me."

"Too bad," Giovanni told her. "If you were gonna sing, I would so have helped you with a quick wardrobe change to win the crowd. Maybe do something different with your hair, too."

"And what is wrong with how her hair's been done?" Snatcher asked.

"Nothing," Giovanni told him. "It's just falling out."

"Ah," Snatcher realized. "That it is. Hold still, Miss Inlustris."

She froze, and Snatcher went at her hair with a few new bobby pins. Giovanni swatted him away; "You're making it worse! Let me do that!"

"I'm only relenting because her face also needs attention." Snatcher brought the lipstick back out.

That was when Brahne walked by. "There you are," she said. "I've been looking all over for you."

"I don't need your apology," Rachel snarled. "You don't get to talk to me like that again."

"Oh, I wasn't coming to apologize," Brahne replied. "I was talking to the fat man in the red hat. I wanted to make sure HE knew how much of a waste of space he had in his deck. Then again, it's obvious to see why you are the way you are." She looked from Snatcher to Giovanni. "All the men in your life are GIRLS."

As she stalked off, Rachel inhaled sharply. "When it was about me, I was over it. BUT IT AIN'T ABOUT ME ANYMORE. SHE'S. FUCKING. DEAD."

"I fully endorse her MURDER, however you choose to carry it out," Snatcher seethed.

"And, like…" Giovanni gestured after her. "She called YOU fat? Um. We all see it, right?"

"She always was one to see what was wrong with everyone else but her," Rachel snarled. "Get me the sign-up sheet. Because if she's on it…then I know EXACTLY how to wreck her."

As it turned out, Brahne was, indeed, on the clipboard. Rachel held it up in front of an assembled group of Tony, Giovanni, XR, Snatcher, Roman, and Mozenrath. "We're going to ruin her life," Rachel declared. "And I know EXACTLY how to do it."

"What do you have in mind?" Snatcher asked.

"For you?" Rachel replied. "It'll be comedic irony. Also insurance you can't pull a certain stunt in this town, if you wanna help get righteous revenge."

"Y'know," XR realized, "it almost seems like I'm not in fully heroic company."

"The revenge is indeed righteous," Mozenrath told him smoothly. "All we're doing is taking out the trash. We're otherwise completely legitimate."

XR didn't quite buy it, but also didn't quite want to dig further.

It started with Hangry Panda bringing Brahne a smoothie moments before her onstage debut. "Here," she said, offering it up. "Watermelon mint," the android spat.

"I didn't order this," Brahne snapped.

"You think I don't know that?" Hangry Panda retorted. "It's from the cute guy over there." She extended a paw.

Roman blew Brahne a kiss from afar, tipping his hat as he winked.

Brahne blushed; "Well, I can't say no to that, now, can I?" And she threw back the smoothie.

There are two types of veritaserum. When properly filtered, it will force the consumer to tell the truth, but only when asked specific questions. This is to prevent them from saying non sequiturs that also happen to be true. Most potion shops will only carry filtered veritaserum for this exact purpose.

However, Liquid Assets understood the value of carrying "no-filter veritaserum." This variant will cause the consumer to say whatever is on their mind at any given moment, no matter what.

It also tastes remarkably like watermelon mint.

"I didn't even know you could make those sound effects with just your mouth!" Rachel told the audience to play off the last act. "Anyway, I'd like to offer an apology to our next performer. I've caused her a lot of annoyance in the past, and for that, I'm sorry. After all, the whole anti-Black-Mage editorial was just a fluke and a half, and we all know that she's an upstanding member of society who would NEVER discriminate based on that kind of thing. Here to recite a monologue from 'I Want to Be Your Canary,' here's BRAHNE! RAZA! ALEXANDROS!"

As she skipped offstage, Rachel was smirking.

Confused, Brahne approached the stage. "Well, I won't say no to such an apology," she said into the microphone, "but I'm not sure why she brought that up. After all, I knew what I was running."

A murmur went through the crowd.

"Did I just say – oops!" Brahne put a hand to her lips. "Never mind that. Anyway, let us begin."

She cleared her throat. But it was too late. She wasn't thinking about I Want to Be Your Canary. She was thinking about the Black Mage incident.

So the first thing she said was "But if you ask me, this town would be better off if we just purged them all out."

This was the comedic irony part. Snatcher had to admit, this was a very clever way for Rachel to keep him in line on her turf, because once he took part in this, he wasn't ever going to be able to get away with the opposite. But to bring down someone who'd insulted him to his face? It was more than worth it. He bellowed, loud as he could go, "WHAT A HORRIBLE, AWFUL RACIST!"

Roman had distanced himself in the crowd so that it would give the impression of random strangers uniting under the same cause. "AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE!" he yelled. "YOU'RE JUST A BIGOT!"

"I am NOT a bigot!" Brahne argued. "They're not even human!"

"ARE YOU HEARING THIS?" Giovanni yelled.

"WE DON'T NEED THAT IN THIS TOWN!" Tony added.

"What – I – no – " Brahne backed up, shaking her head. "I don't know why I'm saying these things! Something's forcing me to! I'm not saying them of my own will! I WOULD NEVER ADMIT THESE THINGS OUT LOUD, NO MATTER HOW TRUE THEY ARE!"

"DOWN WITH THE RACISM!" XR yelled, pointing at Brahne. "DOWN WITH IT, I SAY!"

Mozenrath threw his right fist high; "DOWN WITH BRAHNE'S RACISM! DOWN WITH BRAHNE'S RACISM!"

And soon, the whole crowd had taken up the chant: "DOWN WITH BRAHNE'S RACISM! DOWN WITH BRAHNE'S RACISM!"

Quackerjack tossed a tomato up and down in his hand; "You know, I always keep a tomato on me for this exact purpose." He hurled it at Brahne.

"Oh, that looks like fun!" Globby cheered, peeling away a glop of goo from his chest and turning it red by will. "TARGET PRACTICE!" He let it fly.

Soon the whole crowd was hurling trash and other items at Brahne, who bolted, screaming.

Rachel was there to greet her, just offstage. "Which one of us is the waste of space now?" she asked, grinning.

"YOU!" Brahne extended a shaking hand to her. "YOU DID THIS! I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT YOU DID!"

"You're really blaming ME for what comes out of YOUR mouth?" Rachel shook her head. "Giovanni was right. You are just a horse's ass. Now get out of the Sandlot before they hunt you down."

As she tore out of the lot, Brahne shrieked, "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL GET YOUUUUUUU!"

Rachel, Tony, Giovanni, and XR returned to the front of the stage to slap high-fives while Snatcher, Roman, and Mozenrath returned to the WHAM ARMY founders.

"You came up with a whole plan to ruin that woman's life," Mim said in awe, "AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME IN ON IT?"

"The no-filter veritaserum was a clever touch," the Huntsman said.

"I was called upon as supplier," Mozenrath explained. "It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment revenge thing. Next time one gets planned out, I'll involve the group."

The sky was dark; Rachel came to introduce the second-to-last act. Knowing, of course, what would come after. "I give you!" She gestured to the stage. "THE SHADY! SHOPKEEPERRRRRRS!"

As she slipped offstage, there was an explosion of smoke. Several odd silhouettes were visible through it as it cleared, and then it revealed the band in question. Artie was at the front microphone, decked out in a glittering, fringed coat of bright red. Singing his backup was a teenage girl in black leather, red streaks running through her voluminous crimped hair. The guitar was being handled by a massive man who many in the crowd didn't recognize – going on eight feet tall and almost as wide, with short, soft blond hair styled in an elegant manner to match his old-fashioned clothing. If the emblem emblazoned on his guitar in flowing script was anything to go by, his name was "Duke." By contrast, the very tiny White Turtlez was behind the drum kit, whose bass drum had the words "Shady Shopkeepers" printed on it in the same script. An electronic keyboard was set up nearby, and another stranger to Twilight Town – one known as Sanae Hanekoma – was there, fingers poised on the keys. Secondary guitar was being handled by another teenage girl, dressed in red plaid and bearing red-brown hair filled with a palette of highlights. Bass was handled by yet another girl, with a short black bob, dressed in baggy grunge-style clothes.

White Turtlez played them in. One of the girls kicked a machine nearby, and multicolored lights filtered over the group to accompany the guitar intro. Artie yelled into the microphone; "I'm the type of guy, never had the patience! Don't wanna fit into the crowd! The kinda guy, tryin' to make a statement! So turn it up and make it loud!"

Hanekoma chimed in on the keys as the girl with red highlights harmonized: "You followed all of the rules I'm breakin'! You'll be the giver 'cause I'm always takin'! I'm all alone in the world that I'm makin'!"

Artie and the girl pointed at each other; "SAVE YOUR COMPASSION 'CAUSE I'M MAKIN' FASHION!"

"Oh my gosh!" Olette cried as the band got the audience rocking. "That's Maddie! And Anna and Peg!"

"You know them?" Sylvie asked.

"Not all of them," Olette explained. "Maddie, Anna, and Peg go to our school. They have a band called 'Pink Slip.' Artie is Maddie's cousin, and he runs a shop in Midnight Alley. I always knew he could sing too, but I didn't know he and Maddie ever duetted! I don't recognize the other guys, but going by the name, they must run shops around here too. I'm betting Artie asked the girls to help play backup for him and his friends!"

"Ah, shit!" Roman realized. "Gotta meet the cast backstage for the warm-up Bohemian Rhapsody."

"…The what?" Mozenrath asked.

"Before each full dress rehearsal or performance," Snatcher explained, "we all sing Bohemian Rhapsody, as a group, no coordination required."

"Why?" Mozenrath asked, now more baffled.

"Does there NEED to be a why?" Yzma snapped. "It's such a brilliant idea, it could've come from me!"

"There's no better way to warm up for the stage, really!" Mim agreed.

As Snatcher and Roman took off, Mozenrath groaned, "I give up."

Artie and Maddie were having the time of their lives, dancing around each other while screaming that they were "BORN BRILLIANT! BORN BAD! AND MAY-BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MAD!". Duke improvised complex riffs, White Turtlez looked to not be having a horrible day for once, Anna and Peg headbanged, and Hanekoma looked suave as could be. It was perhaps the most exciting performance of the night, and it was over all too soon.

"THANK YOU!" Artie yelled over thunderous applause. "BUT WE ALREADY KNOW WE ROCK!"

"PINK SLIP WILL BE PLAYING NEXT WEEK'S BASEBALL GAME!" Maddie yelled. "BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!"

Duke motioned, and Artie tossed him the microphone. In a very pleasant British tone, he said, "And don't forget to stop into our fine establishments. Penumbra Prince on Midnight Alley has all your fashion needs, Artez & Craftz stocks supplies for any hobby under the perpetually-setting sun, and do be sure to drop by Sanae's and my new venture on Market Street: Wildkat II Café and Armory. Have your Heartless-slaying gear updated while you enjoy the finest of dining!"

Another enormous smoke cloud enveloped them all, and the Shady Shopkeepers were gone as quickly as they'd come.

"So THAT was the best thing ever!" Rachel said as she walked back onstage. The cheering from the audience validated this. "Anyway, looks like we've got time for one more act. We're gonna have to shut down as soon as that act is over, so hopefully it'll be something nice and short. But don't worry; this curtain doesn't close until you've said what you have to say! And with that, please welcome the…" She looked at the clipboard in astonishment. Then sighed. "The YRMA MAHW Players."

Thankfully, no one caught on. Except that XR muttered to himself, "Doesn't that sound a lot like 'WHAM ARMY' backwards? Nah, they wouldn't be that stupid."

Night had fallen, providing a deep-blue backdrop. A holo-cube transformed the sandlot into a grimy apartment with threadbare furniture. Quentin and Demongo hauled several pieces of real furniture out to accompany it, and then Demongo draped himself over a couch, prop guitar in hand, as Quentin took center stage.

"We begin on Christmas Eve," Quentin said theatrically, "with me – Mark – and my roommate Roger. We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B. It's the top floor of what was once a music-publishing factory." He gestured about; "Old rock-and-roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's face, advertising gigs at CBGB's and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood-burning stove; its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one thick extension cord, which snakes its way out a window. Outside, a small tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, it's freezing…because we have no heat. SMILE!"

The accompaniment recording kicked in, and Demongo synced miming guitar plucks to it. "December twenty-fourth!" Quentin sang as he moved to sit beside the demon. "Nine p.m., Eastern Standard Time. From here on in, I shoot without a script! See if anything comes of it!"

As this went on, many in the audience muttered to each other, wondering what this was.

"Perhaps we are being graced with a musical medley from one of the most controversial shows to define a recent generation," Felony Carl theorized.

"Or maybe it's just the first scene?" Globby shrugged.

Harley sighed as she came up beside them. "Nope. They're gonna do all of it, and ain't nothin' we can do but leave early 'cause the show don't stop until they do."

"Oh," Globby realized.

"I, for one," Carl replied, "would like to assess their talent and the entertainment value of the show before I decide whether to stay or go. Globby, you may, of course, decide differently."

"Nah, I wanna see where this goes," Globby replied.

"I NEED THE RENT!" Peepers bellowed into a prop phone.

"What rent?" Quentin asked, in the cartoonishly obvious tone of someone who knew exactly what rent.

"This last year's rent," Peepers clarified, "which I let slide!"

"Let slide?" Quentin acted offended. "You said we were golden!"

"When we bought the building!" Demongo trilled.

"When we were roommates!" Quentin sang plaintively.

"Remember?" Demongo urged. "You lived – "

It began as a gentle rumble. So gentle, it had actually begun three lines ago, and everyone had thought it nothing. Something they could get away with ignoring. However, when the ground of the sandlot literally split open and a bouquet of thick, green tendril vines shot up through the crack into the air, writhing and twisting like tentacles, it could no longer be ignored. The play ground to a halt.

And furthermore, there were more cracks spiderwebbing across the sandlot by the second. Birthing more and more plants – enough that some of them were actually managing to grab prey. Venus Flytrap heads pried themselves open wide, and several of Twilight Town's peripheral citizenry disappeared into the maws.

Panic erupted but a moment after the plants did.

"STATE OF EMERGENCY!" Rachel was yelling, gesturing wildly to herd people toward the equipment garage. "EVERYBODY! SHELTER IS THIS WAY! And can I state how much I fucking HATE THAT I KNEW WE'D NEED PROTOCOL FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS?"

Ablaze with angry blue light, Mozenrath screamed out, "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?"

In response came a high-pitched screech. It took the eight founders almost no time to locate the source, suspended above them on massive vines that protruded like spider legs.

"Oh no," Yzma said flatly, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates.

"So that's where he's been," Mim remarked.

Bushroot gave a scream of war, then plunged toward the group hungrily.

The Huntsman was quick to respond, huntstaff blazing. Bushroot pulled up short before it, narrowly avoiding the arc of green energy that would've bisected him. He crab-walked on his new vine appendages, hustling across the field to find easier prey.

"Reggie?" Amy gasped. "REGGIE! WHAT HAPPENED?"

"On the bright side," Zevon volunteered, "we…uh…locationated him?"

Plant after plant was surging up from the lot, threatening to cover the sand with a thick carpet. But that was seemingly only the opening act. Because shooting up into the sky from behind the stage, like four comets, were the women shining bright with Aura.

"I heard that someone here was bold enough to DEFY ME," Fish Mooney growled.

"And look who it is!" Cinder gestured toward the WHAM ARMY. "Roman Torchwick and his band of misfits."

Larxene drew back a handful of throwing knives; "I say we leave nothing left! Not even the ashes!"

"But why stop with them?" Gothel suggested. "After all, we want this town to know who runs it, don't we? I say we demonstrate why we shouldn't be MESSED WITH."

"No." Fish smirked. "You wouldn't want to mess with me."

In less time than a blink, they'd separated, and were making a show of dominance as they circled the field. Ice crusted over much of the lot, encasing people and sprouting sharp crystalline spines. Flames erupted at the sandlot's edges, preventing any further escapees. Lightning struck at random, and screams squealed up whenever it hit the ground. And strangest of all were the spines of pure black rock that jutted up from the cracks made by the plants, threatening to impale those who got too close.

"WHAM ARMY!" Mozenrath yelled, not caring who was listening. "OPEN FIRE AND DON'T HOLD BACK!"

He drew back a fistful of blue magic. Mim clapped her hands together, pulling them apart to reveal two crackling handfuls of sparks. Yzma twirled her atlatl. Wuya levitated, her body outlined in green flames. The Huntsman twirled his staff, striking a defensive pose. Aghoul tossed a skull up and down in one hand, a scythe spinning into the other.

With their ammunition combined, the sky was alit as though with fireworks.

Quentin hurried past his fellow cast members to get to the shelter – he had some important things stashed there. En route, he called out to them, "LET'S SHOW THEM OUR GREATEST PERFORMANCE OF ALL: AS WARRIORS!"

"You heard him!" Peepers twirled a blaster. "OPEN FIRE! DISCORD, TAKE THE THREE O'CLOCK POSITION! LADY CAINE, SIX O'CLOCK! DEMONGO, YOU'RE AT NINE, AND I'M AT NOON!"

Discord outfitted himself with a randomly-generated tank of herbicide, spraying it at the onslaught of plants. Peepers took shot after shot. Lady Caine's sword slashed through the thick, trunklike vines, felling them.

"DISCORD!" Velma yelled. "I WILL NEED THE FIRES OUT IN ORDER TO SUMMON SPIDERS!"

"Well, WHICH IS IT?" Discord yelled back. "Plants out or fire out? Or should I just RAIN HERBICIDE ON THE FIELD and hope we survive better than the plants and the fire!"

"DONOTDOTHAT!" Peepers shrieked. "Discord, set Garfield up to replace you and work on that fire!"

With a snap of Discord's claw, Garfield was suddenly in full Firefly gear. "Thanks," he said with a nod before turning his gauntlets on the plants.

Discord summoned up a snowball. Tossed it up and down once. Wound up. Made the pitch. It hit the fire wall, erupted, sizzled the entire barrier out –

And a new one, made of ice from both Larxene's Pre-Winter powers and Cinder's cards, shot right up in its place.

"Flab drassit," Peepers grumbled, "we need to take it out at the FLARPING source! Re-concentrate on the four women and…and…"

His eye widened as the monster descended on him. "Oh, no."

Bushroot swept Peepers up, carrying him rapidly across the lot.

"NO!" Discord yelled, stricken with panic. Then he seethed with rage; "He'll PAY for – "

"NOPE!" Lady Caine yelled. "Still our friend in there! Dunno what they did to him, but you kill him and the other Fearsomes will kill YOU!"

Discord gritted his teeth. "Then I'll have to do this the HARD way."

He summoned up a katana, then another, then several more arms holding several more katanas, and rushed to cut down the tendrils holding Bushroot aloft.

Ezor and Zethrid were also firing heavy machinery at will; Entrapta and Hordak handed them piles of ammo. Eleanor's spear twirled. Several of Sylvie's golden sheep bounded onto the scene to counteract the plants. Catra's claws severed many a vine, as did Scorpia's pincers. Jack, figuring his cohorts had this part handled, was sneaking still more jewelry off those who ran away in a panic, but that didn't stop him from still trying to think of a craftier way to help out.

Tony had withdrawn his pistol, firing again and again as if to the beat of a song. He looked over to XR; "I'm expecting you not to report this."

XR had already extended no fewer than fourteen guns from inside his body. "Who, me?" he replied. "That could very easily turn into a conversation about how two of these are actually non-regulation, so you're good." An arc of laser blasts sailed high.

"Gentlemen." No one had seen Duke arrive – he had seemingly just teleported there when no one was looking. "I must say those are fine weapons you carry, and yet I cannot help but think they could be far superior." He cocked a machine gun over his shoulder, then let blasts bang out like an incessant rain, felling plant after plant.

"This is an advertisement for your shop, isn't it?" Tony realized.

"If you want better weaponry," Duke replied, "you'll know what to do."

The elements still poured down from on high as the WHAM ARMY's blasts missed again and again. Until one of them didn't. A bright heat, and a ray of blue sizzled past Fish's foot. The sole of said foot was only warmed a little, but the shoe she'd been wearing on it was disintegrated.

"Gothel," she growled, "I think it's time to bring out OPERATION QIRIN."

Gothel gave a flamboyant series of twirls to get to the center of the sky above the sandlot, and once she'd reached that point, she began to sing loudly: "CRESCENT HIGH ABOVE! EVOLVING AS YOU GO! RAISE WHAT LIES BENEATH AND LET THE DARKNESS GROOOOOOW!"

Another rocky spire was fighting its way through the earth's crust. This one was much bigger than the other black rocks Gothel had summoned. It was also semi-transparent, its ebony surface shimmering with bronze and blue sheens.

"BEND IT TO MY WILL!" Gothel continued. "CONSUME THE SUNLIGHT'S GLOW!" She pointed dramatically to Mozenrath. "RISE INTO THE SKY – " Her arms were thrown heavens-high. "AND LET THE DARKNESS GROW!"

A beam of murky blue light shot forth from the new rock. Making a beeline for Mozenrath.

"If you were wondering how I was going to get you inside regular amber," Gothel chuckled, "I wasn't. This has been synthesized with Ix. And it doesn't let up until it's swallowed its TARGET."

Mozenrath was struck. His eyes widened; he didn't know what 'Qirin' was, or what Gothel had meant by 'amber,' and supposed that it was something from Corona lore, but what he could piece together was that this wasn't just an ordinary Crystal of Ix that could spit him back out once it had sucked him up. If this one got him –

He might be in there forever.

"NO!" The tractor beam began to suck him toward the crystal, and he dropped to the ground, clawing helplessly at the sand as he slid. "No, no, NO! STOP THEM! DESTROY IT! DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME!"

Wuya, Yzma, Mim, Aghoul, and the Huntsman all heard the panic creeping into Mozenrath's voice. And one of them might have made the first move to try and rescue him if not for the fact that someone else got there first.

Mozenrath staggered to his feet. Attempted to run. Then something of substantial mass slammed into him, pinning him to the ground. "LET ME GO!" he yelled at his assailant, realizing a human was holding him there.

"IT'S ME!"

"Wh – " Mozenrath wriggled to get a better look at who was holding him to the ground. "SNATCHER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I only know the first few things about that crystal," Snatcher growled at him. "One of which is it takes that which is magical. You are magical; I am not. If it wants you, it'll have to go through me first!"

That was when Mozenrath realized that silly as that logic sounded, he actually wasn't sliding across the ground anymore. The blue light was striking Snatcher's back en route to him, and while Mozenrath could feel a pull to the crystal, he had been stopped.

"DON'T MOVE!" Mozenrath yelled. "Move and I will END YOU."

"With all due respect," Snatcher replied, "there won't be much of you left to carry out the job!" He turned his head; "ROMAN! NOW!"

Roman withdrew several silver discs from his jacket pockets. He then glared at the other five founders; "Uh, GOOOOOO? Archie and I have this sector covered; you guys need to burn the bitch!"

Wuya's green aura grew brighter. "That…we…do." She nodded to the others. "I'll lead. Cover me."

Then she flew at Fish full tilt, screaming, "THIS IS FOR MY FRIEND!"

Fish didn't slow down; in fact, she increased her own Aura's power, sailing directly toward Wuya. They collided; Fish spun Wuya round twice, then launched her across the lot. As Wuya was flung, Fish readied several spikes of ice in the air, ready to shoot the moving target.

A sudden BANG behind her alerted her that she wasn't the only one making such moves. She was suddenly on the fly to escape a barrage of skull bombs, a hail of poisoned darts, searing blasts of green magic-nullifying energy, and Mim in the form of a Peregrine falcon.

"You don't give up easy, do you?" Fish scoffed as she flew a figure-eight.

"When you mess with ONE of us – " Aghoul lobbed another skull.

"YOU MESS WITH ALL OF US!" Yzma shrieked, letting more darts fly.

Wuya had just enough of an opening to tackle Fish around the waist, careening across the lot with her and slamming her body against the wall of a tall building nearby. There was a blast of Arctic wind, and Wuya was pushed back, Fish rising to a higher vantage point.

As Roman ran, he assessed the crystal. Five facets. And already, Neo and the Malachites had fallen in step beside him. "One of us has to do double duty," Roman barked, "but if we – "

A new figure pulled out in front of them, one hand up. "WAIT!" Emerald cried. "I want to help! What can I do?"

"Heh-hehhhh." Roman smirked. "Looks like nobody's gotta pull double duty after all." He tossed Emerald a silver disc, then handed them out to Neo, Miltia, and Melanie. "See these things? Z-Bombs. Designed by a friend of mine with a flair for the dramatic and deadly. We plant one of these on each side of that big shiny rock, I press the detonator remote in my pocket, and boom. No more giant fucking rock. Sound like a plan?"

"As much as anything you say ever does," Melanie scoffed.

Emerald nodded. "Got it."

Neo bounded up and down with a gleeful smile.

"All right, then!" Roman declared, adjusting his hat. "Best of Remnant's worst! MOVE OUT!"

Meanwhile, Kamdor was shaking Zevon; "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T EVEN BRING A SINGLE GEM?"

"I – didn't – want – to – WILL – YOU – STOP?" Zevon barked. "Where's – your – SEARCH – PARTY – MISTER – COMPETE-TENT?"

"I can't BELIEVE you!" Kamdor groaned. He then seized Zevon around the waist and bounded high, knees propelling him up to the top of a nearby building. There, he set Zevon down. "Stay up here and don't get hurt!" he commanded before leaping back into the fray. "I have to get rid of all this annoying fire before I can call back the search party!"

"WAIT!" Zevon stretched out a hand as Kamdor plummeted. "I'M NOT USELESS, YOU KNOW! THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

But then, left with little else to do, he sat cross-legged and pouted.

To evade the plant cover long enough to get to the crystal took some work. Miltia kickflipped over an expanding thornbush to slap her bomb on. Melanie ducked low, scooting beneath a thicket, to plant hers. Neo zigzagged, then sawed through a hedge in order to flip through and plant her bomb.

Emerald dodged this way, then that. There was sure to be an opening soon, so long as she kept her eyes out –

There!

The minute she turned to make a break for the crystal, one of the Maidens planted down hard in front of her. And it was the last one she wanted to see.

"CINDER!" Emerald backed up, eyes wide. No, no, Cinder couldn't see how afraid she as –

"Emerald," Cinder taunted with a playful smirk. "It seems I just wasn't good enough for you. Or so you thought. Now look at what you're missing."

"PLEASE, Cinder!" Emerald begged. "We were friends! We worked together!"

"You were a tool," Cinder reminded her coldly. "I warned you again and again to know your place. Your place was beneath me. I knew I'd conditioned you never to aim for higher. Never did I think you'd break away to go LOWER."

"Cinder, I don't want to hurt you!" Emerald yelled.

"You already hurt my operation when you defected," Cinder told her. "As for my heart, that remains unmarred. It's a pity that I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone as wonderfully subservient as you. But I'll move on. As for you? Well, if I can't have you, I don't think anyone else should have that luxury."

Emerald realized, too late, that she should've had her weapons drawn. She put up only an arm to shield herself; "CINDER, NO!"

Cinder extended a hand toward Emerald.

A rush of flame. Emerald's scream to the heavens.

Velvet's Nightmare claw cut through a thick vine, Magilou rained Artes on blooming flowers with razor petals, Eleanor punctured pitcher-plant pouches, and then came the scream. All three knew it immediately, snapping their attention toward Cinder and Emerald.

Emerald, completely aflame, staggered away, continuing to scream. "HELP ME!" she shrieked. "SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEE! VELVEEEEEET!"

"E…Emerald?" Velvet's voice quavered. Then she bent, ready to spring.

Roman got to Emerald first, tackling her, pinning her, rolling over and over on the sand and the discarded plant detritus as though they were in a brawl. The flames subsided, and so did Emerald's screams, petering out into whimpers.

"I have do to EVERYTHING around here for you kids, don't I?" Roman slapped out the last flame on Emerald's hair. "Did NO ONE ever teach you stop, drop, and roll? What was that? Flail, scream, and panic?"

"You…" Emerald stared at him, wide eyed. "You saved me…?"

"Yeah, well, don't go bragging about it." He snapped to a standing position. "And once we get this crystal blown, go lean on the ice wall or something."

There still were burns. Her aura was taking care of many of them, and if she hadn't been intercepted when she was, they would have been much worse. That said, there was still pain she would have to push through. "I can do this," she panted. "I can DO this."

"Show, don't tell!" Roman took off back toward the immense crystal.

Emerald fixed her mind upon Cinder. She would need to create a hallucination that was only for Cinder, one that would allow her to bypass without a second attack. She looked to Cinder to project her Semblance –

"CINDERRRRRRRR!" Velvet screamed, wild-eyed as her Nightmare claw swiped through the air. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU DAMN BITCH! THIS IS FOR EMERAAAAAALD!"

"WHAT – " Cinder barely dodged out of the way of Velvet's assault, backflipping and withdrawing two black swords. Those swords went up to block Velvet's claw again and again with metallic rings.

As Magilou and Eleanor discussed their next move, Rokurou, Eizen, Molly, and Laphicet came skidding up beside them. "WHERE'S THE TARGET?" Rokurou yelled, a mad and lopsided grin stretched across his face as his Nightmare eye gleamed.

"THERE!" Magilou and Eleanor yelled in unison, pointing to Cinder.

"I was WAITING for this party to heat up!" Rokurou's twin daggers were raised, crossed, then swished apart. "C'mon, Eizen! Fists versus swords! Winner take all!"

Magilou put a hand on Laphicet's shoulder; "You stay back here with us, little Empyrean. I have a job for you."

"Mind if we cut in?" Rokurou called to Velvet as he rushed toward where she dueled Cinder. "Y'know, 'cut,' as in – "

"MOVE!" Eizen roared. "ON YOUR LEFT!"

Angry as Velvet was, she had enough survival instinct to sidestep a war-aligned Nightmare and a dragon-type Dream Eater. Rokurou's blades met Cinder's in a hard parry as Eizen scooted around back to pummel her with his fists.

With a scream, Cinder erupted skyward, rocketing high to escape. She readied several cards of Blizzard spells for her opponents below.

Until she realized that Eizen had unfolded his wings and was chasing her. And that he had Velvet cradled in his arms.

"YOU NEED TO DIIIIIEEEEE!" Velvet screeched, her claw swiping.

"NOT YET!" Eleanor yelled at them. "JUST HOLD HER STILL!"

Cinder tried to evade, but was cut off when a gelatinous purple butterfly shot into her path. "Whatever you're doing," Globby told Eizen and Velvet, "DO IT NOW!"

Velvet's claw enveloped Cinder. Cinder tried immediately to burn her way out. Eizen and Velvet drove Cinder straight into Globby, who turned cool blue, now made up of the substance found in synthetic ice packs.

Eleanor drew back her spear. Magilou and Laphicet fed into a magic sigil circle in front of the projectile, its light radiating brightly. "READY WHEN YOU ARE!" Magilou yelled.

"HAH!" Eleanor pitched the spear hard, weight shifting to one foot as her other kicked out back. The spear hurtled through the circle of magic and Empyrean powers, imbuing itself with thunderous energy.

"HEY, VELVET!" Rokurou yelled. "MOVE IT OR LOSE IT!"

Eizen had to forcibly rip Velvet away. Cinder's eye widened as the spear hurtled toward her – and she was stuck to a floating gooey butterfly like an insect on a trap.

She squirmed violently. Just enough that the spear didn't pierce her. But it was carrying enough magic that even on the graze by her, it thrummed immense power into Cinder's body, as well as immense pain. Globby was temporarily disintegrated; he rained down onto the ground in patches that Carl hurriedly rushed to scoop together.

Emerald was hypnotized by the scene until she heard a tiny voice yell out "GO!"

She looked. Molly was waving at her. "I'LL HELP KEEP YOU QUIET!" Molly yelled. "JUST GET TO THE BIG ROCK!"

Right. Emerald nodded, re-strengthening her hallucination to Cinder to ensure she'd be cloaked. And then the air around her shimmered; she was in a bubble of Molly's Dumb power, ensuring she couldn't be detected by Cinder in any respect. Now it was a matter of finding another opening around the plants.

Of course, Gothel and Larxene hadn't been about to let that fly. Not to mention that Discord had started out punching segments of wall at a time, and now Gothel had to re-strengthen the fence around the sandlot with black rocks glued together by Larxene's ice.

"EXCUSE ME!" the draconequus called out, his cheerful tone barely masking a fountain of rage. "I'D LIKE MY ROOMMATE BACK NOW!"

"Well, we can't all get what we want, can we?" Gothel sneered.

"…Moon power, is it?" Discord snorted. "You could've molded that power to anything, and you chose MOON." He blazed gold; "THEN PREPARE FOR THE LIGHT OF THE SUN!"

"Sun versus moon?" Gothel chuckled. "Don't make me nostalgic for the old days!"

The light that radiated from her deepened from gold into dark blue. It swirled around her, surrounding her with pure Darkness.

Then she and Discord flew right at each other. The resulting crash sent out a shockwave that broke down half the black-rock walls.

"Nnnnope!" Larxene quickly filled the gaps with ice. Then felt a jolt, a tingle. "Um, EXCUSE ME?" She looked derisively down to the sandlot. "Did you just try to use LIGHTNING on me?"

"Oh," Megavolt said from down below. "Y'know, now that I think about it, that was pretty stupid."

"GIVE US BACK OUR FRIEND!" Quackerjack yelled. "Licky! Deliver her a shock-tooth special!"

"You'll find no better electric superconductor anywhere in the world!" Liquidator proclaimed. "But what's this? For today only, a two-for-one special! Conduct one electric current, and get one current of toy chattering teeth carried completely free of CHARGE!" He erupted into a geyser, and Quackerjack threw twenty sets of chattering toy teeth into his elongated body. Liquidator surged up toward Larxene, carrying the teeth along.

"Now, Megs!" Quackerjack hissed.

"But I hate this part!" Megavolt whined. "It hurts!"

"Well – I'll – " Quackerjack sputtered, turning red. "I'll nurse you back to health later, if that's worth anything!"

Now Megavolt was also blushing and attempting to hide it. "Not that, uh, that was convincing or anything but – "

He plunged both hands into Liquidator's current. Immediately it triggered a shock that sent agony through his very skeleton, but more importantly, carried up toward Larxene. And while plain electricity might not have affected her, electricity already soaked in water would be a blast indeed.

The fact that the water that hit her was also carrying twenty sets of biting plastic teeth was insult upon injury.

She was pummeled, thrown high into the sky with a yelp. Now she was the one in utter agony, trembling and seizing.

Megavolt collapsed; Quackerjack caught him before he could hit the ground. "You're okay, Sparky!" Quackerjack panted. "I gotcha!"

"Don't…" Megavolt raised a weak, trembling hand. "Call me that."

Quackerjack had repositioned, carrying Megavolt bridal-style. "Now let's get to that shelter!"

Megavolt snuggled a little closer to Quackerjack's chest on the journey.

Larxene recovered. "Why, you LITTLE – "

A glass bottle broke against her head, and suddenly, her directions were reversed. Trying to fly backward sent her forward, and vice versa. Going left meant actually going right. She listed in circles, shrieking, "WHAT IS THIS?"

"ME PROOF-VING I'M NOT USELESS!" Zevon pumped a fist in the air, his belt missing one potion.

"Okay." Larxene halted. "I can get used to this. It's just ANNOYING, that's all." She glowered at Zevon. "And my FIRST order – "

"IS A DOUBLE NOODLE BURGER WITH EXTRA SRIRACHA!" Noodle Burger Boy cried.

"WHAT?" Larxene turned toward the rocketing Noodle Burger Boy just in time for him to throw a Noodle Burger into her face. (Double. With extra sriracha.)

"LET'S GO, SISTERS!" Noodle Burger Boy yelled. Hyper-Potamus was suddenly beside him, hurling more burgers at top speed; Crushroom was launching more from below. Hangry Panda threw fruit into her mouth, chopped it up, then expelled it up toward Larxene like slushy comets.

Liquidator jabbed a thumb at the fast-food mascots; "I'm lovin' it!"

"BETA!" Omega hurtled toward the wall of Zevon's vantage point along with her brother. "CUT HER OFF UP HIGH! BRING HER DOWN!"

As Beta began to scale the wall, Omega gave Hangry Panda a glare, as well as Noodle Burger Boy, who'd descended to refill on condiments. "You know," Omega commented, "the four of you work well as a brotherhood."

"Brotherhood?" Noodle Burger Boy shook his head. "No, no, no! It's three girls to one boy! We're a SISTERHOOD! The Sisterhood of the Noodle Burger!"

Omega gave a hissing chuckle. "Keep working on it." Then she followed Beta up the wall to continue attacking Larxene.

Gothel felt two hands on her back. Cinder's voice hissed in her ear, "Let's get OUT of here while we still have our skins!"

"What's this?" Gothel taunted. "Cinder Fall wants to give up? That doesn't sound like the little flame I know." She pushed away, spinning to confront what looked like Cinder indeed.

"I'm using strategy!" Cinder argued.

"Strategy?" Gothel laughed. "Oh, darling, Cinder doesn't STRATEGIZE. But I do."

She veered aside, letting Discord collide with Cinder full force. Cinder was ripped to pieces – jagged metal pieces that plummeted to the ground with a hail of clinks.

"BIG SISTERRRRR!" Noodle Burger Boy rushed to the shrapnel, whose resemblance to Cinder was quickly fading.

"Please don't call me that," Tsumugi's decapitated head huffed. "We may be from the same roboticist, but we're NOT related. And I'm fine! I've pulled together more complicated mecha than this for anime cons!"

"Be that as it may…" Mysterio, in full getup, strode out from the equipment garage. "The Ultimate Cosplayer was only the opening act for THE GREAT MYSTEEEEERIO!" He activated his Night Mode, the LEDs flashing like strobes. "And his backup band!"

"Yeah, I think I'm more of the brains AND brawn of the outfit," Scaramouche said, close behind, "but if you wanna take all the credit, more power to ya. We all know who REALLY did the heavy lifting."

"Just shut up and play!" Mysterio barked.

Scaramouche put the flute to his lips. A sword detached from his waist, zigzagging through the sky like a hornet.

Gothel caught it easily in one hand. Turned and threw. It grazed Discord, causing him to reel and hesitate as blood spewed. "Was that supposed to hurt ME?" Gothel chuckled.

"Yet again," Mysterio revealed, "the audience has fallen for the DIVERSION. It's the first rule of stage magic: MISDIRECTION!"

A loud groaning and cracking sound alerted Gothel to the fact that most of her black-rock wall had just torn itself out of its foundations, opening up the sandlot.

"YEEEEEEEEEES!" Kamdor screamed. "NOW, TO RECALL MY MONSTERS!"

"AND SUMMON SPIDERS!" Velma crowed.

Shocker, meanwhile, was using his blasts to chase Bushroot around the lot. "You're one tough weed to pull," he growled. "But I ain't one to give up easy."

A wiry elbow rested on Shocker's shoulder; "If I may?" Demongo held the largest skull from his collection.

Shocker nodded. "Just the punch we gotta pack."

The Creature, all red and angular, descended upon Bushroot from above as a hard shock hit him from below. A tiny figure dropped from Bushroot's grip.

"I'll take THAT." Discord's tail wrapped around Peepers, catching him before he could fall too far.

"Well, that was embarrassing," Peepers sighed. "Wait. Discord, are you BLEEDING?"

"Oh, don't worry about it," Discord scoffed.

"Don't WORRY about it?" Peepers yelled. "You need to get your scaly butt into that shelter NOW!"

"I think I'll just drop you off instead." Discord did just that, leaving Peepers at the garage's entrance before rushing back into the fray.

"NO!" Peepers yelled. "NONONONONO! HE'S GONNA GET HIMSELF KILLED!"

"Almost makes a guy wanna do something about it," Deymos scoffed.

"Yeah, well, I AM doing something about it!" Giovanni stood before the crowd. "Look, hiding in here is great and all, but we need all hands on deck!"

"Are you SERIOUSLY going to undo the evacuation I just ran?" Rachel shrieked.

"Only for the people I know can turn the tide!" Giovanni urged.

"Tide?" Rachel repeated. "So, uh, how about we start with HIM?" She pointed to Deymos.

"Wha – " Deymos flinched. "I'm not doing any work! No way, no how!"

"Don't give me LIP!" Giovanni yelled, pointing at him accusingly. "I can already see you're an AWFUL evil teammate! I'm not sure if you're his minion or he's yours, but look at him! LOOK AT HIM!"

"Him…?" Deymos turned to where Giovanni gestured.

Vexen was as hidden as could be in the back corner, sitting on the floor, pulling various pieces of equipment around him in a defensive wall. Drakken fussed over him. The look in Vexen's eyes spoke of the fires Cinder had been setting.

"…Oh, foofie," Deymos muttered. "Yeah, okay, I'm in. Can't have that. Just – just gimme a second."

He trotted over. Vexen glared up at him; "I DON'T need your pity – "

"Not here for that." Deymos held out a hand. "I need you to watch this for me so I don't break it out there. Important job."

Vexen reached up. Deymos dropped the TwiPod into his waiting hand. Vexen knew what to actually do with it.

"Be right back!" Deymos jogged toward Giovanni and Rachel.

"So here's the deal!" Giovanni was explaining. "I can make soup. Limitless soup. If there was a way to focus that soup on the plants, then this would be over in a second, but I'm not THAT good yet – hoping to up my proficiency after this battle, actually – so I'm gonna need some backup. You! Turtle man! You can fight, right? Velvet mentioned you kicked her ass the one time."

"I CAN," White Turtlez argued. "Doesn't mean I WANNA!"
"Who else can do things?" Giovanni asked. "Composer?"

"I can try with this." Rachel tapped the cuff on her wrist that contained Miseric's bow.

"And I SUPPOSE Setzer and I can lend a hand," Orpheus scoffed.

"Wouldn't be the first time we had to bail everyone else out," Setzer sniffed.

"Bag, ball, and boy," Zoe added. "These weapons three I wield, and all begin with 'B.'"

"No idea what that means," Giovanni told her, "but you're in!"

"Wait a sec," Deymos realized. "You can make limitless soup? Seriously? And you just need a way to focus it."

"Um, yeah?" Giovanni replied. "I know, I know, it sounds embarrassing, but lately I've come to terms with – "

"Send the others as an advance," Deymos told him. "You and me? I know how to improve your soup powers. We're ENDING this."

Giovanni lit up; "Well, you HEARD the man! Get out there and give us some cover!"

The civilians rushed.

"FLURRY OF A THOUSAND FISHEZ!" White Turtlez danced among the still-growing greenery, cutting it down with twin daggers. "THIS IS MY FINAL FURYZ!" He focused both blades into a ray of energy that pierced one of Fish's frosts, melting the ice and freeing those trapped beneath.

Setzer flicked a handful of cards, trailing a blood-red array of light, at a thorny thicket, tearing it up to free the person inside. Then Setzer leered at said person; "And I'm supposed to believe you're our hero of the hour?"

"SHUT…" Roman stood, bristling from the cuts of the thorns that had him held down. "UP."

"You can buy my silence." Setzer winked. "We'll discuss pricing after the fight."

Roman just slapped his bomb to the crystal and ran off to find a good vantage point for detonation.

"AGH!" Emerald was slapped by a thick vine to tumble across the sand. "It's no use…" She pried herself up. Her very skin ached. "I'm too weak - !"

"Then allow me to play you a rousing song of inspiration!" Orpheus put a hand to his heart and sang a short aria, allowing a healing spell to wash over Emerald.

The pain abated. She stood, sizing up the new opening. "One shot," she grunted. With a cry of "THANK YOUUUUUU!" to Orpheus, she leapt, arcing over a cluster of wildly-whipping plants.

Rubber dodgeballs were shooting from nowhere at Zoe's hand gestures, pummeling the plants into submission for her. Doppelgängers of Vivi came in force with Struggle bats to punch back the plants, dissipating as soon as they'd struck a hit but followed by more. Emerald landed on the ground just as a flower bloomed beneath her, threatening to swallow her up if its petals closed.

Then a rucksack tied with a rope and full of unknown heavy materials plowed into the stem of that flower, knocking it out from beneath Emerald.

"HAH!" She slapped the bomb to the crystal.

"Oh, I get it!" Rachel realized as she sliced down vines. "Balls, boys, bags! They all start with 'B'!" Then she went back to slicing until it really hit her: "Wait a minute, are those the FUCKING Seven Wonders – "

Zoe merely grinned, jamming a handful of long fingernails into a sprouting stem to shred it into slices.

"If you use your soup powers," Deymos explained to Giovanni, "and I direct 'em with my dancing water, I can make an army of focused doubles that can target the plant menace without hitting anything we don't want them to hit! Well, that YOU don't want them to hit. I don't really care who gets hurt so long as it's not one of mine, but I digress."

"Then let's ROCK AND ROLL!" Giovanni pumped a fist.

"Also," Deymos told him, "we can amplify it if we get more musicians in on the deal. I'm gonna go talk to those Shady Shopkeeper guys and see if they can back us up."

"Does that include singing?" Giovanni asked.

"DUH, that includes singing." Deymos rolled his eyes.

"…Be right back." Giovanni dashed out into the fray.

Rachel was seized by a forearm, dragged back into the equipment garage. "No time to explain," Giovanni told her, "but I need you to sing!"

"WHY?" Rachel yelled.

"I just SAID there was no TIME to EXPLAIN!" Giovanni told her. "But the short version is that you didn't get to today, so I'm putting you front and center for the song that's gonna win the fight!"

Hanekoma seemed to have disappeared, and Duke and White Turtlez were still fighting the horde of verdure, but Deymos was able to round up Artie, Maddie, Anna, and Peg, as well as their guitars. "YOU?" he asked in disbelief, staring at Rachel.

"Yeah, me." Rachel straightened up. "Got a fucking problem with that?"

"Can you even sing?" Deymos asked.

"Can I sing?" Rachel replied. "CAN I SING? DO YOU JUST NOT REMEMBER THE FIVE MILLION DATES I TOOK YOU ON AT THE MOONSHINE KARAOKE BAR?"

"Oh yeahhhhhhhh," Deymos recalled. "That's right. Anyway, we decided our setlist is gonna start with 'Bird and the Worm.' You know, by The Used. You familiar with that one or…?"

"It's not like that was the FIRST SONG I ever sang for you at that bar or anything," Rachel seethed.

"Good!" Deymos told her. "Something like that would've been awk – oh. Ohhhh, you're saying it – look, I was REALLY faking interest, okay?"

"The good news is I no longer need your approval to validate me," Rachel huffed.

"Like, JUST NOW?" Deymos asked. "How long were you wanting me to VALIDATE you?"

"NOT IMPORTANT!" Rachel yelled.

"But just once, for the records," Giovanni urged. "If this lovely lady here was a handsome young man, would you have gone for her? Him? Uh, them?"

"No, of course not!" Deymos spat. "She's too much of a goody-goody. AND out of my league. Why are you even still wasting time on this, Rachel? We both know you could've bagged somebody WAY hotter any old time!"

"I…I could've?" Rachel lit up.

"This is all riveting drama, of course," Artie broke in, "but weren't we here for a specific purpose?"

"Oh, yeah!" Deymos, Rachel, and Giovanni all said.

"I'll count you in," Deymos said. "I guess you're lead vocals, Rachel. Shopkeepers, back her up. Soup man, bring the soup. And a one! And a two! And a ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!"

A chilling sitar intro gave way to ascending guitars. Rachel's heart pounded as she forced herself to come in on cue, trying not to think about how many people were depending on her to sing this well.

"He wears his heart safety-pinned to his backpack," she warbled. "His backpack is all that he knows. Shot down by strangers whose glances can cripple the heart and devour the soul!"

Artie and Maddie backed her with harmony on the chorus: "ALL A-LONE HE TURNS TO STONE! WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEEEAAAATH!" Anna and Peg played ever more complex riffs, matching Deymos' own playing.

Deymos' fingers were dancing wildly. Giovanni called orbs of soup to hang before the group, and Deymos' magic shaped each one into something larger, more detailed: a copy of Giovanni remade in tomato broth.

"GO, MY SOUP ARMY!" Giovanni pointed out to the fray, and the soup army descended. The doubles splashed onto plants, sizzling them, stopping them in their tracks. Tomato broth reigned, beating back the horde of Bushroot's vegetation. Everywhere you looked, there was at least one soupy Giovanni clone erupting into a shower of burning heat.

Three of them converged on Bushroot himself. The monster screeched, scuttling up the wall of the highest building to take refuge on the rooftop.

"KAMDOOOOOOR!" Amy went running toward the armored ninja.

"DON'T BREAK MY CONCENTRATION!" Kamdor yelled at her. "I'M TRYING TO SUMMON BACK MY ARMY!"

"THEY'RE HURTING HIM!" Amy pleaded. "If I don't go up there – I don't know what'll happen! But if you can get me up there, I DO know I can fix it!"

"STILL CONCENTRATING!" Kamdor yelled.

There was a cry of "BA-BAM!" and a glass vial shattered near Amy's feet. Instantly, she was rising, bestowed temporarily with the power of flight.

"AWWW, I OWE YA ONE, SWEETIE!" Amy waved to Zevon as she zoomed toward Bushroot.

"YOU SEE THAT?" Zevon yelled down at Kamdor. "NOT! USELESS!"

"SHUT UP!" Kamdor yelled back.

Zevon smugly returned to a sitting position. "He thinks I'm hot stuff."

"HEY, DUMBASS!" Miltia yelled at Roman. "WE'RE FIVE FOR FIVE!"

Roman skidded to a halt. "Neo, cover me!" he barked.

She didn't need to do much work on that front. The soupy clones were already taking out the majority of the plants, and the Maidens were otherwise indisposed. Still, Neo sliced down the odd vine here and there while Roman retrieved the detonator.

"Remember the five Cs!" Roman called out. "Cut, color, clarity, carat, and – no, wait, 'kaboom' starts with K. Well, I just embarrassed myself." And he pressed the button.

In a thunderous explosion, Gothel's crystal became millions of shards, skittering across the sandlot. A few people were injured by the shrapnel (Roman of course included). Many, many plants were as well.

Snatcher finally rolled aside, and Mozenrath was able to leap to his feet, dusting himself off. "Remind me you need two things when we get back to base," he panted. "One, a reward for not letting me get taken behind enemy lines. Two, a VERY LONG shower with frankincense and bergamot."

"You know I take far more of those than I did before we met," Snatcher grumbled as he stood.

"Well, it's not enough," Mozenrath told him, raising his right hand. A blue aura emanated from it, radiating bright as a star.

"What's that for?" Snatcher asked.

"Wait for it," Mozenrath told him. "Three…two…one…NOW."

With the rock walls down, in came a surge of monsters that had obviously previously been household items: Kamdor's search party. Then, behind them, a throng of very familiar zombies.

"LORD MOZENRATH!" Snatcher nearly went red as his own hat with fury. "HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS TO PUT ALL THOSE BACK THE FIRST TIME? OUR REPUTATION WILL BE RUINED!"

"No, 'ruined' was what your PR stunt did to my zombie apocalypse," Mozenrath said flatly.

The monsters and the zombies started climbing over themselves, forming grotesque pyramids to clutch and claw at the Maidens – who were already realizing they were somewhat backed into a corner.

"No!" Cinder yelled. "NO! THEY CAN'T BE GETTING THE UPPER HAND!"

"Now THAT one's not a fake," Gothel said smugly.

"This is so aggravating!" Larxene scoffed. "They should all be TOAST by now!"

Fish put up a hand; "We don't retreat unless we lose the ace up our sleeve. Our primary monster. But if they take him down, we run."

She deflected a bullet with her bare hand, glowing with Winter's frost. "Really?" she scoffed down to the one who'd fired.

"Worth a shot," Tony replied, staring up at her. "So you're the famous Queen of Gotham."

"Queen of HUH?" Harley gaped up at Fish. "How? You don't look like any villain I ever met…unless…" She gasped. "NO WAY! The nightclub owner who got offed by the Penguin five years ago? But how? You gotta be an alternate version! And WAY more powerful than the Fish Mooney I knew!"

"Fish Mooney." Tony nodded. "So I can finally put a name to the title."

"And you?" Fish sneered. "I don't recognize you, though your style STINKS of Valeska. Perhaps I perished in your world, but if I had to guess, you flat-out never got off the ground in mine."

"HA!" Harley tossed a pink heart-shaped grenade with its pin pulled.

Fish caught it. Squeezed. Let it explode in her hand. "I retract the comment about the Valeska aesthetic," she said as she watched the pink shrapnel tumble from her fist. "At least he had enough class not to use something so…kitschy."

Amy swam breaststroke through the air, calling out, "REGGIE? REGGIE!"

The hollowed-out Bushroot turned to face her with milky eyes, giving another screech. Here his prey was coming right to him.

"Reggie, it's me!" Amy landed on the rooftop and rushed him, arms out. "Amy! DNAmy!"

She was seized by a cluster of vines that held her up high. Bushroot made a noise like nails on slate to indicate he was pleased with his catch. He advanced as she squirmed.

"Don't DO this, Reggie!" Amy pleaded. "It's me! I LOVE YOU!"

Bushroot's advance was halted. He flinched, as though he'd been physically struck. The next noise that came from his bill sounded remarkably like the word "A…my…?"

"YOU REMEMBER!" Amy cried. "I KNOW YOU'RE STILL IN TH – "

The vines tightened. Bushroot's resolve hardened. Amy coughed and choked as she felt the life being choked out of her.

"F-fine!" she sputtered. "Go ahead and kill me! I'll just come back stronger and full of more love! But before – " She winced from the pressure. "Before I go – don't you want to get a closer look? Revel in your victory?"

With a sinister chuckle, Bushroot pulled her closer so he could leer at her one last time. Watch the life depart her.

She swung forward within her cocoon, throwing all her weight against the bindings. She was able to lean forward just enough to plant a kiss on the beak of her captor.

It wasn't anything proven by science, anything that would make sense at all by Amy's studies. But she'd learned something during her time with the WHAM ARMY. There was more to this world than science. There was magic as well. And if there was magic, then fairy tales could come true, and maybe, just maybe, there was such a thing as true love's kiss.

The vines relaxed; Amy gasped in, breathing heavily to make up for what she'd been deprived of. Then her bindings fell away all at once. Color returned to the plant-duck in front of her, including soft, muted purple in his eyes that swam to the surface to radiate with full force.

"…Amy?" Bushroot asked, clearly exhausted. He pressed a leafy hand to his head; "What…what happened? D-did I hurt you?"

She surged forth, scooping Bushroot into a tight embrace. "I KNEW YOU WERE IN THERE, REGGIE!" Amy spun him round and round. "I JUST KNEW IT!"

He returned her embrace. "Amy, I think you just saved me! They kidnapped me, and th-they did AWFUL things to me, l-l-like m-making my plant powers s-stronger and – " It hit him. "Hey! My plant powers are stronger now! I bet I could drive the b-bad guys – well, I mean the WORSE guys – off!"

Amy let him go; "Go own it, sweet potato!"

Bushroot rushed to the edge of the rooftop, looking down to where his previous creations had caused so much chaos. "ATTENTION!" he yelled. "CALLING ALL PLANTS!"

The vegetation froze in place.

"YOU'RE ATTACKING THE WRONG PEOPLE!" Bushroot gestured toward the Maidens. "THOSE GUYS! GET THOSE GUYS!"

There was a hesitation. Then the plants surged upward, toward the Maidens – and creating an easy pathway for monsters and zombies to scale.

"Now," Fish said calmly, "is when we run."

She, Larxene, and Gothel had blazed halfway across town before they realized what was missing.

"NO!" Cinder kept punching her barrage of assailants. "I REFUSE TO RUN! I REFUSE TO LOSE HERE!" A massive solar flare radiated from her, pushing back the armies. "YOU WILL ALL ANSWER TO ME! IT WAS ME WHO WON THE DAY! ME WHO CAUSED THE HARM TO YOUR TOWN!"

Fish careened back to the edge of the buildings surrounding the sandlot. "CINDER," she snapped. "FOLLOW. NOW."

"NO!" Cinder turned to yell at her, good eye first. "I DIDN'T TAKE YOU FOR A COWARD! WE CAN STILL WIN THIS IF WE – "

The sound of an enraged yell diverted Cinder's attention. Velvet was running up the plant path at full speed, claw extended.

"AGH!" Cinder quickly threw a dark knife.

"CRAWLS LIKE A WORM!" Rachel sang down below.

Velvet feinted to the side. There was a flicker in Cinder's consciousness, and for the first time since the murder attempt, she could see Emerald clearly, hurtling toward her.

"THIS IS FOR RUINING MY LIFE!" Emerald raised one hand-scythe high.

"CRAWLS LIKE A WORM FROM A BIIIIIIIRD!" Rachel concluded.

Because of how Cinder's head was still tilted, ready to address Fish again, only her bad eye was turned to Emerald all the way. The scythe cut directly across it, reopening the old scar. Cinder let out a howl of pain.

Then a flying kick from above, delivered by Velvet, threw her down to the waiting hordes of people who wanted her blood.

"HEY, LOSER!" Hayner instigated the charge, leaping into a flying kick on course to intercept her.

There was a massive thunderclap. Cinder had been caught, Larxene suddenly there, appearing as fast as lightning could strike. Cinder rested bridal-style across Larxene's arms. Hayner just slammed into the wall harmlessly.

"You know," Larxene told her, "I love the enthusiasm, but if you get yourself killed, I'll have nothing to play with later."

With another CRACK, Larxene and Cinder became lightning itself, rocketing back up into the sky. Fish took off to reunite with Gothel.

Seeing her cue, Rachel scrambled up onto what was left of the stage. "HOW WAS THAT FOR A SHOW, EVERYBODY?" she yelled.

The reception was mixed. Some people cheered. Most others were trying to escape the zombies, monsters, and spiders that were now looking for new targets.

"…Yeah, that was a little much to expect," Rachel admitted. "Welp, thanks to everyone who showed up!" She hopped off the stage.

XR was immediately there to envelop her in a bone-crunching hug; "RACHEL how could you have done something so STUPID you're not a ROBOT you were almost ORGANIC PASTE you were AMAZING that was the most BEAUTIFUL song I've ever heard you're such a BEAUTIFUL little train wreck YOUUUUUU!"

Surprised at first, she softly hugged him in return. "I'm fine. Knew I would be. Dumbass."

Hayner's head cleared as he saw a familiar redhead above him. "Hayner!" Tallulah gasped. "Are you okay?"

"Don't think so." Hayner grinned. "I'm seein' angels."

Most of the villainous persuasion – be they WHAM ARMY or Heathens – gathered near the back of the lot. "Niiiiice finisher, Green!" Roman clapped Emerald on the back. "So are you and Blackbird here gonna fuck or what?"

"ROMAN!" Emerald gasped.

"Whaaaat?" Roman protested. "We could all see it! Archie noticed it a mile off! Sure, she's got two other girlfriends, but the four of you work like a well-oiled machine!"

"You have NO RIGHT," Velvet growled.

"But he does have a point," Magilou pointed out. "I think we've just been delaying the inevitable."

"Is it okay, Velvet?" Eleanor asked.

"I…um…" Velvet felt a lump in her throat. "E…Emerald. When I saw her light you on fire, I…" She swallowed hard. "I guess it doesn't matter. They say actions speak louder than words. Would you…want to see if you could work with us?" She blushed furiously. "As…as girlfriends?"

"YES!" Emerald cried. "Yes, yes, YES!"

"Then welcome to the family!" Magilou chirped.

"I love you already!" Eleanor added. "I MEAN WE! WE LOVE YOU ALREADY!"

Emerald chuckled, then moved through to systematically plant a kiss on Magilou and Eleanor's lips – and a longer one on Velvet's.

The Huntsman shoved himself right beside Mozenrath, pressing close to him. "One cannot be too careful," he muttered.

"Awww," Mozenrath teased, "is somebody showing affection 'cause he almost lost me? Is that it? How adorable."

"Nothing of the sort," the Huntsman grunted. "Though I think it was clear to all present that had you been absorbed by that crystal…it would've been no small feat to break you back out."

"And I think it was EQUALLY clear to all present that it was my own presence that prevented such an ugly fate," Snatcher brought up. "To which you are all VERY welcome. Had I not been here, well, who can imagine what horrendous things would've happened?"

Yzma suddenly slapped Mozenrath on the back of the head.

"OW!" Mozenrath rubbed the spot. "YZMA, WHY?"

"Don't you EVER scare us like that again!" Yzma seethed. "Have you any idea what we'd be like without you?"

"Driven mad with rage," Mim filled in. "Which sounds fun on paper, but wouldn't be."

"So," Tony brought up. "We've now seen the face of the enemy. And I'm guessing that won't be the last we hear of her…or her little weather-witch friends."

"Fish Mooney," Harley breathed. "Who'd'a thunk? She was a nobody in my Gotham, and sounds like I'm a nobody in hers. Weird how that kinda stuff all evens out, huh?"

"We're not just gonna let her get AWAY, are we?" Giovanni yelled. "She'll just come back even worse next time!"

"I'm not wasting any more time here," Mozenrath said dryly.

"More importantly," Snatcher told him, "after this little fiasco, I doubt even my most poetic of words could smooth over the scene we made. We'd best make ourselves scarce, sans the people who've already blended in here."

"You heard him, crew!" Mysterio announced. "Liquid Assets staff gets to stay!"

Megavolt, who was still leaning tiredly against Quackerjack, commented, "He said people who BLEND IN, idiot."

"Maybe this isn't a job for the WHAM ARMY to handle," Giovanni realized. "But…it could be the Heathens' next big break! Finding a way to clear this town out of the people who wanna stifle the common, hardworking villain! I mean, okay, I'll admit those powers were kinda cool, but still, they are the WRONG kind of evil! Harley? Velvet? Whaddaya say?"

"I'd still like to get my claw into the one for what she's done to Emerald," Velvet seethed.

"And I could help lure Fish out!" Harley urged. "Listen. If there's three things I know, it's psychology, Gotham, and the psychology of the kind of villains who run around Gotham!"

"No offense, Discount Me," Roman told Giovanni, "but if you're fighting the Bigger Bad, doesn't that make you…you know…a HERO?"

"EWWW, NOOOO!" Giovanni spat. Then he thought it over; "Well…maybe. But the kind of person who's a hero to the villains."

"So long as it means I don't have to deal with this mess," Mozenrath sighed, "I'll take it. Dracon, just make sure he doesn't slip up. Which I'm guessing is easier said than done."

"I'll do my best," Tony replied. "Truth be told, I'm almost getting attached. If for the…common interest alone."

"Common interest?" Giovanni's eyes widened. "OHHHHH, THE COMMON INTEREST! You mean – "

"What're we talking about?" Rachel and XR joined the group.

"Not evil," Giovanni said suddenly.

"Just about how we've all had a long day," Mozenrath stated. "I think we should all head home and take a nice, LONG BATH."

"IT IS NOT THAT ODIOUS!" Snatcher argued.

"YOUR ARMPITS SMELL LIKE AN AL-MUDDY LIVESTOCK PEN!" Mozenrath yelled.

"Say," XR realized. "Do I know you from somewhere? I feel like I've seen you, or at least heard about someone like you before – "

"HAVE I TAKEN YOU TO THE KARAOKE BAR IN MIDNIGHT ALLEY?" Rachel blurted. "No. No, I haven't! We should go! WE SHOULD GO RIGHT NOW."

"Ooh, karaoke!" Giovanni was instantly at Rachel's side. "After what I saw here, you and I are DEFINITELY doing a duet. You, uh…you like MCR, right?"

"Love 'em," Rachel replied.

"Mind if I tag along?" Tony loomed over, though not in a completely threatening way. "After all…someone's gotta make sure you two don't pull any funny business with the lady."

"Here's where I would be offended," XR replied, "but I was meaning to ask you more about that get-rich scheme you mentioned earlier. So I can stop things like that in its tracks, of course."

Rachel and her three suitors marched off; she chanced a look back over her shoulder. Snatcher gave her a nod and a tip of the hat. She winked back at him.

"But like I said," Mozenrath sighed. "I'm ready to blow this town."

"And besides!" Mysterio urged. "We must get plans underway posthaste!"

"Do I even want to know?" Yzma asked.

"Why, our production of RENT was cut off unceremoniously!" Mysterio reminded them all. "As soon as we get our Joann pieced back together, we've got to redo opening night on a stage that's closer to home!"

"Whatever," Mozenrath sighed. "Just as long as it's not here."

...

Weiss lay on her stomach on the bed in her chambers, leafing casually through a book. As she turned a page, her scroll began to ring.

With a single finger, she answered. "Helloooo."

"WEISS!" Jaune's voice was panicked.

Weiss jolted; "Jaune? What's wrong?"

"You gotta come NOW!" Jaune panted. "In the basement chamber – the party place – the Heartless found a way in!"

A cacophony of clanking and thudding sounded in the distance. Then Kazuichi's voice joined in: "Weiss! We're barely holding out! We're gonna die down here! Please, please, PLEASE come save us!"

"Okay!" Weiss yelled, springing to her feet. "I'm coming!"

"There's a lot of 'em!" Kazuichi yelled. "This is gonna take a WHILE!"

Weiss hung up the scroll, taking up Myrtenaster. Like a shot she was out of her room, using glyphs to speed down the hallway. A shortcut was taken out to a precipice, where she then used more glyphs to run right down the wall. From there, it was a short jaunt to the entrance to the Chamber of Parties, and then down, down, down the stairs into the dark, weapon ready, hoping she wasn't too late –

"SURPRIIIIIIIIISE!"

"WHAT?" Weiss ground to a halt. There were no Heartless. There were no foes of any kind. There was just Kazuichi, Jaune, Kairi, Ruby, Booster, Blake, Moana, Yang, Nora, Yuffie, Ren, Madison, and Penny cheering for Weiss on a brightly-lit backdrop of streamers and balloons.

"The Heartless!" Weiss urged. "You said you needed my help!"

"That was my idea!" Ruby hopped up and down. "You so totally bought it, didn't you?"

"All the noise!" Weiss cried. "It sounded like the place was being torn apart!"

Nora held up a pair of frying pans and clanked them together hard; "We just had a bunch of THESE going!"

"But WHY?" Weiss urged. "It's not my birthday!"

"No, it's not," Yang told her. "Because we missed it. You had your eighteenth in that stuffy mansion with your stupid dad, and we were all off brooding at opposite ends of the world. Or on cosmic missions. So we're giving you a REAL eighteenth now."

Weiss was gobsmacked. She looked around the room once more, taking in the sights: a table laden with wrapped gifts, a table loaded up with food, a host of odd containers such as laundry hampers.

"Don't look in those!" Ruby waved Weiss' attention away. "That's for the scavenger hunt and you have to do the clues in order or it won't be any fun! We're also gonna do pin the tail on the Grimm, charades, musical chairs, and then we'll have to clear the room out of furniture if we want a good game of Huntsman-style capture the flag."

"I…" Weiss sputtered. She looked to the buffet table. A white layer cake topped with blueberries was surrounded by coconut shrimp, deviled eggs, and…

"Who made the gelatin shots?" Weiss asked.

This was answered with a group chorus of "Yang."

"Guilty!" Yang grinned.

"And the boxes…?" Weiss asked.

"We each got you a gift," Ren said, matter-of-fact. "Actually, you might wanna open – "

"Mine!" Kazuichi held up a rather large, somewhat flat box. "Before the party gets going. Here!" He pushed it toward Weiss. "I, uh…I haven't worked on something like this in a while, so I had a little help from the experts…but the rest of your team said it was right up your alley!"

Weiss carefully pried up a corner of the wrapping paper, folding it away without ripping it. She lay the box on the ground to pry off the lid, and –

The silver-and-white dress was cinched with many belts, allowing for two large storage pockets. A short blue jacket, really only intended to serve as glorified sleeves, sat above the bodice. A pair of silver boots glittered beneath.

"Since I turned your other dress pink," Kazuichi laughed nervously, a hand scratching behind his head. "And, well, I figured you might wanna wear something that didn't belong to your family, and – "

Without warning, Weiss broke down sobbing.

"Oh, SHIT!" Kazuichi cried. "Something's wrong, isn't it? Do you not like the blue? I was worried about the blue."

"It's the games, isn't it?" Ruby added. "Ren tried to tell me they were too childish, but I thought you'd have fun with that – "

"I SWEAR your favorite flavor was lemon blueberry!" Nora yelled. "If that turned out to be a stinking lie – "

"No!" Weiss bawled. "Everything's perfect! This is just because – my real birthday was nothing like this, and I didn't think anyone would – I didn't know you would – " Her tears came down faster. "I love all of you so much! This is wonderful!" She clutched the dress closer to her chest.

"Ohhh, it's HAPPY tears!" Yuffie realized.

Weiss nodded. "I'm sorry." She dabbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I should pull myself together for the party."

"It's okay to cry," Moana told her. "Sometimes even the toughest of us need to."

"We won't mind!" Booster added. "But also, let us know if you need your space."

Weiss sniffled. "I'm…I'm gonna go change, and then we can get started. Thank you. Thank ALL of you. Gods…" She tore toward the designated restroom.

When she emerged later, clothed in her new ensemble, she'd managed to stem the tears. "It fits perfectly," she said with a soft smile.

"I should hope," Kazuichi said. "Blake got me the measurements."

Weiss blinked. "Blake, why did you have my – "

"Long story," Blake sighed.

"It was for a bonding scheme I was planning back when we first moved into our dorm," Ruby laughed nervously. "There were gonna be handmade sweaters. Didn't pan out."

Weiss holstered Myrtenaster at the belts. Then noticed, "I see I'm not the only one who got a wardrobe upgrade."

Blake batted at her shorter hairline. "This is way more convenient." She gestured to her jacket and the black clothing beneath; "Also, I can practically hear my dad saying he's glad I got rid of the midriff."

Yang shrugged. She was wearing a new khaki-colored ensemble, tank top and pants, with a brown jacket and brown boots. One leg had a patch of thigh shown through a window. "Just wanted to try something new."

"I like it," Weiss stated. "Team RWBY is now in high fashion. So how about we start with some of the food? I didn't realize how hungry I was."

The group crowded around the buffet table, falling into a makeshift line.

"Oh, Blake!" Moana said as she headed toward one end of the table. "That book I borrowed? You HAVE to read it. It's so full of adventure and exciting cliffhangers!"

"Give me more details!" Blake replied. "That told me next to nothing!"

"Nuh-uh!" Moana's tone went singsong: "That would be spoiiiiiliiiiiing!" She turned back to the food and her demeanor instantly hardened; "HEY! Don't take all the coconut shrimp!"

"But they're my favorite!" Kazuichi protested.

"You're taking enough for three people," Moana argued, "and I want some too! Put some back!"

"Or you'll what?" Kazuichi asked. "Punch my lights out?"

Moana decided to see if he'd call her bluff. "If it comes to that…"

"Okay, okay!" He dished shrimp back to the serving plate.

Yang crept up behind Blake; "Was she your plus-one?"

"I wanted to invite a friend," Blake replied.

"I see." Yang grinned mischievously. "Likes the same books as you, long wavy hair, extrovert, packs a punch…" She elbowed Blake. "Sounds a little familiar, don't you think? Eh? Ehhhhh?"

Blake turned away, blushing softly. "It's not like that."

"Oh, REALLY."

"I mean…I don't think it's like that," Blake muttered. "I just – we JUST had our conversation, and after I messed things up so bad with you, I'm just scared of hurting anybody else – "

"Hey, Moana!" Yang was calling. "Did Blake ever tell you about that time she took down three Ursas in the Forever Fall forest?"

"That is NOT how it happened!" Blake followed quickly. "Yang, you know I don't like bragging!"

"So what did happen?" Moana asked, eyes wide, obviously hungry for the tale.

When she was hit with that gaze, Blake swallowed hard, digging a toe behind the opposite heel nervously. "Yang was with me," Blake admitted, "and the three Ursas found us together. So I took down one and a half Ursas."

"You HAVE to tell me this story!" Moana urged.

The partygoers settled around the room with the food, just kicking off what was to be a grand night for all.

...

A new memo had come down to the basement. From Mozenrath. Urgent. A project needed to be completed within one day's time.

A Corridor opened, delivering Vexen and Draco Malfoy onto the scene. Randall Boggs was constructing a metal door frame while Ravess and Deymos were having a music competition at a nearby lab table, sitar and violin dueling harmonically. Shego was stretched out on the couch. Vexen knew that Drakken was tucked away in the engineering wing, repairing Tsumugi with the help of the newly-dubbed Sisterhood of the Noodle Burger.

"Did you get it?" Randall asked.

Vexen strode forth, putting out a hand. Randall extended one of his own, and Vexen dropped the wooden shard into it. "This should suffice. Be sure to account for its absence when you make the replica."

"Still can't believe this," Randall muttered as he jerked a socket wrench. "I've got all four hands full with the Pachelbel's Cannon, and Lord Snobzenrath decides he wants a door made out of some random storage closet in some random shop in Knockturn Alley? NOW?"

"At least you're only creating it, and on familiar ground," Vexen scoffed. "I have the release of two replicas impending, and more are in the works! Do you think I truly had time to go hunting for that closet door?"

"I'm not even supposed to be working on this project!" Draco spat. "You just dragged me along to warn you about obstacles and traps!"

"Oh, boo hoo," Randall groaned. "You had to take a field trip. I'M BUILDING AN ENTIRE MONSTERS, INC.-BRAND CLOSET DOOR FRAME FROM SCRATCH! AND CODING THE KEYCARD WITH IT!"

"You know," Vexen pointed out, "if you submitted the wood of the door to my replication technology, I could cut the time in half."

Randall bristled. "Hard pass. I'm making this door the way I know will work."

"Are you saying my method would not work?" Vexen snapped. "How DARE you doubt me!"

"Have you ever even worked with door tech?" Randall retorted. "Scrap that. Have you ever worked with TECH, or have you just made stupid clones?"

"MY REPLICAS ARE THE PINNACLE OF INTELLIGENCE!" Vexen screamed. "AND FURTHERMORE, I WOULD EXCEL IN ANY SCIENTIFIC PURSUIT I UNDERTOOK, AS THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD AND PRINCIPLES REMAIN THE SAME ACROSS ALL DISCIPLINES!"

"I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!" Randall screamed back. "YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS DOOR BETTER THAN I CAN! NO ONE CAN MAKE THIS DOOR BETTER THAN I CAN!"

"OF COURSE I CAN!" Vexen bellowed. "I CAN SURPASS YOU AT ANY FIELD YOU CAN NAME!"

And Randall yelled, "LIKE PLEASING YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN BED?"

The silence that followed enveloped the room like a cloud. Then at last, Vexen scoffed, "Such childish rumors. I will ask you not to sully Ravess' name by dragging her into your crude hypotheticals."

"Hypothetical?" Randall flinched. "Are you really that dense? She KNOWS she can't get what she wants from you, and that's why she comes to me – ACK!"

Vexen's hand curled around Randall's throat; "YOU WILL CEASE THIS SLANDER IMMEDIATELY!"

"It's – not – slander!" Randall coughed. "Ravess! Back me up here!"

Vexen whirled around to face her; "Ravess, I shall have him cryogenically preserved for an EON for making up such lies – "

It was the look on her face. One that an expert reconnaissance master couldn't possibly misread.

Vexen's fingers uncurled from Randall's neck. "Ravess…no…you HAVEN'T!"

"You…" Ravess stamped a foot. "YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO REMAIN IN CONFIDENCE! BUT OH, YOU COULDN'T RISK STARVING YOUR OWN EGO!"

"And you were just gonna keep playing both of us like that?" Randall urged. "You KNOW where you belong, and at the very least, it ain't with HIM!"

"Ravess," Vexen breathed. "We…we agreed upon it. You told me it wasn't a factor – "

"I LIED!" Ravess screamed. "To myself more than anything! Yes! You are beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, but I need MORE THAN THAT!"

"YOU KNOW I CANNOT GIVE IT!" Vexen yelled.

"Then maybe," Ravess seethed through gritted teeth, "you never were good enough for me to begin with."

There was a sudden, mild explosion: ice crystals spiked up into the air from a thick coating of frost that surrounded Vexen. With a cry of "I SHALL HEAR NO MORE OF THIS!", he stormed off to the med bay. Before disappearing behind the partition, he called back, "And NEITHER of you is ever to address me as a friend again!"

"FINE!" Randall yelled after him. "WE WEREN'T FRIENDS TO START WITH!"

"Oh, and Randall," Ravess brought up, "you remember how you told me you were no one's second choice?"
"Yeah," Randall replied, his tone neutral.

"Then count yourself lucky," Ravess huffed. "Because you aren't my choice AT ALL!"

She turned on a heel and stormed toward the exit. "SHEGO!" she yelled. "I need to talk to another woman about the IDIOCY of men!"

Shego leapt up, somewhat flustered from what she'd just witnessed. "Uh, yeah! Gal pal night! On the double!"

As they left, Drakken scooted across the hall; "Um – I heard – I'm just going to go talk to him now." And he shot into the med bay.

"What," Randall huffed, "don't I get anyone?"

There was a set of footsteps from the engineering wing. "Well, congratulations!" Zorg told him. "I don't think anyone's ever handled that exact situation worse than you just handled it! You need a medal or somethin' for that one. All that said, those two just acted like gigantic children. I suppose I could be a listening ear…"

"I know you're just here for the drama," Randall spat.

"There somethin' wrong with that?" Zorg asked.

Randall sighed. "No. I'll take it."

Deymos felt his heart clench. If nothing else, he was now very, very glad he'd never presented up the information of his own volition. He quietly dismissed himself via Corridor, sequestering in his apartment.

In the aftermath, Draco simply yelled "I wasn't even supposed to be PART of this!" before rushing away.

...

Cinder erupted through the underground concourse in flight, a comet of pure rage and fire. She didn't stop until she'd blasted right through Hugo's wall, into his laboratory. She didn't even notice the others present; her eyes were only for Hugo Strange.

And they burned with murderous desire.

"YOU!" she screamed, pointing to Hugo.

"Me?" Hugo replied, really not liking where this was going.

"YOUR MONSTER FAILED!" Cinder bellowed. "YOU MADE FOOLS OUT OF US! YOU MADE FOOLS OUT OF ME! AND I WON'T LIVE WITH THAT HUMILIATION!"

In a split second, she'd pinned Hugo to the back wall, one hand on his neck. As he choked, she drew back her other hand, filling it with a geyser of flame. "And I won't even give you the grace of last words," she seethed.

Before her hand could bring in the killing blow, she heard the command:

"CINDER, STOP!"

And she might not have listened to it. Except it was issued by Ursula. Ursula, who Cinder had a contract with. Meaning if Cinder stopped, she might get another deck.

So she let Hugo drop, whirling to see Ursula glaring her down with furious intensity.

"WHAT do you think you're doing?" Ursula spat.

"Culling the failure," Cinder replied. "Like we did with Ozai, Qilby, and anyone else who wasn't up to par."

"And if you take out Strange right here and now," Ursula threatened, "YOU'LL be the next one who gets the treatment!"

"But why?" Cinder asked. "He FAILED!"

"No," Ursula growled. "YOU failed. You're the only one of the four Maidens who didn't get away without a scratch!"

"We shouldn't have had to RUN!" Cinder protested.

"Well, welcome to reality, angelfish!" Ursula barked. "Isn't the water cold out here? And teeming with WHAM ARMY, upstart heroes, and plucky princesses! You can either keep treading water and let them eat you up like a sea dragon or you can learn when to SWIM!"

"You're saying we should ACCEPT DEFEAT?"

Ursula put up a hand; "No, I see now where I went wrong with you. It was trying to reason with you logically. So how about I put this in the language you'll understand? You still have potential, and I'd rather you not burn it up all in one go. So here's my proposition." She flicked her hand, summoning a glimmering golden deck.

"MY DECK!" Cinder cried.

"Thunder spells," Ursula explained. "And the terms and conditions of these just so happen to be…" Her voice turned gravelly. "You are never to harm another Overtaker, past or present, without the express permission of Fish, Maleficent, or myself."

"But Salem!" Cinder gasped.

Ursula chuckled. "I said what I said."

"If she orders me to kill one of our own, and I refuse – " Cinder babbled.

"She'll have given us cause to rethink the whole arrangement," Ursula replied. "Darling, do you really think she alone can stand against all the powers you've seen converge among the Overtakers? That's the thing. We might all know how to destroy each other, but we recognize by now there is strength in numbers. Which is why we DON'T just go around turning people into barbecue every time we feel a little embarrassed."

"You don't know what she's done to me," Cinder said hoarsely. "What she'll DO to me."

"Oh, but I can imagine," Ursula replied. "And that's why you are the way you are, isn't it? Seems we've still got a long way to go. At any rate, here's the deal. You can agree to my terms and gain the power of Thunder. Or you can refuse, pass on the Thunder, and forfeit learning any other type of magic ever again. Or you can agree to my terms, break contract behind my back later, and, because my contract's by-laws inform me whenever anyone involved has put a fin-tip out of line, I'll ask Maleficent how she wants to dispose of an impudent mutineer!"

Cinder needed precious few moments to think it over. She lowered herself to the ground, her flames extinguishing. "I want the power," she said.

"I thought you would." Ursula passed her the Thunder cards. "Enjoy. And remember! No friendly fire. If you have to get your target practice in, then start with the REAL culprits who humiliated you: those WHAM ARMY worms and their Twilight Town parasites."

Cinder breathed three heavy breaths. Then said, "I understand."

"Good girl!" Ursula congratulated with a smile.

"Are we done having a tantrum now?" Marluxia asked.

Cinder finally took a good look at who else was here. Not only Strange and Marluxia, but also –

"How y'all doin'?" Facilier tipped his hat. "Then again, guess I can figure that one out for myself."

"What…is this?" Cinder asked.

"The doctor – no, not my kind of doctor – is helping me out with my next projects," Hugo explained. "As is Marluxia. We are synthesizing biological tissues from humans and plants along with the Dark components that make up Heartless in order to create new beings. For example, a new, better body for our little friend."

A new voice chimed in: "You know, watching all that display, I have to say that just wasn't very shiny of you."

"Huh?" Cinder's eye flicked here and there. "Who said that?"

"Over here!" A small decorator crab in a terrarium waved a claw.

"Tamatoa's original form would have been rather awkward to keep around the base," Hugo related. "And his current one is far too easily crushed underfoot. There's really no happy medium so long as he remains a crab, so I've designed him something new to inhabit. Something even more beautiful than before."

"Why did you say it wasn't very 'shiny' of me?" Cinder asked, eye narrowing at Tamatoa.

"You know," Tamatoa replied. He sang softly: "Shinyyyy…like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck…"

Cinder just rolled the eye. "So you're going to put his brain in somebody else's body."

"We're going to transfer his consciousness, yes," Hugo affirmed.

"And be sure you store away THIS body somewhere safe in the meantime," Tamatoa said in a huff. "Just because I'm not using it doesn't mean the sea witch gets to eat it."

"Why, I would never!" Ursula said in a suspiciously innocent-sounding tone.

Cinder approached what appeared to be a glass coffin, regarding the human form underneath. Slight and skinny, pale as milk with cascading silver hair. "This doesn't seem – "

"Oh, nonononono, not THAT one." Strange hurriedly grabbed Cinder's shoulders to steer her away. "That's something else. Something special. Something I'm making from scratch. Fish's orders, but my pleasure to undertake."

"What is it?" Cinder asked.

"I don't think I want to tell you," Hugo replied. "Not after you nearly made me flambé."

Cinder sniffed. "Fair."

"Now, THIS." Hugo escorted Cinder to a second coffin. "THIS is the second coming of Tamatoa."

This body was taller and huskier, skin a warm brown decorated with a mural of tattoos that seemed to glimmer iridescently wherever the light was more faded. Its long, wavy hair was blue and purple, with gold ornamentation braided in. It wore a prestige cloak with even more gold beaded in, shimmering in the half-light. One leg had been sawed off at the knee, replaced with a prosthetic of pure glimmering gold.

"It's incomplete." Cinder scowled at the prosthesis.

"No more than you are," Strange told her. "Though maybe that's the point you were trying to get across. Please refrain from self-deprecation around that topic; it was his idea."

"I mean, I'm missing one already," Tamatoa said, "and then Marluxia pointed out that I'd never replaced that one with anything shiny and I had to pretend like I'd come up with that years before he ever mentioned it. OOP! I mean…yes, I've been wanting to do that for centuries. Just never got around to it."

Facilier chuckled. "He's gonna be a hoot to have around the base."

"I sing, too," Tamatoa volunteered. "Dance if you made the body right."

"It does still need a few finishing touches before the transfer can take place," Hugo told Cinder. "I would prefer the immediate crew to work in solitude for this phase."

Cinder sniffed. "I suppose I should learn when I'm not wanted." Away she stalked.

"Well, not wanted here, at any rate," Ursula said as she slithered after her. "You might want to check in with Larxene about that."

"Yes," Cinder said with a smirk. "Larxene. I suppose I do owe her a little something for my rescue…"

They left. Hugo sighed at the hole in the wall. "Marluxia, would you be so kind?"

The aforementioned hole covered itself up with a blooming section of hedge studded with gold flowers that mimicked the Rapunzel blossom.

"Ooh, now THAT'S shiny," Tamatoa remarked. "I want one of those."

"I hope you'll settle for a replica," Marluxia told him.

The three went back to work, but not before Hugo checked the vitals on the other project. The one he hadn't really wanted to tell Cinder about at this stage of the game.

Bushroot had been a trial run. Fish knew that Hugo could transfer consciousnesses and even raise the dead, but she wanted a scientist who could create life from nothing. Like Vexen's replicas, but without even a need for a memory basis. She'd stroked Hugo's ego and offered some mild threats, and he was all too ready to take the challenge and prove himself.

The experiment, the one that would finish what they'd started, was coming along nicely. Hugo had become so attached that he decided to give it a name, rather than an identification number. Even though it wasn't yet awake. He'd pored over the myths and folktales of Twilight Town, which mostly seemed to concern angels and unicorns. Now, the unicorns didn't offer much material, but the angels gave Hugo some options. He was especially fascinated with a legendary seraph they called the "Angel of Death," but which had another, informal name in the old folklore.

A very fitting name, Hugo had decided. And thus was his creation named "Kuja."

...

When RENT reopened, two hours after the Bushroot fiasco, Mozenrath staked out a seat in the very back row of the auditorium. It seemed literally everyone else who wasn't already in the show was here in the audience, though Mozenrath had to question why Vexen, Ravess, and Randall had all arrived at drastically different times, through different doors, and in a huff that led them to flagrantly choose seats as far away from each other as possible.

Hopefully that wouldn't become an annoyance later.

The lights dimmed. The wrecked apartment was reforged on the grand stage. And Quentin began: "We begin on Christmas Eve, with me – Mark – and my roommate Roger. We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B. It's the top floor of what was once a music-publishing factory." He gestured about; "Old rock-and-roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's face, advertising gigs at CBGB's and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood-burning stove; its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one thick extension cord, which snakes its way out a window. Outside, a small tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, it's freezing…because we have no heat. SMILE!"

Really, Mozenrath wasn't here to watch the play. He was here for a change of scenery while he looked over his plans for the upcoming recruitment drive and final gathering of resources for the Atlantis invasion. Peepers had streamlined his notes very efficiently, and he just wanted a little background noise while he sorted out the particulars.

Peepers had suggested combining resource missions with recruitments. Testing out the last chosen few by directing them to help gather what was needed for this venture. Mozenrath wanted to take it a step further: by dividing up the recruits based on who was most fitting to talk them into the operation.

Eight names, one for each founder, sketched out on a notepad. Mozenrath scrawled ideas of who should go on which team, then crossed some out, then rewrote them.

He was momentarily distracted because now Demongo was singing a soulful ballad about only having so much time left to live and wanting to leave an impact, one song's worth of glory, and it wasn't that Mozenrath identified or anything, but out of context it was rather easy to pretend it was about a life-draining gauntlet.

It wasn't until Velma was demonstrating how spiders do stripteases, in a provocative and frankly disgusting way, that Mozenrath realized he'd been distracted by the show. Back to his notes.

A larger sketchpad was opened. Worlds were sketched out. The fastest routes between them highlighted in dotted lines.

Now new words appeared on the page, next to each founder's name:

"Qwaza?"

"The armor"

"UNLIMITED FOUNT OF MAGIC. DON'T WASTE!"

A sketch of an enormous tree, and several arrows pointing to it: "THIS ONE'S MINE." Two underlines.

After so many hours – there was an intermission somewhere in there – Mozenrath was again distracted because the entire cast was doing some kind of group number about how glorious it was to be a hipster and love things that other people didn't, or found taboo. Utterly pretentious, and in every way relevant to Mozenrath's sensibilities, even if the actual trends listed weren't one to one.

Into the notes went "La Vie Boheme = team morale booster?" Worst-case scenario, at any rate.

Quentin took a dime-a-dozen corporate position at a tabloid. Tsumugi and Lady Caine broke up via vitriolic song. Velma swooned, apparently overdosing on heroin. All the while, Mozenrath scribbled and scrawled.

There! That was it! The perfect strategy! Now satisfied, he actually turned his attention to the show only to find out they'd just killed off Snatcher, and Mozenrath, not knowing that was part of this story, now had to finish it out if only to rage at the fact that his friend's character was now dead.

By the end of it all, Mozenrath realized that maybe it was a good thing to claim that he lacked empathy, because that was better than anyone ever, ever knowing that he'd shed tears at "Finale B."

The cast lined up for a curtain call, and a standing ovation thundered through the theater. Quentin turned up his headset to yell out, "Thank you, THANK YOU! Your adoration of me means the worlds! And I suppose they helped." He gestured vaguely to the rest of the cast, who glared at him. "Anyway, join us for the pre-invasion run of our next show, Chicago!"

"Well, if nothing else…" Snatcher shrugged. "It's a good selection. Might audition for that one – "

"Oh, you're already down for Velma Kelly," Quentin told him. "We'll still have you audition anyway as a formality."

Mozenrath gathered his notes and made himself scarce. That hadn't been an entirely horrible experience. Now, hopefully, the next wave of recruits would be half as good at villainy as Mozenrath's current flock was at musicals.

...

A/N: Thanks to Nick-Ollo, SKY, Cali/gardenofshadows, and Adri/evildisneydorks on the Disney Villains Discord for contributing ideas to my human Tamatoa design!

When next the curtain rises on Taking Back the Crown…the chaos begins.