A/N: All of Sizzling Shrimp in one chapter. Lots of scenes without Sarah.

Once Chuck was acting more relaxed, I was more relaxed. He was joking, making me smile…making me forget that we weren't just two people who'd had a normal fight, like regular couples would. We talked about the mission.

He explained everything that I never saw, everything that happened to fill in the gaps in my knowledge. I did have to write my report and record my video logs, so it was something I told him he should always do. Like I said, he left out the part where he had to convince Carina to help me. Three years later, when I asked him why, he told me it was because he didn't want to hurt me by calling attention to Carina's seemingly overall disregard for my well being. Something I already knew, since Carina was a spy. She didn't function that way, not then anyway. It was about her…and sometimes her mission. No other choice in this life.

I brought up Chuck's reckless behavior, what I deemed reckless—putting himself in danger needlessly. This was now the second time he had not just stayed put when we told him. I tried to stress how valuable an asset he was, that his life was more important than mine or Casey's. I wasn't harsh. I should have been; a good handler would have been. I couldn't put aside the fact that, as frightened as he could get sometimes, rightfully so, he never let it faze him, at least where people he cared about were involved.

Did he care about me?

That thought kept me awake until far too early in the morning.

I had recorded my video log, knowing I had mentioned the olive thing, wondering if that was the right thing to do. I called him sweet. The word rolled off my tongue. Something I intellectually understood, but had never encountered in my life before. It was something my grandmother used to say about people who were kind. But he was sweet…adorable and kind and endearing without pretense. I didn't know what to do with that knowledge. I tucked it away, thinking for sure whatever else, I couldn't let it show that I thought that.

Chuck had left at a reasonable hour, telling me Ellie was home and knew he was on a fake date with me. He lingered at the door with his eyes smoldering, and I hurried him out, afraid of how I felt when he lowered his voice, making me almost shiver. I tossed and turned for hours, but I did eventually fall asleep.

I know I did because I woke up from another dream about him, and what physically woke me was an orgasm. The dream was hazy, but the end result was clear. It felt incredibly good…and then devastatingly bad. Those dreams left me empty and frustrated. I couldn't fall back to sleep. This happened more often than it didn't, even as early as this.

Another four days passed with only minor action. No dangerous missions, although Chuck did flash several times while the news was on while he was working in the Buy More. Casey and I alerted our superiors to all of them, but no immediate action was needed by us, or him. It did, however, require a lot of his time, sitting in Casey's apartment scanning through files to see if anything else made him flash.

Hence, his friend Morgan was feeling deprived of Chuck's attention. To Morgan, it seemed Chuck was choosing spending time with me over time with him. One month of this, and Morgan was, perhaps a little immaturely, jealous. Chuck compromised and agreed to "An Evening with Morgan," which was basically us taking him on a date with us. Bizarre, perhaps, but Morgan's awkward attempt to get to know me.

Sometimes I would try and figure out why Chuck and Morgan were such good friends. Ellie was incessantly annoyed and irritated by Morgan. It was almost as if Ellie somehow blamed Chuck's situation in life on Morgan, though Morgan had nothing to do with Chuck's life choices. Morgan and Chuck were very different people, but they were as close as brothers. Chuck was smart and bound for college while Morgan stayed in Burbank and started working. Had Bryce not interfered in Chuck's life the way he had, I know Chuck would have done what he ended up doing after we were married when he was out of Stanford at 22. Had Chuck started his tech/security firm nine years earlier than he did, he would have been a multi-millionaire by the time he was 26, when I met him.

Even then, though, I'm sure, Morgan and Chuck would have still been inseparable. Morgan may have been a bit immature, probably because his life had never demanded he grow up, but he knew how to be a good friend. Chuck had so little in terms of people who mattered to him, and Morgan was one of them. I didn't find out until later, but Morgan was there when Chuck's mother left, and his father left, and when he was expelled and lost his girlfriend. When it mattered most, Morgan was there for him.

Morgan got better as Chuck got better. I think he found a way to emulate the best of what he saw in Chuck and learned how to be better. Morgan grew up right before everyone's eyes. When Chuck was kidnapped by the Belgian, Morgan found the lead and then accompanied Casey to Thailand to help me. Morgan convinced Chuck to propose to me, helped plan the entire thing, sat by my bedside while I was dying from radiation poisoning, and later convinced Chuck to fight for me after I lost my memory. Now, Morgan is part of our family.

I once saw my husband rush through a wall of fire next to a helicopter that was about to explode in order to save his friend. A bounty of over four million dollars was at stake, and Chuck put Morgan first. Because they were friends. That's what friends did.

I had never had a real friend in my life. The CATs were sorry substitutes, barely friends on an entirely different level than that. We're close now, but it took time, and continued exposure to Chuck, for that to come about. Chuck's sister, Ellie, is my best friend, the first true friend I have ever made. Just as I was pretending with Chuck but somehow not really pretending, I was doing the same with Ellie. She really was my friend, even if I was pretending, even if she didn't know I was pretending. The only lies I ever told Ellie were about Chuck's spy life. Friends tell each other the truth.

So I let that event happen. If I were really Chuck's girlfriend, I would want to spend time with Chuck's friends. He knew on both levels, real and pretend, that I was being a good sport. I think he was relieved that I was so accepting, for I'm sure though Chuck's social life hadn't been all that busy before I arrived, Morgan could have hindered whatever little chance for interaction Chuck would have had. To tell the truth, I did find Morgan annoying, but I know somewhere in the back of my mind, I rationalized outside of conscious thought that if Morgan was worthy of Chuck's friendship, then deep down, he was a good guy.

I figured the night was very casual, so I tried not to overdress. My hair was long and undone and I didn't wear that much makeup. I did choose a clingy tank top, somewhat low-cut, but I put on a jacket over it. It's what a girlfriend would wear on a date with her boyfriend and his best friend, I told myself, even as I thought about Chuck when I checked my reflection in the mirror. We had plans to eat at Morgan's favorite Chinese food restaurant, the Bamboo Dragon. I drove to Chuck's apartment and we left in his Nerd Herder, since Morgan would have been too crowded in the tiny space for him in my Porsche. He drove us to Chinatown.

When we were walking, Morgan sort of always positioned himself in between Chuck and me, which ended up being fine, since the hand-holding would have been extra awkward with Morgan there. Chuck was relaxed and happy, the night seeming to take his mind off his cares and his newly complicated life. He goofed around with Morgan, pretending to do kung fu and quoting lines from movies. I was pretty relaxed too, just generally on alert for Chuck's sake, but the truth of it, I was on this date to protect the cover, not necessarily to directly protect Chuck. They made me laugh, genuine laughter that was coming from someplace inside me newly alive. It felt amazing, that ache in my side from laughing too hard.

There was a brief pause in that laughter when there was a slight misunderstanding, or at least me jumping to conclusions. Morgan happened upon someone selling illegal fireworks while we were strolling in Chinatown. I didn't know that, of course. The way Chuck was talking made me think Morgan was buying and/or using drugs. Once I figured out it was fireworks, I calmed down, and internally chastised myself for even thinking that.

The restaurant ended up being closed, which upset Morgan greatly. We were willing to just do it another night, but apparently Morgan knew the dishwasher well enough that he could sneak into the kitchen through the back way and get our order, a delicacy called sizzling shrimp. Spicy and salty, but very good. I had eaten more pizza and Chinese food in the last month than all the rest of my adult life, but I wasn't complaining. Morgan was getting the order when Chuck flashed on the waitress as she leaned over the counter to grab an order.

She was a Chinese spy.

I was anxious to get out of there, out of Chinatown and report what Chuck had seen. We drove back to his apartment but left Morgan with Ellie and rushed over to Casey's apartment to let him know what had happened. Casey was all over it, pulling out files, ready to call Beckman and Graham. Chuck was trying to just go back to his apartment and finish the night he had promised to his friend, but Casey wasn't having any of it. We got stuck there the entire night, with not so much as a phone call to tell either Morgan or Ellie where we were or what we were doing. I tried to explain that to Casey, but he was so hyper focused on the potential mission, he just didn't want to hear about anything else.

I could sense Chuck's anxiety, how pulled in two different directions he felt. He was having trouble focusing, which was rare for him. It just went to show how upset he was that he was letting his friend and his sister down. There was nothing else we could do, though. It couldn't be helped.

We didn't end up leaving Casey's until after midnight. All the lights in Chuck's apartment were out as we left through Casey's door. Chuck told me Ellie must have had to drive Morgan home, since there was no way Morgan was allowed to sleep there. Chuck knew his sister would be extra angry–both for us ditching them and then her having to drive him home. I told him to tell his sister that I started to feel sick and he ended up taking me home. I figured that explanation might ease her upset with him.

The next day Casey let me know we had authorization to stake out, looking to gather surveillance on the Chinese spy. We were instructed to take Chuck with us to see if he flashed on anything. As far as Ellie knew, we had another date, another fake date. I recovered quickly when she asked me how I was, considering I didn't know how specific Chuck got the night before when he told her I was sick. Fortunately, she bought it with no trouble.

We drove to Chinatown in Casey's SUV and parked in the alley behind the Bamboo Dragon. Chuck actually ordered take out to be delivered to the SUV. His inexperience once again, but it did crack me up, so much so that I had to suppress a giggle. Casey was irked, and for some reason, when Chuck antagonized him, it was funny, like a prank pulled on a school teacher. Casey was not, nor would he be now if he heard that, amused.

Eventually, Mei Ling emerged. We followed her as she rode away on her motorcycle. It appeared she was following Ben Lo Pan, a Chinese business owner we saw leave the restaurant. To counteract Casey's ire, I instructed Chuck on proper tailing procedure, when following a vehicle. Whenever I could, I explained what we were doing to Chuck. It seemed like him going on missions with us was becoming a regular habit, and he was technically a civilian, with no training whatsoever. What I could teach him, I did.

We followed Mei Ling as she followed Lo Pan. Chuck flashed on her gun. This was another time that Chuck made an assumption based on a flash that ended up being incorrect. He told us she was there to assassinate Lo Pan, telling us it was factual, when in fact he had inferred it from the bits of information in his flash.

Casey and I decided to go in, hoping to prevent Mei Ling from doing what Chuck told us she was planning on doing. We told him to stay in the car. Famous last words, right? Yeah, to be honest, in five years I can only think of one time when he actually stayed where we told him to stay. But that's all water under the bridge once again.

The bar Mei Ling followed Lo Pan into was crowded. Casey and I were surprised by the guard at the door, asking us if we were on the list. Casey was reaching for his credentials, but never said out loud what he was doing and the guard pulled a gun on us. He told the guard we were federal agents, which may or may not have been the smartest thing to say, but he was just thinking fast at the moment. I tried to warn the guard that Lo Pan was in danger. He made us face the wall. Casey and I exchanged glances, communicating with our eyes what we planned to do once our backs were turned. The guard moved to frisk us.

Casey's arm shot backwards, disarming the guard and sending him flying backward. A roundhouse kick from me straight in the center of his chest sent him sprawling. We ran inside just as Mei Ling appeared to be making her move, in what appeared to be an assassination attempt. I yelled "Gun," and then all hell broke loose. She started shooting, double fisted, at Lo Pan's table. The table overturned, dishes shattered, and people screamed and scattered. Casey and I ended up hunkering down behind an overturned table. I told Casey that they thought we were with her, considering we happened to show up at the same time, so to be cautious to not kill anyone we were supposed to be protecting with friendly fire. Lo Pan got away in his wheelchair in the mayhem.

Mei Ling ran out of the club after him. Casey and I followed. We ran to the SUV where Chuck was supposed to be waiting for us, and it was empty. I was angry, frustrated, and worried all at the same time. We charged around the corner, where we had just heard tires screeching. I saw Chuck, his back to us, standing on the sidewalk with Mei Ling, still with two guns in her hands. My adrenaline spiked and I leveled my weapon at her, telling her we were federal agents. Chuck interfered, stepping in between us and her, warning us off. She disappeared around the corner.

I ran to Chuck first, and asked him if he was ok. Like I said, I was angry that he didn't listen, frustrated that he was always seeming to make my job more difficult, but most importantly, always most importantly, I was worried about him. At this point, I was still telling myself it was because he was my asset and it was my job. But what was driving me in those moments was never my dedication to the CIA or Graham or anything other than the thought of seeing something horrible happened to him. I would flash on potential images–Chuck shot, bleeding, dead. I had lived like that with Bryce for two years and I had never once worried more than a fleeting moment about his safety. I was much more fatalistic about Bryce, much like I was about myself. But Chuck was different.

His life was not forfeit, some half-lived sentence of eternal misery like mine was, or maybe even like Sam's was. Bryce was still a betrayer to me here, but in retrospect, his life was just the same. He chose this life, but beholden to some grandiose goal that he needed to prove to the world about his heroism, about his larger-than-life persona. Chuck had potential, potential that Bryce had sabotaged for whatever reason I still didn't know. He was kind, and sweet, like I'd noted before. He was the type of hypothetical person I had told myself I could do this job to save–an innocent. Only he wasn't a random, faceless dot in a crowd. He was real, flesh and blood, and I just knew that no matter what, the world was far better for having him in it. My job wasn't just to protect the U.S. government's asset, it was to keep him alive.

He told us that Mei Ling had actually been on a mission to rescue her brother, apparently something she had explained when Chuck confronted her. He took it personally that he made a mistake, misinterpreting the intelligence he flashed on. Casey and I drove him home and the entire ride he was quiet and sullen, riddled with guilt. I did think it was unusual for a spy of Mei Ling's stature to do something like that…a personal mission like that. As spies, we were always expected to put everything else aside, including family ties. We dropped Chuck off and then made the report to our superiors to try and find evidence that corroborated her story.

Chuck had made plans with Morgan that he had missed because the stake out went awry, which only made him feel worse. He was grumbling about being a bad spy and a bad friend. I tried to offer encouragement, but he really couldn't listen. I left Casey's very late and went home myself to sleep, but I reported to his apartment first thing in the morning to check.

Everything Chuck said about Mei Ling was true. The local Triad had kidnapped her brother and she was rogue, in the United States on an unsanctioned mission, because the Chinese government refused to bargain. Casey had confirmed the CIA and NSA were also not willing to assist in any way. We were waiting for Chuck in the courtyard to explain.

Casey was waiting at his door. He looked a little frazzled and his eyes looked tired, like he hadn't slept that well. I continued explaining, but his countenance upset me. I was unaware that I was even doing it until he gave me this leery face, but I was picking lint off his shoulder and straightening a few errant curls on his forehead. I linked my arm in his as we strolled. I can say now that I know whenever he looked like that, upset about something he thought of as a personal failure, I had this almost overwhelming desire to touch him. It would become something I had to learn to contain. It was my subconscious way of trying to comfort him, hating that he thought of anything he did in the spy world as a failure when he already was so hard on himself for everything else, and given his relative inexperience, nothing he did like that was ever a complete, utter failure. He was too smart for that.

He got very agitated when he realized that we were done with Mei Ling and her brother as far as our missions were concerned. He totally blamed himself, even though I made sure to tell him the responsibility lay solely on Mei Ling herself for disobeying orders. He argued, telling me that he would have done the same thing for his sister. I know he would, in a heartbeat. Ellie was the most important thing in his life. He was identifying with Mei Ling, empathizing with her. It was contrary to everything that I had ever learned, but it was how he operated.

I tried to placate him, telling him I knew how he felt. That it was hard for me when I first started. It was, but in a different way, a way I could never explain to him, not like this. Not knowing who was the real danger, if my orders were serving the greater good or just some larger agenda I knew nothing about. All emotions had to be jettisoned from inside in order to do this work. That was what I was trying to tell him by telling him we couldn't save everyone. It was something I'd had to tell myself in order to ever fall asleep at night.

The next day, Chuck and Casey showed up at the Wienerlicious for an impromptu lunch break. Chuck started by asking if getting Mei Ling to defect was an option in order for us to offer assistance with her mission. It was a good idea, even if it had a low probability of actually happening. I was suspicious, though. He seemed agitated again, a little more nervous than usual. It was like pulling teeth, but he eventually told us she had called him at the Buy More and was most likely surveilling him because she knew his every move. Casey and I took off running.

We searched the Buy More for a while, with no luck. About ten minutes passed. Out of the blue, Casey came running past me, yelling about the storage cage and a delivery. We ran into the back room with guns blazing. I was concerned at first that we would be blowing our covers, but the back room was deserted, except for Chuck and Mei Ling.

She grabbed Chuck, spun him around, and aimed her gun at his head. He was struggling to stay upright in an awkward position, which made me nervous just looking at him, with the gun so close. He was a good ten inches taller than Mei Ling, so she had to yank him down almost into a semi backbend. I kept a close watch on his footing, ready to lunge if he slipped and startled her.

Chuck brought up the possibility of defecting while he was still in her clutches. She was against it…because it meant never seeing her brother again. Chuck reasoned with her, speaking from his heart, in a way that another person like Casey or even me couldn't have done. Nothing mattered to either one of us as much as the mission. Being the devil's advocate if you will, Mei Ling's closeness to her brother had been the very vulnerability the Triad had exploited. Care about no one, no one could be used as leverage against you. Fortunately for her, she had found a rare kindred spirit in Chuck.

She agreed to the terms and we started to devise a plan to rescue her brother. We coordinated inside Casey's apartment. Chuck said he had important plans with his sister, so it was just the three of us. I told Casey that, but all he did was look at me like I had three heads. Chuck's plans didn't matter. He called Chuck and asked him to come and look everything over to see if he flashed on anything. Chuck showed up with a tray of guacamole and chips, courtesy of Ellie.

He overheard us talking about the security cameras and immediately offered without prodding that he was familiar with the model Lo Pan was using. I don't think it even crossed his mind that offering that information would get him enlisted to help us. He just always said things like that, trying to be as helpful as possible at all times. He got upset again about his plans, but he relented, because he knew it was life or death for Mei Ling's brother, and he still felt responsible somehow. I told him he needed to stay in the van, for real this time.

The three of us, Casey, Mei Ling and I, breached the compound while Chuck stayed in the spy van. This was the most we had ever asked him to do. We were equipped with earwigs and lipstick cameras that Chuck was overseeing while he was in the van. I gave him a brief tutorial about how they operated. Chuck is the kind of person who you only need to explain something to once and he immediately understands. I knew this about him already here, and was counting on that.

Casey disabled the security system and replaced the surveillance feed with a static loop. Chuck was guiding us through Lo Pan's security one group at a time. We moved through several guards with little effort. As we approached Lo Pan's office, our surveillance had been disabled, so that Chuck couldn't see. We were overrun with Lo Pan's guards, five armed men who completely disarmed all three of us. They brought out Mei Ling's brother and then Lo Pan said he was using Casey and me to bargain with the government. (Not that the government would have actually done anything. We were as good as dead.)

Lo Pan's men cuffed us and took us out of the mansion. We were loaded into a Bamboo Dragon delivery van. I motioned to Casey with my eyes, concerned about Chuck now that he was alone without backup. One of the guards pushed me and I fell onto my knees. I exaggerated the motion, giving Casey time to tell Chuck to leave and get himself to safety.

But of course, just the other night I had explained to Chuck how to tail someone. Just once, and he was good. He followed the van to the Bamboo Dragon, disobeying Casey's orders. This time it wasn't just me, or me and Casey, but the innocent man he felt responsible for as well.

It was a brief ride in the van, dark because there were no windows. They dragged us into the Bamboo Dragon and put all four of us in the walk-in freezer. I think about ten minutes passed. Suddenly, Chuck opened the freezer door. I could hear the sound of fireworks whistling and popping. I don't know what my face looked like, but he made sure to tell me I could yell at him later. We undid our bindings, made sure Chuck and Mei Ling's brother were safely hidden, and then we engaged Lo Pan's guards.

It was close quarters fighting in the kitchen. We used pots, pans, and knives. Casey bashed a few heads into doors and I think even threw someone over the grill onto the floor. While we were fighting, Chuck saw Lo Pan trying to get away again, and went after him on his own. Ill-advised and unsafe, but something he did because he was working as part of the team, doing what he could in the situation.

Casey called in the cavalry and the cleaners. He got the go ahead from the NSA to start the paperwork rolling for Mei Ling. By the time we left the Bamboo Dragon, it was close to midnight again and whatever plans Chuck had with Ellie were ruined for what seemed like the third night in a row. He was uneasy when we dropped him off.

The next day Ellie dropped by the Wienerlicious while I was working. She had just come from shopping at the Buy More. She invited me for dinner that night with her and Chuck. What she said to me was odd, and it stuck out. Chuck missed mother's day last night and we decided to do a re-do tonight so I thought it would be nice if you and Morgan could come.

She had said it like I knew what that meant, but I didn't. Mother's Day? At the end of October? I played along like I knew, thinking it must have been something Chuck would have mentioned to me if I were his real girlfriend. I started to object, thinking if she had wanted to be with just Chuck the night before and it had been ruined by his absence, having me there now seemed an imposition. She wouldn't take no for an answer. That was the first of many times I have seen Ellie in her element like that.

We left our cover jobs to see to Mei Ling's transfer and her brother's safe escort. I didn't bring up Ellie's invitation while we were there. He apologized to us for not staying in the van. I couldn't be angry at him, even though he had still worried me. He did so much good, turning China's top spy, saving her brother, saving us. He didn't think he was brave, but Chuck showed courage doing that. Courage isn't about not being afraid. It's about being afraid and still doing what needs to be done. He just needed to believe in himself a little more, instead of believing his inner critic who believed he was cowardly.

Later that night, I showed up for dinner at Ellie and Chuck's apartment. Devon was working, so it was the four of us, Ellie, Chuck, Morgan and me. Chuck answered the door and took my coat for me. I asked Chuck what it meant, why Ellie had said Mother's Day when she invited me.

I had asked him while his back was turned, while he was hanging up my coat on the rack next to the door. He turned back to answer me. I noticed it immediately, the change in him.

"Yes, Mother's Day. You don't really know…" He started. His shoulders drooped and his face went slack. He shifted his eyes down to the floor and continued, "Mother's Day is the anniversary of the day…our mom…left us." His voice was tight, low, and his brows furrowed.

I had sensed all along there was…something. Why there were no pictures other than of Chuck and Ellie. Why they never talked about their parents at all, in any conversation. Why the CIA had no information about anyone in his family other than Ellie. Because Ellie was literally all that Chuck had.

"Our dad was here, but he was never really here," he continued. "So, now, every year we celebrate the day we learned how to take care of ourselves." This tiny little grin appeared, but the sadness never left his eyes.

That was the second time he had really talked to me, like I was his real girlfriend. This time was more significant, it seemed. Everyone around Chuck had mentioned Bryce and Jill and Stanford multiple times in the month that I'd been around Chuck. His parents had never even been whispered about. I felt honored that he told me that, something that was obviously a serious problem that had shaped his life when he was very young.

Standing there, looking at him, all I felt was this radiant heat, burning against my breastbone, with the sensation of a strobe light. I couldn't have described it then if anyone had asked. I know now it was love, this amazing feeling of connection to him like I had never known with another human being.

I never said a word about my life, but I understood right then that if I had told him, he would have understood. We were more alike than we were different, our scars different but caused by very similar things. It reminded me how acutely aware I was of the wounds caused by my loneliness. At the same time, for the very first time, I felt like, instead of just adding another bandage over the same wound, he helped mine begin to heal. The process was slow, mind you, but the wound had been hurting me for so long I had almost forgotten what it was like to not feel it. The very first time I noticed it was when I was standing there with him–it had begun to ease, just a little.

Instead of covering it up, Chuck had shown me his own wound of the same sort out in the light. He lived with them open to the air. That was how he chose to live. He left his heart open, even when it had been broken. That was the most courageous thing about Chuck. He could have ended up like me, but he didn't. He was brave enough to live even when it was unbearably painful, instead of shutting down like I had. That was the kind of courage I wished I had. It took some time, but he taught me how to not be afraid. That was the most important thing I ever learned.