You've Killed Before
Charles grabbed two bottles of Ares' beer from the fridge and opened them, carrying them back to the living room to hand one to Cammus and one to Ares. "We've got about a half hour to kill before we head out."
"Thanks." Cammus fluttered his mandibles and took a long drink. Leaning against the breakfast bar, he turned his attention to Ares. "Did Charles tell you about our surprise visit from C-Sec today?"
Ares chuckled and nodded, taking a drink from his bottle before going to the kitchen cabinets, searching for something. "Yeah. Told me your boss nearly got herself arrested, too."
Humming, Cammus nodded and took another drink. "Too bad she didn't."
"Pretty much what I said." Charles laughed and sat down on the couch, picking up his Paragade.
Ares rumbled, not really responding as he found a bottle of horosk and poured some into his beer, swirling it around before offering the horosk to Cammus with a raised brow plate.
Cammus smirked and shook his head. "Maybe after the fights?"
Ares shrugged and recapped the bottle. "Got enough of it."
The door buzzer went off and Charles stood up, heading to the door. He activated the security feed, finding Jasmine outside. "Oh … uhhh …." He glanced back down the hall, even though neither of the men were in his line of sight, and took a deep breath. Opening the door, he held up a hand and stepped out into the hall before she said anything, moving in close enough to her to whisper without being overheard. "We've got company."
She raised an eyebrow, whispering back, "Should I go?"
"I … no, I mean …" He waved a hand. "… just thought you should know."
"Okay. Now I know." She flashed a smile at him. "So, are we going to just keep standing out here, or …?"
He huffed and smirked, backing up and turning into the apartment. Jerking his head over his shoulder, he led her inside. Cammus turned to look as they stepped past the partitioning wall, fluttering his mandibles in a polite smile. Ares hummed, tilting his chin up in acknowledgment to Jasmine, and she did the same.
Charles cleared his throat and held a hand out toward her. "Cammus, this is a friend of Aelianus'—"
"Ramona Salazar," she said, flashing her teeth at the turian in a wide grin and extending her hand.
Cammus shook her hand and dipped his head. "It's a pleasure to meet you. So, are you in the cargo transport business, too?"
Her grin widened and she chuckled, shaking her head. "No, I'm with the Alliance."
"The Alliance?" Cammus flared his mandibles, nodding his head a little as if impressed.
"Yes, sir." She glanced around, looking at Ares for a second before turning back to Cammus and offering him another smile. "It was nice to meet you, would you excuse me for a moment?"
"Of course." Cammus nodded, and she made her way over to Ares, talking in hushed tones.
Feeling a little uneasy about Jasmine saying she was in the Alliance, Charles started to contemplate if maybe there wasn't some truth to the statement. Impersonating someone in the Alliance seemed too risky, too likely to draw attention to someone who needed to stay hidden. If the Hierarchy had Blackwatch, why wouldn't the Alliance have something similar? She did say she worked for someone else ….
He didn't feel real comfortable with the idea of hanging out with someone in the Alliance, even if they were an assassin. He knew some of it came from his dad, but a lot of it had more to do with who he'd become, the things he did. He knew how the military worked; people in the Alliance felt justified doing just about anything under orders, but if a civilian did the same thing … they were criminals who either needed arrested or put down.
But … she's friends with Ares, and she knows what he does. And he's technically a civilian now ….
He glanced at Cammus and jerked his head toward the balcony. "Come outside with me while I smoke?"
"Sure." Cammus followed him out to the balcony and hummed. "I'm so glad to be away from Citadel Souvenirs. I thought for sure we were all going to end up arrested."
Charles lit a cigarillo, taking a deep drag and holding it in for a few seconds. "Yeah. Me, too. Or shot. Did they really need to come in with their weapons drawn?"
"Considering they were looking for illegal weapons …." Cammus flicked a mandible, turning to lean his back against the railing, looking at Charles.
"I guess. Shit though, it had me so freaked out." Charles took a drag, blowing the smoke out over the balcony.
Cammus hummed. "Me, too."
Looking sideways at him, Charles smirked. "You growled at one of the officers."
"It was a high-stress situation," Cammus said with a chuff. "It was reflexive." Shrugging, he flicked a mandible. "Besides, he growled at you first."
Chuckling, Charles patted the turian's shoulder. "My hero."
Cammus laughed, fluttering his mandibles and took a drink from his beer. After a few minutes, the balcony door slid opened. Charles turned, putting his back to the railing and smiled as Jasmine stepped outside. Ares leaned against the door frame behind her.
"You're going to watch the fights, and you weren't even going to invite me?" She stuck her lip out in an exaggerated pout. "And here I thought we were getting along well."
Charles frowned, eyebrows pulling in tight. "I, uh …."
She smirked, glancing over her shoulder at Ares. "He invited me." Looking between Charles and Cammus, she asked, "That cool with the two of you?"
"I don't mind," Cammus said, fluttering his mandibles and glanced at Charles.
Charles shrugged. "Cool with me." Alliance or not, she was Ares' friend, so Charles didn't plan on turning her away. Plus, he really did think she was pretty cool, and she volunteered to teach him how to fight.
"Good," Ares pushed off the door frame, standing up straight, and took a big drink of his horosk laced beer.
The fact Ares mixed horosk with his beer concerned Charles, taking it as a sign Ares wasn't doing as well as he let on. He wondered if they should be going out at all, or if he should've tried harder to push Ares to talk. He didn't want to push Ares, though, because he hated it when people did it to him, and he had a feeling prying too much would only make Ares pull away from him. And, Ares seemed intent on dealing with it himself one way or the other. After their fight, Charles worried so much about doing something wrong, he questioned whether he really knew how to do anything 'right' with Ares.
Cammus bumped Charles with an elbow, drawing his attention. He raised a brow plate at Charles, an inquisitive gesture, which probably meant he started to smell agitated to the turian. Charles just gave him a smile and a light shake of his head. He took another drag from his cigarillo and then offered it to Jasmine.
She gave him a warm smile, accepting it and taking a small drag before handing it back to him. "When's the fight start?"
Gaze flicking between the two turians, he said, "We should probably leave once they finish their beers."
She nodded, bending down and picking Eezo up. Cuddling the dog to her chest, she made kissy noises at Eezo, letting the Alaskan Malamute lick her neck and jaw. She buried her fingers in Eezo's fur, scratching along the side of the dog's head and throat.
Ares hummed and tipped his bottle back, draining the rest before dropping his head with a slight shake. "I'm done." He went into the apartment, heading to the kitchen.
Charles took a last drag before putting his cigarillo out and headed inside, too. Glancing over his shoulder, he caught what seemed to be an awkward standoff between Jasmine and Cammus as both seemed to be waiting for the other to pass inside first. It ended when she squatted down, setting Eezo on the balcony floor, staying there to pet the dog and coo. Cammus flicked a mandible and stepped inside, finishing his beer and carrying the bottle to the kitchen trash. Putting the cap back on his Paragade, Charles stuck it in the refrigerator.
Charles jumped when Jasmine slung her arm over his shoulder and pointed at the turian and human in the cage. He'd been so lost in thought, he didn't expect the sudden physical contact. He'd spent the last few minutes staring absently at the fights while he replayed the day with C-Sec in his mind, debating his responses to the detective and questioning whether or not he'd gotten an accurate read on the detective's body language.
She leaned in, pulling Charles down a little to talk closer to his ear, letting him hear her above the crowd. "You can tell this guy has experience going up against turians by the amount of distance he's keeping between himself and his opponent. He's wary of his opponent's talons, and he's smart enough to remember turian's have talons on their toes, too. Pay attention to how he moves and where he strikes."
Turning his head, he glanced at her, smiled, and nodded before shifting his attention back to the match. She dropped her arm from his shoulder and leaned against the railing lining the entire cage a few feet out. He watched closely, trying to pick up on the details she wanted him to remember.
The turian threw a punch, overreaching, and the human fighter spun around behind him. He kicked him in the spur, making the turian's leg buckle before wrapping his fingers around his opponent's cowl. He pulled down on the cowl while pushing his foot into the back of the turian's leg. The turian dropped to his knees, growling loud enough to be heard over the crowd. Reaching back, he wrapped his hand over the human's wrist, digging a talon into the skin enough to loosen the grip before pivoting, flipping the human over his shoulder and onto his back.
Jasmine pushed off the railing, standing up straight next to Charles again and waved him down to her. "Where did he go wrong?"
Charles' gaze flicked back and forth between her and the fighters for a second before he shook his head. "I don't know."
She gave him a soft smile. "I'll show you later." She turned, leaning back against the railing so her elbows were pressed against the metal, ass out in the air.
He took a second to enjoy the sight before turning his attention back to the fight. The turian started to pin the human, but the man got his legs wrapped around the turian's ribs. Managing to get a grip on the turian's arm, he extended it out over his head as he twisted his body, making the turian tap out.
Glancing over at Ares, Charles smirked when he saw how close he and Cammus were standing. Ares ducked his head down close to Cammus' saying something Charles couldn't quite hear. Cammus fluttered his mandibles, turning his head against Ares' to respond, mandibles brushing along Ares' jaw. Everything about their body language told Charles there was a damn good chance the two turians were going to end up fucking before the end of the night. Humming a little, he reached over, trailing his hand down Ares' side. When Ares turned to look, Charles gave him a smile before shifting his attention back to the cage.
Two new fighters entered, a female turian and a salarian. Watching the two of them was like witnessing dance choreography in action. Long limbs gliding, graceful as cats, they moved around one another, flowing more than dodging out of the way of lightning fast strikes. Charles watched, entranced, barely listening to Jasmine as she talked to him about momentum and flexibility. In the end, the turian won the match, landing a blow that knocked the salarian out cold.
An asari and a human female were up next. The rules of the fights dictated no biotics could be used, and several people in the audience seemed to think it meant the asari didn't stand a chance. Charles knew better, though. He'd watched enough asari in the cages to know they had their own hand-to-hand combat styles, too. They might all be born biotics, and they pretty much all spent years learning to control and master them, but asari were a smart, very long-lived species with plenty of time to master many skills. They didn't rely on their biotics alone.
"Pay more attention to the asari," Jasmine said when he leaned on the railing next to her. "Her style is actually closer to what I've been showing you than the style the human's using."
Charles hummed and lit a cigarillo. The human rushed the asari, fists swinging fast, but the asari blocked each one, brushing the woman's hands aside with her wrists. Stepping to the side, the asari dropped low and spun, sweeping first one leg out and then the other, knocking the human off her feet. Popping back up, the asari grabbed one of the human's ankles, using it to flip her over to her stomach before straddling the woman's back, facing her legs. She locked the ankle against her chest and dropped backward, lying on top of the human and pulling her leg back far enough to hyperextend the thigh muscles. The human screamed, slapping her hand against the mat, tapping out.
Midway through the fourth match—between an asari and a batarian of all people—Charles realized Jasmine moved a ways down the railing, leaving several feet and a horde people between him and her. He raised an eyebrow, confused, and stood up straight. He was about to make his way down to her when he spotted a human man checking her out.
The guy looked huge and drunk off his ass, shoving his way through the few people who stood in his way until he got to her. Charles couldn't hear what the man said, but he recognized the look of a pissed off woman trying to be nice easy enough. Blindly, he reached over and nudged Ares, seeing her being harassed making his hackles rise.
Before he could say anything to Ares, though, the man reached for Jasmine's hip. She grabbed his wrist, twisting it around and shoving the heel of her other hand against the back of his elbow. The man's agonized cry was loud enough to be heard over the crowd. Members of all species surrounding them started to turn, watching the fight happening among them instead of the one in the cage.
Rearing back, she punched the man square in the nose before shoving him away. He stumbled, bumping into people before falling on his ass. Cradling his oddly bent arm to his chest, bright, crimson blood poured from his crooked nose. The monster inside of Charles roared, licking its chops, zeroing in on the sight of the blood. His pulse pounded in his head, cock twitching a little as flashes from his kills danced before his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he pushed it away.
An asari standing nearby hit the would-be attacker with a Stasis, and a moment later, crowd control guards pushed their way through. They picked the man up from the floor once the Stasis wore off and dragged him away. One of them talked to Jasmine for a minute, but she waved them off and shrugged. She stood there for a second longer, rubbing at her right shoulder where she'd been shot.
Turning to Charles and their group, she met his gaze and grinned, making her way back over to him. "Watch the cage, not me!"
He stared at her, mouth agape. "Seriously?"
"Yeah." She bumped his shoulder, turning to lean back against the railing. "I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."
Snorting, he shook his head. "Clearly."
Ares chuckled and dropped a hand on Charles' shoulder. "Be careful. If you don't watch the fight like she says, you're next."
She snorted, glancing over at Ares. "Could just shoot him, too."
"That was impressive." Cammus chuffed, mandibles flaring. "Maybe you should sign up for a match," he said, jerking his head toward the cage.
She laughed and shook her head. "Nah, not really my style."
"And not really fair for her opponent," Ares said, shifting back up from leaning on the railing. "I'm heading for something to eat from the cantina. Want anything?"
"I always want something to eat," she said, flashing him a grin. "I'll go with you so you don't have to suffer through figuring out levo options." She glanced at Charles as she pushed off the rail. "Know what you want?"
He shook his head, still looking at her like she'd just sprouted an extra head. He couldn't believe how blasé she acted about the whole thing, and a part of him wondered if it meant he was sexist. "Just whatever you get yourself."
"Okay." She turned back to Ares and raised an eyebrow. "Ready?"
Ares rumbled and tapped Cammus, trilling and lifting his chin in obvious question.
Cammus fluttered his mandibles. "I don't know what they have, so," he said with a chuckle, "I'll just have whatever you're having." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a credit chit, offering it to Ares.
Acting as if he didn't even see Cammus' offer, Ares huffed. "Right. Two unhelpful orders," he joked with a flick of his mandible as he turned to Jasmine and jerked his chin toward the walkway.
She grinned, following after him. "Are you kidding? That's the easiest order."
He shook his head as they walked away. "I hate ordering food, so no, it isn't."
Cammus chuffed, sticking his credit chit back in his pocket. He moved over closer to Charles, mandibles fluttering lightly. "She seems nice."
"Yeah, she's pretty nice." Charles chuckled, turning to look at the current match.
Laughing and joking with Jasmine about the guy who assaulted her at the fights, Charles unlocked the door to the apartment and stepped inside, turning on the lights as he went. "I don't think he's going to be forgetting your face anytime soon."
She smirked, cocking her hip to the side when he glanced back at her. "Look at me. How could anyone forget my face?"
He let out a bark of laughter. "Someone's full of themselves." Moving into the living room, he turned on the vidscreen, switching it to the news before making his way to the kitchen.
"With reason." She huffed. "Don't think I don't know you check me out every chance you get."
"DNA from the Ethan Rorschach killing confirms the presence of a second human in the apartment the night of the murder," the news announcer said.
Charles stopped in his tracks, hand hovering in the air halfway to the refrigerator handle. Swallowing, he forced himself to close the distance and opened the door, straining to listen as he gathered drinks. His heart slammed against his chest, sweat breaking out on his forehead. Fingers trembling, he nearly dropped one of the bottles of water.
"Unfortunately, forensic analysis of the DNA provided incomplete results due to the degradation of the sample. C-Sec is unable to identify a suspect using the sample, but it has helped narrow the search to humans."
He let out a soft sigh of relief and took his time in the kitchen, wiping the sweat off of his face and trying to calm himself completely before going anywhere near Cammus. The last thing he needed just then was for the turian to get a whiff of him and start asking questions.
"Hey, need some help?" Jasmine asked.
He glanced over his shoulder at her, forcing a smile on his face. "Sure."
Her eyebrow twitched, and she hesitated. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good." He passed off the bottle of water she'd asked for and one of the turian beers.
She watched him for a second longer but nodded, carrying the drinks back to the living room.
"In other news: C-Sec performed a raid on Citadel Souvenirs today, located on the Zakera Ward. An anonymous tip led C-Sec to the discovery that one of the employees of the store allegedly used the store's shipping operation to smuggle weapons and illegal drugs. After discovering evidence, C-Sec arrived at the employee's home only to find him dead from a gunshot wound to his head. C-Sec is withholding the name of the employee for the time being."
Charles glanced at Jasmine as he popped the cap off of the beer and handed it to Ares who'd pulled a stool over to sit on. She didn't seem to be paying the vidscreen any mind at all, just smiled as she offered Cammus his beer. Charles let his gaze slide to Ares, trying to figure out what the turian might be thinking about the first news report. He knew Ares wasn't going to give much of anything away, though. Without moving his gaze from Charles' face, Ares turned his head toward the couch where Cammus sat, silently telling Charles to chill.
Sitting down on the end of the couch closest to Ares, Charles draped his arm over the side to rest his hand on Ares' knee before taking a drink from his Paragade. Jasmine dragged the chair over from the corner, turning it to face the couch—and the exits, Charles realized—not far from where Cammus sat. He supposed it meant she didn't really see the turian as a threat. Or, maybe, it was just a sign of her trust in Ares.
"So, Cammus, what do you do?" she asked, cracking the lid on her water bottle and taking a drink.
Cammus chuffed and pointed at the vidscreen. "I work at Citadel Souvenirs with Charles."
"Oh, yeah, that's right." She glanced at Charles, wide-eyed. "I forgot you worked there." Gaze flicking between him and Cammus, she said, "Damn, sorry to hear about your coworker …." She trailed off glancing absently at the screen.
Charles took another sip, suppressing the urge to snort at her act. Although, he admitted if he didn't know any better, he would've bought it. "Didn't really know Werin too well." He made a point to say the salarian's name out loud for Jasmine's sake, figuring it might be easier for her to keep up her charade if she had one less thing to keep track of.
"I only met him once. I haven't worked there long." Cammus hummed, taking a drink from his beer. "I can't say I took him for the smuggling type, though. Sounds like someone wasn't happy with his services."
Ares shrugged, taking a drink from his beer. "I guess you can't really expect not to get stabbed in the back when you work with people only interested in credits."
Leaning to the side, Charles fished out his cigarillos and lighter. "There's a chance they're going to shut the place down for a few days. Which sucks, because it means I won't be getting paid, but … I can't say I'd exactly mind the time off."
"At least it's some time away from retail," Ares said, fetching his own cigarettes and holding the box up for Cammus to see, but Cammus shook his head, waving a hand.
"No shit." Charles laughed before glancing at Cammus, reaching over and gently slapping the turian with the back of his hand across his chest. "I swear if not for you showing up, I'd probably already have walked out on the place."
Cammus chuckled, fluttering his mandibles. "After, how did you put it—something about kissing Irene's ass?—to keep your job?"
"Yeah … but there's only so much a man can take." Charles lit his cigarillo, glancing at Jasmine to offer her one only to find her watching Cammus.
Chuckling again, Cammus took a drink from his beer, looking at Jasmine as he did. "What do you do in the Alliance, if you don't mind my asking?"
"It's actually classified." She offered him a smile. "I'm sorry."
"Ah." Cammus glanced at Charles then at Ares before returning his gaze to Jasmine. "I don't really know much about the Alliance, but classified jobs in the Hierarchy are rare."
"It's not especially rare in the Alliance." She shrugged and took a drink of her water. "Especially since joining galactic civilization." Smirking, she added, "We can be a paranoid bunch."
Charles snorted. "With our history, it's not like we don't have a good reason."
She turned her attention to Charles and winked. "Didn't say we don't."
"I suppose we have that in common, then," Cammus said with a chuff, mandibles fluttering with humor.
"Mmm," she mumbled around a drink of her water. "I think turians and humans have a lot more in common than what most of either species wants to admit."
"Really? I'm interested to hear what you think those things are?" Cammus lifted his brow plates, cocking his head to the side a little.
Charles zoned out as the conversation went on around him, half-assed listening as Jasmine began talking about the competitive natures of humans and turians. He caught part of something Ares said about humans not shying away from a fight, but Charles' thoughts drifted away completely there. Instead, he began replaying the night he killed Ethan over and over in his head, searching his memories for anything else he might've missed. Did he wipe down every surface he touched? Did he clean up all the blood? What about hair? What if they found a stray hair, he had no way of knowing if any of his hair fell off anywhere.
Jasmine cleared her throat, drawing his attention back to her, and he realized everyone stared at him. She dropped one of her feet from the bar beneath the stool, letting it hang a little. "Go change into something more comfortable." She glanced at Ares. "Aelianus, I'm kidnapping Charles for a bit."
Ares hummed as he took a drink. "Just be sure to water and feed him at least three times a day."
Charles huffed but smiled as he slapped Ares' leg. "I am not a pet!"
"I never said you were," Ares said, glancing over to him with a smirk. "Tell me when I said it."
Snorting, Charles shook his head and stood up. "Asshole," he said softly, wiggling his way in between Ares' knees before leaning in to kiss him. "Call me if you need me to come home or whatever?"
"I'll keep you posted." Ares rumbled softly and nodded once. "Let me know if she becomes too much to handle."
Jasmine chuckled. "I'm too much for anyone to handle."
Cammus laughed and hummed.
"I'm more than willing to see just how much of me you can handle," Charles said, glancing over his shoulder at her.
She snorted, shaking her head. "Yep … you two are definitely perfect for each other."
He grinned and turned back to Ares. "Have fun," he said with a wink, keeping his voice low, knowing the minute they left, Cammus and Ares would move to the bedroom.
Ares chuckled, a soft purr under the sound as he nodded. "I plan to," he said just as softly.
"Where are we going?" Charles asked as they walked, glancing down at Jasmine. "Somewhere to spar, or are you wanting to try some Parkour?"
"Don't know, just walking for now." She stuffed her hands in her jacket pocket and looked up at him. "You kinda looked like you could use some time to collect yourself, thought you might want to talk about what happened."
Missing a step, he stumbled, and her hand darted out, steadying him.
Fuck, what does she know? How'd she find out?
He licked his lips. "What do you mean?"
"Werin. C-sec at work." Letting go of him, she shrugged, stuffing her hand back into her pocket.
"Oh." He let out a soft chuckle, raking his hand through his hair.
She looked at him again, arching an eyebrow. "Something else happen you need to talk about?"
"No." Turning his lips down at the corners, he shook his head.
She hummed, walking a few more steps in silence before she said, "Are you sure? Because you seemed a little upset in the kitchen earlier and then again a few minutes ago on the couch."
"It's just been a long day." He let out a soft chuckle. "The whole C-Sec thing drained me, but it got worse after they showed up, a million customers started coming in."
She chuckled, and then a moment later asked, "He didn't tell you C-Sec would show up, did he?"
"No …." Charles sucked in a deep breath and dug his cigarillos out of his pocket. "He said my reaction would be more natural if I wasn't anticipating them."
"Hmmm." She tilted her head to the side. "He's not wrong."
You don't know the whole story. For all I knew, they were showing up to arrest me.
"Yeah." He lit his cigarillo and offered her the pack.
"I'm good." She shook her head. "Either way, sorry you had to deal with C-Sec. Hopefully, they didn't give you guys too much trouble."
"Nah, not really." He stuffed the pack and lighter back into his pocket.
"Good." She grinned up at him and then bumped his arm with her elbow. "I really appreciate your helping me out."
He shrugged, brushing it off. "I didn't really do much of anything."
Scoffing, she raised an eyebrow. "That's like a thing with you, isn't it?"
"What?" he asked, taking a drag.
She pulled a hand out of her pocket and waved it around in small circles. "The whole minimize everything when someone compliments you or says thank you for something."
He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess it depends on who's saying it and what they're saying."
"Right," she said with a snort. "So … Cammus and Ares?"
Laughing, he took a drag. "Yeah, it's cool. We're not monogamous."
"Figured as much. But it's not weird with you working with Cammus?" Raising an eyebrow, she scrunched up her nose a little.
"Nah. I like Cammus." He grinned, waggling his eyebrows at her. "The first time, the three of us hooked up together."
She snickered and nodded. "Nice."
"Yeah, it was. Cammus is a good guy, and he's been a damn good friend to me." He took a drag. "But you do the whole 'one and only' thing, don't you?"
She nodded, leading them around a crowd gathered around a man giving some sort of political speech. "When I'm in an actual relationship, yeah."
"You said you're in the Alliance," he said, once they had a little breathing room again.
"Mhmm. Ramona Salazar is Alliance." She smiled and waved at a little turian girl being pulled along by her mother.
"And what about you? Jasmine?" he asked, lowering his voice to say her real name.
She glanced up at him, a soft smile on her face but didn't answer him right away. Instead, she turned her head and let her gaze roam over the Citadel, continuing her leisurely pace. "I can't answer questions about who I do or don't work for, Charles. I'm sorry."
"My dad was in the Alliance." He took another drag, letting it out slowly.
"Yeah?" She tipped her head to the right before rounding the corner.
"Yeah …." He took another heavy drag. "He was a huge asshole."
She glanced up at him again, arching an eyebrow. "Was?"
He nodded, watching people mill about the ward, coming and going from stores and restaurants. "He died not too long ago."
"Sorry to hear that," she said, and she sounded genuinely sympathetic.
"Don't be. Like I said, he was a huge asshole." He took a heavy drag, shrugging off the look of pity in her eyes. "Pretty sure he killed my mom."
"Damn." She glanced down at her feet as she walked, brow furrowing. After a few seconds, she said, "Both of my parents died when I was a kid."
"Shit." He stopped to put out his cigarillo on the side of a trash can, making sure the fire went out completely before tossing the butt into the trash. "Is that why you were on the streets?"
"Yep." Looking up again, she glanced around them before her gaze settled on him. "You leave home because of your dad?"
He nodded and started walking again. "Yeah."
They both stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, just watching the crowds as they walked.
"Other than fighting techniques, what are you wanting to learn?" she asked, breaking the silence.
He glanced down at her, taking a few seconds to consider his answer before saying, "Everything I can. I really want to convince him that I can handle going out with him."
She hummed. "Are you trying to get into this profession?"
"Maybe … I don't know." He shrugged and pulled his cigarillos out again.
She held her hand out for the pack, and he shook one out for her. Putting the cigarillo between her lips, she watched him closely as she asked, "You're comfortable with the idea of killing?"
"Yeah." He lit his cigarillo and handed her the lighter.
She flicked the lighter, holding the tip of her cigarillo into the flame. "Mmm."
"What?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow as he took the lighter back from her and put it back in his pocket along with the pack.
"You answered too fast." She blew smoke out toward the fake sky and turned to look at him. "It's not something you should jump into, you know? Once you pull a trigger on someone, you can't undo it."
Letting out a wry, huff of laughter, he said, "Trust me, I know."
He had a perfectly firm grasp on the permanency of death. Not a day went by since his sister died that he didn't think about her, miss her, feel more than willing to give anything to have her come back. But she never would, no matter what. And now, because of what they did to her and to him, those men would never, ever come back to life again, either.
She looked up at him, seeming to study his face, expressionless. "You've killed before," she said, but it didn't sound at all like a question.
"What? No." He forced out a chuckle and looked at her like she was crazy. "Of course not."
She snorted. "Liar." Shaking her head, she said, "It's alright, you don't need to tell me about it." Humming, she looked back out over the Citadel.
It left him speechless and tense. Should he try harder to deny it? Should he act offended or laugh at her or what? Would it make her more or less likely to believe him? The longer he let the silence go unchecked, though, the more he knew it was too late. His lack of immediate response told her all she needed to know.
She looked at him again after a few seconds, features softened. "You know … even if you learn enough where you could successfully go out on your own, he still may not want you to go with him."
"Why do you think so?" he asked, fighting the urge to wince. It was really the last thing he wanted to hear. He already struggled with thinking Ares didn't really want him around in a general sense; he didn't need to have it confirmed Ares didn't want him around in a specific way.
"Well, for one, Ares prefers to work alone. And … he's got … we all go someplace—mentally—when we're on the job." She seemed to struggle with finding the words to give voice to her thoughts, but it only made Charles pay closer attention. "For some of us, it's like we become detached from what we're doing, for others … we become more absorbed." She paused to take a heavy drag, blowing the smoke off to the side before meeting his gaze again. "Ares is the type to become absorbed, to … dive into the act of killing. Savor it. He may not want you to see him that way, or he might be afraid he won't be able to really do his job right with you there." She shrugged and took another drag. "He'd be worried about you. Maybe even afraid he'd hurt you without meaning to. A lot of our training revolves around building up specific, reflexive responses when we're in that mental space."
Savor it. Like me. So why can't we just savor it together? It's not like we haven't already killed together. Why does this have to be any different?
"So, what do I do?" He hated the helpless sound to his voice, hated he felt like he had to turn to someone else to figure out how to make his relationship with Ares work. "How do I get him past the worry?"
Blinking, she shook her head. Her voice came out soft, consoling, when she said, "I don't know if you can, Charles. Not without expecting him to change something that's fundamental to who he is … to what he is." She took a deep breath. "And that's not really something you do to someone you love."
They walked in silence for a few minutes while Charles absorbed what she'd said. It stung, but he saw the truth in it, too. Hell, it more than stung. It made his heart ache and his insides writhe. He realized spending his life with Ares meant spending his life waiting for Ares. Waiting for Ares to come home, worrying about him, fearing he wouldn't ever come home again. Thinking Ares might find someone else out there who understood him better, someone he wanted to take out on jobs … someone like Jasmine.
"Do you still want to learn?" she asked, pulling him from his thoughts.
"Yes." It wasn't a question he needed to think about. He did still want to learn. Even if Ares didn't want to take him out on jobs, he could use whatever she taught him when it came time to feed his beast. And, maybe … maybe, if he got good enough, Ares would change his mind.
She nodded and pursed her lips. "I'll be leaving the Citadel day after tomorrow. I'll show you what I can before then, and if you want, keep in contact with you when I leave. I end up on the Citadel pretty frequently. If and when I can, I'll come by."
He took a long drag, watching her for a few seconds before he asked, "Why are you so willing to help me? Is it just because I'm with Ares?"
"That's a big part of it, but no." She smiled and took a drag before shrugging. "Let's just say I've got a feeling you're not going to just let it go, so … better you learn what you can from someone who can help you survive it in the end."