Chapter 8:

"The person I wish I was?"

"It's only human nature to not be content with who you are," Cat Walker flashed a polite smile, taking out his baton and twirling it as it extended. "Sometimes, you feel the real you isn't good enough and all you could do is pretend to be perfect-"

A flicker and then he was Chat Noir, who leaned on his staff like a cane, a clawed finger tapping his mask. "- And hide all your flaws behind a mask."

The real Adrien in the black zone watched as the figure in the white zone continued to flicker between several forms. It wasn't just him wielding different Miraculous such as Mister Bug or Aspik. He also changed into Adrien in different clothes, and the occasional odd costumes like Banananoir.

"You're my mask," Adrien stated.

"You cat-ch on real quick," Chat Noir said with a wink.

"But you have so many to choose from," pondered Aspik, who then flickered into Mister Bug. "Which one of us deserves to show up on the surface?"

0-0-0-0-0

"Eep!"

Princess Honey ducked to avoid the attack of the sword flying after her, which was controlled by a handcuffed Ego Split running hot at her heels.

"Get back here, princess! Let me free you from your mask!"

Even with her hands tied behind her back, Ego Split is a threat. Had she been at her full combat potential, Princess Honey would've been stabbed by now. She's sure of it. Ladybug's Lucky Charm is the only thing levelling the playing field for her.

No one in the team expected her to seriously fight Ego Split and win. Which is, ouch. They have absolutely no faith in this newbee's fighting skills. To be fair, she's only been a permanent holder for a week, can only use one Venom before needing to recharge and knows jack about Mirakung-fu. But still. Ouch.

All she has to do is take Ego Split as far as she could, duck somewhere to recharge, then come back to lead her away from civilians and keep her entertained. This is only until Chat Noir is fully split and one of him could fight Ego Split off, maybe Cataclysm her sword again so Princess Honey can Venom her for good. Then they all converge towards Pavonis to either drive him away or stab him. Easy peasy, right?

But it's been who knows how long already! Princess Honey did everything she could to delay Ego Split: jump over fences, throw pots at her, run on the muddy grass and away from the more stable cobblestone paths… Time flies when you're running for your life, and Princess Honey can only keep track of so many things when there's a glowing red sword doing its best to skewer her like a kebab!

"When the hell are you gonna save me, Chat Noir?!"

0-0-0-0-0

"You know," Chat Noir said. "For a time, I genuinely believed I was the real you."

"Which is purr-itty funny considering you're the form with the mask and the secret identity," Adrien said.

The two sides exchanged cheeky grins. Nothing like a pun to break the ice. Renard Rouge said this was part of the process for splitting. It doesn't have to be unpleasant if he can help it.

"I was supposed to be your second chance-" Chat Noir quickly flickered to Aspik before going back to being Chat Noir, "- at forging a name for yourself. One that isn't tied to the Gabriel brand."

"You were my key to freedom," Adrien finished for his mask.

"Exactly!" Chat Noir gave him a sharp toothed grin. "For a while, it was nice. I got to be free even if I had to fight akumas to pay for it," the grin softened to a loving smile. "Being with Ladybug was worth every second of it."

Adrien reflected Chat Noir's smile. "I've never met a girl like her before in my life."

"She's so brave, so clever, so strong…"

"She has the most dazzling bluebell eyes!"

"They practically shine whenever she comes up with one of her brilliant plans!"

"Remember the day she stood up against Hawkmoth and promised to protect Paris?"

"How can I not?!"

Both Adrien and Chat Noir sighed and at the same time, they said with hopeless wonder:

"She's the most amazing girl in the world."

They smiled at each other in understanding. Mask or no mask, he is absolutely, undeniably besotted with Ladybug. And who could blame him?

The blissful atmosphere between the boy and his mask ended when Chat Noir flickered into Cat Walker.

"But she doesn't love you back," Cat Walker cordially said with his hands behind his straight back.

Those words brought Adrien down from cloud nine.

"I know," Adrien said with his head down, running a hand through his hair.

"You have to get over her," Cat Walker said, sternly. "She said so herself. She would've preferred a partner who's not in love with her. It's why even though she chose Chat Noir over me, she still goes to other heroes for help."

"She doesn't trust you to have her back like she used to," Mister Bug bit back a self-depreciating laugh. "Why would she? I struggle every time I have to use a new Miraculous while Ladybug takes to it like a natural. No wonder she's keeping you in the dark. You're useless."

"I'm trying to do better…" Adrien said through gritted teeth.

"You're not trying hard enough," Aspik crossed his arms, looking down at Adrien with disappointment. "Where's your persistence when you need it?"

"It's not that easy," Adrien did his best but he's unable to hold back his frustration. "She's not even giving me a clue on what to improve on! How can I get better if I don't know where to start?"

"You can start by getting over her," said Cat Walker. "That's all she ever asked of you. Focus more on the job. Show her you're capable and competent. Be the perfect partner, even if it meant sacrificing your freedom to express yourself… It's clear despite what she said, she preferred the act over who you really are."

"I need more time…" Adrien tried to stall, not liking that option at all.

It's selfish, but Adrien wanted to find a good balance between being more professional for Ladybug's sake without sacrificing what little freedom he found as Chat Noir.

"You better figure it out quick before you lose her for good," said Chat Noir, frowning at him.

"I don't want to lose her!" Adrien cried in desperation.

"We all know she can do better than you…"

The mask's form flickered between Chat Noir, Mister Bug, Aspik, Cat Walker, and Adrien in quick succession before settling back to Chat Noir.

"… better than any of us."

0-0-0-0-0

Another illusion was dispelled by a closed fan.

"You know little Foxkit, there's still room in our team for you," said Pavonis.

Renard Rouge bit back a response and sent out more illusions to keep the peacock occupied. Chat Noir should've been split by now.

"I can't help but notice your sister has been replaced, yet you're still here," concern shown through Pavonis' visor. "You can tell Uncle Pavo."

A slash from Ego Split's sword shut the peacock man up - too bad it only sliced a bit of Pavonis's cape when he sidestepped Renard Rouge's attack. The fox retreated into his illusions as quickly as he showed up.

"Fine, don't tell Uncle Pavo. It's probably more Miraculous shenanigans happening to her anyway. Danger follows those who wield the Miraculous, as your mother once told me."

Any minute now, Chat Noir's gonna go help Princess Honey so she can be Venomed.

"It's why you put on your mask - your sister is too stubborn to give up hers. You couldn't beat her, so you joined her."

One roundhouse kick in the air revealed the hidden fox. He rolled away to soften the impact until his back hit a tree. Renard Rouge stuck the sword to the ground, leaning on it for support.

"Am I right?" Pavonis asked him, all the mirth from earlier was gone. "Of course, I'm right. She's the only family you got left."

Renard Rouge took out his flute. Pavonis looked at the flute cautiously. It wasn't enough to stop Pavonis from approaching the wary fox.

"Foxkit, we don't have to fight. The Ladybug and the Black Cat Miraculous together could grant its wielder a wish. My wish would benefit you too. I want my whole team back."

Ladybug should be coming here soon. He gave his word. He always follow through with his word.

"You can have your family back. All of them," Pavonis said with his hand held out, close enough for the fox to reach.

With a quick melody, Renard Rouge casted one more illusion. Pavonis took a step back when he saw it.

"Pavonis, I trusted you with that Miraculous and this is what you do with it?" said a sweet female voice.

Standing in Renard Rouge's place was a tall blonde woman in a fox suit. Her emerald green eyes hardened, her lips a stern line, her fox ears folded back. She had that look that practically screams, 'I'm not mad, just disappointed'.

"Jeez Foxkit. Way to aim where it hurts," said Pavonis. Yet as sarcastically as he said this, he hesitated before popping the illusion.

Renard Rouge knows this is hitting below the belt, using the image of his own mother against the person who looked up to her the most. She saved him once upon a time.

Just a little bit longer and they can get rid this threat.

0-0-0-0-0

The real Adrien wiped away his tears. His mask on the other side had settled on another form. This time, it was Adrien in his everyday clothes.

"I would've thought I was the real you," the other Adrien started, smile getting more strained the longer he talked. "I have your real name, your real face. Gabriel's perfect little model son. Everyone knows who I am… Except they don't. Since when did Adrien became more of a mask than a person?"

The other Adrien's outfit changed into a formal suit paired with Marinette's winning derby hat, like he's about to strut on a runway.

"For as long as I could remember, all I wanted was to be whatever my parents wanted," runway Adrien started posing like a model, perfectly showing off his clothes. "I'd put on whatever clothes Father made. I'd pose the way Mother does."

Adrien smiled at the fond memories his counterpart is brought up. It was a time when his family was whole. He couldn't ask for more.

"I was happy living that life," the runway Adrien said wistfully.

"No. I was content."

The real Adrien quickly covered his mouth with his translucent hands. That just came out without his control… It's as though he's been more sensitive here than he ever was before.

Runway Adrien smiled back at him amicably, like his harsh remark didn't faze him.

"Whatever it was, those days ended ever since Mother left us behind."

The other Adrien's formal suit changed into black mourning clothes. He had his head down, turned away from Adrien.

"Father was never the same. Nothing I say or do could make him happy."

Mourning Adrien raised his head, glassy red rimmed eyes looking determined.

"Didn't stop us from trying."

"Even when we should've," the real Adrien said, sounding bitter.

Realizing what he said, Adrien shook his head. No. Don't be cruel to yourself. He turned to mourning Adrien mirroring his sad smile, doing his best to be sympathetic.

"As hard as it was to go along with his demands, it was harder to give up and lose him too," real Adrien said with ease. Every word rang true to him.

"He was the only family I had left," other Adrien said in agreement.

Oh if only that mood can last. Feelings he tried to bury rose up like magma exploding from what used to be a sleeping volcano.

"Aunt Amelie and cousin Felix are family too," the sympathy melted away from the real Adrien's face. "But what did you do when they needed you to be there for them?"

Mourning Adrien frowned with disapproval at the real Adrien. The mourning clothes changed into a different set of black clothes. Smart casual, gray long sleeved shirt with a black vest and tie, paired with black dress pants and shiny black leather shoes. He smoothed his hair down. He looked like Felix save for the glassy red rimmed eyes. It was a look Adrien never saw on the real Felix… that was probably how he looked when Adrien heard in his coarse voice the day to tell him Uncle Colt died.

Adrien was skeptical about the form his counterpart has taken.

"Why are you taking Felix's form? You're supposed to be a part of me."

With a blink, Felix lookalike's face shifted to give him clear eyes and his cousin's usual unreadable smirk. Adrien doesn't know if this is an act of mercy or if he's like Felix, up to his cruel tricks again.

"You and Felix used to be thick as thieves, remember? All those times we'd switch places… Those times we pretended to be him… The times you wished you were him."

The smile curled into a condescending grin.

"Being Felix opened up a world beyond the Agreste Mansion. As much as I love my parents, they were smothering us with their overprotectiveness. Felix's parents gave him more room to be himself. It was your first taste of freedom. You owe Felix for that one…"

Smugness morphed into anger.

"But then Felix tried to sabotage my reputation and ruin all my friendships during Mother's death anniversary," the Felix lookalike glared at Adrien. "He doesn't deserve your sympathy."

Adrien glared back. He resented the way this Felix-lookalike, this mask, was bad mouthing his cousin. Sure, Felix did all that, and Adrien could no longer trust him like he used to. Had this came from any of his friends, Adrien would've been understanding. Felix hurt them. Felix hurt Adrien too… But it was Adrien who hurt Felix first.

"He was there for me when I lost my mother."

Resentment evolved into anger, rising with his tone.

"When Felix asked me to be there for him the day he lost his father, I didn't go! He needed me!"

Adrien had no right to feel sorry for himself.

"He has every right to be mad at us! All because you chose Father over Felix! Over Aunt Amelie! Over Uncle Colt…"

After all that anger burnt up, all was left was regret.

"He was a kind man," Adrien said in a quieter voice. "He treated me better than my own father, not that Father set a high bar to begin with."

It was always Uncle Colt who'd figure out Adrien and Felix swapped places. He was never mad when he uncovers their antics. Instead, he would keep Adrien company, entertaining him with magic tricks until it's time to go back home to his real parents. Being Felix for a day showed him what it was like to have a father who paid attention to him - a father who can tell apart a fake from his real son.

"I should've gone to his funeral."

"Perhaps if you went, you and Felix would've still gotten along like you used to," said the Felix lookalike.

Then the Felix lookalike flickered back into mourning Adrien.

"But Father said it would be too hard on us if we went. I may be able to keep us composed, but you're a highly sensitive person. All that emotion would overwhelm you. You're not strong enough to handle it."

That was almost word for word the first thing Adrien's heard from his father after his mother left. He had hoped this could be the start of his father opening up again. A sign that he still cares… That they could start healing together…

"Father is only looking out for us. Besides, Father needed me more."

Adrien let out a strained laugh at his mask's audacity use that tired excuse.

"Stop lying to yourself. I was there when I offered him to share his grief. He never opened that door."

Adrien glared at his counterpart.

"I stayed and for what? To receive a cold shoulder? This is what I chose over Felix?"

Adrien tried to look away from his mourning double. Whichever way he looked, the double would flicker back into his line of sight. There's no escaping him.

"Felix actually asked me to be there for him, but I let him down," Adrien said.

He curled his hand into a fist until his knuckles turned white.

"How many more times will Father make me to choose him over someone else?"

Adrien thought of all those times his father made him cancel his plans with his friends to go to a photo shoot or some other activity instead. How much more of this before they get sick of him too?

"It's no surprise Felix was easily able to turn some of my friends against me that day. I don't get to spend much time hanging out with them that even after months, they barely know me. They couldn't tell me apart from Felix."

Mourning Adrien changed into regular Adrien who hummed in a way that's supposed to make him seem understanding. The real Adrien doesn't believe it one bit.

"It's not your fault Felix changed for the worst since then. What he did was wrong, and it's not your fault. We both lost a parent, but unlike him, I make an effort not to cause trouble to others."

Adrien remembered Plagg once said the same thing. Yet he can't help but feel iffy about that statement. Felix was allowed to express his worst feelings with no repercussions. While Adrien can't afford to slightly inconvenience others without consequences.

"Always gotta be the perfect golden boy," Adrien spat.

It's not just with his civilian life. From the way things are going, it appears even as Chat Noir, he has to follow the same rules as Adrien.

The other Adrien smiled back, almost spitefully. "Always."

0-0-0-0-0

With one last urgent beep of his Miraculous, Shizuke's transformation dropped. He managed to get to a secluded area by the gardener's tool shed. He settled Chat Noir down, sitting upright with his back against the wall. There was the jingling sound of glass with every little jostle.

Red cracks littered his whole body. Every jagged piece was ever changing like the static screen of a broken television - it made for a horrible visual. A collage of different boys that should be the same person. Sections change him from some variation of Chat Noir's suit to outfits Adrien probably wore as a model. Sometimes, his hair was blond, one time it was green, and the style kept changing.

It was like looking at a broken mirror and every shard reflected a different side to him.

"What's happening to you?" Shizuke wondered aloud in horror.

As Tikki chewed on her cookie, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the fractured boy.

"He should be split by now. Ego Split's power hasn't changed from the last time."

Fuyu is proof of that. The only reason Shizuke ever agreed to letting Chat Noir split himself was because Renard Rouge assured him there will be time to protect the cat's identity. Splitting would be painful, but he'll survive. Renard Rouge also told him he'd advise Chat Noir on how to handle being split so he doesn't fight himself like Fuyu and Blair did…

But it was all for nothing. He didn't split. He's still trapped within himself. This never happened before.

"If we don't succeed in stabbing Pavonis soon, I'm purifying Ego Split."

And make her sword disappear along with her… Along with…

"But this is your best shot to expose Pavonis and take back his Miraculous," Tikki reminded him, conflicted.

"I know," Shizuke said, features scrunched as he looked at Chat Noir. "But who knows what'll happen to Adrien if he stays like this for too long… Miraculous Ladybug can put him back together, but what about the psychological harm he'll get from this? He won't forget that!"

Shizuke began to pace as he considered his options, gesticulating wildly at every thought.

"There's still the Oblivio Spell… But it's tailor made to target all memories involving the Miraculous. This trauma would surely be tied to him being Chat Noir. We might wipe out too much and that could cause more problems and-"

Tikki floated right at his face and fixed the pair of glasses slipping off the bridge of his nose in all his fretting.

"You've always made the right call when it came to tough choices like these. Trust your judgement, Shizuke," Tikki reassured.

Twiddling with his cufflinks - the repurposed Ladybug Earrings - Shizuke doubted Tikki's words. How many times did his decisions fail him? If he made good judgement calls, they wouldn't be in this mess.

0-0-0-0-0

"I should really be splitting by now," Adrien said. "The team is waiting for me."

"You see, that's what we've been trying to do," said the other Adrien.

"We've been trying to figure you out," said Chat Noir.

"Yet no matter what we say, your form refuses to fill in," said Chat Noir, staff pointed at the real Adrien's white translucent form.

Adrien looked down at his translucent hands, flexing each finger. He exists, yet he's a ghost.

"You have so many masks," said Chat Noir.

A twirl of his baton and he's Mister Bug spinning his yoyo.

"Each one of us is born for a different purpose."

The yoyo string shortened until the yoyo turned into a harp being spun over Aspik's finger.

"You can change who you are depending on who is needed."

The harp was tossed up until it disappeared. Aspik flickered away, leaving behind Felix.

"But you didn't leave much thought into your true self."

Felix turned into Adrien.

"Too used to having your father decide everything for you."

Adrien transformed into Chat Noir.

"Too used to following Ladybug's lead."

Chat Noir flickered into Cat Walker.

"You're always either Gabriel's son or Ladybug's partner… Without those people to define you, who do you think you are?"

"No one."

The answer left the real Adrien's mouth as soon as he thought about it.

"Without them, I don't know who to be."

Cat Walker shot him a sympathetic look.

"They're the people you put on a mask for. You love them the most, yet they can't see the real you."

His counterpart turned into Adrien, but dressed in an all-white attire from those perfume ads.

"Neither could you."

He's all false model smiles for the cameras.

"Ego Split wanted to separate the real you from the mask… But there's not much of a real you to split to."

0-0-0-0-0

Chat Noir woke up to the sight of a swarm of magical ladybugs flying away, fixing everything in their path. Did the plan succeed? A quick check on his baton revealed where the other heroes are: they were on the move, headed his way.

Chat Noir got up just in time for Bug to pull him away as they ran off. He said they have to escape Pavonis.

To the side, he saw Princess Honey was carrying an unconscious girl with long blonde hair in ringlets - Ego Split?

Renard Rouge was right behind them, furiously playing his flute. He was glaring at the back of Shizubug's head.

What happened?