A/N: All of Best Friend in one chapter. Again, more Morgan than anything else, plus Jeffster. Two very significant conversations I tried to capture here. And a couple inconsistencies I tried to explain. Did you notice that the scenes seem out of sequence? I looked for cut scenes from this episode and couldn't find any. But I believe there wasn't supposed to be a location change after the bit before the intro and then Chuck getting all upset. Same clothes, in Castle, same argument...Chuck really waited a whole day to yell at them again? They had to throw in that scene with Devon in Chuck's room to time stamp it as another day...but it's weird, right? Why were Casey and Sarah tailing them? Never really did that before. Sarah is brutal to him in this episode, while she's wearing the charm bracelet no less. I don't think Chuck meant to ruffle her feathers the way he did, but he learns why, and understands...because he's the Chuck we love. The time that passed in this episode I took to be February 9 to February 12, and the start of Suburbs is 2 days later on February 14. Another note, I should get through Beekcake by the end of November, just in time to start publishing my Christmas fic. While it would be nice to do both at the same time, I might not have the time. We'll see.
The mission that night was just a stake out and surveillance, more Fulcrum suspect leads that Beckman had us follow up on. Chuck didn't flash, so we recorded what we were asked to, made appropriate field notes, and that, as they say, was that.
Casey drove us both back to Echo Park, where my car was still parked. Chuck was tired after a long day and a long night, but he was smiling, calm, that soft adoration in his voice that I had missed so much in the past month now on full display. I went home that night and slept well, peacefully, through the night, something I hadn't done in a while.
Four days passed without incident.
Casey and I happened to be off on the same day from our cover jobs, which meant we had to conduct surveillance from a far while Chuck was working at the Buy More. Of course, that day of all days, for some reason unbeknownst to us at the time, Chuck left with Morgan, Jeff, and Lester and were driving to an unknown location. It turned out they were following Anna Wu, Morgan's ex-girlfriend. I think Chuck just went along because Morgan asked him to, because that type of behavior was something Chuck would never do on his own.
The set up Jeff Barnes had in his van was…impressive, considering he was just a creepy stalker. The guy was beyond strange, even if he was, mostly, harmless.
Chuck returned from that bizarre escapade to tell us he had flashed on Anna's new boyfriend. We went into Castle and contacted Beckman. She gave us some intelligence linking Jason Wang, Anna's boyfriend, to local Triad gangsters. Chuck was his usual goofy self when he addressed Beckman, which made me smile, more proof that he was still okay.
That was, until Beckman ordered Chuck to use his social connection to get more information about Wang. I know Beckman's last thought was about how anyone felt about anything. Chuck was appalled at the idea of even pretending to befriend his best friend's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend. That violated every part of the bro-code or whatever it was that was called, or so I believed. For Chuck, it was actually less of that and just more of his own code of loyalty to his best friend, someone he considered part of his family.
He went to work in a huff, not really saying anything else. I didn't realize it had upset him as much as it had until the next day when he came barreling into Castle like a man on a mission and freaked out on both Casey and me about not being able to betray Morgan. I tried to reason with Chuck, telling him I was sorry, but the request wasn't optional. Casey even tried some sympathy, evoking the Marine motto, but telling Chuck ultimately, that some things were more important than friendship. I got a little upset with Casey, as it seemed he was contradicting me, until I saw him wink.
While I was serving frozen yogurt, Chuck asked Anna about us going on a double date. Anna invited him to bring me to a party Jason Wang was having at his showroom that night. Chuck and I got dressed up and were going with the intention of planting some listening devices in the showroom, with the hopes that we would pick up some information about his dealings with the Triad. Casey was back up in the van.
Chuck was reluctant, but he did what he was told. He did say that he had considered a side mission to convince Anna what she was missing with Morgan. Casey got testy, for at least at this time point, Morgan annoyed the hell out of Casey. I mean, I think Morgan still annoys Casey, but he's sort of grown on Casey like fungus. At the very least, Morgan definitely has improved over the years.
Jason Wang was an exotic car importer. The cars in his showroom that night were all worth hundreds of thousands of dollars each. Chuck and I had to play the angle of just Anna's friends, because we didn't fit with the rest of the crowd that was browsing those kinds of luxury cars. Anna met us at the door and showed us around. She seemed really pleased that we had decided to come.
I made small talk with Anna, mentioning how successful I thought her boyfriend was. I had never really had a conversation with Anna before, other than that strange Thanksgiving last year. We said hello when I would see her in the Buy More, and sometimes she would come into the Orange Orange while she was working for a break.
Chuck was selling Morgan to her, just like he told Casey he wanted to do. I felt so badly that Chuck was forced to betray his friend that I sort of helped him sell Morgan as well. I told her I missed them together, which I did, because Morgan without a girlfriend took more of Chuck's free time. I told her I thought of her and Morgan as the perfect couple, which was a stretch, but easy to play along with. Casey was grumbling about us on the com.
Anna was taken aback by what I said, telling me outright that she thought I never really noticed her. It was embarrassing for me to admit that to myself, but she wasn't all that wrong. I had never really talked to anyone at the Buy More, and just slightly more of Morgan because he spent so much time with Chuck. I made it a point to tell her I had always thought of her as a friend. She seemed flattered, which made me feel a little guilty, to be honest. Was it because of the way I looked? Like the popular girls in high school, thinking they were blessing people with the honor of their presence?
I didn't want Anna to feel that way about me, regardless of what was true and what was pretend.
She introduced us to Wang and we chatted for a while. While Chuck left to retrieve some champagne, he flashed on some Triad members who had crashed the party. I grabbed Chuck with the intention of following the gangsters when Anna interrupted us, asking if she could talk to me for a moment, that she needed to talk to a friend.
The timing was inopportune, I'll admit. But brushing her off would only have underscored her point about me mostly ignoring her. I was willing to listen. I slipped Chuck the bug, but I told him to wait for me. He didn't, of course. But I was talking to Anna for a while.
She was uncertain about Jason…and Morgan. I couldn't shake the irony of it. Of all people, Anna was asking me for relationship advice? If she only knew…
But I did listen to what she was saying. She kept comparing Jason and Morgan. When she talked about Jason, she was coldly clinical, like she was reading his resume to me. In a backhanded way, she was putting Morgan down at the same time, but her voice was warmer when she would mention Morgan. I reminded her she kept comparing Jason to Morgan. That Morgan, for all his failings, was her ideal, her standard against which the others were judged. Once I said those words, I felt better about my advice.
I certainly knew what that felt like, to know you have an ideal man…and how awful it could feel when you thought that for whatever reason, you had forfeited your chance with him.
While Anna and I were talking, I heard chatter about an intruder on the security radio one of the guards was carrying. I immediately thought of Chuck. I found Casey and we ran to look for Chuck.
The three of us met in the garage. Chuck had heard the same thing and thought they had found Casey. All three of us there meant…they found someone else. Morgan.
We could hear Morgan shouting outside. Chuck didn't even think, he was just ready to take off to help his friend. I had to remind him that we would blow our cover if we just ran in guns blazing. Casey tried to talk him down. Chuck argued adamantly, then took off anyway before we could stop him.
I ran after Chuck as he charged outside to where the gangsters had Morgan pinned and were questioning him. Anna was there; Jason too. Chuck thought he was helping, by telling them Morgan was stalking Anna. He sounded so conflicted, like the words he said burned on the way out. I know it was so hard because nothing that Chuck said was actually false–it was just too much harsh truth in the face of Morgan's emotional vulnerability. Then Chuck started rambling, absolutely humiliating his best friend, again, thinking he was helping, because he knew how dangerous Morgan's situation was and couldn't let on that he knew.
Until the incident a few years later when Morgan had a defective Intersect downloaded, that moment, that look on Morgan's face was the worst moment between the two of them I had ever witnessed. Morgan and Chuck were like brothers, and Chuck had just stabbed him in the back in front of everyone.
As Morgan was leaving, Chuck looked like the knife was lodged in his chest. I tried to smooth it over, telling Chuck he had saved Morgan's life by doing what he did. It didn't make Chuck feel any better. He was sullen, quiet, and didn't say a word to me the entire ride home.
I was a little uneasy, but I let it go. In the morning, I decided to wear the charm bracelet Chuck had given me for Christmas, realizing I had intentionally avoided wearing it before because of that haunted way Chuck had looked at it on Christmas Day, but now, everything was ok.
I called Chuck to Castle to have him look at some documents to see if he could match what he saw while he was hiding in the garage with Wang and the gangsters.
That morning, I had this awful feeling again…like things weren't ok. It wasn't major, not like before, but I was so much more sensitive to his moods, and constantly worrying now about what I was showing and what he could see. I even thought for a brief second that the good luck supposedly infused into that bracelet had somehow been tainted by my previous lying and that from now on it was like a bad omen, but I stopped myself from thinking those thoughts. I still loved the way looking at it made me feel.
But he was not okay.
"How could you just stand there and make me choose between Morgan's life and his friendship?" He was so hurt. I got defensive again, hating that he was in pain because of something he thought I didn't do.
Honestly, what else could I have done? What had he wanted me to do?
"That wasn't going to happen because Anna vouched for him," I told him, gently reminding him that he had rambled, said too much, and gone off the deep end with his insults.
Chuck narrowed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "You don't get who he is to me."
"No, I get it. He's your best friend," I countered. Chuck was right, of course. I didn't have the slightest idea what it was like to even care about my own family that much, let alone just a friend. The closest thing I had to a friend was Carina. There was no comparison.
"You know, you say that, but I don't think you have a clue what it means." His eyes went straight through me. I had to look away. He sat across the table from me.
"Look, Sarah, I don't have parents. I mean, not really. And I don't talk about it because that's just the way that things are now. But it wasn't always this way. Morgan was there the first day that my mom took off. He didn't say much, because, honestly, what is a fifth grader supposed to say? But we sat there and split a cherry cheesecake and played Legend of Zelda all night long. And my dad…well, that's a whole…other story, but Morgan was there for that, too. Morgan is more than just my best friend. He's my family. Before you got here and long after you've gone, Morgan is my family."
I went through almost every emotion I knew how to feel while he said those words. It was the most he had ever said to me, deep personal things, about how painful his life had been while he was growing up. He knew what my father was like; he knew I didn't really have parents either, though he was so much younger than me when he was left alone. Morgan meant everything to him, and it warmed me on the inside when he said that, because I knew that, how much he cared about his family and his friends. And then he said that last line…and I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. I almost couldn't breathe.
Long after you've gone…
That was bitterness talking, but too close to the truth in that awful moment for me to have any more sympathy. My defenses went up, armor on the outside to protect from anymore emotional blows.
"Last night we failed to learn the contents of the Triad's container, and now we don't know what kind of drugs or weapons are floating around in the city. And while I appreciate your friendship with Morgan, losing sight of that container endangers many people's best friends. Not just yours, Chuck."
I was cool, detached, all business when I said that. I think about it now and I cringe, knowing how much I hurt him in that moment. He had opened himself up, and because he was so angry, I was intentionally throwing his lack of professionalism in his face. My old argument with myself–the greater good. Only I had compromised myself. He wasn't willing to compromise anyone he cared about, for any reason, even me, even when he was so angry at me he didn't know what to say.
He didn't say another word that entire day.
I beat the hell out of my punching bag working out in Castle. Casey came in even though he wasn't scheduled to work because he had some more information to enter into the database from our checking the customs logs that Chuck had gone over.
Chuck activated the emergency alarm in his watch. Casey and I heard it and took off.
Casey and I both ran to find Chuck in the Buy More. In between, Chuck had flashed again and realized the Triad was planning on killing the Chinese ambassador who was attending the auction at Gobi Motors, Wang's company. We found out Chuck had tranq'd Morgan with his knock out breath spray to protect him from the gangsters who had infiltrated the store, but in the confusion, the gangsters had taken Morgan, who was sleeping in a cardboard box. Chuck took off running, and we followed, only to see the gangsters leave with Morgan in the back of their car.
Casey ended up driving Chuck's Nerd Herder. We told Chuck to stay in the car. In case you haven't already guessed, he didn't. The second he saw the car with Morgan in it, he got out and followed on foot while we searched inside the showroom. Chuck saw them loading a bomb into a Rolls Royce, and then place Morgan's unconscious form in the trunk of said vehicle. He radioed us with his watch.
I told Chuck to stay put, then told Casey to go get Chuck while I went to go see about the car and the bomb. I checked in the garage and didn't see anyone. The container was empty and the car had already been moved. I was talking to Casey via my watch com when the female gangster surprised me.
I heard her at the very last minute. I turned quickly and she kicked the gun out of my hand. She belted me across the face and I stumbled to the ground. She grabbed a tire iron while I was still down. I hoisted a creeper on wheels at her and then started attacking her. I was a little outmatched to tell the truth. She was relentless, and about the same size as me, which meant I needed to change my strategy a bit, as I was used to using my opponent's weight against them. She threw my entire body through a vehicle window. I could feel the shards of glass cutting me everywhere.
She bent down to grab something and I reached down and grabbed her by her hair, dragging her into the car with me. Then, she was on top of me and I couldn't get leverage. I pulled a CD out of the car stereo, breaking it to get a sharp edge, but she fought me off. She stabbed me with a tire gauge and I threw her over me into the backseat. She started to choke me with the seatbelt. I reclined the seat to ease the tension before I blacked out. I finally dragged her back into the front seat and punched the steering wheel as hard as I could. Fortunately, the airbag deployed just as I was hoping and knocked her unconscious.
I was exceptionally bruised and battered, but I didn't have time to recuperate. Chuck was on the move and so was the Rolls Royce with the bomb. I found another car in the garage with keys in it and took off after Chuck's signal.
When I arrived, local law enforcement had Casey down on the ground…and no one else was in sight. I flashed my badge and they released him, although why, I wasn't sure, as I saw his badge on the ground. He had obviously shown them and they had still impeded him rather than assisted.
I asked Casey where Chuck was. He told me Chuck had taken off with the bomb.
My blood turned to ice water. I could see the car, and then the subway passing blocked my view. I took off running, not even aware what my body was doing, not thinking about how useless it was to run after a moving vehicle.
The car exploded, deafening me. I could feel the heat on the wind even though it was far from me.
Chuck…
I wanted to scream it, maybe even thought I had, even if it wasn't out loud.
Chuck had asked me a long time ago about if my life ever flashed before my eyes when I thought I was going to die. I didn't answer him then, mostly because he was breaking up with me at the time, but the answer to that was no. Nothing about my life was worth reviewing or remembering. I couldn't tell him that then, but it was true.
Standing there, thinking I had seen Chuck die before my eyes, my life did flash before my eyes. But it wasn't everything I had done in the past. It was instead my life not lived, my future days, all the hope I ever had…a real life, a home, a husband and children…and then, gone, just like that, in a fiery inferno.
When I thought I had seen Colt drop Chuck to his death, I lashed out with an unparalleled anger. This was a result of Chuck's heroism, his desire to give his life for his friend, not an act by an evil-doer. This wasn't anger–it was pain. Like the bomb had exploded inside my chest, tearing all of my insides to shreds. I don't know how I stayed standing while my legs were rubbery, all my strength gone.
I was crying, not breathing, when I heard his voice behind me.
I jumped, startled, covering my bloodied face with my hand, trying to hide my tears. He was so casual; he had no idea neither Casey nor I had seen him bail out of the car and use the remote control.
"What?" he asked, like he didn't understand why I looked devastated. He started stammering while Casey came and took the remote from him. He realized then what we thought. He wouldn't stop staring at me. I know he had never seen me that upset, and he would only see it worse than that one time, in the jungle in Thailand when I was terrified that we had been too late and he was brain damaged or dying.
It took a long time before I calmed down after that. Chuck stayed out my way, knowing I was embarrassed for my display of emotion. Casey helped him move Morgan while he was still unconscious, thankfully protecting our cover. I spent the night in the emergency room getting some stitches for all the cuts I had endured from the broken glass. We had the car accident excuse again to explain my injuries this time. That meant I needed to keep my car out of sight for a while. Chuck had to file a phony stolen vehicle report to explain his missing Nerd Herder. At least in that respect, the Buy More gave him a rental for his personal use while the police were supposedly following up. The explosion and the subsequent explanation was provided by the NSA to the police, so everything was covered.
While I was tending to my wounds, Chuck and Morgan made amends. I don't know what it was Chuck said to him, probably a version of what Chuck had told me the day before in Castle. I guess, though Chuck had always thought those things, he maybe had never said them so plainly to his friend.
Morgan's development as a person had been happening slowly since I had met him about a year and half before. Around Halloween last year, Chuck had mentioned when he was thinking of the assistant manager role, Big Mike had told Chuck Morgan would be the one to drag him down. That assessment was probably very close to the truth, the Morgan as he was when I met him. He changed from an adolescent adult to one of the bravest, kindest souls I have ever known. He still is like family to us.
Morgan knows the life he has now he owes to Chuck. I don't think it's as plain and simple as that, but Chuck makes a difference to every single person he comes in contact with, close relations or people he barely knows. Chuck did what he always did. Maybe Chuck realized what Big Mike said was true. But instead of either jettisoning Morgan to preserve himself, or letting Morgan drag him down, Chuck helped pull Morgan up. Helped him to become the man he was always meant to be.
But that's Chuck. He did that with Morgan, me, Casey. He saved us all, by just being himself.
After that incident, Beckman debriefed us.
When we went upstairs to the Buy More, Jeff and Lester were auditioning for Ellie and Devon's wedding in the Buy More. Africa by Toto. I had never heard the song; Chuck told me the name and the band. Weird choice for a wedding audition, but, well, Jeff and Lester were weird. Lester was horribly off key and he confused the verses and the lyrics. But people were listening, a few even seeming like they liked it. I saw Ellie and Devon in the crowd; Ellie looked like she was about to throw up.
"I wanted to apologize," I said to Chuck, speaking close to him but loud enough so he could hear me over the music. "I could have been more sensitive about your friendship with Morgan. It's just, it's difficult. I don't really have anyone in my life like that, who cares about me."
I owed him a better response to his heartfelt words than what I had said before. Those words were the deepest truth I had ever told him. He had been right–I had no idea what it meant to have a friend, to have anyone who thought I mattered. I tried to look at him, but I had to look away. I could hear the way he was breathing, even over the music. And staring at me so intently.
He grabbed my hand, threading his fingers through mine, what I call his real handhold, not the palm to palm I had done for the cover. "Yeah, you do," he said surely.
I looked at him then, struggling not to hyperventilate. His eyes were soft, so full of emotion it almost brought tears to my eyes. He grinned and I couldn't help but smile.
Morgan appeared with Anna. They were back together. Morgan said something to Chuck about how great it was that they both had girlfriends.
Morgan didn't mean to, had no way of knowing that he could have, but he dampened the mood, reminding us we weren't really together. It was just pretend, although, the thing under the cover…was changing all the time, strengthening. It should have made us feel better, but it did the opposite. Chuck never let go of my hand, but his smile faded, and mine disappeared.
I had him, like he said. But what was I supposed to do with that? Here, I had no clue. And just a few days later, I ended up making it even worse.
