Open up the door
Anna pushed the door to the small café open and held it for her sister to enter. She watched Elsa look around and then offered her to pick the table. Anna had a favourite spot — a small booth on a corner — but she thought it was better to let Elsa choose wherever she'd feel more comfortable. The place wasn't exactly crowded, but there were more people than Anna had anticipated. Elsa choosing how far from the rest of the people she wanted to be seated was their best bet, especially considering what had happened the previous evening at the restaurant.
Elsa walked to one of the booths next to the main window and Anna smiled. The view of the fjord was wonderful from there and the seats were more comfortable than the rest of the chairs.
It was safe to say it was Anna's second favourite spot. Elsa sat down and looked around the place. The atmosphere was calm and Anna knew her sister was somewhat comfortable so far, which was a relief. She wasn't blind afterall, she noticed Elsa had been a lot more alert and nervous than she usually was in the last few days; and for that reason, she wanted her to enjoy their time together. Anna had wanted to talk to her and ask her what was wrong since the night before, but she guessed Elsa would talk to her when she felt ready to do so.
"Menu?" A familiar voice said next to them and Anna turned to greet her friend Fredrik. He had been her classmate during the first year of university, but he had chosen to drop out to develop his cooking skills. Since then, he had been working part-time as a waiter there, giving Anna another reason to visit the café as often as she could. She loved the man to pieces and his presence was always comforting.
"Fredrik, hi!" she said standing up to give the man a short hug and taking the menu off his hands. "Sure thing. This is my sister. Elsa." Anna pointed to her sister with the menu, who offered the man a shy smile and a greeting that was barely audible.
"Sister? Wow, it's nice to meet you," he said with a big smile as he handed her a second menu. "I didn't know Anna had a sister. I haven't seen you around before, have I?"
"Umm… no." Elsa took the menu and barely made eye contact with him as she answered. "I don't live here."
Anna rolled her eyes at Elsa's shyness but didn't say anything. She knew it was probably a lot more difficult for Elsa to interact than it had ever been to her, but it didn't mean she was going to stop Fredrik from starting a conversation with her sister. Elsa could use the practice of socialising, and the man was the perfect test-subject. Sweet, caring and understanding. If Marshall weren't Anna's first choice for Elsa, she was certain Fredik would be it.
While Fredrik asked Elsa a few questions about the place she lived and such, Anna took the time to peek at the menu and search for something simple to eat. She was starving, but she didn't have much money in her bag. She had left the house in a hurry after oversleeping and she hadn't thought about the possibility of eating out. To her good luck, she had enough to buy one of her favourite things from the menu.
"Coffee and brunost for me," Anna said, handing the menu back to Fredrik and distracting him from the mostly one-sided conversation he was having with Elsa. Elsa would appreciate not being Fredrik's centre of attention for a moment.
"Right," he said, grabbing the menu. "Elsa? What about you?"
"Just water, thanks."
Anna opened her eyes in surprise at that. She remembered Elsa saying she could eat something, and even if she hadn't found something that she liked, at least she could enjoy a cup of coffee. "Are you sure?"
"Our coffee is really good. Or maybe a cup of tea?" offered Fredrik.
"Water's fine. Thank you." She smiled at him and handed him the menu as well.
"Alright. Your loss," Fredrik said with a laugh before he carried on with his job.
"Are you sure you don't want something else?"
"It's fine," she said, nodding her head. "I'm not really hungry."
"I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't be able to keep standing after lunchtime if I didn't eat something."
"I ate a big breakfast."
The way Elsa didn't look at her and picked at the bandages on her injured hand told Anna she wasn't being entirely honest. Not to mention Elsa rarely had more than a cup of coffee for breakfast. But she thought it was best not to discuss it right then. She'd rather have those conversations in private and enjoy their time together talking about more interesting things than her diet.
"You being in the city reminds me of the time you spent at Kristoff's apartment," Anna said instead. She had thought about it the night before, but they hadn't really talked throughout dinner to comment on it.
"At least I'm not using those damn crutches this time," Elsa said with a smile.
Nodding eagerly, Anna agreed. "That's a relief. To be honest, I couldn't stand the guilt I felt whenever I saw you crutching your way around his apartment."
"How many times have I told you," Elsa said as serious as possible. "It wasn't your fault."
"Are you back to your physical best already?" It had been long since Anna gave Elsa's health a second thought. Her worries for Elsa's leg had disappeared as soon as more serious things had happened in their lives. Only now she realised she hadn't asked Elsa about it in the last month or so.
"Almost. I'll be in perfect shape by the time winter starts, I guess."
"I'm sure Marsh will make sure you are. He hasn't missed a single training day since you asked for his help. I wonder why that is…" Anna said, mischievously. But to her disappointment, Elsa didn't react the way she was expecting. She only shrugged at her and the smile dropped from her face.
Anna wanted to ask if something was wrong, but Elsa talked before she could make up her mind. "Those days feel like forever ago."
"What days?" Was she talking about the days she spent training with Marshall? Anna was certain she had seen them training together only last week.
"The days I spent at Kristoff's apartment."
"No wonder. A lot has happened since… I'm moving in with Kristoff, to say something." A big smile drew on her face involuntarily. There was so much more she wanted to tell Elsa. She wanted to show her the ring and tell her about all the wonderful ideas she had come up with for her wedding in only forty-eight hours. But she couldn't. Kristoff and she agreed it was for the best to wait. So, she'd take the second best option out there and talk about moving in with him.
Once again, Elsa's face contorted with something akin to pain. "Anna, about yesterday… I am happy you and Kristoff are moving in together. I'm sorry it didn't seem like it last night. You make each other happy and that's all that matters to me."
"I know," Anna said honestly. "Thank you." She hadn't taken Elsa's disinterest personally. She already knew Elsa was in favour of their relationship. And it was clear something else was occupying her mind, even right at that moment. Anna only wished she knew what it was.
"Are you going to start looking for an apartment soon?"
"I told Kristoff his apartment was perfect for us to live in, but he wants us to have our own place. So… I guess we are. Your brother is the sweetest man on earth." A new smile Anna couldn't hide drew on her face.
A smile Elsa couldn't quite share. "You clearly didn't share a house with him when he was a teenager."
Anna laughed out loud at that. It was so unusual to hear Elsa talk about her days in the Bjorgman's household, it almost seemed like she had never lived with them. "Will you help us move?"
"Sure. It's not like I have anything else going on in my life anyway."
That couldn't be farther from the truth, Anna thought. Only four days ago Elsa kept rearranging the time their class would begin since she couldn't fit her in her schedule. In between training and planning her business, as well as fixing her winter gear, Elsa almost didn't have time to complete her homework. "How long will you be staying in town?"
"I'm not sure…" She was hesitant and Anna wondered, not for the first time, why she was suddenly so dubitative. "A couple of days. A week, maybe?"
"You should stay in town for another month." If she was going to spend some time away from the mountain for whatever reason. Then it was best to take advantage of it.
Elsa was once again pulling at her bandages but raised her head to understand better what Anna was talking about. "Huh?"
"Yesterday, I called the school that's in charge of holding the exams this year. It's one of the primary schools I've been visiting as part of my teaching practice."
She was happy it was one of the good schools. It meant they had big classrooms and enough space for Elsa to feel comfortable while she took the exam. Anna would have hoped for the exams to take place before regular classes began, but at least it gave them a couple more weeks for Elsa to prepare. "The exams are taking place the third week of September. The exam fee is 3700 kr."
Before Elsa could answer, Fredrik interrupted them by bringing their order to the table. A steamy cup of coffee and brunost Anna so desperately wanted, and a plain glass of water. Once again Anna wondered why Elsa insisted on skipping meals like that, but it wasn't her place to ask. At least not then and there.
"Thanks," she said with a smile to her friend and carried on with her conversation. "I know what you're going to say, it's less than a month away. I know!" She repeated, sensing Elsa was about to protest. "But I assure you, you're more than ready. We'll practise using mock exams and revising the things you don't feel comfortable doing on your own. It's more than enough time. Especially if you stay in town! I could go to your parents' house once I finish studying for the day. What do you say?"
She couldn't hide her excitement. It was the first time she was helping someone study for something important. Truly important. And she knew how smart her sister was, if she was honest, she couldn't wait to see Elsa's happiness once she got her first diploma.
"Anna, about that…" As soon as Elsa said those words, Anna knew something bad was coming. "Maybe I shouldn't sit for the exam."
"What? You're kidding, right?"
"Umm… no."
Elsa wasn't even looking at her and Anna felt like slapping her sister. She wasn't in favour of teaching with violence, but sometimes Elsa put her convictions to the test. "Elsa, we've been studying for over six months. Why on earth would you drop out now?"
Elsa took her time to answer. She pulled at her bandages, she drank some water and only then dared to answer, "What's the point of getting a diploma if I'm not doing anything with it?"
"Not doing anything?" Once again her instinct told Anna to slap some sense into her sister. How could someone so smart be so incredibly dumb all of a sudden. "You do remember why we started, right? You wanted to be someone. To have the chance to choose where to work. You were tired of being dismissed without a second glance. Westergaard wouldn't even look at you and you're the best ski instructor in the mountain, for crying out loud. A diploma would make a huge difference."
"I know but—"
"No. No buts," Anna said with a frown. Maybe what Elsa needed was some tough love. Maybe it was due time someone put their foot down. She knew she was sounding a lot more angry than she actually was, but it was needed. "You've been studying for months. You can't back down now."
"Why are you so mad?"
Elsa was surprised to say the least. But she was finally looking at her, and that was good. "Because you don't even want to try. You're taking this test."
She took another sip from her glass of water and calmly explained, "Even if I wanted to, I haven't got the money."
"It's 3700 kr," Anna scoffed.
"I can't pay that."
"Yes, you can. It's not that much money." She thought her sister could do better than use that kind of excuse. Those tests weren't nearly as expensive as she imagined. Any other test doubled its price easily. But Anna's smile dropped as soon as she noticed the anger in her sister's face.
"No, Anna, I can't." Her voice was still calm, but there was some resentment in the way she uttered each word. "I haven't worked in over a year. I've been on a budget since last winter. And I still owe money to the man who sold me the snowmobile. He was really understanding when he found out I had an accident, but I can't owe him the money forever. Even if I wanted to ignore the fact I owe money to Mr. Karlsson, I've got no money left. I can't pay 3700 kr."
Suddenly the glass of water in front of Elsa made a lot more sense. Elsa had said she wanted to eat, but the idea disappeared as soon as they sat down in the café. A café that was a bit too expensive even for Anna herself. She felt like an ass for taking her sister places she could only enjoy because she was using their father's money.
Anna looked at the table and the brunost toast in front of her wasn't as appetising as it was a mere minute ago.
Not knowing exactly what to say without drawing attention to the clear injustice of it all, Anna continued the conversation trying to find a solution. After all, education could give Elsa a boost. "What about Kai or Gerda? They could lend you some money, right?"
"No," Elsa said with certainty. It was clear she had pondered the idea of asking for help with her finances before and it wasn't an option she felt comfortable with. "I'm not going to ask Kai or Gerda to lend me money for an exam that I'm sure I'm going to fail."
A retired nurse and a policeman. It was old news that those jobs didn't pay as well as they should. The salaries allowed a small family to live more or less comfortably, but that was about it. More than once Kristoff had mentioned the fact Gerda and Kai meant to adopt just one kid at the time. Elsa hadn't been part of their plan until she showed up in their lives. Much like it had happened with her biological family, Elsa had been a surprise. The only difference was Kai and Gerda had welcomed her into their lives despite the circumstances.
Anna could see why Elsa would rather avoid asking for their money. Regardless of what she usually said, Elsa wasn't stupid nor slow. She had a sharp eye and mind. Anna guessed she had put two and two together too early. It made Anna wonder if leaving the Bjorgmans' house at eighteen had ever been what Elsa truly wanted or she had given her adoptive parents an easy way out.
Anna couldn't help but think about her parents at that moment. She was certain they would offer Elsa everything she needed, everything she wanted, if only she asked. Sadly, as far as she knew, Elsa was still adamant to the idea of talking to them. But even if Elsa didn't feel comfortable asking for the money, she still had the right to try to find a way to pay for her studies. Education was one of the basic rights any person should have. Elsa deserved it. "Elsa. If money is such a big deal," she said tentatively. "we can ask dad to pay for—"
"No. Don't even think about it." The severe tone of her voice surprised Anna, who suddenly found herself lost for words. The mere mention of their father had never made Elsa react so negatively.
"He'll be glad to help you," she tried again.
"I'm not accepting his money," Elsa said. "I don't want to owe him anything."
The resolution in Elsa's eyes was something Anna hadn't seen before, and she wondered just how much Elsa truly despised her parents. It pained Anna deeply to think of it. "You wouldn't owe him the money."
"Maybe not," she agreed. Part of Elsa knew it was true Agdar could help her. "But I'd owe him a favour…" Elsa moved the glass of water in front of her from one side to the other on the table, gathering her thoughts. "Somehow, that's even worse."
No matter how much she wanted to understand and put herself in Elsa's shoes, the way she talked about her parents struck a nerve inside of Anna. They had made mistakes, that was true. They had even made more mistakes while they tried to fix their original mistakes, that was also true. But even so, they were still people. Good people. And no matter what, she loved them.
"You don't like dad. I get it. But you're still talking about my father. I'd like for you to be a bit more considerate."
Elsa opened her mouth to complain, but promptly closed it. She took a deep breath and said, "I'm not sitting for the exam."
Her sister had tried to move the conversation away from their parents, drawing attention back to the test. But her certainty only made one thing clear to Anna: She'd rather waste a good opportunity than forgive their parents.
"I can't believe it," Anna said, exasperatedly. "You don't need to be so proud, you know? You'd rather throw away a good chance in your life, probably one of the only few good chances you've ever got, than accept dad's help." She shook her head a few times, not understanding Elsa's reasoning. "If you would let mum and dad in, you'd realise they're not as bad as you think."
As soon as Anna saw the pain and anger written all over Elsa's face, she realised she'd made a mistake.
"Easy for you to say, they love you," Elsa said in a low voice. One Anna could barely hear over the bustling café.
"They love you too, you know…" Anna no longer knew if it was best to try convincing Elsa or simply let the matter slip; but she always felt the need to try. At least to make sure Elsa knew she was loved.
With knitted brows, Elsa drank the last of her water. She opened her mouth to answer but no words came out. She turned around and looked at the door by the time a group of people entered the place. The coffee shop was getting crowded by the minute and Anna knew it was a matter of time until Elsa decided to leave, especially now that things weren't going smoothly between them.
"Whatever it is they ever felt for me is not love," Elsa said when she turned to look at Anna once again. "Regret, maybe. Or shame. But not love."
"Don't be ridiculous," Anna said as a reflex before she could think her words more carefully.
Elsa looked her straight in the eye and Anna noticed how her anger slowly transformed into deep sadness. A sadness Anna hadn't seen in Elsa's eyes since that first night at the mountain, the first night they talked to each other as sisters.
After that, Anna realised it was due time she learnt when to shut her mouth. "Elsa, I —" she tried to say to fix her mistake, but the damage was already done and Elsa's mind was already made up.
"It doesn't matter."
A yell or a slap would have hurt Anna less than the resignation on Elsa's voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"
"I said it doesn't matter."
A new group of people entered the place and Anna noticed the way Elsa's arms tensed when they sat down in the booth at her back. It was clear their presence felt too overbearing, so Elsa pushed the table to make herself some room and leave. "I can't discuss this here. I've got to go."
And with that, she left the café.
Anna remained seated, watching Elsa leave and trying to come up with something worth saying before she went after her. She didn't mind Elsa leaving. She knew it was probably the best she could do to avoid an incident. But still, Anna couldn't help but feel like an enormous arse for arguing with Elsa about something she couldn't comprehend. She was nobody to tell Elsa how to feel about the people who abandoned her.
"Is your sister okay?"
Fredrik's voice startled Anna, and she looked at him for a moment before she answered, "Yes. She's just having a bad day." Taking some coins and notes out of her pocket, she offered them to Fredrik. "Will this be enough to cover—?"
"Sure," he said, not even counting the money, as he pointed towards the door with his head.
Anna smiled at him and left the café in a hurry, hoping Elsa was waiting for her outside.
As soon as Anna left the café she began searching for Elsa. To her bad luck, her sister wasn't waiting outside as she had hoped. Anna knew it was kind of dumb on her part to think she would stay so close to the crowded café, but part of Anna wanted to believe things didn't always have to be so difficult with Elsa. Sighing tiredly, Anna began walking down the pedestrian street that went along the fjord's coast, retracing the steps they both had walked earlier that day.
The more she thought about everything that had happened, the more Anna realised she should have picked her words more carefully. Not to mention she should've given Elsa the chance to choose for herself what she wanted to do about the test. Bringing up the possibility of their father lending her the money had been, by far, her stupidest idea. All in all, if only she had been more patient, maybe her sister wouldn't have left so suddenly. Their stupid argument had only served the purpose of making Elsa uncomfortable a lot faster. Even if at some point she began to feel uncomfortable with all the people, Anna was certain Elsa would have waited for her before leaving. As she continued walking, the idea of Elsa being long gone began to make more sense, and Anna hated it. She had seriously tried to avoid any negative topic in hopes Elsa would spend one day in the city as any other person. But the more she got to know her sister, the more she understood "any-other-person" was not a way she could ever describe her.
By the time she was about to turn around and leave in a different direction, she spotted Elsa in the distance. She was leaning on the balustrade that overlooked the fjord, completely unaware of her surroundings. By the look of it, Anna could tell her sister was feeling a lot worse than she had earlier and Anna couldn't help but feel a lot worse. Elsa was hiding most of her face in the crook of her arms and her eyes were lost, looking beyond the horizon line.
"There you are…" Anna said, approaching slowly. Truth was she could barely contain her need to get to Elsa and apologise. She didn't know if it'd make any difference, but she wanted to try. "Look, I'm so—"
"I'm sorry." Elsa interrupted Anna before she could finish. It was obvious she had been a lot more aware of her surroundings than she had imagined.
"What?"
"I'm sorry I stormed out," Elsa said as she pushed herself off the balustrade. Looking at Anna straight in the eye, she continued, "I– I'm an idiot. I know you're trying to help me. It's just… I really can't do it, Anna."
Anna wasn't sure what Elsa was talking about. It could be about the test or about asking their parents for help, but Anna didn't care about those things anymore. There was a lot more than their argument behind Elsa's eyes. A sadness — or was it anger? — that Anna couldn't really explain. No matter how incredibly idiotic or insistent she behaved around Elsa in the past, her sister rarely seemed so hurt. Elsa would get mad at times, sure. But never had Anna seen so much sorrow or resentment in her look. It was a relief to know it wasn't directed at her, exactly. But it was needless to say that it worried her deeply anyway.
"Why are you apologising to me?" Anna asked, confused. "I was the one who wouldn't stop insisting on the matter— I'm sorry, Els. I know how smart you are. I feel like you're wasting a good opportunity. That's all."
Elsa turned to the sea once again and stayed silent as she watched the waves crashing on the shore. It was clear she wasn't sure what to say.
Trying in vain to keep the conversation going, Anna offered, "Kristoff and I will be a bit short on money during the next few months — with the moving and all. But maybe we could find a way to lend you some money if you need." Perhaps the test was already forgotten, but not Elsa's money predicament.
Not taking her eyes off the shore below, Elsa shook her head. "It doesn't matter. It wouldn't make a difference. It's not like I can live a normal life anyway."
It was hard to read Elsa when her walls were up so high; though, this time, Anna was determined to help her. "What do you mean?"
"I can't live the way you do," Elsa said, looking at her for a moment. She then turned and leant on the balustrade again and pointed to the people walking by the dock below. "The way all these people do. It's just no use."
Leaning by her side, Anna looked at the people working by the dock. "Most of those people don't have life all figured out, you know?" Anna said, trying to give Elsa some comfort; if it was possible to call it that. "I know they haven't gone through the things you have, but still… Grass isn't always greener on the other side.
"Maybe," Elsa reluctantly agreed. "But they are not a constant threat to those they love."
At that, Anna turned to the side to look at Elsa. She was still looking at the dock, completely unaware of the implication of what she had said. A simple sentence told Anna more than she had expected Elsa to say. "Two days ago you were planning a business," Anna began, trying to find the words to explain her sudden worry. "You had so many things you wanted to do, you couldn't find the time for us to study. You seemed fine. I'd dare say you were fine. And now…" She looked at Elsa, waiting for a confirmation of some kind. "Now it's the opposite."
Anna gave Elsa a few seconds to take every word in. She noticed the way she frowned as she spoke, but she was glad to see Elsa didn't complain. On the contrary, she let her continue, silently agreeing with her words. "It's hard to ignore how gloomy you've been these last two days. And it's hard for me not to worry when you suddenly choose to throw away everything you've been working on these past few months. So, you may understand why I need to ask you this… did something happen?"
Elsa didn't look at her and simply shook her head no.
It didn't take a genius to notice she was lying. "I care about you, I could help."
"No, you can't," Elsa said after a moment in silence. She was still avoiding Anna's eyes, but at least she was admitting what was crystal clear: something had happened.
"You don't know that," Anna said, hoping to change the way Elsa looked at things. "You should give me a chance."
After finding the courage to look at her, Elsa dared to say, "I don't even know where to begin…"
"It doesn't matter where you begin, just try to say something. Try to talk to someone." Anna felt her impatience talking over and she no longer cared if she wasn't the one who could help Elsa out of her misery. She needed her sister to seek help. "If not me, then Kristoff. Or Gerda."
"I can't," Elsa said in the brink of tears.
She was finally looking at her and Anna felt her confidence drain away. What if she opened a wound Elsa was not ready to heal? What if forcing Elsa to talk so close to other people was a mistake? But even if those things worried Anna, the despair in her eyes were a cry for help Anna couldn't ignore.
"Come with me," Anna said, pulling Elsa from her good hand. "It's quieter down there."
"Anna…" Elsa tried to complain, but followed her nonetheless.
Anna walked fast, faster than she had in a long time. Elsa's hand was colder than she had imagined and it was beginning to burn. It was far from causing any damage; but still, the last thing her sister needed was to notice her discomfort. She walked down the stairs of the waterfront. They led straight onto the beach that was in the opposite direction of the dock.
They walked on the beach until they found an empty place. The bad weather was perfect for them since nobody was crazy enough to be sitting by the sea on such a cloudy day.
"See?" Anna said once they found a secluded spot to sit. "It's just you and me here. Can you please tell me what's going on? I only want to help."
Elsa stayed silent, though she didn't leave. She simply sat by Anna's side.
"What happened?" Anna insisted.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay…" She tried to come up with something else to ask as she remembered the way Gerda always got the truth out of her. "Then tell me how you feel."
Sighing deeply, Elsa surrendered to Anna's demands and admitted, "I'm tired, I guess."
"Tired?"
"Yes."
"You want me to believe you're just tired?"
"Not lack-of-sleep tired," Elsa said, exasperatedly. "More like… sick-of-life kind of tired."
"What?!" The moment she made up her mind about helping Elsa, Anna promised herself she wouldn't let her emotions show too much. Something she failed miserably at as soon as Elsa began to open up.
But, to her good luck, Elsa didn't react. She simply answered her question. "I'm tired of trying to fit into this world. Life keeps reminding me I'm not supposed to, and I'm just… tired."
Gathering herself and trying not to jump to alarming conclusions, Anna took a few deep breaths and asked, "What do you mean by that?"
"I'm tired of pretending I'm normal." Elsa hugged her legs close to her body and took a deep breath as well. "I just want to be normal."
"You are normal, Els." The reassuring words came out of Anna's mouth before she could even remember about her sister's powers and she felt like an idiot for the obvious lie.
"Don't give me that crap." No matter how much they wanted it to be true. Elsa wasn't 'normal' — at least not by the standards of their society. "I know, clearly, that I'm not normal. And I can't keep pretending I can fit in. I couldn't fit in my own family. Why would I fit anywhere else?"
Choosing not to acknowledge the truth of Elsa's situation, Anna kept pushing forward. Maybe if she worded her ideas the right way, she could convince Elsa she would still find her place. "You can fit in anywhere you want, you know? You just need to try."
Finally finding the courage, Elsa turned her eyes away from the sea and looked her straight in the eye, "I've been trying ever since Kai and Gerda gave me a second chance in life. I know it doesn't look like it, but I have…"
At that, Anna tried to speak but Elsa continued.
"All I want is a simple life and a family who loves me… I know I can't expect much more than that. Yet it seems as if I'm aiming too high, even when that's all I ask for." The pain in Elsa's eyes told Anna that was in fact one of Elsa's deepest wishes. "I can't keep pretending I can have those things. I can't. And I'm tired of lying to myself and then feeling bad about failing time and time again. I need to learn once and for all that I was never supposed to live life the way everyone else does."
"Elsa, look at me," Anna said, no longer feeling comfortable letting Elsa talk that way about herself and what her heart desired. "A week ago you were doing alright. You had plans and ideas, and you were telling me about everything you wanted to do… What happened to make you change the way you see yourself so drastically?"
"I guess I finally understood I'll never be able to control who I am."
Control. It was always about control. Every single thing in Elsa's life revolved around it, and Anna wasn't sure how to help in that matter. Not knowing what else to do, she asked, "Are your pow—" She felt inadequate to talk about her sister's powers so carelessly. "Are you going out of control?"
Elsa turned her head to the sea and nodded.
"Did you lose control?"
Another nod.
Anna stayed silent, looking at her sister's face, trying in vain to find out what had happened without words. It was impossible, obviously. And so she had to ask, "What happened, exactly?"
Elsa didn't answer. She only hugged herself tightly, her chin almost touching her knees.
"Did you freeze something?"
She shook her head no but the worry and fear written on her face didn't go unnoticed by Anna.
"Someone?" she asked, afraid of the answer herself.
Once again Elsa didn't answer but she hid her face in the crook of her arms as she hugged herself even tighter. It was all Anna needed as a confirmation.
"That's a yes, isn't it?"
Nod.
"Who?" There weren't many options, Anna guessed. It was either someone from the family or… Anna opened her eyes wide as she understood what Elsa was doing in the city all of a sudden. Just in time with her realisation, Elsa confirmed what she now knew to be true.
"I hurt Marshall."
I'm starting to feel like a broken record saying this, but here it goes again: I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Life gets in the middle and… yada, yada. You're probably sick of this by now. But rest assured that I truly mean it every time.
I do try to write as often as possible, but finding the time truly is hard sometimes. And when I do have the time, I can't find the right voice for Anna and Elsa, and I don't want to post a chapter where I don't feel like they are the ones talking, you know?
This chapter in particular was challenging. I couldn't get in Elsa's head no matter how hard I tried, and you may notice it by the fact that this is entirely from Anna's perspective. I think I spent too long in Elsa's head the previous chapters and this time Anna wanted to shine. So, this is the result.
I wanted to let you guys know that I'm a little behind with the comments and messages you've sent, but I promise I'll answer them in due time. I've read them all, but I felt bad answering without updating the story first. So, I'll see to that now.
Thank you all for your support and nice words. You're the best readers. I love this fandom so much!
Take care. And I hope we can read each other soon!
