16

The Truth is Liberating Even If It Hurts - I

"You're Lady Kim, aren't you?"

Nokdu's tired eyes stared blankly back at Kim Ssook and his exhausted body drooped in resignation. There was no point trying to deny it anymore and he nodded in response to her statement.

Gasps arose from the crowd and he heard a high-pitched shriek from somewhere; the Administrator Yeon Geun had fainted into one of the Yeolnyeodan women's arms while another one looked at him wide-eyed and spoke.

"Unbelievable, we even… bathed together."

"Wait, isn't he the same man who tried to break into the village that one time?"

Nokdu took a weary and deep breath when Kim Ssook approached him, her expression poker-faced as ever.

"What's the reason you came to us disguised as woman?" She asked simply. Nokdu appreciated that Ssook wasn't the type to jump to conclusions without offering the chance for an explanation.

"Back home on the island my family was targeted… I wanted to find out who the attackers were and why they were trying to hurt us." He grimaced, his pain getting worse as he stood there. "For all this time, I apologize," he finished with a light bow. That's when he noticed someone in the crowd looking paler than ever and he gasped.

"Park Danho…"

Nokdu's words came out in a trembling whisper as he took in the look of shock on his friend's face. In the midst of all this chaos, he couldn't have imagined that this was how Danho, the person he had been sharing a house with for this long, would come to find out the truth.

"Nokduya!"

A voice rang out and everyone looked around to see Dongju appear out of nowhere running towards him, looking frazzled. He blinked in surprise and all eyes followed her as she stumbled her way to him and began to give him a once-over, inspecting for wounds with tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice cracking, "I thought you were going to die," she said, another tear falling down her cheek. Nokdu shook his head.

"Why should I die, I'm perfectly fine," he assured her with a small smile and palmed her face affectionately. She held his shoulder to support him and his gaze drifted back to Danho who was still standing there, frozen in place.

Danho looked back in stoic silence and Nokdu saw hints of other emotions trickle into his astonished face. Slowly, shock began to be overtaken by anger, which was understandable, but there was something else too… something much worse to Nokdu.

Betrayal.

For some reason, the thought of Danho feeling that way made him sad… and sick. The feeling of nausea rose up his throat and –

"Yah!" Dongju reached out to help him as he began to cough up blood. She held him and he looked up to see Danho's expression change as his vision began to blur.

His worried face was the last thing he saw before he blacked out.

x-X-x

Dongju's appearance was impassive but her heart heavy with concern. She had gotten accustomed to denying her true emotions, mostly because she knew she had a plan of her own to succeed in that required her to be discreet in things related to her identity.

Except in this case, her response was out of the fear that if she opened up, she would burst into tears and wouldn't be able to stop.

She was sitting on the floor next to the bed where Nokdu lay unconscious, his soft breathing the only sign that he was still alive. He hadn't woken up since the day he collapsed at the village and Dongju found herself replaying the day's events, wishing that if only she had reached sooner, he wouldn't have been in this terrible a state. She couldn't tell at the time that he was barely holding on; it was only after she and the others brought him to Administrator Yeon Geun's hideaway in Songchu valley to bandage his wounds that they realized how bad his injuries truly were. At the moment, the only thing covering his waist and parts of his chest were his bandages and all she could do was hope that he wasn't cold.

Watching him lie there, all the effort she had been putting into pushing him away for the sake of her personal mission began to fall apart, leaving her to conclude without doubt that she indeed, cared for him more than she liked to admit.

She reached out and placed her hand on his and her throat grew tight. Knowing that she had to leave him now, she figured that perhaps it was better he didn't wake up right away; that just make things harder.

She heard the sound of rustling fabric just then from the other side of Nokdu's bed; in all her worry she had almost forgotten that she wasn't alone in the room.

Sitting on his knees a little further away and looking paler than ever, Park Danho's gaze hadn't shifted from Nokdu ever since they brought him here.

He looked like he was in shock. She tried to gauge what was on his mind, which was hard considering his face gave absolutely nothing away; she couldn't even tell if he was really looking at Nokdu at this point.

He hadn't spoken much and she couldn't really blame him; after all this time of living with Nokdu it must have come as a real shock that Lady Kim was actually a man. Moreover, everything that unfolded with the Widow Village burning down must have had some kind of impact on him as well.

She was however, surprised to see him here; she would have imagined him to be angry about being deceived for so long and resentfully breaking ties with him. But he had followed them to this place and looking at how he was right now, it appeared she wasn't the only one who had grown to care for the person lying unconscious between them. He suddenly got to his feet and begin to walk out the door.

"Where are you going?" Dongju asked, not turning to look at him, her palm still clutching Nokdu's.

"I have to see Lord Yulmu."

"I see." Dongju's voice was soft as she tried to hold back judgement on why Park Danho still continued to work with him. "Are you going to tell him where we are?" She asked carefully, waiting to see how he would respond.

"Of course not, I want to be here," he said instantly, almost snapping at her. "Besides, it would just raise more suspicion if I didn't go."

Dongju had to ask the more important question at this point.

"How can we trust you?" She was more than an acquaintance with him, especially considering he had been living with Nokdu but she also knew about his fierce loyalty to Yulmu sometimes being beyond reason.

"Because she –" Danho glanced at Nokdu and sighed. "He would have." He then took a few steps and paused at the door without turning around. "I'll be back. Please, just watch over him," he said in a voice so gentle it seemed almost strange to Dongju, coming from him. She nodded and he left without another word.

x-X-x

Danho rode his horse on the rough path through the woods towards where he was supposed to meet Lord Yulmu but his mind was in a completely different place, far, far away. Despite his best efforts, he found himself unable to tear the image of an unconscious Lady Kim lying injured in bed from his mind.

He corrected himself; she wasn't even his beloved Kim Nok-soon anymore… another shocking revelation that was still playing back in his head.

Danho paved his way past the crowd of frightened women to come closer to the front in full view of the stranger who had been fighting among the women.

The man who had just admitted to being Lady Kim.

Danho gasped and that's when the man's attention snapped to him. His eyes immediately softened in a way that Danho couldn't mistake for anyone else but Lady Kim but it… wasn't her. The man looked like he was in a lot of pain but despite that his expression was apologetic when he began to speak.

"Danhoya…" he began and Park Danho nearly flinched at how eerily it matched the way Lady Kim called him.

This man really was her.

A moment later when Dongju suddenly emerged from the crowds calling out for 'Nokdu' and pushed past him to make sure the man was okay, it was proven beyond doubt.

Lady Kim was gone.

Danho had spent most of last night watching the man who had been masquerading as Lady Kim sleep, which now in hindsight felt to him like a desperate attempt at trying to accept the fact that she was actually a man named Nokdu, not the first 'woman' in his life who had managed to sway his feelings.

Not the first person he had actually confessed his love to.

Considering everything that happened, the heavily injured man lying there for all intents and purposes was a whole other individual; a complete stranger to Danho.

Then why do I want to just drop everything and run back to his side in case he wakes up?

He shook his head and spotted Lord Yulmu up ahead on his horse at the edge of a cliff. His jaw tightened as he remembered…

Yulmu was the one who ordered for the village to be burned so the King wouldn't find out about it.

He was the reason that someone he cared for was suffering.

Why exactly am I here? Would I really be able to protect those I cared about if I kept track of Yulmu's whereabouts?

Danho pulled up his horse next to Yulmu and they watched over the mountain terrain before them in silence before Danho finally spoke.

"His Majesty won't be able to find anything at the village," he reported impassively, hoping he sounded more assuring than he felt. "It's all disappeared in the fire and the widows who made it out alive are dispersed." Yulmu didn't respond immediately, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"She disappeared without a word when I went to find medicine," he mumbled, still staring into space. Danho didn't need to be told he was referring to Dongju; it only served as a reminder that Yulmu was looking for her too. He idly hoped that she was staying put in the hideout and looking after Nokdu as she had promised.

"I apologize. I should have come earlier," Danho offered, unable to think of an alternative way to respond without giving anything away.

"No, I'm the one who said neither of us should be at the scene," Yulmu shrugged it off before a determined look appeared on his face. "Danho that guy…" he began, making Danho worry instantly knowing Yulmu was referring to Nokdu, "I don't think I can leave him alive anymore."

He blinked. Another vision of Nokdu lying in bed covered in bandages flashed across his eyes with such clarity he worried that Yulmu may have seen it. Yet, he pushed all that worry away and said what was expected of him.

"Yes, I'll find him and end it," he replied shortly and Yulmu seemed satisfied.

"Before that, there's one thing that has to be done," he concluded and looked across the terrain, followed by Danho, to see a group of the Palace guards walking in the distance.

x-X-x

Kim Ssook and all the other survivors of the attack on the Widow Village trudged on through the forest in silence, being led by Madam Cheon. The badly injured ones helped each other out as they pushed themselves to move on and Kim Ssook could feel her own wounds starting to make themselves known.

She looked up to see light was starting to shine through the thicket of the trees as the early hours of the morning began to advance and the sun rose higher into the sky. She nearly bumped into Madam Cheon when she came to a sudden halt and turned around to address the others present.

"I just wanted to provide a good life for all of you," she said apologetically. "And all this happened…"

"We just hope those robbers are dead!" Someone yelled out.

"We can always build another village," another one said defiantly. Madam Cheon gave them a sad smile but her eyes were hopeful.

"Take the ferry out of here and find yourself a place to be happy," she said, directing the woman in the direction of the boats. "Don't give up hope and live till the end," she continued to reassure them as they filed passed her, thanking her as they went. Eventually it was just Ssook and a couple of her fellow Muwoldan who remained with Madam Cheon for their final instructions.

"The courtesans were taken to the Government office, so they will be taken care of," Ssook informed Madam Cheon, who responded with a light nod.

"They are quite resourceful; I'm sure they will be okay," she said confidently before her expression changed to that of concern. "What about Lady Kim – err, that man…"

"He was taken to Songchu Valley just over the hill," Ssook reported with a straight face, even though she surprisingly found herself worrying about the man that helped save them from the village attackers. "There was no part of his body that wasn't hurt," she added, not realizing that her worry was showing on her face. "It's terrible that he fooled us while pretending to be woman but if he hadn't protected the village with his life…"

"I guess you've grown fond of him," Cheon pointed out and Ssook's face snapped up to hers. "I've never heard you take anyone's side this way," she added and Ssook cleared her throat.

"That's not it…"

"Anyway," Madam Cheon continued, "I don't have the strength to say who should do what anymore." She put an arm on Ssook's shoulder. "You should join the rest of them and leave." Ssook shook her head.

"I had promised to stay by your side," she said simply and turned to say good bye to the other two women there, assuring them she would be fine. They hesitated but bid their farewells and moved ahead while Ssook turned to face Madam Cheon again. "Just wait here while I go get a horse for us," she said and limped off to find one for their journey.

It took some time but she managed to get a one from a stable nearby and was walking it back to the clearing where Madam Cheon was waiting when she sensed that something was wrong. To her horror she saw a group of guards approach her and take her captive. She wasn't chained; it was more like she was being escorted against her will.

Ssook geared up to fight and was about to approach them when Madam Cheon from the distance caught her eye and shook her head, signaling for her to let it be.

What?

She wasn't sure why Madam Cheon wasn't letting her intervene but she had a feeling it was because Ssook was in no state to fight anyway. She could barely walk with the state her own injuries were in so there was no chance she could take on the group, small as it was.

Just as she was beginning to figure out another way to save Madam Cheon an arrow came flying out of the woods and to Ssook's horror, struck Madam Cheon in the mid-riff, causing her to drop to her knees.

"No!" She yelled out, not caring if she caught the attention of the guards surrounding Madam Cheon. However, it didn't seem to matter for as soon as they saw Madam Cheon attacked, they seemed to decide it was better to make themselves sparse. The men ran off leaving a dying Madam Cheon behind and Ssook limped towards her as fast she could.

She knelt down and took Madam Cheon's head on her lap as angry tears began to prick her eye. Her head snapped up in the direction of the arrow and her body went cold as she saw the silhouette of the assassin step out into the clearing. Her eyes went wide as he stepped closer; he was masked but that cold stare was unmistakable.

Park Danho.

x-X-x

"What?" The Premier gasped as his wounded guard stood before him and choked the words out.

"We couldn't get the islander out, not with the Prince's lapdog around standing guard," he said, shaking his head. "The only reason I survived was because the Prince wanted me to warn you."

The Premier had also heard about what had happened to the Widow Village and wondered if Madam Cheon and the others were okay. Prince Neungyang had to be the one responsible for it; he knew that eyeing the throne did things to people but this felt extreme even for Yulmu.

"What about the widows…" he started.

"With the Village destroyed, we don't even know where the women went," the man said exasperatedly and the Premier's bodyguard helped him stand.

The Premier let out a frustrated sigh; seeing the violent lengths that Neungyang was going to in order to gain the throne, he knew that there was no way they could let him get what he wanted.

He knew the only way was to get an alternative who could fight Neungyang for the throne, someone who was wise, kind and would put the kingdom and its people's needs first.

Someone who had a direct link to the throne.

The Premier once again considered the solution that he been keeping in mind for a while now.

The boy.

x-X-x

Park Danho lowered his bow, his hardened stare fixed on Madam Cheon as his perfectly aimed arrow caused her to collapse to the ground. He heard a scream from the woods and saw one of the Muwoldan women limp towards his victim just as the guards that had been escorting Madam Cheon only moments ago made a run for it, leaving her for dead.

Lord Yulmu's orders were clear; to make sure Cheon didn't make it alive to the palace where the guards were taking her for questioning by the King. But Danho had other plans in mind.

When the last of the guards had fled the scene, he stepped out from behind the shrubs and onto the muddy path towards Madam Cheon and the other woman, who had now spotted him. He recognized her as Kim Ssook, one of the Muwoldan leaders, and from the deadly look she was giving him, she had recognized him too, despite his mask. This was not going to be easy to explain.

He knelt before them and reached out to attend to Madam Cheon when Kim Ssook's arms reached out to grab him. She was injured so he easily blocked her and without another word, continued to tend to Madam Cheon.

"What are you doing?" He heard the worry in Kim Ssook's tired yet defiant voice as he slowly pulled out the arrow head.

"It's just a flesh wound," he said shortly and began to pull out bandages from his pocket.

"Don't touch her!" Kim Ssook yelled, trying to fight but her own injuries weren't letting her use her strength.

"I had to make it look real," Danho explained as he patched up the wound as best as he could.

"What if you had killed her?" Kim Ssook asked, her voice slightly calmer now.

"I am very good at what I do," Danho responded simply. "If I wanted her dead, she would be dead." As he was working on the wound, he could feel Madam Cheon's eyes on him but he couldn't bring himself to meet them. It had been difficult enough that he had to shoot an arrow at someone who had looked out for him all these years without telling a soul about his secret.

"Park Danho…" He heard Madam Cheon's weak voice and he finally looked at her, having temporarily fixed her wound. To his surprise, he saw she had a sad smile on her face as she spoke. "Why are you helping us?"

Danho got the impression she understood the emotional turmoil he was going through. At that moment, Lady Kim's last few words to him rang through his head.

You are still going to work for him?

Danho sighed.

"I'm trying to be better," he said, his voice coming out quieter than he thought. He got to his feet and helped Madam Cheon up as well. "You should go away and hide," he told her and glanced at Kim Ssook who was now supporting Cheon. "If Yulmu finds out that I haven't killed you, we will all be in trouble." Kim Ssook nodded slowly in understanding and Danho rushed away from there.

He hoped he had made the right decision.

x-X-x

Dongju carefully waded her way through the tall grass in the darkness till she came to the clearing. She had been sitting outside the house in the valley where Nokdu was recovering and was a little worried when she saw someone waving for her attention from the distance. No one except a handful was supposed to know they were here so she took a safe bet that it was probably Kim Ssook and to her luck, it was her.

"Gwabonim, are you alright?" Dongju asked, noticing that Kim Ssook was limping.

"They came for Madam Cheon," Ssook replied, waving off her injuries. "Guards from the palace were escorting her when she became an assassination target."

"She – what?" Dongju gasped. "Is Madam Cheon…"

"She's… dead to anyone who asks," Kim Ssook said carefully. "Don't worry, she's safe… thanks to Park Danho."

"What?"

"He… seems to be on our side," Ssook said, wincing. "I just thought you needed to know." She began to walk away but Dongju reached out to stop her.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Back to Asawon," she replied. "I intend to get there and plan my revenge."

Dongju could relate to the anger she saw in Kim Ssook's eyes. She nodded.

"Alright." Dongju watched Kim Ssook disappear into the night knowing she was to head that way soon enough to complete her own mission. Her thoughts drifted back to Nokdu.

Please wake up

x-X-x

"Yeo-woolah!" Danho called out as gently as he could while his knuckles rapped against the door. The house that he had chosen to send Yeo-wool to when he decided to keep the young Crown Prince away from the palace was away from the bustle of the main town but they did have a few people living in the surroundings. And during this time of night, any kind of noise would have been loud enough to get their attention and that was the last thing he needed.

He heard a scuffle behind the door before it was opened slightly and Danho saw a sleepy looking Yeo-wool whose eyes widened on seeing who it was.

"Danho…"

"Let me in," he said curtly and stepped inside before Yeo-wool could protest, shutting the door softly behind him. "Are you okay? Where's the prince? Is he unharmed?" He asked, putting an arm on Yeo-wool's shoulder, who to his surprise, shrugged away from his touch.

"Did you know?" He asked, with a frown, something that Danho was not used to seeing on pretty Yeo-wool's face.

"What?"

"Did you know that Yulmu was going to set the Widow Village on fire and still do nothing about it?"

"Wha – how did you…"

"Did you?"

Danho scoffed. "Do you really think I would have let that happen?"

"You've done crazier things for the man," Yeo-wool grumbled in annoyance.

Danho was silent for a moment. His sometimes-blind loyalty towards Yulmu was something he couldn't deny.

But he wasn't the same person anymore.

"No," he said simply, not in the mood to expand any further. Luckily, Yeo-wool seemed to be satisfied with his answer.

"Did the women make it out safely? What about…" Yeo-wool cleared his throat. "Your Lady Kim, is she –"

"I need to go," Danho said suddenly, remembering that 'Lady Kim' was still recovering from his injuries and the yearning ache in his chest from not knowing how he is doing was going to keep him up anyway.

"But it's so late," Yeo-wool pointed out, looking at him full of hope. "You could stay…"

"I need to go to him," Danho said and began to step out.

"Him? Who, Yulmu?"

Danho then realized Yeo-wool didn't know.

"I just found out that Lady Kim was actually a man dressed as a woman and living in the village," he explained quickly and rushed out, skipping the look of utter surprise on Yeo-wool's face.

"Wait, what?!"

x-X-x

The next morning when Nokdu's eyes finally managed to open, he felt like he had been asleep for years. Luckily, he was able to disprove that thought when he saw a blurry Dongju sitting by his side.

"Dongjuya," his voice croaked. "I thought you had left."

"Just rest," he heard her soft voice. "I'm not going anywhere."

With that reassurance floating about his mind, his eyes fluttered closed and he drifted off to sleep again.

When he woke later, his eyesight was fuzzy but he could make out Dongju's silhouette still next to him. He could tell she had changed and assumed that meant another day had passed while he lay in bed. He slowly reached out and felt for her hand, finding it and grabbing on tight.

He hesitated.

This feels different.

Before he had a moment to chew on that thought, the blurry figure leaned forward and spoke in a voice that most definitely did not belong to Dongju.

"You're awake."

Nokdu's vision began to clear and the figure sitting next to him came into focus. Nokdu tried to find his voice.

"… Danho?"

"You're okay," Danho continued as if he hadn't heard him. Nokdu couldn't tell if he was asking or telling but couldn't find the energy to talk so he simply nodded. "Good," came the short response.

Danho's face was expressionless but Nokdu could tell something was wrong. "Rest," he added brusquely and began to stand up but Nokdu gripped his hand tighter, stopping him.

All of a sudden, flashes of everything that happened the night that the village was burning came back to him; the fighting with the hooligans, Yulmu's appearance, Dongju coming back for him and most importantly…

Everyone finding out that Lady Kim was actually him in disguise.

Everyone, including Park Danho.

And from the way that Danho was looking at him right now, he could only imagine the hurt he must have felt on finding out the truth. Nokdu cleared his throat and tried to speak again.

"Danhoya…" he began.

"Don't call me that," he cut Nokdu's words off and pulled his hand free. "I don't even know who you are. Gosh, I can't believe…" his angry tone faded into a mumble. Nokdu's lips parted in surprise as his chest suddenly tightened up.

Why did his words hurt so much?

He felt his eyes well up slightly and Danho seemed to notice. He sighed.

"You need to sleep some more," he said curtly and stood up, avoiding Nokdu's eyes. "Goodbye," he greeted with a short bow and marched out of the room.

"Yah Park Danho!" Nokdu tried to sit up and call out but Danho had already left. He grimaced in pain; it hurt to even move. Hearing his cry, Master Hwang ran into the room and rushed to his side looking worried.

"It's good you're awake," Hwang said with a sad smile, helping Nokdu sit up.

"Where's Dongju?" He asked and watched Hwang's smile fall slightly.

"I'm sorry, she said she needed to leave," he said sheepishly. He stepped aside and brought back a box to him. "She left you this."

Nokdu stared at the red and white striped round candy that he and Dongju had shared in the market not too long ago; the same ones that he loved so much.

"She really just left without saying anything…" Nokdu said in disbelief and Hwang shrugged helplessly. "I'll go look for her but I need to talk to Danho first." He groaned as he struggled to get to his feet and Hwang lent him a hand.

"Nokdu you need to rest, what are you doing?"

"Where is he?"

x-X-x

Danho felt suffocated.

As soon as he let go of Nokdu's hand, he knew he had to get out of the room.

I didn't want to let go, I really didn't.

The feel of Nokdu's hand in his brought back the flood of feelings he had for Lady Kim that had been bottled up and he knew that being in Nokdu's proximity wasn't going to do him any good right now if he had any hopes of moving on.

He sprinted out of the house, hoping the adrenaline would serve as a placebo to ease his emotional crisis. He ran through the open field in the valley till his body came to a stop on its own and soon there was only the whooshing sounds of the breeze moving through the tall grass around him.

His mind was spinning. He couldn't tell if he was having a mental breakdown or if every emotion that he had pent up inside all these years was suddenly yearning to burst out of his system all at once.

He touched his warm cheek to find out it was damp, only then realizing that he had been crying. Tears continued to fall and after a while he couldn't even tell why he was weeping anymore.

"Danhoya." He heard a weak voice behind him and stiffened. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was; it was lower than what he was used to but he doubted he was going to ever forget that voice. He cleared his throat, quickly wiping away his tears and folding his hands behind his back.

"I thought I told you to take rest."

"I'm sorry."

That was all that he said but it was enough to make Danho pay attention. He scoffed.

"I really am sorry!" Nokdu repeated, his voice firmer this time.

"If you say so."

"Yah, all of this that happened… this is something I had to do." Danho could hear the subtle plea in his voice but couldn't bring himself to look at him just yet.

"You didn't have to lie to me," he stated simply and Nokdu took a moment before responding, like he was waiting for Danho to elaborate.

"What, you can't even look at me? Don't you think you're overreacting?" Danho remained silent and Nokdu continued. "Fine, I kept it from you but why does it matter when we were just pretending anyway?"

"Because I fell in love with you!"