Humming to myself, I was zoned out; lying on my bed, resting my eyes. John knocked once and came in.

"Yeah?" I sat up quickly, dizzy, "Woah."

My shades were off, but I didn't care because it was John. I've told him about my eye color so he might as well see. He was looking at the ground, the door creaking open wider.

"Dave-" John was leaning against the frame, nervous.

Then his body shifted because he looked up.

"Oh wow, your eyes…" He spoke.

He gaped at them.

I stared back at him, searching his face for anything but his stare pierced deep in me, and I looked away first.

"Sorry." John apologized.

"You're fine." I affirmed, still looking away.

My cheeks felt a little warm, but I tried to play it cool.

"So..." I looked him in the eyes intentionally, "What's up."

"Okay so, sorry to intrude but can you come downstairs…?"

"Sure bro-" I mentally slapped myself, "Dude."

I laid back down before I could see his pitying reaction or anything worse.

"Be there in a bit." I closed my eyes, exhausted from doing absolutely nothing.

The envelope that I got tore up my insides and stabbed me in the heart. Whenever Bro would go out shopping or during the day-I swore-he wore that hat? Maybe...maybe not...I really needed more sleep. I was crazy. I didn't know.

I checked my phone. Ten am. I laid back, forgetting if he wanted me now soon or sooner sooner. I might have fallen asleep but a knock disrupted my conscious body. John entered my "domain" anyway. I just wanted to chill with my depression. No Johns allowed to cheer me up.

I could feel the open space, and one short boy: John standing in the guest bedroom. My room apparently.

"Hey Dave?" John stepped to my bed.

There were only a faint swooshing sound of a car passing by his house.

"Dave?" He sounded more frantic, "Shit- Dave are you okay-!"

I felt his hand on my shoulder shaking me.

"Yes, yes sorry." I said with my eyes closed.

"Dave are you sur-" He hitched.

"I heard you when you came in the first time." I sat up, black spots at the edge of my vision.

"Oh-" John was breathing hard, "Shit. I was so worried."

"What?" I was confused.

"Dave, you have pills, spilled on your nightstand, what was I supposed to think?"

"John no." I could feel myself pale, "I would never."

"Then why didn't you respond right away?"

"I don't know...I kind of took a double dose. I'm just a bit tired from that. I have never taken...that but I was having…problems."

John said, "What? How come?"

"Ah…nightmares. Thinking about a lot." I said.

"Dave please," John put a hand on my shoulder, "You don't have to feel obligated to leave or stay. What you do is up to you. Just….please let me know? "

"Ok." I sighed, "Yeah. Ok. I understand."

"Dave please. You have been doing fine." He took a breath, "Fine enough. Just do the school readings, yeah? Shakespeare? Maybe we can run afterwards?"

He winked.

"John oh my god. You nerd." I glared at him but a smile broke out on my face, "But you are asking a lot."

He started laughing, covering his mouth with his hand.

"No." He giggled.

A small smile broke out on my face.

I started laughing along with him, really aware of my red eyes, how much emotion they told John in this conversation. I didn't have my protection; my shades so I let the laughs grow louder, my eyes flickering to the floor even more than John. It frightened me how much I told him. How much my eyes gave away even if I wanted to lie.

The good feeling vanished when John started talking

"Okay so. I asked you to come downstairs since I have a package and I am not sure if we should even open it...since uh."

It was gone.

"What?" I leaned in closer, looked into his glasses, seeing my own crazy reflection and his eyes, scared.

"Uhmmmm..." He slightly leaned away, cheeks pink.

"Tell me."

I pushed him down on the bed, meant to be roughhousing and well...I was mad. Ever since that accident I guess you could say everything was out of sorts in my head.

Sleeping too much.

Doing nothing.

Thinking too much.

Doing more nothing.

Maybe it was the lack of food, exercise, or the flood or hormones but I was pinning John down on the bed, looking down at him, no shades.

He tried to move his wrists; eyes wide.

"Dave-" He squeaked.

"John tell me now." I growled.

"The package said it was from...your brother."