FATE/CURADH BEAG
"Little Champion"
Chapter 16: Tri Plaigh Uladh
Connla anxiously peeled the bag off over whatever was inside it, finally revealing what its contents were. No one could believe what they were looking at. Everyone was momentarily stunned by what the item was, unable to comprehend how someone as malicious and destructive as Cuchulainn could give something that was so… unusually…
Cute.
"Ahhh! It's a dowwie!" Fial exclaimed elatedly. "The scawy guy gave you a dowwie!"
Indeed, it was a doll. Not just any doll though. It was the ever-familiar Mini Cu plush that was always associated with Cuchulainn Alter. It sat there on Connla's lap with that typical grumpy glare framed with a single charming fang, wielding a miniature purple Gae Bolg and dragging its long spiked tail around.
"Um… What's going on here?" Connla wondered, looking totally stupefied as she carefully inspected the plush from all angles. She simply couldn't understand why Cuchulainn wanted to deliver this… thing to her.
"I have no idea," Fir murmured. "Is that what the scary guy is supposed to look like?"
"Yeah, but way, way more frightening than this…"
"Hmmmm," Emer mumbled curiously to herself. "Could there be something inside it?"
"I don't think so," Connla replied as she squeezed it several times to feel for anything suspicious within the stuffing. "I'm not sensing any sort of traps or secret Runes planted on it either. For all intents and purposes, it's just your average, everyday doll."
"Why on Earth would Cu give you such a present? Is it your birthday?"
"I don't even know what my birthday is. Teacher just told me to use the first day of the new year to gauge how old I am. Besides, how would Cuchulainn have found that out when he was gone for so long?"
"True."
"It's cute! Maybe a wittle scawy wooking, but still cute!" Fial chirped as she took her turn holding it. "You shouwd keep it!"
"Really?" Connla wondered. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. It certainly looked harmless, but given who it was that gave it to her, she had her reservations. She faced Emer and asked, "What do you think?"
Emer likewise took a closer look at the plush, then suggested, "Every single one of my instincts is telling me to get rid of it. But I'm also worried about whether or not that will invoke Cu's anger. I have no idea if we might wind up setting him off if we throw away a gift he went through so much trouble to bring to you."
"That's what I figured."
"Even though it's against my better judgment, I think you should hang on to it. Just keep it tied to your belt or something during your travels. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, so long as it makes him happy."
"I guess so," Connla mumbled as she took it from Emer.
The woman let out an exhausted huff and said, "Well, now! I think it's safe to say the excitement's over now. It's past dinner, so I should make us some soup before we turn in for the night. Would you children like to help me so we can get it done faster?"
"'Kay!" the twins exclaimed together, and they bounded straight for the kitchen. Connla didn't respond, but likewise followed them. She left the doll behind on the chair for now, so no one paid it any mind as they worked together to prepare supper.
Unbeknownst to them… it shifted its eyes and twitched its nose a bit.
While Emer and the children were fixated on the strange doll, Cuchulainn retreated into the forest and opened a temporary Gate of Skye to the Land of Shadows. Now that he was the Celtic underworld's ruler, he possessed the authority to construct one-time gates that he could freely use to travel between the two islands and his own territory. Ireland being parted from Scotland made no difference to him thanks to this ability. That was how he was able to jump between the Isles despite them being forced many kilometers apart.
Now back in the castle, Cuchulainn removed his detached hood and shook it a few times to get some of the rain water out. He sensed the presence of numerous hateful ghosts lurking around within the castle grounds, but his own kingly aura was so potent that they dared not get close, lest they invoke the wrath of the man who killed the previous queen. That's why he was able to return to the throne room in relative peace, even if the scurrying of countless spirits irritated him to no end.
The King of Shadows sat down upon the throne and boredly rested his chin upon his fist. He already had a mug of beer and some cigars filled with herbs prepared for him on the side table, as he commanded one of his ethereal retainers to make for him earlier. He broke the stem off one of the cigars with his teeth, lit it with a tiny Ansuz Rune, and proceeded to smoke it as much as he could. These weren't just any ordinary cigars though. They contained a druid's concoction of herbs and plants designed to help one fall asleep. Their scent was so powerful that Cuchulainn could already feel his eyelids getting heavy.
After downing the entire mug of alcohol in one go, he gradually lost consciousness and drifted into a deep sleep, snoring so loudly that one could mistake it for a monster's growling. He could practically feel his mind leaving his body, as if he was having an out-of-body experience. He was being deliberately pulled out of the Land of Shadows towards a particular spot on Ireland. It took some time for him to make the journey, but he eventually reached his destination.
Soon, his dreams started to become a bit more vivid and life-like. He shifted his eyes and twitched his nose as he looked around to see where he was. He was sitting on a wooden chair by himself, but there were four people not too far away as they ambled about in the kitchen preparing supper. They sat around the table enjoying some vegetable soup and warm bread, paying Cuchulainn absolutely no mind as they ate and chatted amongst themselves.
Even in his sleep, he smirked to himself.
Good. It's working…
Suddenly, he forced himself to be as still as possible when he noticed Connla glancing over in his direction. She tilted her head curiously, thinking that something unusual was going on with the Mini Cu plush. Once she thought it was just her imagination, she went back to talking with Emer about something.
Whoa, that was close. Don't want the kid to notice me until the time is right.
Cuchulainn opted to just stay perfectly still and silent for now. It was almost bedtime for them anyway, so it wouldn't be long before he could make his move.
That night, Connla had some difficulty getting to sleep. It wasn't because she was restless. On the contrary, she felt absolutely exhausted after all of the excitement that happened during the day. She didn't seem to be feeling quite as depressed as before, but she still felt immensely troubled over Cuchulainn's strange behavior. No, the reason she couldn't sleep was because she sensed someone shuffling around in the bed, which was getting quite distracting for her. She peeled one eye open and rubbed the other one as she looked around blearily for what was causing the disturbance.
Fir and Fial were passed out on either side of Connla, so she knew it couldn't be them. She panned her eyes around the room to see if there was an intruder, but nothing seemed unusual. That was when she felt a bizarre shuffling sensation coming from beneath the covers. It was happening directly on her chest too, which made it all the weirder. Growing more nervous as to what was going on, Connla gently pulled the blanket off her upper body and looked down.
"Finally," a deep grumbling voice growled. "I thought I'd never wake you up."
It took her a moment to understand what was going on, but she finally put it together:
The Mini Cu doll was moving and talking.
She momentarily lost her mind and let out a flabbergasted squeak of disbelief. The doll hastily planted his stubby arms over her mouth and snapped in a low whisper, "Shhh! Don't make so much noise!"
"Mm… gh…"
"Calm down. It's me, Cuchulainn. I'm talking to you through this thing."
That didn't exactly inspire her to settle down, now knowing she was talking to the most dangerous being in the entire Lostbelt. Her shuffling around caused Fir to wake up, and he moaned, "Hmmgh… What's going on?"
Fial likewise woke up from the disturbance and asked, "Did someone scweam?"
"Uh, um…" Connla stammered, but was unable to prevent the twins from noticing Mini Cu moving around. They were equally as freaked out over the sight and gaped their jaws in simultaneous disbelief.
"T-The dowwie… tawked…" Fial yelped.
"It's… alive…" Fir murmured.
"Dammit," Mini Cu grunted. "I was hoping no one else would find out about this. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk. I guess it'd be easier for Connla if all three of you knew what's going on."
Connla tilted her head and wondered, "Um… Are you really Cuchulainn? Did you shrink or something?"
"Don't be absurd. I just told you I'm talking to you through this plushie. I'm still in the Land of Shadows, but I'm transmitting my Spirit Origin into the doll while I sleep."
"Say, say," Fial uttered. "Awe you weally the scawy guy that's been wunning awl awound Scotwand?"
"Huh? I don't understand what you mean."
Fir interjected, "There's been a super scary man causing all kinds of trouble in Scotland. Auntie told us that Taoide Olc made it back and is roaming the land in his human form, and that we need to watch out for him."
"Ah, I see," Mini Cu realized what they were talking about. "Yes, I am indeed Taoide Olc in human form, but my exploits for recruiting more soldiers must have caused some unnecessary fear for you two. I apologize for causing any sort of fright. Trust me – I make my presence as terrifying as possible in order to inspire fear in Ireland's queen. She is my real enemy, and no one else."
"So then… you'we not gonna gobble us up wike the Demonic Beasts do?" Fial asked as she started to calm down.
"Of course not. I have no business terrorizing random children."
The twins sighed a combined sigh of relief as they realized the 'scary guy' wasn't as bad as they thought. Mini Cu then said, "I'm impressed your aunt knew so much about me though."
Connla then explained, "Their aunt is the goddess Morrigan."
Now it was his turn to be surprised. He glanced at the twins, then murmured, "You don't say… She followed me around for a while, and not once did she ever say she had a niece and nephew. And if you two are twins, then that means… Hmm… This could be interesting… Now I really gotta see how this pans out…"
"Um, Cuchulainn? What're you going on about?"
"Never mind. That's not why I'm going through all this trouble to see you. Listen to me, Connla. I want you to keep this doll close to you at all times. I'm a bit preoccupied in Scotland right now, and I can't observe what's going on in Ireland otherwise."
"B-But you're Ireland's enemy… And I'm Queen Medb's Champion… Wouldn't that make me a traitor to Ireland if I did that?"
"If anyone's doing the betraying, it's Medb. Cathbad was the one who destroyed Sgaradh and parted the Isles, right?"
"Mm-hmm."
"He wouldn't do something so extreme unless it was under the queen's orders. Furthermore, he did it while you, Fergus and the others were in Scotland fighting me. You barely managed to make it back to Ireland through the skin of your teeth. That means she had every intent of stranding you in Scotland in order to save her own skin. You don't need to be loyal to someone like that."
"…"
"Besides, you've got a much bigger job to fulfill, don't you? Scathach told you to destroy the Tree of Emptiness, right?"
"Yeah, but…"
"You have no reason to be Medb's Champion anymore. If you're going to be anyone's Champion, it's Scathach's, am I right?"
Connla frowned and lowered her head forlornly. "I guess so. I mean, I don't want to disappoint Teacher after she spent so long training me."
Mini Cu placed his hand on her shoulder and assured, "Then you're not betraying anyone. As long as you continue on the path Scathach left for you, you'll be fine. As for me… Well, you could say I'm a bit curious to see where it takes you. After all, Scathach was my teacher for a while as well. Think of it as a senior being interested in what their junior is getting up to."
"But you do know what it means for me to destroy the Tree, right?"
"I do."
"And… you're fine with it? Even though you're the king the Tree chose?"
"I am."
Fir raised an eyebrow and asked, "What are you talking about? What is this Tree of Emptiness supposed to be?"
"Oh, um…" Connla stammered. "It's nothing. Just a bit of adult talk."
Fial didn't seem to be paying attention to any of the heavy conversation as she poked Mini Cu's stomach and giggled, "He he he! You're so soft and pwushy! Say, did you actuawwy sit down and sew the dowwie by yoursewf, Mr. Scawy Guy?"
He pouted and grumbled, "Don't be ridiculous. I had Dagda's Cauldron make a miniaturized duplicate of myself so I could transfer my consciousness into it. I wasn't expecting it to make such a butt-ugly doll though. I guess the Tuatha de Danann's boundless wish granter has as much of a bizarre sense of humor as its creator."
Fial couldn't stop chuckling at the thought of Cuchulainn sitting at a table sewing a doll from scratch, and it started to get on Mini Cu's nerves. Connla sighed deeply, as she started to feel a little worn out from this crazy conversation so late in the night. Before she could say anything though, that was when they heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door, and it creaked open to reveal Emer in her robes. She poked her head through and asked, "Are you all awake?"
Connla hastily shoved Mini Cu beneath the covers to hide him from her, then blurted, "I-I'm sorry. We had trouble sleeping, so we decided to chat for a bit. Were we being too loud?"
"Not at all. I'm just worried that you're not getting enough rest."
"It's okay. We were just about to go back to sleep."
"All right then. Good night, everyone."
Emer left them be, and the trio exhaled in relief. Mini Cu crawled out, then said, "Good call. I don't think Emer would appreciate it if she knew I was pulling such a stunt in her own home."
"More like she wouldn't believe that her own husband was taking the form of a doll," Fir muttered.
"Good point. Listen, could you guys do me a favor and not tell Emer about any of this? I get the feeling she'll throw me into the fire if she realized I was lurking around like this. Delivering this to you was a real pain in the ass, and I don't want to have to do it all over again."
Connla and Fir nodded. Fial raised her hand and cheerily chirped, "Okay! We won't tewl Miss Emah anything!"
Mini Cu grumpily glared at her and grumbled, "You're the one I'm most worried about…"
After having breakfast the next morning, Fir and Fial went outside to play with an old soccer ball that Emer had lying around in her shed. Connla took this time to bring Liath Macha outside for some fresh air and to groom him, since he had been confined to the stable for the last few days. The grateful steed kneeled down low so that she could brush his mane and tail much easier. Emer sat on the porch doing some knitting while observing the children as they engaged in their activities.
The morning hours shifted towards the early afternoon without incident. At around 2 PM though, an unexpected visitor strolled around to the backyard astride his horse. Liath whinnied since he noticed the other horse's scent, and Connla glanced over to see who it was. She widened her eyes and exclaimed, "Lord Cathbad!"
Indeed, it was the elderly High Druid of Connacht. He dismounted his horse and approached the young girl as he said, "Looks like Fergus was right in bringing you here. You seem to be a bit more relaxed than before."
"Are you here to pick me up?"
"Hmm…" he grumbled as he smoked his pipe. "That was the original plan, but I've got different ideas for you."
"What do you mean? I thought Uncle Fergus wanted me to be by his side once I recovered."
"I've decided that it's no longer going to be practical for you to be with him, considering how busy he is with planning for his uprising against Medb. He wanted me to convey his apologies, and gave me his blessing to send you on a different assignment."
"What would that be?"
Cathbad faced Emer and said, "My apologies, madam, but I'm afraid this is confidential business between Champions. We will walk through the lakebed to give ourselves the necessary privacy. Could you keep these petulant twins from running around and disrupting us?"
"Sure," she replied.
"Aww, we can't come with Connwa?" Fial complained.
"Don't be so annoying," Fir chided. "They have important adult stuff to talk about. Let's give them the space they need."
"Phooey."
Connla waved her hand sheepishly and assured, "Don't worry. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"
With that, Cathbad and Connla left the cottage and proceeded down the winding pathway to the dried up lakebed, where no one else would be able to find any hiding spots to spy on their conversation. Of course, Connla had snuck Mini Cu into a satchel and affixed it to her belt so he could listen in without Cathbad being aware. Their boots crunched the dried up mud, leaving a distinct trail behind as they walked.
Once they were sufficiently far away from civilization, Connla glanced up at Cathbad and asked, "So what's the situation with Uncle Fergus and Conall? I don't really know what's going on, other than that Uncle Fergus mentioned he's planning on rebelling against Queen Medb. I didn't really pay attention to much else than that, since I was so upset over discovering I was Cuchulainn's daughter."
"I don't blame you," Cathbad admitted. "If I was in your position, I would have been shocked as well. Alas, you must cope with this discovery and move on with the mission Scathach gave you."
She looked a bit surprised when she heard this. "You know what Teacher wants me to do?"
"Sure I do. We both have the ability to deliver prophecies. We saw the true nature of this Lostbelt and how twisted its human history has become. Our goal is to destroy Circinus and cull the Lostbelt from Proper Human History before the terrors lurking in this timeline can escape to threaten the true history that man is destined to follow. Scathach's death has been a huge blow in this effort, but I see that she has entrusted everything to you as both her niece and most beloved pupil. That is why I have full confidence in discussing this with you."
Connla then grew uncomfortable as she asked, "Does anyone else know about this world being a Lostbelt? I mean, did you say anything to Uncle Fergus or any of the other Champions?"
"No. I intend to leave them in ignorance. After all, our goal will ultimately end in the complete destruction of this aberrant timeline. Everyone is already in enough of a panic over the state of the world as it is. Learning that it was not meant to exist in the first place will cause nothing but unwanted chaos for us. It is best for us to give this world the peaceful death it deserves."
"So that means I can't say anything to Uncle Fergus either…"
"Precisely. I am the only one you can trust in this matter."
She glanced away uneasily, knowing that she would have to keep such a huge secret from her own allies. She wasn't sure if she could handle the stress down the line, since it meant she would be killing everyone she had come to know. Ally and enemy alike would be wiped out, as if they didn't deserve to exist. She knew the guilt was going to weigh heavily on her, and the anxiety was already starting to bother her.
Cathbad noticed the strained look on Connla's face, then said, "If it makes you feel any better, the next tasks I have for you will have you journeying through Ulster's most remote regions. You won't be seeing Fergus or Conall anytime soon, that is for certain."
"Really?"
"They don't want you getting involved in the coup being organized between Munster, Leinster, and Ulster's remnants. I share the same sentiment, albeit for a different reason."
"What reason would that be?"
"Scathach and I concocted a contingency plan in case the worst scenario comes to pass. However, now that Scathach is dead, I'm going to require some assistance, and you're the best person to ask."
"The worst scenario? Didn't that already happen with Taoide Olc's return?"
Cathbad suddenly glanced away to obscure the stress lines growing on his aged face. Connla tried to lean in and get a better look, but he just turned away even more once he noticed her. He blatantly sidestepped the question by asking, "Did Scathach ever teach you about the existence of Servants?"
"Servants?" she murmured and tried to think back. "Hmm… I'm not recognizing the term…"
"They are the spirits of heroes summoned to this world to fight for humanity's behalf. Those who performed great deeds in both the distant past and far future have been deemed qualified to return to the land of the living in temporary spiritual bodies, summoned under a specific class container in order to bring out their best skills."
"That sounds amazing," she remarked, but then realized something. "Wait a minute… If these 'Servant' beings are supposed to fight for humanity, why haven't they done so in this Lostbelt? Shouldn't they be the ones struggling to destroy the Tree of Emptiness rather than just us two?"
"You are correct in that regard. However, there's a problem that needs to be fixed before any Servants can be summoned."
Connla immediately became alert once she heard that. Whatever this 'problem' was, it was most likely going to be what Cathbad would want her to resolve.
He continued, "Summoning Servants requires a ritual to be performed over what's known as a Leyline. Think of them as the planet's arteries, which are chock full of pure magical energy that can be tapped into. I think you can see the issue with this already."
"Yeah. We're on a floating island. Whatever these Leylines are, they're already submerged beneath hundreds of kilometers of hostile ocean. There's no way that Servants can be summoned like this."
"Now don't be too hasty. Scathach and I did managed to preserve a precious Leyline that's running beneath Ulster. It's enough for me and my subordinate druids to summon not just any Servant, but the finest among all of human history's heroes; a Grand Servant."
"A… Grand Servant?"
"If an ordinary Servant performed some feat that made them notable, then a Grand Servant is so famous that anyone from any part of the world would know who they are. They didn't just accomplish any deed of heroism – they've become embedded into humanity's very concepts, to the point that the Grand Servant is practically a part of everyone's subconsciousness, even if they don't realize it. Imagine that Grand Assassin's existence is the reason we have the word 'assassin' in the first place, or that Grand Rider's vessel is the epithet of preserving all life on the planet during a major crisis, or that Grand Saber is the definition of what it means to be a proper and just hero. Grands may very well be the inspiration for others to become Servants in their own right."
"Whoa…" Connla gasped in admiration. "And you want to summon a Servant like that?"
"It's the only hope we have left."
"The only hope? Even though I'm supposed to destroy the Tree of Emptiness? Why summon a Grand Servant if that's the case?"
Cathbad inhaled a deep puff of his pipe, then exhaled for a long while. Finally, he faced Connla and declared, "Let me be blunt with you. I don't think you have even a ghost of a chance of felling that thing."
"…"
"No matter how many tricks or techniques Scathach may have taught you, I simply don't see you accomplishing anything of such a ridiculous magnitude. It's like firing a pebble from a slingshot in order to strike a star out of the sky. It's just not going to happen. I don't think Scathach truly intended for you to fight the Tree of Emptiness either."
"She didn't?" Connla murmured uneasily, and grew despondent. "Then… what am I supposed to do? Why did she train me so much? What battles am I supposed to fight? Who is the enemy I have to face? I just don't understand anymore…"
"Now, don't despair. She was preparing you for an important task. It's just not the one you've been led to believe this whole time. That's the reason I wanted to talk to you – to assign you the mission of purifying Ulster's Leyline of the blights that leech its magical energy, so that the Grand Servant may be successfully summoned."
"Um… I'm not sure I follow…"
"It stands to reason that Ulster's Leyline is a one-of-a-kind resource, right? It's the only place in the entire world where pure mana can be found anymore. That means that others would be more than happy to usurp it for their own purposes. As you can see, I'm an old man who has his hands tied appeasing Medb's capricious demands while supporting Fergus' movements behind her back. You, on the other hand, are more than capable of eliminating these locusts feeding off of Ulster's Leyline. In essence, you would be the Grand Servant's protector until the time is right to summon them."
Connla's eyes widened with renewed hope. The Leyline's… nay, the Grand Servant's guardian? Of course she would want to accept such an important job. It certainly was better than going after the Tree of Emptiness herself when, deep down, she knew it would be a futile suicide mission.
"Ah, I see the flicker of light in your eyes," Cathbad grinned. "Scathach told me that you always strive to do the right thing, even if it's difficult for you. I'm certain this task will be much easier on your conscience than trying to eliminate the Lostbelt yourself. Better to leave it to someone who is more qualified. The right people for the right job, as they say."
"I guess. So you want me to do something about these so-called 'blights' feeding off of the Leyline?" she eagerly asked.
"Correct. Specifically, there are three entities threatening to drain the Leyline dry. Let's address them as Tri Plaigh Uladh, or 'Ulster's Three Plagues'. I need you to eliminate them, then make sure that no further threats endanger the Leyline until Fergus' coup against Medb is over and we prepare for war against Taoide Olc's forces."
"That sounds doable. So what are the plagues in question, and how do I go about finding them?"
"They are known as Deirdre of the Sorrows, the Curse of Macha, and Manannan's Parted Mists. All of them reside within former Ulster – that is, before Connacht amalgamated with it - so there is no need to explore the other three territories. As for their specific locations, I'm afraid I'm short on information regarding them. You will have to investigate on your own from here."
"I understand," Connla said as she wrote everything down in a notebook she kept handy with her. "I'm guessing Manannan's Parted Mists has something to do with the god of the seas Manannan mac Lir, but I have no clue about the others."
"Excellent. I trust you will set out as soon as you're ready."
"Well, I kind of need to figure out which one to tackle first, as well as gauging how dangerous each particular blight is. It'd be kind of dumb to rush headlong into the most difficult challenge first without doing proper research."
"Well said," Cathbad agreed. "Then let me give you a hint about one of them. Go to the woods far south of Emain Macha and find an elderly poet named Leabharcham. She will point you in the right direction from there."
"South of Emain Macha… Leabharcham…" Connla murmured as she scribbled the words down. She glanced at him suspiciously though. If he knew to find this poet to help deal with one of the blights, he could have easily gone there himself. She had a feeling he was being coy with her, but opted not to complain about it since it gave her something productive to do.
The elderly druid proceeded to turn back toward Emer's cottage as he said, "Very well. Let us return so that I can be on my way."
"What're you going to do in the meantime? And how am I supposed to report to you regarding my progress?"
"I need to take care of some boring political stuff that you don't need to concern yourself with. As for reporting to me, I have arranged for Morrigan to visit you periodically. Give your progress reports to her, then she will forward them to me."
"I see… Does that mean Uncle Fergus and Conall will be busy too?"
"I'm afraid so. The rest of us Champions have to prepare for the big day when we finally overthrow Medb and install Fergus as Connacht's king. You'll have to figure out a way to confront the blights yourself."
"Understood."
The Land of Shadows
During Connla and Cathbad's conversation, Cuchulainn had transmitted his consciousness into Mini Cu and listened in without Cathbad being aware of his presence. Connla had warned him that Cathbad was supposed to be traveling to Emer's home sometime soon, and Cuchulainn was definitely interested in what the aged druid would have to say to her. He certainly heard everything that they talked about just now, but he made no motion to try to contact Connla about it. It was still daytime, which meant he'd have to wait until nighttime before he could get any semblance of privacy with her.
In the meantime, Cuchulainn was busy discussing military affairs with a stocky fellow clad in heavy armor and animal pelts. The soldier reported to his irritated liege, "The troops you requested from Edinburgh, Dundee, Perth and Inverness have been assembled and await the order to march."
"What of the Hebrides? I thought Portree and Stornoway's armies were supposed to recruit men from the former islands."
"From my understanding, several colonels have been butting heads with each other to determine who the next major general should be to represent the Hebrides after the sudden death of Sir Malcolm of Jura."
"Ugh, what a pain in the ass," Cuchulainn snarled. "This sort of trivial infighting is exactly the reason why Ulster lost the war against Connacht. I need a unified force that will obey my commands without question, not a gaggle of squawking opportunists who only care about their careers."
The warrior seemed unperturbed by his king's annoyance as he asked, "What would you have me do, sir? If needed, I will have my company march to Portree and hold a conference to remind them of your wishes."
"That won't be necessary. I don't want your men to be tired out from dealing with bureaucratic nonsense when they should be ready for war at a moment's notice. I'll go have a nice chat with these so-called 'colonels' and remind them who the real man in charge is here. Nothing like a little violence to inspire people to do what you want, right?"
"If that is your decision, then I will have my company stand down for the time being."
"Good."
Suddenly, the soldier asked, "If I may, I have a question regarding the logistics of our march into Ireland."
"What is it?" Cuchulainn wondered.
"If your intention is to reunite Scotland with Ireland, where will the entry point be located? From my understanding, you are having the various armies gradually congregate around the Elgin, Inverness and Wick districts. My assumption is that you want to return Scotland to its original location northeast of Ulster, yet those territories couldn't be possibly further removed from Ulster if you tried."
"Of course I know that, you fool. Use your head a little. If I have full control of Scotland's flight path, what do you think the most efficient area for me to invade Connacht would be?"
The warrior paused for a moment, considering the potential strategy Cuchulainn had in mind. After a moment of thinking, he murmured, "I see… I hadn't considered that possibility."
"Exactly. It's designed to throw Medb completely off her guard, and to make the march for our armies that much easier."
"But wouldn't that likewise make it easier for Connacht's forces to retaliate against us?"
"Medb may be a powerful queen, but she's no strategist. Most likely, she'll want to assemble her forces around Ulster to prepare for when I inevitably smash Scotland against Ireland."
"So it's an elaborate feint tactic with three goals in mind; to confuse Medb, to reduce the distance our armies need to travel, and to misdirect her forces away from Connacht."
"That's right. Amazing what a simple change in geography can do for battle strategies, huh?" Cuchulainn smirked sinisterly, relishing in the thought of stymieing Medb. "Granted, it's not exactly something that can ever be pulled off in any other kind of war, but since we're on floating islands that can be maneuvered, why not give it a shot?"
"I understand. I'll discuss your plans with my superiors and determine where to position our troops so as to avoid the direct impact zone."
"Excellent."
The soldier then said, "My apologies, but I have just one more inquiry. Since we have fully lost contact with Ireland, how are we supposed to gather any intel on what their movements may be? We can't exactly sabotage any efforts they may make if we can't even reach them in the first place."
Cuchulainn seemed to appear a bit impish as he assured, "Not to worry. I have a trustworthy informant in Ireland who is reporting to me directly."
"I see. If it is a confidential matter, then please excuse me for prying too much."
"No, it is a warranted concern. But I have everything under control with Ireland. There won't be any surprises under my watch. All I need is for you and your allies to handle those annoying little affairs with the Hebrides once I finish schooling those stupid colonels on who the boss is around here."
"Understood. Then by your leave."
"Wait a moment," Cuchulainn stopped him.
"Yes, sir?"
"Tell me your name and ranking."
"I am Ewan Aitken, Lieutenant-Colonel of Aviemore, under the direct service of General Cairn Cunningham of Inverness."
"One of Cunningham's boys, huh? Makes me wonder why your boss didn't want to report to me directly."
"He claimed he was preoccupied with certain military matters, and requested I attend in his stead."
"Interesting. I think I'll pop in for a bit and see what sort of 'military affairs' are more important than answering his king's summons. If I don't like his answer, expect to enjoy a promotion sometime soon, Mr. Aitken. It's precisely soldiers like you that help me get shit done around here, after all."
"…"
"All right, get back to your post. If I need you, I will call for you."
"Yes, sir," Ewan nodded, then turned on his heel and proceeded through the throne room doors. However, he actually stepped through a miniature Gate of Skye that Cuchulainn had summoned for him to instantly teleport from northern Scotland all the way to the Isle of Skye in the far west.
Once the soldier was gone, Cuchulainn exhaled a small huff and stood from his throne wielding Gae Bolg. He murmured to himself, "Okay then… Guess I better go do some annoying errands before nightfall."
